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190. Heartfelt Farewells: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief with Anne Marie Farage-Smith
59 Plays1 month ago
Anne Marie Farage Smith is a lifelong animal lover and an advocate for all animals. She holds a Master of Science degree in mental health counseling from St. John Fisher University and a Master of Science degree in education from Nazareth University, and is a Pet Loss Grief Counseling Trained Professional. As a licensed mental health counselor and educator in private practice, she has offered clinical guidance to many individuals and groups experiencing grief and loss. She currently resides in Rochester, NY, where she enjoys spending time with her family, visiting local parks with her dog, Jazzy, traveling, and pursuing creative activities. Her book Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss: An Animal Lover’s Guide to Grief is available at any bookstore.
Key Topics Discussed:
- Anne Marie's journey as an animal lover and advocate.
- The emotional impact of losing a beloved pet and how it parallels other forms of grief.
- Practical strategies for coping with pet loss and finding healing.
- Insights from Anne Marie's book, Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss: An Animal Lover’s Guide to Grief.
- The importance of acknowledging and honoring the grief that comes with pet loss.
- Anne Marie’s experiences in her private practice, offering support to those dealing with loss.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest on her podcast: https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
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Transcript
Acknowledging Pet Loss and Grief
00:00:01
Speaker
First, you're going acknowledge this loss and you're going to say it's okay. It's okay to feel like this, to feel these feelings, because this is a huge loss.
00:00:12
Speaker
This pet, you know, came into your life. It's with you every day of your life. And you have a routine with this pet. It brings structure to your life.
00:00:22
Speaker
It brings you so many things. The unconditional love, um which is huge. And I love the non-judgmental love.
00:00:33
Speaker
I mean, our pets don't judge us. um They just want to be with us.
Introduction by Host Kendra Rinaldi
00:00:49
Speaker
This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and
00:01:05
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys.
00:01:17
Speaker
I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host. Now, let's dive right into today's episode.
Interview with Anne-Marie Farage Smith on 'Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss'
00:01:27
Speaker
Today i am chatting with Anne-Marie Farage Smith. She is the author of Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss, An Animal Lover's Guide to Grief. And she is an award winner of the Gold Seal Award from the Nonfiction Authors Association.
00:01:45
Speaker
And I cannot wait for you all to be listening to our conversation and also picking up the book yourselves. So welcome, Anne-Marie. Thank you, Kendra. It's very nice to be here with you.
00:01:58
Speaker
I am happy you are here as well. And it ah while I was reading your book, I was reading parts of your book, I was getting emotional because I have two two two dogs.
00:02:10
Speaker
And so even that anticipatory grief was coming up, just even reading, because it's like the feelings of like, oh my gosh, I'll have to handle this at one point or another myself, you know? So um So anyway, just wanted to bring that up.
00:02:26
Speaker
But I am curious to learn more about you and what led you to
Anne-Marie's Journey to Authorship
00:02:31
Speaker
become an author. So if you could tell us about your own own life. Sure.
00:02:37
Speaker
Well, I just, I'm really excited to be an author. I didn't anticipate that I would become an author someday. um it it started when the COVID hit and, you know, I had been having a little bit of ah things pop up in my head about maybe writing a book at that point.
00:02:55
Speaker
And um so I said, hey, this is a great time. You know, I was home. I wasn't able to go into my office. I did a lot of um virtual counseling.
00:03:08
Speaker
And I began to write the book and it just grew and grew and grew oh and took three years to write it. And it's really been a labor of love. um I'm so glad I did it. I feel very, very um glad that I did.
00:03:27
Speaker
um i just want to help people that are going through this ah loss that is really affects a lot of people in different ways. And that's that's good because we're all different.
00:03:38
Speaker
And I just wanted to put this book out there for um to be a helpful addition to One's Library. Yes. No, it's so I was as I was telling you before we started recording that even though in the book, there's so many topics that could really be applied to any type of grief.
Societal Views on Pet Loss Grief
00:03:59
Speaker
Anybody could pick up the book and and read it. I also feel it is just so valuable for someone, but especially with pet loss grief. that is able to have their grief validated just even with the fact that there's a book out there because society tendt tends to not sometimes see this value of someone's grief when it comes to experience.
00:04:24
Speaker
And so it's, again, it's very validating to see more things out there. Like yourself, I've i've i interviewed a a grief coach that was specifically for pet loss grief as well and things like that. So share with us why it is for you so important to write about this type of grief and this support and what is your relationship to this type of grief?
