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19. The One About Growth Mindset
30 Plays18 days ago
In this honest and empowering episode, Victoria dives deep into the world of mindset — what it means to shift from fixed to growth thinking, and how that shift can change your life. From business setbacks to parenting challenges (and noisy puppies in the background), she shares real-life examples and mindset tools that help build resilience, model learning for our kids, and create space for self-compassion.
You’ll learn the power of the word “yet”, how to reframe setbacks as growth, and why praising effort over outcomes matters more than we realise. A must-listen if you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “I just can’t do this” — because maybe you just can’t do it yet.
Access your free copy of 'Growth Mindset Poster for Children + Adults' here - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1onmIJWpSnLfyg0sCwo3ctfmrPglPFGDk/view?usp=drive_link
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Transcript
Introduction: Growth vs. Fixed Mindset
00:00:37
Victoria R
Hello, welcome back to the Mindful Educator podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. Now, I do have my notes with me today because I've got a lot that I want to talk to you about and was like, right, need to keep things clear, otherwise I'll go off on my many tangents. so today we're going to be talking about growth mindset and looking at what it is compared to a fixed mindset and how we can approach our lives with more of a growth mindset as well.
00:01:08
Victoria R
So let's get straight into it.
Understanding Fixed Mindset
00:01:12
Victoria R
Now, you may have already heard of the terms fixed mindset and growth mindset. It is something that has become quite popular the last few years.
00:01:20
Victoria R
If you are working with children and in any capacity, it is something that is becoming a bit better known um in the education system and trying to raise children that do have a growth mindset as well.
00:01:35
Victoria R
So let's actually talk about what it is firstly. So if talking about a fixed mindset, what that is basically referring to is you thinking that your intelligence, your talents and your abilities are fixed. basically, it's just the way you are.
00:01:51
Victoria R
All right. You're not going to change. What you know is what you know. You're not going to be able to learn anything more. This is it sort of thing. you've kind of reached the peak. And you might hear yourself saying things like, oh I'm not good at it.
00:02:06
Victoria R
Or I can't do that. It's too frustrating. I give up. All right. These are the sorts of statements that you might hear if you do have a fixed mindset. All right. could be a case of you taking any feedback or criticism quite personally as well. All right. So someone is giving you feedback about something that you've done,
00:02:25
Victoria R
you think it's in a personal attack on you, right? Or you just might believe that what you currently know is all that you're going to know, all right? So this is what our fixed mindset is looking like.
00:02:37
Victoria R
It also means that if you experience any challenges, any sort of failure, right, you give up and see them as kind of a limit as to what you can do, right? So that's the fixed mindset.
00:02:50
Victoria R
That's the sort of mindset that, I I don't want to point fingers, but a lot of the older generation have this type of mindset.
00:03:01
Victoria R
It's a very restrictive, a very limited mindset. Okay. And if you've ever heard of that saying where an old dog can't learn new tricks, this is kind of where that's come from, that sort of generation.
Neuroplasticity and Growth Mindset
00:03:14
Victoria R
Whereas what has come out in recent years through lots of research, lots of understanding um of how our brains and our minds work, Whoops, the puppy's just come in.
00:03:26
Victoria R
What hum has come through is that our brains aren't actually like that. Our brains love to keep learning. And this is where neuroplasticity has become well known. All right. So,
00:03:38
Victoria R
Modern research has actually demonstrated that the brain continues to create new neural pathways and ultra existing ones, which proves that yes, we can learn new things no matter what age we are. all right, our brains are able to do that.
00:03:54
Victoria R
So it means that we can create new memories, we can adapt to new experiences, we can learn new information. And this is where the growth mindset is amazing in that it's us believing and understanding that we can develop our intelligence, we can develop our talents and we can develop our abilities.
