Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
195. Carrying Grief, Honoring Legacy with Moira Khan
48 Plays4 days ago
Moira Khan is an International Certified Grief Educator & Cosch, originally from New Zealand, now living in Spain. Her story is one of tragedy to resilience and purpose, after the death of her mother, brother and father in a space of 5 years. All whilst becoming a new mother, moving to a non-English speaking country and battling physical ailments with the condition, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Now Moira helps grieving individuals navigate their grief journey via 1:1 and group support.
https://www.instagram.com/griefspaneducation?igsh=ejA5b3ZvZTFsanF3&utm_source=qr
Show Highlights:
- Moira Khan shares her deeply personal story of navigating multiple layers of loss while balancing the complexities of motherhood.
- The emotional challenges of being away from loved ones during pivotal moments, including the heartbreaking experience of losing her mother while six weeks pregnant.
- The devastation of her brother’s untimely passing and the grief of informing her father, all while managing physical and emotional limitations after childbirth.
- Reflections on generational grief, parenting with loss, and how trauma influences the next generation.
- The concept of "shadowed milestones," where key life events are intertwined with the memory of loved ones, and how Moira coped with turning the same age as her late brother.
- Exploring signs, spiritual connections, and how loved ones continue to show up in our lives through meaningful moments and symbols.
- Moira's powerful belief in healing through legacy—how honoring her parents and brother has been integral to her healing journey.
- Practical insights from Moira’s work supporting others in grief, emphasizing the importance of accompaniment and creating safe spaces to lean into difficult emotions without judgment.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi for coaching or to be a guest https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
Recommended
Transcript
Understanding Grief
00:00:01
Speaker
Healing and grief is more about learning how to live with your grief and trauma and loss and learning to grow around and carry it.
00:00:14
Speaker
It's not, like you said, it's not something that's going to go away. And healing for me has looked like, especially over the last two years, is creating a legacy,
00:00:26
Speaker
And not just, you know, it's for me as well, too, because, um you know, this is going to be my legacy, but it is also keeping my mom and dad and my brothers alive.
Podcast Introduction: 'Grief, Gratitude and the Gray in Between'
00:00:40
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:01:04
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys.
00:01:15
Speaker
I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right into today's episode.
Guest Introduction: Moira Khan
00:01:25
Speaker
Welcome. Today I'm honored to introduce Moira Khan. She is an international certified grief educator and coach and the co-author of the book Resilient AF.
00:01:37
Speaker
Originally from New Zealand and now living in Spain, Moira has turned her personal tragedy into a mission to help others after losing her mother, brother, and father within a five-year span.
00:01:50
Speaker
She has paid faced significant personal challenges and she founded GriefSpan to support grievers. So I am very excited to be able to chat with Moira.
00:02:03
Speaker
Welcome, Moira. Hi, Kendra. Thank you so much for having me. i am so happy you are here and we were yeah chatting right before we started to record because since you live in Spain now, I'm like, wait, how do pronounce your name? I'm like, should I say Moira?
00:02:17
Speaker
Moira. I know. It's it's nice to actually knowing two languages now, but it's, um yeah, I always love it when I come across a Spanish speaker as well.
Relocation and Grief: Moving Across Countries
00:02:28
Speaker
So that is a big change, ah living from from New Zealand to the UK. So how old were you when you moved from New Zealand to the UK? 29. So yeah, a while ago since I left New Zealand.
00:02:40
Speaker
And then it's been six years now in Spain. So how about let's, let's start with that. Let's start about the grief about ah grief regarding relocation.
00:02:51
Speaker
oh it's so um That is one that we, I know that when I moved to the States, I didn't even know that what I was experiencing was even probably even grief. I was only 18 years old when I came, but it's one that a lot of people face, either they relocate for work, they relocate because they get married and their spouse lives in another city.
00:03:14
Speaker
In your case, it's been country full on countries that you've moved to. So tell us about that. It's a really good, I'm glad you brought that up actually, because it's not something that most people talk about. And it is grief, you know, in a sense of if you're leaving family behind, especially, um which I did. And yeah,
00:03:35
Speaker
Admittedly, when you, you know, a lot of Kiwis do this whole overseas experience thing anyway because we're so far away from everything. um And generally, we only have like this two-year visa, but I had a British passport because my parents were both English, so I didn't have that limitation of having to go back or you know, um leave the UK at a certain period, so I was able to stay.
00:03:59
Speaker
And it's a good job too because I met my husband in the UK. Yeah. So, but yeah, I left my mum and dad and my brother in New Zealand. So, you know, that is a big decision in itself. And, you know, obviously i was 29 at the time, so I wasn't as young as some that do it, which are early 20s usually.
00:04:18
Speaker
But, you know, it's still hard. It's, um you know, I mean, I guess, ah you know, 16 years ago, 17 years ago-ish, I was, you know, it communications were still good. Like, i mean, we had email and everything, but it wasn't, we didn't have smartphones then. And, you know, so you still kind of, um, we were still going into internet cafes and things like that. So, you know, when I was traveling, that was so common. I know the internet cafes. i Like, I remember those. and know. Right. Um, so yeah, I mean, I,
00:04:55
Speaker
I guess i I just didn't, I was on such an adventure too at that stage because I was single. So I guess it was it was just this big world that I was in and exploring.
00:05:06
Speaker
And so that was all that was my only intention to start with because I was traveling, seeing different countries. i I ended up working in London, of course. but And then it's a very different story when you you know you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with and then it suddenly shifts, right? And then you end up thinking, oh, heck, am I ever going to go back to New Zealand to live or do i you know, what do I do now?
00:05:32
Speaker
And it just so happened that um Ali, my husband, he was, um he wasn't English, native English. So he's from Pakistan. And so he was a expat too.
00:05:46
Speaker
And it just, and I think I was loving London at that point as well in terms of, not wanting to really go back at that point either. So, you know, i'd I'd sacrificed and I also wanted to have my parents live their life a little bit vicariously through me while I was traveling as well, because they knew the UK, they grew up there.
00:06:09
Speaker
I had family that I was meeting there as well and of my mum's side. And there was a lot of history there for me. So ah was kind of in this bubble for a while.
00:06:19
Speaker
And I guess I couldn't say I was grieving at that point of missing New Zealand so much. Yes, I miss New Zealand, don't get wrong. But I was also exploring so much of my history, which was part of the reason why I went, I guess, as well.
Maintaining Connections with Deceased Loved Ones
00:06:33
Speaker
And being able to feed back to my parents a little bit about their, you know, what it was like now and seeing family again and all of that stuff, which they loved, you know, because I sent so much focusing so many communications back and photos and You know, so they loved it So I was able to give them something back by doing it. So I guess that was joy.
00:06:53
Speaker
You know, that was yeah really nice. Now, how often would you go back or did they come to visit you? How often would you see them when you first moved? I think I was pretty lucky, actually, because I went back on average at least once every two years, if not a little bit sooner.
