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164. The Difference Between Grieving and Mourning
120 Plays9 months ago
In this solo episode, I discuss the important distinction between the concepts of grieving and mourning. Grief refers to the internal emotions and personal journey one experiences after a loss or major life transition. Mourning describes the external, communal expressions and rituals related to grief.
Key topics covered:
- Common misuse of "grieving" and "mourning" as interchangeable terms
- Grieving as the inner emotions of sadness, anger, etc. that occur involuntarily after a loss
- Mourning as outward rituals/practices that people can choose to participate in to express their grief
- Examples of mourning rituals based on religion or culture
- Other mourning practices: journaling, support groups, listening to meaningful songs, reading old letters
- How both grieving and mourning help us adapt to change and loss over time
- Reflection questions: What mourning practices are helpful for you? How do you see grieving and mourning show up in your life?
I offer an open invitation to share any reflections on this topic with me via email. Understanding the difference between these two related concepts can aid in processing any losses we experience.
If you or anyone you know is looking to have someone walk alongside them during ther grief journey, contact me for a Discovery call.
https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
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Transcript
Understanding Mourning and Grieving
00:00:02
Speaker
the difference between mourning and grieving. We hear these used interchangeably a lot. We probably use the word grieving way more than we do mourning. I know I do. I've noticed that even here on the podcast, anytime I interview someone, I usually ask them like, oh, what are you doing in your grief journey and so forth.
Podcast Introduction
00:00:30
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:00:53
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
Solo Episode Focus
00:01:15
Speaker
Hello. So today it is actually going to be a solo episode. Just little old me chatting here with you guys about the difference between morning and grieving. We hear these used interchangeably a lot. We probably use the word grieving way more than we do morning. I know I do.
00:01:44
Speaker
I've noticed that even here on the podcast, anytime I interview someone, I usually ask them like, oh, what are you doing in your grief journey and so forth.
Defining Grief and Mourning
00:01:54
Speaker
Now, the reality is that grief itself is more the emotions, the emotions that we feel after a loss, during a loss.
00:02:07
Speaker
during a change, during a big major transition in our lives, not always associated with the death of someone. And mourning is the outward expression of that grief. So the reality is that we probably are more used to seeing how people are mourning really more than how they're grieving because we're seeing when we see someone
Rituals as Mourning Expressions
00:02:36
Speaker
grief or express that they're actually mourning because it's an outward expression of their grief. Now, if someone's crying and those emotions of sadness, anger, those would be grief because those just happen to you. Now, mourning would be things that you are able
00:02:54
Speaker
to have more control over. An example would be if you choose to go to the burial site and go every year, let's say for your loved one's anniversary, that would be morning. You're morning, you're doing this ritual kind of thing that you would do every year. Now let's pretend it's
00:03:23
Speaker
You're mourning the end of a relationship. I'm going to give an example.
00:03:28
Speaker
Sometimes people may burn all the letters that they got from that loved one or bury them somewhere, the person that they used to be with or something or bury them or throw them in the garbage. That would be mourning, not grieving because you're doing something regarding the emotions that are coming up. So that, that there is just a distinction between, I'm just kind of showing how it could be between someone dying and someone
00:03:57
Speaker
you know, an ending of a relationship.
Cultural Variations in Mourning
00:04:00
Speaker
Now, other things that happen, a lot of the majority of the way in which we may see
00:04:06
Speaker
mourning more vividly would be in certain rituals that occur either culturally or religiously. And some cultures have way more rituals around mourning than others probably. And then there's also tools that are used that could also be considered mourning.
00:04:28
Speaker
I'm going to just throw some examples here. I'm not an expert, so here are just some examples. So I grew up in Colombia, and in Colombia, the primary religion in Colombia is Catholic.
00:04:42
Speaker
Catholicism, the majority of Christians in Colombia are Catholic. And one of the things that they do is that they would have a wake of different, you know, in which the body is there in the casket and people can actually have a viewing of the body. That is something that would be morning, like a morning kind of ritual or practice in other cultures.
00:05:07
Speaker
like in the, or in other religions, like in the, in the Jewish faith, for example, something that some Jewish people do is sit shiva. That would be another way in which you are mourning. Sit and shiva is when you stay home for like seven days and people come and accompany you during your
00:05:30
Speaker
grief journey, your grieving journey or your morning journey. You see, I always do that. I also use them in probably ways they did not correct either. So that is an example. And now I was kind of looking to see other ways in which people mourn. And here are some things that came up that in some Asian cultures, for example, there are 100 day mourning periods where family wear black or white clothing for 100 days.
00:06:00
Speaker
Other indigenous cultures sometimes hold like elaborate rituals over years to allow the spirits of the dead to transition peacefully. And then it was saying also here, like what I looked up that some of the Protestant Christian cultures or religions, especially here in America, tend to have shorter mourning periods focused more around the funeral event itself.
00:06:28
Speaker
So other things that we can also incorporate into our own lives, if by chance it's not something religious or culturally that we are incorporating into our mourning ritual.
Non-Religious Mourning Practices
00:06:44
Speaker
And again, some of the examples I'm saying right there, we're all based on mourning around death, right? So, and most of these will probably be more that.
00:06:53
Speaker
But the other things that can be done as well for morning are some of these tools that we sometimes talk about. And I ask some of the guests to share like the tools that they've used in their journey. Those would be some morning tools.
00:07:15
Speaker
Something that I did, for example, and that I know other people do in their morning journey, in the morning journey, it sounds a little odd, is writing in a journal, for example, writing your emotions, that would be considered a morning practice. Other things could be when you sit down and listen to songs that remind you of the person,
00:07:41
Speaker
That is no longer with you be that from a relationship or again or somebody that's died sitting down and reading old letters reading letters that they might have written going through their things that would be considered a morning practice around that as well.
00:08:00
Speaker
Other things could be attending places with others, for example, groups that are support groups. That would be a morning practice. Support groups are another way in which your grief can be witnessed and you're able to also share stories of the person that
00:08:19
Speaker
is no longer in your life. So those are some ways.
Personal vs Communal Grieving
00:08:25
Speaker
So now, again, the distinction today is that the inner grieving as our personal journey and loss and mourning is the outward communal expression of that grief. So now both of these help us adapt to change and to integrate the losses into our lives. But again, grief,
00:08:49
Speaker
is usually longer than the mourning process because we mourn, you know, like, again, like if we honor the person every year when their anniversary comes up, that would be a way of mourning. But the grief, again, is these emotions that just come in and out like waves throughout our life.
00:09:11
Speaker
So that is the difference between that two and gives you just some ideas about it.
Reflecting on Mourning
00:09:19
Speaker
And I would invite you to explore in your own life what things you do in the morning process, which ones are those that you actually have control over the expression of that grief?
00:09:36
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in order to aid you in your grief journey. So that's what I would invite you to do is to take a look into your own life and reflect and see how these two words play a part in your own journey. I'm grateful that you were on and see you next time.
Closing and Listener Engagement
00:10:04
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:10:33
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.