Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to the Shit Talk Podcast and Happy New Year.
Speaker: It's January 1st, 2024.
Speaker: We have an amazing episode for you today.
Speaker: I'm joined by Nikki Parlitsis, who you may remember from parts one and two of my Japanese toilet and bidet episode.
Speaker: She's back.
Speaker: Today we're talking about more on the brain-gut connection, but specifically we're talking about gut instincts and
Speaker: love in the gut, and how ignoring things that are telling you, be on alert, this is a problem, there's an issue here.
Speaker: We discuss how those things physically manifest in the body.
Speaker: We have an amazing conversation.
Speaker: And just a brief background in case you don't remember Nikki from my Bidet episodes, she's a registered dietitian and certified personal trainer who uses a highly individualized and holistic approach to nutrition and
Speaker: fitness, and lifestyle to help guide you toward your healthiest and most confident self.
Speaker: I can tell you as a friend, she certainly helps me feel like a better version and more confident version of myself.
Speaker: She's amazing.
Speaker: She practices integrative and functional nutrition at Michelle Shapiro Nutrition, a virtual nutrition practice that stands for the middle ground where you can pursue judgment-free weight loss and full body healing in a healthy, sustainable, and intuitive way.
Speaker: They actually just launched an eight week fitness and functional nutrition guide called Just Start Somewhere.
Speaker: So for those of you who are looking to begin a fitness journey or get back into one, maybe you set a New Year's resolution,
Speaker: Whatever, if you don't know where to start, this is an incredible guide and I have it linked in the show notes.
Speaker: You can also follow Nikki on Instagram at nutrition.niki for realistic recipes and fitness tips that actually fit into your busy life.
Speaker: And also she's hilarious.
Speaker: So for some comedy and midday comic relief, please follow her.
Speaker: She's amazing.
Speaker: And Nikki considers herself a proud elder emo and loves a spicy margarita, but promises she's not a basic bitch.
Speaker: Her Instagram is linked in the show notes.
Speaker: She is anything but basic.
Speaker: I hope you enjoy our conversation.
Speaker: We had so much fun.
Speaker: And I do want to just put out a trigger warning or disclaimer.
Speaker: We do discuss relationships and potentially abusive relationships.
Speaker: If that's something that resonates with you or is triggering for you, please know that is addressed in the episode.
Speaker: And I just wanted to make sure that was mentioned.
Speaker: But other than that, please enjoy.
Speaker: Welcome back to the Shit Talk Podcast for the third time, Nikki Parlitsis.
Speaker: How are you?
Speaker: I'm great, Liz.
Speaker: How are you doing?
Speaker: Well, we know how you're doing.
Speaker: I'm good.
Speaker: I have COVID for the first time, to my knowledge.
Speaker: First time, to my knowledge.
Speaker: So I'm okay.
Speaker: I'm not 100%, full disclosure to everyone listening.
Speaker: We'll see how it goes.
Speaker: I'm not my sharpest.
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: It's also the break between, we are recording this in the break between Christmas and New Year's.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So regardless of whatever holiday you celebrate, it is just kind of like a dull time of year where everyone's brain is offline and that's totally normal.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's so funny.
Speaker: I forget this and then I was looking at something.
Speaker: I've honestly not been on social media, but I happened to look at like one thing and it was like, now is that week when you don't know what day it is, what time it is, what you be in, what blah, blah.
Speaker: And it's like,
Speaker: historically I'm away this week, but I, I, you know, the last few years I've been here and like, it really, this happens every year and I forget about it.
Speaker: And now I'm in it, I have COVID.
Speaker: So I've just like been home in bed, not talking to anyone or socializing.
Speaker: So I really am like, I don't know what day it is.
Speaker: I don't know what's going on.
Speaker: I've barely been outside.
Speaker: I feel honored and along with the listeners that we are the first social interaction that you've had in the past week or so, which I think is an honor.
Speaker: So I'm excited.
Speaker: I'm the one who's honored.
Speaker: My favorite comes back.
Speaker: This is your third appearance.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Incredible.
Speaker: I feel like I want one of those SNL jackets next time.
Speaker: Maybe I should get you like an engraved bidet.
Speaker: That would be, no, no, no.
Speaker: That would be my dream.
Speaker: That would be my dream gift.
Speaker: That's like.
Speaker: You know what I'll get?
Speaker: Oh, here's what I'll do.
Speaker: One day when you buy a home or an apartment or whatever you want to call it, I'm going to get you a bidet attachment for every toilet.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: I mean, that'll probably be.
Speaker: The one for yours will have an engraving.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: I mean, with the way that things are going in the city right now, that'll be 50 years from now, but we'll do it.
Speaker: It doesn't matter when it happens.
Speaker: I know, me too.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Parlaying off of that, let's talk a little bit about what motivated us to get to this episode.
Speaker: We're talking about gut instincts.
Speaker: We're talking about love and gut.
Speaker: Take it away, Nikki.
Speaker: What brought us to this?
Speaker: So Liz and I were having a conversation because we have, we're in this interesting time where we both had very long 10 year relationships and then
Speaker: came out of them and they're now in the single New York City dating world.
Speaker: And we just were having a conversation about how we noticed that things feel different in the body depending on what type of either relationship you're in or not in, what the dynamics are.
Speaker: Of course, there's also a side note to this when it comes to abusive relationships.
Speaker: That's also a spectrum that
Speaker: I think is really important for people to remember and hear and know that you're not either in an abusive relationship or not in an abusive relationship.
Speaker: There can be abusive moments, abusive tendencies, whether intentional, not intentional.
Speaker: And all of those things, whether it's stress in your life or stress day to day, especially from a partner who's supposed to be supporting you and like there to help you feel like your life is being improved.
Speaker: if that person is the source of that stress, whether knowingly or unknowingly, it can manifest in physical symptoms, especially in the gut.
Speaker: Like we notice a huge percentage of, at least my clients as well, who have gut issues, particularly chronic gut issues that they've gone to every single doctor, they have tried every treatment and nothing is working.
Speaker: The last piece of the puzzle tends to be this
Speaker: emotional regulation piece.
Speaker: How do we regulate our emotions?
Speaker: How do we release our emotions so that they're not being stored in the body and manifesting in these chronic symptoms?
Speaker: And that tends to be kind of the thing that moves the needle in terms of their healing.
Speaker: And some people notice that when they get to a certain point,
Speaker: you know, maybe they realize, oh, I either need to set boundaries in my relationship or I need to leave my relationship or I need to show up differently in my relationship.
Speaker: And that also has an impact on health.
