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Vladdy Daddy #11: Halloween Oneshot Pt. 3
10 Plays18 days ago
We totally know what a oneshot is...
And Bahrbee totally needs a therapist. Preferably not a wolf...
This will be our final episode of the year as we take December off. It's finals season y'all!
Intro/Outro Music: https://pixabay.com/music/introoutro-stomps-and-claps-percussion-and-rhythm-141190/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosecoloreddaggers/
Twitter: https://x.com/daggers_rose
Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rosecoloreddaggers
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
ah right losers get in we're playing d and d but
00:00:20
Speaker
good Every time you forget. Was that correct? Yes. Okay. All right. Uh, in the directions. Hi, I'm Sarah. I'm the DM. Hi, I'm Ray. I play Barbie, a sea elf druid, who's really going through it right now. Hi, I'm Yeston, and I play Emrys, a stout halfling rogue.
00:00:43
Speaker
Howdy, I'm Amelia. I play a dampier shit. I just realized, guys, I just realized we probably did an introduction in the first part two of the part two.
00:00:58
Speaker
so this probably won't need to be there's the there's the big reveal very good very good okay look i've been sick for days i'm ill i didn't even even realize you just said damn fair wait a minute you're a rogue nowhere what the fuck play a half elf rogue the other half
00:01:26
Speaker
My name is Rory, and I play a stork, a half-orc fighter.
00:01:33
Speaker
And hello, I am Vded. I play Mallow Schmarmstein, a druid. That's his last name. Schmarmstein, yes. That's hilarious. Schmarmstein. Schmarmstein.
00:01:49
Speaker
god damn it's growing he changed it got a tongue i didn't touch it has the music on me he has a beautiful tongue it's got a mouth it was a huge tongue beautiful i'm gonna kill myself that android guy has one just like it His name was Andrew, right? The guy he was saying had a big dick? Yeah, no, it was Arnold Palmer. Arnold! Arnold Palmer has one just like it. Huge tongue! I thought that was like, that was surely just like whoa what actual fake news, just like like something I'd find on the onion type deal. And then I learned it was real and I was like, really? It was the real thing he said. Satire is dead.
00:02:47
Speaker
You can't be funnier than Donald Trump sometimes. yeah i know he used some big meat
00:02:54
Speaker
I just got a nat 1 on an initiative. well you oh that is going i respect the drgener chest <unk> gone this is so fucking I'm obsessed with the Trump voice. I can't stop. I was gonna say what in the brain rot's going on right now. That's a 22 out of 22. Dude, I keep having this one thing stuck in my head and it's just from Smosh Amanda going, oh my body. Hold on. I got 16 initiative. Alright. Let's find the dumbest Trump voice. Hold on.
00:03:32
Speaker
There's a lot. I know there is. There's 35 on just this list alone. Hold on. Only 35. That's what I'm saying. I got a four. I got a four. I had some beautiful pictures taken of which I had a big smile on my face. I looked happy. I looked content. I looked like a nice, very nice person, which in theory I am. They told me it made me look skinny. So I was like, OK, I need to wear it. I put the vest on.
00:04:02
Speaker
I've never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke. That's a real quote. Yeah, that's a real quote. What's another one? He said he's a svelte, 220 pounds or whatever, and he's chugging me. Oh my god. Yeah, I was gonna say, that's some some talk coming from somebody who doesn't have back it up Look at the middle image that one's fucking horrifying I sit you in discord. Oh my god The pucker up to be fair he is like but like 82 83 I
00:04:41
Speaker
Yeah, he's almost 80. He's almost 80. He's almost 80. Oh, shoot. He's almost 80. He's 78. I'm thinking a little bit more about Joe. Joe's like, what? Like, uh... He's my best friend. I love Joe. I give him a big kiss on my mouth if I could. I love the gay Joe Biden ex-Trump. Yes! The songs that people do where they're upset that they're breaking up because Joe Biden's a longer running. It's my fucking favorite. They're so fucking funny. I love them so much. They're so good and they're so accurate.
00:05:10
Speaker
Hold on, I gotta find my actual favorite one. He was genuinely so upset. Biden X Trump fanfic. I would not be shocked if they just came out and were like, yeah, we're a couple. Your prayers have been answered. Joe Biden and I are fucking- I don't think Joe or Donald will- My dreams have come true. Joe Biden has said yes.
00:05:38
Speaker
He will be the first man, the first, the husband, whatever. Give me a big kiss, a big loving kiss. A big kiss right on the mouth. No French in. Watching Donald Trump. its too I'm going to get a little bit of orange around his lips. Pause real quick. Amelia, what was your initiative? Oh, 19. 19? Oh. The AI images are really funny. There's one where they're just making out.
00:06:09
Speaker
Oh my god, so this is giving me flashbacks to our book episode, right? Oh, I know. I was thinking about that. In the the episode where we're talking about what got us into writing, we end up going on a fanfiction tangent, in which we find ah some crazy tacks. Like it was Donald Trump ex-Joe Biden. Joe Biden? No.
