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68. The Season of the Hermit
14 Plays8 days ago
It is what it is.
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Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
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Transcript
Thanksgiving Break and Travel Chaos
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, Molly. Here we are, somehow.
00:00:29
Speaker
We are back. We're back again from Thanksgiving. It's been a while since we recorded. for It has been, and I i am like genuine when I say thank y'all for your patience with not having an episode last week, because it was truly not going to be possible. like it was a nightmare yeah yeah so i mean it was just busy we were just busy it was just too busy like even the week before thanksgiving was too busy yeah um even before the traveling and so like you know and we had you know as we always do when we get together
00:01:15
Speaker
we like to hope that we could record while we're together but like not this trip it could not happen no and like even if it could have like i wouldn't have been able to edit i was just like it was we it three days three days driving to get home it was too much yeah um So, yeah. So we just needed that week off and ah we are grateful that we can, that we that we got to.
Work Constraints and Family Connections
00:01:48
Speaker
um But we're here and we're queer and we're full of turkey and stuffing. Yeah, which doesn't rhyme, but it's true nonetheless. um Thanksgiving was a whole ass week ago now that I think about it. I know, right? And that feels weird. Yeah. It feels weird. Time is not real, as you said. It's like, yeah, it's simultaneously, like, how has it already been a whole week? And also, it feels like a hundred years ago, too. Mm-hmm.
00:02:22
Speaker
say And we're not going to get into everything, but it was a good trip. um It was well worth the effort, but it was an effort. For sure.
00:02:38
Speaker
Yes, it was. but I'm very grateful that you were willing to make that effort, Molly. Very well very grateful that you were. Me too. i'm I'm grateful that I could <unk> grateful i could like make it happen. Because like i honestly, usually, i don't get the chance to take days off around Thanksgiving.
00:03:03
Speaker
right like it's usually like it's uh how do what's the how how do i explain i mean it's not even it's not even that complicated of a thing it's just when my supervisor takes days off i can't take days off because i have to be around to cover and so she's usually The first person to take days off around Thanksgiving, that's been how it's been the last few years.
00:03:32
Speaker
And so this time around, when, you know, Christina initially proposed us traveling to Missouri for Thanksgiving, i was like, huh, I don't know if I'm going to be able to swing that because usually those days are not available to me.
00:03:46
Speaker
um But when I looked at the calendar and saw my supervisor's name was not on any of the days around Thanksgiving, i was like, I'm not even saying anything. i'm just fucking snatching these days up right now. um Yeah. So...
00:04:01
Speaker
And I don't get to do that for Christmas. um I have no travel plans for Christmas. i don't I wouldn't want to travel even if somebody suggested plans. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm so pooped from travel. yeah um i'm I'm over it. um so like But regardless, I wouldn't be able to because, again, my supervisor, she she took most of that week of Christmas week ah off. so And it's fine. I got Thanksgiving. She can have Christmas. It's fine.
00:04:32
Speaker
um But yeah, so I'm really glad that I could go ah and that i did go. And i don't think I can do that road trip again.
00:04:44
Speaker
It's just so much. It was so like, and I, I, I don't know. i think it's, I'm just getting old. Yeah.
00:04:55
Speaker
I mean, my body hurts. 12 hours. 12 hours of for one leg of that trip. right just from detroit to missouri is a lot and uh yeah you had it and then to add another 12 hours from massachusetts to detroit yeah um was just o yeah ouch But it was worth it.
00:05:23
Speaker
It was a very good time. it was pretty incredible to get to meet um biological extended family for the first time and to be so welcomed. Mm hmm. it was it was just as we predicted basically you know just as we sort of talked about like it being sort of family reunion style and like you know everybody was so kind yeah yep told you it was great i told you that that's the family that i should have been raised in you know that i should have been raised with
00:06:04
Speaker
yeah unfortunately i wasn't sure i wish you could have been i really do um because you deserve them yeah and they deserve me he he yeah they do we fit in the two of us fit in there which is wild to say Yep.
00:06:28
Speaker
Fucking wild. um Yeah, but it's great. I love it. Wouldn't have it any other way.
Podcasting and 'Fifty Shades of Grey'
00:06:36
Speaker
Did you mention to the main cousin that we have a podcast together?
00:06:41
Speaker
No, I didn't. I mentioned to the Oregon cousin. Oh, wait, I thought you mentioned. No, I don't remember. I can't remember who...
00:06:53
Speaker
Yeah, you did mention to the Oregon... Yeah, for a second, just for clarification's sake, when you said Maine cousin, you don't mean like the primary cousin, but the cousin that lives in Maine. Yeah. yeah um Yeah, no, I don't remember if I mentioned it to him. i I was there when you mentioned it to the Oregon cousin. I'm not sure if it was mentioned to the Vermont cousin.