Understanding Disenfranchised Grief
00:04:49
Speaker
Well, you hit the nail on the head about our society does not really fully recognize this grief. And so there is a name for that, um, disenfranchised grief.
00:05:01
Speaker
And it's, it's really, um Difficult to hear people that I counsel say, oh, i everyone says I should just be over this. Oh, come on, you can just get another dog or cat or whatever their pet was.
00:05:14
Speaker
And that is totally not true because you can never replace the one that you had. That was a very special, unique relationship you had with them and it cannot be replaced ever.
00:05:27
Speaker
So um that is one of the reasons why I really wanted to write this book. to bring that information out to the public and um to definitely have their grief validated.
00:05:42
Speaker
but forgot to mention i was't as I was introducing you is that you are a pet loss grief counseling trained professional. So that is what you're you do.
From Counseling to Writing
00:05:53
Speaker
So in this journey of you accompanying people in their grief then came about, then you being able to write then about it as well. The disenfranchised grief that you talked about that does occur a lot then with pet loss, is that particularly what you notice that is the reason that most people end up seeking counseling is because their grief has been disenfranchised by society or those around them?
00:06:22
Speaker
Yes. um Lots of times they they just feel like, what's wrong with me? I mean, i i can't get over this. It's just been so difficult for me.
00:06:33
Speaker
And so they express all these concerns and it's like, okay, this is a difficult loss.
Role of Pets in Daily Life and Grief
00:06:41
Speaker
So let's talk about, you know, the fact that we're going to validate this loss together in our work.
00:06:48
Speaker
First, you're gonna acknowledge this loss and you're gonna say it's okay. It's okay to feel like this, to feel these feelings because this is a huge loss.
00:06:59
Speaker
This pet, you know, came into your life. It's with you every day of your life. And you have a routine with this pet. It brings structure to your life.
00:07:10
Speaker
It brings you so many things, um the unconditional love, um which is huge. And I love the nonjudgmental love.
00:07:21
Speaker
I mean, our pets don't judge us. um They just want to be with us. Of course, they want their treats for sure. yeah But, you know, they want to be with us. They want to go through our day together and just be our constant companion.
00:07:37
Speaker
So and help us through the difficulties in our life just by being there for us and um Studies have been shown that just petting our our pets does help bring on the good endorphins in our body, the feel-good hormones.
00:07:52
Speaker
And so that's really, I think, an awesome thing. Yes. Having two pets myself and one of them having been, she was, she's, I really, i got her two months after my mom died. She came into our life and she actually, the day we picked her up, that was, it was not the day we had scheduled. It was the day the, the breeder had scheduled was my mom's birthday.
00:08:15
Speaker
So, The fact that she came into our lives on the first birthday that we were going to celebrate without my mom on this physical plane was for me like this huge gift. And she became my therapy. Like you mentioned so much of what it helps not only to pet, but just the dynamics that go around that aspect of having a pet.
00:08:36
Speaker
A dog needs walking. So you end up having to get up, go out. And so it becomes part of your routine. And for someone that is also grieving, having a pet is this companion and kind of kind of forces you out. So when they die, if they've, if you've kind of associated also this pet with so many other aspects of your life, or if they hold a connection, like in the case of of Evie, my oldest, that has this connection that I feel with my mom, when she would die in the future, it's like, oh my gosh, then this, all this something that I felt was connecting me to those loved ones no longer here.
00:09:18
Speaker
So there's so many layers within the grief of a pet that we sometimes just don't, don't, don't see. Correct? Correct.
Secondary Losses Due to Pet Death
00:09:29
Speaker
And, you know, you mentioned a good point about, you know, they really encourage us to get out and walk, for example, because they need to be walked. And so when we lose them, you know, there's something called secondary losses. And that's one of them.
00:09:43
Speaker
um We've lost our, you know, exercise machine buddy, you know. call her my personal trainer. That's what I called her, my personal trainer. Yes. I love that. Yes, I love that. that's That's very true. I mean, and it's like, I remember just just last night, um my dog Jazzy, you know, we were sitting down and um on the couch and all of a sudden she comes, she jumps off the couch. She was with us and she jumps off the couch it couch and she looks at us and she just stares and she just stares and sits in front of us and looks looks at us like, don't you think it's about time you take me for a walk? You know?
00:10:21
Speaker
It's almost like she was saying that. was like, okay, Jazzy, yep, let's go for a walk. So we did. So they really remind us to ah get out and walk.
00:10:34
Speaker
They remind us to socialize with people. Mm-hmm. That's how I met my neighbors. That's how I've met a lot of my neighbors has been ever since I was walking my dogs. So, yes. Yes, absolutely. They provide that social connection.
