Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
28. The One About ADHD Parenting (with Susan Hughes)
14 Plays7 days ago
In this episode, Victoria chats with Susan Hughes, an ADHD parent coach and educator based in Perth. Susan shares her journey from accountant to Master of Education, ADHD researcher, and mum navigating neurodiversity at home.
They unpack what ADHD actually is, why so many kids and adults are being diagnosed now, how it often looks different in girls and women, and what parents and teachers can practically do - even while they’re stuck on waitlists.
You’ll hear about:
- Susan’s turning point as a parent and how it led her back to university.
- ADHD as an executive functioning delay, not “naughtiness” or laziness.
- Why girls and women are often missed, and the big role hormones play.
- What parents can do right now while waiting for diagnosis or support.
- Simple strategies for mornings, routines, and scaffolding expectations.
- How teachers can better support ADHD students in busy classrooms.
- A compassionate, evidence-based take on ADHD medication for kids and adults.
- The importance of parental regulation, mindful parenting, and seeing behaviour as communication.
Key reminder: Your child’s behaviour is usually not a choice – it’s a sign of capacity, not character. When we understand their brain, we can support their strengths and protect their self-esteem.
Connect with Susan:
- Website: susanhughes.com.au
- Email: susan@susanhughes.com.au
- Download the freebie mentioned here: https://www.theconfidentadhdparentformula.com.au/lm-5-steps-to-calm-morning
She offers a semester-long small-group parent program and an educator course to support families and teachers raising and working with ADHD kids.
Connect with Victoria:
- Website: victoria-r.com.au
Instagram: @the.victoria.r
Email: hello@victoria-r.com.au
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Susan Hughes
00:00:39
Speaker
Hello everyone, welcome back to the Mindful Educator podcast. So i am joined today by Susan Hughes and I'm really excited for this today because Susan is actually an ADHD parent coach and educator and she's based in Perth and I know that um there's probably going to be a lot of questions and a lot of good information that we're going to get out of today's um interview. So i can't wait to get started. So thank you Susan for joining me.
00:01:04
Speaker
I'm very excited to be on as well. And I'll warn you now, i can talk for a long time about ADHD. So you may have to shut me up. That is fine. I love that. So Susan, before we go any further, I thought, why don't you introduce yourself? Tell us a little bit about um kind of how you've ended up in this line of work. And yeah, we'll go from there. Yeah, sure. I'd love to. um So I guess I'm i'm a real oddity in that I used to be an accountant.
00:01:28
Speaker
I worked in Dublin, and you know middle management, 20 years in in the accountancy industry and finance. And we moved to Australia with a two and a four year old.
00:01:40
Speaker
And my husband had been the home, the main caretaker at home in Ireland for three years. And we moved here and the joke was, right, I'm going to take over now. You go back to work. Gosh, parenting is hard.
00:01:51
Speaker
no i yeah I was like, oh my goodness. this is like At the end of the day, you're like, okay, I've kept them alive. What else i have I achieved? It's just... parenting young children is such hard work because they're literally, there's very little show for your day. And you're used to, was used to ticking a box at the end of every day, oh, done, done, done, and there's nothing.
00:02:12
Speaker
So that was kind of the start of me recognizing, gosh, this is hard.
Susan's Journey to ADHD Coaching
00:02:16
Speaker
um And I was sent two wonderful, beautiful boys. And ah one my youngest is incredibly um reactive. He is what you'd call that really defined independent spirit.
00:02:27
Speaker
And I discovered, i already knew it, but we used to clash terribly. I had a really, really, you know, he he triggered me all the time because he wouldn't do what he was told, wouldn't do what he was but you know meant to be doing. And one morning I slapped him in temper because I was trying to get him into the buggy to get my oldest to school. um And he turned around gave me such a look of hatred.
00:02:49
Speaker
that I remember going, oh my goodness, I'm going to have to learn how to parent differently. So that was honestly the start of my journey in recognizing I needed to learn parenting skills I just didn't have. But ironically, i already had trained as a coach and and I assumed I'd be a finance coach or a business coach or anything like that. And I met a lady who was a parent coach.
