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Order of Ma'at: Chloroformal Agreement
153 Plays2 years ago
In todays episode our trio head back to the shack where Blanko was attacked by someone wielding magic. They then employ some very ethical means to subdue, interrogate, and persuade this person. It's a bottle episode in a shack in the swamp with a little bit of good ol' fashioned kidnapping! Come take a listen! Check out our site: funinstallersnetwork.com for other weird shit we have there and merch if you want! Also twitter @rollplayerswin!
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Transcript
Introduction and Humorous Banter
00:00:00
Speaker
I started a new recording so just prepare in case shut that stuff man. I'm not that considerate. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening everyone. I'm not that considerate either. That's very weird to hear you say that. I don't mind, you can use it if you want.
00:00:18
Speaker
Hey everybody, I like to welcome welcome to the show. Thanks for stopping by with your little ear. I like mentioning everybody's little ears I like I like saying, you know, they're using their ears in case they forgot in case you forgot about you Yeah, I'm some hero the head really I can tuck my my part of you know outside of your ear I don't know what you call that like the big party or the people notice I can show I can tuck a part of myself on or something for myself too, but I don't talk about it. So I
00:00:41
Speaker
Why didn't you show me this when we, like, met?
Amusing Anatomical Discussions
00:00:44
Speaker
Because that's why dick is what I'm talking about, Cass. Oh, never mind. You like to put your dick in your ear? That's weird. No, I tuck it back. How do you do that? No, he sucks it up into itself. Kind of like one of those collapsible straws. Or like those lightsabers where, like, you swing it and it opens up and then you press on it. Oh, I wonder how.
00:01:08
Speaker
I wondered how like those dudes that drive like the really big trucks that have like, you know, the little tiny penis. I wondered how they did that. Yeah. Well, no. Yeah. See, but it's it's it's a lot like that, too. But it's already symbol size. And then it it. Yeah. It and then it just goes up inside of him. Kind of like how a dog's works. Oh, oh, OK. OK. Yeah, that makes much more sense. Thanks for the dogs in this book, man. Blood dick.
00:01:36
Speaker
I don't know if I would have ever lived my whole life without knowing that. Hmm. You always learn something new.
Role-Playing Game Setup
00:01:43
Speaker
Welcome back everybody to role players. Let's continue on this conversation. We've got some game for you today to be played about dicks, mostly. No, I'm just kidding. About what? About cogs. The order of cogs. We're hunting some demon down in Mrs. Minus Pipi, as Planko calls it. And they met him last time.
00:02:06
Speaker
And they decided, hey, whatever. See you later, bro. And he fucked off. And now they're like, oh, well, maybe we should, I don't know. E-cogs, maybe we should kill it. And Planko's going to say, Planko's perfectly content with going home. Yeah, Planko wants to go home. So it's just A. Adam is doing a very good case of role playing, where he, as a player, is thinking it's going to be very, or actually him as a podcaster, is thinking it's going to be very anticlimactic if we don't fight the monster or we just leave after we met it. But him as a player, him as a character, says, hey, I'm cool with leaving.
00:02:36
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, here's to say that, like, you know, not everything has to end in a big old battle. Sometimes you just do what you were told to do when you go home. The duality of role playing. Hit it.
Game Recap and Decision Making
00:03:32
Speaker
I mean, we totally did figure out what they were, you know, what happened. So why not? Fuck it. I mean, the only thing I didn't figure out was why someone threw a stick at me, but I really care that much. I'm just going to leave. You must wear sticks all the time. I got my necklace back. Fuck it.
00:03:50
Speaker
She got her necklace back, yeah. So yeah, that's basically all that happened, really. You guys went and went and you met the demon. Cat him up a little bit. Eacog shook his hand. It was all very friendly. All, you know, pretty, pretty nice chat they had, everybody. And that's about it. Anything else? Mm-hmm. Nope. It doesn't matter. Oh yeah, you'd find somebody using magic against you, but then you didn't meet them, so. Yeah, I told you. Yeah, someone threw a stick at me. Let's keep the haunted house. Yeah. Real spooktacular. Yeah. It showed the door so hard.
00:04:20
Speaker
Yeah, he couldn't find a door again. Did we go somewhere after? Did we leave and go to anything? I don't remember what we did after we had different crossroads and then it wasn't the right one. And then we went to a different crossroads and it was the right one. Right. When we did all that, we talked to the demon and I said, all right, well, nice talking to you, guy. And then and then that was talking about how to trap it or something. And then getting left here is kind of having a chat there. Oh, yeah.
00:04:47
Speaker
You're at the crossroads, you've been discussing your plans and what you can use against it, what can hurt it, read a bad situation, and all that stuff. What did we learn? Bigger thing, I don't know. No one ever has a butt for me. Sell him yourself a second time and ask him for a lifetime supply of butts. Maybe I should just re-summon him and see if he has one for me.
00:05:13
Speaker
I mean, you know what? I wouldn't put a passion. Why don't you go ahead and do that? Put a new cigarette button in the ground. I need more beds. I mean, you know, you can get some holy paraphernalia to hurt it, or you can get some little trappy, little symbols you can make, or whatever, and trap it sort of stuff.
00:05:34
Speaker
I mean, do we really need to do this? Yeah, just take something from the haunted house and we walk our way back. You just take that and that can be a little magic. Whatever it is that you were told to grab their feces and then we can be on our way. Why? What's the point? I mean, these people know that they're selling their souls, right? I mean, it was a business transaction and they're not losing anything until they die. So I mean, whatever. I mean, it seems like that's their own problem, not ours.
00:06:02
Speaker
Yeah, we weren't told to come and kill the thing. We were just told to come and figure out what was going on. They can send some other dream team in to fuck it up if they need to. You know, I'll just go ahead and get a hold of my friend. Yes, my friend. And he will come and take care of this for us. Yes, that works. We will absolutely get this taken care of later. Who's your friend?
