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E05: Besties, Birth Order, and Nipping it in the Bud
45 Plays2 months ago
This episode formally introduces our middle sister, Lucy! All three Gladstone Girls band together to reminisce on childhood, dive into nuances surrounding mental health and birth order, and reflect on growing up together in an estrogen-filled household.
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Transcript
Introduction and Misconceptions of OCD
00:00:00
Speaker
We kind of nipped the OCD in the bud, at least thinking that- In the bud. In the bud. You nip something in the bud, you don't nip anything in the ass. Who's ass do you want to nip? That's a different question.
Meet Lucy: The Middle Gladstone Sister
00:00:16
Speaker
Hello. Hey. New special guest. Would you like to introduce yourself, special guest? Sure. I'm Lucy. I'm the middle sister out of The Gladstone Sisters, which there are three. I live in Los Angeles right now, and I work in music doing various things. So yeah, there's there's three of us. Sort of scary, sort of fun. Should we say our age difference? I feel like that's sort of interesting to me at least. Yeah. You want to start? elest or Eldest? Sure. Eldest. Firstborn. I'm 29. We have two years between me and Lucy.
00:00:52
Speaker
So I'm 27. I just turned 24. So like three years, four school years between the two of us. A good
Growing Up as the Middle Child
00:00:58
Speaker
distribution. How do you feel about being the middle child, Lou? I think it's very fitting i for who I am. Like, I feel like I...
00:01:06
Speaker
took a lot of attention away as the middle child from things. And I feel like it's easy to with birth order at least like fall into those like stereotypes. Yeah, to like I like a lot of it is my own fault. But like when you're growing up, I was like, very sensitive. When I was growing up, I was very sensitive is is present tense. It's easy to like other yourself, especially if you're like, Oh, this is my birth order. I'm the middle child. So I'm gonna other myself and I'm so different. So yeah, growing up, I think I used it to my advantage and your disadvantage, unfortunately. But yeah, no, I think it's extremely fitting for me. Well, I feel like we all like really buy into the birth order thing. Like I always choke on like my entire personality as being a youngest child. And I just think it's something that like all three of us I mean, I don't know if you speak on that, but like,
00:02:01
Speaker
I feel like we all sort of believe in how birth order can impact your personality and like your relationships and things like that.
School Experiences and Expectations
00:02:08
Speaker
Well, I think it's interesting when you're all the same gender too, because then you're not playing into like boy-girl differences. It's sort of like you're all hypothetically doing the same thing, but with such different personalities and yeah in different stages in our lives. And especially like being your younger sister, specifically, that was funny growing up, because we were usually in school together, and I would get teachers after you that i would expect me to be like a very good student. And I was not. And so that was funny. But that was, I think, another way that I was like, I'm different.
00:02:44
Speaker
than Emma, you know? When now I'm like, you being bad at school which is just a bit. Yeah. And me being gay is also a bit. I mean, it's funny you say that because like, I wasn't overlapping in school with you guys, because for school years, like we just miss each other. But I used to have teachers that were like, Oh, you're Lucy's sister. And then they, they like thought I would like fall asleep in class. Lucy's like, not narcoleptic. What is it called? Idiopathic hypersomnia. Imagine getting diagnosed with something. The first thing is idiopathic. That means it's not my fault. but I thought that means like it sounds like your idiot. No, it sounds wrong. I'm an idiot. No, I didn't make it up. it like this step It's like the step below narcolepsy, right? I missed narcolepsy by two points. o So I'm right on the line. That's like I got diagnosed recently with um this this terminology or this ah
00:03:32
Speaker
This it's not a disease. It's just like a condition bitch. Um, no, it's called dumb bitch. I just I don't know if anyone's familiar with it. I'm I'm not that I know it's a really long time ago Yeah, I think maybe it was contagious. I'm not entirely sure they're still like looking at the genomes. Um, yeah, it was from mom or done Honestly, that that's a toss-up.
