Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
21. The One About Taking Responsibility and Leading with Kindness
0 Playsin 7 hours
In this heartfelt and reflective episode, Victoria dives deep into the theme of personal responsibility - what it really means, why it’s so uncomfortable, and how it has the power to completely shift our relationships, our mindset, and even the wider world around us.
Fresh from the school holidays (and missing the slow mornings!), Victoria shares open and honest reflections on how self-development isn’t a destination but an ongoing journey. She explores the frustration of revisiting old patterns, the importance of owning our reactions and mistakes, and how practicing accountability can lead to stronger integrity, deeper kindness, and genuine growth.
You’ll hear insights on: ✨ The difference between blame and responsibility ✨ How to repair and communicate when you’ve hurt someone ✨ The ripple effect of modelling responsibility to children ✨ Why defensiveness is normal - but not helpful ✨ How curiosity and kindness can transform confrontation into connection
Victoria also leaves listeners with a weekly challenge: 💭 What’s one area of your life where you can take more responsibility? 💗 What’s one act of kindness you can practice this week?
This episode is your gentle reminder that change begins with us - one choice, one conversation, one moment of self-awareness at a time.
Get in contact -
Email - hello@victoria-r.com.au
IG - @the.victoria.r
Website - www.victoria-r.com.au
Recommended
Transcript
The Joy and Challenges of School Holidays
00:00:37
Victoria R
Hello everyone, welcome back to the Mindful Educator podcast. So we're on the other side of school holidays now. um Kids have gone back to school this week. um I love holidays though, it's one of those ones that yeah I think people either very much I hate it or very much I love it and I'm in the I love it part. I love the fact that we don't have to rush out of the house, that we can kind of just have slower days and yeah, kind of make up what we want to do as we go along. So for me, yeah, I'm always a bit sad when school does go back.
00:01:09
Victoria R
In saying that though, the kids are all really excited to head back. So that's always a positive. and I know that this last term is going to fly by. ah Term four is always a busy one. And I don't see this one being any different at all.
00:01:23
Victoria R
um Yeah, so hopefully wherever you are, your kids are back at school, everyone's happy and yeah, if that's if you've got kids. And if you're a teacher, I hope you had a good break as well. um and Fingers crossed you actually got a bit of downtime over the holidays. I know what it's like. You usually go in and start doing stuff even though you're meant to be having a bit of a relaxed time.
Understanding Personal Responsibility and Self-Development
00:01:45
Victoria R
So today I'm going to be kind of delving into a bit of personal responsibility. This is one that's, it's been quite interesting actually. I've been having a lot of conversations with people lately um just about like the self-development um side of things and how kind of once you start delving into that side of things, it it's like you almost open a can of worms. It's, you know,
00:02:11
Victoria R
the work's never really done is probably the easiest way to put it. um And another one that I've been told, you know, like you you think you've got it all sorted and you think you've got your shit together.
00:02:23
Victoria R
You've done the work, you know, you've put in all this this time and this effort and then these things start coming up again and it's like, what? yeah I dealt with this like, you know, 12 months ago.
00:02:37
Victoria R
but as the saying goes, it's like another level, another devil. So even though you may have, you know, worked on whatever that issue or that area was, doesn't mean it's not going to come up again. So it's really been, I've been loving these conversations actually, like just hearing what people say about um like your personal development, your self-development and,
00:03:00
Victoria R
Yeah, I've had someone kind of close to me as well get so frustrated, like, I've done this, I've done this work. Why are these things still coming up? And it's like, yeah, I get it.
00:03:11
Victoria R
And it can be really frustrating because it means that we kind of have to stop and actually um really look at ourselves and go, right, why is this coming up again and again and again? And this is kind of where that that personal responsibility is coming into it a little bit.
00:03:26
Victoria R
And I wanted to speak about this today as well because I know that there's there's so much happening in the big wide world, especially these last few months. And I know it's something that things are always happening. And I often wonder how much of the world's issues as such would actually be occurring if people just took responsibility for themselves and their words and their actions instead of constantly playing a blame game.
00:03:59
Victoria R
And it really makes you really just kind of question these people that are in leadership and doing a lot of this stuff. Like ah maybe they're not in the right.
