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Grateful for the Chaos: What We’re Actually Thankful For This Year
720 Plays18 days ago
In Episode 36 of Just 4 Moms, Caitlin, Kallie, Charlotte, and Megan are talking gratitude — the real, messy, motherhood kind. Sure, we’re thankful for our families, health, and homes... but what about the things we didn’t expect to be grateful for? The late-night wake-ups, the endless carpool loops, and yes — even the chaos.
From hilarious mom fails (like Halloween candy glued to a toddler’s chest or leaving full carts of online shopping behind) to deep reflections on finding joy in imperfection, this episode explores both sides of gratitude: the pretty and the not-so-pretty.
Inspired by the concept of “Blamesgiving” and the reminder that we don’t always have to feel thankful for everything, the moms open up about the weird, specific, and sometimes frustrating things that still manage to make life rich and real.
Whether you’re cooking dinner, hiding in your closet for five minutes of peace, or driving to yet another practice, this one’s for the moms who know there’s beauty in the chaos.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Do you guys hear music? I think it's Megan to ice make her again. No, there's blowers here. oh like I hear music. Hold I don't have music. No.
00:00:11
Speaker
I think it's the blowers. Yeah, there's all blowers. I think it's the town. It's blowing too. Yeah. No, I heard it before when I was like putting makeup on. I'm like, oh, shoot. Yeah.
00:00:22
Speaker
It's like, yeah, they're pretty loud. Tis the season. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it sounds like classical music to me, so maybe I'm just losing my mind. My mic looks extra large today.
00:00:35
Speaker
sure Oh, it does. Damn.
00:00:39
Speaker
And I think it's because my computer's always angled down on me, but now we're head on. Yeah, we noticed. I don't know how to change it. There's so many jokes that we all want to make, but we can't.
00:00:50
Speaker
I could do something really. i'm not there Yeah, all I want to do is be really inappropriate right now, but I'm just going to, I think we're just going to start. I like that. Yeah.
00:01:02
Speaker
welcome to just for moms i'm charlotte i'm caitlin i'm megan and i'm callie we are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging parenthood work-life balance and figuring out what's for dinner again no judgment zone to talk laugh and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis things i'll plan Welcome to episode 36. Today we are talking about things we're actually thankful for versus the thing that things that you're supposed to say you're thankful for around this time of year.
Digital Photo Storage Dilemmas
00:01:37
Speaker
ah But before we get started, This morning, I logged in to edit the notes for this episode, and it was like, you can't access this document anymore because your Google Drive is full. I'm like, wait a minute. i if There's no way I filled up my Google Drive.
00:01:54
Speaker
And then I remembered over the last week, I downloaded Google Photos so I could have a second place to store all of my photos. And when you drop in 80,000 photos, of course, your drive fills.
00:02:08
Speaker
So i want to know, where do you guys store your photos? Because am i doing something wrong or I'm just, I'm very lost at how to, how to keep all of my digital photos in one place without having to worry they're going to disappear.
00:02:23
Speaker
I fear that I have a false sense of security with all of this because i have, so all the photos from my phone, which let's be honest, are all the photos. Those are in the cloud.
00:02:36
Speaker
And I think that's legit. And then all the photos that are from and for work are on Google. I mean, they're probably on the cloud too now that I use my phone
Parenting Adventures: 'Mom Fails' and 'Dad Fails'
00:02:47
Speaker
so much. And even my good photos, I've at some point uploaded to my phone to post a social or whatever.
00:02:53
Speaker
But all of my work photos are in ah folder and organized on Google Drive. that's That's nice. Callie, where where are your pictures? Yeah. Yeah, i have google I use Google Drive for everything. um so Well, I guess it's not Google Drive. I use Google Photos.
00:03:11
Speaker
So like my smartphones auto-backup to Google Photo. So those are always there. And I like Google. i don't I feel like I spend like $10 a month on it.
00:03:23
Speaker
I feel like it's not that expensive. And I like it, even though it's creepy, that I can just like type in vacuum and it will show me every photo that I've ever taken of a vacuum, which is nice. But then I... keep photos like locally on my computer too because I don't Now that we have dumb phones and we I've been using my actual camera to take pictures, then I have like, look which I guess I should probably upload those.
00:03:44
Speaker
I've never been a cloud person though. I don't know why. confused It just makes me mad. I can't figure it out. So i've just I'm like Google for everything. But isn't the cloud the same as Google Photos? It's just called the cloud. Probably.
00:03:56
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Just at one point in my life, I just refused to use it because I would get mad when it would try to sync on everything. yeah then And then I never, that's where ended up. Megan, what where are your pictures?
00:04:08
Speaker
I used the cloud, but now you guys are making me nervous. Like I need to go to Verizon later and make sure that it's really backing it all up because well you never know. So this is why I downloaded Google Photos is because we were pulling pictures.
00:04:22
Speaker
My cousin passed away and we needed to make a slideshow and print photos. And another cousin said, well, just go into your Google Photos and search his name. yeah I'm like, it doesn't work that way. and we'll then search for his first face.
00:04:36
Speaker
Like that also doesn't work that way on my phone. Um, unless you go and manually put a new contact in. So that's why I downloaded Google photos. It's pretty amazing. But every ridiculous waste of a photo I've had on my phone is now in Google photos.
00:04:53
Speaker
So I don't. Yeah. I mean, I've got it all, but i I love it. I mean, it's literally been at this point too. Cause then once you upload old stuff, like, I mean, I have photos from like 2000 and forever ago on there.
