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Strategic Incompetence: Men Mysteriously Bad At Things They Want Women To Do
36 Plays4 years ago
A discussion on strategic incompetence in relationships and it's purpose in upholding patriarchy.
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Introduction and Patreon Invitation
00:00:00
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00:00:44
Speaker
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Meet the Hosts: Ro, Savannah, and Lila
00:00:56
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:57
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:01:01
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:01:02
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:01:03
Speaker
And I'm Lila.
00:01:04
Speaker
So today we're going to talk a little bit about strategic incompetence.
00:01:07
Speaker
The bane of my existence.
00:01:09
Speaker
First, let's define the terms.
What is Strategic Incompetence?
00:01:11
Speaker
What is strategic incompetence?
00:01:13
Speaker
Strategic incompetence is when someone, primarily men in this context, intentionally pretends that they are incapable of doing something in order to get out of undesirable tasks.
00:01:24
Speaker
So this is also called weaponized incompetence.
00:01:27
Speaker
It's when someone is generally using their incompetence either as an abuse tactic or because they just straight up want to shovel more responsibility out of someone else.
00:01:39
Speaker
And they themselves get to do less while still taking on a lot of the glory.
00:01:44
Speaker
which we'll talk about.
00:01:45
Speaker
It's also called the myth of the male bumbler.
00:01:49
Speaker
And we'll leave some links in the show notes for more articles about this.
00:01:52
Speaker
Personally, I've found that men just get way more leeway to be incompetent from the time we're actually children.
00:01:59
Speaker
And part of that starts with like minimizing the impact of their behavior by making comments like boys will be boys, meaning if they do something specifically dumb, ill-advised,
00:02:11
Speaker
unwise society and mostly little girls are taught that it's our place to kind of keep making allowance for them allowances for them to repeatedly mess up things yeah i think the the strategic male strategic incompetence starts out in childhood this is a tactic that men learn from a very young age when they're little boys when they'll do their chores badly
00:02:35
Speaker
And their mom usually, you know, like the overwork, she's already working a full-time job as well as doing all the childcare, all the domestic labor and so on.
00:02:44
Speaker
A lot of moms who, you know, in 50-50 relationships especially, tend to, you know, they just don't have the time to sit there and just patiently force the boy to do the chore over and over and over again until he gets it right, you know?
00:02:59
Speaker
And so she'll often, these moms will just be like, ah, like...
00:03:02
Speaker
I'll just do it myself kind of thing.
00:03:04
Speaker
And because it's easier to just do it herself than to force a boy to learn it correctly.
00:03:09
Speaker
And so I think that's why that's part of the reason why we have this epidemic of strategic incompetence is because boys who were just given way too much leeway when they were children.
Impact of Strategic Incompetence on Women
00:03:19
Speaker
I want to say that this is something that I've had a problem with in most of my relationships, mainly because I'm the sort of person where I like to be in charge.
00:03:28
Speaker
I'm an eldest daughter, used to taking care of others.
00:03:33
Speaker
And I've noticed this dynamic a lot where it tends to be women who are oldest daughters who end up with men like this because they're used to taking care of others and other people being incompetent around them.
00:03:44
Speaker
Um, so if you're an eldest daughter or if you're just like an alpha bitch like me, like beware of this strategy because I've had that moment where I'm like, motherfucker, like, you're just going to be confident.
00:03:54
Speaker
I'll just do it myself.
00:03:55
Speaker
Right.
00:03:56
Speaker
But for me, I've learned the lesson that.
00:03:59
Speaker
the hard way that part of good leadership is delegation and getting other people to do the tasks that you don't want to do.
00:04:06
Speaker
And so part of like one of the lessons that I've learned with FDS is by offloading some of those undesirable tasks onto men.
00:04:14
Speaker
And my life has never been better, honestly.
00:04:17
Speaker
You don't have to do it all yourself, ladies.
00:04:19
Speaker
Yeah, so there seems to be two types of women.
00:04:22
Speaker
It's the women that see male incompetence and then feel like it's their role to help or feel like they're improving their relationship by helping a man achieve whatever he wants to achieve.
00:04:33
Speaker
even if it's like menial tasks or doing the menial tasks for him.
00:04:35
Speaker
And then there's the kind of women like me who are immediately turned off by male incompetence.
00:04:41
Speaker
It honestly just makes my vagina dry all the way up.
00:04:46
Speaker
Like when I just look at a guy and I feel like he can't handle things because...
00:04:50
Speaker
then he just feels like a liability or like another child.
00:04:53
Speaker
Right.
00:04:53
Speaker
And as a person who has younger siblings myself as well, I've never, I have fortunately never fallen into this role with men because it's so odious to me.
00:05:05
Speaker
Like, I'm like, okay, so what are you, my little brother?
00:05:07
Speaker
You know, and this is, this happens sometimes with guys with like, quote unquote, nice guys or male friends.
00:05:11
Speaker
They could be attractive, but if I get a whiff that they need too much for me, then it just, it takes me out of,
00:05:19
Speaker
sexual attraction mode to them to like mothering them.
00:05:22
Speaker
And I, there's those two modes for me are completely separate.
00:05:27
Speaker
Like if I feel like I have to mother you, I can't be sexually attracted to you.
00:05:31
Speaker
Is there a sexual identity label for that?
00:05:35
Speaker
Like competent sexual.
00:05:36
Speaker
Competent sexual.
00:05:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:39
Speaker
I'm a composexual.
00:05:41
Speaker
I'm only sexually attracted to competent men.
00:05:43
Speaker
They'd say like a sapiosexual, possibly intelligent.
00:05:46
Speaker
I don't know.
00:05:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:47
Speaker
No, that's intelligence.
00:05:48
Speaker
But there's a lot of intelligent men who are also incompetent.
00:05:51
Speaker
So there's that.
00:05:51
Speaker
That is very true.
00:05:53
Speaker
That is very true.
00:05:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's not just intelligence.
00:05:55
Speaker
It's like the ability to do things, right?
00:05:58
Speaker
And instead of just say things.
00:05:59
Speaker
Yeah, their executive function.
00:06:00
Speaker
Yeah, because a lot of smart men just say a lot of shit and do nothing.
00:06:05
Speaker
And that gets on my nerves really quickly as well.
00:06:08
Speaker
So...
Media Portrayal and Personal Stories
00:06:09
Speaker
I will say that, like, for me, it also does decrease sexual attraction, that's for sure.
00:06:13
Speaker
But I think for me, it was something that was more normalized just because that was the dynamic that my parents had a lot.
00:06:20
Speaker
So my dad, you know, he didn't want to do... If he didn't want to do chores or if he didn't want to do something or didn't want to go to the grocery store or whatever, my dad would just consistently do a bad job of most things until my mom just got sick of it and just would, you know, lose it and she would just do it herself.
00:06:37
Speaker
And so...