00:06:24
Speaker
Um, don't worry about it. He's just a bloke, a friend of mine, you know, a pal, a bow. He, he, he just, uh, takes care of my light work for me, as I say. Do you want a
Avoiding Confrontations with Humor
00:06:36
Speaker
light work? Okay. Um, yeah. Have you been picking up butts off the ground again, Jesse? What are you talking about? No, I wish there were some on the ground right now. Won't you ask the demon for one? You know what? You guys want to fight him anyway. I'll sit back here with Louise.
00:06:53
Speaker
I don't wanna fight him. Hey, why don't you challenge him to a one-on-one there, e-cog. See what happens. Either way, we win. If you die, cool. If you win, neat. Everybody wins here. Just go ahead and do the thing. I don't know. This was your idea.
00:07:18
Speaker
But I mean, yes, I'm just saying fight a demon by yourself. OK, so you got me, you know, I can write things on paper and I don't even do that very well. I got Louise to do that. And then you got Jesse here who likes to smoke cigarettes and shake a fanny. So, I mean, how's that going to help you defeat a demon? You go ahead and you tell us. You're the you're the guy who likes to fight things. I mean, you're right.
00:07:48
Speaker
So how about we just summon it now and get over with. So we can leave. Get whatever with. We don't have a plan. We know roughly how to maybe trap one or hurt it. I mean, do you have all the ingredients there? Are you going to mix a little thing? You're going to open up a little meth lab. I just sorted it.
00:08:10
Speaker
Yeah, you know what? Why don't you go ahead and do that? Okay, you know what? Nothing in my contract says I gotta keep you from doing something stupid outside of completing a mission. So this is your own little side quest. I'm just gonna watch you get your ass whipped for a couple minutes and then we'll try to figure out what's gonna happen after that, okay? Jesse and I will come up with a better plan while you swing your sword at it. You know, your mood is really pulling me down and now I don't feel like fighting anymore. Oh, wow. I can't believe it. That actually worked. Holy crap. You really bumped me out.
00:08:39
Speaker
No, if only if only maybe my bad mood just saved your life there. Oh my goodness. Wow. You know what? You're welcome. I don't know if they say you're welcome over there and brighten wherever you're from, but you're welcome. OK, you're welcome. We say because I'm tired. Yeah, well, I'd say fuck you. Let's just get out of here and go back to my heart and get a new mission. I'll get some water and a butt. Let's go. Yeah, let's just go party. What do you say, Louise?
00:09:09
Speaker
Louise. Where's Louise?
Recording Interruptions and Reflections
00:09:12
Speaker
She was just right here. I was going to say, where's the GM with my Louise? Sorry, there's a cat rubbing up all over me. You're going to say, throw that cat in the garbage for an hour. I'm going to mute everything, though, which doesn't click. Quick, grab it on the microphone. No, stop. Holy shit. She's going to be famous, that kitty.
00:09:38
Speaker
This is why I have a strict no pussy policy while I'm recording. Just get it all out of my room. There's not a lot in here. Anyways, you guys are gonna fuck off then, huh?
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah, what the fuck's the point? Like, I'm, I'm literally a con artist. He's just a jiggy jag of the jaw. And then like, the cock is the only one that has any fucking power. So it's like, what are we gonna do against this guy?
Demon Summoning and Mysteries
00:10:10
Speaker
I mean, she isn't wrong about that.
00:10:17
Speaker
What do you do then? They got collect calling across the sea. How about. What time is it? Midday, let's say. Midday. They have that in Brighton. I do have that and how about we just fuck off and you can write a report or something and then we'll help back.
00:10:46
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, last chance. You sure you don't want to fight it? You just want to dip your knife in like a creek and call it holy water and just go swinging for the fences? Are you sure? Last chance. I'm pretty sure I am. Wonderful. Let's get out of here. Louise, let's go get you a drink. You look like you need a drink, darling.
00:11:10
Speaker
Um, how far away are we from the shack, by the way? The shack. Um, probably like 20 minute walk, let's say. Okay. That's 10 minutes in e-cock time. Right. The exchange rate. Um, okay. Um, so, uh, we remember the bull
00:11:36
Speaker
The chairs. Mm hmm. I sort of make sure there's nothing else we forgot that I could make sure that not only am I am I adding to the report, but to make sure that I know what I'm talking about because Blanco wants to be real thorough. He wants to know everything. And he wants to know that Louise knows everything. So have we confirmed that that is a way that they were communicating with somebody was through that bull? Yeah, probably. We confirm that. Yeah. Did a ritual and then I talked to the demons.
00:12:05
Speaker
Um, can I determine as we're walking and just getting away from this whole thing? Um, did they need that many chairs? Like, is that specific? There's, you said there were seven chairs, right? Well, there are seven chairs, one bowl, two girls, one cup. So, so we confirmed that there are.
00:12:32
Speaker
So do we know that, does that imply that there's seven people? Like, why would there be seven fucking stools in a little shack? Do we know that? It could be one of them piles. I don't know what you know. Maybe there are seven little dwarfs. That's the one part that I, as a player, am confused about and Blanco is also confused about that we have in common is. If you're talking to a crossroads demon, you don't need to fucking summon them at like. Your house and then have to go to the crossroads and talk to him.
00:13:02
Speaker
like like so I don't understand like if that's where you have to summon them to talk to him what the fuck's the point of having a little telephone device inside the shack like and why would seven people have to go and do that like that's the one loose end that Blanco is stuck on and that I'm also stuck on is like he wants to go home I want to go on do a new mystery but that little loose thread right there is fucking itching me and I don't know about it
00:13:27
Speaker
I don't give a fuck about fighting a demon. I couldn't give two shits about it. I'm just wondering if there's a dangerous human I need to worry about. Maybe we need to investigate a mystery. Let's just
Investigating Antagonists and Action
00:13:39
Speaker
say that Blanco expressed some of that so I don't have to repeat myself a second time. Blanco was so expressive when he expressed that. All right, so that's where I'm at, guys, is I'm just a little
00:13:54
Speaker
That's the one little itch that I need scratching. It doesn't matter how many corners I rub against or how many trees I rub or how many sticks I've shoved on my pants. I can't quite scratch that itch. I think those Sanchez are probably from the people in the town and maybe they prefer the shack and maybe this Olivia person or something just prefer this place.
