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E08: Us and Dad, Again
51 Plays1 month ago
On this episode, we bring back our favorite guy (by popular demand). Our Dad gives us an overall health update, adds insight into his new normal, and gives general thoughts on what helps and what hurts when it comes to friends and family reaching out.
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Announcement
00:00:04
Speaker
Okay, ready guys? Yeah. Let's go. Should we all hold hands? Should we all hold hands? Yeah. Okay. um We're back again. Uh-oh.
00:00:19
Speaker
Back again. um you know that one? Nope. Great. So, ah we're back. We're checking in um We have our special guest back on the show. Man of the hour. Man of the year.
00:00:34
Speaker
I hope so. We hope so too. Oh geez. Okay. Who everyone wants to hear from. Yeah. You actually, we did poll our audience, our little Instagram audience and ask what content they wanted more of. And the unanimous answer was more Doug.
00:00:50
Speaker
Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug. Were they able to hear and see?
Doug's Health Journey Begins
00:00:54
Speaker
I did not ask who was blind and deaf, but many of them asked for more Doug. One person asked for Will. Yeah, one. Was it Will?
00:01:03
Speaker
no heard of my body um No, but anyway, yeah, so we're we're just checking back in. It's been a little while since our last session. How are you feeling? what What's the latest? What's the haps?
00:01:15
Speaker
I feel great, which is part of the weird part of this whole disease. I have zero symptoms. I feel fine. I just know I have brain cancer so it's it's just kind of confusingly odd I'm still like not convinced.
00:01:30
Speaker
Yeah. No, I mean, secretly I'm not either, but we know better. And um I, I'm feeling great. So that's a plus. We'll take it. Yeah. I forget if we discussed this or not, but you recently started palliative care, which is you can, I think it's pale palli palliative, Okay. Palliative, palliative care. Can you describe what that is?
00:01:54
Speaker
Do you want to or you want me to? I'd like you to, cause i don't know. Um, basically palliative care is sort of my interpretation of it is more of like a holistic health journey. So it's instead of just treating someone with chemo and radiation and the straight up medicine, it's also incorporating other things that are really important to people's bodies and brains and their like body mind connection. So for instance,
00:02:19
Speaker
Nutrition is sometimes one. PT, physical therapy. um Counseling. Yes, and then counseling. Acupuncture. whether that's like therapy or psychiatry too. absolutely. Both. um Acupuncture. Am I missing a name? Acupuncture.
00:02:37
Speaker
Acupuncture. Oh, my God.
Exploring Palliative Care
00:02:40
Speaker
What's that tea and lemonade drink you like? Stop. Say it. um say it Arnold Palmer.
00:02:48
Speaker
What happened to you? You practiced. Arnold. Say it again. Arnold. Arnold Palmer. Yeah.
00:02:58
Speaker
so it's sort of a bunch of different facets of health. I think they all fall under health, whether it's mental health, physical health, or medical health, whatever you want to call it. um But it's sort of ah bigger team that, ah the and I hope their goal is to give you ah more comfortable and better healing process or just overall life.
00:03:21
Speaker
um So you started that how long ago? I think a week, maybe 10 days. little longer. It was 10 days? feel like two weeks. don't know. Let's go with two weeks. um But how has it been going so far? if he Seems fine. i've I've talked to the weed doctor.
00:03:37
Speaker
Oh, I forgot about the weed. Yeah. Yes. The Queen of Ganja, as she referred to herself. and That's an awesome title. Gotta have a sense of humor. And she does. so Why does she not go with Goddess of Ganja?
00:03:51
Speaker
and never I'll bring it up. You should. Let me know. no Better branding. I'll make a note of that. I agree with you. So, yeah, I mean, there's all kinds of things. You know, we're trying and doing all kinds of pretty standard things, but palliative care has been just sort of an add on to what we're doing with, as you said, with the chemicals and and stuff like that. And it's been good. They're giving me some good things to help me sleep in terms
Living with Illness and Finding Normalcy
00:04:19
Speaker
of gummies. They're giving me things that are theoretically good for brain cancer in terms of penetrating the but brain blood barrier. That may be my Arnold Palmer.
