Transcript
Speaker: And 869 is unconscious, so can't argue. That's true. He's unconscious. And having said that, good morning, afternoon, and evening, everybody. This is your guys and gal at Roleplayers here to tell you that we're playing another episode of Bloodbath. How are you? Great. Oh, you can't talk to me because I'm going to listen. all right. How are you, listener?
Speaker: Uh-huh. This is our swap. Uh-huh. Cool. Well, thank you for sharing, and i hope that that is both good and or bad for what you were saying you wanted.
Speaker: um So anyway... What happened last time? We're in a Waffle House in the Shining City on the Hill. And ah Lilith was there. And the other gang was there. And they tried to kill Lilith with a sneak attack. Agent 69 did.
Speaker: And then a whole fight happened. and And Roy was like, bitch, that's my girl. And you guys burned down churches and shit. And he dropped this cross on top of Agent 69. Ouch. Knocked him out good.
Speaker: Lorelei's all like, you bossed it. And they got into a little scuffle themselves. And then like, while the fight was going on and the guys in the back, which I didn't say, but they're the waffle house employees were getting ready to scrap back there.
Speaker: Cause you know how they roll. Um, But before any of that could happen, Asriel, big, tall, ah ah dark-skinned man with like golden eyes and like blue and gold armor, bursts through the door of the Waffle House, and Lilith is nowhere to be seen.
Speaker: So you guys are now standing. Well, one of you guys is laying. Roy and Lorelai kind of like in a little bit of a standoff. Yeah.
Speaker: So you guys see, you see, ah Roy, you would know it's Asriel. I don't know. I guess Lorelai, you would too. You've probably seen him at least in pictures, if nothing else. You've heard of him. Yes, I've heard of him.
Speaker: ah you're standing before Asriel, who like has his hands on his hips and his golden eyes are flickering with like little sparkling dust coming out of them. um And he just looks and he says, no, who and what do we have here?
Speaker: Oh, I'm Lorelai, darling. You don't remember me? Childhood. You need a little bit. How dare you don't remember me? We had so much fun together when we were children. You know how long ago it's been since I've been a child?
Speaker: As long as I have, darling, but... Yes, but I've had father this alive. Also, are you married? Are you wearing a wedding dress? I am married, I got married to this fellow down here. Why did you knock out of my husband?
Speaker: Because he was slandering Azrael. Could you believe that? You don't know what you're talking about. They're all glad. Are you saying this man here on the ground is slandering my good name?
Speaker: My husband would never do that! I may have misheard him. I'm sorry, I am just very passionate about the Angels. Right, who isn't? You know, we helped a baseball team win a championship once.
Speaker: Oh, no kidding. Yes. That was back when life was really boring, and we needed more things to do. i fucking forgot about that movie. ah
Speaker: So, anyways, um, so which one of these fellows is your wedded, uh, husband? Is it the one under the cross, or the one who looks like he lifted a heavy cross?
Speaker: This one on the floor here. Poor chap. Are you able to fix him? ah I can fix anything, but I need to know first, has the wedding happened, and are you officially wed? Because if so, there is a custom here that we must follow.
Speaker: But if not, then I can't do the thing I want to do. What's the custom? Custom is I am to be laying with the bride before the groom does post-wedding here in the Shining City on the hill.
Speaker: That is a very weird custom. Is it written down somewhere? it is written everywhere. Where? in our minds and in our hearts. was gonna say, when you enter the Shining City on the hill, you are bestowed upon ye the rules of the city.
Speaker: You need only search your mind for the truth. She puts her finger up and, like, looks up into the sky, and she's all like, No?
Speaker: yeah Oh, there it is. Oh, yes, sorry. um Yes, we are. We just got married. You can see I still have the dress on. that's why I was asking. Did you just... Is it official? Did you get an official marriage? Or have you not...
Speaker: Is it official? Is all I need to do? If it's official, then you and I have some business to take care of in a moment. This is some Udehu's eight-time script. He's still alive. Is who still alive?
Speaker: My husband. Look at him. He is underneath this giant cross down here. That's why I'm playing. He like he like just uses like a couple of fingers to just like move your cross over top of and away from Agent 69. And he places a hand on on your head.
Speaker: um Tobias, and like the lights come on almost immediately. um Your wounds are healed, like any your bruised ribs are gone, like everything is fine, you wake up, and he just says, there, he's just he's just a little sleepy, that's all. I put so much effort into not killing him, too.
Speaker: Well, good job, he's not dead. He brushes himself off. Alright, well. Thank you, darling. That's it for me. I'll see you later, guys. Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going? He walks out of the Waffle House. ah Excuse me. ah You're in the presence of Azrael, the Archangel. What are you doing?
Speaker: You're in the presence as in... You want me to piss or something? What? Like... What? Oh, you like to play were games with words. I bet I can piss farther than you.
Speaker: Do you want to have a pissing contest? I would go hard. ah Hang on. Hang on. And he like puts his hands up and all of a sudden like everything goes black and you guys are just standing with a giant spotlight on you.
Speaker: And he says, no, wait. Hang on. Hold on, Han. Hey, hey, hey, wait. Are you joking? i'm deep I'm dehydrated right now. Give me a glass of water. Give me a couple glasses water. then we'll do this.
Speaker: Alright, shall we engage in a montage where we drink beverages until we're ready to pee? Yeah, yeah, let's have a montage. Oh, hell yeah, let's do it. so And he looks over you, Lorelai, and goes, Darling, i will not be able to perform when I am filled with pee and vinegar. I'm going to have to wait until this is over.
