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22. The One About Empowered Birth and Beyond (with Ash Tomlinson)
20 Plays23 days ago
In this nourishing chat, Victoria sits down with doula and motherhood mentor Ash Tomlinson to unpack birth without fear, what “continuity of care” really looks like, and how to turn a rigid “birth plan” into a flexible birth map anchored to your values. Ash shares her own story -planning a home birth, navigating IUGR and a breech baby, ultimately choosing a gentle, intentional caesarean - and how listening to her intuition shaped a joyful experience. You’ll hear practical ways to advocate for yourself, include partners meaningfully, and protect your nervous system in pregnancy, birth, and the long, long season called motherhood.
Big reminder: You always have the answer within you - you just need the space to hear it.What we cover
- From plan to map: why a birth map honours your values, preferences, and “if this/then that” pathways—even when things change
- Intuition over noise: how Ash knew a caesarean was the right call and made it beautiful and intentional
- Continuity of care: private midwives, postpartum support at home, and why familiar faces matter
- Language & power: spotting phrases that quietly remove your choices—and reclaiming your “yes/no”
- Partners as anchors: preparing partners for hands-on (or hands-off) support, and debriefing their experience too
- Postpartum is forever: nervous-system regulation, emotional embodiment, and simplifying daily rituals
- Little moments, big impact: sunlight, a hot coffee, slow mornings—why tiny practices count (and kids mirror what we model)
Meet Ash
Ash Tomlinson is a mum to Billy and a doula supporting women through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum in and around Geraldton, WA. She blends mindset work, nervous-system education, and soulful, practical support for mothers at every stage. Ash offers 1:1 doula care, birth mapping sessions, and a motherhood group program (re-launching early in the new year).
- Connect: Instagram @ashtomlinson_ or Facebook: Ash Tomlinson Holistic Doula &b Mentor
- Enquiries: DM Ash to book a connection call
Connect with Victoria
- Instagram: @the.victoria.r
- Website: www.victoria-r.com.au
- Questions or collabs: DM on Instagram
Gentle disclaimer
This episode shares lived experience and general information. It’s not medical advice. Please consult your healthcare provider for your specific circumstances.
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Transcript
Introduction to Ash and Her Doula Journey
00:00:37
Speaker
so Okay. Welcome everyone to the Mindful Educator podcast. I'm joined today by Ash and Ash has, well, firstly, bit of background. So Ash is actually my husband's cousin, so we're related.
00:00:52
Speaker
um And Ash is also moving into the space of being doula, working with women, um really advocating for those that are wanting to have really, i suppose, their own type of birth and postpartum journeys, isn't it Ash? Yeah. Why don't you start just by saying hello, telling us a little bit about yourself and yeah, we'll go from there. Well, hey guys, I'm Ash and I'm a mum to a two-year-old boy, Billy.
00:01:18
Speaker
And yeah, I guess since from my pregnancy and then my motherhood experience, I really... Yeah, became really quite passionate, I guess, about that whole pregnancy birthing space, motherhood space um and could just really see um that mothers just really deserve and women in general just deserve more in this space and than what we're currently getting. um And it's such a special and transformative time ah for women.
00:01:47
Speaker
And, yeah, and the support that they need and deserve, ah yeah, is amazing. it's really lacking
Challenging Childbirth Narratives
00:01:56
Speaker
in the space. And I really want to be that person to come in and help them and see how, you know, powerful they are, how magical they are, like how they, you know, how they can experience such a um like intuitive, intentional, joyful birth. Like it doesn't have to be the big, scary, fearful thing that, um you know, society and the medical system and all that puts out there.
00:02:19
Speaker
um Yeah, it can be a really beautiful space. So Yeah. Love that. so was there anything in your own experience that kind of made you decide to start doing this work? Or how was your own experience when you did have your child? Like, was it a good experience for you? Or was it one that maybe wasn't so great? Like, where i did this kind of stem from?
00:02:38
Speaker
Well, it was, so it started off being, it was my pregnancy honestly was amazing, like beautiful. I was really lucky and grateful that I was really well through my pregnancy. There was no sickness. I, um yeah, I felt...
Personal Pregnancy Journey and Birth Planning
00:02:54
Speaker
amazing. I loved being pregnant. So um yeah, felt really good in myself. I probably started out um like when I fell pregnant, my, when I would think about birth and I would think about what I would want to experience, I always envisioned like, how did i want my baby to come into the into the world. Like I looked at the, like I would always see the room and i was like, like it would make me cringe thinking of like a hospital space and it would make, and like just who was in the room. And I was like, that's not who i want there. Like, that's not what I want it to be.