00:06:37
Speaker
was it Joe Biden as Jesus. What? Passed Joe Biden as Jesus. And then there was Omegaverse in the text of one. Let me oh now me log into our Tumblr real quick because that's where I feel a lot. Well, to everyone in the non-existent chat, I hope you're hope you're enjoying the psychic damage you're suffering from this.
00:07:01
Speaker
So the first one. Chat, is this real? Donald Trump ex-Joe Biden. Joe Biden ex-Jesus Christ. Pass Biden ex-Jesus Christ. And then and the two memes that we had following that is normal podcast episode and then the train hitting the bus going Omegaverse. And then nobody expects Omegaverse in the Bible TM fanfiction. Yes.
00:07:31
Speaker
It was rough. Good episode though. Hilarious. If I may say, it was hilarious. It was funny. Very good. It made me laugh. The best laugh I've ever had. No one ever looks harder than I did. I did a little chuckle.
00:07:48
Speaker
can't find it there's a stupid ah like I love these comics but there's this person that draws out comics and it's like a bunch of military people and there's like this running thing of like one of the soldiers got like impreg or whatever um my god ah someone has to know what I'm talking about these are actually really good in the really talking about the the comic and it's oh yeah no i know what you're talking about like the the world war two guy and atlas and yeah no i follow that really wait what wait hold on hold on crazy question between joe biden and trump which one would be the m preg and which one would be the m pregger i feel like um yeah i was gonna say i think it would be to be honest with you i feel like trump would be down to like carry the baby yeah have you met that man
00:08:35
Speaker
He, no, but that's the thing. He's projecting. He wants to control the rights of all women. ah He wants what he can't have. He's just jealous. Oh my God. We've solved it. Get Donald Trump a uterus. Man. What a fucking wild, we're going to get secret services. I know. I was going to say, uh, I feel like, I feel like, yeah, it's about time to end it.
00:09:03
Speaker
like the the world the world so that happened and you so we should probably get back to the campaign real quick we have to play dnd on our dnd podcast i know right it's so weird yeah i was gonna say uh whoever's listening to the government right now just just drop the nukes just do it just do it honestly i'm tired i've had a good run after that conversation just just do it it's No, I was having like, and I had a crisis the entire last part of that podcast, honestly. Yeah, it was rough. It was very rough. There was the words I read. There was a reason I stopped going on fanfiction dot.net and that was all of them. Yeah. Anywho, so top of the round, VDAD, VDAD. Your turn.
00:09:56
Speaker
yeah v um I turn into a giant gorilla. okay Join the club. Yeah, I just start like really silverback gorilla just appears in the grasp of your circle of the stars, aren't you? Yeah, I can. I could still also transform though. Oh, yeah. But I was like, what's your CR? Half now.
00:10:21
Speaker
ah So yeah, I just, just turn into a silverback. It just immediately like kind of like a huff out of my like nose. um So. Oh my God. Can you roll me an escape DC real quick? Strength saving throw I'm guessing. um It just says escape DC, DC. I don't know what it is. That's but the dis the person who's rolling to try to escape has to be yeah so hold on um so yeah i try to wrestle myself out oh i needed to added this decision the way wait what this is disadvantage by the way okay uh so oh wait i think i failed the check so i'm probably stuck yeah i'm definitely stuck okay yeah your gorilla only has a plus three to their fucking strength that's wild
00:11:17
Speaker
Well, I'm just gonna start, since I'm grappled, does that give me disadvantage on melee attacks? I don't think it does. um ah No. yeah Yeah, it doesn't give you any disadvantage. It gets advantage, though, on attack rolls. Yeah, that's fine. I want it to be here. Okay. I chose this. I want this. It's my king. I just realized that canonically means that a stork is about as strong as a gorilla.
00:11:45
Speaker
yeah
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah. So I'm just silver back. I'm going to start beating into this thing. Like making sure you're going to start beating. Yes. Really loud screeching noises. they Like just well that's an 18. All righty. That hits. Okay. Uh, let's see.
00:12:09
Speaker
Can I'm just going to make my see if my other attack hits as well first before that's an eight. So I'm guessing no. God damn it. That's eight damage, by the way, eight bludgeoning damage. All right. And that is my turn. That was in the David's turn or be that's turn. We're all right. move So, um. Amelia, hmm. You're up.
00:12:39
Speaker
Alrighty, thanks. I'm just gonna cast Fireball on it. Not Fireball, sorry, sorry, sorry, no Fireball. Fireball. I'm just the the center of this. I'm gonna say were right behind up level four Fireball.
00:12:53
Speaker
we are Fireball. I have it. Gonna cast that. Okay. sure i have that Shoot, I've got to load up my sheet then. That is going to be...
00:13:08
Speaker
okay yeah do have a one
00:13:12
Speaker
This scares the shit out of me every time that's gonna be a 29 that Yeah, that hits sick. It's gonna do eight damage All right Get as much damage as a gorilla Alrighty, so that's in the end of your time. Yep Alright, so the now it's the Mimic's turn. The Mimic is going to go ahead and a bite out of Vidad who just left. I don't think it's going to hit though because that is a... Oh well. Doesn't it get advantage though? Yeah, and i I rolled the same number twice. well But that'll be a 13 to hit. Actually that might hit. Yeah, that might hit. I don't know what might back.