00:07:16
Speaker
No. Because I'm not so sure... i'm not so sure like that she would be open to the majority of our topics but like yeah the yeah the one the oregon the main cousin probably would be maybe i don't yeah i think so yeah but like the oregon anyway if if any of them are listening to this Yeah, sometime in the future, because like, none of them are gonna get to this episode anytime soon. Anyway, we'll see the Oregon one was a little surprised, like seemed a little surprised when I mentioned it, but didn't oh really any questions?
00:07:56
Speaker
Didn't? Yeah, really? What is it about? Or what do you you know, what's it called? Or you know, no, no, no questions. Well, not expecting any from him. We'll see but i yeah I think I added him on Facebook. I'm not sure if he's accepted yet. Oh, okay.
00:08:12
Speaker
I can't remember if I did or not. I i think I did. um So he'll find out eventually. Or he'll like see details eventually if he accepts my friend request.
00:08:26
Speaker
That's true. Because yeah you post about us on your Facebook. Yeah. i do i do not all the time but like sometimes so and i really have not used my facebook at all for that so yeah it's fine there are probably people that shouldn't be exposed yeah on your facebook to our content many um yeah um yeah fucking wild and speaking of exposed to our content uh i have things to say about 50 shades of gray okay
00:09:09
Speaker
ah and i'm i don't even think i'm gonna say all of them In this recording, because I don't think I'm... Amazingly, I don't think I'm comfortable with it.
00:09:20
Speaker
I think I might reserve a good portion of what I have to say for ah the Patreon. Okay. But I will say... Okay, i already i I gave you one singular comment, and then I was like, okay, I'm going to reserve the rest for recording because we do have it's been, for some reason, a topic of conversation. I can't remember where it began, but it has been a thing that we've been sort of like orbiting, talking about. Fifty Shades of Grey?
00:09:51
Speaker
Yeah, like I don't know. it's like It comes up like once in a blue moon between us. And now I'm just like, because I've never, you have read the books. I've never read the books.
00:10:04
Speaker
And until today, I'd never seen the movie. And I am in the process of watching the second movie and I will watch, I'll finish it and I will watch the third movie. Um, because they are all leaving Netflix on December 31st, apparently. Um, but. And let me clarify. read the first two and only a small portion of the third one, because by the time I got to the third one, it was just like, Oh God, more of the same. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't enjoy the books, it it sounds like. And i i am I think I also wouldn't enjoy the books. I think I tolerate bad writing for interesting smut.
00:10:50
Speaker
But i don't think i could tolerate the I don't think I could tolerate Fifty Shades of gray as a in book form. but what i will say is the movie was not nearly as bad as i have been led to believe it is i did also start watching the movie earlier today but i had i only got like about halfway through and like yeah i i was like i cannot even remember if i've seen the movie or not and as i was watching the movie i don't still don't remember i
00:11:27
Speaker
but it's wild that's how forgettable it is to me anyway that's so interesting because it's not forgettable to me um it's not okay so i should clarify like it's not a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination it is not even like a blockbuster in my opinion, or it shouldn't have been. And I don't even know if it was, I can't remember.
00:11:55
Speaker
um Like, but I was prepared for it to be corn ball city. i was prepared for it to represent all sorts of kink stuff as being way like, I don't know, inaccurate.
00:12:15
Speaker
I was prepared for, Bad chemistry between the leads. And I got none of the above. Well, good. Is it a little, a little cheesy at certain moments?
00:12:30
Speaker
Sure. And was the like parallels between it and Twilight really fucking obvious? Yeah. um Like, I don't know.
00:12:44
Speaker
i don't know. Okay, I'd be interested in hearing your take on the parallels because I am not as big of a Twilight fan or whatever is maybe you are or were. Well, like, like first and and foremost, like the setting being in the Pacific Northwest. Okay. There's like, I don't know if you got this far today, but the scene where they like, he he like pulls over near like a forest and is like, let's take a walk. no and it's like okay now they're gonna go walk in the woods like that's a very edward and bella shit ok um like you know and like
00:13:20
Speaker
him being so like cold and distant for like seemingly no reason um which like i know i know there's a reason like i get it and obviously like i i it there it goes into it in the second movie slash i guess book um about why he is what the way he is um And so like, but like that was a very strong parallel between Twilight and this series. um
00:13:53
Speaker
What was some other... like i i think the main lead dakota johnson what's her face anastasia the main character i think she is extremely similar to bella in terms of like vibe and like awkwardness and like goofiness but i think she does it better than movie bella okay like she gets away with it better um she's just i don't know it's I think that this is a much more digestible movie than Twilight.
