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Vladdy Daddy #14: Haven't You Ever Heard of Due Process?
7 Plays26 days ago
Innocent until proven guilty. We have no idea where those bones came from!
Intro/Outro Music: https://pixabay.com/music/introoutro-stomps-and-claps-percussion-and-rhythm-141190/
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Twitter: https://x.com/daggers_rose
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Transcript
Discussion of Taxes and Personal Impact
00:00:00
Speaker
really have Don't worry. oh everyone Don't worry. You're not going to have taxes soon because we're getting the tariffs on Canada.
00:00:12
Speaker
tv I'm trying. Because that's a great idea. You know. Tariffs. I just want log in to get my 1098T from fucking... Sucks to be you, no 1098T.
00:00:24
Speaker
I can talk about my existential dread if we want. I can talk about that and how there's only 30 jobs available on the USAA website. I could also bring up the fact that our national parks are potentially being sold to the highest
Politics in Academia: A Physics Professor's Struggles
00:00:38
Speaker
bidder.
00:00:38
Speaker
like states Like states like Wyoming, I want it sorry is it open am i just like trauma dumping about it no it's fine honestly uh i have this one class where i have dr uh natris in physics physics department and she's amazing i love her like you could tell she genuinely just cares about people in general you know, like a normal person should.
00:01:09
Speaker
And like, just she's having a real rough time. And we talk about it in class and we're all like, yeah, the world kind of sucks right now for us. Like, with ah her grants are in danger now because every grant has to be reviewed by a politician.
00:01:29
Speaker
And she's been on a DEI board before. oh no She's feeling like she's kind of screwed. So she's not having a great time. And she's, like, explaining her research and, like, the title. And she's like, they're not going to understand a word that's in there. But they're going to see that I was on a DEI board. And they're going to say, oh, that's it.
00:01:52
Speaker
Like, they're not gonna understand. You think those bitches are gonna understand? That's boldly woman that they would even give her a grant based on the fact that she's a woman. Real. Real.
Engineering Job Challenges and Gender Disparities
00:02:04
Speaker
it's It's rough. The US is gonna undergo a severe brain drain. Yep. that's and That's implying we had any brains begin with.
00:02:15
Speaker
I don't know. Also real. yeah I do, okay, don't me wrong, like, I'll make jokes about it, but, like, we have a lot of, like, cutting-edge research going on here, right? Yeah. yeah A lot. Like, medical research, environmental research, tons of really, really important things, and not to mention that, at least in this part of the country, we have the highest amount of biodiversity in the world for amphibians.
00:02:40
Speaker
um Yay. Yippee! And there's research going in on those, especially ones that are threatened, which is the eastern Melbourne that we don't know enough about.
00:02:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. It's really rough. Like, I was talking, um I've been saying about how, like, my parents have been, like, really, like, oh, we don't want you to leave. We don't want you to move to the UK.
00:03:08
Speaker
My mom, specifically, has been, like, you know, maybe consider staying. And, like, I can't now. There is no chance I could get a job here.
Societal Pressures on Women: Motherhood vs. Career
00:03:20
Speaker
I'm in engineering. I've already had to deal with people being misogynistic. I could not get a job here if I wanted to. Like, it's ridiculous. Nightmare.
00:03:32
Speaker
And if I did, God forbid I get pregnant. Because then I'm done. but Because, you know, we hated lots that were like, hey, you can't fire people for no reason.
00:03:45
Speaker
Because that's DEI.
00:03:49
Speaker
It's rough. Yeah. Like, I... um
00:03:55
Speaker
I was going to say something. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. You're good. Take your time. no I don't want to be a mother.
00:04:06
Speaker
And one of my co-workers, at a manager actually, was like, you'll change your mind and all that. And it's like, okay, look, sometimes kids are cute. Sometimes. But...
00:04:19
Speaker
I don't want to be a mom. And she looked at me. Yeah. Like can't. And i she was like, well, why? And I was like, first off, I don't want to do that to my body as shallow as that sounds, but I don't.
00:04:32
Speaker
Second off. It's my career. Like if I got pregnant, I want to do lab work. I can no longer do lab work because I was pregnant. And she was like, well, what about, you know, your dad? What about, you know, your fiance? And I was like, what about them?
00:04:48
Speaker
but she's like, that's kind of like cold. And I was like, but they aren't the ones being... like Their careers will not be affected in no way. They won't have to give up their work.
00:05:01
Speaker
Their body won't undergo the severe changes. And they won't have to deal with any of the complications I'll have to. yeah i should I consider like I know that sounds jacked up, babe. but And it's insane that the the go-to response is, oh, you'll change your mind.
00:05:18
Speaker
Yeah, no. like It's ridiculous. store manager was like, you'll change your mind once you're 23. I looked at her and I said, I'm 25. And she said, oh. Well. Yeah. and i was like Like, suck it.
00:05:30
Speaker
Yeah, I'm 25, almost 26. Like, if I change my mind, it's going to be in the next few years, depending on where the world's at. But. Yeah.
00:05:43
Speaker
Like, it's just, it's insane. And like, the day after the election was called.
00:05:50
Speaker
You're not getting that. no one's getting Nozenpic anymore. No.
Transition to D&D: Introducing the Game
00:05:53
Speaker
Nozenpic. Let's go. Dude, when i you said that and I would say i saw that was the NoShit Act, I was screaming. I was like, okay, but why does that fucking go hard, dude?
00:06:07
Speaker
The NoShit Act? Like, come on. We're gonna quite literally have the fuck Osha, all my homies die at work. It even come true. Real. Four eels.
00:06:20
Speaker
I was like, okay, but they did pick a banger name.
00:06:26
Speaker
and um ah in class when I was talking about it, they were like, yeah, because they need something to chant. Jesus Christ. Yep. Drill baby, drill is now Nosha.
00:06:39
Speaker
So, sorry to interrupt, but Jaden Loser were playing D&D. Oh boy. Okay. ah boy
00:07:03
Speaker
Oh no, oh no. boy indeed. That's gonna be a rough cold open, apologies. It's alright. Godspeed. Yeah. And to our listeners as well.
00:07:15
Speaker
Oh yeah, literally. yeah Okay, hello all, I am Sarah the DM. I'm Ray, I play Barbie, a sea elf druid. I am Yeston, I play Emrys, a halfling rogue.
00:07:32
Speaker
I'm V-Dad, I play Mallow, a druid. Emilia, I play-
00:07:41
Speaker
I play- That was just so weird. I play a half-elf, damn fear, it's a veil. Hello, my name is Rory. I play a stork, a half-orped fighter. giant yeah I was thinking, where's Dyer? And i was like, oh wait, hasn't been here.
00:07:58
Speaker
And I'll have to do the Dyer's straight.
00:08:03
Speaker
Why is that the Count Dracula laugh? Or Chocula whatever count it is. One dire. Two. two firear ah Three.
00:08:20
Speaker
Stop, my face hurts. I was looking over some stuff for the campaign that required him. Because I was trying to figure out how if I could salvage it, and then I remembered that, oh wait, he's not here.
00:08:33
Speaker
we have a moment of silence? No, try! Um, okay. We're gonna have to do some editing, aren't we?
00:08:45
Speaker
I'm sensing an edit in the future. Yeah. It's Hold I'm reloading my Roll20 right now. So, now that I have everyone's somewhat undivided attention, um I'm do a quick recap.
00:09:02
Speaker
So, last episode, so Vale found out Strahd is 100% her dad. His dad. Sorry. You're good. third his dad sorry you're um Who knows what surveil is?
00:09:16
Speaker
Then see them themselves all found a whole bunch of bones for the morning lord and then proceeded to get drunk. Not in that order. Somewhat in that order. it wasn' in that mode yeah Maybe in that order.
00:09:30
Speaker
yeah We
In-Game Exploration and Humor
00:09:32
Speaker
found the bones and then found out my dad. Because we got the guy to read the note after we turned the bones in Walter. Walter!
