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Episode 10: The Strength of Staying
12 Plays1 month ago
In this Strength Month conversation, Leslie and Alex sit down with Nick Bell to explore the quiet strength it takes to keep showing up after loss and addiction. Nick shares his journey through grief, years of substance dependence, and the long road of rebuilding a life rooted in balance and responsibility. He speaks honestly about recovery, accountability, and the daily persistence required to choose stability over escape. Mushrooms played a meaningful role in helping Nick reconnect with awareness, reflection, and a more sustainable way of living. This episode is a grounded reminder that strength is not always loud or dramatic, but often lives in consistency, humility, and the decision to keep trying even when it’s hard.
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Transcript
Introduction: Transforming Burdens into Strengths
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Don't Trip On Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love, dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:12
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello and welcome to this episode of Don't Trip on Your Cape. I'm Alex. And I'm Leslie.
Guest Introduction: Nick Bell's Journey
00:00:29
Speaker
And today we get to interview nick Nicholas Bell is someone who understands the quiet strength it takes to keep showing up when life is unraveled more than once.
00:00:39
Speaker
His story is rooted in persistence, recovery, and the ongoing practice of balance.
Recovery Through Awareness and Self-Honesty
00:00:45
Speaker
Through his own lived experience with addiction, loss, and rebuilding, Nick has learned that transformation rarely comes from dramatic moments, but rather from steady, aligned choices made again and again.
00:00:58
Speaker
Mushrooms played a meaningful role in helping Nick reconnect with awareness, self-honesty, and a more sustainable way of living. Today, he speaks from a place of humility and responsibility, owning his part in his journey while remaining deeply committed to growth and self-care.
00:01:14
Speaker
Nick shares his story not as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone who believes hope is created through honesty, balance, and the willingness to keep trying even when it's hard.
00:01:27
Speaker
Welcome, Nick. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. We're excited to have you. We're excited to
Early Life and Family Challenges
00:01:34
Speaker
get right into the interview. So how about I just jump right into it and ask you the first question, which was, when you think about the earlier years of your life, how would you describe the version of you that existed before things started to feel unbalanced?
00:01:50
Speaker
I'd say innocent, naive, um Hopeful, happy.
00:02:02
Speaker
That's probably the best way to describe it. I was, um,
00:02:08
Speaker
I was a happy, easygoing young person. And, uh, some days I wish I could go back there. Yeah. What was your life kind of like? You had your family life and stuff like that.
00:02:24
Speaker
Well, um, I was born in Boulder, Colorado. um We stayed here for a little while. We moved around a lot when I was young. My parents didn't have the greatest relationships, so there was often a lot of turmoil and unhappiness at home.
00:02:44
Speaker
um As I said, we traveled around. We never stayed in one place for a very long, so there was a lot of moving, lot of unhappiness. Unsure moments, a lot of insecurity there.
00:02:59
Speaker
But um ah mostly i I spent a lot of time with my family, with my brothers and sisters. We were very close growing up.
00:03:10
Speaker
What did belonging and purpose look like back then?
00:03:15
Speaker
Oh, I don't know that I really thought too much about purpose. Mostly I was just... I was just happy to be there. I would go wherever the wind blows. You know, I was a pretty energetic little kid. I remember we played outside a lot when I was young. This was back in the 80s before everybody was inside all day. So um me and my brother would often ride bikes around wherever we were just trying to explore the area to try to get to know it.
00:03:50
Speaker
I love that part of the eighties is so carefree. Very nice. You got to be a little more free.
Searching for Purpose and Coping with Loss
00:03:56
Speaker
Right. So before addiction entered the picture, what were you searching for in your life that you did not have language for yet?
00:04:08
Speaker
Uh, at that point, I believe that I was just looking to kind of make an impact. I was trying to establish myself, um, I had a problem of not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up, so I spent a lot of time kind of um exploring around, trying to find my place, trying to find where I belonged.
00:04:29
Speaker
You know, a good good job, good line of work, start a family maybe. Just, you know, the normal normal things people think about as they start to to enter adulthood.
00:04:42
Speaker
Who were the people or the places that made you feel steady and safe?
