Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 27: Persistence: The Practice of Becoming
1 Playsin 12 hours
What does persistence look like when life keeps changing beneath your feet?
In this Q&A episode of Don’t Trip On Your Cape, we continue our Persistence series by exploring the real-life process of becoming. Not through punishment, perfectionism, or endless hustle, but through grace, awareness, nervous system healing, and learning how to move with yourself instead of against yourself.
Through listener questions, we move through conversations about:
- knowing the difference between alignment and forcing
- rest versus numbing
- discipline as self-respect instead of control
- healing old patterns stored in the body
- forgiveness and integration
- transitions and the “messy middle” of growth
- rebuilding trust with yourself
- and how persistence changes when you stop trying to prove your worth
This episode becomes a conversation about embodiment as much as mindset. About reducing friction instead of constantly overriding yourself. About listening to the whispers before life has to scream.
It’s also one of our most human episodes yet.
We talk about PTSD, transness, burnout, disruption cycles, spirituality, nervous system responses, mushrooms, self-grace, and yes… even cup holders.
Because becoming yourself is rarely a clean or linear process.
It’s uncomfortable sometimes.
Beautiful sometimes.
Exhausting sometimes.
And deeply meaningful.
This episode is a reminder that persistence is not about becoming perfect.
It’s about continuing to meet yourself honestly through every version of who you are becoming.
Links
Visit our website
https://donttriponyourcape.com
Can We Grok?
https://donttriponyourcape.com/can-we-grok
Aligned Living & Leadership (Leslie Arboleda)
https://alignedlivingandleadership.com
Mush Love
https://mushlovellc.com
A Human Being With Love (Alex Embry)
https://ahumanbeingwithlove.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Don't Trip On Your Cape'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Don't Trip On Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:12
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
Engagement & Excitement: Q&A Session
00:00:22
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Don't Trip On Your Cape. I'm Alex. And I'm Leslie. We're super excited for our Q&A this month. We got some really great questions from our listeners.
Aligning Persistence with Purpose
00:00:35
Speaker
So we'll just get started with Maya's question. She's from Boulder, Colorado, and she wrote, how do I know if I'm being persistent with something aligned or if I'm just forcing something that's no longer meant for me?
00:00:50
Speaker
It's a hard distinction sometimes. i think i think that's one of the battles between yourself and yourself and knowing why you're doing something and the the stronger motivation behind it is, and we get into a little bit more, there's a question about this later, but the devotion of something versus the, what I feel like is, not responsibilities, that's not the right word, but responsibility.
00:01:17
Speaker
the feeling like i have to do something versus I get to do it.
Passion vs. Obligation
00:01:21
Speaker
and Sometimes it does feel like that, like you have to do it and even with aligned things, but it's you then it usually is like because you need to fix something. there's It's just a different feeling for me as far as there's a love and a passion and a wanting to make it work that really still comes with persistence and alignment versus this makes me feel heavy in my body. i don't love this. I don't know why I'm doing this. That's kind of the distinctive feelings is what it feels like for me.
Societal Conditioning on Obligation
00:01:51
Speaker
Yeah, I think that embodiment piece is really important when it comes to figuring out whether we're operating out of obligation, like you said, or if we're operating with effort and alignment. I know that a lot of times our conditioning really plays a role in that too, where we feel like we've, you know, many of us were raised by people from a generation where you just have to, you have to do the thing you have to do. And so we get stuck in that conditioning of well, I started it so I have to finish it. Or, you know, this is part of my responsibilities. And I think there's really an important practice of getting into your body and feeling where are you feeling the resistance or where are you feeling the push and the effort?
Recognizing Universal and Internal Signals
00:02:42
Speaker
that's That's really how I have come to exercise my discernment between the the forcing and the persistence. And I think too, it's like being tuned into those whispers. Like when you're you know in your body, you have the ability more to know the subtleness of whether it's those outside messages you were talking about or the inside messages coming from the universe.
00:03:09
Speaker
And that's really what we're always looking for alignment with is the greater part of ourselves, which you know has many names, but I use the universe because it's universal. So yeah, I think that's the perfect way to say that, the embodiment part.
Devotion, Grace, and Rest
00:03:26
Speaker
All right, Janelle from Austin, Texas. You talked about persistence as devotion instead of hustle. What does devotion look like on the days when I'm tired and not motivated? Yeah.
00:03:39
Speaker
I think there's it looks like grace and knowing that you can be devoted to your purpose and still rest. And I think that that motivation question too kind of brought up for me on where what is motivation really?
Neurobiology, Microdosing, and Habit Formation
00:03:58
Speaker
It's that internal alignment. manifested as action. And when we're not feeling motivated to do something, i think it's really important to, I kind of fall back on the neurobiology of it. What is the emotional attachment that has, that we've connected to the action? i was just in a meeting earlier today and i was geeking out on the neuroscience of it and, and really listening to it with new ears from that place of, you know, our
00:04:29
Speaker
We think our brains are making choices, but oftentimes when we're presented with choices, our brain has already made the choice. And then it gives us that emotional feedback and we get to listen to it or we don't, you know, i mean, you know, you know, I say do it or don't and either way it's going to show up and, you know, the outcome.
00:04:50
Speaker
But I think the, the, I loved that we got to talk about the devotion piece in persistence this month, because I think that's such a personal, profoundly personal part of our unique purpose in life.
00:05:06
Speaker
And when we can tap back into that feedback that our body's giving us, that feedback that our brain has given us, the feedback that, you know, comes from so many different places, it allows us to acknowledge, oh, I am tired. It's not that I don't want to do this. It's not that I'm aligned. It's not aligned for me. It's not that it's, not an expression of my purpose, but I am a three-dimensional being and I require resources. And right now I'm under-resourced for whatever reason. And that doesn't necessarily, the meaning that we put on that, I think is really key when it comes back to the persistence.