00:06:38
Speaker
I did want to point out also for any men listening into this, the impact that that has on the family dynamic, because these sorts of men, they'll do this as a short-term way of avoiding having to do chores.
00:06:50
Speaker
But long-term, it caused me to have basically zero respect for my dad and zero respect for men in general, right?
00:06:57
Speaker
So I think that that's... Maybe that explains a lot of why my psyche is the way that it is, because, yeah, I...
00:07:05
Speaker
And why generally like devalue men or don't see them as competent or suitable for leadership?
00:07:10
Speaker
Because it's like, mate, if you can't pick up a broom or you can't manage a grocery list at the grocery store, maybe you shouldn't be exercising any decision-making power at all.
00:07:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:19
Speaker
A lot of media I've noticed sets up that dynamic, I think for comedic effect.
00:07:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:26
Speaker
I don't think it's often explored as a form of emotional abuse.
00:07:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:30
Speaker
Right.
00:07:31
Speaker
Because I'm manipulation.
00:07:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:34
Speaker
And manipulation.
00:07:35
Speaker
It's not really funny if your other adult partner can't do something as simple as like remember people's birthdays or remember to send out Christmas cards like things that are.
00:07:46
Speaker
They try to make seem like, oh, these are just things that women think are important and are important.
00:07:51
Speaker
And men are too manly or busy doing whatever they want to do, watching sports and drinking beer.
00:07:57
Speaker
Because I've not actually been with somebody who's done this to a massive extent.
00:08:03
Speaker
I tend to weed them out pretty quickly because I've got zero patience.
00:08:06
Speaker
Like my patience is like sub zero.
00:08:08
Speaker
I get it from my mom.
00:08:09
Speaker
So if somebody's acting stupid, I would just be like, I don't got time for this.
00:08:14
Speaker
But I think there are ways to vet if a man is prone to utilising weaponised incompetence in the very, very early stages of dating.
00:08:23
Speaker
So, for example... Oh, yeah.
00:08:25
Speaker
So, for example, does he put the onus of planning a date on you?
00:08:30
Speaker
And when I say this, I don't necessarily mean, does he ask you out?
00:08:34
Speaker
Because a lot of men will ask you out.
00:08:36
Speaker
But it's what happens after that.
00:08:38
Speaker
Is he like, does he bat it back in your court?
00:08:40
Speaker
Like, I once had a guy who was like...
00:08:43
Speaker
oh, you know, let's go out for dinner.
00:08:44
Speaker
I was like, cool, that sounds good.
00:08:46
Speaker
And then he was like, oh, so like, and then he was like, okay, so, you know, like, where should we go?
00:08:54
Speaker
And I was like, but you asked me out.
00:08:56
Speaker
Like, you should have somewhere to go.
00:08:59
Speaker
Like, I'm not just going to plan it for you.
00:09:02
Speaker
So a guy can ask you out and we recommend that, you know, in FDS, that guy should ask you out.
00:09:08
Speaker
But it's how he handles things.
00:09:11
Speaker
That afterwards, like if he's batting it back in your court saying, choose a restaurant or I'm not familiar with the area like Google is free.
00:09:19
Speaker
What time should we meet?
00:09:20
Speaker
Google is free.
00:09:21
Speaker
So don't don't let them get away with that as well, because they're slowly trying to push the onus of planning the date back onto you.
00:09:29
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's exactly why I ended up with so many guys who would do the strategic
Lessons from FDS: Recognizing Competence
00:09:34
Speaker
incompetence.
00:09:34
Speaker
Because again, pre-FDS, again, I'm like the sort of person I like to be in charge.
00:09:38
Speaker
If a guy was like, oh, where do you want to go?
00:09:40
Speaker
I'm like, I know exactly where I want to go and what time.
00:09:44
Speaker
You know, I'm like, I like to be the decision maker.
00:09:46
Speaker
And so I at the time would be fine with that with guys putting the onus on me to plan the date, as long as he paid for it.
00:09:52
Speaker
I mean, that's doesn't really matter if he puts the effort into planning it.
00:09:56
Speaker
No.
00:09:56
Speaker
And then I would end up with all these like incompetent man babies.
00:10:00
Speaker
And I'd be like, wait, how did this happen?
00:10:02
Speaker
Well, it was because I didn't vet them correctly.
00:10:04
Speaker
I didn't eliminate the ones who were low effort from the beginning.
00:10:06
Speaker
Yeah, that
00:10:07
Speaker
That's an important context around the dinner date strategy that's so often lambasted by our critics is that part of the reason why we need men to initiate and plan dates is to show that they have the barest minimums of competence of an initiative, right?
00:10:24
Speaker
Because if they can't be bothered to do that from the beginning, then more than likely it's downhill from there.
00:10:31
Speaker
It's one thing to say like...
00:10:33
Speaker
oh, I like this kind of food.
00:10:35
Speaker
Would you want to go to this kind of restaurant and maybe not have all the details worked out?
00:10:39
Speaker
It's another thing to put the ball totally in your court and then expect you to be the one that has to plan the entire date, right?
00:10:46
Speaker
Like they should have suggestions or something.
00:10:49
Speaker
Just show that they have any type of forethought and planning into the date that they're trying to take you on.
00:10:57
Speaker
Extra points if there's like some good reason, right?
00:10:59
Speaker
Meaning like they're a fan of a particular chef.
00:11:03
Speaker
Maybe it's like an event that's popular that they've never been to or they thought you'd like.
00:11:09
Speaker
I mean, there's so many ways in which they can just show I'm going to do the most barest of minimum effort here.
00:11:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:18
Speaker
Man, I have so many stories about weaponized incompetence.
Household Dynamics and Emotional Abuse
00:11:21
Speaker
Can I tell you some stories?
00:11:22
Speaker
But tell us your tales of woe, Lilith.
00:11:25
Speaker
Tell us your tales of woe.
00:11:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:11:30
Speaker
So I dated this one guy who acted like doing dishes was this crazy, complicated, impossible task that
00:11:42
Speaker
Um, and we had a rule cause I, he didn't know how to cook either.
00:11:45
Speaker
And I like to cook.
00:11:47
Speaker
And so I would cook and he would clean like that was our, our deal.
00:11:50
Speaker
Um, so he of course loved it when I cooked, but he never wanted to hold up his end of the bargain.
00:11:56
Speaker
So what he'd do is you just put all the dishes in the sink and like fill up the sink and
00:12:01
Speaker
and then just leave the water there until the next day.
00:12:04
Speaker
And by then, of course, it's disgusting.
00:12:06
Speaker
The water's gone cold, blah, blah, blah.
00:12:08
Speaker
And I'd be like, that's gross.
00:12:09
Speaker
You shouldn't just leave dishes in the sink overnight.
00:12:10
Speaker
He's like, but I need them to soak.
00:12:13
Speaker
No, you don't.
00:12:14
Speaker
When you do the dishes immediately.