00:10:48
Speaker
We take our dogs for a walk and we might meet up with somebody and and they have a dog and, oh, what breed is your dog? What kind of dog? How old is your dog? Whatever. and have a conversation. And before you know it, you know, we've been talking for 10 minutes. And so they bring the socialization aspect into our life for sure.
00:11:08
Speaker
And not only that we socialize with others, but some for some people, this being, this pet that's in their home is the only living being that they socialize with.
00:11:20
Speaker
So that is something to have in mind for when someone is grieving the loss of their pet is having in mind that this could have been the the one thing being on this planet that really even knew them.
00:11:38
Speaker
Can you talk a little bit about that aspect of the loneliness when this partner in their life dies and how, how someone then can navigate that part of their grief?
00:11:51
Speaker
Yes, absolutely. Um, that is especially true for seniors who, That may be the only connection to a companion for their whole day.
00:12:03
Speaker
um And so that companion has become like, so prominent in their life, I mean, more so than it had been possibly um when they had other family members around.
00:12:17
Speaker
So that's where the loss is really huge. And it's so important for them to speak about this loss, not keep it buried inside of them, share it with some possibly a family member or a trusted friend.
00:12:33
Speaker
And if those two avenues are not available to them, perhaps maybe getting some professional assistance, talking to a grief counselor would be also helpful because it's not good to bury this grief. It's important to express it.
00:12:48
Speaker
And to have it validated. And once that process kicks in, you know, things might look a little bit ah better for the person that is grieving. when Once they know someone is there for them, someone will listen. And it's really all about sometimes just listening listening.
00:13:07
Speaker
Having the person share their memories about their pet and their life. Oh, we used to do all these fun things together. And, you know, now I can't do them with with this pet. But guess what?
00:13:19
Speaker
Maybe you can go out and do some volunteer work. um and go to a rescue organization, maybe walk a dog there that hasn't been out in a couple of days. And wow, it would be awesome.
00:13:34
Speaker
um Maybe just sit down and play with them. Maybe just sit down and pet them. i mean, that would be a wonderful gift to the dog are um that you are visiting.
00:13:47
Speaker
And it will be it returned to you in tenfold because you're you're getting the benefits of being there interacting with the pet. So it's just really important to to get out and um try to build new routines in your life.
00:14:04
Speaker
Maybe even new hobbies. ah Not isolate yourself. That is you know the biggest concern. You don't want to isolate yourself. Reach out. Reach out.
00:14:15
Speaker
And if if by chance, like you said, if by chance you do not have a social connection, you mentioned seek then for professionals to help you in that process so that you are not alone in your grief and your grief can be validated.
Different Types of Grief
00:14:33
Speaker
and Marie, there was a there was the ah type of grief that you mentioned that I want to have a little more of deeper conversation and understanding of, ambiguous grief.
00:14:45
Speaker
Can you dive into that a little more when you were talking about the different types of grief, acute grief, disenfranchised grief, and one of them was then ambiguous grief. Could you expand on that, please?
00:14:58
Speaker
Sure, absolutely. Yeah, so there's different types of grief. um And this is, you know, universal. This this goes for every every grief and loss that we have in our lives.
00:15:09
Speaker
So um one of them is, um I'm going to list them. One is called acute grief, which is generally the wow the what we might call normal grief. Okay, so it's like one and the same.
00:15:23
Speaker
um Anticipatory grief, ambiguous grief, disenfranchised grief, and complicated grief. So if you like, I can go through um so each of these briefly. Great.
00:15:36
Speaker
Please. Okay. So um like I mentioned earlier just before ah listing them, the acute grief is ah typically what you feel immediately after the loss of ah of a loved one.
00:15:50
Speaker
So it's referred to as normal grief. And um it has a lot of different things that can manifest itself because of this grief. They can be in the way of physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms in your life.
00:16:05
Speaker
So you need to look out for those and, um, So then the anticipatory grief, that is when, you know, maybe you just got this diagnosis that your pet has this terminal illness.
00:16:20
Speaker
um And so you know that the loss may be more imminent. You know, you might be happening in two, three months. ah The vet might mention that to you. So, um you know, you're you're going to be anticipating this loss. So it's almost, you could look at it ah as a gift of some type where you have the opportunity to um now prepare for this loss.
00:16:46
Speaker
You might want to start planning um how you want to ah your pet to leave this world. where they Will they be euthanized? Will you wait until the very end when um depending on if the vet says your pet's going to be in a lot of pain, um you might want to do this immediately. or you know, i think you might be good with some medication, might be helpful.
