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EP 60: Being Intentional
1.4k Plays1 month ago
In this episode of Mom Group Chat, Whitney and Candace dive deep into the importance of being intentional with your time as a mom. With so many external pressures—from social media to societal expectations—it’s easy to feel like you have to do it all. But are these activities truly serving you and your family, or are they just adding unnecessary stress?
Whitney and Candace explore how to recognize what’s truly important, set boundaries that protect your energy, and offer practical tips for saying "no" to things that don’t align with your values. Let’s talk about letting go of the 'shoulds' and embracing the power of making mindful choices that bring joy and fulfillment to motherhood.
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Transcript
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? I'm with my best friend Candace and I'm Whitney Williams and we are the Mom Group Chat podcast. You made me nervous because you you switched it. I think, yeah, I'm sorry.
00:00:27
Speaker
No, no, no. It can go either way. this is like whatever This is like whatever your flavor is. It's fine. But i i I got nervous. I'm not in the right head space, bro. I'm just... I know. I'm a butterfly just floating around, just trying to... Give us a tiny bit of a clue of what's going on. Okay, well...
00:00:52
Speaker
Just that it's like Mario's birthday party week. And I also have so much like actual work to do with work. And I just feel like I'm pulled a little thin right now. like yeah And I realized like i I'm fortunate where I get to like work from home. So like I can kind of do stuff here and there like before birthday week. But the thing is like, I'm gonna be in the office all week. my My team's coming into town. So I was like,
00:01:23
Speaker
I can't do like my normal like last minute run around that I probably would do from working from home. So I'm i'm feeling like a little overwhelmed. That's all. yeah You are in a very busy season of yeah life right now.
00:01:40
Speaker
And I feel like fall is always like that, just like for my family in general. Just a lot going on. School starts back up. Everyone's birthdays are coming up. Like it's just like one after another. Like, and then Chris and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary and we're going on a trip, which I am excited about. I just feel like I have huge hurdles to get over before I can even think about our lovely fricking trip coming up. So ah yeah. It just feels a lot.
00:02:08
Speaker
The fall for you is like you're busy. I mean, I would say we are like the last quarter of this year for everyone is like busy season, which is why our episode today is going to like help you prepare for that a little bit. Yeah. um But.
00:02:27
Speaker
It is interesting, like I feel like our busy season in my family is around Alice and Evie's birthday and like Easter and like March and April, yes my mom's birthday. Yeah. Like we're spring fans, spring chickens over here. So it's just funny how like every family's like season is different. I was actually just thinking about this in terms of July, like I feel like I always get burnt out a little bit in July, like with work. I don't know what it is. I always feel that way in July. yeah And I made a note in my like journal the other day that I was going to plan like a week off of work or a couple more like self-care days next July. Like I need to anticipate, like it happens every July. Like I remember feeling this way last year too.
00:03:22
Speaker
But I think the same thing about like certain parts of the year. Like I know March and April are super stressful for me. And it's like, okay, I need to like make sure I'm not taking extra clients or like walk, like watching my workload during that time. It's like, but sometimes it sneaks up on you. And like, even if you try to like plan ahead to be like, I don't know, like keep things light. It's like shit still gets put on your plate. I don't know.
00:03:50
Speaker
Yeah, I just yeah, this time of year is always like that and I feel like I'm adding extra things to that, um you know. Just add to the chaos, right? so yeah Yeah, yeah. We've also had a lot going on. like And I feel like this is like coming to an end, really. I mean, not the podcast is coming to an end, but we've had some things in the fire with the podcast like stuff to do there, which has definitely like ah been on your plate, too. So I get it. You've got a lot going on. I said to you the other day, like I wish we lived in the same city, because like I would help you and take some things off your plate. like I really would. You're so sweet.
00:04:29
Speaker
But a lot of things it's like you can't do until party, like cleaning. right the wake of yeah yeah And you know the house is a mess. And so you're just like sitting there waiting. You're like, well, I can't clean it yet because I have a toddler. like So there's just things that I don't know. It's all stupid and trivial. but I know, but it means something to you. And that's when you have people coming into your home. like You want it to look nice. Oh, 100 percent. Oh, well, you're doing a great job and you should give yourself some grace this week as you approach this like hard time. I know. And I'm emotional about it. Like, oh, how are you feeling about that? We don't we haven't really talked about that yet. Are you going to cry?
00:05:18
Speaker
Maybe. Your eyes are misty. I love when Whitney cries. Now I'm not. I'm a stone gargoyle. I don't know. It just makes you emotional, especially knowing she's my last baby. I remember when Graydon was turning one and I went on Instagram and I talked to the camera. This was before we really did a lot of that stuff. So I don't know. I felt like such a- It felt unnatural. Yeah.