00:03:28
Speaker
um and and then I would also think about myself and the person that I was as I was pregnant and that as I would birth and then what I would be like after, like I would be like, I would think,
00:03:43
Speaker
I guess I had like a little bit of like a worry there that what my birth experience would do to me in postpartum. And, yeah, like it would be because I guess because of um like knowing that like whole birth tra trauma um and what can it, ah what that does the postpartum depression and all the things.
00:04:05
Speaker
So I wanted to do what I could for my birth, like to have that be a really intentional space, um really put that thought into it. so So, yeah, so knowing all that, I did a lot of research. I had a private midwife, so I didn't actually have a um obstetrician. I went a private midwife and I was planning a home birth.
00:04:26
Speaker
um Yeah. so that was all the whole plan. And yeah honestly, i would um recommend a private midwife to everyone. Like they come to your home, like they, yeah, it's just beautiful. Like it's that, that continuity of care throughout.
00:04:42
Speaker
It's just amazing. um And cause you get that postpartum support as well, her coming to your home and all of that. But anyway, so, yeah, that was the plan, having a home birth. um Yeah, everything was going amazing. But then when I was ah got to 34 weeks, um I was measuring quite small.
00:05:02
Speaker
And so um my midwife um just said, let's just go and get a scan just to make sure everything's all good, everything's all there. um And at a scan, so it was a growth scan and with like an ultrasound.
00:05:16
Speaker
And it came that Bob was measuring quite small. um It's called intrauterine growth restriction. so where the placenta is prioritizing the head over the body.
00:05:28
Speaker
And so the measurements are just like, so the the head is, um so for Billy, for example, he was measuring the head was in the 92nd percentile and his body was in like the, think it was the second percentile. So there was like quite a big difference.
00:05:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And so then from there, it was just like a whole lot of monitoring because what can happen with that is like they'll start to bright preserve energy and not move a lot and all the placenta can like shut down. There's like a whole bunch of things that could happen.
00:05:59
Speaker
So it was just a lot of monitoring, a lot of um getting extra scans done, just checking that growth week by week. um But he did great. Like he actually like each scan got better, better.
00:06:10
Speaker
um And, but it did mean that um the home birth was um not able to happen.
Adapting Birth Plans and Intuition
00:06:17
Speaker
And then it was another thing. Billy was actually breach as well. So being breach, um,
00:06:23
Speaker
although it is just a variation of normal, ah being in the small town that I am in, Geraldton, it's it's and not a variation of normal here in Geraldton. Yeah, being a small town, small hospital, um they so the majority of people when you hear breach, it just goes straight to cesarean birth.
00:06:43
Speaker
no There's not a whole lot of people or places that would do a vaginal breach, yeah although I had great um faith in my midwife as she's done vaginal. um, breech birth training, um, that with the whole growth, um, of Billy, cause it's like, um, the, like, there's like a risk of like the head getting stuck because his head was quite a lot larger than his body. There's like a risk of like the head getting stuck because, um, like the body will come out when the, um, you're not fully dilated and all the things.
00:07:15
Speaker
So there was a lot whole lot of risk. There was a lot of conversations, a lot of all the things with, um, doctors with my midwife with my midwife trying to get like get in contact with people to get other opinions and all the like everyone was doing so much too because I just I wanted the vaginal birth yeah but there was this moment when like a voice just spoke to me and if and it was just like it's okay Like it was just a voice that just spoke to me like it's okay. Like, and it was just, and then that in that moment I just said to Ryan, like, i I have to have it, like I have to birth by cesarean. Like it's just like, it was just this like knowing.
00:07:51
Speaker
And so we did. And honestly, it was beautiful. It was amazing. Like it was the most amazing day, um amazing experience, beautiful experience, most joyful time.
00:08:03
Speaker
and and I put that down to the values, the feeling, the intention we put into it. Like even though it wasn't at home and it wasn't the birth that we wanted, everything that we wanted from that birth is all there.
00:08:16
Speaker
Like although it obviously was in a medical space, like um I had my midwife there, I had Ryan there. we had our music playing we had like all the people there were so lovely and like laughing and beautiful and so happy for us and then our we made our room so once we got back to our room ryan had put like um a big plant all in there like from home like he put like little fairy lights through the room little kid it was like it was just like so he just made it like our home like yeah like so like there's all that like intention piece to it so although it wasn't
00:08:50
Speaker
the exact birth experience, like there's that transferable things. So, yeah. Yeah. ah I love that. And I love how you've, yeah, like you need to listen to your own intuition in that moment as well. Like it I think that's something that we often maybe don't refer to as much, especially when, because we we do try but kind of put a lot of our trust in the experts, don't we? um Or, yeah you know, who the medical professionals are in that case. And Yeah, I love that you kind of just knew what was right for you in that time. And even though it wasn't what you had planned, it was what was needed.