00:04:49
Speaker
I got to say, for the most part, my mom was a very, very good inspiration for me. She's an incredibly strong woman.
00:05:01
Speaker
I have watched her go through things that would cripple most people and come out the other side still standing. So um I've always looked up to her.
00:05:12
Speaker
I've always been very proud and happy that she's my mother. And there weren't too too many others that I can really think back to. There were a lot of people that I got to know but didn't really get to know since we were moving around so much.
00:05:30
Speaker
I never really got to establish any kind of long-lasting relationships with them. So it was pretty much just family was all we had.
00:05:40
Speaker
Can you walk us through when you first realized that something was missing in your life, that your life was no longer serving you, even if you didn't call it addiction at the time, can you walk us through what started happening in there that time?
00:05:57
Speaker
Well,
00:06:01
Speaker
my brother passed away in 2001. one And that sent my entire family into a spiral. It kind of fractured us right down through the center.
00:06:15
Speaker
That was before I ever had any kind of issues. Well, that's not true. i'm I'm sorry. Let me back up because i had I had spent a lot of my younger life partying, doing you know drugs and alcohol.
00:06:32
Speaker
I don't know that I really... I don't know that I had a problem at that point. You know, it was more social. It was more for fun than it was anything else. So at that point, I didn't realize it yet, but I was already abusing them.
00:06:50
Speaker
And then after my brother passed, ah that's when I kind of turned to more into dependence rather than just the social drinking.
00:07:02
Speaker
And yeah, that was... That was probably when it started happening for me.
00:07:12
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What role do you think avoidance or pain or numbness began to play during that season? Oh, um I mean, avoidance was huge because it was so much pain at that time. Like it was It was unbearable. I mean, I didn't think I was going to walk away from it.
00:07:34
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So I was really just looking for anything, anything that I could to numb myself, anything that I could that would make me forget about that pain momentarily.
00:07:47
Speaker
I've thought about this a lot. You and I have had conversations, Nick and Leslie and I have had conversations separately about the role drugs play in that numbing. And often when you are looking for something and searching for something and you don't even really know what the word is. And so one of my biggest inquiries and wondering has been like, what makes it addiction and what kind of pushes it over the edge to addiction? And I've asked Leslie this question because she's also had some experiences with you know, some of the harder drugs and things like that. And I asked her, and maybe she didn can give us that answer now, like, when did you know you were worthy? And after she answers, maybe we can get that answer and see how it played into this part of your life.
00:08:27
Speaker
Well, i think the the worthiness is definitely from within. and you know, to to speak to Nick's story a bit, I think that avoidance part is also a reflection of a lack of self-worth. We're not, or at least for me,
00:08:46
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not wanting to feel that thing that was very much a part of me, the pain and the frustration and the disappointment in my life or my circumstances versus knowing that I am worthy of having the abundance and the clarity and the joy, at least for me, was a big shift.
00:09:10
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What about you, Nick? but didn't part What part of did you think worthiness played in this and in part of your addiction?
00:09:21
Speaker
That's a little bit more difficult. i
00:09:26
Speaker
i didn't really – don't want to say that I didn't have self-worth anymore. It wasn't really something that I spent a lot of time thinking about.
00:09:38
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I remember that when I was younger, i was i was not a very deep person at that point. I i was very surface level. it was My concerns were all about um you know vanity and and things of that nature. I was just worried about the social issues.
00:09:58
Speaker
interacting with my peers, spending time with them, how they thought of me more than I was worried about how I saw myself.
Substance Dependency and Wake-up Call
00:10:04
Speaker
um I got to say that worthiness, I kind of felt, i at least thought I was worthy at that point um when my brother passed and I did start getting into it more um more on the dependent side.
00:10:27
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I got to say that my self-worth probably took a huge hit at that point.
00:10:35
Speaker
We were close. So a lot of my worth was tied up in my brother's worth. You know, I don't, I don't know if there's a really good way to explain that, but we were connected in all things that we did. So to lose him was like losing half of myself and that, you know,
00:10:57
Speaker
That'll make you consider anything at that point. I think our identities are often so tightly tethered to our relationships. And then when we lose the relationship, especially through death, it can, just like you said, it can feel like a part of us has died with the relationship and died with the person. And it leaves this vacuous hole in our heart and in our soul that we need to fill with something.