00:04:32
Speaker
Maybe it did wobbling, but that's a tongue twister. So everyone's been great and helpful and that's sort of, we're very early stage of that. so Great. Well, I think it's an important thing of treatment and I'm glad that you started it. It seems awesome.
00:04:47
Speaker
I am too. Yeah. I feel like when you have something like brain cancer or just a terminal illness or any illness that takes over so much of your life, so much of your day, it's like, you don't worry about other stuff that you need to still be keeping track of and still be staying on to then in like from the side, treat the brain cancer, I guess.
00:05:10
Speaker
Oh, without doubt. It's funny. You mentioned it that way because I had lunch with a friend of mine the other week and he said, well, what's your day like now that I'm retired from natural or normal working world?
00:05:21
Speaker
You said, so what's your, what's every day like? And I'm, I was sort of stunned because I hadn't thought about it because I kind of get up deal with whatever appointments I have, figure out how I'm feeling. Do i need to take a nap? Do i need to take more drugs? Do i have to, you know, whatever.
00:05:37
Speaker
I'm forgetting to have a real life. So that's been an important sort of, sounds idiotic to say a discovery, but it's been a discovery. And so I'm planning my day more now, like I am working and doing other things so that this isn't dominant, like it will be eventually, but it's sort of, it's just a,
00:05:58
Speaker
It just exists. Yeah, that's a great mindset to have. Totally. Especially while you're feeling good and like obviously you're tired and there's effects of the drugs that you're taking. but while you're feeling okay, it's like spend time feeling okay and doing things that you can do while you're feeling good. Totally. me You know, and everyone counsels you, all the doctors, all the psychiatric folks, the MSWs.
00:06:25
Speaker
you know Live your life. and And I think that that's obviously easier said than done. So much easier said than done. You know you like go for a walk, you walk back in the house, you shut the door, and you're like, oh shit, have brain cancer. you know I mean, it's not like it goes away.
00:06:39
Speaker
um but But I think that being present and being grateful for being present is... not a terrible
Reflections on Life and Death
00:06:46
Speaker
message. And they've said it to us, us being you and me and your mom a hundred times. And, you know, where I used to roll my eyes or just go, yeah, oh, definitely. And not, and think that it was silly.
00:06:59
Speaker
ah You come around and you start to realize it's super important to live your life and super important to not anticipate death every day. um may have a long time. i may have a short time. I don't know.
00:07:12
Speaker
We'll see. but But I think having a good attitude, which is not my strong suit in regular life, um is is an important part of um doing this. Totally.
00:07:24
Speaker
You said at one point this summer when we were like pretty early into your diagnosis, um you said that you would rather have five years and know that you had five years than have 10 and not know the whole time. Do you still...
00:07:39
Speaker
I mean, does that remain true or has your thought process on that changed? I get it. Good question. Yeah, no. And that's definitely always been, you know, that anticipatory equation has always been ah something that dogged me a little.
00:07:53
Speaker
I think that I'm, I've changed a little bit on that. yeah What was the question? Shit. um No, you're, i mean, you remember the question. Yeah, do. I think, you know, I like, it at the beginning, you want to know everything and you can't know everything because they don't know everything in terms of longevity or can you put a date on this and I think I've said this to you guys 50 times about Warren Buffett's former partner, Charlie Munger, who died at 93 or 94 last year, um said, i i don't I just want to know when I'm going to die and where so I don't go there, which is just brilliant. It's really good. It's so funny.
00:08:36
Speaker
You have said that so many times and I love it, but that's like when you were first talk when Emma first asked that question and you were talking about your answer that's immediately was thinking yeah so just so i don't i couldn't have articulated it as well as you though so i'm glad you brought well you could but um um but you didn't um i i think i'm i'm good having just quality right now and not worrying too much about when the end is because nobody knows yeah i mean pretty much like it was before brain cancer although with brain cancer you now
00:09:11
Speaker
have a pretty good clue that it's coming, you know, more than it's not. What's more on your mind? Yeah. Do you, do you find yourself more or less scared of like random death?
