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EP 53: Overstimulation
1.7k Plays2 months ago
In this episode of Mom Group Chat, we dive deep into the topic of overstimulation and how it impacts our daily lives. As busy moms juggling numerous responsibilities, it's easy to become overwhelmed by the constant demands on our time and energy. We share personal stories, including a candid account of a moment when overstimulation led to an uncharacteristic reaction. We discuss the signs of overstimulation, its effects on our mental and emotional well-being, and practical strategies to manage and mitigate these feelings. Join us for an honest and heartfelt conversation that sheds light on a common but often overlooked aspect of motherhood.
Disclaimer: In this episode, we discuss a personal experience involving overstimulation and an instance of physical action. We want to emphasize that we do not condone or endorse any form of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out to a trusted resource or professional. Remember, you are not alone, and support is available to help ensure your safety and well-being.
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Transcript
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up my overstimulated ladies? My name is Candace and this is a mom group chat podcast. Oh, I forgot. I'm here with Whitney. I forgot that part. I'm here. Damn. God, I could never get it right. It's honestly like, our our listeners are sick of this. They're like, we know you get it wrong. We get your saga. You don't have to joke about it anymore. Welcome, Whitney. I love you. And I will never forget you ever again. We were just talking about how bad we have been lately about shopping. It's just, I think it's like all the summery clothes, something about it just, whoa, brings me, brings me in.
00:00:54
Speaker
So for me, it's that I'm feeling good about my body right now. I've been on a little bit of a health and fitness journey. I'm trying to enter my MILF era. you and Thank you so much. um Yeah, you know what? I am. I am a MILF, but I would like... i no know I'm just trying to feel a little bit better and stronger. And I'm in week four of this like program and I'm feeling really good, which has me wanting new clothes. So yeah it's been bad, but also I've been wanting to shop for the girls too. Like, I don't know. I've been like, I don't like, not that I don't like any of their clothes, but I've just, you know, when you like feel bored of your kids clothes and I'm like, I need some new things.
00:01:38
Speaker
I do that with um like Margo's pajamas. I'm like, cause you know, you have like a three month little stint with them. And then by the end of that little stint, you're like, Oh my God, I'm ready for you to size up. Like I cannot keep rotating the six pairs of pajamas. Like I want you in something new. So then you just start shopping and you're like, I can't help it. And I just got like a few emails with sales going on since fourth of July is coming up. And I'm like, Oh, there goes all my money. Will you throw them to me? You have the cute you like, I don't like where I shop for my kids is so basic. And every I said this in the last episode, but every time I'm on our Instagram, I see the cutest shops from you. And I'm like, I need you to share. Yeah, yeah share the wealth. Definitely share. um
00:02:24
Speaker
But I also have been shopping for myself as well because I love little summery dresses and I just can't help it. And I know I'm coming to Tampa. So I'm like, I want some new stuff to feel cute. Yeah, I've been shy. What I did to scratch the itch was my newly. Actually, I had a newly fail for the first time. Oh, no.
00:02:50
Speaker
It's actually a wish I would have taken pictures of me in this in the stuff I got because it was one of those like what the fuck was I thinking moments like but I I rented this farm Rio orange dress that was so cute on the model. It was orange and it had parrots all over it. huh And you know, we leave for Pensacola on Wednesday. I was like, oh, this is so cute, like beachy like farm Rio dress. But it had full cutouts around the belly Like, I'm sorry. Who do I think I am? I put it on and I actually burst out laughing. Like it didn't hurt my feelings or anything. It was just one of those moments where I was like, what the fuck was I thinking? Like I got too confident. Even the pants, like I ordered a pair of white jeans. Cause I've gotten a couple of tops that I'm like, Ooh, I would love to wear these with like white, either white jeans or like white linen pants. I ordered a pair of white jeans and I like sized down. Like what?
00:03:49
Speaker
What was I thinking? I don't know. ah Literally nothing in my entire newly fit me, which was really depressing. So I sent it back. And in order to scratch the itch of like, instead of purchasing new things, I just unlocked my next newly early. And which means I got to like shop for six new items. So. that's on its way here, and hopefully that will scratch my itch. The way that like white jeans is just like not even an option for me. but That's just never going to happen, and it never has. Really? It never will. I feel like you would look so good in them.
00:04:29
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's just like the blue jean shorts thing. It's just not in the cards for me. And I would 100% love it. They're so cute. Like just no, no. I've never liked them. Really? I'm just, per I haven't, ah yeah, see, I, I'm a jeans girl. So this all makes sense, but I, I've had a couple pairs that I love, but they, white jeans are very specific. They have to be really structured and like hold you in. They have to be completely not see through. Like in my experience, I cannot buy cheap white jeans. Like I can't buy them from old Navy or target because the material is so thin and it's like, you can see everything.