00:03:08
Speaker
So that was when I first realized that the parenting needs actually the coaching skills I already had. So that was kind of what I kind of, approach so my first kind of recognition that the coaching skills I had, i could actually start using at home. But the first part was working out how to regulate myself. Because when you, and anyone who has highly reactive children will recognize this. If you react, you just make them worse and the whole thing goes to crack really, really quickly. yeah And that actually creates that negativity in your child's brain. So you have to learn to regulate. That's one of the things I teach as part of my and program. It's like not just about ADHD, but also about how as a parent, you have to learn to regulate ourselves because it's so challenging. So much behavior looks from an ADHD looks like the signs, looks like they're not listening, looks like they're not trying, looks like they don't give a damn. And it's so frustrating.
00:04:06
Speaker
Yeah. And that's such a key pace, isn't it? Because, yeah, like if we're, yeah, and it can be really hard learning to regulate yourself. Really hard. Really hard. And then ah in my journey, I then, you know, my son was finding school hard and through a series of events, we discovered he had dyslexia and then to turn out he had ADHD and attention as well. And I remember going into his fourth year four teacher going, right, so we have dyslexia and ADHD is like, no, how are we going to help him? And bless her for her honesty. She told me she didn't know. So I went, right, okay, I'll go back to university and find out. Yeah.
00:04:40
Speaker
I love that. I love that. That's what I did. I'm just going to go back to then. So that's actually what I did. went back and I did a Master's Education. And I was just, again, through a series of events. You look back and things and you know, you know, somebody else was guiding me here, just worked out. And I got to do the research on the benefits of coaching parents who are raising kids with ADHD. So as a result, I have a really unique in-depth knowledge of ADHD. I combine that with coaching and I'm a professional coach, as in I'm a member of the International Coach Federation, which, you know, requires supervision, peers every three years. Like I'm a proper coach, as they say. And so I'm really, really passionate about the science of coaching. So that combined with ADHD, but also combined with my lived experience means I really get it, you know, I'm really passionate about helping parents because, know,
00:05:30
Speaker
We know that if parents can learn how to to support their children, that child will then have the magic life they're meant to have. But it's a very different pattern if the child doesn't support it.
00:05:41
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, I love that. And I love that, that, that you're out here doing this because I know there's, I don't know. i love your opinion on this
Understanding ADHD: Awareness and Diagnosis
00:05:51
Speaker
basically. So obviously we're hearing a lot more about people being diagnosed with ADHD, both children and adults. yeah What is your take on this? Like, why is this all of a sudden, and why are we hearing more about this? Is this because people are becoming more aware? Is it because ADHD is becoming more prevalent? Like what, what's your opinion regarding this? Well, if you think that the worldwide average is five to 7% of people ADHD, and if you were over the age of 35, you were not diagnosed as a child.
00:06:17
Speaker
I think that kind of is the answer. Yeah. Yeah. What I see so much of the families I work with is the child gets diagnosed and I would never say it to a parent, but I i can spot it a mile away. And sure enough, halfway through the program, they're going, i think maybe I could see where it's coming from. You know, like it's, it's hereditable. We know it is. It's in families. And the problem is, you know, it it can be a really hard journey to navigate life, not understanding your brain ticks differently. And that's ultimately all it is. I mean, I genuinely believe the ADHD brain is fabulous and creative.
00:06:52
Speaker
But if you don't get that support in your formative years, It can create a lot of negativity around it because you don't understand why your brain takes differently and you don't understand why things are hard for you that are easy for everybody else. And I think that's the most important message we can give children growing up. It's okay to be different, but you will need support on certain things.
00:07:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And I love but that you've said it's just your brain working differently. Yeah, because that is all it is. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. yeah and I mean, we giggle in our family. You know, my youngest was the neuro neurotypical one. But as he's got older, it's just that his neurodiversity hasn't impacted him as negatively getting through school as it did for my oldest. And it's just his personality she made made him overcome some of the weaknesses that potentially can go with an ADHD brain. I find it fascinating, really do.
00:07:39
Speaker
Yeah, I love it. So for those that maybe are listening online, I don't really understand what ADHD is. Like i keep hearing it Everyone keeps going on about it. yeah How would you explain what it actually is?
ADHD Symptoms and Hormonal Impacts
00:07:51
Speaker
Ultimately, it's it's a particular subset of neurodivergence, but it's quite significantly different. And it presents in three different ways. It presents as either pure inattention, which is what my son has. And ah ultimately, what it looks like as a child who has great difficulty focusing, great difficulty staying on task and great difficulty of getting getting started on something. So that whole procrastination often goes with the inattention.