00:12:16
Speaker
When you do dishes immediately after eating, you do not need to soak them, first of all.
00:12:23
Speaker
So there's that.
00:12:27
Speaker
And then also, like, so we had these, like, plastic lunch containers, right?
00:12:31
Speaker
And when you're washing dishes by hand, sometimes, like, if there's, like, oil or something on the plastic, you have to, like, you have to, like, scrub extra hard, right?
00:12:39
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:12:40
Speaker
And so I just remember this one time, like he's washing, he would just like sort of rinse the dishes almost with water.
00:12:45
Speaker
He wouldn't like properly use soap and just like put them on the drying rack.
00:12:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:49
Speaker
And then I, and this happened all the time where like most of the time when he did dishes, there would still be food residue on it.
00:12:55
Speaker
And that just drove me crazy.
00:12:57
Speaker
And so I'd pick up the plastic container and be like, I'd wipe my finger with it and it would leave a mark behind.
00:13:03
Speaker
I'm like, you know, did you wash these dishes?
00:13:06
Speaker
He's like, yeah.
00:13:07
Speaker
I'm like, well, why is there still food residue on it?
00:13:10
Speaker
And he's like, oh, well, I just did the whole male incompetent bumbling gibberish sound.
00:13:17
Speaker
And then, you know, so I, this is a moment where I actually like lost it.
00:13:21
Speaker
I might have been a little bit crazy.
00:13:23
Speaker
And I was like, okay, I'm going to show you how we do dishes here.
00:13:26
Speaker
And like turn on the faucet, use the soap and like physically like forced him to do the dishes right in front of me.
00:13:33
Speaker
And he would like wipe it.
00:13:35
Speaker
And then it wouldn't get it off.
00:13:38
Speaker
It wouldn't get the oil off.
00:13:39
Speaker
And he just kind of like threw up his hands in this like, oh, like, how are you even supposed to clean a dish?
00:13:45
Speaker
It's just this impossible task.
00:13:48
Speaker
He was just like, well, how are you even supposed to get the oil off?
00:13:50
Speaker
And I'm like, you put some fucking elbow grease into it.
00:13:53
Speaker
And then scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub.
00:13:55
Speaker
And then I washed the dish and then dried it and then shoved it in his face.
00:13:59
Speaker
And I was like, see, now there's no oil on it.
00:14:01
Speaker
You just have to put in some fucking effort and you never put in effort and blah, blah, blah.
00:14:05
Speaker
So here's the thing.
00:14:05
Speaker
I genuinely think that strategic incompetence is a form of emotional abuse.
00:14:10
Speaker
It's causing the other person to like doubt their perception of reality.
00:14:15
Speaker
I don't know.
00:14:15
Speaker
Or they're trying to do that anyways.
00:14:16
Speaker
They're trying to make it seem like this really simple task is a lot harder than it is.
00:14:20
Speaker
And it just makes the other person just go crazy, right?
00:14:22
Speaker
It's crazy making.
00:14:24
Speaker
Like it's a crazy making tactic.
00:14:27
Speaker
And so, and that's the thing is like these guys would do this slow crazy making on me.
00:14:33
Speaker
And then when I finally lost it, they'd act like I'm the mean and reasonable, horrible person in the relationship.
00:14:40
Speaker
And that's the other thing to keep in mind with the strategic incompetence guys is they'll often make it out, make it seem like, oh, it was the woman who was actually abusive because she got mad at him for his
Mother-Son Dynamics and Adult Incompetence
00:14:52
Speaker
long-term low-level mental abuse and strategic incompetence.
00:14:56
Speaker
Damn, sis, why are you dating a man or like walking biohazards, leaving food scraps?
00:15:01
Speaker
Like, oh, gosh.
00:15:04
Speaker
I know, I know.
00:15:05
Speaker
The things that I did before FDS.
00:15:08
Speaker
But I haven't had to deal with that since finding FDS, right?
00:15:12
Speaker
This is all pre-FDS, so I'm just roasting my past clown self.
00:15:16
Speaker
But I think that's also why as well, in the early dating stages, a lot of men, especially when I was on online dating, they would say stuff like, oh, you can cook for me.
00:15:28
Speaker
Oh, you can do this for me, do that for me as well.
00:15:32
Speaker
I think us, because women have also been conditioned to be of service to other people, men also know this as well.
00:15:40
Speaker
So if you say, for example, I'm really good at cooking or I give really good massages, for example, like,
00:15:46
Speaker
not like happy ending massages, just like normal massages.
00:15:49
Speaker
They seem to just like quickly latch onto that as well.
00:15:52
Speaker
So you sort of have to be careful in how you present yourself.
00:15:55
Speaker
I know just like all of us want to present
00:16:00
Speaker
as our fabulous selves, but you can, it's very easy to attract the male bumbler who is going to use that weaponising competence, especially if he knows that you're good at something.
00:16:11
Speaker
But just because you're good at something, that doesn't mean that he shouldn't and cannot develop himself.
00:16:17
Speaker
In fact, that's all the more reason to want to develop yourself.
00:16:20
Speaker
If your partner is, say, really good with finances and you're not
00:16:25
Speaker
and you don't quite understand finances, that's all the more reason to get better.
00:16:29
Speaker
It's not a reason to just not do anything.
00:16:32
Speaker
That's why I've always seen it anyway.
00:16:34
Speaker
That's another thing is like a lot of pick me type women will be like, will often advertise their services, you know, like they'll be like, I cook, I clean, I'm
00:16:46
Speaker
I'm one of the good women, right?
00:16:48
Speaker
And they think that by doing that, they're going to attract a trad man who will earn a paycheck and be the head of the household and stuff.
00:16:55
Speaker
And it's like, Nasus, you're just attracting a male bumbler.
00:16:57
Speaker
It's true.
00:16:58
Speaker
You're going to end up being a mommy bang maid.
00:17:00
Speaker
I mean, they might attract a trad man, but he won't appreciate anything she's doing for him.
00:17:07
Speaker
No, but she's not going to be attracting a competent trad man.
00:17:10
Speaker
A man who's actually good at leadership, I feel is not going to be the sort of low-value scrote to latch on to a Mommy McBang maid.
00:17:20
Speaker
Men go into the dating world.
00:17:22
Speaker
Men like that go into the dating world looking for a female caregiver.
00:17:25
Speaker
They're not actually looking for a girlfriend or an equal.
00:17:28
Speaker
They're looking for someone who will be their mommy.
00:17:31
Speaker
A female chaperone for their life.
00:17:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:34
Speaker
They didn't learn how to be an adult.
00:17:37
Speaker
And I honestly, I know that like, it's bad to blame women, blah, blah, blah.
00:17:41
Speaker
But honestly, I do very much blame their mothers because most of these guys have just right are just most of these guys, their mothers are just like ride or die boy moms who think that their precious little son is the most amazing, special golden dicked little thing on the planet.