00:14:16
Speaker
Right, but you still have to go to the crossroads and bury something to talk to the crossroads demon in the first place, don't you? Isn't that how it works? Didn't we also summon the demon in the house? No, we went there. We did not do it. It was just like fire and stuff. There was just some there was just some see you next Tuesday who was throwing sticks and glass and tossing everything around. Yeah, right. Yeah.
00:14:38
Speaker
You know, if it's really bothering you, man, let's go back there and see. I didn't really want to go back inside that house with that thing attacking us. But you know what? I'll put my dukes up and I will fight if that's what you need to make your mind a little bit more clear. You see, you see like, Blanco's eyes get real big first thing is, what are you telling me that you're, you're a lady and you're willing to fight that other lady? Absolutely.
00:15:05
Speaker
And Eacoc looks upset and says, like, so are you willing to fight for him but not for me? Well, one of them involves fighting a human. The other one involves fighting a demon that lives in hell. You know, it's a little, you know, would you rather fight a kitten or would you rather fight a tiger? I mean, a tiger would be a cool story to tell.
00:15:26
Speaker
Baby, you are my steed. I don't know what to do about you. There's no saving you, I don't know what to say. Let's just, fuck it. Let's just figure out what we're doing next. What are we gonna do? What do you wanna do, eCog?
00:15:45
Speaker
ecog look how what if we make a deal let's go back to the shack let's do a little bit more investigating just to make sure there ain't no dangerous humans around town if it turns out that there's a little bit more of a kabali kind of thing going around going on around here i'll tell you what i'll go back i'll fill up my shotgun i'll go buy one first and then i fill up a shotgun full of rock saw and we'll go we'll just shove it straight up that demon's ass what do you say i think it's a good idea
00:16:08
Speaker
All right, well, let's go do a little bit of sleuthing because there's one little itch that I swear to God, you know, I got to get some talcum powder to make it stop itching. So let's just go and do that. Or maybe you should get your backscratcher before the shotgun. I told you backscratcher tree sticks. It all doesn't work because it's all internal. It's a hypochondriac thing, you see. An internal backscratcher. It's all in my mind. It's all in my brain because I know that there's a loose end and it drives me crazy because that means that my story is going to have a hole in it and I will not have a hole.
00:16:39
Speaker
Is that what you're trying to say, my son? Yeah, I want to get a hostess Twinkie filled in a brim. I don't remember what era those were made in, but I'm just going to assume it was sometime recent. So let's go. Let's go back to the shack real quick, because I got to go have a talk with somebody who threw a stick at me.
00:17:02
Speaker
Yeah. Why did they throw a stick at me? I have to agree that was rude. Yeah, I still got a little. Oh, no, it's not even scared. Oh, man, I forgot about I just remembered my tie got blood on it. Dang it. Okay. All right. You guys walk back there to the shack.
00:17:24
Speaker
She jumps back onto Eacog's, uh, back at like riding him, uh, piggyback style, onward steed. I do the same thing. I jump on Louise's back, onward steed. She like shakes you off. All right, that's fine. And she like runs off after them. Okay, fine. Whatever. Be that way, Louise. After everything we've been through.
00:17:53
Speaker
She doesn't look back at you. Or she just doesn't like being ridden. I'm fine. I'm flipping him off. It's fine. Now I don't like that. I like how official that is. eCorkyFec is my new transport.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah. All right. So we go to the shack. Yes. OK. Go punch that door. The door is already broken. It's already been punched. Punch it again. It's broken. There's no point to it. There's no sport in it. Pick up part of the door. We're going to wield it as a weapon. Enough weapons. Yeah, I agree. I was just kidding. Now you want to have more? All right. Walk into the place.
00:18:40
Speaker
Yeah, no, I'm not going inside. I want to investigate outside and see if I can find any trail of that of the whoever the fuck it was through the trail. OK, why don't you do some jiggy jag of the jaw investing in a mystery?
Battle and Interrogation
00:18:53
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to shake my tail feather and investigate the mystery. I already forgot what she called her butt last time, which they shake her rear end, rear end, shake that rear end. Here we go. She called her butt a rear end.
00:19:10
Speaker
All the shit poop. A 14. Holy shit. Holy shit. Ask me some motherfucking questions, boy. Yeah, dude, that's what I'm going to do. As soon as I find one to fuck, my questions is what's the questions I'm going to ask you asking investigate mystery. You ask me about a really bad situation here. Oh, that's a good question. I actually forgot for a second that they were different ones. Stupid. I'm going to go with read a bad situation. I'll ask some nice ones. So ask away there, feller.
00:19:40
Speaker
Um, are there any dangers that we haven't noticed? Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? Um, no. Yeah. Really? Yeah.
00:19:55
Speaker
OK, let me be more clear on that. Are there any signs of the danger that was there the first time we didn't notice it? Oh, that's what I'm implying is, is there a way for me to tell, you know, like, because I know from where a stick was chucked at me. So, you know, you're noticing as you're as you're looking around, you're sleuthing with your with your sleuthy eyes and you're in your brain. You're remembering that when you're in your body.
00:20:21
Speaker
you're remembering it last time the magical mumbo jumbo was happening on all the fires and all the things were getting thrown you remember you had a like a prickling feeling in the back of your neck and you're getting it again oh
00:20:32
Speaker
Man, do I see any spine thing? I'm trying to go. Yeah, that's good. But I'm hoping to be more specific. Like, do I see any signs of a person that was there before or that had been there recently? Because he tried to attack it the first time, but nothing was there. Yeah. Is there any sign of like footprints, sticks being broken? You know, maybe that wouldn't be footprints. And we don't know. They teleported. They might turn invisible. There's a whole smattering from you guys being in and out of there, but you don't really notice that there's anything new.
00:21:02
Speaker
No one's walked in there since you left. Damn it. Amen. I used a magic to discern what kind of magic it was. I just want to believe that this is a ghost. Maybe that'll make you feel better if we just bust a ghost instead of having to, you know, kill a person. That would be good. Can you tell if there was any specters here, Ikag?
