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Vladdy Daddy #3: Chickens?
23 Plays3 months ago
What did you get yourself into Walter...
Intro/Outro Music: https://pixabay.com/music/introoutro-stomps-and-claps-percussion-and-rhythm-141190/
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Transcript
The Great Garlic Bread Debate
00:00:00
Speaker
Okay, now you can feel free to argue about garlic bread. Yes, so all I agree. Have it have on the side of like a pasta dish, but not like, you don't like put pasta on top of it and eat it. You have no flavor, you can't talk. So but like when you're when you're in a rush, I mean it's convenience, you know? True. Also, look at all the flavors. What do you mean a rush to eat spaghetti?
00:00:26
Speaker
Sometimes you're in a rush. Yeah, I have. I had three of your sisters. We had after school activities. Sometimes you just need to shovel that stuff in your mouth and go. Have you never had spaghetti on the go? No, no, because ah I have it at home when my mother cooks it for me and it's very delicious. Yeah, that's definitely a sit down meal.
00:00:53
Speaker
Okay, the amount of deliciousness doesn't affect it. I can understand having it quick. But can't you just take a bite of spaghetti and then take a bite of the bread? You don't have to make it into- That's two bites. You can just get one bite. Why have two bites when you can have one? You can combine two bites in the same mouth unless you have a tiny mouth. Yeah, you can combine two bites in the same mouth or you can combine two bites into one bite.
00:01:19
Speaker
is he For reference here, they make spaghetti sandwiches using the
Transport Troubles and Texas Roads
00:01:26
Speaker
garlic bread. And I think that just needs to be stated right out the gate. Because I think that sounds fucking insane. Look, this is what's wrong with men. You guys don't know how to multitask. Of course you make this agenda issue. I see. You guys don't know how to multitask. I bet you have to make more than one trip from the car.
00:01:50
Speaker
I don't have a car. Oh, guess we're all over to this guy. He doesn't even have a car. Yeah, I don't even have a license. Yeah, that's because Britain has an actual like public infrastructure network. Wow, loser. Also, I had surgery after like my 10 driving lessons and then couldn't drive. So I can do that a car-dependent economy. Couldn't be me.
00:02:18
Speaker
I love eight-lane interstates! Oh god, I will never be on an eight-lane interstate. I could never. Actually, no. eight lane Do you mean eight lanes on one side? Eight lanes total, total. Okay, never mind. I've been on an eight-lane interstate. But there's a median in between mine. Like, I have to be on it every day. But there's a median.
00:02:42
Speaker
So at least there's that. Do you know the most amount of lanes we have on motorways here is six. You have three million roundabouts, I don't want to hear it. Yeah, roundabouts are so much better for traffic. I hate roundabouts. So one who gets carsick, hate them. okay I get carsick, but you don't get carsick on roundabouts. I get carsick, you don't drive. Yeah, I get carsick though, when I'm a passenger. Get a better stomach.
00:03:13
Speaker
Oh, okay, same stuff we said to you. Hey, there are a lot of things wrong with me, but my stomach is not one of them. Actually, no, that's true.
00:03:26
Speaker
I was once on the, uh, one of the widest roads in the world. The, uh, Katie freeway in Texas, nine lanes, each side. oh oh We took a vacation down to Texas and some of those roads. Hey, everything's bigger on Texas. Like, uh, like property tax.
00:03:44
Speaker
wink wink not do nuge
00:03:48
Speaker
what What do you mean by that? What? What was that? What was the wink wink nudge nudge about everything? Everything's bigger in Texas. Think about it. Yeah, the right. Think about it. The people, they have a 40 percent obesity rate. Yeah, I was. Why is Texas catching strays right now, dude? Who likes Texas? Come on. Come on now. Texans like Texas.
00:04:21
Speaker
I will say that both me and Texas can agree on hating Californians. Yeah. Yeah, Californians are weird. Not great. They ruined the housing market here. Go home.
Housing Woes and Political Jabs
00:04:36
Speaker
Go back to your state, please. Dude, the housing market's screwed everywhere. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Even here. It's not a great time right now.
00:04:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's horrible up here. Yeah. Oh, I will say this. Congratulations on finally getting the Tories out of Parliament, at least for the most part. Thank you. It hasn't improved anything. There's still been riots all days this week. I don't know if you've seen all those. It's all far right riots. Oh, yeah, it's the demonstration policies and getting... Who wants to allow refugees? Am I right?
00:05:13
Speaker
Listen, I'm just saying I am 100% behind whatever Count Binface says. That guy knows what's up. Yeah, that's true. Why didn't you vote for him? He was clearly the best. He wasn't in my constituency. Come on.
00:05:28
Speaker
That reminds me of every time my parents bring up Senator Brainworm. What are they like entities? Oh, Robert Kennedy. Yeah, he had worms in his brain. Honestly, kind of slay. ah He kind of cooked when he was saying some words really funny. Yeah. What he was cooking and saying words.
00:05:53
Speaker
ah I
Memes, Slang, and D&D Introductions
00:05:54
Speaker
can't believe you don't understand. I said the other day, because I was making i was actively making the memes for the bonus episode, and i go and I'm messaging yesterday, I'm sending him the pictures so he can put them on on. I know, I'm sending a picture because this is a different meme.