00:14:03
Speaker
does it Okay, so at 13 hits.
00:14:10
Speaker
It's so fucking funny. Okay, so with 13 hits, so that will be three damage. Oh, and then also, so that's three piercing damage and then four acid damage. Anywho, Rory, your turn. All right.
00:14:30
Speaker
I finally get to do the thing. I finally get to make two attacks in a single turn. Yippee. Level five, finally. We're level four currently.
00:14:43
Speaker
are level four um but yeah level five is what we will be in the levels that is coming next we are at the level before level five sorry i've been trying to get into the steve character okay it's just funny it's okay it's okay steve is far off oh i guess smile i guess i only get to make one attack but still i'm gonna charge right to that mimic i'm gonna try to flank it and i'm gonna chop it go for it All right, shop it. Here we go. Dude, you are not the ones throwing this down. hits. Ooh, I get to roll my damage now. Hee hee. Hee hee. That's seven damage. I punched you in the face, hee hee. And I'm going to stay there and fight it. All right. Yes, son. Your turn. OK.
00:15:41
Speaker
ah I'm just going to go for a good old crossbow shot. And that is seven hits. A seven to hit? Nope. Okay. Yeah, I'm just gonna back away. This is this is not for me. I'm just gonna back away against to the wall like near the door. Ray, your turn.
00:16:10
Speaker
Oh, finally. wo um I am wolf as one is. So I have pack tactics. yeah So I have advantage. What happened to not having a pack?
00:16:31
Speaker
You see, I'm like a lone wolf, but like there's also people around. So like, Yeah, I have allies. I don't have a pack. I have allies So I'm gonna bite Okay, and this is advantage What'd you say like that I'm gonna bite I'm gonna boy and that was a six and a seven plus five. That's a twelve to hit and
00:17:04
Speaker
That hits. Great. I'm going to roll 2d6 plus three if the target is a creature. Is it a creature? Does a monstrosity count as a creature? Yeah. Yes. Then yes. OK. I must succeed on a DC 13 strength saving throw or be knocked prone. It's immune to being prone. Fuck you. So I'm not sure how to make it false prone.
00:17:35
Speaker
That's 12 damage piercing to be specific. okay This is my emo voice. I can tell. Thank you. I worked really hard on it. All right. You're up. Can you go ahead and throw another escape attack?
00:17:55
Speaker
but Disadvantage still. ah No, there's no disadvantage. I passed it. That's a 19 plus five, I think. Oh, yeah, that passes. So you're not. My bad. So you're not glued to it anymore. I like like with my giant gorilla hands, I rub my chest like with the glue kind of off my chest. It turns out what glues not that strong.
00:18:17
Speaker
ah
00:18:20
Speaker
ah And I like flank the mimic. I just walk around the mimic to get in a better position. So that way I have advantage. All right, go for it. I'm going to go guerrilla mode. That is, well, let me go roll twice that way. That is an 18 to hit. Yeah, that hits. I'm going to roll my second one.
00:18:45
Speaker
Does a full 16 hit as well. Okay, so two attacks hit, so that is 12 damage total. all right All bludgeoning. And I'm over here now. Still Garuba. Amelia, your turn. Yeah, halfway through that, without unmuting, my bad. Let's see, I'm gonna get right up to it and see, I guess technically we're flanking, aren't we?
00:19:15
Speaker
yes yes all right we are ganking we're not just flanking we're ganking it's gonna be a 12 that hits cool all right so i'm gonna fucking start it are you doing spook attack yeah okay got my special little dagger It's gonna be... Hey girl, I got a special little dagger. it so and and and okay So it's still up. It's looking very rough for the wear. The mimic is going to go ahead and take a... try and take a bite out of... Bearby. But I'm not a bear. Wolfie. Wolfie? I don't know. Wolfie. So does a 16... I'm wolfing it right now.
00:20:11
Speaker
16 hits. All right. So first is six damage. And then for ah the six piercing and four poison damage. Okay. How about 27? 27? All right. And that's the end of the story. Rory, your turn. You already know. It's gonna chop. You already know what it is.
00:20:41
Speaker
So we're rolling it. That's not very good shot. A 10. That probably misses. 10 total? Yeah, that misses. Besides that, I'm just going to like... Yeah, that's screw it. I'll use my second win, this bonus action. Okay. I get back a total of... seven hit points, which isn't bad. All right. Yes, and your turn.
00:21:09
Speaker
All right. So I'm also in sneak attack area. Because if they go for that, I'm against the wall pretty far away. I'm going to try a shot. Hopefully I hit 23. 23? That hits. Definitely. Okay. Hey, does my nuke hit? I rolled a billion.
00:21:37
Speaker
No, that's literally a conversation I'd miss my sister when we were trying to make Walter. It's with her character that she once made. Walter. Oh, you guys haven't met Walter yet. We should tell you some more about Walter. You don't know Walter. Walter, I'm not gonna have sex with you right now, Walter. Put your dick away, Walter. Just don't turn into a chicken and you should be fine. Walter. What? I have a reputation. What the fuck, what the hell? Is Walter gonna assault me if I'm a chicken? What the fuck? Yeah, but not in that way.
