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60. From Addiction to Ascension: Heal Yourself to Heal The World
21 Plays25 days ago
You can’t judge a book by its cover if it’s open.
Referenced in this episode:
Power vs Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, by David R. Hawkins
The Power of Now, by Ekhart Tolle
Many Lives, Many Masters, by Brian Weiss
The Last Day Podcast, season 1 - about relationships with loved ones who are addicts
TW/CW: Addiction, substance abuse, psychosis, suicidal ideation, body image/self-worth issues
Unsubscribe to Disney Plus & Hulu. Written letters of complaint are far more impactful than social media comments/messages, so you can send a letter of complaint to ABC regarding their decision to suspend Jimmy Kimmel at the following address:
Disney-ABC Home Entertainment and Television Distribution
500 S. Buena Vista St.
Burbank, CA 91521-3515
Come to Anahata’s Purpose (and you can attend Molly’s workshop on Healing The Inner Teenager!): https://www.anahataspurpose.com
You can check out the many iterations of Horny the Heavensent Battlecorn by following Jim’s furniture business, Modern/Haunted: House & Home on TikTok and Instagram: @modernhaunted
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/modernhaunted
We're so grateful you're here! If you like what you’re hearing, you can find more exclusive content by supporting us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/soulpodthepodcast - especially if you want that freeeee exclusive bumper sticker hehehe. We can’t wait to see you over there!
You can also follow us on Instagram: @soulpodthepodcast, or email us directly at soulpodthepodcast@gmail.com.
Molly does tarot readings online and locally in Massachusetts: https://www.thehighpriestesscoaching.com/
Christina sells delicious microgreens in the greater Detroit area: https://www.christinasgreens.com/
Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
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Transcript
Streaming Service Cancellations
00:00:25
Speaker
subscription. Ooh. But you know why, right? Um, to be honest, I've seen everybody being like, cancel Hulu! And have not seen an explanation. Oh, because Kimmel?
00:00:38
Speaker
Okay. I don't think I knew there was a connection between Kimmel and Hulu. Yeah, Disney owns ABC. Oh, well, Disney owns fucking everything. Yep. And Disney Plus and Hulu is a combo, like, right streaming thing.
00:00:53
Speaker
Yeah. so I canceled ESPN for the same reason. Yeah. He never had ESPN. He's not a sport boy. Me me watching ESPN is the least likely thing.
00:01:04
Speaker
Right. Yeah, we're not sports people. I mean, like, I can handle watching a game here and there, but I'm not, like, a big fan of anything where I, like, have to watch something all the time. Like, I love Detroit Red Wings. Like, I love hockey, but I haven't watched a game in I don't even know how long.
Playful Conversations and New Beginnings
00:01:22
Speaker
no but anyway hockey boys
00:01:28
Speaker
hey yo hey yo ma you like that she writes ma you have been invited to record baba yeah you are ma down there too um okay congratulations on your job oh thanks We'll see. It's still a pending.
00:01:51
Speaker
Oh my god. When do you start? Possibly 24th of September. Which is sometime soon. Yeah, like next week.
00:02:02
Speaker
Yep. So we will see. Today is the 18th? Yeah. eighteenth ye You just had a flashback of what? What does that look like?
00:02:13
Speaker
Paint. I don't know. Your little silicone containers. Ah. Oh, triggered. What? um I'm just innocently painting over here. Okay.
00:02:25
Speaker
And she's like, oh, that looks like your little container of drugs. Oh my I'm like, excuse me. i am, it is, what is not? My goodness. I'm just painting a unicorn. Could not be more innocent.
00:02:41
Speaker
You dragged me down this road. When Jimmy's doing it, it's never innocent. That's true. His name is Horny. ah um
00:02:53
Speaker
Okay.
Humorous Stories and Audio Adjustments
00:02:54
Speaker
And he's not a unicorn. He's a battle corn. That's a good point. Thank you. You're welcome. Battle corn. I imagine like two colonels, not colonels, cobs of corn going i'm like. like sort No, he's, he's. I imagine colonels. Battle corns.
00:03:13
Speaker
Battle. colonels that Oh, The puns.
00:03:20
Speaker
He's really, um, like God's premier demon slayer. Cool. Yeah. There's a whole like lore behind this, this character, which initiated from us finding a, uh, like a bouncy spring, like a horse on the side of the road on trash night one night.
00:03:37
Speaker
Hmm. And it all, and it became horny the heaven sent battle corn. Yeah, now every unicorn is a horny. Every horse is a horny. it's True. But without the horn.
00:03:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:52
Speaker
Oh my god. Anyway, good talk. Congratulations. Welcome to... Molly. You're too hard away from the microphone. I know. I'm sorry.
00:04:04
Speaker
i am trying. How's that? Better. Better. How's he? How's his volume? Better? He's much louder than you, but yeah. Uh-oh. I think he speaks louder than me. Just bend the little arm a little, make it an inch closer to you. There. Like this? Give the fans what they want. looks It looks more centered between you two now to me. so Okay. and Yeah.
00:04:27
Speaker
I guess I'm going to hide behind the ah arm. Just make sure you're aiming at that. Like, I don't know if you, or can you scoot closer? There you go. ah fetter And he moves away. I'm trying to seek balance. i do I do think that I speak quieter than him in general.
00:04:45
Speaker
Yeah, right. I'm just kidding. Hey, Jim. Yeah. If they start bowling upstairs, will you grab a broom and bang on the ceiling?
00:04:57
Speaker
Happily. Thank you. Yeah. I've been telling Molly to do that and she's like, no! You don't have to ask me twice. I'm surprised it didn't occur to me earlier. or I might just go join them. That sounds fun.
00:05:11
Speaker
I hate bowling. I'm just kidding. Oh, all right. yeah So what's new? What's happening?
00:05:22
Speaker
Jim, you're on the spot. You said you have a special. No, no, not yet. Not yet. Oh, Not yet. Fine. We will know. All right. When the time is right. I see, I am sitting so in the dark right now because both y'all have things that are going to come up.
00:05:41
Speaker
What? You got to come prepared. Got to plan ahead a little bit. got to prepare for everything. Christina. Yep.
Recovery and Personal Growth
00:05:48
Speaker
What are we talking about today? So I wanted to know if Jim would be up for a little bit of a part two to the recovery episode um slash tangent episode. Like, I mean, like, it's sort of like an offshoot, if you will, of the recovery, like an aspect of it. I kind of want to focus on.
00:06:12
Speaker
I'm here for whatever. don't know. Yeah, whatever. It doesn't have to be the whole conversation, but it's something that I wanted to talk about. And like the the tangent and offshoot...
00:06:24
Speaker
will be like less focused on you. It's just a generalized, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want it to be like all gym centric right now. I just wanted to bring you into the conversation because I had a question and or statement to make and I wanted like your feedback about it.
00:06:43
Speaker
Answer, yeah answer slash feedback. All right. Cool. Cool. Cool. I'm, I'm, I'm down. Cool. Sweet. All right. So I guess i I want to preface by saying i don't know if I'm reading into things and like if I picked up on body language or something from you that made me wonder this later on after a last episode.
00:07:08
Speaker
i' trying When we recorded the bonus episode. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was a, sorry guys. It was a spot. It was a, whatchamacallit. Patreon exclusive. That's a genius marketing. This is part two to a Patreon. So you have to go back to Really? This is a part three of our sobriety series. yeah If we want to, you know, get,
00:07:27
Speaker
ah into the weeds about it. yeah so Very poor choice of words. Just the weeds.
00:07:35
Speaker
Just kidding. Yeah. So I just wondered if if you agree with this. It was an observation and i like I said, I don't want to assume anything at all and that's why I would rather bring it straight to you.
00:07:48
Speaker
and ask your question ask you the question or whatever. um Have you encountered at this point yet in your recovery any feelings of shame regarding like your history with addiction and stuff?
00:08:08
Speaker
I'd answer it like this. I don't i wouldn't exactly... want it broadcasted you know on like Facebook or something where like everyone I've ever known will, you know yeah I've ever met in the world will read it. Sure. But I'm not like ashamed or embarrassed, so really, I don't think.
00:08:28
Speaker
um But that is like a common theme that we talk about in and you know the groups and stuff. Yeah. Okay. I was wondering if it if it came up in therapy. Yeah. yeah i I could imagine, like especially later on down the road, like the longer you've been in recovery or you know the like the longer you go since the last time you used or whatever. um And actually, I should say, in your healing journey, as you are healing, right?
00:08:59
Speaker
um That there may be moments where you feel like shame and you know in your own being, not like yeah not like because somebody's bringing it up or talking about it or throwing it in your face or any of that, but like if you look back on your life and and think, shit, you know like things could have been so different or you know any of these random thoughts you could possibly have. but There's um some... The last...
00:09:30
Speaker
but the last eight or so years definitely have not been like my finest, you know, hour um or like, nor have I been, you know, done my proudest work, um you know?