00:06:11
Speaker
about the the whole thing i'm like this is a good tweet and i'm i'm just i've cooked your honor i've cooked the kitchen is boiling i'm cooking so much and he's like cooking what what are you talking about well you dude okay i've heard the words just not i don don't know the exact i hope you've heard the word cooking yes yes i have but not in that context are you even on the internet Okay, actually last week I was only on my phone, my phone two hours every day. Like two hours throughout the whole entire day. Okay, well some of us are only online. Envy you. Yeah. Some of us are chronically online, thank you. Okay. Yeah, I normally am, but I just was reading all last week. Normally am. I have had to explain so many of my Vine references to you. Coronavirus. You don't know my basic references. I wasn't on Vine, God.
00:07:07
Speaker
I wasn't either, but I know them. I'm not that old. Come on. I'm sorry. What do you mean old? You're literally less than a month younger than me. You don't have to be old and no vines. Less than a month. I am not a cougar.
00:07:29
Speaker
I forgot what's my line.
00:07:46
Speaker
Right, yeah, I am Sarah, the DM. I'm Ray, and I play Barbie, a sea elf druid. I'm Yestan, and I play Emrys, a stout halfling rogue. I'm not, I play Jolt, a human hexblade warlock.
00:08:06
Speaker
ah So after finishing up with Madam Eva, the party made their way down the river where they encountered a hunting trap that Barbie almost stepped on, but Emery saw and stopped him from stepping on it. After a long rest where Zolt felt someone watching him and heard laughter in the breeze, they walked for a bit until they were almost to the village. They were attacked by 12 wolves.
00:08:29
Speaker
um um It's all coming back. um It's all coming back. Where after a few risky rounds they were able to decimate their numbers down to four, who all ran back into the woods. Once they got to the village, as decrepit and broken down it was, they stumbled upon Mad Mary's house where they learned her daughter was missing. They learned how her daughter ran away.
00:08:54
Speaker
And Barbie realized that not all is same with Mary and her daughter's disappearance. Zol promised to find her remembering the stories of the Devil Strahd, but Barbie has other ideas. And then Mary gave you guys directions to the tavern. Yes, finally. Oh yeah. Also, I would not be surprised if those four wolves find us again.
00:09:17
Speaker
gods they won't revenge this time there's going to be 16 wolves they made 12 friends again hey guys 12 wasn't enough let's try 16 oh no they're the parent wolves yeah just they went home to mom and dad call on the phone send me dudes yeah these bitches can't get anything done
00:09:48
Speaker
Winning, am I right? You said it, not me. Just clear as mine.
00:09:59
Speaker
Okay, so are we in the tavern? So we're gonna go drink our sorrows.
D&D Handbook Changes Discussion
00:10:03
Speaker
Please, yes, Emrys needs to. ah Have you heard of some of the changes that they're putting in the new player's handbook? I have not.
00:10:15
Speaker
i Am I heard that they're like making half-elfs like mark like really bad, huh? I I don't know much about the new species thing. I mostly know about the class balanced weeks Yeah, I heard that circle of druid is going to be overpowered and arrested druids are not circle. Yeah our circle of ah the same druid that you are. Circle of the Moon. Yeah, they're already kind of overpowered. Circle of the Moon is going to be a bit worse because in the new book, you don't inherit the health pool of your wild shape. No. But like the rest of the circles don't. Yeah, you don't inherit the health pool of your wild shape anymore, so you can't be a druid tank. That's so dumb. What's the point? But I do think it gives you more options for wild shapes.
00:11:10
Speaker
Well, what's the point?
00:11:14
Speaker
What's the point of wild shaping if that's not free health, dude? I don't know. Use free mobility, ah natural attacks with better damage than your weapons.
00:11:25
Speaker
who Just be a different class. God, you you do not think very three-dimensionally, do you? Dude, no. Wild chief, you're all about the health. Are you a flat-worlder or something? Yeah, I am. You just did two dimensions. I'm still on the ah the sun, rotates around the earth, revolves around the earth, dude. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, and you have a terra-centric universal view yeah instead of a heliocentric one.
00:11:55
Speaker
quick question like you guys also copernican ah let me let me talk here I see a tavern no tokens, but I see a tavern I see tavern I Was right about the Copernican right that's the right time period Model No, that was the heliocentric one but
00:12:18
Speaker
The thing is, they only teach you, so like the only ones that stick in your mind are the heliocentric, so I don't remember the one that's terra-centric.
00:12:30
Speaker
i need that Who made the geocentric model? but talk that ah patalletolemy buttal patal Ptolemy. Ptolemaic. Oh my god, I saw a TikTok the other day that was like, if you look at this cloud, like what would you call this cloud? And it was like a neurodivergency test, like are you autistic?
00:12:48
Speaker
And it's like, what what's the name of this cloud? Or whatever. what What's this cloud called? And I was sitting there saying like, I'm going to get this wrong because I don't know what the word is. It's the cuculumbus one. I couldn't remember the word. And I was like, I'm going to get it wrong. And I still don't know the word. And and the person's like, dark, rainy. Those are the answers that normal people say. I don't say cuculumbus.
00:13:15
Speaker
Cumulonimbus. Cumulonimbus. That's what it is. No, it's not a cumulus cloud. It's cumulonimbus. Cumulus are the white puffy ones. This is a thunderstorm. Yeah, and it was just like, this is a seal. And I was like, oh, you, oh. Because I was thinking they were going to go like, really? Like, oh, this is that or something silly. And then I was like, oh, cumulonimbus. Anyway. Oh, cumulonimbus. Already.
00:13:42
Speaker
um All
Tavern Tales and Character Dynamics
00:13:43
Speaker
right. So as you guys enter in the tavern, a single shaft of light thrusts illumination into the main square, its brightness looking like a solid pillar in the heavy fog. Above the gaping doorway, a sign hangs precariously askew, proclaiming this to be the blood on the vine tavern.