00:07:08
Speaker
um So I wasn't too bad, actually. um My parents weren't able to travel. They were sort of unregulated. physically unwell, so they weren't really able to do that long trip. So I was the one that really had to go home.
00:07:20
Speaker
okay And then when I met my husband, we would decided to get we had to get married in the UK. It was just a you know it was something we had to do. um But we did have a wedding in New Zealand as well. So that they could be able to attend.
00:07:33
Speaker
So before we hop into then how it was moving to Spain, let's pause here and talk. You mentioned right now your parents then had been ill. So ah give us some background on your parents and your brother and your life and then there their health as well. And then we will go into this journey of the other type of grief.
00:07:59
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. um I guess when I left home too, I kind of knew, I mean, my parents hadn't been well for a while physically, they nothing long-term illness um as in nothing terminal.
00:08:13
Speaker
So, you know, mum was rheumatoid arthritis. Dad had a bit of a heart issue, which he had surgery for the year after I was in the UK, but he pulled through. He was fine. It was a mitral valve replacement.
00:08:28
Speaker
Multiple things that had been going on for years, but nothing for me to really sort of stop me from leaving. um My brother was a little bit similar too. He'd suffered some quite major health issues for over the years.
00:08:45
Speaker
um Again, but nothing for me to really decide it's time to go home. And um yeah, so I don't, um it's so hard to cast your mind back as to how you felt at that time because I was in such constant contact all the time as well and looking after them from a distance And to be honest, when I was in New Zealand, I wasn't living near them either.
00:09:11
Speaker
um i was living in another city. um Have it been, I would have been able to fly an hour as opposed to 27 hours, but it would have been, you know, a you know still a wee way away. But it's it's just that sacrifice you make when you decide to do that move. And mum and dad...
00:09:34
Speaker
Mum in particular declined for a while um between the period of sort of 2012 2014. um She was having a couple of other surgeries. She got ah um a really bad form of anemia, which wasn't really correcting itself. and And so I did manage to get back for her and sort of for that period as well to see she was like, you know, see just to see her. and um But then she got really sick um and so I was pregnant.
00:10:04
Speaker
six weeks pregnant. And there wasn't, I don't remember thinking the time she went into the hospital, to be honest, dad didn't tell me. It was really, he said to me, he didn't tell me the first two days she went into hospital, he hadn't said anything. And I was really a bit annoyed, but you know what parents are like, they just don't want to worry you. They don't, yeah. Anyway, the long story short was a few days later, she developed pneumonia. She'd gone in just just not feeling well, I think mice mostly with this anemia, but then she developed pneumonia.
00:10:36
Speaker
And because she had the anemia, she'd had all these drugs over the years for rheumatoid arthritis. she Her organs were really struggling and her body was really struggling to fight the pneumonia.
00:10:48
Speaker
And so at that stage, when i I actually was able to speak to her in the hospital, but Dad said, I think i think we'll be okay. And I said, Dad, I don't i don't know. i really want to get on a plane.
00:11:01
Speaker
And they were like, you can't, you're pregnant. And I said, I'm only six weeks. But Ali, my husband, was like, it's your choice. If you need to go, you need to go. So I did. And 24 hours later, i was on a plane.
00:11:13
Speaker
And um I made it in time. But she passed away 48 hours after I got there. And, um yeah, but, I mean, it was a shock because it wasn't expected. And she was only 74.
00:11:26
Speaker
um And that's young in my eyes. You know, I know she'd had a hard physical life, but she was, you know, she wasn't that bad. I didn't foresee any of this happening.
00:11:39
Speaker
So, yeah, it was, um that was tough. And because dad was physically a little bit disabled at that point, he'd had trouble walking. He had neuropathy. And so he was living at home on his own, but he really did need some help.
00:11:53
Speaker
But I had to go back to the UK because I was pregnant and i stayed I stayed five weeks, but I had to go back because checks and things like that with the baby. And yeah, so I had to leave and my brother was still there. But and but that was the hardest part, I think.
00:12:09
Speaker
That was really hard, leaving dad there, um knowing that he was grieving. He'd lost his wife of almost 50 years and... and You know, and that Christmas we wanted to go back, but because my pregnancy became high risk, I couldn't go back. So that was even more devastating for him, first Christmas without my mom.
00:12:27
Speaker
And it just, yeah, it was really hard. That was a really hard period. And, you know, and and after my daughter was born and the April of the following year, i am that was when the grieving started.
00:12:44
Speaker
I think I just had locked it away for those months, probably looking after dad long, you know, long distance, trying to keep him up spirits, you know, spirits up. And also I was focusing on being pregnant and, um you know, just lots of different things going on. And I just locked it away. I think I didn't grieve.
00:13:04
Speaker
um But then of course, you know, hormones and all sorts of stuff, postpartum. And I just, yeah, that was when it all hit, I think. And you need your mum. You know, you need your mom when you, you know, you have a first baby and you expect your mom to be there.
00:13:19
Speaker
doesn't matter where she is. You just want your mom.
Beliefs and Grieving: Death and Afterlife
00:13:23
Speaker
Yeah. You want the to be able to have that person to ask those questions, the person and that connection, that bond of mother daughter that you had just experienced and that joy.
00:13:34
Speaker
And at the same time, knowing that your own mother was no longer there and that mother daughter connection from you to her. yeah shifting or changing based on depending on how it is that your beliefs are.
00:13:47
Speaker
What are, you what were your beliefs in terms of that aspect of the connection? what Were you able to maintain that connection with her after her passing? That's an interesting question.
00:14:04
Speaker
I am a firm believer in signs and um lots of connection with post in a sense of the relationships become very almost, I would say, i wouldn't say different, but almost heightened in a way.
00:14:23
Speaker
um And my mum and i I, mean, it's quite strange you've asked me that question because I think Not strange, but in a nice way, because I think my mum and I never really... It could be strange. I could be strange.
00:14:40
Speaker
No, my mum and I weren't like, we weren't best friends kind of relationship, but she was such a beautiful mother. And, you know, she had so many amazing qualities.
00:14:52
Speaker
And of course, you know, as i and as I got older, I think i I probably got closer to her because of, you know, life experiences and appreciated her so much more for everything she was doing and had done for me I was growing up. And so, you know, you just, maturity, you know, you just become a bit more mature.
00:15:10
Speaker
um But I think as I got, as I became a mum, I appreciated it so much more of what she'd done and I just, Grasped onto every single thing That I had been taught by her to be able to do The best job I could do as a mother Gosh I got goosebumps um Gosh I've never really Goosebumps are one that's ah For me Goosebumps are one of those that connect me and neckctoy
00:15:42
Speaker
that's for me. And you mentioned very science-based. So this is definitely probably a question you had not thought of. So even just that fact of it, bringing it to words, right? Absolutely.