00:21:29
Speaker
I mean, I could try to, but... Can you? Pretty pleased with a cherry on top. Do you have some sweets with you? Yeah, her name is Jezebel. She's right over there. Unless your toes. My toes or Jezebel's toes? Jezebel's toes. Why don't you go look at Louise's toes? They're pretty gnarly.
00:22:03
Speaker
You may be thinking you should see your toes because she's wearing sandals, but she's also wearing socks. What is the thing about toes? I'll just don't want to look at those toes again. I'll just do it. I think they use toes as currency over there and brighten. Yeah. We we breed humans to cut off the toes. I knew it.
00:22:23
Speaker
I don't think... Louise, take off your sandals.
00:22:32
Speaker
I rolled a seven. Using your weird thing where you can investigate a mystery with magic? Yes. All right, well ask your ask away big big boy. Can you use a kind to open the thing investigate a mystery?
00:22:51
Speaker
Read the questions out loud. Read the questions out loud. What sort of creatures is it? What can do? What can hurt it? Where did it go? Where did it go? Sounds like a good idea. No, that's not the one I want to ask. All right. What sort of creature is it? What sort of creature is it? As you're honing in again, you walk over to where it was before and you feel a resurgence again of magical energies, actually, as you're doing this.
00:23:20
Speaker
and then you look towards where your little tingly vibes are feeling it, and you see a few trees away from you, maybe five yards, if I know how much distance that is. It's not very far. Ten yards or so, half of an elephant distance from you. Can use it from your fat, yeah. Actually, a whole elephant away. Half of an elephant is not five yards.
00:23:50
Speaker
The whole elephant away from you is 15 feet. Five yards is 15 feet. That's, that's what I was going to say 20. How much is that in centimeter? I don't know. You see over there at a general distance away from you, not within punching or slashing distance. It's making elephant distance.
00:24:11
Speaker
You see a woman with blonde hair, and she's actually wearing kind of a nice little blouse and a little skirt. And she is holding her hand towards you. And when she sees you looking at her, she's like, oh, shit. And then a tree explodes beside you. And you take ones of harm, Ecogafiki. I take less harm from magical stuff.
00:24:40
Speaker
And then you take, well, it's the tree shrapnel hiding you, really. But it's a magical t-t-t-tree.
00:24:48
Speaker
Who's my magic gun? I'm going to shoot you with a arm. Bye. I'll let you use your armor on it because you can probably punch yourself up. You can probably punch yourself up. I also don't take any harm from specifically tree exploding.
00:25:10
Speaker
Fuck you, buddy. I'm gonna explode the ground next to her. Yes, jerk. For a brief moment, you can see there's a lady still standing in front of you who's just done a thing to you there. Is she still standing or is she pooping away? She's like, you got like a split second to try and do something. She's like, she's reacting and changing her. Is she pooping away? She didn't say, oh, shit.
00:25:38
Speaker
I'll try and throw my speed again. Oh, throw that motherfucking thing.
00:25:48
Speaker
So are we learning that it's a person? You've thrown a spear. Oh man. And like in a, in a, in a cool action movie style, just as you throw that spear. Um, she also, she summons, she, she like points her hand towards you sort of like how Voldemort wields is one, but like she doesn't want.
00:26:10
Speaker
she sort of upwardly holds her hand towards the sky, but out of it shoots a spear, just materializes out of it and shoots to across at you, e-cock. And I guess even if I say it, how much harm does your spear do?
00:26:23
Speaker
My spear does two harm. Two? Okay. And hers is going to do two as well, but you have armor and you can't be hurt by magic. So you probably don't take any harm. So it just goes. And then she gets slashed across the chest with your spear and she goes, what the fuck are you? I am the cock.
00:26:50
Speaker
and she starts to try it. Legends are true. She starts doing some little hand motions and you see she's starting to dematerialize again. I want to cast my trap card. Your trap card. I want to use magic to undo her magic of dematerializing. We'll try that shit. And also you guys see us too, so if he fucks up, you can probably do something. If you want to, that is. I want to hit the jackal switch.
00:27:17
Speaker
What's that? Go stealth mode. That's an 11. All right. So what are you trying to do with your weird? I'm trying to also reach out my hand towards her and make my hand or Chloe and try and keep her from like teleporting away. Okay. So maybe you're going to say you're trying to trap a specific person, minion or monster.
00:27:42
Speaker
Yes. You say there are selections for using magic, Gage. If you want to get tased. I'm used to using magic. Actually, the first thing you said was you want to make your hand glow. So that was your magic. So sorry. You made your hand glow. You made your hand do a flashlight. Good job. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, you touch her and she's like, she looks at you like, oh, no. And she pushes you. I push her back straight down into the mud.
00:28:11
Speaker
So can I use my going? Can I use my while he's doing that? Can I use my one of my holds for read a bad situation? Oh, sure. Fucking thing. I want to use what's my best way in because I want to get as close to her as I can that are noticing that I am there.
00:28:28
Speaker
Well, she's really distracted by him, so all you got to do is come up from behind her probably, and you can probably get pretty close, you think, because she's... Great, I have chloroform. I'm going to put it over... I'm going to put it on the right foot of her mouth. I think your best way in would be probably to talk about demons. I think she likes those.
00:28:46
Speaker
Yeah, well, we're going to have to do something about it first. So I'm going to just sneak attack. You just asked, where do you think you're going? And then you see all of a sudden Blanco comes up and goes, ah! Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. It doesn't do any harm. It's just it's just it's just to like stun her and like put her to sleep. It's zero harm. Luis walks over and goes, huh? And kicks her in a side.
00:29:15
Speaker
Oh, there you go. That's my girl. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. She's out. Oh, good. Good job. Thanks. Good job, you two. Good job, Jesse.
00:29:29
Speaker
Sure, yes, totally. She's over there pretending to tap dance. It's your birthday, happy birthday. Yeah, and while he's taking the rag off of the girl and getting ready to pick her up and take her to the shack, you kind of hear Blake going, it's your birthday, happy birthday.
00:29:58
Speaker
He's like bobbing his head as he walks, shaking his fanny. My rear end. Happy birthday. Let's do a parade and all dance. Yeah, let's let's all parade back to the shack. You're doing it wrong. You got to kick your leg out this way. I can't. I'll drop the lady. You take that lady in there and what do you do with her?