Speaker: I will take a rain check, darling. Oh, I'm going to make it rain gold, baby. Um... so So who here wants to participate in a pissing match with the Archangel Asriel?
Speaker: Roy is most definitely participating.
Speaker: he's like He's weirded out a little bit, but he's into it. he's ah he'll He'll make it work. When in Rome, come piss with the Romans. No. So, okay.
Speaker: Real quick. What's my aspect now that I have? What's my consequence for, you know, getting hit for six damage? You don't have it anymore. He just healed you. Oh, come on. No, I got to have something. Come on. He healed you. just told you.
Speaker: You had it. Well, your consequence originally was that you had a bruised rib like okay but like roy roy roy you give me something at the end of the episode then or by the end all right well he did that was it you had a bruised rib you dropped a cross on you and you know i don't want come on i want to have a i want to have a real problem to overcome all right gm i want it to be all right how about this how about this as we look at uni says all right whoever loses gets a grievous injury or scar to prove that he lost um A grievous injury or scar comparable to a cross being dropped on you. Yes. Then you see above you like a bunch of anvils form and he goes, whoever loses gets this dropped on them. Oh no, dude.
Speaker: You know that gif of Willem Dafoe looking up like horrified? That's what Roy does. Yeah. the He says, all right, time to drink. Lorelei, are you with us?
Speaker: No, I will watch, darling, and I will judge so that no one tries to cheat. Okay, excellent. Let the pissing contest begin! all so all of a sudden, you guys are at like a shooting range.
Speaker: um There's like targets downwind because the wind is blowing towards the targets to help out. And you're all standing in like a range where there's like targets shaped like humans and demons.
Speaker: um And he says, Okay. We are going to shoot as good as we can shoot with what we've ah consumed. And if you hit all the targets first, you win.
Speaker: The last one to hit all their targets is the loser. And they will be severely injured because of it. Deal? Deal. And you, Hitman? He's already pissing.
Speaker: He's already pissing. Okay, so here's what we're here's what we're going to I'm just making this up on the fly. Okay, so there is going to be a target at two at four um and at six and at eight.
Speaker: Okay. Easy peasy. So um we're all going to roll shooting rolls four times to see how the first four shots go to meet those goals to get at least a two or four or six or an eight.
Speaker: Right. All right. And that's how we're going to figure out how many targets every person can hit. So who rolled off who rolled that first shoot?
Speaker: did you Did somebody just roll four shoots in a row? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Average. It's average, all right? It's average. rolled a one, a zero, a two, and a two. So that means that it took you four tries to hit the first one.
Speaker: Unless you want to use any of your aspects now to hit the target. out of piss. i just I'll lose. i don't care. Oh!
Speaker: Alright, then we're going to have roy Roy, you can take your four shots if you like. Alright, hold up. Right now, Agent 69 is at one target. I got a fantastic.
Speaker: Alright, so you... you get a fantastic I three and shoot. and so it took you It took you two shots to hit the first target at a six. Good job.
Speaker: And then you hit... Uh, you didn't hit the second target. So you hit the second target with it with the first target with a fantastic after getting a little bit of the dribbles out. But you've also hit one target. So you and Agent 69 both have one target you've hit.
Speaker: Now, if you wish to invoke an aspect, you could reach four since you shot ah good level three. there's an aspect you think that would help you here in pissing matches... i'm Fuck it. I'm going to say... ah ill I'll use an aspect and I'll say ah loyal only to his god. he's ah He's freaking out. He does not want to lose to Azrael right now.
Speaker: he does not like ah He does not like the Uday Hussein type shit that he's doing. So I'm going to invoke an aspect to, uh, I'll use a fate point to get that good to a four.
Speaker: Okay. So you got a five now, so you've hit two targets. Okay, great. right. Then Asriel is going to piss next. We'll see what he gets. This is a very strange start to an episode.
Speaker: He is the archangel. I'm going to say, but you know, since he's more of a warrior type, not a shooter, I'm going to say maybe this is where he's at. Okay. So first one, he misses.
Speaker: He got to fantastic as well. He hits the first target. He misses the second target. So he's also hit two. He rolled two sixes and a zero and a two. So he's currently pissing neck and neck with you, Roy. There's like some intense music playing.
Speaker: Yes. Now I must ask Lorelai, do you wish to cheat at all in this pissing contest? Are you just simply watching?
Speaker: Oh no, darling, she's got her sunglasses with her umbrella and her long cigarette and she's just watching. Okay. um Alright, so Agent 69, you get to go again. You've hit one target so far.
Speaker: and the where The goal is to try to hit the most, so you're one behind. If you wish, you may roll. Roy, you can also roll if you like to hit the next targets. Because this is a pissing match, apparently, folks.
Speaker: So, go for it. Roy, if you want to go again, i think David's eating his tacos. so ah right Sounds good. Are they good? and We'll see. He's done.
Speaker: We'll find out. Go ahead and roll your four again. Oh, I was muted. Hitman loses. Oh, well... He's going to lose. Yeah, he's going lose because he just like... is he is just like This is so fucking stupid. I'll just get hit in ribs again. I don't care. Roy hit a six.
Speaker: And then a seven. Which good for the second one. And a seven. And a three. So you could invoke another aspect if you want to hit that last one. And if Asriel can't meet that on his go, then you win.
Speaker: Fuck it. We're doing... What aspect are you going invoke get yourself eight? ah This time it's going to be single-minded to a fault. He's just now... Love that. He's so single-minded he wants to win this stupid...
Speaker: That's great. Okay. All right. I'm going to roll Asriel then and then see if he can meet what you need because you now are winning if he cannot do it. um So that was a one. He did not do it.
