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EP 50: Finding yourself in motherhood with Kate Scholtes
1.7k Plays3 months ago
On today’s episode of Mom Group Chat, Candace is joined by friend and fellow mompreneur Kate Scholtes. Kate opens up about her TTC journey, her many career pivots, and how she felt like she found herself in Motherhood. She provides a fresh perspective on what life CAN look like as a working mom that will leave you feeling like you can conquer anything.
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Transcript
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:11
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? My name is Candice and I am here with my BFF Kate. That is me. I've been planning it forever. I am here with Kate Schultes, the girl behind your BFF Kate. So Kate and I have become, well, we started as internet besties that have now evolved to like real life friends. um And I'm so, so excited to have her on the pod today. I get so many questions in my DMs about how I started my VA business, how I started working online, how I got out of like the corporate grind world. And this episode is gonna give you guys a lot of information about that, but also
00:01:01
Speaker
You need to follow Kate on Instagram. Okay. This is a public service announcement that you need to follow her. She is such a good follow. You are so motivating. You share so much good like motherhood and lifestyle content, mom, entrepreneur content. I'm a big fan, clearly. Very well rounded. Welcome, Kate. Hi, I am honored. I'm like, does this mean I've made it? I'm on the mom group chat podcast. No, you know, that this is my favorite mom podcast. And so the fact that I get to be on here, I'm just like, it's such an honor. Oh my god. No, it's an honor that it's an honor for us that you're here. Really? I'm so excited.
00:01:48
Speaker
So I kind of gave that was like a very jumbly like background of who you are. But let's or tell the audience a little about you, your life, your family, your boys. Give us like the spiel. Yeah. So I am a boy mom. I have a three and a half year old named Luke and um my 22 month old. He will be two in August, which is crazy. um Jackson. So I was 202 club. They're 20 months apart, um which it was wild. I feel like I blacked out that first year with Jackson, but we are here. We'll talk about that a little bit. But yeah, um yeah I live in Arizona. My husband, Curtis, um we moved here in 2019. So
00:02:39
Speaker
We both grew up in Colorado. We met in college. We both got our degrees. We ended up moving to California for a few years. And then we moved to Arizona after we got married. um So we've been here now for five. This is our fifth summer. And we are, I am still not used to the heat. It is going to be 108 today. And I'm like, really? like Already? I know. It's beginning in June. So we are thriving. in our summerpro here um But yeah, and I have been an entrepreneur for six years. So I went to school, I got my master's in education, and went and taught in California for a little bit. I taught first grade, and then I was a middle school literacy specialist.
00:03:22
Speaker
um And then I started my entrepreneurial journey. So I've been an entrepreneur now for six, six and a half years. And the business that I have now, which is your behind the scenes BFF, I started just over two years ago. So it has been quite the journey. easy Um, but yeah, we're here. Okay. So I have so many places I want to go with this. First of all, how is being a boy mom as, as a girl mom, I don't know, but yeah I feel like to have two or more boys and only have boys is like a special kind of mom life. You know what I mean?
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah, like I did. Yes, for sure. yeah In a good way. I didn't have on my bingo card that I would wake up every single morning wondering if you're going to the emergency room that day. But here we are. We are. um but It is it is crazy. They're so fun. They are full of energy. They're both also getting like they're at that age now where their personalities are really big. And they're like playing together and interacting more and so that's really cool. Um, but yeah, it's just very high energy. It's very um You know, make sure that you're wrestling with open hands and not closed hands and like just giving some of the some of the rules and boundaries of um
00:04:46
Speaker
being a boy and mom and cultivating that experience for them with having a brother. um When I grew up with sister, so I don't, and my sister and I are six, almost seven years apart. So like I didn't have that close you know, um, I guess like sibling relationship, my sister and I are close now as we've gotten older and are like closer in seasons of life. um But then but my husband has an older brother and they're two years apart. So he's very like, this is normal. Like, but yeah like, better get used to it kind of thing. Um, but I would say that I'm also like very, I'm a very like chill, I would say very chill mom, like I don't
00:05:31
Speaker
I kind of let them figure a lot of stuff out and like um help them figure out like their risk tolerance and stuff too. So I think sometimes my mom friends might be like, ah why are you just like letting them you know jump off of the couch like and just fall to you know their injury? But it is really interesting to just like help them kind of figure out their boundaries and like other you know each other's boundaries too, like knowing when enough's enough. and that's been interesting. I think I'm entering the stage of parenting where we're like, like discipline, like no one ever talks about like discipline. um We worry so much about like feeding our babies and sleep and like all this stuff. And then you get to the point where like, you actually have to like teach them right from wrong and like disciplining and them really doing like doing things in a way that they understand. And so that's
00:06:25
Speaker
has a whole another thing, but um I actually follow, I think, gosh, her Instagram handles like Chan with the boys, I think. I was literally just about to mention her. I love her. I love her content. I love love her. And that's where like, her, she actually has a reel where she talked about like wrestling with, um you know, open hands instead of close hands and like all this stuff. And that's, I relate a lot to her, like her and I are like very much on the same page when it comes to a lot of our parenting style. yeah And I get a lot of her advice from her. Yeah, I loved her recent real or maybe it was you that posted it. I've I have followed her for a long, long time. I love all of her content and about leaving the house every day. I'm a big advocate of getting out of the house for your mental health. But um I think the one she posted recently, it was like the way you get through these times with kids is to just care less. Literally. Yes, I know it's so true. Yep. I reposted that on my stories because I was like people
00:07:25
Speaker
always like ask me, you know, about different things with the boys. And I'm just like, I just I don't worry about the small stuff. Like I can't yeah like I can't be concerned with like them running out barefooted and like, you know, playing outside without their shoes on or taking their shoes off or more like somewhere in public or whatever it might be. It's like the small things and really focusing on the big things. I love her content. Um, And it's funny because I think there was a real recently to you where she mentioned the like emergency room thought because I think about that all the time because Jackson, our youngest is a frequent flyer to the ER. Unfortunately, he is like, yeah, I'm like, when can we start getting a punch card? Um, but he literally like he is the definition of second child second boy, like he has
00:08:12
Speaker
he's so brave. He has no fear. But that obviously like is not great for me and our copays. But she said like on her real like yeah thinking about going to the ER every day. I'm like, I say this all the time. Like I am always constantly thinking about like, okay, like is today the day? Like where, okay, where is everyone? Who, who am I going to call? Like when I need to take him or take Luke or whatever it might be, because it's happened so many times. So anyway, I just love her content. I, I feel like I can relate a lot to like her boy in life and stuff like that. What was your latest injury?