00:11:31
Speaker
Absolutely. I agree. looking Looking back, would you say that there were warning signs that your body or your life was asking for a change?
00:11:46
Speaker
Yeah, probably. i would say that
00:11:54
Speaker
I would say that I remember that right after that happened, I started having weight fluctuations. Like I would gain a lot of weight and lose a lot of weight and in short amount of times. And I think that was probably a lot of my body crying out for help because, you know, at that point, it's just kind of you're doing whatever you can to survive. It's not really about anything else other than making it through another day.
00:12:26
Speaker
Yeah, but your body always picks up in some way or another, and it's hard to even catch the signs in the moment. So we've talked a little bit also about your loss so far. um How did that start to shape, especially because we've talked about isolation as well, the feeling of being isolated from being away from your brother once he was gone and then sinking further in your addiction?
00:12:53
Speaker
I think that... um Anger played a lot in the role that i started I started pushing everybody away.
00:13:04
Speaker
I didn't really want to have people close to me. a lot of that was fear, fear that I would lose them suddenly.
00:13:15
Speaker
a lot of it was pain. you know i just i i didn't really think that anyone could understand what I was going through. so I kind of just started to isolate myself. And furthermore, I can remember there were times when, I mean, I would be at a party full of people and I would be by myself in the back trying to, you know, drink as much as I could just away from everybody else.
00:13:44
Speaker
um So, yeah, i isolated myself tremendously during those those points in my life. And It has had long lasting effects to the point to where I still that's that's one of my defense mechanisms even today, as I will just kind of drop off the face of the earth if I'm feeling upset or threatened or, you know, had had had some some stuff, dig up some trauma. I'll just I'll disappear.
00:14:16
Speaker
think a lot of us can do that. I was listening to a Simon Sinek podcast the other day, and he was talking about how he has a a rule that nobody should nobody cries alone.
00:14:27
Speaker
And inside his intimate circle, that's an agreement that they've all made. And so when one of them is feeling the depths of that pain, it's it's that's the cue to reach out.
00:14:40
Speaker
And even if you have to cry or rage scream or whatever it is that you need to do, to do it in relationship because it helps us remember we aren't alone in this journey, even when we feel so alone in unique experience of it.
00:15:01
Speaker
Would you say there was a specific moment where you knew something had to shift, even if you were not clear on exactly how to make that shift?
00:15:18
Speaker
Yes, I i remember um when I decided that I needed to go to rehab, um I was so busy looking for heroin that I missed a celebration of life from my older brother on his birthday.
00:15:42
Speaker
And that was a huge wake-up call for me that I had gone too far.
00:15:50
Speaker
Mind you, this was after years and years of abuse. So it took me quite a while to figure out that there was something wrong.
00:16:02
Speaker
um I remember most of that time though, it was all about,
00:16:10
Speaker
it was all about trying to make a patchwork quilt. You know, everything that you're putting together, you're trying to mend a broken person, ah a broken personality out of all the pieces of what you think should be there.
00:16:27
Speaker
And it's kind of like, It's almost like holding back a dam that's about to burst. You know, you have a leak over here, a leak over here, and you're busy trying to patch each one of them up the best you can so that you can hold it together overall.
00:16:43
Speaker
And it's
00:16:47
Speaker
it's stressful. I mean, it's it's a hard way to live. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. It's such a powerful way to look at addiction, especially because you know you've talked a little bit about how your life was falling apart and trying to keep it together. That's there's a really powerful metaphor like of a patchwork quilt.
00:17:07
Speaker
But when when did accountability start to play? You said you know when you had missed that celebration of life. What did that start to look like, yeah the accountability back to yourself when you were going to to start doing that recovery?
00:17:28
Speaker
I was afraid. i was very afraid because it wasn't my first attempt. um I had a half-hearted attempt a year before to go through rehab and I made it through the detox portion and that was all I thought I needed. you know I thought that I could move on from there, um but it wasn't I wasn't serious at that point.