00:09:21
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Don't go on. That's just beautiful. I know. He was so good. He was so good. Yeah. Yeah. and Yeah. yeah So I guess from the all that, like that was just like a big piece of like or like I knew all that of how to do that from all the education I gave, like, gave myself and all the work I'd done myself, I guess, beforehand. Yes.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah, but I do all that. And, you know, i had my midwife, I had Ryan, who was a great supporter as well, but there's not a lot of mums that have that. And they would have just, like, you know, like, in if anyone else, like, was in that exhibit like that situation, it could have turned out very differently. And, yeah, so...
Empowering Mothers in Birth and Postpartum
00:10:02
Speaker
Yeah. So yeah based on that and kind of what you've been through, how do you then take that to help other women when they're kind of going through this themselves? Like have... Yeah, what would be your role in that regard um with what you're doing now?
00:10:17
Speaker
Yeah, so what i'm so with what I do now, like when I work with mums, I ah first get really clear on like what like what do they want to experience from birth, like what um I guess what their beliefs are on birth and what they know about birth and then what they want to experience, what they want to feel, what they feel.
00:10:37
Speaker
um what their needs are, their values are around it. and then um And then, yeah, and then I give them... ah make sure they have, I guess, all the information they need so that they can make their decisions about things and they can put things in place. And they, are like, I really make sure that they're aware that they're the driver of their birth. Like, they're the one that um decides things. they they They can say yes and no. They can, um you know, they can put these things in place or they can, um yeah, because it's always, like, it's very much,
00:11:15
Speaker
there's a lot of language used that makes makes people see that they don't have a choice yeah when they actually do. Like every birthing mother um can say yes or no to things, but sometimes it's not put in a way that you can say yes or no.
00:11:31
Speaker
So it's just really making sure that mums know that, hey, you you are, you're the you're the one here that makes all these decisions. It's your birth. It's like, listen to you.
00:11:42
Speaker
um and what you your intuition is saying what your inner knowing is telling you and I love that yeah because I mean especially i mean I know like wasn't my oldest is 11 now but you know going back even then it was kind of like you know you just kind of go along and I love the fact that it's becoming um a lot more well known that you can speak up a lot more now you can say yes or no to things it's kind of Yeah, it is your choice because previously it ah didn't really feel like it was that case at all.
00:12:10
Speaker
Yeah. So I love that you're advocating for that. And I think like a lot of the times mums don't realise that they can say no till after they've had a baby. Like they've had their baby, they've had that experience and they're oh, like I wish I'd done that differently.
00:12:25
Speaker
Like or are like, oh, I didn't realise could have said no and stuff. So, yeah, it's really trying to get that that out there and stuff and, yeah, making sure that. ah yeah And also like of making sure mums are in this space that they can make that decision because a lot of the time like, you know, pregnancy can be such a like if you let a pregnancy can become a stressful time and a fearful time because it's so, there's a lot going on and there's a lot to think about and move through and all the things. And you're growing a human and yeah.
00:12:54
Speaker
Yeah, you're growing a human and and all things. And then if it's maybe your second or third, you've got other little humans around. Yeah. um So it's a lot to kind of, yeah, Yeah, to work through. And so it's just putting yourself in that space where you can kind of quieten the mind and um listen in.
00:13:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And so how do you help those that um maybe you've come to see you once they've already had a child? Like, do you work with those that, you know, they've had the baby, maybe they didn't know that this was an option to to be with someone or to have someone by their side. Have you worked with those kind of postpartum as well and worked with lots of mums kind of through different things or where where does your role fall in that regard?
00:13:35
Speaker
Yeah, so I also work with um just mums as well through like mindset and wellbeing. Awesome. Yeah, yeah. So like working with them, um yeah, like just to taking care of them themselves through motherhood at any stage so that they can be the best version of themselves for themselves but also their family and, you know, for their kids and all the things.
00:13:57
Speaker
um Yeah, putting themselves at the top of the list, like, you know, taking care of their family um physical, emotional, spiritual wellbeing, all the things. Yeah.
00:14:08
Speaker
And that's such an important piece as well. I think a lot of people kind of forget that. And I don know you that the the system itself kind of forgets that you've had the baby off you go. Like you kind of, you're on your own. Yeah. Yeah. Or you've had your six big check.
00:14:20
Speaker
Cool. You're all good now. Yeah. And you're like, ah, what, like what am I doing? Yeah. Yeah. yeah And I know for me personally, like I kind of I definitely put myself last. There was no prioritizing.