00:05:43
Speaker
Yes, I love too that you talked about how your brain kind of goes in into picking a choice before you even know it, which is one of the reasons we love microdosing so much as far as mushrooms. kind of That's what neuroplasticity does is gives you the pause to create the new thought. And that's why it's so hard to create a new habit because you have to get off the default mode network You have to think new things, build new habits. And to start where you started from, grace is a new habit. Grace is a new idea for a lot of us that we don't have to work twenty four seven to deserve the things we want, to get the things we need and have this life that we deserve with ease.
Grace, Motivation, and Cultural Conditioning
00:06:26
Speaker
And so much of that new wiring I've learned about is
00:06:32
Speaker
it's small, it's subtle, even like within you know my company there's a lot of upgrades we've been making. And it's crazy to me how little things I'm starting to notice, oh there's a little friction, oh there's a little friction, and now I want to reduce that because ease starts to be a new wiring, a new pathway, and it feels better and better and better, and you produce better things. You're more in your flow when you have this grace for yourself and start to reduce friction points along the path. And I think that's part of the persistence is how do I get more ease? How do I get more grace? How do I get more in the flow of what feels good? Because that's where the motivation doesn't really matter quite as much because the flow, there's less friction in your everyday life to do the things. And the motivation just happens because of that a lot easier when you're not working against yourself all the time.
00:07:25
Speaker
Yeah. And I think also noticing just the word hustle, right? That comes with, it has an energy to it. It has deep conditioning in our culture, especially. And noticing, are you hustling? Are you working hard? Are you swimming upstream prove your value, to prove your worth, to just prove that you can, right? To let the ego show I can do shit way. are you taking those or are you are you taking those micro bits of feedback, right? Like you said, like it's not huge friction anymore. You course correct when you feel a little bit of friction so that you don't have to get so burnt out and in the process in order to experience that ease.
00:08:10
Speaker
And it is it it is subtle for sure. But I think so much of our personal alignment can be subtle.
Small Changes to Reduce Friction
00:08:20
Speaker
I have a funny story too because it just I just ordered as cup holders, which you don't even know about this, for the shows because you have a joke that it's not a show until I've knocked over a drink. like and With your green water, sometimes it's green. so like One fucking spot and you're never going to get rid of it until the next show. like It's just there. and I'm like, hey, I can reduce that friction point. I can buy as cup holders that are specifically for
00:08:46
Speaker
Like, even shit like that, which is so not a big deal in the wide range of our lives, but it's a friction point. And I'm fucking tired of knocking over my drinks. I really am. Because I talk a lot like this and I'm animated. i want to think about that shit.
00:08:59
Speaker
I just don't want to think about it. So you know what? I can buy a fucking cup holder. It's going to cost 40 bucks to get a nice turn one that, you know, we can have at shows that doesn't look like crap. But who cares? That's going to make our lives easier. And for the rest of the time we're at shows, I'm not knocking over my drinks anymore. Like, these little tiny things that we think of as, like,
00:09:16
Speaker
I could use that as a thing to make myself wrong or i just need to do better or whatever. Nah, I don't do that anymore. I talk with my hands. That's what the fuck I do. And so I just need to reduce the friction point. I can buy a cup holder. These little things are what add up, I think, at the end of the day that we don't even think to give o ourselves permission for.
00:09:36
Speaker
We got to use the tools. And sometimes we don't even realize that the tool that's at the bottom of the toolbox is actually the thing that we need to bring up and use. Right. Brand new to cup holders.
Rest: Genuine Nourishment vs. Avoidance
00:09:47
Speaker
so Chris from right here in Denver, Colorado wrote, how do I tell the difference between needing rest and using rest as an excuse to avoid taking action?
00:09:57
Speaker
Which I thought really paired nicely with with Janelle's question. Because we have to learn why are we needing the rest? Are we needing the rest? Are we using rest as a true access for resourcing?
00:10:11
Speaker
Or are we using rest as an excuse? Because then we're not really labeling it correctly, right? it's so It's an avoidance technique if we quote, need to rest when what we really are doing is avoiding taking the action and doing the task and what's the What's the meaning we've put on it? What's the emotional label that we've attached to the thing that we've then redefined as needing rest when what we really need is a new meaning, a new connection?
00:10:45
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. I was thinking about this when i was thinking about it as far as like so many times, rest isn't actually rest for people. They're not actually nourishing themselves. What they're actually doing is checking out or numbing. And those are not the same thing.
00:11:01
Speaker
And people think of them as the same thing because a lot of times you're tired and you want your brain to not have to work. And so watch TV or play a video game or all of these things that are easy to check out with, but not necessarily nourishing. And I think that's partially what I think we need to think about because it's not just having the time for your body and your mind to take a break, but not being numb, connecting back to yourself and being able to figure out the bigger meaning of rest. Like you said, there is a meaning that we put on it.
00:11:33
Speaker
but we need to figure out why we're doing it and the function behind it. And if you really need rest, what's going to nourish you so that you can go out and do the things that you want to do.
Forgiveness for Personal Healing
00:11:43
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:11:46
Speaker
Next question is Tanya from, excuse me, Orlando, Florida. She said, Donna's story about healing her relationship with her father really moved me.
00:11:59
Speaker
How do you know when forgiveness is actually for you and not just another way to excuse someone else's behavior?
00:12:08
Speaker
Forgiveness is always for you. That's what came up for me when I was reading this. A lot of times we... have been taught many of us, right? We're forgiving another person to absolve them of the impact of their choices, which might be a side effect of the forgiveness, but also it might be the source of resentment if it's not truly coming from a place of true inner forgiveness.
