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Nobody Wants This: A Breakdown of Netflix's New Romantic Comedy
37 Plays1 year ago
The queens dive into Netflix’s latest romantic comedy series Nobody Wants This by examining how it mirrors the messy, low-effort dating dynamics so many women are tired of.
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Transcript
Introduction and Media Critique
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to the Female Dating Strategy, the meanest only female dating podcast on the internet.
00:00:05
Speaker
I'm your host, Diana.
00:00:06
Speaker
And I'm Rose.
00:00:08
Speaker
And today, we're having a lovely piece of fluff.
00:00:10
Speaker
We're discussing the new hot show that's been a hit for Netflix called Nobody Wants This.
00:00:18
Speaker
Why are we looking at this show in particular, Diana?
00:00:21
Speaker
Well, because right now it's in the top 10 at Netflix.
00:00:24
Speaker
So everyone is watching it right now.
00:00:26
Speaker
But I think that, you know, sometimes it's really good to do these media episodes.
00:00:30
Speaker
It's a low stakes way to check our vetting.
00:00:33
Speaker
So, you know, when you're not actively dating, it's like, okay, can I may not be able to spot the red flags in my own life, but am I able to spot the red flags in someone else's life?
00:00:41
Speaker
Can I see why I shouldn't be swayed by media?
00:00:45
Speaker
Can I see why this is definitely propaganda that I shouldn't
00:00:50
Speaker
fall for?
00:00:51
Speaker
Like, am I, you know, falling prey to things that are being dressed up really well that aren't actually good for me?
00:00:57
Speaker
And so when I watched the show, I was like, you know, I never watched romantic comedies.
00:01:02
Speaker
Let me just start there.
00:01:03
Speaker
Like, I have a, like a loyalty to the rom-coms of the 2000s.
00:01:08
Speaker
And like, I really enjoy them.
00:01:10
Speaker
But I have to say in the last few years or so, like, I don't watch things that are outright rom coms.
00:01:15
Speaker
Like if they have a romantic element to them, but they're about something else, I'm cool with it.
00:01:19
Speaker
But if it's like a straight up rom com, I'm just like, no, this is written by some scrote.
00:01:22
Speaker
Or it's written by a woman who is definitely daydreaming.
00:01:25
Speaker
The Jane Austen of our times.
00:01:27
Speaker
No, thank you.
Analyzing Unrealistic Media Portrayals
00:01:29
Speaker
Well, and this is something we talked about just before we started recording, which is what I refer to as the curse of FDS.
00:01:35
Speaker
And as I've come along in this journey of feminist glorying, what I've really realized is like, there's no media I can consume that I don't end up immediately criticizing.
00:01:45
Speaker
And I've had to learn to be gentle with myself.
00:01:47
Speaker
Like, it's okay, Rose, that you are watching this through a critical lens.
00:01:51
Speaker
Because as much as we want to enjoy these things, and I did, I really, you know, almost in spite of my better judgment, I found the show utterly delightful and engrossing to watch.
00:02:00
Speaker
At the same time, I would be going through a checklist in my head of all the things I disagreed with, all the nuances where I was like, this is so unrealistic, or don't let Adam Brody convince you that you should convert to Judaism.
00:02:12
Speaker
Right.
00:02:12
Speaker
So all of these things, as we were watching, I couldn't help but sort of speculate on what I would do if I were in that sort of situation.
00:02:20
Speaker
And like you say, that's why we're discussing it today.
00:02:22
Speaker
It's a low stakes way of looking at, are we still being sharp?
00:02:25
Speaker
Are we still vetting in ways that we need to be?
00:02:27
Speaker
Are we sort of unwittingly falling prey to charm and chemistry when really we need to be looking to values and community?
00:02:36
Speaker
I mean, is that what we always should be looking for?
00:02:38
Speaker
Not necessarily, but again, these are the sorts of
00:02:41
Speaker
that we're presented with when we consume this sort of content.
00:02:44
Speaker
So that's what we're looking at today.
00:02:46
Speaker
And let's get into it.
00:02:48
Speaker
Yep.
00:02:48
Speaker
And you know what, what better way to really test your boundaries with having someone as handsome as Adam Brody try to tell you to break them, right?
00:02:57
Speaker
They have really given us like the most delicious devil to actually test our skills.
00:03:03
Speaker
So we are going to look past his pretty face and his natural charisma and his sense of humor.
00:03:09
Speaker
And like, we're just going to look past this millennial icon and be like, okay, what are the messages?
00:03:14
Speaker
Like, we're going to apply some real media literacy to this particular show because we want our audience to be able to identify why certain things are just fantasy.
00:03:25
Speaker
And this show, as wonderful as it is, as great as the chemistry is between the cast and as witty and awesome as the dialogue is, there's still a lot of things that when you actually like peel underneath the surface, you can see that, you know, it's not realistic.
00:03:39
Speaker
And it's certainly not how these things play out in real life.
00:03:43
Speaker
And so, you know, I want to start with the baseline of like media literacy is important because, you know, speaking as a person who works in the entertainment business, you
00:03:51
Speaker
we are often writing from an idealized place.
00:03:54
Speaker
When we write about our personal experiences, very often we're writing from the position of like, well, what if this had happened instead?
00:04:01
Speaker
For a lot of men who write these shows, it is wish fulfillment.
00:04:04
Speaker
That's why you see all these shows where like these men are incredibly...
00:04:08
Speaker
I mean, for lack of a better word, they're like low value scrotes, right?
00:04:12
Speaker
And they're still landing like the extremely hot babe.
00:04:14
Speaker
Like that was what like all those shows with Leah Remini were about.
00:04:17
Speaker
Like, you know, she was this hot babe who was married to like this useless guy.
00:04:20
Speaker
This is the ultimate male fantasy.
00:04:22
Speaker
This show, on the other hand, was written by a woman.
00:04:24
Speaker
But sometimes I must like let women know that just because something was written by the female gaze does not mean that that is a standard you have to apply to yourself.
00:04:33
Speaker
Because sometimes these women, let's say they polish the turd of their own lives.
00:04:38
Speaker
And they also make their lives look much better than they actually are.
00:04:41
Speaker
You never know what are the dynamics of someone beneath the surface.
00:04:44
Speaker
Like it's a story at the end of the day.
00:04:47
Speaker
It is a story sold to get you to believe that these kinds of things happen.
00:04:51
Speaker
And we know the reality of men.
00:04:53
Speaker
We're not talking about the fantasy of men.
00:04:55
Speaker
So for women who consume a lot of rom-com, please just, you know, remind yourselves that what you see on screen is not what you're going to see in real life.
00:05:03
Speaker
You know, I hate to say this.
00:05:04
Speaker
It's like telling someone that Santa Claus doesn't exist, but Santa Claus doesn't exist.
00:05:08
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:10
Speaker
It's true.
00:05:11
Speaker
Actually, you know, it's funny because these are the same charges we lay against the romance novel, which I have been a particularly ardent fan of since probably too young of an age.
00:05:21
Speaker
But the librarians, they were my buddies.
00:05:23
Speaker
And so they let me check out whatever age inappropriate material that I wanted.
00:05:27
Speaker
Like, I think I read just a quick aside, the Charles Manson book when I was like nine.
00:05:32
Speaker
I should not have been reading Helter Skelter when I was nine.
00:05:36
Speaker
But you know, none of the adults were stopping me.
00:05:39
Speaker
And it was the same with romance novels.
00:05:41
Speaker
But one thing it did teach me was that sex was supposed to be as much for the woman as for the man.
00:05:45
Speaker
And there was nowhere else where I ever got that message.
00:05:47
Speaker
So to all romance novelists, thank you for your public service.
00:05:51
Speaker
But so many people disclaim the romance novel because it's not realistic.
00:05:55
Speaker
It's women's fantasy.
00:05:56
Speaker
Well, shit, there's every other genre is basically male fantasy.
00:06:00
Speaker
I mean, video games in a nutshell are male fantasy.
00:06:02
Speaker
And yet we're not sitting here lecturing them about that constantly.
Cultural Dynamics and Media
00:06:06
Speaker
No, but you know, here's the thing, like you can love problematic things.
00:06:09
Speaker
I do it all the time.
00:06:10
Speaker
You can love problematic things and just enjoy them.
00:06:13
Speaker
Just, you know, don't apply that to your real life.
00:06:16
Speaker
Like it's like expecting that.
00:06:18
Speaker
A unicorn is going to run right by you in your relationship just because you saw it happen in a movie one time.
00:06:25
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:06:26
Speaker
Like you have to be able to tell the difference between things that are said for marketing and things that are written by very clever writers and things that are genuinely realistic.
00:06:35
Speaker
You know, one of the things that really got to me about this particular story is that I found it really relatable from a person who also comes from like a very conservative culture.
00:06:45
Speaker
Like the vast majority of people from my background, like especially among South Asians, I would say, we tend to marry each other.
00:06:52
Speaker
Like the people who marry outside of the culture are the minority.
00:06:55
Speaker
So, you know, part of the reason of that is like the preservation of our culture.
00:06:59
Speaker
But the other part of it is just the feeling of like not being understood by someone from a different culture or the reluctance of other people to adapt to our culture.
00:07:06
Speaker
And if these are things that are important to you, like one of the things I had a discussion with Rose about before we began the podcast was in my view and in my experience, speaking as a person who doesn't usually, I mean, I can probably point to like two men in my life that have dated who are from my culture.
00:07:20
Speaker
For the most part, I don't date men from my culture.
00:07:22
Speaker
Maybe some other day I'll get into it.