00:08:47
Speaker
the latest one was him and Luke were Jackson Luke were wrestling in Luke's room on like the nugget and Jackson tripped and he went forward into the bookshelf like right on the corner of the bookshelf and slice the his forehead open and I was right there and I saw it was like slow motion I like went to like catch him because I could see I was like he's gonna hit the bookshelf and I went to catch him and I just couldn't get there in time. And as soon as I flipped him over it was just open wound blood everywhere. um Thankfully, my undergrad is in sports medicine. So like I do pretty well with that kind of stuff. But it does hit different when it's your kid and like every time we had to go to the ER, I'm home alone with them.
00:09:32
Speaker
like Either I'm home alone with them or I'm out the when Jackson broke his nose at 17 months old. and We were at church without my husband as well, so I had both boys. That was a chaotic scene. um but yeah we just I went into the kitchen, I put pressure on it, got it to stop bleeding. He cried for maybe a minute. he like He's so tough. um I have so many pictures of us in the ER r where he's like smiling and he has like a slight forehead. I feel like one of the biggest takeaways from motherhood is like kids are so resilient. Oh my gosh, yeah. Things that would absolutely ruin an adult's day. like Yes. Just a small blip for a toddler. Small blip. He was totally fine after like a minute. And I was like, okay, this isn't really like an yeah ah ER visit.
00:10:21
Speaker
I could take him to urgent care, but like if they do stitches, because I knew that it needed to be and need to be sutured or it needed to be closed in some way. and But we ended up having to go to the Phoenix Children's yeah ER, um and they did glue it, which was really nice, because I didn't want to have to deal with stitches. So they just put a little glue on it, which I have a scar on my forehead when I was like four. I split my forehead up in and needed glue. So he just wanted to twin. but Yeah, and that's it. That's it. Yep. OK, so I obviously know your journey to becoming a mom, but that's something I wanted to chat about on here. Tell us about your like trying to conceive journey, and how you got to two under two. Was it on purpose? Was it an accident? So, yeah, we got married in twenty eighteen. and We've been together for like four years up until that up until then. And um
00:11:19
Speaker
We started trying to have a family in the beginning of 2019. So beginning of 2019, we had moved to Arizona and that's when we were like, we had bought our house, all that stuff. We were like, okay, we're going to try and have a family. um Got off birth control for the first time. and like I don't know, 12 years, whatever that was. um And then I started to experience some like really weird symptoms, um but I kept thinking like, oh, it must be normal because I got off birth control. And like they say that like things are irregular with that, but it just kept getting worse as time went on. And so um and then and we weren't getting pregnant.
00:11:57
Speaker
Um, so we went about, I would say like seven or eight months before I was like, I'm going to go like talk to an OB. Um, so I went and I saw my OBGYN and he was great. Um, he took basically one look at my labs and was like, you have PCOS. Like it was like pretty prominent inside my blood work that I had PCOS. Um, I ended up then getting ultrasound and Um, kind of figuring out some other stuff and it, yeah, I'm a classic case of PCOS, but because it had been on birth control for so long. Um, it actually, what can happen a lot of times is birth control, like makes your PCOS as symptoms like dormant. And then once you get off of them.
00:12:43
Speaker
it gets progressively worse because there's not anything like helping kind of regulate those hormones. um At least it wasn't my experience. and so um and It's you know kind of interesting because when you think back to when I got on birth control, I got on birth control because I was in high school with horrible periods and they were super irregular and like I had to take you know a day off of school like the first day of every cycle because I felt like crap. And the you know the whole band-aid back then was like, oh, just get on birth control. And so and no one really knew any different. And so um that was September, October of, yeah, September of 2019 is when I was diagnosed with PCOS and then I wasn't basically confirmed I wasn't ovulating every cycle. So we did a medicated round of Clomid.
00:13:35
Speaker
um which... I had the Clomid Crazies, like they call them. It made me a psychopath. And it's so funny because it was like, I think I took it for like five days and I felt fine throughout like the five days. I was like, oh, I don't know what they're talking about. like I don't have any symptoms of like the Clomid Crazies. And then the last day, my husband and I were out at dinner and like at a busy restaurant and I broke down crying and could not stop.
00:14:06
Speaker
couldn't stop. And I was crying for no reason. Like I was like, I just was say what, what triggered you? Nothing. Like I literally I think I was just feeling really emotional about like everything. And um I just ended up sort I started crying and Curtis was like, what is happening? And then I couldn't stop. And I was like, you need to get a box. You need to get a box. I can't stop crying. like we got to go i was like We have to leave. So that was really interesting. Um, but I did end up getting pregnant on that cycle. Um,
00:14:41
Speaker
And we were super excited. We didn't think that it would work like right away and all of that stuff. um And then at the end of October with my like testing my HCG and my blood work, my doctor told me that I was going to have a miscarriage because my HCG was dropping. um so That's obviously horrible and not something that you want to hear, especially when you've been trying for a while and now you did this medicated cycle that worked. and so You're like, oh, this is you know all I needed. um You're like hopeful. yeah and I think the worst part is like we knew them the miscarriage was going to happen, but it didn't happen until days later.
00:15:21
Speaker
Um, so I was kind of in this like, is he wrong? Is it like, you know, um, but join martego' still hopeful for sure. yeah Um, so yeah, that happened at the end of October that year. It was actually like Halloween. Um, and after that, I was pretty like, we just want to take some time to like heal. I needed to heal like physically. Um, and. It wasn't until March that we ended up going and seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. So we went and saw um our specialist and in March and got all the tests done.
00:16:02
Speaker
reconfirm PCOS did some like more like further testing with that. um Curtis did all of his testing, of course, he passed with flying colors, as she I expected. um And then our RE basically said, you know, you have a 5% or less than 5% chance of getting pregnant on your own. Um, and he was pretty blunt, which I appreciated about him was like, he was very direct and like to the point and he was like, you know, that the fact that that medicated cycle worked is like a miracle. Um, and it might be hard to like replicate that and like do that again. Um, so he recommended that we do an IUI and again, this is March of 2020.