00:15:53
Speaker
okay So then continue. Sorry. to So you, it's, it's a nice feeling though, you know, it's um I've got, um and I'm at that stage now in my grief, it's 10 years since my mom passed now. And,
00:16:06
Speaker
as much as I miss her so much every single day, there are so many lovely things that I see. And um I'll give you and a really nice example. On her 10th anniversary, death anniversary um last year. so my little girl, and this is the other thing too, is I feel like my little girl, Lara, who's nine now, she will be 10 in April.
00:16:28
Speaker
She is so much like my mum as well. So that's such a lovely connection. And so on her 10th anniversary, and I talk about my mum and dad and my brother so much to the kids because I want them to have that connection with their grandparents and uncle.
00:16:45
Speaker
And Lara always knows when it's the death anniversary and their birthdays. And so does my son. um So on the 10th anniversary, my um little girl,
00:16:59
Speaker
at around about almost exactly the same time as when my mum would have passed, which was 9.25 at night in New Zealand. So it would have been around about sort of, you know, 8.30 in the morning here.
00:17:12
Speaker
And might not have that right, but it's roughly. Anyway, she walks into my room. Earlier that week, I had found a photo of my mum and dad because I'd been rumbling through some, rummaging through some photos of the time that my mum passed and the time that I was at de mum and dad's house cleaning stuff out and just, you know, and I took some photos of her bedroom. I'm not quite sure why, but it just jogged a few memories for me that week when I was trying to remember a few more things about that period.
00:17:41
Speaker
And on her bedside, she had a lamp and around that lamp was a little Miffy type doll, like the rabbit Miffy. And it was just a little one that was wrapped around the light.
00:17:55
Speaker
On the day of her anniversary, the death anniversary, my little girl walks in. I didn't even know I had it. I really couldn't remember having it. She walks in with this little rabbit in her hand. And mummy she goes, Mommy, whose is this? And I said, that's grandma's.
00:18:11
Speaker
And it was exactly the same time. it was it was the thing that I had seen in this photo. not you know I'd never looked at this photo for years before this this week leading up to the anniversary.
00:18:23
Speaker
It was just the most bizarre. It wasn't a coincidence. It must have been a sign. There has got to be, it's just too much of a yeah, it's just, yeah. Too much. Yeah, too much. No, no, that's the thing.
00:18:38
Speaker
And a lot of times these signs, there doesn't have to be an explanation. No, you're right. You know, like it's, like it's ah you see it and you connect and then that moment you feel that,
00:18:52
Speaker
Connection or love or remember your loved one in that moment. Yeah, it's whatever you make of that connection and however it affects your own grief and your own, kind you know, feelings.
00:19:07
Speaker
mourning process that absolutely that i think it's what's important so you mentioned you think a lot about science and i am going to ask more about your dad and your brother and the circumstances there thank you for sharing that story by the way about the little rabbit um So you are were you grow did you grow up mainly believing in, in like yeah would did you have a religious ah upbringing or spiritual upbringing and did that shift as you got older?
00:19:40
Speaker
And what were your beliefs about death when your family members died? Interesting.
00:19:51
Speaker
I was brought up in a Baptist church. My mum was Baptist. My dad converted to being Baptist when he married my mum and I was at church and Baptist until probably about 16.
00:20:04
Speaker
And I stopped going to church as an adult. um I couldn't tell you why. it just wasn't something that resonated with me. didn't mean I didn't believe. It just wasn't my thing at that particular time in my life.
00:20:17
Speaker
um But my mum had always, and she'd been a Baptist since she was a little girl, so. um And there was lots of things that I think I was taught to believe.
00:20:31
Speaker
And i just i think I changed my opinion slightly after I lost my family because i thought i i went through stages, to be quite honest. i i had a real crisis of faith because I thought if there was someone of a higher power, why would they take my family away?
00:20:54
Speaker
I went through that phase. um And if there was, you know, if I hadn't seen a sign, why wasn't it that I had' hadn't seen a sign or, you know, and I couldn't at that stage, I just wasn't in a good place. And so I think, and it's shifted over the years even more. And I couldn't, I can't honestly say what I do believe in spirit as in religiously anymore, but I do believe spiritually about the connections and,
00:21:22
Speaker
and that everything that has happened in my life since I've lost my family, because a majority of it has been really lovely, and I've got to believe that a lot of that has to do with my family.
00:21:36
Speaker
And I always think that if every time something good happens and comes my way, it's my family looking after me, you know, mom, dad, Alistair. And it's just, i I fully believe that. I really do.
00:21:48
Speaker
um So like I said, it doesn't matter what I believe religiously, I don't think, but I just, yeah, it makes me feel better. it's ah It's a real grief um relief.
00:22:00
Speaker
And, you know, it just gives me purpose to think that that's what's going on. Thank you. And I know that's a really personal question. Thank you. I got teared eyed as you were saying. I'm sorry. No, no, no, not not at all. i love I love, like you said, even just with a goosebump, I love the aspect of feeling every single emotion as it comes. so But in the fact of thinking that you said when I lost my family, because it is true, it was just you and your brother. What's your brother's name you said last year?
00:22:29
Speaker
Alistair. Alistair. Yeah. And your mom and your dad. And so it's like the core people that knew you, your upbringing. It's like a whole chapter of your life and it's gone.
00:22:41
Speaker
But the the reason I asked about that aspect of beliefs is because I feel that there is, and you as an educator ah and and grief coach would see that, that for everybody, depending on what it is, you believe it can...
00:22:58
Speaker
have an effect in your grief journey depending on what it is you believe and how you choose to either connect with those that have passed completely shift your beliefs of what you think may happen in the afterlife or or whatever it is you know there's so much that can happen so thank you for going there and sharing candidly about journey. you're welcome I'm i'm glad you asked it's a really nice place to go.
00:23:26
Speaker
yeah Yeah. So thank you. Now, so your mom died then 2014. How long after that? Was it your dad that passed next or your brother?
Personal Loss: The Deaths of Moira's Brother and Father
00:23:36
Speaker
um My brother, um he died in December of 2017. I seen um i had seen him, I think it was 2016. He had been in the yeah UK in the beginning of 2016. I think Lara was just turning, she was about 10 months old and Alistair actually came to the UK to visit.
00:24:01
Speaker
But at that point he was, um he was having heart issues and he was awaiting a, quite a big surgery. This is more than a mitral valve. This is quite sort of, um hes't hittting and he was only 40, he would have been 45 at that time.
00:24:18
Speaker
um This is multiple kind of issues from, you know, Marfan's syndrome, which runs in my family, which is the other version of the EDS.
00:24:31
Speaker
So we'll talk about that later. But um yeah, there's, he had multiple issues because of this and his heart was one of them. And so he was due to have that surgery. And while he was in the yeah UK, when I saw him, he was, I noticed he was struggling quite a lot with fatigue and and breathing even particular, in particular. and particular So it was quite hard to see him like that, knowing that he was going for this major surgery. And he had that, I think in the june May or June of that year, 2016. And so um that would have been a re that was a really long rehab for him. That was a really big surgery, big open heart surgery, um in hospital for quite a while, recovery for a long time.