00:05:49
Speaker
and now it's kind of like oh it's just so emotional thinking about them and that whole year and you reflect and I was talking to my best friend Jane and she's in that newborn phase and she was just saying how she was naptrapped and I was like man that feels like forever ago but also like no just yesterday almost and it just makes you I don't know you reflect and you make the little video and of all like the whole year of her life and you're like oh my gosh like she's just so cute and wonderful and we're just obsessed with her and I'm just a ball of mush I know it all happens so fast it really does like yeah
00:06:34
Speaker
And she's such a cute little gremlin. I love her so much. She's so cute. Yeah, it happens fast. The beginning is so freaking slow, though. Wow. Yeah, I am. I know. And now it's but you as you know, like one and on like.
00:06:52
Speaker
I actually got even more emotional thinking of how Graydon's about to be three. and I know. You just seem so tall and big. and I'm like, oh my God, like how do I have a three-year-old? I just was having this thought. like There's something I'm definitely emotional about like Evie growing so quickly. i I feel as though time is moving double fast with Evie than it did with Alice just because like there's so much going on and that makes me emotional. But there's something about thinking about Alice turning three that feels really scary. It's truly like she's exiting the baby phase. yeah
00:07:31
Speaker
And I feel like every six months I look at pictures of her and I'm like, oh, wait a second. like I have a child. I don't have a baby anymore. like I have a kid. She's so long and lean and she's lost she's she hasn't lost it completely, but she's starting to lose the baby-ness in her face. Also, it's funny, Vinny and I literally cried in bed on Friday night because we were looking You know how your iPhone will show you like featured photos? There was a photo from January 12th. So one month before I had Evie and Alice and I, it's like a selfie of Alice and I, and my belly is huge. I'm so pregnant, but Alice is sitting next to me and she is a baby. like oh that That's exactly what I did. Looking at pictures of when we first had Margo and he is so small, he is, he, She is such a baby in that photo. And I was like, wait a second. That was just seven months ago, eight months ago. Like, I'm sorry. So much as she looks so different in eight months that I just got really in my, and so did Vinny. We both got in our feels about it and we like cried together in bed. We were like, I know.
00:08:46
Speaker
It's kind of crazy. um yeah But yeah, it's when you look back at pictures and you're just like, frick. I know. It's all so exciting, though, too. like you're It's going to be so fun for her to like talk more and to really like find her little voice. And she already has such a funny personality. So like to see that like take shape even more is going to be so fun. little um you It's funny because Graydon in the car, he goes, Mommy, she didn't talk back like he wants to talk with her. And I said, oh, Graydon, she will one day and you're going to wish you didn't say that because he always says she didn't talk like. That's so funny. It is funny. Graydon is chatty. I love it. ah He that's all he does. He's going to have like talks too much on his report card for sure. I mean, I had that.
00:09:44
Speaker
Did you? No. Oh, I got it every year. It was like so I butterfly. Yeah. I always sat next to the quiet kid in the class. So like they tried to pull me away. But then I made friends with whoever i feel like I was, especially in elementary school, middle school, like I was very much a rule follower. Like I like to be the I like to be a good girl. Like I like to be the teacher's favorite.
00:10:11
Speaker
Oh my God. Hell no. I don't want. Yeah. sure I've told you that. I don't like the teacher. Like I wanted the teachers to like me the most. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I'm a words of affirmation girl. they I needed the words of affirmation even from my teachers.
00:10:31
Speaker
No, I didn't care about the teacher. I cared about the kids. um I was going to say something. I can't remember. um Oh, it was Chris. He was like, I he kind of made me nervous because he was like, I feel like Margo should be saying more words right now or talking more.
00:10:49
Speaker
I was like, what do you mean? She says a lot, like, mama, dada, like, night, night. Like, she says stuff. And he was like, maybe I'm just comparing to Graydon because all he does is talk. And I was like, yeah, maybe. I feel like she talks enough. I don't know. I think she's totally fine. I'm like, please don't make me worry about something else. Like, I have no concerns.
00:11:13
Speaker
You do not need to worry about Margot. I don't think so either. And also, but this is another like thing we talk about a lot about like comparing child to child. Like I I worry about that with Alice and Alice was so chatty and speaking so quick, so young. So I'm like, oh, if he doesn't do that, are we going to feel like I don't know.