00:09:43
Speaker
Okay. And, you know, I like, yeah now I have a, like the long steep hill ahead of me about repairing relationships with my parents and my sister, especially my sister. um So that's fun. That's going to be work.
00:09:55
Speaker
But like, I, you know, the way I see it, I guess is like, I don't know. We're like, this is like the, as I understand it, like this is the way it's supposed to be, you know, we're all on like a path to learn a lesson or or many lessons or whatever. And like, ah so like, and basically as it plays out, there's no other way it could have played out. You know, that's why I hate saying things like should have, or, you know, good um I wish I did this, you know, cause it's like, what's the point?
00:10:21
Speaker
You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah No, that's, I'm glad to hear you say that. Yeah, you know, it's like we are all doing our own things and struggling with our own shit. And sometimes someone gets the, you know, misfortune of having it be, like, made more public than others, you know, which, you know, is interesting. But I also, yeah, I know a lot of people who are ashamed and stuff.
00:10:48
Speaker
And, yeah, again, there't there's I've done stuff I haven't been proud of and wouldn't really, you know. Love revisiting, but, you know. So you don't have to get into any details. I'm not asking you to do that. but But what i I wanted to say more more than making you give me like, you know, a whole bunch of, I'm not trying to make you, God, I'm sorry. The words are not happening for me right now.
00:11:16
Speaker
It's okay. No, it's all right. I feel like I could be much more eloquent than I am being as well. So you guys are fine. I'm totally not trying to make you take a deep dive into that at all.
00:11:28
Speaker
Cause like more or less what I wanted to say to you is that like, I hope that you don't feel like, shame but i mean if you do here and there and things like that you know that's totally normal but like don't dwell on that like acknowledge it and like push it away you know what i'm saying That's one thing that they like ah they definitely encourage like you know in these programs. It's like, give yourself grace.
00:11:55
Speaker
Learn to forgive yourself. um like we No one should be like mad or or punish or like have a sense of punishment at someone if they relapse. you know yeah and um Actually, we did this weird thing that was it was called like the triangle of self-obsession or self-centeredness. One point like one point of the triangle was resentment.
00:12:20
Speaker
One point was anger. One point was anxiety. And basically, they're like, you know, anger is like the middle ground, the present day. Resentment is the past. Anxiety is the future.
00:12:32
Speaker
But like, if you kind of live in a world of like this triangle, like you're some sort of self-centered, you're you know, you're not moving on from something, you're holding some sort of grudge or, you know, you're making your universe about you. um And like, the and it was interesting is that like, I didn't, I don't really feel like that. I mean, I definitely have acted selfishly, you know, but I feel like that's not, I don't really, those three things don't really live.
00:12:56
Speaker
I don't like, don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like but those three things aren't really part of my life, but like, it's interesting. cause I know that my addiction have like awoken those three things, for instance, in my sister, you know, and I don't think necessarily she's a self-centered person.
00:13:11
Speaker
But it's interesting that like my addiction and like and acts of selfish behaviors or whatever can make that like come out in someone else, you know? Yeah. Which I don't really know what that means. It was just, it was what was going on in my head when like, i was like, they're talking about this in group the other day. Yeah. It's an interesting observation.
00:13:28
Speaker
Right. Yeah. And I don't know, maybe like she, hopefully she's not listening to this, but like, um you know, maybe she would be doing this kind of, I don't know, maybe she would be living in that triangle with or without my addiction. I don't know. But like, as far as I can apply it to myself and how I know she feels towards me currently, who's to say.
00:13:48
Speaker
Yeah. So, um so like yeah, I just wanted to tell you, like, you know, i know in the past I wasn't like super happy about Molly's involvement with you and stuff like that, but it wasn't personal.
00:14:01
Speaker
it wasn't about you. It was about your addiction. You know what i'm saying? It was i understood like, yeah, I just, my, in my mind, I want to protect her. And I just i mean was like, don't get involved because it will create so much heartache and stress and, you know, things like that. And I just didn't, I didn't want to see her hurt.
00:14:22
Speaker
And like, you know, but like, obviously she has reiterated over time, like what a beneficial relationship you know you have been to her in her life and stuff so that has been you know like hard to accept at first and then it was like okay I get it like and you know and you you know you taught her things and showed her things that she needed and has learned from your relationship and I think that's awesome and I'm glad you're in her life and I don't want you to feel like I'm holding any kind of like grudges or any kind of like
00:15:00
Speaker
um prejudices or anything else in my head anymore like I've moved on from all of that so don't I don't want you to feel like I have anything weird against you anymore like I just want you to know that I appreciate that I really appreciate that thank you for telling me that I did I got I hope so and got the impression maybe hopefully from the last conversation seemed to go pretty smoothly but no that means a lot I'm glad to hear that cool And honestly, like Molly is and was like my one, I think, sober friend, like my one not drug community friend. Yeah. So like, frankly, I wouldn't have trusted me either.
00:15:41
Speaker
I don't blame you. Yeah. I've just had, i mean, it's kind of weird. I don't know if it's like all the stuff I've been through in life in general um or if I've observed it somehow in in my life forever.
00:15:58
Speaker
I don't know. But I've i've had...
00:16:03
Speaker
i don't know. I've always had in insights, intuition, if you will. Like, I can see around corners. I can always like i can always know what kind of thing will happen if this thing happens or you know what i mean? Like, yeah, I've always been able to predict shit.
00:16:25
Speaker
And so when she told me about you, when she first met you, I was just like, no, don't do it. Don't do it. Just don't do it. You know? um But I haven't actually known anyone who's been addicted I did have an old coworker who became an alcoholic and that was extremely traumatic, like situation regarding like what happened to her.
00:16:50
Speaker
But when I knew that she was at a point of no return, like I literally had to walk away because i had too much of my own stress and shit and drama and crap in my own life. Like I couldn't take on anymore.
00:17:05
Speaker
i couldn't do it. And I would have fucking like, I don't know. i don't know what would have happened, you know, if I tried to, like, get involved in stuff. Sadly, she passed her away, you know. It was just, like, yeah, really screwed up.
00:17:18
Speaker
It was really sad. Yeah. Really sad. but It's crazy how, like, destructive it is and how legal, and not only legal, but, like, pushed, you know. Yeah. Glorified, like you said. Glorified, yeah, right.
00:17:30
Speaker
God, did we talk about this last week? not It was a couple weeks ago. okay. um But, yeah, we did mention how Yeah, it's like one of the like the deadliest things to detox off of.
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah. And like, I don't know. It's fucked up. Yeah, like coming off of like fentanyl. you can like you know You can like white knuckle it and be fine. But alcohol, you need to detox to get off of it. like Or else you'll it'll like kill you. You'll get like, you know.
00:17:55
Speaker
Yeah. It's crazy. Yep. So, and yeah that was the only experience I had with any kind of addiction stuff. Yeah. yeah oh yeah i just it was that like i was gonna say like when you were saying about like having the intuition and like the seeing around corners like you you felt that way about my getting to know jim and that it was gonna just end up that way it was just gonna end up being bad all around kind of you know i just trying to save you from heartache and
00:18:28
Speaker
yeah strong Yeah. And i I understood that for sure. too. You know, and that's honest and honestly like I've said it before. I'll say it again till the end of time probably. But like there was no reason that I should have, you know, continued to give you the time of day after you, you know, were up front with me about Oh, yeah. and like i would I don't think I would have given anybody else the time of day with the same kind of confession.
00:18:57
Speaker
and I firmly believe there was something more divinely guided telling me that I need to know this person. Well, you know, it's funny. We actually talked about this today.
00:19:10
Speaker
ah really? Well, no, not that, but sort of that. like About me? No, just kidding. He was like our like counselor. You know who. the bugs yeah yeah yeah i have this all right you'll probably have to cut this out but i have a counselor named mark and he is like the nicest like sweetest guy too like which is funny anyway and not the point but um like he was talking about how uh well it's just funny because there's like there's two guys that look exactly alike there brandon and mark and like mark is like the nice one and brandon's like the fake hard ass so anyway but this guy is like he's like too nice like i told him about the interview and like how was just gonna miss a group he was like have an amazingly good luck time i was like
00:19:51
Speaker
I was like, easy, dude.
00:19:55
Speaker
um Anyway, ah yeah, no, he was talking that we were talking about how, like, if you're in a meeting or whatever, like, or like in a group like that, you know, we're all there as addicts. And it's important to like be honest with yourself and identify yourself as an addict. But like,
00:20:09
Speaker
As I've like said to like my mom and I think to Molly and to many people, like you know like I'm not um like um a lot more than an addict. yeah you know That's like a thin slice of the pie. For sure. you know so like And that's what that he was kind of saying. He's like, you know, in other places, like in other parts of your life, like it may not be like you know that beneficial to consider yourself an addict or or not or to like view yourself.
