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Episode 23: Igniting the Fire: The Way Back Is Within You
11 Plays9 hours ago
What does it actually mean to come back to yourself?
In this Q&A episode of Don’t Trip On Your Cape, we continue April’s Igniting the Fire theme by exploring the real, lived experience of self-trust, alignment, and inner knowing.
Through listener questions, we move through topics like:
- Knowing when to ask for support versus trusting yourself
- What it feels like when your fire is buried… but not gone
- The difference between emotional openness and oversharing
- Why authenticity can feel risky, even when we know it leads to deeper connection
- How to navigate sudden change, disruption, and identity shifts
- Rebuilding self-trust after misalignment or difficult decisions
This conversation doesn’t try to give you answers.
Instead, it keeps returning to one place:
Your inner knowing.
Again and again, we come back to the idea that feeling lost, disconnected, or uncertain isn’t a failure… it’s feedback.
And when you start listening to that feedback instead of avoiding it, something shifts.
You begin to trust yourself again.
You begin to move differently.
You begin to come back to who you’ve always been.
This episode is a reminder that no matter how far you feel from yourself…
The way back is always within you.
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https://donttriponyourcape.com
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Aligned Living & Leadership (Leslie Arboleda)
https://alignedlivingandleadership.com
Mush Love
https://mushlovellc.com
A Human Being With Love (Alex Embry)
https://ahumanbeingwithlove.com
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Don't Trip On Your Cape'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome on to Don't Trip On Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:12
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
Q&A Episode: Igniting Personal Fire in April
00:00:22
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Don't Trip On Your Cape. I'm Alex. And I'm Leslie. And we are always excited for our Q&A episode of the podcast. This month, April's all about igniting your fire. And we got some really great questions from our listeners.
Seeking Help and Recognizing Passion
00:00:41
Speaker
So we'll start with Maya from Austin, Texas. She wrote, in the opening episode, you talked about needing someone to bring us a spark when we can't ignite our own fire. How do you know when to keep trying yourself versus letting someone else support you?
00:00:58
Speaker
It's such a good question because it is hard. And especially I think... in those growth moments when you are starting to grow. That's often when your spark starts to go out because you're stretching and you need a lot more fuel to fan that flame. And so I find for me, when I find when I know that I need somebody else's help is usually in those growth periods because I start to feel lonely. That's my kind of my cue is I'm expanding and I need more and more fuel means more people.
00:01:31
Speaker
That's kind of my cue. I think loneliness is a great clue. Also, you know, just to use the analogy of the fire, when when you need more warmth, when you're feeling cold, when you're feeling like you need more, that's often when it's time and often also the hardest part because it can feel so vulnerable to ask for help, to ask for support, to ask for what it is you need to really grow your passion, grow your purpose.
00:02:02
Speaker
But those are you know those are the benefits of our emotional feedback system is is really tuning into, well, how am I feeling? Am I feeling lonely? Am I feeling cold? Do I need more company? Do I need more fuel? Do I need more fire?
00:02:17
Speaker
And then also the discernment piece of who do you ask? Because if someone brings you a match that requires you to strike it on the box and you don't have the box, they're not the right person, even if they have the greatest intention.
Loneliness and the Need for Support
00:02:30
Speaker
And I think, you know,
00:02:32
Speaker
it comes back to to those skills of embodiment and discernment. Yes, it's such an important piece. And I'm so glad you put it up put it out there because loneliness is your cue oftentimes, but don't let it make you thirsty. you know And don't make let it, because that will put your fire out completely. you know Water's the opposite fire in that way. and often when you are growing, you are longing for something new. And that's why you have that feeling. What you had before probably won't fill that need as much. So that discernment is so key. That's perfect to be able to put that into
00:03:10
Speaker
Next is a Jordan from Denver. He said, you some you said sometimes the fire isn't gone. It's just buried. What are signs that your fire is still there, even when you feel completely disconnected?
00:03:24
Speaker
i think that's kind of the polar opposite of that loneliness. It's when we're feeling that true alignment. you know i'm I'm a little bit of an alignment junkie. And I think sometimes our conditioning can get really loud and being clear on what is your purpose? What is your, what is your path? And what are you here to do to serve the collective? That knowing is part of how we know when the fire is still there, but maybe not as strong as we'd like it to be. Yeah.
00:04:01
Speaker
And I think too, It's hard because your fire is intrinsic to your purpose, it feels like. you' connect And the wording of the question was when you feel disconnected. And I think part of that is you're never disconnected completely from your soul and your purpose. You just might not be living connected to it.
00:04:21
Speaker
And so trying to get back to that inner source of where the fire lives and maybe talking it out with somebody, having somebody else be able to fan
Reconnecting with Self to Overcome Burnout
00:04:31
Speaker
your flame. And I think a lot of the reason we get disconnected, at least in my experience, has been lack of belief, lack of self-worth, lack of this.
00:04:40
Speaker
you You do know what your purpose is and what you might want, but you don't have the whatever it takes to go after it. And so I think that is kind of the first step for me when I feel that disconnection. It's usually for me manifest as a lack of energy because i I'm burnt out, literally fire. I'm burnt out from what I'm doing because there's not enough spark and fuel to make me do what I need to do. So for me, when I look at that, it's usually saying, what am I disconnected to from my own self and trying to reconnect because the passion is there and then moving towards what will fan the flame again.