00:09:24
Speaker
I guess like, like every time I go on the subway and maybe I'm outing myself as neurotic and anxious, which maybe I already have, but i think like every single, you think we're good. okay Okay. Every single time that I go on the subway, I'm like,
00:09:37
Speaker
Like, I don't not go on the subway. I still go. But I'm like, oh, I'm totally going get shot or stabbed. Like, 100%. Like, every time I turn a corner. Yeah, every time I, like, turn a corner or open a door, I'm like, someone's totally there and going shoot me.
00:09:49
Speaker
Which is crazy. And I don't want to think like that. And I don't actually think it's going to happen. But it's like, do you... It crosses your mind, yeah. Yeah, do you have, like, weird... but are you worried about car crashes, plane crashes, like stuff, or or is it just the same?
00:10:03
Speaker
It's the same. I mean, at some point you learn, you know, being afraid of flying, which I went through at one period in my life where I was so uncomfortable with the concept that I'm in a tin can flying through the air at 30,000 feet in the air. And I'm.
00:10:17
Speaker
When you say it like that. And and and i'm I have no control. And after a while you realize, well, I don't know how to fly and the pilot does. So that's a good thing. ah that he or she is doing it.
00:10:28
Speaker
And you stop realize you stop worrying about the things that are out of your control to the best of your ability. You can't control your emotions. You can't just pull a ring and like a horse and stop it or turn it.
00:10:41
Speaker
um It takes time. and And it takes maturity. ah Not that I'm claiming that, but I'm saying it takes maturity and it takes experience and and work.
00:10:52
Speaker
It takes work sometimes. So In answer, that was such a long-winded answer. In answer your question, no, I don't, nothing's changed. I still look both ways when cross the street.
00:11:03
Speaker
That's good. Yeah, but I'm not worried about it. I know, but you were like not going to go to the skin dog, to the, what are they called? To the dermatologist. You were not going to go to the dermatologist because you were like, what's the point? I was like, well, the point would be to but not also have melanoma.
00:11:21
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I still think I was right, but I went. Waste of time? I didn't have melanoma. So yeah, it was fabulous. It's comforting. All good. Yeah. Great. Great.
00:11:32
Speaker
Well, I guess it's good to know that that doesn't scare you. Melanoma or going to the dermatologist? I meant like the other things. Oh, no, I can't. You know, death doesn't scare me. I mean, it obviously it doesn't make me excited well and it's depressing and all those things that come with, you know, a death sentence. But I don't, I'm not living in fear of it. I still, as I think I said last time we talked, I'm more concerned for you guys and for your mother and for the survivors because i won't be here. I don't have to deal with it when I'm not here.
00:12:07
Speaker
You know, you guys do. The absence or what have you. Everyone will move on. Everyone will get over it. It'll it'll be there. i don't think we'll get over it. No, but I mean, you'll you'll be able to function in your life over time.
Family Support and Communication
00:12:19
Speaker
You have to.
00:12:20
Speaker
No, you're right. I mean. Well, it's heartbreaking for me to think of the concept. Believe me. Yeah. You know, I love being with you guys. I love being with your mother. And, you know, I've been for quite a long time. You know, every day is still great and interesting and fun.
00:12:34
Speaker
You know, we have our moments of disagreement. You know, that's what we call the morning. But I'm sorry. That's also normal, though. like I was just trying to go for the joke. No, but I mean, that is that is something that I remember. We were all here for Thanksgiving or something a while ago.
00:12:53
Speaker
And I had a call with my therapist. She was asking how stuff's going. And and I was like, yeah, my parents are like, they just seem on edge. They're sort of fighting a little bit. And like, why would they be fighting? and Like, we're dealing with this diagnosis. We're dealing with brain cancer. Like, why are they fighting about like, why isn't there milk in the fridge? You know, like little things. I was like, it seems so trivial. And she but she told me, well, yeah, ah that gives you normalcy. Like that, she was like, did that go on before? I'm like, yeah, course.
00:13:19
Speaker
one bickers now and then yeah she's like okay well good then that's normal like let them have normalcy like all right great bring it on like the little bickering is almost an escape from the impending doom in your head it's very thing yeah it makes it feel like this is you know like last week when we argued about her there that there's no more milk and who did that um was that a real thing i sort of made that up i don't know I'm just playing all along.