00:08:15
Speaker
The hyperactivity and the impulsivity then often go together. And that's the one we're more familiar with. It's the one the media represents of the child jumping around the place, rolling. it And it was always little boys. We're now understanding that girls are impacted by it as well, but it looks very different in females. And that's very really quite new knowledge and new research because, of course, all the research was all done on males. Yeah. Now the research has been done on females now and we are seeing significant shifts in how it is and much more understanding, thank goodness, of how it looks for females and the whole impact of hormones, etc. But ultimately, what the underlying condition is, and we do we call it a disorder because unfortunately you need a diagnosis to get support in our Western society, and even though it's not really a disorder, but it is a recognition that the brain
00:09:03
Speaker
As a result of the way it ticks, the more you understand yourself, the more you can get support for the bits that are difficult. But the difficulty, it's ultimately an executive functioning delay. And for young children, they are severely impacted in the school environment because typically it can be a 30 percent difference. So by the time a child gets to upper primary school, their peers are 11.
00:09:23
Speaker
and your child's executive function is only around eight, that's a massive difference in terms of meeting the expectations of the school environment and of society, in fact. So then you you can get shame creeping in, you can get self-doubt creeping in, self-esteem gets damaged, and the trajectory for that is obviously can be very negative.
00:09:41
Speaker
Yeah, especially when that's already, those tween teenies are already quite. It's difficult anyway. Absolutely, without a doubt. And modern society, without a doubt, is putting more pressure on our children, without a doubt. And so when you add in an extra element like ADHD, it's just another thing for them to navigate.
00:09:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And I know you mentioned before about how female can be quite present quite differently. So what like what's coming through about all that? So what have you? It's it ultimately it's that for a long time that they honestly thought females didn didn't even have ADHD. And where we're now realizing that and little girls um are much more socially aware. So they're going to be more focused on the sociability of presenting themselves well. So essentially, there' it's an element of masking in that they will do the right thing in the school environment. But you might get them home and they're absolutely emotional wrecks and they're awful to live with and they're awful to deal with. And unless you understand that that's what your child is actually dealing with all day, it can be very challenging. The other aspect of it is hormones, huge or now under discovering massive impact of hormones. So obviously for a young female puberty, and then you've got having a baby and you've got postpartum and when you've got menopause you've got perimenopause. All of those are really impacting ADHD symptoms.
00:11:02
Speaker
um And to the extent that they can really exacerbate them. But even if you look at the menstrual cycle that week before, and Essentially, the symptoms can become so exacerbated that the normal stimulant medication actually stops supporting it.
00:11:16
Speaker
So it's really, really quite strange and it's really new information. um And it really is important that and you read up about it if you have ADHD as a female yourself, because often our professionals haven't, they don't have an opportunity to stay on top of the research as much because they've they've so much to cover. So it's really important to inform ourselves. as ADHD community to understand what's going on.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yeah. And so I guess this is probably also why, as you mentioned, like some women are now realising later in life, they're like, oh, okay, a few things are coming through, especially as you're going through these different um phases and stages as well. That's exactly. It's the executive functioning loads as they get, you know, a lot of lot of women do beautifully until they have the first child, for example, and all of a sudden they're managing your child's executive functioning plus plus yourself and it just becomes too much. and A lot of young girls, they might get through primary school and it's not a problem. They get to high school. things become really hard because executive function too much they might get to secondary school or high school and that's fine and then they go to university and you know it's like this it's like different lift levels of executive functioning load can really impact yeah so interesting so if there's people listening they're like okay so how will i know if i've perhaps got some signs or If there's any indication, like what, what are some things that straight away you can be like, okay, this could be a a thing to kind of keep eye out. There actually isn't anything, Victoria. There really isn't. seeing
00:12:41
Speaker
and Like, because it's the symptom is so vast that, and you can literally have six people with ADHD who all present completely differently. Yeah. But the underlying condition is that basically the brain is seeking stimulation all the time. So even the inattention brain, What's actually happening is the brain is seeking so much stimulation. It's been like, like into you standing a room, there's, there's 50 television channels all on all, and you can't actually home in on one different thing. So that's where the attention comes from. And the hyperactivity is kind of reacting to all this stimulation and needing stimulation. So ultimately what I would say, I would still say, go to your GP and and have a conversation with the GP, because no matter what you're doing, you need to get a referral from a GP. Now I know our wait lists are really long at the moment, but in WA, we're actually doing something great. We're training 15 GPs at the moment on a pilot scheme. And they will actually be able to diagnose ADHD. So we are slowly making changes. But obviously, it's going to take a while to make a massive change. But I would say still go and talk to your GP. um If you're going to be seeking information, you do need to make sure the information is valid.
