Transcript
Speaker: Hey sister friend, it's Heather Georgel, your certified life and NLP practitioner. And here we make doing the inner work not suck by talking about all things motherhood, womenhood, sex, and everything in between. Are you ready? Let's talk. This is the sex and motherhood podcast.
Speaker: Today I have a very special guest on the podcast. It is my oldest daughter. Hi. She has been aching to be on the podcast and wanting to be a part of it. So we're going to get her perspective on a few things that we've been talking about on the podcast, about emotions in particularly. Let's just get her point of view. Does that sound like a good idea? Yeah.
Speaker: So we are recording this almost before bed. So her little eyes are starting to droop and she's seeming pretty tired. Aren't you tired? Kind of. This is one of her struggles. She does not like to go to bed or wake up actually come to think of it. True. So let's just dive right in. I have a few questions for you sis and I want you to be able to answer them the way that you
Speaker: feel they need to be answered. Are you ready? What is the biggest thing that you have learned about your emotions? I have to think about this. That if you take a break, you can stop what you're doing to think. So is it okay to feel what you feel? Yes.
Speaker: Okay, so when you stop and you think, how does that help you? Because you can stop what else you're thinking and just think about what you did and then maybe you could set your mind off of it and then say sorry what you did or something, whatever. Okay, so you like to take some time for yourself to feel what you're feeling and think about the things that you're doing. Is that what you mean? Yes. Yeah, because sometimes you like to go to your room and be in there for a minute. And sometimes I send you to your room.
Speaker: so that you can process what you're feeling so that we don't have a yelling match. Although, come to think that sometimes we do have a yelling match, don't we? Yes. Doesn't make me feel good. No. No. Doesn't make you feel good? No. When we do come together, how do we handle that? How do we talk to each other? Um...
Speaker: when we come together and we talk to each other we do which is I love you I'm sorry please forgive me thank you okay and how does it make us feel when we say that to each other I'm good good so the reason why we do I love you is because we want the person to remember that we love them and that
Speaker: we're sorry for the way that we acted instead of responding to how you were feeling so that you felt heard and then we ask for forgiveness for each other and when we are forgiven we say thank you and what that does is help cleanse the negative energy that we had toward each other those bad feelings of not feeling heard and it's like washing it away ah
Speaker: I know that you used to really struggle and say, I can't do this and I can't do that and it's too hard. It's too hard. And what's been something that we've been practicing so that when you feel that you can't do something, we flip that? Um, saying that we can do it. It's not hard. Okay. And when it feels scary, what have I said to you before?
Speaker: Um, that you're brave and that you're strong. Have I ever told you mommy does things scared? Oh yes. How many times do I tell you I do things scared? I can't count.
Speaker: because there's a lot of times. Is it okay to be scared? Yes. Okay. Is it okay to be so scared that we get frozen and we don't want to move or do anything? No. No. Because why? Because then you'll be too scared then you won't want to do anything in your life. That's true. So sometimes we need fear, right? We need to be a little bit scared because then we know what how brave we are.
Speaker: Yeah, when you're just a little bit scared, it helps us know how brave we are and it's okay to make mistakes sometimes, huh? Yeah. When we make mistakes, what happens? We can fix them and mistakes make us learn. That's right. Mistakes do make us learn. I feel like mistakes are the things that help us be able to find something out that we love lots.
Speaker: or maybe what we thought we couldn't do, we found out that we could do, but we didn't know until after we did something that
Speaker: didn't really work out and it felt like a mistake. So when you feel upset how do you handle your emotions? Sometimes you smack your brother. Sure. Okay and does hurting people solve anything? No. Does hurting yourself solve anything? No. Hurting other people and hurting ourselves doesn't help anything then how do we handle being upset? By smacking a pillow. Okay and when you smack the pillow how does that make you feel? Good. Why does it make you feel good? Because it gets my anger out.
Speaker: Oh, why were you angry? If my brother did something that I didn't like, I could just smack a pillow instead of him. That's true. Do you talk to your brother after you got upset? Yes. How long does it take you to talk to him after you've got upset? About two minutes. Two minutes? Maybe. Maybe. And how do you talk to him when you're upset?