00:20:32
Speaker
That's not what he said. But he said it' like it's important to view yourself as what... you know more than just an addict. because like yeah kind of It's the kind of thing, like you know yeah keep saying it enough and like that's all you'll be. yeah yeah so so and All this is to say is that I think that you were able to see beyond the... well that's That was like very literally my thought process. like you know My first instinct was, ah, shit.
00:20:58
Speaker
You know? Yeah. s And then my next instinct was like... I just, <unk> I'm sure he's dealt with this a lot.
00:21:12
Speaker
This like, oh, people just write him off.
00:21:16
Speaker
ah Yeah. And that was, you know, it was a reaction I was very used to. Right. to varying degrees of like disappointment. yeah Sometimes I cared more than others. but And like, for whatever reason, had,
00:21:30
Speaker
had that I mean, it's weird because it was like, I'm not even sure that I had a distinct feeling, but I just, I just knew like, I gotta, I gotta talk to the this guy. I gotta, you know, get to know him, like see what he's really about. I like, you know, just to like speak to him and meet with him and hang out with him was not going to commit me to any further involvement. You know, if I continued, if I've got like, you know, insanely bad vibes.
00:21:57
Speaker
Yeah. And I didn't. Right. um Yeah. Or did I ever like try to offer you the pipe? No, no ah I don't know. I don't know what I would have done.
00:22:08
Speaker
i i mean, like, I know I would have said no, thank you. Smack that shit straight out of his hand. I had learned my lesson. I had learned my lesson by then. Yeah. Yeah. um um But like, yeah, it I mean, I, I have the same intuition, Christina, you know, you know, and like, I knew like everything in me was like, this is not the logical thing to do. Yeah.
00:22:35
Speaker
And yet, must. And, you know, over time... Well, not your everyday addict. It's true. Battle horns.
00:22:46
Speaker
Oh my god. Yeah, and over time, and I mean, like, we have had... but Okay. Like, ah we have definitely had our issues.
00:22:58
Speaker
Yep. We've had our moments where we needed to have... space um sometimes for months at a time um and with each of those instances i was always braced for the possibility i might never ever hear from you again you know yeah either because you decided you know never to speak to me again or if you fucking died you know like i was always braced for that and like so in that way like christina you're not wrong about like there being
00:23:33
Speaker
the high potential for heartache because I always had that like reserved, like within me, this, this feeling of like volatility due to the addiction and, you know, needing to have my guard up a fair bit, a lot really actually. um And yet you also made it so easy to just be myself And like, you know, you were trustworthy to to speak to about anything.
00:24:05
Speaker
And, you know but you know, in spite of everything, we, you know, got stronger, like a closer, stronger relationship through everything.
00:24:16
Speaker
Yes. Every time we came back together after time apart, it was always like, A, like we had never spent time apart and B, like stronger than before.
00:24:30
Speaker
Yeah. And, uh, I don't I mean, there's a reason. Yes. So. Yeah. Yeah. yeah So I just remembered the portion of the conversation on the Patreon episode.
00:24:46
Speaker
Oh. Subscribe and listen. um Yes. Where we were talking about, or you were kind of talking about, um feeling optimistic or whatever and then you were like but i'm you know you were afraid of so saying you that you were optimistic and then i was like no no correction complacency that you don't want you know like that kind of thing yeah but like for some reason i kind of had this like image like a screenshot of you in my head in the body language like
00:25:19
Speaker
afterwards right in my head i'm thinking he kind of has this i don't know like a posture of feeling like like you look like you might have been ashamed when you were talking about that a little bit and that's why i thought about it and i was like i wanted to ask you if that was you know if you were experiencing that or not um and then today i today or yesterday yesterday sorry i um became aware of another podcast that sounded really really interesting And I listened to the first couple episodes of it.
00:25:52
Speaker
And I have to look it up because I can't sit here and tell you what it was called. One second. No worries. Okay. Okay. So i heard about it from another podcast that I listened to on a regular basis.
00:26:06
Speaker
The guy was like, I listened to this guy every day because he is so, he's got such interesting topics and his own perspectives on them are so like unique and different and blah, blah, blah. So I was like, okay, he sounds cool. I want to listen. So the podcast is called ungraduated living.
00:26:25
Speaker
And then I guess he might've changed it at some point. to ungraduated living and learning or something like that don't remember but anyway what's the do you have the name of the guy um ken hannaman h-a-n-n-a-m-a-n so i get into like episode two i guess because they're not numbered but um he started talking about human levels of consciousness and their effect on your life.
00:26:56
Speaker
And by consciousness, um I'm going to equate it to like enlightenment and, you know, elevating like ourselves, like we were talking about, we all need to raise our level up.
00:27:08
Speaker
Yeah. Raise our ascend. yeah mentioned Exactly. And then he, he cited and quoted a book that, had all this interesting information in it. And I went out and bought the book yesterday.
00:27:22
Speaker
So i haven't really been able to dig into it too much yet, but, um, what's the book, the book power versus force.
00:27:33
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Bye. Power versus force by Dr. David R Hawkins, MD, PhD. Cool. And I don't know exactly what kind of MD or PhD he is like what he,
00:27:47
Speaker
if he was just sort into research or if he was actually like seeing patients or, you know, any of that kind of thing, I have no idea, but, um, there's a, a scale that they were able to like him. And I don't know, whoever else researched with him, maybe they came up with basically tab, a table or whatever of um, a map of consciousness is what they called it.
00:28:15
Speaker
Talking about, different levels and mindsets that you would be at and they are literally measurable like the energy is measurable so they assigned numbers to these like different levels right um and the lowest one it's like but the columns are god view life view level and then like whether it has an upward trajectory or a downward trajectory so it's got upward arrows or downward arrows and then has log which is like the numbers that they assign to it and the emotions that are related to it and the processes related whatever exactly that means I'm not sure so anyway some of the lowest ones or the lowest one on this table um the level is shame
00:29:07
Speaker
Okay. And so, cause when he started talking about this, it like ding, ding, ding, like reminded me of how like my thought process was about you. And if, you know, if you were experiencing shame, because i kind of wanted to tell you like, especially if you dwell in shame at all. And I feel, and I'm sure they're talking about this in therapy. And by the way,
00:29:31
Speaker
In college, eons ago, i was a psychology student, but like I didn't graduate with a degree in, you know, psychology. But um I've always been very, very interested in it. So some of this stuff kind of comes to me because I have dwelled on psychological issues my entire teenage through adult life.
00:29:53
Speaker
on And I was thinking about it and I'm like, if you dwell in shame too long, you might go back to using because you're so either like saddened about your situation or depressed or, you know, like if you're being too hard on yourself, yeah yeah you want to escape that because it sucks, you know, to be in in that, you know, mindset. Right.
00:30:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's why I was like, God, I hope he doesn't feel shame because I, I really hope that you, have learned enough, especially through whatever therapies you're in and, you know, rehab and everything like that. Like, you know, you're going to have moments of it. Sure. but like, you have to, you have to like push it away. You have to like make it go away.
00:30:39
Speaker
do you like, do a thing. Like I was saying, and if you feel ah craving, do something to distract yourself, figure out whatever the best distractions are that are good for you. And do that. Just like if you're having a craving do that. If you're having a shame moment or whatever, do that. you know What, Molly?
00:31:01
Speaker
What? I'm on a thing. what I am wondering, and i you know in all likelihood, you might have planned to take it this direction.
00:31:13
Speaker
i don't remember if I talked to you, Jim, about this when i had the realization and then we when we recorded about it. But about what the literal antidote to shame is.
00:31:28
Speaker
Yeah. Because we had a whole episode about this. We had a whole fucking episode. And i had a fucking like breakthrough in therapy about it too. yeah Yeah. Because I exist in shame a lot.
00:31:39
Speaker
Yeah. Like it's part of the reason that I have as many problems and complexes and anxieties and PTSD as I do. Is I've given it to myself because I've existed in shame for so much of my life. Mm-hmm.
00:31:53
Speaker
um Can I go ahead and say, okay, so it was another podcast that I was listening to that I can't remember, but I know we referenced it when we did our shame episode.
00:32:05
Speaker
ah ah and but But the episode was about wonder. And toward the end of this episode, somebody, i don't remember who, somebody in the recording said the antidote to shame is awe and wonder.
00:32:22
Speaker
And whatever inspires those feelings in you, it's very literally like the thing that pulls you out of that, like, that self-centered focus of feeling shame.
00:32:34
Speaker
And, you know, i have clung to that ever since. And it's helped me a lot. It's part of the reason that I listen way more to classical music than I used to. And I used to listen to it a fair bit, but I've like, I fall back on it all the time because it's one of the kinds of music that like allows me to feel not just like badassery and like just feeling good in general, but like wonder, literal wonder.