00:11:35
Speaker
Although, I know I mentioned this in the last episode, but it's like even gotten worse since the last time we recorded. She is now fully up on all fours at six months and doing the rock on all fours. like In her crib, she launched she's started crying yesterday because she was up on all fours and was close to the edge of her crib, and then she launched herself forward into the bars. and Then, of course, like hurt herself. And I was like, Oh my God, she is only six months. Like Alice didn't do all of that until eight months. Like she is two months ahead of what Alice was doing physically. And I was like, Oh my God, girl, maybe she'll be a climber.
00:12:21
Speaker
Margo. There's also a phase where, um, they, so they stand up in the crib, but don't know how to get back down. She's like, yeah. So they, she did that for like two weeks where she, it was like and around the eight months. So be ready for that. Where she would stand and just be like, and it'd be like 5am. And you're like, no, please just fall. Fall. Yeah.
00:12:48
Speaker
But they finally learned. like ah But that was a little rough patch. My gosh, so many things. I also I get this is just like random, but ah she is really grown out of like the three to six stuff is like we're officially done with all of that.
00:13:05
Speaker
And I have learned I have hardly anything six to nine months, like to the point where I'm like, oh, shit, like I have to do a mass order like today of from Old Navy or like something like I gave you some stuff. You did. And all of it is so cute. But in in most of it was six. Yeah. Yeah. like Yeah. Um, that's why I said grab it because I knew that was her size right now is like, take it.
00:13:32
Speaker
Whitney, do you know I barely remember grabbing all of that stuff out of there? Like, truly, barely remember. Well, I went to like look and I was like, oh, I think she took everything, but you didn't say anything. So I was like, I hope she did. Whitney, I barely remember it. Like, truly, your neighbors got me fucked up because I barely remember. That's something we didn't talk about in the episode was when we were all sitting outside,
00:14:01
Speaker
Chuck, who, his name is Chuck Trotter. he um He's just like an older guy that lives in our neighborhood, or our cul-de-sac, sorry. And they don't have kids, but they have their dog Manny, who is our neighborhood mascot. And he was walking the dog. and um My neighbor Corey's like, yeah, he's the one that brings out Trotter water. It's like gin and tonic or whatever it is, right? Yeah, gin and tonic. Candice and I were like, oh, like I've never drank any of that. Like that's Chris's favorite drink. And Candice was like, that's Vinnie's. And so she was like, I want one. He goes and brings out a freaking tray. I have photos. A tray. So then all of a sudden after a day of
00:14:48
Speaker
at the winery, drinking once we got home. He brings out gin and tonics. And I mean, it just sent us over the edge. Oh, yeah yeah. Like that. I really wasn't hungover or super drunk the whole trip until the last night. And it was funny because Vinny had sent me a text like I was sending him pictures of us, of him with the tray. And like Vinny was texting me saying, please do not come home like useless tomorrow.
00:15:13
Speaker
He was like, he was like, please, like I've been with the kid and I get it. Like he had been with the kids, like whatever. And I woke up on and I had to wake up at like 4 30 a.m. because I had a super early flight and I woke up and I was like, I'm not okay. I barely remember doing anything. I did pack my bag the night forward, which I'm like, I was fucking wasted doing that. I don't know. But.
00:15:39
Speaker
Yeah. So anyways, I did take all of the clothes that were in there. I'm pretty sure I just went and grabbed everything that was hanging. So when I got, I literally like, when I got home and unpacked, I was like, Oh, this stuff is so cute. Yeah. And then I got nervous. I was like, Oh my God, I hope I didn't take something I wasn't supposed to. Like I was like, I need to text Whitney and be like, is there, was any of this stuff I wasn't supposed to take? Cause I, know I mean, what are we going to do? Like that's.
00:16:06
Speaker
And I have bins of like little boy clothes and I'm like, I just need to donate everything because we're done. And really, no one wants your shit, to be honest. like It's so nice to offer. But like I remember when I first found out I was having Margo, so many people were like, I have girl clothes. And I was like, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. I don't want to dig through.
00:16:29
Speaker
Like I've had like probably six people offer stuff and it was so nice, but I've already feel overwhelmed in my home. Yeah. So, and I have a hard time saying no. So then I felt like a bad person. If I was like, no, you know? Yeah. I feel like it's a fine line and there are some people, I also feel like this, I don't know if this is like controversial to say, but I think part of it is like,
00:16:55
Speaker
like, is your style the same as mine? Like, there are some people that I'm like, that's so nice of you, but like, I know I'm not gonna like any of that, you know? And then, I don't know. There's also something, like, for us, like, with Evie, like, I knew she was getting all of Alice's stuff, like, I did not need any more stuff, you know? So,
00:17:17
Speaker
But your stuff was so cute. I mean, I and I needed six to nine things. So yeah I'm not talking about you. You have such cute style that I was like, yes, please. I'll take that. But I only pulled the stuff that I felt like you would like. You know what I mean? Yeah. Totally. I'm not going to give you like my old target shit.