Speaker: So that's kind of in a nutshell what our conversation was and why we wanted to get into this because it's such an important thing that I don't think many people talk about.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I do have an episode on the gut-brain axis.
Speaker: And this, we're going to talk a lot about that.
Speaker: It taps a lot into that because
Speaker: there are different mental states, anxiety, depression, et cetera.
Speaker: And since the gut and the brain communication is bi-directional, if your gut is screwed, I'll say screwed off.
Speaker: If your gut is screwed up or off, this is the COVID brain.
Speaker: If your gut is off, it can send signals up to the brain and things like that could happen.
Speaker: But if you have anxiety, fear, issues in your relationship,
Speaker: This can also then in turn, like Nikki was saying, manifest in the body.
Speaker: The brain is speaking down to the gut.
Speaker: It can cause gut issues, which also causes other issues.
Speaker: So we're going to get into that in a bit.
Speaker: I have a brief background I just want to touch on.
Speaker: It's kind of science-y, but I'm going to keep it short.
Speaker: But before we get into more like...
Speaker: Not the fun discussion, but more like the discussion we were having, discussing this about ourselves and our own experiences in the relationships, out of the relationships, and now dating and things we've recognized and just the importance of gut instincts and listening to them.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Some brief background.
Speaker: Like I said, I do have a gut brain access episode.
Speaker: So some of this is repeat.
Speaker: But research has shown that manipulating the balance between beneficial and disease causing bacteria in an animal's gut can alter brain chemistry, leading to either increased boldness or anxiety, and even mild stress can tip microbial balance in the gut, which can make the host, meaning us, more vulnerable to infectious diseases and triggers a cascade of
Speaker: molecular reactions that feed back to the central nervous system.
Speaker: So the point is things happen that alter brain chemistry and this can absolutely impact the gut and scientists are able to
Speaker: do this intentionally, like manipulate the microbes in animals' guts and see how in some cases they become more bold or more anxious.
Speaker: That's just one small example.
Speaker: But again, just going a little further into it, there is a deep neurological basis for intuition.
Speaker: And this is where that gut-brain axis and the gut is called that second brain really comes into play.
Speaker: So we have a neural network of 100 million neurons that line our entire digestive tract.
Speaker: And this is how strong the gut's processing capabilities are.
Speaker: When you approach a decision intuitively, so now we're talking a little more about gut instincts.
Speaker: When you approach a decision intuitively, your brain works in tandem with your gut to quickly assess all your memories, past learnings, personal needs, and preferences, and then makes the wisest decision given the context.
Speaker: So in this way, intuition is a form of emotional and experiential data.
Speaker: that we need to value, aka listen to your gut, because it's pulling from your past experiences.
Speaker: And many of these microbes live in the mucus layer that lines the intestines.
Speaker: It places them in direct contact with nerve and immune cells, which are major information gathering systems of our bodies.
Speaker: Before I continue...
Speaker: Do you have anything to add to that?
Speaker: I think for me, that was fascinating because it's like, you know, we say gut instincts or, oh, I knew in my gut.
Speaker: And then a lot of people don't necessarily know the science behind it.
Speaker: But I mean, the connection right there between the brain and the gut, if that's not mind boggling enough, like, I don't know what is.
Speaker: Well, and what I think of too in having a history of personal gut issues and issues that my clients are having,
Speaker: When we talk about these microbes living in the mucus layer, a lot of, you know, when we talk about leaky gut, it's a compromised mucosal layer.
Speaker: There is, you know, dysbiosis in terms of something like SIBO or candida or, you know, just general dysbiosis where that balance is off.
Speaker: And it's really interesting to think about gut instincts in the context of all of that.
Speaker: I know that brain fog is something that accompanies a lot of those conditions and, you
Speaker: it's interesting tying in also feeling like there's a lack of decision-making or direction or, you know, feeling like a general sense of being mentally off with these gut conditions.
Speaker: And it's just all so tied together, I think, more than we can even comprehend at this point.
Speaker: Yeah, it's bigger than us.
Speaker: And then the other thing I just want to note is –
Speaker: If for some reason you just have a gut feeling that like someone's not for you or they're doing something and you don't like it, I'm not saying call it quits, don't give them a chance, but I'm saying like your gut is pulling from these past experiences.
Speaker: And again, all experiences can be a little bit different, but don't ignore the gut because it's not, the point is it's not coming out of nowhere.
Speaker: The other thing too is I think when people think about gut instincts,
Speaker: they think it's going to come on a lot stronger than it really does.
Speaker: So when you're having that moment of, and again, this is not a relationship podcast.
Speaker: This is not, you know, we are not therapists.
Speaker: We are not, you know, able to give actual relationship or therapy advice.
Speaker: But speaking from personal experience and from, you know, just in terms of overall health, when you're noticing that something is,
Speaker: even just a tiny bit off.
Speaker: Or if you find yourself like Googling a question, like, am I in an abusive relationship?
Speaker: You likely are.
Speaker: Like, if you're questioning certain things like that, like there's something there.
Speaker: There's something that needs to be looked at.
Speaker: backwards and they're assuming the brain is sending most things to the gut.
Speaker: It's actually the gut that's sending.
Speaker: They both speak to each other, it's bi-directional, but it's 90% of it is coming from the gut up to the brain.
Speaker: So that means when there's an issue in the gut,
Speaker: it's being communicated clearly to the brain.
Speaker: And then like we'll get into it in a bit, can manifest in mood disorders, in all sorts of things.
Speaker: But I always think that's interesting.
Speaker: People just, you know, the gut has been called the second brain.
Speaker: I have called it in other episodes, the first brain.
Speaker: Like I think it's the main brain.
Speaker: That's just my opinion.
Speaker: But briefly, three main communication channels between our brain and our gut are the nervous system, your immune system, and your endocrine system.
Speaker: The nervous system communicates using chemicals we call neurotransmitters, and the vagus nerve is the primary vehicle for this neural traffic between the gut and the brain.
Speaker: Your immune system uses proteins called cytokines or cytokines.
Speaker: to signal distress and the endocrine system communicates using hormones and it can secrete hormones into our blood, which sends signals throughout the body.
Speaker: So, um, and one thing to note, the most pertinent of the endocrine system connecting the gut and the brain is the HPA axis, which is the hypothalamus pituitary
Speaker: adrenal access.
Speaker: So we have the gut brain access and there's this hypothalamus pituitary adrenal access.
Speaker: I'm not getting into that as much.
Speaker: And I actually do touch on that in my gut brain access episode.