00:04:13
Victoria R
And it is so awesome to see that people ah taking this on and realise that they're not restricted now. And they never were, but they just had that belief that, you know, because they reached a certain age that they couldn't possibly learn anything new. Whereas, as I've said, modern science has kind of debunk that, of saying, no, that's not the case. We can actually learn new things and we can continue learning new things all throughout our life.
00:04:39
Victoria R
And it's actually great for our mind's health as well to keep learning new things. So you'll see people that go back to study when they're, you know, in their 30s, 40s, 50s, whatever it might be.
00:04:52
Victoria R
People that never stop studying, they just keep wanting to learn new things. People that take up new hobbies or um new passions or whatever it might be. And it's so awesome to see that, yes, their minds, their brains are more than willing to do this because we're able to And what it means by having this growth mindset is we're really setting ourselves up for a life of learning, all right, a life of resilience and also personal empowerment.
Identifying Your Mindset
00:05:22
Victoria R
So now you might be wondering and going, okay, apart from the fact that my dog keeps making noises in the background, don't mind that. um So you might be wondering, okay, well, how do I know if I've got a fixed mindset or a growth mindset?
00:05:37
Victoria R
And the first key to this is becoming aware of what you're saying, not only to others, but also to yourself. All right. So that little voice inside your head, what is it actually saying to you on the daily?
00:05:52
Victoria R
So if you are saying things like, I just can't do this anymore, this is too hard, and that's like and you see that as your limit and you don't move through that, that's it, that's what you see, then you're probably leaning more towards a fixed mindset type of thing.
00:06:09
Victoria R
Whereas even if those thoughts come up, if you're then like, you know what, actually, no, this is really challenging, but I'm a problem solver and I know I can do this, right? Then straight away,
00:06:20
Victoria R
you have got a growth mindset happening there. Now, this isn't to say that... you've you're only one or the other. You will probably flip between being both. Sorry, I keep laughing.
00:06:35
Victoria R
My puppy is just, he's obviously decided because I'm recording a podcast that he needs to make the most amount of noise. If it's not the kids, it's the dogs, right? So I don't know if you can hear it in the background, but if you can, yeah, we'll just keep moving through. All right. So I What this means, though, is we at times might have a bit of a fixed mindset. If we've got something really challenging that we're facing or something has really set us back, we probably will kind of divert to a bit of a fixed mindset.
00:07:07
Victoria R
Why is this happening to me? Why? I don't understand. i can't do this. You know, all those sorts of thoughts are coming through. And it's a case of, all right, well, are we going to let this limit us? Is that it?
00:07:18
Victoria R
Have you decided, right, you're giving up, you're not going to try it anymore? Or are you going to see this as a way to challenge and to move forward? All right. So if that's what you do, right, then yes, you're leaning towards the growth mindset. You're learning to retrain your thoughts and retrain the way you think about things.
00:07:37
Victoria R
And that is a wonderful thing about this as well, is that even if you're like, oh, my gosh, I think I've got a fixed mindset. How do how do I change this? We can change it because as we found out, our brains are able to adapt and to change.
00:07:51
Victoria R
And so this is where it is so good. Once we know this information, once we know we can do better. And this is where understanding what it's all about is so beneficial.
00:08:03
Victoria R
Right, so once you decide, yes, i want to have that this growth mindset, then let's start paying attention to the language that we're using. Okay, so pay attention to what you're saying to yourself and also what you're saying to others.
Transformative Language: Power of 'Yet'
00:08:16
Victoria R
And one of the most important words that you will probably use and use over and over again is a very simple three-letter word and it's the word Yet.
00:08:29
Victoria R
And this is such a game changer. So if you're like, I don't know how to do this. Okay. I don't know how to do this yet, but I'm learning. Right. Or it could be, I can't do this.
00:08:42
Victoria R
I just can't do it. I can't do it yet, but I'm going to keep trying. Right. You might say, oh, I'm not sure about this. I'm really not sure. I'm not sure I can do this.