Speaker: Let's go. new it four, he did not do it, although I'm going to invoke just his godly form aspect in which he can like summon like holy powers. just He just abuses holy powers to meet his own ends. so So I'm going to say he gets a six, so he's one away from you.
Speaker: And he rolled a four again, which is not enough, so you beat him to the punch. So he's pissing right up neck and neck with you, but you beat him. Let's fucking girl So you beat him in a pissing contest, and now you're all back in the Waffle House again.
Speaker: And he says, well done. Good. Wow. Where do you keep all of that urine? My goodness. And then he just like out of nowhere, he like appears beside Agent 69 and just like uppercuts him in the ribs that he just healed and gives him bruised ribs.
Speaker: There you go. how What is that? How does that affect Agent 69? Is it mild or moderate or severe? It's a mild. He just puts the damage back that you had before. So yeah he gives you a mild consequence of a bruised ribs.
Speaker: Actually, they were damage cracked ribs. Ooh. I have a broken rib. You have a cracked rib. It's broken ish. OK, so it's a broken rib. All right.
Speaker: Yeah. so you have a broken rib and it's going to be a moderate consequence instead of a mild. OK. Because he got punched by the one of the right hand. What does that do? What does that like do in terms of the mechanics for the players at home? Because obviously I don't know.
Speaker: ah So the way aspects work when they are placed upon you is that they are things that people can use if they create an advantage or if they invoke a certain aspect that applies to an attack role. They can invoke aspects that you have on you. So instead of you using like, for instance, if I had the injury of a broken rib and you were rolling against me, but you needed like one more to hit me, you can instead of using your own aspect, ah any of your fate points, you could use one against me to say, oh because you have a broken rib, going really try to target that since you can't really turn as quickly because of that, you know.
Speaker: So with you having a broken rib, anybody who's trying to hurt you can, like, use that against you as well. There may be other penalties to rolls, but I don't really fuck with that side of things. I usually just use it as, like, ah just an injury that hopefully you roleplay and will ah will factor into, like, how you act because other people will use it against you.
Speaker: That's all. so So now everybody's going to know that, like, you have a broken rib. but A busted rib. And they can use that against you to hurt you further if they want.
Speaker: It's essentially a free plus two on any roll that someone takes if they want to hurt you further. um So having said that, though, ah Roy wins. And so he says, all right, ah you've earned it. Go ahead and hit me.
Speaker: Very well. And he's he's ah going to prepare himself to do absolutely no damage, but he's he's going to rear back his left hand and, you know, you the clenched fist and he's going to launch his fist forward as hard as he can and launch the ah stake driver straight Azrael's ribs.
Speaker: Oh, you're going to try to stake drive him? Yeah. Asriel's a godly being that... Sure. Go ahead and roll like a fight roll, and then just... ah You have to meet a four to even like make him flinch.
Speaker: All right. Well, fingers crossed. Seven. Damn, dude. That's his best thing. So you get a boost against him, too. So you... Oh, no. If you hit three over so he has to absorb some damage and yeah succeeding with style i believe you also get a boost against him but including the damage so next time you roll against him on something like i'm just gonna say he's a bit shaken by the fact that he can feel the damage that you just gave him it's not enough to really hurt him that much but like you see he just like he his like eye twitches a bit when you hit him he goes oh that's
Speaker: Oh, so yeah I'm going to say for your boost that you get against him is like you've shaken his confidence like a little bit that you can use against him for a free plus two later. Right. um So yeah, you've shaken him a little bit. He goes, oh.
Speaker: ah Yeah. Fascinating. Smells sulfur in the air as the ah gunpowder explosion or black powder explosion sort of drifts up. in That almost felt demonic. what ah but it What did you...
Speaker: But you're a holy man, right? what Why did that hurt me? oh I mean, I'm not hurt. I mean, it tickled, you know, a feather on my ribs.
Speaker: Is there like a hole in Azrael's clothes now? ah No, his clothes are still pristine as fuck. He's wearing armor and like a robot. good shit Yeah, like it just, it doesn't even scratch him. He just like, he felt like you've moved him.
Speaker: Like where he was expecting to just be a statue. Right. So he says, right. Well, whatever. Agent 69, was it? I don't ever know what to call you. You seem to go by any aliases.
Speaker: Huh? He's unconscious again. You fell unconscious again? Yeah, he got smacked in the ribs. I don't know. Dude. all right, he picked you back up. took the same amount of damage, right? He took four tracks, right? you chose to be knocked out. You actually don't have to be knocked out unless like you take a bunch of damage and like you can't fill up the damage meter anymore.
Speaker: You can choose to be knocked out again if you want to. I just think that he would be knocked out. I don't know. Okay, he picks you back up and like brings you back to consciousness again. He goes, Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that you were going to take that better. ah Apologies. do you want me to heal that for you?
Speaker: No. Ah, I see. Oh, look at the time. I left my ah ah left my oven on at home. I got to get... I rolled deceive. Oh, are you rolling to deceive me? Okay. Okay.
Speaker: Okay, I am going to roll for him to see if he can pick up on what you're doing. um But he's ah also a very pompous angel, so going give him a three. That's cool.
Speaker: You beat him by one, so he he says, oh, well, of course, the ovens are very important. yeah We don't want to burn down the Shining City. you know We have rules. Yes, now please let go of my collar. Oh, sorry. Excuse me. It's just such a nice collar.
Speaker: And your bride-to-be, I'm going to lay with her before you do. I just want you to know the rules here in the city. That's not my bride. I don't know her. Wait, what? He looks over at you, Lorelai, says, Hang on.