00:17:55
Speaker
And they don't expect him to do anything.
00:17:58
Speaker
Right.
00:17:58
Speaker
Every single one of these guys had moms that just like serve them hand and foot and would do everything for them and like cut their fucking pancakes into little pieces and chew it and spit in their mouth for them and shit.
00:18:08
Speaker
Right.
00:18:09
Speaker
Like they're used to women doing absolutely every single thing for them, like a little baby bird.
00:18:13
Speaker
Calling up their employer to make sure they get a job, calling the admissions office to make sure that their precious little son gets into college because they didn't even bother to turn their essay.
00:18:24
Speaker
A lot of teachers complain about this.
00:18:27
Speaker
A lot of times there's like an over-involved mom and a super strategically incompetent son.
00:18:33
Speaker
But the mom was like constantly doing everything.
00:18:35
Speaker
And it's like, well, you're not the one who's in school.
00:18:37
Speaker
It's your son who's supposed to be learning these things.
00:18:39
Speaker
But the mom feels like if I don't do these things, he's never going to college.
00:18:42
Speaker
He's not going to be successful.
00:18:43
Speaker
But then she just teaches him to do nothing.
00:18:45
Speaker
I actually think that these sorts of mothers, I think that this is like a deliberate way of keeping him dependent on her.
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah, that's why I do.
00:18:56
Speaker
I do hold women responsible for this in this case.
00:18:58
Speaker
Well, I've seen that, too, with like trad wives, right?
00:19:02
Speaker
Boy moms, but also just in general, a trad wives is that they have to in some respects, they have to justify their paycheck.
00:19:09
Speaker
Right.
00:19:10
Speaker
So they get way, way over involved in their children's lives.
00:19:14
Speaker
That's why even if you have the opportunity to stay home, I feel like past your children being in literal infancy, it's probably better for you to have your own hobbies, business or something, even if you don't necessarily work full time.
00:19:26
Speaker
Have your own life.
00:19:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah, have your own life because your children really do need the space to figure things out on their own.
00:19:32
Speaker
And with a lot of these helicopter moms and trad wife moms, they're so over-involved in their children's lives.
00:19:38
Speaker
The tiger moms too.
00:19:40
Speaker
And then all it does is, yeah, teach either their kids to lie to them a lot or teaches them to be strategically incompetent.
00:19:49
Speaker
And that's like a bad habit.
00:19:52
Speaker
That's the other thing is these guys are all liars.
00:19:55
Speaker
That's the other thing is they're all very good at lying.
00:19:58
Speaker
And they do this thing where if you're mad at them, they'll just lie to your face sheepishly as a way to avoid responsibility.
00:20:06
Speaker
And again, this is another thing that I think men learn in childhood.
00:20:08
Speaker
So...
Raising Daughters vs. Sons: Societal Impacts
00:20:10
Speaker
Women with sons, if you have a son, do not let him fucking pull this shit on you, okay?
00:20:14
Speaker
Like, save your future daughter-in-law the trouble.
00:20:17
Speaker
Teach your son to be confident from a young age.
00:20:19
Speaker
If he tries the strategic incompetence thing, you have to sit down with him and maybe force him to go over it over and over and over again, however long it takes until he gets it.
00:20:30
Speaker
Don't condition him to think that strategic incompetence is a useful way to get out of doing chores.
00:20:36
Speaker
Yeah, I mean...
00:20:38
Speaker
I'm trying to think.
00:20:38
Speaker
I know it can be really, really frustrating for parents.
00:20:41
Speaker
So I know neither of us are parents.
00:20:45
Speaker
So it's not like we're trying, we're not trying to go or be overly critical of parents that are really, really busy.
00:20:50
Speaker
But I think...
00:20:53
Speaker
It's kind of like training a dog.
00:20:54
Speaker
If you put in the little extra effort or the consistent effort, then it just becomes a lot easier in the long run.
00:21:00
Speaker
But it can be hard to find the time to train your dog extensively.
00:21:04
Speaker
But the thing is, I often find as well in these like so-called traditional families, if they have a daughter, she knows how to do everything.
00:21:15
Speaker
It's a very, very gendered phenomena because even if the parent is super busy, the daughter somehow usually end up knowing how to function as an adult.
00:21:27
Speaker
And that's partly because the social consequences of being incompetent for women are much greater than it is for men.
00:21:34
Speaker
That's so true.
00:21:36
Speaker
I can say in my family dynamic too, it was that my mother was way harder and more strict on women.
00:21:45
Speaker
Me and my sister and then my brothers.
00:21:47
Speaker
My brothers would always find some reason why they couldn't come home or they had something else to do.
00:21:52
Speaker
Whereas like I'd say even my father is this way too.
00:21:55
Speaker
Like they were all paranoid.
00:21:56
Speaker
I was going to go out and get pregnant.
00:21:57
Speaker
So they were just like literally, they micromanaged literally all of my life.
00:22:02
Speaker
Compared to my brothers where they could be like, oh, I'm going to go outside and then nobody hears from them for a couple hours and it's not a big deal.
00:22:10
Speaker
Right.
00:22:11
Speaker
So some of that too, I think is just the over parenting of daughters in general, because people tend to...
00:22:18
Speaker
ironically project that girls are easier to go off the rails if you don't micromanage their lives versus boys.
00:22:24
Speaker
But then we all know that's actually not true because there's just so much more shit men can get into.
00:22:28
Speaker
Like the worst thing happens to girls, or it's not even the worst thing that happens to girls, but like one of the more consequential decisions that girls can get into is like if you get pregnant young or if you're having sex and you get pregnant young, but like boys, I mean, you got to worry about them being involved in some kind of real sociopathic activity, like gang activity, becoming a school shooter.
00:22:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:47
Speaker
Like something that's actually like a problem for society.
00:22:52
Speaker
And yet boys are just more allowed to run free unsupervised in a way that I feel like I wasn't allowed to as a girl.
00:22:59
Speaker
And I know a lot of my other peers that the girls are just more micromanaged in general because of this like anxiety, they're going to get pregnant.
Competence in Relationships and Society
00:23:07
Speaker
Yeah, I've noticed this dynamic, too, in a lot of the families where there's a strategically incompetent man.
00:23:14
Speaker
He almost always has a sister who's hyper competent.
00:23:16
Speaker
And that's my aunt.
00:23:18
Speaker
So my aunt is the youngest child.
00:23:21
Speaker
And yet she was parentified.
00:23:23
Speaker
Like she had to be almost like a parent to her older brothers and would like cook and clean for her older brothers.
00:23:28
Speaker
It was fucking weird.
00:23:29
Speaker
Anyways, but now she's like, now she's incredibly wealthy and has her own company is literally a millionaire now.
00:23:36
Speaker
So I'm good for her queen boss.
00:23:39
Speaker
And my dad's an incompetent fuck up with multiple failed businesses.
00:23:42
Speaker
So scrote.
