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EP 55: Catch up with Whitney & Candace
1.4k Plays2 months ago
In today’s episode of Mom Group Chat, Whitney and Candace have a good ole fashioned catch up. Mom life can move super fast and there is always a ton to debrief about. The moms talk about their grief journey, coming out of the newborn fog and recap their trip together in Tampa. Picture you are having coffee with your mom friends, that’s what this episode is all about.
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Transcript
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're gonna get into it. what moms I'm Whitney Williams, and I'm here with my best friend, Candice, and we're the Mom Group Chat podcast. Whitney Williams. I will miss it. I miss my alliterated name. I miss Candice Cole sometimes. We've talked about that, how you, yeah. But now you're CD, which no one's gonna know what that is in many years. It's a retro. i Yeah, you're retro. I'm old. Well, someone asked that on the... um
00:00:44
Speaker
What's it? What am I doing? The Instagram stories are like, how old are you? And I haven't answered yet because I wanted to like put an old filter filter on myself and be like, I'm 33. I thought you were going to open the door and say, like, say, how old do you think I am and have people write their answer? Oh, no, no, I don't want to know. Forty five. Yeah, that's literally asking for like, it's like asking to hurt your own feelings. Yeah, I don't want to know. Mm hmm. I'm good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I'm excited for today because Whitney and I are just catching up. We're just having a bestie chit chat, catching up on life. I feel like it's been a little bit since we've done one of these at least a couple of months for sure. I think the last time we did was um right after Europe. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So yeah, it's it's been like two months. Yeah. And we're in a better place now.
00:01:41
Speaker
We are. I am coming out of like the I feel like the deepest hormonal dip um of postpartum, which we you know kind of talked about in the overstimulation episode. So I'm I'm I've um emerging from the fog and yeah, feeling a little bit more myself. I know we always talked about like me and Shannon always said like the 10 month mark was when you kind of turn a corner. And I remember being like where you were. And I was like, no, I'm not going to make it be 10 months. I want it to be before 10 months. Like I'm a second time mom. I can do this. Like I can flip and turn and do all that. And um I'm here at 10 months and it truly has just gotten better and better.
00:02:36
Speaker
No, and even though I'm feeling a little bit more like myself, like I know that the real change happens around not eight to ten months, I feel like. Yeah, and then definitely after a year, but I don't know my the whole body thing. um I feel like I've really kind of hit my stride and then mentally, you know, when um Margot like started sitting up and she's like kind of mobile and grading in her playing and interacting like it just changes and it's so nice.
00:03:07
Speaker
No, for sure. i I did want to talk a little bit just because I wasn't going to do this right towards the beginning, but we're kind of in that talking about it. So I'm just going to like dive in a little bit. But um I wanted to kind of just talk about a little like grief update kind of about how I have been feeling and how I've been feeling relates to my hormones and like this part of my postpartum life. I while Whitney was here like I had a little grief breakdown one night um after too many drinks I just like lost my shit and let it all come out like purged my feelings
00:03:51
Speaker
which, you know, happens sometimes and it is what it is. And I have I had fallen off of my like therapy um cadence. My therapist like switched practices and then I had Evie. So I had I haven't seen my therapist like my personal therapist because Vinny and I go to couples therapy once a month. And that's just like always on the docket. But I had fallen off the cadence of my own personal therapy. The last time I saw her was um but Literally the week before EB was born. So wow yeah, it's been months. yeah Yeah. After my little breakdown when Whitney was here, I was like, okay, I think I need to like work this out and reach back out to my therapist. And I did, and I had my first session back with her on Monday.
00:04:44
Speaker
And y'all, I know I talk about therapy a lot in here, but holy moly, it really changes the game. And I think I just, I mean, obviously like I'm still very much dealing with Shannon's death and I, I had a realization with my therapist about how like the depth of Shannon and I's relationship like is is hard to recreate or hard to, it's almost impossible to recreate.