00:05:14
Speaker
thing you know um I mean, I haven't bought them in a while, so in just in my past experience, but um you need to buy high quality white denim if they're gonna work, but I feel like they would look so cute on you. You're your harshest critic, for sure. Okay, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. You're like, no, no, I cannot be convinced. Well, it's, you know, i like I said, I've been feeling a little bit better about my body. It's crazy what eating healthy and working out does. It's an amazing. It's like, oh, uh, just fueling your body with the things that actually needs, huh?
00:05:51
Speaker
um Yeah, it's crazy how that works. Um, so I've been feeling good about that, but there's another thing that I've been like feeling really insecure about and that is my postpartum hair loss. Um, I talked about this on my Instagram stories recently, but it is so bad. This go around, it was not this. i I filled it in with my root spray. Like I have a full white bald spot right here. That is so bad. i like I literally have to fill it in. Even Vinny said something. He was like, damn, that's bad. I was like, I look like a balding woman. You have to get extensions on just part of your hair. Vinny also noticed like there's so much more hair in our shower. like I never have hair come out in the shower. And like our s sink it or sink, our drain is full of hair.
00:06:43
Speaker
Totally normal. I mean, I have i know a little bit has happened to me, but not like significantly or not enough where I have so much hair that it like just covers it. So I haven't noticed it, but I've lost a little in the same spot. Yeah, I feel you it's just and then the other thing that keeps happening You're probably gonna see me do it whenever I wear a tank top Do you know when you have a piece of hair on you and you like can't figure out where it is? But it's like tickling. Yeah, that is happening to me constantly because I'm my hair keeps falling out and it keeps tickling my arms
00:07:17
Speaker
So if you see me like, you know, doing this, it's like because my hair is falling out. But I'll say Graydon like hates my hair. That's like one of his things. I think he has like a weird. He's always. are kindning Yeah, he's always been like this. Like I remember when he was little and if I sat in the back seat. And I like even leaned into his car seat or put my hand in there. He'd push it away. Like he's just like, don't get in my space. Margo's like the opposite. She like wants my head in her lap. So he always, if I'm like holding him, he'll be like, mom, your hair. And he'll make me put my hair up. If I'm holding him, like he doesn't like.
00:07:57
Speaker
things touching him. It's so funny. Interesting. Yeah, he hates hair. Hate and heal. If he gets on him, he's like, mom's hair. That's so funny. and I wonder if that will keep happening as he gets older. He's going to want a bald girlfriend.
00:08:16
Speaker
might be hard to find. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? But yeah. Interesting little nuances he has. I feel like kids are weird. They have like weird little things that they hate. Yeah. I don't know. i I always remember being like, man, he really like hates if you are in his car seat. I remember my mom doing it and she being like, Greeden doesn't like me or something if she sat in the back with the kids and I'm like, no, he literally just like wants his space. And I did it the other day because I sat in the back with them and I just like so went to see if he was still like that. And I kind of just like put my hand on him or like leaned on him like joking and he was still like, nah, get out of my seat.
00:08:59
Speaker
OK, so physical touch is not his love language. He's he's an acts of service guy. He's like, give me an applesauce. Mama, you making my dinner? Oh, yeah, that's right. Are you making my dinner? He's so funny. I can't wait to see them. I'm so excited for you to come just to like, for us to spend time together, but also to see your kiddos and to like spend real time with them. I still have never met Margot, which is wild. Well, same. I mean, I i still am thinking like, oh my God, I get to like see them. And it's been so long, like over a year since I've seen Alice, more so. So I'm like, wow, this is crazy.
00:09:43
Speaker
how long we've gone. and to be I mean, we've seen each other, but just like the kids. It's crazy. Yeah. It's going to be so fun. Alice cannot stop talking about Graydon every because we told her we hung a second swing in our backyard, which I've been saying is for Graydon. And so every time we go outside now, she's like, the swing is for Graydon. And I'm like, it is. and And she'll say, Graydon is coming to play with me. And I'm like, yeah. Oh, he's so cute. She's sweet. I hope he doesn't like hit her with a stick or something. and You know what? like She deserves it. If so, I'm just kidding.
00:10:20
Speaker
you But she has been a little aggressive towards Evie, so part of me is she needs a taste of her own medicine. Hey, that's perfect. Maybe they'll duke it out and fight over toys together and I'll just be like... I'm sure they will, but that's just standard two-year-old shit right there. I know. It's like, they're so cute one second and then they're fighting and you're like, can we not? She's doing this really cute and funny thing right now where she says, I think after everything, she'll be like, she'll be like I want a snack, I think. Or she'll say i she'll say, it's time to take a bath, I think. Which is so funny. It's like clearly something that maybe I do or I've said or I think actually it might be my mom.
00:11:05
Speaker
but it's like so funny that she has now, she'll add, I think onto everything. Grains is he says, huh? Like if we're like, he'll be like mom, mommy, you want to play cars with me? And I'll be like. Yeah, you want me to? He goes, uh-huh. And then he'll like, Pee-Bae, come off and come play. And it's just, he's very, uh-huh. Wait, in this in not on that subject, I know in the past we've talked about how Graydon wants to play partner. like He wasn't great at like playing independently, right? Has that been better since Margot is born? Yes, yes, and amazing.