00:17:12
Speaker
Perhaps the pet might live, you know, six months or something. So that's where you have to have a discussion with your vet and discuss, you know, what this situation looks for looks like for you going forward.
00:17:27
Speaker
So in the meantime, back to the gift, uh, you have this time to prepare for this loss and decide some of the things you want to do. Perhaps, uh, if the pet is still in doing pretty well at this point, you might want to think about, you know, fulfilling some things on a bucket list for your pet.
00:17:46
Speaker
Maybe they had, maybe they love to swim, um, on the beach, uh, Take them to the beach, um have them go in the water. You might want to take them on a some trip someplace with you where you're going hike into some really nice areas and your pet always love to do this.
00:18:05
Speaker
So you might want to consider that. And, um, Like I said, if if in fact you want to have your pet euthanized or you want to wait, um you might want to think about if you want to have um your pet cremated or if you want to have it in a burial site.
00:18:22
Speaker
There are pet cemeteries located around. all around And um so those are some of the things you might want to talk about with your family and your trusted friends about what you want to do when the time does come. So you have that that little bit of time there.
00:18:41
Speaker
um And then the ambiguous grief. ah This is... um
00:18:49
Speaker
definitely related to every grief. ah It's the kind of grief that it's it's filled with uncertainty. You don't know what maybe happened to your loved one or your loved pet.
00:19:01
Speaker
um Maybe someone accidentally left the gate open to the backyard and they they escaped. And perhaps you might never see them again, but you might.
00:19:13
Speaker
um This also happens when there's natural disasters, particularly i remember several cases in Hurricane Katrina many years ago, and many, many pets were lost.
00:19:26
Speaker
um They did find several of them. They have rehomed them, And some even, which I think is just wonderful, some have had a very happy ending where they were reconnected with their owner, um with their pet parent. Yeah, many years later, even many years later, and that they still remember. It was just, it's amazing.
00:19:50
Speaker
It is amazing. It's just wonderful. And I love to read those stories. i I keep researching things and I keep up with everything. And I love to read the feel good stories where, oh my goodness, my pet got lost in some park and two years later, they connect with them.
00:20:09
Speaker
So there's always hope for it. But you know it is sad because you don't know what happened and you don't know if you ever are going to see them again. um And I'm sure you could think of many cases where it's happening in ah And our human population. Right. Like missing children, missing things like that or missing. Yeah. yeah And then you're, you never really have a full on closure, quote unquote, as they say, because you don't have any clarity as to what happened.
00:20:39
Speaker
So therefore you're kind of stuck in this limbo of uncertainty. Yes, absolutely. Very good points. You, you may, you know, Kendra, absolutely.
00:20:49
Speaker
So it's also called a hidden grief. And those are some of the reasons why, Um, so then i think we're on to a complicated grief. Uh, I think that we are.
00:21:01
Speaker
So that is, um your, your grief that really has a longer duration, ah longer intensity. um and if these, you, you can have several different things that can occur, um that are kind of like almost warning signs like, wow, maybe I need to seek out additional help.
00:21:24
Speaker
And in fact, lots of times this type of grief does not resolve on its own. And it is necessary um to seek out some additional help.
00:21:35
Speaker
So it's ah it's a grief where, you know, you just feel like you don't want to go on. Sometimes you could have obsessive obsessive thoughts, um In your daily life, you don't seem to enjoy life anymore. You feel you can't trust people.
00:21:52
Speaker
You isolate yourself, which is huge. um And your sadness just becomes kind of like your whole worldview. It just encompass your encompasses your daily life.
00:22:05
Speaker
And like I said, the huge thing with this is the intensity and the duration. Those are two key factors there. So that's where it could be ah very, very important to seek out additional assistance.
00:22:20
Speaker
that That is very important to hear because a lot of times, again, with grief, we know it's normal. And yes, like the acute one is when it just happens. but it But again, if your life has not been able to get back in some kind of rhythm, if you're not able to return to work for many months or years, then that's a very complicated grief. And that's, you really do need that additional support to give you then some tools in order to move forward with with this grief.
00:22:54
Speaker
So what are some of these tools then that you find help people ah kind of start taking steps forward with this grief?
00:23:07
Speaker
Well, I think the first thing is for you to acknowledge it because you may be even at the point where you're saying, oh, no, it's it's okay. I'm going to be okay. um It's not really that big of a deal.