00:25:13
Speaker
And I did, um I think I went home in the August because I had to move my dad from, the hat that the actual home where he was living with mum into a retirement village to get him more care because it was that time.
00:25:28
Speaker
But I didn't see my brother at that point. He he was not able to lift and do all the things to help me with the house move, so I didn't get to see him. We were living in separate towns, so it wasn't possible at that time.
00:25:41
Speaker
And I'd had to leave my little girl back in the UK so I could do this quick 10-day trip back to New Zealand to move my dad. So... Yeah, there's all sorts of those kind of moving parts that go on in the middle of all of this of, you know, long trips to back home and moving and packing up our lives and putting my dad in palliative care and all of this stuff.
00:26:04
Speaker
But anyway, so this operation of my brother's didn't work all that well and he recovered probably about 60% of the what they expected him to.
00:26:15
Speaker
and he did start going back to work. And just by sort of like part-time. And it was I was pregnant again and the beginning of 2017 and was due in the November.
00:26:28
Speaker
And so we moved house, we bought a house, I was pregnant again, and we had another baby. And baby came early. so my son, who's seven now, he came early in the November.
00:26:41
Speaker
um And five weeks later, I got a call from my what was stepniece because my brother didn't have any kids. He he he had a relationship and ah a stepchild and she called and I was five weeks postpartum and she said, Alistair's gone. And I was like, what do you mean he's gone?
00:27:03
Speaker
And she said, he's dead. He had been away from home for a couple of nights just doing some traveling with work and they found him in a hotel room quite early on in the morning. He'd had a massive coronary and dropped dead.
00:27:19
Speaker
So yeah, and my dad is in care and I'm having to call my dad to tell him that his son's died. and it's just the most horrific thing you never, ever a imagine having to do. and I couldn't get my head around that. Here I am again with a new baby, another death.
00:27:41
Speaker
And i lost another member of my family and I was absolutely devastated because I couldn't go home. i couldn't be with my dad. I'd had a C-section. I couldn't travel. um i was so lucky. I had the best friends in the world. My best friend who was living in Australia, who we'd grown up together in New Zealand.
00:28:01
Speaker
She flew from Australia to New Zealand to be with my dad so that they he she could support him through the funeral. um while I watched it online.
00:28:12
Speaker
And it was just awful. um But yeah, so that was difficult and really, really hard. And I just can't even, you know, at that point I was like, okay, what is, why?
00:28:29
Speaker
What is going on? the You know, i'd never, i mean, this was a huge shock. That was not expected. You know, I had a feeling, I think I always knew that my brother wasn't going to see old age, but I didn't expect 47, you know, i mean, that, my brother really struggled mentally and physically throughout his life, he got bipolar, um a lot of physical issues issues, like I said, and I didn't, I just honestly didn't expect 47, though, I mean, that's just way too young, um and a seven years difference between us, so, yeah, so that wasn't easy, and dad's,
00:29:06
Speaker
I don't know how dad coped. I really don't. You know, he's lost his wife and has brought his son and i he was amazing to be quite honest. My dad was a very strong man, um very stoic, you know, very kind of old school but so intelligent, super intelligent, super real well read and just so interested in everything and everyone and everything that was going on and I think that's probably what kept him sane because he wasn't mentally unwell. he was just physically unwell and deteriorating.
00:29:40
Speaker
His body was just giving up. So that was my brother. Yeah. Did your dad have a support system in like, did he have friends that were still alive? Were there other family members around?
00:29:55
Speaker
Not really. My brother's fiance, I have to say, was amazing. She was going in to see him still, but Like you just said, a lot of their friends had died, which is that you know that awful period in your life where friends start to go, right? And a lot of the church friends that they'd made over the years in New Zealand had gone. And and also, Dad, we'd moved.
00:30:20
Speaker
We actually had moved my dad from our town where we grew up to another town, which is a seven-hour drive away, to be close to my brother. This is the most ironic thing. And then my brother dies.
00:30:31
Speaker
It's just you can't make this stuff up. And, and so then he's alone again. Oh my gosh. And here you are. I'm like seeing, like you said, like this duality, you're pregnant when your mom passes, you don't really express your grief once until Lara was born.
00:30:49
Speaker
Then your brother dies five weeks after your son, what's your son's name? His name is Asher. Asher after Asher is born. So this duality of emotions in these most like joyous moments of life, of becoming a mom, birth, death, joy, grief, these experiences, it's just so much.
00:31:15
Speaker
So you're in another country yeah that moment me you're in the UK. did you Did you already have a support system? You had your husband. Did you have a support system around you in the UK and community to support you during that time?
00:31:32
Speaker
Yeah, I did. i we we had We'd been there quite a few years. So we had some really amazing friends. um And I still had um some of mom's family that we were quite close to. They weren't necessarily living nearby, but we you know, we were able to, you know, they checked in with us. so i yeah, we did.
00:31:50
Speaker
You know, we had an amazing support network and I was, you know, I was lucky. I mean, I i kind of felt for, um i felt for the kids at that point because then, of course, they weren't too young to know, but it's just, you know, how is it fair that, you know, they've lost their grandmother and their uncle now before even having to get to the point of even knowing who they are and,
00:32:16
Speaker
it's yeah, there are no words for that one. um But we were lucky. um And my, but at that time, my husband was working in Madrid anyway, and he was traveling backwards and forwards.
00:32:30
Speaker
um And that was another thing too, you know, he was traveling and I was left, left with the kids for couple of days, every fortnight. And, Still grieving, but not really acknowledging it I don't think.
Seeking Change: Moving to Spain
00:32:41
Speaker
You were in survival mode of just being a new mom with two. I think it was just survival.
00:32:46
Speaker
I think it really was just survival. Now I look back at it, I think I really wasn't dealing with anything. I wasn't grieving. I don't think I was grieving. um And then at what point then, so your brother dies 2017, then your dad died after that?
00:33:01
Speaker
ah come couple years after that So we moved to – so all of this whole Spain move came into play beginning of 2018. Okay, yeah. That was when we decided to go.
00:33:14
Speaker
and um so we moved in the June of 2018 to Madrid. And i think – and I think I've said this to other people too, you know, and they said, oh, what you know what made you decide to go at that point when everything was going on? I said, to you and you know what? I said, I just needed a change. I just needed something.
00:33:34
Speaker
to distract me. And i you could say I was running away, but i i think change, you know, and the UK was a big reminder for me of lots of things as well, my family. And even though I had mum's family there, it was a big trigger as well. And I just felt like if we didn't take this opportunity, then we probably may not get it again.