00:30:23
Speaker
Uh, is there anything that we can use to like, cause it looked like from what I witnessed, she had to use her hands a lot to like cast her spells or whatever she was doing. Right. So like, can we like find her hands somewhere? So she can't like do any sort of boobity doobie, bubbly, bubbly stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, you probably get some whips and chains or something, right? No, I don't. She like looks through her purse and she like pulls out a really big knife.
00:30:53
Speaker
No, that's not it. We're not going to chop our hands off yet. You see like a little. I was obviously thinking about that. You see a little bit of twine. You could you got there's like a little corner and like a little twine. Does it look like you've tied a few people's hands in your end of day? You think maybe you can do a better nice little knot? I'm not. That's not really something I'm good at.
00:31:11
Speaker
Oh, don't you know, I was the best not tire of my class. I won awards and blue ribbons for my ability to tie knots. Let me tell you, sir. You won a naughty award. I did. I did. Wow. Let's see the naughtiest knot you've ever knotted. The best in show. I knew it. Or cool. Some, the actin of.
00:31:37
Speaker
I'm gonna help her by cheering her on. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. You tied a knot. The other knot is good. We don't know, but you tied a knot. Well, I'm rolling the help out. I'm rolling the help out, remember?
00:31:57
Speaker
What are you? Yeah. What are you? You can cheer someone on all you want. But what's that? What's that doing? I'm just going to be like, oh, yeah, the over under technique or whatever. You know, I feel like I feel like it's maneuver. I feel like, you know, sometimes you know how you perform better when you know people are watching because like you want to use the option. OK. That's not true. That's not true. Sometimes people don't try as hard because no one's there to impress. But when someone's there to impress, they try a little harder.
00:32:22
Speaker
Yeah, a little bit. Roll your roll your aid or interfere and see what happens. That's dungeon world. Different game. Well, you're. Which one is help out? That's cool, right? I believe that's okay. Under pressure. The situation. Well, am I right? I don't do so good with screens yet. I'm still it's still fighting for me. Click. There it is. I found it. I'm doing it.
00:32:49
Speaker
Big fat. Oh, my God. Hey, you know what? Just oh, oh, yeah. You know what? The little little kind of rapid, the little bunny ears. Not all too bunny ears. That's that's that's beneath you. Put your finger there. You big crazy. But Luca, I need your help. Yeah. Put your finger there. You can give me you in two fingers. Three is too many for us right now.
00:33:18
Speaker
Yes, definitely. Too many. Too many. It's too far. Too many. Oh, did I teach you math right and brighten? My God. So you got a seven. That's not as ideal as it could be. So you still get something that you don't want to happen, have to have to have to hurt yourself to trouble or danger. So she's able to untie it easily. But doesn't realize it right away. How's that? Yeah, OK. Frick it.
00:33:49
Speaker
Or what if she does break free? She just turns her ire at me since I'm the one that helped out. That's not how it works. Good try, though. Anyway. Anyway, at least we have some kind of a knot versus it not working at all. You've got a sleeping lady with a thing wrapped around her arms. Great risks. Well, yeah, well, I'm trying. I'm not just trying to shine a binder to like.
00:34:11
Speaker
You know, like on like one of those chairs, like sit down like behind her back. So that way, like she can't get her hands free right away. This is just tied in front of her now. Yes, this is a guess. We're getting some kidnapping, good stuff here now. OK, yeah, she's tied to it. Well, you know what? She tried to murder us with sticks and fly debris. Oh, you know what? Like she can suck my ass for a second. Sure. You know, anyway, say you got a lady there tied to a chair. She's still all right. Now we just got to wake her up so we can talk to her.
00:34:40
Speaker
I didn't think about that part. So who wants to slap her? Look, look, you're missing a show. I mean, look, the president is here. The queen visited. Roll out, roll out Pefro there. What's your name, Isabel?
00:35:18
Speaker
Well, if it's that six you're talking about, I gave you a seven, so it's no longer a experience. What is this?
00:35:29
Speaker
Listen here, lady. If you don't answer my questions, I'm gonna have my big friend here put that spear through you and make you into a lady kabob. I also have other tools of torture, if you want. I mean... Yeah, you heard him. Also, apparently Jezebel keeps a really big knife hidden somewhere and I don't know where she put it, but you're not... It's a doozy. I've heard it's in a really private place.
00:35:58
Speaker
There are many holes in the brothel in which a fat wad can't be stopped. She just looks at you guys, but she doesn't say anything. All right, look, you do a stick at me, and I want to know why. What's going on here? We're not here to hurt you. I just need you to stop trying to hurt us. Come on. We know about the demon. We know that you made a collect call. Just spill the beans, OK? And everything will be fine, and we'll leave you alone. Well, it sounds like you know everything then.
00:36:29
Speaker
Uh, no, I don't know why you threw sticks at me and why you're trying to spear my friend with a tree. I don't like visitors. How is it that you are able to throw things and teleport and do magic? Did the demon give that to you? Yeah, that's what I asked for. How many other people were here? Did you, did you call him to come to your house? Um, well, you could kind of, once he was, yeah, once he was here on this plane, he can,
00:36:59
Speaker
come where he wants to come to. Then why do we need to go to a crossroads, even talk to him, if you can call him at your house? And how do you know how to do that? I don't need to. Because he showed me how to. That's what I gave him my soul for. He showed you how to call him? Well, not really. I mean, not really. I don't really know how. I mean, I asked for all sorts of magical abilities, you know, and I just, I know it now. I know it. How did you know to talk to him in the first place?
00:37:30
Speaker
How did you find him? Desperation. Books. Hoping. It would work. And it did. So you were the one that started this whole thing? Um, I guess so. And sixty-one dose matching powers? Um, just because, you know, sucks to be a lady. Uh-huh. Are you looking to do some damage with those powers there, little girl? Um, not anymore.
00:37:59
Speaker
Not anymore. Did you already do the thing you were trying to do? What'd you do? Um, let's just say, uh, Olivia got a gun and now daddy's going. I was trying to do, I was trying to do Janie got a gun, but it didn't really work out right. Yeah, we got it. Yeah, we got it.
