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E03: Sitting Down with Dad, Part 2
44 Plays2 months ago
In this episode, we stray from the cancer conversation and dive into the specifics of our dad's life. We get a glimpse into his journey — what it was like growing up with his parents, meeting our mom, getting married to the love of his life, having children, becoming the best girl dad ever... all the steps he took that made him our oh-so-beloved father.
This episode shares life advice, important insights, and – as anticipated – lots of laughs.
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Transcript
Introduction and Fatherhood
00:00:00
Speaker
Why are you laughing? I don't know. Great. So far, so good.
00:00:10
Speaker
So we're back. We are. Great. so Thanks again for our first section of this episode. We're gonna talk not about brain cancer and just sort of about like life and fatherhood. So yeah, I guess one of the things that I think is most interesting about you is that you have three children and they're all female. So you lived in a house of only women minus the dog for pretty much our entire lives. What, I mean, I guess you don't have another life to compare it to, but what would you say have been like the highlights and potential challenges of
00:00:47
Speaker
that situation. Well the highlights are you guys. I mean they're just, you're you're all such interesting and fun and caring people. I never ever imagined that that's what children would be like. oh Because I based it on my own experience. But when I didn't care and I was rude and obnoxious. So you're saying none of us were ever rude ever? Or obnoxious. Oh I think that's a complete misinterpretation. Oh shit.
00:01:15
Speaker
Like, god how was being a father to three girls? man so I mean, it's just, you know, which is just a cop out to say amazing and then move on. So I won't, but.
00:01:26
Speaker
um I just learned so much from you guys. It was such a different experience. When you're a guy and you're growing up, you expect that all your kids will be guys because I don't know anything else. It was just so much fun. You guys are always active in something, a sport, which I obviously can relate to. You know, it wasn't like, oh, girly girls. It was just, you were girls. You just did what you did. I just probably had
Parenting Insights and Advice
00:01:50
Speaker
an expectation. that we would have boys and we didn't And it's better than I could have imagined. I feel like by the time I rolled around, there was another girl where you're like, oh shit. Or were you like, oh, whatever at this point? Nope, not at all. I was excited. You you had already like given up the dream? No, I don't want the dream. I mean, the dream was having you know good, healthy, fun kids. And I got that. So I mean, real truly, without being too sappy, too late. But um but I think it it's great. I can't imagine having boys now, but it doesn't
00:02:20
Speaker
and I guess the lesson was it doesn't matter if you have kids, they're kids. And if you have a good relationship with them, then it's remarkable and that I felt fortunate to have and still do. And it doesn't cross my mind. I mean, it did at the beginning because it was like, now what do I do? You figured it out seemingly. Yes. Thinking about where all of us are in our lives right now. So I guess all in the twenties, but like early twenties, mid twenties, late twenties.
00:02:50
Speaker
What do you think, and it can vary from kid to kid and age to age, would be like your biggest piece of advice for this time of our life. Oh my gosh, compound interest for sure. What do you mean by that? Invest and let your money grow. That's one thing, but that's not- Not like find love? you Yeah, I was hoping for something I actually understood for to be the answer, but like sure. Like I thought compound interest was a metaphor for a second, but okay. Nope. shift Straight up. ah Warren Buffett approached the life, but um I mean the advice we've given, right? Your mother and I have given us given you so much advice over your lives that I think you have it.
00:03:27
Speaker
And now it's just a matter of reminding you, you know, remember how privileged and fortunate you are. And don't forget about other people that for sure. Um, yeah, find love and, and, you know, have fun, relax, enjoy yourselves. Life is not supposed to
Work-Life Balance and Family Involvement
00:03:44
Speaker
be this arduous. I go to work, I take the weekends off and then I go to life has changed. You know, I mean, that's, that's the fifties and I wasn't alive then.
00:03:53
Speaker
um ah and And I think that it's important that people find the right balance, which is not, I'm saying work-life balance, but the right balance for you. I like working. And you know your mom and I used to have these discussions. We'd be on vacation. She'd say, well, don't check your phone. Don't check your email. I'm much more comforted by knowing what's there, yeah not what's waiting for me. And then I'm good.
00:04:17
Speaker
seeing ahead of the time. But that's, yeah, but that's like, you know, instead of following a path that says we're on vacation, I will therefore turn off my phone and my computer. I don't work that way. But ah so work the way you work and operate the way you operate. Everyone's different. Everyone does stuff a little differently. Mostly you find that that things end up, you know, intersecting and cross it over. It makes sense.