00:33:02
Speaker
at like how incredible it is to listen to like the Berlin Philharmonic, you know,
00:33:10
Speaker
it's something completely, completely different. Yeah. And so, yeah, that's something that like, if, if there was ever a thing that you'd want to have in place for when that kind of stuff comes up emotion wise, it would be, you know, ah short like list of things to, you know, immerse yourself in to, ah you know, alleviate the shame by filling yourself with this sense of wonder.
00:33:40
Speaker
Yeah. So yeah if it's popping, popping on a ah Mr. Bean video or something. Yeah.
Emotional Connections in Media
00:33:49
Speaker
I mean, that's honestly it's honestly probably one of my like fascinations with superheroes. is like Yeah.
00:33:55
Speaker
Oh my goodness. feeling this This boy is obsessed. With Mr. Bean? No, with superheroes. How many superheroes have you seen that are a horse? That's awesome.
00:34:06
Speaker
Oh my god. it's awesome but yeah yeah like yeah like my god When, like when we went, um, the night before you went into rehab.
00:34:16
Speaker
Yes. And we went to see the new Superman movie. Yes. I knew you you were getting emotional in it. was. I could feel it. could, I could detect it. Well, what's emotional?
00:34:27
Speaker
I don't know. Like you, I could just feel this energy coming off of you of just like, you know. superman he's like your fave yeah one of them finally done right crypto the super dog um yeah that was fun yeah and so like i just knew i mean i i also knew it was important to you to to be able to go yeah see it but um like that absolutely makes sense for you to do like uh you know anything learning anything about superheroes like all the I don't know. You've probably watched every fucking video on YouTube. I keep finding new ones.
00:34:59
Speaker
I don't know how. It's all the time. All like constantly No, you know superheroes or political? like Yeah. Oh my God. That's the two things that my YouTube algorithm has.
00:35:09
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah, no, that's, and that's one thing that um the therapist that you met, Oh, the other mark. yeah yeah Yeah, I figured it would be pointless and drop a name, but whatever. you know um Yeah, like the the I think the very first time I met with him, he was just like, it wasn't i don't it was about shame or anger or like, you know, whatever, any of these emotions.
00:35:33
Speaker
And he said, like, just approach him with a little bit of curiosity. I remember thinking that was so weird. I remember being like, what does that even mean, bro? But I've heard it a lot in like the past in the month since. And I'm like, it's begun to make sense to me. you know And it's about like emotional regulation and being like, oh, why do I feel this way? Oh, well, because blah, blah, blah, blah. blah and like And it's a short-term version of like trauma healing. It's like, oh, once you wants you to know why you're feeling it, well, you don't have to feel that way. It pulls you out of your mind.
00:36:02
Speaker
Yeah. Like it, it, it. Well, that was the other thing that he was talking about. Yeah. he It took me a while to understand this, which I don't understand because it's such a clear, obvious concept to me now. But like, he was like, he was, you, he was saying you are not your mind. Yeah. And I was like, the fuck would, but like, yeah, no, no. It's like, same as like, you are not your body. Like, have you ever read the power of now? Oh my God.
00:36:22
Speaker
I gotta... People will not shut up. In the past, like, two weeks, people... Like, every single person I meet is like, power of now! see Power up now! I'm like, alright, guess i gotta i read this. book I read it before I could even understand it.
00:36:33
Speaker
And I was like... I, like... I intellectually understood it, but I was just like... I couldn't emotionally get there because I was so... It was... It was, like, pre...
00:36:46
Speaker
I mean, I never quit drinking, but it was when I was in the bad pre phase of my drinking. Pre-healing. Pre-earth-shattering circumstances that tore me apart as a person.
00:36:57
Speaker
that is That's when I read that. Wow. And so I was not in a place to receive it. But like I have never stopped thinking about it. I own it and I have never read it um my god The craziest thing is, back in the days, as my son would say, i used to watch Oprah all the time, right?
00:37:15
Speaker
right She always had the Oprah book club thing. But like oh yeah the Eckhart Tolle book that she was on was A New Earth. And she was having a whole thing about it. It was back when, you know, dial up was still a thing on the computer. And like, you had to get it, like you had to register for this online seminar.
00:37:37
Speaker
And then you had to like log in early because the, you know, the interwebs would get bogged down and like you wouldn't be able to get in and shit like that you know it was just crazy some like telemarketer would call and kick you off so i uh i had subscribed to that seminar and i watched like she had him on and they did like interviews stuff and i started to read that that book the a new earth and i never finished it but i also have the other one you just mentioned yeah and i've not read it yet
00:38:10
Speaker
Yeah, but that was like my first introduction to the concept that you are not your mind. um And then very literally the curiosity thing that has been integral for me in getting out of the shame spirals that I tend to fall into about my own body.
00:38:31
Speaker
And like, you know, instead of getting critical internally, I've tried to like pivot that into curiosity like you know curiosity about whether it's my pain or whether it's my whatever's mental you know emotions and shit are going on yeah and curiosity about right why do you fucking hate looking at yourself in the mirror right now What is it that's so off-putting to you right now? have noticed there are not many very many around here.
00:39:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I don't love them. I still don't. But, you know, I'm trying. yeah um Or to have your picture taken. Or to have my picture taken. oh my God.
00:39:17
Speaker
Yeah, I can't, I struggle. I struggle so hard with it. And, you know, but the the curiosity aspect of like, you know, rather than just being critical and um ah allowing that voice to take over, like curiosity has even allowed me to remind myself, like, it's not your voice that's doing that.
00:39:38
Speaker
Yeah. It's the recorded loop. It's the recorded voice of the people that brought me up. Yep. Yeah. Or, and right. Right. Yeah. yeah And, and like, yeah, what, just like what, well, and also like what you're telling yourself, I don't know.
00:39:55
Speaker
I, and I know that like, I tell myself like, well, think everyone does like assuming what other people are like, yeah you know, thinking assuming other people's perception of you or whatever, you know?
00:40:07
Speaker
um yeah And like most of the time you're fucking wrong. Right. Right. mean, it's just like, that's why it's just, it will never, you know, yeah compare, don't ever like, you know, truly assume.
00:40:18
Speaker
You know what? and This is semi related. It's, you know, whatever. But one of the things that helped me get over my fear of other people judging me all the time was ah quote that I sometimes struggle with repeating exactly the right way, but it's something like, you wouldn't worry about what other people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did. Yeah. That stuck with me.
00:40:47
Speaker
and it's like, like literally started getting me out of my own head about when I was, because my grandmother was, Like when i when I was growing up, she was all about appearances and being proper and doing things like this way and that way. And like, you know, it made me feel watched. Like people were constantly judging how I was behaving or acting or how, like how I looked when I was eating my food in a restaurant or anything, you know?
00:41:14
Speaker
And I, it finally, like sometime in my late twenties or early thirties, I started finally coming out of that shell of like constant, fear of judgment and like criticism and like started feeling like fuck it nobody's paying attention anyways it doesn't matter nobody's looking at me you know it's so funny and like kind of ironic actually kind of doubling back in uh the most common psychosis under like for someone who's high on meth is like being watched like yeah paranoia, paranoia cameras in the walls like every light bulb is a camera like why are you recording me man? I'm like I'm on my phone dude I'm not like and that's the thing is that it's like you're not no you're not that fucking important dude and like no one cares it's the same thing you know it's like dude ah you like a van is outside like what? Oh my god yeah
00:42:11
Speaker
But that is the funniest thing, actually. Whenever I see someone's Wi-Fi network be like... FBI van. Yeah, FBI van. I'm like, oh, any tweaker in the area is fucking freaking out right now.
00:42:23
Speaker
Yeah. FBI surveillance van. Yeah, yeah. They're like, boom. And like, yeah, I mean, I definitely told this story when we, I think when we talked about our shame, when we did our shame episode.
00:42:36
Speaker
But like, I came to the same like conclusion of that quote that you quoted. um But like I had to come to it like on my own like thought processes.
00:42:48
Speaker
It's nothing. It's loose. Nothing. Go on. Okay. um it was but And it was while I was in school at Berkeley. And you know i was faced with that a lot, especially you know with my own insecurities just being...
00:43:04
Speaker
rampant and already and then being around so many talented people all the time and just like feeling simultaneously like in the completely right place and so out of place like just at the same time I finally came to the understanding of like you know I had to tell myself how often do I look at everyone around me and just like think that they're so fucking stupid looking or that they're being so weird right now?
Personal Realization and Consciousness
00:43:36
Speaker
and Like fucking never. If I think about anybody at all, it's usually like, Oh my God, I love that girl's purple pants. You know? Right. No one's like, what a whole thing.
00:43:48
Speaker
Right. And I was like, I have person offends me. Exactly. And I was like, if if I never think that way, I have no reason to believe that absolutely everybody else is thinking that way. yeah And it like it was a major turning point in like you know clicking ah something into place for me to stop just being so scared all the time. I'm super happy that you had that realization.