00:07:23
Speaker
But for now, you know, most of the relationship experience I've had has been with men who are not from my culture.
00:07:28
Speaker
And I'm a person who's like a bit of a cultural anthropologist, right?
00:07:31
Speaker
I'm interested in knowing about other people.
00:07:33
Speaker
I'm interested in learning about their cultures.
00:07:35
Speaker
I'm interested in participating in their cultural rituals and like eating their food and all these other things that I go all in, right?
00:07:41
Speaker
When it's a person I care about.
00:07:42
Speaker
But I always felt that it was very one sided.
00:07:45
Speaker
And I think for most women who are in relationships with men who are not from their culture, there's a lot more effort coming from the woman to be an acceptable member of their community and to like adhere to their cultural norms to an extent where they're accepted.
00:08:00
Speaker
I see that happening more from women who really want to belong than I see from men trying to adapt.
00:08:04
Speaker
I'm not saying that there aren't men who don't learn the language and culture of their spouses, but honestly, as a general rule.
00:08:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:10
Speaker
And the only time I've ever seen that happen really is, I'm going to say it, is with like these white guys who are into Asian women.
00:08:16
Speaker
Yeah, the passport bros.
00:08:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:17
Speaker
Or like the Japanese fetishists, you know what I mean?
00:08:19
Speaker
The ones who are like super into anime and stuff like it's very creepy.
00:08:23
Speaker
Their interest in the culture.
00:08:25
Speaker
It is creepy.
00:08:26
Speaker
And this is true.
00:08:26
Speaker
In fact, this is one thing I remember feeling as I was watching this show.
00:08:30
Speaker
And I'm a very feelingful person.
00:08:32
Speaker
So like when I'm watching media, I'm feeling all the feelings, you know, I'm not watching this from a sort of academic posturing position.
00:08:39
Speaker
I'm like, Oh, that's so sweet.
00:08:41
Speaker
Or like, Oh, yeah, she saved the dog.
00:08:43
Speaker
You know, I really just kind of become a child in my enthusiasm.
00:08:47
Speaker
And in sort of the openness I have towards whatever media I'm consuming.
00:08:51
Speaker
One thing I really saw that bothered me the most was
00:08:54
Speaker
or that immediately stuck out to me was both the conservative and the secular communities were both just assholes.
00:09:00
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:01
Speaker
Like his whole family, his whole circle, just absolute utter assholes and her whole family in circle.
00:09:09
Speaker
Also assholes, but for different reasons.
00:09:11
Speaker
And so I think that's something that we need to understand is just because somebody is religious or not, or just because somebody is more educated or not, doesn't ameliorate these differences that come from so many humans' intrinsic nature of disapproving and viewing themselves as superior to all other groups.
00:09:30
Speaker
right?
00:09:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:31
Speaker
And I'm going to start with like the first red flag that I saw in the show.
00:09:35
Speaker
Like that is not culture related.
00:09:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:38
Speaker
First of all, his girlfriend wearing the ring without him proposing was incredibly weird.
00:09:45
Speaker
Oh God.
00:09:46
Speaker
Women, please don't do that.
00:09:48
Speaker
I think they set it up really well in that like anybody who's remotely sensible is looking at that and being like, Oh my God.
00:09:55
Speaker
Like,
00:09:56
Speaker
You know, where she's like, well, it's kind of like we're already married.
00:09:58
Speaker
So there's like, you know, you don't have to dig, you know, Neo and just like do that.
00:10:00
Speaker
Like, let's just get it over with, you know?
00:10:02
Speaker
And like, again, I think like the big red flag for him when he met, what's the character's name again?
00:10:07
Speaker
Kristen Bell's character.
00:10:08
Speaker
I forgot.
00:10:09
Speaker
But anyway, I don't know.
00:10:10
Speaker
Joanne.
00:10:10
Speaker
Joanne's character.
00:10:11
Speaker
Yes.
00:10:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:13
Speaker
So when he meets Joanne, he's like not even 24 hours out of a relationship.
00:10:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:20
Speaker
First red flag is don't get with the guy who's like, like the body isn't even cold yet.
00:10:26
Speaker
And it's a long-term relationship.
00:10:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:30
Speaker
And Joanne even says this from the jump.
00:10:32
Speaker
She's like, I'm trying to avoid these men coming from the gray zone who aren't, you know, completely processed and like detached from this prior relationship.
00:10:39
Speaker
You're absolutely right.
00:10:40
Speaker
It was like literally that afternoon and that evening.
00:10:42
Speaker
And I'm not saying that this doesn't happen from time to time.
00:10:45
Speaker
But this is, again, the fantastical element.
00:10:47
Speaker
This is a fantasy, right?
00:10:48
Speaker
Like, if only you break up with the person who really isn't right for you, you're immediately going to be served up on a silver platter by the universe, your soulmate.
00:10:56
Speaker
Yep, wishful thinking as we like to call it.
00:10:58
Speaker
Wishful thinking.
00:11:00
Speaker
You know, I mean, by that logic, I should have had like 10 Adam Broody's by now.
00:11:07
Speaker
Yes, at least a handful, I would say.
00:11:09
Speaker
Come on.
00:11:10
Speaker
At least a handful with some despair.
00:11:11
Speaker
Throw in some Leighton Meesters there, too.
00:11:13
Speaker
Like, I'm not complaining, you know?
00:11:15
Speaker
Yes!
00:11:16
Speaker
Oh my gosh, it's so true!
00:11:18
Speaker
But yeah, this was something that, you know, I was not surprised by how his Jewish community was portrayed.
00:11:24
Speaker
I think, actually, this is something I wanted to tell you, Diana, was that, have you ever watched Fiddler on the Roof?
00:11:30
Speaker
No, I don't think I have.
00:11:31
Speaker
It's before our time, but as a music theater junkie, as one who performed in every musical ever that I could get my hands on, and who also just loves the music, the compositions.
00:11:41
Speaker
Actually, my older brother played Tevye.
00:11:43
Speaker
So that's where I first was introduced to it.
00:11:45
Speaker
I loved the music.
00:11:46
Speaker
I became obsessed.
00:11:47
Speaker
I ordered the Piano Book of the Music Arrangements.
00:11:50
Speaker
And since then, I've also watched the movie.
00:11:52
Speaker
And this is a script that actually has nuance and elegance and shows the complexities of Orthodox Judaism being met with modernity and the changing times.
00:12:05
Speaker
I mean, when I compare like how much more sophisticated movie musical from the 60s is to this show now, I mean, it just kind of shows, I think, the coarsening of cultural attention and attention spans in general, because Fiddler on the Roof is like a three hour long musical.
00:12:24
Speaker
But it doesn't feel like that.
00:12:25
Speaker
If you actually sit down to all our listeners, I often to my adult piano students, I'm like, you need to sit and start watching some of these musicals.
00:12:31
Speaker
They are works of art, like The Sound of Music, Julie Andrews, you know, My Fair Lady, Audrey Hepburn.
00:12:37
Speaker
Love The Sound of Music.
00:12:40
Speaker
Right?
00:12:40
Speaker
Like all of these are cinematic masterpieces and they get written off because it's like, oh, it's hokey.
00:12:44
Speaker
They're singing.
00:12:45
Speaker
I don't like musicals.
00:12:46
Speaker
La la la la la.
00:12:47
Speaker
No, the story is amazing.
00:12:48
Speaker
The acting is amazing.
00:12:49
Speaker
All of that is operating on the highest level.
00:12:52
Speaker
Then I come and I see this show and it's like caricature almost, right?
00:12:55
Speaker
It's just the broadest strokes.
00:12:57
Speaker
And that's one of my, you know, media lenses where I'm just like, this is the lowest common denominator for portraying sort of the stereotypical Jewish conservative mother, you know, who's like a dragon mother and his bumbling brother and his, you know, iron fisted sister-in-law, like,
00:13:16
Speaker
Honestly, why would you even want to spend time with these people if they were your actual family?
00:13:20
Speaker
All they do is hector him and browbeat him and insult him.
00:13:24
Speaker
Oh, shit.
00:13:24
Speaker
I just described my own family.
00:13:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:13:26
Speaker
So now I can, no, just kidding.
00:13:28
Speaker
Now I do understand how it is possible.
00:13:30
Speaker
But at a certain point, at a certain point, you have to understand that like Diane and I have discussed, you are the sum total of the five closest people to you.
00:13:37
Speaker
How is Adam Brody absolutely so wonderful when all the people surrounding him are total dunces?
00:13:41
Speaker
Okay.
00:13:42
Speaker
It just wouldn't happen.
00:13:43
Speaker
Yeah, I will say, though, that, you know, I understand also from like an immigrant perspective that, you know, in their situation, they are Russian Jews who escaped the Soviet Union.
00:13:54
Speaker
And so they may be a little bit more strict on who they're going to be head rabbi's son would marry.
00:13:59
Speaker
And that was, I think, part of the reason that they picked that he would be a head rabbi, because if he was just like your common garden Jew, that's the expression.
00:14:07
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:08
Speaker
If he was just your regular matzo ball.
00:14:10
Speaker
Because, you know, the crazy thing is, in my own family, we have plenty of Jewish in-laws.
00:14:16
Speaker
That's the crazy part.
00:14:17
Speaker
Like, I have members of my family who have married Jews and not converted.
00:14:22
Speaker
OK, oh, yeah.
00:14:23
Speaker
And it's weirdly very common for like South Asian people, Indians, especially to marry Jewish people.
00:14:29
Speaker
I've seen so many Indo-Jewish couples because our cultures are very similar.
00:14:34
Speaker
Like the interesting thing is like, you know, Timamanda Adichie talks about this, about like stereotypes in general.