Removing Barriers to Connect with Purpose
00:05:15
Speaker
I think those things that make us feel buried too are a lot of times the barriers, the things that are the circumstances, the relationships, the obligations that we have in our lives can feel like a physical barrier between our purpose and the outcome. And really, again, having a bit of courageous vulnerability to remove those barriers and to uncover the thing that is true for us is also been a part of my experience.
00:05:45
Speaker
So much, yes. Alyssa from Nashville, Tennessee wrote, what does igniting your fire actually look like in real life, not just conceptually?
00:05:58
Speaker
It's so hard to put to words, it's but I mean, it's, It's a feeling of aliveness is what I feel like when you have that fire. i i remember the most disconnect when I had the least fire. And maybe that sometimes is the best way to explain is because they're both sides of of each thing is when I felt the least connected to myself and had the least fire at the least energy and the least knowing of what I was supposed to do. And I felt lost. Whereas the opposite, when your fire is ignited,
00:06:30
Speaker
The things that you do feel meaningful. They give you energy. They give you that purpose. Sometimes I have more energy than I know what to do with, and it's hard to stop because there's so much meaning and purpose.
00:06:41
Speaker
And it's not always, you know those again, those are spectrums, and it starts slowly often. You have to just have a little bit, and your energy builds up over time. but i It's a liveness to me when you have the fire that's inside burning and it and it starts to be a light from within that eventually starts to just burn really bright.
Action as a Catalyst for Purpose
00:07:03
Speaker
think for me, the non-conceptual piece of this is doing is action, right? it's It's doing the thing and giving yourself the grace for if I need to take action, it might not be the best action. it might It might be close, it might be really far away, but actually being bold enough to go do the thing, whether it's ask for help, whether it's tackle the task, whatever that looks like in your real, you know, your three-dimensional world. But taking action for me is how I see the ignition of the fire really showing up.
00:07:44
Speaker
and And then, you know, again, on a more conceptual note, one thing that is aligned, one aligned action leads me to ah to a choice point where I get to take another aligned action and another aligned action. And so I think it's, for me, that that question really brought up, like, it's go do the thing, whatever that is, and and then watch how that builds and grows.
00:08:09
Speaker
And often the first thing you got to do is give yourself permission. I think that's my hardest part on a lot of the times was the belief in the permission that I am worthy of the things I want. And my dream is the same dream the universe has for me. And so that's perfect because action is important. And I think the first step you got to take is giving yourself permission to look and then dream and then do it.
Honesty, Vulnerability, and Community Support
00:08:34
Speaker
All right, Rachel from New York, New York. We're getting into some of Jillian's questions. She said, Jillian spoke about opening up and letting herself be seen more honestly.
00:08:46
Speaker
Why is it so hard to be honest about what we're actually feeling? yeah Wow. um This question resonated in a v's definitely a vulnerable place in my in my current life. And I think the truth is because we have expectations and we are in relationship with people who also have expectations. And sometimes those things are misaligned. And if you don't have a shared expectation, that opening up can feel too vulnerable.
00:09:20
Speaker
It can feel unsafe and being, you know, very intentional about the community that you're a part of allows us the space to open up and be honest because being honest sometimes isn't flattering.
00:09:37
Speaker
Being honest sometimes doesn't feel good. You know, it's some of our most honest moments and feelings and thoughts don't always feel safe to share.
00:09:50
Speaker
And so I think the community piece is is a really big part of that. And also how we get to the ease, right? Ease is our birthright as humans. And so when things are feeling hard, when they're feeling overwhelming, a lot of times that is the result of the community that we're showing up in and that we're a part of.
00:10:12
Speaker
Right. it's I was thinking when you were saying that the perfect thing that came up for me is how many times my feelings weren't safe. And so then it becomes kind of a a loop of like, oh shit, oh I need to share it. It's not safe. And then I don't share And then it' it for the wrong community that happened so much and we kind of train ourselves or tell ourselves or believe that there's not going to be anybody that can hold all of us or that we're too much or that the things we want are wrong or even in our darkest moments some of the things that we want to say might not be the most flattering but you have to get through them to get to the other side and so
00:10:50
Speaker
The perfect thing you said about, you know, the aligned community is so important. And starting small, trusting little things at a time, and making sure that you give yourself that grace too, because it's so hard to have feelings where you might feel like you're judging yourself. I think that's the hardest, hardest for me. You know, my thing I always say is, i am I being a dick? like It's like the thing I always come you and say, because my feelings are my feelings. And I want to be,
00:11:21
Speaker
able to be vulnerable and brave and honest and all of those things, but also they don't aren't about anybody else. And sometimes I think... if it's going to hurt someone else or if I'm not giving to someone else or all of that, now that makes me bad. And I think that's partially why we don't want to look at our feelings because they might make us have to make different choices than we've been making for a while.
00:11:42
Speaker
And so definitely don't go to somebody who whose life you wouldn't also emulate, whose advice doesn't also align up with where you want to go, not with where you've been. And so I think that's the perfect thing about community, but making sure too that they aren't just someone you've had, but someone you want to go somewhere with.
00:12:04
Speaker
I think another piece that came up for me too is our feelings are our responsibility. And it can be really easy to make, to tell ourselves a story that someone else made us feel that way.
00:12:19
Speaker
When the the the bigger truth is Someone's actions might have landed in us in a way that we put a meaning on it that generated a feeling that we don't like, but that the meaning making part is actually the part
Emotional Openness vs. Oversharing
00:12:35
Speaker
that is is where our power lives. And you can be in the same relationship with the same circumstances and create a different meaning, which ultimately creates a different feeling.