Living Away from Family in LA
00:03:52
Speaker
That's a toss-up Lucy was saying like you're like in LA like I'm an iron New York. It's a We're not normally seeing each other this often. It's usually, I'd say in other circumstances, usually like Christmas, summer's like twice, three times a year if we're lucky. We're all in Boston right now and have definitely had some time as a family, of the five of us, the three of us. I'm curious like if you have anything to say about that and like being far away, granted our situation and like how that might've felt for you. The thing that em and I usually do is like talk about our feelings and emotions. So we just want to like open it up, I guess.
00:04:26
Speaker
Yeah, I think I mean, we're all going through the same thing. But I think being far away as a whole other element of difficulty to how you're dealing with it. Yeah. Um, but I know you've been thinking about moving back or stuff like that. I guess how have you felt in terms of having to want to put aspects of your life on hold? Or how are you like balancing everything, I guess? I'm not. ah Um, that's how um, I I mean, it's been a whirlwind for sure.
Impact of Father's Diagnosis on Work and Mental Health
00:04:56
Speaker
Like when dad got diagnosed, I pretty much just stopped doing my job. And my boss was kind about it. He was giving me space sort of well being like, hey, we need to
00:05:09
Speaker
get this stuff done, but I'm sorry and I want to give you space, but like, I pretty much stop caring about everything, which is not a good thing, including myself, and I think if I'm far away, especially because I live alone, it's easier to not take care of yourself and to isolate, and those are my two favorite things.
00:05:31
Speaker
allegedly um supposedly um loves not showering i do hey i showered just recently and i had a bad time but um but had a super bad time but um it was awful but yeah it's been very very interesting i think i'm definitely like missing family when i'm that far away i feel just like automatically like i and the last to know things which makes sense However, that's not true. The distance is is really hard, which is why I'm thinking about moving closer to you guys, so that I'm closer to dad and you guys, and like so I can have family. I mean, I think like we sleep on the fact that like you're literally across the country, and like granted, even sometimes, and I don't even want to remotely say this because it feels almost rude because I am so close on the East Coast, but like even sometimes being a state boy, I'm like, oh, I feel far from home. yeah and we're not it's like a four hour train ride but that's not rude no but like i i feel like that the idea of being across the country like is and being a plane ride away and like a long plane ride at that is very hard and i can only imagine because i'm not in that circumstance so yeah i feel free sista it bluntly sucks ass but i i chose to move across the country and so with that i expected the things to come with it but i didn't expect
00:06:56
Speaker
this. Right. yeah So we're dealing with the punches. But it's like my lease is up in April, but my world is like, stop. I'm like, I'm just like, well I don't like people are doing things. And I'm like, how can you even move on or do anything?
00:07:14
Speaker
after this information when obviously that's not true do you mean like other people are like us no other people like friends and stuff yeah yeah that's fair that's i mean and i'm like what do you mean like months are passing and i need to figure out where i'm gonna live in three months like because you're so preoccupied like but just everything going on it's hard to see people live on their lives. Yeah, it's like I understand that. It's like unfair, which is such a funny emotion. I've also just been like really putting a lot of anger in places that don't deserve it. I've been really angry. yeah I think that makes sense. I mean, I think we're stuck in a situation that like, yeah, we can go out there and be like, okay, well, I know people that have lost both of their parents. I know people that are dealing with cancer themselves at a super young age, like we can
00:08:05
Speaker
play the silver lining game. And we can say how fortunate we've been for the time we've had, which I don't think should be lost on us. But at the same time, like this is super unfair. This is not anything that any of us expected or prepared for ever thought we'd have to deal with. And I think that's, yeah, I think that's the hardest pill to swallow is it's like, is this like actually happening? and It still feels surreal. And it's been, it's been well over six months. And it's sort of like, that's Is there gonna be a day when we're like, when it feels normal to be going through this? And I don't know if there will be. I don't, I mean, yeah, no, I don't, I don't. I can't imagine that, but maybe.
00:08:42
Speaker
Yeah, like this is
Adjusting to Life Post-Diagnosis
00:08:43
Speaker
the new normal. This is what we have to adjust to. We have to work with us and we can't just pause and put our lives on hold, but it's hard to not do that. Exactly. And it's like, especially someone who I'm talking about me, someone who likes, who's like comfort and immediate reaction to a very emotionally overwhelming situation. I,
00:09:07
Speaker
isolate and sleep. And that's like my go to response. And that is just I can't do that. You're like the fainting goats when like something goes wrong. I'm literally just like, when I got like overexcited. Yeah, any overstimulation. You're like, Oh, we never made that relationship. I feel like I have. I think in my head. I think just in your head. My favorite new thing about you is when Lucy wakes up in the morning.