00:14:05
Speaker
All right. And what would you guys like to do? Right up to the bar, please. Already I suppose somewhere warm would be nice I Would like to try to go inside and if is there when I go inside is there like a fireplace? I see one on the map there, but yep Yeah, I think I'll sit down at one of the tables by the fire already Try to get warm What's Bobby doing?
00:14:38
Speaker
reading about flat earth um uh i'll probably just tag along and are you both going to i'm assuming you're both getting drinks well i think emrys would say first rounds on me yeah i'll just follow emrys to the bar you know oh i'm i'm at the fire now trying to get warm oh barbie's not about fire so definitely definitely not i'll go to the bar with emrys
00:15:09
Speaker
I don't know if you could tell, but um I'm water, not fire. No, for me. I think we could. I love Egyptian mythology. No. None. The ocean. Who do we see behind the bar, if anyone? So you see this.
00:15:35
Speaker
ah
00:15:38
Speaker
yeah Hold on one second. Oh yeah, so you see a a human just looking at you guys wearily and he has a ah what's it called? e The thing that you put beer in. I forgot it's a tinkered. A tinkered and he's cleaning it with a dingy looking rag.
00:16:05
Speaker
Oh, the old barkeeps trick that. Looking like you're busy, isn't it? Mm-hmm. Yep. What have you got behind there for us? um The usual wine, beer, red dragon crush. Oh, tell me more, please.
00:16:29
Speaker
uh red dragon crush is one of our best wines what color is it blood red hmm interesting you interested barbie oh well i kind of prefer purple but like i wouldn't say no to red but i prefer purple
00:16:58
Speaker
Okay, ah three of the red stuff. All right, that'll be three silver each. Oh, gosh, let me... Emrys goes to his belt and looks for his money pouch, which is there, but it's very, very light. And searches through it whilst I search for how many coins I have.
00:17:30
Speaker
I believe we all have 10 gold, right? Yeah, think i should I think we picked up more from the zombies though first. Okay, hold on. Silver conversion to gold. Is that 10 or 100? I think it's 100. I think it is too. Can they break 100?
00:17:54
Speaker
Yeah, cool. So that would be 91 silver and nine gold total. Yeah. So that's how much money you'll have left. Okay, great. I'm an engineer. ah right Yeah, I will flip him a gold coin.
00:18:17
Speaker
All right. But be clear it goes out that you get change. Yeah. It's not a tip. Yeah, this is an wait. What kind of an engineer are you? Mechanical. Oh, fine.
00:18:32
Speaker
not we and The bar keep goes and starts to count out the change that you will get. It takes him a couple minutes to count through. Yeah, how long does it take him to count 91 silver? But he eventually gives you all of his ah silver change and then serves you guys your three drinks. Mm hmm. Perfect. And we'll take them back over to where's my shelters.
00:19:11
Speaker
I guess if we have to go by the fire, you just sit the furthest away from me, you're fine. yeah Okay. Yeah, I'm sitting near it trying to hold my hands up to it, like rubbing them a little bit.
00:19:25
Speaker
hey so so there's a There's a glass here for you. Oh, thank you. ae Sorry, I just feel cold. We all agree that that's a bad mom, right? Just to make sure we're all on the same page. And that we're going to save the daughter from Strahd, but also to the mom, right? I'm going to need this drink. Me too.
00:19:51
Speaker
hey What the heck? I think it's a swig of it. It tastes nice. What is this? What have you given me? Red. Red. Yeah, that's all I remember.
00:20:09
Speaker
and then I enjoy red. results as you drink this wine you get a clear memory of you drinking this around a ah tavern with your buddies you don't know when this was you don't know who these people are but you remember drinking it and you remember the name is red dragon wine wait i remember this red dragon's wine i used to drink it with my old guard mates how long ago was that but i remember the drink it's it's very nice with company you regular this one then do you what you regular this drink i'm i don't know all i remember is having it
00:21:07
Speaker
What? Oh,
00:21:12
Speaker
also i I will go back to the the bar and ask if they have a dog bowl for Kevin and fill it with water. Yep, and he does that. Badger bowl. Badger bowl. Imagine, so it's like football, Super Bowl, but they're like the puppy bowl, but with badgers.
00:21:35
Speaker
They had the the Stanley pup. Dude watching the Stanley pup was adorable.
00:21:42
Speaker
Yeah. And Kevin, we i put I'll put it like below the table. So Kevin's like running around our feet. Oh, Kevin. Kevin, I bet you Kevin would notice that she was a bad mom. Maybe if you I don't know if you spoke to him, maybe.
00:22:05
Speaker
Don't tempt me. I don't want to have to turn into a badger because I might have to turn into a bear later though, you know? How did you get this ability to shape shift? Oh, know, the normal way.
00:22:29
Speaker
which is pleasure yeah you know sometimes you just look up at the moon and you go wow and then all of a sudden you're a bear okay do you relate to this at all that's all that's all i say
00:23:01
Speaker
I don't know what y'all are all on about, you know? It seems like a pretty normal thing. Are you telling me you guys can't turn into anything? No. Well, then maybe you should look at the moon. I've seen the moon. Plenty. Maybe you should look harder.
00:23:21
Speaker
Physically impossible, but okay. i I was just ready for you to come back with, oh, I'm quite hard when I look at the moon. we know would whisper i said she's a lunatic me too
00:23:38
Speaker
And as you guys have this conversation, you would notice that most of the rest of the tavern is empty, except for this one spot in the very back where it looks like a guy is just nursing a very big tinkered of beer, just looking straight into the ah glass in what looks like grief.