00:17:53
Speaker
um there was never really any outside accountability for me. I had ah the rest of my family, but they were so busy trying to deal with that grief and that pain themselves that they weren't really there to
00:18:18
Speaker
to kind of keep me from hitting those lows.
Recovery and Personal Accountability
00:18:22
Speaker
you know I remember that ah There was a point to where I was enabled by family members to keep going. I would borrow money from them and they knew that it was for heroin.
00:18:33
Speaker
And that's not to knock them at all because i could see myself in the same situation doing something similar because you don't, especially people who have felt pain,
00:18:45
Speaker
they don't want other people to feel pain. So anything that you can do to avoid it, they are they are more than willing to kind of help you through that, even if it is to your detriment.
00:18:57
Speaker
And i don't...
00:19:04
Speaker
It was my fault. It was my responsibility throughout it all. So I don't hold those people responsible for enabling me. it's all on my shoulders. I appreciate that they were there for me in that moment, um doing whatever they could.
00:19:22
Speaker
But, you know, ultimately, it was me who had to kind of be accountable for myself. And it was to the point to where I decided that I did not want to live that way anymore.
00:19:38
Speaker
um I would go through an eight ball, which is three grams of heroin every two or three days. And it was, it was incredibly expensive.
00:19:50
Speaker
um It was really hard to keep that up. I was kind of a functional drug addict to where I could hold down a job at least, and at least, you know, pay for most of my own habit.
00:20:01
Speaker
But um it was very, very unmanageable. I remember there were days where I would call the connect, you know, to to try to pick up. And if they didn't pick up, I'd be literally in a panic, you know, because I'd, I'd be there just waiting for it. I wouldn't have anything left.
00:20:21
Speaker
So it is,
00:20:27
Speaker
it's an incredibly stressful and day to day. It's almost an animalistic type life because you are busy, hunting and scavenging trying to make it to the next day that's really what occupies your time and your essence you don't have time for anything else there's no time to sit and reflect i mean after you get high you can you can do that but when you're on the hunt or when you haven't eaten in a few days you know that's kind of takes priority to everything else
00:21:04
Speaker
We talk about accountability and lots of these conversations. And for me, it's about ownership, right? And you you spoke to it really eloquently that it wasn't anyone else's responsibility to hold you accountable, but it also, as you're sharing, I'm thinking how powerful it is that you took the ownership for your recovery and and that part of your journey.
The Role of Mushrooms in Recovery
00:21:30
Speaker
You've obviously shared with us that mushrooms have helped you find balance. How did they support your awareness or perspective in a way that other modalities or other tools haven't?
00:21:44
Speaker
I have to say that the the best thing that I had found about mushrooms was that they were they were helpful in that they would let me kind of step away.
00:21:59
Speaker
I didn't have to, um you know, I didn't have to necessarily leave my life to get away from everything because, you know, as an addict, that's that's 100 percent what you're good at is avoidance. You're good at avoiding everything because you've avoided that pain for so long.
00:22:18
Speaker
So mushrooms were able to kind of bridge that gap for me to where I wouldn't have to, ah you know, run away and fuck my life up by going and and starting heroin again.
00:22:30
Speaker
But at the same time, I could kind of take a break and just, you know, just sit in the corner and kind of chill and reflect. And mushrooms are wonderful for that in that they allow you to, Alex, you said this before, they allow you to do the work while you're safe.
00:22:47
Speaker
It kind of lets you work on the things you need to work on. But at the same time, you can um just turn the noise down a little bit.
00:23:00
Speaker
like a buffer of love that they give you. What made you, sorry my dog so funny, he always wants to be involved. What made you know for yourself that mushrooms were the next step? I've wondered that in general. um There's always an intuition and I always wonder what brings people around.
00:23:19
Speaker
It was actually completely by accident. um We had um I had a a roommate and a good friend of mine who was also in active addiction with me.
00:23:32
Speaker
So ah we were almost like battle buddies. We would hunt and scavenge with each other to try to combine our our forces so that we could, you know, conquer the drugs easier.
