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Lets Talk Emotions
15 Plays2 years ago
I am talking about the Positive, Negative and Neutral emotions and busting myths about Self- Care vs. Self-Love
Learn about your Emotional Immune System and how it supports your Emotional Intelligence.
Dont forget to grab your spot in the MINUTE TO WIN IT REALGNMENT so you can learn more tools for managing emotions and the unhelpful thoughts the surface during the holidays and winter months.
I would love to hear your biggest takeaway! Leave a review and tag me on IG PLUS share with your Sister Friends too :)
Enjoy this episode!
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Transcript
Introduction and Focus
00:00:02
Speaker
Hey sister friend, it's Heather Georgel, your certified life and NLP practitioner. And here we make doing the inner work not suck by talking about all things motherhood, womenhood, sex, and everything in between. Are you ready? Let's talk. This is the sex and motherhood podcast.
Understanding Emotions
00:00:24
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Emotions are messengers. You see, today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, which is a funny saying and I've never really cared for it, but it definitely applies for today because I just had so many emotions of guilt and fear and
00:00:41
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frustration and anger and I was definitely feeling triggered and there was a really big part of me that just wanted to avoid it and because I didn't want to deal with it and the more that I didn't want to deal with it the worse my
00:00:57
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headache got the more agitated every noise and sound. It was like sensory overload. And that's when I realized that following your own advice is sometimes simple in theory, but not so easy to do and take action on.
00:01:14
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So I am definitely not perfect and there are days where I do not want to deal with my emotions but I also know that when you don't deal with your emotions they will definitely deal with you. And I have found that when I don't deal with my emotions they present themselves in other physical ways which is where my migraines and my headaches come and I get more angry and I really start to withdraw and to numb. What would happen if you woke up one day and you just couldn't feel
00:01:40
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any kind of emotion. Like you were numb to everything. You had no emotions whatsoever.
00:01:46
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Like, how would your day go? Like, would you be willing to make plans? Would you be willing to work in a relationship that you have? Like, would you be able to respond to anything? I don't really think that you would. Like, I know that I wouldn't because emotions are the driving force that help us navigate and want to act on anything. Think about it. If you are excited about something, you want to move forward and do it and it brings you joy.
00:02:14
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you are feeling fearful about something you kind of stop and reevaluate or you move away from it or it's just like those type of emotions are there to help guide you and when you numb them and you numb yourself to feeling them it really does take away your capacity to make choices and to have clarity around the parts of your life that need reasoning and the message that your emotions bring
00:02:41
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is for you to investigate. It doesn't always feel easy or fun and sometimes it can take some time. I totally get
00:02:51
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that it can take some
Evaluating Emotions Without Judgment
00:02:52
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time. But the more practice that you do in taking the time to evaluate what you're feeling and to investigate what you're feeling and to have those inner conversations and in my case sometimes external conversations into my phone or just thinking out loud or journaling it, I do that too. When you take the time
00:03:13
Speaker
to investigate the emotions and to allow yourself to feel without any judgment whatsoever, you'll find that you raise your emotional intelligence, like your emotional immune system. Your emotional immune system is able to thrive. We have three different types of emotions. Positive, negative,
00:03:53
Speaker
It gives us the I can do anything type of sensation. You feel more confident. You feel creative. You feel sexy. You feel empowered and really your needs are being met. And sometimes these feelings can feel a little overrated because we seem to focus on more of the
00:03:59
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and neutral emotions.
00:04:15
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you know, bad or weaker emotions. But here's the thing is that it's not bad or weak or terrible to feel those less than negative emotions. It's okay to not be okay and to allow yourself the space to not be okay and to investigate what you're feeling and to allow the time and the space and also grace for yourself to navigate what you're feeling.
00:04:43
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And when I say navigate, really what I'm saying is to allow that time and space to process what you're feeling in the present rather than putting it on a back burner.
Managing Negative Emotions
00:04:53
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The minute you put it on the back burner and you push it down and you decide that you'll deal with it later, I can deal with it after I put the kids to bed. I can deal with it after I make dinner. I can deal with it after I go grocery shopping. I can deal with it after I hand this project in.