00:14:24
Speaker
Honestly. Okay.
Spontaneity in Topics and Hermit Symbolism
00:14:26
Speaker
Honestly, yeah. so it's There's a lot of parallels, but it's overall, it's a better movie than Twilight. but
00:14:38
Speaker
Oh my god. i'm i Yeah, that's all like that's that's what I will say. is like i can see the parallels. I think it's a better movie.
00:14:50
Speaker
I don't know how the book is. I'm not going to read the book um or books, but I just wanted to see what the fuck is up with with this movie that everybody is like, do it's so bad. It's awful. Blah, blah, blah. Like, what the fuck? It's not. It's not awful. God. Like, it's not wonderful, but it's not awful.
00:15:12
Speaker
um Christian Grey needs therapy and Anastasia...
00:15:20
Speaker
doesn't need to go ham on the on the kink stuff she can just like dial it back a little bit and probably live a very happy life with him i don't know
00:15:33
Speaker
anyway um that's my take cool Yeah, I'll be interested to see what you think when we dive deeper into it on Patreon, patreon.com slash soulpod the podcast. and and And yeah, we talk about stuff, stuff and things. We didn't even pick a topic for tonight. So now I have nothing to talk about. Thanks, Molly.
00:15:59
Speaker
as i literally We did pick a topic. We did? i fucking picked a topic. Okay, wait. Remind You bitch. Okay, remind me. Oh my god. That's the reason I've been known like non-responsive. It's because I've been thinking about what I'm going to talk about. God.
00:16:17
Speaker
ah we talking about the hermit card. Oh yeah, okay. Jesus Christ. forgot. Yeah, you forget everything. Yeah, because I'm busy. I have shit to do.
00:16:32
Speaker
And so do I'm tired, dude. so Actually, that's part of why we're talking about the hermit today. Because I'm fucking tired. You get to do all the talking and I get to do all the learning.
00:16:44
Speaker
I'm not going to educate anyone. I am just going to talk about this energy. Okay. Because this is not, we are not an educational podcast. See our disclaimer. Um, I'm not even going to say anything controversial in this fucking segment of our episode today. um I'm literally i so I when you were like, I have no ideas for a topic. What do you what do you think? And i was like, okay, I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm going to.
00:17:19
Speaker
have this even be a series of like if i'll ever talk about any other tarot card uh we'll see maybe maybe i will i don't think it's gonna be a thing where i try to hit all of the major arcana because fuck that um that's too much but i'm feeling the hermit right now I really am in more ways than
Burnout and Self-Care
00:17:44
Speaker
one. And like the first and foremost reason being the season change. Yeah. Yeah.
00:17:53
Speaker
um it's i we came back i came back home to not quite snow but like sleet and now there's like you know white stuff that's like frozen all over the ground um it's not on the roads thank goodness it's no well it's it was like there was snow but it was sleet so it's like it's ice but it's like white the i know And it's like technically, technically it's not winter yet.
00:18:24
Speaker
Yeah. But like it's in in New England, it's fucking winter. oh yeah. It's been winter since like mid-November, really. got cold here like since we left.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah. And then it snowed just before we came back. And so it's extra cold now. Yeah. And like, yeah yeah, it was like in the teens most of the day today.
00:18:47
Speaker
Woof, dude. Yeah, tomorrow it's going to be really cold. Yeah. And I'm not excited. snowed again last night, but only about, you know, quarter of an inch or something, like half an inch maybe. Excuse my sniffles. Nothing Yeah. that dusty light kind of snow. but um Right. But fucking freezing. Super cold.
00:19:08
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be so cold tomorrow, dude. oh um Yeah. And so that's like reason number one for my like ruminating on this card of the hermit and the energy of the hermit because I want to stay inside. i don't want to go anywhere i don't want to do anything i i feel almost like a reptile where when it gets cold you literally physically start to move slower you know and like you're wearing red like a hermit crab i'm just do they are they red i don't know i thought they were all sorts of colors i don't know crabs are red so i just think of hermit crab
00:19:55
Speaker
that was my association so sorry i'm wearing red because it's a sweatshirt that i have um no i ah that yeah i am just feeling this like really really deep intense need to just pare back on even like needing to go outside to get in the car to go anywhere and be inside anywhere else i don't want to go i want to stay at home like i want to hermit up literally like hole up and like lock the door and stay inside i've basically been feeling like that since 2020 i mean um
00:20:40
Speaker
i mean fair um Like, I don't want to go grocery shopping. i just, it like, it feel like torture to force myself to do anything like that.