00:16:47
Speaker
What else happened in March of 2020? So we actually had plans to do an IUI and then COVID happened and our all the fertility clinics shut down um unless you were like in the middle of like an IVF round. Um, so our cycle was canceled and there was basically like, we don't know when we're going to be able to get you in. So we were kind of like, there's nothing we can do. Um, we'll just like wait it out kind of thing. Um, so then a couple of weeks later in April, they were like, okay, we're ready. We're back open. We're going to be able to get you in. Um, go ahead and take a pregnancy test before you come in so that we can make sure like everything's good and
00:17:29
Speaker
um We'll get your baselines done, all that stuff. so It was Easter. It was Sunday. It was Easter um morning and I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. and That is Luke. Wow. That's so Yeah. so Yeah, it was wild. I feel like I didn't know that. I mean, I knew that it was. OK, wow. i I for some reason thought that Jackson was the surprise. So they technically both were. Yeah, like we were we were trying for Luke. We were going to do an IUI, but I'm.
00:18:06
Speaker
Yeah, I took that pregnancy test and it was positive. like I had no symptoms. I was going to say, you fully went into that pregnancy test thinking like, oh, this is like i'm there's no way this is positive. Yeah. like There's no way this is positive because I am always late on my periods because I have a very inconsistent cycle. I had no symptoms. like I was not anticipating for it to be positive. um So yeah, it was positive, which was crazy. So I actually, I went in to my RE and I had them do my blood work and everything and everything looked really good. So obviously we didn't have the IUI. um And then I, yeah, I actually was able to be seen like under, I actually moved to my OB b office. I love the office, but they also have midwives. and so
00:18:55
Speaker
um My very first appointment was at seven weeks and my traditional OB b that had diagnosed me with PCOS. He didn't do my first ultrasound. It was a midwife and she is the best, um but it was I had to go into the ultrasound by myself because Curtis couldn't come with me. so Curtis wasn't allowed to come to any appointments, which is horrible, especially like post infertility and loss. It's just very like nerve wracking and I still have the video today. It's gonna make me cry thinking about it. Um, of Luke's first ultrasound. It was Brit my midwife who she was my midwife for both boys.
00:19:31
Speaker
um and we were very close and she did the ultrasound at seven weeks and I have the video of like I'm showing the screen and she's like you see that little like dot right there like that's the baby you made and it was like so cute and like I saw his heartbeat and everything was good. um so That pregnancy was hard, just in like a mindset kind of way. I really struggled with prenatal anxiety, especially during COVID. like Us not knowing anything. We're stuck in the house. like I'm nervous that something is wrong all the time.
00:20:05
Speaker
um and then right around 37, 38 weeks, I started to kind of feel like crap um and I started to get some headaches and I was getting really swollen and um I went into my 38 week appointment. I think I was 37 and five days when I went in um and I had high blood pressure. So they sent me to labor and delivery to get it monitored. um I ended up being borderline pre-clamptic. So I had gestational hypertension and it was at the point where they were like,
00:20:39
Speaker
We're just going to get them out. And so they induced me. 36 hour induction. And then we had Luke. So we had Luke in December of 2020. And um that was, I remember when they laid him on my chest, the very first thing, well, the very first thing that I said was, he's so cute because he was. um But the second thing I said was, I looked right at Curtis and said, nothing else matters anymore. Like it was like this overwhelming feeling of like,
00:21:11
Speaker
literally everything that I had been worried about with work. It all case are a it was just like, literally nothing else matters in the anymore. And I will do like whatever it takes to like do whatever it takes for him and all this stuff. So yeah, that was that's kind of journey to Luke. And then 2021 rolled around. And we kind of anticipated that um it would be hard to get pregnant if we wanted to a second. At this point, we were actually like pretty good with one. we were I had grown up always wanting three. And then going through everything, I was like, I'm one and done. like This is I'm good yeah kind of thing. and then
00:21:50
Speaker
Um, as Luke started to grow up and I started to just kind of like deal with a lot of my feelings and anxiety and stuff, um, we did decide we wanted to have another, but we had been told that we only have like a 5% chance of getting pregnant. And my cycle, you'd already done it once. You're like, how many percents are left? and Literally. I'm like, okay, that was our shot. That was our one 5% or whatever. Um, and so yeah, we just made an appointment with our specialist for after. Luke turned one. And we figured we would just go straight to the IUI my cycles were all over the place like anywhere between I don't know like
00:22:26
Speaker
70 and 80 days, something like that. So I could never track like ovulation or like anything like that. So, um, we were just like, okay, we'll go see our specialist after Luke turns a year, all this stuff. And then five days before Luke's first birthday, I just had a feeling and I was on day like 36 of my cycle. So it wasn't, it was late, but not like late for me. And I was just like, I'm just going to take a test. I always had tests lying around because it's like when you go that late all the time, you have to check anyway. And so I took a test. It was like at night. It was like 5 PM and it was positive, which was crazy.
00:23:08
Speaker
I feel like absolutely crazy. And so yeah, we ended up getting pregnant with Jackson when I was 11 months postpartum, almost 12 months postpartum. And he was born in August and same kind of thing with him happened. I ended up, I had to be induced at 38 weeks. I had him at 38 weeks too, but I was induced because his heart rate was Um, not doing so hot on the non-stress test that I was on. Um, and so they were like, it's your second baby. You're already having contractions. Like I was already like making progress. My induction was so much better. It was 12 hours. oh yeah Like second one is so much better. Oh my gosh. 12 hours. I pushed for a minute and 30 seconds. It was yeah like one push and I was laughing. They're like, you're going to laugh your baby out. And I was like, that's very on brand for me.
00:23:57
Speaker
And so yeah, we had Jackson and they were 20 months apart. And so it wasn't planned by any means like we wanted to and we wanted them to be close in age, but we just kind of figured that we didn't have control over that. ah yeah And so it didn't really matter. But then it ended up perfectly. yeah And that's my motherhood journey. That's amazing. I hope that that gives some people some hope because I feel like you, I know when I was trying to conceive and we were having like some issues, it took us like nine months or so with Alice, eight or nine months.