00:08:54
Victoria R
I'm not sure about it yet. All right, just adding that yet onto the end of it can make such a difference in the way that we see things and the way that we approach it. right, saying, I don't know how to solve it.
00:09:06
Victoria R
I don't know how to solve it yet, but I'm a problem solver and I'm going to work it out. right, and then you can flip that script and you can make it a lot more positive and make it so, yep we're going to move through
Learning from Mistakes
00:09:18
Victoria R
this. All right, and this also means that as you come across mistakes that maybe you've made or maybe you've tried something and it was complete flop and fail and you're just like oh my gosh what on earth was that instead of seeing it as a chance to give up and go oh right oh well obviously that's just not going to work you can see it as a learning opportunity okay it didn't work what did I learn from this though what can i maybe change or adapt to give it a go and again all right so
00:09:49
Victoria R
these mistakes, these failures, they help us improve, they help us learn, um and they can give us different strategies to try. it doesn't mean that we're going to give up. It means that, okay, I just maybe you need to try things a little bit differently.
Modeling Growth Mindset for Children
00:10:02
Victoria R
So does all this help us in regards to things like parenting and working with children? So it basically takes us from trying to be perfect, which perfection is a myth. It's not It's not a thing. None of us are perfect. We are human. We are going to make mistakes.
00:10:22
Victoria R
And it takes us from that kind of viewpoint to one where it's like, okay, we're learning and we're growing together. And if your children are witnessing you going through this, if they witness the fact that, oh, okay, mum or dad or whoever it might be have, well, that was a bit of an epic fail or that was a huge mistake. But look, they're getting back up and they're trying something again.
00:10:44
Victoria R
Straight away, it's demonstrating to them, right, that these things aren't going to set you back. All right. It's not going to stop you. Okay. If anything, you can learn and you can grow from it.
00:10:56
Victoria R
So modelling this growth mindset is a fantastic way for your children to actually see it in action and to be able to take it on themselves. It's all good and well for us to sit there and go, right, well, you should do this, this and this. But if you're not actually demonstrating it yourself,
00:11:13
Victoria R
That whole action speak louder than words is really, really evidence when it comes to our kids. All right. They really do watch everything we do. Even when we think they're not watching, they're watching. Trust me.
00:11:26
Victoria R
All right. So when you make a mistake, go, oh, I've made a mistake. That's all right. I'm going to try it again. All right. or if you're trying something or they go, oh, mom, mom, give this a try, which my kids are always like, you know, i try this. And I'm like, oh, okay, I'll give it a go.
00:11:43
Victoria R
I've never done this before, but I'm willing to give it a shot. And I'm like, you know, if I stuff it up, I'm like, yeah, that's okay. We'll keep trying. Hopefully next time I'll be a little bit better or, you know, whatever it might be. We're showing them that it's then safe and it's natural to be a learner.
00:11:58
Victoria R
All right. It's something that we all do. We're not perfect the first time and that is totally okay. All right. And My kids say this, I'm not the most sporty type person.
00:12:09
Victoria R
So when it comes to things like that, like I'll be the one to like miss the ball or whatever it might be or go and try and do a soccer kick and, you know, go straight over the top of the ball. And I just either laugh or you go, oops, I better try better next time or whatever it might be.
00:12:22
Victoria R
And they can see that, you know, oh, that's okay. Mum's not going to sit there and collapse on the ground in a heap and cry. Admittedly, with some things we do, but that's okay. That's an episode for another day. But when we're trying new things, it's okay for them to see us fail at it.
00:12:37
Victoria R
And it's okay for them to see us make mistakes because then they recognize that it's okay for them to fail and to make mistakes as well. And it's not going to be at the end of the world. Another big thing in terms of having a growth mindset is to make sure we praise them for the effort that they've put into things, not necessarily the results.