Supporting ADHD: Advice for Parents and Teachers
00:13:52
Speaker
So i don't necessarily would say, you know, trying to diagnose yourself on TikTok is probably not the best way to go.
00:13:58
Speaker
ah by but by all means, if something resonates, then do some further research. That's probably what I'd say. Yeah. Okay. That's good to know. And I love that you've brought up about the waiting list as well, because um that was a question that, cause I did ask a couple of friends that perhaps, you know, have dealt with ADHD and stuff. And I know that that was what they were asking. Like, How do you find a paediatrician when so many of them are closing their books to new people? And it's great that obviously we've got these GPs getting trained up, but what do we do in the meantime? Like where, where do you go? And I guess one, one of the aspects that I'm very passionate about Victoria is um if you are waiting for a diagnosis, there's so much you can do as a parent. And obviously that's where that's the gap I'm trying to fill where I actually have a parent training course. Um, And in that, I teach parents what ADHD looks like and also the practical elements of what are you actually seeing on a day to day basis? Because what I found myself when I really understood ADHD, I was able to really stop and go, OK, what does he need right now? Because so much of it is about understanding right now, your child hasn't got the capacity for what you're asking them to do. And if you push that, push that, depending on the personality. So I have a freezer and a fighter. If I pushed it with my fighter, it would just escalate and go to crap really, really quickly. yeah But if I push my freezer, it would just retreat further and further into a shell. Both of those are actually damaging their mental health for the long term. So that's why it's so important to understand when your child doesn't have a capacity to do something. and to recognize it and not not like kind of further put more pressure on them. And that's why it's so important to understand about ADHD. And there are lots of resources out there. I'm not the only one. And I honestly think that as a parent of a child with ADHD, learning ah more about ADHD is definitely a first step. And as I alluded to, learning how what triggers you And learning skills to manage that, which is where mindfulness comes in. So I don't necessarily teach meditation mindfulness, but I teach how to be a mindful parent. Because ultimately, if you don't recognize that you're actually getting emotionally dysregulated as a result of your child behaving, then you actually can't make a choice to support the child. So first of all, the first thing is just walk away.
00:16:15
Speaker
Be aware of it and just take that breath. I joke that timeout doesn't work for our children, but it works for parents. You know, it really is. It's probably the best strategy to initially. And I know it's what I did at the very beginning. I felt myself become dysregulated. Just walk away with a conversation. I'm just going to take a moment for myself now.
00:16:32
Speaker
Yeah. And what are some like really simple things that I know obviously you can't give everything away, but what are some simple things that parents can do apart from, you know, the regulating themselves and all the rest of it? What would you suggest when they're starting out? Well, Victoria,
00:16:47
Speaker
Any parent who's dealing with will recognise this. Getting out the door in the morning is probably the most stressful time. And the second one is getting them into bed. So um on my website, I have a ah ah five steps to calm parenting. And ultimately what it's about is recognising that For young children, say, take an eight-year-old. There's an expectation that an eight-year-old would know how to dress themselves, know how to have breakfast, know maybe how to put the basics of packing a bag. But your eight-year-old is actually only about five. So they actually may not have those skills yet. um So it's about recognizing that they potentially don't have the capacity yet. So you have to scaffold it. So what I teach is that in a morning routine, you'd have a visual representation of four things a child needs to do. you know get dressed, have breakfast, and put shoes on or and unpack pack lunch, whatever whatever you've you've decided four things is. The beauty of that, it forces us as parents to stop and think about what are we actually asking the child? I have met families and they have a list like 50 things long in the morning and And then they wonder why it doesn't go well. And they're doing it from the end the best of intentions. They're trying to support the child to achieve what needs to be done.
00:17:57
Speaker
But if you're you can't teach a child to do stuff if they haven't got the executive functioning skills yet. And that's what we know about the ADHD brain. That frontal cortex part of the brain is developing slower. They do get there. i have a 22 year old. He's doing brilliantly. But gosh, when he was 15 or 16 you're looking at him going, actually, OK, remind yourself he's only 12, he's only 12.