00:14:32
Speaker
myself when it came to the kids it was like oh well you know you've got to keep this little human alive like that's where all your energy and focus is going but then obviously as you notice like there's you know people are becoming a lot more stressed out there's lots more burnout there's all these things kind of happening as a result of that so yeah I love that you're there to kind of go ah actually you're a priority too yeah yeah yeah yeah and because like mums are put on this pedestal right that they should be able to do it all and like be everything to everyone and like like
Mindset Coaching and Personal Growth
00:15:02
Speaker
do it all for their kids and then you've got social media there where you know like if a mum goes on there and they say like that mum is doing all of that for like you know and they're getting through everything and they just look so great and they're getting they're not losing their shit at all they're like they're fine and they're happy and they're doing all the things um and they're just what am doing wrong yeah exactly and so then they're just like give give give give give give give and then yeah and they're forgotten
00:15:30
Speaker
So one thing I love, I love how you've kind of ended up here. So obviously when I first started dating Michael, you ah you were working as retail assistant. Then you kind of got into the health of fitness industry as well. So kind of what made you kind of, how did you get here?
00:15:47
Speaker
What made you get to this point in your career path? Because it's really fascinating. And i kind of, i think everyone would love to know kind of what led you down this path in the first place. Yeah. When I think of it, like, I feel like when I, so I shifted into like, yeah, so the health and fitness and I feel like then it was like, and then since then, like, I feel like I've always just been trying to help a version of myself that I was.
00:16:10
Speaker
And like, so I was in the health and fitness, a PT, nutrition coach, all the things there. and loving all that. But then I think, and then I started working on my own kind of mindset, healing my own, you know, inner child and all those kinds of parts.
00:16:25
Speaker
And then learning that for myself, i was like, oh, and then, then when I would be in my PT space and nutrition space, I would want to help people with that too. I would be able but to see like, oh like, like, oh, there's so much more here that I want to help you with.
00:16:41
Speaker
And so then I moved into that space and I started adding mindset coaching into it. And then um and it just became like, yeah, mindset coaching, a whole wellbeing space and just looking after the whole person. Yeah. um Yeah, a person as a whole. And um I guess I was still using um the nutrition and the um and exercise part, but it kind of shifted and changed into using that as more of a, know,
00:17:10
Speaker
I guess an name ah embodiment piece and more of a piece of like taking care of them, not whereas whereas before, like it would have been like they had like a, like a fitness goal or an, um, a weight loss goal or something like that.
00:17:25
Speaker
Um, but then when I moved into the mindset, it was like, okay, well, but what's beneath that and what's underneath that, like, and what's like, where is that stemming from? And so it was like bringing the bothness together and yeah. And then when I fell pregnant,
00:17:40
Speaker
and had Billy it' although that um the fitness I guess the nutrition part was there and it so it hasn't absolutely gone away but it's definitely shifted a lot like now I move and I exercise for definitely like my mindset part of things or what I need to do for my body to you know release energy to move energy and yeah like and I um eat for my health and my well-being rather than for a specific weight loss goal or things like that. And I guess where I'm at is what I like to then help people with.
00:18:17
Speaker
So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. oh my good yeah Yeah. It's actually really interesting about the mindset though, because so many people I know that are start off in the health and fitness industry always kind of end up looking at the mindset because it's such an important piece of the whole thing, isn't it? Like it's yeah yeah that missing place a lot of the time.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And cause you can see it. That's why, like, I would just say people just go in cycles, like, and it would just go in cycles because there's like that missing piece they're not looking at and dealing with and it would just go round and round and round. And I'm like, like, it would just become so frustrating. Cause I'm like, I can see what's going on here. I just want to help you. Like, let's work on that. Yeah.
00:18:55
Speaker
this on that like yeah Yeah. Yeah. But until they're kind of ready to help themselves, lately yeah you kind of just have to sit back and wait, don't you? Like, oh, yeah, absolutely. You can lead to a horse to water, but you can't make it drink kind of thing. Yeah.
00:19:13
Speaker
Oh, that is so true. And I think, yeah, the last few months in particular, I've been noticing that an awful lot. different yeah different areas i'm like it it is so true and you kind of you do need to come to that realization yourself and um for a lot of people it's very confronting to kind of go oh okay maybe i need to to deal with whatever issue has kept coming up that stopped me from losing the weight because you know whatever it might be has been playing over and over in your mind and then yeah i suppose that's where you're able to come in and and then help so With all that mindset stuff, like how do you then use that now? So obviously you're you're helping women with the birth experience, you're helping them after. So I'm guessing the mindset's a big piece of that as well.
00:19:52
Speaker
Yeah, huge, huge. So like I'll definitely, so through pregnancy, it's something we always like kind of speak about is like how they're feeling, what they're experiencing, um you know, what thoughts or feeling like fears or beliefs are coming up that we like may need to um work through before birth coming in. And then even not even just birth, but like the whole postpartum and motherhood piece, because that postpartum part is a big thing that I do talk about through pregnancy with mums because, know,
00:20:22
Speaker
um Like it's massive. Like that's where the transformation, like, although like, yes, we need to get through birth, but then like it's postpartum and motherhood forever afterwards. Like it's like birth is such a small piece of it.