00:12:55
Victoria R
So ah know this sounds very contradictory because, you know, I've got a teaching background, but I actually don't really give a shit about reports and, um,
00:13:06
Victoria R
braids and things like that when i get reports i'd rather go to the back where they've got um the qualities like the values and the main comment whether they get an a b c d e f i doesn't bother me all right as long as they have tried and they've put that effort in That is what kind of matters the most to us. That's kind of the thing that stands out to us where we go, okay, have you put the effort in? I'm like, oh, look, they've said that you've tried so hard. Or I know um one of my children's teachers has been wonderful this year with sending me a message and saying, you know, such and such has been trying really hard this week.
00:13:42
Victoria R
And so I show them those messages. I'm like, oh, this is so good. Like, how do you feel about that? You know, and letting them kind of take on that praise and take on the fact that their effort has been recognised.
00:13:53
Victoria R
right? And it also means that we can show them that, you know, the end result isn't the be all and end all of everything. It's the effort that they've put into it. And even if maybe they didn't get the top grade, they've still put that much effort, their abilities have grown, they've stuck with their challenges that they may have faced along the way.
00:14:14
Victoria R
And we're praising that instead. And this is a big one with kids, because a lot of the time, you know, we're so much I will probably go off from a bit of a tangent here, but you know, things like your NAPLAN results and things like that, there's so much emphasis placed on that.
00:14:29
Victoria R
And it's it's a lot, it's a lot for them to take on. And for instead choosing to focus on the effort that they've put into it, and we know that they've tried hard and they know that they've tried hard, let's focus on that. Because again, you know, there's so much more to these little humans than just the academic side of things.
00:14:51
Victoria R
So big thing as well with this growth mindset is also ensuring that we don't shield them from failures and this can be so hard to do as a parent we want to protect natural we want to protect our kids we want to protect them from anything that might harm them and in any way but realistically at the end of the day they do have to learn what failure feels like and if we can do it in a safe and supportive environment where they know that we've got their backs
00:15:22
Victoria R
then they will be able to learn from that as well. So we can help them work through it. We can say things like, oh, so what did you think you learned from this? All right, we can have the conversation with them.
00:15:34
Victoria R
What do you think you could try differently next time? All right, and we can also model this as well. If again, like I've said, if we make fail if we have failures and make mistakes, we can say this you know to your partner or to you know whoever it is that might be that your children are witnessing them experience it.
00:15:50
Victoria R
And this is a really good way, again, to model and also to help support them through it too. Because the fact is they are going to fail at things and they are going to make mistakes because we are human.
00:16:02
Victoria R
That is what happens. All right. We are all going to do it. We all do it on the daily. All right. And it's something that we we choose how we then respond to it. Are we going to let it break us and end up in a crumpled heap?
00:16:15
Victoria R
Or are we going to grow and learn from this and keep moving forward? All right. And that's kind of how we need to look at it. As I've already mentioned, using the word yet is a huge one. If you are hearing your child saying, I can't do this, then you go, you can't do this yet.
00:16:31
Victoria R
All right. And you kind of paraphrase it from like, you can't do it yet, but you're learning. All right. Or if they say, I don't understand this. This is too hard. So you don't understand it yet. All right. But guess what?
00:16:43
Victoria R
When you go and have your next maths lesson, I reckon you're going to understand a little bit more about it. or let's have a look at it now and we can go through it, whatever it might be. right. But again, the power of that word yet, when you hear your kid saying something and that's kind of a very fixed, like, no, no,
00:16:59
Victoria R
add that word onto the end. All right. Paraphrase it back to them, remind them, all right, that yes, they can do this by adding that word yet in, it means that we've got the opportunity to grow. All right. And another one, let's actually encourage the problem solving. yeah Let's encourage them to solve their own problems.
00:17:19
Victoria R
you know, crazy concept, but we need to be able to do that as adults. So if we can, again, support them and guide them and know that they have that safety and that encouragement around them as they go through their problem solving, if they are really stuck, it's like, all right, well, let's brainstorm this together.