00:11:44
Speaker
Yeah, they play together all the time now that she can move. And he he'll like she'll be like crawling away and he'll like jump on her and be like, no, my guy. So also he calls Margo Margo, no R. So he he's still he still has a Boston accent. So now we're calling her Margo, Margo. Um, but he'll be like, no, Maggie. And he'll jump on her and like, she just turns around and starts laughing. Like she loves chasing him around. If he takes off running, she's like, and she just like scooting after him. Like they love playing chase. It's fun. Okay. Well, I got to tell a story about what happened this weekend that will bring us into today's topic of this podcast. Oh, so I, you're going to tell it.
00:12:34
Speaker
Yeah, I am. OK. I please don't judge me. Everyone, please. I just had a bad moment ah over the weekend. So just some background here. Alice is struggling with like a little daycare like sickness and she started camp. just like runny nose. We had our ears checked on Friday. They were fine and clear, but she's just had constant runny nose and she was just the whiniest baby on Friday and Saturday. Like when I tell you that she cried from and whined from the moment she got up on Saturday to when she went to bed, like it was unbelievable.
00:13:17
Speaker
It was just so draining to be around. Both Vinny and I were like, we cannot deal with this. like It is so draining. I feel bad saying that, but it's the truth. it's it really It was a lot. Yeah, it's bad when they're sick. Yeah. And I feel bad. I feel bad because obviously she feels terrible and like clearly she just doesn't know what to do. I think we're just not used to it. Like she's not a whiny baby to begin with. So this was like really our first like. I don't know. I think I'm dealing with it.
00:13:49
Speaker
Hard because you're like when is this gonna end and then you just like don't know so you're like, oh my god How long how much longer do I have to deal with this? Like it's a lot. It's it's a lot a lot. Yeah So we were leaving for the grocery store. We go to the grocery store a lot just to like as an outing because we go to Publix and she gets a free cookie. And then we Alice loves the grocery store typically. So we're leaving for the grocery store. Alice is whining and crying in the back seat. Evie's in her seat being an angel.
00:14:24
Speaker
And my husband Vinnie is in the, he's driving, I'm in the front seat and he starts like mimicking Alice, like mimicking her whining. I'm going to back up from the mic here so I don't like blow out your eardrums, but literally he was doing this. He was going,
00:14:44
Speaker
And he was just being in like a silly mood and like trying to be funny and silly. But I'm sitting there in the car. I'm so overstimulated. Alice is crying and whining. I forgot to mention, I don't know if I said this when I told you the story originally, Whitney, but the seatbelt dinger was going on because he didn't have a seatbelt on because we hadn't pulled out of the driveway yet. So he was doing the way thing. Alice was whining and the seatbelt beep is going beep or, you know, ding, ding, ding, ding. I asked him to stop very calmly. I said, please stop. Please stop making that noise. He basically didn't hear me or didn't acknowledge me and just kept doing this way. And Whitney, it was like an impulse.
00:15:34
Speaker
I just leaned over and smacked him in the face, like full smacked him in the face. And I was shocked at myself. i Like I genuinely, he was stunned. I always think of the TikTok sound and the man was too stunned to speak. Literally that was Vinny in the driver's seat. I was stunned that that just happened. Like I never do that. And he was like, what the hell? And I was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, I don't know what happened. I really can't explain it other than it was just a physical reaction to me being so overstimulated that I just needed that sound to stop. And my, the only way, if I i had asked him to stop, he didn't. And the the next reaction my body had. was to do something physical to make it stop. And I just smacked him in the face. And I like what did he do? Because you didn't really go into. He froze and we both froze and he he literally said like, what the hell? And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Like I immediately started to try to explain myself as to like why that happened. And he was like, you just smacked me in the face, though. And I was like,
00:16:52
Speaker
I'm so sorry. Like, I don't know. And then Alice started to say, what happened? What happened? Then I felt so much mom guilt. I mean, she's rear facing, so she can't see necessarily what happened. We don't have a mirror there anymore. It's a camera. So she didn't, she couldn't necessarily see what happened, but she definitely heard it and could maybe put two and two together. and he didn't do very much other than he was like in a totally different mood after like he went from being like silly and jokey to like being pissed off and yeah we went to the grocery store and he was like in a bad mood and the whole time throughout the grocery I was like I'm so sorry I'm so sorry like
00:17:34
Speaker
It was just I mean, I kind of ruined our day, to be honest. He was kind of mad at me and the rest of the day he kind of held it against me and was like, well, I got smacked in the face and I was like, yeah valid. Like, sorry. That's hard. I feel like you are at the same like point where I was four months postpartum where you hit a breaking point. Mm hmm. um and it's like your hormones are just insane um over stimulation is insane like the sleep is come and go touch and go it's like man something blew it definitely did and ah we did end up after the kids went to bed we like talked about it more and had like a really
00:18:20
Speaker
Vinny and I are really good at having pretty productive conversations after the fact. I would say like sometimes we struggle in the moment to like have those good convert you know to have those yeah conversations. um But usually after the fact, like when we have some more space, we have really great conversations that are more productive and we had a good conversation about how I was feeling in that moment and like why my body did that. and Did he ask, like, what would you have done if I did that to you? He didn't, but I thought about it in my head. And I was like, I don't know if he did that to me. It's almost like it's way worse. Yeah, yeah.