00:12:40
Speaker
i I have really learned in my 50 years holding on to resentment or disappointment or whatever it is that I think another person needs forgiveness for is only really creating bigger challenge for me.
00:12:58
Speaker
And whether or not a person takes ownership and takes responsibility and and takes new action, right is kind of independent of the forgiveness. The the forgiveness that's coming from me is for me so that I'm not weighed down by all those other things, all those other feelings, all those other memories and attachments.
00:13:22
Speaker
And really, hopefully, I want to be in relationship with this person, then I am forgiving. it's a It's a recalibration of those frequencies so that You know, the same thing doesn't happen again or the impact isn't pervasive and persistent. But truly, at the end of the day, forgiveness is always about freeing ourselves of the pain that we attached to the behavior of other people.
00:13:56
Speaker
Perfect, perfectly said. And I was talking with a friend of mine about this. He has um a stepdaughter and he he's learning how to parent. And he said, listening to this story from Donna made him see masculine behavior in a very different way. he said, because in his brain,
00:14:18
Speaker
a lot of the behavior in a masculine way is to protect, to get the truth. it's It's very aggressive in some ways, and it's not meaning to be, but it's more fear-based. That's the role a lot of masculine parties play. You know, wait until your father gets home sort of thing is the thing I thought when he was saying this to me. And he said,
00:14:39
Speaker
My partner has told me the things that you say are exactly the right message, but the way that you say them sometimes doesn't reflect the actual feeling that you feel because masculine ways of presenting this. And I was watching him forgive himself as well for the lack of understanding. And I think that's partially what Donna was explaining too when her grandma said, don't hate anybody. Because Donna now has this reflection backwards of where this came from came from and sharing this story, how many people are healing because she's able to be forgive and move on. And now this other person is able to forgive and move on. And so forgiveness always, like you said, starts with yourself, but it's also a bigger...
00:15:23
Speaker
the collective grows when we heal that pain within ourselves and we heal and we are able to see where it comes from in another and be able, that's really, you know, the grok that we always talk about because it's not,
00:15:39
Speaker
People don't cause pain in my experience and everything on purpose or with malice a majority of the time. It's these other motivations of protection or fear or their own stuff they have going on. I think about the times when I know I've caused somebody pain, I have always stepped outside of myself.
00:15:59
Speaker
If it's you know real, something I didn't like about myself pain. There's times I've caused other pain where so I'm doing something best for me, it's not personal, that's completely different. But when I don't like a version of me, i did that out of pain every time. And so i think knowing that and hearing this experience was so powerful and hearing my friend's experience about forgiveness because All of this is it the reason we're here to learn about forgiveness and to feel it and to do it and to experience it on a day to day basis for ourselves and for the greater collective.
00:16:34
Speaker
I think part of what came up for me too when Donna was sharing that story is my own experience of healing my relationship with my father long after he had died, which I think is another piece of that. And and for me, proof that the forgiveness isn't about another
Body's Memory of Trauma and Integration
00:16:53
Speaker
another person. you know in In that context, I wasn't forgiving my father and healing the relationship as two living beings, but I was healing the relationship and freeing myself from
00:17:05
Speaker
the trauma and the pain and the disappointment. And I truly believe everyone's doing the best they can with what they've got. I also believe that sometimes best efforts don't cut it.
00:17:16
Speaker
And when those things intersect with this awareness of I'm empowered to create the healing within myself, and if the person's still living, perhaps we heal the dynamic and we move forward and we create something new.
00:17:31
Speaker
If they're not, we still heal ourselves and get to move forward as an expanded, better version of ourselves. You know, it's it's just so i loved listening to her share that because I think there's so much, so many ways that we give our power away accidentally, especially in those very formative relationships.
00:17:53
Speaker
you know and listening to her say that her her grandmother was telling her, you don't wanna hate anyone. I thought that was just so powerful to think about little Donna, you know that seed being planted with little Donna and then watching it you know bloom and transform into her adulthood. And then listening to her share it with such eloquence, you know it just it was it was a really great opportunity for me personally.
00:18:19
Speaker
And it was two seeds at the same time from her grandma and from her dad. And both of that reaction, that experience, and you know the dichotomy of both reactions. And she got things from both of them. She got that willfulness. And she said she was like, no one's ever going to tell me what to do or hit me when I get older. And gi know she just changed from that. But also she learned love and forgiveness. And wow. And that's why I love this podcast and these stories. And it wasn't excusing his behavior.
00:18:49
Speaker
I think that's the other piece too, is forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance of the other person's behavior. Forgiveness means acceptance of how you choose to create your experience in this moment.
00:19:06
Speaker
You know, I'm saying forgive and forget. What do you think about the forgetting part? What do I think about the forgetting part?
00:19:16
Speaker
I don't think we forget, to be honest. agree I don't think that's part of it. Even if we don't consciously remember our bodies do, we we remember every single moment of our lived experience on a cellular level. And it changes us physically, it changes us biologically.
00:19:34
Speaker
But I think, you know, that's part of why I geek out on the mind-body connection of the difference between the brain and the mind and the body and how are they all connected because the brain is not your mind. Your body is is a vessel that holds all of it, things that we know and things that we don't know, things that we remember and things that we don't consciously remember, but it's there.
00:19:59
Speaker
So I think the forgiveness piece is completely exclusive because I don't think the forgetting actually happens. I've changed it to forget and integrate in my own brain. i mean, forgive and integrate instead of the forget, forgive and integrate, because it's important to integrate the process afterwards because you're not gonna forget it, but you just have to decide who you're gonna be in the midst of it. And, you know, forgiveness is the first part, but then there's lessons there in every every way from, for the person, for you. And integration I think is the more important thing about the forgiveness.
