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33. The One With My Mental Health Story (And Why I’m Sharing It Now)
18 Plays16 days ago
This week’s episode is a deeply personal one. I’m opening up about parts of my journey that I haven’t spoken about much before - my experiences with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and the shame that once surrounded my mental health.
From navigating early struggles as a teenager, to living overseas in England and experiencing one of the most challenging periods of my life, I share how these moments shaped the work I do today and the passion I have for helping women and children understand their minds and emotions.
This conversation isn’t about having it all figured out - it’s about normalising the ups and downs of being human, removing stigma, and reminding you that support, tools, and healing are always available.
If you’ve ever felt alone in your mental health journey, this episode is for you.
✨ In This Episode We Talk About:
- My personal story with depression and anxiety - and why it felt hard to share
- Experiencing mental health challenges as a teenager and not recognising the signs
- Living in England, seasonal changes, and how environment can impact wellbeing
- Panic attacks: what they felt like, what helped, and how to support someone through one
- The shame many people carry around medication and seeking help
- Why finding the right psychologist, coach, or support person matters
- The role mindfulness, emotional awareness, and nervous system tools have played in my healing
- How these experiences shaped my passion for helping women and children
- Teaching emotional awareness to the next generation and breaking the stigma cycle
🌿 A Gentle Reminder
This episode shares personal experiences and reflections. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted health professional or support service.
🔗 Connect With Me
If this episode resonated with you, I would truly love to hear from you.
Share your thoughts, your story, or what you took away - these conversations matter.
Email - hello@victoria-r.com.au; IG - @the.victoria.r
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Transcript
Introduction and Personal Story
00:00:37
Victoria R
Hello, welcome to the Mindful Educator podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. So I wanted to dive into a little bit of my own story today. Now, if you listen to the first couple of episodes that I ever released, it was a little bit of my background, kind of chatting about um the burnout that I went through and picking up the pieces from there.
00:00:59
Victoria R
And I did briefly touch on the mental health side of things, but it's something I haven't really delved into too much from there. And I'm going to be completely transparent here.
00:01:11
Victoria R
There's been a lot of shame around this side of it. Very interesting. And it's the case of now I'm like, well, Yes, I have felt shame about sharing my mental health struggles.
00:01:25
Victoria R
But in saying that, I also think it's important for me to share this with you all because it may help you guys as well or it may help someone that you know. And I think what has helped me kind of get to this point is also understanding that every single human, no matter who they are,
00:01:44
Victoria R
experiences mental health difficulties throughout their lifetime. And whether these are short-lived for a particular period of time or whether they're long-term, it's something that as humans we all experience.
Teenage Mental Health Struggles
00:01:58
Victoria R
And it's also what has led me on the path that I'm currently down. And the right reason why I do a lot of the work that i do is in order to help people that are feeling this way as well. so For me, I actually think I had a lot of um kind of depressive anxiety anxiety type things as a teenager, except I didn't really understand what it was. But I still remember waking up when I was doing my year 11 and year 12 exams in an absolute panic, in absolute state. Like I would wake up at night or I wouldn't be able to go to sleep and I'd be crying and I'd be so
00:02:42
Victoria R
overwhelmed and emotional by what was going on. And at the time, i i didn't know what what was what it was. I didn't i didn't understand it It was, you know, for me, I just thought, you know, maybe I was nervous. And, you know, and my parents were doing the best they could. They weren't aware of what was happening. They didn't really fully understand it themselves.
Challenges of Relocating to England
00:03:02
Victoria R
And it wasn't until I was over in England and my now husband, then he was my boyfriend, um actually said to me, he goes, Victoria, I think he i think you might need to go see the doctors because I think he might be a little bit depressed.
00:03:19
Victoria R
And I was like, no like what what makes you think that? Like, you know, totally on the defensive, like how dare you? Yeah.
00:03:29
Victoria R
But essentially I was. um And what didn't realize, so i had always wanted to go and live in England. That was like my dream for so many years. So my dad um grew up in England. He was, you know, born and raised in London. I always wanted to go and see where he lived. I wanted to experience it.
00:03:50
Victoria R
So it had always been this big dream. And then when I moved over, like it was amazing, don't get me wrong, but I ah don't also think I fully understood how much it would affect me being away from my family and my friends and also the different lifestyle over there. And as silly as this sounds, but it's actually quite a known fact over there, um how much the weather was actually influencing my mood. So one thing I have realized about myself is I am very much, I love sunshine person. Yeah.
