Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Why should I forgive!
21 Plays2 years ago
In the episode Heather shares insight on forgiveness and how its really about taking your power back so you can live and feel how you desire and deserve.
She mentions a book by Louise Hay called "You can heal your life"
Remember to subscribe, share, and leave a review when you feel called to do so!
If you want to really thrive this season + be able to WIN CASH + CLARITY I invite you to check out our MINUTE TO WIN IT Realignment series right here!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Themes
00:00:02
Speaker
Hey sister friend, it's Heather Georgel, your certified life and NLP practitioner. And here we make doing the inner work not suck by talking about all things motherhood, womenhood, sex, and everything in between. Are you ready? Let's talk. This is the sex and motherhood podcast.
Crafting a Joyful Day
00:00:24
Speaker
Oh my goodness. So today has been such a good day when I woke up this morning,
00:00:29
Speaker
My main focus was that I was going to do everything
00:00:33
Speaker
that would help me feel joy and help me feel just good today and to avoid doing the things that would make me angry or frustrated which is ironic because when you're a mom your kids just love to do things that trigger your anger or your frustration and there were definitely still some of those moments but as far as completing tasks today and having that big to-do list
00:01:00
Speaker
I definitely had my not to do list and I did not do the things that took more of my energy so that I couldn't play with my kids. And I did do things that did take energy like vacuuming and cleaning the house and wiping down, you know, like the couch and making it nice again and doing the dishes. And even though that it was work, I was creating the space that I wanted to be in.
00:01:26
Speaker
So to me, I was fulfilling my intention for the day of wanting me to feel good and to only do the things that would help me feel good and having my home not feel chaotic helps me not feel chaotic on the inside. I don't know if you're like that, but that's definitely something that happens for me.
Authenticity and Overcoming Self-Doubt
00:01:48
Speaker
And as I was thinking about that, last week's podcast has been on my mind a lot and I've had a lot of feedback about being able to be 100% you and going that 100% rather than staying at 80% or even 60% or 99.9% you and how it's not always easy to say the things that you're ashamed of or the things that you're thinking. And the mental prison is really
00:02:16
Speaker
all of those walls that we put up about our self-doubts and our not enoughs and the you know I should statements and those limiting beliefs that create our toxic self-talk and they also create you know more stories from our past experiences and it's just this circle of self-sabotage that seems to take place and that even includes being like toxic positive towards yourself or others
00:02:43
Speaker
you know like I had a friend of mine that had shared with me that she was having a panic attack and normally you know the response would be like oh it will be fine everything's fine like you just need to calm down and breathe and to me that doesn't seem very helpful so it's actually a toxic positive because it's not actually helpful to be like whoa chill calm down just breathe and so I was more like okay take a deep breath
00:03:10
Speaker
You know, you've had panic attacks before. You know exactly what to do to help you feel more aligned and to help you through this. You know exactly what to do. That was so much more helpful than being like, you've got this. It's fine. You're okay. That type of positivity does not work well when trying to convey something.
00:03:31
Speaker
especially when it feels like you're invalidating someone else's feelings or beliefs or their view of the
Forgiveness and Self-Identity
00:03:37
Speaker
world. You know, in an episode about mental prison, I talk about the different types of, you know, prison guards that we have or the security guards and how
00:03:45
Speaker
know there's these storytellers of you have your logic and making decisions and there's the judgments and the past experiences and all of these stories that are filtering our view of the world. How being able to change that can also change how you perceive your identity and this helps you to be
00:04:03
Speaker
100% you. All of you. All of the nagridy, uncommon things that it is to be you. Are you super, super loud? And some people just can't handle that. And it's like, we'll go find it somewhere else if you want something less than that. Like, this is me, and if you don't want me for who I am, then I don't need you. And it sounds really mean to say out loud, but do you really want people in your life that you have to
00:04:31
Speaker
be less of yourself with. No, I don't and you shouldn't either. That's not a way to live, at least not a sustainable way to live.
The Freedom of Forgiveness
00:04:40
Speaker
I really wanted to mainly focus on the aspect of forgiveness and being able to forgive
00:04:47
Speaker
is really about forgiving yourself while you're forgiving others. And that does not mean that when you're forgiving someone that you condone their behavior or you agree with whatever it is that they've done. It doesn't mean that you agree with the portrayal. What it means is that you are allowing that energy, those feelings, those negative feelings that you're harboring and you are able to let them go because you're forgiving yourself for holding on to them.
00:05:14
Speaker
And I've done this process myself many times and it can definitely feel uncomfortable and sometimes there's a little bit of resistance there and it isn't always easy, but it could actually be easier than you thought possible.