Speaker: But the point is there's these three main vehicles where the gut and brain communicate and you bet your bottom dollar they use them.
Speaker: They're communicating.
Speaker: So I have a little study on love and the gut before we get into our stuff.
Speaker: There is, um, in addition to this, I'm not sure if it's the same study, but I think tied to this study that I'll go into afterward is the, um,
Speaker: We can put a link to it.
Speaker: It's the one, the birth control one.
Speaker: I don't know if you've seen that one.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We're girls on birth control versus not birth control.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: You have to mention that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'll put it afterward.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So this is just a brief study.
Speaker: It was published in the journal Medicinal Food.
Speaker: 400 times more messages go up from the gut microbiome to the brain than from the brain down to the gut, which we just said that, but just reiterating.
Speaker: But so-
Speaker: Numerous studies have shown that people can subconsciously sense the other's immune system genes by scent.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: Now there's one famous study that was done in Switzerland.
Speaker: It asked women to rate the attractiveness of a potential partner by smelling their dirty t-shirts.
Speaker: The women did not agree on which smells were the most attractive.
Speaker: Instead, they most often preferred the t-shirt of the man that had the most complimentary immune system that would broaden their offspring spectrum of immunity.
Speaker: So the strange thing that the researchers found is that the immune genes and resulting sweat don't actually have much of a smell.
Speaker: Instead, a person's body odor comes from the specific microbes that consume their sweat, their skin cells, and their skin oils.
Speaker: So the women smelling the dirty t-shirts were not smelling the men's immune system genes directly.
Speaker: Like who knows if they have a smell, but they could sense the small differences that the immune system had.
Speaker: on the type of microbes that grew.
Speaker: I thought this was fascinating and such a like survival of the fittest.
Speaker: Like we don't know what's going on, but literally what your brain is doing is assessing this person's immune system by scent and seeing how it's going to expand if you procreate with this person.
Speaker: What's going to give your child the broadest immune system, AKA the strongest immune system.
Speaker: Like they're going to be exposed to the most, they're going to have the strongest immune system between you and this person.
Speaker: I hope that makes sense.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's who they found most attractive.
Speaker: It's so interesting that there's all of the, again, it goes back to the thought that it's, you know, we attribute all of these things to gut instinct, which it is, but it's very interesting that this thing that's been around for a while, everyone's saying, listening to your gut has an actual scientific backing to it now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like there's reasons we find certain people more attractive and,
Speaker: It's because they have an immune system that is going to nicely procreate with your, not procreate with yours, but if you were to procreate with them, basically, you're going to create a child with a stronger immune system.
Speaker: Well, in addition to that, I know one of the things that we were talking about was this study that had to do with
Speaker: women who were on birth control.
Speaker: And birth control is basically just, you know, it's a hormonal contraceptive.
Speaker: So you're taking exogenous hormones and it's affecting your own hormones, but intentionally.
Speaker: And in the same realm of gut instinct, when it comes to love and choosing partners, they found that women who chose their partners while on the pill, so while taking hormones, were
Speaker: reported less sexual attraction to their partners, less sexual arousal in response to their partners and less sexual adventurousness than women who had chosen their partners when they were not on the pill.
Speaker: And then later studies found that, um, samples of married couples in samples of married couples, they found that women who chose partners when they were on the pill and then subsequently, and then, you know, afterward went off of it, experienced changes in sexual and relationship satisfaction.
Speaker: reporting decreased sexual satisfaction after going off the pill.
Speaker: And so it's really interesting that being on hormones can change your attraction to someone compared to when you're off of them.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Well, and it's interesting because when you're on birth control, it's
Speaker: Basically it discontinues ovulation.
Speaker: So it gets your body to think it's pregnant.
Speaker: And when you're pregnant, you don't ovulate.
Speaker: Ovulation is when you get pregnant.
Speaker: So this is how it works.
Speaker: It stops the body from ovulating.
Speaker: You can't get pregnant there or it's not a hundred percent effective, but there you go.
Speaker: So it has your body in a state of pregnancy.
Speaker: So when you're in that state, you view different people attractive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: If you come out of that state, that changes.
Speaker: Which is so interesting because, again, this is not medical advice.
Speaker: We're not telling you to go on or off of anything, but talk to your doctor.
Speaker: But it is very interesting because the studies have also shown that younger generations of women and more women now are choosing to either go off of the pill or use more of a tracking method of birth control, using temperature and tracking of
Speaker: timing and dates, et cetera.
Speaker: So it's just very interesting in this current time to be doing studies like this because where we might notice, again, on a small or large scale, who knows, we might notice that the partners people are choosing might be different than they would have been otherwise.
Speaker: So it's just something that I feel like will probably be
Speaker: come out or be talked about more and more as time goes on.
Speaker: But it is just very interesting new research too.
Speaker: It's fascinating.
Speaker: And I can speak to the, I'm comfortable speaking about this.
Speaker: I'm someone who was on birth control from like 18 to when COVID hit.
Speaker: And then I was not going to the pharmacy.
Speaker: I also wasn't sexually active in my marriage at that time.
Speaker: So didn't need it.
Speaker: But so when I was 18 to 30, I was on birth control.
Speaker: And obviously my partner
Speaker: and married him.
Speaker: And, you know, I didn't go, it's not like I went off of it and fell out of love with him.
Speaker: Like that had nothing to do with it, but it's interesting now because I'm still off of it and how I approach different people and different things.
Speaker: And again, there's so many factors.
Speaker: Like I met him when I was 21.
Speaker: Now I'm 33.
Speaker: Like, obviously you have different life experiences.
Speaker: You're looking for different things at different ages.
Speaker: Like
Speaker: you learn lessons.
Speaker: There's things you'll tolerate and not tolerate.
Speaker: And that changes as you get older.
Speaker: But it's interesting to me because I'm like, well, if I wasn't on birth control when I was 21, would I have found him attractive and fell in love with him?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's so interesting.
Speaker: I mean, I also have been, I think I've been off now for maybe seven years, maybe five or seven years, somewhere around there.
Speaker: But I also went off of it in the middle of
Speaker: my previous relationship.
Speaker: So it is just, I was on it from probably 18 to, I don't know, maybe like 25, 27 or something.
Speaker: And it's interesting.
Speaker: I mean, my choice to go off of it was related to how I felt.
Speaker: I just felt more like myself off of it.
Speaker: I just felt better.
Speaker: But it is just, it's just a very interesting topic.
Speaker: And, you know, so we have the, when you talked about those three pillars, we have
Speaker: that's the endocrine piece with hormones.