00:04:22
Victoria R
um I need sunshine. i need um that good weather. i I actually need that happiness that the sunshine brings. It is one of those things that my brain needs. And over there, I wasn't really getting it. so stuff that I had managed to kind of disguise and probably...
00:04:41
Victoria R
not really have come to the forefront so much when I was living in Australia, really came out and reared its head when I was living in England. I still remember days where I left work. So I was working um as a relief teacher in schools over there or supply teacher as they call it. And I still remember walking home at four o'clock, like 4pm, and it was like pitch black.
00:05:04
Victoria R
And that like that's just such a foreign concept when you live here in Australia. Like that's just unknown. ah But if you've lived over in England or you've experienced um English winters or whatever it might be, you understand that's quite normal for those times. And it was just kind of all these things kind of compounding one on top of the other. And I didn't realise there was a problem. I didn't realise that there was an issue. Yeah.
00:05:32
Victoria R
But looking back, of course, I can see now there totally was. i was sleeping a lot more than what was normal. ah I would remember kind of, you know, I'd be going to bed early and I'd fall asleep with a book on top of me, like I'd be reading and just like, oh, kind of collapse, fall asleep, out to it sort of thing, which never been like that. um I did move down into country England for a little bit later And I think that's kind of where it really kind of took hold. and ah What friends I had made in London, I'd moved away from.
00:06:07
Victoria R
And, you know, I was working in a pub um at the time because getting like work at schools was very difficult. It's total opposite over there. Everyone wants to work in the country, no one in the city, whereas everyone wants to work in the city here and no one in the country. So I wasn't really able to get a foot in the door doing relief teaching. So I just was doing pub work.
Diagnosis and Stigma
00:06:28
Victoria R
And I remember I'd go to work and I'd be like the happiest, the brightest, like, you know, and literally as soon as I would leave, it was like, oh, you know, the mask had fallen off. You know, I didn't want to speak to anyone. I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to socialise. Even with my partner, i i just i didn't want to have anything to do with him. Or if I did, i was...
00:06:51
Victoria R
very up and down with my emotions. There was a lot of irrational thinking, a lot of jealousy coming through, all the rest of it. And, you know, like emotions that, you know, perhaps were fleeting previously were now kind of taking hold and really having their grip on me.
00:07:09
Victoria R
I was crying so much. I was so overly emotional and i already am an emotional person and that is something that I have come to recognize as a superpower but this was almost like to the other extreme it was next level like I i was very much in my head i was always kind of like at the drop of a hat I'd be crying um i still remember where we were living we're living on a farm at the time and there was this beautiful little puppy and I'd i'd grown so attached to it
00:07:43
Victoria R
And then the people that owned they'd sold it and I didn't even get to say goodbye. And oh my gosh, I was absolutely devastated. Like it was it was like someone had died. My reaction was that severe. So kind of all these things were compounding. They were all kind of one on top of the other. And I didn't really realize that that This was the thing. i I just thought this was a bit of a phase. And it wasn't until Michael was like, like, I think I really think you need to go to the doctor and, um you know, speak to someone about this.
00:08:13
Victoria R
And it wasn't until I did and I said like, yes, you know, in classic signs of depression. And I was just like, what the heck? um And it was the feeling of firstly, you know, admitting that I needed to go see someone and speak to someone about this.
00:08:30
Victoria R
That was a bit tricky. I was in denial. I didn't want to do it. But I'm also the sort of person where I'm like, okay, if something's not wrong, let's go suss it out. I'm not going you know, keep shoving it aside. So I was like, righto, you know, went and saw the doctor. But then being told that, yes, it sounds like it's depression, here's some antidepressants, off you go.
00:08:52
Victoria R
And being like, oh, I've got depression. Like, oh, my gosh, how embarrassing. Like, I can't tell anyone this. And it felt like a really deep, dark, dirty secret. When in reality, it it wasn't. It was just, you know, my brain wasn't doing what it should have been doing at this a particular time. It wasn't getting what it needed.
Therapy and Finding the Right Fit
00:09:12
Victoria R
And I know when i fell pregnant with, um, my kids that it was brought up, you know, postnatal depression, you got to be really aware of that. Um, if you are taking medication, you know, some medication can affect, affect the baby. Um, you know, it was, it was such a big thing. And again, there was that shame spiral around it.
00:09:34
Victoria R
And I know when we got back to Australia, I did book in, um Because one of the great things that the GPs do is you can get a mental health care plan. So I went and got that.