00:04:40
Speaker
One of the things that we watched you do growing up was knowing that you liked working and loved what you did enough to start your own thing and run it yourself. But you also like coached all of our sports teams. Rare. I don't remember you ever missing a dinner. Um, I know you traveled when we were younger, but I don't, that's not like how I remember growing up or our relationship. Like I knew when I got home from school, you would be there.
00:05:07
Speaker
or you'd be there soon after. um And I never felt like you weren't around. Like you were always very around, very present. We went on these vacations, but I don't remember you being on your phone. I just remember having a great time and you being there and I think you were able to turn off but not in like a binary way where it was like you're working or you're not working like I think you just flowed everything together nicely and it didn't deteriorate or it didn't take away from the time together so like I don't even like I remember mom telling us that you would travel a lot when we were really young and I was like really I'd never ever remember you taking a trip like I just that's interesting because I'm sure that's not even the right memory but in my mind like
00:05:51
Speaker
you're always you were always home. Like every sports game, everything. Yeah. And that was, that's sort of part of why I started my own thing because so I wanted to have that control. I mean, mom and I both grew up as sort of like latchkey kids where meaning, you know, you let yourself in the house, your parents showed up and, you know, but that was the era. That's what it was. But for me, you know, I was traveling a lot when Haley was born. So when you guys were all younger and I was like, I don't know that I don't,
00:06:20
Speaker
want to be, you know, that I want to be doing this. I want to be making my own decisions. And that was part of the motivation I wanted. And I encouraged everyone who worked with me to go coach your kids, do whatever, be part of their lives. And because it's important to have a fulfilling life, not just to execute work. Executing work is part of a fulfilling life for me, but Right, but it's I think having those things go hand in hand and not be separate was such a total productive thing and a great way of living and working that we got to observe and then apply or look to apply in our own lives.
00:06:59
Speaker
Yeah, and choose to do or not do. But by the way,
Lessons from Parents
00:07:02
Speaker
when we were on vacation, all those times that I said I had to go to the bathroom, I was checking email. I mean, that was... In the bathroom. I don't think I ever, like, kept track of you going to the bathroom on vacation. Yeah, I don't think we ever... We were more worried about our tan. Dad's heat a lot in Hawaii. I appreciate it. Not really on our minds. What do you... Just in terms of you growing up, and obviously, as you said, different eras. Era. But what do you think you...
00:07:29
Speaker
like took from your parents versus what did you decide to change in terms of parenting and and way of, I don't know, growing into your that chapter of your life? That's a great question. I mean, my father ran a business big business and I watched him evolve to do that. You know, his growing going up the chain and you starting with nothing and then evolving all the way to to being CEO. um That was fascinating. He loved his work. I mean, that was so important to him. And it meant so much to him to be focused on work. And that was what he did. So part of what I took away was, I appreciate that. I'm not going to do it that way. And one of the most touching conversations I ever had with him was on a plane. I think we were flying to
00:08:19
Speaker
We're flying somewhere. Well, that would make sense if you're on a plane. We're going to spring training one year for the Mets. And I said to him, I don't know what prompted it, but I said, i um I said, you know, I'm never going to be as successful as you. He said, he looked at me, he goes, you've already been more successful than me. And I said, what do you mean? He said, the way you raise your family, your relationships, it's it's a different game.
00:08:46
Speaker
And I was like, Oh, good. You know, I mean, it was very touching and really sweet. And we always had a good relationship. We had a great relationship as adults, me and I, but probably because he forgot that when I was younger, and ran his bags over, taking them to the airport once. And, you know, I was, I was 16. So I guess I wasn't a baby. That was just a mistake.
00:09:10
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I know that. I know a lot of the mistakes, but not that specific one. Oh, really? Put the bags behind the car and then drove them to the airport. I literally tore the bags apart, pouring over them in the driveway. That's great. So brutal. That was pretty stupid. Yeah, it wasn't like it was midnight either. It was the morning, so. Oh, great. At the end of the day, you were giving your ride to the airport. Yeah, it was well-intentioned. Like, I remember before execution. And then he had nothing to carry, so.