00:20:38
Speaker
And it's an it's a portal to our empowerment too, right? That integration piece of, oh, this thing happened. I don't have a time machine. I could choose to recycle the pain day in and day out, or i can make an empowered choice to reflect on it from a different perspective and create a different version of myself with that new with that experience and with the shift in perspective integrated into who I am in this moment.
00:21:08
Speaker
Exactly.
Aligning Mind and Body in Trauma Responses
00:21:10
Speaker
right. Aaron from Portland, Oregon wrote, what do you do when you understand your patterns intellectually, but your body still reacts like you're in danger?
00:21:21
Speaker
i know nothing about this. ah okay I think. Well, go ahead. No, you're good. was just laughing. I think so many of us, I was actually just in a coaching session with someone last week about this.
00:21:39
Speaker
We can be in the process of, we can be in pursuit of the wisdom. We can be in pursuit of the information, right? We can stay in that intellectual realm, even in our ah can wait live Can We Grok session at the show over the weekend, right?
00:21:56
Speaker
There's like this barrier between the heart and the mind, between the body and the and the intellect that sometimes feels like a physical barrier, right? Like I know this should not bother me. Intellectually, I am clear that this should not bother me anymore.
00:22:14
Speaker
But in every cell of my body, I'm being activated and I'm recycling this trauma response or whatever the the pain point is. i think it's I think to answer the question, it's about taking the barrier out, letting that integration piece happen like you were just talking about, and making an informed choice to not let your body override your intellect, but also not let your intellect override your body.
00:22:45
Speaker
And knowing using again, using that discernment of how do I really bring these pieces together in a way to take aligned action that actually serves me and the collective.
00:22:57
Speaker
Right. As someone who has PTSD in my cellular experience, it is neuropathways that can get activated, and I don't even know why sometimes. And I don't It's been so long since I had had ah even a small activation. I had one recently and that shit was weird because it's like intellectually my brain was like, this is not that big of a deal. I do not understand this. And I had to really figure out why i was being so activated and get down into what felt like my very cells and figure out the the underneath all of it. and why. And it did feel better once I started to go, okay, this is actually very reminiscent of a pattern in my childhood. This is very reminiscent in an abuse pattern in some ways of the the environment that I grew up in in multiple ways.
00:23:55
Speaker
Okay, no wonder why my cells are activated here. Did it stop them activated immediately? No, but it made me have a lot more grace, and it's calmed it down in the meantime since then. Because I was able to say, that makes sense.
00:24:07
Speaker
I get you. You are safe now. And start to talk to my body and be able to say, you weren't safe in the original time when this happened. And give my little me some grace as well. And that has started to make it so that it's calmed down more, even though I'm in the same experience right now and still...
00:24:27
Speaker
creating the new pathways of the new and life, new new everything in my brain, everything. And so it's very interesting as someone who has PTSD as an experience because it it is cellular. It is something that on an intellectual level I would have never wanted to go into right now. But I'm so grateful for the lessons and the ability to talk to little me And to be able to get in touch with that, because now I can forgive a lot of the other stuff that came up too, and it won't be as activated in the future. And I'm learning new skills in the process.
Holistic Healing and Growth
00:25:02
Speaker
As you were talking, I was seeing like the physics of it all, right? Like on a cellular level, you were, you were being activated on a very low vibration. That's still again in your body on an intellectual level. Once you identify that that's actually what was happening,
00:25:19
Speaker
You have this higher frequency resonance and it took, them it it takes time, right, for that entrainment to happen. And that doesn't mean it maybe will never happen again, but it does probably mean that the course correction will happen faster because we actually get that integration piece between the physical and the mental and the energetic.
00:25:44
Speaker
It's just practice. You say that all the time as far as you can't know something until you know it and you can't do it easily until you've done it quite a bit. And then you know it starts to become second nature. And that's why a lot of the things that were the biggest PTSD triggers, I don't get triggered on those anymore. I did that work. This was subtle, deeper. And it keeps you keep growing and you keep going. And you know there's a version of me that would be like, why am I not perfect? And I don't do that anymore. Because it doesn't serve anybody. And in fact, it only serves myself and the greater collective to be honest and say, life is not easy. And all of these things are inside of you. And this is how we continue to grow is continue to heal and go through these experiences.
00:26:28
Speaker
Yeah. Next question. Is my turn?
Discipline as Self-Respect
00:26:34
Speaker
Okay, cool. so Marcus from Atlanta, Georgia. He said, you said discipline can be a reflection of self-respect instead of punishment.
00:26:44
Speaker
How do I rebuild my relationship with discipline if I've always experienced it as control? Good words. This one hit me deep. ahh I am historically...
00:26:58
Speaker
very quick to reject anyone telling me what to do, even if it would be exactly the right thing for me to do. As soon as someone tells me what to do, I'm like, yeah, no, not happening. And I think again, kind of part of that aspect of self-respect is I so i still feel that I still feel that reaction right now, like today.
00:27:20
Speaker
And I also am able to identify that that reaction is actually my cue and my clue to have a moment of reflection on, is this just old reaction coming up because of the dynamic of being directed to do something?
00:27:37
Speaker
Or is this actually an invitation from the universe to do the thing that would really serve me? But I have had been had to do a lot of personal inquiry in my adulthood, really,
00:27:51
Speaker
to be able to even notice the clue, first of all, and then also have an honest, kind of hard conversation with myself. is this actually something that would serve me? And if it is, then going back to that, well, what's the what's the emotional meaning I put on this experience of being told what to do? Like, where did that come from? And is it is it something that I really want to take with me into the future?