00:14:38
Speaker
And she's like, the problem with stereotypes is that not that they're untrue, but that they're incomplete.
00:14:44
Speaker
And I think that, you know, understanding the perspective of where his family comes from, because I think the conversation he has with his dad, you know, in the hospital scene when his girlfriend gets hurt, you know, you're going to have a beautiful life with this girl.
00:14:56
Speaker
But ultimately, you're the one who has to live with her.
00:14:59
Speaker
So you have to determine whether this is going to make you happy or not.
00:15:02
Speaker
Good job, dad.
00:15:03
Speaker
By the way, I really liked that portrayal of his dad in that moment.
00:15:06
Speaker
Like that was a very tonic masculine moment, which I approve.
00:15:11
Speaker
So I think his dad and his dad did that without belittling any of the women.
00:15:15
Speaker
I think if there's anybody who's high value in this show, it's the dad, like the loser brother.
00:15:20
Speaker
He's a loser for a reason.
00:15:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:15:21
Speaker
That shit that he's doing with like the blonde sister is micro cheating.
00:15:25
Speaker
Red flag everywhere.
00:15:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:15:27
Speaker
Like, thank you for telling her the truth, but also you're a terrible husband.
00:15:31
Speaker
Sorry.
00:15:31
Speaker
Who gets high with his kids around?
00:15:33
Speaker
Like, I mean, they normalize this shit.
00:15:35
Speaker
Like, he's just eating edibles, eating ice cream with his kid, like, sexting a teenage boy.
00:15:40
Speaker
Like, everything is so weird.
00:15:41
Speaker
So weird.
00:15:42
Speaker
So bad.
00:15:43
Speaker
Like, he's criminal.
00:15:44
Speaker
Sasha's a terrible... Like, he's weird.
00:15:46
Speaker
Weird as hell.
00:15:47
Speaker
He's the character I hate and liked least.
00:15:49
Speaker
And then after that was her sister, who was just, like, this, like, miserable ball of cynicism.
00:15:55
Speaker
And, you know, I know she was there as a foil, but she felt so one-dimensional to me.
00:16:00
Speaker
Like,
00:16:01
Speaker
She is the bitter jaded femsel.
00:16:03
Speaker
That's the character they made.
00:16:04
Speaker
They're like, she is the bitter single woman.
00:16:06
Speaker
Like, this is what happens when this woman doesn't get laid and you're single too
Relationship Expectations and Media Influence
00:16:10
Speaker
long.
00:16:10
Speaker
Like, they made that character to show... Like, it's basically a way to reaffirm that constantly chasing men is...
00:16:17
Speaker
you being a better person in some ways, because you are betting on love.
00:16:20
Speaker
And she's so cynical that she doesn't want to believe in love.
00:16:23
Speaker
And like, also, you know, I think that it's part of reaffirming what a terrible person she is, because she's actively going after a married man.
00:16:29
Speaker
So like, you know, they're making her out to be this like, oh, these single women, they have no morals, they just go out, you know, after married men, and like, they're jealous of their sisters who are going out with honorable rabbis, like, it's just like Madonna whore.
00:16:41
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:16:42
Speaker
I mean, at one point, her sister even says that to her, right?
00:16:45
Speaker
She's like, you're going to be on these desperate dating apps, chasing dick, and I'm with my hot rabbi.
00:16:49
Speaker
And it's like, okay, congratulations, princess.
00:16:51
Speaker
You know, most rabbis don't look like Adam Brody.
00:16:53
Speaker
No rabbi.
00:16:54
Speaker
I've never met a rabbi that looks like Adam Brody.
00:16:56
Speaker
Sorry.
00:16:56
Speaker
Actually, right now I'm teaching a rabbi's son piano lessons.
00:17:00
Speaker
And I'm not saying he's an example of all Jewish rabbis, but Adam Brody is singular.
00:17:05
Speaker
OK, there's a reason he's popular, even in Hollywood.
00:17:08
Speaker
OK, he's a total dreamboat.
00:17:10
Speaker
We all stand in Adam Brody.
00:17:11
Speaker
But I haven't gotten to those episodes yet.
00:17:13
Speaker
So Diana has watched the whole season.
00:17:15
Speaker
Disclaimer, Diana has watched the whole season.
00:17:17
Speaker
Then she texted me.
00:17:17
Speaker
She's like, have you watched this?
00:17:19
Speaker
I think this would be so fun.
00:17:20
Speaker
So then I went and I watched the first four episodes.
00:17:22
Speaker
So I'm speaking from a perspective of someone who's seen just about half of the first season.
00:17:27
Speaker
Diana's seen the whole.
00:17:28
Speaker
So if there are any spoilers that come out, like I'm okay with spoilers, Diana, but also to our listeners, like just be aware that we might be discussing things that you haven't gotten to.
00:17:37
Speaker
So maybe put a bookmark in this episode and come back to it if you want to watch the whole season before.
00:17:43
Speaker
So we don't unintentionally spoil something for you.
00:17:46
Speaker
I may have already spoiled things.
00:17:47
Speaker
So I apologize.
00:17:49
Speaker
But also the show has been out for half a minute.
00:17:51
Speaker
And Netflix years, that's like 50 years.
00:17:52
Speaker
So you should have already watched this by now.
00:17:54
Speaker
I'm not going to apologize for that.
00:17:56
Speaker
It's not true because it's all over the internet.
00:17:58
Speaker
And that's why I first heard about it because all my friends give me their streaming sites.
00:18:03
Speaker
So like I have no subscriptions, but occasionally I will use them.
00:18:05
Speaker
But I hardly ever watch.
00:18:06
Speaker
I just like to read and consume YouTube.
00:18:09
Speaker
But so I was like, okay, yeah, it's been a while since I've seen a show like a serial.
00:18:13
Speaker
Let's go and watch it.
00:18:14
Speaker
And it is, it's like 28 minutes of perfect bonbon, right?
00:18:18
Speaker
And here's another example of like the broad caricature, the stereotype that I was so sure was going to be fulfilled.
00:18:24
Speaker
I was so sure that she was going to convert for him.
00:18:26
Speaker
I was like, a shiksa, a Gentile blonde.
00:18:30
Speaker
I don't know if anybody's ever read Philip Roth, who's like a Pulitzer winning novelist of America.
00:18:36
Speaker
And he's a Jewish boy who has written all about, you know, his struggles between his love for the noble Jewess, but his like even greater lust for the blonde shiksa.
00:18:48
Speaker
Like that's basically his entire au revoir.
00:18:50
Speaker
But it's right so beautifully, you know, it's almost like fine.
00:18:53
Speaker
But anyway, I was so sure that she was going to convert because I was like, there's no way a rabbi is going to end up with a shiksa and not have her convert.
00:19:01
Speaker
Like there's no way his community, his synagogue would allow that.
00:19:05
Speaker
But Diana told me I was wrong.
00:19:07
Speaker
Yep.
00:19:07
Speaker
I will say, you know, it's a very common trope for men who don't come from blonde culture.
00:19:13
Speaker
to fantasize about blonde women.
00:19:15
Speaker
It's a very common thing in multiple cultures.
00:19:17
Speaker
Like I've heard this with black men.
00:19:19
Speaker
I've heard this Latino men.
00:19:20
Speaker
I've heard this with Asian men.
00:19:21
Speaker
I've heard this with South Asian men.
00:19:23
Speaker
I've heard this with Middle Eastern men.
00:19:24
Speaker
And I've heard this from Jewish men.
00:19:26
Speaker
And really, I mean, I'm sorry to burst the bubbles of blonde women.
00:19:30
Speaker
I'm sure you have more fun and you're obviously very beautiful.
00:19:33
Speaker
But men aren't into you just because of what you look like.
00:19:36
Speaker
Men are into you because of what you represent, which to them is power and which to them is rebellion in certain cases in their family.
00:19:43
Speaker
Yeah, it's the pinnacle of the hierarchy, right?
00:19:45
Speaker
For status symbol.
00:19:46
Speaker
Yeah, which is exactly how they depicted the sisters in the show is that him going after the blonde shiksa was an act of rebellion against his own family.
00:19:55
Speaker
And that's why they took it so seriously because he is effectively rejecting his culture to pick a Gentile, right?
00:20:02
Speaker
And the thing is,
00:20:04
Speaker
Spoiler alert, you know, you can mute the next five seconds of me saying this.
00:20:08
Speaker
But at the end of it, she doesn't convert for him.
00:20:10
Speaker
She actually breaks up with him.
00:20:13
Speaker
And he chases after her and says, you're right, I can't have both.
00:20:16
Speaker
And then he kisses her.
00:20:17
Speaker
So it's left in a very ambiguous note where it's like, we don't know whether he gave up being head rabbi or not, or whether he's choosing her, whether he's choosing to just not take the head rabbi position and be like a lower rabbi.
00:20:27
Speaker
We don't know.
00:20:28
Speaker
They've renewed it for a second season.
00:20:30
Speaker
So we'll have to see whether, you know, he made that choice or not.
00:20:33
Speaker
But at least at the end of the show, it's very obvious that he chose her.
00:20:36
Speaker
So, you know, let me just briefly go over like my positive green flags for this show.
00:20:40
Speaker
I'm happy that they casted Adam Brody.
00:20:42
Speaker
Their chemistry is wonderful.
00:20:44
Speaker
You know, like surprisingly, Adam Brody in this show was not the worst part of the show.
00:20:48
Speaker
Right.
00:20:48
Speaker
Like outside of the fact that he moved on way too quickly.
00:20:52
Speaker
And men do that.