00:05:05
Speaker
And I don't know. Again, i guess it could be one of those things like if the internet ever dies, I guess there go those photos. But yeah um i love it. I have a handful of photos. It's easy to find stuff.
00:05:17
Speaker
Like old, old, old photos. are still in like Kodak Gallery or Shutterfly, whatever it is, and they're there. But last time I went to download something, it basically cock blocked me and was like, we're i gonna let you download until you buy something else. yeah So I need to go in and order like, I mean, I should order an album. I used to be so good about those. And there is something sweet about being able to flip through the pages of it.
00:05:44
Speaker
It just takes so much time. But I should go and order an album when they're doing some pre-Christmas promotional and then yeah download all of those. Because they're ones from like all of our wedding. You know, our wedding photographer gave us the digital files. So I have all of those there.
00:06:01
Speaker
The vacations that I went on like before I even like had kids or got married. So I need to be better. But it's – I feel like it's sort of there.
00:06:11
Speaker
But that's my false sense of security. Yeah, I have those on like a hard drive like at one point, like probably 10 years ago, i put a bunch of stuff I like just ah and who knows maybe if someday it's broken, but it's like in some chip somewhere in a hard drive, like in that bin in our basement. That's like important memories, you know, I've had yeah so many hard drives fail on me, though.
00:06:31
Speaker
Like that's what got me to put stuff on Google is that you don't know but it's going to fail until it's gone. And I went to the geek squad or whatever at Best Buy and they like pulled the whole thing apart and they were able to rescue one, but not the other. i don't know what's in it.
00:06:45
Speaker
Like, I know what you're saying. The other day I tried to plug one into my computer that I found and it's just wherever you plug it in just doesn't work anymore. So I don't know what's on it either. Yeah.
00:06:56
Speaker
Definitely try a new cord. The cord is usually. oh you're right. The cords for me will go long before the hard drive, but the hard drive can also go because it's like moving parts.
00:07:07
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. I'll, I'll have to find another one of the cords if I, or maybe buy one because it's such an old one, but. Yeah. Get a new one.
00:07:18
Speaker
So yeah, that's, that was on my mind all morning, but I guess we can move into mom fails now that I've learned that everyone's doing the same thing that I'm doing. Does anyone have a great mom fail this week that they are just can't wait to share?
00:07:35
Speaker
No. I mean, we've lost the thread with this Halloween candy, guys. Like, my kids are not super obsessed about it, but they're definitely helping themselves to it. And Arthur woke up the other morning and came down and got into bed with me. And I looked on his back and I was like, buddy, what is that? It was like a Reese's peanut butter cup wrapper, like stuck to his back.
00:07:56
Speaker
I like that. Yeah. No, same over here. Arbor shows up every five minutes with a new piece that she squirreled away from the, like in the playroom. She hides it everywhere because I have hid the candy. So she must have a secret stash, like a squirrel.
00:08:12
Speaker
Megan. And the wrappers are just dropped. Yeah. Yeah. Hansel and grass. All over the house. Yeah. Yep. Yesterday, Kate took a bite of a Starburst just with the wrapper on. Like, that's how it's aggressive. And i was like, I guess. Sure, how about it? Good luck, buddy.
Childhood Games and Learning
00:08:26
Speaker
yeah Megan, what about you? What's? My fail is that i think I think I shared this last episode. I'm not sure. my My brain just spins these days. We're cleaning out our playroom since no one plays anymore and we're making it into a hangout room and it's a lot of work and I can only do a little bit at a time. And of course, no one else helps.
00:08:49
Speaker
Anyways, we I found a snack and it was a bag of cookies that were like unicorn cookies and I don't – I feel like it's it was up there for like two years.
00:09:04
Speaker
You didn't try one? I opened it up and there's like bugs in there and I was screaming and I was just like, guys, please like no, no. No more of this. Like just the snacks. Like and it was – it's probably literally been up there for like a solid two years. It was like behind like something which was behind something else. So that's my fail because it's just like grimy. Yeah.
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah. Do you have these moments when you're like, I one seventh of the humans that are moving through this house with the capacity to notice and find and see and pick up on this.
00:09:42
Speaker
So why am I the one seventh that consistently notices the scummy cookies or like the dog is taking a dump in the sun? Like why am I, what the other six sevenths are not, sorry.
00:09:55
Speaker
I just backed right into that. You did six sevenths? Yeah. You did. Damn. ah Charlotte, I think of that all the time. And my favorite saying in the house is everyone needs to be an active participant of this household.
00:10:10
Speaker
Everyone needs needs to notice that the cat barfed and clean it up because last night, guess who walked in it? Me. And when I said, did anybody notice the cat threw up? They're like, oh yeah, we all did.
00:10:22
Speaker
Why didn't anybody clean it up? what What were you guys doing that you're so busy that you couldn't clean up the chunk of cat food that he hurled on the floor that I now just stepped in with a bare foot?
00:10:33
Speaker
Because they know and you're going to do it. Yeah. that segs That segues into my mom fail of the week, which I'm going to call a dad fail. Perfect.
00:10:44
Speaker
So i like basically I have a kid's consignment store of clothing in my basement. I just, I keep everything. And so I have yet to switch over all of my middle child's summer clothes to, I mean, yeah, to take out the summer clothes. And so I'm always constantly going in the basement to find her something to wear.