Speaker: This man says that he is not your husband. Just kidding. I know her She's my daughter. What? What? You've married your daughter? no Wait, am so...
Speaker: yeah she got left You are not to my father. She got left at the altar and is delusional. So took her to Waffle House. you think a husband would take her her newlywed wife to his newlywed wife to Waffle House for a honeymoon? I don't think so.
Speaker: Come on, man. i I don't know. I thought you were smarter than that. Well, I'm not familiar with different human customs, so I don't know. Obviously not.
Speaker: So before you go and and and deal with your... Well, first, okay, so yeah like got like oven is your oven is on. Well, you said the oven was on. know the dog needs that.
Speaker: So I gotta get out of here. This is your daughter, but she's left at the altar, but she's your husband. No, wait, you're her husband? No, I'm not. I'm just her her father, and she's delusional. She was left at the altar. That's our story. Oh.
Speaker: so I don't get to do that. Oh, look, a wonderful magnifying glass in the sky. oh Rand. Oh, look over there. a lion with a dragon's tail.
Speaker: Right. Yes. She's clearly sick. Allow me to heal her with the powers of of the Holy Spirit. um And he comes up. She doesn't need that she doesn't need as israel said that. She's afflicted with this. Yes, but these are trials that she must overcome herself.
Speaker: Grief of such magnitude cannot simply be healed with holy powers. oh You are wise beyond your days, Mr. Roy, is it?
Speaker: Correct. Fascinating. Well, what bring before you go and let out your dog and put him in the oven or whatever it is that you're doing, um can you all tell me what brings you to the Shining City on the Hill and why there was such a ruckus going on in here that I was informed that demonic activity was happening here? Yes, well, there was ah there was a demon in here who has... ah This Roy here is, ah I don't know, he's either really whipped or ah mind controlled, I'm not sure.
Speaker: Either way, we got into a scuffle about it because I decided to shoot her. I see. And so why do we come to the city? as a demon She is a very much human.
Speaker: Right. Yeah, so why did I come here? Why did we come here? Well, yes look at the place we're standing in. Yes, of course. The wonderful scriptured Waffle House.
Speaker: The Waffle House on the Hill. Yes, the Waffle House on the Hill. Yes, it's very important. You know that they have, out of all the Waffle Houses, the best hash browns here. Indeed. Of course.
Speaker: So, I think the answer to why we came here is obvious then. And I would assume that... ah But you would have had to get pins to be allowed into the city. Yes. How would you acquire those?
Speaker: From Jesus. Sorry, Josh, whatever you guys call him now. Christ gave you pins to get into the city? Yes, we just prayed really hard and we got pins. What's so hard about that?
Speaker: He's been vacant and missing for what feels like a millennia. I don't know. Why don't you try asking him sometime? Why don't you try praying? I call all the time. Not hard enough. Perhaps he doesn't answer you for banging men's wives, Azrael.
Speaker: I'm certain that he is not very satisfied with your actions on that front. Wow. Yeah, Azrael, I can't believe he said that. Wow. i can Anyways, yeah, I gotta go. so Well, okay. I have words to have with this gaunt-looking man, so please enjoy your day. Have fun with your dog and you your oven.
Speaker: Are we still going to do it, darling?
Speaker: well the rules are that I can't if you're not wed already. What if I have many, many boyfriends and girlfriends? Can we just be boyfriend and girlfriend?
Speaker: Unfortunately, no. The rule states you must be wed before I can... What if you two get married? Ew, ew, yucky. No, oh I don't want to do that. why My apologies, Ezreal. I meant no insult.
Speaker: No, i know ah she's so homely, and and and if I got married, I i would not be able to be with other people. You know, i mean Put me back in my teacup, let's go home. Alright, hang on a second.
Speaker: um First of all, you are admonishing me for sleeping with the the pure wives of of of slovenly married men?
Speaker: Admonish? No. ah Just simply observing a fact.
Speaker: Well, that's just the rules, okay? That's how we roll in the Shining City on the Hill. How could i a lowly human, admonish as well?
Speaker: That would be rather stupid of me. Yes, indeed it would, especially since you still have a little bit of a stink of demonic presence on you, and I don't know why. You don't seem to have demonic blood, but why do you reek of demon?
Speaker: That's just the eggs here. Your guess is as good as- He was fucking good! Fuck. What's more? She's she's not a demon and I hunt demons. I probably have some blood on my clothes somewhere. Someone gets my vacuum.
Speaker: You see, as like you guys were talking, like as Azria looks back when he thinks Agent 69 left and he hears him talk about the eggs, you see like a deck of cards forms on the table in the Waffle House.
Speaker: And like as he turns back to talk to you, he Oh, cards. Oh, wait, hang on. Move over. um And like instantly just like forgets what he's talking about, like sits down at the table and starts using like this angelic magic to start like shuffling the cards like a bunch of different fun ways, like a fucking like a clown would.
Speaker: um Like, all right, so what are we doing here? ah Five cards, two cards, third? Let's do five cards. That's my personal favorite. Roy, let's sit down.
Speaker: Go fish! i thought go fish maybe ah we I thought you were going to pet your stove or something and let your stove out. Oh, yeah, you guys are, not me. And then the door closes, you hear the raptors start up, and Hitman leaves those two.
Speaker: you just leave? That's so funny. Yeah, I think Hitman would leave in this situation, by the way, yes. Okay, where do where do you go while these guys, so we can kind of have a picture-in-picture of where you're driving while they're playing cards?
Speaker: um He goes and finds a hotel. Did you grab more you leave me? Did you come with him? Because he's gone otherwise. No, I think he was just... The only one that said he was leaving was Agent 69, and so Azra just let him leave because he said he had to let out his dog and turn off the stove.