00:33:53
Speaker
And so that was, you know, it was kind of a driver in a, in a sense, even, and dad was still going to be the same distance away wherever I went in Europe. So, um We did it. We just put everything on a truck. We put a house um with some tenants in it and we literally drove um with a truck and flew over to Madrid and that was it. And we never looked back.
00:34:16
Speaker
And my dad was still ailing at this point, but i i think it was about a year later I managed to go home and I actually flew home with the kids on my own because he needed to be moved again into an actual palliative care wing. So this time I had to pack his apartment up and I took the little ones home because I knew it was going to be the last time that he would actually get to meet his grand grandkids.
00:34:39
Speaker
And I wanted that memory for them, even if they wouldn't know, was photos and things like that. And dad was really bad at that stage. And I knew that when I left New Zealand two weeks later, that that was probably going to be the last time I would see him.
00:34:53
Speaker
And um he was... Anemia was really bad. He was getting regular blood transfusions. He couldn't walk anymore. he was great mentally, but um he just wasn't living life anymore. And it was it was so hard to watch because I watched the six foot four of a man go from this towering giant to this, you know, shriveled kind of just sitting in a chair. And it was the most horrible thing to see. And I'm, yeah, I just can't.
00:35:25
Speaker
get my head around that but like I said I'm glad that he mentally because that was the one thing that my dad was you know everyone remembers him for and I couldn't imagine him being any other way so I'm so pleased that he was fine when he went mentally but it was a nine months later nine months later after I got back from New Zealand was when he went which was Christmas Eve 2019 twenty nineteen Wow, Christmas Eve.
00:35:56
Speaker
Again, I couldn't go home because I'd had major foot surgery. And yeah, it was just all bad timing. And I was going to go home the following year. i was planning it all to because I had to wrap up all the estate and all the you know sell everything and all of that.
00:36:11
Speaker
And then COVID hit, so I couldn't go home. um Yeah, that was another... always stuck in limbo, right? Like it's just, there was all these periods of my life where it's been like stuck in limbo or being pregnant.
00:36:24
Speaker
And yeah, it's just been a roller coaster. I wonder what, like, what the... I don't know. not We were saying like some things are not coincidences, like of what the reasoning behind the timing of your life being these moments in which you could not travel for during that. Like I wonder what the wisdom is behind that or if there was any or not.
00:36:55
Speaker
And, and if yeah, like of these limbo moments, like you said. Yeah, but even the pregnancies, right? It's curious, yeah. do you Do you believe in this whole, I mean, I don't know what to believe, to be quite honest, but, you know, when someone leaves and they leave someone behind to replace them, you know, like I i honestly thought at some point whether Lara was mum's way of saying, here's a little girl, and my brother's way of saying,
00:37:24
Speaker
here's a little boy. i think my my husband was saying, don't get pregnant again. um You know what? you know because i need to have I don't want any more deaths on my head So yeah, but i I mean, that has crossed my mind quite a few times.
00:37:41
Speaker
um Well, it's also just this comfort, right, of this other other being that is there to accompany you as you're losing the nucleus family, which you were brought up, you're ah you're at the same time building then your new nucleus. It's just like this duality again in yours. says And like you said, like it's just, you know, you're you we were one of four when you were growing up and you are now one of four, you're a family of four now, you know?
00:38:11
Speaker
And it's just, yeah, it is very... had And the synchronicity actually of you know me meeting my husband overseas and us doing exactly the opposite of what my mum and dad did. it's It's quite eerie actually when I think about it.
00:38:26
Speaker
And it's none of it is planned. None of it is was meant to be that way. It's just quite, yeah, it's quite eerie actually. Yeah, there it's eerie, mysterious. it could it could It could go either way of however it is you choose to take it, right? Or interpret it.
00:38:47
Speaker
Yeah. So at this point then, when did you start to go and dive into being a grief
Journey to Grief Education
00:38:56
Speaker
educator? When did you start seeking these answers for your own grief? Is this after your dad passed away?
00:39:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It was quite a while after my dad passed. um Would have been about two years because it was about 14 months before I got the chance to go back to New Zealand to say goodbye to him as in have a memorial for him um and, you know, say my final goodbyes for him.
00:39:24
Speaker
So I think, and then when I got back, I was, I hit another grief wave of that's it now. What? I've got nothing left. There's not even anything left in New Zealand for me anymore apart from obviously friends, but that's it now.
00:39:41
Speaker
You know, i had before I, you know, was during COVID and I had this thing of, you know, i was I was having to do estate stuff from Spain to wrap it up for New Zealand, but I couldn't do all the final stuff until I got to New Zealand.
00:39:54
Speaker
And so I still had this path I was on and things to do and everything and still a little bit of my dad left in a sense of that I was still doing something for my family but then when I came back and I'd said goodbye what's left there's nothing there's nothing then anymore so I hit another and hit another level of grief again and I don't remember I don't remember how long it took me to come out of that but I don't think I was very uh kind of um I wouldn't say nice person to be around but I was very difficult to be around um
00:40:30
Speaker
And i don't know at what point, but I think, i I mean, I always knew that I wanted to help others in grief. I just had to get to that point where I was okay in myself enough.
00:40:43
Speaker
And it was a little bit of a journey of finding the right thing to do as in what course to do as well, because I took a little bit of time to, you know, research and find the right fit. And David's kind of spoke to me, David Kessler's course.
00:40:59
Speaker
And so when I did that, um so it'll be coming up two years ago now, I qualified. And so it's, I i thought at the beginning, I thought, am I doing the right thing? Because it could be quite triggering. But you know what? It was actually the most healing thing I've ever done. and And ever since then, I've been on the most healing journey, not just for myself, but obviously for other people, whilst also healing in my own grief with them.
00:41:26
Speaker
And so that's, you know, and that's what I do on a daily basis now is help other people heal in their grief while I'm still healing in mine. And that's incredible, you know, and i I love that because it's, I really have found my purpose and it's, it's just quite magical actually.
00:41:46
Speaker
Hmm. Yeah. And the fact that finding your purpose from something that you wish would have not happened yet, here you are with your purpose and being able to help others.
Healing and Legacy Preservation
00:41:58
Speaker
When you use the word healing and the aspect of grief, what does that word mean to you when it comes to grief? Like healing, because we talk about grief, not necessarily being over, in the law in especially when it comes to these aspects of grief, when it's related to a transition, like ah dealing with a death or other other types of grief that might show up. There's some like, if you lost your job, you might get over that and grief that, but then might be over that.
00:42:30
Speaker
But some of these... major griefs just kind of shift and transform through life, but not necessarily end. So what does the word healing in grief in your grief mean to you?
00:42:46
Speaker
Healing in grief is more about learning how to live with your grief and trauma and loss and learning to grow around and carry it.
00:42:59
Speaker
It's not like you said, it's not something that's going to go away. And healing for me has looked like, especially over the last two years, is creating a legacy and not just, you know, it's for me as well too, because, um you know, this is going to be my legacy, but it is also keeping my mum and dad and my brothers alive.