00:20:51
Speaker
Yeah. And it sucks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just tired, dude. I'm, like, honestly, okay. This is all going to come out in a big old jumble. And honestly, I don't expect to really have anything super profound to say. I don't know what I'm actually completely entirely going to say. I'm just going to sort of hopefully say something that makes sense. Um...
00:21:13
Speaker
yeah But like this year, dude has like fucking sucked. This year has been like on ah on a grand scale ah with like the political climate being what it is and the administration being what they are and everything that is just a nonstop barrage of bullshit.
00:21:37
Speaker
And on a personal level, it has been like
00:21:45
Speaker
unreasonably hard yeah um partly like i always get the sad i always get the seasonal affective disorder like it always hits me without fail and this year the like winter time was the worst made worse by the way though the world has been going uh but like i was in such bad shape springtime and the warming up of the season i talked about it when it was happening it really wasn't helping right like it wasn't getting better and then through the summer i was just sluggish and like burnt out that's what it is it's burnout yeah you know ah little uh potato shake yeah sorry about that no you're good she's mistled up on my chest and
00:22:42
Speaker
yeah i can't predict what she's gonna do that kind of thing so i couldn't have needed it in time but she is comfy cozy on mama over there but yeah um yeah it's burnout it's and i can't even necessarily point to like a reason why other than like everything you know yep um But that's that's how it was. Like, the summer was a struggle.
00:23:14
Speaker
it wasn't It wasn't a great summer. It was hard. It was exhausting. It was straining. and like, yes.
00:23:25
Speaker
has Have things gotten better since Jim moved in? Yes. Has there still been a lot of challenges to navigate with him moving in?
00:23:37
Speaker
Absolutely. like we For all that we get along super well, we are also very different people. And we because we get along super well, we communicate super well, we navigate those challenges pretty damn like efficiently and like with like minimal problems.
00:23:59
Speaker
But it's still tiring. it's good, but taken lot longer. but it is it's it's taken a lot yeah to maintain yeah and so i have every confidence that things will be looking up i have every confidence that life is not just going to be feeling like this forever but i think i have to come to accept that life is this way right now and i have to
00:24:39
Speaker
surrender to it yeah like i am like finally for the first time it's it is like it feels a little bit like a humility like a humbling of like you know i always think like oh i'm gonna say that i'm gonna focus on self-care but like you know i'm really not actually gonna change anything because like i shouldn't have to blah bla blah but like no no no i am I'm done. um I'm not, I'm not doing anything that I don't need to absolutely do. i am focusing inward like the hermit.
00:25:15
Speaker
I am like a practically, i want to also sort of equate it to like a fucking monk taking a vow of silence. yeah i Like I just can't like, there are people who have reached out to me that are still waiting for a response and This is, if you're listening, I'm sorry. I might not get back to you.
00:25:47
Speaker
Like ever. Oh my. Y'all. Like, i I don't know. I don't know how long it's going to fucking take. I really don't. um But I can't.
00:26:00
Speaker
like stress myself out over like feeling the need to maintain constant contact yeah with a a vast majority of people yeah unfortunately like ah yeah i'm just i'm just not capable of it right now and i and i can't even i'm not even capable of like self-flagellation to try to be better about it i don't i'm not going to try to be better about it i can't Like, not not in this season of my life. Right. um
00:26:33
Speaker
And so, like, in that vein, i apologize if anyone feels hurt for that. But, like, I hope that you understand.
00:26:46
Speaker
And I hope that it doesn't change anything. But... this is what it is. It is how it, this is how I need it to be. Like I've, I've just come to that conclusion. I just simply have to let things go.
00:27:02
Speaker
I get it. Yeah. and I mean, like I was feeling that way about like the travel being what it was like, like we set off at the top, like it was an intense trip for like the amount of effort needed to get there and get home. Yeah.
00:27:19
Speaker
Um, And like, I knew it was going to be challenging before it, before we embarked and it was harder than I even anticipated um for reasons completely outside of our control. Like, you know, there was so there was nothing that we could have um done differently to make it better. Like it was just what it was. I think that the trip home from, well, for me, from Missouri to Detroit would have been yeah a lot
00:27:51
Speaker
But easier than the the way down if we if I hadn't gotten sick because. Right. like Breaking it up into two six hour drives would have been ideal. Yeah. If we had been able to like simply just hop in the car and go rather than like, you know.