00:18:18
Speaker
And it's incredibly frustrating. But yeah the secret is to recognizing that's what's going on. Drop your expectations, support your support, your demands or your support, what you're expecting them to do. And then conversations like what's going on what's stopping you doing this. That is such an important part.
00:18:37
Speaker
Yeah, just understanding what's actually going on in there their head at the time. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. yeah yeah I love that. And what about when you're looking at um from a teaching perspective as well? Because obviously some teachers do, listening, like how can they help support children in the classroom? Because obviously, yeah as you mentioned at the start, the school system isn't really designed too well for our neurodivergent children. Yeah.
00:19:01
Speaker
How can they kind of ease that impact on them at living? And funny should say that, Victoria, because I actually have an educator course on my website. Oh, I love that. Which i designed I've designed purely as a ah resource for teachers who are looking for it. Because ultimately, um it's it's actually the same, but it's different, if you know i mean, and in the sense that you still need that really deep understanding of ADHD. And unfortunately, and there is no in-depth knowledge given around ADHD. So if you're a teacher of for classroom of 30 kids, you may have three with ADHD, two dyslexia, two with autism, somebody else with anxiety. and There's so much going on in classroom for for for for our teachers. They don't have that toolbox of what to pull for going, OK, I understand what's going on here. I know what to do. So that's why I've designed the the program, because ultimately that's what what they need. And yeah but like it is as simple as understanding more about ADHD. But the difficulty is for a lot of teachers, they have to actually go and seek that information privately. And let's face it, our teachers are often mothers themselves and carrying an awful lot. I mean, ah I have so much respect for teachers. They're doing an incredibly difficult job in ah in an environment where they really aren't being resourced the way they need to be.
00:20:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So that's good to know that, yeah, at least there is that support out there. Cause I think this is a ah big thing that's missing as well. is absolutely Like people are struggling, they're struggling to know what to do. They're struggling to know who to come and see. So it's great that there's people like you that are out there and we can hopefully spread the word. Yeah. and Victoria, you know, we talk an awful lot medication.
Navigating ADHD Medication
00:20:43
Speaker
Yes, stimulant medication can be really, really effective and really incredibly powerfully effective for some kids, but at best it's going to cover 8 to 12 hours. There's another 12 hours for the parent to manage. regardless of how effective stimuli stimulant is. And it's a journey to find the right stimulant. You know, it's, and I've never met a family who do it easily. It's a difficult journey, but, and it's difficult because you actually need to trial and error different types of medication to find the right one that works. And so that can be very, ah feel very confronting as a parent. trialing and erring on my parent, on my child. But ultimately, that is how it works. And that and it can be incredibly effective. But there's still an awful lot of extra hours that need to be managed. So that's why I think that understanding of ADHD, and that parent training is so incredibly important.
00:21:32
Speaker
Yeah, because, yeah, I was quite curious about your thoughts in regards to medicating because I know that can be quite controversial as well. Some people are very against it. Some people are yeah totally for it. So, yeah, what's your perspective? and Do you think it's just up to the individuals and the families or what's your... I think it's really important to work closely with the professional, but yeah that journey of, as I say, the journey of finding the right medication has to be done with a professional. However, there is eons of research to show that there's no long-term impact, negative impact of stimulant medication. In fact, there is some positivity in terms of the recognition that if you can, um if if a child takes stimulant medication early, potentially, they can learn executive functioning skills earlier because their brain is more aligned to learning skills, which makes sense to me. But really what I what i always suggest to parents I work with, tune into the child. If the child is adversely being impacted by their ADHD symptoms, then potentially exploring medication is the right way to go. However, if, for example, they're getting to primary school and it all looks good and it's it's not a battleground at home as well, then potentially you can...
00:22:43
Speaker
to delay that that decision if because it's a difficult decision at the end of the day. My son didn't go on medication until high school. and That leap to high school, just the executive function was just so hard for him. I obviously was able to support him quite well at home. So yeah there was a lot of strategies we were able to put in at home. But when it got to high school, the demands for the executive functioning are so large in terms of that leap to being organized, to be able to prioritize and be able to plan. being able to stay focused for seven hours a day. Like it is really, really hard on a kid with ADHD.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it's hard for most kids full stop, let alone adding that extra stuff into it. And um in terms of your like adults trying to decide for themselves, for those that have been diagnosed with ADHD, like, yeah, I guess what would you suggest to them to kind of focus on when they're trying to decide if it is for them or not?