Speaker: that I'm sorry for what I did. All right. Well, I think it's time for you to run off to bed. It was really nice having you on today, sis. You mean night. I hope that you have a good night's sleep. Well, now she's ran off to bed, put her to sleep and wish the conversation would have gone a little bit longer.
Speaker: But her eyes were falling asleep as she was talking. She was losing her train of thought. She said she had so much energy prior to recording. And as soon as we started to record, her little body was just exhausted. It is always pleasing to my heart to hear how what I'm learning I'm able to portray to
Speaker: my children, and I know for certain that I am not perfect at it. There are times that we do have screaming matches, where neither one of us is listening to each other, and I hear them have screaming matches, and all I know is, is I'm not meant to be perfect. I'm only meant to practice what I preach.
Speaker: and what I teach. Sometimes my own emotions go a little high and I overreact. Being able to have my kids see me go through the process of, oh, I'm overreacting. I'm so sorry for the way that I'm acting. I need five minutes to myself
Speaker: to make sense of how I'm feeling. Is that okay? I'm gonna go to my room. For them to be able to see that even though I sometimes yell and I react, that I'm still learning and it's okay to make mistakes. And as my sweet little girl said, mistakes help us learn. And they do, they do help us learn and they help us grow. And emotions are meant to help us be able to learn more about ourselves.
Speaker: They help us to move forward because without emotion, we really wouldn't be eager to do anything. And sometimes when we've been living outside of our emotions, meaning we've been avoiding them, we've been pushing them down,
Speaker: For years and years it's become so natural to not feel what we feel that being overwhelmed and anxious and stressed are the key points of a day and so when something happens that triggers more anxiety or more anger or more sadness or more overwhelm and
Speaker: It's easy to slip right into reaction mode rather than be still, feel what I'm feeling, navigate, process, observe, and then respond. Sometimes it's easier said than done.
Speaker: However, that doesn't mean that it needs to be perfect and especially with Thanksgiving happening this month and next week I guess it is. There's been a lot of time of self -reflection and being able to see the things that I'm thankful for and even though there's so much chaos with my children, they're from eight years old to one year and sometimes it is
Speaker: chaos and my kids pick on each other and sometimes they don't talk very nice and sometimes they say things just to upset the other and sometimes they're quite cheeky and all of it really comes down to they're gonna say what they're gonna say. I can be there to help show them a way that has them say how they're feeling and what they need and what they want without belittling
Speaker: what the other person needs and wants and desires and being able for both of them to be heard and to stop and evaluate what is actually being said and teaching them to listen rather than to wait until their turn to speak so that they can hear what the other person is saying and it is a long road to teach this and I'm sure that it's going to be for the rest of my life because I'm still learning it and as we continue to grow together as a family
Speaker: and move forward in our life together there are going to be times that will probably still have screaming matches and the emotions will run high and I hope and I pray that the things that I am teaching them to be able to recognize what they're feeling and acknowledge how it makes them feel and investigate what they're feeling so that they can lovingly let
Speaker: The negative emotions go so that they can embrace more positive emotions and neutral emotions to where they're living the life that they desire. And I am not in charge of the life that they desire. I can only model what I desire and help them be able to create goals that help them with where they want to go in life. That doesn't mean always creating a goal that is about how good looking they are or how smart they are or
Speaker: my kids to stay on the surface. I want them to dream big. My son, every time, I mean every time we pass a really good looking truck or a really awesome four -wheeler or a side -by -side or anything, he'll comment and say one day I'm gonna make something like that and I'm gonna get it for you mom and I'm gonna build the coolest houses that do this and that and I'm gonna build a side -by -side that does this mom and a four -wheeler that can sit this many people instead and
Speaker: And I just smile and I say, that's amazing. You're going to do great work with your hands. Do you like to build things? Maybe we should get you a building set if you'd like to try to create more things to build. And he's like, yeah, that would be awesome. I want to try to build so many different things that can help the whole world, mom. I don't want to discourage him or bring him down off of cloud nine and diminish what he sees himself doing.
Speaker: Who am I to say you can't do those things? Let's be realistic.
Speaker: What type of parent would I be if I didn't let my kids dream big and to make mistakes and to learn from those mistakes and grow from those mistakes and even to grow from the things that they were maybe too ambitious. I'm a very ambitious person myself and I'm very independent and I like to do things by trial and error and sometimes I want things to be so perfect that I never finish them because they're never perfect enough.