00:23:20
Speaker
So you're you're not really fully ah acknowledging it. You're gaslighting yourself. You're gaslighting yourself. Yeah. Yes, you are. And um so that's like the first thing you've got to acknowledge it. Okay. And then you've got to say,
00:23:36
Speaker
you gotta like validate yourself and say, hey, it's okay that I feel like this because it is okay because you've been through a loss and a loss that has been like so, in it represents the loss that has been so important to you.
00:23:53
Speaker
This was a pet that you woke up to every day. You went to bed every day. At the end of the day, your pet was with you. He was he or she was with you during the you know the whole day at some point.
00:24:06
Speaker
You came home to them if you were gone working, whatever. They were just a huge part of your life in your daily routine. And now it's gone. It's like, you know, it's not surprising that you're, you know, you're missing them. You're in, you're in grief.
00:24:21
Speaker
And it's really important to know that, you know, yeah, I might feel okay right now. I'm i'm doing okay. And you may be, but then something hits you all of a sudden, a trigger,
00:24:32
Speaker
ah brings back this memory. It may be even like a year later, it's like, wow, I still feel so bad about losing my pet. um But yeah I should be over this by now.
00:24:44
Speaker
Well, maybe you're not over it because you didn't fully process this grief. So that's where it's important to then step back and say, now what do I need to do? um You need to talk about it.
00:24:57
Speaker
You need to have somebody listen to you. You need to maybe, perhaps you didn't even follow up with any type of memorial service for your pet. Maybe you wanna have a memorial service now.
00:25:09
Speaker
Maybe you want to do something like send some, a donation to an agency that maybe if your pet died from cancer, maybe for research on cancer in pets.
00:25:24
Speaker
um Maybe if you had a particular breed and that breed is known to have a particular disorder that they they have, ah you know, like hip dysplasia, for example, a lot of the um that the Labradors have that common disorder.
00:25:42
Speaker
physical thing that happens. So maybe you want to donate some money to more research on that. um It's really important to honor the memory of your pet in some way.
00:25:55
Speaker
You might want to always have a little party on their birthday that you celebrated together, especially if you had a, you know, I know one client had a birthday her birthday.
00:26:07
Speaker
dog and it was so cute she invited like a sweet 16 a sweet yes seem cute yes everybody dressed up it was amazing she had like um people over excuse me that knew her pet and interacted with her pet on a regular basis and so they all came over and in They had, I guess they had, you know, human dog bones to eat.
00:26:36
Speaker
She made, you know, cookies in the shape of dog bones and um the pet was kind of dressed up and, you know, there was, you know, the usual party decorations and so on.
00:26:46
Speaker
But I thought they were so cute and, you know, You know, her pet did have a diagnosis and was going to be passing on very soon. And she wanted to do this. So it worked out really well. And what a memory, all kinds of pictures and and everything. So, you know, it can be a if you have a home ah where you have a yard, you might want to plant a tree in their memory.
00:27:09
Speaker
Excuse me. Yeah. a flowering bush, whatever. But um there's so many ideas in the book about ways you can out of your pet.
00:27:22
Speaker
um So if you get the book, you could check those out as well as many things. I'm sorry. I'd like to say the book is jam packed with a lot of different information. And um one thing in particular too, is ah there's a chapter on taking care of you.
Self-Care Tips for Grieving
00:27:42
Speaker
And, um, this is a chapter that, well, let me step back one minute. The book is geared as a guidebook to grief. And the reason for that is, okay, so you pick this book up and you might not, ah you might mind not want to read it cover to cover.
00:28:02
Speaker
Um, and, and that's perfectly fine. That's the way it was set up. So if right now you just, just put your pet down, um And you're just really in the throes of your grief. And you're just like, oh my God, you feel like you're in a fog.
00:28:18
Speaker
What do I do now? Oh my God, I just feel so awful. Well, you can read the chapter nine, taking care of you. And it's got many, many um ways that you can help yourself at this time.
00:28:32
Speaker
um First and foremost, you know, the basic things, ah keep hydrated, ah eat healthy meals. Oh, then you're going to say, oh, but I'm not hungry.
00:28:43
Speaker
Okay. I get it. I do get it, but try to have something, ah something small, maybe have smaller meals. Don't have that big, you know, large meal.
00:28:53
Speaker
um Make sure you, um, Hydrate, eat properly, your sleep. Make sure you have, continue with your sleep routine as best you can.
00:29:05
Speaker
um Connect with nature and definitely get some natural light. ah There's breathing exercises you can do. um They're in the book.
00:29:15
Speaker
ah Visual imagery. <unk> imagery um mindfulness, which is all about being in the present moment. And um you can practice this and throughout your daily life. And it's a wonderful thing. It just calms your whole system down by getting out and um you can get out in nature, combine the two, get out in nature and just focus on the beauty out there. And, you know, you keep doing this on a regular basis. You you have a better mindset.