00:13:48
Speaker
I was like, you guys do argue about milk. No, we don't argue about We don't argue about it too much. But I mean, you what we can disagree on things. And it's not like, oh, everyone should be nice now.
00:13:59
Speaker
He's dying. It's like, no, everyone should be themselves. That makes it much more comfortable. It's like when everyone's trying to do something for me. Or, you know, I'm like, oh, I'll take the garbage out. it's like, no, no, no, you relax. It's like, all I do is relax. I'd like to take the garbage out. I'd like to do other things that'd be useful as well as have something to do, not just sit around being relaxed because it ain't relaxing, you know?
00:14:23
Speaker
Super fair. I can imagine it probably... feels normal and nice to do the dishes sometimes or take out the trash like the shit that you normally do walk the dog like you don't want the special treatment well for those specific things i probably do okay you don't want to pick up the dog is the dog going number one or number two i don't i don't have a problem with picking up dog poop in a bag so that's you you know ah it's gross it's disgusting i but You want a dog.
00:14:50
Speaker
i want a dog that doesn't poop. Yeah. Anyway, i feel like check Amazon. Well, I was sort of thinking when you were just talking about, you don't like sort of that special treatment sometimes. Yeah.
00:15:02
Speaker
If there is anything that family or maybe friends, if that's easier to answer, cause we're sitting right next to you, um, can do for you in a supportive way that has deemed itself to be helpful or maybe like things that necessarily aren't, for instance, like someone walking on eggshells around you, is that helpful or not? Or like, how do you want people to yeah approach you? Because I think people, well, I think people ask that a lot. Like they just ask us, they ask,
00:15:29
Speaker
They ask us like how they should be talking to you. They ask us how they can be helpful to us. Like, do we want them to ask us how we're doing? and Or pretend it doesn't exist. Yeah. And like I don't even know the answer for myself. But what do you... ah For me, it's just everyone is doing... My friends who are doing things exactly the way i would do things, which is you check in you can send a text, you can send an email, you can make a call and just say, hey, just thinking about you, how are you doing?
00:15:55
Speaker
don't have problem with that. It feels good. um Yeah, it feels great. And it's nice that, i mean, it's not like, oh, a surprise your friends care. it's It's been an affirmation, but it's not news. And I think people have been great.
00:16:09
Speaker
And people have been curious too. Is this an intrusion? Do i you know, are you sick of answering questions about how you're feeling? And it's like, no, ah not yet. Yeah. i feel good. So that's part of it. You know, I mean, I don't, I'm not, you know, struggling with anything other than the concept.
00:16:26
Speaker
um You know, so it's nice people check in or I'll reach out to people say, how are you doing? They'll say, well, how are you doing? It's like, I asked you first. No, I mean, it's not a game. It's, it's, I think people have been very responsive, thoughtful, and kept enough distance, but people, you know, will also come by and it's, they're welcome. It's great. Yeah. And it's also, I think, because they care and not because they feel like they have to.
00:16:52
Speaker
Haley and I both went through a whole bit and sometimes I'm still going through it where, people would do nice things for us. And I would be like, oh, you're only doing that because my dad has brain cancer. Like one of my friends, one of my like closest, closest friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. and And my crazy head is like, oh, she definitely asked me because she feels bad for me because you have brain cancer. It's like, no, like she, we're really close and she wants me to be in her wedding party.
00:17:18
Speaker
But I'm just a so like, I'm thinking about this all the time. So I'm associating all of my feelings with it, other people's actions with it. I was actually explaining this to one of my other close friends at work who's been through some hardship herself.
00:17:33
Speaker
And she bought me lunch after our conversation. And I was like, oh, how much do I owe you? And she's like, don't worry about it. i was like, no, no, please. Like, it's fine. Whatever. I'll get the next one. And she's like, oh, by the way, I'm not just being nice. Like I bought you lunch because your dad's dying. Like that's what I need sometimes. Like that's sort of, it some sometimes that's what we need. like yeah want to be a human being and you want to still laugh and you still, and you know, you laugh, you cry, you do all kinds of things, but it's like,
00:17:59
Speaker
Being normal is kind of what you're looking for, but it doesn't take yeah too much instruction for too many people to act a certain way. It's just, you know, if someone's bugging me, I'll say, hey, you know, I've had enough of this conversation.