00:20:33
Speaker
And then like the motherhood is forever. um um Yeah. So we talk about, yeah, what's coming up there. And I, um yeah, and then I get them to kind of look through things. We might do some kind of practices to, um yeah, to help them work through what they need to do.
00:20:51
Speaker
um And then, yeah, and then coming to the postpartum kind of stage, we, um or then even just motherhood beyond, it's a lot of like um nervous system um regulation piece. It's a lot of like emotional embodiment. Like it's a lot of, um yeah, just, it's a lot of simplifying things, I guess, on the motherhood side and on the postpartum side.
Intentional Living and Motherhood
00:21:15
Speaker
And and it's a lot of like intentional kind of stuff and making things the most of the little things and the joyful things. And um like, like it could be as simple as like you're going outside in the morning and just standing in the sun.
00:21:33
Speaker
Like they're just making that be enough or just like making, having your morning, a hot morning coffee be enough. And yeah, just um I guess just shifting that.
00:21:44
Speaker
Um, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's, it's really interesting you say that as well, because i think it's those little moments that kind of really helped to ground you. And I know for me, the first few years of having the kids, honestly, it was a bit of a blur. Like, I don't remember, like I remember it, but I don't remember. it And it does go really quick. And I know everyone told me that I was like, oh yeah, whatever. Like, you know, sure. sure And it's like, oh no, it does go really quick. Yeah.
00:22:08
Speaker
yeah And it just keeps getting quicker. Like the first year is quick, but then the second year goes even quicker. And then it's just like, yeah. an I know. And then you've got an 11 year old. ah yeah Yeah. And so I think five if I've, if I'd known then what I know now, it probably would have been a lot different in that. Yeah. You do just really appreciate that moment that you're in because they are little for so like only a short period of time. And then, you know, they're off.
00:22:33
Speaker
Yeah. doing this, that, and everything else. And I love that you're kind of bringing that message to so the women to just like, just enjoy that moment. Just even if it is just being outside with them. And I know that you share that a lot on your socials as well. Like I know you guys get outside, you do lots of things. You just take those moments, not only with Billy, but also with yourself. And um I think that's great that you're sharing that because and like I said, it does go so quick.
00:22:58
Speaker
yeah we and we want to enjoy that time that we have with them while we've got them with us so yeah yeah I think that's so important and like one thing I like to remind mums of is like what version of you are you giving your kids like what like what are they seeing because they they learn they learn watch and learn everything from you is like they don't do what you do they sorry they don't do what you say they do what you do like it's like and Um, and whilst like, and I like to say like, yes, they are are only small for so long and they've only got that time for so long.
00:23:33
Speaker
And cause when people say that you often look at it as ah thing, like you only have that time with them for so long, but they only have that time with you as well for so long. And yeah. And then that those first few years of their life are so important for them.
00:23:50
Speaker
and they are learning so much like emotionally, um you know, not just, they're not just growing physically, but they're growing like they're learning so much about the outside world, how to emotionally regulate themselves, how to um like they like, you know, they're going to get, go through all of the sadness, the anger, that all the things, but then learn, they're learning all that from you.
00:24:11
Speaker
And so it's like, you only get that time for such a short period to influence them. And so it's like, well, what version of you are you giving them and what are you teaching them and how are you bringing them up and all those things?
00:24:24
Speaker
So it's like just that piece of like looking at it. Yes. You only get that time with them for so long, but they only get you for so long in that time as well to learn from. So, yeah. Yeah. And that's such a powerful reminder. And especially with all the research that tells us just how much of an influence we do you have in like those first seven years of life, essentially like that's as their brains really kind of growing, absorbing all the rest of it. So yeah, that's very good way to put it.
00:24:51
Speaker
Yeah. And I love that you've, um you were able to go kind of go into your, I suppose, motherhood journey, knowing that as well, because I think there's so many that haven't known that and they, they've kind of learned afterwards or they may not have learned it at all. I don't know and some whether they're interested or not.
00:25:07
Speaker
So the fact that you kind of been able to start your journey into motherhood with that is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Definitely threw me at first. Like I, those first months, like, I think cause I'd, I'd missed the pace of like,
00:25:20
Speaker
Like, even though i had all this stuff, like, it's still going to change so much. Like, yeah, like, I'm not going to be able to do all the things that I used to do in the capacity that I used to do. Like, and, and so it took me those few months to go, okay, these things need to shift and move and um you know, pivot and be but that bit more flexible with how I did things. And which is where that intention piece kind of came in. was like, okay, I can't do say um my 10, 20 minute meditation or my whole ritual of what I would used to do. But now can I go out and can I be in the sunshine just for those two minutes and just breathing and it's let that be enough?