00:28:18
Speaker
But I related to this question so deeply because i I can definitely say that the idea of control is still a really confronting energy in my life. And i very quickly will reject something that does serve me if I feel like it's trying to, if it's an external force that's trying to control me.
00:28:42
Speaker
and Yeah, I identify with this too. Him being raised in a cult is all about control. But I think what you said is the last sentence you said is external force. Because that's the difference, I think, for discipline where it matters is if it comes internal versus external. Because you don't get as mad at yourself when you're doing you know trying to tell yourself what to do. mean, sometimes you do, you just got to make sure you have that right relationship with yourself where it's coming from and making sure you do have the grace and all the other things we're talking about. But the self-discipline, that's part of it is self-discipline is the grace and all of the things.
Self-Discipline in Parenting
00:29:23
Speaker
And you want to make sure even with yourself, you aren't doing it from any sense of, like, I have a very strong worth ah ethic. And sometimes my brain can be like, this schedule needs to be on this day and whatever.
00:29:39
Speaker
The mushrooms have taught me a really big lesson about you cannot control what day we're going to blossom. We are going to grow when we fucking feel like it and you will pick us when we're ready. And sometimes that's a really important thing about even with yourself, being able to have some flexibility and knowing that you have ebbs and flows and all of that. And The respect starts to grow with both knowing what you have to do that day, being able to have the grace for the room in you, what your bandwidth actually is, and moving through time and being able to see backwards, I think is really the cue and the clues of what's working, what's not. And you start to grow that respect even when you say, okay, well, that didn't work. I'm just going to change course.
00:30:22
Speaker
And not judging yourself and just seeing the results. with time because that's also discipline is we think of looking back and going I didn't do good as judgment but no discipline is just saying that didn't work for me I'm and' going to do different something different it doesn't have to be negative judgment like you say all the time the meaning we put on it I think something else that came up when I was reading this question too is as a parent it's ah it's a totally different perspective on this relationship of discipline and self-respect. you know i i want to support my children in learning self-respect.
00:31:03
Speaker
And I also am a disciplinarian of sorts in our family. And I think that's an important piece of the greater structure too, is how do we really dance the dance of respect and consequences, right? I have kind of pulled the word punishment out of my languaging as a parent, but I am very clear that every, you know, with my kids especially, every choice has a consequence. Not every consequence is gonna be positive.
00:31:34
Speaker
Not every consequence is gonna be negative. You know, i hear some people, parents in particular, using the consequences and they just, it's just a replacement for punishment. That's not really what it is. It's a natural outcome of a choice.
00:31:49
Speaker
But I think we have to really understand whether it's discipline, whether it's punishment, are both consequences. And they are resulting from that self-respect that's that's really sourced from within.
00:32:06
Speaker
And oftentimes we don't respect ourselves because we were conditioned deeply not to, for whatever reasons, you know, whatever circumstances. Even, you know, even in Donna's story about her dad, there was there was an absence of self-respect from him. There was an absence of external respect from her.
00:32:26
Speaker
And they they were those things were kind of reverse engineered from the punishment behavior. i think that it's a this question was really powerful for me thinking about like just the beautiful entangled relationship of respect and punishment and self-respect and natural consequences. And how do we allow that relationship to really be nourishing instead of feel like it's a contraction that doesn't let us be the fully expanded versions of ourselves.
00:32:59
Speaker
I was listening to you thinking e you parallel, you put boundaries in and you know the natural consequences of the universe are boundaries for us as well.
Accountability and Growth
00:33:10
Speaker
When we knock into a brick wall, that's the universe going wrong direction. like If something's not working for us, that's the a best parent the best parents to do that. They explain to you that you are going to be co-conspiring with yourself and the universe for the rest of your life. with the natural consequences of what you do and everything you do is a statement of who the fuck you are. So at the end of the day,
00:33:35
Speaker
That's the bigger lesson than we're all trying to learn is everything that you do, you're going to have a consequence for. And like you said, the bigger part of the word, that's the best way to learn it, good or bad. you know bri Those are all obviously mean different things to different people. But in your own experience, optimal or not, you're going to have that experience based on what you do. And that is actually...
00:34:00
Speaker
something I learned really early on. I had a a friend of a friend who read my profile once and it said something like, I hold you accountable for your actions. And she said, she read like my whole profile, which was really long, and then said that line, it goes harsh. And I was like, i said, I think that's the kindest thing anyone can do for you in the entire planet of the universe. That's what we're here for. And it was such a weird dichotomy for me because I was not very long out of the cult and learning a lot about life and everything. And I was like,
00:34:28
Speaker
Whoa, what a weird way to think of things. But also, thank you for me like understanding that this is how the universe works, and that is actually a gift. It was a really funny moment.
00:34:39
Speaker
When we bump up on that contrast, it's an invitation. It's a divine invitation for us to get clear right on what's true for us and what's aligned for us. And I think in some ways, kind of a reflection of that self-respect.
00:34:55
Speaker
All right. Sophia from Miami, Florida wrote, Donna talked about sitting with discomfort instead of escaping it. What are some simple ways to start doing that without overwhelming yourself?
00:35:08
Speaker
I think for me, that's really unique to the individual, right? Some of us are more comfortable at being uncomfortable, so to speak, because we, at least for me,
00:35:21
Speaker
I really mind to be uncomfortable if I'm being totally honest. I mean, I'm not really gonna welcome discomfort with a whole lot of regularity, but I think part of why I don't mind it so much is because it for me, I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable.
00:35:35
Speaker
Cause I know that that's an that's an opportunity for me to maybe reflect and realign. Maybe it's just part of the growth process.
00:35:47
Speaker
And sitting with it is the only way to integrate it.