00:38:29
Speaker
How many other people in this town talked to your demon friend? Um, well with me seven, I don't know who he's talked to since then. He's studies. He's started just going on his own now. So you all started, you all got together and made a collect call to a devil. Yeah. It's really, um, you know, magic and all. I can, I was really able to figure out who was really open to, you know, going for it. And you know, he's, he's,
00:38:59
Speaker
Really appreciative of me getting him more souls. I mean, you know, it never hurts to have a happy demon on your side. Aha. But... Doesn't that suck if you don't have any soul anymore? I mean... Like, imagine if you die, then you're in hell. And I don't think that's the right place in place. Well, that's for dead meat to worry about. That sounds like a dumb decision.
00:39:27
Speaker
Plus, I know it matters. I could probably figure out a way to stay alive forever.
Demon Dealings and Consequences
00:39:31
Speaker
If I wanted to. Jenny, can you talk some sense into this lady? Hey, man, I already made the deal with the devil and I live forever. So nice. You know, I'd give you like a high five. I heard it's a new thing that kids are doing in New York, but I can't. I'm tied up. It's fine. I don't need to have a low five.
00:39:52
Speaker
Hold on. How about a high five you to the face? This was really hard and like a like a clear blue hand appears in front of your in front of you. And she's like, high five. She gives her like a small high five. High five to the face. OK. Well, I guess that clears that up. So you called the demon to talk to you here. And then now he just goes to crossroads and just talks to people there.
00:40:20
Speaker
I mean, I guess, you know, he does whatever he wants. He's a grown man, grown demon man. Whatever you really do. So do you need him around anymore? Because. You know, we're kind of. I don't really know how to say this without really breaking the rules, but we're here to make sure he, you know, we're kind of is kind of interfering with the business that we got going on in a way. So there's a bit of a.
00:40:47
Speaker
contradictory relationship here and I'm trying to find the best way to resolve it now we don't have to do anything about you as long as you promise not to hurt anybody else I don't really care but you owe me a new tie hmm what kind of what kind of backing can you give me I mean I've got it right now I've got a demon that likes me yeah well we know how to take care of demons so once we get that guy out of town then you know that's it
00:41:13
Speaker
you know we'll be out of your hair so you can help us get him out of town and then we'll just leave you be you can still have your powers and then if we manage to vanquish that demon you got powers you don't got to worry about your soul going to hell then you get off scott free it's like you it's like you got yourself a glass of whiskey for nothing i don't think it works that way but how would you know how's he gonna take your soul if he doesn't exist anymore um well
00:41:38
Speaker
He's an otherworldly thing. He's already kind of he's not really alive to begin with. You don't think that demons can be destroyed? I tell you what, they can. Have you seen my friend, E.Cog? Yeah. He eats demons for a living. I eat them for breakfast and for dinner. Not for lunch, though. He usually eat something a bit more healthy and green. Exactly. It's usually roast beef. That is part of our diet, yes. It's green beef, yes.
00:42:11
Speaker
So what do you say? Why don't you help us out with that? Or at least, you know, maybe just stay out of our hair while we handle it. And then you can just have your magical powers. We'll leave you alone. And then you can just live the rest of your life as superhuman. What do I care? I don't live here. Well, could I potentially manipulate someone? Yeah, why don't you go out and do that?
00:42:39
Speaker
I will do that. Come on. So close. Someone help me out here. Come on. Talk some sense into it. I'm super charming and I'll try to help you out. You don't have to roll charm. You just have to roll cool. You rolled the wrong thing. Okay.
00:42:57
Speaker
It's not it's it's cool. You're going to be so cool. One point for you, by the way, I go up to and sell her like we are like super cool. And if you turn off us, you're like part of the coolest club. Well, I mean, it's still a line for manipulate someone. So he's he's not always it is he?
00:43:23
Speaker
I mean, no. I'm not going to lie, but. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What do you do that fucks up? Desmo was trying to help out and roll the five. Listen, do you have a butt for me?
00:43:45
Speaker
What? Oh, shut up. All right. Listen, Olivia, was it the weirdest kidnapping I've ever been a part of? Hey, that wasn't a kidnapping. We were defending ourselves. First of all, this is the weirdest situation I've been in. I just say that this is one of the worst. All right. What can I do to show you? That you mean it, that I really mean. Well, what it would take for me to convince you to help us out.
00:44:17
Speaker
I won't try to stop you anymore, but if you can in the very least trap him or weaken him, maybe I'll help you finish the job. I don't know if we can kill him.
00:44:38
Speaker
I mean, I can also do some magic stuff and you can also do some magic stuff. So I'm sure we can do something against them. You know what? I'll settle for trapping them. That's fine. Honestly, if there's a way to trap them somewhere and take them with us, that'd be even better. But I don't think we have that technology. Tell me what it is you're a part of. Why are you doing this? Who are you, people? I am eCokeyFecie.
00:45:07
Speaker
I'm Jezebel. We're hired to come check this out. By who? My aunt. What is that? You're not supposed to say that. Oh, shit. We were hired by the Mickey Mouse Club. All right, look.
00:45:25
Speaker
I work with a secret reporting organization called PNS. Okay. And these guys are helping me out because, you know, as you can see, I'm not, I'm not built like a brick house, like he is, you know, I'm not particularly strong. And, you know, and of course it's always nice to have a flapper girl around, right? I mean, we can all agree. It's always nice to have one of those around. So, you know, between that and my girl Louise here, say hi, Louise. Louise, where you at?
00:45:54
Speaker
She's like, she's like sitting in one of those chairs. She's like, that's Louise. Sorry. And we're part of an organization that we go and we investigate spooky things like what's going on here. OK, and then I report it to this organization and it comes out as, you know, Bigfoot and the Chupacabra and what's that guy that everybody loves to they want to have sex with? Mothman, you know, all those things.