00:09:43
Speaker
Walter. while Walter. Where's Walter? Walter? ah At the beginning of your long rest, most of you are really drunk.
00:09:54
Speaker
I know. Savail and Barbie and Walter are trashed. Oh, I'm not. ah The others are- I'm not trash.
00:10:05
Speaker
You're trashed. I'm not trash. You are- seven You have three sheets to the win, then.
00:10:16
Speaker
I'm not that white either. I'm blue. Let's do two and a half.
00:10:26
Speaker
seriously anyway ah It's my job. um So yeah. like Alright. So y'all several of you are really she are several sheets to the wind and that is Walter, Barbie, and Savail.
00:10:48
Speaker
Mallow, Storich, and Emerus, how drunk are you?
00:10:56
Speaker
I forgot. Mallow doesn't drink, so not at all. okay mill Okay. Emerus? I don't know, I'm sorry.
00:11:07
Speaker
I think Emerus is like halfway through the second muscle that you got given. Drunk, got it. So, pretty drunk. And... Storik?
00:11:20
Speaker
Uh... I'm not drinking right now, because i don't particularly trust these beverages.
00:11:26
Speaker
Boring. Um... Okay. So... You say it like they foiled your plan. No, the person who I needed it to is drinking, so it's fine.
00:11:37
Speaker
Um... Oh, no. It's fine. We already discussed this. It's... It's fine. Um... So, y'all now, uh... There's four rooms each and you all are sharing a room, right?
00:11:54
Speaker
yep Yes. Okay. yeah so is there anything else you guys want? What are you doing, Rory? Coding. oh In Yava.
00:12:06
Speaker
In Yava? In Yava. Not in Yava. would you all like to do between now and eight hours from now? ah I'm sleeping.
00:12:17
Speaker
I'm gonna keep an eye on the people who did drink, see if anything funny happens. Alright, so they sevalil Why, because we're comedians? I don't exactly trust anything in this world after that death house.
00:12:32
Speaker
I'm sorry, what did you say, Sarah? What are you doing in the eight hours... During your long rest. Why are there sirens so close to my house? Sorry. Anyway, um... They're coming for you.
00:12:46
Speaker
Do half-elves need a full eight hours? I don't think so. I think it's like four. Let me double check. No, they do need to actually rest for eight hours. They don't need to sleep for eight hours. I thought that was nightshin. Oh, that's full elves. Never mind.
00:13:02
Speaker
Yeah, they need the full eight hours. So, i'm Before 8 hour rest, I'm gonna get so plastered that I have to be carried to my bed.
00:13:15
Speaker
And then I'm just gonna be in a drunken slumber for 8 hours. Alright, and I'm gonna need you to roll a constitution throw. And can you do it at a disadvantage?
00:13:26
Speaker
Oh boy, it's a constitution saving throw? Disadvantage? Oh boy. Alright, well, the first one was an 18, and this one is a 10. when you wake up the next morning, you are going to be really hungover.
00:13:44
Speaker
Like, extremely. ah so for the next it's hours, you are going to have a um disadvantage constitution throws.
00:13:58
Speaker
How does this work if I have resistance to poison? Oh, because it's not- I don't think it's a poison- wait. I don't think it's a poison though. Alcohol is a poison. It is a poison?
00:14:11
Speaker
Poison to your brain. Yeah, I would classify alcohol as a poison. Okay, then never in mind, you're not hungover. Yeah, because you can get alcohol poisoning. We dored it! I'll play hungover, was just curious if it would, like, do anything. i think play i think roleplaying is hungover. Yeah, okay, then you can forgo the resistance. Because...
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah. If you want. If you want to be hungover, you be hungover to your hearts. Yeah, you can be hungover. You can be hanged over. Alright, so we got Malostoric, Savail.
00:14:48
Speaker
Barbie, what would you like to do
00:14:51
Speaker
Honk shoo, honk shoo, honk shoo. Okay. um But, like, I feel like Barbie would be, like, ah very clingy drunk.
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah. So she's like wrapped up in a bundle in her sheets and like the in like the bed sheets in like the fetal position. Like, honkshu. And then Walter's also just going to sleep it off.
00:15:18
Speaker
um I'm going to roll, see if he's going to be hungover. did not get as drunk as the veils, so.
00:15:29
Speaker
thats a three, so he's going to hungover.
00:15:33
Speaker
oh do you want me to roll for barbie? yeah ok i should get my dice out that may help yes since you also? cause thought you also dink yeah i can do constriction yeah oh my god i just saw the step bro werewolf professor cringe movie and i forgot about that what the fuck is that? your just cast a spell? what the fuck did you just say? i feel like i just gotta was like flashbang it is a flashbang It really is the Step Bro Werewolf Professor Cringe movie.
00:16:05
Speaker
I got a 15, by the way. You're not hungover. Barely. i got a 10 as well. You are going to be you are gonna be ah hungover. Not as much as Savelle, though, because Savelle got really drunk.
00:16:23
Speaker
You're probably just waking up with a headache. They're regretting everything. action that led to that moment sorry so i think emrys emrys is gonna including their conception emrys is gonna go for a walk in the morning i think just to just to clear his head basically all right i've located the traitor who talked to sarah and figured it out and solved it
00:16:52
Speaker
I've solved I've connected the dots. Alright, so you and Marissa are taking a walk around the inn, right? Yeah. so ah
Strategic Decisions and Character Development
00:17:06
Speaker
what are you going to do? I think he like fills up a decent sized flask of water from the bar before he heads out.
00:17:17
Speaker
He just kind of Turns the tap on, he's carrying his flask out. Just taking little slips of it as he walks, like, kind of towards the towards the walls of the of the town. Alright, and as you meander through the walls of the town, through the town um you're still sitting with a block or two of the inn, and you find this secluded park with a tree in the center.
00:17:44
Speaker
Um, and... In that tree, there is a sword embedded into it. About halfway up the blade.
00:17:56
Speaker
It's and like it's it's like dug in about halfway through the tree, and it goes up to halfway through the blade. up Halfway up the blade?
00:18:08
Speaker
I had it written out. I don't think my wording was correct when I was doing it. um Can you roll me a... Hold on. um An intelligence?
00:18:24
Speaker
Intelligence, absolutely. ah i have a plus zero to this. Let's go! Barbie's the smart one. guys the smart one
00:18:38
Speaker
an eight. Okay. So, at first glance, it looks... This world really sucks. ah from At first glance, it looks like a normal sword.
00:18:51
Speaker
And do you want to get closer to it?
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah, I'm gonna walk up and be like, oh, is this some kind of, like, this town's sword in the stone type thing? Let's see. And you realize... the closer you get, you realize you've seen this sword before.
00:19:12
Speaker
it was Zolt's. No. What? Yeah, it was Zolt's sword. um And you have no idea how it got buried into this tree.
00:19:29
Speaker
What would you like to do? all i think Yeah, he's gonna walk up kind of And Spexia kind of run his hand like down the blade that can be seen an onto the hilt. as you you put your hand on the hilt, you feel compelled to grab it and try and yank it out.
00:19:51
Speaker
And I do. And as you do, you are hit with the full list of atrocities that this blade has been used to commit. And yet, as you yank it further out of the tree, you, like, the last, as, like, as it became becomes free of the tree, you feel a very, very deep, sharp pain in your head, and you take one psychic damage,
00:20:26
Speaker
As the memories that you had just seen were forcibly taken from your mind. And you forget why you're holding this blade as it transforms into a normal dagger.
00:20:40
Speaker
And you stow it away without a thought in the world and forget about it.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yeah, I think Ambrist is just going to kind of shake his head. take another sip of water from his flask and kind of head back towards towards the inn.
00:21:01
Speaker
right. And as are on your way back, you run across this mother frantically looking around for her teenage her teenage son who vanished in the middle of the night.
00:21:14
Speaker
Would you like to talk to her? Hey, hey. Yeah, hey, well what's up? you're You okay there? Yeah. Yeah, my son, he's gone. I don't know where he went. we ah He was was there this last night, and I woke up and he was gone.