00:43:21
Speaker
And, you know, their legacy is important. And the more I do that, the more, I heal, but of course that will never end. You know, that that healing will just keep going.
Managing Waves of Grief
00:43:33
Speaker
And that because you you have to learn how to manage those moments where you get those grief waves and that's the most,
00:43:47
Speaker
I don't want to say you get better at it, but you, because you can't expect how to feel some some of these grief moments. Like I just had my brother's anniversary, um, ah my birthday, which would have been the same year that he lived too. So I've just turned the same age as what he died. And so we have this, I don't know if you know about the shadowed milestone where you basically live in this shadowed Yeah, because you're constantly, yeah. Yeah, waiting for, it's the celebration these moments of celebration where you can't, you know, you're expecting something else to happen or it's just shadow overshadowed by the loss of someone or
00:44:26
Speaker
Yeah, and so, you know, that was a ah big one for me because I've been waiting seven years for that. I wouldn't say I've been waiting seven years, but I've been anticipating. You live in this anticipation of, you know, the anticipatory grief for this moment.
00:44:39
Speaker
And so that was a big one for me. So I didn't know how to deal with that one. I'm going to confess, I just had no idea what to do with that one. um So I just had to sit with it and, you know, lean into it and just go with it because and wait for it to pass because it was just one of those days where I just wanted it to be over.
00:44:56
Speaker
um but that's just one example. And there's so many things that I now teach clients that I would never have known how to do in my own grief. And I wish I knew at that time what I could have done because I didn't have the resources. And yes, I went through therapy. I went through counseling. I went through all sorts, but I didn't have someone who had been through something like I had to be able to educate me, to be able to sit with me, to be able to listen to me,
00:45:26
Speaker
And just be on that journey with me. And that's what I love about what I do is because it's not therapy, but it's just being and relating. Accompanement. Yeah. Accompanement.
00:45:38
Speaker
Yeah. It's not something that we're trying to fix in that moment. We're just really, you you use the word or expression leaning into it. So you're able to allow another person to lean into their grief with you And be there to hold them as they lean into their grief, not to try to fix that emotion and giving ah ah an array of tools that have you, that maybe worked for you that may work for them or not to be able to equip them.
00:46:12
Speaker
But just like you said that we do not know. i say this, like we are not even experts in our own grief. We are, nobody is an expert. i literally do not know who we are going to be tomorrow and what type of loss we're going to have tomorrow that will bring up a grief and how we're going to navigate it then.
00:46:37
Speaker
Right. So we, we, right. But, but these tools just aid us in that process. And maybe there's going to be some that we're like, I literally have, i have a wrench, I have a hammer, i have a ruler, but none of these work in this particular situation.
00:46:54
Speaker
moment of my life as a tool, you know, there's going to be moments like that too. And yeah, yeah. Like you, like you said, the anticipatory grief of turning the age your brother was when he died, that's like one that you didn't see coming.
00:47:10
Speaker
No, you think you do And then, you you know, it's it's like a death anniversaries and birthdays and things like that. You think, you think you wonder how you, sorry, you think you might know how you're going to be,
00:47:20
Speaker
But it actually surprises you some days. Like I've been through anniversaries and I'm actually okay, but it's the next day that it hits me. And so you just can't predict. And so you just have you almost have to prepare yourself just a little bit and have the space. And I always say to you know some clients, especially if they're very early on in their grief, is that you know you don't owe anybody anything when you know if they expect you to be somewhere or turn up to something.
00:47:48
Speaker
And the best thing you can do is just give them a little bit of a heads up as to how you might be on that day or might feel because they're not going to know they or they might know, but they just don't acknowledge it because they're not sure how you might react or you know, because, you know, let's face it, a lot of people aren't comfortable sharing or talking about grief, especially if they haven't been through it.
00:48:10
Speaker
um And so if you are going to be in a situation where you're on an anniversary around other people or, you know, and you're not at home on your own, it's just the best thing you can do is just communicate as well. And that's the thing I try and, you know, because people aren't mind readers and education that I work for on is not just about the grievers. It's about the people that are around you as well and teaching people how to manage other people in grief and how to respond and how to know what to say because we don't. We just haven't. As a human race, we have not been taught or we've just been taught just to sew sweep it under the carpet and carry on. and
00:48:50
Speaker
Carry Carry Carry on. carry on Are you okay? And I come from a British family, so, you know, it's. Just carry on. Come on, Moira, carry on, carry on. I'll make you a cup of tea. It's all right. all right. And biscuits and biscuits. Okay.
00:49:07
Speaker
Moira, you said so many things there and it's so true. And having these conversations, having the podcast, having grief educators like yourself, talking more about death, talking more about grief gives people this opportunity to normalize their feelings and validate their feelings, which for so long, we really had not been talking about that. And I see this surge of these conversations coming up even more now. Like I started this podcast ah five years ago
00:49:43
Speaker
And when I started, I didn't really see that much of grief conversations coming up. And then all of a sudden, it's like I see it more. Unless it's like when you're going to buy a car and all of a sudden you see it everywhere. Unless it's that. I'm not sure if that's the case or if it's really like that it is.
00:50:01
Speaker
But um I want to make sure we talk a little bit about then your move to Spain. And I know we're trying to put a lot in this little, this. Yeah, sorry, mine is conflict. Sorry.
00:50:16
Speaker
You moved to Spain and that that then transition of going to a country that you did not speak the language and different culture as well.
Language Challenges in Spain
00:50:25
Speaker
And then also then the EDS, the Ehlers-Danlos syndrome of when you found out you had that and living with a diagnosis, how that is in your life. So you can choose which one you want to start it this answer. Sure.
00:50:41
Speaker
um I think i'll I'll start with Spain because there's something a bit of a crossover there that comes to mind about how grief is perceived here as well. And when I first moved here, of course, I'd already lost my mum and my brother, but dad was going. And I was very new in terms of Spanish language then as well. So it's taken me a long time to get to fluency. And i've donedo I'm not fluent. I can't.
00:51:09
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I'm good, but I'm not fluent. ¿Qué tal si cambiamos este episodio y empezamos hablar en español? No. That's not fluency. I'm joking, I'm joking. Oh, it's bueno vio solo.
00:51:22
Speaker
By the way, you ever do meet somebody that speaks Spanish and is grieving, my podcast does have a few episodes in Spanish too. So I do have... I noticed, I noticed. I really want to listen to those. um I'm better at listening and and all that stuff and and on the spur the moment. But it's... um It's been such a journey because I don't, and i've I've said this before that I don't think, I mean, I didn't think anything much about going to another country, speaking another language. When I left the UK, I had two three lessons and then I don't think I really thought too much about it, how difficult it was going to be.
00:51:58
Speaker
But I found out pretty quickly. It was. You know, and my husband didn't speak much either. So we, and but he's picked it up a lot faster because he was working in a Spanish company and it was a lot, immersion was a lot better. And yeah he would travel there often. So it was not like foreign to him to be in Madrid, right?