00:11:05
Speaker
And I walked in, thankfully not barefoot, but with a very thin sock on to our unfinished side of the basement. And I usually bring my flashlight cause there's not really good lighting in there and I have it and I prop it up and I'm digging in this box and I'm like, scoot forward to look inside and I step on something and I'm like, Oh, what's that? And I back away and it's just something black on the floor.
00:11:29
Speaker
So I get the flashlight and it is a half eaten mouse. maybe, or a mole, vole, because it's not big enough to be a mole. Just the tail and the back legs and then just some disgusting guts everywhere. And I'm like, it? Did it smell?
00:11:46
Speaker
No, nothing smelled. I'm like, okay first of all, my cat's lazy. He's lazier than anything. He's lazier than Garfield. He there's no way he killed this thing, but maybe he did. But also like, OK, how come I'm the only one who's noticed this? How long has this been sitting here? So I text my husband very discreetly and I'm like, Brandon, you need to come downstairs. And I send a picture of the mouse butt and I'm like, come clean this up because I'm getting ready to go do something.
00:12:12
Speaker
And he announces to the kids that there's a half-eaten mouse in the basement. So they come barreling down the stairs to come see it all excited. and And I'm like, you weren't supposed to tell them. I don't want them seeing this. This is gross.
00:12:27
Speaker
So then they, dad fail. My toddler's like, why? Where's his head? Where's his other arms? Who ate it? What had happened after they ate it? Was he sad when he was killed? I'm like, Jesus.
00:12:40
Speaker
So dad fail of the week. I still want to know where it had to have. It had to have been muffin. He got locked in that mystery. Yeah. He got locked in the unfinished side. and Okay. A couple of so hungry that he ate. home I mean, maybe that's what we need to do now. That was lock him over there to kill the mice in the house. Cause if you were to put a live mouse in front of him, he'll just like bat it around and then ask it if it wants to go hang out in the other room. Like he doesn't eat them.
00:13:10
Speaker
and Or so you thought. Or so I thought. Yeah. He has to get desperate. We found a bird. or I found a bird. we have like this sun porch and we just leave the door open so the dogs can come and go.
00:13:23
Speaker
And i I don't, I don't know what happened. Like, i don't know if the bird got in and then a dog caught it or if the dog caught it and brought it brought it in. Yeah. That's a mystery that we'll never. Was it dead in in the sunroom?
00:13:37
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's sad. Sorry. Callie, what's your mom feel? Um, what is my mom fail? Oh, um, so my seven year old, um, we took him to something where they were playing kickball and he didn't know how to play kickball.
00:13:55
Speaker
And then we realized like that we let our child get to seven years old and like didn't know how to play kickball. So then we had this whole, like, we're like, are we, Like, did we mess up? Like, where did we mess up? All the other seven-year-olds knew how to play kickball. Like, what we did we do something wrong?
00:14:10
Speaker
So anyways, now he knows how to play kickball. I blame the school system. Yeah, they didn't teach it his last school. Well, so fair enough. my He didn't do his kindergarten year at public school.
00:14:22
Speaker
So now he is in first grade. And so that's what I said to Michael. I was like, well, now he's in, you know, in public school. And they didn't have gym where he did kindergarten. They didn't have like a PE e class. So I'm like,
00:14:32
Speaker
I mean, maybe our fault for not sending him to a school that had PE for his
Exploring Gratitude and Unthankfulness
00:14:36
Speaker
kindergarten year. But I'm like, he'll learn this year. Like, he's in first grade. He's going to do all the basic. So, anyway. It's not like he went to college and they were all like, let's play kickball. He's like, what? What was that game?
00:14:48
Speaker
I feel like, yeah, i I've never taught my three kids. So, if the school. they learned at school, probably. Or, like, don't. I feel like that was our game we played growing up and like in the neighborhood and the circle. And now no one does that anymore.
00:15:02
Speaker
Right. loved kickball. Yeah. You should all play kickball. We should. I was going to want to play it. I was on a kickball team. There's the house next to us is not.
00:15:15
Speaker
Like, I'm worried that if I give too much information about it, it talks about where I live. Anyways, the house next to ours, people don't actually live there, but they have this amazing backyard. And i I just like, like the perfect kickball yard, just like perfect, flat, green.
00:15:29
Speaker
And I want to be like, can we just have your backyard to like have neighborhood kickball? And I think about it every time I look at that backyard. It's like the perfect kickball yard. You need to do that. Can you just yeah, use it and no one would know?
00:15:42
Speaker
Oh, okay. You can't. Okay. You can't. Unfortunately. Well, anybody else out there who has children that don't know how to play kickball, maybe it's time to go teach them.
00:15:56
Speaker
Lesson learned. ah This week we are talking, as I previously stated, about gratitude. Could you guys hear that noise? She moved something on her desk. Sounds like a chair. It's not me.
00:16:07
Speaker
It's my friend upstairs who's cleaning my kitchen. It's okay. Oh, wow.
00:16:14
Speaker
We'll take care of it. Okay. Charlotte will just edit that out. Yeah. Charlotte's the master of editing. Don't worry. Charlotte's got it. Well, maybe I should talk fast.
00:16:26
Speaker
ah So obviously we're all thankful for our families and our health and our home, but sometimes it gets, you know, it feels really good to just say the things that we're grateful for that has nothing to do with them or to say things that we're not grateful for.