00:17:38
Victoria R
Let's come up with some ideas together. All right. Or you could say, what do you think could work? No, that's probably not worked too well. What do you think we could do instead? oh, that's a big bit of a tricky problem.
00:17:51
Victoria R
What do you think we could do to work through this? Right, put it back on them. One thing about children is they are not limited at all in terms of their imagination and the things that they come up with is so amazing.
00:18:03
Victoria R
So put it back on them and see what they come up with. You'll be really surprised. And if they're like, i don't know, I can't do it. You can't do it yet. right? And obviously, let's keep in mind that we are human, we have our moments where we may not be able to see, was it the saying, the forest through the trees or whatever the saying is, I think I got that right. they Our children are going to experience that too. So if you know that it's not the right moment for them, if maybe they're overwhelmed, hungry, tired,
00:18:34
Victoria R
re-approach it at another time. And like us, if we've had a moment just to, you know, have a good night's sleep, have something good to eat, it can also really shift our perspective but on things as well. And our children are exactly the same. So give them that grace too. Don't expect them to be able to move through this if they're not in the right headspace. We need to be able to say to them, right, this is something that we're going to look at tomorrow. I can see that it's a little bit tricky for you to understand right now, or we can't really Our brain's probably not going to let us think about it right now. It's a bit too late. So let's shelve this and we'll have another look in the morning.
00:19:10
Victoria R
Right. So recognise that with your child too. And then also understanding that if we allow our children to be to make these mistakes and to be able to have these failures and to be able to have these questions and ask for help.
00:19:30
Victoria R
If we make it a priority to not for them to know that it's safe for them to do this, right that is going to make a huge difference as well. It's up to us to create that environment for them where they know that even if they've effed up big time, we've still got their back.
00:19:49
Victoria R
All right? We've still got their back. We're still there to help them pick up the pieces and try again. And this doesn't stop just because our children get older. I know um family members that have still got their children's back even when they're adults.
00:20:05
Victoria R
You know, even our own, like my own in-laws, things like that, they will have their kids' backs even though they're adults now. And it's that emotional safety that is so important. They know that they can go to them for anything.
00:20:20
Victoria R
and We need to kind of start that straight away so that your children know, yes, it's okay to go to you if there is something that um maybe didn't quite turn out the way it should.
00:20:31
Victoria R
All right. And once again, is that growth mindset too. They know that, all right, they can fall in a heap with you and then let's pick up the pieces and let's work out how to move through this.
00:20:44
Victoria R
Right, and another big one, I say this, I think I've said, they're all big ones. All really important things to remember. But also being patient with ourselves, okay?
00:20:56
Victoria R
Understanding that, yes, we are going to step up. Yes, we're probably going to have those times where our fixed mindset is going to come through. As I've mentioned, you might be having your moment on the ground.
00:21:08
Victoria R
You might be having a little tangy. But understanding that that is okay. It's what we do after that sets a really good example. You can go, okay, I found that a little bit tricky, didn't I?
00:21:21
Victoria R
ah had a little moment. mum had a tante but I'm not going to let it stop me I've got my emotions out and now let's focus on what needs to be done all right and moving forward with it and by doing all this it means that not only are we teaching our children but we're teaching those around us and we're teaching ourselves that everything is a learning opportunity all right we can learn from everything all right? Every supposed failure that probably isn't a failure in the end because it's going to teach us something or every mistake helps us pivot and adapt, right? It also means that we're going to be a lot more resilient, all right? And resilience is something that is really lacking in a lot of people at the moment. It's something that so many struggle with is that resilience.
00:22:17
Victoria R
They're afraid to make mistakes. They're afraid to um do things, anxieties kind of taking over more and more. And if we can let them know that it's safe to make mistakes and it's safe to have failures, all right, then that's really going to help by saying, you know, you may not know it yet, but you're learning. All right. So again, that yet keeps coming into it.