00:28:10
Speaker
You feeling the way that you were like struggling to like get things together and like to get moving. Like like the second day would have been. easier you're talking about yeah and they yeah yeah because I was second day specifically i was sick and I was getting sicker as the morning was going on and I just was like struggling really hard to just like force myself to you know just get through it and like deal and it was like not happening I was just right my brain was not functioning right
00:28:45
Speaker
I just couldn't even like things that I needed to try to do to get my kids set up in the backseat where he'd be occupied and stuff. Like I couldn't even like function to do that.
00:28:56
Speaker
Yeah. It was just, and then it wouldn't function, which was really upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. There was just a ah ah tech technological, ah what do you call it? Like breakdown well not breakdown, but like, what do you call it? They're just not compatible incompatibility. i yeah like yeah i wasn't like expecting. So anyway. Right. Yeah. But it was just like, I couldn't even like, normally I can figure this kind of crap out. And I just was like, I give up. You do this. I don't know. And then figured out that it was like, Nope, this is a f freaking Chromebook, not a laptop. So it isn't that doesn't i have the right. Yeah. That's the fucking weirdest thing is that like, it can be. Chromebooks are considered tablets.
00:29:44
Speaker
That's insane to weird Yeah, I think it's weird. Yeah. But like, I think it's really weird. I might buy anything like this. It's not going to be a Chromebook. It's going to be an actual laptop with windows because that's what most things need to operate.
00:29:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. yeah But yeah. so yeah, I just couldn't get myself to function like at a basic level. And then I just started feeling more and more sick.
00:30:10
Speaker
And right it was just really weird. And I definitely was running a fever. And like, I had chills constantly. And I just was like, I basically passed out in the front seat, like while you were driving. I like I yeah kept waking up, but I kept like passing back out again. Yeah. And that was the thing is that like, frankly, like, I mean, I, I,
00:30:33
Speaker
I know that you weren't feeling well, obviously, like, and I don't know if this is the reason why, but it's like, you should have asked me to drive earlier than I'd decided to take over like like i wish that you could have i wish that you had because like you shouldn't have had to like suffer and like put try to push yourself through it and like yeah like i i knew like i eventually i just reached a point where i was like she's not gonna fucking ask me to so i'm just going to do it So like, that's why I like just took over, you know, and, you know, it just it is it is what it is. And I was perfectly fine and happy to do it. I honestly I felt better being behind the wheel. And like, being in charge, kind you know, i felt better in that position.
00:31:23
Speaker
anyway um and so it was fine it was more than fine so not used to being able to ask for help let alone doing it so right so so and i and that's why like i and i do understand that which is part of why i finally realized like okay i have to simply take control like yeah i don't i'm not going to be asked to do this i'm going to have to just do it And so that's why I did. Yeah. And I'm really grateful. Yeah. Me too.
00:31:57
Speaker
Me, me too, dude. I think I was getting to a point where I was like dozing off because I felt so sick. Like while I was not while you were driving while I was, Oh, she, yeah. While I was driving. Like, I think there was a moment when I was dozing and I was just like, this is not good. Yeah.
00:32:15
Speaker
Yeah. But it like, this is, this is what I mean though, is that like, it was that level of a challenge like and it was again not anybody's fault it just was what it was um but like even before experiencing it i was already like i'm gonna not i'm gonna not travel for a while and now i'm like i don't think i'm traveling at all next year except for except for anahatas yeah which is like barely travel because it's like a five-hour drive
00:32:50
Speaker
Right.
Future Travel and Podcast Commitment
00:32:51
Speaker
Or six hour drive now to Maryland. But yeah, like ah that, that might be it. And that's all the way in February and fucking September. And if I can find a cheap plane ticket, like I did before, will probably fly.
00:33:06
Speaker
i mean, not that the, not that the drive this past September, October, whatever it was. Yeah. I mean, I could handle it, yeah especially on my own. Like.
00:33:17
Speaker
But it was, it's still like, yeah. Yeah, it was a bit much. um But yeah, like what I mean is like, that might be the only place that I travel to That might be the only instance in which I travel next year. Because I really can't do it. It's much in the same vein as like my decision to not even...
00:33:39
Speaker
beat myself up over not being able to, you know, consistently communicate with people. ah i can't, I cannot continue to, you know, wish I did better yes or wish I could do better. Like I can't, I can't even do that anymore. I just need to accept things as they are, which includes staying put.
00:34:01
Speaker
I have to stay put yeah for a while. Like I can't, it's the expense, but it's also the energy. Mm-hmm. Like just trying to, you know, figure out logistics and, you know, actually do the traveling. Like it stresses me out too much. And I just at this point in my life, again, is it is a season and I am fully acknowledging it is not going to be a forever thing.