00:21:31
Speaker
We live right next door to the inn, and i just checked through to see if he was running any errands for... um As you yank it.
00:21:45
Speaker
Indeed, yeah. Yeah. You ever just be yanking it? Erwin. I went to go see if he maybe got up... I'd just be yanking my penis. By yanking it, do mean straight up.
00:22:00
Speaker
going
00:22:04
Speaker
to roll back real quick. You do the... um And um I went to go check the inn to see if he went to go help Erwin early this morning, like he sometimes does. And he wasn't there.
00:22:20
Speaker
at you know you know how dangerous it is around here.
00:22:26
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. No, I ah definitely do. Can you help me look for him? he He's about, ah about and she like motions, he's about like five six And he's got deep black hair um and gray eyes.
00:22:47
Speaker
Oh, your son's pretty tall then. Oh my god, these people use the freedom units. The veil looks down at the measurement of 5'6", because he's like, maybe 5'8". I'm tall here.
00:23:03
Speaker
Uh, and then she, like, um I'm gonna go look to see if he's at his and his friend's house, and she kind of, like, runs off in the other direction. No.
00:23:13
Speaker
but Okay, I'll keep an eye out for him. I'll ask him the in inn. Oh, okay, she can't hear me anymore. Alright.
00:23:24
Speaker
And then I will walk back inside to go check on the more drunken of the the party. Okay. And I will say, this is about, like, 9 o'clock in the morning, so everyone is pretty much downstairs.
00:23:43
Speaker
Barbie's looking at me, i like, so have you ever been just jorking it?
00:23:50
Speaker
You know, jorking your peanuts?
00:23:54
Speaker
I don't know, I had an idea, and i it was really funny to me, specifically. All right. And you kind of see, everyone kind of sees Erwin come in.
00:24:08
Speaker
Not Erwin. To the bar. He's a nice dude who gave you a bunch of alcohol last night. I wouldn't make too much fun of him. You can't stop me.
00:24:22
Speaker
I know, free will sucks.
00:24:26
Speaker
You see him come in. we see him what? Come, oh my god. Wow.
00:24:37
Speaker
I think we need to start a psi counter for each episode.
00:24:43
Speaker
oh It's just for me. You're off the charts. What the heck? I make good jokes sometimes. You Sometimes.
00:24:58
Speaker
There was real pain in that. There's pain in that sometimes. You see him come and walk into the main bar, and he looks very concerned. Yeah, because we just saw him come.
00:25:18
Speaker
Who is this? Erwin the bartender. Oh, I'm like saying that in character. Oh, i'm sorry, what did you In character? I was saying... I was like, talking to the rest of the party, who is this?
00:25:32
Speaker
don't know.
00:25:35
Speaker
I believe that's the bartender. Sounds like a song I heard once. Would anyone like to ask him what is wrong? Not really. Well, wait, is there something wrong? You just said he came into the party. looking very concerned.
00:25:51
Speaker
oh okay. Oh, gotta get back into voice. just I even really talk to this guy? I'm trying to think. The voice. Oh, hold up.
00:26:03
Speaker
The voices. The voices. The voices. The voices in my head. What?
00:26:13
Speaker
can't. can't. You wouldn't understand. Yeah, the voices. That the voices hit the floor. What?
00:26:27
Speaker
yeah Okay, now I have that stuck in my head. Get the voices at the floor. Oh, no, i the falling in reverse song. that I was just quoting. I'm not a vampire.
00:26:40
Speaker
oh no. ah I think it's voices. i know. i would I was just was just saying the name. I'm just going to go. Sorry. No, you're good. You're good. You're good. I'm not on it today. don't know what's happening.
00:26:59
Speaker
The Bruins are though! 2-1! Woo! Marshy got a I love him! So this guy, he's depressed. Yeah, he he's not depressed, he looks worried.
00:27:12
Speaker
Same thing.
00:27:16
Speaker
I know, right? He doesn't, in this world. My worry makes me depressed.
00:27:22
Speaker
when you're so depressed, you just have to jork it. So who would like ask what is wrong? Okay, Walter's going to walk up to the bar and yeah
00:27:39
Speaker
ask, sup, Erwin? um Sup, my bro? What's wrong? yeah what' Yeah, what's cooking? What's cooking? um
00:27:49
Speaker
Let's cook it. Hopefully not that woman's son. Oh my. right Jesus Christ. ah You know what? don't know. Jesus.
00:28:03
Speaker
I fear. Anyways, bartender is like, the bartender looks up at Walter. He's like, I'm really worried. I'm and I'm gonna try and get to the voice. It's probably not gonna happen today.
00:28:16
Speaker
The voices. I just... I fucked up my... um not oh my god almost went Hi, everybody. me Hi, buddy. Howdy.
00:28:29
Speaker
Howdy. Howdy. Tommy from next door went missing last night. Um, and I'm worried. the The mags got to him. Uh...
00:28:40
Speaker
Well, we don't know they're actually hags, but they're these three older ladies that live off... And he points towards the north. Who lives at the old grinder mill and makes these special pastries that, like, kind of cure depression.
00:29:01
Speaker
But, like, there's rumors that they're kind you know, otherworldly, if you get my drift.
00:29:10
Speaker
i'm ah don't sure I'm not sure I do catch your drift. What do you mean otherworldly? Did you... we think you mean back What drift I'm also supposed to be catching.
00:29:23
Speaker
Well...
00:29:26
Speaker
So they're providing a service that doesn't seem to be harming anyone and seems to be helping and you all are assuming that's a little rude. I didn't say they were i didn't hey they weren't hurting people. They sometimes like people who sell in there or buy in these pastries. Sometimes their kids go missing.
00:29:46
Speaker
But like the parents don't really care. so like Yeah. Well, that doesn't sound like that's the hat's fault.
00:29:56
Speaker
Well, now I'm just interested.
00:30:00
Speaker
Savail, like, rubs his temples and he just kind of mutters. Have you never heard in the capit las of They're like... and Yeah, but, like... yeah this pair these These families, like, slowly get more destitute and then their children go missing.
00:30:17
Speaker
That sounds like they make bad choices. And that's where the Reapers get their heads. Well, maybe don't make che- maybe don't write checks that your mouth can't cash.
00:30:27
Speaker
I say that all the time, that's why I have this beautiful inn that only- that like, you can buy a bottle for- And yet you're calling innocent women hacks.
00:30:39
Speaker
Have you seen them? We never said they were innocent. just saying, you have no proof that they are hags, and yet you're calling them hags. That seems awfully rude, You may have no proof they are innocent, either.
00:30:53
Speaker
You have no proof they are guilty. Whatever happened in due process?
00:30:59
Speaker
Do I look like a judge? It's called... rumors for a reason. I didn't say I believe it. Well, you awfully sound like you believe it, sir.
00:31:12
Speaker
I mean... the shoe fits... The shoes aren't fitting, though. the shoe doesn't fit, you must acquit. This is kinda starting to feel as though... Some hag-ism.
00:31:28
Speaker
The veil kinda, like, turns green for a second and gags. Sir, are you okay? Would you like a bucket? I mean... Would you like a bucket? What? Okay, aside from like... No, I'm fine, thank you. What, aside from like children disappearing, which awful and everything, and he like continues to love his temples, what other evidence is there? These people get addicted to these pastries.
00:31:55
Speaker
Maybe they shouldn't eat so many. Children...
00:31:59
Speaker
No, because they aren't fat. Maybe they're just fat. They're as thin as a board. Well, then, is it really bad if they start eating a lot, then?
00:32:13
Speaker
That's a fair question. That's a fair question. The veil is not in the mood. like have real to Several of these pastries. It's like they don't care for anything but their dreams and their depression.
00:32:26
Speaker
Okay, that sounds like ah pretty sick deal. in Some people are in love with people that don't love them back abandon their children and causes problems. We can't all be happy. know what I to This reminds me of those people back in where I came from who ate the poppy seeds a bit too much.