00:52:14
Speaker
Yeah. And he had immersion, which was different for me. i was at home with the babies. So all I had was the neighbors and trying to get around the grocery stores and that kind of stuff. Um,
00:52:25
Speaker
And so, yeah, so, but for for me, when I, I guess that was probably the most, and it was really um poignant time for me in a sense, because I didn't, I couldn't, I felt like I couldn't grieve in a new, kind in that country because people didn't know who I was. I didn't have any friends there.
00:52:43
Speaker
um So I didn't have anyone to lean on. I was so, so lucky that by the, um about the third or fourth month, I had found ah couple of friends and I just I did actually throw myself into groups and mum groups and i just really put myself out there with the hope that I would connect with the right people and actually we were so lucky we had beautiful neighbours and some really interesting people that we met Spanish and English um so we had a real mix and
00:53:16
Speaker
friends that are friends now still. And we've been so, so lucky in that we've ended up with a Spanish family now who, you know, and some of them are grieving themselves, but the Spanish culture for grief is very different from what I'm used to.
00:53:32
Speaker
And so that side of it is quite different, I find, because you can't express it so much. And it does just soldier on. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's just...
00:53:46
Speaker
the way it is. And so it's been really interesting looking at the different dynamics between the countries, especially if I go somewhere like the States and everyone wants to talk about it. And that's great. I mean, that's where most of my clientele is in the States, which speaks volumes, right?
00:54:02
Speaker
um UK, not so much. You know, Australasia, few more. But it's, yeah, it's it's been such a learning curve being here um And actually, even if I mention what I do, they ask what I do and I, you know, enter a little de duelo or luto.
00:54:19
Speaker
and um'm And they're like, I still don't understand what you do. So it it's ah it's going to be a push, this one here, um for sure. But that's okay.
00:54:30
Speaker
That's fine. i'm I'm up for a challenge. But it's, you know, one one day I'll get there in Spanish for, like you know, training, you know, learning and educating Spaniards on grief. But maybe it's just not for me right now. But it's okay.
00:54:43
Speaker
So then, so you didn't have in this community, but you created your community. You seeked it, you went to groups. And like you said, it you moved there right before the pandemic. So that must have been a whole other thing too, because it might've taken even longer create these friendships because if your kids weren't going to school, because your kids you know, then it was longer. So that is huge. That fact that you've where you've been able to create this community and this new country with a new language and slowly and surely also then, you know, start your own thriving now business.
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Family Health
00:55:20
Speaker
Now with the EDS, when did you get diagnosed? And if we can just talk a little bit of what that is, because you mentioned your brother's heart conditions were related to the Marfan syndrome, and which is associated with with that.
00:55:35
Speaker
So... talk Talk about that for those that are listening. Sure. So Marfan's and Ehlers-Danlos syndromes are what they refer to as called connective tissue disorders.
00:55:48
Speaker
And um so they're not autoimmune diseases. They are purely when you have a defective collagen um and which, you know, your body doesn't produce the normal collagen that a normal makeup and a normal body would have.
00:56:04
Speaker
And so, I was diagnosed in the UK when I was 29, purely just because, or but no, sorry, when I was about 30, purely just because I'd had an injury and I'd been to see a specialist and he said, you've got a bit of a sign of hypermobility going on.
00:56:26
Speaker
And this is nothing I'd had any indication of in New Zealand, despite having ah really big back surgery when I was 12. which I now know is actually related to my Ehlers-Danlos because it was spondylathesis and it's quite common in EDS patients. so um when I was ah the specialist, he sent me to the then guru, Professor Graham, who is the Ehlers-Danlos specialist. I think he's actually passed away now. i'm not quite sure.
00:57:00
Speaker
But he was he was almost in retirement when I saw him and he was the one that diagnosed me with hypermobility HDS type 3, EDS type 3. And so it basically meant that it means that my joints wear out twice as quickly compared to the normal person.
00:57:21
Speaker
um You know, um hypermobility, i've never I've never suffered dislocations. um or anything like that. But I do, yeah, I've developed arthritis. I've got a hip replacement. I had a hip replacement surgery um in 2016.
00:57:36
Speaker
um I have had over 10 surgeries throughout my life, um including but that includes, you know, two C-sections. But because I had the EDS, I had to have the C-sections.
00:57:47
Speaker
So, yeah, there's been multiple things that I've dealt with and a bunch of pain, you know. This has been years of pain and rehabs and in and out of surgeries, hospitals, all that stuff. And so that was in the UK. I got predominantly most of the diagnosis and the treatment there, which I'm really grateful for because I don't know if I would have got it in New Zealand, um to be quite honest, um because the specialists and the leading people um to do with this disease are in the UK, which is phenomenal.
00:58:15
Speaker
um So that's been, you know, and the Marfan is a little bit more serious in the sense of that there's things that are related to that my dad and my brother had
00:58:29
Speaker
which was the heart issues and also eye issues. this this um Yeah, it's like the connective tissue that supports the organs themselves is the one that is not very strong. So clay for some, and I'm going to include myself in that, I have hypermobility. So i I believe I may be in the EDS. I've never been diagnosed, but I do have hypermobility.
00:58:54
Speaker
But so yeah, for some people, it might just be the joints and hypermobility there, and that would be the EDS. But for Marf, and then it's more in the connective tissue around some of these organs, and then they have a heart failure. or i Okay. yeah that That's the difference mainly. Yeah.
00:59:12
Speaker
in the sense that my dad and my brother had it a lot more seriously than I've got it. It is, and it is a genetic, it's proven that it is a genetic disease in the sense that, and and actually girls are more pronouned um pronounced in being able, in having um acquired the gene as well. So there's a 50% chance that girls can develop it as well.
00:59:32
Speaker
So, and I do have it, but I don't have the other issues like my brother and my dad have. I've always been checked. I've had no heart issues. um or eye issues or anything like that. So I've been fortunate. I consider myself lucky because although I've been through so many surgeries and I continually get these joint issues and I have you know multiple injections all the time, um ah don't have the same issues that the rest of my family had.
00:59:57
Speaker
So i can go on long walks now. I can do things. I can i exercise every day. But I do that. But that's the thing. i have to maintain everything so much more than the average person because for muscle strength and stabilization of all my joints, I have to have muscle strength.
01:00:17
Speaker
So I have to do weights. I have to do cardio. I have to do all of that to maintain the rest of my body so I don't break down again. So it's all a big like, yeah, it's a big rollercoaster.
01:00:28
Speaker
Yeah, so no you're constantly living living in a way that's supporting your health so that that way it doesn't end up kind of ah breaking down even further. yeah you're yeah You're living and you're in in a a health support. Yeah, yeah so yeah supporting your health supporting number active yeah but yeah by Yeah, by creating the structure of your body in a way that supports what you have so that you don't have to have ah surgery and more surgeries or things like that.