00:22:07
Speaker
14 damage so you as you I guess did you use a arrow yeah yeah okay as you shoot it hits the um mimic dead on and it just kind of turns into you like pieces of scrap metal it dies basically and you can't keep the tongue I already tried Hey, that's a scrap metal. You can sell that later. Mm-hmm. For a pretty penny. Yeah, you just like give it to your local scrapyard and it's like taking all the copper out of the walls. You get, you get... They don't ask any questions. Um, now there's two, now that that's ended, there are two more, um, chests in the room. What'd you guys like to do?
00:23:01
Speaker
I'm going to stay in gorilla mode and go over to see and investigate it. All right, go for it. A gorilla with a monocle. what sort of Oh my God.
00:23:18
Speaker
23. 23? All right. It appears to be a normal chest. Oh. oh every time i go i put my giant gorilla hands on just like rip the top of the chest all right it is a inside the chest is your weapon david be dead i'll go ahead and send that to you and in alchemist kit does anyone is anyone proficient i am not i don't think i am yeah just
00:23:56
Speaker
Gnar. What can't go wrong with that? Gnar. Gnar. Gnar. So I'm going to take the, well, anyone who wants to get, I don't want to take the kit, but I do see the weapon and I'm going to just gingerly pick it up with my gorilla hands and I'm going to just hold it. I can't use it while I'm gorilla.
00:24:25
Speaker
I'll take the alchemy squid. Just carry it for now. Alright, ah right and but What was that? What the fuck? Holy shit! Holy fuck! Holy fuck! What the fuck that? Our GM's dead, guys. That worked. Holy fuck. I had to leave her because I was like, that's the whole plan.
00:24:56
Speaker
And then I sent, uh, Vida this scimitar, um, which I named, what did I name it? I think it's, pen mightier than the sword yeah. Question mark. question yeah All right. So who would like to go open chess number? Hey, I'll do it. Okay.
00:25:27
Speaker
Storkster is going to go right over to it and inspect the chest. Go for it. Rolling investigation to have plus zero to. Yeah, it's going to be nine. So. All right. So it appears to be in a normal chest. Oh, no. All right. Here it goes. I'm going to crack it open. OK, inside there are five potions of greater healing for daggers and 50 gold pieces.
00:25:56
Speaker
I know what I'm gonna do. I'm going to ah like to take the handle of one of my hand axes and poke it around the place. Alright, they're all normal. I'll go ahead and share the findings with everyone. I'll take one of the potions. So damn, you said there was five greater healing potions? Yes. Okay, so each one of us can get one. I love potions! I'll also take ten of the gold pieces because money's nice. You sure?
00:26:26
Speaker
Alrighty, so now would you like to go to room number or we'll go to the West the right Sure. Oh and you said how much gold there was? Oh, I eat there's 50 so each of you should get 10. Okay? Barbie has no need for gold. Wait, is there anything special about her pain? But money can That's right money doesn't buy happiness. Is there anything special the daggers now? I they're rose colored oh you're so funny dude that was so good that standing ovation really that was great larry um they call me the joker they call me you the joker they call me the joker i'm just so society
00:27:18
Speaker
society Society says you can't call yourself the Joker to expect other people to think you are but I think that I don't agree with that Everyone agrees with me. I'm the funniest man alive ah All right They're just normal pointy daggers Hey
00:27:47
Speaker
I honestly did not think about making them rose gold, but I might do that in the future. They are a red that reminds one of a flower that may have been seen. A flower with thorns. Let's say, hypothetically, they're not thorns. Let's say, hypothetically, I was a Barbie girl. And let's say, hypothetically.
00:28:12
Speaker
Let's say, hypothetically, that you are a swordjack and I am a chap. And hypothetically, that would mean that I won the argument. Because I portrayed you as a toilet jack and me as the cold chat. Checkmate liberal.
00:28:26
Speaker
and All right. Okay, so now you guys are going into room six. I love how you're just so done with us. so The DM experience. All right, so now you guys are going towards room six. Are you guys gonna do it in the investigation or perception?
00:28:50
Speaker
me gorilla i'm doing hand signs like coca i'll do a perception speed run no perception just go we all die can you all hear me barbie's like doing like the pointer dog thing where she has a leg up in her tail straight out and she's like a flat arrow remember just use your eye frames doing a perception check that's gonna be a um 17 so you can tell there are two bodies on the floor but you can also see a door let the bodies hit the floor can you repeat that about the door oh yeah there is a door to the south of the room uh i'll or no the right i want to see if
00:29:41
Speaker
I'm going to approach one body and just kind of pat it down to see if there's any, like, anything I can take. Um, and as you do that, it kind of starts to rise. I need you to, uh, you all to do another. Oh my God. I must have investigation initiative, please. 20. All right.