00:35:55
Speaker
Yeah, ah it's not easy. That's for sure. Like for a lot of people, especially, i have no tolerance or discomfort in as far as like, if it's big lessons or something I can change or something in my life or in my personal space, but I have,
00:36:14
Speaker
really high tolerance for discomfort with growth. So like if I'm going after something and I know that something's aligned for me and there's growing pains, that discomfort is very different for me than the discomfort of misalignment. And so one I have extreme tolerance for and the other I have no tolerance for whatsoever.
Discomfort as a Growth Catalyst
00:36:34
Speaker
And I think that's kind of where I'm still learning to balance it because sometimes you don't want to even put up with the good discomfort. But I think that's part of what you start to learn from that self-confidence we talked about. And that second thing is I can do hard things. I can be in uncomfortable experiences.
00:36:53
Speaker
But also knowing that it's always a message one way or the other. no matter what the discomfort is, either we're growing here, this is how growing works. There's friction points, there's leaps you need to make, there's growth, you're going through it, or this is a message, this discomfort, that this is the wrong place for you, you've outgrown it, or you need to make some moves, or whatever it happens to be, the discomfort is actually, again, a natural consequence and one of the biggest gifts that we can have. And so I think my personal answer for
00:37:29
Speaker
There's a lot of different ways that I handle it. Sometimes I call you. i talk to the universe. I talk to the mushrooms, things like that. But the biggest piece that I have is knowing that it once I confront it and look at it and take the space and make the space and integrate it, it's going to be better. And that's where it starts. It's just, all right, it's going to be better once I look at this and then I can do what I need to do.
00:37:52
Speaker
Well, and I think the simplest thing too, to avoid the overwhelm with the growth process and the discomfort is awareness, right? I used to teach yoga and part of what what I often often shared was notice the difference between discomfort and pain.
00:38:12
Speaker
And back to your point too, like physiologically, if a person's in a posture and they're out of alignment, if they're forcing something, if they're trying to do something with their body because the person on the mat next to them is doing something with their body and their, know, the ego's gotten in or whatever the story is,
00:38:29
Speaker
that's a real good way to hurt yourself. And staying on your proverbial mat, so to speak, with that profound sense of personal awareness is ultimately how you grow your flexibility. It's how you you know grow your practice. It's how you get into those new postures. And I think that's true on the mat as a yoga student and off the mat as a human being in life, right? We have to be aware of how to interpret the feedback in a way that actually serves us. And simple is not always easy, as we've definitely talked about, but I think the simplest way to avoid the overwhelm when we're faced with discomfort is to be aware of what
00:39:17
Speaker
what benefit can this feedback give me in this moment so that as I move forward, I move forward with grace, with power, with growth. Exactly.
00:39:31
Speaker
All right. Lena from Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Persistence Through Life's Disruptions
00:39:35
Speaker
How do I stay persistent persistent when life keeps throwing disruption after disruption and I barely have time to recover?
00:39:46
Speaker
Well, you know me, I love the disruption cycle, right? I i love to... to help people understand that disruption, you know, there's there's three phases in that cycle of growth. Disruption is one of them for sure.
00:39:59
Speaker
Expansion is the goal at the end of it. And that messy middle in between that liminal space is where we spend most of our time. But I also, you know, when i'm when I'm sharing and speaking on this topic, I like to remind people that you can be experiencing a disruption in one part of your life. You can be experiencing liminality in another part of your life. And you can be experiencing expansion in yet another part of your life.
00:40:21
Speaker
It's also true that you could be expanding experiencing multiple disruptions in all of those areas of your life seemingly simultaneously and and really learning to give yourself the reminder of you've got the tools to navigate these things and every single one of these disruptions, even if they're coming at you like bullets out of a gun.
00:40:46
Speaker
They're all moving you into that ultimate expanded version of yourself. But you have to be able to navigate that middle space.
00:40:58
Speaker
Mostly with patience would be my thought. Patience and growth. It's experience. Yeah. Speaking as a manifesting generator, the thing where neither of us are good at half the time, patience, we want to go fast. ah Yeah, it's hard as far as disruption after disruption. i When you were talking, I was thinking about specific parts of my life where I've had that happen.
00:41:21
Speaker
At the same time, sometimes even right now I'm going through a lot of disruptions, but it's, I can feel their expansion. Like it's not here quite yet, but it's coming and I can feel it. And it, it is an interesting in-between space because that can be rough when you're in, in it,
00:41:41
Speaker
And I know next month is transition, but I'm going to talk about this right here a little bit as far as I think of the liminality as, the you know, the transitional space. And I can't help but think of transitions, which we'll talk about, like yeah said, more through my transition, you know, being trans. And one of the things that's hardest to explain to people is once you make the decision and you're like, I'm coming out, I'm ready. I want the whole world to fucking know the space between you and the new you is fucking torture. It's torture.
00:42:11
Speaker
torture to be like, I want the new body. I want all the surgeries. I want my, the hormones to show who I am. But like, especially those first few months where nothing is happening, where you're trying to make the appointments for the surgeons, you don't have all this stuff.
00:42:26
Speaker
I just remember going out in like restaurants and stuff and having people say to me and my partner at the time, hello ladies, and feeling like death, feeling like would someone shoot me? I am in here, I'm in here, someone needs to see me because I was ready to be seen finally after a very long time. And I think that's a very common experience between you make the decision, you want the effects and that in between space can be fucking torture. And depending on you know how extreme it is in your life,
00:42:57
Speaker
But it goes by. It goes by, and you're learning skills in the meantime. And now looking back, I'm so grateful for every step along the way and for the decision. That is the hardest part. The decision is the hardest part. And that's why it feels like torture for a little while until you start seeing the results because you're like, I made the decision and I'm ready and I want to see the results and they will come. But this is where the persistence comes in is keeping
00:43:28
Speaker
the goal in mind because I was rejected by three surgeons before I found one. I definitely, i had to lose a bunch of weight. and There was a lot of stuff in my way. had to switch insurance companies so much. And all I wanted was be this right now here today, to be able to be this person. And so the persistence came, not just with me, but my community at the time. And this doctor that I did find keep helping me along the way. that I was going to get here, that I was going to make it. It took three surgeons. It did not matter. i was going to find the way. And that is the whole the point of this month is at the end of the day, liminality serves you and you will have the expanded, but woo, sometimes in between the persistence, you have to keep it.