00:23:45
Speaker
um i remember that we had talked about... trying mushrooms together because we had both heard or maybe he had had spoken up and said that um it was ah a good way to deal with trauma and at that point I had a little bit of sobriety under my belt and I was looking for ways to kind of to kind of improve myself So um I believe that he encountered them at one of the Body and Mind festivals, and he brought home some samples.
00:24:26
Speaker
And we actually just kind of just took them on a whim, just decided, hey, let's give it a shot. And I i don't want to say that it was...
00:24:38
Speaker
I knew right away that something was different because the way that they made me feel, i it it was like a ah weight had been lifted. like i was I felt lighter. I felt better.
00:24:50
Speaker
um i was happier. They give you
00:24:57
Speaker
they give you the ability to kind of just set everything down. And take a moment and breathe. And that's great, especially when you haven't had one of those deep breaths in a long time, you know.
00:25:11
Speaker
So um it was almost instantaneous that I knew that they were going to be helpful for me in my recovery.
00:25:21
Speaker
That's amazing. I love hearing that. So um what did you have to stop doing in order to start listening to yourself and probably some of those messages the mushrooms were starting to give to you?
00:25:34
Speaker
um
00:25:37
Speaker
I am
00:25:41
Speaker
i am a lazy creature. I have always been lazy. If I'm not at work, at work I apply myself and and genuinely try to put in the effort.
00:25:52
Speaker
But when I'm not working, forget it. You can't get me to do anything I don't want to do. So i had to I had to leave some of that behind because um there's a lot of things you can be on mushrooms, but lazy isn't really one of them.
00:26:12
Speaker
You can't, you know, you you have to be occupying your mind with things when you take them. And that was, it was definitely a worthy trade for me because they have helped me immensely since then.
00:26:29
Speaker
So we've talked a a bit about the origin of your beginnings and the descent and obviously the disruption.
Building Long-term Recovery and Self-care
00:26:39
Speaker
Let's shift gears a little bit and talk about the rebuild.
00:26:44
Speaker
Recovery often requires consistency rather than those dramatic breakthroughs. What has steady persistence taught you about yourself? That I am stronger than I think I am.
00:26:58
Speaker
um I have always had commitment issues. I've never been the type to um to make a commitment. I can't even pick a cell phone plan. I have a month to month because i'm not I'm not signing up for a year.
00:27:15
Speaker
um So to to persist and to rebuild and to take the time. who Sorry about that.
00:27:26
Speaker
See, all the animals want to be involved today. We've got a friend. a beautiful friend, too. This is... um Ghost is her name.
00:27:39
Speaker
And she's a great kitty. whoop Hold on. She's just passing through. Come on down.
00:27:51
Speaker
She's a wonderful cat. She's one of the nicest kitties I've ever met. um I'm sorry. Where was I? Oh. Talking about persistence.
00:28:01
Speaker
To be persistent...
00:28:06
Speaker
You have to be willing to do the work consistently. It's an all-day thing. It's not Monday through Friday or Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. You have to be there for yourself all the time.
00:28:21
Speaker
And it is it is an amazing and enormous commitment. But it is helpful in that it helps you to be... um to be stronger, to be there for yourself, to start to build the blocks. on instead of Instead of building your life on sand, to have it topple over later, which so many addicts are good at doing, it helps you to place solid building blocks and to build that net for yourself so that when you do start feeling yourself slip a little bit, or if you do find yourself in crisis, you have people there that will catch you, which speaks to the loneliness thing that
00:29:02
Speaker
No man is an island. We all need people. you know We have to have our people in order to survive. And um that is ah an important part of it as well.
00:29:15
Speaker
Yes, it is. You've also learned the cost of giving everything away without self-care. And we've talked a lot, just personally, you and I, about some of the things that you're doing to build up self-care and some of your relationship with the greater universe. And so i was wondering if you could speak to some of that.
00:29:35
Speaker
Well, um, I am implementing self-care slowly because I'm not good at it. Apparently I didn't realize this until I found myself in a bad place.
00:29:48
Speaker
Um, but I have been trying to, to listen to myself more. Um, a lot of times, I don't know, i can't really speak for anyone else, but a lot of times i um I try to to shut that part of myself down because and active addiction, you can't really listen to yourself to to say, what do I need to feel healthy today? You're busy trying to shove as much of that drug in you as you can to deaden all that.