00:24:09
Speaker
You guys see him over there? Hmm, another sad soul wishing to drown his worries away. Nothing new. I walk over. I stand up and walk over. I don't even ask anybody. Oh, Bobby. Hi, how's it going? I'm Barbie. He looks up from his drink. It's like And he slightly tilts his head to the left because he's never seen anything like you.
Strahd's Threat and Village Defense
00:24:40
Speaker
I'm just imagining this picture for this man of just this short woman walking up to him, blue, this and just saying hi.
00:24:55
Speaker
Well, he's mourning. Yeah. OK, all right, I'm good. Continue.
00:25:06
Speaker
Hi Barbie. I am Is Mark the Lesser. What are you less for that? My father. Oh. In what way? My father. The late great.
00:25:23
Speaker
um what What's his name? He's not so great if he's late everywhere. Am I right? here The late great.
00:25:38
Speaker
His name's still late, right? Barbeau Master, also named Ismark. Family name then, huh? Barbie isn't a family name, but it is a pretty popular one where I'm from. You see, there's this the song, the Sea Shanty that I was named after. So I'm sure there are plenty of other Barbies in the sea, but, you know,
00:26:07
Speaker
So what was he so great at? He was the protector of this town and- Well, he's not doing a good job. Sounds- Yes, because- This town looks a bit of a mess, and not to offend anyone, but it could use some work, some Botox. It's because of the Devil's Rod. Oh, there's a Devil's Rod. Excuses is all I'm hearing.
00:26:38
Speaker
Okay, and I think as we as we hear this name from, like, through the doorway, I think me and Zoe will walk up to there. Yeah? Does that make sense? Yes. So, you gave Barbie a drink. She has no filter. She normally doesn't, but now she really doesn't. Pardon, but excuse the blue one. She's very insensitive at times. What? I'm very sensitive. How dare you? No, you are.
00:27:09
Speaker
Yes, I am.
00:27:18
Speaker
It's okay, he says. Okay, see, I'm not being insensitive. Your dad was not that great. So, you know, low bar, ah you don't have to call yourself lesser. How can you look at yourself in a mirror?
00:27:37
Speaker
With my eyes? Just go on and enjoy your day. Also, I don't really look in mirrors, I usually look at in water. You know water reflects?
00:27:51
Speaker
Little known fact. Anyways, to continue, as I was saying. So, you said the Devil's Shroud has been through here something with your father?
00:28:03
Speaker
Yes, the Devil's Strahd has been attacking our village for the last a decade or so, but within the recent months, it has ramped up to the point where it has caused my father's heart to give out in despair. From what I hear, he's already a daddy. I don't know why he's going around looking for fathers.
00:28:27
Speaker
that' not in care looking so He's not looking for my father. He's looking for my sister. Oh, do you have a bad mom? Your sister? Yes, my sister. She's... You didn't answer my question. Do you have a bad mom? She's dead. I am going to stab you. and Yes. I mean...
00:28:55
Speaker
good moms would be alive, so. ah Do I have any spell slots open? I need to check. Do you have silence? Uh, no, I have cause fear. Oh, Barbie's not afraid of anything.
00:29:18
Speaker
oh So an old bad mom. Okay. So this is a second woman that Strahd has taken. Hmm. I think he has a type. Hasn't taken. Yeah. Oh, so there's no crime here. So what are you complaining about? Well, my father just died, but also he has been- He doesn't sound great though. Your dad sucks. He didn't do his job.
00:29:50
Speaker
He was, and he was protecting you me and my sister. Okay, but he let the town go to right go to waste, so... He isn't part of... He does not have anything to deal with the infrastructure. You were just saying he was protecting the town, but it sounds like he was protecting two people. That's not the town. Because Strahd was sending legions of zombies and...
00:30:16
Speaker
uh wolves after my my sister look we fought a couple of zombies and a couple of wolves it's not that hard all right if he was so great are you still are you still covered get out head to tone blood yes i am he looks at you up and down and he's like i can see that and guess what no scars no wounds nothing i'm fit as a fiddle that's a seat fiddle a fiddle
00:30:47
Speaker
He also then looks over to the rest of you, who I assume you guys still look pretty worse for the wear. Yeah, and also I am mostly made of stone. It's an interesting crowd. Don't mind them. He looks between all three of you, and he's like, uh-huh. Don't mind them. They don't know how to make friends. You anyway.
00:31:10
Speaker
I don't think you do either, considering he's insulting my father. He was a bad dad. Look, I'm gonna call out bad parents when I see bad parents. Anyways, Strad has been attacking my sister at night. He's bit her twice so far, and if I do not get her to Valley Key... That's what vampires say. She will turn. Turn? Yes! Turn into a vampire. A demon, like him. Wait, how do I know this? What? Oh.
00:31:50
Speaker
Well, so sleep during the day and stay awake and last Last thing we need is another night bond store roaming these lands ah We already have to find one girl and now you want us to protect another What are we? Oh? Do you have any other ideas?
00:32:10
Speaker
No solving bad parented
00:32:16
Speaker
One daughter at a time. How far were days travel? Is it to this key place? Um, three days? How long was it to get below the girl?
00:32:32
Speaker
I mean, she's at our house. The girl with the bad mom. Is she capable of walking? I don't know. the Are you talking about Mary's daughter?