00:34:28
Speaker
But in this season of my life, it's what I need. I need the hermit mode. Mm-hmm. And so I am choosing to embrace it rather than fight it for the first time maybe ever in my life. There is nothing wrong with that.
00:34:44
Speaker
Yeah. So hopefully you can get yourself to a point where you don't feel like you have to, you know, explain yourself about it. you know Yeah.
00:34:55
Speaker
Yeah. And I mean, i I feel like I'm there. Like, i'm it's i yes, I'm explaining it right now in this podcast, but it's I feel like relevant. Yeah. based on everything we just went through with the travel and the challenges there and the way this year has been like, this is a realization I'm having is i just have to let things be what they are and have to be okay with it. And if I choose, cause I will, i will have more vacation time next year than I've ever had in my life.
00:35:31
Speaker
Uh, I just got an increase in vacation time. And so I'm going to have four weeks of vacation and two weeks of PTO. Wow. I'm going have six weeks that I can take time off. And if I choose to go anywhere, it'll be like...
00:35:46
Speaker
local it'll be like new england local that'll be it and maybe day trips maybe and it'll be otherwise like exclusively staycations because dear fucking god i need it yeah i fucking need it so Yeah, it's I mean, I yeah, I don't think I really have anything particularly profound to say.
00:36:14
Speaker
it feels profound to me that I'm, you know, outwardly acknowledging this need to relinquish the hypervigilance and the like need to just try to be better according to like maybe external standards.
00:36:31
Speaker
That feels profound to me, but that probably doesn't mean anything to anybody else. And that's OK. Yeah. I don't need it to. um It just is what it is. okay Truly. So like, yeah, it doesn't need to be profound for anybody else, really. And like, will we still continue to do this?
00:36:48
Speaker
Absolutely. This doesn't necessarily require leaving the house. Yeah. and And I have repeatedly expressed the passion that I feel for this project.
00:37:02
Speaker
And like how nice it is to have something to feel like, A, feel like I'm using my degree and B, to be able to like put out what is hopefully interesting content but at what's at least interesting to us content you know which is ultimately all that really matters you know like cares like i guess whatever they will lose listenership if we're just not caring at all about what other people want to hear but still
00:37:35
Speaker
but frankly that is kind of how we operate though like we do talk about what we're interested in you know like and then it just so happens that a lot of people are also interested in what we have to say and if they if they're not they don't have to listen to the a particular episode like it is what that it it is what it is i keep fucking saying that should that just be the title of the episode no what it is that's all that there is yeah it just it just is what it is to that end we're still here we're still queer
00:38:19
Speaker
We're still not wearing brassiere. How
00:38:25
Speaker
did you know?
00:38:28
Speaker
Because I know. Oh my god, you're so funny. sir No, we're still here and we're still doing this and... You know, if anything, I feel like this decision to recede inward, retreat inward, and allow myself an insulated season of time to be able to heal is going to result in better content, better
00:39:05
Speaker
product as it were I think not that I feel like we've particularly been failing I don't think that at all but like I think we'll do better if we just let ourselves chill yeah and I'm not trying to speak for you and I'm not trying to say you should do this as well um but you know no no no it wouldn't hurt Yeah, it's really kind of funny um because I've actually had, I've had some of these realizations myself since Anahata's actually. Yeah. ah
00:39:46
Speaker
Like I need to try not to overextend myself as much as I have been. Yeah. um I cannot please everybody and I can't. No. Yeah. Constantly be running one place or or another for other people.
00:40:03
Speaker
If you. Yeah. um Yeah. Like, that's actually, if you if you need to finish your thought, say so. Like, don't let me just derail you. But I do. That makes me think of something.
00:40:16
Speaker
um Like, one of the things that has been a challenge is the, like, just unreasonable number of doctor's appointments that I always have.
00:40:27
Speaker
And, like, that's one of the things that I've been feeling burnout about. But I feel like... I feel like the helpfulness of these appointments, these treatments, because it's not like, you know, doctor's appointments trying to solve a problem, like figure out why you have this illness, like, or why you have this symptom. Like, I know what I have, and I'm i'm trying to treat things.