00:05:16
Speaker
Yeah, when you've known someone since you were 12, they know everything about you. They know your first boyfriend. They know all of your high school crushes. that you like ah They know your family's past, so that if something's going on in your family, you don't have to like give them all the background details or whatever. and so it's I think I am just starting to accept that that like depth of a friendship is gone and I'm not gonna lie like I think it has just started to hit me in the past month and I think part of that is like I was it was almost like my body was protecting itself because I was pregnant and having a baby
00:06:02
Speaker
Yeah like because I was pregnant at the same time as all of this was happening and I was just like willing myself into like focusing on Evie and you know focusing on being happy like Shannon would want me to be happy buth blah blah blah blah blah And now that I'm like out of the fog and Evie is sleeping and eating and I feel like my body is like, okay, we need to address like this thing that you've been kind of ignoring or stuff. And I definitely have been ignoring. I've let some of it out, but. It's just now s sinking in that she is not here anymore and I am having a hard time like I'm not gonna sugarcoat it like I lost one of the most important people in my life and I'm so Like there's no other way to say it other than it just fucking sucks and it's like really hard and
00:07:02
Speaker
I don't know, I'm still dealing with it and i I want to do a whole episode on grief. I mentioned this in my Q and A I did on my way um back from Pensacola when I was in the car about like kind of thinking about doing a grief episode and the response was really good. So I think we will do a whole episode on that at some point and like how I've navigated that. I feel like I don't have the tools yet to even speak about it. Like I'm working through it right now. right and so I just want to approach that conversation with like as much like helpfulness as possible. I just wanted to let the listeners know that like I will talk about this more. I just still feel like I'm in it. and It's still a little hard to talk about because like you said,
00:07:54
Speaker
I don't know I'm protecting myself like when yeah, she passed away Margo was two months old and it just like totally rocked my world and I know I've talked about it a ton where she was waking up a lot at night so I was I felt like I all I thought about was Shannon like morning night, middle of the night. um And then I had my breakdown in January and had to talk to a doctor. And they were basically like, wow, you've gone through a lot in the past four months. But ever since that breakdown, it's like my body has protected it itself. um There was a point where like I couldn't stop talking about Shannon. She was all I wanted to talk about. I wanted everyone to know her name. I wanted everyone to know her story. And now it's like when someone brings it up, I'm like, like yeah.
00:08:45
Speaker
and and it's like an emotional like oh totally like it just it's because it's yeah because it's painful to go there and feel it like truly that's but how it is and so it's like you learned the coping mechanism to stop yourself before you go there and feel it which is what you were doing in the beginning like and you said hundreding that from your dad so Yeah and I also like part of it was like I was so anxious about something happening in my pregnancy that like I was like stress is bad like I i don't want to and not that stress is what happened to Shannon or anything but it's still like I was trying to also protect my own
00:09:27
Speaker
like well being and the baby's well being. And so I was like doing all of these things to like stuff it down to protect myself and my pregnancy. And I don't know. It's just so fucking hard. um One thing that was great when we were in Tampa was we got to see Shannon's parents. You know, I. I don't get the chance to see them a lot. So the fact that like whenever I came to Tampa, they said they wanted to come over and have breakfast, I was like, oh my gosh, I never like knew if I was going to see them again, honestly. So the fact that like they were willing to come over and chit chat and hang out, I was like, this is amazing. like
00:10:14
Speaker
they're still so heavily involved with you since you live there. So I feel like you get a lot of updates, but like me seeing them, I was just like, wow, this is incredible. And they're so sweet and nice and couldn't have been more lovely. And we got to talk about Shannon and hu cut jokes and talk about Hannah and all that and TJ. So, and they got to see our kids and it was great. Yeah, it's so good. Like we're super close with them. We try to see them like at least a couple times a month and they watch our doggos while we travel. They like love them so much, which is so sweet. Like, and, um, yeah, they're, I mean, doing as well as they can. Like I, as a parent now, like sometimes when I see them, like, I'm like, God, I can't imagine what they're going through. Like.
00:11:09
Speaker
You know now that I have my own children to like think about that happening is so devastating and so it's heavy like I'm not gonna lie, but it is also is so nice to keep that connection into just love on them as much as possible and to keep them in the fold of our life and of this show like I hope that all of you listeners know that like we are thinking about her constantly and no one's ever questioned this so I don't know why I feel the need to say it but I just like I just we love her so much and we miss her every like I'm thinking about her all day every day and I
00:11:50
Speaker
we are still very much like navigating it all and I feel like we'll talk about it even more at some point but it's still kind of fresh to us or it feels that way to me honestly um so yeah I don't know well I'm just one really glad that you stepped back into therapy and got to talk to them because you've always said that you know, having that sounding board yeah has been helpful. So I'm proud of you for for doing that. I know it's hard in newborn world, so. Yeah, it's hard. I think for my next baby, I need to.
00:12:29
Speaker
Like it's funny because I literally said this after Alice, like and how I kind of I did the same thing. I fell off therapy after having Alice. And then I got to a point where I was like, I'm drowning in whatever. And so I really need to with my next baby, which, you know, isn't hopefully for three or four years or whatever. Like I hope that. or I'm going to be conscious of this and really try to stay in it, even if it's once a month or something like while I'm in the postpartum phase, because your shit's all over the place. like It's wild. It's the worst feeling ever. I literally felt crazy. um Your hormones are just insane. I don't even i can't pinpoint
00:13:15
Speaker
when that feeling went away. But it was like the little things weren't making me mad anymore. Yeah. And that's something I've noticed even like yesterday. Something happened at home and I thought, man, if this was like me a few months ago, I would have been pissed or rage or yelled out loud. And I was like, calm as a cucumber. I'm like, boy, have I changed. like Wow. This is great. Good for me. But it was just my hormones. Look at the growth. Yeah, I don't know. i just It's crazy what what it does to you. And a lot of people don't recognize that. like Sometimes my mom, yeah don't kill my mom, she would like forget that I was still going through it. And she'd be like, God, you're you're this today, you're that today. And then she would go home. And then she'd be like, you know sometimes I forget. You're still very postpartum. And I need to recognize that. and
00:14:12
Speaker
That's why you're biting everyone's head off. And I was like, I don't mean to, you know, I know. It's so it can be so like not intentional. I mean, I you I heard about what I did on the overstimulation episode. like i Yeah, you take it out on your the people you love the most. My mom. Yeah. chris They got the brunt of it. So I'm sorry to you people. I love you the most. Yeah, exactly. Well, I want to recap our trip a little bit. i mean the trip technically was like you coming like you took the trip I stayed here but our time together yeah um it was so fun and nice like it was so Whitney came to Tampa for the 4th of July week and you were here for a decent amount of time like Wednesday morning to Sunday
00:15:03
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're in like the crack of dawn on Wednesday, which was like, I am so frickin sorry. Like we literally landed at eight a.m. um I was I loved it. But I think like the the best thing out of this trip is that like Graydon and Alice are absolutely obsessed with each other. No, like, did you know that every time we pull in the driveway, she so she she says, who's here? And I say, no one. It's just us. And she goes, Graydon's not here. And I'm like, no, Graydon's in Tennessee. And then yesterday.