00:17:37
Speaker
I was like, here's the nice, here's the, here's the good, good. Yeah. That's the other thing is whenever I like went through Alice's stuff, when we were pulling stuff to like save for the next baby, this was like before I was pregnant, like a lot of this super cheap, like old Navy stuff, unless it was in really good condition. Like I donated all of that. I'm like, I can't. save this $5 onesie. It's just too much. I only save the stuff that's like really nice or in really, really good condition.
00:18:09
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. Well, this this kind of goes in with you are about saying no and like only doing what like serves you and I don't know. So today's episode was ah really brought to us by a friend slash listener um about saying no in motherhood and like being intentional with your decisions.
00:18:35
Speaker
And as we enter this fall season and holiday season like there is so much shit that is put on us as moms like whether that's like activities or family gatherings or like things you feel like you should do like pictures and pictures with Santa and holiday pictures and I don't know and also just like fall festival like outings I don't know there's just so much that goes on in the fall and winter time and sometimes a lot of times as moms we like put pressure on ourselves to like
00:19:16
Speaker
do all of these things that we see on Instagram or we see other people doing. And a lot of the time you leave it, you go and you do it and then you leave and you're like, why the fuck did we do that? like yeah And he puts you in a worse mood. Yeah.
00:19:30
Speaker
Yeah, I loved this idea. My friend Lauren, who Candice got to meet when she came to the town. Loved her. Yes, she's awesome and quite the entrepreneur herself, but she's all about living intentionally and doing things that serves her family and what they're doing in the now. So intentionally saying no to things that she knows would either end up in a meltdown or like she had the example like the Williamson County or Wilson County Fair was here and she had been invited a few times or so and I think it was just like she just basically said why would I spend all this money for them to not even know what's going on yet, to really enjoy it. And it's hot. And like I just know that it just wouldn't serve our family in this moment. So she said, even though like how fun does that look? how look Think of of the pictures we could take, would it really serve them? And the answer was no. So she hat like had the decision to say no, even though it was hard for her to say no. So I just loved that idea, because I think we all have that tug and pull of, like
00:20:43
Speaker
Kind of like what I said, wanting to accept the clothes to be nice, but it's a very overwhelming, like getting 10 bins of girl clothes that I have to dig through and now I have to donate like. Yeah, it's like adding something onto your plate, actually, totally um without without the other person realizing they're doing that, right? It's not ill intentioned from their end, but it is.
00:21:09
Speaker
I think this goes back to like holding the power to like create your life and reality. And there is a there is a way for you to say nicely, like, no thank you. And there are probably so many other people who would benefit from those clothes more than I would. And like we so we already have so much, like blah, blah, blah.
00:21:37
Speaker
It's just about like being intentional about your decisions and your time because I feel some, I know like when it when we talk about the fair thing, hey a lot of the time for me like is kind of social media. like I see all these cute families who go and do these things. like I know I have felt this exact way. like I will see a family who like went to a blueberry farm, which actually we have done that and it was amazing, but so that's a bad example, but like, ah you know, some fair and then their pictures are so cute and they look, the kids look like they're having fun and then we go and our experience is completely different and not like that at all. But maybe the pictures still look cute. We still got a cute picture. So I posted on Instagram and it's like all a facade. It's all a facade.
00:22:32
Speaker
yeahp I mean, y'all saw my pictures in Europe. It's a fucking facade. Like.
00:22:40
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I just I love this idea um because I am quite the people pleaser and it is hard for me like I'm not.
00:22:51
Speaker
the planner a lot of times, so if I do and get invited to something, I'm like, ooh, yay, like plans. um but But yeah, if it's if it's something that's not serving you in the moment, I just, I think that's great. And we and we did a poll on our Instagram.
00:23:08
Speaker
And I loved hearing what a lot of people, we had two questions, right? It was, yeah what is something you said no to recently? And then the other question is, what is something you wish you had said no to? Yeah. um Honestly, part of the reason I wanted to do this poll was to get some ideas of some things I should have said no to. It's like, all right. um What did you do recently that you hated? Because I'm going to make sure that if that opportunity lands in my lap, that I'm going to say no.