00:25:59
Speaker
Because I bring that love intention into it. And it doesn't matter for how long it matters that like that piece of, yeah, just bring that intention into the little things that I do do. Yeah. And what do you notice um with Billy when you do do things like that? Have, has anything kind of come through? Like, does he copy you when you do it? Does he kind of pick up on the calm?
00:26:20
Speaker
hundred percent. Yeah. Like a hundred percent. So when he is upset and when he starts, he asked to go outside. So like when he is, yeah. So when he's like in the big fields, big emotions and is upset, he's like, go outside, need to go outside.
00:26:36
Speaker
And, yeah, so he'll go outside. And, yeah, it's so beautiful. And he called, like, when he gets outside, and he's like, beautiful sun. oh
00:26:47
Speaker
Oh, that is so sweet. yeah Yeah. Yeah. And it's so good that already he's learning how to regulate his own emotions just from watching you and how you've done it. Yeah. He's yeah going, yeah, this is what I need.
00:26:59
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so true. So, yeah, it's so important and it's so important. Yeah. So, so important. And like, cause I do meet you, like if, if you're losing your shit, they're going to lose their shit. And if you're like, you know, if you're calm and all the things like they're going to be calm or that will slowly become calm. We're given that chance to co-regulate with us. Yeah. Exactly.
00:27:25
Speaker
exactly What are you working on now then? Like, I know that you're, you've done quite a few that different
Supporting Birthing Mothers and Partners
00:27:32
Speaker
things. So what's kind of your current process at the moment What do you, what's your role? What are you, are you doing?
00:27:38
Speaker
yeah what am I doing so yeah I work so now I'm like I've got like a few clients like birthing mums um and yeah working with the them then one-on-one like in person um and like through their pregnancy birth and then postpartum um I've got a current like motherhood group program that we're working through so that's currently almost halfway through and then I'll be relaunching that early in the new year um yeah and then like a few other pieces like um I do like just like one-off sessions with mums for like their birth mapping. So like planning their births.
00:28:13
Speaker
um Yeah, yeah. So I call it birth map, but it's like we can't. And because what it is, it's like people always say like you can't plan anything because then it's all like, you know, like,
00:28:24
Speaker
yes, birth is unexpected, but we can still plan so much of what you want it to look like, feel like your values, like bringing all that into it. And then also like with the birth map, it's like your, if this happens and that happens, like it's all that, like, if we get to that roadblock, we've got these decisions, which decision will we make? We'll make that one. And so it's like, you do have a plan for like where we go throughout.
00:28:47
Speaker
Um, yeah so doing that with mums so that's a um yeah something that we're trying to do yeah yeah i think with the birth plans as well like most people think it's such a regimented sort of thing like this this and this this and it's like i love that you've called it a map and it's like okay well you know we can't go right we'll go left and we'll do this one instead yeah even exactly exactly Um, like there's definitely a few things that you can be like a hard no on and like, yeah. And it's just like stating that in there, like always remembering that, like, these are not your wishes or your intentions. They are your decisions. Like, and it's like, yeah, like, yeah.
00:29:25
Speaker
Very nice. So when you're saying that you're working with um some of the women kind of during their pregnancy, does that mean you're also going to be there for the birth as well? Or is that? Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:35
Speaker
So I'm there for the birth. Yeah. So, so we, so I'm with you throughout that whole journey. So it's like that continuum, continuum of care, like kind of thing. So we have that built relationship through pregnancy because I come to your home and we,
00:29:50
Speaker
um Yeah, we build that relationship. We do your birth map. We plan your postpartum. We work through any fears or any beliefs that are there and stuck that we need to figure out beforehand.
00:30:01
Speaker
I get to know like you and your partner because your partner is a big part of it. um And he needs that support. or They need that support as well, just as much as you do. Um, and yeah, I find out what's important for you, like in that birth space. So when it comes to that, I can come in there and I can be that support person for you with what you need.
00:30:22
Speaker
Cause there'll be some moms that need me more physically or that need me more, um, to be there. like, you know, saying affirmations or working with them in the body, like with pressure points or whatever the case may be.
00:30:34
Speaker
or there may be some that they want their partner to be that person. And then I'm there as that, like, say, like safety um bodyguard person with all the, like keeping the room the environment and the room quiet and keeping people out and making sure that their decisions are respected and all those kinds of things.
00:30:52
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. so So technical question. How does it work within a hospital setting? Like are most hospitals pretty open to this idea and of having someone like a doula in the room or how's it working now? Cause I know it's kind of traditional things. Yeah.