00:24:33
Speaker
And I like fell into that hole of TikTok and I was like, oh my God, you know, I'm going to be like this. I'm going to have to be trying for years or or I'm going to need some assistance. And so sometimes it's just nice to like hear a happy story, you know? Yeah. And I will say like during that time, I would have hated to hear like, oh, you know, like it'll happen when it's meant to be. And like all of a sudden I was like, don't. don't say that like i I hated that. And now like just with hindsight, like our story, it was very like
00:25:06
Speaker
God's timing is always perfect, like kind yeah vibes. so yeah um yeah I'm really, really grateful for it, for sure. yeah okay I want to pivot here a little bit to talk about your entrepreneurial journey. Talk about how you started your behind the scenes BFF. Talk me through some of that. Give people like a glimpse into like your entrepreneurial journey. Yeah, so like I had said, I was a teacher and um in 2017, I was just like, i like is this it? like I just remember sitting in my classroom at lunchtime just like, is this it? Is this really like what I'm going to do for the rest of my life?
00:25:50
Speaker
And I just felt really felt like I was meant to do something more, not necessarily like something else, but just like I wanted something more. I wanted an outlet. I wanted something else to do like on the side, something like that. um And I actually ended up getting really into like my health and fitness journey. And so I actually started my entrepreneurial journey in network marketing. And I know that network marketing has its own stigma. But that's really what kick started things for me. And I did that for four years. um I ended up leaving teaching after that year. So um summer of 2018, I was able to leave my teaching job and I did
00:26:32
Speaker
um my network marketing business full time from 2018 to 2021. So I did it through us, you know, trying to get pregnant and um being pregnant with Luke. And when I was pregnant with Luke, like in 2020, and I think a lot of people can relate to this, like 2020 made us just kind of like reevaluate like what we're doing with our life. And I just started to feel like kind of like I had outgrown where I was at and that, again, like I think there's something more. I think there's like another level to this. I think I'm capable of more. um
00:27:12
Speaker
And I don't know what that more looks like, but I had had actually like this just kind of thought of like going off and starting my own business, starting something from scratch. like I have always had an entrepreneurial kind of bone in my body. My grandma's an entrepreneur. My mom's an entrepreneur. My stepdad's an entrepreneur. So like I just grew up around it, but I never knew what that would look like for me. And so 2020, I was kind of like wrestling with those feelings. um And then like, I was gonna have a baby, so I wasn't gonna do anything drastic right away, like just my mindset. um And then I had Luke and I had that moment of like, nothing else matters. And that was like, just the pivotal catalyst for me, not just in motherhood, but also in business.
00:27:54
Speaker
So 2021, I really started to try to do things differently, um the way I showed up online, how i I just had like so many perspective shifts and like belief shifts. And there was a lot of times where I felt like I didn't recognize myself. And I know we've talked about this a lot too, is like, There is a lot of like losing yourself in motherhood, and there's a lot of people that feel that way. um And I, at the time, was kind of feeling, it it felt like it looked like that.
00:28:28
Speaker
but I think that sometimes finding yourself can look a lot like losing yourself because you are shedding all of the beliefs that you used to have. um All of the things that you used to like or you used to be passionate about or the goals that you thought you wanted or whatever um kind of like fall to the fall to the wayside. um And that's what I was experiencing. And so um I had this like intuition of like I'm really like uncovering who I'm meant to be through this, but it felt like
00:29:01
Speaker
who is that person? Like I have a yeah yeah in a thing. Um, and so I kind of just started thinking about, you know, what is it that I want to do? What, ah what aligns with like what our family vision is and our goals for um our life. And I actually dabbled in, um, at first it was real estate. So I, the day that I found out I was pregnant with Jackson was actually my first day of real estate school. Fun fact. Um, so I, yeah, I started to get my real estate license. I got my real estate license in January of 2022. Um, I did three transactions with buyers in my first like 60 days, which is pretty crazy. Um, yeah and I was pregnant in my like first and second trimester with a toddler with no childcare. Um, and so I was grinding in the real estate ah market and I decided like,
00:29:58
Speaker
This isn't it because it was so much. Oh my gosh. It's so much work. It was so fun. I naturally, I really enjoy sales. Like I just like, I feel like that's something I've always just been good at. Um, and so it was a really like fun challenge. I really enjoyed it, but I just realized like, this isn't going to be realistic when I have a newborn. Like what are we going to do when I have a newborn and a toddler? um and no childcare. Like at this point, I was kind of like,
00:30:30
Speaker
you know taking Luke with me to showings, or um I would have a showing like when Curtis got home from work, or like we would try to figure it out that way. And your family is not in Arizona, right? No, so his parents yeah his parents are here, um but his dad does still work part time, and his mom's busy. So like they're able to help us a little bit, but it's not consistent. yeah um And so, yeah, we would utilize them, or I would utilize a friend. like It was pretty like hodgepodge. um And then I actually at the same time started working with my midwives. This is where it all comes full circle, but um they wanted help with social media marketing. And I had been on social media for four years and really like knew, you know, what that looked like and how to market their business and um how to get them more clients and have this like presence online. And so I actually started helping them as both like their VA and social media manager. And I was doing it and I was like,
00:31:28
Speaker
What if I just did this instead? yeah um and so yeah I kind of like just put it out there on social media like, hey, I am going to be a social media manager and a VA, and if you're interested, let me know. um and It was overwhelming the amount of inquiries I had, which was kind of crazy. like I didn't know that that was possible, and now I'm like, yeah, you guys, it's very high to me. That is the number one thing I always tell people when they ask about like how I got into it. how to like How did you even find anyone that like needs help? It's like, guys, it's actually not that hard. No, literally that's all I did. I literally just put it out on my social media. And at the time, this is probably important too is I had had an Instagram with like 30,000 followers and I deleted it. So I, when I started real estate, I deleted that account. I started a brand new one. So I did not have a big following. I had started a brand new account. Um, I, yeah, I like had connections with like friends who were in the entrepreneurial space, but it wasn't like,
00:32:42
Speaker
You know, I have this huge following and like all these people, I knew all these people and so I could reach out to these people. So that's like a, just a thing that doesn't really matter. You know what your, no, it doesn't. I had no connections at all. It's, I always tell people the hardest part of it is to just decide that you're going to do it. That's the hardest part. And once you just decide, you're like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to start my own business. I'm going to, and of course there are all the like logistical things of like getting an LLC, all that. But guys, everything is a Google search away, or there are many programs like Kate's that will just help you do all of that.