00:22:40
Victoria R
It means that we're going to be encouraging curiosity and creativity in our children. It means that we're also going to be encouraging that within ourselves as well.
00:22:52
Victoria R
right I think as we get older, we seem to think that we don't need those anymore, that the curiosity and the creativity kind of get put on the back burner, but we need it just as much as our children do. right So honestly, there is so much to look at when it comes to a growth mindset, but what it really comes down to is firstly just having that awareness of what it is that you're saying to yourself and others.
00:23:16
Victoria R
Listen to the language that you're using and think to yourself, oh okay, that was probably a bit more of a fixed mindset. How can I change my thinking slightly and make it so that I'm approaching things with a growth mindset? right Remembering the power of that word yet, all right, just add yet onto the end of it and again it will change that whole way of thinking.
00:23:40
Victoria R
right, demonstrating to yourself and to others that it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to fail, it's okay to stuff up, it's okay to say the wrong thing, right, this is all a normal part of life, all right, it's okay, we all do it, it's how we move through it and how we pick up the pieces afterwards that can make a big difference there.
00:24:04
Victoria R
Okay. And again, praising effort, not necessarily the outcome. And this is the same with us as well. If you know that you have put your effort into something and maybe it was a bit of a flop at the end, you know, if you're running your own business and maybe you put all your effort into some big launch and then it was a complete fail, you might be like, oh my gosh, instead,
00:24:31
Victoria R
sit with it, feel those emotions, feel the feels and then be right. Okay. What have I learned from this? All right. What can I do next time? All right. So this applies to us just as much as it does to our children as well.
Conclusion: Impact of Growth Mindset
00:24:45
Victoria R
Okay.
00:24:47
Victoria R
by doing all this, it's going to help all of us with our relationships, with our careers, with our health, with our sense of worth, with, like I said, our resilience, our mindset, the whole lot. It is such an important tool to have this growth mindset. And I think so many of us don't realize the big difference that it can make in our lives, right?
00:25:08
Victoria R
Our thoughts and how many thoughts we think a day, like I think there's something like 90,000 thoughts we think a day and we're kind of only aware something like 5%. I may have the stats wrong here, but it's something ridiculous like that. And so many of these thoughts are just kind of running on autopilot. We're not aware of what we're saying to ourselves.
00:25:27
Victoria R
And this is why I've said the first thing is to become aware of what you are saying. So when you are having a moment, what are you saying to yourself in that time? Or what are you saying out loud?
00:25:39
Victoria R
And how can we flip that script a little bit and make it so that we can see this as a learning opportunity and something to grow from? right So become really aware of your thoughts and also ah where if you've got your children around of their thoughts and what they're saying to themselves.
00:25:58
Victoria R
Now, there are, I don't have it just yet, but I am going to create a little handout because that's just how I roll.
00:26:10
Victoria R
And it's got some ah some statements that we can say that are growth mindset um oriented. So there's some that as parents and adults, we can say, and then there's also some for your children.
00:26:23
Victoria R
So I will get that added and it will be in the show notes. All right. And you'll be able to download that and, you know, put it up in the fridge, put it wherever it suits you.
00:26:34
Victoria R
And these can just help you get started with changing the way you think. All right. Just going, moving from that fix to that growth mindset. Because sometimes we do need that reminder. Like I said, we're only human.
00:26:45
Victoria R
Sometimes we just revert back to those old habits. so if you see this every day, you'd like, oh, Right. And as I've also said, don't forget the power of that word yet. Three letter word.
00:26:57
Victoria R
So powerful though. i And such a big change it can make to the way that you see things. All right. hope this has helped you out. If you have any questions about a growth mindset, please let me know.
00:27:08
Victoria R
i hope you enjoyed hearing my puppy in the background. running around having the zoomies. All right. and enjoy the rest of your day wherever you are. And I will speak to you all very soon.