00:05:07
Speaker
You'll find that as you continue to pile on the emotions that you're feeling and push them away and avoid them and distract yourself with something else, the moment that you take time to relax, then it becomes sensory overload and that increases the overwhelm. It can increase the guilt. It can increase the fear. It can increase the I'm not good enough feelings. And that's when you move in to more of those negative emotions of
00:05:37
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your needs are not being met. And it's not always pleasant to feel negative emotions, but they can also really help you be able to motivate you and negative emotions can motivate you in different ways.
00:05:54
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So, for example, when I get really, really agitated or angry with my spouse or even with myself, when I get really angry, I do two different things. I lash out or I attack.
00:06:10
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you know verbally those around me and I react to everything rather than responding or I am in anger and I'm trying to work through that anger and I start to move my body in a way of cleaning the house that's what I did today to try
00:06:26
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and navigate the emotions of anger that I had today waking up on the wrong side of the bed, just being able to make my home less chaotic so that this internal struggle and this anger that I was feeling, I was almost physically putting away the anger and navigating each thing and getting down to the root of what it was.
00:06:46
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So with each item that I picked up, I'd ask myself a question. Each thing I threw away, I would ask myself a question and I was digging deeper into what was really bringing on this anger and this frustration and this resentment that I was feeling. I was moving toward being able to bring myself back to a more neutral emotion or even a positive emotion. Negative emotions can also motivate you into taking action or non-action. Either is perfect for you.
00:07:16
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Negative emotions really do serve a purpose. I mean, anger helps you solve a problem. Fear can protect you from danger. If you're anxious, it allows you to try to plan and look ahead better. There is nothing bad, wrong or weak about feeling negative emotions because you cannot be hunky dory, unicorns and rainbows 100% of the time.
00:07:38
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And if you are, by all means, please share your wisdom with me and share it with the world because I would love to know how you stay in the positive emotions 100% of the time. However, for us that are not, then I encourage you to investigate your emotions.
Investigating and Navigating Emotions
00:07:56
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Next we have our neutral emotions. So this category can be kind of where you find yourself throughout most of the day. It's kind of like you're fine. Everything's like how it should be. Nothing's wrong. Nothing's good. It's like when you're texting someone and you want to laugh out loud, but you sound like that hilarious laugh out loud emoji, but you're not actually laughing out loud. It's just a thought that you're like, huh, that's funny. That's a neutral emotion. That's the best way that I can describe a neutral emotion.
00:08:26
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It's just that everything feels where it should be. So the role of our emotions is to help our bodies understand the data that is coming in for the view of the world that we've created. Emotions will keep you alive, deciding and making choices for yourself to motivate you into making decisions or to stop you from making decisions.
00:08:53
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Our emotions don't really care what's happening. For example, let's say like with anxiety. I hear this a lot that it's it's better safe than sorry or
00:09:05
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It could be worse. Those types of responses are emotion-based. Whereas anger, it can sometimes just be that something is standing in your way and you're angered by it. And usually it's yourself that's standing in the way. Being able to take action on what you're feeling doesn't mean that you actually have to take action in being angry. Maybe the action is more of
00:09:30
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Wow, I'm feeling anger. Why am I feeling angry? Well, I'm feeling a little resentful. Why am I feeling resentful? I feel resentful because I wanted to be able to spend time with my spouse and they're working all the time and I'm working all the time and I'm feeling resentful because now there's been a shift in our family where there needs to be an increase in income
00:09:54
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well now I'm feeling guilty because I want to be able to help with that. Like the list goes on and on and you just keep digging down and investigating the core of why you're feeling what you're feeling and sometimes there is no why. Sometimes you just feel what you feel and to look at it with non-judgment, making no judgments and just allowing the emotion to be
00:10:20
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the emotion. It doesn't mean that you have to sit in it forever. I mean emotions need to be dealt with and not ignored because either we deal with them or they will deal with us.