00:33:21
Speaker
But once you decide you're going to do it and you just start to put it out there and be confident with it, like I got my first three clients within like a month. like Literally. And it was like, oh wait, I could make thousands of extra dollars every month and this like isn't and work whenever I want. it Exactly. yeah Yeah. And that was like my first two clients. I messaged two of my friends, which I still work with them to this day. We've been working together for over two years. And I was just like, Hey, I think I'm going to do this like VA thing. If you know of anyone, will you just kind of send them my way? And they're like, wait, I need a VA. And I was like, Oh, plot twist. Like I didn't see that coming. um And I still work with them to this day. And that first month that I started really my VA business, it wasn't even your behind the scenes BFF yet. Like I was literally just me. I made more than I was making as a teacher. And I was like,
00:34:13
Speaker
Okay, like this is something, and it's funny because I had had a VA in my network marketing business. um I had had her doing- Oh, interesting. Yeah, so like I knew that side of things. See, I didn't know any of that. I was in ah like a corporate executive assistant, and i it it wasn't until COVID happened and I got laid off, and then I started to get like TikToks about being a VA, and I was like, wait a second. I was an assistant in the real world. like I could totally do this. yep And so that part was a little bit like, oh, do people actually do this type things? but you
00:34:50
Speaker
knew. I knew that this was, and it's funny because I actually have text messages from Jess, which the mom group chat audience knows Jess Massey because Candice loves her. I talk about her all the time. um But Jess is one of my friends and she's been a friend with me. I've been a friend of hers since 2017 when we both started like our business journeys. She was one of the girls that I texted and was like, hey, in case you know of anyone. And now we've been working together for two years. um But I had actually texted her in like the summer of 2021 and was like, I'm thinking about becoming a VA. This was before I was pregnant with Jackson, before I dabbled in real estate, and she was talking about how good I would be and like all this stuff. But I was just at the point like in my network marketing business where I was like, I can't ah can't leave. that It was too scary to take the jump.
00:35:38
Speaker
um and then you know about six or eight months later when I finally like committed and decided, like no, I'm making this hard pivot and I'm going to leave all this behind and I'm going to start you know from scratch and start from zero. with this other business, um I'm like, why did I not start eight months ago? Because it was like in my head, but and like, yeah, I had had a VA before that was helping me on the back end of like my business. So I think I bring like a unique perspective of like, I was a client. And I've also yeah like, I've been the service provider and I've been the client. And so I kind of have that unique perspective of both sides.
00:36:15
Speaker
um I even now have a VA myself too. But um, yeah, I just started like put myself out there. I originally thought I really wanted to be in social media management, because that was like my background. And then I did it for a little while and was like, I'm out like this isn't for me. It's so much work. People don't realize and all of these creators and influencers, like guys, it's a real fucking job. They are doing so much work. Do you know how much work it is to plan and create? And like even just posting all the content is so much work. Keeping up with trends, analyzing analytics, making sure like you know much work you put all this effort into something and you put it out into the world and it just flops.
00:36:58
Speaker
and so like The social media management side of things wasn't for me. I obviously do it now for my business and I have, I do hustle St. Lee's Instagram, but that is like it in terms of social media stuff. But I really like. I only help one client now. And I used to, that used to be one of my like main offers. Social media management, social media content creation. And it's so much work. I was like, I can't, I got to get out of this. Like, I actually love it. The problem is I love it.
00:37:30
Speaker
But I don't, like the time doesn't, like there's way less flexibility in my opinion in like social media management and content creation than with any other like niche, I guess. yeah I would agree with that. And that's where I was like, I really just like doing like the behind the scenes stuff. Like I love doing the admin work that like business owners don't want to do, but don't have time to do and they don't want to like have to think about it. Um, or it's like, I'm the, I'm the girl that's like, tell me what to do and it'll be done. Like I, you know, very much like the, um, being able to check it off a list kind of thing. I worked
00:38:09
Speaker
my brain works a lot better in like systems and processes and stuff like that. And so, um, I really liked the behind the scenes stuff and that's kind of where you're behind the scenes BFF like came to be. Um, and then people just like you started asking me like, how do I become a VA? Like, how do you do this? How do you start? And so that's kind of where we're at today. So. Yeah. So what you do now, just for people that, I mean, you still have clients, obviously that you do yeah do work for, but for those, for the listeners who don't know, you help people become VAs now. Like you help teach people about how to become a VA and.
00:38:48
Speaker
how to basically build this life for yourself that you have always thought. I cannot tell you like, and I know so many moms like listening to this have thought to themselves like, how do I still make the same amount of money and spend more time with my kids and not have some, like a boss or someone like breathing down my neck or to, and I'm telling you like there is so much money to be made online. Like so much. And it's way easier than you think as long as you just decide you're going to do it. Right. And the fact that like we live in a time where you can actually, this is not clickbait, like actually make money from your phone during nap time.
00:39:34
Speaker
Like that's real. And like the fact that we like live in a time where that's possible, I'm just like, why, why is not everyone doing this kind of thing? And i I think it's interesting what you said about like, this is not clickbait because there is something that sounds so like good, too good to be true about it. And there's also like all those TikToks that you see, it's like, you can make $4,000 a month by just you like writing reviews. Like this is not that. no I need everyone to know like this is like you are actually doing it's basically like you are people's digital assistant doing all the thing I do it I do a lot of the same things I did when I worked in an office just I don't have to go into an office and I don't have anyone telling me like that I have to do it today yeah you know what I mean um yeah obviously unless there's like an actual time like whatever yeah yeah
00:40:25
Speaker
But it's not clickbait like this is very real and I think it's starting to become a more of a more like well-known thing. I remember I'm curious if you felt this way when I started my business and I really like committed one of the things like one of the mental things I had to get over was like telling people what I did now like I would go into a Christmas party or a social situation and people like a lot of my like close people obviously knew I was laid off but they didn't necessarily like know what happened after that so they'd be like so what are you doing now and I'd have to be like oh okay how do I explain this but now it's like
00:41:06
Speaker
I've got my spiel down. which is you know like you Give it to yeah me. What's your spiel? It's always the same. It's like, oh, I run my own virtual assistant business. Sometimes I just leave it like that and I'm confident enough now to be like, I don't really need to explain this to you. like whateverever Sometimes I'll be like, you know, I was an executive assistant for four years. So I basically do all of those same things, but for multiple different clients, like on a contract basis is basically what I say. And almost always once I start talking about it, people are like, Oh, that's really cool. Or I know, so I cannot tell you how many times people are like, Oh, I know someone who needs you. Oh yeah. Like, like Oh, so I was just talking to so-and-so who was looking for a VA. Like I should connect you. It's crazy.