00:23:44
Speaker
Um, but yeah, so, so that's the other thing is like, it is sort of a double-edged sword in that it's unfair the way they treat their daughters, but a lot of the time they end up growing up to become extremely competent and
00:23:55
Speaker
And the boys, even though they get out, again, it's a short-term reward, long-term suffering thing where like, yeah, in the short term, they might get out of doing chores and they're like, yay, I get to be lazy.
00:24:07
Speaker
But long-term, it ends up fucking up their entire life and they are not able to hold down long-term relationship.
00:24:13
Speaker
They're not able to succeed in any decision that they make, any kind of like long-term effort decision that they might want to make.
00:24:22
Speaker
They just don't have the grit.
00:24:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:28
Speaker
So, and it kind of sucks because we have this whole, and this is why I generally think like women are just better than men is because I was raised around incompetent men and hyper-competent women.
00:24:38
Speaker
And we have a whole generation that's like that now of like high achieving women and low achieving men.
00:24:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:43
Speaker
the flip side to what Lilith just said is that the women who grow up in these households where they are made to be over-responsible for their family members can end up being or feeling over-responsible like for their partner and this is where we see it all the time especially on Reddit they love to say the good old communicate advice is that if a woman says I
00:25:04
Speaker
oh, my boyfriend can't wash his ass.
00:25:06
Speaker
The instant reaction is, but can you show him like, you know, you should show him how to wash his asshole.
00:25:12
Speaker
You should go in the shower, scrub him up and show him how to do it.
00:25:16
Speaker
And that sort of carries over.
00:25:17
Speaker
So these women can be like phenomenal in their professional life because that drive and that competence was instilled in them.
00:25:25
Speaker
But that may not translate to their personal life because they've grown up thinking that it's normal for men to be incompetent.
00:25:33
Speaker
I mean, even if they know that the man should be capable of, say, washing his own ass or washing the plates, they end up feeling like they have to teach him anyway.
00:25:43
Speaker
And that's what makes me really sad.
00:25:45
Speaker
Just like seeing the, oh, just tell him that it's not OK to to not to not leave skid marks in your boxes or to to wash or to wash up after yourself.
00:25:56
Speaker
Breaking Mom on Reddit is full of stories like that.
00:26:00
Speaker
Honestly, that sub is like the best form of natural birth control.
00:26:03
Speaker
Yes.
00:26:05
Speaker
Honestly, though, it is.
00:26:07
Speaker
It's sad because I feel like a lot of women don't realize how much they fucked up on their choice of partner until their children come, until they have children.
00:26:16
Speaker
And then they realize all those like cute ways which he would forget things and all those like quirky parts about him.
00:26:23
Speaker
are actually a really big fucking problem because now you have a tiny human that's dependent on you and you have an adult man who can't do the most basic of tasks.
00:26:33
Speaker
So it quickly becomes not cute.
00:26:36
Speaker
He's basically another child.
00:26:38
Speaker
And then also their strategic incompetence is a way for them to like, so actually this is something that genuinely pisses me off.
00:26:45
Speaker
Another aspect of strategic incompetence is so that they can have more freedom to cheat and have a social life.
00:26:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:54
Speaker
Right.
00:26:55
Speaker
And then all of the burden of childbearing on the woman while pretending like there's some great involved dad.
00:27:01
Speaker
And a lot of the breaking mom stories are somewhere somewhere around that, you know, where they find out their husband has like a dating profile.
00:27:09
Speaker
You know, he's got all this time to hang out with his boys, go out to the bar, play video games, watch porn, all the time to do these leisurely activities while giving her all of the work of raising the child.
00:27:21
Speaker
And then pretending it's because they can't do it.
00:27:24
Speaker
Or if they have the child, they are so neglectful that the mother feels too much anxiety leaving their child with their own father.
00:27:31
Speaker
Because they're like, well, last time I left my son or daughter with my husband, the baby was in a dirty diaper all day.
00:27:39
Speaker
Stuff like that.
00:27:40
Speaker
Which, it's really child neglect, but they're... It's child abuse.
00:27:44
Speaker
It is child abuse.
00:27:45
Speaker
It's child neglect.
00:27:46
Speaker
But like...
00:27:47
Speaker
It's unfortunately not always framed that way, but it really should be.
00:27:52
Speaker
That like, yeah, it's always framed like teehee, like he's so incompetent.
00:27:57
Speaker
Isn't that so cute and charming?
00:27:58
Speaker
Or they'll blame the mom.
00:27:59
Speaker
Like they blame the mom for abusing the child.
00:28:02
Speaker
Like, you know what your husband's like.
00:28:03
Speaker
How could you leave your child with him knowing that he would neglect them?
00:28:07
Speaker
You know, like it's her responsibility to be 24-7 caregiver.
00:28:11
Speaker
Men act like they're babysitting kids, but they're not even as good as your average babysitter.
00:28:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's what makes it particularly infuriating because I'm like, you can literally hire a 14 year old girl to do a better job babysitting your kids than your husband.
00:28:25
Speaker
That's a problem.
00:28:27
Speaker
I started babysitting when I was 12.
00:28:29
Speaker
I got money for babysitting starting when I was 12 and I would do a better job as a babysitter than most of these women's adult husbands.
00:28:36
Speaker
And that's a problem.
00:28:39
Speaker
This is like the greatest con of all time is men have managed to convince us that they're the only sex that's competent enough to be CEOs, to be president, to have all these like high level, you know, powerful positions, but they're too incompetent to wash dishes or change a diaper or do really, really basic shit.
00:28:59
Speaker
Predict the basic needs of a human that relies totally on you for survival.
00:29:04
Speaker
That should be instinctual, quite frankly.
00:29:06
Speaker
Didn't humans evolve to have certain instincts to that effect?
00:29:11
Speaker
To want to protect your own child.
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah, to protect your young, make sure it doesn't starve and die.
00:29:16
Speaker
But again, this is why I think that men shouldn't be allowed to be leaders or have any control or have any power, honestly.
00:29:25
Speaker
I think the world should be run by eldest daughters, quite frankly.
00:29:29
Speaker
I think the world would be a better place if it was run by all eldest daughters.
00:29:33
Speaker
I completely agree.
00:29:35
Speaker
In fact, I feel like if I was a venture capital firm and I wanted to invest in a company, I would go and ask how many eldest daughters are part of the staff.
00:29:44
Speaker
Like that would be an actual metric by which I would measure the value of their company.
00:29:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:50
Speaker
Or if it was led by an eldest daughter.
00:29:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'm a youngest daughter, but I would, I definitely agree with that.
00:29:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:55
Speaker
My older sister's quite awesome.
00:29:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:58
Speaker
So we've spoken about the date.