00:05:30
Speaker
One thing that is extraordinary about forgiveness is that it allows you to have freedom, not the other person. Maybe in its own way, but forgiveness is for you. It's for your freedom. When you change the explanation of a story, when you have the time and the space to reevaluate your life and the way that it's progressing or the way that you
00:05:57
Speaker
or wanting to live it. You have these desired outcomes of how you imagine your life to be. Sometimes in changing a previous explanation for a story, which is a belief that you have, which was an event, which also could be an experience that's created emotions, that's created thoughts, and it's created the belief.
00:06:18
Speaker
And sometimes when you go to change that explanation, forgiveness may just need to be granted because harboring resentment or harboring anger or harboring sadness or harboring the fear and it's towards someone else or even yourself, you are the only one that suffers.
00:06:36
Speaker
I mentioned previously about a friend that we were just not meant to be lifelong friends and it's okay and I'm I'm okay and I really really pray that you know she's okay too and that she's doing really well in her life and what's interesting is
00:06:53
Speaker
How many times did I still flip back into that old identity that I had created to please her to make sure that I was doing everything that she needed me to be or what I thought she needed me to be and it really wasn't what we both needed at all.
Personal Stories of Forgiveness
00:07:09
Speaker
And how it was actually making me a victim and her a victim. Her a victim of I wasn't being totally myself and me a victim because I had created these expectations for myself to be something that I wasn't.
00:07:23
Speaker
wanted to change this identity that I had created and the identity that she had also placed on me. And I think that this happens a lot that even our closest friends, we've created identities for them and things that they do that maybe are who they are because of this view that we have of them, this version of themselves that we've created, they do something and it's like, whoa, that was so not like her. Like, I think she's just having a really hard day today.
00:07:51
Speaker
but yet we don't allow ourselves that same type of grace and that same type of forgiveness and that's kind of where this really comes from because usually I hear people say I don't know how to forgive and where do I even start? You just start by being willing to forgive. You start by just allowing grace to be a part of your life.
00:08:11
Speaker
for yourself and allowing it to help you let go of that unconscious need to be the victim. And I'm not saying that, you know, again that you're condoning or agreeing with what's happened. Forgiveness is really about setting yourself free from the chains of you being the victim of its power.
Consequences of Unforgiveness
00:08:30
Speaker
If you've been feeling like lost and stuck and you don't know why and you're just filled with this
00:08:34
Speaker
anger or this resentment or you know this frustration this annoyance this betrayal like this is all anger when you're harboring that anger every action that you take is going to be made out of anger and i don't know about you but i don't make the best of decisions when i'm angry and i'm in any type of state of anger so when you're trying to forgive
00:08:58
Speaker
It's about allowing you to let go of the hold that it has on you, to take back the power of you being you, of you being enough, of you choosing the desired outcomes that you have for your life. In the book,
00:09:14
Speaker
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, whom I love. Anything from the Hay House is amazing, am I right? I'm just gonna read this passage here so that I don't get it wrong. When we do not flow freely with life in the present moment, it usually means we are holding on to a past moment, and these moments are linked
00:09:32
Speaker
to emotions. Like I said, anger, sadness, fear, shame, guilt, hurt, even happiness or joy or it just really creates increased troubles to your mental and emotional state. The more that you think about the problem and how they made you angry and what they did and how it fires you up and you can talk about it with your your sisters or your girlfriends or your best friends or your whomever's and it's like they fire it up with you and it's keeping you in the state of being a victim.
00:10:02
Speaker
just forgive and get your power back, get your confidence back. And it's those moments when they're linked to your mental and emotional states like that, that the troubles just really increase. It's like, do you know that saying, it's a terrible, terrible saying, but you know that saying an eye for an eye, it's kind of a morbid saying. I don't know why it's a saying, but that's really what it comes down to when you are in this victim mentality.
00:10:26
Speaker
and not allowing forgiveness because forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's really for you. It is definitely for you in regaining your power back. And you don't have to live in the state of mind and the negative emotions that present themselves in a moment or a memory or even any event like
Forgiveness as Personal Liberation
00:10:47
Speaker
right now. Like I said, remember that emotions only last 90 seconds or less unless you tie them to a thought or an event which creates a belief that you live by.
00:10:56
Speaker
Louise Hay even goes like further. This is just amazing. I have to share it. So Louise Hay explains that the states of blame, anger, resentment, hurt, sadness. Okay. These states come from a space of unforgiveness. I refusal to let go and come into the present moment. Okay. Now,
00:11:14
Speaker
If you're feeling angry, resentment, hurt, sadness, like these big emotions, let me read this again. These states come from a space of unforgiveness, a refusal to let go and come into the present moment.