Speaker: We talked about the immune system also, you know, having a, playing a role and then the nervous system.
Speaker: And when we talk about the nervous system, that's kind of that area, that piece of the puzzle that we were talking about in the beginning and in our conversation that led to this podcast in terms of
Speaker: the neglecting of your own needs and people pleasing and not having boundaries, not knowing what your needs are, and also being involved in a relationship that might, you know, lead to
Speaker: constant self-doubt or lower self-esteem or hypervigilance, which is a big one, feeling like you're always walking on eggshells, worried about what the other person is going to say or do.
Speaker: All of that is part of that nervous system piece, which again, also impacts our gut instinct, our gut health, our chronic issues or symptoms.
Speaker: So it is interesting to have those three kind of pillars there too.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, it really is.
Speaker: There's like the immune system piece, there's the hormonal piece, and then there's the nervous system piece.
Speaker: And they obviously all play a role.
Speaker: These all somehow connect the gut and the brain.
Speaker: And there's different forms of communication.
Speaker: There's the cytokines, there's the hormones, and there's neurotransmitters, which are a form of hormones.
Speaker: But anyway, it's fascinating.
Speaker: It's very real.
Speaker: Now we're going to discuss some of our, not necessarily personal experiences, but just the importance of going with your gut, the gut instinct and things we've learned and seen with our patients in terms of like how not going with your gut or ignoring a feeling or whatever, how it manifests in the body and can impact your health.
Speaker: And this is something I spoke with on a different episode.
Speaker: I opened up about the fact that like
Speaker: When I first got divorced, I lost five pounds overnight.
Speaker: And then I lost another five pounds the next night.
Speaker: And then over the next week, I lost another five pounds.
Speaker: So I lost 15 pounds in a week unintentionally.
Speaker: And it was just due to the relief because my body had been in a state of fight or flight.
Speaker: And this is where I'm circling it back to the central nervous system is that things manifest when you don't feel safe or...
Speaker: you're uncomfortable and you don't necessarily address it.
Speaker: And like you said, chronic, it goes on for a long time.
Speaker: The body stores things, even if it's not like, you know, I wasn't taking measurements, so I couldn't tell you if it was like muscle fat or what it was, water weight.
Speaker: But the point is, then all of a sudden when the body feels safe, it relaxes.
Speaker: Well, and we know that state of hypervigilance, that state of fight or flight is also –
Speaker: causing a lot of inflammation.
Speaker: When we have inflammation, water weight, we're just retaining water, like holding onto food.
Speaker: Maybe our metabolism is slowing down over time.
Speaker: Like whatever.
Speaker: Also constipation is a huge thing that I see in these clients.
Speaker: You're tensing the bowels.
Speaker: And so, you know, if we think about losing actual stool weight, water weight, inflammation, like the whole thing, like it makes sense why something like that would happen.
Speaker: I actually...
Speaker: had a similar experience.
Speaker: For me, it was less, I did actually lose weight after coming out of that relationship.
Speaker: Again, unintentionally.
Speaker: I think there's also, when you go through a breakup, there's a little bit of sadness and sometimes that can result in a lack of appetite and there's that piece of things.
Speaker: But at least for me, the biggest thing that I noticed was it was almost overnight
Speaker: that my chronic gut issues just stopped.
Speaker: And it was like, I think it stayed that way for like two months, just consistently.
Speaker: Like I felt like there was some stress that was causing some stress eating that I didn't even realize I was doing, or like even eating past fullness that just wasn't
Speaker: It wasn't market enough for me to like think it was a problem.
Speaker: It was just something that I didn't realize how out of touch I had become with my body just from being in a state of hypervigilance.
Speaker: Again, to define hypervigilance, it just means a state of heightened alertness and anxiety due to the fear of unpredictable emotional outbursts or negative consequences.
Speaker: It can also be defined as like walking on eggshells.
Speaker: something that's very common when dating someone with narcissistic personality disorder, because a lot of times there's this emotional manipulation that can happen where, you know, they can act.
Speaker: People think about it as like getting yelled at or having like an outburst.
Speaker: And a lot of the time, that's not what's happening.
Speaker: A lot of the time in a different type of NPD, a narcissistic personality disorder, there's something that's happening that's
Speaker: kind of the opposite of an outburst and it's more of like stonewalling.
Speaker: So it's something where the person is kind of making you feel bad for bringing up your needs or making you feel bad for, you know, calling them out on behavior that's unacceptable or anything like that.
Speaker: And it kind of flips into you then feeling bad for bringing up something that honestly isn't that big of a deal in objectively.
Speaker: So in that state, you might not even notice that you're in a state of hypervigilance until you come out of it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So then when you come out of it, there's sometimes is this sense of calm.
Speaker: And it's like, where did this come from?
Speaker: And all of a sudden...
Speaker: You might have more of a connection with your body.
Speaker: You might be more in tune with hunger fullness cues.
Speaker: You might be just more in tune with your emotions.
Speaker: So that's kind of the – kind of if we're tying the psychology of it alongside the physicality of the manifestation of symptoms and also the emotion behind it, I think it becomes –
Speaker: like a very clear picture of how these types of relationships can be contributing factors to chronic symptoms.
Speaker: And I say contributing because, of course, since I've been out of that, I have, you know, moments where I still have these chronic issues that I just have to be vigilant about how I am dealing
Speaker: Um, you know, every single day I have to make sure I'm meeting my needs.
Speaker: I'm doing what I'm supposed to do to feel my absolute best, but it, it feels much more doable now than it may have in the past is all I'm saying.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Cause you're not in that state of fight or flight where cortisol is elevated.
Speaker: And that's something too, we see, you know, cortisol works against weight loss.
Speaker: So I'm sure you see this with patients, but like when someone's in a state of fight or flight, regardless of why, whether it's about a relationship or something else, um,
Speaker: they struggle.
Speaker: Fat becomes much more stubborn and you have that chronic cortisol elevation.
Speaker: And like, that's absolutely, that absolutely plays a role in this.
Speaker: And like Nikki mentioned previously, like constipation for some people, it's even things like diarrhea, sleep can be impacted.
Speaker: You can have higher levels of anxiety.
Speaker: Like there's all types of ways that
Speaker: this kind of stuff manifests.
Speaker: So if you don't deal with it or if you're not aware that it's going on and then all of a sudden you get, you don't feel great.
Speaker: And then it kind of just like, not that you get sicker and sicker, but it all compounds.
Speaker: And then like, it's interesting for both you and I, when we came out of those relationships, all of a sudden there was like a huge weight lifted.