00:23:41
Speaker
And like, I mean, gosh, there are some things like, you know, something that you're like dreading, but then you go to it and you're like, okay, I'm glad I did that. But there are those situations as well, kind of like, kind of like the birthday party. So excited about it. Also want it to be over. And I'm going to be so glad, you know, it's just like,
00:24:05
Speaker
Why do we do these things to ourselves? Yeah. So that's an interesting thing is like, how do we differentiate what will be a good experience and what won't? I feel like that's where I personally could maybe get hung up of like,
00:24:25
Speaker
And I think there is a part of this. It's like sometimes you may not know yeah until you're there. I think something I would probably do is like really evaluate the amount of time this thing is going to take um and like whatever it is that whether it's a trip somewhere or an activity or you know, whatever.
00:24:48
Speaker
And then I'm kind of someone who likes to think about every possible thing that could go wrong. Like, is there a tantrum in the making because they want to do this and they can't? Like, I think about the fair. Like, I know Alice may not be tall enough for some of those rides, but she might ask to go on it. Or maybe we go on it and she's terrified of what we did that once at the zoo. We wrote something that she was tall enough for.
00:25:16
Speaker
And then we wrote it and she like hated it and cried for the rest of the day because she was scared. And I was like, all right, noted not doing that again. So it's like, you kind of have to evaluate everything that could go wrong and.
00:25:31
Speaker
Also maybe take a, I think for me it's about my mental state in that day. Like what am I feeling like that day? Like could I handle a day that's like stressful at this moment? Cause I feel like some days I can. I can let it roll off my back. And then there are some days where if I'm already feeling thin or stressed or whatever, like that day will break me.
00:25:53
Speaker
Yeah, you know what I mean? So I think it's also about like kind of evaluating yourself that day and being like, am I able to tackle this thing that could possibly go awry? Yeah, there's some things I say no to that come very easily to me. And then there's some things that I don't like non-negotiables is like anything during that time. Like I'm very good about setting my foot down and Like when we were in Tampa and we did the pool day, like Margo naps from nine to 11, like I'm going to remove myself and I can come back if I need to. I have my own vehicle. Like I set myself up for success, knowing that that was a non-negotiable for me. Totally. Same thing with here. Like if someone wants to make plans or go to lunch, I'm like.
00:26:43
Speaker
Look, I can't hang out till three. That's just the way it is. and And around my household, the naps rule our schedule. So I'm pretty good about that. And like usually most parents totally understand. um yeah And they're like, no, I get it. Do what you got to do type thing. But I feel like I'm pretty good about ah that. um And some things that are I feel like are easy to say no to but um I don't know like i I had a friend come into town and
00:27:16
Speaker
It was yesterday and I feel like these are things you should say yes to even though it feels kind of hard is when you're like, when they make plans just for you. And you're like, oh, now I have to like think about Chris being alone with them and like, I hope he's okay with that. Am I gonna have to pay him back? But then it's like, it's a mental like health check. Like I get to get out of the house. I went to lunch with the girls, came home. I was a better mom because of it because I had some girl time like,
00:27:44
Speaker
those are things I feel like can feel hard to say like you want to say no to because it's easy but things you should say yes to yeah that's a good point I most of the time if I carve out any time for myself like almost always I am happy that I did that it's usually the things that Like some of the family, like all family things. And I know for us having so much family here too. i I also mean like those family events sometimes that I'm like, and it's usually when we're bending during nap time and I like, I'm like, Oh fine. We'll just do it. And like, who cares? She'll miss the nap that day. for you Most of, most of the time I'm like, I regret, I regret. So it's, I think.
00:28:32
Speaker
It's important to make time for yourself and that should be a yes most of the time. But some of the other stuff that's like, I think what what you said about having non-negotiables is really a good thing to start with of like, what are my non-negotiables? What will ruin our day? And kind of working around that.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yeah, it's naps 100% for me. And Margo's, you know, almost one social transition to one nap. And so Graydon and Margo will be on the same schedule, my friends, which I'm dying for that. There are naps overlap a little on the weekends, but wow. And then who knows? He might he might drop a nap soon. I don't know. You know, that's probably coming. So that's so scary. I don't like thinking about that. I don't mind. I'm like,
00:29:24
Speaker
He'll be fine. As long as like he's in a good mood and we can just play and hang. I'm ready. Yeah. Drop it. I'm that's just scary. Like I feel like my nap like Alice's nap is like my only.
00:29:37
Speaker
Yeah, time, like my breathe time, that's scary to lose. I don't feel like that anymore because Margot's Margot's up and out, like we'll put Graydon down and then Margot's up for another hour until we put her down. And so they like they overlap for like maybe an hour because Graydon will snooze. um But I just feel like I'm still on constantly. Yeah. So I'm just like, whatever, might as well just drop your nap. I don't care.