00:20:53
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:20:54
Speaker
Like we always talk about how men will have this forever girlfriend whose time they waste, which was obviously Rebecca.
00:20:59
Speaker
And then he dumps her for this like hot lawn thing that walks by like five minutes later, because again, that she's a placeholder.
00:21:05
Speaker
Right.
00:21:05
Speaker
He didn't want what everybody else wanted for him.
00:21:08
Speaker
He wanted to get to choose.
00:21:09
Speaker
And it's not even like he's in a position of stability.
00:21:11
Speaker
He just knows that there's very, like, who can challenge him, really?
00:21:14
Speaker
He's got, like, a set gig.
00:21:16
Speaker
If he gets, like, the head rabbi position, I assume this is, like, tenure for rabbis.
00:21:21
Speaker
I don't know much about the Jewish faith, but I assume you have it good.
00:21:24
Speaker
And, I mean, he's in the Wilshire Temple.
00:21:26
Speaker
Man, those LA people, they have money.
00:21:29
Speaker
They have money.
00:21:30
Speaker
Yeah, right?
00:21:31
Speaker
I know.
00:21:31
Speaker
That temple is nice.
00:21:33
Speaker
Okay?
00:21:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:34
Speaker
That's a job for life, right?
00:21:36
Speaker
So he's in a position of stability and like one would question why he would blow it up.
00:21:40
Speaker
So my biggest red flag with him was the fact that, you know, he moved on so quickly when he blew it up because he didn't really give time for himself to grieve in process.
00:21:49
Speaker
And he didn't really give time to this partner who's like, you know, she mentions that towards the end where she's like, I had this dream of being like the head rabbi's wife.
00:21:56
Speaker
Like I primed myself for this role.
00:21:58
Speaker
I was prepared for the responsibility that it entailed to be his partner.
00:22:01
Speaker
you know, head rabbi wife.
00:22:03
Speaker
Are you prepared to be like the face of the temple?
00:22:06
Speaker
Because that's what you're signing up for.
00:22:07
Speaker
He's not just any common Jewish guy.
00:22:10
Speaker
He's like the head of his faith, essentially.
00:22:12
Speaker
So you become the face of the temple and you're like a sex podcaster.
00:22:16
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:22:17
Speaker
So you have to really determine whether this is something you want.
00:22:20
Speaker
And I'm also glad that, you know, towards the end, they didn't pit this like natural fight between the two.
00:22:25
Speaker
Even though they try to like, you know, push at that throughout the show.
00:22:28
Speaker
But at the end of the day, like both of the women are kind of obsessed with each other.
00:22:30
Speaker
And like, they talk to each other in a very respectful way.
00:22:34
Speaker
Yeah, I appreciated Joanne's forthrightness about her obsession with Rebecca.
00:22:38
Speaker
Because of course, like almost all of the next women tend to obsess over the last girlfriend.
00:22:42
Speaker
Like social anthropologists, they feel like if they comb through enough data from that relationship, they will find the secret to what will make sure that they never end up breaking up, right?
00:22:51
Speaker
Like that's often what drives that.
00:22:53
Speaker
Also, this is a point you made earlier, but I think it bears repeating.
00:22:56
Speaker
So often when you're coming across a cultural divide, it is the woman who has to learn how to make all of the special dishes.
00:23:02
Speaker
It is the woman whose social calendar now has to revolve around his family, his holidays, his special occasions.
00:23:09
Speaker
And so rarely does the man reciprocate.
00:23:11
Speaker
It's not that it doesn't ever happen, but this is a general rule of thumb that you can trust will probably trust and believe that that's most likely what they will end up being, even if it isn't in the beginning.
00:23:22
Speaker
Remember, they're on their best behavior in the beginning.
00:23:25
Speaker
And so one of the things that I also quibbled with with Adam Brody, our delicious heartthrob, was, you know, he was like from the very beginning.
00:23:33
Speaker
And again, I know this is part of the rom-coms.
00:23:36
Speaker
and sort of the temple of a show.
00:23:39
Speaker
But from the jump, he's like, listen, I'm really all in.
00:23:41
Speaker
I really think this is something that can be da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:23:45
Speaker
And it's like, other than her being hot, what do you know about her?
00:23:48
Speaker
Right?
00:23:49
Speaker
Nothing.
00:23:49
Speaker
Absolutely nothing.
00:23:50
Speaker
And it should have been an immediate red flag for you, a rabbi, to not only pursue a woman who was not religious, but she was a-religious person.
00:24:01
Speaker
And they try to make it seem like it's all be sure.
00:24:03
Speaker
Like, you know, like, oh, yeah, I was meant to be with this girl.
00:24:06
Speaker
Like, you just can't control who you love.
00:24:07
Speaker
But it's like he goes into this knowing that she's not Jewish.
00:24:10
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:24:11
Speaker
And if it's this important to you, then why would you not just pick a Jew?
00:24:15
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:16
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:16
Speaker
Like, not only are you not going to go for a Jewess, but you're going to go for an atheist?
00:24:21
Speaker
Like, that's such a big swing.
00:24:22
Speaker
Like, it's one thing if you're dating somebody who's like a devout Christian.
00:24:25
Speaker
And I've actually heard of various marriages where one is Hindu, one is Jewish.
00:24:31
Speaker
Because again, like you say, there are cultural values that are similar across these religions.
00:24:36
Speaker
But to go from a rabbi, even of a progressive temple, like an avowed atheist, it's a big swing.
00:24:43
Speaker
But again, like this is something where if you're dating, like these are very serious considerations.
00:24:47
Speaker
I mean, I think what are the top three things, Diana, if I'm not mistaken, the top three reasons that people's relationships don't make it like number one is money.
00:24:56
Speaker
Finance.
00:24:57
Speaker
Yep.
00:24:57
Speaker
Finance.
00:24:58
Speaker
Number two, I think is religion.
00:25:00
Speaker
Yep.
00:25:01
Speaker
I think it might also be equitable distribution of labor.
00:25:04
Speaker
And labor, right?
00:25:05
Speaker
So if we're looking at these three things, like, none of these are firing on all cylinders for either of them.
00:25:11
Speaker
And so for me, what I really saw in those first four episodes was like, this is a whirlwind, lustful romance.
00:25:19
Speaker
You know, it's lust, it's chemistry and it's lust.
00:25:22
Speaker
And there's nothing wrong with that.
00:25:23
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:25:24
Speaker
Like, please go and enjoy, you know, the best kiss of your life, the best sex of your life.
00:25:28
Speaker
But understand that you don't know who this person is.
00:25:31
Speaker
And all of these grand promises are based on, you know, a sandcastle.
00:25:36
Speaker
Also, I will say this isn't the first time that a show like this has done this before.
00:25:39
Speaker
Like in Sex and the City, Charlotte gave up being a Presbyterian for Harry and ended up converting to Judaism.
00:25:46
Speaker
And it was a huge point of contention in their relationship because, you know, he kind of waited to hook her in and get her into the relationship before telling her that like, I'm not going to marry you until you become a Jew.
00:25:56
Speaker
So he kind of dangled that carrot in front of her that was like, until you convert.
00:26:00
Speaker
But it was really a test.
00:26:01
Speaker
Here's the thing, you have to watch when it's a shit test.
00:26:04
Speaker
Because with him, it was absolutely about testing her to see how far he could push her in like moving towards his point of view.
00:26:11
Speaker
Like, oh, if I can get you to convert, if I can get you to like move mountains and like, you know, jump through all these hoops to be with me.
00:26:17
Speaker
That means that you're really desperate to marry me.
Cross-Cultural Relationships and Media
00:26:20
Speaker
And so in the end, he ends up withholding the ring from her because she does all these things.
00:26:23
Speaker
She converts to Judaism.
00:26:25
Speaker
She has the Shabbat dinner.
00:26:27
Speaker
And then when she's hosting the Shabbat dinner at her house, he isn't even present in that moment.
00:26:31
Speaker
Like he says, this is important to him.
00:26:32
Speaker
And he's busy watching like the Superbowl or something or like a baseball match.
00:26:35
Speaker
And she gets so frustrated.
00:26:37
Speaker
She's like set a date, you know, and he like blows up and he's like, Oh, to think I almost brought a ring.
00:26:41
Speaker
This is emotional manipulation.
00:26:43
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:43
Speaker
Plain and simple.
00:26:45
Speaker
And that's the problem I have with these men who are so-called devout religious people who go after women who are completely expressly not devout.
00:26:52
Speaker
They intentionally try to see how far they can manipulate this person to change their whole ideology because that's, again, a part of their idea of having some control over her.
00:27:01
Speaker
It's about the sense of control they get from manipulating her to drop her values and adopt his.
00:27:06
Speaker
This is absolutely 100% true, Diana.
00:27:08
Speaker
And this is something that I have actually, so I'm in a major city, a major US city, I have various friends who are Jewish, I've attended Pesach and like, you know, Shana Tova with having just passed Rosh Hashanah.
00:27:20
Speaker
I've always been really fascinated by the Jewish faith, because as a recovering Catholic, part of me has always been very interested in religious history.
00:27:29
Speaker
And like, so how did Catholicism come to be?
00:27:31
Speaker
Well, then you have to go back to Judaism.
00:27:33
Speaker
And of course, I always ended up, some of the greatest American writers have been Jewish writers.
00:27:36
Speaker
So you've got Chaim Potok, you've got Philip Roth, Saul Bellow.
00:27:40
Speaker
I mean, the list goes on and on.
00:27:42
Speaker
And even some of the greatest composers as well in America are Jewish.