00:30:00
Speaker
So that's also, that's also one way, but
00:30:05
Speaker
find another way as well is to see if he's independent now i know especially in this economy and and like social climate it's becoming the norm for people to stay at home um either to save money or because they can't afford to live out
00:30:23
Speaker
And I'm not necessarily going to judge somebody for staying at home, but it's more, do they contribute towards the chores?
00:30:30
Speaker
Do they contribute towards the bills?
00:30:33
Speaker
Are they aware of how things in the house work?
Assessing a Partner's Competence
00:30:36
Speaker
So even things like, do they know where the stopcock is if there's a flood and stuff like that?
00:30:41
Speaker
So just because somebody lives at home, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're...
00:30:45
Speaker
going to be weaponising competence, but if their mother is running around after them, like whilst they're living at home, that is a massive, massive red flag.
00:30:56
Speaker
I actually don't date guys who live at home with their parents as a policy because I moved out at 18.
00:31:03
Speaker
I don't know, you know, like economics save money, blah, blah, blah.
00:31:07
Speaker
First of all, most of these guys who live with their parents, they're not saving money.
00:31:10
Speaker
They blow that money on like freaking video games and other stupid shit.
00:31:16
Speaker
So most of them aren't saving money.
00:31:18
Speaker
They just live with their parents and they're broke.
00:31:20
Speaker
Um,
00:31:21
Speaker
The other thing is when you move in with a guy, here's actually another vetting strategy, is don't ever move in with a guy who's never lived by himself before.
00:31:29
Speaker
No, don't.
00:31:30
Speaker
Don't do it.
00:31:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:32
Speaker
Because if he's only ever lived with his parents, especially if his mom is in the picture, you know, he's living as an adult with his mom, he doesn't know what it's like to manage a household.
00:31:40
Speaker
He's used to women...
00:31:42
Speaker
doing his laundry, cooking for him, doing everything for him.
00:31:45
Speaker
And he's just going to expect you to just fill in that slot.
00:31:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:31:50
Speaker
Mommy God, girlfriend in.
00:31:52
Speaker
He basically sees his girlfriend as a mom that he can have sex with.
00:31:55
Speaker
That's why we call them mommy bang maids.
00:31:57
Speaker
So don't ever live with a guy who's never lived by himself.
00:32:00
Speaker
And if he has lived by himself, go to his place to see what it's like.
00:32:03
Speaker
Because if you go there and it's like dirty dishes everywhere, empty beer cans strewn everywhere, fucking dirty ass shower and grime everywhere, he's never cleaned a day in his life.
00:32:12
Speaker
That's another red flag.
00:32:13
Speaker
Like avoid those guys.
00:32:14
Speaker
Mattress on the floor.
00:32:16
Speaker
Mattress on the floor.
00:32:17
Speaker
I've seen all these TikToks of like young women hooking up with guys and then cleaning their apartment after.
00:32:21
Speaker
I'm like, girl, that's so fucking humiliating.
00:32:24
Speaker
Why would you do that?
00:32:25
Speaker
I'm going to tell you the truth.
00:32:26
Speaker
Same thing with male roommates.
00:32:27
Speaker
I had actually a platonic male roommate and it was another situation where I felt like I had to be the person that was constantly cleaning.
00:32:36
Speaker
Yeah, really?
00:32:37
Speaker
And it was just like, no, no, this is not going to work.
00:32:40
Speaker
I did live in a house with male roommates once and I swore I will never live with a man who's not like my husband or boyfriend who I've vetted thoroughly.
00:32:49
Speaker
Like I'll never live with another male roommate again because yeah, they'll just leave dirty dishes in the sink.
00:32:54
Speaker
They just expect you to clean up after them.
00:32:57
Speaker
They don't even think of it.
00:32:58
Speaker
And if you, and here's the thing, if you ask them to do something or ask them to clean up after themselves, they'll act like you're the unreasonable one.
00:33:06
Speaker
right like oh why are you always like harassing me why are you always like bothering me why are you always doing that if i don't want to live in his filth he'll act like i have the problem so don't fall for it yeah if you don't want to roll around in his filth they'll make it a problem for you the fieldy pigs as my mom would say yeah i wouldn't live with them either detty pigs detty pigs
00:33:31
Speaker
Dirty pigs.
00:33:33
Speaker
Yeah, men are dirty pigs, honestly.
00:33:36
Speaker
Like swine, let them roll around in their own filth.
00:33:39
Speaker
Like, another way I like to vet as well is if he's got, like, drive and ambition and genuinely wants to better himself.
00:33:47
Speaker
Now, I'm not saying he has to be as ambitious on a level as, say, Macbeth, where he's willing to kill anyone to get what he wants.
00:33:54
Speaker
But what I'm saying is that drive needs to be there.
00:33:57
Speaker
Otherwise, you end up with...
00:33:58
Speaker
You could end up in a situation where you end up applying for jobs or writing his essays.
00:34:04
Speaker
And I've known women who've done this and they mean really, really well.
00:34:08
Speaker
But ultimately, you can't drag someone along with you, especially if they know or they're supposed to know that getting a job is just the bare minimum of functioning as a basic adult.
00:34:24
Speaker
There's a lot of girls that do that for professional athletes.
00:34:28
Speaker
Or not even professional athletes.
00:34:29
Speaker
There's a lot of girls that do that for college athletes.
00:34:33
Speaker
Yes, because as a college athlete, you basically have to show up and just turn in something to get a decent grade and they still have...
00:34:41
Speaker
women that they're sleeping with do it for them.
00:34:43
Speaker
Like, here's the thing.
00:34:44
Speaker
Being ambitious to me is not enough because there's a ton of ambitious guys out there who will offload their manual labor onto women just so that they can focus on the other shit.
Domestic Labor and Gender Expectations
00:34:53
Speaker
In fact, fun, fun story.
00:34:54
Speaker
Okay.
00:34:54
Speaker
I was reading this old sales book that was giving, you know, tips on like how to, you know, um, advance your career.
00:35:01
Speaker
And it's obviously written for men.
00:35:03
Speaker
It was from like the eighties.
00:35:04
Speaker
And one of the lines was like, um,
00:35:07
Speaker
you know, offload any of your daily responsibilities, like get yourself a wife so that you don't have to cook or clean or do anything.
00:35:14
Speaker
Like it was basically talking about how to maximize your schedule and, you know, use every minute of the day with maximum efficiency, you know, don't do any of that stupid, like household shit, get a wife to do all that for you.
00:35:26
Speaker
And I'm thinking like, damn, like I should get a wife.
00:35:28
Speaker
I'm a woman, but I should get a wife.
00:35:30
Speaker
There's an essay to that effect.
00:35:31
Speaker
Someone wrote, um,
00:35:33
Speaker
A very famous feminist author.
00:35:34
Speaker
Yeah, I want a wife.
00:35:35
Speaker
So let me figure out who that was by.
00:35:37
Speaker
Judy Brady.
00:35:38
Speaker
So 1971 essay.