00:16:40
Speaker
And while I was looking up some kind of statistic about where did the whole gratitude thing come from? I actually found something super interesting from 1931 on the last Thursday of November, 200 people gathered near union square in New York city for what was billed as the first annual blames giving service where people could talk about things that they were not thankful for. if,
00:17:10
Speaker
Basically, on Thanksgiving, it it was Blamesgiving. And they said, while others, ah the leaflet that went out to advertise this event and said, while others are expressing their gratefulness for the good things of the past year, there can be no harm in making a similar list of things that were not so good.
00:17:27
Speaker
So I thought it would be fun if we talked about that. And then I found another um quote from a psychological researcher. His name went was, ah is Ed Desi.
00:17:39
Speaker
He said, the true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions. So basically it's okay to not be happy and grateful for life 100% of the time. And sometimes I think we need to acknowledge the things that we're not happy and grateful for then appreciate the other stuff.
00:17:58
Speaker
So think, was thinking, you know, how do you, how how could we have a conversation about this? And obviously i went to some questions. So the first question I'm going to ask can be around Robin and it could, well, not a around Robin. Cause that's fast.
00:18:17
Speaker
I want to know what's one weirdly specific thing that you're thankful for this year. And you can explain why you don't have to just say it and then, and be done. Charlotte, what is one thing you're thankful for this year?
00:18:29
Speaker
I put the Libby app. What's that? I've been really busy with work, which I love, or not with work, with this house. And I'm always listening to something, and there's only so many podcasts I can listen to. So the Libby app is a public library. It's an app to get free audio books.
00:18:47
Speaker
Oh, so like Hoopla. I guess. Yeah. I mean, it's like Audible, but Audible you pay so much, which was annoying because if you're listening, i don't know, I can listen to a book in a day, so I don't need to be spending – whatever Audible's charging. So Libby is free.
00:19:02
Speaker
I love that. Hoopla is free too. And it syncs with our but public library. So if you. Yeah, it must be the same. Yeah. I think it's basically the same thing. Yeah. Okay, cool. Callie. um I put my backyard because I've got little kids, right?
00:19:18
Speaker
And they just are insane all of the time. And the fact that I could just at least once a day i open the door and I just say everybody has to go outside. It's fenced in the dog can go out there and i don't have to worry about her like running up.
00:19:30
Speaker
There's it is my savior in life to just be like, get out of the house, go be out there in the backyard while I stare in the window.
00:19:41
Speaker
Oh, I love that. Megan? ah Chat GPT. Oh, that's good I want to know how you use it. I'm always so interested because I don't use it enough.
00:19:53
Speaker
Okay. but What do you do with it? So for me, it helps me with everyday like captions for Instagram. Like I feel like I'm not – I'm not really – I don't consider myself like a smart person.
00:20:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:13
Speaker
And like I struggled in school. I had a learning disability. So like I got to find my way, you know, and now my poor Gianna, like she's dyslexic. So anyway, so I feel like it helps me with like just coming up with ideas. For instance… simple things with just writing emails. Like I'll be like, hey, can you say this in a way that's nicer? You know? And I feel like I'm coming across a little rude, you know?
00:20:41
Speaker
So I feel like it helps me with that. Captions for Instagram. ah Also graphics. I help with the field hockey team here in town. And I'll just be like, here's the copy you know, can you make a graphic out of it? And it just makes a graphic out of the copy that you paste. I don't know if you guys knew that.
00:21:03
Speaker
I mean, I've tried it, but the graphics are always terrible. so Yeah. I mean, they're just like basic, but yeah, it's just like everyday stuff and just simple things that you like, I feel like some of the stuff with ideas too, like I'll go to Pinterest and then I'll compare it to chat GPT.
00:21:21
Speaker
with like, ah you know, if it's like a simple recipe, a craft, whatever. But I would mainly say it's for the English language with texting, writing, coming up with ideas. And like just I love the options because then it helps me ah copy and paste things together, if that makes sense.
Finding Humor and Gratitude in Parenting
00:21:39
Speaker
Does that make sense, Charlotte? Yeah. I use it for everything. I love it too. So Like how do I have AI and I love it, but I do. I it all the time too. Do you use it, Charlotte?
00:21:50
Speaker
Sorry. no No, it's not part. I mean, if I have um specifically, but it's not part of my routine. So that's the first thing that I think of.
00:22:00
Speaker
But that's why I'm always curious because I know it's here to stay. And I know that people, it really is helping with productivity. Yes. I, so I'm trying to think of ways to use it other than like writing a caption is something I feel like I don't struggle with as much. So yeah.
00:22:20
Speaker
But i like I don't know where else I would use it. I just i don't know what I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the more you use it, the more you use it. Yeah. Like, I'll use it for just basic stuff. I'll be like, here's 10 recipes I like. Give me 10 more that are like this that I can make in under 30 minutes.
00:22:37
Speaker
It's really loud over here, so hold on a minute. um But I use it for math. I'm going run and see if they open the door. Oh, yes. That's a good, yeah. Or like schoolwork with the kids too, Charlotte. Yeah.
00:22:50
Speaker
Yeah. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll be right back. I do like it for editing stuff, but I have found that I have to. Like, I don't trust it. Just like I don't trust when I type something into Google. Like, I have to fact check everything I ask it for.
00:23:02
Speaker
Like, sometimes when I'm just brainstorming in ideas for videos, I'll be like, hey, or like even for the podcast, sometimes I'll be like, give me five interesting studies about like this topic or like data points.
00:23:12
Speaker
And then like, I'm always like, please give me the source because sometimes it like BS is you. Yes. and So I always like, it's good for like getting ideas and like starting a stream of thought, but like you, I still am like, I'm not trusting anything that it's giving me verbatim ever. Agreed. I usually copy and paste whatever it gives me and then go to Google if it's a fact or something.