00:27:45
Speaker
So growing up to somebody who loved culture and then pursued it as a field of study, you cannot help but see how instrumental Jewish people have been from the jump in American cultural history.
00:27:59
Speaker
And so I've often joked, like, if I'm going to marry anybody, if I'm going to marry anybody who's religious, I would marry a Jew.
00:28:04
Speaker
They tend to be a learned people.
00:28:05
Speaker
They tend to be, you know, somebody, they appreciate community.
00:28:08
Speaker
There's a very strong sense of community values.
00:28:11
Speaker
And I also like that there's a broad spectrum of religion.
00:28:14
Speaker
Like you can be Orthodox, you can be progressive, there's reform.
00:28:18
Speaker
There's so many, you know, spokes on the wheel where you can land and all of it, depending on where you land.
00:28:23
Speaker
All of it's acceptable.
00:28:24
Speaker
And so I'm like, well, if I were to convert, it would be like a secular conversion, like I would be doing it as a cultural token of goodwill.
00:28:31
Speaker
I wouldn't care about the religion per se.
00:28:32
Speaker
But you know, like my therapist is a secular Jew is what she calls herself.
00:28:36
Speaker
She's like, Oh, yeah, I don't have anything to do with the faith.
00:28:38
Speaker
But like, I still observe, I still make these dishes.
00:28:41
Speaker
I still appreciate like going to the temple when somebody is having a bat mitzvah or whatever.
00:28:46
Speaker
And that's what I've always said.
00:28:48
Speaker
But again, that's coming from someone who has an extensive Christian background, who has, you know, basically a PhD in religious studies, and who has dedicated herself to understanding these and to broadening her circle in ways where I've had friends of all religions.
00:29:03
Speaker
And in the US, that's actually not that common, which is surprising to me, because we are a melting pot.
00:29:08
Speaker
But it's a caste system, essentially.
00:29:11
Speaker
And so this is something where when I was seeing this rabbi go to such an extreme difference in caste, not in class, because I think they both come from money is what I was getting from the first four episodes, at least, because I don't know any podcasters, Diana, who can have a successful career and live in L.A.
00:29:28
Speaker
only on a gig of podcasting.
00:29:30
Speaker
But again, this is all part of that fantasy that we're being sold.
00:29:34
Speaker
And so this was just something I wanted to point out was that from what I know about the Jewish faith and the Jewish tradition, like if you're going to be at that level of religious piety, like there's just no way your temple is going to accept you marrying a blonde atheist.
00:29:48
Speaker
It just wouldn't happen.
00:29:49
Speaker
And so at least I applaud her for noting that and being realistic.
00:29:53
Speaker
Yep.
00:29:54
Speaker
And you know, the other red flag for me in the show was that like, they were supposed to have like a weekend away.
00:30:00
Speaker
And she ended up giving up work again.
00:30:02
Speaker
Please like, you know, this is like the basic shit that they teach you even in like that book by Sherry Arga, what was it?
00:30:07
Speaker
Why men love bitches, where she was like, don't start giving up your important social occasions, your important work occasions just for this man.
00:30:14
Speaker
Like she had an important meeting signed up.
00:30:16
Speaker
And he decided to take her to Lake Tahoe or something for like a weekend.
00:30:21
Speaker
And then in the end, he found out that he had to be on like Jewish camp duty.
00:30:25
Speaker
And so took her to Ojai instead.
00:30:27
Speaker
And then he found out that the head rabbi was going to show up there.
00:30:30
Speaker
And he spent the entire episode hiding her away because he didn't want to have awkward questions about her background.
00:30:36
Speaker
Again, this man, like, do not be with people who are ashamed to be seen with you in public.
00:30:39
Speaker
And she gets rightfully pissed off about this.
00:30:41
Speaker
And she's like, you know what?
00:30:43
Speaker
You're treating me poorly.
00:30:44
Speaker
And like, no, fuck this.
00:30:45
Speaker
And like, but here's the thing.
00:30:47
Speaker
That is the moment you walk away.
00:30:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:49
Speaker
The end of that episode...
00:30:51
Speaker
you know, like ends with like, she ends up going to her work meeting and he shows up at her work again, red flag.
00:30:56
Speaker
Okay, I have a work thing.
00:30:57
Speaker
Don't show up at my work thing.
00:30:59
Speaker
And he shows up and she's like, Oh, you made me miss my first Shabbat.
00:31:02
Speaker
And he's like, No, we can have Shabbat wherever we want.
00:31:04
Speaker
And then they end up doing like this candle thing.
00:31:06
Speaker
And I was so pissed with him because I was like, No, no, no, no, no.
00:31:10
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:10
Speaker
No, you can't do that.
00:31:12
Speaker
That's bullshit.
00:31:12
Speaker
You could have waited until after she was done with her meeting.
00:31:14
Speaker
Why did it have to be during her meeting?
00:31:16
Speaker
You know, she has work.
00:31:18
Speaker
Her work is valuable.
00:31:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:19
Speaker
She's not going to make much money being your wife.
00:31:21
Speaker
So let her have her little podcast.
00:31:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:24
Speaker
If she's making a money, if she's like the call her daddy of like, uh, the Netflix world, let her be that, you know,
00:31:31
Speaker
Again, like that's the thing with these guys, like a lot of them like to date women who are not from their culture for the novelty.
00:31:37
Speaker
They don't really see them as serious options.
00:31:39
Speaker
And like in the story, like there's always like a legitimate, sweet, wholesome excuse for why he's not able to be an available partner.
00:31:47
Speaker
And I worry that women will watch this and make these excuses for men in their lives when their men don't show up and they say, there must be a wholesome reason why he can't show up for me.
00:31:55
Speaker
It's not because he's ashamed of being seen with me in public.
00:31:58
Speaker
It's because, you know, he just doesn't know his feelings and he's going to show up in the middle of my work and then he's going to light a bunch of candles and it's all going to be okay.
00:32:06
Speaker
It's going to take more than the fucking candles to bring me back.
00:32:09
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:32:10
Speaker
Jerusalem may have fallen, but I will not.
00:32:13
Speaker
So sorry.
00:32:14
Speaker
Joshua, the walls of Jericho are not coming tumbling down.
00:32:17
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:18
Speaker
Those walls are there for a reason.
00:32:19
Speaker
Goliath is going to look like a cute little mouse compared to me.
00:32:25
Speaker
Diana, I love your ruthless streak.
00:32:27
Speaker
Listeners, take note.
00:32:29
Speaker
I'm learning from you as well.
00:32:30
Speaker
But this is so true.
00:32:31
Speaker
And so, you know, this is why as I was watching it, the curse of FDS, the media literacy lens comes into play.
00:32:37
Speaker
And it's just like, I get worked up.
00:32:39
Speaker
You know, like I end up feeling things I don't necessarily want to feel because I'm so susceptible.
00:32:44
Speaker
You know what, just to jump on one more thing.
00:32:46
Speaker
You know, you were talking earlier about how, you know, we were talking about how women make these sacrifices for men, like she'll convert and she will do the Shabbat and she will go to, you know, Jewish summer camp or whatever.
00:32:56
Speaker
When was the last time a guy was like, I'm going to go on a Real Housewives binge and like buy some skinny margaritas?
00:33:03
Speaker
No.
00:33:04
Speaker
I've never seen that happen in a TV show, okay, where he's like, Oh, I'm gonna make a charcuterie board for all of your girlfriends.
00:33:09
Speaker
And we're gonna binge watch like, I don't know, Love Island or something.
00:33:12
Speaker
Never.
00:33:13
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:14
Speaker
Never.
00:33:15
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:16
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:17
Speaker
Where is the give and take?
00:33:18
Speaker
You know, she's giving a lot.
00:33:20
Speaker
I think this also speaks to how traumatized her character really is.
00:33:24
Speaker
having been on the dating market and having been heterosexual her whole life.
00:33:29
Speaker
Although as she says, she was much more successful as a lesbian, which I thought was amusing because of course that's like a shout out to how many feminists are like, including myself, like, Oh, I do so well as a lesbian, but like, let's not diss our lesbian sisters by pretending like it's any easier to be a woman who is a lesbian.
00:33:45
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:45
Speaker
They're, they have their own challenges and crosses to bear.
00:33:48
Speaker
But, you know, she went so quickly from being cynical and I don't know if jaded, but very guarded to like, I'm going to do whatever it takes.
00:33:57
Speaker
And again, this is another red flag where like, if you're somebody who has these strong convictions, and all of a sudden, like quicksand, they're just slipping through your fingers, like flag the play, you know, red flag, we got a Chinese communist parade happening here.
00:34:11
Speaker
And you need to really walk away, even if it is at a Brody.
00:34:14
Speaker
Yeah, again, like even with her, you know, suddenly having the whole like, you know, I'm going to be vulnerable, and I'm just going to have it seemed like very quick, like we often advise women when they're dating, like the reason we focus on this whole hypergamy thing is to not go all in on one person.
00:34:29
Speaker
Like the way that the show presented it was like, when you meet the right person, you're not going to feel as guarded, you're going to want to tell them everything.
00:34:35
Speaker
Okay.
00:34:36
Speaker
There's a reason why we say that you can be vulnerable to a limit.
00:34:39
Speaker
You know, like she disclosed that her father was gay and her mom was super emotional.
00:34:44
Speaker
And that's why her father left and all this stuff like very early.
00:34:48
Speaker
Right.
00:34:49
Speaker
Very, very early to this person, like before they even had their first date.
00:34:52
Speaker
Their first date.
00:34:53
Speaker
Yeah, right.
00:34:54
Speaker
Again, big breath line.