00:10:32
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No one really can make you feel any certain way. They can trigger emotions for sure. Like they can trigger anger, they can trigger sadness, or they can trigger guilt or shame. They can trigger these emotions within you, but you are in control of how you choose to navigate that emotion. And they're not always convenient.
00:10:54
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and when it's not convenient that's when we decide to push it down right and i talked about that that's sensory overload the more that you teach yourself to push away the emotions. The better you're going to be at hiding them and then being even more triggered and unable to feel like you're moving past those emotions and they're always going to be on the surface.
00:11:15
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and who wants that. I definitely don't want that for you and I do not want it for myself, not at all. It's just easier than you would think possible to deal with the emotions in the present and to investigate them and then lovingly let them go and move through you in the present moment rather than saving it for later or thinking about it later or dealing with it later.
00:11:41
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It isn't always a great experience sometimes, especially when they're the negative emotions, which seems to be the ones that we all want to navigate the most.
00:11:51
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But emotions are meant to help us be able to live our life and experience life on all levels. It's the best way for you to be able to grow and to change and to develop and to evolve because triggers are opportunities to grow, to find resolution.
00:12:13
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And when you repress emotions or you repress thoughts that are tied up in emotions, that's when you feel mentally and emotionally exhausted because you are trying to push it down. Whereas if you decide to embrace it and to face what you're feeling and to investigate it,
00:12:35
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and to name it and acknowledge it, you will find that your emotional immune system is going to continue to develop. And you are going to find that it's easier to express your needs and your wants of what you need and want. I mean, it sounds crazy, but understand that your emotions can transform your life. They help you grow.
00:12:59
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and they usually tell you what's going on before you actually know what's going on because emotions are just so heavy. When you process your emotions and you work through them, a great way to do that is through some type of meditation or movement, something that will shift your focus so that it frees up space
00:13:21
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to allow the emotion to move through your body, to just not judge it and allow it to just be the emotion because you are not the emotion. You are not anger. You are not sadness. You are feeling angry.
00:13:37
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You are feeling sad or you are feeling fearful. You are feeling a certain way. But that does not mean that you are your emotion. There's that line where we think that when you're feeling an emotion, we need to respond to the emotion and everything around us needs to translate what we're feeling. It's a human part of life. But when you create the space, a place for you to be able
00:14:02
Speaker
to be aware of what you're feeling, to acknowledge what you're feeling, to investigate what you're feeling. Allow yourself to feel what you feel so that you can lovingly let it go. You're going to find so much more peace and clarity and energy shifting within you that you are able to live your life in the helpful way that you want. And you're going to be able to see more desired outcomes coming true for
Self-Care and Emotional Well-Being
00:14:31
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you.
00:14:31
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It is a form of self-care to be able to navigate your emotions. Self-care is psychologically good for your well-being and there's a lot of myths out there that it's going to take extra time or that it's selfish and that it's not the same as self-love and I disagree. I disagree to the fact that you being able to navigate emotions, to be able to understand your emotions, to be able to understand
00:15:01
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yourself and to create time, space and grace for yourself to move through your life. Your daily tasks with more ease is good for your psychological well-being, which in turn
00:15:15
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is self-care. It is self-love. It is self-preservation. It's you being empowered to create an energy that coincides with your view of the world and to allow that to evolve so that you feel less angry or less stressed or less anxious. Because the benefits of being able to navigate your emotions
00:15:38
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And to create this self-care for your emotional immune system, you're going to find that your self-esteem is going to be increased because you know who you are. You're going to be able to more regularly navigate the emotions that you're feeling and in turn be able to navigate the thoughts that you're feeling.