00:23:34
Speaker
I mean, I always ask you, I'm like, give me the link, give me the source, give me the, cause I trust it. Yeah. I've used it for like, we wanted to find some cute place to go in New York city. So it was like,
00:23:47
Speaker
Are there any places that are like the color factory in New York City or whatever? but that's so that's a good idea. yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really, yeah. All right, I'm back. just feel like literally when we went to Maine, I was like, I'm going from here to here Find me a playground halfway between these two locations. I'm taking 395.
00:24:07
Speaker
And like that has restrooms and fast food nearby. Yeah. That's a super good idea. The number of times that I've been on yeah Google maps trying to like search a coffee. So that's like, these are, I forget that that's where I can go for that.
00:24:21
Speaker
Yes. I have to step away for one second. Okay. Well, I can, I can share what I'm grateful for this year and that's Archer beef sticks, the minis, because I probably have kept them in business.
00:24:34
Speaker
It's the easiest thing to eat on the go, and I'm not advertising for them at all. It's literally all I eat all day long. I mean, but you do need a sponsorship. The number of times that you talk about beef sticks.
00:24:48
Speaker
I know. Yeah. And I can't believe I haven't gotten sick of them yet because, like I said, I've consumed a lot, and that's the only kind of beef I can eat. I ate a cheeseburger yesterday and wanted to die. My stomach was so sick, so – Now, don't you like the chomps too or no?
00:25:04
Speaker
on Only the jalapeno ones. The other ones are just terrible. I actually saw them in Target um the other day and I was like, oh, Caitlin likes these. But like you said, you only like the jalapeno ones.
00:25:16
Speaker
Yep. And the ones that float in your water. like oh Oh, I forgot about that. still think about that every once for in a while when I go to drink water. i'm like, oh my God, what is something? I still sniff my water bottles.
00:25:28
Speaker
That story has stuck with me. All right, my next question is, what is something you used to hate doing as a mom that you're now oddly grateful for?
00:25:39
Speaker
i mean, mine has such a big asterisk next to it because- Same. i i do feel like I finally gotten a handle on like cooking meals for my kids that are not just like reheating chicken from the freezer, which was sort of their first five years of life.
00:25:57
Speaker
I do feel like I have a system and there are even some days when like I put on NPR and I'm making something and I'm like, okay, this is sort of fun and I'm on top of it. And because my kids are older, there's not this like race to get in before they turn into pumpkins and So, but there's such a caveat because if you were to bring me food for my family every day of the week, I would gladly say thank you.
00:26:24
Speaker
So you, so you love it, but you hate it at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. Mine is something that I probably am going to hate soon again, but right now i used to hate driving back and forth and back and forth with my kids, just, you know, being a mom Uber.
00:26:40
Speaker
But this year I, I'm really appreciating it because I get to spend time with each of them individually, usually in the car and have conversations with them without any other siblings around or, you know, music or anything. And I'm just, I'm really thankful for that.
00:26:58
Speaker
But like I said, I'll probably hate it in six months. So that's what it is. Callie, how about you? Yeah, mine is kind of like Charlotte's where there is like an asterisk, but it's just mine is when my kids wake up earlier, they wake up in the middle of the night. And it's not that I enjoy this.
00:27:14
Speaker
Like if they didn't do it, that would be great. But there's this part of me because, you know, pretty sure this is the last baby and I've done it so many times and I know it doesn't last forever that like.
00:27:27
Speaker
I don't I kind of savor it a little bit more, i think, than like when it happened with Miles or Finley. Not that sometimes they don't occasionally wake up, but I just feel like it used to be feel so much more catastrophic, like that I was only getting four hours of sleep that night because somebody had a bad dream or whatever.
00:27:45
Speaker
and I kind of I don't know if think maybe thankful is not quite the right word, but I i savor at them more. And I'm not like, you know, I kind of just accept that it is what it is. And I don't know if that makes sense.
00:27:57
Speaker
Yeah, no, I agree. i think it's it's annoying when people say to enjoy this now because someday it won't be there and you just want to punch them in their throat. But sometimes they have a point. yes there is a little. we Michael and I have, a you know, that that country song where it's like, you're going to miss this. I'm literally singing it in my head right now.
00:28:18
Speaker
Yes. We will joke it. We will sing it to each other like as a joke when like two children are having like a meltdown at one time or like every once in a while I'll be like, I'm not going to miss like this, like this part right here.
00:28:29
Speaker
I won't miss this. But yeah, I mean, there are i feel like for me, there's definitely been with the third and the fourth, like things that I kind of. Like is not the right word, but i I endure them with more respect and like I don't stress out about them like I did with the first two.
00:28:49
Speaker
Yeah. I feel that with Arbor right now. Megan, what ah what's something you thought about? So mine's, I have to piggyback off Callie. So Nico's nine and when he goes to bed at night, Joe or I take turns laying down with him to get him to fall asleep.
00:29:07
Speaker
I know he's nine, but I don't mind doing it. He's my last. He's my baby. So my dad goes like this. but snap He's like, you're still breastfeeding this kid.
00:29:20
Speaker
But and like, it's just we rotate, you know, and it's he like, Even like this summer when we so stay with my parents, same thing. My mom's like, you're still laying down with him at night. I'm like, I know, mom. He can fall asleep. He does it without us. But it's he's like, mom, are you tucking me in or dad tonight? And it literally takes five, 10 minutes.