00:34:55
Speaker
Again, we really want people to understand that these are romantic comedies for a reason because they are preying on the idea of fantasy and this is a safe thing to do.
00:35:03
Speaker
Okay.
00:35:04
Speaker
Healthy relationships are boring.
00:35:06
Speaker
I hate to say it, but they are not this dramatic.
00:35:09
Speaker
They don't make for great TV, which is why we don't write it this way.
00:35:13
Speaker
Right, exactly, exactly.
00:35:14
Speaker
And this is something like, you know what, I've never been healthier or happier.
00:35:18
Speaker
And my life has never looked more boring from the outside.
00:35:21
Speaker
And I think I don't think that's by chance.
00:35:23
Speaker
Okay, I think the happiest things are the quietest things often.
00:35:27
Speaker
And those don't portray well on the big screen or the small screen, right?
00:35:31
Speaker
We want the drama of life portrayed well.
00:35:36
Speaker
But in real life, what we want is, you know, the unintentional joys, the small joys.
00:35:43
Speaker
We don't want the roller coasters because it's too exhausting.
00:35:46
Speaker
And we all are out here like in this economy.
00:35:49
Speaker
Just to throw like,
00:35:50
Speaker
You know, I mean, I'm speaking about this earlier than we intended, but just to throw like a random anecdote from my life and also from what I've observed of people like we mentioned earlier, obviously, that there are like different kinds of denominations of Jewish people.
00:36:02
Speaker
Right.
00:36:03
Speaker
And like I know a lot of reformed Jews.
00:36:05
Speaker
And so I think they're a little bit more flexible about marrying people outside of their culture.
00:36:09
Speaker
But generally, the common understanding was that the child would be raised in the Jewish faith.
00:36:13
Speaker
Like most of the reformed Jews I met, even if their child was like half Hindu or half Muslim or something, they were almost always raised in the Jewish faith.
00:36:21
Speaker
Right.
00:36:22
Speaker
Because that was like the deal, like the unofficial contract between the two parties, which is fine because both people mutually agreed to that their business.
00:36:29
Speaker
You know, my personal experience with somebody who was a conservative Jew, and this is what I mean by like healthy boundaries and green flags.
00:36:37
Speaker
One of the things that I noticed about this particular individual was I could tell he was interested in me, but he was also incredibly respectful of my boundaries and space.
00:36:45
Speaker
And he had a lot of high standards for himself.
00:36:48
Speaker
For example, he didn't drink.
00:36:50
Speaker
He felt like people who drank were like just basically stupid.
00:36:53
Speaker
And he was like, I don't want to drink.
00:36:54
Speaker
I don't think there's anything in it for me.
00:36:56
Speaker
So I'm not going to do it.
00:36:57
Speaker
Even though people in our class made fun of him, you know, people are like, it's a little weird that he's here when we're all drinking.
00:37:01
Speaker
He was like, I'm going to hold firm to like, the thing is, with good people, they hold firm to their boundaries, even if it makes them like an enemy in other people's eyes.
00:37:09
Speaker
He had a very strict moral code and he never crossed the line from friendly into romantic with me ever.
00:37:16
Speaker
I mean, obviously, because he was stone sober.
00:37:17
Speaker
Like, so he didn't have an excuse.
00:37:20
Speaker
But he was very clear about the fact that he was going to marry a Jew because he came from a conservative background.
00:37:25
Speaker
His parents divorced when he was really young.
00:37:27
Speaker
And he was really, really certain that like, he was very honest with me about the fact that like, he grew up in a very unstable environment where like the parents were like mudslinging at each other.
Privacy and Media Overexposure
00:37:36
Speaker
And he got dragged in the middle of it.
00:37:37
Speaker
And he was like, I would never want to put my child through that.
00:37:40
Speaker
And I would never want to be in a position where I'm not able to have like an honest, you know, conversation with my partner with respect.
00:37:46
Speaker
And so he generally treated everyone with a lot of respect.
00:37:49
Speaker
And in the end, he ended up marrying a Jewish girl, because that was an important value to him.
00:37:53
Speaker
He even though we had like a natural chemistry, and we got along really well, and he's still a good friend of mine, like he helps me out with like scripts that he actually just messaged me yesterday, because he wanted me to look over one of his scripts, like we have a good working relationship.
00:38:05
Speaker
But I never crossed that territory with him.
00:38:07
Speaker
And he never crossed that territory with me, because we both knew from the jump that it was just non-starter.
00:38:12
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:38:13
Speaker
And so he never crossed that tear, even though we got along really great naturally.
00:38:17
Speaker
you know, it didn't need to be spoken out loud that he was looking for someone who came from his background.
00:38:22
Speaker
And like in an ideal scenario where that is healthy, like if a man knows that you are not up to the standards, they will not entertain you just for fun.
00:38:29
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:38:30
Speaker
They're not going to make you a sneaky link.
00:38:31
Speaker
They're not going to make you a side chick.
00:38:33
Speaker
They're not going to make you a situation ship because they are very one track minded about the fact that they want to marry someone from this specific background that like fits whatever their ideals are.
00:38:42
Speaker
And they go and they find that person.
00:38:43
Speaker
They don't waste your time and make you a placeholder in the off chance that they meet someone better.
00:38:48
Speaker
I never became his placeholder.
00:38:49
Speaker
He always treated me as a very respectful colleague and friend.
00:38:52
Speaker
And that's why I still have respect for him.
00:38:54
Speaker
I still maintain a cordial relationship with him because he never pushed my boundaries and he never crossed any lines.
00:38:59
Speaker
Unfortunately, that shit is boring.
00:39:01
Speaker
Right.
00:39:02
Speaker
It doesn't portray drama in a way that we have been trained as media consumers to consider like good entertainment, right?
00:39:09
Speaker
Entertainment in general.
00:39:11
Speaker
And I want people to consider that when they look at Adam Brody's character, because what is the first thing he does?
00:39:15
Speaker
He breaks up with this long-term girlfriend and he goes for the first thing he meets that night.
00:39:20
Speaker
That is not the move of a healthy individual.
00:39:22
Speaker
I was just going to say, actually, you know what?
00:39:24
Speaker
And also if he is a devout,
00:39:27
Speaker
Jew, or if he is a devout rabbi, there's no way he's sleeping with his intended on the first night of a date.
00:39:33
Speaker
It simply wouldn't happen.
00:39:35
Speaker
And, you know, again, if I'm wrong, if I have the wrong kind of idea, and our listeners know any better, please feel free to propose that.
00:39:41
Speaker
But from the people I know who are religious, who are religiously observant,
00:39:46
Speaker
They're not having premarital sex in that way.
00:39:49
Speaker
Not so indiscriminately, not after a first date, maybe a couple months in, maybe a year in.
00:39:53
Speaker
But many I know will simply wait until they're married.
00:39:56
Speaker
And those who don't wait until they're married are still not engaging in it on the first night.
00:40:00
Speaker
And that was another big red flag I saw as far as like to his character, because somebody who is at that level of religious participation, it's just it's simply unrealistic.
00:40:10
Speaker
And also, like, what was the first thing she did?
00:40:11
Speaker
I mean, like, once they hook up, she like calls up her sister and she's like, Oh, I met a man who will never want to run away.
00:40:17
Speaker
Now that's fucking weird, girl.
00:40:18
Speaker
Why are you doing that?
00:40:19
Speaker
You're still unfit with the guy.
00:40:20
Speaker
That was so strange.
00:40:22
Speaker
And it's like, again, she wants this validation from the people around her that like men will not run away from her.
00:40:27
Speaker
And like playing your cards up this front, like let's see whether the two of them in real life actually work it out.
00:40:33
Speaker
But like being this open with a man, like, again, we're very careful about what we tell men about ourselves.
00:40:38
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:38
Speaker
Once you give him the impression that you're used to being treated poorly, he knows where the bar is and he can underpay you.
00:40:44
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:45
Speaker
Think of it as employment.
00:40:46
Speaker
You don't want your company to know that you're willing to work for a dollar when they're willing to offer you 5,000.
00:40:51
Speaker
If they know that they don't have to pay you anything above a dollar, they're not going to offer to pay you $4,999.
00:40:57
Speaker
It's true.
00:40:58
Speaker
And let's not forget that this is also a negotiation, right?
00:41:01
Speaker
First and foremost, any and all relationship is a negotiation of preferences and desires and boundaries and taboos.
00:41:10
Speaker
All of that's in play, whether you're dealing with a corporation or you're dealing with a sister.
00:41:15
Speaker
And don't underestimate the power of...
00:41:18
Speaker
Not withholding, but discretion.
00:41:21
Speaker
I feel like, what is that discretion?
00:41:23
Speaker
Where is the art of the lost art of discretion?
00:41:25
Speaker
I'm somebody who, you know, if you met me, you would think that I'm an oversharer because I'm so friendly.
00:41:31
Speaker
People mistake friendliness.
00:41:34
Speaker
for oversharing.
00:41:35
Speaker
But in fact, once you get to know me better, you realize I'm actually exceedingly private.
00:41:40
Speaker
I don't actually tell people that much about myself.
00:41:42
Speaker
But again, because of the warmth I seem to exude because of the friendliness that I have, people to overshare with me all the time, because they're mirroring what they think they're seeing.
00:41:52
Speaker
And they're mistaking friendliness for openness.
00:41:57
Speaker
And I think that's a really good point in our dating world.
00:42:00
Speaker
Like we can be absolutely friendly and charming and hospitable, but we don't have to be telling them our whole life story.
00:42:07
Speaker
In fact, we shouldn't be.
00:42:08
Speaker
That should be something that comes in dribs and drabs as they earn your trust, as they prove themselves trustworthy.