Speaker: He let off the stove and turn off the dog. yeah and So he's going to find a hotel because he has four cracks of damage and he needs to take a nap.
Speaker: We're doing a healing episode. he just slept in the backseat of the truck? Nope. He's driving off. He's an adult. He's sleeping in a car. I've had to sleep in the car and as an adult. So you're just gonna drive off. Hey, it sucks.
Speaker: Okay. It does suck. So you're sitting at the table with Asriel. He beckons you to sit as well, Roy. Before you know it, you guys are sitting at a table in the middle of the room.
Speaker: ah The lights go out again. It's dark. And there's just a spotlight on you guys as he is shuffling all these cards. And he passes out three to each of you, including himself. And he says, okay, so um who wants to go first?
Speaker: Well, of course, a man of your stature should be the one to go first. Well, yes, quite of course. Well, here's the game, okay? We either need to lay down. It's a bluffing game, you see.
Speaker: I've dealt us all three cards. Look at them closely. Remember what they are. Do not reveal them to anyone. The goal here is to either lay down the lowest or the highest card last of a rotation amongst the three of us.
Speaker: Three cards, three players. You want to be the one that lays down the highest or the lowest card last, understand? Hmm. And you can bluff by letting, you know, maybe laying down something big early, or maybe laying down something small early, but you might have extras. Maybe lull people into a false sense of security.
Speaker: However, something you should also know, that once a low card is placed down, you cannot... move that card. You cannot play something anywhere else unless it's another two. For instance, you lay down a three, it's the lowest card.
Speaker: Right? You must cover up that three before... ah you can or there must be a card below it before you can cover up that three. See? So you can either lay down the highest or the lowest card.
Speaker: And anything in between. Let's just play and I'll show you. It makes more sense as we go, right? I'm going to lay down the eight of hearts. Now Lorelai, you go.
Speaker: What will you lay? You're going to go high? are you going to go low? ah or in the middle? Or in the middle.
Speaker: Oh my god, where did my character go? Your cards are right above your little icon on the bottom of the screen. know, I can't find my person. Then refresh roll 20. I am definitely doing that. that is Like it just all of a sudden. roy why don't you go since the lady's struggling to look at her cards.
Speaker: Very. it's I'm sorry. She keeps trying to look at mine. got it. I got it. Oh, there we go. Okay. So yes. I raise you with a Lord. A Jack of Hearts. Okay. Very good.
Speaker: So yeah, so just to explain it better, because I'm kind of winging this as I go, the idea is highs and lows. So like right now we have a jack int and an eight on the field and say that like the eight would be the lowest card that we put out today, right?
Speaker: So you would need to The only way you could win is to go lower than that eight or you could replace that eight. If you're the last one to put down an eight and that's the lowest card we have, you can cover up that eight.
Speaker: Right. So so that way it's your eight now. Right. But it has to be a different suit, obviously. But so that's how it would work is like if if eight is the lowest that we can go or the the jack is the highest that we go with the cards we have.
Speaker: The only way you can win is if you had the same thing and you cover it up now claiming that as your own instead of having a tie, right? I see. So I wouldn't be able to like, say I had a four. ah Would I be able to lay that down and be at at an advantage because ah it's the lowest? Yes, you could.
Speaker: But now if somebody else puts down, if if the lowest card ends up being a four and they they use a four, then they win, even though you were the one that put it down first. I see. the rule is whoever can lay it down last. so But there can only ever be one version of each card on the field at any given time.
Speaker: So you would have to cover it up. I see. And claim it as your own card. Oh, okay. So say I were to place this eight down right here.
Speaker: I could do that. Then would have claimed now the eight is yours and as you stole it from Asriel. He no longer has an eight. Ah. So as you lay it down, Asriel goes, oh, okay. Hmm.
Speaker: Very aggressive play, Mr. Roy. um And so he looks like kind of despondent. He goes, hmm. Well, it's not exactly a high card, but... All right, then I'm going to lay down ah Ten of Hearts.
Speaker: He looks like kind of distraught. and He's like, something will happen. We'll figure it out. just
Speaker: um And then he motions to you, Lorelai. He says, all right, lady next.
Speaker: remember, it's whoever goes it's whoever goes the last one to lay down the highest or the lowest card.
Speaker: So you laid a jack of hearts on the field, but if you happen to have another jack or something higher, you would want to save that for the end if you can, because it's whoever lays down the last.
Speaker: Whoever did it last. laid down that seven, but I can't bring it back over. Okay. So Lorelai has laid down a seven of hearts. So now she currently claims the lowest card on the field and she's the last one to go.
Speaker: I see. Roy, now you're up. it It sounds more so it's it sounds more ah complicated than it is. But I promise, listeners, it makes more sense. So on the field right now, we have a jack kind of hearts, a jack of heartts ah ten of hearts, an eight of spades, and a seven of hearts because the other eight was covered up by Roy's eight.
Speaker: right The highest card is a jack, but the most recent lowest card laid down was a seven. So Lorelai currently has the lead. She laid seven of hearts. I see. Well, I am going to do this real quick.
Speaker: Ten of diamonds laid over his ten of hearts. Because for some reason we got the same deck. Yeah. as As we're doing this, I'm coming up with a better way to play this game because now I'm thinking like, oh, it could be fun. Like if you claim the most cards on the field, if you don't have the high or the low, you could also have the most.
Speaker: Or like what if you were to, what if you would like claim ah your lower card or if you have like a, well, no, that, that, that would be difficult to determine um because then you could just really claim any card. Oh, my card is lower. My card is higher.