00:41:53
Speaker
I've gotten so many clients just from like being in a party and like telling someone what I do and people are like, do you have a card or can I get your email or something? like Again, it is so much easier to get clients than you think it is. yeah You just have to be confident and in saying what you do and owning that what you're doing is legit. It is legit. I'm doing real work. I'm helping real clients, real businesses do things every day. And making real money doing it. Yeah. I doubled my corporate salary within the first six months of me. Yeah. Yeah. is It's crazy. Yeah. And that's the thing too is like the flexibility of it. You know, I just with client work because my, yes, my business now has grown where the main part of my business is
00:42:46
Speaker
um teaching other women how to become virtual assistants. And I say making anywhere from $500 a month to $5,000 a month, whatever that looks like for you. um my first year, ah like first, you know, 12 months or so of working with clients, I exceeded my teaching income by a lot. And I was mostly doing it during that time. Like yeah I don't have up until that's kind of like another, you know, aspect to this is I didn't have childcare until recently. um And so when I was, I started my business,
00:43:23
Speaker
started your behind the scenes BFF when I was six months pregnant with a 17 month old toddler. So it was not ideal, you know, um but I also knew that if I just got the stuff in place, like it would really set us up nicely for maternity leave and like, um you know, coming back and having two kids and no childcare, what that would look like. Um, and so I worked only when Luke slept, like when he napped and maybe a little bit after he went to bed. And so it wasn't like hours a day. It was these pockets of time. And you know, I was making more than I was making as a teacher and I wasn't working eight, nine, 10 hours a day. Um,
00:44:02
Speaker
And I was just I got to the point where I'm like, I have to tell everyone about this. Like, I i feel like it's like my like duty to like, I know it's not for everyone. But like, I it's my duty to tell the women who it is for that they know that this is an option. um Because it's been so life changing for our family. And I've seen it change so many other people's you know, lives. And it's like, it's so crazy, because like, you and I were not connected through like the VA space. And then when we were connected, I was like, she's a VA, like, what the heck? Like, this is so crazy. Because, yeah, you didn't really hear about it until I think more recently. um And I think that just goes to show to like, everyone and their mom has an online business these days as they should, because it is so, you know, accessible.
00:44:47
Speaker
um But as more online businesses or just people start businesses in general grow, the demand for a VA is going to increase more and more. Yeah, 100%. So yeah, it's been awesome. um Yeah. And I think that that was like a huge part of kind of like My journey with motherhood is like it was motherhood was like the foundation of like why I became a VA and like why I ended up pivoting into this space. um and Even after you know that last year was really hard um with post-harner depression, I was diagnosed with um ADHD and I really struggled with like my mental health last year. and um Throughout it all, like I feel like now I can stand here and be like,
00:45:32
Speaker
I know exactly who I am. And like I know like you know what I'm passionate about, what motivates me, what my goals are. And it took you know years of motherhood and pivots and all kinds of things to like find myself in that. And I'm so grateful for it because really, I think it was like my kids that were the catalyst for you know yeah where we are today and being able to help other moms do this too. you Yeah, something I love about your journey and all of this is just how many careers and like pivots you've had. I think a lot of women are really scared to make a change if they've been doing something for a long time or maybe they're like working inside of the degree that they got. and they're like
00:46:17
Speaker
paid all this money to go to college and get my degree. Like I have to use it or I don't know. I think sometimes making that big pivot is scary, but it's way scarier in your head than it is in real life. And the anticipation of it makes you more anxious than actually doing it. For sure. And I know it's easier said than done. Don't get me wrong. There are definitely hard parts of owning your own business. There are difficulties too. Like nothing is just easy peasy. You're going to make, you know, millions of dollars, whatever. Like, of course there are hard parts, but if you take a look at like how you want your life to look. And I know for me, having just like Kate, like having my kids, I was like,
00:47:04
Speaker
I want to spend as much time with them as possible and be around for as much as possible. I grew up with a mom and a dad who worked in an office every day. We didn't ever see them during the day. Our grandparents took care of us or any you know family daycares, whatever. and like I remember if I had like a a show at school that like my mom wanted to come to, I remember her stressing about having to ask her boss to like be able to get off early to go and like that's that to me is my why. like I want to be there for my kids. If they have a doctor's visit in the middle of the day, I want to be there. If they have a music class that they're having a show, I want to go.
00:47:52
Speaker
And I don't want to have to ask permission to be there because I am their mom and I believe like I deserve to be there, you know? Yeah. And that's my whole thing is like i I want to be able to like bring in an income for my family and provide for my family, but I want to be able to take my kids to the park at 10 a.m. on a yeah Thursday, you know, like be able to have that freedom and flexibility of my time. I feel like my time is the most valuable asset I have now. And I think if you would have asked Kate like pre mom, I was very driven by money um and very driven by like accolades and like looking successful and wanting to achieve and like all of that stuff. And then I became a mom and I'm like, none of that matters. so like None of that really matters. like This is what matters most. um And while like I fully believe in like helping women make money, because I think that when women make money,
00:48:48
Speaker
like huge things happen because what women do with their money is, you know it's really impactful. um And money like helps provide opportunities it helps provide the opportunity to have that freedom and flexibility and like opportunities for our families and our kids um but gosh that time freedom of like not having to ask for permission like the fact that I don't have to worry about writing sub plans like if my kids sick or if I'm sick like, you know, whatever that might be or stressing out finding a sub or just all of that kind of stuff. Um, it's been really really
00:49:24
Speaker
life changing. um And I think to like the pivots, like you mentioned, like, I have just always been in the camp of if you don't like something, change it. Like life is way too freaking short to be doing anything less than what you want to be doing. yeah And that's something that I feel really lucky that my mom instilled in me. um Growing up, she was always the person that was like, try a lot of different things and see what you like. Or even like a funny story about her is that when she went to college, her junior year of college, they called her into the dean's office and they had all of her credits like laid out on a table and said like, you have to pick a major because she was still undeclared as a junior in college because she couldn't decide what she liked the most.