00:44:15
Speaker
i'm super happy. Yeah. Yeah. And I had nobody to tell it to at the time, except maybe my therapist. And I can't even remember if I told me. oh Because like, yeah, I wasn't even really open about how I felt a lot at that time either. Aside from probably with my therapist.
00:44:33
Speaker
Like I didn't tell anybody how much I struggled with insecurity. And now I'm an open book, I guess. I have a podcast.
00:44:42
Speaker
Shizzle. Yup. Yeah. You can't judge a book by its cover if it's open. That's what I just never said before in my life.
00:44:55
Speaker
That makes so much sense because you can't fucking see the cover. Makes sense. I like that. I might have to write that down. well i Well, just came to me, so I might too.
00:45:09
Speaker
Oh my god. That's great. But I did want to go over some of these other levels with you guys just just to give you an idea of like, and don't know, some the stuff I learned.
00:45:23
Speaker
is So it's an actual, like, chart that you can see in the book? Can you, like, oh, okay, I see. do you mind, like, sending a picture of that? Yeah. It won't make a whole ton of, like,
00:45:36
Speaker
It won't probably make a whole ton of like um sense to you because there's a lot of description after. Is Jim receiving a phone call right now? Hold on, let's pause. You got a phone?
00:45:49
Speaker
So I just wanted to kind of give a quick overview of the levels. I don't know, like, I just thought it was so cool that they actually have like a measure... the the They have a way of measuring like your level of consciousness, like by the yeah energy that you put off.
00:46:09
Speaker
It's crazy. um I wonder how much it impacts your aura. Oh, I don't know. And I don't even know if it's in this book or not yet, but um it's probably all related to somehow. I'm sure it is. Sure.
00:46:22
Speaker
So the very bottom one, like I said, the level is called shame, but like the God don't, and don't I can't explain what this means, the God view and the life view, but maybe it'll make sense when I say the words.
00:46:36
Speaker
The God view is despising and the life view is miserable and the emotion is humiliation and the process is elimination. So it's like you just want to like get rid of something. like You just want to like whatever.
00:46:53
Speaker
like me, i always wanted to eliminate myself. Yeah. Don't say that. i hope No, mean it was, but at but let's but just be real. That's how I felt a lot, you know? Yeah. and As much as it fucking sucks. Maybe that's what this means, you know, maybe. Right. That's what I mean. Like self elimination. If you feel bad enough. Yeah.
00:47:14
Speaker
True. Yeah. um Then the next level is guilt and the God view is vindictive and the life view is evil and the emotion is blame.
00:47:26
Speaker
And process is destruction. And then you have apathy. And with that is condemning, hopeless, despair, and abdication.
00:47:39
Speaker
Then you have grief, which comes with disdain, tragic, regret, and despondency. And that that's level 75. So the bottom one was 20. And then it was like 30, then 50, then 75. Okay.
00:47:55
Speaker
Now we get level, like your energy um level is 100 and you have fear. Punitive, frightening, anxiety, withdrawal.
00:48:08
Speaker
Level 125 is desire. The God view is denying. The life view is ah disappointing. The...
00:48:20
Speaker
Number 125, right? Okay. Emotion is craving and the process is enslavement. Oh. It's almost like you're enslaved to the things that you desire.
00:48:33
Speaker
But, like, you don't have freedom. You know what i mean? I remember that concept in the Mormon church. Yeah. You know, it's like when you are addicted to something, you are not free.
00:48:44
Speaker
You are a slave to that thing, you know? Right. Yeah. Then... 150 is anger you have vengeful antagonistic hate and aggression and then that's 150 and then pride is 175 indifferent demanding scorn inflation whatever that means um Then the level at which could go either up or down because you had all those ones were like down, you know, the level of is 200. And this is, I think where they, where they said like a lot, like the majority of humans are at is courage.
00:49:30
Speaker
And the God view is permitting. The life view is feasible. The emotion is affirmation. The process is empowerment. And at that level, you could either go up in consciousness level or down in consciousness level.
00:49:47
Speaker
um but But the higher up you go, if you go up, then it you know you keep going up, right? The next one is 250, neutrality.
00:49:59
Speaker
God view is enabling. Life view is satisfactory. um burping, excuse me. ah Emotion is trust. And the process is release. And then 310, willingness.
00:50:14
Speaker
God view is inspiring. Life view is hopeful. Emotion is optimism. Process is intention. And then you go to 350, acceptance, where you have merciful, harmonious, forgiveness, and transcendence.
00:50:34
Speaker
Then 400, you have reason. God view is wise. Life view is meaningful. emotion is understanding and processes m abstraction you level 500 is love the god view is loving life view is benign which i don't really understand that but because benign feels so neutral and like not here or there you know it's kind of weird right um the emotion is reverence the process is revelation
00:51:08
Speaker
Then you go Can I get, is there one more above love? There's more. There's three more. there's three more. Is one of them authenticity? Um, no. Oh, nevermind. That's okay.
00:51:22
Speaker
that's okay um So love is like, you know, like we talked about, that's the level that we're supposed to all be ascribing to. Is that the right word? Like striving for, striving for, attaining. Yeah. um But this actually goes beyond that. And the next level is joy. 540. The the God view is one.
00:51:47
Speaker
The life view complete. The emotion serenity the process transfiguration 600 we have peace the the god view is all being life view is perfect emotion is bliss process is illumination and then you have levels 700 through 1000 and
00:52:17
Speaker
and it's not advanced enlightenment yeah it's pure enlightenment so the god view is self which is funny because i started to understand this concept at some point in the last handful of years because of witchcraft i don't know it kind of like taught me you know we're we're all a shared consciousness right yeah and if that's what you're going to call God, then God is in all of us. Right.
00:52:48
Speaker
Yeah. And so that's what it was like. The God view is self. And it's like, yeah, dude, we are all God. Like we are literally part of the God consciousness. Like we're, we are God.
00:53:03
Speaker
So that's just, I don't know. It kind of, it, it just made me to realize Okay, let me finish first of all. So 700 through 1000 is enlightenment and the God view is self.
00:53:15
Speaker
The life view is, the word is is, the emotion is ineffable process is pure consciousness.
00:53:27
Speaker
So. when they when when the guy on the podcast was reading through these and talking about them a little bit like at each level and he didn't he didn't talk about every single level but he gave like the major ones i guess um once you hit you know think it was level 400 something um everything that went above that, I was like, I have experienced a little bit of every one of those levels in some way or another.
00:53:55
Speaker
So it makes me realize like I'm on the right path. You know what I'm saying? Because no, I'm not in yeah perfect and enlightenment. Like I'm definitely going up and down a lot because there are days where i have fear and anger and pride and, you know, all these other emotions. Yeah.
00:54:15
Speaker
that you know go along with that stuff because we are human um yeah inherently imperfect yeah exactly but the yeah just hearing all these you know higher levels made me realize like i must be on the right path because these all hit like struck a chord with me you know what i mean to um but one of the cool things in the book says even just one person being i think it was at like level 600 can neutralize ah thousand people at level 200.
00:54:51
Speaker
I've heard things like that. Yeah. yeah And that's how like we're like slowly ascending to like the new earth, yeah like the fourth dimension or whatever. Yes. but you know You only need a certain percentage of people to become enlightened enough that it tips the scale.
00:55:08
Speaker
and like you know All of a sudden, we all are going to ascend. yeah And remind us what is at 600 and what's at 200? At 600 is peace. two hundred at six hundred is peace um which is all being perfect bliss and illumination 200 is courage which that's the one where it it can go either up or down yeah when you're at the level of courage where it's permitting feasible affirmation empowerment okay yeah so you're like right at that point of like you could go either way yeah
00:55:43
Speaker
And it just, it reaffirms for me the feeling that I've had of like, when you heal yourself, you heal the world. You heal your community, you heal your family, yep you heal society.
00:55:59
Speaker
And that last statement really just sort of props that feeling up or that that ah concept up. We can't. fix other people we can't save the world we can literally only fix and save ourselves and evolve ourselves or enlighten ourselves or yeah you know what I mean?
00:56:20
Speaker
What's the word? Jim said it earlier. Ascend. Ascend ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. We can only do it for ourselves. And then the light that we put out because of that influences people.
00:56:35
Speaker
People want to know like, who's that person? Like, I want to be like them, you know, and they like, you know, maybe want to talk to you and then they can learn things if they, you know, whatever. You end up being an influence and help other people just by being you and yeah doing what's right for you and, and you know what I mean?
00:56:56
Speaker
All of that. Yeah. I have always, like, felt that for myself where i don't feel like I'm particularly good at, like, sitting and teaching in a traditional way. But I feel like there's still a lot that i you know, can impart to others. Mm-hmm.
00:57:14
Speaker
um And the way that I have felt is going to be most conducive to that for me is the leading by example. And like this very literally is that, you know, it's like having yourself reach that level of consciousness.