00:44:12
Speaker
Well, and I think it's helpful too, to use some of those tools from the expanded versions of ourselves that we've already moved through that cycle with. and pulling them into the current disruption.
00:44:25
Speaker
Right? Each time i get, you know, and certainly with your journey, each time you were rejected from a surgeon, you also had this inner drive that had already developed from some version of an expansion that you had experienced that allowed you to navigate that disruption, not even the liminality, but the and allowed you to navigate that next disruption. And I think a lot of us can relate to that idea of I've made a decision and the outcome hasn't actually resulted yet. And I'm really frustrated in this middle space, but also do I have some skills that the historically expanded version of myself can pull into this current version of myself so that as I'm moving through the cycle, I can do it with persistence. I can stay on course. I can you know remind myself or I can call a friend who can remind me or I can you know read a journal from years ago and be like, oh, look at that. you know like There's lots of different ways that we can do it.
00:45:26
Speaker
But i absolutely can agree that when life throws you disruption after disruption, it can feel really challenging especially if you don't have that recovery phase to stay persistent. And that's where your community can really become an invaluable resource.
Rest and Success
00:45:44
Speaker
okay All Rachel from Phoenix, Arizona wrote, Mythica said resting is not giving up. How do I let myself rest without feeling like I've failed?
00:45:57
Speaker
I loved that Mythica brought this to light because I think it's such an undervalued resource that we give ourselves. You know, even like in Chris's question about using rest as an excuse.
00:46:09
Speaker
I think we really need to know that we haven't given up until we're dead. It's not over till it's over. and if it requires a moment of rest, if it requires patience, if it requires...
00:46:26
Speaker
any number of the resources that we really do possess as human beings in order to get there, it's helpful to remember that rest is not the failure, but also allow the gifts of failure to motivate you.
00:46:44
Speaker
I think failure gets such a bad rap in our, especially in this hustle mentality world that we live in. It's like, oh, well you failed, you suck versus how I look at failure is,
00:46:56
Speaker
it's where the learning happened. You know, I think I've said in a previous episode, if you show up as an A plus student all the time, you're actually not demonstrating your ability to learn. You're demonstrating what you've already learned and being okay to show up as a C student in life from time to time is a beautiful, first of all, it gives us the space to move into that a plus expression of self.
00:47:23
Speaker
But also really cool things happen when you get a problem wrong on an exam. Really cool things happen when you fail to execute a plan. If you're willing to look at at them that way or if you're willing to look at all and and dig through and find the treasures.
00:47:43
Speaker
When I read this question, it made me laugh because i was I was like, what I immediately thought was when I don't rest, it leads to failure. That's what I thought. I am the one that will go until my body's like, all right, now i'm gonna be in bed for a week. like I used to do that because and just wouldn't listen because I just pushed through because I'm like, no, I got shit to do. That means I failed. But your body will tell you worse than if you just take some rest in the meantime to be able to do it better. Because whenever I take, even if it's just a day or two, or even a couple hours sometimes, you know, go to bed early that night, spend some time in bed with some ice cream. Like those couple hours are so refreshing more than anything else sometimes. And that's what
00:48:29
Speaker
makes it so that the next day i wake up refreshed, ready to get back to work. Whereas if I don't give them myself those couple hours when I know my body's really telling me, my brain, whatever happens to be, sometimes just my emotions, then i go to bed tired, i don't wake up ready to go, And that's what usually leads to failure to me is when I don't rest. And so I just thought the way it was worded was perfect because they are connected in more ways than one. Not just that we can think we're failing when we don't rest, but we can actually fail if we don't.
00:49:03
Speaker
Truly powerful reflection. All right.
Alignment Over Perfection
00:49:08
Speaker
Next question is James from Chicago, Illinois. said, what does it mean to track proof of alignment instead of chasing perfection?
00:49:17
Speaker
oh Good wording. I was going to say, I loved the wording of this question. Proof of alignment for me is an embodiment experience.
00:49:27
Speaker
It truly is. And it's, it's almost indescribable. which is kind of confronting for me with all my words. here It really is. It's this inner knowing on a sub subatomic level. Like it's not even cellular. It's, it's more granular than that. And it's more foundational than that.
00:49:51
Speaker
And I think chasing perfection is such a painful thing for me to observe and other people because it's unattainable.
00:50:02
Speaker
it's like the It's like this you know running ah running a race on an infinite track. like You're never going to cross the finish line. um And it's such a... I'm going to say it like this because this is the word that keeps coming through, even though I know it seems a little harsh, but like it's such a waste of your vitality. Right. Our vitality is a finite resource that's meant to be invested in in ways that align with our purpose.
00:50:32
Speaker
And being, you know, the failure, the needing to rest, the, all of the things, those are perfect. And they're already within us. You can't chase something that's already within. So trying to externalize it and then spending your vitality in that way, to me, that's just such a I don't know, it creates like a ah grief in me almost to think about.
00:50:58
Speaker
Whereas that proof of alignment is something that's So, so deeply within it, it, to me, even like the idea of proof of alignment, like proof already quantifies it in some way that's because it's not quantifiable, like it already feels like it's making it smaller than it can be, or it is.