00:15:39
Speaker
She had a her vacuum, which is, I don't know why. I think she was pretending it was a suitcase. She was dragging it behind her. And i she's she said, I'm going somewhere. And I said, where are you going? And she said, to Tennessee. And I said, what? And she goes, I'm going to see Graydon. So she's already planning to run away and live with Graydon, I think. Oh, my God. No, he's obsessed with her. When y'all were on Instagram stories the other day, he was like, ow. He thought she was on the phone talking to him and I'm like, she's not there. I thought they played so well together. Sometimes I get- They were so great. Yeah, they were so good together. Yeah, sometimes I think Graydon can be wild and crazy, but I think they matched energy there.
00:16:29
Speaker
Sure. Is anybody going to match my freak? No, literally they matched each other's freak. I'm not kidding. They literally played so well together. Like they loved each other from the get go. Like I feel like we didn't have to mediate at all. No, they never they never fought or anything. No, they're in love. So and that's all we can hope for. Like truly is planting those seeds now to, you know, foster a whirlwind romance in the future. but never saying it out loud because if the second we do, no, the second we do, they're going to be like, no. So, yeah, no, this is you and me like we're manifesting this in secret. Although my husband is obviously the husbands are in on it. So the literally like the day after y'all got home from Tampa, you posted a picture of graded on a slide with another girl. Oh, yeah. And Vinnie screenshot it and sent it to me and said, damn, he's already cheating.
00:17:30
Speaker
And I'm like literally Vinny's already being a protective dad about the dating of our two-year-old but He's like what the hell she are the marriage is already arranged back off Literally, but they were like oh my god. He's so sweet um I'd say like highlights, I loved going to the pool and like having drinks at the pool. That was so fun to me just because I don't really get to do those types of things often like going to a pool that also looks at the ocean. I was just like, wow, this is so gorgeous. And yeah it was just a beautiful day, having the kids swim around, eating chicken nugs and grilled cheeses. Like, is there a better like American 4th of July day?
00:18:16
Speaker
no no no perfect and i would choose the pool over the beach any day any day literally getting served kind of both wow yeah yeah i mean yeah i don't know it was just so lovely and um we didn't really have any plans that day so it was just kind of like Come and go as you please yeah and chill and I don't know it's just Literally the perfect 4th of July day. It was so fun. It was so so so fun and um I thought that like this is kind of like an umbrella highlight, but it is just so special to like be with your best friend and watch your kids like love each other and play and to like be
00:19:01
Speaker
like with each other's families because obviously like I feel so connected to you and it's it made me feel even more connected to like Graydon and Margo and like your family and it made me feel hopeful for like group family trips in the future. Yeah. Like that's happening, like we're gonna, yeah, yeah. But on the flip side of that, and I think you would probably agree, there also is something to be said about a trip just you and I or just the couples because it is harder to connect on that like adult level with the kids around, wouldn't you say?
00:19:40
Speaker
Yeah, yeah i mean the I mean, they are so loud and constantly needing something. And then Margo is on the go. So she like you have to kind of like watch every little thing. i like Like you said, sometimes I was like, is Evie around? You're like, oh, she's sleeping. She was sleeping so much. I was like, this child doesn't make a peep. And then when she was around, she like sat in her little bumbo chair and was chilling. I'm like, yeah this is the chillest baby ever. She's so cute. Oh my gosh. She's going to be such a sweet angel. I already know. um But so is Alice. She's an angel and so sweet. and All of our kids are sweet. They're all good, honestly. like They're so good.
00:20:26
Speaker
Yeah, Margot's just like into everything right now. So I don't know. You're just got to keep your head on a swivel a little bit um at this age, but. Yeah, I don't know. They're always constantly needing something. It's hard to like go out to eat um yeah with them. you know I'm taking knives out of Graydon's hand. They're banging on things. like They spilt water on the table. You're just like, oh my god, I just want to enjoy my frozen. OK? I know. I know. It's hard. And then you're like you hit a point where you're like, I can't even talk anymore because like I'm too focused on whatever they're doing wrong or like whatever.