00:09:36
Speaker
um I see that she hatches cause like the sleep disorder, she's like, you always just look like a little wet. It's cause I am, it's cause I am. It looks like you just came out of an egg. I'm sweating. Like, you know what, it's like the film's on yeah you. Ew. Ew. I think, and not and I mean, not to pivot off of that. Oh, you can. For conversation. um But I think like a lot of what we're trying to accomplish with this podcast, of course, we're talking about everything that we're going through, we're talking about,
00:10:04
Speaker
just things that are hard to discuss in general. Um, and obviously we're all having trouble with this. We're all grappling with this in our own ways, but I think at least for Haley and I, like in terms of being day-to-day super anxious more than we've already been having feelings of depression.
00:10:20
Speaker
just sort of dealing with much stronger emotions than we've ever had to deal with before. I think we've been learning a lot from you and from your coping mechanisms, just because in terms of mental health, like that's something that you've always sort of been dealing with and struggling with for a while. So I i mean, I don't want to ask like, how are things different now than they've been historically? Because obviously this is a whole added layer. no But what do you like, do you feel like you've been better equipped, I guess to take on some of this
Lucy's Mental Health Journey and Coping Mechanisms
00:10:53
Speaker
stuff? Or do you feel like you're operating from a disadvantage because you were already having to deal with some of this? And I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer. I'm just curious. That's a really good question, I would say. and I mean, if you want to start just walking through like, some of what you're Yeah, if you're comfortable. Yeah, I'm comfortable with that. what you're
00:11:12
Speaker
like, I don't know. Yeah. Trajectory has been and because I feel like you've overcome so much mentally. That's strong from it. So if you want to lead with a just background, it might be helpful. So when I was eight years, no. So basically, I was from what I remember, I was a very, very anxious. And I don't know if you guys know this, I was diagnosed with OCD when I was like seven, because I was switching the lights on and off. And I was like,
00:11:41
Speaker
convinced if I don't do that, everyone in my family is gonna die. And they were like, hey, you're eight, let's go to therapy. I grew, I like so distinctly remember sitting in dad's car with you and you would like click the windows, like up, down, up, down, up, down three times. And I was like, can you literally stop doing that? And you were like, I can't. And you would like reach over me and touch it again. And I was like, I'm gonna punch you. Like you have to stop. No, but if I don't stop, you're gonna die. and it's It's so crazy to like think about those experiences. Like when we were younger, and I'm sorry, I want you to keep telling this,
00:12:10
Speaker
But like obviously, that was probably our first all of our first exposures to mental health. And what the fuck is that? What the fuck is wrong with you? So we were just like, we were like, Lucy, like stop. And like I feel so guilty looking back on that, because we were being so not supportive. But I was like, you're a younger sister. And I was like, can you stop jumping on the grate? It's really weird. And I'd like be mean about it. Yeah, you were a great girl. Literally so mean. No, every time you went upstairs to bed, you would like circle around the room and then like hop on all of the grates. Yeah. So I called her a great girl, which is cruel and unusual. No, that's hilarious. But and unusual but I obviously like that was like our first exposure to mental health. And now like, I like I'm literally going into a career dedicating my life to mental health. Like I maybe it's like my guilty conscience or something. But like, but no, I just think it's so interesting yeah that like the way that all of us like even mom and dad, we're like, wait, what's going on? Because we just like we're confused. Yeah, continue. So yeah, no, like most of my mental health journey has been like, what's
00:13:05
Speaker
what's wrong um so i got treated for like the ocd shit when i was younger we kind of nipped the ocd in the bud at least thinking that in the bud in the bud you nip something in the bud you don't nip anything in the ass who's asked you on a nip that's a different question okay well we thought that wow my mind is blown learn something new every day. and they seem sorry and So anyway, I nipped it in the butt. And um at least we thought so far. And then I went through middle school. I don't think I was seeing a note. I'm ah i lying. I started seeing a psychiatrist therapist in like seventh and eighth grade because I was like really depressed again.