00:09:40
Speaker
ah easier. You saved him like 40 bucks checking a bath. Yeah. there's that What did I learn? So, you know, and my mom, you know, taught kindergarten, would hustle home, and take care of whatever had to be taken care of with us. And, you know, it's like you, you, there's a purpose to doing what you do. If you're not getting fulfillment out of what you're doing, and meaning in a job, then you're missing the point. If you're not enabling a life to have with your family because of your job, then you're missing the point. That's, that's what I took away. That's not necessarily how my
Emotional Growth and Relationships
00:10:19
Speaker
parents executed it, but that's how I chose to execute it after seeing what I saw and learning what I learned. That all makes sense. Yeah, it makes a ton of sense. I think just the definition of success
00:10:32
Speaker
based on what you want out of your life and what fulfills you and what propels you forward and is super important. And I think to go back to the differences in eras, um I don't know. And again, like I think we have a uniquely close and open and just like friend-based relationship, whereas I think that was a lot more rare back in the day. like I know you oftentimes say stuff like,
00:11:01
Speaker
I can't imagine ever calling my parents a bitch when we're like joking around, and but it's sort of. Yeah, not when they were in the same room. I mean, that's you guys handle it quite differently. No, but I mean, we're we we a different yeah we operate casually. we are I don't think we are filtered around each other, which is also a product of the way that you taught us to have our own opinions and say what we want to say, obviously respectfully, but not always.
00:11:28
Speaker
You, yeah, I would say nine times out of 10 respectively. Um, well, that's your mother's influence, which is great. It's a good balance. Yeah. No, you guys are quite yin and yang. Do you want to talk about mom? She's not behind me, is she? No, I think she's out of the house. You might be all good. Sure. Yeah. But then someone will see
Marriage and Parenting Phases
00:11:47
Speaker
this, right? Mom will see this. I'm kidding. Yes. What would you like to talk about about mom? Like, how would you describe her?
00:11:57
Speaker
You've seen what she looks like, right? She looks a little like you. Thank you. That's a compliment. I mean, just like, no, she's, you know, what do you think about when you think about mom? I just love my life, but I, but I don't want, it's very hard to answer those questions without it being like textbook Pablum, you know, just, okay.
00:12:17
Speaker
sounding like anyone who's you know reading a script. I'm not reading a script. She is absolutely the love of my life. She taught me so much along the way. And I tell her that, and she's like, oh, whatever. Which is so mom, which is awesome. But i mean she I mean, before I met her, I don't remember saying I love you to anyone, either a girlfriend or even my own family. We don't we never talked that way. And she's always very expressive.
00:12:47
Speaker
Excuse me. um I'm not being choked up. I just burped. She just taught me so much about how to be expressive about how you feel and not be uncomfortable with that. And I think that set us up perfectly to have girls yeah as children. I don't know what would have been different, i but I think that it was such a better experience for me to have you guys because i learned something every day that's kind of a great lesson that i would tell you when you're in your twenties and i think i told you all your life god almighty learn something every day if you can make mistakes every day hopefully not big ones and certainly don't hurt someone or yourselves
00:13:27
Speaker
But that's how you learn. And when you learn, you're fulfilled. And that's how I'm fulfilled every day. um Most days, anyway, some days you make mistakes and just, you know, it's a bummer. But in general, it's, a you know, it's phenomenal to have raised girls, but your mother taught me how to do that, if that makes sense. That doesn't describe her, but that's a part of it. But i I love the way you're saying about her teaching you a lot about like emotion.
00:13:57
Speaker
because I don't know what you would think Emma but like I feel like I'm very emotionally in touch and emotional because a lot of because of how you raised us like I always say like I love you to my roommates and it's funny you reference that I love you thing because I think you probably say like good night I love you to me every night. I remember when you said that before you met mom you had not like you didn't say I love you to your parents or that wasn't like part of your just part of the deal. Yeah, yeah which is was so shocking to me because I when I think of you, I think of that. So just to even know that that didn't exist in your life like before to eat 35 years ago. How long have you guys been married?
00:14:36
Speaker
Oh, now this is on tape, uh, 1991. So it's, it's been, uh, you do the math. I think it's interesting to think about being married for that long and like all the different eras, back to Euro's eras, that you guys have had like dating, falling in love, engaged, getting married, the honeymoon phase, all that stuff. Then like having three babies, all of them leaving the nest, moving. Like obviously those are such different milestones and you've done so much, but like,
00:15:07
Speaker
Is there any era that you look back on as like the most fond or craziest or hardest or something like that? They're all, they've all been great, which not to, you know, again, be tabling, but um I think obviously the beginning, you know, it's hard, but that's the fun, like the challenges of how do we, I don't know what to do here. You go to birthing class.