00:19:02
Speaker
It's like like that's it's on all that that's all like I know that it's like no, no, even me doing it oh in like that's it was unacceptable. i And I regret that. Like I literally was like, am I an abuser? Like what is happening? I don't I've never hit my husband ever other than like a little, you know, like, yeah, slap on the knee or something, but. i I think it just speaks to like the power of how overstimulation can make you feel in certain moments. like it I don't know. My body reacted in a way that it never has before. I think hormones definitely have something to do with it. I've been texting
00:19:42
Speaker
Whitney a lot kind of about about how I've been feeling over the past week. I'm also about to get my period. I haven't gotten yet. That's also very worrisome for me. That's another thing though. You've been saying how much you want another baby. Like your hormones are dipping in and out so crazy. You're like yeah texting me like i the way I want another baby right now. And then you're the next day you're like, I'm feeling rage and overstimulation. And I was like, ah Oh, she is hitting a little that that point that i exactly what I hit when I mine turned into the panic attack. Yours is like manifesting into this. And I was just like, that makes so much sense.
00:20:28
Speaker
What was happening right now? It's literally the exact timeline, honestly. And it is crazy. I've been having these intense desires to have a third baby, which I think I knew I wanted anyway. But the way I've been, I can't stop thinking about it, which is so crazy. I have a four month old. And the fact that I'm thinking about another baby right now is so psychotic. like but And then at the same time you're just side iling myself like yeah like at the same time, I'm feeling this intense rage and like anger and overstimulation around like what my life is right now. and
00:21:13
Speaker
Those are just like, I actually didn't notice that until Whitney pointed it out in text messages. She was like, she was like, you're definitely dealing with some hormone stuff. Like you're, taught you're texting me 20 minutes ago about wanting to have a 30 third baby. And then now you're texting, like rage texting me about like your life. And it's like, wow, those, one of these things is not like the other. Like literally those two things don't, like shouldn't exist in the same yeah hour. Just imagine if we were like born in the early days, we would have been witches if we felt like this. Yeah. Like if we were born in like the 1600s and we were feeling like this, we would have been burned at the stake. Oh, we're having like any kind of dip in hormone or emotion. It's like, you're crazy. You're a witch.
00:22:06
Speaker
I always think about that. funny It's like, wow. Thank God we can like recognize those things now instead of just being like, I feel crazy. It's like, no, you're going through postpartum. You got your periods back. Your periods are just insane. And anytime like that's what I figured out when I talked to the doctor was anytime leading up to my period was when I was like really dipping out of consciousness, to be honest. I was like raging. I was emotional. We figured it out that it was around maybe the first four periods postpartum, and um which is exactly where you are. yeah Literally, I think this is my this will be my third period maybe. like
00:22:52
Speaker
I don't know. But i eight this whole situation that happened this weekend just made me want to have a longer conversation on here about overstimulation and just how it affects us as moms. I think something I've really noticed over the past couple months is that, and I want to know if you feel this way Whitney, like I feel like as mom, like as soon as I became a mom, part of it is an ability and like a pro, but it's also something that like hinders me. And it's like that if Alice or Evie is need something or trying to get my attention, it's like I am unable to ignore them or focus on anything else. Like
00:23:37
Speaker
And it's something that I've struggled with, with Vinny is like, he'll come home from work and he'll start telling me something about work or just life in general. And Alice will at the same time be like, Mom, mom, mom, mom. And I am, I'm unable to hear anything Vinny is saying. I'm unable to focus on him. All I can focus on is that Alice needs me in this moment. And he is unable to see that. Like it doesn't bother him. Like her, her going mom, mom, mom. It seems like it's not facing him at all. So I feel like mom's
00:24:18
Speaker
Like that ability or curse, whatever you, however you want to see it, like it's kind of a mom specific thing and not a dad thing. Like he's able to talk through, he's able to talk through her needing me. Whereas I'm unable to do that. You know what I mean? That 100% happens, but I think it also happens both ways because Graydon is such a daddy's boy that like he'll be the one that's like dad, dad, dad. And if I'm telling Chris to maybe like do something around the house, like he didn't hear it. like he's He's just overstimulated as well. so yeah
00:24:52
Speaker
I totally feel that and I was able to look up some steps on how to cope with overstimulation and I don't know if we want to even like get into that now but I feel like it's helpful to have some of these things in the back of your head and I i always think back to our conversation with Mallory is having just a safe word. Like yeah if Vinnie was trying to tell you something, tell you something and you use your safe word like, hey, let's table this or something. hu
00:25:24
Speaker
instead of like having to have all that conversation of like, hey, can you actually stop talking? like I'm overstimulated. And then he feels shut down. it's If you just said, like my word is mushroom cloud, because it is. And if I just was like, hey, mushroom cloud, like can we table this? like and and And that's that. I'm not trying to shut you down. It's just like, can you see that I can't right now? yeah Or like take me out of the, that's another thing is like, I'm overstimulated mushroom cloud. Take me out of this situation. I need to like go five minutes to breathe. Like I'm going to explode. I'm going to react. Take me out of this situation.