00:42:14
Speaker
Yep, yep, yep.
00:42:16
Speaker
I mean, at the end of the day, like, you know, the oversharing and like, I mean, at one point, he even pushes back at her and he was like, don't you think like all this like oversharing might be a bad thing?
00:42:24
Speaker
Like, to be too vulnerable might be a bad thing.
00:42:27
Speaker
Like you have all this information out on the internet and like people can pry and poke in and she's like, Oh, maybe people will just feel a lot less shame within reason.
00:42:34
Speaker
I mean, you know, for example, the two of us are doing this podcast under like a private, you know, identity.
00:42:40
Speaker
For a reason, for a reason, because we can go even harder here because we know that people don't really know who we are.
00:42:47
Speaker
Yeah, when you're a public figure, and like, I don't want somebody to know that like someone ate spaghetti off of my left nipple or something when I was like drunk, like in 2013.
00:42:57
Speaker
Like, I don't I mean, not that this happened, just, you know, audience beware.
00:43:00
Speaker
But I'm a storyteller.
00:43:01
Speaker
Okay, shit just comes to me.
00:43:04
Speaker
Well, I guess this is something we talked about with like, this goes to our next point, which is actors and the rise of social media.
00:43:10
Speaker
Again, I'm an older, we've discussed this.
00:43:12
Speaker
I'm an exennial.
00:43:13
Speaker
Is that what I am, Diana?
00:43:14
Speaker
Yep.
00:43:15
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:15
Speaker
So I'm exennial.
00:43:17
Speaker
And so I came up before like computers had internet.
00:43:21
Speaker
It was like a dial up access.
00:43:23
Speaker
And I didn't even have a cell phone until I think I was 28 or
00:43:28
Speaker
And so I come from an era where like all of our foibles and all of our adventures were pre social media.
00:43:34
Speaker
They were pre internet.
00:43:35
Speaker
Nothing was gathered for posterity unless you had like, you know, a disposable camera that you bought for fun for like homecoming, you know?
00:43:42
Speaker
And that's why I have a photo album because the photos that I did take were important because they were the only ones I had of that era.
00:43:48
Speaker
It contrasts that to how many thousands of photos you have on your phone that will probably disappear when your phone dies one day.
00:43:53
Speaker
Like nobody's printing them off and making photo albums these days.
00:43:55
Speaker
Or if they are, they tend to be like lifestyle gurus.
00:43:59
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:59
Speaker
It's not the norm anymore.
00:44:01
Speaker
All this is to say, like with watching these two actors, I had two distinct experiences.
00:44:07
Speaker
And I talked about this with Diana as well before.
00:44:09
Speaker
Adam Brody, adorable.
00:44:11
Speaker
We're basically the same age.
00:44:12
Speaker
So I grew up with him and Kristen Bell sort of as peers, so to speak.
00:44:17
Speaker
And I've known him since, I think we mentioned this, the Gilmore Girls when he was Lainey's boyfriend and the most adorable boyfriend ever.
00:44:24
Speaker
And then the OC, of course.
00:44:25
Speaker
And what I realized is watching him, he's so winning.
00:44:28
Speaker
He's got such a wonderful, like whimsical nature to him.
00:44:31
Speaker
I also realized I know absolutely nothing about his private life.
00:44:34
Speaker
Other than that, he's married to the OG gossip girl, Leighton Meester.
00:44:38
Speaker
On the other hand, Kristen Bell, I've always had a hard time with because I know way more about her than I've ever wanted to know.
00:44:45
Speaker
And that's because she's somebody who compulsively over shares on social media.
00:44:49
Speaker
And she's got like a very low value man too.
00:44:53
Speaker
their marriage just seems like it's toxic it's just like can you guys just can you just throw in the towel already it's not supposed to be so hard from what they portray it as again and she puts way more effort like do you own a mirror like do you actually own one in your house do you know that you're Kristen Bell because I think you should go back and tell yourself that you're Kristen motherfucking Bell and get rid of this man you know
00:45:14
Speaker
Because like I heard that she asked him out.
00:45:17
Speaker
I heard that like she proposed to him or something.
00:45:19
Speaker
And like, again, it comes back to the show where she's like, I'm afraid that a man can't handle me because my dad left my mom because she was emotional.
00:45:26
Speaker
The reason she acted that line so well is I wonder if that part is true.
00:45:29
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:45:30
Speaker
I think that she thinks on some level that like men can't handle her because of how naturally witty she is.
00:45:35
Speaker
And I mean, she has like this tendency to play assholes in their show, but she's a very likable asshole.
00:45:40
Speaker
Like that being said.
00:45:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:41
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:45:42
Speaker
She's got like a natural charm.
00:45:43
Speaker
And that's why people keep watching her.
00:45:45
Speaker
Like I loved her on The Good Place.
00:45:46
Speaker
She's compulsively watchable.
00:45:48
Speaker
And this is why I feel conflicted about her because even though I, from what I've learned about her unwillingly, she's not a human being that I'm a fan of.
00:45:56
Speaker
As an actor, she is so winning.
00:45:58
Speaker
I mean, she is a phenomenal actress.
00:45:59
Speaker
She's a phenomenal singer.
00:46:01
Speaker
Everything she touches turns to gold in Hollywood.
00:46:04
Speaker
I mean, look at Frozen for Christ's sakes.
00:46:06
Speaker
Like that's a whole generation of kids who will grow up internally worshiping her for one song alone.
00:46:10
Speaker
And technically she's the OG Gossip Girl because she was the voice of Gossip Girl.
00:46:14
Speaker
That's right.
00:46:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:15
Speaker
So it just, I mean, she was the Nancy Drew of our times, right?
00:46:18
Speaker
As Veronica Mars.
00:46:20
Speaker
And so I just think, you know, this is somebody who, when I'm watching, I have a harder time divorcing her from who she is as a person because I know way too much about her.
00:46:29
Speaker
Which speaks to actually
Challenging Stereotypes and Societal Norms
00:46:30
Speaker
the point we just made, which is no need to overshare.
00:46:33
Speaker
Like you get to keep your privacy, keep your dignity.
00:46:36
Speaker
Who you are is only to be shared with a select few of an inner circle that is cultivated with time and discernment.
00:46:43
Speaker
And the way she was with him, like you said, I found that so such a turnoff when she leaned across, like after they just had sex, their post coitus, she leans across his chest and is announcing what she's writing to her sister, which is the most cringe message I think I've ever heard in my life.
00:46:57
Speaker
I thought she FaceTimed her.
00:46:59
Speaker
I thought she called her.
00:47:00
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:47:01
Speaker
Did she call her?
00:47:02
Speaker
Oh God.
00:47:02
Speaker
I don't know.
00:47:03
Speaker
I feel like that was much worse.
00:47:04
Speaker
I will say like the top two funny moments of the show for me were one when like she's like looking up the taco place on her phone and she has like the girlfriend's name like all over her circle.
00:47:15
Speaker
I was like, oh my God, that would totally happen to me.
00:47:18
Speaker
And like the other part was, you know, when the two of the sisters are in the car and she's like, oh, he doesn't look that Jewish.
00:47:23
Speaker
And like the brother goes, oh, do we not look like we could control the media?
00:47:26
Speaker
I was dead.
00:47:27
Speaker
I was laughing so hard.
00:47:31
Speaker
That was a very funny moment.
00:47:33
Speaker
Again, I think it's a really well done show, you know?
00:47:35
Speaker
But as FDS girlies, this is something that we wanted to bring to your attention and to start a discussion around it because I think we have such a valuable perspective when we look at media and I want us to share it with one another.
00:47:48
Speaker
And let's bring up the last great divide.
00:47:51
Speaker
What are the biggest cultural divides that Hollywood itself has perpetuated, Diana?
00:47:55
Speaker
And what is that?
00:47:56
Speaker
The Great Wall of Bullshit.
00:48:00
Speaker
bullshit aka hitting the wall at 30 both of these actors are 44 Kristen Bell you've never been hotter I mean she's always been a very attractive person obviously but I feel like her mature beauty is just it's such a striking and unique beauty all this is to say you know the actresses that I tend to like are like the exotic the voluptuous the Catherine Zedda Jones or Angelina Jolie or I've always wanted to know Aishwarya Rai like the most beautiful woman in the history of women ever I swear to god
00:48:30
Speaker
I mean, she's going through a really messy divorce now.
00:48:32
Speaker
We should talk about that some other day.
00:48:33
Speaker
But like her relationship is something we should study too, because for a woman so beautiful, she settled hard and she's really suffering for it now.
00:48:41
Speaker
But like another time, another time.
00:48:42
Speaker
That makes me really excited because I remember when I read about her marriage, I was like, no, she settled.
00:48:47
Speaker
No.
00:48:47
Speaker
So I'm actually happy to hear she's divorcing, but I bet it's just a shit show.
00:48:51
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:48:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:52
Speaker
I'm not actually sorry.
00:48:52
Speaker
I'm not sure if she's divorced, but she's separated.
00:48:54
Speaker
I wish she would.
00:48:55
Speaker
I wish she would.
00:48:56
Speaker
Anyway, we'll come.
00:48:57
Speaker
That should be a whole other episode.
00:48:58
Speaker
Let's come back to that.
00:48:59
Speaker
But so all this is to say, like, Kristen Bell, I am somebody who not typically is a fan of like the blonde beauties.
00:49:04
Speaker
But even I have to say, like, her look now, she's never looked better.
00:49:08
Speaker
And I love seeing that because like you say, they're both mid 40s.