00:57:30
Speaker
And then you are not only like an example, like intellectually, ah you know, to the people around you, but also like energetically. Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:41
Speaker
yeah also just so you know like the examples that he gave for the highest level of 700 to 1000 are people like jesus oh yeah like ascended masters gandhi yeah like like consciousness like our uh our they are the ascended masters for sure uh divine connection teacher yeah from anahata's last year britney yeah she talked about the ascended masters okay Yeah. Speaking of Ascended Masters. Yes.
00:58:14
Speaker
I have been reading a book. Oh, yes. Yes. Please talk about the book. Called Many Lives, Many Masters. Ah. Oh, Weiss. You're familiar? You're Weiss. Yes. Yeah. I know. i've I've had a bunch of his books on my wish list for a long time.
00:58:29
Speaker
Yeah. Cool. i've My mom was recommended it to her back like when her brother died, back in like you know the late 90s or something. i I was a kid. And i she read it.
00:58:40
Speaker
And she gave it to me years later and I had read it, but I didn't remember at night, like have been learning about all this stuff, you know, through Molly and other friends and on, you know, videos and stuff. So I wanted to give it another read because I knew that a lot of the ideology and theology lined up aligned.
00:58:58
Speaker
So I've been reading it, reading it. And basically it's about, yeah, you know, Brian White's a psychiatrist who has, hidden and he, like this woman comes to him who's like, tons of phobias, ah anxieties, like it can't, it can barely operate in like the in society, like yeah completely stunted. like And, you know, through through past life regression, they're able to like, you know, walk her through these traumatic things that happened to her either early in her life that she didn't remember or in her past lives. And like, you know, and it helps her heal in, you know, in the current lifetime.
00:59:35
Speaker
But when they walk her through up to the deaths of these past lives, they get messages from master, from the masters, which is like, you know, you know, the is highly, yeah, the master spirits from, you know, great beyond from whatever dimensions.
00:59:52
Speaker
But, oh, so but my, what I wanted to do was read a part of it that I read today that I think very much so is not only in alignment with like everything that we've been talking about, but like, this was a great,
01:00:03
Speaker
Segway. Segway. Is this the special treat? Yes.
01:00:08
Speaker
This is years after... oh you had it here with the book open to the page and everything. Wow, I'm so for proud of you. Amazing. So this is after, like months after they finished, they terminated their sessions. And he's now, like, kind of, like, getting...
01:00:26
Speaker
miss it like Downloads. Downloads, like in his dreams and stuff. And every time he like wakes up and he writes something. and like This is basically like what the masters have told him directly.
01:00:38
Speaker
And it's pretty good. All right. Wisdom is achieved very slowly. This is because intellectual knowledge, easily acquired, must be transformed into emotional or subconscious knowledge.
01:00:49
Speaker
Once transformed, the imprint is permanent. Behavioral practice is the necessary catalyst of this reaction. Without action, the concept will wither and fade. Theoretical knowledge without practical application is not enough.
01:01:02
Speaker
Balance and harmony are neglected today, yet they are the foundations of wisdom. Everything is done to excess. People are overweight because they eat excessively. Joggers neglect aspects of themselves and others because they run excessively.
01:01:14
Speaker
People seem excessively mean. They drink too much, smoke too much, carouse too much or too little, talk too much without content, worry too much. There is too much black or white thinking, all or none. This is not the way of nature.
01:01:26
Speaker
In nature, there is balance. Beasts destroy in small amounts. Ecological systems are not eliminated en masse. plants are consumed and then grow. The sources of susant of sustenance are dipped into and then replenished.
01:01:39
Speaker
The flower is enjoyed, the fruit eaten, the root preserved. Humankind has not learned about balance, let alone practiced it. It is guided by greed and ambition, steered by fear. In this way, it will eventually destroy itself, but nature will survive.
01:01:52
Speaker
At least the plants will. Happiness is really rooted in simplicity. The tendency to excessiveness is in thought and action diminishes happiness. excesses Excesses cloud basic values.
01:02:05
Speaker
Religious people tell us that Happiness comes from filling one's heart with love, from faith and hope, from practicing charity and dispensing kindness. They're actually right. Given those attitudes, balance and harmony usually follow.
01:02:18
Speaker
These are collectively a state of being. In these days, they are an unaltered they are an analed state of consciousness. It is as if humankind we're not it's and were not in its natural state while on earth.
01:02:30
Speaker
It must reach an altered state in order to fit in order to fill itself with love and charity and simplicity, to feel purity, to rid itself of its chronic fearfulness. How does one reach this altered state, this other value system?
01:02:42
Speaker
And once reached, how can it be sustained? The answer appears to be simple. It is the common denominator of all religions. Humankind is immortal, and what ah we are doing now is learning our lessons. We are all in school.
01:02:53
Speaker
It is so simple if you can believe in immortality. If a part of humankind is eternal, and there is much evidence in history to think so, then why are we doing such bad things to ourselves? Why do we step on and over others for our personal gain when actually we're flunking the lesson?
01:03:08
Speaker
We all seem to be going to the same place ultimately, albeit at different speeds. No one is greater than another. Consider the lessons. Intellectually, the answers have always been there, but this need to actualize by experience to make the subconscious imprint permanent by emotionalizing and practicing this concept is the key.
01:03:25
Speaker
Memorizing in Sunday school is not good enough. Lip service without the behaviors and it has no value. It is easy to read about or to talk about love and charity and faith, but to do it, to feel it, almost requires an altered state of consciousness.
01:03:39
Speaker
Not the transient state induced by drugs, alcohol, or unexpected emotion. The permanent state is reached by knowledge and understanding. It is sustained by physical behavior, by act and deed, by practice.
01:03:50
Speaker
It is taking something nearly mystical and transforming it to everyday familiarity by practice, making it a habit. Understand that no one is greater than another.
01:04:01
Speaker
Feel it. Practice helping another. We are all rowing the same boat. If we don't pull together, our plants are going to be awfully lonely. Very good. So Jim, I... Thank you for reading that, first all.
01:04:14
Speaker
Thank you. Fucking relevant as hell. Right? yeah Amazing. My ADHD brain couldn't keep up with how fast you were reading. Was I reading fast? A little bit. He's like the opposite kind of ADHD that we are.
01:04:28
Speaker
Okay. What you mean? Like, he he can pay attention to, like, fast shit. Okay. So, yeah, he reading fast people. I have been told I'd read fast, though. I was trying to, like, grasp a concept, and you were already moving on to the next one, and I was like, ugh, ugh, ugh. Now, I've been told when I read...
01:04:46
Speaker
publicly i read fast but i was trying not to but i guess i do it's okay it wasn't the worst for sure but it definitely was like i'm gonna need to read i will be re-listening to this because i edit them yes but k christina all the more reason fucking listen to our own episodes right yeah i'll give you the time stamp of it okay when it's published and then you can go and listen to it yes and or i just go get the book because i want to read his stuff anyways Yeah. Right.
01:05:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, the masters seem pretty smart. Yeah, they do. I love it. It's good.
01:05:25
Speaker
Yeah. And next up, the recovering. ah Yeah. Yep. I'm getting there. What does that mean? That's the book. The next book that he's going to get into. Yeah.
01:05:37
Speaker
Yeah. yep do i will I will withhold all other recommendations until get through that one. So, um did you play him that?
01:05:51
Speaker
Not yet. What is taking you so long? just I don't know. Just play go-go-go-thing. We will. Can you find it? The interview. i still have it pulled up on my, you know, 100 plus tabs on my phone. Okay.
01:06:05
Speaker
What interview? The NPR interview where she talks about the recovery. right, right, right, right. Yeah. I still haven't played that for you. It's short, but yeah I think you will like what this lady had to say. and Yeah. And she has her own books.
01:06:18
Speaker
Like, she's an artist. she does early shit. and she initially the i yeah shit i see so it's so interesting because like you say that you just wanted me to play the interview for him but you you rep you mentioned a book and i don't know i can't remember now what capacity you mentioned the book in but when i was like listening to the interview i thought that the book you were referring to was the one she wrote yeah but then i was like then i realized oh It sounds like it's the book that she referenced, not the one she wrote. I don't know. I just know like when she talked about her own books and how things changed for her after she got sober, that was the stuff that I wanted Jim to hear because I think, I think you kind of mentioned how you know,
01:07:14
Speaker
I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, Jim, but I think Molly said something like, you know, life is really boring or it's like hard to stay sober because you just get like bored with shit or I don't know whatever it was, but she said similar things in this interview, but she talked about how she figured out how to find joy in the little things and like turn that around for herself and then how her art changed and stuff like that was like that's all part of the ladies books who was actually the interviewee not and that was actually like she also i think that's when she referenced the book The Recovering yeah because it goes over that in depth it seems like right I know she I know she mentioned it as like it was like helpful for her or something like that yeah anyway just listen to the Dargon thing yeah
01:08:12
Speaker
i'll do it i will also molly did we receive an email this week oh boy did we oh boy did we and oh my god it was so fucking exciting dude um We're not going to say who it was or any personal things about the email, except that the person offered a really nice resource for people who deal with or live with or have relationships with other people who have dealt with addiction.