00:32:57
Speaker
I don't know how we can help them. Maybe we can keep them away from that stuff? Maybe you're asking me talk to them. There's nothing wrong. I've heard is that you don't like their business model.
00:33:09
Speaker
No, I don't. Because people keep going missing. Well, that's all them.
00:33:15
Speaker
How does that impact
00:33:20
Speaker
you? Jesus. So all you care about money, and yet you're over here calling and innocent women hags. Maybe you're the hag, sir. Have you ever thought of that? you put his hands on What if you're the hag, and you're just projecting?
00:33:39
Speaker
You see him putting his hands on his hair. He's like... my I know a little thing about projecting. My friend's teenage son is missing, and you're calling me a hag.
00:33:54
Speaker
You threw the accusation first, I know these people don't eat the pastries. Okay, then what are they doing with them if not eat- How are they getting addicted to the pastries if they're not eating them?
00:34:09
Speaker
My friends aren't eating them. Other people are, but my friend's teenage son is missing. Maybe don't know your friend so well.
00:34:19
Speaker
It's my sister. Well, that's not your friend. You should have run with that. Wait, wait, wait. what is That's not your friend. That's your sister. I think you have a conflict of interest, sir.
00:34:34
Speaker
I don't know why Barbie became a ah lawyer, I really need you guys to go investigate these people. oh we're getting there. Don't worry. We'll get there. We're just taking the scenic route.
00:34:46
Speaker
Just go check. aves Okay, fine. Whatever. You're not a hag. We'll go... Check it Maybe you are a hag. And you know what? Maybe that's not a bad thing. Have you thought about that?
00:34:58
Speaker
He kind of like flips you off. He's got sunshine. He's got quieter. ah boy Guys, he gave us all of the alcohol last night. i think That was his mistake. I'm sorry, bartender. Yeah, it was. I'm cutting you.
00:35:14
Speaker
He has a name. Storick, he has a name and you should use it. Don't be rude.
00:35:22
Speaker
yeah we're gonna Cards. ah Bobby, what what was his name? That's not the point. That's not the point. That's not the point. It was like Isaac or something like that. Alexander?
00:35:33
Speaker
Frank? Rowan? Irwin. Oh god. Bestie. I didn't forget. ah way oh my god our way bestie i didn't get I was just playing around, just like with that hag thing, you know.
00:35:49
Speaker
just, we know shit a little bit, you know? Yeah, sure, sure. Anyway. You're the one who said hag first, and we don't even know if that's an insult, technically. yeah It could be a good thing.
00:36:02
Speaker
You never know. Whoever said hags were bad? Anyway. Anyway, Miss Barbie, bless your heart. Oh, excuse. Oh, don't you start with that, Irwin.
00:36:17
Speaker
i almost called you not Irwin because I couldn't remember your name for a second. Just kidding, bestie. Anyway, will go, but not because you... I have requested it, or because you say so, but because I want to prove to you that these hags are not that bad, and they're not hags, and maybe you should think more before judging other people.
00:36:41
Speaker
Whatever you say, ma'am. Just go check them out. I'll be thinking about this for a while.
00:36:51
Speaker
You can that, ma'am. I want to drag Bobby out the bar. Hey, that's mean! Watch the hair! but Before he goes, he gives you guys a map to where the mill is.
00:37:05
Speaker
And it's about an hour's walk from the inn. And it's on the lake of Zarevich. Sorry, I missed an Zarevich.
00:37:18
Speaker
It's on the lake of Zarevich. next to a forest or like it's like there's a clearing and you can see the lake and you can see a forest next to it kind of i don't know it's like not on the lake but it's like you get it kind of i think right yeah yeah sure Sure, sure. Yeah, so it's near lake. You can see the lake from there.
00:37:50
Speaker
It's on a hill. I'll put it like that. It's on a hill. You can see the lake. And it's also by a forest. Is so there anything else you should know about this lake?
Supernatural Discoveries and Strategy
00:38:01
Speaker
This forest? And this hill? it's behind It's behind. You're not going anywhere near the lake yet. But it's ah it's a massive lake. It's...
00:38:14
Speaker
It's like at least 100 miles across.
00:38:20
Speaker
Is there anything there that will try to kill us i mean besides everything else? Possibly, but you're not going to the lake. I feel totally reassured. Possibly. feel like I've missed Sarah off too much to feel comfortable with this.
00:38:41
Speaker
Don't worry, I have a bag. We're all going to pay for your shoes. have a bag for ah your final boss. Each time you guys piss me off, a new hit dice gets added to it. no Yum.
00:38:54
Speaker
being Being the party meat joke does not make me feel ah comfortable about this proposition. Hey, hey, you you blocked like a creature we were not supposed be fighting. We believe in collective punishment here, your buddy. Sorry, we're breaking the Geneva connect Convention.
00:39:09
Speaker
Yeah, but I'm going to accept it all, dude.
00:39:13
Speaker
Sucks And as you guys make your way up to venian mill, you see a giant, not a giant, but you see a weather weathered sign that says Old Bone Grinder.
00:39:29
Speaker
I didn't know they had ah dating apps in this world. Stop it. As you approach this mill, the old Slavlich Road transitions here from being winding pass to a lazy trail that hugs the hills and this ah hugs the hills On the shore, you see... Near the shore, you see the windmill.
00:39:59
Speaker
It looks very dilapidated with warped wooden veins stripped bare. It's missing pieces of the windmill part.
00:40:12
Speaker
Windmill? Yeah. it's called It's called a windmill in the book. Yeah, but you said windmill. Yeah. Oh, my bad. You couldn't get another hint, I don't
00:40:29
Speaker
It's like... It's very weathered and old. and i'm Kind of like Erwin, am I right? Erwin was like in his thirty s
00:40:41
Speaker
Okay, then. He's the younger brother of the the lady you saw. I didn't see her. Emrysul, sorry.
00:40:52
Speaker
Yeah, Barbie has no emotional attachment to this situation. um and Barbie, if you're worried about people not liking you, maybe the responses shouldn't be as sharp as yeah they were back then. I don't care.
00:41:09
Speaker
I don't care if some judgy little jerk face who dares to say, bless your heart to me, cares if he likes me or not. He shouldn't judge books by their covers.
00:41:23
Speaker
he He did do a big favor for us last night. Not really. We could afford it. had Savail's child support.
00:41:34
Speaker
I did see the mother of the supposed missing child. so ah feel Good for you. me yeah Very upset, it seems. Didn't know you were into women.
00:41:46
Speaker
I was helping her out. so Okay. but so
00:41:52
Speaker
Oh, that's what they're calling it these days? Sorry. She has a missing child. Okay. As see i you approach the the door to this windmill, um you see the gray-black walls and dirt-covered windows of the upper floor.
00:42:14
Speaker
In a decrepit wooden platform that encircles the, um like, the base of the windmill. Shut up.
00:42:29
Speaker
Base of the windmill. um And perched on the wooden beam above the door is a raven. It hops about and squats at you, seemingly agitated.
00:42:43
Speaker
ah Can someone roll a insight check for me?
00:42:48
Speaker
I will. highest I have a plus four. Actually, I have well i have a plus four, but i don't have any. it's I'm not proficient. Oh, that's with my proficiency.
00:43:02
Speaker
What the fuck? You bitch. You gotta go. but What is your proficiency bonus now? It's still plus two.
00:43:15
Speaker
not level three Not level five yet. I don't know shit. I could also roll if you would like it to. Anyone can roll.
00:43:28
Speaker
You sounded so happy about that.
00:43:33
Speaker
Oh, that is 17. All right. all right I about to say a 7. I'm just going double check. Oopsie doopsie!
00:43:45
Speaker
So, um... So, you can tell that the raven is trying to warn the party. Oh, wait! I have speak with the animals! I'm not through it!
00:43:58
Speaker
Yeah, don't I have to speak with animals or something? Oh, no, I don't. You can use it if you want. Wait, no, you're a druid. You should have spoken with animals.