00:18:12
Speaker
That's fine. I would do that in normal life. I was going to say you definitely need do that in normal life. I guess that, going back to normalcy. Yeah, but that's why not too many people checking. But I mean, it's ah it's fine.
00:18:25
Speaker
No, I mean, people have been great and people have been caring. As your mother said, we don't want need any more ladles with soup. But people have been great and and caring and genuine. And that's all you want. Yeah.
00:18:37
Speaker
yeah Like the normalcy, but also like you can still ask someone how they're doing and have a normal conversation, normal conversation whatever that means. But still that like act of making an effort, checking in, whether that's your friends coming in for a game or for dinner or just giving you a call or shooting you text or an email like you were saying that.
00:18:56
Speaker
Letting someone know that you're thinking about them, I think is really important in that like act of reaching out. Yeah. And it's like, I've actually said this before because my friends sometimes if something is going on and someone's struggling with something they're like, oh I don't, I don't want to intrude. I don't want to reach out and like overstep.
00:19:12
Speaker
And I said to them, which is ironic because it was before all this was happening. And I was like, you know what? Like, I don't think I would ever receive a text from, if I was going through something and be like, Oh my God, like this person texted me to get like credit. Like they don't care.
00:19:26
Speaker
Like I've always been like, Oh, that's really nice. Like I'm touched by that. Like maybe i don't respond. Maybe I do whatever. But it's like, I think no one's ever received a like text message or like a reach out. That's just being like Hey, thinking of you and been like, this is charged. Like, you know what i mean? I just feel like that always is going to feel good.
00:19:42
Speaker
No, I've had a few people. I've had a few people say, I don't, you know, you must be sick of people asking you how you're feeling. um I might've said this even earlier, but, Yeah, it's okay. It's not. If it is, then you just sort of move on. it's not It's not a big deal for someone to reach out and say they care or that they're interested or they're checking on you.
00:20:02
Speaker
It's kind of nice. If it's too much because it's a text or an email or phone call or whatever, you kind of tell them. say, hey, you know, kind of tied up right now. I'll get back to you. Yeah. yeah Yeah. if i If I'm not in a mood to respond, I won't respond. And it's like the grace period I think is extended from a day to a couple of days. And like, I'll have texts go unread for a week and then I'll feel bad about it. But I'm like, you know what? They were checking in to see how I'm doing and I'll let them know when I feel like letting them know. Right.
00:20:34
Speaker
Well, not letting them know probably tells a story. Yeah. They're like, so she's not. But people also, I would hope are reaching out to get a response. Like it's just, you're doing it to just like let someone know. so yeah you yeah Yeah. Okay, cool. so A lot of people do also say they're like no response. Yeah. Which I do i appreciate. That actually entices me to respond more sometimes. Same. I usually respond like 30 seconds later.
00:20:53
Speaker
Um, yeah. I'm like, don't test me with a good time. Like no response needed. So I feel like that answers a lot for friends. but I know maybe, maybe it's not the same. Maybe it's different, but I'm thinking like for us, I know sometimes I call you and I'm just like, how are you feeling? What's going on? Like, tell me this. And I, at some point I just want to be like, Hey, like I, I feel like, okay, wait, I'm praising this mom.
00:21:16
Speaker
No, he's not. that's I totally understand what you're saying. Cause I've received the calls, but I'm just saying, I feel like for the family and for like mom and people that you see more often and have a different relationship with you.
00:21:27
Speaker
It's like, sometimes I don't want to just check and I just want to like, talk, yeah but i and or just feel normal with you, but it's sort of interesting. Because obviously every day I'm like, oh, I wonder how you're feeling. I wonder how you slept. But sometimes it's like, do you really want the fifth person in our family to ask how you slept? Like, not fucking good. Okay, move on.
00:21:44
Speaker
Better with the weed. Yeah, that's true. this was I'm thinking more of like pre this. Yeah, no, I think that, you know, there's an unspoken code that we all have as part of the family that there's no issues.
00:21:56
Speaker
Okay. That's true. Yeah, we don't really... We kind of speak our minds to each other. Yeah, I mean, if you called me and said, you feeling? I'd say, oh my God, it's the fifth fucking call I've gotten that, you know, asked me about it. I'm fine. If I wasn't, you'd hear from your mom.