00:11:30
Speaker
So by being unforgiving, it's going to lead you down the same roads that you've been traveling and it's going to keep you as a victim. It's going to keep you feeling powerless and hopeless rather than forgiveness being the one thing that will allow you to be free of those past events. And there's a lot more to it. I mean, that's the work that I do is to help you be able to release the emotions that are tied to past events, past memories, past
00:11:59
Speaker
experiences and the thoughts that surround them, the beliefs that surround them that have been trickling into every part of your life to where you're living the life that you've literally designed. I want you to know that forgiveness may not always feel easy. I get it. There are times where it hurts my heart to try to forgive, but I want you to think about this. The way that you speak to yourself is the way that others will speak to you.
00:12:28
Speaker
So forgiving may take some time for some things and less time for others. I know that there's a lot of talk about how time doesn't heal wounds. That could be true, that time does not heal all things and it doesn't. However, forgiveness
00:12:43
Speaker
does allow you to regain your power back. And sometimes allowing yourself to be willing to forgive but not condone or agree with the behavior is where you can start. It is about your mental health, your emotional health, and your physical health.
00:12:58
Speaker
I mean, you could start out just by saying, I forgive you for not being the type of friend that I really needed in this hard time and I forgive you and set you free. Now, even though that sounds like it's for the other person, what you're really saying is that you forgive them for not meeting that expectation or a need or a desire you envisioned for them, that you expected of them, the identity that you gave them. And this also can work for you.
00:13:23
Speaker
Use the same phrase, I forgive myself for not being blank, and I forgive you and set you free. And you could say this in the mirror, and this will really allow you to let go of the attachments of being a victim to your story. Just set yourself free. Forgiveness is not about putting yourself back in harm's way, like in a relationship or an environment. And it's not about condoning the other person's actions or what they've done, it's about letting
00:13:50
Speaker
go of the power that the actions and the emotions have over you and releasing yourself from those chains will help you get unstuck and it's going to help you create a new identity of who you really desire to be and to have the confidence to be 100% you and to have the confidence
00:14:09
Speaker
that you want to live the life that you desire and your confidence is really an outward expression of what you're feeling inside.
Positive Self-Talk and Identity Creation
00:14:19
Speaker
So if you're feeling defeated and hopeless and resentful and angry and sad then
00:14:25
Speaker
Your confidence is not going to appear as bright and as amazing and empowered as you'd like it to be because you're in negative states of emotion. Does that make sense? You're creating the identity that you want and that creates your outcome, your life. You can adopt any part of your identity and keep it or you can choose to let it go.
00:14:46
Speaker
It's like using I am statements. I am statements, whatever comes after I am, can be the most empowering or the most destructive phrase. It could be I am a self-sabotager. I am not enough. I am
00:15:01
Speaker
bad at math. I am a bad mom. I am awesome. I am amazing. I am a queen at doing this. I am working hard at doing whatever it may be. So I learned this from Tony Robbins and he talks about these incantations and how when you spell out incantation it can be an I can statement or it can be an I can't statement and you get to choose because whatever you focus on
00:15:25
Speaker
your energy is going to flow to that. You're going to receive more of that frequency in your life. So if you're focusing on not forgiving other people and harboring these feelings that are keeping you stuck in the story and being a victim, what you're really doing is saying, here, I want you to hold all the power for how I live my life, how I think about myself, how I feel about myself, how I give myself to others and the world because of what's happened. Doesn't sound very awesome, does it? I don't think so. It wasn't for me.
00:15:54
Speaker
And it takes a lot of bravery and courage to say, I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. And how those words, when you truly believe them, open up a space in your heart, within your soul, that you say, I feel like a weight has been lifted.
00:16:14
Speaker
And that doesn't mean that you go back to the situation. That doesn't mean that you have to hang out with whomever it is. That doesn't mean whatever may have happened. That doesn't mean you put yourself back in situations where you're going to end up hurt. Where you're going to continue to be a victim. You need to break the cycle. And that is what I did. That's how you create the new identity. That is how you create your identity of being 100% you. How you set up
00:16:37
Speaker
how you deserve to be treated. Because if you don't treat yourself well, other people believe that they don't have to treat you well. If you're like, no, I've had enough and this is what I deserve, you're gonna start attracting those people that also want to give you what you deserve because they know you're going to give them what they deserve. The words and the language that you use control every aspect of your life, including things that happen unconsciously that you're hiding away from that you don't wanna deal with because it could feel painful and there's resistance there.
00:17:05
Speaker
And that's okay. It's part of the journey.
Future Identity Visualization
00:17:09
Speaker
It's part of the process. And when you're feeling triggered by these things, it is a opportunity for you to grow. And the more that you run away from it, the less likely you are to forgive, the less likely you are to love, and less likely you are to be in a state of gratitude and being able to release yourself from being the victim. Because it feels easier to just be a victim.