00:04:10
Victoria R
the right position. ah Maybe we need other people put in those positions because it kind of makes you think, oh, you know, how much of it is that there's a genuine issue or how much of it is just the fact that their egos have been wounded. And it's like, oh, this is a really juicy area we could kind of step into here.
The Role of Ego in Leadership Responsibility
00:04:30
Victoria R
But I often think, okay, so When it comes to our own personal responsibility, how can we start just at our level? Like, let's pare it down. Let's go down and just focus on our ourselves um first up. so as soon as I think we start taking responsibility for what is happening in our lives, it means that life isn't happening to us.
00:04:57
Victoria R
It doesn't mean ah all these bad things are happening to us. It's all like, oh, everything's terrible. It means that we are then choosing, if we're taking responsibility, we're then choosing how we're going to move forward, how we react to these situations.
00:05:10
Victoria R
And I think that is just so important because we're not playing the blame game then. We have to actually take a really hard look at ourselves and this is where a lot of people aren't getting ah A lot of people aren't doing this because it is really uncomfortable and you come across things about yourself that you really don't like and that's okay.
00:05:32
Victoria R
We've all got, you know, those different facets of our personality and some are great and some are not so great. um But the thing is, that's what makes us human. and This is what makes us who we are and I think as soon as we kind of start recognizing that and going oh okay yeah I know I can be a real stubborn you know what I understand that maybe I could have handled that situation a little bit better you know like you kind of you have ah that self-reflection coming in here as well and I also think it means that we're not kind not trying to constantly change people around us
00:06:06
Victoria R
Because that's not going to happen. We can't change other people. um We can change ourselves. We can change how we choose to react about something. We can choose how we communicate about something.
00:06:19
Victoria R
and we can also choose to repair as well. And I think this is what's really important too. are going to stuff up. We are going to say things that we don't like or that, you know, we look back and go, oh, I didn't really, I shouldn't have said that or that I've heard other people or whatever it might be.
00:06:36
Victoria R
And I think part of being a responsible human, part of this self-responsibility is to go, I'm sorry, i did stuff up. I did hurt you with my words or my actions or whatever it might have been. And to actually try and repair what has happened.
00:06:55
Victoria R
And I'm not saying that you just go around saying sorry for the sake of it. has to come from a real genuine place as well when we're doing this. But this is also a really great thing to model to the children in your life too.
00:07:08
Victoria R
Recognising that you are going to mess up, that's a human thing. It is totally okay. It's what we do afterwards that really matters, right? Are you just going to ignore the fact that you've really hurt this person and just move on and pretend like it didn't happen and they the resentment's going to fester?
00:07:27
Victoria R
Or are you going to be upfront and honest with them own up to your mistakes and then find a way to move through it together. And again, this kind of is coming back to your own personal responsibility.
Owning Mistakes to Strengthen Relationships
00:07:40
Victoria R
We can't go around saying things, doing things and not thinking that there's not going to be repercussions in some way. Our words and our actions can actually be really powerful and it can be really powerful in a positive way and can be really powerful in a negative way.
00:07:58
Victoria R
And obviously if we are hurting people, if we're going around and we're kind of using it for evil instead of good, ah can really affect those in our life.
00:08:08
Victoria R
So this is where it is great to actually take that personal responsibility and to go, yeah, I'm sorry, i did mess up. All right. Yeah, I shouldn't have said that, you know, and it's really validating when people also are that way with us as well, when they admit to their mistakes, when they own up, if they've hurt you.
00:08:29
Victoria R
And I also think part of this responsibility to ourselves and to others is if you have been hurt by someone or if something has been said or has been done that doesn't sit well with you, communicate this. You need to let them know they may not be aware And it's doing it in a way that is not necessarily placing blame.
00:08:52
Victoria R
It could just be approaching it with kindness, approaching it with curiosity. We don't know what was going on at that time. They may not have realized that they spoke or did or, you know, this occurred in the way that it did.
00:09:04
Victoria R
What their message was may not have been received in the way that they intended it to be. And so this is where, as part of our own responsibility, we can have an open and you know, clear conversation with them about that and just say, oh, what you said the other day or what you did the other day, I actually felt really uncomfortable or it really, you know, hurt me or whatever it might be.
00:09:24
Victoria R
and it's just, it can be such a tricky thing to do because as humans, we kind of, I don't know if this is um a general thing. I think it might be, but most of us, we don't like confront confrontation. I know there are some people that thrive on it, but for, I think, majority of us, confrontation seems really scary and really kind of negative, whereas it actually, it can be quite a positive thing. If we approach things with that curiosity and kindness piece, it can actually be really good.