00:44:10
Speaker
You should just get it, though. I think it's just a So I could do it as a ritual. I'm gonna spend ten minutes. I look around. I'm going to see what this raven's trying to warn us of. Just give me a moment as a begin to prepare.
00:44:26
Speaker
I'm gonna speak with animals. i'm gonna cast it, but I'm doing it as a ritual. So does that was spell Barbie has? A spell slot?
00:44:33
Speaker
speak with yeah yeah When you do a ritual, it doesn't it doesn't cost those spells. um so the The squawks give way to a very creaky voice. ah
00:44:46
Speaker
e I was going to try it, but my threat's not going to do that. Griggy! Griggy! he ah He is- the The raven is like, beware, beware, beware. Beware, beware.
00:45:01
Speaker
Do not come in here. And then he flies off back towards Valky. Wow, this guy should talk to a poet or something.
00:45:12
Speaker
Quote the raven. What's next, Nevermore?
00:45:18
Speaker
I kind of shout out, Wade, what do you mean, friend? If you would like, I have treats- Oh, he's gone. and quote I just sound like I'm squawking.
00:45:28
Speaker
That's what it sounds like to you guys. That was more of a Waluigi sound. That was absolutely Waluigi. Are you feeling alright, Mallow?
00:45:42
Speaker
Are we speaking to the raven? What do you mean? I'm not sure you were. Uh... And Mala just looks at you as well or a druid, did do you not know the rights of speaking to animals? know the rights of man.
00:46:01
Speaker
Well, I guess man is an animal as well, but...
00:46:09
Speaker
I was speaking to the crow. It would have warned not to enter. I only speak to the sea. In my heart. Well I was going to walk in there, but now that we had an animal start talking to us and tell us not to... I'm starting to think otherwise.
00:46:26
Speaker
Yes. It would do us best to be quite cautious if we do choose to enter. Would anyone like to try and open the door?
00:46:38
Speaker
Cautious is my middle name. I'll do it. rams You can push or pull. That's a great question. um I'm gonna... If you push the door, it's gonna be so embarrassing for you. Shut up!
00:46:52
Speaker
and I will kill you. I will kill you. um Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I wouldn't! This is the biggest issue that I've ever made in my life.
00:47:05
Speaker
Let's just... ah let's Let's flash and clear. Flash? Flashbang out! Flashbang.
00:47:14
Speaker
Um, I'm gonna, uh, uh, uh, i
00:47:21
Speaker
um ah i good ah closed the door not open yeah i'm gonna push ah do ah put the door the door weeks to open hey guys to got on the first try but Don't call me a hero. Can I roll perception to see if they got it on the first try?
00:47:43
Speaker
Yeah, go for it. Don't do this to me, man. I'm trying my best. I'm just a girl. That's gonna be funny, though.
00:47:57
Speaker
An 11. Do I roll deception? Or sleight of hand? Yeah, go for it.
00:48:04
Speaker
Let me zoom in on my side. I'm gonna use sleight of hand.
00:48:14
Speaker
That makes more sense to me. And also I have a plus two. That's a 17. Okay. Wow, you- Bobby, you did really well with that door. Thank you!
00:48:25
Speaker
ah first try! know! All right. It's impressive. I know. Thank you. no let me. I'm just so cool. Let me go ahead and. Now, the ground floor has been converted into a makeshift kitchen, but the room is filthy.
00:48:41
Speaker
Baskets and old dishware are piled up everywhere. Adding to the clutter is a peddler's cart, a chicken coop, a heavy wooden trunk, and a pretty wooden cabinet with flowers painted on its door.
00:48:54
Speaker
Feyre, is that you? Yeah.
00:48:59
Speaker
I got it. In addition to the clucking of the chickens, you hear toads croaking. The sweet smell of pastries blends horribly with the stench that burns your nostrils.
00:49:13
Speaker
An awful odor comes out of an open, upright barrel in the center of the room. Warmth warmth issues from the brick oven against one wall and a crumbling staircase ascends a wall across from it.
00:49:29
Speaker
Shrieks and cackles from somewhere higher up cause the old mill to shudder. Would you like to explore the room?
00:49:38
Speaker
I'm going to say, Walter, maybe don't look inside, Walter. There ah might be something you don't really like in there.
00:49:48
Speaker
Oh, I forgot about the chickens. Exactly. He hears the chickens. Walter, Walter. Call the doctor, Walter. He is overcome with the fear he's killed. And he walks right in and steps right down on some small human bones that litter the flagstone floor.
00:50:14
Speaker
that bodes well. Alright, I think we can confirm that this is not a good place to be and that Raven was probably right. We don't know that. I think we have ample evidence to suggest so.
00:50:28
Speaker
We should still go look for... ah Can I roll a medical check to see if I can tell the age of these bones? Look at motherfucking archaeologist. I may not be smart, but... You can tell this...
00:50:45
Speaker
Oh, this is going to be fun. um Because I'm going to use an actual anthropology stuff. So you pick up a bone and you can tell based off of the features and the fact that several points of it have not fully fused together that this is the ulna of a child.
00:51:11
Speaker
Hmm.
00:51:13
Speaker
So it does look like... Is there... Okay, so is there any kind of markings for like what they did to the bones? like So if they cleaved them with... ah You can kind of see nicks and whatever. like It doesn't look like they were trying to... It looks like they were trying to get the skin off of the bones.
00:51:32
Speaker
But like... Kind of crudely. ah You can also kind of tell... That these are fresh. Not within the next last week, i like but they are within the last month or so.
00:51:47
Speaker
They haven't got the telltale aging that suggests that they've been... um like yes why yeah they're still yeah they're still kind of yellow.
00:52:00
Speaker
i like I'd like raise my hand up to everyone. um
00:52:06
Speaker
Well, it does look like whoever is here seems to be harvesting children for something. It's quite crude with whatever tools they're using, but they clearly are removing the flesh from children's bones.
00:52:20
Speaker
So stay wary. That's so much extra effort. Why not just eat their dreams? And can someone do an investigation check for me, please? It's kind of funny because I'm getting rid of these things.
00:52:33
Speaker
I have a plus one. so plus five I rolled a 19. Well, that's more than enough. um So, you can tell baking in the oven is a dozen drain pastries.
00:52:46
Speaker
um You can also tell that the barrel in the center of the rim that's open that smells horrible um is Excuse me. is a It holds this glistening greenish black liquid.
00:53:01
Speaker
Can someone do... either an arcana, nature, or...
00:53:10
Speaker
I'll roll for arcana. Yeah. Arcana or nature.
00:53:17
Speaker
An 11 for me.
00:53:20
Speaker
All right. No one else can roll. My nature's a plus three, so... That's good, though. That's an 18. So you have heard of this.
00:53:32
Speaker
It is a summoning barrel for a drench.
00:53:38
Speaker
A what? A drench. Drenched? Sorry, drenched. it's ah It's a creature. but Okay, so it small demon. Ew.
00:53:51
Speaker
It's a small demon that is... It looks like a goblin mixed with a purple. No bitches? Oh. we said dumb this ah kate like It's little dip hole.
00:54:05
Speaker
It's face and it's like skeletal structure kind of looks like it but it's also it lives on four legs and it's got claws that are like huge and big and nasty.
00:54:19
Speaker
That's what they need the children for. They're doing princess versus toddlers.
00:54:25
Speaker
um I were about to say toddlers in tiaras.
00:54:33
Speaker
Strongest toddler versus pitbull named princess. Yeah. Exactly.
00:54:41
Speaker
So, guys, my initial thoughts that these people might be, you know, chill are in fact proving a little less true than I expected or anticipated.
00:54:56
Speaker
ah These are in fact summoning barrels better for some demons. Ah, yes. How would we destroy them? Is there a way to stop that? We can try peeing in the barrel.
00:55:13
Speaker
Peeing in the barrel? Yeah. oh Whoa. You're gonna summon piss demons. Can you um either new in our colon or um three i do I'll do an arcana.