00:30:12
Speaker
That's 11. Yeah, I got a 7. 7-11. Let's go. flush Better than 9-11. Nope. Nope. I got a 12. 9-12. Let's do it again. Run it back. I also got 11. All right.
00:30:38
Speaker
So, okay. So can we both see you and Rory roll again? Yeah. i I got seven, seven, 11 or eight. All right. um Oh, 13. Okay. All right. Okay. So yes. And you'll will go first before Rory. So Amelia, go ahead.
00:31:05
Speaker
I panic. I freak out just a minute and I take out my my little dagger and I just start going at it.
00:31:15
Speaker
All right. Does a 20 non net. Yeah, it does. Excellent. Okay, so that's gonna be eight damage.
00:31:30
Speaker
Alrighty. And you watch as the zombie, like, ah come but it you hit it, basically. um It's still up.
00:31:43
Speaker
So that was eight damage. Sorry, there's actually more to that. Alright, you watch as its head kind of falls off. You killed him. How could you? Oh no, it's still up. It's still alive. Its head's just off now.
00:32:02
Speaker
These are Strahd zombies. But clearly, he's he's dead. His head fell off. It's still moving. All right. um So Strahd zombie number one, that ah that's the one that Amelia just hit, is going to go ahead and um
00:32:27
Speaker
is going to go ahead and do a multi-attack with its claws.
00:32:35
Speaker
So... towards... um Oh yeah. Doesn't that 20 hit? Ow. Sorry. And then does a 7 hit? No. Okay. So that is...
00:32:57
Speaker
Eight damage. Heard. All right. Um, Strahd zombie number two is going to go ahead and take, uh, it also is going to do a multi-attack. Barbie. Towards Barbie.
00:33:14
Speaker
yes um
00:33:19
Speaker
Does a, he's doing one bite and one. Huh? one bite and one claw attack so the first the bite attack is going to do sorry there's a 14 hit first off yes meets it beats yeah and then the second which is his the clawed attack uh does a unnatural 23 hit yeah yeah it does oh i'm sorry does this nuke hit you might be nuclear bomb versus coughing toddler again
00:33:56
Speaker
So the first one is a d4 plus one. Where are my d4s? You already know we're launching mini nukes in melee range. Take disadvantage. Everybody's down here. So the first is five damage. And the second is a d6 plus one. So that is three.
00:34:25
Speaker
So or the all the other that is eight damage. Okie dokie. All right. And that's the end of its turn. Ray, you're up. Oh, yay. Um, I'm going to like look down at my chest, see like the claw mark and be like. Like ah a Hrumpf. How dare you. And I'm going to look back up at it and I'm going to bite it. All right, go for it.
00:34:53
Speaker
And Sarah, is anyone within five feet of this creature as well? ah Yeah, I would say um Amelia. Okay, so I get advantage. And that's a 16 plus five, that's a 21. All right.
00:35:14
Speaker
Does that hit? Oh, yes, sorry. I'm making sure my bomb properly hits you, you know. That hits. Sorry, my my mom texted me. So that's eight damage. peerson um And that's my turn. Okay. And Yesen, your turn. Okay.
00:35:39
Speaker
I'm just gonna, I'm gonna crossbow from, I guess I'm in the doorway, I'd say. 17 does hit. You are of been so staticky, my god. 17 does So it's 10 peering and then 6 reading.
00:36:05
Speaker
16 overall.
00:36:11
Speaker
yeah all right um Are you attacking zombie one which is in front of Amelia or zombie two which is in front of Ray? ah In front of Amelia's character.
00:36:22
Speaker
all right
00:36:26
Speaker
Okay, yeah, it's looking very rough for the wear. And you watch as one of its arms falls off. um Rory, you're up. All right. ah You already know what I'm going to do. I'm going to charge right up to that zombie. One or two. ah Number one, because we are number one. um Okay. And I'm going to chop it. Go for it.
00:36:56
Speaker
Ooh, that's a 23. Uh, natural or unnatural? Uh, how would I roll a natural 23? Oh, I mean like not, is it not 20 or anything? Uh, no. Okay. For a second I was like, how am I going to roll a nat 23? Yeah, I'm sorry, no. Um, yeah, so that hits. And that's a total of 11 damage. 11 slashing damage. So, how do you want to do this?
00:37:26
Speaker
This is the one that lost its head, right? Yes. I'm going to then make it lose its shoulder blades as well. By bisecting it. And you watch as it falls to the ground. Yay.
00:37:44
Speaker
Nothing makes you more happier than fighting. V-Dad, your turn. So Malo just Gorilla walks like on two feet behind like one of them to help get flanking. So whichever one's closest to Malo. So that'd be straw zombie number two. So I'm going to go after number two. I'm going to make smack attack with advantage. That is a 16. Does a 16 hit? Yes, it does. Okay.
00:38:17
Speaker
That, ooh, is that max damage? Let's go. That is nine damage total from that attack. watching
00:38:28
Speaker
yeah hello And watch as its head falls off. Kind of it like explodes. It's still up though. I'm going to make another hit attack on it. and That's probably going to hit.