00:09:45
Victoria R
And I just did not gel with the psychologist that i was meant to be seeing. It just, yeah. some It's like anything. You've kind of got to shop around and find one that that fits with you. And, and yeah, it is a good fit pretty much because not everyone is going to be.
00:10:02
Victoria R
And so... I didn't really speak to anyone for many years because i was like, I had such a not great experience with the psychologist that I did see. And it wasn't until even a few years ago now, i ended up finding a really lovely um lady that I saw and it was actually through my work program, which was great.
Managing Panic Attacks
00:10:21
Victoria R
And I was like, oh, this is so much better. Like just having someone that you gel with when you're speaking to them, because It's a very vulnerable thing to go and see a psychologist and be expected to open up and to talk about this and and that and all the rest of it when you're not feeling really comfortable. And I find the same when, you know, when people try and talk about coaches and stuff, you need to find someone that you gel with, someone that's kind of your vibe and...
00:10:46
Victoria R
you know, it can can be honest with you, but also do it in like a loving way if that's what you need. Or perhaps you might need someone that, you know, is a little bit like, get your shit together sort of thing. So it really just depends on what you need in that time. But you do need to be able to be vulnerable enough with them for them to be able actually help you. So it was lovely that I actually managed to find a psychologist that was able to help me a few years ago. And all this sort of stuff kind of led me kind of down this path as well because there was a few other things that happened and the things that I haven't really touched on a lot one thing that stands out was i was on the tube so back in London and I just remember I don't even know what caused it but I had the biggest panic attack
00:11:34
Victoria R
like that I've ever had. I didn't even know panic attacks were a thing. I didn't even know what it was that I was experiencing, but I still vividly remember I was standing on the tube and I was holding onto the pole in the middle.
00:11:47
Victoria R
And I just remember I kind of lost feeling in my body. Like I almost, I can't remember feeling my hands, my feet. I was, it was petrifying. Like I didn't know what was happening. I didn't understand what was happening. Like I said, I can't even remember what triggered it.
00:12:03
Victoria R
All I remember is the feeling of what I experienced. And thankfully, there were some very kind people that helped me get off the tube. And they actually ended up having to call an ambulance for me, which I was like, oh, my gosh, like afterwards, i was like, this is so mortifying. Again, I look back at it now and I'm like, it's not mortifying. it's just one of those things that happened. And I didn't understand at the time.
00:12:22
Victoria R
But these medics, they were amazing. they They literally explained to me what was happening because I didn't know. i didn't understand. And they explained to me that I was having a panic attack and this is one way that we can kind of work through it. And so they really kind of brought me back into my body, into my mind and just, yeah, i like I said, I still remember it so vividly all these years later.
00:12:46
Victoria R
And I have had a, I did have a panic attack a few years ago, actually, um I can't, again, I can't even remember what caused it. I think, i think it might've been a bit of a conflict situation, but I still remember that feeling and just not being able to breathe.
00:13:03
Victoria R
For me, that was what happened with the second one. I just couldn't breathe. So I was still able to feel my body, but my breaths, I was getting very like, and you can see, you can see when people are experiencing that. And it, like I said, it honestly is one of,
00:13:19
Victoria R
the worst feelings that you can have because you feel so out of control with what your body is doing. It almost feels like your mind and your body is betraying you and you just don't understand what the heck is going on And what you really need during that time is someone that's able to be sympathetic towards you and actually try and talk you through what is happening What doesn't help is when you're ignored.
00:13:48
Victoria R
What doesn't help is being dismissed. um So if you ever see someone kind of experiencing a panic attack of any sort, just be with them.
00:13:59
Victoria R
You know, some people may need to be held. Some people may not want to be touched. It's it's very much a, you know, whatever they need. But you'll be able to sense at the time what the person needs. But they need help.
00:14:10
Victoria R
They almost need, they will need that co-regulation. They will need you to help regulate them because they cannot do it themselves during that time. They physically cannot regulate themselves. So this is where you will need to help do that.
00:14:23
Victoria R
All right. So... Please, like honestly, if you ever see anyone having a panic attack, please don't dismiss them. Please don't ignore them. right Like I said, it is a horrible, horrible feeling. um So anything you can do just to to help them work through it will be greatly appreciated, even if they may not show it at the time, it will be So like i said, experiencing all these things, ah there's there's always been such challenge lot of shame
Advocating for Open Discussions
00:14:55
Victoria R
around it. Shame as to, you know, even share this, like even sharing this, I'm like, oh I'm sure there's going to be judgment. But at the same time, I'm like, I actually don't really give a shit if there's judgment now, because if I can help just one of you that is listening to this, to recognize what is going on or to seek further help or to speak to someone about it, then that's okay. I know that I've done the right thing here.