00:12:45
Speaker
And that empowerment piece can be deeply varied underneath our conditioning and learning how to excavate that and really step into your own power, I think is another key piece to that opening up.
00:13:03
Speaker
Devin from Minneapolis, Minnesota wrote, how do you know the difference between being emotionally open versus oversharing in a way that actually isn't actually supportive?
00:13:16
Speaker
It's really good, really, really good question because this does partially how you find your people and your community and other superheroes is you have to both be able to share. And i i find for me when I, one of the ways that I share even on this podcast is the things that I've been through when it's pertinent to what someone else has been doing because that is also how we see each other. We see the kind of meet in the middle.
00:13:42
Speaker
But the key for me is always slowly. think that's the difference is you have to kind of take it slowly as far as oversharing to me is when you just kind of immediately are always using people or you have so much to that you need. You have needs that are unmet is really what I'm trying to say. And that's where the oversharing comes from is that you're whoever's there youre you're kind of doing it whereas when it's a mutual relationship the oversharing comes from a sense of building trust and that doesn't feel like oversharing anymore then it becomes connection and it's a lack of it's not a need it's a building that you've been doing and so i think we're oversharing for me when i think of it that way it's always because i have a need that's being unmet or the person has a need that's being unmet and so that's what i always look at is where is it coming from personally
00:14:35
Speaker
When I read this question, my first my first kind of instinct was, it can't be too much if it's if it's right. And I think that the interpretation of oversharing, sharing too much, being too much, all of that you know too muchness in the world comes from a place of moving from our wounds Instead of moving from our power.
00:14:58
Speaker
When we're oversharing from our wounds and we have an unmet need and we're sharing with the wrong person, that's when it actually becomes too much because it's not the right place, right?
Gradual Vulnerability and Emotional Armor
00:15:11
Speaker
it's that magic trifecta is right people, right place, right time. And I think sometimes we feel like we've got two out of those three pieces in place and then it still feels all ass backwards and upside down when we do it because two out of three won't cut it.
00:15:28
Speaker
And so again, using that discernment of self, Am I sharing because i I need something that is going unmet? Am I sharing from this wounded place of myself that doesn't use discernment, right? Because ah the wounded versions of ourselves are not discerning.
00:15:47
Speaker
That's kind of the nature of the experience. yeah So really being able to give yourself that honest permission to your point to look at look inside and and ask before you share,
00:16:01
Speaker
what's my intention here? And is this the right person? And is this the right time? i think that is really the key. Yes, that's perfect. Next is Claire from Portland, Oregon.
00:16:15
Speaker
What if you've been guarded for so long that you don't even know what opening up looks like anymore?
00:16:23
Speaker
You are not alone, Ms. Claire. I definitely feel that. And I think there's, again, it it comes back to that conditioning. We get into these habitual patterns of behavior where our walls are up, right? Where we've got our armor on so tight and so deep and so thick that we don't even really know what it could feel like to be ah authentically sharing and authentically expressed and authentically received too. I think that's the other piece is I can be totally myself. And if i'm if it's not received, there is still disappointment that goes along with that, unless I'm not tethered to that piece.
00:17:11
Speaker
unless I use that feedback of the barrier of reception realign, to powerfully choose another person, another strategy, another point in time, right? I am a parent. I say the same shit over and over again to these people that I love and adore and I come from the place of best intention and when they can't hear it or it doesn't land, all means to me is to able to is one of those three pieces was missing.
00:17:39
Speaker
And I get to ask myself, is this really good information that needs to be received? And if it is, what do i what am i what's since inside my what's inside my circle of control? How do I reorient the interaction to support the other person to be able to receive the information, right? Sometimes it's just different words. Sometimes it's a totally different set of resources. Maybe my 11 year old is just hungry and he can't use his brain because he's in survival mode. Like there's all kinds of things to to consider, but I think it comes back to standing in our own power with with real clarity.
00:18:23
Speaker
Yeah, and all of those tools that you're talking about, right place, right moment, right time, you have to give yourself the grace if you've been guarded for that long to know that you weren't in the right place, right moment, right time, and you've put up those guards for a reason. And you're not going to take them all down overnight. That's not really how it works. Unless, you know, sometimes with a ah big deep journey, sometimes those walls can be excavated quickly. But even so, there is integration afterwards, and it takes time to integrate those realizations of
00:18:57
Speaker
I'm buried under here. I i haven't been opened up. I don't even know what it feels like. And so giving yourself the grace to know, okay, well now I'm here. I'm at the right moment, right place, right time to start opening up. And just, I always think of it like walls and like windows on your walls. I'm like, just open a window, like start to feel what the breeze feels like a little bit and then open the door. And and then, you know, eventually you can start to feel what that feels like and build a, uh,
00:19:26
Speaker
nice garden and go outside and stuff like that. But it's still you're not going to go out immediately and just give yourself the grace because the reason I keep saying this is because I was in a shut-in space for five years.
00:19:38
Speaker
And if you had told me then that I would be where I am now in the kind of open life that I'm living, i don't think I would have believed you.
Vulnerability, Mistakes, and Growth
00:19:46
Speaker
And I did not know who I was underneath there. I had buried myself so deep. I i had castles and moats and nobody was getting in. And you know even when we met, now that's a long story too about letting letting you in was a lot. And it took time and energy from your end and trust on my end. And give yourself this space and the grace when you have been buried that that wasn't the right place in the right time. Whatever reason you protected yourself, that's okay. And you can start doing it slowly.