00:15:31
Speaker
Lamaze, did you go there? Not that I needed a lot of help. I just stood there. But no, we went to birthing class. Yeah, for sure. Certainly with Emma. And um because we it was new, we didn't know what to do. But then you get a baby and you bring a baby home. It's like, what the fuck do we do now? You know what I mean? yeah It's sort of so nobody teaches you that part. you You instinctively work together and figure it out. That's the most rewarding is Parenting a kid from babyhood to you know, look at you guys now and seeing you're all different you're all um Successful you're all unique in so many different ways, you know crazy not crazy. Whatever it is No, no fingers be important eyes are being met
00:16:16
Speaker
You know, that ah there's always challenges and it's always fascinating. But to me, the beginning when, you know, we bought a house where mom and I are like stripping wallpaper, we're repainting things, we're grouting stuff, we're doing, we're trying to do all the work. Then you have pregnancy and babies and, you know, all the, every experience was new. And what I guess I was trying to say is,
00:16:37
Speaker
Have experiences, have new experiences. It's the most fascinating thing when you don't know what you're doing and you figure it out. Scary. In work, in life, whatever. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying get in the car if you don't even learn how to drive and go drive down the highway. I'm saying It's just that working together makes your relationship deeper and it makes the relationship with the other object, meaning in this case, babies or a house being reconstructed or whatever. It makes it all fun and interesting. you know We used to go to Home Depot on Saturday night. That was date night. That was awesome. this I mean, it smells great in there, so I understand. It's a fabulous store. Not knowing what you're doing is really the most rewarding things we figured out.
00:17:23
Speaker
within reason. No, I would say you did a pretty good job within reason. I don't know you guys met when you were my age and like I'm thinking about how old ah like how I feel now and I'm like that's crazy to think about versus like I don't know I just think it puts things in perspective you were so young. We were you know with our peers and you know some had babies earlier some had babies later it was sort of not Um, a measurement tool, but it's interesting to me that that is the demarcation line in my life. You know, you get married,
Family Time and Fulfillment
00:17:51
Speaker
obviously big deal, but once you start having babies, you're responsible to other things, not yourselves. she does And it changes and it's critical because it's more fulfilling. I don't care about doing stuff for me. Good news, uh, given the situation, but I care about, but I said that to you guys once we had this diagnosis, it's like,
00:18:14
Speaker
I'm fulfilled. I only want to be with you guys and your mom. And, and that's the time I don't want taken away. But the time that we've had together has been unbelievable. You know, it's not without arguments. It's not without, you know, annoyances or knowing that you snuck out of the house or whatever it is, but um not you Haley, but, um, never did. Um, but, uh,
00:18:40
Speaker
You know, it's it's the reward of that is I can't even articulate it. That is the best part. That's very sweet. Well, it's true. Most angry you've been at all three of us. No, I don't want to do that.
00:18:54
Speaker
added up or individually? Or just us two. Or just who were you the angriest at ever because we know that's neither of us. Yeah, that's a tough equation. I mean, I was probably angriest at Lucy with driving. Really? I don't know. All three of us lost our license, which is pretty impressive, honestly. I wasn't mad about people losing their license. I was mad when we were teaching you guys to drive. Oh, well, when you were teaching me to drive you back into a pole.
00:19:20
Speaker
You're like, be really careful and always check your mirror so much. So I only, I only had to go from there. Yeah, that's true. I was trying to help you out. soon was not young we're setting the little bar It was great. I've based my entire driving career off of that moment. So thank you. But that was, I forgot about that. It was so funny. I get in the car. I articulate to you. Now you have to, here's how you're going to learn how to back up. You check all your mirrors. You have watched when you pulled into the space but and I back up into a pole.
00:19:50
Speaker
Yeah, I was gonna break that light. yeah Oh yeah, shattered. The tail light, yeah. It was awesome. That's so funny. I was like, okay, so just like that? We were falling down. It was so funny. Was it wasnt like in a parking lot too? It was in the parking a lot in the middle. yeah That's a classic for scribing.
00:20:07
Speaker
You have to be so careful. I was like, okay, it sounds good. Make sure you check and then you back up. You look this way, that way, and boom. So good. It was out of a sitcom. If the light had broken and fallen onto the roof or something, it would have been a little better, but that's it.
00:20:24
Speaker
That was pretty good. It's so funny because you are an objectively very good driver. Oh yeah. So like the fact that that happened is just so out of the ordinary and even funnier. Yeah. You are a good driver. I wasn't always, but yeah. You know, you learn. That's what I'm saying. Make mistakes. Hopefully that don't hurt you or other people. Yeah, exactly.
00:20:40
Speaker
The tailor was fine. like No harm, no foul. Easily replaced. Oh my gosh. The most mad that I remember you being is when it was not ever at us, or not at least that I recall, but it was when you thought we were in danger. Like when that guy was tailgating you. And I remember this like it was yesterday. We
Parenting Style and Humor
00:21:02
Speaker
were all in the car and the guy was on your tail.