Speaker: We felt better that we noticed changes.
Speaker: And it's like things that are small that happen over the 10 years.
Speaker: We didn't even really know what happening.
Speaker: And then you come out of it and you're like, oh,
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: What was that?
Speaker: And that's the thing.
Speaker: That's why it's – I think that's why it's so important to talk about having that connection with yourself because, again, like anything else, we tend to look at the world as black and white, that there are things that are happening or not happening.
Speaker: Like – and I said this before.
Speaker: Like, I'm in an abusive relationship or I'm not in an abusive relationship.
Speaker: There is a middle ground that's still not okay.
Speaker: So like, you know, the whole point is stuff happens.
Speaker: You're dealing with two people who are in a dynamic trying to figure each other out, like communicate with each other for a very long period of time.
Speaker: There are always going to be things that come up that are just like, oh, I didn't like how that was said.
Speaker: I didn't, you know.
Speaker: The key is...
Speaker: A, knowing what your needs are, identifying and communicating those needs.
Speaker: And if you're communicating those needs and you're met with a response that makes you feel bad for having those needs, feeling like those needs that you're asking for too much.
Speaker: Again, that's a spectrum.
Speaker: Like sometimes you maybe you could be asking for too much, but a lot of times you're not.
Speaker: You're just what needs your needs met.
Speaker: Or in certain instances, there's maybe things that you have
Speaker: doubting and that you start justifying to yourself with your brain.
Speaker: But again, your gut is telling you something.
Speaker: Yeah, you're trying to rationalize.
Speaker: You're trying to rationalize and I am – more often than not, when you think something's wrong or when you think something's going on or you think something's not right, it usually is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So in those... Exactly.
Speaker: And so there's also... And I feel like I have to bring this in just because I have a high percentage of clients that do have disordered eating or eating disorders.
Speaker: And that is a part of all of this.
Speaker: Like there is...
Speaker: Even it could be emotional outbursts from your partner in terms of that overt type of reaction or the covert type of reaction, which is the subtle stonewalling, silent treatment, neglecting you.
Speaker: They can both produce the same effect.
Speaker: So they can produce an activation of your nervous system, hypervigilance,
Speaker: That can lead to instances of emotional eating, substance abuse.
Speaker: Both of those can impact your GI system, your lowered self-esteem, which then we know that also leads to poor food choices, which then can also lead to poor gut health and weight gain.
Speaker: So all of these things can be kind of exacerbated by
Speaker: a harmful relationship, but they can also be, you know, harder to address when you're still in that situation, even if you have no idea why.
Speaker: And again, like Liz said, we're not telling you to like go break up with your partner.
Speaker: But what we're saying is what matters most is that your health, your needs are met and a healthy relationship is one where
Speaker: you're both supporting each other's needs and wanting the best for the other person.
Speaker: So, you know, that's something that's just really important to always like have in mind and bring in, and especially in the world that we now live in where we're single, we're dating, you know,
Speaker: Especially if you are a people pleaser or you have what we call like either pick – you're like a pick me girl if you're like a younger like Gen Z. But in my day, it was just being called like the cool girl.
Speaker: Like she wants to be the cool girl.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I can stand up and say like I had – I may still, I don't know.
Speaker: It's something I constantly work on, like that cool girl syndrome.
Speaker: Like wanting to people please, wanting everyone else to be happy, wanting everyone else to like you more than you actually are prioritizing your own needs.
Speaker: And so that causes you to break your own boundaries.
Speaker: For an easy example, like you go on a first date.
Speaker: you know, you're there for an hour, hour and a half, two hours.
Speaker: You kind of want to leave.
Speaker: You're like getting tired.
Speaker: You want to go, but he's having a great time.
Speaker: He's having a good conversation.
Speaker: You're enjoying it, but like, you're ready to go.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you just are like, Oh, I can't feel bad for like bringing it up.
Speaker: You know, like he's paying, so I don't want to say anything.
Speaker: And so you're pushing your boundaries.
Speaker: And before you know it, you're on a four hour date.
Speaker: I'm saying this, uh,
Speaker: from personal experience.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And all of a sudden it's like four hours later and you're like, how am I, how did I get here?
Speaker: How did I not leave two hours ago?
Speaker: Like, but you feel bad.
Speaker: It's like, it's uncomfortable.
Speaker: You're a nice person.
Speaker: You feel bad.
Speaker: You don't want to be rude.
Speaker: You don't want to come off bitchy.
Speaker: So you're like, okay, I'll just stay.
Speaker: Okay, sure.
Speaker: We can have one more round.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But it's like, where does that get you?
Speaker: And so this is where it's so important to
Speaker: We keep talking about identifying your needs, not ignoring your needs.
Speaker: What does that even mean?
Speaker: So in the moment where you're on this date or you are, I don't know, like in an argument with your boyfriend or whatever it is, that's never the moment to figure out what your needs are.
Speaker: It's just like it's too hyper, you know, aware.
Speaker: So like the heat of the moment.
Speaker: Mm hmm.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: As like a journaling practice, it can be helpful to kind of sit with yourself and think like, I kind of work on it on the back end.
Speaker: I'm like, what are the things that make me feel that icky feeling?
Speaker: So it could be
Speaker: Icky, like, you know, like violated, but it can also just be icky, like, oh, like, you know, when you're at a party and you just want to leave and you start to feel like you want to crawl out of your skin, you just feel like icky and antsy.
Speaker: Like, yeah, like, what are those things that make me feel icky?
Speaker: And then when you write those down, you start to realize like, oh, okay, my needs are like, I know I need eight hours of sleep.
Speaker: I'm like a bougie sleep.
Speaker: Like, I'm crazy about my sleep.
Speaker: So I know like if I have an 8 a.m.
Speaker: client and I have a date on X night, I know it can't be past a certain time because I need to get to bed.
Speaker: If that day doesn't work out for that person, I'll find another day that does, but that day is not going to work for me.
Speaker: And so it can just be like small things like that that really do add up over time.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, we've talked about this and this is, so after you identify your needs, something that helps you do that and stick to that is setting your routine and sticking to that routine.
Speaker: So there's like what you were discussing, the people pleaser, the cool girl that's like, oh no, that's fine.
Speaker: I can make it work.
Speaker: Like, oh, you want Tuesday night?
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Let me do Tuesday night.
Speaker: But like for you to down, you're like, Tuesday's not the best night.
Speaker: I have an early day Wednesday.
Speaker: I have a big presentation.
Speaker: I don't want to drink Tuesday, but this is what works best for that.