00:20:19
Speaker
think the other thing that's coming up for me too is... We got to be okay with being bad at it in order to get good at it. No. mean it's a new practice when We have these decades of deeply conditioned patterns of keeping ourselves safe and staying.
00:20:40
Speaker
Those first couple of, of trials are likely to be messy. and not totally the way that we wanna show up at some point in the in the future of the timeline, but we've gotta be willing, right?
Authenticity in Relationships
00:20:55
Speaker
And these human bodies in these relationships in this finite timeline, we have to be willing to practice at the beginner level in order to show up as an expert down the road.
00:21:08
Speaker
and you're going to make mistakes. And even some things that serve you for a while won't serve you later. And and even that, like, I mean, you you're the person i always talk to about these growing things of opening up and then feeling like, oh, shoot, did I make a mistake? But even that is growing and being able to see what fits and what doesn't is a part of the process and a part of where you need grace as well. Where are we at, Marcus?
00:21:38
Speaker
Yes. Marcus from l LA writes, Jillian talked about connection deepening when she started being more real. Why does authenticity feel so risky even when we know it creates better relationships?
00:21:51
Speaker
Oh, I love these questions. It's like yeah the thing we all have to go through. because it feels risky because it is i mean in this world in this day in this time not everyone is for us there's a a lot of exposure there's a lot of judgment and there's armored people running around with weapons it's it's the truth of it and it's not because they want to be it's because that's just where we're at right now and so It takes bravery and vulnerability and aligned community and trust and practice and all of these things to finally do it. But we know this, but you have to practice. And I think that's why we don't do it because we get hurt, we get burned, we we armor up, we build a castle, all of these things happen. And then we're like, nah, fuck it. Like the world sucks and I'm done. And I've been there, but
00:22:47
Speaker
eventually, at least I did, I got done i get fed up with my own shit. like I realized eventually if I'm gonna have anything worth being like real, it's go I'm gonna have to be. I'm not gonna be able to feel it unless I am. And so even though it's risky, eventually the want of it becomes worth it more than the pain of not having It sucks because eventually you'll flip. But the reason it feels risky is because it is until you have the right community and the right people. And then it's the greatest reward in the world.
00:23:21
Speaker
And I think, you know, I'm a science geek. So like I'm thinking about the neurobiology of it. Our brains are hardwired to find evidence to validate the things that we are thinking. And when we've had these experiences where we attempted connection or connection turned into disconnection or all of these things that come with being human, we gather all of this evidence to validate the the not taking the risk. But I think the thing that stood out in this question is when we know it creates better relationships. And unfortunately for us human beings, just knowing something is not a complete strategy.
00:24:01
Speaker
We've got to let it move into our heart. We've got to embody that knowing through action and through vulnerability and through us authenticity and really also give ourselves permission to feel uncomfortable because we are, what we know and what we feel oftentimes feels dissonant.
00:24:27
Speaker
We feel hurt, we feel and unsafe, and we know being vulnerable is the thing to do, but there's this disconnection between the knowing and the feeling.
00:24:39
Speaker
Yeah, and you have to practice so much and know that you're going
Life's Disruptions as Growth Opportunities
00:24:44
Speaker
to make in incremental steps up the ladder and find more people and newer relationships and new things. And that authenticity builds as you grow more and more into yourself. And the thing that came up for me while you were saying this is eventually too,
00:25:01
Speaker
it becomes a non-negotiable. Once you have those people, like I have so little tolerance now for when I'm out of alignment. I'm like, fuck it, zero. like It's such so hard for me when I'm out of alignment to do anything out of it now. So it flips to where once it becomes from, you said, like yeah the knowing into your heart and you get connected to that alignment, then the risk becomes not doing it.
00:25:28
Speaker
And that is when everything changes.
00:25:33
Speaker
All right, next question. Let's see if Story will read it. Just kidding. Across the episodes, oh, this is from Erica in Atlanta, Georgia. said, across the episodes, there's this theme that sometimes life forces the fire through disruption.
00:25:49
Speaker
How do you handle moments when everything changes overnight? I think that's a good one because we've already talked a little bit about this change being incremental. And and when you were saying that, I was like, well, not always. it True enough.
00:26:03
Speaker
It's a big, huge thing all at once. And you know i love helping people better understand how to navigate that cycle of disruption and be willing to let the disruption move you into that liminality, that in-between space.
00:26:23
Speaker
where all potential lives, but also in full transparency, that's also where all the danger lives, right? if we if we're If we've experienced a disruption in our lives and we've moved into that in-between space, we must use our sense of knowing, our inner sense of knowing to make a new choice from you know that quantum field of potentials to really move into that expansion. And when that expansion, you and I have talked different times, expansion is kind of a buzzword in in this personal growth field, but an expansion that happens too fast can feel like an explosion. It can feel like it will literally blow up everything in your life.
00:27:08
Speaker
And that might be true. i don't know anything about that. That doesn't make wrong. It doesn't make it misaligned. you might You might move into this expansion that was born of some disruption and lose a lot of relationships, you know lose a lot of that stability that you've been standing on that really was uncomfortable and misaligned, but at least it was there.
00:27:31
Speaker
At least it was you know the thing that we knew how to navigate, the thing we'd practiced navigating. And I think, you know, kind of thinking about this theme of our fire, our passion and purpose is here to serve the expansion of the collective.
00:27:48
Speaker
Ideally, the collective is not going to explode. Each of us as individuals in our own personal growth process and our own experience of change may need to have a little explosion over here in order to realign to the greater good.