00:22:09
Speaker
That's true. but But we're not doing that stuff.
Creative Projects and Future Plans
00:22:13
Speaker
I mean, it's it's everything's appreciated when people are reaching out, family included. Another thing that we wanted to ask you is um just, I know, and I think that we had talked about this earlier, but just You have so many projects or side gigs or stuff that you were doing while you were working that I think you're still tinkering away at now. But is there any, and again, I know we don't have a timeline. We don't have a deadline, which is good. But is there stuff that you're like, yes, I absolutely know that I really want to do this before I can't. Or like, I really want to finish this before I can't.
00:22:49
Speaker
Or is some of it just stuff that you're going leave and hope that we pick up, which we're happy to do, by the way. one Or the other part of it is, or is it stuff that's just going to get chucked? Because it should.
00:23:01
Speaker
Chucked? i um ah There's bunch things I'd like to finish in terms of writing projects and creative projects. But, you know, if I don't finish them, I don't finish them. Yeah, we pick them up.
00:23:12
Speaker
If you're bored, you can. But otherwise, you got your own and it's fine. I mean, there's no. I have no mark on the world that I'm trying to leave other than, you know, the joy of you guys.
00:23:25
Speaker
And that's that. Honestly, I feel pressure to do great stuff now. You should. already have. The pressure was on since like middle school.
00:23:36
Speaker
Absolutely. We were really tough on you in middle school. Oh my God. No, not at all. and I feel like you definitely have so you're, you are so creative and you have so many ideas, some, most of which we can't say because they're in the works and we can't have people be stealing them.
00:23:52
Speaker
Yeah. We can't have everyone sign an NDA, but like in so many different areas of media and creativity and yeah, another word I'm not thinking of.
00:24:04
Speaker
But I think it's exciting and something cool that maybe you can work on or just think about too Yeah, i time i'm I'm trying to, and I'm trying to actually be so more structured about that. It's like, I'm going to get up and work because in my regular working life, I did more between seven o'clock and noon than I would ever do in a full day.
00:24:26
Speaker
Isn't that how it always It's like easier to do work that way. Yeah, because no one's around. no one's going to bug you. and And your mind is relatively clear before the, you know, whatever problem of the day is laid on you or problems. trouble My only problem with that is sometimes if I get like too much done in that morning section, I'll hit capacity.
00:24:47
Speaker
And then it's like 2 p.m. and I'm like, I can't do this anymore. Oh, yeah. And then you got to go home. Yeah. Right. Well, I also think, weirdly enough, on the busiest days are like when you're the most productive.
00:25:00
Speaker
yeah Like if I have a lazy I'm more tired. I'm not doing any work. But if i have a day where i' like three hours of day of like work time, it's like, oh, I have to fit everything into that. So I'm automatically more productive. Yeah. Which I don't think is actually weird now that I'm saying it makes a lot of sense.
00:25:16
Speaker
But it's just interesting. No. And if you're juggling a few projects that sometimes will feed each other and this one's working, this one's not or what have you. And you can, what have you.
00:25:27
Speaker
You can, you can jump to the next one or to the next thing, but you know, if if you shut down, you can do nothing. So yeah, absolutely. I will not get everything I want to done because there's more things that are thought the next day.
00:25:40
Speaker
It's yeah. you know but there's is there something that you guys would carry forward i don't know if you want to write about the New York Jets like I have been. Nobody should put themselves through that torture.
00:25:52
Speaker
so Yeah. that yeah No, no, no. That one can die like like the season has for the Jets. Anyway. um What about like um places you really want to go? and I know we've talked about like there's no bucket list, but is there anything that you're like... like a you yeah and look What is like the top place on your list that you would want to go on a trip to.
00:26:17
Speaker
There's a lot of places, but again, yeah, as we've said, no bucket list. It's not like i have to go to Cambodia because I've never been there. I, you know, if i get there, that's great. If I don't, it'll still go on without me. Note to self, cancel trip to Cambodia.