00:32:43
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. How long is it to get the girl with the bad mom? She's been gone. She's been gone for weeks and she was taken by this by Strahd's monsters and spawn. I do not think she's alive still. No. Well, at least she doesn't deal with her bad mom anymore. Where would they have taken her? Probably to. I have no idea, actually.
00:33:10
Speaker
Memory games afoot. yeah I'm smelling a mystery.
00:33:20
Speaker
Now, if only there was some sort of machination nearby that could take us to where we need to go to solve this mystery. I think we should go ask the barkeep if he knows anything about the devil. Perhaps he has a carriage that we could paint.
00:33:43
Speaker
paint green okay and perhaps put a logo on maybe we should come up with a name for our crime fighting group you're talking about the mystery machine yes i am you're talking about the mystery machine and we're going to put some pretty red flowers on the side and we're gonna get a stoner and his little dog and we could call ourselves
00:34:15
Speaker
The... Go on. Go on. Which version? Which version? The carriage crew.
00:34:23
Speaker
Not even the Mystery Inc. version. What's the point? I was trying to find something that was new. and D and&D related, okay? They're not all gonna be bangers.
00:34:37
Speaker
I'd like to see you try to come up with a synonym for mystery and a carriage type thing.
00:34:46
Speaker
Maybe another time. No, hey, no, I thought I was on the spot. You're on the spot. Alright, so back to the thing. So, he asked, will you guys help me? With what?
00:35:00
Speaker
her daughter with the sister what do we have to do to help the sister again sorry guy i wasn't really listening to sorry my memory is awfully well maliki maybe i should be taking the notes travel
00:35:21
Speaker
You know, we could get a cart in town, I suppose. Can we get a cart in town and can we get paint to paint said car? Probably not paint. Hmm. We have a cart. We have a cart at our mansion you may use. mansion oh Mansion? I'm sorry. Mansion. You should have led with that. Yeah.
00:35:50
Speaker
Do you perhaps have the last name of Darryl? de what What's the min mystery ink? What is it? Oh my god, guys, I'm sorry. I think it is Darryl. I'm not cooking today. I think it's Darryl. Uh, no. Oh, sad. Do you have a familial curse that's passed down generation to generation?
00:36:20
Speaker
sadly no well i guess we'll help you anyway it's it yeah it is a play that is put on in the sea you wouldn't know it but it's really good and it follows a mystery solvent grow okay can i just have a little fun guys why do you always have to be my case barbie barbie barbie breathe please i don't want to breathe i want to breathe the ocean in the water but i can't because i'm stupid led and i got stuck here and i'm lost i want to go home i i pick up um kevin's badger bowl and throw the water at her face oh that's not good enough i am so tired
00:37:08
Speaker
Anyway, can you focus to your mansion now? Yes. And as all five, four? Yeah, four of you make your way out of the tavern. You hear these horrible little squawks.
00:37:28
Speaker
Kevin is very interested in these and and like stands up like a may cat. All right.
00:37:37
Speaker
And do you guys want to go near that? They sound like crows, probably. Yes. No, and thanks. Amris just kind of pushes Kevin forward that down the road.
00:37:58
Speaker
who
00:38:00
Speaker
Barbie's upset and she has her arms crossed like a toddler and she is refusing to talk now.
00:38:10
Speaker
Oh, some peace and quiet. me And then you also start hearing that man yelling for help. Also coming for where the angry swarks are coming from. Come on, then. She calls. Let's go. Come on. and Get my blade out. Yep. All right.
Battle with Evil Chickens
00:38:32
Speaker
And as you make your way towards that, you but see a fairly large man stumbling a while around and waving a mace at what appears to be a group of chickens who are pecking at him.
00:38:49
Speaker
What did it help with? These evil chickens, these evil chickens, they keep biting me. oh yeah I guess I'll just go up to them and shoot. We're on.
00:39:06
Speaker
And with that, um I need you to roll initiative. Okay. Right. Okay. um Because as you look into these chickens eyes, you see unbridled fury that you have never seen come from a chicken. Have fun, guys. What are those things?
00:39:31
Speaker
Okay. Ah, that's a three. okay three 18 plus two 20 okay okay so he's the world 20 thing and i got a one yeah guys i i've thought of a name this um that we could use if you know you guys want to be nice to me uh conundrum crew who but I'll keep working on it. Are you telling this to us as we pull out our swords? Yes. because I'm watching. i'm I'm like sitting arms crossed. There's like like I'll find like a stump nearby like kind of like a curb and sit down and be like I'll keep thinking about it.
00:40:18
Speaker
Okay, so with that, the first chicken that's right in front of Em, Emerus, looks dead straight at you. And because there is pack tactics, this chicken decides to attempt to inflict wounds.
00:40:47
Speaker
But by pecking? Yes. Who is it inflicting boots on? On Emerus. Oh. and Does that seven hit? No, it does not. OK. All right, and now it's your turn.
00:41:08
Speaker
Okay, I will pull out my, I'm guessing obviously he's in within five feet now. So I will short sword from the back of my belt and just aim, I guess for the neck, make it a headless chicken. And does a 22 hit. Oh yeah. Okay. Go ahead and roll for damage. Yeah.
00:41:37
Speaker
That is four damage. All right. Yeah, that's just a slice at the side of it, I guess. how how How big are these chickens? Oh, they look just like normal chickens, but they're very angry. Oh, OK. I'm surprised four damage didn't kill a chicken. but Oh, these are demon chickens. Of course, of course.
00:42:09
Speaker
um Okay, so the next chicken, also using pack tactics, decides to try and peck you. Or, well, actually he tries to peck Walter, who is the man that was trying to attack the chickens.