00:21:05
Speaker
And you pulled, like I remember the sound of the car like ripping, pulling over, and you got out of the car. And I was say i i was sitting in the front seats, but I must have like just been able to do that. I must have been like 12 or something. and But it was like really cool that I was doing that. But you got out of the car, slammed the door, and I heard you just rip this guy apart. like I had never heard anybody talk like that in my life. like You just absolutely, you were like, I mean, I won't repeat what you've even you said, but you were just screaming at him like, how are you doing this? I have kids in the car. Like, I'm pretty sure you use the effing idiot stuff, you know, and all the good stuff, but you got back in the car.
00:21:45
Speaker
And it was like, nothing happened. You're like, all right guys, like everyone good? And I remember looking at you and pointing up and being like, sunroof was open. We heard every word. But it just like. I remember. And I remember being scared to hear you upset, but it was in our defense. Like that's when I think of you being mad. Like I think of moments like that. I really, it was so rarely drafted at us because we were perfect. No, but that, I mean, that's a fair point. I was furious at the tailgating guy for sure.
00:22:15
Speaker
anytime you guys are in danger. And that's when I would get mad at you if you put yourselves in danger. I remember actually, cause I don't ever remember like fights with you. I feel like we would just bicker a lot, but we would like, I'd start yelling at you more and I'd get angry. And then you just start laughing.
00:22:29
Speaker
Because it was so funny. I'd be like stomping and be like, dad. And you'd just be like. And then I couldn't hold it together. And I got so mad. You were laughing and you'd be like, I couldn't do it seriously. And it just like all the tension that I might have had towards you just like dissipated because you were just like cracking up at me. And it's honestly a great tactic. It's really good. I don't want to use it. I think we arrived at it just by happenstance. I don't think it was part of the plan. Because I'm hilarious when I'm trying to be serious. Yes. It was unbelievable.
00:22:57
Speaker
I forgot about that. Oh, that was good. That's what I think I don't think of anything specific. Yeah, me either. I think being mad at any of you was for your benefit or protection, your right to your point. Yeah, it's fair. Obviously, parenting isn't imperfect science or art either way. Yeah. I mean, Robert and I had more discussions i wish meaning me And I hadn't raised my voice at this situation, that situation, or whatever. And she would always say, yeah. Well, she's also always right. So it's tough. I know. That's hard. There's a line. I forget the movie. It might have been called Network News. But it was like someone says, you have no idea what it's like to be right all the time. And I use that. Yeah. When I hear that line, I think of you. so
00:23:47
Speaker
You've adopted that for sure. It's an older movie. Um, uh, yeah, you have no idea what it's like. It's, it's a bird. Wait, you don't think that I, I'm pretty sure I do know what that's like. Yeah. Or at least I might tell my husband that I know what it's like. so yeah um It sort of passes down the line. It keeps going. Doesn't it? Yeah, it does. We'll, we'll let that legacy for a long time. I'm sure. Um, far too oh yeah, this, I mean, I don't want to cut it short, but I also know this will be the,
00:24:15
Speaker
first of many subsequent conversations, which is exciting. I think when we
Gratitude and Life's Challenges
00:24:20
Speaker
started this whole thing at its worst, it's helpful for other people and perhaps even entertaining. Well, hopefully helpful for you guys and all of us. Well, exactly. At its best, it's helpful for other people and, comma, entertaining. At its worst,
00:24:37
Speaker
eight I love just sitting and chatting and and ah we get to do it all the time but it's to be able to memorialize it on video. It is special and just thanks for being open to all of this. Of course. We didn't give you a huge option but like thanks thanks for being into it. I didn't need an option. You know I mean I'm happy to do anything for you guys or with you guys and yeah now that we're in this really crappy situation where you don't know what, where and when, but you know, you're fighting the fight for time. Um, it's great to bloom all realize things like this, you know, whether this all gets chucked out or posted on someone's TikTok, you know, those are, those are things that at least you have options and you have stuff and you can look at it or you can show your kids or you can, you know, like I said, dump it. It's, it's nice to have all those options. Well, thank you. and Thank you.
00:25:36
Speaker
Best guest ever. Best guest ever. Oh, great. You're, you're actually our first. Yeah. Otherwise you're in serious trouble. You were great, eloquent and lovely as always. That's yeah that's what my business card says. Thank you guys. Appreciate it. Love you. Well, we'll talk some more. Shall I get in on this? Pleasure as always. Always. Not a pleasure.