Speaker: Right. right. So, you know, we're figuring out. So got get people listening right before we started. I said the goal I have of this game is to create a new card game. on me like And so you're hearing it in real time. Us come up with it. And I think we're already kind of onto something fun here.
Speaker: So. um So, OK, so Lorelai, you just placed. No, he placed on the 10. So you see real. Let's out like a a real big grin and he places down the two of diamonds.
Speaker: Oh, shit. um And he he kind of like just like so the only way that anybody could win at this point is if you can if you're the last person to lay down a two that would cover up that two or a jack that would cover up that jack or something higher than a jack.
Speaker: You to the last person to lay down something that's either the high or the low.
Speaker: Right. So I believe Lorelai is next. She has one more card. Oh, fuck. You got an ace of diamonds. Damn. oh we are We are so cooked, Azrael, I'm sorry to say.
Speaker: my, I thought I took those aces out of there. They're all supposed to be in my sleeves. in um in In heaven's rules, aces are always low, you see, because they only have one symbol on them, so they're ones, right?
Speaker: like you Can I roll an empathy check to see if Azrael is full of shit right now? Sure. Yeah, you can go ahead and do that. Okay, I do not have ah empathy on this, so I'm just going to roll Yeah, I'd say if you mean at least like a three or higher, like he's kind of... Alright. I mean, you get you don't quite pick up on it, but like i mean you can pick up that like he's kind of chewing on his finger a little bit. Right.
Speaker: It's hard to tell if that's just how he always is, because you've never met him before. But... Well, good thing I have a seven. I don't... ah I don't have anything lower. Roy, you've claimed all of my cards except for my two, and I'm very upset by that. um And he looks at you, Lorelei, and he says, well, whether you've placed it as ah at the ace high or the ace low, it would seem that either way, you... ah You... I won, darling.
Speaker: no No, I was going to say you passed the test for the first round of cards. So now we can play the real game. so No, darling. No, no, no, no, no. See, you cannot bullshit a bullshitter. Congratulations. i say Yes, I know I won. He puts his hand above the table and you see just like a mountain of like, like a small pile of like, well, like 16 stacks of gold coins just like forms on the table, maybe like ah three or four inches high.
Speaker: And he says, fine, take your winnings. isn' Wonderful. Thank you, darling. um And he says to you, well, Mr. Roy, it would seem that you and I were dealt a similar hand. And frankly, I feel much closer to you knowing that we have.
Speaker: ah It would seem that the cards have dictated that we must walk a similar path, it would seem. I do not know if I like or dislike the sound of that.
Speaker: Your, uh, your responsibilities must be staggering. Oh no, I just bang brides mostly. fish
Speaker: I see. And occasionally smite things that need smote.
Speaker: Smotin'. You be smotin'. Huh. Right. So, well, I'm quite... It seems like I should tweak my game a little, as you overtook me many a time.
Speaker: But rules are rules in this round, and Lorelei, I can't help but say congratulations on your victory. And, um, I don't know how you got into this, baby. I get celebratory fuck?
Speaker: All right, fine. Who do you want?
Speaker: You, darling. All right, come here. have a few moments. alright roll All right, listen, Role Players fans, you're about to hear the first ever role-played sex scene between you Cass. I know you've all been asking for it. We've been getting your letters.
Speaker: David walks off the pod forever. I was about to say. David leaves a Discord chat.
Speaker: yeah roy Roy spikes his own brain. He's done. Alright, so John Hitman. Tobias, you are driving to a hotel.
Speaker: Nah, he lied. ah You're not driving to a hotel? Nah, he's going to park his in an alien, get out, and go back to the Waffle House and spy on them. Oh, okay. Are you going to disguise yourself?
Speaker: Yeah, he's going go in the back. Okay. and like As like an employee? there's a Yeah, he's in the locker room of the Waffle House. They totally have that. ah And there's conveniently left out Waffle House employee uniform, which is just... It's like a like a chef's apron, isn't it? her son I don't remember what they wear. Sure. You know, it's like a little apron and like a black ah like a t-shirt that goes underneath it.
Speaker: Is it like two sizes too large or does it fit perfectly? No, every outfit that he picks up fits perfectly. That's true. That is like the Hitman charm is that everything fits. Right. Yeah.
Speaker: So, ah yeah, go ahead and roll deceive to see if you blend into. plus Wow. it's Fantastic and deceive a six. Jesus Christ. Yes. Everybody's just like, like you you realize that like the the the shirt you have on says Dave.
Speaker: um And like as you come in and you see somebody else goes, hey, Dave, Asriel's here, just so you know. And he goes back to like, you know, cleaning up.
Speaker: All right. Well, yeah, just you just don't. yeah He's out there trying to like get with a lady right now. So just like, you know, be cool. I don't feel like kicking his ass again today. What's new?
Speaker: What's new with me or what's new with him? I mean, like what's new? Like that's like it is something like an expression, man. Come on. Yeah, sorry. I've only been dead for a few minutes, so I'm still getting used to it. Hmm. At least few ah Earth minutes, I should say. Not heavenly minutes.
Speaker: OK. Heavenly minutes here for it. It's been like years up here. um And he says he says, all right, well, you know, just be careful, just because we want to piss them off when trying to laid or whatever. All right. and And Hitman picks up a gigantic butcher's knife or whatever, like the biggest knife they have.
Speaker: Yeah, they have like the jumbo one for cutting like ah demon steaks. Yep. All right, cool. Yeah. And it just fits in your pocket. No one knows you have it. Yes. All right. OK, so what are you doing while they're out there? just going to out there. They won't notice me.