00:09:54
Victoria R
And this is where we need to take responsibility. If people have hurt us, we need to speak up about that. I'm not saying you hurt me going around accusing them. It's just having that clear communication about things as well.
00:10:07
Victoria R
And I'm really keen on us promoting kindness in everything that we do here. We honestly don't know what another person is going through behind the scenes and we are seeing this more and more.
00:10:21
Victoria R
People are really good at putting on a good facade when they're out in public and their whole world could be crumbling behind the scenes and we don't know that.
Reflecting on Personal Impact and Behavior
00:10:30
Victoria R
so when things are said or when things are done and we interpret or receive them in a different way, always approach that with kindness, all right? We don't know what they're going through.
00:10:43
Victoria R
And it was, it's been quite interesting. Just like I said, lots of different conversations have been coming up lately, lots of things about people kind of doing the work and then things keep happening. And then, you know, there's confrontations that happen or, you know, friends are, you know, ghosting other friends and it's like, oh my goodness, what is going on?
00:11:05
Victoria R
and So this is where it's like, okay, we need to kind of look at ourselves here as well and and kind of go, oh, okay, have I have i been contribut to being contributing to this problem? Have i maybe said or done something that has maybe put people offside?
00:11:23
Victoria R
Have, yeah, where have I kind of, not necessarily, I want i don't want to use the word myself, where have i perhaps had a few blind spots might be the best way to put it. Where have I perhaps had a a few blind spots about things that have been happening lately?
00:11:38
Victoria R
And like I said, this can actually be really hard to do. It's a really confronting thing to do but it could be great as a self-reflection piece and to help us move forward on things as well.
00:11:51
Victoria R
And I know that sometimes we don't always see things either. So we may not see that perhaps we have been snapping at people a little bit more than usual, or perhaps we have kind of been hibernating a little bit and hiding in our shell, you know, whatever it might be. And then someone points it out and and your first reaction might be maybe to deny it or to get defensive about it.
00:12:20
Victoria R
And again, totally normal. We don't like our imperfections, for lack of a better word, to be brought to our attention. and so when these things come up, we're like, oh, no i don't. I don't do that.
00:12:36
Victoria R
Or straight away, like, we what about you? You do this. And I must admit, like, total transparency here this has definitely been a default for me. know defensiveness has been a huge default.
00:12:49
Victoria R
And I was actually speaking to someone close to me the other day and Lo and behold, it's their default mechanism too. And it's just so funny. It's like, ah, okay, I'm seeing a pattern here.
00:13:02
Victoria R
I'm seeing what's going on. And it's not a case of then going, oh, well, the reason I'm like this is because of because of X, Y, Z. So I'm going to blame this or that for making me this way. Yeah, I could do that.
00:13:14
Victoria R
I could do completely blame someone else for the way that I am responding to a situation, but it's not going to help at all. I can't go back and change things. i am aware of what's happened.
00:13:27
Victoria R
I'm aware of why i maybe respond that way. So now it's like, okay, I've got that awareness. Now what am I going to do about it? Blaming them, not going to help at all.
00:13:41
Victoria R
it's It literally will not change anything. All it's going to do is just keep me in that cycle of going, oh, well, I can get away with it because, you know, I grew up this way or I had this happen when I was a child or this happened when I was a teenager.
00:13:53
Victoria R
like I said, not going to help. Take that responsibility. Okay. Yeah. I know why I'm like this. Do I have to continue being this way? No, i don't. I am able to change. I can make a choice to change. I can choose to respond differently.
00:14:08
Victoria R
I can choose to repair if I have upset or hurt someone without realizing, or even if I did realize, you know, and it's, once again, it comes back to taking that own responsibility for these things.
00:14:20
Victoria R
And This is where I think a lot of problems in the wider society arena are kind of why they keep occurring because people are choosing not to take responsibility for what they can actually control.
00:14:36
Victoria R
They're saying this happened to me so this is why I behave that way and you've just got to deal with it. And it's like, well, no that's not the case. I know that obviously some people have different levels of trauma that they may have experienced.
00:14:52
Victoria R
I'm not minimizing that at all. What I am saying though is, do you need to keep acting the way you are as a result of that though?