00:55:29
Speaker
Well, both of those are plus one, Whoa! I know this. I'm good at history. That's a 14. Yeah, I'm not good at history.
00:55:40
Speaker
I'm probably not history history, really. So what'd you get, Isabella? I got a 14. Actually, going to give the help action to you, Rory.
00:55:53
Speaker
Yay? yeah I don't know.
00:55:57
Speaker
So, you know you could- Uh, well, it's a ballerick pass. You could in theory dump it out. And that would stop them from summoning.
00:56:08
Speaker
Oh. We could just tip the barrel over. feel like that would solve all their problems. Sounds like a good idea. Someone needs to roll a strength.
00:56:22
Speaker
Oh, oh, I'm good at this thing. I'm good this thing. It's crazy. I not one i can actually do something. You said it's just strength?
00:56:33
Speaker
Yeah. Cool. Stork gives golden retriever energy. 15. Alright. all right but You knock it up easily and the smell is like a thousand times worse now.
00:56:46
Speaker
Oh. Maybe that was a bad idea. Why did you why' you recommend that? and We didn't want it to summon. This is the way to not summon.
00:56:58
Speaker
This is horrendous. Well, this is, you know, beauty is pain. Alright. um Beauty's also apparently stinky. really Yeah, it can do that.
00:57:11
Speaker
Before you go upstairs.
00:57:14
Speaker
Knock, knock. Are there any children around? No. um well Children! Any lost children who are meant to be with their mothers?
00:57:28
Speaker
No? Okay, I guess our job is done. There's still a second floor, Walter says. Damn it, Walter. You said the barkeep said they were hags, right?
00:57:42
Speaker
ah He did. he said he he thinks they might be hags. And well my mother has said, hags are incredibly dangerous.
00:57:52
Speaker
Let's do this. Okay. Alright. And Walter agrees with you and he starts making his way up the stairs.
00:58:04
Speaker
That's bold of you, Walter.
00:58:07
Speaker
Walter's bold? They had chickens. They were going to die their way.
00:58:13
Speaker
Walter says... And... What was that? I said base to alter? Yeah, he does not like chickens.
00:58:23
Speaker
Good reason as well. Yeah. he makes this- What the heck is this chicken hating party? Damn.
00:58:34
Speaker
You were there when you fought the demon chickens. and I didn't fight them. Oh, that's right, you didn't. I was having a temper tantrum. That's right, I forgot. Well, we gotta meet the demon chickens again.
00:58:48
Speaker
Let's beat them up. Anyways, so you guys make it make your way back up to the stairs where of the hags is currently um out of her non-hag form. So she's like full-on grotesque looking. That's rude.
00:59:12
Speaker
And I need someone to roll. ah archie now that twice She could be a very pretty hag. We don't know. Sure. Kitten and so what do, uh, would it Arcana?
00:59:28
Speaker
I think. To determine what type of hag she is.
00:59:34
Speaker
would probably say Arcana. History or Arcana? I rolled a 15. Maybe nature? A 15?
00:59:41
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, I'll roll. Alright. 17. Alright, so you both recognize this as night hag. Sly and subversive, night hags want to see the virtuous turn to villainy.
00:59:54
Speaker
Love turned into obsession, kindness turned to hate, devotion to disregard, and generosity to selfishness. Night hags take perverse boy in corrupting mortals.
01:00:06
Speaker
Joke's on you, I'm already corrupted. was just saying...
01:00:14
Speaker
What's your favorite hobby? Tearing people's throats up. What? so this hag, she is it's quite old looking.
01:00:25
Speaker
ah She's got the like gray streaks through her black hair and pale purple skin. ah he all purple skin um and like these wicked looking horns that kind of start there it looks like they're starting to um as they've grown grow wrote in back into like the side of her head kind of in like a circle circular motion but really in need of like trimming them oh hear me out guys i'm not hearing you out keep that to you yeah ah Hear me out, hear me out.
01:01:09
Speaker
Yeah, good. Come on, she sounds kinda hot, though. he has What? She is tackling, and you can see her rotten- You know, some hot girls have really bad laughs. It's okay. Rotten yellow teeth that are filed to a point.
01:01:27
Speaker
So are mine, bro. Okay. Barbie's a bear half the time. Hear me out. I am taking my thumbs and putting them her eye sockets and crushing her skull. That doesn't sound like... so this heavy set... What the hell?
01:01:41
Speaker
Um... Don't call my girlfriend fat, bro. She is pushing around a few old bones and and stirring up a cloud of white dust with her broom.
01:01:55
Speaker
She wears a bloodstained flower cape keep flower caked apron a long sharp bodkin impales her bo bundled up mound of gray black hair the dirt cake windows allow very little light to enter the eight foot high chamber most of which has taken up by a large ah millstone connected to a wooden gear shaft that rises through the ceiling in the center of the room The stone staircase continues up towards the sound of loud louder cow
01:02:28
Speaker
cackle louder cal you like calculus. gao say calculus too packling louder cal kill Guys, I think I'm in love.
01:02:42
Speaker
i think need I'm not hearing you out. Hear me out, though, guys. Come on. He sees you as you guys came up the stairs.
01:02:54
Speaker
ah Barbie waves. ah Wait. Hello, petals.
01:03:01
Speaker
Hi. And Barbie like, um like, ah ah like puts her hair behind her ear, like a little like a little radio rebel moment. Are you going to bend and snap?
01:03:15
Speaker
No, I'm going to radio rebel. Okay. um
01:03:20
Speaker
I'm going to kill myself. ah Have you come for some night hat? Not yet. Some dream pastries?
01:03:31
Speaker
Oh.
01:03:33
Speaker
and No. um We came because ah we are. oh guys. I don't think she likes me. And she turns back to what she was doing. Guys,
01:03:47
Speaker
I've never faced rejection before. I don't know what to do.
01:04:00
Speaker
My sister had a baby and the baby had no legs.
01:04:06
Speaker
What the fuck? Did you just you had a baby and it had no legs? My sister had a baby.
01:04:14
Speaker
And then the baby had no legs or arms, it was just a little stomp. Why are you trying to get the shrimp from Shark Tales?
01:04:25
Speaker
My voice went that high and I was like, oh my god, it sounds like the shrimp. And so I just went with it.
01:04:35
Speaker
I don't know why my brain did that. I fear I'm losing the plot. ah yeah I don't know the plot anymore. i think the plot never existed.
01:04:48
Speaker
she is further ignoring you, expecting you guys to leave, and she goes to start up the, um, millstone. But my love, please, we traveled all this way.
01:05:00
Speaker
said, Petal, leave. Be gone with you. Have you seen a little boy?
01:05:08
Speaker
you ever been trying to see like, peek up towards, the like, the ceiling and she's like,
01:05:14
Speaker
um need you to leave. Someone's place in dirt. it's like It's like mentioning watermelon at any point in time during facade. Alright, and I am going to need you Watermelon.
01:05:29
Speaker
And you kind of watch as she's like weighing her options before she kind of
01:05:38
Speaker
Please, my honor depends on it. I was saying you're a good person. Please, they can't be wrong. The laughing's stuck already.
01:05:51
Speaker
see you are not leaving, so... then she kind of drops the broom and then she cracks her knuckles. I guess we're getting your- Oh, why am I turned on right now? We're about to get her shit wronged. Alright, I need to go ahead and tell Barbie at her first. When a goddamn spellcaster cracks their knuckles, you know you're about to get your shit wronged. They're about to go melee.
01:06:16
Speaker
Oh my god, that was a four.
01:06:21
Speaker
Oh, wait, are we got roll initiative? We all need to roll initiative. Remember, every time I say a name, you gotta bleep it out. It's my penance. Okay, I'm sorry. It's fine, it's fine.
01:06:36
Speaker
Um, alright. So, what would you like to do? oh Okay, I believe it must be time to pull out the crossbow for the first time in ages.
01:06:50
Speaker
and I forgot, the rerolls use as non-magical attacks with your crossbow? Yeah, kind of, because it just dies to add the radiant damage.