00:28:08
Speaker
Yes, a it's funny because umm like i grow a lot, a lot, very fast often. And i i was I'm going through a big change right now in my personal life. And when we were i had a hard day not too long ago and I was thinking back even in just yesterday about it. And I had to cry it out a little bit, have some, because it's a lot.
00:28:31
Speaker
But then i switched because I went and talked to the mushrooms like I do. And the mushrooms asked me like, how would you feel about this thing if you could choose to feel differently about it?
00:28:42
Speaker
And it's actually a really good thing when I look at it from like, in the end, it's everything that i want. It's just going to be hard to get there. And the messages that made me realize I need to do it is not always so fun because it's definitely disruptions and it's hard and it's destabilizing and and in the initial time.
00:29:03
Speaker
But then I started to look at it and the mushrooms like, how would you want to feel? And I would i would want to feel excited about this change, even if it's going to be hard. I would want to be happy about it. And the mushroom said, well, then choose that. And it changed everything for me because yes, it's still hard. Yes, the I'm still making this change in my life. It's going to take a lot of work and a lot of investment and time and everything in my life, but it's going to make everything so much better. And I think that's one of the things that we forget when we go through these disruptions is
00:29:37
Speaker
they're not here to make us sad. I mean, initially, you're going to probably have to grieve a bit, whether it's a relationship, or whether it's a job, or whatever it is in your life, you're probably gonna to grieve this change a little bit.
00:29:52
Speaker
But In the end, you're going to be grateful. And it's always for you. It's never against you. It is for you, for, like you said, the expansion of the all. And yes, some things have to explode first to move to that next phase, especially when you're growing. You need more space. And sometimes that requires a big depth of energy that comes out. And so that's the thing that came up for me was it's always for you, these disruptions. And yes, sometimes they are very, very big. but trying to look, how would I want to feel about this in the end? Because I know it's going to be good for me.
00:30:28
Speaker
And that has started to help me a lot. That's a great segue into Luis's question. Luis from Miami wrote, what do you do when the version of life you expected completely collapses?
00:30:43
Speaker
And I think that what you just said perfectly answers that question, which is remember that it's actually happening for you. The collapse, the disintegration, those kinds of experiences in the physical world literally create space for something new, right? There's a lot there's a lot of shifting happening geographically here in in Denver and places that used to be old buildings are being leveled.
00:31:17
Speaker
And these new beautiful things are being built in that space. But there has to be a collapse sometimes when there's something already in the space, right? Sometimes we think about building an open space that's never been developed.
00:31:32
Speaker
Sometimes we move into spaces in our lives that there's nothing there. So it's just the build process. But for most of us as adults, there's already something in place and it needs to be leveled.
00:31:48
Speaker
in order for the newer, better, expanded, more aligned version of expression an experience to have a space to actually be born.
Perspective Shifts and Grounding
00:32:00
Speaker
i think it's the perfect word, collapse, too, because collapses usually aren't, you know, they're result of cumulative as far as there's cracks and the foundation wasn't built right. Something is misaligned to where it can't be stable. in your life, whatever that happens to be. And so one of the other things that helps me is looking at the the cracks and what caused the collapse, because that makes me realize like it wasn't aligned. This isn't what I wanted anyway. There's a reason it was falling apart, because this is not aligned. And that helps a lot that helps a lot for myself, at least, to be remember that the collapse is a result of the fact that it isn't right anyway.
00:32:46
Speaker
Well, and then ah that analogy, two of the cracks, right? A little crack on a big foundation. It might've been an experience. It might've been a learned lesson. it might not take the whole building down.
00:32:58
Speaker
But at some point, it no longer serves and it needs a fortification, right? Maybe you need to cock the crack and, you know, move through life. Maybe you need to leave it there and let it ultimately serve as a catalyst for the dissolution in order for the recreation to show up.
00:33:18
Speaker
Exactly. Perfect. Perfect question. Next is Hannah from Boulder, Colorado. How do you stay grounded when you don't even have time to process what's happening in the moment?
00:33:34
Speaker
I hear you, Hannah. I feel fast sometimes. And I, at this point in my journey,
00:33:46
Speaker
when it feels like it's moving too fast on this plane, right from the worm's eye view, and pull out, I pan out, I take my perspective up high enough. And sometimes it's to the ceiling. Sometimes it's to the stars to see that the process is actually happening truly in a divine way.
00:34:07
Speaker
And what feels fast on the ground feels pretty slow from the air. And how do we, Our perspective is part of our power.
00:34:20
Speaker
As a matter of fact, I would assert it's maybe the greatest thing inside our circle of control when all the other things, including the speed of change, feels out of our control. How are we orienting to it? How are we looking at it? What do we need to realign in order to see it as, to your point earlier, that things are always working out, that this must be what will serve me, the individual, and the one of the collective as we continue to move into this
00:34:58
Speaker
you know, greater good. i think, I think that's, that's the thing that really came up for me because grounding is a practice and there can be strategies that you use. Maybe it's meditating, maybe it's exercising, maybe it's, you know, whatever it is that works for you, but being grounded doesn't necessarily mean being on the physical ground. Sometimes for me, the way, the quickest way for me to feel grounded is for me to pan out and look at the larger perspective.
00:35:26
Speaker
That's such a good, yeah, great answer. And i'm I'm very busy, as you well know, so busy. And I've had to learn to kind of build in time for myself to to those moments to check back in because i think it's just a permission slip, even if it's just taking that time to pan out, to give yourself the perspective that you need to keep going.