00:15:04
Victoria R
Or do you have the power to change how you're going to respond in the future?
Empowering Change Through Personal Responsibility
00:15:10
Victoria R
Yeah. And I think that's really important to recognize. And it's really important that we try and teach our children how to do this as well. And it's,
00:15:17
Victoria R
really hard because children are great at deflecting but it's giving them that awareness as well and going okay yeah this person said something mean to you it doesn't mean that it was okay for you that and to then turn around and hit them and i know for myself personally this is something I really struggle with um with some of the children in my life as well because it's It can be a really hard thing to teach, especially when their brains are still maturing and all the rest of it.
00:15:52
Victoria R
Adults don't really have that same excuse. For children, though, we can we can understand and have that compassion a lot more because they are still learning. They're still learning. They're still developing. They don't quite have all those tools and those strategies.
00:16:06
Victoria R
But in saying that, there's also a lot of adults that don't have those tools and those strategies. However, the difference is as an adult, they can have that maturity you'd think to be able to go out and perhaps seek getting some help or getting the strategies for themselves whereas when it comes to the children in our lives it's up to the adults around them to kind of help set that example um help lead and guide them in the right direction and the thing is once we kind of start taking responsibility for ourselves and taking responsibility for our actions it means that
00:16:41
Victoria R
we really are in control of what is happening throughout our life. It means that we're not just letting life run its course and we're just along for the ride. It means that we're back in the driver's seat. It means that we can then choose what we're wanting to do. can choose We can choose how we're going to approach a situation. We can choose are we going to focus on the positive or the negative in this case.
00:17:02
Victoria R
And it really does give us back that power. And it means that if we are approaching things in this manner if we are really trying to focus on the good in our life, in the um on the positives, on doing what we can to help a situation or improve a situation.
00:17:21
Victoria R
Imagine if every single person did this. Imagine the difference that we would find in the world and in society as a whole. Like it would be amazing.
00:17:33
Victoria R
and We can start doing this just with ourselves and more of us that are able to start showing this self-responsibility and this kindness. Hopefully we start seeing this ripple effect kind of across things.
00:17:48
Victoria R
Hopefully it means that normal and more children that are coming through are seeing this and recognising that this is a way that they can then behave. We can't keep going the way it's going.
00:18:00
Victoria R
We really can't. We can't just keep blaming everyone. for everything else all the time. We can't keep saying it we've got it's not our responsibility, it's not our fault and deflecting to other people constantly.
00:18:13
Victoria R
We really need to take a long long, hard look at ourselves as a whole, as a society and go, you know what, this can't continue. What's going to happen if this this is the way people continue to think? Like there will literally be no one taking responsibility for anything and it will also mean that things start disappearing because no one wants to be held responsible for someone else's mess up that they then may result in, you know, ah catastrophic sort of consequence that ends up occurring. So like I said, if we can just start with ourselves, if we can just start with those around us, if we can start with the children in our lives and kind of getting them aware of this self-responsibility piece, I really think that this is going to have a great ripple effect as we go along.
00:19:00
Victoria R
And the thing is, it also means that where they're not constantly lashing out at others, it means that we're going to hopefully, you know, its sleep better, stress less, look after ourselves more.
00:19:15
Victoria R
All of those are such good things. It means that, you know, we're putting our... What's the right word that I'm trying to say here? It means that we're, by focusing on filling our cup first, by making sure we're looking after ourselves, by making sure that we're being responsible for our own actions, we can then kind of serve from overflow. We can serve others. We can spread that kindness. We can spread that compassion to others around us as well.
00:19:43
Victoria R
And again, the ripple effect will slowly, slowly start. yeah So just really something that I would like us to to think about. And perhaps you could spend a bit of time just reflecting. You might want to journal. or You might just want to talk like think about it and talk through it in your own head. But start recognizing, you know, are there any areas of my life where I'm not taking responsibility?
00:20:09
Victoria R
Are there areas of my life where I am blaming others for things that aren't their fault? You know, are my responses? okay or are they a little bit extreme in some cases and like I said this is so uncomfortable even even for me doing this like I I get really uncomfortable and it's you know you got to love it when your husband points out points out something like oh that's right i starts twitching I'm like yeah maybe did I didn't didn't really respond too well to that, did I?