Speaker: So I'm going to, I'm going to accommodate and I'm going to be like cool and chill and go with the flow.
Speaker: So what we've learned is once you identify your needs, how do you fulfill those needs?
Speaker: What is your routine?
Speaker: What does your routine look like?
Speaker: What's important to you?
Speaker: What do you need to do?
Speaker: What do you need to uphold to feel your best?
Speaker: And then sticking with that.
Speaker: This is something I personally have found definitely helps me feel my best and definitely helps me not get back into that fight or flight situation.
Speaker: state of being that I was in for a decade because I'm like, this is my routine.
Speaker: This is what's important to me.
Speaker: We can find a time that works another time or I need to leave.
Speaker: Well, okay.
Speaker: I can do it nicely, but I need to leave.
Speaker: I can't stay here continuing to drink past 10 PM on this night.
Speaker: The other thing too is I think when you have like cool girl syndrome, and again, we're not sitting here calling ourselves cool.
Speaker: We're sitting here saying that like, it is a desire to be the cool girl, to just be like, I'm chill, I'm cool.
Speaker: Like, that's fine.
Speaker: Nothing matters.
Speaker: Like also to girls' defense who this is resonating with, we're also told to be like,
Speaker: you know, you don't want to, don't be fussy.
Speaker: Don't cause like, don't be the person that's causing everyone to change their schedule.
Speaker: Go with the flow, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: So it's such a mixed message because you're told to do all this and then you do it and it totally backfires.
Speaker: And it is like, again, like anything else when we talked, just, we were literally just saying it's not black and white.
Speaker: Like there's a middle ground.
Speaker: Like we're not saying to be like,
Speaker: I have these needs and no one else's needs matter.
Speaker: But if you do find yourself accommodating everyone else first, know that there is a balance and also know that people respect people who have boundaries.
Speaker: Like when someone, and it also depends on how you deliver those boundaries.
Speaker: Like if I said to someone like,
Speaker: I, you know, I use humor for everything in my life as a coping mechanism.
Speaker: So what, what, what I do is, you know, instead of just saying like, oh no, that's night, that night's not going to work for me.
Speaker: Like I have X, Y, Z. I'll just make a joke of like, oh yeah, you know, I'm, you know, like, uh, I'm high maintenance.
Speaker: I need my eight hours.
Speaker: Like, but you know, the next night I have more time in the morning.
Speaker: So like,
Speaker: you know, I could squeeze you in or like just some type, like keep it light.
Speaker: It doesn't have to be serious.
Speaker: You know what I was thinking you were going to say, which is something I would say, because I also use humor like that.
Speaker: I was going to say, well, I can't do Tuesday because I'm polishing my knife collection.
Speaker: Am I a psycho?
Speaker: I have COVID.
Speaker: Give me a break.
Speaker: Should I not have said that?
Speaker: No, I love it.
Speaker: I use a joke for everything.
Speaker: Like, I'll say to people, like, if someone's... For instance, again, another thing with the boundaries.
Speaker: Like, some girls love when a guy walks them home.
Speaker: I hate... I do not want you to walk me home.
Speaker: I don't want you to know where I live.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And I don't want you thinking anything's happening.
Speaker: Like, just go away.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: So I'll make a joke.
Speaker: I'll literally say like, you know, they're like, oh, can I walk you home?
Speaker: Like, I don't know if you're a serial killer yet.
Speaker: I'd have to go home and Google you.
Speaker: What's your last name?
Speaker: And then I get their last name.
Speaker: And then I also don't have them walk me home.
Speaker: It's just like easy.
Speaker: So, you know, like, again, it doesn't have to be that serious.
Speaker: Like, this is a serious topic, but like anything else in life.
Speaker: You don't have to make it super – we could just keep it like – Just keep it light.
Speaker: Keep it light.
Speaker: Right now our conversation has been very serious, but there are ways to keep it light.
Speaker: I do that all the time too.
Speaker: Like on most first dates I wear sneakers.
Speaker: One, because I like to be comfortable.
Speaker: Two, because sneakers are like back in style and I have a bunch of fashion seekers.
Speaker: But what I always say to them on the date – again, one of my jokes, I'm like, well, you never know and you're going to need to run away.
Speaker: So yeah, I'm wearing my fucking sneakers.
Speaker: Like, AKA, like, don't not like, obviously if someone's a psycho, they're a psycho and they're going to try what they're going to try.
Speaker: But also just like, I am not sure about you yet.
Speaker: You should be on your best behavior and I will sprint in the opposite direction if I think that's the right thing to do.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And – which I love.
Speaker: To do so.
Speaker: Which, I mean, all humor has some truth in it, let's be honest.
Speaker: Like, you know, we're women.
Speaker: We got to be – so we got to stay on high alert out here in these streets.
Speaker: But I think also – like, another example when tying kind of nutrition to the whole piece of everything, you know, if someone says, like –
Speaker: If someone suggests a place to go out to eat and you have a dietary restriction, like you can make a joke about it.
Speaker: Like you can just say, again, not to say that you need to, like this is something you don't, you don't have to make a joke about it.
Speaker: You can just say like, if you're uncomfortable just saying, oh, I can't eat there because I have a fish allergy and that's primarily fish restaurant, you can keep it light.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: So you can kind of keep it, whatever you feel comfortable with, but knowing like
Speaker: When you have these boundaries in place, whatever they are, dating or not dating, then you're able to stay within the things that you need.
Speaker: Again, another thing could be outside of the dating piece of things, like Liz was talking about routine.
Speaker: So we know, okay, we talked about getting enough sleep.
Speaker: We talked about, you know, some people, movement is a huge thing.
Speaker: So they're, like, if you have the ability to do so, putting your gym time in your calendar.
Speaker: Like, I will literally, because I have, you know, we have clients all, every day is I work different hours.
Speaker: I see clients at different times.
Speaker: I know I can't see like more than four clients in a row without getting out of my chair and moving around because that's four hours for me.
Speaker: So I will literally put in my Google calendar, walk around the park.
Speaker: I swear to God, I'm putting this in my calendar and I will put in like a 30 minute walk and I'll go outside and walk for 30 minutes.
Speaker: Like these things that are your needs, they are appointments with yourself.
Speaker: Again, if you have gym time and that's important to you, these things don't have to be, we don't have to be super obsessive about it.
Speaker: So let's say normally, you know, the gym five days a week is really important to you.
Speaker: If there's a day where something comes up and you can't get that gym time in, instead of saying like either one side of the spectrum saying, oh, it's a wash, like I'm giving up on that today, or the other side of the spectrum saying I can't hang out with my friends because I'm going to go to the gym because then that starts to become a slippery slope, we can have something in the middle where we're like, you know what?