00:23:34
Speaker
And again, um Victoria, I think it really is a conversation with whoever the professional is they're working with. um And because ah the the whole ah irony of ADHD is for a long time, they thought adults grew of it. you can have ADHD as an adult and be operating really, really effectively and actually not have a huge amount of negativity to it.
00:23:57
Speaker
because it's very much the environment you're in. So entrepreneurs are often, oftener there's a lot of ADHD people who are entrepreneurs because it suits their personality, because they're able to lean into their strengths. And when they're successful, they can hopefully buy services to do the stuff they're not so good at. yeah So, do you know what to mean? So like those ADHD adults can be really, really successful. However, some ADHD adults, if they've had a really negative experience in school, and they're actually carrying a lot of negativity around themselves and self-esteem issues, then not understanding why life is so hard for them, then medication can actually be really impactful.
Adult ADHD: Challenges and Support
00:24:38
Speaker
And I've met many adults who have literally said it's changed their lives. So I would say it's definitely something worth exploring. yeah But I'm saying that recognizing that there's wait lists for adults well. And it's also incredibly expensive.
00:24:50
Speaker
Yeah, okay. so awesome So we do have the wait list for the adults too. so it's not Yeah, because it's private. It can only be private. There is no public system for adults. Yeah, wow, okay. and it is And it's expensive. You know, medication is expensive.
00:25:03
Speaker
Yeah. So while they're waiting perhaps to kind of, yeah, find out what's going on or see someone, are there any alternative therapies that you have known that have been successful in helping adults With ADHD, anything like, you know, whether it's seeing a naturopath or a chiropractor or anything like that, has anything kind of come through? Yeah, so I'm just going to remind you, I work with parents. My focus is is supporting parents with ADHD. I support adults with ADHD.
00:25:29
Speaker
So, I mean, there are there are lots of, but again, honestly, it's research. It's yeah doing your research, figuring out what works. There are ADHD adult coaches who can be incredibly useful, like the ah objective of a coach is to help you achieve your goal. And if you've got a coach who understands ADHD, then obviously they're going to be able to break down tasks, give you strategies that lean into the ADHD brain. and i really It really is about exploring, learning more information. And and and also, you know, I'm a great component of using ChatGPT. Like, use it and ask them, who are the good people who are giving information? Who can I lean into that will give me evidence-based and strategies? Because also, there's an awful lot of crackpots out there as well. it's really important to make sure you know who you're leaning into. And I'm very passionate about that. i I really believe evidence-based strategies and education is so incredibly important. Yeah, definitely. And I love the fact that you are um you've got that education, you've got that evidence behind you as well. Like what exactly, how how did it work at uni? What did you go back and actually do there? Like how did work?
00:26:33
Speaker
So basically, I wrote a thesis, essentially. It was the hardest thing i ever did, Victoria, as an adult. My God, i I cried so much as an adult doing that thing. I'm not a writer. found it very challenging.
00:26:46
Speaker
But the the depth of knowledge that I had to explore was like you basically, you know, you read 10 research papers and you summarize it into one line. Like that's kind of what you do when you're doing research. So as a result, I'm i'm really grateful for the experience because I learned so much. And then remember, I had my prize project at home, my son, in other words. joke i can joke about it now. He was my prize project. But like he really was. And I just literally learned something. I'd go home and go, oh, that's what they're talking about. Yeah. Oh, that's like, you kind of like, yeah, you had the the theory there and then. Yeah. yeah and And the lived experience definitely is, a ah is my point of difference in the sense of, I really do understand when people are talking about stuff because I can so clearly put myself back when my child is in primary school or whatever. you know when when when my son went to high school I literally was in despair going oh my god I don't want to do high school again but that's what it felt like i had to do to support him and you know it really really is challenging for them no and it's very much personality based you know so you've got the personality and then you've got ADHD which can exacerbate potentially some of the negativity of the personality and our job as parents is to teach our children how to
00:27:56
Speaker
lean into their strengths. You know, I really believe strength-based is so incredibly important.
Parenting and ADHD: Strategies and Insights
00:28:01
Speaker
And our schools are not good at that sometimes, particularly in the primary schools. There's too much focus on like reading and writing. And i appreciate that's very important. But, you know, my child had dyslexia. That absolutely wasn't a strength of his. So we had to work really hard to find other strengths for him.