00:21:02
Speaker
And it's like, we got to go. Like, we'll try again in the morning. Can we wrap it up? Like, I just want to go home and drink now. Like, I know. I would say if I could change anything genuinely that I think would have molded the two together. And this is why I think a trip where both of us have to travel somewhere might be good. I mean, there are definitely pros about you guys coming here or us coming there because like we have a home base or whatever, but because we weren't sleeping in the same house. Like after the kids go to bed, we had to stay separate. Yeah. And I wish we had, and I'm not, I'm not saying stay up till midnight. I'm not a stay up till midnight girl anymore. But if we had had like an hour of like a glass of wine after they went to bed or something that would have been like the cherry on top. I did. I did like having an Airbnb though. Like I felt like I was able to like take
00:21:58
Speaker
them away and like give you guys back some like quiet time. So we had like, I thought it was good because we got breaks a little bit and we yeah kind of need at this age. But if we were to do it again, like if we had an Airbnb closer, like we were just far enough. Like we were ah across a busy street where I didn't feel comfortable like, yeah, being the name had to run home. Yeah. Yeah, but like in my neighborhood, I'll do it because I'm like less than 20 seconds from the door. So it's like if I was just a tiny bit closer, I probably would have. But if I agree everywhere on vacation again, we'd need a big ass house. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we had to get a house that had like four. No, it was three bedrooms. We all slept.
00:22:44
Speaker
in separate bedrooms, I was like, Oh my God, we take up so much real estate because I'm not willing to have them sleep in the room with me. I just, I know. I know it is hard. That's like one travel thing. That's it's tough because you do need like, and that's kind of why Europe was one of the reasons Europe was hard. I mean, they were like sleeping with us and it was just hard. and I don't lie. Yeah, I don't love that either. That's why like, again, ideal situation. We have one family trip a year and then one either just girls trip or couples trip a year. Imagine like our whole, our four all three. We get like a six bedroom house and we have to pay for all of it. It's like you forget that that's kind of what has to happen. Like I didn't realize that until right now, you know?
00:23:40
Speaker
Well, but if I got to make more money.
00:23:46
Speaker
Or if you have a six bedroom house, you'd like us to. Oh, and another part that I really love was your barbecue. Because that was yeah so fun. like Having all your friends with their kids over. I got to meet up with a due date group friend, Brittany. Who is amazing and so cool. Loved her. Her family is just so gorgeous and so sweet. I'm obsessed. We had so much fun. We were drinking rose. At one point, Candace looked at me and goes, are you drunk? And I was like, hell yeah, brother.
00:24:18
Speaker
i will see Okay, I have to be honest I felt off at my barbecue, but that was because the night before I was so hungover that day. like That was the night after my drink-induced breakdown, slash blackout, to be quite honest. um And I woke up and I was like, oh, I've made a grave mistake. like The first half of the day, actually, like Vinny was dead serious looking at me like, should we cancel this barbecue? like What should we do? like He was like, I don't think you you're gonna make it. And I was like, no, I have to.
00:24:55
Speaker
And getting out of the house was the right decision. I had to get out of my bed. I had to get out of the house. So I threw Alice in the car and we took a trip to Publix to like get things. And that was game changing for me. But man, for a second there, I was like, this ain't gonna make it. i do know Do you know that feeling when you're hungover? where like your brain isn't as sharp as it, you have like hangover fog. yeah you know That's what was happening to me that day. I feel like I wasn't my funniest self. I wasn't my funnest self. like I was off. i wasn't not it It was not my A game. and
00:25:30
Speaker
And I actually wanted to like, literally have you say that to your friend Brittany to be like, I'm Candice is more fun than that. Okay. Like I was just hung and I actually texted Christina who is my, from my due date group who was there at the barbecue. Like, I feel like I didn't talk to her at all. And I felt so bad. It's also hard when you're hosting and you have so many different groups of people. I would say like, I felt like. you were entertaining, like you were kind of making the rounds. Like I didn't feel like you were weird, but I knew you were going over. Yeah, I just couldn't I couldn't get the like fun drunk vibe that I wanted. Nothing can fix that other than a nap, so it's understandable. It was hard, yeah. I was, um, turn up Betty. Like I was ready. Oh, I know. And that's why another thing I felt insecure because I kept looking at you and I'm like, she's having so much fun. And like, I just was like, I want to be Whitney today. Like I was jealous of your state of mind.
00:26:31
Speaker
I don't know. I I think I was like slightly hungover because the amount of martinis I drink the night before. So it was like I went into it with the mindset of like the only way to fix this is I'm going to have to get drunk again. Like so I just started pounding Rose. I think I drink a whole bottle. And then your friend brought over a margarita machine. So I was like, oh, yeah. Mm hmm. Shout out to Kirsten and her machine. Yeah, I was like, I need that. So, I mean, what can you say? yeah I had fun. Okay. Did your friend Brittany tell you what happened with my mom? No.