00:26:03
Speaker
That's what happens to me is if I don't, if I don't stop Vinny and just be like, Hey, I'd love to talk about this after bedtime or something. It's like, I get to that point of, yeah of blast off. Like I literally. And it's like without control. like I will hit that point of being like, I cannot control how I feel. and it's like i And I don't want that for my kids. I don't want that for my husband and my marriage. like I don't want to get to that point. So then he's gotten better also at like not taking it personal. If I'm like, hey, i i can we talk about this after after the girls go to bed? Now, I think he's seen it happen so many times that he's like, yes
00:26:46
Speaker
He's like, yeah, totally. Well, that's a better situation. and it's And I hope that he feels like I give him the space to do the same if he's like, I can't talk about this right now. But man, it took like, I'm not going to lie. Like, you know, Alice is two, almost two and a half. And like, I feel like we're, I'm just now getting the hang of like sensing when that is going to happen. I mean, clearly I'm not doing a very good job. I just hit my husband in the face this weekend, but like, I'm just now starting to learn how like to register how I'm feeling in my body in those moments and being like, whoa, I need a second. I need you to stop talking. I need to table this. I'm like, let's regroup.
00:27:30
Speaker
by it's i but it's like a learned. Yeah, for Vinny too, because you know he goes to bed so early and he probably gets home and he's like, I just wanna talk to you and get it all out. And cause he goes to bed so early. And if you're like, Hey, can we talk after after the girls go to bed? It's like, he's going to bed too, which honestly, I'm so tired. um so it's So it's really hard to connect. in these early early stages for sure.
00:28:01
Speaker
Yeah, that your everything you said is like spot on. Like he goes to bed so early, he's up out of the house by like five, 5.30, so he has to go to bed early. And it's hard because like that time after after we put the girls to bed, like the time is so short. What we've started to notice is um if we just take five, 10 minutes before dinner, because we still, right now we eat dinner without the girls still. I really want that to change, but it's, it's one thing at a time. Okay. So we put the girls to bed and then eat dinner, which kind of has us eating dinner around like eight o'clock, eight 30, which is way later than I want, but whatever. Um, but we've noticed that if I go straight into cooking or whatever that after, after dinner, like lights out for him, like there really is no time to talk. So we have tried to make space.
00:28:55
Speaker
right after the girls go to bed for five to ten minutes just for us to like catch up and connect and it also like makes me feel better you know like to connect with him and to feel I don't know like I didn't just shut him down I feel like the kids are getting a little older like Graydon likes that game too of interrupting if Chris and I are talking like he does that a lot and I think I've brought that up before that he just well he'll scream like he just wants attention and we're getting to that point where he's getting a little older and we are able to say like hey mom is talking hey daddy's talking we'll get you whatever you need in a second
00:29:41
Speaker
So it's actually funny because he's like starting to really repeat what we're saying. And we're having to like repeat ourselves constantly with him. And Chris told him to put on his shoes the other day and he didn't. And so Chris is like, Graydon, put on your shoes. And he goes, I heard you. Like, because that's what that's what we say, because we are always like, Graydon, we heard you because he repeats himself, repeats himself. turn on the tv turn on the tv i want tv and we're like we we heard you great and we'll be right there so it's just i think we're finally like that this is also just one of those things that's going to come to an end at some point they're gonna learn not to talk over us we're gonna be able to have those conversations at some point it's just a lot of over stimulation in the moment so i was gonna say i can bring up um
00:30:36
Speaker
what it actually is. and yeah yeah hoping make like okay Overstimulation is also known as sensory overload. and Sensory overload happens when you're getting more input from your five senses than your brain can sort through and process. so if Even if you had like a low level anxiety, Candice and I both I don't know. Like we said in in college, I was never like that super anxious person. Like, yes, I would get that way around tests, but it's just never been like at the forefront for me. And so when I became a mom, man, it like rose up and reared its head, mostly because I'm overstimulated.
00:31:19
Speaker
And some of these tips, um, I got this from diary of an honest mom and some of these tips, it's like kind of hard to do, but number one being schedule less in your day. Um, and I, I tend to do that on the weekends, like. It's like, I just want one little thing to do during the, wow, during the day to pass the time. Like it could be us planning to go to the pool after their second, after Margo second nap at like three o'clock. It could be a birthday party, but I'm not going to like schedule 10 different things. Like I'm not going to schedule me taking them to the grocery and then we're going to come home and then we're going to go do this. And you know, I'm, I'm just not going to plan so, so much. I do want at least one thing to do though.