00:29:39
Speaker
But I think it's, again, he's my last. I'm not having any more kids. Soon enough, he's not even going to want anyone laying down with him at night. And he's asked us, so I do it. And I'm sure, you know, people will be like, you're crazy. I know. I just, I really don't mind taking those five, 10 minutes. And he still likes me. He's kind to me. He's like, I love you, mom. So it's like, wow, someone likes me in this sense, you know?
00:30:05
Speaker
I get that. I didn't put this question in there, but this is goes along with the whole theme of this episode. And that's something that you're not thankful for. Like you, you just are not thankful for it at all.
00:30:20
Speaker
And this is an we're an open space for on the trust tree. You can say something you're not thankful for. and I'll start because I thought about this yesterday when I heard a mother talking about it at work, she came in and she saying her, her daughter's 10.
00:30:36
Speaker
And for her birthday, she wants a bra. And she had to say to her 10-year-old, you know, well, you don't necessarily need a bra. And she's like, oh, but I want a bra. i can't wait to wear a bra. And so I was sitting there thinking, i hate bras.
00:30:48
Speaker
I hate them so much. I wish I didn't have to wear one. They're uncomfortable. And I remember a day when I really liked them. And now I'm not. I'm not thankful for them. I'm not at all.
00:30:59
Speaker
I'm not thankful for not being able to wear them. I'm not thankful for um like online forms. Everything's online now. i get it. Some of this is convenient. Some of the stuff is better.
00:31:13
Speaker
We moved my kids dentists in the form that I have to fill out is eight. I want to swear. so many pages long and I have to do it four times because God forbid they know that it's the same family and all the information is the same.
00:31:31
Speaker
And I just, i I just, every time we take my kids to the pediatrician, I have to fill out the same eight page. And then I don't do it because I'm like, I'm, and then I get there and they're like, you can't come in. to I'm like, I was just, I was just here. I have four children under the age of seven. We're here every three weeks.
00:31:46
Speaker
You know what mean? Like I got to fill out the same, it's the same siblings. I just, I hate all of that. The digital forms. I don't think it's me. I don't know.
Family Dynamics and Personal Gratitude
00:31:55
Speaker
Let's go back to paper. I feel that. Yeah.
00:31:59
Speaker
Charlotte, you got, did you think of one? You know, it's like all I do at night is like scroll TikTok and it brings me joy and I like it and people are clever and I found some things, but I do I think about a time when like I'd be doing a puzzle or a crossword puzzle like way before smartphones or anything. and I listen to books now, but I would have been reading a book. so There's definitely moments where it's like, I've lost the plot.
00:32:27
Speaker
like i am You know, but there's, it's easy to justify because I also feel like I'm not alone on this planet. And I think it would be easy to feel that way if I didn't have social media because it's how I've met friends and I've connected to my work and I get ideas. There's so many good things that come from it, but there's definitely moments when it's like.
00:32:47
Speaker
Yeah. <unk>re like your You say thank you for this, but at the same time, maybe can we not have it? I feel that way about text reminders from the dentist, from your shipped email.
00:32:58
Speaker
shopper at target like thank you for letting me know that you couldn't find you know my coffee but don't i you don't have to keep texting me about it and showing me pictures of other coffee i already declined it i don't want any just forget about it it's not a big deal You don't need it. Or your your Walmart driver is five miles from your house. And then you get another text. Your Walmart driver is two miles from your house.
00:33:22
Speaker
all All the way up until your Walmart driver is outside your door. Your delivery is here. Did you like your delivery? And I'm like, no, now I'm mad. You just blew up my phone. ah yeah, I'm not thankful for those.
00:33:35
Speaker
know Megan, do you have one that you just... Yeah, it's kind of awkward, but I'm just going to go with it. Retainers. Okay. So I know they keep everyone's teeth straight after we pay all these thousands of dollars and put all this time in with spacers and headgear. But there's like cups in the bathroom and I'm the one that's always emptying them and putting in the fluoride and the cleaner and then putting them in the retainer case. We also have the cleaner thing that plugs in the wall.
00:34:04
Speaker
So it's like I have a love-hate. I get they keep everyone's teeth clean, but I'm the one that's always cleaning them because they smell. Like in Ava's room, it's by her bedside and they're floating and there's all shit in it and like, ugh.
00:34:18
Speaker
So yeah, mine's retainers. Yeah. Sorry, I know that's random, but it's just like – No, I mean, it's valid. Everyone's allowed to not be grateful for something. I feel like just kids' teeth in general. Like, I wish somebody had let me know how much work that was going to be. And how much it's going to cost.
00:34:38
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, and I think it's the smell too. They just smell. Like, just clean. you Like, you take them out of your mouth in the morning. You have morning breath. Like, clean the water. Clean them. Like, grimy.
00:34:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm not thankful for unboxings on YouTube because that's where all of our children get the ideas for things that they want instead of a nice little magazine. So yeah, I'm not thankful for those this year or last year or any year or any year.
00:35:12
Speaker
The other, and then my last question about this is nothing to do with, you know, not being thankful for things, but I don't remember how I came up with this, but if your husband and if it's, if you don't want to say your husband, but if your children had to name one thing that they think you would put on your gratitude list, what would it be?
00:35:33
Speaker
My phone. see Your phone? Megan. Megan. Yeah. my Yeah. They're always like, are you on Instagram? You're always on Instagram. And it's like, I'm not always on Instagram. I'm checking the school emails. I'm checking the sports apps. Like your phone blows up all day long. So it's like, you could be doing really important things, but they think you're scrolling Instagram. Are you on Instagram? No.