00:31:09
Speaker
Yeah. So it's definitely like a mixed bag. yeah There'll be some that are like are very open and they love kind of that support. Like, because, so if you look at like midwives, for example, they, a lot of midwives love of having a doula there because then they can actually focus on just the midwifing stuff and they don't have like, and they,
00:31:29
Speaker
um don't have to then know come in with that physical support or come in with that coat, like the, you know, the affirmation things or could do all that. Like, although they would love to do that, but then they can actually just watch the mum and the process that she's doing and see like, you know, when she, how she's coping with the transition um contractions and when she's getting to that transition stage and then moving through, like they can actually watch for all that kind of stuff and actually do that.
00:31:57
Speaker
do that work. um know I can be the one that's getting like, you know, the drinks and all the things that, you know, they don't have to go Yeah.
00:32:08
Speaker
um dad's home
00:32:12
Speaker
yeah oh that's so cool so yeah yeah because I did I did often wonder about that like whether yeah kind of how it works in the hospital setting because I know you hear horror stories obviously when a door like everyone's like oh yeahs or they yeah yeah it's the hippie things and you know people get really negative about it but I'm like surely that's not a bad thing There'll be like obstetricians out there that don't love and then they go down the, um, the path of like, why do you have like, why do you need that and all that? And, and I guess because they want to come in and they're, they have their own, I guess, biases and their own opinions and their own um reasoning behind things.
00:32:55
Speaker
yeah Um, and then, Yeah, and then we're coming in and, um you know, advocating for the mum and doing that and that may go against what they want to do and what they want to how they see the birth should be happening. Cool.
00:33:10
Speaker
I'm just going to pause a chatting thing today. All right. All right. Yeah. So it is interesting there hearing about the doctor biases and stuff as well, because yeah, I know that's probably where I've heard it before, but yeah I guess it it is what it is and that's going to happen within any industry. I think that we're in. So yeah. And you've got some beautiful ones out there, um but then yeah, you do get some shockers.
00:33:36
Speaker
So yeah. yeah like Yeah. I guess that's the case. Yeah. Anything. It's the case with everything. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when it does come to change because obviously, yes, most people are quite resistant to changes and then to have such a big change to start to come into the industry, people are like, oh Yeah.
00:33:52
Speaker
Especially when people's egos start to come into play as well. So, yeah. Yeah. And you're just like, hmm. Quietly observing. Yeah. Yeah. Just quietly observing.
00:34:03
Speaker
Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. i and but but So with these women that you're then you're with them during the pregnancy, you're with them during the birth.
00:34:14
Speaker
How long do you normally spend with them after the birth as well? Or does that depend on the woman and what they need at the time? Yeah. Yeah. It all depends. It can be. So in a hospital setting, it's generally like um in that birth space after.
00:34:28
Speaker
It'll be like roughly like two hours, give or take like a bit, like I'll be there with them for a few hours. um But then like, if it comes to like a home birth, for example, it could be like, yeah, many more hours in there. So yeah, I'll just be there like supporting them. I would like, I really love to make sure that they're feeling comfortable that they're, and it all depends how their birth is gone like as well.
Postpartum Support and Partner Involvement
00:34:48
Speaker
um that they've got that time like that intimate time with the baby that skin to skin they can establish breastfeeding and all the right things are kind of happening and then once they feel safe and they feel comfortable then yeah I'll head off and yeah um and then if it's a home though like I'm very much like making sure everything's cleaned up and everything's like this you don't have to worry about any of that kind of stuff because I just want them to be able to just relax recover like connect with yeah they'll do all the cleanup kind of work um make sure they get food and water and all that kind of stuff and yeah yeah oh that's yeah yeah that's amazing and then i'm guessing you continue to see them for the weeks after and whenever they they kind of need support after that yeah yeah always go and see the mums and have like a bit of a birthday brief so we like just chat about what just happened and how they experience what they felt and
00:35:39
Speaker
the or that if they've got any questions or anything sometimes they just want to talk about it and they just want to that but then sometimes you know mums will have questions and all the things or sometimes i'll be like what happened like it's just like yes yeah oh and that's awesome because i know um yeah things like that definitely probably would have been a lot more helpful especially you know years later like oh like this is still coming up or, you know, things that keep replaying in your mind. hundred percent It stays with you forever. It stays with you forever.
00:36:08
Speaker
And like, no matter how long it's been, like, I like, I recommend like everyone should yeah be able to date with their births and all that. And cause it is such a piece of like, no, you can't talk but about it. Like it's like, but like, we need to talk about it, let it out. And yeah. Yeah. It's all the horror stories around like at the table or something that everyone's sharing worst birth experiences. Yeah.
00:36:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it makes people feel like they can't share their good ones either. But like sometimes like birthday briefs, people want to just be able to have a safe space to talk about the great experience they have because they feel like they don't have a safe space to be able to do that outside because all the stories they hear are those horror stories.