00:32:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good tip. We are notorious for over planning yeah ourselves um with family. We just have so much family here. I mean, I feel like we have one or two family events a weekend and a lot of the times it's coupled with something maybe we want to do on our own. So then we end up having multiple things in a day and I think that is something that we've gotten better at or I've gotten better at communicating like, Hey, i I don't, we're not seeing family today or we're not, we're not scheduling anything else. And that is definitely a hot tip because I know I get more overstimulated when we do have two or three family events in a weekend. Like it's just a lot to deal with a lot of personalities, a lot of noise, like a lot,
00:32:56
Speaker
of work to get the girls packed up and in the car. It's like it compounds. Yep. So number two is to try and quit multitasking, which is. So much easier said than done. Um, and actually she put in here, which is literally your situation. Um, this is when you're trying to cook dinner, potentially answer emails. Your husband comes home, tries to start a conversation and your kids making noise. And you end up being irritable and agitated towards the spouse. Um, and it says you're not really.
00:33:33
Speaker
Um, it's saying multitasking was easier to do when you didn't have children because all the extra noise wasn't going on. Someone wasn't constantly needing your attention. You weren't being over touched during the day. So I try and do this. Like I try and save like the dishes or the laundry. It's kind of like what Olivia says. Like those are the balls that you juggle. Like those are ones that you can drop. And while the kids are awake, you know, we pick them up from daycare around three. They're awake till like seven. So I only have like four hours, which is a lot actually.
00:34:12
Speaker
of like daytime, but it's like I try and you know do some of that stuff, but if they're like whining and want my attention, like I'm just going to stop doing the laundry. I'm going to stop doing the dishes and I will sit and play with them because that's what they want. I haven't been with them all day. There's no reason for me to get irritable that they want my attention. like So I really really try and be present for at least an hour or an hour and a half of that little time that I have with them. Um, other than I noticed. Yeah. Yeah. I noticed too, as someone who like works basically from my computer and my phone and from home, like
00:34:53
Speaker
And I definitely talked about this in my like first, probably my very first mom group chat episode like about me and my job, is I've noticed like if I am still half plugged into work when the girls get home, or I'm technically done with work for the day, but I'm like checking emails on my phone, like I am much more likely to pop off because I'm trying to multitask and send this email while while Alice is tugging at my shirt. like And I'm just I've learned that I have to separate those two and to stop that multitasking because it's it's what is going to cause the explosion. Yeah.
00:35:32
Speaker
um And number three in coping with that is scheduling quiet time. Um, I typically do this when they're napping. So Graydon still takes one nap. Margo takes two. Um, sometimes, uh, when Margo goes down for her first nap, that's when we'll turn on the TV for Graydon and he'll watch it for 30 minutes and we'll have quiet time. And he relaxes. He's not. running around, jumping off furniture during that time. It's like kind of a time where I can like turn off my brain and do this stuff around the house. um And they also say like, if you're out and about like we went to lunch with Cassie and Josh this past weekend, like sometimes going out to eat can feel overstimulating because you're out of your norm and you get home and
00:36:21
Speaker
You're exhausted from it and scheduling quiet time. Maybe when you're coming back from doing those activities um can only can help you and the kids. Yeah. And it may be. That's a good tip. Yeah. Maybe the TV. It may be like letting them be outside. And I don't know. Sometimes Graydon will play with his water table for a while or, you know, the nap. So. Yeah. No, that's a really good tip. Journaling if you want, which I feel like you do a good job of like brain dumping. Yeah. I don't journal every day, but I have, if I'm feeling super overwhelmed or need things out of my brain for sure. Sometimes I wish I did journal, which I know that we have this podcast and it's like a live journal. Remember that? yeah This is my journal. This is my live journal. But it's like, did your mom ever make you journal growing up?
00:37:15
Speaker
She never made me, I was like, I wanted to be a diary girl, you know? I know, it was like cool to have a diary. that You were the one where you had to like um say the password into it. um That was legit. I don't remember what that was called. I mean, who invented that technology? That was advanced. And it like never worked. And I'd be like, meow, mix, meow, mix. And it never would open. Did I mention I was obsessed with cats when I was little? but That's so funny. um Yes, I wanted to be a diary girl and there I think there is still a part of me. I love writing. I always have. I enjoy writing and I don't know. There's there's a part of me that feels like in the future.