00:46:23
Speaker
You know, like we report on those things and even though they're real, people read them. I was like, Oh, they're just little tidbits, but it brings in money. Okay. So, you know, I'll change your name if you want, or I can just do a special edition where I interview you directly. But that's what we do is we go and we investigate spooky things and I report on it. All right. Yeah, I would prefer anonymity. Uh, okay. That sounds, that sounds very neat. Um, so yeah. Um, how about this? I won't bother you guys anymore. Um, and if you start to succeed, um, maybe I'll help try and help you, uh,
00:46:54
Speaker
Get rid of him. And you happen to have any holy water here or maybe, you know, nobody magic sigils. You know, you said you read some books, right? Got anything that we can take a look at? No, I don't have any of that. Where did you find the books that you use to know how to communicate with him in the first place? Oh, man. Well, there's some weird people in places and, you know, these old, lumpy wildernesses. And you point us to what?
00:47:21
Speaker
I mean, I have all the stuff I dug everything up I knew about. So, I mean, if you, I mean, you can look at one of my books if you want. I guess you did say book. Sorry, I was asking about holy water the whole time. No, I don't have that. Yeah, I have a book I use. Perfect. You mind if we take a little lookie loo through it? Because, you know, it might give us a lead. If you know how to talk to the thing, maybe also tell us how to trap the thing. And then you get to live your life. You don't got to worry about him snatching your soul at the end of it all.
00:47:49
Speaker
Okay, I really like that book, though. Can you please give it back to me? Oh yeah, I'll give it back to you. Why do I care? I just need to do a job and then, you know, I'll probably take a few notes on my notebook here, have Louise probably, you know, do a little drawing. Do you like to be painted, by the way? Louise is a great painter. No, that's not anything I want. Okay, um, she says she like lifts her hands up. She's like in the little twines fall away and she's like, she claps on her with a book appears. Here you go.
00:48:15
Speaker
Well, hey, thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Hey, wait a minute. How long have you been on time? Well, I mean, you know what, it ain't a library, but I got a book. Yeah. And you know what I remembered? What? That I can enchant my weapon. And that probably helps with the demon as well.
00:48:39
Speaker
I wouldn't know, Eacog. I'm gonna have Louise read this book to me. Can't you not read? No, I can't. It's just that I like it better when she does it. Okay. I like the sultry sound of her voice. Yeah, you know. She's like... I don't think this is working at all.
00:49:05
Speaker
Hey, look, just because you don't get it doesn't mean that you could knock it, okay? I need a drink of water after doing that. I don't judge you for sitting on top of spears and shaking your rear end, okay? I'm shaking my rear end all I want. Yeah, I know. I don't judge you. You know, you go ahead and you go ahead and shake your tail feather and I'm going to have my charge.
00:49:31
Speaker
I'm gonna sit in the corner and enchant my sword. That's fine, I'm gonna get a bedtime story. Yeah, I'm gonna check your sword so hard.
00:49:43
Speaker
I'm going to sit at the corner and chant my sword. Oh my god. Don't do it too much, you'll go blind. I was going to say, yeah, a little teenage e-cog just learned of Wilbur's sword. He disappears. His mom's like, oh, he's upstairs. He's chanting his sword again. He's chanting his spear shaft again. Don't do it too much, e-cog. It'll make you go blind. He heard them flapper girls in America.
00:50:14
Speaker
just stay away from girls named diamond and sapphire when's candy okay okay so you guys got a book and you got the lady off your back so what are you doing now
00:50:28
Speaker
Uh, I say we take a stroll back to our headquarters. Um, the sea salt, what's it called? The stroller stromboliad steaming bowl in.
00:50:45
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, it was the, hold on. I have it written down. Uh, easy water boarding house and Stromboli check now is what it's called. Always made you get anybody wants some Louise. You want one? I'll get you one.
00:51:03
Speaker
Oh, wait, wait, it's too hot for you. I mean, we can cool it down. I'm not going to give it to you right away. She's like, she's like waving free to give it to her. I mean, I mean, it's fine, I guess. I mean, just don't eat it all at once. You know, I burned your mouth and then you can't read as good. She loves from bullies. He loves from bullies. That's that's canon. Louise loves the bullets. I thought you might be bringing that old lady back. So I made one of these, especially for her.
00:51:29
Speaker
Oh, that's good. You're a real pal, a real med, you see. Thanks. If only I had a name in the face and any more about me other than I'm the guy that runs this place and has Stromboli's I make. Oh, I see your name tag. What's that say there on your name tag? It says Stromboli guy. Oh, hey, Stromboli guy. It's such a great name. Wow, it's like you were born to do it. It's almost as if my parents named me Spooky Reporter Man.
00:51:57
Speaker
I mean... This man's Stromboli is the bee's knees. Yeah, I'm gonna go into the corner and polish off my Stromboli. If you don't mind, I'll just start calling you that. You report, I mean. I mean, I guess. Whatever floats your boat there, buddy. Just, you know, just don't be enchanting your weapon in front of me. Oh, my weapon is so enchanted.
00:52:23
Speaker
Yeah, I saw that. All right. Let's take a look at this book and see what we can find, huh?
Planning and Strategies Against Demons
00:52:29
Speaker
See what you can find. Wow. What can you find? I don't know. What can you find? I don't know. You can tell me. There's some investigating a mystery maybe and see what you can ask a question. You can find it. You can decipher some of the mumbo-jumbo in there. Well, I have one more question for me in a bad situation. Oh, he does fucking use it, bro.
00:52:46
Speaker
Um, I'm trying, I'm debating between whether, uh, what's most vulnerable to me and what's the best way to protect the victims. Cause they both kind of follow the same line of thought that I'm having. Um, I'm going to get, what's the best way to protect the victims? What I'm trying to read through to figure out how I can prevent this guy from doing any more deals or from getting out and expanding his territory elsewhere.