00:36:50
Speaker
That's a point actually. Yeah. And um do you offer much support to the partners as well during this time? Like, is there, how does it work in that regard? Cause obviously we're obviously wanting to make sure the mum is all good. Baby's all good. yeah Obviously like I know depending on the type of birth, there can be some more traumatic births um than others. Is there anything that can be done for those partners during that time?
00:37:12
Speaker
Yeah. So a lot of my time through pregnancy, supporting the mom, the partner would generally be there as well. And so just talk to them if they've got like anything they want to like, a want to talk into, ask about, there is like any concerns, all that kind of stuff.
00:37:27
Speaker
And then like with, so talking to them about what maybe the mom wants his role to be or the partner's role to be. yeah And how the partner's feeling about that. And Like, and so then I'll help. So they say if the partner is going to be the more physical cool kind of support, help him with what to do. so I'll be doing this like before then, like things that he can do, ah can say things that he can, um, like, um, like with the physical touch, the massage, any kind of pressure points, like, um, all that kind of thing.
00:38:01
Speaker
um And yeah, and then in the birth space, it's me just watching and me just watching like with how they are because they're going to be physically um also under stress, like emotionally, like it's going to be hard for them to be out to see their partner going through this pain, this emotions, like all the things.
00:38:23
Speaker
um And you don't know how they're going to react to that kind of stuff, like until they're in the moment sometimes. And so it's just watching and just supporting when they need it If they need to step out, I can then step in and help with the mom and yeah, all those kinds of things. And then also just debriefing with them once the birth has happened.
00:38:42
Speaker
Yeah. And just make sure how they went through that, how they feel um because the partners can, that can get, have that birth trauma just as much as what the moms can. They experience it on different levels and yeah.
00:38:54
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. but yeah Yeah, no, I've seen that for before, definitely. And it it is because, I mean, you know, especially if perhaps something doesn't go right and you're watching your loved one kind of in this state where it's like, well, what's going to happen? So, of course, you know, they'd be experiencing that as well as you would be as well. So, yeah. And it's especially for men because if it's like a, because men, like, they're like, their innate thing is to, like, protect, like, just protect their their women, like, and and all that. And so, like, they want to, like, the men will want to protect, like, them the mum.
00:39:28
Speaker
um, their partner and when they feel like they can't and they're not able to, they would like, it's a big thing that like, they could potentially feel like then that they failed and that they, you know, and all those kinds of things. So yeah, it's just a big piece for them.
00:39:43
Speaker
So, yeah. Yeah. And it's great that you're able to be there to kind of go you know what, like this, You know, you did do what you could. You did protect them the best that you could. Yeah. And, I mean, that's the thing, like, we with having, you know, with childbirth, it is one of those things that can change so suddenly and that obviously, yeah, we want to make sure that everyone afterwards is for all good.
Conclusion: Trusting Intuition and Further Support
00:40:02
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And which is why, like, that birth map is so, like, important as well. So, like, as you say, like, things can change so quickly. Yeah. But then when things do change, we're like, yeah, cool, but we know where we're going.
00:40:13
Speaker
Like, and we've spoken about it and we know it and, yeah, and it's just a little cautionary. yeah yeah and i love that i love yeah i really admire the work that you're doing because i think it's so important that women do have that understanding and that knowledge and actually going there informed because yeah for so many of us it was like oh we just kind of do what you're told whereas yeah now it's like well yeah you can actually make that choice be a good little girl people please like yeah do as told yeah yeah oh yeah Let's rip open that one. Good old people pleasing, hey?
00:40:50
Speaker
Yeah. ah Yeah, I really admire the work that you're doing, Ash. And I think it's such a great service that you're providing for the women, um especially up in Geraldton. So, and whether it be the the wider community, but who knows where you're going to end up with it.
00:41:03
Speaker
But um what is the best way for people to kind of find you, follow you, get in contact with you? where can Where do you hang out normally? Yeah, normally, um yeah, just on Instagram, ashtomlinson underscore.
00:41:15
Speaker
So you can just, um yeah, find me on there. Send me a, yeah, send me a DM or we can book in a, um yeah, connection call. But yeah, that would probably be the best place to find. Awesome. And if you could leave the listeners with just one piece of advice, what would that be?
00:41:31
Speaker
Oh gosh. I know everyone gets, everyone's like, oh, vi Victoria, I won.
00:41:36
Speaker
um You always have the answer within you. Like you always have the answer within you. Yeah. You just have to give yourself yourself the space to to hear it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that. That's so good.
00:41:49
Speaker
Awesome. Thank you so much for joining me, Ash. I've really appreciated it. Oh, thank you. It's been great. Yeah. And I love hearing about all this side of stuff because um yeah, it's really interesting in you. So thank you.
00:41:59
Speaker
Thank you. Yeah.