00:26:34
Speaker
No, you and I were going to go to Poland. We still will. Um, uh, I think we all want to go to Italy as a family, if we can do that. Um, um your mom and i will cook up a few different places that we want to go and we have you know plans to do that but it's not like get the travel in it's more like oh let's take a trip here let's take trip um but i mean on the other hand i'm also like it's nice to look forward to stuff too yeah like if we know that and again it's so hard to predict what's what what'll happen if you'll be
00:27:08
Speaker
in a trial in a few months, if you'll be even better, like who knows? Or like even up for traveling. Yeah, you mean a medical trial, not a legal one. Just to be Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah. If you are in court, no. Well, that also would probably change things too. That would change things too. That would change things too. You'd probably able to go Greece.
00:27:27
Speaker
Oh, that's where you want go, Yes, where I want to go. Yeah, Japan, like we got a long list. Oh, Japan too. But I'm like, it's nice to have things, like for me, I guess when I'm feeling like most down, I schedule my next trip up to see you guys. Like I like to know specifically around you guys too. Like I'd like to know when is the next time I'm going to see you. So then if I'm at home, I'm like, you can get through today. Like you have two more weeks until you can see them again. And that's great.
00:27:51
Speaker
Or just, and it's not always, i mean, it's nine times out of 10 based around seeing you and mom, but it's just like other stuff sometimes too. Like, okay, I have this bachelorette in a couple of weeks. Like that'll be really fun. You know, it's like,
00:28:05
Speaker
It is nice look forward to. You're not invited to any bathroom. It won't be any fun for me. um But ah um yeah, I mean, that's, so I look forward to when you guys come in.
00:28:16
Speaker
It's really a simple life, right? I mean, we love our family. We love having you guys around. um We like seeing you wherever you are. You've got, obviously your sister in California will go out there. It's sort of, those are the things that motivate us much more than I need to see, you know,
00:28:34
Speaker
The Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Spirituality and Connection
00:28:36
Speaker
Or the Hanoi Hilton or whatever it is, anywhere. and And we've seen a lot of places and we'll continue to, but yeah my biggest motivation is is being with my crew, this crew.
00:28:50
Speaker
I think one of the last questions that we have of this session is, and I think I know your stance on this, but I'm just curious to hear it again as things have changed and shifted.
00:29:00
Speaker
um We're constantly thinking about end of life future without you, not because we want to, but just because it's ever present and looming. Yeah, it's reality. That's just what we're going be thinking about.
00:29:12
Speaker
um Do you believe in an afterlife or what, what are your thoughts sort of on what happens then? Great question. um I, I do not, but I have a lot of friends who are quite religious, who have been praying for me, who, who check in on that level and I couldn't be more grateful.
00:29:36
Speaker
It feels nice. It's incredible that people pray for you, that people are lighting candles in synagogues and churches for you. um I think that's wonderful.
00:29:46
Speaker
Do I personally believe in an afterlife? I do not. Do you believe in the like, but Do you ever get... not It's not like afterlife as in like heaven and hell.
00:29:59
Speaker
in In that sense, I understand. don't know if that was like a allowed to be said. You didn't say hell? somebody No, but that's different because like this is... I don't know. It seems more charged.
00:30:11
Speaker
We're afraid you're going to get hit by lightning? a little bit yeah okay but little bit. I feel like it's sometimes different to just be the afterlife thinking of like heaven and hell and it in that like binary but I think I don't necessarily know if I buy into that that much personally but I think I believe in the afterlife in the sense of like still feeling a connection with someone when they're not there because like I feel like sometimes i like feel like grandma's presence or pop-ups presence or poppy's presence and like people our grandparents that have passed I sometimes feel like I connect with them or like do something that they love and I see like
00:30:47
Speaker
maybe recarnation type of thing. And maybe that's a little too far, but I think I sort of buy into that aspect. And I'm curious if like, there's a moment where you're like, Oh, I kind of feel close to pop right now, for instance.
00:30:59
Speaker
Well, that happens frequently, but I think that it's emotion driving that. i didn't tell so And some sense of a spirituality, but it's not the right word. Spirituality.