00:30:21
Speaker
So it's so easy to kind of bypass that part and not to listen to it. that it is hard to fire that up again and to, to, to actively say, what do I need? What do I need to feel whole today?
00:30:36
Speaker
Um, a lot of it has been my family. Um, I recently moved back home, so I've been spending more time with them and that,
00:30:48
Speaker
It's blessing and a curse, um as with any family. But i am I am definitely better and healthier being around them than I am not.
00:31:02
Speaker
You two, one of the things I love that you've shared with me personally is how much mushrooms have made you want to know more about what's going on in the universe. And I was wondering if you wanted to share a little bit about that, of some of your habits and the things they've showed you.
00:31:16
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. that's it's It is amazing because, like I said, when I was younger, I was a ah very shallow and surface level person. i never really i never really put any thought into being deep or having deep thoughts or taking time to meditate and and to discover things about myself or about the universe. and Mushrooms kind of...
00:31:42
Speaker
they push you into that. You get to get there whether you want to or not. They kind of open up the door and say, here, this is this is everything. You can choose what parts you want to kind of explore.
00:31:55
Speaker
And the most amazing part of that journey is to to to actively see yourself becoming smaller as everything else gets bigger around you.
00:32:08
Speaker
Instead of seeing your vision change focused It allows you to see, you know, widescreen. You get to see everything. And there is so much out there that is,
00:32:21
Speaker
i don't want to say it's invisible to everybody, but it is is hard to seek out unless you have the right tools and the right inspiration. So it's it's been an amazing journey just to get to where I am. And, you know, I i know nothing.
00:32:38
Speaker
So I'm just starting on my journey. Yeah. um Basically, the the journey of the fool, as they they call that in tarot, I think. um Yeah, I'm just starting out. So i'm I'm super excited to see where I go from here, you know, because there's there's so many possibilities. It's amazing.
00:33:01
Speaker
It is exciting. So with this expanded self-awareness, how do you recognize when you're slipping out of balance now? Well, balance is one of those things that is very hard to achieve and harder to maintain.
00:33:22
Speaker
It's like trying to sit at the very top of a pyramid. You're always slipping off to one side or the other. So to...
00:33:32
Speaker
A lot of times it will be listening to myself and those around me because they will be the first warning signs that things are not right for me. um I have a very, I'm a creature of habit also. So if I don't do things that I normally do, like normally i' I'll will say good morning to everyone that I encounter.
00:33:54
Speaker
And if I start to kind of pull away and and not do those things, then There are people who will let me know that, hey, you know, what's going on? What's going on with you today? And I appreciate and love them for it because they are um they're my support system. They keep me from slipping too far away, you know.
00:34:16
Speaker
Thank goodness for support systems. And um speaking of your family, you did have another loss not too long ago in the loss of your sister. There's a lot of grief in moments that we all go through, even when you know we have rebuilt. So what are some of the tools and things you do in your life now when you do have those big grief moments and that happen?
00:34:39
Speaker
It is difficult to
00:34:43
Speaker
It's difficult to put into words. um I mean, when when things get real bad, the the only thing you can do is is hang on. you can You can just prepare yourself the best you can by um using your inner strength to maintain, but it's going to hit you and it's going to hurt.
00:35:04
Speaker
And there's nothing you can do about it. So...
00:35:09
Speaker
As you said, recognizing the signs is very important to see when you start to, because there will be warning signs. It doesn't happen all at once. It happens in stages. And to recognize that one of those is coming on is, it's important because it gives you the time to kind of steady yourself and say, okay, today might not be the best day. So what do I need to kind of make it through this to weather the storm?
00:35:37
Speaker
So to be able to prepare for that is, it's helpful. i I would definitely not be as successful as I am um in my recovery if I did not have the good support system, the early warning signs, because losing people is never easy.
00:35:59
Speaker
It's, I mean, it's a fact of life. It's something that's going to happen to all of us, but it still is It's ugly and it's painful and it doesn't stop hurting ever, but it is necessary.