00:27:09
Speaker
This is so funny and I felt so bad. And this is like my mom just being a like spacey like... So Evie was asleep in her room for a while, right? And my mom kept asking like, should we wake her up? Is she awake? Is she awake? And I kept being like, no, she's sleeping. Like let her sleep, whatever. We're entertaining. Like just let her sleep. Well, Evie did end up waking up, but I didn't tell my mom. I just went and got Evie and like, whatever. And then shortly after that, your friend Brittany asked like, can I put Poppy down in her room? oh and And I was like, totally. so we And there was already a pack and play set up in there. it was the The crib was too high because Poppy can sit up and move around and Evie can't, so whatever. We used the pack and play instead of the crib and I turned the monitor to face the pack and play, whatever.
00:27:58
Speaker
and but like Like 30, 40 minutes later, I see Brittany's husband like coming out of the room with Poppy and I was like, Oh, did she not sleep? And she was like, Oh, for like 30 minutes or so, he didn't say anything. and about my mom, but later i I run into my mom and I'm like, she was like, did did you see what happened? And I was like, what? And she was like, I thought Evie was still in there sleeping. So I went in there and I picked up the baby in there, which I'm like, mom, use your brain. Evie sleeps in the crib and this baby was in the pack and play, but whatever.
00:28:36
Speaker
She picked up Poppy and was like rocking her and holding her. And my mom said, I looked down and I was like, wait a second. She was like, that doesn't look like Evie. And then I think, that yeah, like, and then I think ah Brittany's husband like went in there and was like, oh, that's my child. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, I feel so bad. My mom probably went in there and woke her up. No, I think she was awake because ok I can't remember. in I any. Anyway, I was in Alice's room and your mom was in there or something and we heard.
00:29:18
Speaker
Poppy making noise and she was like, oh, and so maybe she still thought it was Evie, but she was awake. Okay. That makes me feel better. I thought my mom went in there and woke her up and I was like, great. yeah Every parent's nightmare. And I knew Poppy was in there and I watched your mom go in there and me being drunk, I thought. Oh, OK. And I just walked away. Extra set of hands. Yeah. Grandmom duty. Good for her. um But yeah, I think it was fine. Oh, yeah. OK. Well, that's good. No, but that barbecue is so fun. We had all the like little baby pools and toys set up and we had some yummy food. It was it was great. It was a good time. Yeah, I had so much fun. um Yeah, we had a blast.
00:30:06
Speaker
And the kids actually did better on the plane this time. So, Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. On our trip to Rhode Island, it was kind of like a shit shoe. And then this time I was like, Oh, thank God. It was so nice. Like a direct flight was the way to go. Not that I have the option when going to Rhode Island, but yeah, it just made me. Are there not. No, they're not more. Wow. Yeah. But it gave me less travel anxiety. Like Margo did pretty well. Um, But yeah, it's been so good. It was so good. So good to see you. You're coming here in less than a month. So it's like. Dude, it's like not far. i I put a countdown. I'm a big countdown girlie. And recently I was like, I got to redo. I had nothing on my countdown calendar. And I was like, I need to do that. Let's see. Let's see how many days we are away. Twenty two days until I come to you. So that is so fun. I think it'll be good for you to to like step out of mom mode.
00:31:02
Speaker
100%. 100%. I know I was like, I think this will be so good for Candice. Like you need this. I remember when you got back from Europe, you're like, I'm craving a girl's trip. Like I want girl time. And like, even when we came to you, like it was still like you had to be a mom and on. And yeah, I think this will be good. And I'm i think looking to get my mom to help. I've asked her to help one day. Chris is running a race on Sunday. So he said, y'all go out to eat Saturday night, go live it up. Like I'll watch the kids. And I was like,
00:31:36
Speaker
Dream. Okay. So. Don't mind if I do. So we can go out on Saturday and do whatever. and I'm just excited. I'm like, where should we go? I want to try. I know. I love I love coming to Nashville. I really do. It's such I don't know. And also like flying by yourself these days is like ah it's say i like I'm I'm literally excited to go to the airport and to get a glass of although I literally. Oh, no, no. I actually am flying there in the afternoon.