Speaker: OK, they're going out there. You see them playing cards and you see a bunch of like a stack of gold coins forms on the table. And then you hear Laura got like, oh, how about a celebratory fuck? And then Asriel's like, well, all right. Yes, I have a few minutes, I suppose.
Speaker: What do you say? um And he says nothing. sure huh Oh, I thought you were talking me. Oh, no, yeah, he's just talking to him. what do you do as you see him, like, offering his hand out to Lorelai? Uh, Agent 69 just shakes his head.
Speaker: You shake it really loud so everyone can hear it? Yes. so
Speaker: What? You can just hear the creaking of his neck as he shakes his head. Yeah. From his cracked ribs, it resonated through his spine. Uh...
Speaker: ah Okay. ah So, yeah, he just offers a hand to you, Lorelai, and says, well, all right, let's just let's go get this over with, then.
Speaker: ah Yes, darling. Roy hits with a thousand yard stare and goes into the kitchen to help the cooks. just Okay. Just gets up and goes in the She just returns with like a smug look like, ha ha ha ha. ha ha And then it happens. So go ahead and roll for, um, I don't know. No, no lie. Let's have you roll... Will or something? don't know. Let's have you roll, um, athletics.
Speaker: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is she going to, like, try to attack? Is she, like, doing cartwheels on it or something? Like, what? You have no idea how freaky I can get in the bedroom, darling. Is she going to, like, bite it off? I have no idea. I hope not.
Speaker: I got a plus three. All right. Very good. I'm going to also have him roll athletics. Don't break a hip, darling. He rolls a three as well.
Speaker: So you guys keep good pace with each other and it's fine. Doing fucking cartwheels, holy shit. You get five free fate points to use. Five? As as the blessing of Asriel is given to you um
Speaker: you. So if you get up and go help the people in the kitchen. age just six nine What are you doing? and
Speaker: He's just leaving. i Again, he just walks right back out after doing this disguise. i mean, Roy's there with you. i get I mean, they don't do it in the Waffle House. he like takes her and like They disappear for a few minutes into the East. mean, he thinks is compromised at this point, so he just...
Speaker: As you as you're kind of in disguise looking around, like you see Lilith shows back up and she like starts to like collect her cards and she sees the stack of money on the countertop. She goes, oh, don't mind if I do ah and starts like taking like a few handfuls of the gold and putting it in her in her jacket.
Speaker: um She's just like, oh, life is good, darling. Yes. Got my sister laid and I got paid. um And she's like, just stands up and goes to walk out the door with like a fistful of coins and a deck of cards in her hand.
Speaker: And Roy doesn't notice her. He's in the kitchen. He went back in the kitchen to help the cooks. All right. Agent 69 noticed. You do notice. Yes. She doesn't notice you because you're a new disguise now.
Speaker: Hey, someone's stealing gold off the table. I think that's our tips. Whoa! And you see, like, fucking, like, 16 employees, like, fall through the ceiling, like, in, great like, in, like, kung fu form and, like, different mar martial arts stances. Like, where who the fuck's in here taking art tips? I gotta pay my child support!
Speaker: And they all just start like beating the shit out of Lilith. She tries to throw a chair at one and they just like catch it and spin it and throw it back at her.
Speaker: um And like they just like just start like tossing her around like a goddamn ragdoll. um And all the coins start bouncing around, falling out of her like a pinata with full of candy.
Speaker: And um yeah, you did it. You you got her ass kicked. Does she die, or like is she still hooking door? she gets frustrated and leaves before one of them can do an axe kick to finish her off. She, like, melts into the ground.
Speaker: her you All you hear like is like a shouting of, like, I'm gonna tell my boyfriend what you did! then... and then
Speaker: That's it. You did it. So now what do you All right. Asriel still here? is he just leaves? They're banging. Asriel and Azriel will come back in a few minutes.
Speaker: okay and a few minutes Yeah, Roy, he's just chopping up an onion at this point. It's just a thousand yards staring at the wall. mean... Well, don't... Yeah, I mean... love it. You know what? ahead and roll for roll for food prep.
Speaker: Roll for food prep. Well... Oh, that's an actual skill, isn't it? Damn, no. He's got a mediocre weight. Yeah, why don't we call that crafts? Can I make a feat that lets me use fight for that? No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, you want to fight the ingredients? Fight the ingredients?
Speaker: No, I got ah i got a zero. Yeah, you have a manager looking over your shoulder and he's critiquing everything. You're like, that is an awful way to cut an onion, my guy. Like, why are you cutting it towards you? That's dangerous. What are you doing? Blade away.
Speaker: Chop it fast. Why are you crying? It's an onion. What are you doing? roy He's just looking at the wall. He's just thousand yards staring at this guy like, Jesus Christ. Why do I do these things?
Speaker: well you know you'll get better my boy and then he slaps you on the back and walks out and then says all right now where's this chick that's stealing tips um as he goes up um yes get her yeah and then asriel brings you back uh lorelei to the table um after your role in the metaphorical hay and you you've you've you've done it you've you've You've had relations with an angel, an archangel man.
Speaker: ah yeah So, yeah. And I don't have anything else to do for you. She's just like, I've got a time. She's just going to walk out to the rafter, like, nonchalantly, just like, meh.
Speaker: Thank you, darling. gone. Pulls her underwear out of her butt. Yeah. It's gone. What's gone? The raptor's not there. Oh my god, where did ah Roy?
Speaker: voice cutting He's inside the kitchen. She's shouting into the building. Roy! He's like... Can you not hear me? He finishes chopping up the onion and pockets the knife before walking out.