00:35:39
Speaker
Men basically see women as like work mules to just like do all that work, the dirty work that they don't want to do to free up their time for more creative or more productive or more status increasing tasks.
00:35:51
Speaker
That's an expectation for women to do for men.
00:35:54
Speaker
But for men to do that for women, that's a luxury.
00:35:56
Speaker
Or they think you're greedy if you expect a man to do that for a woman.
00:36:01
Speaker
If a woman expects her husband to do any of that stuff for her, she's seen as greedy.
00:36:04
Speaker
If he does any of that stuff, he's either seen as whipped or, wow, he's such a great husband, really going above and beyond.
00:36:09
Speaker
But yeah, like domestic labor is, again, that's another FDS thing.
00:36:12
Speaker
We don't think domestic labor is a service that women provide to men.
00:36:16
Speaker
It is work that men and women have to contribute to.
00:36:19
Speaker
And in fact, I think it's better if men do it because, again, like less work.
00:36:23
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean, a lot of FDS strategies have been a response to identified problems in relationships, mostly centered around unequal domestic labor issues.
00:36:37
Speaker
Unequal sexual satisfaction, etc.
00:36:39
Speaker
A lot of these ideas were identified and discussed in feminist circles, but I feel like, I don't know why, but it seems to not have made its way down to an actual strategy to finding men who are good at doing these things.
00:36:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:54
Speaker
Which is where I feel like FDS comes in because we're basically saying, well, if you don't want a guy who's strategically incompetent, here's all the tells that he is strategically incompetent.
00:37:02
Speaker
And these are all the things you should weed out.
00:37:04
Speaker
But then because we do it, people make it seem like it's unfairly sexist towards men or at least like targeted and gendered towards men.
00:37:14
Speaker
It's like, well, yeah, you want them to change a behavior that's not currently being done.
00:37:20
Speaker
It's men who have the greatest area of improvement, let's just say.
00:37:24
Speaker
So you're trying to weed out guys who can't do this for you, which means you got to treat, you have to actually go in understanding that that's going to be a problem, right?
00:37:33
Speaker
And acknowledging that's a problem and then dating strategically, identifying behaviors that are likely to lead in them being a problem.
00:37:41
Speaker
A breaking mom test case.
00:37:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:44
Speaker
Leads to them being a breaking mom nightmare case.
00:37:47
Speaker
You have to do that during the dating process, which is... Horror story.
00:37:49
Speaker
Yeah, horror story, which is like a gendered process.
00:37:52
Speaker
And I kind of really hate the idea that we're supposed to pretend everything's gender neutral in the dating phase because it's not fair to men.
00:37:59
Speaker
But then once things happen, once you get in a relationship...
00:38:02
Speaker
it's always gendered.
00:38:03
Speaker
And then everyone's complaining.
00:38:05
Speaker
It's like, well, then you need to actually vet like it's gendered, which it is.
00:38:10
Speaker
So stop getting, what I'm trying to say is look, Daily Mail, stop getting mad at us for pointing out the fucking obvious, right?
00:38:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:21
Speaker
And other tabloids like y'all want to sit here and complain about the second shift, strategic incompetency relationships and all the shit men aren't doing.
00:38:29
Speaker
Well, then ladies, pull up your big girl panties and start paying attention to the shit men say and do and then looking at their behavior and seeing when and if it matches up.
00:38:39
Speaker
Right.
00:38:40
Speaker
And that means that you have to look at the fact that they're different than you.
00:38:44
Speaker
They're coming from a different framework of socialization.
00:38:48
Speaker
They're obviously a different sex than you.
00:38:51
Speaker
There's obviously like power differentials there and you need to treat it as such.
00:38:55
Speaker
It seems obvious.
00:38:56
Speaker
It seems like it's something that FDS shouldn't have been the people that like came out and said this the way it
Practical Strategies for Identifying Competence
00:39:01
Speaker
is.
00:39:01
Speaker
But like, here we are.
00:39:03
Speaker
Yeah, I'm actually shocked that we're like the first people to come up with an actual solution to this.
00:39:08
Speaker
Whereas the LibFembs will just write endless think pieces about the mental load and unequal domestic labor and so on.
00:39:14
Speaker
And maybe if we just communicate to men just the right way, blah, blah, blah.
00:39:18
Speaker
They're going to be flapping their jabs into the grave, all right?
00:39:21
Speaker
Because they will never give a fuck, right?
00:39:24
Speaker
They won't give a fuck till you divorce them and they'll still blame you.
00:39:27
Speaker
They'll still pretend it's your fault and your problem.
00:39:30
Speaker
So I just really, really...
00:39:32
Speaker
Can you tell I'm on a rant right now?
00:39:34
Speaker
But I'm just really, really saying this because I feel like over and over and over again, the mainstream media in particular misses the point.
00:39:40
Speaker
And when we say things like this, especially a lot of the strategies that they're saying, like, oh, low value mail versus high value, especially some of the strategies we do for vetting and then the categorizations that we do.
00:39:50
Speaker
For men based on men's actual fucking behavior, like what actual value are they likely to provide?
00:39:57
Speaker
Are they providing right now?
00:39:58
Speaker
And what are they likely to provide in the future?
00:40:00
Speaker
You have to pay attention to that.
00:40:03
Speaker
It can't just be like this warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
00:40:07
Speaker
I think because they want to overemphasize romantic love.
00:40:09
Speaker
When we're talking about marriage now, it's not to say that you can't fall in love and have a great romance, but you also do have to look at the practical reality of what it would mean to spend your life with someone.
00:40:19
Speaker
And then don't end up blindsided and shocked that he becomes even more incompetent after you have children when the signs were there all that time.
00:40:27
Speaker
In fact, that is the greatest reason to avoid the male bumbler or the strategically incompetent man.
00:40:35
Speaker
It is a matter, you know, when you're dating, then the stakes are low.
00:40:38
Speaker
It's not that big of a deal.
00:40:40
Speaker
You can kind of laugh it off and ha ha ha, like you can't do dishes, blah, blah, blah.
00:40:44
Speaker
But once you actually bring children into the picture, that's when I think it becomes actually...
00:40:50
Speaker
like a matter of life or death almost.
00:40:52
Speaker
It becomes a lot more important because first of all, you're modeling toxic relationship dynamics to your kids.
00:40:58
Speaker
Like what my parents did to me, um, it made me see relationships as this like combative, um, thing where, you know, the woman has to always be in charge and have be hyper-competent and the man can just like be an incompetent fuck up.
00:41:14
Speaker
And as long as he just like shows up after work every day, then he's doing a great job kind of
00:41:19
Speaker
Yeah, the days of men just being able to bring home the bacon, so to speak, and then sit on the couch with their hand in their pants and drinking a beer is over.
00:41:26
Speaker
That shit was never cute, is for being real.
00:41:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:29
Speaker
So like the women back then didn't think that shit was cute, which is why eventually feminism became a mainstream movement.