00:38:45
Speaker
that is 24 to hit all right that hits and that is let's see that is five damage all right and it's still up um and as patur he watches one of its arms falls off um Amelia you're up
00:39:15
Speaker
I'm going to go to the other one, and I'm going to hit it with my dagger. All right. That's a nat 20. All right. Oh, if you're sneak attacking, if you have advantage, you get to double your. Oh, yeah, I guess I do have that. Yeah, this thing's dead.
00:39:40
Speaker
uh let's see that's 17 and then yeah how do you want to do this all right i'm just gonna go up so i'll be like you should have stayed dead and you watch as it like also falls to the ground like the other one and that is it uh okay so that's the end of that encounter um
00:40:07
Speaker
What would you like to do with the um the door?
00:40:15
Speaker
It's this one right here, right? Yes. I'm going to investigate the door. Go for it. Make sure there's no traps. Daddy's at 23. All right. It's a normal door. Okay. I opened the door with the gorilla hands.
00:40:37
Speaker
All right. And inside there are four chests. More chests. I swear to god, Sarah, ah but but there better not be any more mimics. This is already going fairly long. I know there aren't any more mimics.
00:40:58
Speaker
At this point, Barbie is tired of this. So she is going to go through and jump and break every single chest immediately. She's a direwolf. She's huge. All right. So in chest A, as you break it, yeah everyone else who can get the stuff. I'm just breaking everything. Okay. So yeah, they're all normal chest.
00:41:28
Speaker
oh Um, you love your four chests. God damn.
00:41:35
Speaker
um So chest A, which, uh, let me pull up the thing. So in chest A, which is on the upper left of the room, there was five potions of healing, like the common ones, and some more moldy books dedicated to the morning lord. This bitch. I think Emmerisk wraps up those books. And Barbie gives you a look, even in bear four, she gives you a look. And you notice they're like, you you
00:42:15
Speaker
They're very illegible, but they tell a lot, they document a lot about the rituals that clerics of morning lords, of the morning lord do. And penis size. Not yet. And yeah, uh, they're also like kind of, they are very moldy, very old. oh Um, almost disintegrating.
00:42:43
Speaker
So I'd be very careful with them. And chest number three, number not number three, and number... but Not a number. yeah letter My favorite chest, number A. There are three rings. Oh no, not again. All right, does anyone want to investigate them? Yeah, I'll roll Arcana on them. That's a gorilla.
00:43:14
Speaker
Go for it. Oh wait, I have it in my dice right here. I almost typed it. Just imagine these tiny little rings in this giant gorilla hand. That is a 22. All right. So two of the rings are common gold rings. And the third ring is a ring of spell storing.
00:43:37
Speaker
you are Yes, I'll roll Artana. Fireball. Oh shit! That is... That is a 12. Alright, so you can tell which of course, there are four spells stored on it. um One is Hollow, the other is Daylight, then First Level Healing Word, and Second Level Inflict Wounds. Who would like this? Hmm.
00:44:09
Speaker
We don't have a cleric type in our party, do we? And just so you know, uh, some, some things about this, hold on, let me pull up D&D Beyond. Um, I'm pretty sure once you use them, they're gone. Yeah, they're gone. It's, you can store, but you can put more spells back into it, which is really useful. Yeah. So who would like this? So that's good for pretty much only three of us.
00:44:39
Speaker
Yeah, and I will say it will require attunement. Barbie and Emrys, would you like it? No. I also would like it. Okay, so you know what? Emrys, do you want it? Because a I also want it. You can take the rings. I'm not one for for magic too much. but You ask Barbie if she wants it and she just holds up a paw, like, how am I supposed to fit this?
00:45:04
Speaker
Well, when you a bigger like gorilla hand signs like like trying to shut the sign that you you gotta you turn back to a normal form eventually, but like it just she just shakes her head. just making random hands You make gang symbols and she like oh like goes up on her back legs, puts a pod to her mouth, gasps, puts up a west side with her paws like her two front paws.
00:45:29
Speaker
way Remember part of your magical item is that you I forgot you still have bonus or not bonus bonus you do bonus damage I forgot about my bonus damage but I I've been with a bear with wolf I can only bite oh I don't claw okay I for some reason thought you claw as well no no I just bite okay All right, and then here are... I will take the ring of spells to me. All right, and here are all of... What is this? I feel bad because I have all the magic items. That's all you. have all I have them all. And here are all like the details for all the spells, by the way. I have all the magic. They've got no magic. They try. They try. Very magical. I'm very, very powerful. They try to have the magic. They can't handle it. They can't handle my magic, I tell them.
00:46:23
Speaker
They don't listen to me. We're so autistic. Very magical. I've got the most magic of anyone here.
00:46:40
Speaker
I'm a magical girl. I'm a magical girl. Living in a magical world. ah for the spells um and well so of And in the chest letter C, ah there is a holy symbol to the morning Lord. bra He's staff of healing. Healed this dick. I'm sorry.
00:47:11
Speaker
Who would like to have a feeling? I also believe this acquires attunement. So I do not think VDAD should take this. Yeah. Take them all. Take them all. Okay. It's all my- No, I'm kidding. I don't- Actually, yeah, it's- Someone else please say this. A clear cord druid or a bard can take this. I don't want it. I don't need it. You don't. I don't need it.