01:07:05
Speaker
Alright.
01:07:08
Speaker
all right yeah Oh, yeah, that's right, the radiant. So it's magical. That misses. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Guys! Uh-oh. ah guys
01:07:21
Speaker
This isn't good because Barbie's been having performance issues. sure an Extends can help you. Question. If you were use Primal Savagery, would you consider it be a magical weapon?
01:07:35
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, I think we did that before. yeah I will grab you by the legs
Climactic Combat and Humor
01:07:39
Speaker
and use you as a weapon having performance issues.
01:07:44
Speaker
Oh goodness, that's hilarious. I agree. Absolutely. Alright. um Amelia, you're up.
01:07:53
Speaker
Alright, I'm going to... I'm just gonna go up and stab her. Alright. Alright, so... I am not stealthed.
01:08:08
Speaker
But I do get that 50% of a time, an added 1d6 of radiant damage can be added. yeah So I have to use a d4. And I will say, if you get the radiant damage, that counts as a magical attack.
01:08:20
Speaker
If not, it's a normal attack.
01:08:24
Speaker
So, let me make sure i'm reading this right. Okay, so...
01:08:31
Speaker
Does a 18 hit? An 18 hits. Excellent. Okay, and then I rolled 4 on my d4, so that adds the radiant damage.
01:08:43
Speaker
So, alright, that's 12 damage. Alright. The phone. And... The phone. Hit in, and... I mean, yeah you stabbed the...
01:08:57
Speaker
um The hag. You win your innuendos today. Yeah. Yes, yes.
01:09:09
Speaker
Oh, hold on. It's clear you've been reading. yes Don't get me started on book. There was literally only one scene. The entire book.
01:09:20
Speaker
Oh, that's so rude. I know. What's even the point? Um... Not that it, like, really mattered, though. It doesn't really add to the plot or take away if there was any, but it just was... Disappointing.
01:09:36
Speaker
Who's breaking grass?
01:09:39
Speaker
have a feeling it's Amelia. It's not me. V-Dad? I've not played Minecraft in months. V-Dad, you're up. Um... I take a rock.
01:09:51
Speaker
I cast magic stone on it. Alright. And I throw the rock. all right The rock is thrown. have my little pouch of rocks that i just put my hand into and and I'm going cast on three rocks. Alright.
01:10:05
Speaker
um How much damage? Can you roll roll hit a hit? Hey! 20. Not Nat. Okay. Not a Natty. Not a Natty. I'm not Natty. Not Natty.
01:10:19
Speaker
Yeah, I take the rock. This is 20 hit, I'm assuming. So I take the rock. I get into a to of baseball Dwayne Johnson?
01:10:30
Speaker
And I just crack that shit on their head. right Alright. It's like the Twilight scene. you Oh my god. And magical bludgeoning. Black. right you just Yeah, just bounce a fucking rock off their head.
01:10:47
Speaker
And that's my turn. Can't do anything else. Uh, uh, Raydy. Uh, Ray, you're up
01:10:54
Speaker
Yippee! I am going to cantrip this bitch. Oh my god, I forgot Walter!
01:11:07
Speaker
yes It's a five. Okay, he's at the end anyway. What's his dex mod? Uh... Five.
01:11:17
Speaker
Three. 500. Yeah, Walter goes first. Yeah. Okay. So, well, I got a 10, so screw you, Walter. I'm gonna cast Primal Savagery on myself, and that wouldn let me just- I forgot Walter will speak with animals.
01:11:37
Speaker
My claws. Walter just uses it to curse at the chickens. Um...
01:11:45
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Alright, I'm rolling to hit this little... My girlfriend upset. My not-girlfriend, actually. I would never, never do that. Domestic abuse is not okay.
01:11:57
Speaker
But it is funny. and My attack... I rolled a natural 18 anyway. Yeah, you pass. Um...
01:12:09
Speaker
I pay off! Yeah, you- Uh, okay. I pay off. I pay off. Yeah. Okay, so that's four.
01:12:20
Speaker
And then for my Claws of Courage, I get one D4 slashing damage.
01:12:28
Speaker
And that's a three, so that is seven damage total. Walter, he's going to cast Guiding Bolt at second level.
01:12:38
Speaker
Dang. Dang.
01:12:41
Speaker
no That passes. That was 17. remember him being bad at those before.
01:12:51
Speaker
Yeah, he, when we, whatever it's called. It was the dice. Not Walter. Okay, so that's 6, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 damage.
01:13:05
Speaker
Rory.
01:13:08
Speaker
roy
01:13:10
Speaker
I'm going to walk up, I'm going to run right up to the Night Hag and try to grapple her.
01:13:22
Speaker
That'd be Dex, right? It's Athletics against... ah Athletics or Acrobatics.
01:13:36
Speaker
And for the record, my roll was an 18.
01:13:40
Speaker
Okay, I don't know.
01:13:45
Speaker
Oh, okay. Skills, okay.
01:13:50
Speaker
Well, that was sick, so Yeah, she's grabbing. You are going right there. I'm gonna try to drag her to one of the windows. Just press her up against it.
01:14:02
Speaker
You know In front of everyone. I'm gonna need you to roll a strength for me. Alright.
01:14:15
Speaker
I'll shoot where my dice go. I'll put that in a second.
01:14:19
Speaker
but Dice rolled to another room. I will also say the ah rangers game starts at 7. rolled a 9 for strength. So you know. Okay. A 9? I'm already messing the Bruins game, so. Yeah.
01:14:31
Speaker
Yeah, you budge but not much. She's not going anywhere.
01:14:39
Speaker
Hmm. Interesting. Interesting.
01:14:43
Speaker
Interesting, interesting, interesting. Yeah, that's my turn. Interesting. Now the hag's turn. Since you are grappled, ah she is going to go ahead and use her claws.
01:15:01
Speaker
Since she is grappled, she's going use her claws and try and rake them across... um
01:15:10
Speaker
not Rory, Storix, arms, and face. thought you were going to say his back. I'm like, what the fuck is with this kinky ass? This is a kinky ass episode, bro. Oh my god, that is not one.
01:15:29
Speaker
So she does go against your back, but not Just give her that stare. Wait, which? You're getting cugged. I am! By Storic!
01:15:41
Speaker
The most asexual coded character in this freaking thing! Alright, yeah, so that's the end of her turn. um Yesen, you're Wait.
01:15:53
Speaker
Did everyone go? but
01:15:56
Speaker
Yeah! Pag is at the bottom. Lovely, okay. I'm gonna load another in the crop out. And that is 7.
01:16:13
Speaker
What was that?
01:16:16
Speaker
Can I... There's only 7. That does not hit. get... Yeah. Can I, uh... Use a bonus action to hide? Yeah!
01:16:28
Speaker
Uh... Is there, like, a table nearby that I can, like, push over to get coverage? Um...
01:16:36
Speaker
No, but there are a whole bunch of barrels on the other side of the room.
01:16:43
Speaker
Okay. kind of Can I... I able to hide behind one of those? Yes. You're now behind and hag and the rest of and in front of the rest of the party, so technically you're flanked.
01:16:59
Speaker
Okay. Can I do that next turn or this turn? Yes, next turn. Okay. I'll put a finger up and say keep like keep keep keep myself quiet, basically.
01:17:16
Speaker
and Okay. Alright. Amelia, you're up.
01:17:21
Speaker
I'm gonna go stab her again. Alright. Vidan, you're up.
01:17:29
Speaker
I take a rock. Not a rock. oh yeah I got a rock. It's a rock. It's not a rock.
01:17:40
Speaker
It's a boulder. That's an eight. Yeah, that like misses by a mile. Just break out one of the windows.
01:17:52
Speaker
Alright. Um, Ray, you're up. Yippee! Time to be a primal savage.
01:18:02
Speaker
and tried to scratch this hag on her back sexually. wonderful But also, acidically. What?
01:18:13
Speaker
It's acid damage.