00:51:20
Speaker
Mm-hmm. You're using all the good words for the good word question. It's perfect. like I was thinking when you were saying chasing perfection and explaining the grief and the you know waste of time, what I was thinking is like perfection is the process. It cannot be anything other than that. But then I was thinking...
00:51:39
Speaker
what alignment feels like. To me, the only way to describe it, and it's not even perfect because you can't, is it feels like you're in a constant private joke with the universe. like You can't even explain why everything's like, if I tried to explain to you you why this is fucking cool, I'll sound crazy. But like it is. That's how it works from the inside out, is you cannot even explain all the little synchronicities, all the little things you're like, oh, I see you, universe. like It feels constantly like you're having inside jokes with the universe of all these little things and it feels fun. It just feels different than you can explain from the outside. Like you said, it's it's so deep within you that it doesn't really have words or make sense.
00:52:24
Speaker
except for you and the way you move through the world. And that's why it feels like an inside joke because it's hard to explain with anything. Whereas, like you said, perfection can give you a grief if you're trying to make measure hit measurements or metrics or... any of that instead of knowing that the process is the perfection and the inside jokes will keep you aligned. And like we've talked about even the themes of this of our podcast in the months. I'm like, how the fuck? If you but if you knew our personal lives even more,
00:52:57
Speaker
wow It's just insane how it's all lined up. And it just, there you go. I see you, universe. It's just so fun when you are in alignment. all the little things that you will not even be able to explain to another person, but you will know.
00:53:12
Speaker
Absolutely. Alana from San Diego, California wrote, how do I stop putting my happiness in someone else's hands, especially inside a relationship?
Intrinsic Happiness and Gratitude
00:53:26
Speaker
Man, can I relate to this idea? Because I think so often, especially when we're in relationship, We give our power away in the form of this person's actions will make me happy.
00:53:42
Speaker
When it's really completely independent of another person's actions, completely independent of the circumstances at large, happiness is our birthright, right? Joy is our birthright.
00:53:56
Speaker
We are born from it. We are born with it. It is always a part of who we are. And conditioning is usually why we think that it rests in the hands of someone else.
00:54:15
Speaker
But at least for me, understanding that if I'm pinching off my access to that birthright, I'm not the best version of myself in a relationship. And when someone else's behaviors do something that I decide makes me unhappy,
00:54:35
Speaker
Now I realize that's just a reflection of my pinching off of self from that interconnection.
00:54:46
Speaker
When i read this question, I i was, again, i kind of heard it backwards. I think for me, happiness is pinched off when I focus too much on what other people think, when it is based on my relationships.
00:55:04
Speaker
It has nothing to do with anybody else. All right. Our last question is from Drew from Seattle, Washington. How can gratitude help when I'm in a season that honestly feels awful?
00:55:21
Speaker
I have a new mantra I've been using recently, which is yes, thank you for everything that happens.
00:55:28
Speaker
um Really remembering that you know, when, when things feel awful, it's usually because we're stuck in a story of things are happening to us.
00:55:39
Speaker
And what I have learned when I'm feeling awful, cause I'm certainly not immune to it is to reframe that experience of this thing that I've decided feels awful because I decided it's happening to me is actually a gift from the universe that's happening for me. And so I'm responsible for reorienting to the experience in a way that actually does connect me back, reconnect me to my power. And gratitude is absolutely the biggest tool in my toolbox for that.
00:56:16
Speaker
To really just, even when I'm in an argument with someone I love, thank you for this invitation to remember, I can be kind, I can express compassion, I can...
00:56:29
Speaker
express understanding. I can choose. i don't have to agree with someone's perspective to choose to look at it from a different lens in order to be able to understand it.
00:56:40
Speaker
And then I can bring in that integration piece.
00:56:45
Speaker
Yes. Also, right in the question that says season. It's always a season. It's never going to last forever. And seasons always have a reason.
00:56:58
Speaker
i mean, like Methega said, I don't believe everything happens for a reason. But the seasons that we go through, looking back, everything we do, we do use for growth and for change and for all of that kind of stuff. So Knowing it's going to be a season is very important for me. And usually when I'm in that really heavy part, it's because i am about to grow. i am about to have some sort of really good expansion in my life. And the most awkward, most uncomfortable, heavy parts are because...
00:57:33
Speaker
i'm I'm in that transitional phase and the good parts are coming and it's going to happen. And so keeping in the back of my mind, it will not be like this forever. Because I think that's the easiest you know thing to get stuck in is it's never going to change. It's always going to be like this.
00:57:48
Speaker
when the most powerful thing is what you said, i can reorient to this, I can use this to make changes, i can make new habits or whatever it's going to take to get out of that season.
00:57:59
Speaker
So knowing that the season is going to change, and that you can help it along the way by figuring out the meaning of whatever's going on. Usually what feels awful is in that liminality. So if you can understand that it's part of the cycle, I think that's also how we can use the gratitude to get to the expansion, you know, maybe a little quicker, certainly with little more ease.
00:58:22
Speaker
Gratitude is the most powerful frequency there is. And so if you want to get to the next level, what a better way than to employ it. Absolutely. Thank you again for everyone who sent in their questions. We just really are so grateful that these kinds of questions are being born from the content we're creating. and And the fact that you share them with us just continues to validate that this mission of this project is one that is meant to really serve the collective. So truly, thank you.
00:58:53
Speaker
Yes, we can't wait for your next questions and for you to join us for transitions. It's going to be a good month. So until then, don't trip on your cape. We'll see you next time. Bye.
00:59:09
Speaker
Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cake. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with them. If today's episode sparks something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to show your thoughts or takeaways.
00:59:24
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning wither kitchen confidence. Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and Don't Trip On Your Cake. Step into your superpower.