00:47:38
Speaker
Well, give this Mortar Lord bitch to Emrys.
00:47:45
Speaker
I don't even use the spell stuff, because I don't have like a deep spell save or whatever. because you're not, ah well, it requires attunement by either a bard, a cleric, or a druid, so... Okay, I can ask someone to hold onto to it while they attune.
00:48:08
Speaker
Well, I'm drawing the dog wolf's gang sign. I'll just drop it in the chat. Yeah, we'll just put it in our pocket for now. Yeah. Well, I mean, we have a... Maybe we give it to later what so we keep the Walter. Walter. Walter? I forgot. You're gonna love Walter. He's my best friend. You cannot give us an inch without us just going.
00:48:40
Speaker
And in the final chest is Rory's weapon. Ooh. It's a hand drum. It's called We Got the Beat.
00:48:55
Speaker
What is storic? What class are you? I'm a fighter. Oh, I thought so, but I was very confused.
00:49:10
Speaker
Um, and that will, will require a tune. Wait,
00:49:21
Speaker
but what what happened? I just saw roll 20. Oh my gosh. And as you grab as.
00:49:33
Speaker
Rory uh stork grabs the hand drum you guys hear a very loud click as what uh you'll assume door one opens or as door one opens wow we just got some free stuff and then opened a door
00:49:56
Speaker
You know, sometimes a door opening is ah not just an opportunity for us to continue, but also for us to get our ass kicked by something that might not want us in its home. Seems strange that they're preparing us for something. I've never heard of that before. Everyone loves having me in their home, but you can't hear this because Barbie is a wolf.
00:50:23
Speaker
um i imagine she's saying it in druidic so that malo can understand her but no one else does so to y'all it's just
00:50:49
Speaker
say it out loud i know what you aren't i know what you are so you guys are heading towards rim one yeah aye aye cap'n all right i can't hear you are you an investigation you know sure all right that is 15 plus That is a 20 total. All right. So you notice in the room, um, what did I break down? Sorry. Uh, it is empty except for blood and bone scattering the, uh, the floor. That's a bad taste. You also notice a door to the left.
00:51:50
Speaker
Okay. Hmm. Well, I'm going to go check the door on the left. Uh, if y'all want to look at his choice of interior decorating closer. Sure. Barbie will not understand sarcasm and will in fact just be inspecting the decor. All right. Uh, anyone want to do an investigation check on the door?
00:52:19
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, I'm doing it. Oh, Nat 20. All right. It is a normal door. Okay. I'm going to turn the knob. All right. I'm assuming it's a push door, so I'm going to push it. And it doesn't open. What? It's not unlocked. I'm going to lock pick it.
00:52:47
Speaker
lock-picking lawyer here. And... Alright, can you go roll for that? That's gonna be an 18 plus. Uh, that's a 22. So, you go to unlock it, and now that's already unlocked.
00:53:03
Speaker
ah
00:53:05
Speaker
So I push the door again, and if that doesn't work, then I pull the door. Yeah, so as you pull, you push it, it doesn't open, but as you pull... It's just a fucking pull door.
00:53:18
Speaker
it swings towards you with ease i look around and i look at the group and i say nobody saw that barbie covers her eyes with her paw she saw nothing i haven't i like rubbed my the bridge of my nose with both my hands and i'm like i haven't eaten in a little while uh i'm just really hungry guys i promise that is not normal baby Mallow kind of looks at everyone else with the whole, I haven't eaten in a while thing, even though I gave you a good beer and not even like an hour or ago. So I'm just like, okay, we'll we'll use that as an excuse. I've been dreaming of a better meal.
00:54:04
Speaker
I've been dreaming of a white Christmas. Does anyone want to do it an investigation check on the room? Yes.
00:54:14
Speaker
Uh, does anyone else want to do that as well? Cause that's a nine total for me. Yeah, I'll do it. Uh, it's going to be a 12. Uh, um yes. So that's going to be a 16. All right. You know, this is an empty room littered with bones. You also notice like scraps of clothing that resemble a cleric.
00:54:43
Speaker
a rogue and a wizard. Barbie's gonna be like, hell yeah, this is more like it and grab one of the bones in her mouth and start gnawing on it. It tastes fresh.
00:55:02
Speaker
Oh, that is eerie. She can't communicate this, but she like gives a nod of like good soup. but Good soup. Good soup. Oh yeah, you can tell it's, it's... This person lost all the fleshy bits within the last month. Oh. Speedy. Mm-hmm. It is very speedy. So it's a pro chef? Mm-hmm. Suspicious. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Huh. Huh.
00:55:41
Speaker
how oh i sure open up the a All right, and then but doing this a door Towards the I guess so the right as you come in I've seen a new door yeah open locks of doors There's plenty of opportunities I have so many opportunities unlike you poor bitches. And does anyone want to do an investigation? Yeah. Yeah, I'll also go investigate. That is a 12 for me. That it is gonna be a also a 12 for me. It appears to be a normal door. I swear to God.