00:49:11
Speaker
And we've been told so long, and especially on the internet, the rise of like, you know, internet bros, the passport bros, like, oh, your eggs are drying up, like, oh, women's value expires at 30 men age like fine wine.
00:49:22
Speaker
Do you see all the work women put into themselves starting young, there's no way that men are aging like fine wine when they can't even like
00:49:28
Speaker
fucking file their own nails.
00:49:30
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:31
Speaker
And they come in with their nasty ass sharp nails, and they finger you and give you UTIs.
00:49:35
Speaker
Okay, you're not the one aging like fine wine, we are.
00:49:39
Speaker
And so I'm really happy to see like, wow, when how many shows have we seen where women are like, in their 40s or beyond, and they're ending up in a romantic relationship with a man of their own age.
00:49:50
Speaker
Very rarely.
00:49:50
Speaker
And you know, that being said, like, I think I mentioned earlier that like, I really love 2000s rom coms, like I have a soft spot for them, because I saw them when I was a kid.
00:49:59
Speaker
But when I was a kid, I really couldn't tell the difference between someone in their 30s and 40s.
00:50:03
Speaker
To me, that was just old.
00:50:04
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:50:04
Speaker
When you're a child, like anybody who's 430 plus is an old person.
00:50:08
Speaker
Yeah, they're an adult.
00:50:09
Speaker
They're a proper adult.
00:50:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:11
Speaker
So like for me, romcoms were really about adult people falling in love.
00:50:14
Speaker
Like the teenage thing never really appealed to me beyond Mean Girls and like Cinderella story because I was a hardcore Hilary Duff fan.
00:50:21
Speaker
But in general, I always skewed older with romcoms.
00:50:24
Speaker
And I do think the future is a little bit older.
00:50:26
Speaker
I think that now more millennials are entering the industry.
00:50:29
Speaker
We might see some like change in norms of like the kinds of love stories that are told in Hollywood, because I think people have had like enough of like to all the boys I loved before high school romance thing, because it's changed a lot.
00:50:41
Speaker
I mean, also the romantic landscape has changed a lot.
00:50:43
Speaker
I don't know that Gen Z is nearly as invested as in this as like millennials still are, because I think part of the reason the show is so successful is because it had two millennial icons, you know?
00:50:53
Speaker
I don't think it would have done that well with like the Gen Z equivalent of like, I don't know who the Gen Z, like Zendaya and Timothee Chalamet doing this love story.
00:51:01
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:51:02
Speaker
It works because like their experience and like them being older, like we turn to rom-coms for hope and we turn to romance books for hope.
00:51:12
Speaker
And it's very easy to feel hopeful and love when you're young.
00:51:16
Speaker
And I think that's the part of the appeal of like the love stories when you're older is that we cling on to the hope.
00:51:22
Speaker
But I want people to understand that it's not just a hope.
00:51:25
Speaker
Men will say whatever they can, because again, it's easier to get you to lower your standards than get them to raise theirs.
00:51:32
Speaker
Oh my gosh, everything you're saying is like, I'm quiet because I'm listening with such intensity, Diana.
00:51:38
Speaker
I'm listening with such close attention because every word you're saying is like a precious pearl of wisdom.
00:51:44
Speaker
This is so true.
Conclusion and Personal Growth
00:51:45
Speaker
I need to hear it as much as our listeners do because it's so easy to feel like we've all heard the story that like you expire, your eggs shrivel up, like what value are you if you don't have, you know, a childbearing womb?
00:51:55
Speaker
Listen,
00:51:56
Speaker
We've mentioned this before, the purse or the nurse.
00:51:59
Speaker
Men will die still pursuing women.
00:52:03
Speaker
They will be on their deathbed.
00:52:04
Speaker
They will still be trying to land a woman because our value is...
00:52:09
Speaker
priceless to what we bring to their lives.
00:52:11
Speaker
Now, we have to have the same approach where unless they are bringing a priceless value to ours, we simply won't even entertain it.
00:52:19
Speaker
Yep.
00:52:20
Speaker
You need to carry yourself with the energy that like if an atheist man saw you, he would start believing in God again.
00:52:26
Speaker
And if a God fearing man saw you, he would abandon all religion and follow your cult instead.
00:52:30
Speaker
Okay, that's the energy they need to come with.
00:52:32
Speaker
You are their one true religion and God and everything else is just shallow and false.
00:52:36
Speaker
Sorry.
00:52:38
Speaker
I love it.
00:52:38
Speaker
It's so true.
00:52:39
Speaker
Actually, you know, I got to share a quick little story.
00:52:41
Speaker
One of my new piano students, he's a young fellow.
00:52:44
Speaker
I think he's maybe eight or nine.
00:52:45
Speaker
You know, he's still such a young child, a young baby.
00:52:47
Speaker
But what I've noticed is like when I first come in the door and when I'm leaving, the look on his face is of such pure, unadulterated glee and delight.
00:52:56
Speaker
And he's always trying to play like, you know, oh, I don't care.
00:52:59
Speaker
And like, nothing really phases me.
00:53:00
Speaker
And, you know, like he's trying to portray this sort of masculinity that he thinks he's supposed to be embodying as a young boy.
00:53:08
Speaker
But he cannot conceal how happy he is to see me when I get there.
00:53:12
Speaker
And I tell you, I'm like, you know what, Rose, you need to put a pin in this and realize like, this is how whatever you end up with.
00:53:19
Speaker
This is the face you need to expect from the man who loves you as well.
00:53:22
Speaker
Yep, yep.
00:53:23
Speaker
I will say like one of the women that appealed to me in the show, even though they try to portray her as such a shrew as Esther, because of course she's loyal to her BFF.
00:53:30
Speaker
Like why would she just ditch her best friend for this random blonde woman that turned up, you know?
00:53:35
Speaker
And I kind of loved how terrified Sasha was of her.
00:53:38
Speaker
I was like, yeah, you should be a little scared.
00:53:40
Speaker
You know, she's very hot.
00:53:41
Speaker
Like she's intimidatingly good looking.
00:53:44
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:53:45
Speaker
I know they tried to make her like an unlikable character, but as like an FDS girly, I was like, absolutely.
00:53:50
Speaker
She's loyal to her.
00:53:52
Speaker
She's loyal to her best friend.
00:53:53
Speaker
She's still respectful of her brother-in-law, but like her priorities are clearly what matter to her.
00:53:59
Speaker
And she's not going to fudge on them just because, you know, he's lusting after somebody who he thinks could be the one.
00:54:05
Speaker
So Esther, we salute you.
00:54:07
Speaker
As we wrap up this episode, Diana, do we have any other anecdotes or thoughts we want to share before we conclude?
00:54:13
Speaker
Yes, I will say, you know, I mean, these days it's becoming much more common than it used to be to marry people from different cultures.
00:54:20
Speaker
If there's any last thing I want to leave women with is if you are going to date and marry someone from a different culture, please make sure that they're putting in just as much effort to get to know your culture as you are theirs.
00:54:31
Speaker
It's very essential you do this because these things shouldn't be one sided.
00:54:35
Speaker
He doesn't respect your culture because he expects someone who's going to stand there and just spawn at him.
00:54:41
Speaker
So don't be sitting there fawning him.
00:54:43
Speaker
You should have some pride in your own background or whatever.
00:54:46
Speaker
Maybe you're not, you don't like your culture because it's misogynistic or whatever, which culture isn't.
00:54:50
Speaker
But at the end of the day, like he should be making an effort to understand your cultural nuances because, you know, there is some truth to your marrying into a family and he is marrying into yours.
00:54:59
Speaker
And it's very important that both of these things can be reconciled.
00:55:03
Speaker
So, you know, I would say that as fun as this was to watch, and I enjoy a lot of problematic things that I can like personally critique as fun as it was, there were a lot of red flags and this is not a strategy.
00:55:14
Speaker
Okay.
00:55:15
Speaker
Please don't use this as an FDS strategy.
00:55:17
Speaker
Were there some high value behaviors and green flags?
00:55:20
Speaker
Sure.
00:55:20
Speaker
But overwhelmingly, no, this was unrealistic.
00:55:23
Speaker
Non FDS approved.
00:55:25
Speaker
In fact, we will officially declare it FDS disapproved.
00:55:28
Speaker
Disapproved, disapproved, disapproved.
00:55:31
Speaker
Oh, Diana, I'm so happy to have you back.
00:55:33
Speaker
We had a bit of an illness.
00:55:34
Speaker
We had a bit of a hiccup the last couple of weeks, but it sounds like you're back and better than ever.
00:55:38
Speaker
And I'm very grateful for it because I was just thinking like, are our listeners, do our listeners, like, are they going to be upset that we've, you know, have a little bit of a break here in the middle of getting started?
00:55:46
Speaker
But I feel like we've been able to maintain a good level of output.
00:55:50
Speaker
And that's something that we are very much committed to.
00:55:53
Speaker
I'm sure they'll be fine.
00:55:54
Speaker
I'm back with a vengeance and, you know, absence only makes the heart grow fonder.
00:55:58
Speaker
I know that's true of me for you.
00:56:00
Speaker
That's absolutely right.
00:56:02
Speaker
Oh, wonderful.
00:56:02
Speaker
And this will wrap it up for today.
00:56:04
Speaker
And Diana, what is our message of every week?
00:56:07
Speaker
Scroats, die mad.
00:56:08
Speaker
Die mad.
00:56:10
Speaker
Girls, expect better for yourselves.
00:56:12
Speaker
As a matter of fact, demand better.
00:56:14
Speaker
Point blank, period.
00:56:16
Speaker
And with that, we bid you adieu.
00:56:18
Speaker
Bye-bye.