00:35:52
Speaker
we deserve those moments of time to be able to get back to who we are. And so that was the one thing that I would add to that is you got to have take at least a moment every once in a while, we all have 60 seconds to give ourselves the perspective of of what matters to us in that moment in that day. And be you can only take it one day at a time, we can only do here and now and remembering that days often move fast and in the and it seems like you're not getting a lot done, but it all adds up over the time.
00:36:27
Speaker
it You look back and you go, whoa, I did do a lot. Absolutely. Nicole from Dallas, Texas wrote, both Jillian and Chanel touched on identity shifting.
00:36:39
Speaker
How do you hold on to who you are when your circumstances are trying to redefine you? And both of those women spoke to that differently, but also from the same empowered perspective of remembering who you are before the world told you who to be, right? Like you say, and if circumstances, historic history, the past, those things, whether it's abuse, whether it's incarceration, whatever it is, those do not define who you are.
00:37:16
Speaker
They are paths that you've walked And when you can be solid in sense of self and knowing, you know, in Jillian's story, it was, I'm not going to repeat those same patterns.
00:37:30
Speaker
When she became a parent, she became so crystal clear that the things that she'd been doing habitually out of survival mode to keep her younger self safe, were no longer the things that she was going to create moving forward in order to shift the entire timeline of her family, her community, really the world at large. And Chanel at the same way. Her faith, that sense of knowing that being imprisoned did not define who she was. It was simply the circumstance in the moment that there was something much bigger that she was able to hold on in order for her to define who she was going to be and how she was going to show up in the world and the impact that she was going to make.
00:38:15
Speaker
Yes. They're so powerful in the way that they both
Strength in Personal Purpose Despite Pressure
00:38:19
Speaker
shared it. And like you said, completely different perspectives and circumstances that they came from. But the the hardest thing to do when the world is trying to tell you who to be and circumstances are trying to change you is to hold on to yourself and i think the thing that they showed through it is they allowed themselves to change into the greater versions of themselves through these things but it wasn't as a result of the world at all it was this inner knowing and where it comes from is always different we we it's and it's different for each person what your contribution is going to be But the whispers are always there for each person, whatever that looks like, whatever you're connected to. And getting quiet and letting yourself have the permission to listen to the inner thing. It's so hard when the world is loud. It's so hard when you're busy and when there's trauma and then all of these different things. But grounding back into
00:39:20
Speaker
there is an inner message and it's always going to be there and it's never going to go away no matter what circumstances you're in. And the reason I was even thinking like, Chanel had a completely different dream for herself that she thought she was going to have. And the the world did have circumstances that changed her. But what she didn't let it change was her dis her connection to the inner whispers and who she wanted to be within those circumstances. And that's the thing that I always try and stay true to is My whispers are going to change depending on the circumstances and who I'm around and where I'm going, but they're always going to be mine and true to me.
00:40:01
Speaker
All right. Next question is Brian from Seattle, Washington. What does it actually mean to come back to yourself when you feel lost?
00:40:14
Speaker
I think that's weaved through all of all of the answers and questions that we've already touched on a little bit, but it's that, it's that thing that precedes all of the action, all of the circumstances, all of the experiences.
00:40:30
Speaker
And, you know, in my belief, it's the thing that precedes your, your physical birth, right? It's this, it's this infinitely foundational sense of self.
00:40:43
Speaker
And, you know, as I like to share, and I was taught, we are all unique once in a lifetime cosmic events. There can't be and a wrong way to do you.
00:40:57
Speaker
And when we're feeling lost, that's usually because we've lost sight of or feel like we've lost connection too that inner knowing, that unique purpose, that exceptional contribution that we're here to make to the world.
00:41:16
Speaker
And when we can Even just knowing that, that sense of feeling lost, that sense of disconnection, that's feedback. And we can ignore it or we can amplify it. can say, look, I feel lost.
00:41:29
Speaker
And period. Or we can say, oh, I feel lost, comma, and I'm going to course correct. I'm going to reorient. I'm going to explore. I'm going to experiment. I'm going to try on something new because clearly what I've been doing isn't getting me back on track.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yes. it's a Feedback from inside is so confronting initially. It's like, oh, I feel lost. And then you forget, oh, that's feedback for yourself. Like, that's, yay, I feel lost. I know. It's so confronting, though, at first because it's Yeah, and that's why I like the question and the way you responded to it, because that's the gift. It's so hard to remember that that's the gift. And the coming back to yourself is the relief. It's the lack of that feeling anymore. And it's not always dramatic. It's not always like,
Managing Expectations and Self-Trust
00:42:31
Speaker
that's a lie. i found my purpose from changing the world. but you knows It's not that. It's just this relief of, well, not that anymore. And have some different...
00:42:41
Speaker
in my life a lot of times i've put up these expectations on myself or what i think somebody else might have wanted for me and that's often when i feel the most lost and then i feel this relief when i let go of it but then afterwards sometimes i have a little bit of guilt Because I i didn't meet someone else's expectations. And that's when I when i really let go of that guilt too. That's like the real relief, like the second relief. Because it's a permission just to come back to yourself. The literal words of the question is the relief of letting go of all of that. It just feels so different once you're back in
00:43:24
Speaker
Loss versus relief is the the dichotomy for me. And I think something that came up for me while you were talking too is sometimes when we have unmet expectations, the wounded part of us is like, well, fuck it. I'm just not go have any expectations. And I have been in that conversation recently and that's just not realistic.