00:29:45
Speaker
Um, So those are a couple of things there, writing about it. ah You might want to write about it. And you have great prompts and you have some prompts about that too in your book of what to write and how you want to do, like including what were some of the pet names you thought you were going to name your pet before, you know, and things like that. So it was it's really sweet because it's really just honoring people this being and, and seeing the wholeness of them. And by you remembering even those things as you're writing, it just brings back these memories, which is something I want to ah talk about with you. Sorry. Had you finished that, the part of the, on of the writing of the tips?
00:30:28
Speaker
Yeah. Sure. I mean, um yeah, there's more, but- They can read it in the book. think they could go We don't want to give them all. We're you giving them little bits, right? It's a trailer.
00:30:40
Speaker
It's a trailer for the movie. We don't want to open up the whole chest. No, no wouldd you give it It's the trailer anticipation for them to go read the book. But the you mentioned towards the end the aspect of hope.
00:30:54
Speaker
Like how can someone hold on to hope and hold on to this connection to this being, especially if by chance their beliefs, well, but because beliefs can be different, right? asked to As to what happens when we die and especially not only just as humans, but then with pets.
00:31:13
Speaker
So how can someone continue this this relationship after their pet has died and continue kind of holding on to some sense of hope in their life?
Maintaining Hope and Connection
00:31:26
Speaker
Yes. Absolutely. ah Very important. And like you said, everybody's different. Everybody has different beliefs. And um and that's all a wonderful thing because we are all different.
00:31:37
Speaker
um So it's honoring what you believe and not feeling any shame for it um and just going forward with it. And it it is very important, I believe, to ah no matter who it is that has passed, to remember them um and through the memories that we have of them.
00:31:58
Speaker
So you might want to, um going back to some of those things I mentioned to honor your pet, you can certainly do some of those on a regular basis. And um it's it's really important to keep sharing the memories that keeps them alive in you.
00:32:17
Speaker
Um, because I believe they are always with us, you know, um, some people believe they go on to the rainbow bridge and that's perfectly fine. If that brings you comfort, um, that certainly is a wonderful thing.
00:32:32
Speaker
So, uh, just continue to honor their memory and, um, maybe try to help some other pet, you know, by visiting them,
00:32:44
Speaker
um Maybe by bringing him into your home at some point, you may feel that, okay, I know this is not the same pet that I lost, which I mentioned in the book. It's really important.
00:32:55
Speaker
um You might want to not get maybe the same type of dog that you had, for example, because it might remind you of that pet too much where you're not really, you know, honoring the new pet you have.
00:33:08
Speaker
So um that's that's mentioned in the book as well, too. So you might want to do that and you might not. ah But you might want to, like I say, volunteer for a rescue operation.
00:33:21
Speaker
You could do that or even just visit dogs that are in rescue and take them out. I mean, what a gift. I mean, to be able to go and spend some time with another pet that maybe hasn't gotten out of the kennel for, you know, many hours that day.
00:33:38
Speaker
um That's a beautiful way of honoring, you know, another pet's memory. That's a pretty. It's a way of serving and giving love to some other being in honor of the one we're missing.
00:33:51
Speaker
And it's not only there are you helping ah dog, you're also helping yourself in that process too. Absolutely. The whole thing with having a pet is this mutual, you know, it's a mutual love.
00:34:03
Speaker
um They help us you know in so many ways, and they're there for us. It's all mutual. We help them, and they help us. Yes. They probably help us more than then we help them. I had someone say one time, actually a friend, we were talking about our pets, and he said that if aliens were to look down into this planet, they would think that...
00:34:29
Speaker
That the dogs were the, especially with dogs, that it's like, where we go out there, we pick up their poop, we do that. They're the masters. and Yeah. Oh, that's, yeah, that's really, yeah, that's really cute. It's like, wow, look at that life. I want live like that. Like, look, somebody behind you, they just pick up after you, they serve you dinner.
00:34:48
Speaker
It's like, that's the master, that other one's the servant. Yeah, it's really something. yeah You know, I mean, what what i love about what's going on now, I'm hearing more and more about it and there's pets all over. I mean, they have them in the airport to help stress, ah you know, um folks that are getting ready to go on a plane.
00:35:13
Speaker
um They have them um in one of our local funeral establishments. I mean, wow, that is awesome. um one of my the One of my, actually, the college that I went to, um they have like three pets They're there full time.