00:13:51
Speaker
And they were like, why? Because why would I have a reason to be depressed? I was in like, I was so lucky.
Strengthening Family Bonds During a Health Crisis
00:13:57
Speaker
I had a great childhood. Yeah, but no one has a reason. like i think you I think it's a nature versus nurture question. And it's like, you're predisposed, I think, to feel things differently. And it doesn't matter that you had a great family, had a great life. Like, you can still feel those things. They're still super valid. Exactly. And I think that was hard for us to understand, too. We're like, we're all growing up the same. Like, why are you?
00:14:20
Speaker
so unhappy. Yeah. Um, or like touching everything a hundred times or touching everything a hundred times. But anyway, but, um, but yeah, I, so then I started getting treated for anxiety, depression, like seven to eighth grade through high school. Um, and through high school was really rough. You could help yourself. We didn't know how to help you. And I was also being a huge bitch.
00:14:41
Speaker
Well, that yeah, but like, like, I was also a bitch and I forgot. Yeah. And but it's i know Emma and I and I think we have a little bit but Emma and I talked what was it like four or three years ago, where I like just sat you down at a ti when we were eating sushi in l LA and I was like, Hey, I'm so sorry. You had no both of you guys had no room to have mental health problems. That's ah because I took up all of that space.
00:15:11
Speaker
And I think about that all the time. And I feel really, really bad. I don't want you to think about that. Yeah, I don't. I don't want you to feel that way for that. But I just want to acknowledge that, that I know that and that I'm so sorry. I mean, I think it's part of our story too. I think we understand this type of struggle to a different degree, having watched you go through it. And no, it's not a direct thing that we've had to deal with ourselves. But sort of back to my original question, it's like sorry to know, don't apologize. It's like to know how you've navigated some of this stuff is now helping us now that we're
00:15:45
Speaker
in this sort of space of, like I've had days now where I'm like, I really don't feel like I can get up. And I'm like, oh my, like, is this what Lucy was feeling like for 90% of high school? Like it's sort of eyeopening to feel it yourself. And to then I feel like we can almost better understand.
00:16:04
Speaker
some of it and better understand you ah unfortunately but that's it's nice yeah so it's like i have all these tools at my disposal that i've learned through various programs i've been in so you would think that i would be the best equipped i guess to deal with all these things however like when it happened I was like, I don't know anything. I can't help myself. like i don't for All the tools went out the window. I agree with what you just said, but I also feel like one of the first things you did with all of this is you called me and you were like, I want to be there for you. I want to help you. And I was like, wow, that's so unbelievably selfless. And to me, that was sort of you being like,
00:16:47
Speaker
aye i can I can do this. I've been here obviously in way different circumstances, but it felt like you understanding that this is a space that you're unfortunately familiar with and then wanting to be helpful to us. Like that was huge. I remember I was sitting literally in our bathroom here and you were still in l LA, but you called me and you were like, I like i know I'm your little sister, but like I want to be here for you. yeah and that was Super powerful, I think just knowing that That was one of your first like thoughts or reactions. Whereas mine was like more
Understanding and Supporting Lucy's Mental Health
00:17:24
Speaker
selfish I was like, alright, like my dad is going to die My life is falling apart and you're sitting there like I'm gonna call them and make sure that they know that I'm here for them like that was Amazing. I thought oh, thank you. I also just was like You're always there for us, but you're always there for everyone and And I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I'm also here for you because like you have emotions and you have some things that you can complain about. And something my therapist told me to do more is like, we're all going through it. And so we should all talk to each other about it.
00:18:04
Speaker
Um, mine says something similar, like no one else in the world knows how we're feeling except us three. And I'd argue like us three are in a different category than mom, because yeah I think being the daughter or being not the primary caregiver or all of that, like that makes a lot of sense. And like even what we're all feeling. And I would argue is a little bit different because we all have different relationships with dad, but like at the end of the day, like my friends that are there for me and are so supportive, like they don't get it as much as like you two do.