01:00:58
Speaker
Now, how is that in terms of the emotions around living with something like that? Does that affect you emotionally? And have you grieved in that sense too? does it Does it bring up grief or does it bring up just sadness? Like what what are the emotions that come up?
01:01:17
Speaker
um I mean, I think I've dealt with this quite well in a sense of that I think it's made me stronger over the years. Yeah. And that because it's one of those invisible diseases that a lot of people don't see what I go through and that's just the way it is.
01:01:36
Speaker
But I've also tried to bring awareness of it as well. And so i't I feel like I ah don't think I'm that sad about it. it's It's a problem and it does affect me mentally when something does go wrong for sure.
01:01:51
Speaker
um but equally, you know, all of the things that I have to do, like the exercise, actually help me in my grief. So there's a catch-22 there, right? um And there's so there's so many things i can take out of it as a positive as well.
01:02:06
Speaker
And then I'm more aware now of also i don't want to label my kids as to potentially having this, but I do see certain signs sometimes and think, oh, have they got it? Has Lara got it?
01:02:20
Speaker
um But it makes me more aware. And because my parents weren't really wary of it when I was growing up, they didn't I didn't get that diagnosis until later in life. and so But there's nothing I could have really done, ah don't think, either on that front. So i think from from my perspective, I've taken the good away from it and seen it as a I've Resilience.
01:02:47
Speaker
It's a resilience thing. And you're using the word that I was going to ask you that I'm really transitioning from one topic to the other very fast because I do want to have a lot of questions.
01:03:00
Speaker
but that Thank you for sharing about EDS because that is important. And then the Marfan syndrome, again, it's just things that we, it's always good to hear things because a lot of times people don't know maybe what they may have themselves.
01:03:16
Speaker
And we will be talking once we're not recording you and I. So ah so and regarding then
Co-Authoring 'Resilient AF'
01:03:23
Speaker
resilience. So let's talk about this co-authoring of this book, Resilient AF.
01:03:28
Speaker
and you all soon And you all know what means. means. So let's talk about that. How many authors are in this book and how did that journey start of writing this book?
01:03:42
Speaker
This began, i think it might have been about May, June last year when I'd met Blair, Blair Kaplan, who is based in Canada. And I met her through all of these wonderful grief people that I meet, grief community that I have now in the States and in Canada. And so um when she was advertising for, you know, writers to join this anthology, there I think there's about either 40 or 50 authors in total in this anthology.
01:04:15
Speaker
And it's all about resilience, obviously. And, you know, you are you basically write your story for this book, but then we had this launch in New York in January.
01:04:30
Speaker
And so we all came together, all of us resilient people. And um shared our stories and got to meet each other and just have this launch in New York three weeks ago, which was just incredible. And for me to only have started this, you know, I only started Greavesbound literally a year ago, pretty much almost today, actually.
01:04:53
Speaker
um And for all of this to happen, you know, podcasts and writing this book and speaking events and all of this in a year has been so overwhelming but incredible and I'm just so grateful but to be able to have co-author a book in my first year is just I'm so proud but I'm also so happy for my parents and my brother because it's just their it's their story you know and that's what I love there's their legacy you know yeah the legacy continues yeah that's why I'm doing it all and um
01:05:30
Speaker
it's a little bit like what I was doing when I was in the UK for my parents, you know, living their life for them, what would have been in the UK, necessary maybe had they stayed there. And so I feel like I'm doing it again.
01:05:44
Speaker
And I think I will always do that. And that's just something I love doing. And for for this book to be my first, it was ah it was a tiptoe for me into this, to I want to write a book myself and,
01:05:59
Speaker
It's a tiptoe for me into the you know field of authoring and all that stuff and writing because I've always loved writing as well. My dad was a writer. He never published, but I want to be able to do that for him as well.
01:06:11
Speaker
um i mean So, yeah. So that's – and it's only available in the U.S. and Canada at the moment, but um it's on Kindle and in har paper um paperback at the moment. I'm hoping get it into Spanish. can be found on Amazon or where? Amazon? on Amazon in the US and in Canada.
01:06:33
Speaker
um I'd really like to get it into Spanish because all my Spanish friends are saying, oh, can you get it in Spanish? yet I'm like, no, not yet, but I want to i want to talk to Blair about that. Yes. That, yeah, that would be, that would be wonderful. Yeah. All these stories.
01:06:47
Speaker
So now ah this is in your journey as a coauthor.
Work with GriefSpan: Support and Community Connections
01:06:51
Speaker
We know now how to find resilient AF and how can people get in touch with you and with grief, grief span and work with you. So share with us as we close off.
01:07:03
Speaker
Sure. ah so I'm on and my biggest community. i have a really big community on Instagram, which is grief span education. And um on that, there's lots of links in my bio to everything and my website as well, which is grief span.com.
01:07:22
Speaker
And um ah just should probably just quickly mention grief span was actually a spinoff of of my dad's company timespan. So that's why it's got so much meaning to me. And that's why it's quite personal.
01:07:34
Speaker
so And i I like sharing that little story because it's, you know, it's a lot to do with my dad. and um And grief span does, you know, it speaks to me in a sense of, that you know, that I have a bridge as a logo and there's lots of, you know, things that span over time with with our grief because it's forever.
01:07:51
Speaker
um And so, yeah, so that's my main connections. I do have Facebook as well, it it is but the community is not as active on there, that which is why I talk about Instagram more. um So, yeah, so those are my...
01:08:03
Speaker
my main links and, but I do one-on-ones and I do groups, groups on request. And when things come up, I've done over the last few months um things for um events like unfortunate things like the LA fires and the hurricanes and things like that. We do free groups and things. I collaborate with quite a few of our grief group, um our grief community.
01:08:27
Speaker
And we come together and we do things like that too, which is lovely because we, we work as a team to, give back to the grief community. And I think that's awesome, you know, and I really love doing that too. so there's lots of things always going on, speaking events on Let's Reimagine.
01:08:43
Speaker
Yeah, so it's nice. i I really love what I do. That's great. So both one-on-one or groups by request, and they can see everything you post and share on Instagram as well as your website, and they can buy your book as well.
01:08:59
Speaker
Anything that I did not ask you that you want to make sure you say to the audience before we close stop close off, Moira? No, I don't think so. You've asked me amazing questions. Thank you so much, Kindra. It's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much.
01:09:13
Speaker
Thank you for being so open to answering them because I know i I don't send any questions ahead of time and it's just this conversation that to just see where it goes. So it's been such a joy talking to you and learning from you. And i look forward to keep keeping this connection and learning ah from you and your community as well. So thank you, Moira Khan.
01:09:35
Speaker
Thank you. Again on our podcast. Thank you. Ciao. Ciao.
01:09:47
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
01:10:00
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
01:10:16
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
01:10:28
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.