01:08:50
Speaker
Yeah. So she provided a nice resource of in terms of um ah podcast episode or whatever. or it sounded like it was a whole season or whole season ah of a of a particular show. Do you have it pulled up? Because I can pull it up. I do not.
01:09:06
Speaker
You go ahead and do that. Let me do that. We just thought we would share the resource that she shared in case anybody else would be interested in, you know, yeah learning more about how they can...
01:09:21
Speaker
understand their loved one who was in addiction yeah so do relate to them better however you want to add the wording is evading me but you know what I mean yeah um because I don't like saying deal with them because it sounds like you know yeah how to interrelate with somebody Yeah, she referenced specifically like that this resource showed her the truest form of empathy, humanity, and trust, um which I really liked the sound of that.
01:09:55
Speaker
As opposed to just dealing with somebody. Right. ah The show is called The Last Day, and it's on Lemonada Media. um which I don't know much about how that's supposed to work. I guess Lemonada is like something that you might have to subscribe to.
01:10:13
Speaker
um Sometimes, I don't know. um Jeanette McCurdy's podcast was done by Lemonada Media, but I didn't have to so to subscribe to anything to be able to listen to it. So I don't know, but look it up the last day. And she said it was the first season of that show. Okay. Okay.
01:10:33
Speaker
So I'm going to be listening to it. Jim, I guess if you ever listen to podcasts, which you don't, I guess you don't really, but don't ruin my pens. I'm not.
01:10:45
Speaker
It can't, don't, just these, come on, dude. It works. Don't, don't use it on the fucking unicorn. Battle corn. Battle corn.
01:10:57
Speaker
If that paint isn't dry. going ruin my pen. It's dry. dry. pleases try Look how good it looks. Oh my god. What kind of pen is that?
01:11:08
Speaker
It's my Muji. It's one my Muji pens. Closer to the camera. Put it right up there. What did you just do on it? I'm drawing the badass i eye markings.
01:11:20
Speaker
What are those pens? It's eyeliner. Muji. What is Muji? It's the like fucking Japanese brand that I adore. It's like Japanese container store.
01:11:31
Speaker
Okay. Effectively, but with like stationary and stuff too. No, they're like the best fucking pens, dude. Stop. Look, it's not doing anything. oh who Anyway.
01:11:45
Speaker
so i value my pens. I'm a Virgo. works. You can't do that. I'm a Virgo. works always. Oh my God.
01:11:58
Speaker
R.I.P. Not actually. She's not dead. Jenna Marvels. She's 39. yeah She just turned 39. RIP. RIP.
01:12:10
Speaker
You're next. and know. Hey. Oh my god. i was thinking for my birthday. ah i want to i want to call it the second annual forty ninth birthday. Yeah.
01:12:23
Speaker
Why? Stop! I want to acknowledge 50. I oppose this. 50 is so badass. No kidding. You better be.
01:12:35
Speaker
oh my god, because I've been so excited to celebrate your fucking 50th birthday. I get it. Second annual 49th birthday. 49 is good. I suppose.
01:12:46
Speaker
Not as good as 69, though. Yeah.
01:12:50
Speaker
yeah
01:12:55
Speaker
Yeah. When I was in high school, for some reason, me and my best friend, Mike Strickland, I don't care, you can put his name in, had a weird thing about the number 59. 59? 49. 49. Yeah, I don't know. We just thought it was funny for no reason. So, I and i don't know why. it was just an excuse to, like, disrupt people when they said it.
01:13:15
Speaker
I think, but... Oh, my God. Yeah, no, I understand because 40 approaches and I'm like, what? What am I supposed to do? Right. Can I still paint battle corns at 40? You can do whatever the fuck you want at 40.
01:13:29
Speaker
I will. Don't worry. He will. yeah i will. When my dad, Bill Bell, turned 69, was like... i was like this is the only time I'm going to let you get away with making 69 jokes. This this year, only while you're 69.
01:13:50
Speaker
do not No other time will I allow or accept any kind of 69 jokes out of you. Wasn't he like chronically inappropriate? Oh yeah.
01:14:01
Speaker
um yeah yeah Oh my god. My mom is currently 69 and has no idea what it means. Who? My mom. No way. way. Way.
01:14:13
Speaker
No. you've met her You've met her. You both met her. No way. Yeah, for real. Nobody's gonna educate her? I'm not. That that's probably better between my sister and her.
01:14:30
Speaker
but I don't think your sister's gonna do it. She's got a better chance of than me. Yeah, but I still don't think she's gonna do it. Oh my god. Oh my lord. and don't know how somebody could be 69 and literally not have ever heard of what that is.
01:14:46
Speaker
Catholicism. No way. Yeah. Let's continue this conversation when we hit stop. um um If you're listening, do your research. Don't. Don't do it. Don't Google that.
01:15:01
Speaker
Yeah. Anyway. Is that our show? yeah anyway ah is that our show Is that our episode? Fuck yeah. It's a show until... It's not anymore. Until the network pulls us indefinitely try to appe and to try to appease. Fuck, dude.
01:15:22
Speaker
Unsubscribe to Disney Plus and Hulu. Just do it. yes Luckily, i let my subscription to Hulu lapse almost a year ago.
01:15:34
Speaker
Pronounce it like Hula. Hula. Hula. and And then I never had a subscription to Disney Plus in the beat in the first place. Yep. yep Anyway, welcome thanks to the anyway to the listener who sent us the email and provided the resource.
01:15:50
Speaker
We really Sorry for our weird deviation about 69. Seems kind of on brand. It is on brand.
01:16:00
Speaker
Yes. um Thank you for emailing us. We were so excited to hear from you. And we look forward to anybody and everybody who wants to write to us.
01:16:12
Speaker
Makes us really happy. so Jim can attest, I think I scared him a little bit with how excited I got. I was unprepared. he was I don't think he's ever seen me so overjoyed in my life. ah so an email okay good like He's like, it's just a fucking email. that like From somebody that I don't know!
01:16:34
Speaker
From a listener, goddammit! I get it, I get It was great. but yeah so That was great, and we loved it, and we want more of it. Hell yeah. ah And you can do that at what, k Christina?
01:16:50
Speaker
Soulpod, the podcast at gmail.com. Fuck yes. And if you want to see Jim's beautiful mug. Nice look there, Jim.
01:17:04
Speaker
thank you
01:17:07
Speaker
You can go find many a photograph of this cryptid. ah This Massachusetts local cryptid. ah love He's just one one ah genome away from Bigfoot.
01:17:22
Speaker
ah Or something. it ah Dog man. But you can go check him out and the rest of us also. To look at Horny the Heavens Hent Battlecorn, follow at ModernHaunted on Instagram. True, yes.
01:17:38
Speaker
One of the first ones up there, actually. Definitely you do that. And to just look at Bigfoot himself, ah go to Christina at SoulPod the Podcast on Instagram.
01:17:53
Speaker
fuck yes and those are our only socials but we do have a patreon where you can also listen to us have the craziest fucking wide-ranging conversation uh
01:18:11
Speaker
with jim that we posted last week um and that's available to all tiers even though it is our second bonus episode of the month uh but we wanted to make sure that everybody had the chance to listen because it was a fucking amazing conversation, frankly.
01:18:26
Speaker
yeah ah and so you can go listen to that and you can also subscribe to the higher tiers for tarot readings and blog posts from me. why And, uh, maybe occasionally blog posts from Christina sometimes.
01:18:42
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. Sometimes, someday. Hard. Maybe.
01:18:48
Speaker
What do I know? I don't know. I just the first part. Yeah, but it's well worth it. And we're not just saying that because we want your money. ah
01:19:03
Speaker
And Christina, where can they find us on Patreon? They can come tickle our pickles at patreon.com slash soulpodthepodcast. Oh, my God. Oh, no.
01:19:14
Speaker
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just got lightheaded. Oh, my Wow, that was You were holding that in so hard waiting for me to give you the cue.
01:19:30
Speaker
And you took it and you just went into space about it. So good job. Yeah. Do you remember? Which reminds me, I'm going to to play this bit for Jim.
01:19:44
Speaker
You remember the part of, of like one of our episodes toward the end of last year Oh God. What? so god You don't remember?
01:19:57
Speaker
I don't know. don't remember? I don't know what you're talking about. when When you said one good fart and you blast off into space.
01:20:07
Speaker
Yes. You go into orbit. Cool. Yes, one good fart and I will blast off into orbit. Yeah. Oh, oh because and you were talking about being afraid of space the way I'm afraid of the ocean. Yeah.
01:20:22
Speaker
Yeah, and I was like, you okay. Both are valid. both Thank you, both are valid. Oh, man. Both have aliens. True. Wow, dude.