00:42:30
Speaker
All right. ah Chicken number two does the same thing. This time towards... Alright, and he misses. Chicken number five also goes towards Walter. that There's not 12 chickens, is there? No, there's only five. I learned my lesson. Alright, and that misses. What chicken number did I say I was at? Five.
00:43:07
Speaker
three five all right and then chicken number all right that hits for two damage so he's at 21 and also to your turn awesome how many chickens are near me um if you are right next to emerus all five because you guys are kind of like in the circle I don't really I'm just gonna make a weapon attack on one of the chickens.
00:43:42
Speaker
It's six using both hands. That's does a seven hit. It does not. Two Nat ones in a row. God I hate dice bots man they they feel weighted.
00:44:01
Speaker
yeah all right and now walter is going to go ahead and cast actually he's going to use his mace and he is going to go ahead and try and hit uh chicken number one it has a plus for the hit
00:44:23
Speaker
That's a nat 1. It does not hit. He stumbles. So he takes the mace, tries to hit it, and stumbles. And back up to chicken number one, who is still going to go after MRS.
00:44:37
Speaker
one
00:44:39
Speaker
And using pack tactics. So nat 1. Does the 17 hit? Yep. All right. And that is one damage. Okay. That's, that's fine.
00:44:58
Speaker
Okay. And back to me. All right. The, the, the bastard that just picked me I will swing for again. All right. Does a 19 hits. It does.
00:45:19
Speaker
And then that is three damage. All right. Are you guys done with these chickens yet? That's tougher than they look. But I have more names to run by you. Does that help out? And Walter hearing you yells out, how about you help us? Yeah, what do you say? Fine, I'll roll for initiative. And you can tell his voice is very slurred.
00:45:49
Speaker
oh Oh my goodness, more drunk people asking for help.
00:45:56
Speaker
I got a 21 on my initiative. oh Let me get the bear stats up. home Actually, no, I'm not going to bother with the bear. They don't deserve bear. Okay. ah And then.
00:46:17
Speaker
All right. And do you want to go ahead and do your turn real quick or do you know what till next? Okay, fine. I'll yeah oh now then. Everyone wants me to go now. Let me just look at my primal savagery spell real quick and trip. Primal savagery. Is is this ah how Barbie sounds while like walking towards them?
00:46:46
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much.
00:46:52
Speaker
Just muttering under her breath. All right, I'm going to cast ah my little cantrip primal savagery and attack. um What do the chickens look like? How are they looking?
00:47:10
Speaker
I meant, how are they looking? Oh, One looks like it's got a couple of slices and the the rest look normal. Just angry. Okay. What do I roll to hit? Melee spell attack. Okay. What's my spell attack bonus? There it is. Okay. I'm just going to attack.
00:47:36
Speaker
but Whatever chicken looks the best. That's a 22 to hit. The hits. Yeah, let me find what a D10 looks like real quick.
00:47:53
Speaker
That looks like a D10. Okay. D4, get back in the pouch. Thank you. You know, there's a way to tell if it's a D10. It has 10 sides. I know. like I know that. I have to look at the one. I have to find the one and then I have to go on the other side to find what the big number is. okay OK. OK. OK. I'm saving your ass.
00:48:12
Speaker
but therapy
00:48:15
Speaker
That's one acid damage. All right. And you hit chicken number two. ah Sure. Chicken number two, after just taking acid damage, decided to go for you, Barbie.
00:48:31
Speaker
Oh man. And is he giving pack tactics? Does the 16 hit? Uh, yeah. Alright, so it is going to jump up and try and slash you with its talons. These are dexterous chickens, god. And it does, and it does 1d4 damage.
00:48:59
Speaker
Uh, so that's two damage. Oh, man. And it rakes its talons across your shoulder, I guess. That's funny, because one of the possible names I had in my was rakish riddlers.
00:49:17
Speaker
Thought. Not the time, not the time. Oh, come on. You guys are all fine. Chicken number four is going to go after Zolt.
00:49:30
Speaker
Okay. All right. Also using pack tactics. There's a 15 hit. Miss! All right. So that one misses. Chicken number five is going to go after Emerus.
00:49:46
Speaker
who
00:49:50
Speaker
And he's using pack tactics. There's 11 hit. No, misses. All right. And that misses. And Zolt, it's your turn.
00:50:02
Speaker
Oh yeah, sorry, I was... I fell asleep at the wheel-ho. What do you need to know? Oh, uh, it's... It's your turn. Oh! Sorry, bottom of the initiative count. I'm going to strike at another chicken. I'm gonna try to kick it. Okay. I guess this would count as an unarmed attack here, it so... But I guess it just... I think it's just you add strength or dex to it?
00:50:32
Speaker
Um, I think so.
00:50:38
Speaker
So I'm guessing I'm going to add Dex to it because my Dex is at a plus two. So then I go here, those two. Three net ones in a row. I'm going to let you reroll that because you've just been getting net ones. I'm letting you reroll that one. Yeah. Roll 20 hates you.
00:51:01
Speaker
Yeah. Oh yeah, I rolled 20. I don't have 20 on Yeah, I want to roll one. Oh, there we go. a Dirty 20 on the kick. ah Right. um but That is flat three damage because it's unarmed. Okay. I just wanted to boot a chicken. Which chicken you want to hit? What chicken, I guess, ah number three.
00:51:29
Speaker
Number three. All right. I kick a Dutch chicken. All right. you And you kick it and it kind of like bounces back a little bit before hopping back up to its feet and turns its beady little eyes. OK.