00:30:02
Speaker
Yeah, whatever we're feeling we're hitting that point where we're starting to feel a little bit stuck to our house on the weekends because Evie's nap schedule is like really taking shape. You know, she she naps in the morning. She still does that. She still has that super small nap like early in the morning, like eight thirty nine. And then she'll sleep again.
00:30:26
Speaker
I guess she is, sorry, now that I think about it, she is on a two nap schedule. She naps around 839 and then she'll nap around like 1230. So her nap does same- i schedule. Yeah. So, but it's, do you, do you feel like you're stuck to your house a lot of the time? I feel that way. I, we only nap in the crib and you know that.
00:30:48
Speaker
and No, I know. Yeah. So on the weekends, one of us like I stay home and Chris and Gray neither go somewhere or we're all hanging out here. OK. I guess that's kind of what we did this weekend. Like I went to the gym with Alice and he stayed here with Evie while she napped.
00:31:07
Speaker
Mm hmm. That's how we always are. and Yeah, I feel like you we've been flexible with Evie's naps. So we will just be like, oh, she'll nap on the go, whatever. And just recently have we really started to like be like, no, she naps in the crib. And now I'm like, I'm feeling a little so like, I feel like if we wanted to do an activity, our time is like super exactly. Exactly. I know. and Like I think about like how I want to take grain to the zoo, but I'm like, really the best time is after nap, which is late in the afternoon and they close at five. I was like, Oh, so when are we going to go? We can only take grade in like, so it feels crazy. I don't know. No, i'm or I have to be more flexible and just like.
00:31:57
Speaker
pray to God she sleeps? I don't know. She's never slept in her stroller. So I don't know. Yeah. I'm not willing to bend. So many decisions. I know. I don't want to risk it at all. I know. I'm a psycho. Because it could ruin the day. Like, I know that.
00:32:16
Speaker
yeah But here's some fun things I wanted to like go through and say, for some reason, this is what's only pulling up when we did the poll of like things they wish they had said no to. OK. Someone wrote, sometimes I wish I had said no to breastfeeding. I'm like, ooh, I would like to know more about that. like She wish she didn't start the journey because it feels daunting or it's I think a lot of women feel that way. Like it it it takes a huge toll on people's mental health in the beginning. I totally get that. It's such a sense of pride, though, like.
00:32:53
Speaker
So many people in our group are still going. I'm like, fricking go right on. Like, that's crazy. Like, okay. I think that that's great. I love the people that do it so long. Amazing. But also the women who switched to formula early are also doing what's best for them and doing a great job. That's me.
00:33:11
Speaker
Like they should be proud, but it shouldn't be in a judgmental way towards the people who didn't go that long. I think they're just proud. because I mean, I'm proud of them because I know how much time it takes. like Totally. That's insane. i'm proud Listen, if you're listening to this and you've been breastfeeding for however long, no matter how long you do it, you should be proud of yourself. yeah Couldn't be me. Okay. Yeah.
00:33:36
Speaker
hosting my husband's family for holidays, 14 kids all under eight. That's tough. 14 kids driving eight hours for a family vacation. Great memories, but extremely stressful. Yeah, we drove to Pensacola and did that's how I feel about like eight hours my mom's always because my brother has a beach house and she's always like, you need to take the kids down. I'm like.
00:34:01
Speaker
There's no part of me that wants to ride in the car for seven hours right now. It's hard. I go back and forth on FOMO of wanting busy plans and then being burnt out. That is literally what we just talked about. I was going to say that is literally me to a tee. Like I go, I, I feel like I, I move in waves of being like busy, busy, busy, busy, busy to being like, we're saying no to everything for three months.
00:34:30
Speaker
Yep. Yeah. Two work projects outside my normal scope of work feeling disconnected from my family now. That is such a good call out like feeling now that I'm like just so busy with work. I feel this pull towards work like I'm having to kind of like neglect a little on the family side. And I'm like, I don't know. I feel like this big motion, this big shift in my career, I'd say, um where it's like, okay, I know I'm done with kids. Like I feel like I can kind of focus into work. yeah um But at the same time, I'm like, am I neglecting on this side? You just feel... Yeah out of whack It's hard work being a working mom is hard. You like really have to split your brain. It's so hard I struggle with it every day of my life It's it's hard and like there are times for me where I'm like trying to make more money so I'll take on an extra client or an extra project and then I'm feeling so
00:35:35
Speaker
burnt out and so like, like my ability to be present with my kids is definitely affected when I'm overdoing it at work. And then I feel sad about it. And then I'm down on myself. It's like a roller coaster. I hate it.