Learning from Past Reactions for Better Future Responses
00:20:43
Victoria R
and Like I said, ah it is. Like I said, it's confronting and it can be really uncomfortable, but it's also a good way for us to go, okay, so, yep this is how I i have responded to this sort of situation in the past.
00:20:56
Victoria R
How can I perhaps respond a little bit differently in the future when this sort of situation comes up again? What can I do? How can I look after myself more? What sort of questions can I ask myself to, you know, move through this so that when this comes up again, approach it a bit differently?
00:21:16
Victoria R
And like I said, I think a big part of this as well is just focusing on that kindness and that curiosity, not judging ourselves for it, not beating ourselves up for it, but going, hmm, okay, that's really interesting. I wonder why I responded that way.
00:21:32
Victoria R
Or, all right, that person was a little bit rude just then. I wonder, maybe something's not so great happening in their life. I might try and approach it in a kind way and just bring it to their attention that this has happened, you know, and it's constantly kind of trying to put that spin on it so that we're not always approaching it in such a fiery, um angry way when things do occur.
00:21:56
Victoria R
So i would love if you could just start kind of bringing your attention to this and you might want to just a few simple things like wondering, you know, is this aligned with a person that I want to be?
00:22:09
Victoria R
You know, is is my reaction or is um my communication whatever it might be, is this aligned with who I'm wanting to be? We could also ask ourselves at the end of each day, did I bring kindness to myself? Did I bring kindness to others?
00:22:22
Victoria R
You know, i kind of reflecting on that as well. And also just saying, you know, what could I have done differently? You know, what could I have done differently in that sort of situation?
00:22:34
Victoria R
So just imagine like if we all decided every single day, each of us decided to take that self-responsibility for our own actions and led with kindness, it would be such a different world. It would be much stronger. It would be Oh, it would be amazing. so we we need to start with us, all right?
Taking Responsibility and Spreading Kindness
00:22:58
Victoria R
so by building this responsibility, it's going to build integrity not only within ourselves but with others, right? This kindness is going to build connection, okay? so
00:23:09
Victoria R
I really would like us to kind of think for this next week, let's just start with this challenge of what's one area of your life that you can take more responsibility in?
00:23:19
Victoria R
All right, let's just start really simple. What's one area of your life where you can take more responsibility? And I'd also like you to try and focus on what's one act of kindness that you can do this week as well.
00:23:30
Victoria R
All right, so keeping it really simple to get started. So where can we take more responsibility? Where can we show kindness this week? All right, that is it for
Special Coaching Offer Announcement
00:23:41
Victoria R
today.
00:23:41
Victoria R
um Before I finish up, if you haven't already, um I ah have got a very special deal for three coaching sessions before the end of the year.
00:23:53
Victoria R
That deal is going to finish on Friday. So if you are keen, I will put the details in the show notes here. It is also on my social media. So obviously we're heading towards the pointy end of the year. We're almost at the end.
00:24:09
Victoria R
Lots is going on, but is there anything perhaps that you have been doing or even what we've discussed today, if there's anything like that's kind of going, oh, okay, I think I might need a little bit of help in this area or, you know, whatever it might be.
00:24:23
Victoria R
This is where the coaching sessions can be really great. So it's three coaching sessions. that's heavily discounted. Um, won't be happening again. so if you are keen to take advantage and kind of want to get a feel of what it's like to work with me as well, this is a great entry point to do that too.
00:24:40
Victoria R
um because then there's also the three or the six month um containers that you can kind of decide afterwards if that's something that you'd like to continue with but this is just a really good way to kind of any maybe perhaps any habits or anything that's come up we can look at before the end of the year so you can go into 2026 can't believe I'm saying that but can go into 2026 kind of you know, invigorated and ready to kind of tackle the year ahead, leaving behind some things that maybe haven't been serving you so well.
00:25:08
Victoria R
So if that is something that does sound like it suits you, you can contact me on my email. So hello at victoria-r.com.au. You can reach me on my socials um and I'm more than happy to have a chat to you to see if it's the right fit.
00:25:24
Victoria R
So keep that in mind, but that is only available until Friday. All right. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for joining me. Hopefully you've had bit of a think. Hopefully it hasn't been too confronting for you today.
00:25:38
Victoria R
and I will speak to you very soon. Have an amazing rest of your week.