00:35:30
Speaker
They're in a certain building of the college campus and room. And you can, you know, just go over there as a student and you're feeling extremely stressed out today. You know, you had this big exam or whatever. You just can go over there and spend time with the pet.
00:35:46
Speaker
It's available to you right there and you on your college campus. So I remember going to a hotel on one of our trips and we we walk in the hotel and all of a sudden there's this this beautiful dog going by and was like, what?
00:36:00
Speaker
Maybe there's a dog convention going on or something. Well, there wasn't. This was the ambassador dog for the hotel. I was really impressed. So I made sure I came down here to see him several times.
00:36:15
Speaker
but That's so cute. It's like the, like a mascot, right? Like a mascot. He was the ambassador. and ambassador hotel that is so so Yeah. nick And again, any pet can be that we're talking about right now, like the ones that are most,
00:36:31
Speaker
commonly kind of probably expressed, but it could be your Geico, your fish. We had our fish that lived five years, actually ah six. Fishy was six when he died and fishy moved with us, you know, from another state to here.
00:36:47
Speaker
So it was a constant in our family and for the kids. And it was actually the first time our kids will experience, let's say grief and that we had a little funeral for fishy, you know, goldfish.
00:36:59
Speaker
So it it um It also gives this opportunity, not only as, of course, in this in this case, yes, as we were grieving and it and it was ah a fish, but even as a parent, when you are having the opportunity to Validate your children's grief as well in the process and accompanying them in their grief if a pet has died.
00:37:25
Speaker
It is also very instrumental in being able to learn from this process so that when we're also navigating the grief of a person as well, the
Pet Loss as a Child's First Grief Experience
00:37:38
Speaker
death of someone's mind. Absolutely.
00:37:40
Speaker
Yeah, I think there's many times when that is the first grief that a child may encounter. um You know, I know it was for me when I was a very little tyke, there was a My aunt had a dog named Skippy and I used to love to go visit her because I wanted to see Tippi. No, I wanted to see her too.
00:38:04
Speaker
um But he used to come down the driveway when we pulled up in the car. My parents pulled up in the car and we get out of the car. i couldn't just wait to get out of the car to see Tippi. And, um,
00:38:17
Speaker
I'm Skippy. I'm sorry. I say tippy because there was a tippy in my life too, but it was Skippy. and So it was Skippy. Yeah. And I have fond memories of, of him. I have a picture of him and and me when we were, like when I was really a little tight, but I value it.
00:38:33
Speaker
That is beautiful. Yeah. They could, they really do bring, as we're talking here, one of them just came to put her, her, her and head here on my on my lap as we're, as we're talking. So she, uh, she's my, my emotional companion right here as we're, as we're chatting. Oh, okay. I'll show, I'll show you, I'll show you what she, this one looks like. This one's even, I'll show you in a minute. i love series of yeah This one's a girl. Yeah. And buddy, it's our, he's our most recent one. He's two and a half. He's the boy. So Evie is the one that came
00:39:09
Speaker
set seven and a half years ago our life. Oh, okay. i died Yeah. So Anne-Marie, I want to make sure that I've asked you all the questions that you might have, you know, or all the things you might've wanted to share with the audience, but is there anything else that I might've not touched upon that you want to make sure that you share with them before we go into the part of how they can get ahold of you?
Inspiration Behind Anne-Marie's Writing
00:39:32
Speaker
Is there something else you want to share with the listeners? Sure. Um, well, you know, I just mentioned Skippy to you and ah it it made me think again of my beloved Wishbone who passed away.
00:39:44
Speaker
Um, he's in my, um, forward story in the beginning of the book. And, um, You asked me earlier in the beginning of the show what made me, what prompted me to write a book on this.
00:39:58
Speaker
Well, he certainly had an impact and um on my decision to do that. So um that's why I wrote about him on the foreword. r So and just kind of wanted to bring that out, too. And currently I have ah Jazzy as my dog now, and she's a wonderful dog. She does have ah anxiety, anxiety.
00:40:17
Speaker
ah And I always say, well, you're in the right home. You would have mental health therapist. The fact that you that you chose to be able to mention Wishbone right now at the end of this conversation is another way that we can honor then Wishbone's life is by...
00:40:38
Speaker
you know, bringing up the name, making sure we mentioned their names and do things in their honor. You writing that book was a way of honoring Wishbone's life and the relationship you had with Wishbone and mentioning him on this podcast is as well. So thank you for that and sharing Wishbone with us. Thank you.
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, I know one more thing about the book, if I could just mention, because I just, I just love them. um Before each chapter, there's um a um quote, a quote.