01:20:36
Speaker
Yep. Have you ever heard of the ah perfume that was made that was supposed to replicate what it smells like in space?
01:20:47
Speaker
No. I told Jim about this. I showed him this TikTok of a person doing a review of that perfume. There's no smells
Space Mysteries and Conspiracy Theories
01:20:56
Speaker
in space. There's no fucking air.
01:20:58
Speaker
There is. There is. how How would this person know that? no they they did reese or who No, it wasn't the person who was doing the TikTok who made it, but they were reviewing it because it was ah made by NASA, I think. Katy Perry.
01:21:15
Speaker
what what is she who spoke to um um they spoke to astronauts who explained it um and i think the the most uh apt descriptor that i heard that this person the person reviewing it said that it sounded that smelled like was the inside of a vcr o i know well
01:21:47
Speaker
i know because like she said it and then absolutely everybody in the comments was like i know exactly what you're talking about yeah and i know exactly what she's talking about yeah you ever stuck your face in that thing i must have because i knew exactly what they were talking about i fucking stuck my face in a vcr Like all those weird little mechanical parts in the, in the chemically smells of. Yeah. And like a little bit of like a burnt aspect to it too. Yeah. And like weird lubrication that's going on in there, like oils and who knows what else.
01:22:23
Speaker
Right. Exactly. ah huh Yeah. So that's horrific. Yeah. Ew. Ew. And that's what space smells like. Don't wear space. But it's, I think it was done. i think they, the purpose behind it was because it's so off putting, they wanted to be able to prepare astronauts for it.
01:22:44
Speaker
Really? Yeah. And apparently it works. so they wear the perfume for a while so they no they don't wear it they just like so they just smell it once so that they just however um however many times okay so that they're not completely caught off guard in space when they're supposed to be able to focus oh weird like you know like i can imagine yeah she did i'll find the tiktok and send it to that again she said it smells scary scary yeah i'll find the tiktok and send it to you because it was actually really interesting
01:23:16
Speaker
Even though it was like equally like freaked, you know, it freaked me out because she was so freaked out. But um like, it makes sense though, with it being like such a sensitive job, like being able to like perform your yeah tasks like accurately and fast that you can't be caught off guard by like weird sensory input like that.
01:23:40
Speaker
So it makes total sense. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, you know, like they... Oh, to space. That's literally what it's called. Like, they you know, the government doesn't want you to know this, but the astronauts have seen UFOs while they've been out in space.
01:23:56
Speaker
I believe it. Yeah. Like, there's ah whole... It might be on the Gaia, actually. um Probably. Like, old... What do you call it? Where they type out conversations that have been had... Transcripts. Transcripts, thank you. Yeah. um Of conversations between...
01:24:14
Speaker
the guys in space and the people in the nasa power houston center control center yeah houston um they were just like whoa what was that whoa did you see that like you know they're like talking to each other in the in the shuttle and then they're like um yeah that was definitely uh some kind of like I don't know what you call it, like ship or some whatever they said.
01:24:43
Speaker
Well, ah if we disappear after we publish this episode, this is why. I think that they really went to the moon, but then like the aliens or whatever that were on the moon were like, what are you doing? you're not supposed to be here.
01:24:58
Speaker
Get out of here. Yeah. yeah And then that's why they had to like, rec that's why they had to recreate it. You know, because they're like, oh shit, we were up there. But like the aliens like stole our camera, you know, confiscated our camera. So you think it was faked?
01:25:12
Speaker
Yeah, but I think we really went there. Okay. I think we were there. But like, we just couldn't show what actually happened up there the American people. Yeah, that's my theory. I heard that they let a camera go around the moon, like, or whatever.
01:25:26
Speaker
and that, you know, on the dark side of the moon, like the side that we never get to see, literally. Yeah. They're is like there's like civilizations their structures that are built there i've heard the moon is hollow yeah i've heard that when they landed on it it it echoed like a bell oh also makes no sense because no sound in space yeah no sound in space But it probably is like a f freaking mothership. Absolutely. Right. Yeah. Now Buzz Aldrin is going to find us and punch us in the face.
01:25:58
Speaker
Oh God. so Isn't he dead Have you seen the video of him doing that to the guy that was a moon landing denier? No. Oh my God. Really? Old, old, old Buzz Aldrin punched a dude in the face. Oh wow.
01:26:11
Speaker
So that's why I don't believe that it was faked. Yeah. But he's also his also to come out and been like, oh yeah, Antarctica is where you want to go. like He's like, the the moon's boring like and everything's going on in Antarctica. Which is probably true. Yeah.
01:26:29
Speaker
Oh my god. i get that i You done? I'm done. I'm done. I gotta wash my brush. Alright, we gotta to say goodbye. Goodbye, everybody! oh everyone Google the Black Knight satellite.
01:26:42
Speaker
Bye! but What the fuck? The Black Knight satellite. Don't scare everybody. Alright, goodbye everyone. I'm gonna hit stop. I just saw the video of Buzz Aldrin punching the in the face.
01:26:57
Speaker
Goodbye! Hey! Dude.
01:27:30
Speaker
Hold on. I need to get the drink. Oh, I thought you got one. Oh, wait. I guess you don't have it here. but
01:27:41
Speaker
Also, I promised him a smoke break when he needs it, so. Okay, as long as he's quick and doesn't smoke the entire cigarette. Because that takes forever. He doesn't. No, he's a quick smoker even when he smokes the whole thing. Okay. Okay.
01:27:56
Speaker
k Christina said, as long as you don't smoke the whole cigarette. And I said, you're a quick smoker even when you smoke the whole cigarette. well You're quicker when you don't bring your computer out there to watch YouTube shorts.
01:28:09
Speaker
Oh, okay. as If we don't go for another two hours. Right. Yeah. Well, I don't think we're going to go knock on wood. i That's not wood. ah It's particle board, which is made of wood.
01:28:21
Speaker
Particle board. Particle board. Anyway. Do you think you could maybe turn off that blue light above your head? Sure. I reach it? I'm not sure can.
01:28:34
Speaker
Oh my god. Don't break the earbud things. Um. Okay. Thank you. Was it like blinding? Should I shut up Van? Yeah, it was.
01:28:47
Speaker
No? Oh my god. it gets It's going to get so hot in here. Alright. If it starts to rattle, we'll turn it off. I thought you were say it starts rain. Yeah, it was really obnoxious above your head and it was putting blue beams on it. I usually would angle it like yeah toward the wall.
01:29:06
Speaker
Did you move it? ah You must have moved it. You put a bunch of stuff up there. Yes, I did.
Pop Culture and Light-hearted Banter
01:29:13
Speaker
This is almost done. We have Lebna.
01:29:17
Speaker
Vecna. as he calls it. You tried it in at the beginning of July, no, August. COVID? I don't know. Before your rehab stint. Yeah, I had a whole bunch of them.
01:29:29
Speaker
Oh. And i you tried Lipna and you liked it. i can't remember what that is. It's like a like a cheesy Mediterranean dip. But it reminds me of the name of a villain from Stranger Things.
01:29:42
Speaker
Which is crazy, because you didn't even watch that season. So? Yeah.
01:29:48
Speaker
Christina just watched all of Stranger Things. Yeah, which which villain would that be? Lebna. Vecna. Vecna. Okay. I have to go get him water. Give me a minute.
01:29:59
Speaker
Okay. oh my god. Watch me struggle again. no. know
01:30:09
Speaker
This is how it is. Watch me whip. Watch me nae nae. Nae nae. Watch me dip. Watch me day day.
01:30:21
Speaker
That's what they say when they have a cold.
01:30:24
Speaker
Watch me dip. Dip. Watch me let the... Bye. Just kidding. Where are you going? Nowhere. Not sure.
01:30:36
Speaker
Try it. Why? Why? You've had it. You liked it. So what? It's good. Okay. So you don't need to treat it like like toxic waste. I don't.
01:30:50
Speaker
I just call it Vecna. Which is toxic waste. Yeah, but you made me like fucking radioactive. You made me watch it. i wouldn't even know the record. Oh, just that one scene.
01:31:03
Speaker
Wow. but What? What huge suffering. What? Oh, no. Well, I don't care. I'm not complaining. I'm just calling it Let Mechna.
01:31:16
Speaker
Run up this road. Run up this road. Run up this road. Run up this road. Run up this road. Bye.
01:31:28
Speaker
Okay. Did he go have a cigarette? No. He's washing a brush, I think. This recording has become a revolving door idiots.
01:31:40
Speaker
Thanks a lot.
01:31:45
Speaker
That was the most Virgo thing I've said all day. and I harassed Jim about the couch earlier. What do you mean? Why would you harass him about it? i was i was being Virgo.
01:31:57
Speaker
was telling him what to do. oh my god. He very politely told me to fuck off. Ha ha ha ha ha. Everyone left this room, make a deal with God.
01:32:10
Speaker
Okay, let's talk stuff.