00:56:34
Speaker
it's adorable door everyone i opened it up and do you push or pull well for fucks sake uh what what side are the hinges on uh you can't tell i can't see the hinges at all yeah then pull now if you can't see the hinges you push push yeah i push all right and that swings right open
00:57:02
Speaker
um inside oh did you might want to do an investigation i swear to god sarah are we almost stopped please ah thirteen okay there are just bones on the floor um i'm like i'm like i'm scratching my gorilla beard questioningly and i scratch my gorilla beard in question And you also see a door fuck it directly in front of you. Not if I kill you first.
00:57:36
Speaker
like I gorilla march my way over. You ever see like the things, the pictures of zoos, like videos from zoos where like the gorillas are standing up and they like run and they have like that really goofy ass walk? That's what I do. Really stiff walk. All right. It works for all the wood here. I would say this is built by a dwarf.
00:58:00
Speaker
All right, and I get to and investigate the door.
00:58:08
Speaker
That's a 22. All right, so um it's in the normal door. I open the door. All right, and it swings right open.
00:58:20
Speaker
What do I see, DM? Another door! You see, two doors! One looks like the outer- or the backside of wood. Like a- like a- what? What is a wooden door? Backside of a bookcase. And the other, it just- it looks like a normal door. um However, that door, I believe...
00:58:47
Speaker
ah That door the door the circle in front of you has a riddle on it. Oh boy more riddles I want to go read the riddle I'm gonna slam down the bookshelf area because if my investing I give I've been keeping track of the how far we've been moving I'm assuming it leads back into the main room Yes, it does. So I'm going to go guerrilla mode and just knock the bookshelf over All right. And you hear a huge crash. It's a bookshelf door opens and you see the original room you were in. or And you see West side for life. West side story. All right. And here is the, um, the riddle in the mist. I come your fate. I, you what?
00:59:35
Speaker
Total? We're not doing this right now. In the mist I come, your fate i see I see all. A timeless curse, a pact, a deal. I hunger for for the life you feel. Who am I? Yes.
00:59:53
Speaker
No. Count von Strad! Yes. Strad von Zerovich. Von Zerovich. I'm glad he'd added himself.
01:00:05
Speaker
that daddy yeah and who loves me la like blood uppernics or i own two cover pieces i can't remember And inside is a shimmering portal on the floor. I jump in.
01:00:25
Speaker
Yeah, no screw it. Yeah, I'll jump in. I'm done with this. You know, I'm just like, ah, fuck it. I've lived life. I've had a good run. Let's jump right in. Does everyone else follow? I don't expect a portal first. Yeah. So you can tell that it will teleport. Well, actually, do me an arcana check for me. I'm going to do one, two. I plus zero for arcana. Emrys is right at two. Not again.
01:00:55
Speaker
I rolled a 13. All right, you can tell that this is a teleportation portal. You don't know where it's going. Or where, but. It's going. OK, well, it's got to be at this place, right? ah Yeah, yeah, I like look at both. There is a stork. I just like shrug and gorilla for because jump straight in. All right, and.
01:01:25
Speaker
As you guys, ah well, and I take a stork and, um, emerus follow suit. Yeah. All right. And as you guys jump in, it feels like an ice bath. It's cold, but it only lasts for like five seconds. Barbie howls. And you guys, you all land directly where Barbie and MRS left off at their camp right outside of Malaki. Gosh, that felt like the early morning swims. Would going through this portal also force Barbie into not wolf farm? Yes, because it lasts longer than an hour. Oh. Interesting. It might have felt like five seconds for you guys, but it lasted over an hour. Interesting.
01:02:23
Speaker
And turns. I'm no longer Gorilla either. ah So, yeah going like into the portal, while we're in the portal you hear howls that slowly turn into just Barbie going, ow! We land back in camp and regardless of the amount of daylight outside, I like start stretching and I'm like, ugh! Well, man, I'm really tired, but I don't mind taking first watch if everyone else wants to go to sleep.
01:02:50
Speaker
but as you do that you hear a voice behind you or a person behind you clearing its throat before saying hello dearie as steve appears steve wasniak who the heck is this dude heck who is this bitch i am really like ready my weapons because um i don't know who the hell this is but Barbie turns around sees Steve bursts into tears. And that's where we're ending it.
01:03:39
Speaker
thank you the 11th episode of Rose Colored Daggers and the final part of our Halloween special. We're going to take a little hiatus over the Christmas period but we'll be back in the new years for brand new episodes, but in the meantime you can follow us on Tumblr and Instagram at rosecoloreddaggers and daggers underscore rose on Twitter.
01:04:02
Speaker
Please review and rate us on whatever platform you listen from. You can also check out our website and Patreon, which will be in the description of this episode. Thank you for listening.
01:04:14
Speaker
give be steve time were steve the i love steve he's my favorite steve you kind of like steezes steezes christ you gotta worship the church of steezes christ it's the only way we're gonna make us through it we're gonna make it through this if we worship with this foot of steezes steeze 2.0 steezes christ he's united for our sins yes