00:50:08
Speaker
And so she had always instilled in me like try different classes, try different things, you know, try different careers, see what you're interested in. And so I feel lucky that I have that instilled in me. But then there's society that's like, what are you going to be when you grow up? And you got to be that thing for the rest of your life. And so it's it's hard to have like kind of both like poles. But I just think I really think that life is too short to be doing anything less than what your dream is. and I also think that like being a VA wasn't my dream. like I didn't dream about becoming a VA a or like wanting to do that, but I do think that it is ... I love it. and It's a vehicle that can get you to whatever your dream is. so like If your dream is to have that freedom and flexibility, if your dream is to be able to have
00:50:52
Speaker
you know be able to pay off debt. or um For me, I would love to like not spend summers in Arizona, so like maybe have it happen in my hometown or whatever to make memories there. you know Being a VA is that vehicle to get us to wherever that dream is. and as stepping I think everything ends up just being a stepping stone to get us to where we end up being. Yeah, I love that so much. OK, one thing I wanted to touch on that I love following every day on your Instagram, and I wanted to like hear your why behind it and just talk about it for a second. You have been getting ready every day for like 100 days or something insane. Yeah, what is what's today? the We are on day one hundred and fifty eight. So I've gotten ready one hundred and fifty eight days. OK, talk me through this.
00:51:42
Speaker
talk me through this because the thought of this in my head feels like impossible yeah but the like productive amazing like best version of me other side of my brain says this would change my life I know I show up better I feel better I work better when I Put on makeup or at least put on like right now. I'm I'm in workout clothes, but I'm in like a matching Set like what are your guidelines? Talk me through why you decided to do that. Okay. Yeah, so the why was 2023 it was a shit year And I really like I had a really rough year last year postpartum um and at the end of the year I was like I am going to be
00:52:28
Speaker
unrecognizable at the end of 2024, not just like appearance wise, but like in my habits and in my mindset and my attitude and like all that kind of stuff. Um, and part of that was i actually, I followed these other creators, um, the sales girls on Instagram yeah and I love them and I learned a lot from them. Um, and they had mentioned like part of their sales girl protocol is that you get ready every day. And the first time I heard that I was like, there's no way, there is no way I'm doing that. That's kind of how I am, but I'm also like intrigued.
00:53:05
Speaker
Yeah, so I was like, why? like What's the point like kind of thing? And when I decided I wanted to be unrecognizable and like what what does that look like? And so I really, I journaled about like what does end of 2024 Kate look like like? What is she doing? What are the habits she has? um How does she feel? like How does she move throughout her day? And one of the things that came out was she gets ready every single day. In terms of getting ready every day, I think that like everyone just creates their own baseline. like What is your baseline and like your guidelines for getting ready? so like My guidelines are a matching outfit that was not what I worked out in. so like I work out in the mornings, so I have to change. and and so It could be like a matching set or it's just something that was like intentional and makes me feel really good.
00:53:54
Speaker
aye And then styling my hair, which again, styling my hair could be in a hat, but I'm going to make it look cute when it's in set. And then like my makeup routine, which my makeup routine is literally just like, um, like moisture tinted moisturizer or like a foundation blush, bronzer, mascara. and a lip color or like lipstick of yeah some sort. I think as a mom, everyone can like nail a five minute makeup. Oh yeah. And I like actually have fun with the challenge of like timing myself. Like how can I get this even shorter? Um, so yeah, so that's like my like getting ready every day. It's an intentional outfit. It's my five minute makeup routine and it's styling my hair and
00:54:43
Speaker
Sometimes that is dry shampoo and like refreshing the curls and putting it on a hat kind of thing. like It's not anything crazy. um But the difference that I have seen in the way that I just show up in the world is crazy. like i can't even describe like this, this could be I actually am about to have a whole podcast on my podcast about this because it is like the way that I show up in my business with so much more confidence. And like, I'm i'm just always ready. I'm ready for any opportunity. I'm ready for any kind of conversation.
00:55:22
Speaker
if I see someone like on the street and I wanna talk to them, like maybe it's like someone that I've been seeing around like my kids preschool and I like wanna say hi and like maybe let's get coffee. I feel more like ready and prepared because I did my baseline of getting ready to have that conversation. Um, in terms of business, like I'm creating more content and I'm more willing to jump on stories because I'm not concerned about like, yeah Oh, like ah I didn't really get ready today. Like I just feel more confident in myself if I have like a little bit of mascara and blush on kind of thing. Um, and so the way that I just show up in the world has been different to the way that I like, I think the posture that I carry myself overall.
00:56:03
Speaker
um My productivity and it's just been like a really good challenge to that like I committed to and like I follow through on what I commit to because I think sometimes we yeah think about this in terms of like health and wellness and fitness and like I I just like, I tried 75 hard and I did it like 40 days and I was like, I can't do this anymore. And so it's like, I, you know, we try all these like challenges to like commit to ourselves and like all this stuff. And I was like, what is something that I know I can do? And like, I am going to make this promise to myself and I'm going to do it every single day, no matter what. Um, and it's realistic. And this, so this has been one of those things where it's like, I made this commitment at the beginning of the year.