00:36:01
Speaker
Callie, what about you? feel like if you asked Any person in my house, they would say coffee, including the two-year-old. They would all say that that's – I feel like if you asked any of them, that's what they say. My husband would probably say like when he does the dishes.
00:36:16
Speaker
Oh, that's nice on him. mean which Yeah, he does them every morning. It's amazing. and And he knows how much I appreciate it. So I feel like he might say that one. I asked Brandon and he said, I don't understand the question. So never mind.
00:36:30
Speaker
Sounds about right. And then I asked my kids and only Eileen answered and she said hot yoga. And she said it all nasty. Cause like, and I was like, actually I am grateful for it. Like, I'm very thankful for that. That's number one on my gratitude list.
00:36:44
Speaker
Not you, hot yoga. Because I love to do that. But yeah, that's cute. Mine might say Cheetos now that I think about it. Cheetos. I could picture one of mine saying wine.
00:36:56
Speaker
her Now I want a glass of wine. I know it's like new, but doesn't that sound nice right now? It does. I have a wine fridge behind me. i would share with you guys if I could. It's kind nice to sit out in this room now and think about that.
00:37:12
Speaker
um And, you know, I guess we do have to say one thing we actually are grateful for because what's something that you truly are thankful for this year? And it can be totally generic and and it can be hokey or not.
00:37:27
Speaker
Maybe it's funny.
00:37:31
Speaker
You mean that's not like the typical? I mean, because I am thankful for my family and my health and blah, blah, blah. but I mean, I am, you know. My kids have been a pretty good sport this year. We sprung a surprise. We're moving on them, and they – They have been so helpful and flexible and even like encouraging.
00:37:53
Speaker
Like I'm now at a point where it's like, I really like this house, but is it better? I don't know. It's not bigger. You know what I mean? Like I don't have regrets, but I also just, I'm like, this is ah different house. And they're like, we like it more, which is hearing that it's like, okay, yeah great.
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah. Megan, can you think of something? I would just say in general, my three kids. Just I feel like this is all I've ever wanted and now here I am 43 and i know it has its, you know, ups and downs and it's just pure chaos most days. But like when you, you know, hit the bed at night and go to go to sleep or wake up in the morning when you're not dealing with any of that, you're like, wow, like this is all I ever wanted.
00:38:35
Speaker
So I would just say just if I could just, yeah, the three kids. Oh, that's nice. I came up with this. Well, it's it's true. i i mean, I feel the same way, but I thought of this topic because as I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, my cousin passed away and he was 39 and um he had been battling brain cancer for 11 years.
00:39:02
Speaker
And at his celebration of life after the services, his sister, who is not one to ever stand up and ever give a speech or do anything like that. ah was like i just I feel like I need to say this because I was thinking of how Brian just lived his life in just such, ah I don't even know how to describe the way he lived.
00:39:27
Speaker
Everything was amazing to him, everything, and until it wasn't, and then he let you know and he just said it. So she's like, I'm going to tell you some ways to live a better life like Brian, And it was like, one if you love food, eat it.
00:39:41
Speaker
Eat all the good food. Like, let yourself have it. Just enjoy it. She said Brian loved food and he never... You know, he was just thankful for it and he ate it and he, and he just, it was the best thing ever.
00:39:52
Speaker
She said to go to the gym. Like if you can physically exercise, go to the gym because there are some people who can't do that. Brian could not work out anymore for the last like two years of his life. And he loved it so much. So she's like everyone that was there, this huge group of us, just go to the gym for him.
00:40:10
Speaker
And she said three, um, if something sucks, say it sucks. Be like, this is a piece of shit. Don't hold it all in. Just say it. And because Brian didn't have a filter, he would just say, you know, this sucks because you need to accept that.
00:40:25
Speaker
As I said before, you know, not everything in life is perfect and there's pain when there's beauty and you can acknowledge both of them. They can coexist. And so to acknowledge it and just not that pain is a good thing and you know sadness is a good thing, but without those, then there is no, without the bad, there is no good.
00:40:46
Speaker
And then the fourth, I can't remember. And then the fifth was just like, be with the people you love. Don't, if you have an opportunity to hang out with somebody that you enjoy, ah family member, a friend, just do it. Just don't hold back because you only have today.
00:41:02
Speaker
You don't know what tomorrow is. And that's how Brian was. And so i was sitting around trying to think of, okay, I could talk about gratitude and Thanksgiving, but actually let's just talk about, you know,
00:41:13
Speaker
things that you are grateful for in life, things you might not be grateful for in life, and just being honest because that's how my cousin was. Very honest. have you Have you all seen Inside Out 2? Yes.
00:41:26
Speaker
yeah No. I was just, it's very, have you seen Inside Out 1? Yes. and Inside Out 2 is a little more sophisticated, but I was listening to Amy Poehler's podcast, which I love, and she had Maya Hawk on it.
00:41:40
Speaker
And Maya in Inside Out 2, they introduce a couple other feeling characters because Riley is now a teenager. And so anxiety enters the conversation and one of the things you learn is that you can't experience joy. Like there's a hand in hand, simpatico between anxiety and joy. Like you can't feel true joy without also like including your anxiety or your pain or whatever. And that's, i I made me want to go watch the movie again, but they were talking about the power of that, like learning that you can't like joy is, you have to have joy and gratitude along with the negative stuff too.