00:41:13
Speaker
um And I just love them. they think They really speak a lot of times ah to us in a different way. So they're in there and, um you know, I love all the little different drawings I have in there that, uh, I was fortunate to have a good designer for the book cover and the internal parts of it. So, um,
00:41:34
Speaker
I just want to make note of that yes well. Yeah. quote What you mentioned even before, when somebody picks up the book and they're like, well, I don't know how much either time I want to read or how much energy I have right now to read.
00:41:47
Speaker
You can literally just read even just that little quote at the beginning. And it that might just even just kind of shift your mood or look at one of the drawings. And then that connects, seeing the drawings of the person connecting with these little animals that might touch your heart. And so and depending on where you are in your grief,
00:42:05
Speaker
you want to open the book and read it from cover to cover, do that or open it, read the little quote, open it, look at a little drawing, some shape or form, it's going to ease a little bit of this, of this pain and accompany you in this, in this really hard time of, of life.
00:42:22
Speaker
So thank you for that. Now let's, let's transition into sharing with people how they can get ahold of the book and how they can get ahold of
Finding 'Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss'
00:42:29
Speaker
you. And if by chance they're near your area, how they can work with you too if Sure, absolutely.
00:42:37
Speaker
Absolutely. um So the book is available um online, ah many ah ah avenues online.
00:42:48
Speaker
um I won't mention the specific names, but, you know, and the bookstores may vary in your area. Yeah. There they is also available in some um brick and mortar stores such as Barnes and Noble. I just did a book signing there this past weekend.
00:43:05
Speaker
And the thing is, I'd like to really encourage people to support their independent booksellers. And if you go in the store and they don't have it, um ask them to order for you. they be glad to do it. And usually it comes in in one or two days and um you could help support them.
00:43:24
Speaker
um So that's a wonderful thing. And let's see where else. ah Yeah. Or how can they get ahold of you? And we'll share your website below and the show notes, but just enough and what kind of, what kind of accompaniment and things do you do now in the grief journeys as well?
00:43:42
Speaker
Okay. um Well, I do individual ah counseling for ah grief and loss in general, and specifically also with pet grief and loss. And so um I'm in New York state.
00:43:56
Speaker
I'm a licensed mental health counselor in New York state. So I would be able to see them virtually in any place in New York state. um They can go to my author website if they like, which is farajsmith.com.
00:44:11
Speaker
ah come And they can find out where I would be doing book signings or presentations of any type on there. We have our Humane Society here in Rochester. We have every year we call it Boktoberfest. Boktoberfest.
00:44:30
Speaker
And it is a ah fun day. you bring your pets in. They have actual, they have a, you know, I don't know if it's 5k or whatever run for folks in the morning.
00:44:42
Speaker
and then they have um food trucks and different vendors on the premises. They have all kinds of fun activities for your children, as well as your pets. You can bring your pets.
00:44:53
Speaker
A lot of people, they have a contest dressing up your pet particular outfit and they give awards for that. So I'm going to be having a ah table there while I will be selling my book as well. That's coming up in September.
00:45:08
Speaker
um That's on my website, the exact date. And if by chance, because the the release of this episode might be after that. So just still be on the lookout for any other any other times in which you might come out, which are on your website, that could probably see as well.
00:45:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It will be on the website. Yeah. um And um let's see what else. um I just want to say that um I, I want people to take away from this book that,
00:45:41
Speaker
they are not alone in their grief. They are not alone in the grief and that others care. um And that's why i I wrote this book because I'm very passionate about this topic. um And if they, i want them to read the book and to, um my hope my hope is that they will have something that comes from the book that will really speak to them.
00:46:08
Speaker
and help them, even if it's in some small way, if I could be a part of that, I would be deeply honored um to know that I i have helped them through this loss. So um I also have a website, Counseling Connections. so That's my private practice.
00:46:26
Speaker
um They can send me a message through there. and also the Rochester Center for Pet Grief and Loss. um All you have to do is Google my name, basically, and all these will come up, actually. And you can go to any of those websites and um you can leave a message there.
00:46:45
Speaker
as well And I'll link them below. You can share with me all those links and I'll make sure to link them in the show notes so that it's easier for people to go ahead enter and find them as well. Thank you so much again, Anne-Marie. This was Anne-Marie Farage Smith, author of Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss and Animal Lovers Guide to Grief.
00:47:05
Speaker
Thank you again for being on the podcast. And thank you so much, Kendra. I i thoroughly enjoyed our time together today. I appreciate you. Thank you. I did too.
00:47:21
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
00:47:35
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:47:50
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
00:48:03
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.