00:35:53
Speaker
Working, working's hard, but also very rewarding. Yeah, no, there smell there's definitely things that are amazing about it. It's just hard. being in too many organizations at once, PTO, HOA board, et cetera. That's gonna be my future, I know me. I love to be involved and I need to teach myself that like I don't need to and be involved in everything. Which actually,
00:36:22
Speaker
This is a good thing I said no to so our due date group is going on a girls trip and um we're going in October and they had a committee a planning committee and normally I would be all over that like that is something I love to do. I love making plans. I love all the decorative detail of like gift bags and all that bullshit.
00:36:46
Speaker
And i I didn't join it. And I was just like, I'm not that like everyone else isn't busy. Like, this is such a busy time in all of our lives. But I was like, my plate is full. Is full. And I was like, I'm just I got to bow out of this one, which was really hard for me because I normally love that. But.
00:37:08
Speaker
Yeah, I will say as someone who's been on a trip with our due date group, I was. It's funny, like I was involved in planning, but not with all of the like decorative and fun stuff. I feel like I was more of like house because I was in Tampa and it was in Orlando. But. um I loved being surprised of all of the stuff they chose and like the stuff they had made of all of our babies faces. It was so cute and I loved that I got to be like surprised with everyone. No, exactly. I kind of like that too. like i I don't want to know. I'm excited about the plans. I think they're doing like superlatives, which I think is hilarious.
00:37:47
Speaker
I love that. And I can't wait to hear her what everyone thinks of everyone or something just from like learning about online. So I think that's really funny and I cannot wait to hear what all that is. um that oh This is funny. ah This trip, that was our friend Olivia.
00:38:05
Speaker
just so Just was on vacation for a week. Yeah, that's tough. It's a vacation sleeping in the same room as your kids. Yeah, that was us in Europe. It was not fun.
00:38:25
Speaker
It was really hard. um Yeah, that's what I and I told them. I was like, I had to buy or get a three bedroom house when we went to Tampa just so everyone had their own room. I was like, y'all be getting expensive on me. Oh, my God, I know.
00:38:42
Speaker
It's funny because we didn't travel a lot as kids and I understand. I i understand why now. Yeah. Attending family Christmas Eve slash Christmas gatherings 10 days postpartum. that Oh my God. Sweetheart. No. Well, I bet she felt a lot of pressure. Everyone wanted to everyone wanted to see the baby. oh Okay. That's hard. I would love to know if that person, if if this is her first.
00:39:17
Speaker
because I feel like I would have done that when after I had Alice. Oh, I would have felt 100% pressure to go. Yeah. And then if I, I feel like with Evie, with my second, if I was in that situation, I would not, I would be like, sorry, no. I feel like I've gotten more confident about my boundaries as I have more kids. So maybe if I have a third, it'll just be nose everywhere. It'll just be like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But.
00:39:44
Speaker
yeah I don't know. i That is so tough. And if you did that, like, oh my God, I want to give you a hug. Yeah. Wow. I felt like ah because Graydon was two-ish months around Christmas and I didn't want to do anything then. Like, yeah. I was like, he were you nervous about him like getting sick and being around so many people? The first two months are so crucial with the newborn. You're almost like, please, I just want to be in my little bubble, you know. Yeah.
00:40:15
Speaker
um ah Yeah, just even at two months. I remember my cousin Tracy had a huge party and I had him and it was just like kind of late at night. And I was just like, I want to go home. I'm stressed out. Like there's 25 people in here. Like, ah yeah, I'm sorry. so Getting a puppy seven months pregnant with my second.
00:40:41
Speaker
Oh, my God. No, no. yeah That's a hard no for me. I'm able to. I love my doggies. Look, one of them is right here. Just still love him and love them so much. But also like they caused me so much stress. So to imagine back to the puppy days on top of a newborn.
00:41:07
Speaker
pardon Oh, and they're peeing and pooping and barking. No, hard no. That's the hard thing. Like, where am I like, I don't know what the word is, disassociation from my dog, because she would bark at whoever came to the door and it would wake up the baby and I would get so mad because you're just like, I finally got them to sleep. I know. what But then it like it all works out. Yeah, you like them again at some point. Yeah, I'm in a good I like them right now, but tomorrow could be a whole different story. Oh, this is interesting. um They wish they had said no to the iPad.
00:41:47
Speaker
Oh, I can see that we just started to let, I mean, we've always been, we've been a screen time friendly household. Like we watch the TV, yeah but ever since we drove to Pensacola and had that eight hour drive, we hung up the iPad, which ended up being a lifesaver on that trip.
00:42:06
Speaker
But ever since that trip, she's been more into specifically the iPad and I've really tried to keep it to a minimum, but it's hard.