Speaker: Movement's important to me.
Speaker: I haven't moved today.
Speaker: I have dinner plans with my friends later, so I don't want to cancel on that.
Speaker: Let me just go out for a 15-minute walk.
Speaker: And something like that can be that middle ground that you need.
Speaker: It's not necessarily the gym that's your end-all, be-all.
Speaker: It's movement that's your end-all, be-all.
Speaker: So then we can find a way to adapt in there.
Speaker: And that goes for vacation trips.
Speaker: There's always ways to adapt these things that are your needs to kind of fit together.
Speaker: some of the time fit, you know, your surroundings.
Speaker: Whereas the majority of the time you're doing the actual thing, whether that's the gym or your eight hours or whatever it is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that's just, again, going back to identifying your needs and respecting that.
Speaker: So it's like, I don't want to say it's a boundary with yourself, but it's like, this is what I need and I'm going to adhere to it.
Speaker: And like you said, like say you don't have time for the gym that day.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: It's not a wash.
Speaker: If you can get out and walk for 15 minutes before dinner with your friends, you're
Speaker: You're getting some movement.
Speaker: You're still seeing your friends.
Speaker: You're upholding the plans you made.
Speaker: And that's great.
Speaker: And then you'll make sure tomorrow you get to the gym and you'll make sure it's scheduled in or you'll rearrange like your patient day, whatever it is.
Speaker: But the point is figuring out routines that work for you.
Speaker: And most importantly, identifying what it is you need and scheduling it with yourself.
Speaker: The last piece of all this, I think, because I do have some clients who, you know, in the beginning of working together, they'll say,
Speaker: We'll talk about – we have been talking about mind-body connection and how you feel in your body and noticing when something is off.
Speaker: Because of the world that we live in, because we're constantly distracted, we're constantly being pulled outside of ourselves and focusing on the external –
Speaker: it can be really difficult for a lot of people to even figure out what is my body even telling me?
Speaker: I am so disconnected from it.
Speaker: And so the first thing to notice is, do you have any point in the day where it's just you?
Speaker: And what I mean by that is, if you live alone, so I'll give you a personal example.
Speaker: I notice when I'm neglecting my needs, when I start to be listening to podcasts or music from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I live alone.
Speaker: And that's almost like a signal for me that's telling me that I'm neglecting my self-care because what I'm avoiding, I'm avoiding thinking because being without the music or without the podcast feels I get antsy and I feel anxious.
Speaker: And so that is a sign from my body telling me, Hey,
Speaker: we need to address something here.
Speaker: And so in that, once I start to become aware of that, then I know, okay, I have to program me time in tonight.
Speaker: So at maybe that night after work, I'm either doing, and again, some of these coping mechanisms can be calm or active.
Speaker: So I might be doing a face mask, painting my nails, laying down with music that could be laying down with happy music.
Speaker: It could also be
Speaker: laying down with sad music and just crying.
Speaker: If you notice, like I haven't cried in weeks.
Speaker: For me personally, I don't cry very easily.
Speaker: So if I notice I haven't cried in weeks, I will literally lay on the floor, put on a sad playlist and cry, like literally force myself to cry for like, I swear to God, for like 10 minutes.
Speaker: I feel like a weight has been lifted.
Speaker: I feel so good afterward because it's a release.
Speaker: And for me...
Speaker: I have a tendency to withhold, to hold everything in physically, clenching my whole body, but also emotionally.
Speaker: So I know that that's just something I have to work on.
Speaker: A lot of people, that comes easy to them and maybe their thing that they work on is something else.
Speaker: The other side of it is that that's kind of like the calm coping mechanism.
Speaker: There's also active coping mechanisms.
Speaker: So sometimes...
Speaker: laying there isn't really what you need.
Speaker: Sometimes, especially if you h ave like a sedentary job or you feel like you haven't moved a little bit and you have that anxious ball of energy in your chest, sometimes jumping up and down, going for a long walk, putting on music and dancing, like literally dancing by yourself.
Speaker: Like those things are therapeutic.
Speaker: And as a healthcare provider, like I will literally put those things into my client plans because I
Speaker: they're just as important to me as a healthy diet and exercise and all hydration and all of those other pillars of health.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: You know what else is too?
Speaker: I forgot the exact signs behind it.
Speaker: Skipping.
Speaker: I remember specifically listening to a podcast before I started doing mediation sessions.
Speaker: And this was done by Zoom because it was fall 2020.
Speaker: And I was listening to this podcast, whatever doctor, I have to look it up now.
Speaker: And he said, skipping calms the nervous system.
Speaker: So if you're going into something like you're giving a presentation or, you know, public speaking, whatever, and you're nervous and you want to be like cool, calm, collective, whatever,
Speaker: skip before.
Speaker: I'm not kidding.
Speaker: I have to give the signs, but I'm not kidding.
Speaker: Before every mediation session, I skipped around my apartment.
Speaker: And I mean, I was never more impressed with myself with the poker face and level of calmness.
Speaker: And keep in mind, I was 30 years old doing this by myself.
Speaker: I have no legal background.
Speaker: There was a mediator, but
Speaker: Some would say I was negotiating with somewhat of a business shark, if you will.
Speaker: Someone who probably had years more of experience in that arena than I did.
Speaker: And quite frankly, I remember leaving each session being like, oh, wow, you really held it together.
Speaker: You didn't give anything away.
Speaker: You were calm.
Speaker: Your face was like, gave absolutely nothing away.
Speaker: And I always credited it to skipping before.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: It is, there is also, and I'm just reading a note that we put in the outline as well, that kind of is tied to that a little bit, that we know that our perspective also shifts our, not only our physical symptoms, but also our ability, our confidence, like our ability to show up.
Speaker: Like,
Speaker: That's where affirmations come in.
Speaker: So it can even be like those morning affirmations that I get it like,
Speaker: if you're rolling your eyes, I totally understand.
Speaker: I was you for like, I was you for like my entire life.
Speaker: I was, young me would be like slapping me in the face for even talking about this.
Speaker: I talk about this.
Speaker: Shut up.
Speaker: Who all Nikki would be like, excuse me.
Speaker: But I now talk about this all the time.
Speaker: I do it myself.
Speaker: Like it can be any category.
Speaker: Like you're waking up, if you have imposter syndrome, waking up and saying like,
Speaker: I am fully qualified to do this job.
Speaker: I am great at what I do.
Speaker: I am putting my best foot forward every single day.