00:36:16
Speaker
So it's important to kind of, to, to hang in there, you know, because it'll will get better.
00:36:27
Speaker
Absolutely.
Embracing Change and Future Aspirations
00:36:29
Speaker
One of our shared hopes with this podcast and these conversations is to, offer hope to our listeners by sharing our stories. So I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that you're already doing that. And I am filled with gratitude for your sharing.
00:36:48
Speaker
You spoke a little bit about how balance feels like you're you know at that top of the pyramid. And i have a coach friend who has helped me reframe the idea of balance into harmony, right? Because balance is that fulcrum point and it it is that constant effort, but harmony is the beautiful music of our lives. So how what does that mean for you now compared to what it once once what you once believed it was?
00:37:21
Speaker
I definitely view time differently now than I used to. um I used to be very frivolous with time. I didn't respect it. I now... um It's almost an annoying...
00:37:36
Speaker
Um, you know, because every minute, every second is registering now and it's, it's hard because there are so many things and there's only so many hours in the day and you want to try to fit them all in there so that you can maintain that balance. But it's not always easy, but, um, yeah, I would, I would definitely say respect for time is, um, it's a healthy habit to have.
00:38:06
Speaker
because you never know, you know.
00:38:11
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So if someone is listening to us today, and they're in the place that you were before in the darkness or an addiction or trauma or any of those places, what would you want them to know? What would you say to them if they were listening right now?
00:38:30
Speaker
I would want to say that there is help out there and that you can, you can make it. So don't give up, um, fight because it's not easy, but if you are willing to try and make a change and implement it and, and be true with yourself to have it stick, you can achieve beautiful things and you can have beautiful things.
00:39:01
Speaker
I think that's very powerful. Yes, that makes my heart feel big. Yeah, we're landing right here, Nick. That's perfect. So what part of your story so far are you most proud of?
00:39:15
Speaker
Even if it's quiet and unseen, it could be a big one, but it it might be something that you haven't shared with anyone yet.
00:39:26
Speaker
I would say that I am most proud of the fact that I didn't give up. Because there have been so many times to where that was that was the next option. you know That was plan B a lot of nights.
00:39:43
Speaker
And the fact that I did not means that there is a strength in there. And if you can access that strength, you would be amazed the things that you can endure and recover from.
00:39:59
Speaker
it is... amazing, the power of the human spirit to recover. It's incredible. And I learn every day new ways that it can.
00:40:13
Speaker
When you look ahead, Nick, what kind of life are you committed to building now for the future for yourself?
00:40:25
Speaker
For my near future, I would like to I need to rebuild some stability. I lost a lot of that when my sister passed. It was it was a hard hit.
00:40:38
Speaker
So I would like to be able to find some peace. A lot of that has been um possible just due to my my current situation.
00:40:52
Speaker
I could not imagine trying to go through another loss if I was still in active addiction it would be um I think I probably wouldn't make it but to have the things that I have now to have the the joy and the beauty that I have in my life there are things that I can use to fall back on that will help me through this difficult time and that is the most important thing is to have that
00:41:26
Speaker
or What about the the distant future? What's something you're building for? oh I ah try not to look too far ahead just because I never know. you know i might not
00:41:40
Speaker
I think that eventually I would like to i'd like to be a homeowner someday. i think I'd like to have a space of my own. I've never really had one where I could put down roots.
00:41:52
Speaker
It's always been um at the kindness of someone else to where I was able to, ah you know, kind of grow and and to thrive. So to have a place of my own and maybe to be able to offer that same opportunity to someone else who is struggling, that would be a good long-term goal for me.
00:42:14
Speaker
Very worthy. Absolutely.
00:42:18
Speaker
So one of our mentors is a fantastic, great interviewer from a a show from back in the day called Inside the Actors Studio. His name was James Lipton. And we like to end our podcast with the same questions he ended all of his interviews. So what is your favorite word?
00:42:41
Speaker
Oh, that's a difficult question. ay I like words. i like um I like to learn new ones.