00:40:50
Speaker
But I feel like the effectiveness will increase if I don't overextend like you just said like all the running around is exhausting but like it doesn't have to be so draining if I allow myself to just be yeah yeah yeah i I have something to say about that in my own oh like my own from my own like perspective about
00:41:26
Speaker
retirement my upcoming impending retirement yeah and like honestly i have been trying to figure out whether I can afford to live on just the pension that I will be receiving and not have to do anything else to like you know yeah support myself because um if I just stay home the way I would like to and not go places unless it's really necessary. Yeah. Like I might be able to afford to just do that because i mean, all at least for a while. Yeah. Although the child, as he gets older, we'll have requirements for, you know, things that are going to cost money. But yeah. um
00:42:15
Speaker
Also I will be encouraging the child to get a job as soon as he's old enough. And maybe he can pay for his own crap. I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, because like, I, I've purchased a lot of junk and stuff and things and like, I don't think I'm going to need anything for a long time. I've got stuff that's going to keep me occupied for a long, long time. And yeah, lots and lots of books to read.
00:42:51
Speaker
Yeah, you've mentioned that. yeah And I have Udemy courses to do that I've paid for that are like waiting and just things like that. So I'm going to be I'm going to be occupied. I'm not going to be bored. There's no way in hell I will be bored.
00:43:07
Speaker
As long as my current bills can be fulfilled with my pension income. I don't want to get another job. Yeah, like I could.
00:43:22
Speaker
And I could still do my like hobby thing but also for money. yeah I was going to say, like you deserve some time off. yeah like Even if you like later on down the road get another job to supplement the pension, like i which I think is perfectly reasonable, like you know and I think it would be good, but like you i I like that you're thinking this way because I think you need to be given the opportunity to just actually rest yeah yeah yeah just exist I like that and I'm glad and i hope that you can yeah I'm excited about it good genuinely yeah that's genuine yeah yeah I'm glad it's good yep yeah and like even if I did run out of
00:44:21
Speaker
books to read or Udemy courses to do. Which know you won't because you have so many books.
00:44:32
Speaker
um There's also the library, which is so for now not free. I'm also a boring person. Therefore I don't get bored easily. So right I can entertain myself multiple different ways. yeah I yeah find things to do.
00:44:47
Speaker
i will never not have something to do. Yeah. I mean, like, for one, just think of like, with, you know, as with everybody with ADHD, all of the hobby things that you have purchased, that you sure you have done them, like, it's not like you've just bought them and then done nothing. Like, you've done them, but like, you still have them. And you can still do that. I still have plenty of supplies left for everything that I would like to continue to do. Yeah, sure.
00:45:18
Speaker
yeah so like My house and my living environment will be able to become a priority then. and I can improve my surroundings by tidying up and getting rid of things. And i will have the time and the energy to do that stuff. that Yeah, that's that's exactly what I was going
Retirement and Simplifying Life
00:45:34
Speaker
to say. is like you know You have the stuff, you've not had the time. And soon you will have the time.
00:45:42
Speaker
Finally. ah can't wait. Me too. I really cannot wait. Me too. I love it for you. Thank you. I love it for you. going to be good. I'm so excited. Yeah. ah Well, this was good.
00:46:00
Speaker
i want to know if there's any other meanings to the hermit card besides other things that you've just mentioned about yourself. like Well, hold on.
00:46:13
Speaker
On the lovely Labyrinthos app, which is like a reference and learning app of the tarot, there are three key phrases or words uh they are contemplation search for truth and inner guidance o it is very much the case that you can't do those things when you are and consistently forced to be external yeah
00:46:46
Speaker
And so that is part of the reason why it is the hermit. Like you have to hermit if you want to do these things. Yeah. um And there's an affirmation with every card.
00:46:58
Speaker
ah And the affirmation for the hermit says in silence and solitude, I can encourage my inner voice to speak. o and so it's like yes am i i have not necessarily mentioned a particular purpose of like wanting to seek like inner truth right now or any sort of anything profound it is it is a healing mission i am on yeah um but it is equally important to be able to do that most definitely um and i think you know As a result, I'm probably going to see inner truths, inner messages, inner learnings, guidance, what have you.
00:47:47
Speaker
that they'll They'll finally start to come out of the woodwork because I'll be ah in a position to allow them to. like Stuff that I'm not even necessarily looking for, but that will find me when it needs to.
00:48:03
Speaker
So that is... You know, it's not the main goal, but it is a likely outcome. um So, yeah. Yeah.
00:48:15
Speaker
That's the Hermit, y'all. And it's also the card of Virgo. So I feel a very ah personal attachment to that, obviously. ah Yeah. I want to say this other thing that's semi unrelated, but just sort of related to what I just was talking about with the terms of my house. um I was recently re reminded that my, not just me, but like people in general, I guess, like psychic abilities and intuition and like, you know, those kinds of things really do depend on your environment being like cleaner because
00:48:59
Speaker
yeah the less like you having like mental clarity yeah the yeah more relaxed and peaceful you are as a human anyways but like it also helps the channels of energy to move like yeah you know what i'm saying like through your house through your environment through into you and and everything like that so i'm very much looking forward to that um helping things for me because it's been a while.