00:51:46
Speaker
Now, Walter is going to go ahead and he is going to. I love that this man's name is Walter. To cast. Cast Guiding Bolt.
00:52:03
Speaker
at chicken number three and I'm trying to pull up because I do not know what dice I use for guiding bolt because I've never played cleric it's called miss according to shadow heart As much as I love her, it's real bad.
00:52:34
Speaker
I love my wife, but she she misses a lot. Alright, so that's enough damage and it literally just obliterates the chicken. I can only imagine like a puff of feathers in its place. A puff of feathers and smoke. And that was chicken three, so chicken three is gone.
00:52:57
Speaker
A neat trick. Yeah.
00:53:04
Speaker
Walter, I can already tell I'm going to like you. And then Barbie, top of the turn is you. Oh, guess what? I'm going to cast Primal Savagery because it's a cantrip. And I'm going to attack a chicken. oh That's a 13 to hit whatever chicken is looking the worst.
00:53:26
Speaker
Upright, go ahead. That hits. That That's 7 acid damage. Alright, and how do you want to do that? um I ah bite it.
00:53:45
Speaker
Primal savagery, my teeth get sharp and my fingernails get long, like ah like a wolf man, but not a full wolf man. So primal savagery, it's like shark teeth and big claws and my little fingernails get sharp. So I'm just gonna bite them. All right. And as you bite it, you notice how foul this chicken tastes. They don't taste good, guys. I don't recommend. Why are you biting them? I was hungry. You should've got food in the tavern.
00:54:20
Speaker
No, so it's not as fun when you can't hunt it. All right. Now, don't and eat the birds. I like to hunt my own dinner. All right. Now, Amaris, it's your turn. OK, so the one on me just got obliterated. Yep. the there's Is it number five, I think, is also on me? ah All of them aren't on you, technically.
00:54:49
Speaker
like but Like attacking you right now? Oh yeah, they're all within reach. Yeah, i'll go I'll go for that number five. All right. Does a eight hit? It does not.
00:55:05
Speaker
how All right, chicken number two is going to go after Barbie. Oh, and he's using pet tactics. Of course he is the jerk. Does a 16 hit? Yeah. Yeah, it does. So that chicken, he goes up and he pecks you for He pegs me. No! He pegs. I'm talking. What? A sight. What? How much damage?
00:55:52
Speaker
Two damage, you said? Oh yeah, two damage. Okay. just sure Chicken number four is going to go after M.
00:56:04
Speaker
And it's also using tactics. Does an 11 hit?
00:56:10
Speaker
Me? Oh, Amherst. 11 does not hit. No. All right. And chicken number How many chickens are there? Do we know that? Okay. yeah I thought this was a 12 wolves situation again. That's what I said. No, it's only... I learned my lesson. I learned my lesson. I talked to one of our friends who's also a DM and he told me what to do. Okay, good. That was really funny though. Yeah it was. This is a 12 hit Zolt.
00:56:52
Speaker
No. You're kind of like Zolt. Zolt, it's your turn. Cool. I'm going to take a wide slash at a chicken, which was the one that just tried to attack me. Number five. Number five. Yeah, you're getting you're getting stabbed. ah right Yeah, you're getting pegged. Twenty four to hit. It does.
00:57:17
Speaker
And then I add close four to the damage. That is seven slashing damage against the chicken. All right. And that chicken is looking pretty bad. What a sense. but don Okay. And how tough is a chicken? Usually depends how you cook it. Usually not that tough. ah These are special chickens. um Okay. So I'm a special chicken.
00:57:47
Speaker
I don't know what that means, but it was, it's tickling me. So Walter, you go ahead and use this sacred flame towards the chicken. You just attack chicken number five. Just, I don't know how this one works. So he also just like disappeared into a puff of smoke.
00:58:13
Speaker
and sacred flame is like a burny thing happy you've played balder's gate 30 how do you not know what these things look like i don't i don't use sacred flame it doesn't work half the time yeah it really doesn't it's just a flame thing yeah how'd you not know guiding bolt that's another one you know i i i don't know i can't i know shadow heart misses but like she hits sometimes yeah i i don't really pay attention whenever wow i only i only pay attention to my guys i also i started a new save on balterscape 3 and i learned my lesson i am not playing a cleric of saloona when trying to romance shadowheart which is the thing i accidentally did without realizing it the first time yeah right and barbie it is your turn
00:59:11
Speaker
Shlay. Guess what? I'm casting Primal Savagery. That's a 19 to hit. Oh, cats. Ooh, I thought that was a 7. No, that is a 4. Acid damage on whichever one's looking the worst.
00:59:27
Speaker
ah Right, so you hit chicken number five and it's like a little bit more worse for the wire. It's got a couple couple more rounds in it. And I whisper that as I bite the chicken and it doesn't die, I whisper, bitch. Alright, Amherst, your turn. Yeah, then I spit out the chunk. Alright, I will go for that half-eaten chicken with the sword.
00:59:57
Speaker
It was a nat 1 and 5.
01:00:01
Speaker
Alright, yeah, that does not hit. Alright, so chicken 2 goes towards Barbie again and casts Inflict Wounds. Does 7 hit? Yeah, no. No, no, no. 7 does not hit. Alright, and chicken number 4 goes towards Zolt and tries to Peck him.
01:00:28
Speaker
OK. Forehead. No. All right. Zolt, you're up. Cool. I'm going to. How many chickens are left? Two. Cool. um I'm slashing at which two chickens are left. ah Two and four. Which one looks the most heard of the two? Two. Two. You're getting stabbed. It's your lucky day.