01:18:17
Speaker
Oh, that's a k nat 1. Yeah, that's- Oh wait, no, that's a 7. I'm kidding. It's a 7. Still doesn't hit, but it's not a nat 1. Barbie got raised. Yeah. So that misses.
01:18:29
Speaker
Yeah. Alright. So Walter, again, is going to cast Guiding Bolt. This time at first level. Okay.
01:18:40
Speaker
Let's see. I'm putting that in the trash again. Storic, you're up.
01:18:49
Speaker
So there's a grinding wheel in the center of the room, right? Yes. Oh! I saw you're doing it. I'm going to try to drag her over to the grinding wheel.
01:19:00
Speaker
I'm going need you another strength. Alright. This time it's a 21. Yeah, so that'll do it. I'm going to place her head firmly on the millstone.
01:19:14
Speaker
Alright. but
01:19:18
Speaker
That's going to be my turn. Alright. Um... This session, the party gets kicked. the hag, knowing what you're doing, going to try and get out.
01:19:29
Speaker
ah That'd be an acrobatics check, right? Athletics or acrobatics. Yeah. Versus my athletics check that rolled earlier, which is 18. eighteen Is that normally dex because she's not proficient in those?
01:19:43
Speaker
ah In that case, you just roll either flat strength or dexterity. Okay. Okay. She's using her strength. That is 14. Does not beat my 18.
01:19:55
Speaker
Alright. i got her in a pretty big I got her in a pretty good hold. Yeah. Whoever's next, just start cranking. Start cranking it. Yeah, so Straight jorking it. Straight jorking it, dude. That was her action. Hag's head. That was her action show. She is...
01:20:19
Speaker
kinda fucked. Yeah, so sure. She's about to be, am I right? i Yes and no. Okay. I'm gonna... Hopefully... Start cranking it.
01:20:31
Speaker
and Just trying to shoot again.
01:20:36
Speaker
Alright. ah Okay, yeah. 19 to hit. That hits. ah So I get my damage. And one of these... Sneak up.
01:20:48
Speaker
I don't know what this damage would be if you do this. Actually, hang on. was
01:20:57
Speaker
ah checking the rules. and She would have escaped because i would have to roll another athletics check, and that one was only 9. But the same time, i also wouldn't roll strength check to move her, because whenever you have a grappled creature, you can just carry him with you.
01:21:11
Speaker
Oh, you can? Oh, okay. My bad. So she's out now, but... Let's just say it counts. Yeah, we'll say it counts. She's still on the stone.
01:21:23
Speaker
Ah. We gotta crank it, dude. Don't take our jorkin' away from us. ah
01:21:32
Speaker
Why am I a teenage boy today? Yeah, grappling rules are weird in 5th edition. Yeah. I kinda like that you can just say, fuck you, and just carry it.
01:21:44
Speaker
It's a half movement. It's a half movement, but still just like, I got you by the shoulders, I'm dragging you across the ground. POV, yoink.
01:21:53
Speaker
Yoinkity splinkity. Yoinkin' it.
01:21:57
Speaker
Yoinkin' it. So, all in, that is 24 damage ah with the radiant damage as well. hes a amazing Yeah, she is looking very rough right now.
01:22:11
Speaker
um She didn't start super beautiful. so Amelia, you're up.
01:22:19
Speaker
All right, we're going to try stabbing again. All right.
01:22:26
Speaker
That's a nat 20, and I rolled a 4 for the radiant damage. Oh, shoot. Wait, are you flanking? Uh... She is flanking, because i'm sitting right next to the pack.
01:22:39
Speaker
Yeah, so you have you also get a sneak attack. Alright. LMAO, let's go. We party. Alright, that is 12 damage.
01:22:50
Speaker
Oh, okay. um Alright, so...
01:22:56
Speaker
You hit her, um, and do some damage. Uh, Vidad, you're up.
01:23:04
Speaker
You gotta do the rock. I take the rock. I crank it. I'm taking my um Okay, I'm not doing that. i'm I'm taking out my peanuts and I'm jorking I'm taking out my peanuts.
01:23:21
Speaker
And I'm jorking it. Straight jorking. No.
01:23:30
Speaker
So that misses. You
01:23:34
Speaker
keep hitting the walls next to them. Ready? Oh, yeah. It's time to jerk it.
01:23:43
Speaker
Is there like a handle on this millstone? Oh, wait. Yeah, you are going to have to do a strength check for this. Oh, ah never mind.
01:23:55
Speaker
i don't think I should be the one to do that. Well, she might escape. I was to you can claw her to death. I'll, uh... Yeah, I'll just start clawing. Okay.
01:24:05
Speaker
So I started clawing. That is, 15, but I don't know what the plus is. i I think it's just an unarmed attack. It's two plus your wisdom. Mod.
01:24:17
Speaker
Oh. Oh because it's a spell. Attack bonus. That's plus four. That's a 19, buddy. Okay. Also, I think she's flanked, so I'd get ah advantage anyway.
01:24:30
Speaker
are Wait, are you... Wait, do druids get advantage for... Flanking? Yeah, everyone gets advantage for flanking, don't they? Okay, I didn't know. Okay, it's not a k nat 20, so it doesn't matter. It's still gonna hit.
01:24:44
Speaker
ah How bad is she looking exactly? Oh, she's bad. Looking... she's got several stab wounds. Like, so should I go for the throat?
01:24:57
Speaker
If you want to try? I'm gonna go for the throat with my Teefies. Alright.
01:25:04
Speaker
That's 10 on a D10. Okay. Okay. Okay.
01:25:09
Speaker
okay okay and and i get a d4 all right
01:25:17
Speaker
or oh no no no no that d4 i was wrong that d4 is pre prior to attunement this is with attunement it's a d six i'm a stupid bitch okay so that's 12 so far yeah then oh there's another righty damage So that's 12 regular, like, raw stuffies, but also magical.
01:25:42
Speaker
And then one radiant. Alright, She's still up. Damn it. I want her throat. Alright, now, Walter's turn. you want to give her Don't steal this from me, Walter.
01:25:58
Speaker
Walter is going to cast Guiding Bolts at first level again. He's gonna try. Uh, that misses.
01:26:10
Speaker
Rory, yeah, Rory, you're up. So, do I do it Do what? Do it, do it, do it. Do it to him. Alright. Jork it. I'm gonna take that millstone, I'm gonna try to roll it over her head.
01:26:24
Speaker
Alright, can you do a strength for me? Yeah. That's a, uh, 17. 17. seventeen I'm going to that passes. He's jerking it, folks. And I don't know how much damage that would do, because I could not find an answer on the internet.
01:26:41
Speaker
I think dropping a very heavy object on someone, like a large... Doesn't that do more damage? Dropping... This is the kind of rules that I really wish D&D had. like Yeah.
01:26:54
Speaker
Is it a less and more creative plan? Alright, guys. Storage here. Part of a pneumatic millstone cha channel. Today we'll be doing... Today we're putting cocaine in the the crusher.
01:27:14
Speaker
Wow! 4 PSI!
01:27:19
Speaker
oh I'm gonna say that was 6d6 bludgeoning damage. How do you want to do this?
01:27:30
Speaker
Just real slow, like, crush the head, then roll it back over to make sure it's done. Alright, and you kind of watch as the, um, hag is just smushed by the grinding stone.
01:27:45
Speaker
Um. hello
01:27:49
Speaker
Would you guys like you to look at the loop?
01:27:53
Speaker
Mama taught me right.
01:27:57
Speaker
ah She sure taught you something Jesus Christ
01:28:03
Speaker
ah have both and breast illterrified I I give Storick a high five. High five Remind me never to cross you
01:28:31
Speaker
Thank you for listening to the 15th episode of Rose Colored Taggers.
Podcast Promotion and Social Media Details
01:28:36
Speaker
We upload the main campaign every other weekend, and you can find us on Instagram and Tumblr at Rose Colored Taggers, where we'll be posting updates and memes.
01:28:46
Speaker
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