00:38:02
Speaker
I don't know. This is like a weird thing to admit. I've never said it out loud. I feel like at some point in my life, I'm going to write a book. That'd be cool. I don't know. I could see you doing it. I don't know. I don't know what about to be honest, um but I don't know. I like writing, so. I do enjoy it um and I wanted to be a diary girl so bad, but I just could never be consistent with it. like I would write in my diary for five days straight and then I wouldn't touch it for yeah two years. Same. and My mom, ah anytime like we traveled, she made me take my diary and she told me to write down everything we did that day and she's like, you're going to be so glad you did and then like
00:38:43
Speaker
if i go back home and i open those it's like so cute to see like me in sixth grade like talking about my trips and like things that i did and the music that i liked in the time and you're like wow that is so interesting but journaling about like maybe what you're going through with your children um how things made you feel how Maybe like writing it down can just be some kind of release or maybe you're even in your thoughts and you're like this Maybe we try something new with my husband to make me feel better talk to somebody so
00:39:15
Speaker
I do think journaling can kind of like help you zoom out of the situation and see things from like a bigger perspective. da i'm a I'm a much bigger fan of like guided journals of like, I need someone to give me a prompt. Oh yeah. And um there are some great people online that do that. I know Lindsay Mango, who I've mentioned here on this podcast before, um she has some great like guided journal prompts that she shares every week in her newsletter and stuff like that. so um But I think it can help you see things from a different perspective. and
00:39:51
Speaker
um you know i think i do wish i Maybe this is inspiring me right now. I think i want to I would love to journal more just about the girls and what they're doing. like I have never kept a baby book. yeah like I've never kept a baby book or like anything like that, but I think if i like i would be so happy in the in the future if I could have a place to look back at like what they're doing and what they're saying. and I mean, this is kind of that, obviously. Yeah, but it's like, you know, when you're little and you look through your baby book and you're like, I don't know. I always liked looking at old pictures and old home videos and all that stuff. And maybe pictures and videos are like the future of that. It may be not necessarily journaling, but it's just so, it was so fun for me to like relive my childhood by seeing all that or.
00:40:45
Speaker
I feel like I would love to host a baby book party, like where we drink wine with appetizers and everyone has to bring photos of their kid and like of throughout the years. And maybe we just make like a five page baby book or something. I feel like that's a cute thing to do. Should we host it online? We'll do a little zoom. That way we can meet our audience. That would be cute. That's a good idea. I don't have a baby book either. And yeah, my mom is like, how could you not have one? I'm like, I know all the Grains milestones through my Instagram archive stories. Yeah. I knew when he started crawling, I like looked back and like, oh, he did it in this time of year or oh, his first tooth. And I'm doing the same with Margo. I'm like,
00:41:36
Speaker
I just looked through my Instagram, but that would be really fun and really cute. That would be cute. We should do that. Okay. Future endeavor. All right. What else? What else is on that list? Anything? I mean, other things are like put down your phone and open up the conversation about how you're feeling in your home, talking with your husband. But I mean, putting down your phone is something I'm really bad at. Like I feel like that is my like source to the outside world. I love talking to people. I'm having conversations all the time. I'm texting in my my mom group. I'm looking online. I'm doing all kinds of things, but it can be,
00:42:20
Speaker
a source where like if I don't finish a message or i'm maybe I'm still reading and the kids are bothering me or trying to get my attention and then Chris is talking to me, I'm like, what? Like what do you want? Like I'm deep in my phone right now and I can be pretty guilty of playing on my phone while watching this. Vinny's really bad at it. It's a conversation we have constantly. I'm pretty good at putting down. I mean, obviously I have my moments for sure, but I and i try to be really conscious of how much I'm on my phone.
00:42:54
Speaker
But does Graydon do this? Alice now will say, dada, put down your phone. like She says that exact sentence. She'll say, mama, put down your phone. And ah that hits me straight in the heart, to be honest. i I don't ever want her to feel like she has to compete with our phones or anything like that. like and I'm not going to lie, like all the content I see around that, like around kids like seeing their parents on their phones and how like to our kids, we are the most important people in their lives. All they want from us is our attention. so and Every time I see a video about that, I send it to Vinny to hopefully inspire some change. by yeah
00:43:40
Speaker
But no, I ah now that she can communicate, like put down your phone, I'm like, oh, shit. OK, she's very aware of what we're doing. He's never been interested in the phone like he's never been the kid that like if we're on the phone, he's like, oh, I want to see like he's just never been interested in us or our phones. But Margo is already showing way more interest than he ever, ever has. And I'm like, oh crap like she likes the phone she likes seeing all the pictures she likes seeing herself in the phone like yeah so does alice is this alice a girl thing yes yeah alice is obsessed she'll say pictures and she'll literally say pictures of me but she's obsessed with herself which honestly i love
00:44:28
Speaker
um And she loves to take my phone and take pictures of the dogs. Like she'll say, I'm taking pictures and she'll like do that. So she's definitely interested in the phone, which is why I want to limit it even more because yeah this, she better know she is not getting a phone. Like all these kids who have phones at the age of five, like she's not getting one till eighth grade. And I feel solid about that. That's when I got mine. There's a whole campaign called wait till eighth. And there's like psychology behind waiting until at least eighth grade. So I've said this before. I don't know if I said it to you or Chris where it's like, man, I'm just glad that that there's a generation ahead of us raising these kids and, you know, and they gave all the phones early. They gave the iPads. They're the ones watching iPads in the restaurants. And I'm like, I'm glad that they're like figuring out if that's good or bad before we have to do that.