Speaker: If you have chronic gut issues and you're constantly telling yourself that you're going to be this way forever, you're telling yourself in the morning, like,
Speaker: this is temporary, it's just a blip, it's just a day, it's not gonna stay this way.
Speaker: If you are feeling down, then there's saying like today's gonna be a great day, I am a happy person, I am positive, I have a positive outlook on life.
Speaker: you're literally brain, you're brainwashing yourself.
Speaker: That's what it is, which is, but it's fine.
Speaker: It's a positive form of brainwashing and it really works.
Speaker: And all of that can impact not only your symptoms, but how you show up in the world and mediation sessions and how you're, you know, and then it can also help you do the things that will help you.
Speaker: So we talked about the gym, we talked about social interaction and
Speaker: Sometimes when you're in a place where you just feel like down or confused, those things will we know scientifically will help you, but sometimes getting there becomes really hard.
Speaker: So those the way that you're talking to yourself can bridge the gap in terms of getting you into those situations that will be therapeutic, whether it's social support, you know, social interaction, again, with people who
Speaker: fulfill you and make you feel good about yourself, not, you know, the opposite.
Speaker: But and then also get you to engage in movement, whatever that type of movement is, get you to start eating more nutrition, nutritious meals, all of those things kind of a lot of the time in terms of playing the long game, rely on how positively you're speaking to yourself as well.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It also rewires the brain.
Speaker: That's why something like affirmations, the more you do it, not only the easier it becomes, but the bigger impacts it tends to have because you are rewiring the brain when you say the same thing to yourself every single morning.
Speaker: Like I have a thing I do.
Speaker: And it's like, yeah, it gets easier.
Speaker: Now it's like second nature.
Speaker: I have to like actually stop and be like, oh wait, what am I saying?
Speaker: And yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, you don't rewire the brain overnight.
Speaker: So it's little things like that that really do compound and help.
Speaker: And like you said, puts you in a situation that basically sets you up for success.
Speaker: It's getting you into that more positive situation, making you more likely to show up.
Speaker: So if we were to summarize all of these things that we know will be helpful, and I completely encourage you to grab a pen and paper, put this in the notes app of your phone.
Speaker: Number one,
Speaker: identify your own needs.
Speaker: Number two, set your routine.
Speaker: So figure out what are my non-negotiables?
Speaker: What are those things like sleep, breakfast, hydration, whatever that is?
Speaker: What are the things I know I need every single day in some capacity?
Speaker: And then also having a designated time of the day or of the week or most days where you are checking in with yourself.
Speaker: Because again, it can be so easy to distract.
Speaker: It can be so easy to be either distracting with substances like alcohol or drugs, distracting with food in terms of eating out of not hunger, but as a coping mechanism.
Speaker: It can be easy to distract with even just – we love social interaction, but kind of too much social interaction, like where you're using it as a – again, it's not the thing that we're doing.
Speaker: It's why we're doing it.
Speaker: So noticing, am I being pulled away from myself?
Speaker: How can I kind of turn inward?
Speaker: And if you don't have that connection with yourself –
Speaker: Build it.
Speaker: Like, it's like you're dating, go on a date with yourself.
Speaker: Like whatever that means, it could be staying in.
Speaker: And again, watching a movie, I would argue is, in my opinion, is not a part of this category.
Speaker: So watching TV is not, to me, that's pulling you out of yourself again.
Speaker: So if you can really prioritize, you know, doing something else that is allowing you to either sit with yourself and think or, you
Speaker: just putting on music and dancing.
Speaker: So if thinking feels too heavy for you right now, that's totally fine.
Speaker: Some type of movement or even, this also sounds so hokey, but physically hugging yourself.
Speaker: You might notice, there was a time where I came, it was post-breakup and I hadn't cried in a really long time.
Speaker: And I was like, wow, I'm doing really great.
Speaker: And then I literally did this thing because I was talking about with a client.
Speaker: where I just hugged myself.
Speaker: Like literally like you put your arm like kind of your arms side.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: I'm like trying to explain what I'm doing like for a listener.
Speaker: And I'm watching you.
Speaker: And I just started like bawling.
Speaker: Like there was something in that motion that like told myself like, I'm here for you.
Speaker: Like I got you.
Speaker: Even though it's my own self, it's like
Speaker: I can do this.
Speaker: Like I got it.
Speaker: I'm my own support system and we got this.
Speaker: And something like just as small as that, self-care doesn't have to be a three-hour experience.
Speaker: It could be a 20-second hug of, you know, with yourself and just even like allowing yourself to notice what your body is feeling and experiencing and really learning it and becoming familiar with it because then that's how you can figure out what you actually need.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, finding someone who gives good hugs, just as a side note, that's a real skill and not everyone's good at hugging.
Speaker: But no, I mean, to me, the biggest act of self-care is like recognizing what you actually need.
Speaker: Totally.
Speaker: And like you said, it can be five seconds.
Speaker: Five second hug.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I think you summed it up great.
Speaker: And I hope that the gut-brain connection and the gut instincts, that it all makes sense as to why we're discussing it.
Speaker: And really the important thing to remember is that different health issues or things manifest in the body differently.
Speaker: And we just are driving home the point of the gut-brain connection and that
Speaker: you don't know how it's going to manifest.
Speaker: And if you're out of touch with yourself, what you need, what works for you, you may not recognize it immediately that something's wrong or that, you know, there's a health issue or, oh, over time I've become constipated or, oh, over time now I'm super anxious.
Speaker: And, you know, being, are encouraging people to reflect and figure that out.
Speaker: That could be, I mean, th is is coming out
Speaker: January, early January.
Speaker: I think this is like, this is your new year's resolution.
Speaker: Happy fucking 2024.
Speaker: Get in touch with yourself.
Speaker: If you don't know how to do so, I'd say go back, re-listen to this episode now that we're like saying this out loud.
Speaker: If you're not sure how to get in touch with yourself or listen to this episode, you should have a better direction.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Of what you need to get in touch with and how to get there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Happy first Monday of what I'm going to call the best year ever.
Speaker: And happy Capricorn season.
Speaker: Liz and I are both Capricorns.
Speaker: So, you know, welcome.
Speaker: It's my birthday.
Speaker: So gifts are accepted.
Speaker: Well, thank you for coming on, Nikki.
Speaker: I love you.
Speaker: And you're always so wise.
Speaker: You know.
Speaker: Wisest.
Speaker: That's my –
Speaker: growing, I don't know.
Speaker: I'm not going to say to it.
Speaker: No, you're the best.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: You'll come back soon.