Speaker: and the He's gonna say, What do you want, Lorelai?
Speaker: Agent 69 is gone. Yes, I had assumed so. He had a few- how do we get out of here? Where are we going to go? but we need to get a hold of him can't you get out of here.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Can't you teleport?
Speaker: I don't know if I can teleport. Isn't that half your thing?
Speaker: I mean, oh I could summon my demon horse. That'd be a good idea in the shining screen on the hill.
Speaker: Oh, I don't know if they would be able to come here, but they would at least be able come close enough. You might be hunted down for for a good while. Yeah, you're not wrong about that. But, so I mean, I just did bang an angel, so I think I've got... Did you film it? We might have blackmail on Azrael now.
Speaker: Exactly, so... you Angel banging a demon, that could be ah it could be interesting. We could go to the press with this. Wonderful. She's going to reach into her dress and pull out her seashell for her marrying call.
Speaker: Marion. Right.
Speaker: I need you to bring me my demon horse. What do you mean bring it to you? It'll just show up. Do I just call him? Yeah.
Speaker: You just say, hey, demon horse, and then there he is. wonderful i did not know if it worked that way on earth or the same way as and you know where i'm from so i just wanted to to see if maybe you would have it are you able to um send me like cupcakes or something um i mean i could but i'm very hungry i'm kind of on a date with an angel right now Oh, well, just send me cupcakes later, darling, and make sure it has the good stuff in the middle.
Speaker: Right. Okay. You know, I'm really feeling like this relationship is very one-sided. I don't know what you mean, darling. Don't you ever call me when you rat stuff? ah you know Marion learning standards.
Speaker: you Then you see, like, we cut to Marion and, like, he's sitting at a nice, like, Italian restaurant and, like, his eyes sulk a little bit. And then, like, you see a hand, like, touches his eye stalks and lift them back up.
Speaker: And the camera pans to his eyeballs as the camera is lifted back up to see a face. And it's just Asriel sitting across from him. goes, see, sister. And he says, so tell me more about these mud pies.
Speaker: where So you you summon your demon horses, both of them or just the one? Just Nightmare. All right. Nightmare shows up and he says, hey, yo, I'm a horse up in here. Hop on my back and let's go ride, baby.
Speaker: ah talk I mean, nay. I mean, the nay. Sorry, I'm a waz. Yeah. Where is Agent 69 in a serious matter, though? I need to communicate with him.
Speaker: Agent 69, can sniff him out for you. It's going to cost you a couple of really tasty carrots.
Speaker: Roy goes back into the restaurant and steals two of the carrots and comes back out and it hands them to the horse. Nom nom nom nom nom. Thank you so much for these delicious things.
Speaker: You're a nice boy. a real nice gauntly looking boy. Tell your mom I said hello. Hop on my back big guy and little lady and I'll take you to the one that likes to hit men.
Speaker: I'll simply follow you. Okay, I'm fast, though. Right, lady? Nay. I could throw this. Oh, you're so fast. I knew it. Yay. Nay.
Speaker: um And he busts out the door like the Kool-Aid man, what's left of it, destroying it, running off into the night. And he runs for miles and miles and miles, only to eventually bring you back to the Waffle House.
Speaker: And he says, we're here. ah found him. John Hitman has left and he got you left the building and went into the reactor and started driving out of this place.
Speaker: OK, lied. He's not here anymore. smelled him. Shit. And where does John Hitman go? i Not to this. He's going out of the city.
Speaker: He's leaving them. OK, John Hitman drives off the podcast. Quite literally, quite literally, he drives off the podcast.
Speaker: um And where does John Hitman drive? ah Well, he's going to try to go back to chef and just explain that at least get out of the city, because I don't think he can call chef right now.
Speaker: Right. Yeah. The reception is bad. So he wants to just get out and be like, hey, chef, ah yeah, ah those two people are compromised. One is in bed with an angel, the other is in bed with a demon.
Speaker: We are so cooked, we need another team. It's like an episode of Supernatural up in here. Right. um yeah Does ah Roy and Lorelai manage to catch up to him, or is he he's he's already gone? I mean, I think after a while, if you just want to just find your way out on your own through horses and flying crosses, you can.
Speaker: right Yeah, ro he's done with this place. he's ah He's ready to sanctify it in holy fire at this point, so he's just going to leave. And you know what's great about this whole experience is you guys fought so hard to get into the Shining City on the Hill.
Speaker: And all you've done so far was get a police officer murdered again. And you went to the Waffle House, had a fight at said Waffle House, and then somehow made some money at said Waffle House. And now you're you've met the Archangel but Asriel at the Waffle House.
Speaker: And now you're leaving the Waffle House. The most important location in the game. This is where the final going to be. We have just to the Waffle House. This episode of Roleplayers is not brought to you. You're welcome. you're hungry for some Waffle House, send us some goddamn gift cards so we too can afford some here at Roleplayers.
Speaker: fun installers network dot biz baby ask us how to send us money thanks everybody thanks waffle house no but seriously we are sponsored by factor so you can use the coupon code roleplayers69 at uh and if you want a pair of me undies that look just like the kind that lorelei wears use code roleplayers at hold on hold on hold on That's a really, i think that MeUnda is a very biased take on underwear. Okay. And if you want to learn the truth and from a balanced perspective on underwear, you can use ground news, which is also a sponsor.
Speaker: If you want to take off those panties and shit properly, use code roleplayers slash squatty potty on your next order. You get the squatty potty for 20% off. And by that, I mean they say 20% less of the squatty potty. All right, well. So anyways.
Speaker: Bye! that's it. That's actually it.
Speaker: but Doesn't look good already.