00:32:08
Speaker
Like I've I land around five o'clock or something. yeah So I could have a glass of wine, but my flight back is early morning, which is fine. I wanted to get back in time on Sunday to like reset and, you know, be with the kids and everything. But it's smart to get back early. I will be having a glass of wine and listening to a podcast or an audio book. The dream. It's the best. I did that recently. I'm going to. Charlotte next week. And I'm like, well, what else is going on, Candy? I guess, I mean, Evie's definitely like going through a weird like sleep thing. It's not bad. It's just she's been doing the like early morning wake up thing where she gets up at five every day. I think so. We just recently. Sorry, Whitney, you've already heard this, but I'm just repeating it. But um
00:33:02
Speaker
we ah We switched recently to the new Moms on Call schedule where we are starting to incorporate some baby food and solids. And since doing that, obviously we're one like that new schedule drops one of those bottles. And since doing that, she is waking up early and I think that they are related. I think it's like, I think she's just not getting as much ounces. I actually ended up shifting and it worked today. She slept till 6.30 or so like 6.30, 6.45. She, I ended up adding in back the bottle and still doing the baby food, but I added back the bottle and I was like, sorry, I just maybe,
00:33:44
Speaker
I don't know that she's fully ready for the baby food yet. She is not ingesting anything. She puts it in her mouth and she's like, and then spits it right back out. So margo I feel like about a month. Yeah. I know that I need to keep trying. So I am, I'm still doing it, but until she starts to ingest some of it, like I'm going to keep that bottle in there for my sanity. that's I don't know. This is like what I am and I'm not, I'm, I don't know if this is like mean, but this is not, this is something I'm not going to miss about a baby. Yeah. The trial and error drives me insane. Like why did you wake up early today? I have to try and figure it out. Is it this? Is it that? Like it just drives me insane. Like I am such a routine person.
00:34:35
Speaker
please just fricking work out. Like what am I doing wrong? Totally. I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom is the constant changes. Like just when something starts to work, shit changes and you're like, Oh, back to the drawing board. Yeah. This definitely goes back to the mental load of being a mom because Vinny's not here in the morning. So like this early wake up doesn't really affect him, but he's not. constantly evaluating what's working and what's not working and like trying to switch it and try new things and whatever. It's, it's me having to do the trial and error in practice, but also in my head. And then also communicating that new thing that we're doing to him to be like, Hey, by the way, she's been waking up early. Like I, I added this bottle back in or like whatever. And so, I mean, ah don't get me wrong.
00:35:30
Speaker
I remember like when she finally got the hang of two naps I was like finally like because you have a long stretch until you drop to one nap and I just remember being like wow I can finally relax because you're constantly changing up until that point um and actually mom's on call Margo's 10 months now it says to drop to two only two bottles to do one in the morning and one at night and I'm like wow you go from four to just two and i'm like i don't know if i'm ready if she's ready like a lot of it's just playing that game um totally but she's eating so much i'm like she probably could
00:36:11
Speaker
Yeah, she'd probably be fine. We've actually dropped the ounces. We used to do like four eight ounce bottles and now she'll maybe take six. So she's getting like 24 ounces still during the day, but just eating a lot. She loves yeah food. She wants everything we're eating. That's so good. It was, it made me seeing Margo here and like watching you just like hand her like a piece of bread or like hand her things made me really excited for that phase because, and right now, like when I say we've started solids with Evie, it's literally like baby food and like baby.
00:36:50
Speaker
oatmeal cereal, you know, like yeah mixed with formula. Like that's what I mean. But I'm excited to like start to hand her things, but she needs a little bit more control. She's still a little like bobbly, you know? Well, whenever Margot was her age, like she like literally would just push everything out. And I remember being worried. I was like, she's not going to get the hang of this. And that's how exactly how I feel right now. I'm like, I do you remember because like my thing is when I think back to Alice eating, I feel like she got the hang of it pretty quick. And I don't know if it's because I tried it earlier with her. um yeah We started doing it at like four and a half months and she was literally like not having it. And I was like, oh my God, she doesn't like food. Like I've had intrusive thoughts of like, she can't swallow like all these crazy thoughts.
00:37:43
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, cool your jets, Candice. Clearly, she's just as learning how to swallow like real food. And also, like I think she's still little. like I feel like maybe I started a little too early, which is why I added the bottle back in to put less pressure on it. like I was like, I just need to do what's working. and like you know she I'm gonna keep giving it to her and hopefully she gets the hang of it. but like I gotta stop stressing about it. I had to tell myself every single day food for fun before one. um Yeah. Because I was stressing out about it and there was days like it would be like at night and I'd be like, did we feed Margo any food today? And Chris was like, I didn't. and I'm like, me neither. Like there's days that we just like forgot or missed. Yeah. Like honestly, it became a little like,
00:38:36
Speaker
I didn't want to because she didn't like it and it was stressing me out but and she finally one day it clicked and the nanny um was the one doing it she's like she ate a lot today and I was like really and then it just grew from there and she still eats pouches a lot she still loves food or ah likes different foods so It changes. I wouldn't be too stressed. That makes me feel better that you felt the same way because like watching her spit it all back out. I'm like, great. Her tongue doesn't work. Like, I don't know. Like I was smiling.
00:39:10
Speaker
And it's like, wouldn't I know that already if it was true? Like, so you're making me feel a lot better. No, I tried to blame it on everything. I was like, she has a tongue tie and she has since the beginning. And this is why this, but I don't know if I've ever like mentioned on here, but Margo like had a pooping issue. And I don't know if it had to do with her formula or whatever, but like she wouldn't poop. And I had to finally, go to the doctor and he prescribed her an everyday laxative, but it was, I don't know, not strong enough that it really- It was gentle. Yeah, very gentle. But we had to give her medicine twice a day just to make her poop once a day. I was like- Wow. So really, that's why we introduce foods, because he told us once they start getting fiber in their diet, they become a little more regular. So I was like, I need to start this food journey.