Speaker: And that's my own struggle. And really, I just want my kids to be thankful for the type of people that they want to be, that they desire to be. I hope and pray that that's for them to have integrity, for them to serve in a capacity that supports others.
Speaker: that they will be able to love everyone regardless of differences, that they can be understanding and supportive, and that they can speak up and say what they need and what they desire and to not accept anything less.
Speaker: Because there's too many times that I feel that my generation of parenting doesn't want to discipline. We want to be friends. And I can be my child's friend, but also there's a line and there's a boundary. And one of these episodes we're really going to dive into boundaries.
Speaker: But there's a boundary of teaching my kids boundaries and have them be able to know what they want and what they desire. And as long as I'm creating a space where they get to practice feeling what they feel, where they get to practice talking their way through it, where they get to practice expressing what they need, where they get to practice expressing what they desire and want.
Speaker: where they get to practice saying this feels good for me mom or i don't like this mom or whatever it may be that i get to create a space of safety so that they can take that with them and know what it feels like to express themselves so that they can be 100 percent themselves so that when they come across people that don't like them that they're gonna say you know what that's okay because not everyone has to like me there's people that i don't like
Speaker: and that it's okay, but that we can still be kind without having to be like other people, that they can be themselves and that they can love others for being themselves.
Speaker: A great way to be able to help your children navigate their emotions is to stop telling them how to feel. So when your child gets hurt, I think it's an immediate thing to say, you're okay, you're okay, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine, stop crying, you're fine. They might not be fine. So a great flip for that is, are you okay? Rather than, you're fine. Are they fine? Are you going to be okay? See how there's a difference there? See how it doesn't make them feel like what they're feeling is invalid. Are you going to be okay? If they say no,
Speaker: That's okay. I'm so sorry. How can I help you? There is no reason and there's no rhyme to the, you're fine. It's fine. You're okay. How do you know that they're okay? Are you in their body? Are you feeling what they're feeling? No. So stop teaching your kids that what they feel, they're fine. Allow them to express their emotions the way that they need to.
Speaker: And that's done by modeling. And modeling that is the way that you get to learn for yourself and you can't model something that you're not doing. I encourage you to take the time for yourself to re -evaluate how you're modeling for your kids, whether that's in a classroom, whether that's
Speaker: in you know like uh at church for church callings if you have something like that um if you are a mom if you are a dad if you're an aunt the way that you model your life
Speaker: the way you handle your emotions. Kids are watching and they are like sponges and it takes a village and this village you want to create. It doesn't mean that the village you were born into is the village that's going to raise the best version of your child. And is there really a best version? I think that there's an ever -growing version.
Speaker: and that ever growing version is the one you should be seeking for. And I just said the should word, but it's the one that I want for my kids that it is a version of them that continues to grow because a growing version of you is going to be all parts of you.
Speaker: So become that growing version for yourself and be able to model recognizing how you feeling acknowledging that it's okay to feel the things that you feel that your thoughts do not dictate how you move forward that they're just evidence.
Speaker: of something that has happened in the past and that you are able to transcend and transform to reevaluate those past experiences so that you can feel in your present, heard and seen and loved and feel empowered to move through the emotions by investigating them.
Speaker: and the more that you practice investigating them, the more that they'll easily flow through you and you'll lovingly let them go. So as Thanksgiving approaches, I encourage you to start taking note of how you're modeling gratitude for those around you, those that you love, for your kids,
Speaker: your classroom, how are you modeling gratitude? Because a state of gratitude can transform more than just your mind, it can transform your life. So I hope that you learned a little something today from my daughter who is learning to handle and manage her emotions and to express them in a safe space so that she understands what they are, where they come from, and
Speaker: and how she can develop healthy approaches to dealing with them rather than her emotions dealing with her. I hope that you find a way to express your gratitude for the things that are in your life, that you take a moment to love yourself for where you are right now and model that and express that and be an example of that so that it overflows into your life with more gratitude.
Speaker: You just finished another episode of the sex and motherhood podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Feeling inspired? Go ahead, rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode. I want to hear your biggest takeaway sister friend. So I invite you to skip on over to Instagram and leave a comment about your favorite part at, at sex and motherhood. Be sure to share with your sister friends too. Meet you here next week.