00:15:58
Speaker
And if you are suffering from low self-esteem, you're gonna wanna trick yourself into a higher self-esteem. And you do this by spending time with yourself, but you'll also be able to take care of others more efficiently and effectively because you will naturally know how to do that. It's like when you will go on a plane and they tell you to put your mask on first before you help anyone else around you. And as a woman or, you know,
00:16:27
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primary caregiver, it seems wrong. It's counterintuitive to not take care of someone else around you. I know it is for me and I've only ever flown once but I remember it because I thought how strange it was that why wouldn't I help those around me before I put it on myself? But if I'm not taking care of me and making sure that I'm doing the things that fill my cup, that create more self-esteem for myself, that boost
00:16:56
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my courage and my empowerment and increase my compassion for things and my love for things and I'm not authentic to myself, how am I going to be able to portray that and to teach that and to model that for those around me, especially for my children? It's going to be a lot more difficult because I'm not doing the things that I want to model. Does that make sense?
00:17:19
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you want to become that model by putting your mask on first, by filling your cup first so that it overflows into the rest of your life and to the rest of your relationships. It is definitely a myth
00:17:33
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that self care is selfish. No one will take care of you like you can take care of you. And more often than not, when you're taking care of yourself, it is far easier to be able to see the needs of others because you create empathy and your emotional intelligence increases.
00:17:51
Speaker
It is a myth that you think that no one understands you. If you're not asking for what you need, that's why you're not getting it. People are not mind readers. I used to play that game all the time. How does he just not know what I need? I wanted him to be a mind reader and he wasn't and it was so aggravating.
00:18:10
Speaker
It's important to remember people are not mind readers. If you are not asking for what you need, people will be able to walk all over you and it's going to be a long time. And so that's when you want to define and create boundaries, asking for what you need and what you don't need, what you desire and what you don't desire and setting those boundaries so that you are receiving what you need. That is self care.
00:18:34
Speaker
And the myth that there's no time for self-care, there's no time to be able to have for you. Well, I mean, you might have less someday and you might have more another and you'll accomplish a lot. But what it comes down to is what really matters to you. And instead of wasting time doing things that might not really be that important, okay Heather, that's like watching Netflix because you love your favorite show and you binge watch it. Like I could be doing other things that might be filling my cup even more so.
00:19:01
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Notice that I say I could be doing other things, not that I should be doing other things, because you could should all over something, but you could be doing something different. If you asked yourself, am I doing what I want to be doing?
00:19:17
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Or am I doing what I could be doing to better myself, my circumstances, optimizing my time in a way that has me feel empowered and strong and loved the way that I would like to be empowered, strong and loved? It's also a myth that there is one perfect way to do self-care. Nope, not at all. There is wiggle room and finding self-care that works for you and being able to do that
00:19:45
Speaker
comes down to managing your emotions and your thoughts and creating the time, the space, and the grace. Five minutes here, ten minutes there, it's a matter of being able to find the rhythm and the flow for your day. If you're the type of person that needs a scheduled time, schedule the time, even if it's five minutes. If you're the type of person that goes with the flow,
00:20:08
Speaker
then schedule in, you know, little things for check-ins on your phone to say check in with yourself. And how am I doing? Do I need to take a few minutes for myself to manage the emotions that I might have been pushing down, to manage the thoughts and to ask myself the questions so that I am not bombarded by the end of the night so I can actually sleep tonight. I've also heard that people say, oh, I've tried self-care and it doesn't work.
00:20:37
Speaker
Well, guess what? That's because it's not just a one-time thing. It's a way that you connect to your body, your mind, your spirit. You need to be actively involved of meeting your own needs and finding ways to be able to do that in a healthier way.
00:20:55
Speaker
And sometimes it just comes down to asking really good questions, especially around your emotions. Here's a great question. Do you feel free to express any and all emotions? Another question you could ask, are you okay feeling your emotions? Do you feel like your emotions matter as much as other people's emotions?
00:21:18
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The way that you answer those questions is going to help you know where to start in your self
Harmony and Emotional Management
00:21:24
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-care. Self-care is about your mind, your body, your spirit, your emotions. And we have to stop seeing self-care and self-love as different because what they all encompass is this core premise of mind, body, emotions, spirit.
00:21:43
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There is a harmony and a union between all of these things that encompass self-care and self-love. And it definitely means that you need an environment to be able to express what you're feeling. Do you feel comfortable in your environment?