00:53:14
Speaker
Well, it's rapid to catch a predator as it were you're you're reading that It's it's the reason why you gotta like summon a demon and there's like not like all over all over the face of the earth is because it's very hard to get out of hell naturally and So like, you know, there's a big section on
00:53:32
Speaker
banishment and if you banish one back to hell it's good it's gonna be a long long time for it to get back if it does manage to or try to or if you destroy it completely from on this plane of existence a Questionable whether or not they can come back, but it also seems to work That's your wretched one. I want to I secretly want to give e cog his glory Once it once it can't
00:53:59
Speaker
And there's no real clarity on whether or not people can get their souls back, because no one's been able to talk to anybody after they died, for sure. But you can at least stop it from getting anyone else's souls if you wanted to. How do I kill it? What's the mean book? What does the book say in regards to killing it? That's what I'm looking for. First thing it says is there's a section called
00:54:25
Speaker
Whoops, you summon a demon and you wish it wasn't here anymore. It's like, it's like, so, you know, Louis, stop there. Go back to that chapter. Yeah, that one. All right. Yeah. Hang on. Let me get comfortable. Go ahead. There's a little bit of some really sauce on the. So yeah, the first says you have two options. Like it was basically like, you know, you can.
00:54:54
Speaker
destroy it, kill it, or send it back. It's first section says, hey, you want to try and destroy it. First suggestion is, don't do it. But if you have no other options, just don't. All the same bullshit you know about, you can trap it. Trapping it in one position is one of the best things you can do, especially if it's still in its human form or whatever form it's taking. Keeping it from getting into its true form is a very good idea. Holy shit.
00:55:23
Speaker
It can hurt and or kill it. And, you know, you want to make sure you really get rid of it completely. So, you know, smothering it in some sort of holy, holy, may well douse it with holy water as, you know, or you can get holy fire. That'd be really cool. That's hard to come by, though, is what the book says. Yeah. Or at least stop right there. What are you going to believe who has holy powers? Even better. Luis, stop right there. Hang on a second.
00:55:54
Speaker
Jesse. Yes. How do you feel about making a trip to a church? Ugh. I guess fine. Not to pray. Oh, okay. Not to pray. Maybe just to convince them to, you know, give you a little- The victory you end. Give them a little, you know, you can use your feminine wiles to get you some of those little bit of that holy water they use to bless people before they eat crackers or whatever.
00:56:20
Speaker
Oh, yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely. You know, I have the best offerings to be able to give them, so we could absolutely do that. Yes, let's go, let's go. Yeah, yeah, Jesse, I love your offerings, I really do. Do some of your offerings include weed? What are you talking about? I want a butt, so I don't do that. That wacky-de-backy.
00:56:48
Speaker
Yeah, the electric lettuce. All right. Hey, hey, econ. Yes. Do you think that if we were able to get a hand in some holy water, that we could somehow use that on your weapon and create some holy fire? Have you ever heard of holy fire? I like this. And I like the way you're thinking. Do you think that you'd be able to concoct something like that or to summon it? I think something like that should be possible. Yeah. Hmm.
00:57:18
Speaker
I think my brain is a buzzin' with an idea. I think your brain is buzzin' with a idea as well. What is going on up here? All right. So, Jesse's gonna go get our hands on some holy water. You and I are gonna concoct a plan on how to use it to make some holy fire. We're gonna summon that turd, and we're going to smite him with the power of smiting. The power of friendship. Actually, I should probably have Louise go and help me try to find how we can trap it in place so it's a little bit easier, huh?
00:57:46
Speaker
Yes. Louise, give me a flask so I can take some of this holy water. I know I've been... Don't you hold out on me. I know I've seen you take a drink from that. You deserve a shaky claw-like hand into her shirt. She pulls out a metal flask. She pops up in a lid. And with whiskey breaths, she holds hands you the flask. Thank you. God, you could light a flame on that breath right now. Oh my God.
00:58:16
Speaker
Maybe you should see the whole fire. Yeah, maybe Louise can breathe fire. Yeah, Louise, you're Louise, you're our plan B. You're ready to spit hot fire like you never have before. It's time to drop bars. And I should have some sort of bully falls out of her mouth as she tried and she went. Or maybe maybe just finished his tromboli first and then. Yeah. All right. One more section I want to read real quick.
00:58:46
Speaker
how we trap it. OK. Please. There's all kind of there's a lot of like tape and tape it to the ground. Holy tape. Hey, why don't you? You know what? Maybe maybe we can ask Jesse to go see if there's any holy tape there. Oh, yeah. Well, the church store, the holy chains. There's much more diagrams of different little traps and things. There's, you know, they're all kind of right at different levels and stuff and they require, you know, different
00:59:15
Speaker
Some of the stronger ones require blood. Some of the stronger ones require baby's blood. It's just really fucked up to try a demon with a baby's blood. But there's something you can just use chalk, or you can make even little shapes with little rocks that are differently colored from the ground. You're right. I'm going to have diagrams. I feel like at this point, I would just assume that Louise is going to draw those.
00:59:39
Speaker
Like, because I need to have that in my repertoire for future reference. Okay, well then I suppose that I will try to get the ingredients for, you know, maybe get some rocks. I don't want to use salt. One breeze and that's going to ruin everything.
00:59:54
Speaker
Um, so I'm, I'm going to get on, uh, trying to find something to make some sigils. Jezebel is going to go to the church and our friend e cog is going to do some pushups, do some pushups and get ready to potentially learn how to make some sacred fire. Yeah. Yeah. Get dunked on devil. Yeah. Take that, uh, demons. I almost said demon and I was going to say devil that a devil.
Closing Remarks and Jokes
01:00:22
Speaker
I don't mouth it. It did this thing where I almost said evil is like evil. Well, you can't spell devil without evil too much. Oh, wow. I'll become the demon slayer. Yeah. All right. Well, I know it's something super funny, so we're going for a first time ever. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. I want to talk about. Yeah. I don't want our websites or something. Yes.
01:00:49
Speaker
We're still getting hit, so let's get some voicemails going. Also, buy our special pizza. Yes, and buy some merch. We got merch on there, guys. Yeah. And it was a dog episode. If you ever saw it back in the footage. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look for it. It was a fun one. Oh, geez. It was fun. OK. All right. All right. Anyway. Wait. Wait. Wait. Real quick. I know how we'll go out. Why is Cinderella not allowed to play soccer?
01:01:18
Speaker
Because she sucks. Because she runs away from the ball. I'm sorry for that.
01:02:40
Speaker
He doesn't look good already.