00:28:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And with, I know, yeah, with your experience, I guess, with ADHD and working with people, have you often found that there may be other neurodivergent things that have come through as well? Do you find that it's often just the one or do you find that, oh, they're actually a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Oh, no, No, it's very much recognized that the ADHD brain very rarely comes on its own. So there's a lot of things that will be, they call it comorbidities, a lot of things that would be diagnosed together. Dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, all of those, they're all specific learning difficulties. Autism is very common. Anxiety is very common. They're probably the ones I see the most. yeah and then there's other things like opposition defiant disorder um which is where that really strong personality um and and that's very much environmental it's so incredibly important as parents to understand what's going on so we don't exacerbate it because I look at my youngest and know he'd be drinking and drugging if I hadn't learned how to parent him I absolutely was so strong-minded and thank god we learned how to parent it well and he's turned out
00:29:23
Speaker
beautifully yeah yeah he's still defined and independent yeah fabulous you know he's he's channel it the right direction if you know yeah and yeah and that that's easy thing yeah it is about teaching them how to channel it yeah and what a credit to you guys as well the fact that you've actually gone to do all this as well i mean that's huge not Not everyone would do that. And the fact that you did and you've kind of and i now able to help others. That's amazing, Susan. Thank you. You know, Victoria, honestly, that day when my when my son turned around and gave me such a look of hatred, i remember going, oh, my goodness, I have no idea how to parent this child. And it was just such a moment. Thank God I saw it. Like literally utter hatred in a three-year-old's eyes. And go you God, like he was, he was just keep slapping him and he was just going to become so obnoxious. Like just, and then, you know, I'd look into another two years, I'd be wondering what's wrong with this child, you know? Yeah. mean, I know you're not meant slap children, and unless but let's be honest, we've all done it in temper.
00:30:26
Speaker
but particularly when they're little. And the fact that you were able to go, oh, well, like yeah that was kind of obviously your turning point. It really, really was. And I'm so grateful I saw that at that moment, the recognition that I just had to learn how to parent differently. And for me, it was about emotional regulation because in Ireland, it was perfectly acceptable to be passionate and be shouting more at people. And nobody ever told me actually how to manage this very passionate personality to temper it so i don't frighten people. Yeah. Not everyone lies. I'm okay with that. No, i I do find the WA they're not okay with it at all, actually.
00:31:01
Speaker
I've had to learn to temper myself. Yeah. But what a great thing for you to learn as well. And I think this is like parenting, honestly, it exposes so much, doesn't it? It exposes all your flaws, all your vulnerabilities, all those things come to the surface. That's exactly right. Yeah. And that's exactly what I what I go through with parents, and Victoria, because I see, you know, i really call ADHD extreme parenting. you know We need we need skills that neurotypical families don't seem to need quite as much because our kids are so are struggling so much in a day to day. And depending on the personalities, they come home and they they vent to us because we're their safe space. And we don't have the capacity to understand what's going or capacity. to make room because we're actually the adults in the room then we just can't help them and and that's just so awful for everybody and the the fighting and the and the shouting and then often what will happen is when that child becomes a teenager they make poor choices because they've pulled away from the parents because that relationship is fractured and then they're looking for their peers for make decision making and that's never going to go well no no and I think yeah
00:32:10
Speaker
I suppose those of the parents that may be listening that do have children with ADHD and they'll be like, oh, okay, maybe, maybe I need to try and support myself a bit better in this regard. Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah.
00:32:23
Speaker
how would you respond? I know there's, for lack of a better word, a lot of cowboys out there saying that they are experts on ADHD or the rest of it. What would you say for parents to look for before they start working with someone who claims that they're an ADHD expert or this or that or everything else? What would you suggest? Well, I'm i'm obviously, you know, i'm I'm very evidence-based focused. So to me, you look at where the qualifications have come from. yeah You look what they're saying. And and and often when you have a conversation with somebody, you have a better sense of whether they're being authentic or not. And I think it's about trusting your instincts. and But it it really, it's really important to make sure that you understand where your knowledge is coming from in relation to ADHD, because there is a lot of crap out there. And and now unfortunately, there are professionals who who don't know as much as I do, because I'm in unique situation. I eat and drink ADHD. Yeah. You know, if you're a professional dealing with with like 50 different ailments, then you can't have that level of of knowledge. So as a result, as parents, the more we can inform ourselves and the more we can share that knowledge and then explore it with professionals who work but both in in education and in the medical world.