00:43:47
Speaker
As human beings, we are not able to be expectation free. I don't believe. We are absolutely allowed to feel disappointed.
00:43:58
Speaker
or whatever emotions come up when expectations go unmet. And we are also empowered to reorient our response because if an expectation goes unmet, it's truly at this point, I look at it as the result of misalignment, either a misalignment on my part. When I put the expectation on the other person, a misalignment on their part, when they put the expectation on me,
00:44:24
Speaker
Or maybe one or both of us simply didn't have the resources to meet said expectation. we could have had you you could have the best intention of wanting to meet the expectations of others and still not be able to do it.
00:44:35
Speaker
And I think that also can really help us come back to self. you know When I am feeling like I haven't met someone else's expectations, I don't make myself wrong anymore. I get curious.
00:44:49
Speaker
Well, how did that disconnect happen? And if it's important enough to me, what is inside my circle of control to create a new connection, right? I don't have a time machine. I can't go back and change the thing I did or didn't do, but I absolutely am future me's time machine right now.
00:45:08
Speaker
So what can I do to create moving forward that does create, ah that is the result of alignment? Perfect. Yeah.
00:45:20
Speaker
So you are me. I don't even know the answer, but I'll read the question. Tasha from Phoenix, Arizona wrote, how do you rebuild self-trust after making decisions or being in situations that didn't serve you?
00:45:40
Speaker
It's feedback still. I think that's that's kind of how I look at it as far as You can't know until you know, and sometimes knowing is by testing. And it's it is a a building up of trust even with yourself. But the reason I often say it's cumulative in in growth is because or incremental in growth is because you don't know parts of yourself even often. You've given them away or lost them or whatever has happened.
00:46:10
Speaker
And as you gain those parts of yourself back, that's also the trust that you're starting to build. But you don't know, like I said, what you don't know. And so when you make a mistake or you have a misalignment or get into a relationship that might have served some part of you for a minute and now it doesn't serve you anymore, all of that is building trust in what you need and then what you you need then and versus what you need now and learning about yourself.
00:46:33
Speaker
and just not making yourself wrong in any of those steps along the way, because that is how you learn is is such an important thing to me. Well, and when I read this question, I immediately thought of of quantum human design and the resiliency keys, because self-trust is one of those pieces.
00:46:51
Speaker
Self-trust is one of the key aspects of our own resilience. And that resilience is the resource we use to course correct.
00:47:02
Speaker
And when things, decisions or situations feel like they haven't served us, if we can trust our inner knowing, if we can have that self-trust of understanding who we are, what we're here to do and how we're here to do it, and also how we're here to be in relationship with others that serve both, right? As you like to say, all all true benefit is mutual.
00:47:28
Speaker
So when someone is disappointed, because I have or have not done something or because of a circumstance or situation. to me, the meaning that we've put on it that created the feeling of disappointment is actually one of those things that we can reorient. It is part of our resilience.
00:47:48
Speaker
We can be in a failed relationship and think, that's it, I'm a failure, this is awful, I'm never gonna do this again. Or we can be in a failed relationship, be it personal or professional,
00:47:59
Speaker
and And truly come back to that sense of trust, that self-trust, and get back up and have the resilience to do something new, do something different, or do the same thing with a new person, or do the same thing with the same person at a different time.
00:48:19
Speaker
Yes. And self-trust too is it one more factor for me is doing what I say I'm going to do as far as what whatever that is, my goals or ah being aligned or whatever, because there's an, there's a,
00:48:37
Speaker
a thing that I used to do, like as far as give myself a little bit too much, like that's hard or I've been i've been through a lot or whatever it happens to be. And so self-trust also is knowing you can do harder things and doing them. And I think that's a really important key is ease is your birthright. But that doesn't mean it's not going to be challenging. And challenge is where you grow. And giving myself the permission to, even if I don't do it perfectly, know that I did my best each time. And that is also how you start to build that self-trust in yourself, whatever that looks like, messing up, going after your goals, building relationships, all of those different things. You build trust in that I did i did my best.
00:49:23
Speaker
I got a little better. i might have made some mistakes. And then you do it again and and again and again, and you keep getting better.
Taking Ownership of Life and New Beginnings
00:49:28
Speaker
And you know I said no earlier. I don't like being bad at things, but that's how we start.
00:49:36
Speaker
All right. Sorry, story pointed down. It's very demanding. All right. Next is Kevin from Chicago, Illinois. he said, there was a moment in Shanella's story when she realized no one was coming to save her.
00:49:51
Speaker
How do you shift from waiting to taking ownership?
00:49:56
Speaker
I think she shared that really eloquently, right? She was... in prison serving a sentence that can look like waiting for a lot of folks.
00:50:09
Speaker
And even in that circumstance, she fell back on that sense of knowing. She fell back on that faith. She fell back on that trust. And she also held onto her hope too, which I think is also how we can take ownership of our experience, you know, and inside prison, I've been inside that institution and it can feel really dreary.
00:50:37
Speaker
But every time I am visiting the community where i met her, I left so inspired and I would be in the parking lot, you know, I'd walk through all those gates, everything would slam shut behind me. I'd be in the parking lot and I would just,
00:50:51
Speaker
sometimes feels almost overwhelmed with how amazing is it that in a place where something could feel so taxing and overwhelming and and contracting, right? And that Saturnian energy of contraction who also the place where expansion is born from.
00:51:15
Speaker
But we've got to be able to look at it that way. We have to really be able to say, all right, well, no one's coming to save me. Then I guess that means it's my turn to save myself.
