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208. Holding Space: How to Support a Grieving Teen or Young Adult
9 Plays25 minutes ago
How can we support our teenagers when they're grieving—especially when their pain feels unreachable? In this episode, Kendra speaks directly to parents navigating the delicate role of helping their teen through loss. Drawing from her own experiences of grieving as a young person, she offers practical, compassionate insights to help parents show up—not with perfect words, but with presence, patience, and love. Whether your teen is quiet, angry, or seems “fine,” this episode reminds you that your steady, caring presence can be an anchor through the storm.
Get in touch with Kendra Rinaldi https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
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Transcript
Introduction to Grieving Teenagers
00:00:02
Kendra Rinaldi
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude and the Gray In Between podcast. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi, and today i am doing a quick short episode, but of a topic that I feel is extremely important, and that is how to support teenagers when they are grieving particularly as a parent.
Personal Story of Grief in the Family
00:00:29
Kendra Rinaldi
So as some of you may know, I am a mother of two teenagers. At this time, they are 18 and almost 17.
00:00:40
Kendra Rinaldi
And they themselves have already experienced their share of grief, ah particularly with when they were younger with the death of my mom, who died almost nine years ago.
00:00:55
Kendra Rinaldi
So they were they were young. They were kids. My son was 11 at that time. So they um they weren't teenagers yet.
00:01:07
Kendra Rinaldi
And kids have a whole other way of how it is that you can support them in their grief. But I want to talk again, particularly with teenagers, just because they're that age and some of their friends have already experienced...
00:01:20
Kendra Rinaldi
ah a lot of loss themselves already. And even just the way that my own kids support their friends when they're grieving is something I've observed, but also just in conversation with other parents, um particularly other mothers who are supporting their teenagers when
Understanding Teen Grief: Non-linear Process
00:01:40
Kendra Rinaldi
they're grieving. So I want to talk about that.
00:01:44
Kendra Rinaldi
And ah with grief, as we know, it is something that is not linear. Your child is not going to have a set of emotions or ah and no in a specific order or anything like that that's going to happen.
00:02:04
Kendra Rinaldi
Their grief can show up at any particular time, just like it does with us. And therefore, it is important to be able to be patient as well as caring and understanding and to know that the expression of that grief may show up differently depending on your child and depending on where they're at at that moment.
Creating a Supportive Environment
00:02:30
Kendra Rinaldi
So something that I think is super important is one, for your child to feel that they have ah they're they like they have this and ah support, they have an emotional so safety support that they do not feel pressured.
00:02:49
Kendra Rinaldi
So just being present with them, literally, like it could just be sitting with them and maybe even saying something like, no pressure to talk, but just letting you know I'm here anytime, gives them that space and that permission.
00:03:07
Kendra Rinaldi
Just knowing that they're able to reach out to you if they need it.
The Problem with Platitudes
00:03:13
Kendra Rinaldi
Something that's important to highlight is that We should not talk about like these platitudes, avoiding these platitudes, things like everything happens for a reason, they're in a better place.
00:03:30
Kendra Rinaldi
Those things are not helpful. Those phrases that we may think are helpful because they're it give it it's giving our child some sense of hope, it is not at that moment helpful.
00:03:46
Kendra Rinaldi
it is better to even say we don't know even what to say. I wish I had the right words to say, or I i really am at a loss for words because this really sucks. This is so painful and it's it's just so big and I really do not have any words that can express how you may be even feeling or even what to say.
00:04:12
Kendra Rinaldi
So making sure that we keep it real and not adding any of these um silver lining phrases is important.
Peer Support for Teenagers
00:04:24
Kendra Rinaldi
Also making sure that that our child has other people around them that have gone through the similar there's through the similar loss and other people that are their same age that they're able to connect with and have that sense of community is extremely important.
00:04:47
Kendra Rinaldi
Recently, ah somebody that I knew, their teenager had a friend that died And the ah the teenager was able to get together and talk with other teenagers that were also friends with this person.
00:05:07
Kendra Rinaldi
And therefore, they are able to share memories and really bond in that way. I believe that's extremely important. So that that's one
Long-term Support for Grieving Teens
00:05:18
Kendra Rinaldi
of the things. Another thing too is offer consistency and offer like be there, not just the week or the month or the three months.
00:05:31
Kendra Rinaldi
and Grief will show up at, it could show up years later. So just making sure that you are doing check-ins every so often with your child as to how it is they're doing is important as well.
00:05:47
Kendra Rinaldi
So those are some of the of the tips that I can offer and making sure that you also recognize that they may not...
00:06:02
Kendra Rinaldi
they may not talk about their emotions with you and that that is okay. The reality is that a lot of what our relationship looks like with our kids is not necessarily going to change in that moment that they are experiencing a loss.
00:06:21
Kendra Rinaldi
So if our child doesn't tend to come to us often to share about their, what has happened at say at school, or if they've had a fight with a friend then we also have to be aware that they may not share every single emotion that's showing up for them when they're experiencing a death.
00:06:44
Kendra Rinaldi
So... being able to respect that yet at the same time, again, offering to, to be there for them.
00:06:55
Kendra Rinaldi
I feel like holding space for someone when they're grieving, just literally just being there, cooking their favorite meal is really is not always about the words. It's really about the action. So how do we show what,
00:07:10
Kendra Rinaldi
our love and our support in these moments in which they may be going through a significant loss is an incredible way that as parents or as adults around other teenagers that we can do to be able to support them while they're grieving.
When to Seek Professional Help
00:07:32
Kendra Rinaldi
when When you notice that maybe there are some signs that may be like intense and of withdrawal, or if by any chance you do show that you do see that there is persistent kind of feelings of hopelessness, it is important to make sure to to know that there there is always the option of offering ah
00:08:03
Kendra Rinaldi
counseling and professional support for your child. That is extremely important to remember. We cannot be our the everything to our child and knowing when it is important to seek for that support.
00:08:18
Kendra Rinaldi
It could even be something that you even offer at the beginning of their of their grief journey as well. So those are just a few ah few tips.
00:08:29
Kendra Rinaldi
I'd love to hear insights from any of you listeners as to how it is you have supported your teenagers in their own grief journeys.
00:08:40
Kendra Rinaldi
And if you are a teenager and are listening to this, please share as well.
Listener Engagement
00:08:47
Kendra Rinaldi
Please feel free to email griefgratitudepodcast at gmail.com.
00:08:52
Kendra Rinaldi
and share some of your thoughts as to how it is you feel you have been supported in your grief journey in the past. And if you have any questions, always reach out as well.
00:09:08
Kendra Rinaldi
Thank you again for listening and stay tuned for other short and meaningful podcast episodes along the way.