00:31:10
Speaker
But do I believe that there's life after death? The answer is no. right that's Okay. That's fair. I think that I've spent the majority of my life of that same mindset, but there's little things that have come up recently that I've heard about, like not specifically to me, but that makes me think that there's something like some bridge between, and I don't, I'm not, I don't think you're going to like be somewhere in a white robe, like with,
00:31:38
Speaker
Angels and shit. I don't really and I don't I'm not I mean, I'm I love that could be the Ritz. Yeah, no, it sounds like the Ritz. Um, no, and I don't and I don't I'm happy for people who do think that for me. I'm sort of like I hear stories about really really young children telling their parents that they've talked to Like the grandparents or oh, I heard like so and so told me To say hi to blah, blah, blah, who is like passed on. I really, for some reason, I feel like there is some, um, not naiveness.
00:32:16
Speaker
No, but it's haptivity. What's that word? No, but I know it it's like when you're young and you No, no. But when you're young and you like... You have no guard up. You're incredibly malleable.
00:32:30
Speaker
yeah you're not you're You're not a cynic. You're... Naive. Yeah, exactly. When you're naive, your guard's not up. And I think that... I think that... And I sound a little nuts saying this, but I really, really do believe that there are... There is like a bridge between sort of the dead that can get through to people who aren't like conditioned and hardened to not be able to feel that or hear that.
00:32:57
Speaker
And I think that's why it comes up with young children or, or mediums. They somehow they've somehow figured it out. And again, like I, this is new for me. I didn't always believe that. I just, I think I also hold on to hope for that because I'm like, Oh, I like that there's some door open somewhere.
00:33:13
Speaker
Yeah. I think there's a sense of like connectivity. Whether it's emotional more so in in the living person than necessarily with the afterlife. But I think regardless, I think both people feel it. so Yeah, that's what I hope. And you hear the stories of like people like watching them and like in a sunset or in yeah a dragonfly. And I i think i personally believe in that.
00:33:37
Speaker
Like the universe-esque. Me too. I mean, on, on my wedding day, it was the best weather that that area had, i think ever had. It was the nicest weather that I had ever seen in that space. And it was a place that was so special for us, for grandma and pop-up, their ashes are there. Like I really, for the, and this was the only time I ever felt something like that, but I really did feel some sort of presence. Like absolutely they had pulled some strings to make There's some spirituality that I think connects with people and ah emotion that connects with people.
00:34:14
Speaker
Yeah. um You know, will take my phone with me? Yeah. But I'm not expecting to get texts. I mean, I don't think there's service. work There's no Wi-Fi.
00:34:24
Speaker
Not where I'm going. But I don't, um i you know, I do think that the power of emotion can make those connections. And there is a spirituality to all of us um that I believe in, but I don't in a quote unquote afterlife or coming back as something or reappearing as a butterfly or what have you.
00:34:45
Speaker
um not It doesn't necessarily connect with me. But I totally respect, totally respect. What's that? Well, you wouldn't be a butterfly. What do you think you would be if you were you were going to come back as something or someone? Yeah.
00:34:59
Speaker
Greyhound. What? what Why? Wow. A bull. Obviously. Obviously. You're so majestic. You love bulls. Yes. Wow. Seems like a good time to cut.
00:35:11
Speaker
Yeah. That'd be great. um No, this is great. Thank you again. Thank you. Thank you for being open to. i love you. Thank you. Thanks just for being open to sharing your experience. I know it's not easy, especially for you, but I think it's been great for us. So I just.
00:35:26
Speaker
want to now publicly, I guess, extra thank you for that. Yeah, I know appreciate it. I think I respect the way you guys all conceived of this project with Lucy as well. um You know, and and seeing you guys together working on things, you and Haley, you and Lucy and Haley, whatever.
00:35:45
Speaker
um i admire it. i think it's fascinating. You know, this is as far from any reality I would want to be in in terms of being broadcast on YouTube or anywhere.
00:35:57
Speaker
um But I'm doing this because of you guys. It's easy. That makes it easy. Well, thank you. You're welcome. We won't tell anyone where you live because i know you're really scared about that. not scared about it. I just don't want it.
00:36:11
Speaker
Fan mail? I was just going to say you're going to get fan mail. Hurry up, folks. Anyway, thanks. Love you. Love you. Thank you. Love you.
00:36:22
Speaker
Love you.