00:51:27
Speaker
Well, the podcast is called Don't Trip on Your Cape, which implies you have cape. And so i the reason I think that Chanel spoke to it so eloquently is she's a fucking superhero. Like, hands down, bar none, that's the truth of it. And so are you, whoever you are listening to this right now. And I think the re orientation that I always try and remember is we're all superheroes and we're all here to do the damn thing.
00:51:53
Speaker
And it may not feel like it in the middle of things. And when I was listening to her, And even when I went to the prison the first time, it reminded me of when I was in solitary confinement and that I remember the first, I was listening to her and she said that first month I was trying to you know write the president, all of that. like I had no one, like I couldn't talk to anybody, literally zero people.
00:52:18
Speaker
i couldn't I couldn't write the president, like i I couldn't write anybody, I couldn't do anything. But I remember even in that darkness and in that loneliness and in that really deep, I mean, that was the hardest moment of my life up until then.
00:52:34
Speaker
I wasn't out of fire. And if anything, it gave me this... Burning rage inside
00:52:44
Speaker
burning rage inside of I know i can do better, I know I can have better, I know I can create better, I know we all deserve better. And in that space of being there, you will save yourself. when you have had your When you have no choice and you are all you have left, that is where your superpowers start to grow. that is After the first month, I think it was about six weeks, that was when I started to center into myself in my relationship with the universe and started hearing whispers more and started to build a belief that I
00:53:24
Speaker
was going to make it in one way or the other. Even if I had a wicked heart, I was going to do it. like it it you will If you are there, whatever you need is inside of you and it will come from it because there is no one coming to save you. There wasn't for me. There wasn't for her.
00:53:40
Speaker
You get to save yourself. That's the gift. You will become the superhero from that moment when you choose to. And it may not be immediately. She did it fast. She's awesome. She is indeed.
00:53:53
Speaker
All right. So Grace from Sacramento, California wrote, if someone feels like they've hit rock bottom, how can they start seeing it as a launch point instead of an ending?
00:54:05
Speaker
I use it as a clue and cue. i love that. i was just saying, I love that. Cause it, it, you know, to, to, I think it was Shanella that said, you know, if you're not dead, you got a chance to something different, right? Like it was, it was very, it was very real moment because every day you wake up blessed to be a day older is a new opportunity to create something new.
00:54:30
Speaker
There is only one true ending in our human lives and we aren't going wake up to see it. So how, how impassioned are you?
00:54:43
Speaker
to truly live your purpose and be in alignment, I think is really the rocket fuel for me, at least. You know, every, every failure I have is a launch point to course correct.
00:54:57
Speaker
I think it was you, or was maybe it wasn't you, I don't know. Someone, someone said to me recently, a rocket ship is only on course 7% of the time. Lisa.
00:55:09
Speaker
Lisa. All right. I was like, I feel like you were in the room, but it wasn't your voice. The a rocket ship is only on course 7% of the time. The other 93% of the entire rock space journey is course correction.
00:55:23
Speaker
And i I love that analogy because I think we can launch with a real clear focus on where it is we're going, and what it is we're doing and the desire desired outcome.
00:55:33
Speaker
And then the reality is life happens, right? Life, life's. And we get to be in charge. of how we stay on track because it doesn't just happen automatically.
00:55:45
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And when you are at that rock bottom or, you know, I love Janelle to said too, there's always another bottom. Like there's always, life kind of does go up and down. It's not really, you know, it's really not always up in that way. you you do come down before you go back up a lot of times, even if you're considering going up, you come back There's always these lows. And I have found that one of the analogies I love from Dr. Wayne Dyer that I heard when he when I was young and still just getting out of the cult, he said that your parents are like a slingshot and they pull you back, but only when you let go do you fly.
00:56:23
Speaker
And I found that really interesting because it's that rock bottom. And whenever we have one of those dips, those are the things pulling us so that we can fly. Those are the things that give us the solid foundation, the purpose, the structure, whatever it happens to be that you need to fly. That's why you're there. That's why you you have that momentum so that you can swing to where you're going so you can launch and i loved I loved Lisa saying that too. That's why I remembered as soon as you said it, because you're not going to know. i look back and go, how did I get here sometimes? Because it's better than I could have imagined. That's what I always think that we forget, is we aim and we think it's going to be amazing. But often, if you at least if you aim for the stars, like it is phenomenal view. And the things that you get are so different than you would have expected and better. And I think that's what keeps me going these days is,
00:57:16
Speaker
my rock bottom, the momentum, all the all these little things that feel really big in the moment tend to make so much joy come from them in the end. And what a gift.
00:57:28
Speaker
What a gift.
Conclusion and Audience Gratitude
00:57:29
Speaker
Thank you for being with us, everybody, this and for your questions. that's our I think it's becoming my favorite part, getting to hear all these questions and feedback. It's really nice.
00:57:40
Speaker
So much gratitude to our listeners. Keep them coming. Please keep listening. Share it with a friend. you know leave us Leave us a little love in the comments because we are just so excited to be growing this community. And part of how we are doing that is through your support. So we're asking we're asking for it and we are so grateful to receive it.
00:57:59
Speaker
Yes. Until next week, everybody. Don't trip on your cape. We'll see you then. Bye.
00:58:08
Speaker
Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cake. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with them. If today's episode sparks something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to show your thoughts or takeaways.
00:58:23
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning wither kitchen confidence. and Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and Don't Trip On Your Cake. Step into your superpower.