00:17:32
Speaker
We don't want to talk about all of the nitty-gritty things. But if we're not talking about it, how are we attracting the people that we want in our lives for life? If you're not willing to talk about it, how do you know that someone else might not have an answer that could help you? How do you know that you might be the answer for someone else to have the courage that they need to speak up?
00:17:49
Speaker
You don't know. So if you're not being 100% you, how do you know all of the opportunities that are being missed? You don't. You don't. Your energy will flow with what you believe. If you believe that you want to be the victim, if you believe that you cannot forgive someone, you're going to keep allowing negative energy into your life. And it's going to lead to more resentment, more anger,
00:18:13
Speaker
More sadness, more depression, more anxiety. More of all of the things that you're trying to move away from. So open your heart up to forgiving. Open your heart up to grace. Allowing grace. And to be okay when things don't go your way. And I know that that sounds easier said than done. And that's where practice comes in.
00:18:33
Speaker
Start forgiving for small things that might happen throughout the day. You can continue to let your past create your future, or you can decide who you want to be in your future. You can create a version of you who you want to be in the future. The mind is the most amazing thing ever. I mean, it relies on pictures.
00:18:53
Speaker
So being able to create the stories that you live by, it relies on those memories, it relies on those experiences. That is how the unconscious mind works. So you can design your future. You can design a future outcome that you want. You have to design it so realistic, so much that you feel it in every part of your body that it's real.
00:19:13
Speaker
So it stands to say that if you visualize with great detail exactly how you will be in the future, as if it's already happened, your brain will start adopting this new version, this new identity that you have for yourself, which is to be 100% you, right? Name this new version of you.
00:19:31
Speaker
What traits does this version of you have? What actions does she take every day? How does she stand? How does she speak? What does she do? How does she treat others? How does she dress? What does she say? Be specific. And you may feel resistance when you have lived by one identity for so long and it's all you know. And this is where the security system in your mind is like, whoa, whoa, alarms blaring, blaring, blaring.
00:19:57
Speaker
like it's almost like changing the passcode on your phone and you're like shoot i can't change the passcode unless i know the other passcode but i don't remember the other passcode so how am i supposed to change to the new passcode and it's like a whole new resetting process and it can feel frustrating that's resistance so start by just creating
00:20:13
Speaker
one new explanation, one new story to invoke your new identity. Maybe that's changing a statement that you say or maybe it's forgiving someone that has been keeping you captive. They don't care, but you've been allowing them to keep you captive and being resentful in this state and believing that other people are just too positive. You can't be around them. They don't know what you've been through and that may be true. But you are allowing what you think others think
00:20:39
Speaker
and the experiences that you've experienced to control how you live your life. And the more that you allow that to control your life, the more that you're going to bring more of that exact energy
Rewriting Personal Narratives
00:20:51
Speaker
toward you. I know without a doubt.
00:20:54
Speaker
that there is some serious trauma in life and that sometimes there needs to be a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma. And I encourage you to reach out to one. If you feel that you need that extra help, therapy is wonderful. I am an advocate for being able to rewrite your story, being able to rewrite the beliefs that you have about yourself so that you can live in the reality that you want. Because your beliefs create the reality that you live in
00:21:23
Speaker
And if you believe that you're not good enough or you can never have something, you're just going to keep creating that reality. I want you to live the life that you desire and I want you to feel empowered and confident and excited to be 100% you knowing that some people just aren't going to like you and to be like, that's all right, because I don't need you either.
00:21:43
Speaker
We're not life firsts and it's okay. And other times, maybe it's just having people in for a season and taking the positive learnings with you and letting go of the negatives. I mean, I could talk about this stuff all day, which is why I have this podcast. It's time for you.
00:21:59
Speaker
to just be 100%
Embracing True Self and Personal Empowerment
00:22:01
Speaker
you. It's time to allow yourself the space to open your heart and forgive those that may have wronged you on whatever level it is and to gain your power back and to stop being a victim that they don't care about. You are allowing them to have space within you that they don't even know that they have this much control over you. Do you really want someone else to be in control of your life and the way that you live it? No, you want to be in control of your life.
00:22:27
Speaker
You want to design your life, you want to be able to create a future, and you want to live in the present moment. Be in the moment and not stuck in the past. Forgiveness. Be 100% you. Allow yourself to feel the love.
00:22:43
Speaker
and the gratitude that comes from speaking the words, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. There is power in that. There is so much power in love and forgiveness and gratitude. Welcome more of that into your life. And I promise you, you will start to see that change is easier than you ever thought possible.
00:23:08
Speaker
you just finished another episode of the sex and motherhood podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Feeling inspired? Go ahead, rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode. I want to hear your biggest takeaway sister friend. So I invite you to skip on over to Instagram and leave a comment about your favorite part at, at sex and motherhood. Be sure to share with your sister friends too. Meet you here next week.