00:42:18
Speaker
Yeah. Um, my mom got Graydon. It's not, it's like a little fire pad or whatever. Yeah. She got him that for Christmas and we have not turned it on. I was like, thank you. But like, I'm not doing that right now. I'm yeah not ready. He likes the iPad, which we,
00:42:36
Speaker
We do it in the car on trips and then we take it right out because yeah he asks about it too much and he likes keeping way too much. You're kind of reminding me. With Alice, it's oh it's an it's like an out of sight, out of mind thing. like yeah It's only if she sees it that she's like, oh, I want my iPad. I'm like, first of all, that's not your iPad. That's my iPad that I used to use for work.
00:42:58
Speaker
um But I need to just put it away in a cabinet and she would never ask for it. I know she would. We do. That's we just hide it until we go on a trip or go to to my parents house and then we pop it right back out and he's like, this is great. So it's like a special thing. And then he's really quiet. yeah It's nice.
00:43:15
Speaker
Oh, my gosh. um But yeah, that was like some of the submissions of things they had wish they had said no to. But yeah, we got a lot of things that people did say no to. I don't know if you want me to go through any of that, but.
00:43:31
Speaker
No, I think that covers some of the ideas. I was more so just like, I want to, I'm like, what, what do I know won't serve me in the coming months? For us, it's always like family times. And don't get me wrong. Like there are some of those times that I cherish and love so much. And like we are.
00:43:48
Speaker
We will continue to see family. I'm not saying we're not going to do that, but there are some smaller family get-togethers that we just say yes to all the time, and i I think we need to be more intentional about what will serve us and what doesn't. um yeah I don't know. I also see like some of the moms, like my mom friends who maybe have like a little bit older kids, like four or five, six year olds, the amount of kids birthday parties I see that they go to is insane. Yeah. My sister goes to one every weekend. Yeah. That's like what I see on Instagram. And I think that that is going to be such an draining time of life. Like, don't get me wrong. Like,
00:44:34
Speaker
And that's where it gets tricky is like, I want Alice to have friends. And i I know those birthday parties are like an important social thing for kids. Like they go back to school and they like talk about the birthday parties and like, I don't want her to feel left out, but I think it might be a thing where like.
00:44:50
Speaker
we're intentional about if both of us are going, or only one of us, or yeah and swapping. and like you know It could also be a time where our child feels more like so like they have some one-on-one time with a specific parent. that's so true. I love birthday parties. Number one, I think there are certain rules now. like You can't just invite a few kids from the class to parties like the teachers have set rules where it's like all or nothing or all boys or just all girls so I think that's where the issue is where there's so many parties because you have to invite um and then I will say like
00:45:36
Speaker
I kind of, I've always said this, but I love when I have birthday party plans. I'm the person that wants to go. I love like, Graydon has such a blast at the birthday parties. I like it too because I like talking with other parents and there's usually a beverage involved. So I'm like, this is great for me too. So I like them a lot.
00:46:00
Speaker
we have a birthday party this weekend for Penelope who's like our best friend's daughter and I believe me we are going like but it is at 1 30 during nap and like I would just be late I'm not kidding yeah well we're gonna put her down at 12 30 12 ish and We'll get her up around 1.30. We'll be there around, they literally live two minutes down the road. Like we could walk there. So we'll just be 30 minutes late to where she can at least get like an hour and a half nap, yep you know? And that's perfect.
00:46:34
Speaker
Yeah, but, um, I don't know. I think this is just, I hope this episode is a reminder to like, just take stock of like how you're feeling, how your family's feeling, how your child is feeling and be empowered to say no and like hold a boundary. Like if you feel like there needs to be one or you feel overstretched or you feel like stressed.
00:47:04
Speaker
Protect your peace. I love that saying, and it can be hard in motherhood to feel like you have to do something or you like our you need to do this in order to post a picture or show that you do fun things with your family. You don't have to do anything. You are the creator of your like life and you know what you do as a family. Yep. Yeah. I got the power. Exactly.
00:47:33
Speaker
That'll be the the song I lay on top of this clip. Perfect. Yeah. I love this conversation. Yeah. Just remember you're the one calling the shots. Don't feel bad. Make the decision that feels right. All right, Whitney, I'm looking at you because you are entering a super busy season of your life. Yeah. I'm saying no. If you need to. I'm thinking of this week already. Firing off that nose. Chris, you want sex? It's a no.
00:48:02
Speaker
No, i'd I'd welcome that. I'd welcome that. That's a de-stressor. Yeah. All right. Well, I love you guys and I love you. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.