00:33:37
Speaker
Because i I have found that when you go when you go to teachers and you explain to them, this is what's going on. This is what I think my daughter needs. then and if if they they try it and it works, they're like, I've never met a teacher who isn't grateful. If you can give them a strategy, it will actually help. yeah Because ultimately, teachers, i've I've never met a teacher who doesn't care. They have different capacities, but they all care. And so it's how how we lean into that and having that partnership approach is incredibly important in primary school,
Empowering Children in ADHD Management
00:34:05
Speaker
definitely. But even in high school, and you know, you can work with individual subject teachers where the child is really struggling. That's how I use the worst subject. I work with them first, you know. was always It was always English for my poor child, bless him, because the dyslexia English was really hard for him.
00:34:20
Speaker
yeah So it's about, you know, sitting down with the teacher and going, OK, how can we actually support this child and bring the child to the meeting as well. The earlier you involve your children in meetings in the school with the teacher, the earlier teaching them self-advocacy, the earlier teaching them that it's OK to ask for help, because that's one of the things as an ADHD person you need to learn. You have amazing strengths, but goodness, you have weaknesses as well. And you need to find a way of scaffolding those weaknesses.
00:34:46
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's excellent. I love that you've said that as well. um Because, yeah, you know, how many times do we make decisions for our children without actually having them involved in the process? Whereas, yeah, you know, yeah but how can we help you? And I think the one the one powerful piece of knowledge for somebody who has ADHD is is to understand how your brain works. Because I genuinely do think the ADHD brain is amazing and creative and fabulous, but it can have weaknesses. And the more you understand, this is what I find hard, what can I do to help that? Then the easier your life's going to be.
00:35:21
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. So where can people find you to work with you and what do you offer in terms of your services to help those people?
Susan's Coaching Program and Final Thoughts
00:35:31
Speaker
Yeah. So I've actually just reinvented my program. um I was running it by term, but in the last two terms, I ran it over semester. So basically, I run a program that is going to run over two terms. So like the first six months of the year, will start next to m February. And ultimately, in that, I offer a combination of live coaching, live group coaching that there's no more than 10 families a group.
00:35:53
Speaker
I deliberately keep it small so I can give that individual approach. um And then I also give education as well. And the education, do live education sessions, but i also it's also available by video because it it's dependent on people's personalities. Some people are quite happy to look at a video. Other people would actually prefer to be presented at live. So I do both.
00:36:13
Speaker
oh that's good. And this is um something that you offer. to people everywhere? I have a wait list at the moment so you can literally go on my website which is susanhughes.com.au or you can email me susan at susanhughes.com.au and I can put you on the wait list and you'll be the first to know when the enrolment starts. I just need to work two dates. I love it. It's like oh my gosh 2026 almost there. It is a bit like that. like goodness we're in November already. I better work through some dates.
00:36:43
Speaker
And if there's something that um you would love everyone to know about ADHD, what would you want everyone just to know about it? You know what? I think it's as a parent recognizing their behavior is not a choice.
00:36:56
Speaker
Yeah. Because if you see it as a choice, you see you get very, very frustrated as opposed to understanding they're actually not choosing that behavior at the moment. They just don't have the capacity to do whatever the expectation is.
00:37:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's, oh yeah. but his feet doesn't um But it's very hard sometimes, but it's so important to see your child is not choosing to be naughty. I don't, i honestly don't believe there's any such thing. I don't think any child ever chooses to be naughty.
00:37:26
Speaker
Yeah. think they're If they're dysregulated or they're shouting or whatever's going on, it's a form of communication and they don't have the way of expressing it any other way. Yeah. um That's good. Thank you. And if you could leave our listeners with just one piece of advice, what would that be?
00:37:42
Speaker
just to put you in gosh um well you know i'm going to say as a coach i don't actually give advice
00:37:50
Speaker
it i guess what i'd ask you to do is stop stop and recognize when you're being dysregulated when youre when you when you when you're feeling overwhelmed and give yourself space because you can't be a productive parent when you're overwhelmed Awesome.
00:38:04
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much, Susan. I really appreciate you jumping on and chatting with us this morning. It's been lovely chatting to you. Yeah. And like i it's such a fascinating topic. So I love that people are able to head to your website and yeah, obviously get in contact with you if they need that further support, because I think it's something that's definitely needed. So thank you so much. You're very welcome. Thanks for the opportunity to chatting.
00:38:25
Speaker
Anytime.