00:18:30
Speaker
Yeah. No one does. Yeah. And then I've said this before too, like, I feel like we have such a great support system between the two of you guys. Like I feel that way and my friends and everyone. I just like wish I didn't need to have a big support system, but like, and like I'm so upset that like you guys also are feeling what I'm feeling, but I'm also like so grateful that you are feeling what I'm feeling. So it's like, I, it sucks. I wish we weren't feeling this way, but like, I'm happy that I have you guys in it. And like, I'm so grateful to not be an ugly child right now because like, what would I do?
00:18:58
Speaker
um Like it's a club no one wants to be a part of, but it makes it a little easier that we're all getting inducted at the same time. yeah That's exactly right. That's a really good way to put it. Yeah. Thank you for like sharing a lot of oh yeah the stuff that i mean we didn't you've gone through. I didn't touch on a lot of stuff, but I feel like that stuff doesn't matter as much. No, but it's just like, I think what Emma was saying, like having the trajectory of dealing with such intense problems and feelings and not understanding why or what's going on, but just like feeling the way you felt at such a young age like is so awful, but you've really, I guess, I don't want to say like you're a vet, but you've understood these verses. I always have been like, oh, I'm anxious, but I've been able to coast through it and deal with it. And like that probably wasn't the best thing to do, but it's been so manageable. And like now it's almost like a buildup of everything flushing out now. and
00:19:56
Speaker
new to therapy, new to medication, new to all these things that like you unfortunately have learned at a young age but also then because of that have gotten accustomed and gotten like figured out what works for you, it doesn't work and like that I think is such a valuable skill. Yeah you're a pro. It's nice, it's comforting I think for us to see like you make so much strides and stuff but But also, yeah, just acknowledging that you're like, I'm new to therapy. I'm new to this. It might have happened sooner if I didn't take up the mental health space. so Yeah, house. Yes. I mean, I think I think we could dive into a whole thing about like the glass children phenomenon and stuff like that. But I also think because we weren't like
00:20:40
Speaker
watched us closely and could kind of get away with like having some of these issues because they weren't the primary problems that our parents were dealing with as far as like children and their children's happiness went. I think like there is also a level of resilience that you build up. So for better or for worse, like, yeah, it's ah a lot of it's bottled up and now it's being sort of retroactively dissected in some of these therapy sessions with some of these feelings coming in and like opening everything up. But I also feel like it like, at least for me, I definitely learned like, how to compartmentalize and how to sort of deal with some of this stuff on my own, whether that's better or worse or neither.
Childhood Experiences and Personal Growth
00:21:20
Speaker
It's like, I don't, I don't think that's necessarily a good or a bad thing. I think it's just has created the people that all three of us have become so I wouldn't
00:21:32
Speaker
like I don't think you need to apologize for any of it. I think it's just when you look at who you are and dissect who you are as a person and look back on your childhood, your experiences, how you deal with stuff, how you dealt with stuff. like That's just the path that we took to get where we are today. and i don't i'm i mean Aside from everything that's going on with dad, like I'm pretty happy with it. so i wouldn't but I don't think you being the center of mental health attention, like, epically fucked up our lives. I would never say that. okay So i don't just I don't want you to hold, like, apology for that. I'll get over it. we're We're fine. Guys, we're fine. Oh, I might say great. I'm gonna say great. Great girl. Oh, God. I'm sorry. We could go back and dissect every single thing that we did or did not do as children, and we'd have a lot of notes. I mean, that would need to be another episode, and also we might need to, like... We should do that. preface
00:22:24
Speaker
some things so like i don't get in trouble but like shoved you in ah in the um freezer i don't know oh that the grocery store i would love that that was a fun game you like asked for that i loved that you wanted to play victa i was like oh no like hide me in the freezer oh no mom help you know like like it's like super supermarket shopping with like mom and like obviously like we're so cold and so bored and like have to make our own fun so our fun was shoving you amongst the frozen pizzas. Yeah, and I had a great time. It was great. This is one of many you'll be back. I'm excited that you guys are doing this. I think it's a really great way to like to get things out and also just to like discuss important topics. I mean, I know I didn't call you and say that I'm here for you too, but
00:23:16
Speaker
I'm here for you too. Thank you so much. Cause I also call you sometimes being like, I'm having a bad day. Like, yeah. And I do the same too. Yeah. We lean on each other. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.