00:41:35
Speaker
Get off your ass and be doing things for your family.
00:41:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:38
Speaker
So understand that like it's not just about you as a couple.
00:41:42
Speaker
It's also about the behavior that you're modeling to your children.
00:41:45
Speaker
Yes.
00:41:45
Speaker
And while it might be cool to have a hyper competent daughter who's like a badass bitch who, you know, becomes CEO and becomes millionaire and all that stuff like my aunt.
00:41:56
Speaker
The downside to that is having the under-competent son, the one who ends up, you know, marrying and, you know, just being a destructive force in several women's lives and their children's lives.
00:42:07
Speaker
They end up in our inboxes on Twitter and end up making comments under Jordan Peterson videos, just the lowest form of male life.
Consequences of Choosing Incompetent Partners
00:42:18
Speaker
And complaining about how they have to pay child support.
00:42:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:20
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:42:21
Speaker
They end up on MGTOW.
00:42:22
Speaker
They'd rather just do nothing.
00:42:23
Speaker
They end up on MGTOW mad because society expects them to take care of their own children.
00:42:28
Speaker
the children that they made.
00:42:30
Speaker
My one last closing remark with this is that a lot of people think of the male bumbler as like sort of funny or cute or like, haha, you know, that's in a lot of comedy, right?
00:42:41
Speaker
What people need to understand is the male bumbler is actually very calculating and they know what they're doing.
00:42:46
Speaker
They're actually not as incompetent as they let on.
00:42:49
Speaker
We've talked about this before.
00:42:50
Speaker
I think how, you know, Lundy Bancroft writes that the abusive man is abusive as a way of gaping responsibility or not having to do chores or
00:42:59
Speaker
or offloading undesirable tasks onto other people.
00:43:02
Speaker
They do it because it benefits them.
00:43:05
Speaker
And that's the thing about the mail bumblers.
00:43:06
Speaker
Understand that they're doing this because it benefits them, because it makes their life easier.
00:43:11
Speaker
And so if we want to change things, we have to make it difficult for them to do that.
00:43:15
Speaker
I don't know if it's just like the naive about why or how patriarchy works.
00:43:20
Speaker
One thing I kind of like about the radical feminists is that they don't pretend patriarchy is a historical accident.
00:43:25
Speaker
They look at it like, no, it's a deliberate set of actions that men do to privilege themselves both individually and a class.
00:43:31
Speaker
And you have to be like, you have to advocate for yourself because there's no interest in them advocating for you.
00:43:37
Speaker
Maybe they'll try if they love you enough, but at the same time,
00:43:42
Speaker
It's very, very difficult to re-socialize men once you're in a relationship with them because they're not going to be in any way motivated to improve.
00:43:49
Speaker
If you're still here, it must mean you like it.
00:43:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:54
Speaker
Honestly, with men like that, you have to ultimately either just like break up with them or just make their life so uncomfortable that they end up shaping up all on their own.
00:44:03
Speaker
Like I've seen a lot of stories about women who just go on strike like they just stop cooking, just stop cleaning.
00:44:09
Speaker
And it'll get really bad.
00:44:10
Speaker
Like the man will end up in living in absolute filth.
00:44:14
Speaker
in the most disgusting way possible, and subjecting their children to that before the man finally ships up and does something.
00:44:20
Speaker
And still roll over his ugly, dusty, unwashed ass and ask for sex, right?
00:44:26
Speaker
Guy's covered in spaghetti grease because he can't wash his own clothes properly.
00:44:31
Speaker
Still stomping around demanding sex in a filthy house.
00:44:34
Speaker
We have to make it costly for them to behave this way, right?
00:44:37
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:44:38
Speaker
If we want men to behave in a way that's desirable to us, we have to make it so that
00:44:43
Speaker
the undesirable behavior is so costly to them that they don't even want to do it.
00:44:48
Speaker
In the context of like dating, the most costly outcome for a lot of men is to be deprived of women's company.
00:44:55
Speaker
So leave them.
00:44:56
Speaker
Don't even bother trying to do these little strikes because ultimately you're also living in a shithole as well.
00:45:01
Speaker
So, and if he's, if he's comfortable with it, then, you know, then it's all okay to him.
00:45:07
Speaker
It's like way too much emotional and like physical labor on your part to try and get him to do the bare minimum.
00:45:13
Speaker
Like men respond best to consequences.
00:45:16
Speaker
They don't respond to complaining or to ultimatums, especially if they know that you're just going to stick around.
00:45:23
Speaker
The best consequence is to leave them.
00:45:24
Speaker
Men need consequences is what I'm saying.
00:45:27
Speaker
They need to face consequences for their bad behavior.
00:45:29
Speaker
Yeah, no, they absolutely do.
00:45:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's just not cute watching these fully grown men walk around with the logic skills of a toddler.
00:45:37
Speaker
Not even that.
00:45:37
Speaker
And honestly, not even that and the dressing skills of a toddler, because at least with a toddler, if they don't want to do things, you can just pick them up and force them to do it.
00:45:44
Speaker
With a grown man, obviously, there's the physical power differential, but it's just exhausting on your mental and energy and having to do that for an adult man when you have actual children.
00:45:56
Speaker
who can't do those things.
00:45:58
Speaker
It's just the opposite of attractive.
Conclusion and FDS Community Engagement
00:46:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:03
Speaker
And then they have the audacity to complain about a dead bedroom.
00:46:06
Speaker
It's your own damn fault, girl.
00:46:07
Speaker
It's 100% their fault.
00:46:09
Speaker
And it's just, I think part of that, again, is because women get so often trained to ignore all of the ways in which men leech off them prior to it becoming real.
00:46:20
Speaker
Prior to something happening where it becomes very, very real where they stand in that relationship.
00:46:25
Speaker
on their significant other's list of priorities.
00:46:28
Speaker
And also that significant other's like, even like motivation for his own life, right?
00:46:34
Speaker
Because even if they're not necessarily screwing up things in your home, they could be screwing up things in their life.
00:46:39
Speaker
Like they're not going to work on time or something like that, right?
00:46:44
Speaker
Like they just don't have the ability to show up.
00:46:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:46:47
Speaker
So...
00:46:49
Speaker
That's our show.
00:46:50
Speaker
Please check out our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy for weekly bonus content at Discord.
00:47:00
Speaker
You can chat with us as well as merchandise and the opportunity to submit your own roast to Scroat, Queen Sis, or Queen Shit, or Nasus story for us to read on the podcast.
00:47:10
Speaker
You can also follow us on Twitter at femdatstrat.
00:47:12
Speaker
Thanks for listening, Queens.
00:47:13
Speaker
And for all you Scroats out there, you're with the French call.
00:47:16
Speaker
Die mad.
00:47:19
Speaker
Au revoir.
00:47:20
Speaker
See you next week.
00:47:21
Speaker
Au revoir.
00:47:22
Speaker
Au revoir.