00:40:03
Speaker
So when she goes to daycare, I don't have to be like relying on this laxative. But yeah, it ended up working and now she poops all the time. I miss the non-pooping baby. Oh my God, it was great. She- I remember- To be honest, Evie doesn't poop so super often either. like She definitely doesn't poop every day. Well, Graydon pooped so much that I was concerned like i was very concerned about Margo. He probably pooped four to six times a day. I'm not kidding. Ruined.
00:40:35
Speaker
every single outfit. Like I could never like give away hammy downs because they were covered in poop. They destroyed. And now I can't give away Margo stuff because she sucks on her sleep sacks oh and her clothes and she leaves a little yellow mark at the top of every pajamas that she has. I can't give him hand me downs away anymore for her. I'm like, my kids just destroying every little thing. Yeah, she leaves a yellow mark on everything. Her daycare teacher was like, she's so funny like talking about. Yeah.
00:41:12
Speaker
her sleep so She is funny. She has a funny personality. Like I see a lot of you in her, like not only looks wise, but personality wise. Like I feel like she's a little like, I don't know how to, she's kind of goobery. Like, she yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I, I feel about you in a, lot like i I say that in a love, like she's, I feel like she's going to have a good sense of humor. She's going to be like a little quirky and weird, yeah but in a good way. No, she's really, really funny. um And she was like, she was always like, yeah or like, I love in the episode, the data episode of the podcast when we we asked her a question about something or like we were talking to her and then she went.
00:41:57
Speaker
And I was like, oh, my God, I love her so much. Oh, yeah. We're like, Mario, what do you have to say about that? And she's like, yeah. She's funny. She's she's really starting to understand stuff like she just this week will have a toy and then she'll like turn to show me and she'll like hand it to me. She's like, yeah, like she's talking to me. Oh, I'm like, oh, and then I'll like put it on my head or something and she'll laugh and I'll hand it back and she. And then she's just like talking to herself. I'm like, oh my God, she's playing. It is so cute. I like tried to record it this morning in her room. And I'm like, sweet oh, she's getting so cute.
00:42:39
Speaker
Okay, wait, I do have to say something that I saw and admire so much and I told you this while you were here, but being with you and watching you like mom for a couple days was so fun and interesting. And I mentioned this to you, like something I saw in Whitney that like I want to strive to be more like her is um like you are so good at like being silly with your kids and like, Having like that like funny weird like imagination like side to where like there's like a lightness there that like sometimes I feel like I get too caught up in the details of things or like the logistics and like I was just watching you like be silly with Graydon or Margot and I'm like, ah I want to be more like that and
00:43:28
Speaker
I feel like you are like that. and I feel like you are like that. But that first of all, that is really, really nice and so sweet. Like honestly, it kind of brings tears in my eyes because i that's how I want to be. um I want them to have fun with me. And I think Chris does too with him. But honestly, like ah if I didn't joke around with them, I feel like I'd be mad all the time. Sometimes he'll do things. I'm like, Jordan, what you doing, boy? And it like lightens the mood. it's almost like it pivots a situation like ah totally it could go one way and then if if i am actually mad at him like it'll pivot it and make it light and airy again and we're all like yeah calm them down i don't know it's just like maybe also a coping mechanism with greaten no i think that to be honest like what you're describing is exactly how my mom was growing up and i think that was part of the reason that we all were just like
00:44:26
Speaker
not super like rigid or like ah me and my brothers like I don't know we're all very like for the most part like chill and happy yeah and I feel like it was because my mom kept that like lightness and she was super silly and she did a bunch of like every time she would read to us she would do like these weird voices of like I don't know and it just I don't know watching you do that with graded just made me like look at how often I do that which I don't think is enough and I don't know I just wanted to let you know that I admire that so much and I so sweet it was so good to witness and
00:45:05
Speaker
I just love you so much. I feel like you are that way. I also recognize you're still in a tough spot. You kind of do have to be a little serious because you're that age that she's at. That's just how it is. You're very scheduled. Not that you were. I felt like you did such a good job at being on the go. That's not something I'm good at. like I admire you doing all of that. like Nothing was going to stop you from like doing or going or anything. like For me, I'm just like a little more rigid. and I hate that about myself, but i you know how sleep affects me, it's too anxiety inducing. Totally. Yeah, I just think that's like where you are right now. There is a point where you will like feel like that again. Yeah. if you i I was going to say, I do feel like
00:45:58
Speaker
like really taking a look at it and, or like looking at my life or whatever. I do feel like this postpartum point is the hardest. It feels the hardest to be that way during this period. Yes, I agree. like i was Like I feel like, like when Alice got to be like six months, like that's when I was really allowed to like be the silly and like let things go a little more. I think still her being, you know, she's four to five, well, she's five months now, but like, I think it's hard until six months, you know? For sure. I felt like I was walking around with a dark cloud. I don't know why I felt that way for a long time. And then there was just a turning point.