00:49:31
Speaker
I have not had any kind of like, I wouldn't say intuitive things, but like actual psychic premonitions. Like I've had, like I used to have on a semi-regular basis, you know, I haven't had that stuff like at all.
00:49:48
Speaker
Except I guess I just freaked out my kid a little bit yesterday. but why We were driving home from Latchkey remembered that he had like, you know, he was carrying his glasses case or something.
00:50:05
Speaker
ah hu or i don't remember exactly, but like, as we were getting close to getting home, I was like, you know, make sure you put your glasses in the case and put the case in your backpack. And he was like, how did you do that? And I'm like, what?
00:50:17
Speaker
He's like, I was just thinking about that or something. It's just kind of funny. He's like, oh, I know how you do that. Oh, my God. And I was like, actually does remember the times I've talked about things that I've, you know. that Yeah, that you're psychic. Things have had those moments.
00:50:36
Speaker
Yeah. Those are the weirdest things, you know, that I have. psychic moments about are like they're just completely useless stupid things most of the time oh my god yeah but the thing is like if i if i can get crap you know straightened out around me and get the channels flowing then you never know you know yeah and i'm kind of excited about that Yeah, dude. Oh my God. Yeah.
00:51:10
Speaker
Interestingly, i was just reminded and I don't even remember specifically what it was, but yesterday I had a psychic moment with ah with Jim and it was simply just that like,
00:51:23
Speaker
he began to ask a question and i immediately knew what it was exactly he was going to ask and it was a specific thing it was not like some general vague question i don't remember what the question was but i remember it was very specific and i knew he was going to ask it and he did and i was just like how the fuck did i know you were just gonna fucking ask that what the fuck is that yeah yeah because because i can it just is what it is awesome yeah did you anyway you cut him off before he even finished no i let him i let him say it but i was just like i knew you were gonna fucking ask that what the fuck crazy yeah so that was fun but then there's always the uh oh sorry
00:52:16
Speaker
A yawn just grabbed me by the toolies. Anyhow. Okay. the The whole thing about the chicken or the egg-ish, in terms of like, did you read his mind or did he read yours and say it first?
00:52:36
Speaker
I read his mind for sure because i wasn't thinking about it. Before he started to ask a question. But it was like, it was, well, you know how quick minds work, like where it was just instantaneous. Like the moment he opened his mouth and the first word of the question came out, like you knew exactly what he was ask. was like, I knew exactly what he was going to ask. And then he asked exactly what I knew he was going to ask. And I was just like, Jesus fucking Christ.
00:53:07
Speaker
Yeah. So it was, i read his mind for sure. He usually reads my mind, to be honest. Like we we do. We do read each other's minds a lot, but like it's usually him reading my mind, usually because I'm the silent one most of the time. ah ah And yeah, he just knows.
00:53:29
Speaker
Anyway. Cool. Speaking of silence, I'm ready to be done. You're ready to be done. Stick a fork in
00:53:40
Speaker
No, stick a fork in the that potato. in the oh a hairy potato. Stick a fork in the baby. She's fur potato. god some One day, i'm sure i will comb through our archives of raw, unedited episodes, and I will put together...
00:54:02
Speaker
unhinged out of context statements like stick a fork in that baby that would be very weird
00:54:20
Speaker
baby anyway a fur baby fur baby that looks like a potato she's not a human baby she's a potato shaped dog oh my god maizey we're laughing about you she's shaking now it's hilarious oh it's not like she thinks we're gonna stick an actual fork in her or anything no she doesn't understand english she does know that i'm laughing though and she's shaking like crazy are you shaking she's like why is mother so joyous anyway
00:54:55
Speaker
um Yeah, that's that's our show. Thanks for joining us. I'm tired. You can find us on Instagram. You can find us on Patreon. and You can find us at Gmail. use Look at the links. They're all below. ah We're tired and it's winter time and I'm ready to go to sleep. Happy belated Thanksgiving.
00:55:21
Speaker
Happy belated Thanksgiving! We hope everyone had a great day of gratitude ah and turkey.
00:55:32
Speaker
Yes. And and we did and we hope everyone did and we love you guys and we're grateful for you. Yes, we're very grateful for our listeners, um our patrons, Patreonans, whatever you call them. and Patreons, I don't know.
00:55:52
Speaker
Patreonians. Sounds like an alien alien race. Our Patrons. Our Patrons. Maybe that's what we should call them.
00:56:04
Speaker
Patrons. Anyway. What are you doing, dog? Okay. We're going now. Bye. Love you guys.