00:56:47
Speaker
And I have followed through with it. And I think when you follow through with the commitments that you make, it obviously like brings confidence to you. So right i like that way leads to everything else. I would think, okay, one last question about it. Does it have to be by a certain time every morning? I say no, because I sometimes there have been days where I have gotten ready at like noon or 1 p.m. during nap time. Okay, so it is not my question like I think I could do it as long as it's not like I have to do it before like 9 a.m. because like that's not happening. No, but if I had to do it like I do it every day at some point like I yeah yeah I think and I think that's the thing is like you make your own rules like what is like what will get you out of your comfort zone like it will challenge you
00:57:36
Speaker
But like, it's your own baseline in your own roles. Because yeah, there's so many times where like my kids get up, well, Luke gets up really early. I have Jackson who sleeps until eight. And then I have Luke who gets up at five. So it's like, I don't get getting ready. I'm usually working out and getting ready with a toddler, at least one of them. So like sometimes the getting ready part, I'll maybe get half done before like he really needs me and like we got to get breakfast going and stuff. And and then I'll do the rest during nap time. Sometimes I don't get any of it done. And I'll just do the rest during nap time or when they're like chill watching an activity or watching a movie or whatever it is. um
00:58:13
Speaker
So yeah, I don't think that like, for me, it's committing to getting ready every single day, even if that means it's 1pm. And no one's gonna see this outfit. I think that is like another thing. I get so many people at DM me that are like, I get all these cute outfits, but I have nowhere to wear them because I'm a stay at home mom or I work from home. So like, what's the point? Like, I'll just, you know, work in leggings. And I'm like, I legit wear like the cutest clothes in my house and probably no one sees them except myself and my family. And like, it feels really good. yeah like Start wearing it for yourself rather than for other people. Again, life is so short. and like it's like Why are you saving that for an occasion that you may not even ever get to because like that might even be out of style by then or like you might not even like that then or whatever. so It's like, let's wear the clothes that we have and that we love and stop saving them for like
00:59:08
Speaker
occasions or whatever it might be, and just like really enjoying it. And I think too, it's like helped me find my style. Like I did not. Yeah, totally. Which I know you guys had an episode about like postpartum, and shopping and all that kind of stuff recently. But um, I feel like I've really found my style through this. It's challenged me to like try colors that I normally wouldn't have worn or picked out or like styles that I normally wouldn't have worn. um And it's been really fun. And so it's kind of been like this kind of like a hobby to like challenge myself and like find these things and it's been, it's been really fun.
00:59:41
Speaker
Okay. You're inspiring me. I think I'm going to do it. We're halfway through the year. Do it like the second half of the year. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. Honestly, I think it'll be good for me. Just you, you've convinced me and I needed to hear like the psychology behind it and how it changed your life. Oh yeah. Okay. So we typically end this on like a fun question or something. And I saw a new question on TikTok yesterday. Oh no. I'm excited. Okay. So I saw these two girls and they were definitely like younger, like out of college or whatever. They were like Gen Zers, which is scary. Well, no, I mean, if we have any Gen Z listeners. Sometimes you guys scare me, okay? but um So I saw these girls and they were like, we have started to talk about the things in our life that we're focusing on by our major and minors. I saw this too. yeah so so the So the girl was like, I'm majoring in finding a summer boyfriend and minoring in Pilates or like whatever. okay So I was gonna ask you in this time of your life, what's your major and minor?
01:00:49
Speaker
Okay. Not to put you on the spot here. I know. I'm like, dang, I should have had more time to think of something more witty. Um, I would say that right now I am majoring in, honestly, I'm majoring in getting ready every day. Like that has become like my entire personality. Um, majoring in, i yeah, majoring in getting ready every day or just like um'm I'm really trying to find like routines and structures for this season of life because okay we do now have our kids in preschool three days a week, which is very helpful, but it obviously changes the dynamics of things. So I would say I'm majoring in routines and getting ready every day. And then I would say I'm minoring in, I don't even know what I would call this. i've been like
01:01:42
Speaker
I've been drawing roads and like cityscapes for my kids to drive their Hot Wheels on. and It's become a hobby. It is literally last night I was up for like two hours drawing this road and like cityscape for Luke. so I would say that like that is like my hobby these days along with I've been doing hand embroidery. because I'm a crew. OK. I love that. I love that. Also, the roads thing, like the drawing the roads, I feel like that is like such a teacher thing. Oh, my gosh. The way yeah yeah to flex your like teacher things. I'm literally using like anchor chart paper but ah and like anchor chart markers that I used back then. well So, yeah. And I and honestly, like the fact that just answering that question, like it didn't um
01:02:37
Speaker
Neither of those were work related, which I find like interesting because normally I am like a very i'm a very high achiever. I would say I'm a recovering workaholic, but I do feel like really good in like my business these days. I'm proud of myself that those aren't like obviously still my focus, but we have things kind of running like a well-oiled machine, which is great. I can do hobbies now because what are those? I love that so much. All right. I like that game. I think that might be our new question for people. That's a good one. Yeah. Maybe give them a little prep, though. I know. I need to be like, by the way, we're going to think about it. Yeah.
01:03:16
Speaker
Well, Kate, I have loved having you on. Everyone needs to go and follow Kate. Do you want to give your whole spiel of where people can find you? Maybe give some information about like if they're interested in becoming a VA, where they can find that, etc. Yeah, for sure. So um my Instagram is at your BFF Kate. My website is www.YourBTSBFF.com. And then I have a podcast called Your are Behind the Scenes BFF. And we talk about um mostly business, but also a lot of motherhood and like mom entrepreneur type topics. um And then I do have our signature program, which is Beginner to Booked VA, which is where we teach women how to literally go from beginner to booked in 30 days or less.
01:04:06
Speaker
And so it teaches you everything that you need to know in order to start your business as a VA. We have taken over 260 or 70 women through the program in the last 21 months, 22 months, which is so cool. And I feel so like humbled that I get to be a small part in their journey. Um, so that is the program that we have, but I also have a ton of other resources that are free or lower cost on my website, Instagram, podcast all the things. Amazing. Everyone go follow. She's a great follow. I love seeing her outfits every day. That's become like a thing of mine. I'm like, I got to go see how Kate got ready today. Now will be motivation, accountability. Yeah. Yeah. Or I'm going to be texting you. be like Can you give me some outfit ideas? I don't know. Yes. My friends have been doing that. I have several friends that have been like, can you like help me with this try on? And I'm like, yeah, give it to me. So amazing.
01:05:05
Speaker
Well, thank you so much for being here. Are you in our Facebook group? Yes. first i was go to say Kate is also in our Facebook group. I'm an OG. We did not mention this. I'm an OG mom group chat listener because you posted it in the hustle Stanley BFFs page. I did. And that's where I saw it. So I was probably like, I honestly, I was probably the first download. Let's be honest. She is our loyal follower. I love it so much. I love it. All right. Well, love you guys. Love you, Kate. Thank you so much for being here and we'll see you guys soon. Thank you. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.