00:22:00
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There are a lot of times where just changing your environment and being able to be with what you're feeling, what you're thinking, and allow them to move through you rather than trying to shape them all the time creates release. And that means practice because practice makes progress.
00:22:20
Speaker
practice is potential. Everything that you do to navigate your thoughts and your emotions comes down to a choice of what you're going to do. We can't always choose the way that our emotions are triggered. We can start to navigate them and approach them in a way that they are separate from ourselves. You are not your emotion, you are feeling the emotion. So I encourage you to take
00:22:44
Speaker
a self-assessment. To be able to ask yourself how you're feeling in your day. Ask yourself the questions, am I safe to feel what I feel? Am I able to be comfortable in this environment? Do my relationships help me grow? Do you feel connected to something bigger than yourself?
00:23:04
Speaker
All of these questions are things that I ask myself and like I've mentioned earlier, when I'm feeling anger especially, I get the worst headaches. It is a physical representation of what I am feeling internally and when I start to move my body and I start to
00:23:23
Speaker
Let them just move through me rather than holding them in tight and trying to numb them and not let anyone know I'm a pretty animated person and you're gonna know how I'm feeling before I say it. And I'm sure as you practice this you will find for you that as you identify what you're feeling and allow the emotions to move through you
00:23:44
Speaker
you are going to become better at naming your emotions and you are going to become better at knowing how you feel and you're going to be able to increase your self-esteem, your confidence, this empowerment that you want for yourself through this self-care of improving your emotional immune system.
00:24:04
Speaker
Maybe it's just considering how you feel about something and saying, I need a little more time to think about that and it's okay. You can evaluate and reevaluate and be honest with yourself and with others because I'm here to tell you if someone told me that they needed a little more time,
00:24:23
Speaker
to think about something or process. Usually my first reaction is, seriously, you don't just know the answer. But as you continue to allow time and space for others and allow them grace, it's going to be reciprocated for you. Think about how you want to spend your day. Started off with saying, today I am going to allow myself to feel my emotions
00:24:46
Speaker
because I am free to feel what I feel. Practice feeling what you feel, to navigate through them, to investigate them, to lovingly let them go and move into a space that you desire to be in.
00:25:01
Speaker
mentally, emotionally, and physically. Because if you continue to allow your emotions and your thoughts to dictate your day, you are going to continue to feel mentally and emotionally exhausted, and the mental and emotional clarity that you're seeking is going to continue to elude you.
00:25:20
Speaker
and you're going to feel more anxious, you're going to feel overwhelmed, you're going to feel that you have no energy, you're going to be fatigued and exhausted. It's when you allow the time and the space and the grace that you need for yourself and others and you practice
00:25:37
Speaker
that you are going to feel more free and more connected with yourself, with others, within your body, within your spirit and physically know what you need. It's the best form of stress management and it's about accepting
00:25:55
Speaker
who you are, connecting with who you are, allowing yourself to be who you are and what you feel, and to stop self-sabotaging what you feel and how you feel it, and to allow yourself to flow with it. Let go of the control and shaping it into something
00:26:13
Speaker
that you want it to be. That's called resistance. Stop resisting what you feel. Allow yourself to be connected, acknowledge it, lovingly let it go, and know that no emotions are good, bad, weak, wrong. They're emotions. You are not your emotions. You feel your emotions. The way to be able to do that is to increase your emotional immune system, and that means keeping your emotional immune system healthy.
00:26:43
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allowing what you feel to flow through you and to stop reacting to it and instead responding to it, even when it's not convenient.
Conclusion and Encouragement
00:26:53
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Don't go and numb it. Think, I'm going to deal with this now in the present so that my emotions don't deal with me later.
00:27:01
Speaker
you just finished another episode of the sex and motherhood podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Feeling inspired? Go ahead, rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode. I want to hear your biggest takeaway sister friend. So I invite you to skip on over to Instagram and leave a comment about your favorite part at, at sex and motherhood. Be sure to share with your sister friends too. Meet you here next week.