01:00:58
Speaker
Does a 12 hits the chicken. It does hit the chicken.
01:01:05
Speaker
The chicken takes seven slashing damage. All right. And how do you want to do this? at This point, I just. Well, I just this point, I've just like pissed at these chickens now. I just kind of want to like grab it and then like stab my sword into it like a shish kebab and then just like whip it off the blade.
01:01:26
Speaker
All right. And as you do that, the chicken, like this black smoke like rises from the chicken's body and like the disappears into the air. And now Walter is going to cast Guiding Bolt again. And that kills the chicken, number four. And again, it goes up in the puff of smoke.
01:01:55
Speaker
And that is the end of your encounter. Nice.
01:02:02
Speaker
Are we goingnna keep guys going that going? Hold on. I've got a few names for us to read. So now that we've killed 12, well, eight wolves, four zombies, I think it was, um and a bunch of evil chickens that really do not taste good.
01:02:26
Speaker
We need a name. Also, can you please be nice to me? But that is secondary. Name is first. I have a couple ideas that I was thinking. ah As you've heard earlier, I thought of Conundrum Crew.
01:02:41
Speaker
It's okay. I think it's okay. I also have puzzle prancers, puzzle pirates. ah I have the ravishing riddlers or the radiating riddlers. Maybe something like that. What do you guys think, huh? Walter just looks... Oh, hi, Walter. I mean, I don't know your name.
01:03:11
Speaker
Oh, hi, I'm Barbie. Hi, Barbie? Yep. What do you think? Oh, that's a cool name. The Wandering Walters. I miss being a statue sometimes.
01:03:33
Speaker
The Strong Statutes.
01:03:40
Speaker
How about the what the wandering statues? No, no. they that it's It's got to be the same letter. Mystery machines. Why don't you get into a tussle with evil chickens? No. No, these are demon chickens. Demon night chickens. yeah Mystery muscles. Are they possessed chickens or? Demon chickens.
01:04:06
Speaker
i chickens that have been, like, twisted in the midst of Barodia. I have made it my pact, so to speak, to destroy them all. Oh, you're, uh, so you're a chicken slayer. Yes, I will be a chicken slayer.
01:04:29
Speaker
At least you'll be well-stucked on food. Actually, they're kind of... they're great. They don't taste great. You're not... you should not eat food. Chickens! Chickens! You're not being very nice, Gigi. Yeah, could you just get some foxes or something? Get some fox. These chickens have sold their souls to demons.
01:04:54
Speaker
How can a chicken sell his soul? Who have you sold your soul to, Walter? Who have you sold your soul to? Who have you sold your soul to, Walter? Answer the question!
01:05:15
Speaker
Walter, this is no laughing matter! Walter, please! If your soul is for sale, I think I know so. Oh. The morning lord,
01:05:30
Speaker
ways
01:05:33
Speaker
our lord and savior. Walter, did you sell your soul to the Mormons?
01:05:59
Speaker
we We can meet them in the tavern. That sounds pretty good. but Yeah, that makes sense. But then you guys won't meet the chickens. Oh. Ooh. I have no horses or I guess chickens in this race. i have Yeah, I have. um that Not my monkeys, not my circus.
01:06:20
Speaker
What are these sayings? Okay. What do you mean? Someone needs to decide. Do you not? No, not my monkeys, not my circus. Or not my circus, not my monkeys.
01:06:32
Speaker
I think I've heard of it. I haven't. This is entirely new to me. What the heck? It's not my problem. Yeah. I don't have to do it. Yeah. Is this a northern thing? I think it is. Oh, I'm going to Google. You guys discuss what the next plans are. I'm going to unmute and Google. OK, I think we have. We want to meet the chickens. So what was the appeal of feeding the chickens? Oh, they're not good chickens.
01:07:02
Speaker
Apparently there's some kind of evil chicken. Okay, I solved it. It's Polish. That makes sense. That makes sense. My family is quite Polish. Yeah.
01:07:23
Speaker
Do the Polish have a lot of circuses and monkeys? um I think so. They have a lot of churches, I know that. Yeah, everywhere has a lot of those. Yeah, but but Poland is filled with them. Yeah, it was a fun saying in my hometown that we had as many churches as we had bars.
Community Balances and Podcast Outro
01:07:45
Speaker
But then churches started closing down, so, you know, out of balance now. Well, now we have too many churches and not enough bars. Well, we have too many bars and not enough churches.
01:07:58
Speaker
We seem to be in opposite conditions. If you want more churches, do you? No, not particularly. I want more bars. Thank you for listening to Rose Colored Daggers. We upload D and&D episodes every other Saturday and upload occasional non-D and&D episodes on the off weeks. Unfortunately, recently we had two bonus episodes in a row because of scheduling issues, but we seem to be back on schedule now.
01:08:23
Speaker
You can find us on social media at daggersrose on twitter and rosecoloreddaggers on instagram and tumblr. Please review or rate us on whatever platform you're listening from. We are currently working on a patreon which i swear will be up soon. We're just waiting on a couple of things to get it set up so we can publish it and The website ah as well that we are working on is in the works. It's almost done, I promise. It's just a few things to have bios up and stuff like that to make sure we have everything listed. And also I need the Patreon link to put it on the website, but they're almost ready. I promise they are almost ready. It's just going to be a little bit longer, a little bit longer. Anyway, thank you again for listening and I hope you had a good time.
01:09:41
Speaker
We'll be right back.