00:15:19
Victoria R
But like I said, a lot of these experiences of actually what it's what's led me on this path and I'm on now. It's what's made me so bloody passionate about helping our children understand what is happening with their minds and their bodies and helping them know that it is okay to experience this. It is okay. all It is totally normal, but it's how we work our way through that, that really matters. And it's understanding that our minds can be so powerful We want them working for us, not against us. So how do we get them working for us? You know, this is why i do the mindfulness sessions that I do in town. This is why i kind of I've got the podcast that I share these things with you guys while I'm trying to, you know, help women and children in any way that I can. And, you know, all this kind of has that compounding effect because if I can help you guys and it's going to help the males and the females and the friends and the family in your life as well, it's going to be that ripple effect.
00:16:18
Victoria R
We have such power in our minds that so many of us just don't realise that our everyday thoughts just the influence that they're having on us and how we can actually be in control of that, how we can, you know, decide the path that we choose to go on. And if you have been medicated for whatever reason, there is no shame in that as well, right? It's up to you to decide whether you want to continue on that medication or whether it's something that you eventually want to come off and, you know, have these tools in your toolbox to be able to navigate these mental health issues on your own.
00:16:57
Victoria R
At times you will meet maybe need medication again and that's okay as well. Like there's such a stigma around it. There's such a stigma about being on anti-anxiety tablets or antidepressants or whatever it might be when Like anything, at times you just need a helping hand to get you through.
00:17:16
Victoria R
If you know that things have been particularly difficult or you know that there's a lot of um loss or something that that's really triggered your mental health, you may need these things to support you during this time and that is okay.
00:17:31
Victoria R
It's also okay to be going to see a psychologist And I absolutely love the fact that people are actually talking about this. I've got friends that are so open about seeing psychologists and I love this so much because why are we not all doing this?
00:17:47
Victoria R
There's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I think it should be something that is celebrated, the fact that we are taking control, that we are you know ensuring that our own mental health is as best as it can be.
Mindfulness in Education
00:18:01
Victoria R
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I love that we are, you know, seeking other professionals to help us with these different things as well. You know, whether we're, you know, seeing a life coach of some sort or whether we're doing breath work, whether we're doing meditations, whatever it might be, these things are all such great tools to help us with our mental health. So i guess I just hope that by sharing a little bit more of my background and the fact that
00:18:31
Victoria R
you know, mental health is probably something that, you know, i will probably struggle with on and off for the rest of my life. I don't know. who knows? All right. But I know that a lot of the tools that I have learnt in the last few years have made such a massive difference to how I see things. And even just understanding my own mind and that little inner voice that likes to come out, that has made a massive difference. And so if I can help you guys to understand all that, if I can help you understand the power of your own thoughts, of the power of manifestation, of the power of you know understanding why you think or do or whatever it might be, certain things.
00:19:13
Victoria R
you know, that that to me means that I'm i'm doing my job. It means that that's going to help you because again, um i love bringing this up, but that ripple effect, all right? And being open and honest with our children about this as well, you know, helping them to understand, going back to the real basic things, like even naming our emotions, you know, so many of us aren't able to describe exactly how we're feeling, you know? So let's get really clear on what these emotions are.
00:19:42
Victoria R
when we are experiencing something, when we are upset, being open to the children in our lives without saying, you know what, actually, yeah, I am very upset. I really just, I need to cry and let it out. You know, if we need to rage in whatever way, demonstrating safe and healthy ways to do that so that we're not raising these humans that, you know, go and do these, you know, one punch things or whatever it might be that that end up having huge consequences attached to them.
00:20:10
Victoria R
So, like i said Hopefully this has helped. If you relate to any of this, if you have your own stories that you would love to share, I'd always love to hear it. um And I just think the fact that we're able to have conversations about this so much more is amazing. I love that. And let's keep these conversations going. Let's keep keep it from being such a taboo topic. Keep it from being something that we feel shame and guilt over because
00:20:42
Victoria R
It's not. It's something that we all experience at one or more points in our lifetime. And, yeah, let's let's focus on, like I said, those conversations, how we can help ourselves, how we can help others and, yeah, making it so that it's something that we're able to navigate with, ah I suppose, power and knowledge behind us.
00:21:07
Victoria R
All right, that is it for today. like I said, love to hear from you guys. Get in contact. I will speak to you all very soon.