00:42:23
Speaker
that movie That movie is one of my favorites. oh So good. Yeah. It it truly, to watch it with my three children at the theater, Arbor didn't even know what was going on. But my older children kept looking at me because I cried probably on and off the entire movie.
00:42:38
Speaker
It resonated with me just so much to think, wow, somebody just took everything that's like how I have felt and put it into these funny characters and Yeah. and And anxiety was totally like what i imagine my anxiety to look like.
00:42:54
Speaker
But just an important thing for children to understand that it's okay to have All of it. You know? have to have them all. Yeah, you have have all. go watch it, Megan. Let us know what you No, thank you. I'm going to put it on my movie list. I love stuff like that. And when you watch it with the kids too, I feel like then you talk about it after and it's like good life lessons.
00:43:13
Speaker
Yeah, it is.
Episode Conclusion: Chaos, Gratitude, and Listener Call to Action
00:43:16
Speaker
So I guess that brings us to the end of our chat about gratitude. And for Pits and Peaks this week, I had said – Let's call it grateful for chaos.
00:43:27
Speaker
Share one pit and a peak. And like, what's something terrible you can sort of be thankful for now, which we just already talked about. So you have an option. If you have a pit this week you want to share or a peak or whatever you're grateful for chaos, go right ahead.
00:43:44
Speaker
Does anyone want to go first? No. You're making me. Callie. and always feel like if I choose to go first, that like, what if somebody else has somebody... I overthink it. And then I'm like, what? ah yeah Anyways, I did pick one because you said to pick something that's kind of sucky, but also you like it.
00:44:04
Speaker
And I feel like for me, it's like I put like the busy nights because for me, though, the most chaotic time of night in my um kind chaotic part of my day is like that, like 430 to 630.
00:44:16
Speaker
And like there are some times when like like I said, like two children are melting down about something. And like my four year old is like doing some art project that's just everywhere. And like, it's just chaos.
00:44:28
Speaker
And you, I mean, like my cortisol level must just be just literally through the roof, just like all the way up to wherever. But in those moments, sometimes too, like I can look around and be like, very grateful for it. Like sort of Megan, like you were saying, where it's like,
00:44:43
Speaker
I look around, I'm like, look at this like little family that we, you know what I mean? This little family and these little siblings and they're like having their little interactions. And so it can be even in those moments of total chaos where I'm still thankful for it.
00:44:55
Speaker
Yeah, I feel that way often lately. um I'm trying to make myself feel that way. i something I've started doing a long time ago, Annabelle, my oldest, has trouble remembering things.
00:45:13
Speaker
And so I'm always, you know, double, triple check everything that she does. Let me make sure i read over your work. Let me make sure I've double checked your dance bag and It's a good thing because now she wants me to do all of that, but also it's a bad thing because she wants me to do all of that.
00:45:32
Speaker
So even down to sending her teacher an email to ask if there was a study guide for the math test, can you just proofread this? Can you just make sure this is okay? And so I want her to be more independent, but I also kind of have to keep like a hold on her because I can't trust her to just do it on her own. So I'm i'm grateful that I've taught her to do this, but also kind of, it's not chaos. It's just more annoying.
00:45:59
Speaker
Megan? I would say a clean house. I have a love hate with this. I like things to be clean and I know my kids appreciate it. You know, like just having to walk home, ah walk home, come in from school and things are organized I feel like for me, when you have a clean house, I operate better as a mother.
00:46:23
Speaker
But it's, you know, it's a pit too because then I feel like I go into rage mode sometimes. And I'm like going in every room and, you know, being in a bad mood where I feel like, you know, your kids just want you to be happy. Yeah.
00:46:37
Speaker
I always say that in my head, like no matter how tired and stressed, I try to like be like, they just want like a happy mom, even if you are not happy. So you try to fake it, you know? And like even last night Nico's like, can I have a waffle and another orange juice? And I'm like, it's like, you know, bedtime. And I'm like, can't you just do it yourself?
00:46:55
Speaker
But I'm like, okay, yes, yes, I'll do it. um So yeah, just in general, just having ah clean house would be, that was what I wrote down.
00:47:08
Speaker
Charlotte, how about you? I put down, similar to you, Caitlin, independence in my kids. It's definitely something that from the jump, I've raised them to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to act for themselves. But that means that, you know, I'll go up to their room and they've there's seven cups in every room.
00:47:28
Speaker
Like there's a certain level of entitlement that comes with that because they're just like, oh, I'm going to do it. But it also means that they can – Like my freshman has started just barbecuing steak for himself because he needs something to eat.
00:47:41
Speaker
And my youngest will just make like eggs and bacon because they've learned how to make eggs and bacon. So I think I will take the cups in the room or the whatever weird things they've decided to just do because it means that they're.
00:47:57
Speaker
doing other things like barbecuing steak. That's great. Does he make you a steak too? Yeah, I was just going to say, do you get some of that? He he would. he has – yeah, I haven't – quality control checked. I don't know what he's doing. He's eating it. So yeah. As long as they're happy, who cares? Right. Yeah.
00:48:16
Speaker
Yes. Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Thank you for listening. Leave us a review. Has anyone left us to review in a long time? i mean, guys, leave us a review. Leave us a review.
00:48:30
Speaker
We'll put you on our gratitude list. right for this month for leaving us review and i think this goes out before thanksgiving so happy thanksgiving how i've tried written down the words to say it is time i've been waiting five days to explain how you make me feel inside baby