00:42:52
Speaker
ah Unfortunately, probably one of the swear words is my favorite because I use it so often. um But ah words are super important, and i think it's important to kind of exercise and to use a ah wide variety of them.
00:43:11
Speaker
And trying to not pigeonhole yourself in there. But like I said, my favorite one, I'm i'm sticking with the four-letter word because... We'll ask you that in a minute too, what's your favorite four-letter word? All Do you have a least favorite word?
00:43:29
Speaker
I'd say can't is probably my least favorite word simply because it's it just, it it it implies that you're giving up before you even started. And that kind of just, I don't believe in that.
00:43:42
Speaker
yeah what turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
Creative Inspirations and Life Reflections
00:43:53
Speaker
Creatively, I'd have to say a good sunset. um I mean, that works for spiritually too, because I love watching them every day. there Everyone is, I had a friend who said that his grandmother said that every day,
00:44:11
Speaker
God paints a new picture with the sunset. And that stuck with me because every one of them is so beautiful and every one of them is so different. So I would say that that's going to be my answer for the first two. What was the last one?
00:44:26
Speaker
Or emotionally, but that can move back work. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. that That works for that too. Good answer. What turns you off?
00:44:38
Speaker
I don't like to be cold anymore. It's just something I've developed recently and I'm just not a fan of it. I feel you. I'm always warm. So being cold is weird.
00:44:51
Speaker
So now now we're now we're here to the spotlight. What's your favorite curse word? Oh, definitely, fuck. It's so versatile. You can use it for anything.
00:45:01
Speaker
it's so um It's so handy to just have at the ready because it does everything you need it to do. That's so true. You will get no arguments from us. Same answer. It's been the same answer for everybody so far. So what sound or noise do you love?
00:45:23
Speaker
Sound or a noise?
00:45:31
Speaker
I love the sound of an old furnace running. It's comfortable. It lets you, it feels like home, you know, even if you're far away, uh, the sound of a furnace running can kind of bring you back to where you grew up.
00:45:47
Speaker
That's beautiful. What sound or noise do you not love?
00:45:55
Speaker
What sound or noise do I not love?
00:46:02
Speaker
That's a tough question. I'd have to say
00:46:10
Speaker
any kind of painful noise kind of bothers me. I mean, it's designed to. It's supposed to put you on edge, but I don't like to i don't like to feel or or hear other people in pain or other animals. It just bothers me.
00:46:25
Speaker
That was my answer too, Nick. Thank you. her What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
00:46:36
Speaker
Oh, all of them. I mean, if I had time, I would try everything once just because it's, you know, variety is is great. um I've done a lot of things. um So I've had the the kind of the gift of experience to to have tried different things. But um I got to say, if I had to pick one, i would like to try to um to learn more about IT t systems. I've always had a knack for computers, but it's only been so deep.
00:47:09
Speaker
And if I had the chance to explore that, that would be where I would go with it.
00:47:16
Speaker
What profession would you not like to do? Oh, man. um
00:47:31
Speaker
As I get older, i would probably not like to do anything physical anymore. I'm getting to the point now to where I'm getting a little tired. So any chance I can take a break, I i usually jump at it.
00:47:44
Speaker
So I'm going to say that physical labor would be my my no, no. Final answer. love it If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
00:48:06
Speaker
Welcome home would be great.
00:48:11
Speaker
Absolutely. That's beautiful.
Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
00:48:16
Speaker
Well, Nick, we cannot thank you enough for sharing your story so courageously and so vulnerably and so transparently. It is truly a gift to learn from you. And we are just so filled with gratitude. So thank you so much for your time.
00:48:33
Speaker
Thank you very much for having me. I can't tell you how much i appreciate it. i I really, this is an incredible opportunity that you've given me here and I really appreciate it. We know you're going to help a lot of people not trip on their cape as well. And that's what we're here for. So until next time, everybody, don't trip on your cape. I'm Alex.
00:48:52
Speaker
And I'm Leslie. Thanks for being with us, Nick. Thank you.
00:48:59
Speaker
Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Cape. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with us. If today's episode sparks something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to share your thoughts or takeaways.
00:49:14
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning wither kitchen confidence. and Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and don't chip on your cake. Step into your superpower.