00:46:44
Speaker
where the sun came out yeah when the sun came out and i recognize like wow i'm not feeling like angry feelings anymore i'm not feeling like triggered easily and it just there was some turning point and i really couldn't tell you when it was but when i think of a dark cloud i think of the one in james and the giant peach me that's one of my favorite movies you know i watched it recently it was i think it's on disney plus It's a little weird and I like it. It is weird. right Yeah, I don't know. It's like you and Coraline. I love Coraline. It's in the rotation. I thought about you recently because I saw that Michaels had put out um Halloween decor and I was like, it's almost Whitney season, guys. It's almost Whitney season.
00:47:30
Speaker
It already is. I'm already looking. I'm on the lookout. What's going to be in my new house? Not new house. What's going to be new in my house? I'm always like, you got a new house? I'm moving. I wish. Okay, wait. i Last thing, and then we'll wrap this up. And again, this is like a random ask question, but I was listening to another podcast where they asked, someone had moved and they were asking questions. And I, after watching your IG story about moving from Rhode Island to Tennessee. I wanted to ask you this question. What do you miss most about living in Rhode Island? And then what do you like most about living in Tennessee? I feel like Rhode Island, like when I think about it, it's almost just like a, this is all so weird, and like a state of mind. Like I think of it as a whole.
00:48:23
Speaker
like me being there just if I if i had like it's vibes if I had a mood board or Pinterest board it's like hydrangeas like oysters drinks by the ocean like staying up late with friends like outdoor dinners barbecues like It was just like as a whole, um one of like the happiest times of my life. yeah I was very free. i Like Chris and I said, like Mr. and Mrs. Goodtime, like nothing was holding us back. We went all over New England. Like if we wanted to go to Boston, we'd pop up to Boston. We'd go to Chatham on the Cape. We would
00:49:05
Speaker
going to Nantucket twice a year it just like felt like the world was at my fingertips literally and yeah we loved exploring up there but it's just as a whole like my favorite ah place on earth and I just I absolutely loved it we made friends super quick so yeah y'all had really good friends up there Yeah, still obsessed, like still very close. We still visit them once a year. um It's just fabulous. I couldn't adore it more. And then favorite thing about Tennessee.
00:49:42
Speaker
Wow. Not much, huh? Probably just like living close to family. I knew you were going to say that, which is like, I knew I wanted a man want to say, yeah I don't know. Like, do you like the culture there? No, is there? No, like, ah no. Like, yeah, which I'm not also like, I'm from here. Like. I don't know. There's just not a lot. I feel like the culture is like country music and like and that's not your thing. Yeah. And I don't know. It's like if if you can't be like drinking on Broadway, like honestly, I don't know. I don't really like a ton of outdoorsy stuff. um Yeah. Which there's a lot of hiking. You can go like out on the water. I do like the lake. That's fine. But I don't know. Just being from here.
00:50:39
Speaker
This is so funny like whenever I lived in New England I had people that were from there their whole life and they're like you've seen more of like New England than I have like you're going all over the place like it just seemed old to them like why would I travel around and do that like that's how I feel here I'm like I'm not going to explore Tennessee. like I'm just from here. I don't know. Do you think, though, if you were like if you really tried to do that for like six months that you would like it more? like If you were like, I'm going to be intentional and try to like explore? Or you're like, I don't want to.
00:51:14
Speaker
yeah I don't know what I would do. I really don't know what I would do. Okay. If you live in Tennessee, I want you, or if you're listening to this and you live in Tennessee, I want you to send Whitney some things to explore in Tennessee, like within a two hour drive. I never thought like I was like a beach girl and I still don't think I'm like a beach girl. I think I'm just a coastal. OK, that makes sense. Like I. Yeah, like you said, I like the vibes of it. I like having seafood nearby. I like having the option to eat on the water. Mm hmm. Yeah, I don't know. And I really like that style home. Like I really like that Serena and Lily coastal. Yeah, totally vibe. Yeah, here.
00:52:03
Speaker
I don't know. There are some beautiful parts, like Brentwood's gorgeous. i Anytime I like go anywhere else, I'm like, I always think now I'm so spoiled in Brentwood. Brentwood's so beautiful and and nice, and the landscaping's beautiful. um But I don't know, it's just very green and lush and I don't know. I was just curious. I still like in my bones kind of feel like maybe one day you'll move back to Rhode Island or you guys will have a house there and spend the summers there or something. like That's the goal for sure. Yeah, I definitely like see that in your future. It'll always have like a special place in our heart. We're going to be connected to it forever. Yeah, for sure.
00:52:49
Speaker
Well, this has been fun. I know we kind of talked about a bunch of random shit, but it was just a good little catch up. Yes, I enjoyed it. And um I love you guys so much. And we have some really fun episodes coming up. I think we're going to try to like mix in some different formats that we've kind of been talking about for a while, but haven't executed. um And it'll be fun. So stay tuned, everyone. Love you, homies. Love you. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.