00:45:22
Speaker
Yeah, no, we definitely that's a topic we definitely want to address at some point is to have some sort of either a mom that's ahead of us ah who is dealing with kids with social media and screens. There's also some great like, I would say like subject matter experts and that that we definitely want to talk to about. So that's the future things. We're we're like not really in that realm right now, but I know it's fast approaching and it happens quickly. So we will definitely talk about that in more depth at some point. But even to bring it back to overstimulation, like I'm already thinking ahead of like when when we do get to a point where each of our kids have
00:46:02
Speaker
iPads and phones like the amount of overstimulation I'm gonna feel then because of there's the sounds on their phone and them watching videos I'm like I'm already like oh my god my brains gonna explode and I don't know I sometimes I think it overstimulates them like they get agitated like when I used to like if whenever we were growing up I had a Gameboy and if my mom was like All right. You've been playing on an hour for an hour. I'm going to take it away now. I would have been irate. Like how dare you take away my game boy. Like I'm having fun. I'm playing with it. Like it's just like one of those overstimulation things and.
00:46:41
Speaker
I'm just glad she didn't, like, thank God, being third child, i'll I'd be chilling, but yeah, I mean, with YouTube and access to everything, we don't have to get all into that, but. I do think when it comes to oversimulation with the little ones, like it's real for them too. I see a huge difference of the way that she listens. If I'm disciplining in any way, like if something's happening or she's having a hard moment, If I try to discipline like at that place like in wherever we are that's overstimulating, like I see a huge difference than from when I separate us. like I go into her quiet room or I go into a quiet place with her and then try to talk to her about what happened or how she's feeling or discipline at all. like I see a huge difference and I think that's all overstimulation. If I'm trying
00:47:33
Speaker
to discipline her or talk to her in an over simulating like place. She's just not gonna absorb the way that she should. Well, same could go for us. Like oh for sure remove ourselves or say the safe word. Like highly recommend doing that. I need to create one. It's definitely helped in many situations for both of us. so but So does Chris say, does Chris say mushroom cloud too, or does he have his own?
00:48:05
Speaker
No, i yeah I mean, we share mushroom cloud and if he's it's like, you know how guys can like really get under your skin? And if he ever says like, are you about to start your period or something? Oh, oh, oh, that's a that's a big mistake right there. I am like huge, huge. It's like you should be scared. Yeah, it's not good. But then I'm like, yeah, I am so I know it's like they're right.
00:48:40
Speaker
I did say that to Vinny when I was trying to explain myself over the weekend after that happened, I was like, i I'm also about to get my period. It's hard to explain and probably really hard for them to fathom how we feel because we don't really know how we feel. It feels kind of crazy um postpartum periods and the overstimulation on top of it all. it's like i I don't know, I didn't feel like myself and you're just like, what is happening? But yeah all that to say, hopefully some of these coping mechanisms will be helpful to some of you guys. I know I use some of these tips here and there. And I could be better about following a lot of those.
00:49:25
Speaker
So much of momhood and I said this in my Instagram post yesterday is just like mindfulness of like being mindful of how you feel being mindful of like what's happening and in those hard moments like trying to be as mindful as possible of like how you react but it takes like practice like you have to like it's so easy for your brain to go to that like comfortable space of reaction or whatever and you have to like pause and like mindfully react a different way but it's hard it's hard yeah um I try and do that a lot like I I almost have to you're like swallowing your work and I'm like this can go one or two ways
00:50:10
Speaker
I could either pop off or I could swallow it and let it go and I'll feel better in a second and I won't be as reactive. yeah I feel like I actually did that this weekend um and I can't remember the situation but I remember swallowing my words and walking away and being like, he's lucky, he's lucky I just did that.
00:50:35
Speaker
you're yeah You're doing a good job. We're all doing a good job. And ah please don't judge me for um hitting my husband. I promise it'll never happen again. And um if you have also had an overstimulating moment that you're not proud of, could you message me and make me feel a little bit less alone? Because I felt pretty bad about it. I was like, oh, I feel terrible. I'm sorry, but also can I just say this whole time talking to you, you look like a playboy bunny because the the artwork behind you looks oh like playboy bunny ears and you're also in like this black
00:51:20
Speaker
tank and then you have like the headband and I keep thinking she's in a Playboy Bunny costume. Oh my God. Could you imagine? That's how I'm going to make it up to my husband. I'm going to be in a Playboy Bunny outfit when he gets home. Yeah. And like let him talk. Yeah. i'm sorry Isn't that funny that like that's the best thing we could do is like let them talk. Oh, it's funny. Well, I love you. Hopefully we won't be overstimulated today. I love you. Love you. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.