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Episode 17: Opening Up- Loving People Without Losing Yourself
186 Plays1 month ago
In this episode of Don’t Trip on Your Cape, Alex Embry and Leslie Arboleda sit down with Lyrik as part of the show’s Opening Up theme for a conversation about love, boundaries, and the courage it takes to stay authentic in a world that often asks us to give more than we have.
What does it mean to love people deeply without losing yourself?
Lyrik shares reflections from a life shaped by resilience, parenting, and the slow process of learning how to loosen the armor built through experience. Together, the conversation explores the difference between resilience and balance, and why being strong for everyone else isn’t always the healthiest measure of success.
Sometimes the real work is learning when to draw boundaries, ask for help, and give yourself the same compassion you offer others.
The conversation also moves through parenting, identity, chosen family, and the responsibility of raising children who feel safe being fully themselves. Lyrik speaks openly about creating environments where authenticity is welcomed and protected.
Because opening up doesn’t mean abandoning strength.
It means learning how to love others while still protecting the parts of yourself that need care too.
Links
Don’t Trip on Your Cape https://www.donttriponyourcape.com
Can We Grok? https://www.donttriponyourcape.com/can-we-grok
Aligned Living & Leadership (Leslie Arboleda) https://alignedlivingandleadership.com
Mush Love https://mushlovellc.com
A Human Being With Love (Alex Embry) https://ahumanbeingwithlove.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Don't Trip on Your Cape'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Don't Trip on Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:12
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
00:00:22
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Don't Trip on Your Cape. I'm Alex. And I'm Leslie. And today we're super excited to introduce you to Lyric. So March is about loosening the armor and letting yourself be seen, choosing honesty over performance. And today's guest embodies that in a deeply human way.
00:00:43
Speaker
Lyric Merlin has spent much of his life being strong for everyone else, steady, responsible, resilient. The one who carries more than he should without asking for much in return. But beneath that strength is a man who has been willing to look inward and ask the harder questions. Things like what happens when resilience becomes
Lyric Merlin's Early Life and Resilience
00:01:04
Speaker
armor? What happens when taking care of everyone else quietly costs you yourself?
00:01:10
Speaker
Lyric speaks openly about patterns formed in childhood, relationships that mirrored old wounds, and the guilt that kept him over-functioning for years. And what moves me most is not just that he survived it, it's that he is proud of the human he has become in spite of it.
00:01:27
Speaker
This conversation is not just about blaming the past. It's about awareness and release, and it's about reorganizing your energy
00:01:39
Speaker
oo I just totally lost my place because I printed it too small. we'll get This conversation is about blame isn't about blaming the past. It's about awareness and it's about resilience. It's about recognizing and reorganizing your energy around what actually matters now.
00:01:57
Speaker
In a season devoted to opening up, Lyric offers something powerful, the reminder that nobody should have to earn their worth through endurance. Sometimes opening up is not dramatic. Sometimes it's simply the decision to stop carrying what was never yours to hold. So Lyric, welcome to Don't Trip on Your Cake.
00:02:17
Speaker
Thank you so much. Happy to be here. We're excited to here too. Thank you. So the first question we like to ask people to kind of get into is to learn about when you were young. It's a little bit about your childhood. What was it like from the inside? And maybe what would people have described you as from the outside?
00:02:37
Speaker
um So I think from the outside, um definitely i was always a people person. um and you know i would in Even in school, I would be in the principal's office, but not in a bad way, but because I just loved to be around people and I tended to be kind of the teacher's pet. And I think I gravitated towards those people because they're their stability when you're when you're a kid, right? You see those people in all honesty more than you see your parents. So when you have an unstable childhood,
00:03:12
Speaker
like I did, i tend to really gravitate towards those people that really embodied security and and safety. But um definitely ah and allowed child, not quiet by any means, that's never changed. um And I think, you know, oppositional in a lot of ways, but also very strong um and strong-willed, I should say.
00:03:37
Speaker
I took care of my sister a lot of our
Emotional Climate and Family Dynamics
00:03:40
Speaker
childhood. um Even my aunts and uncles would say, well, I mean, you grew up well before you should have ever had to. ah My mom suffered with mental illness. And so I took place of the parent for my sister a lot, but I also... had to be the caretaker for my mother at points, you know, at least in terms of, you know, emotional baggage, carrying hers and and um trying my best to also navigate what a childhood should be. um And, you know, I got...
00:04:12
Speaker
to an age where freedom was just around the corner. And um as soon as I could, I was out on my own and um living with various girlfriends and things like that to try to get out. And I figured, well, I've been an adult all this time. At 16, surely I can make all those wise decisions. I i know it all. I've seen it all. So um that's that's a little bit of that in a nutshell.
00:04:39
Speaker
Do you think that people saw you the way that you saw yourself that way? i didn't I don't think I knew any better. um i didn't know. There was no... There was no good view where I could look at somebody and say, wow, they just they have it so differently. My brain doesn't really work that way. Even now as an adult, I don't look at other people and think, wow, gosh, I wish I could have what they have. Or, oh boy, I just pine for that. That's not in my DNA. um So I wouldn't have known it to be any other way. And in all actuality, I don't know that I would change anything because despite the trauma that I went through as a kid and, you know, witnessing my mother struggle with mental health, i I wouldn't be who I am now had I not experienced
Personal Growth and Pre-Marital Therapy
00:05:29
Speaker
those things. So I've come to a place of gratitude for those experiences and
00:05:35
Speaker
a lot of empathy and in maybe even a little sprinkle of pity for what my mother had to experience while also trying to take care of kids that you know she wasn't really equipped to to handle on her own.
00:05:49
Speaker
That's never anyone's plan, right? um You enter into a marriage or a relationship with somebody thinking... This is it. And maybe, you know, I could never get the words to come out of her mouth, but, you know, maybe in a way my father was stable because he had money, albeit from sources that most don't derive um stability from. But I think, you know, maybe that was her outlet. That was going to be her stability.
00:06:20
Speaker
And if somebody rocks your core and you don't have that, then everything else can certainly cascade, you know? Absolutely. So you mentioned being proud of the human you've become despite your early experiences.
00:06:37
Speaker
What was the emotional climate of your childhood that makes that statement so powerful? You mentioned your mother's mental illness. Were there other factors that you can reflect on that you can see now as maybe the source of some of that power?
00:06:50
Speaker
um You know, my my father was also a fairly absent father. he he and He was my hero. You know, of course, I'm sure that was difficult to my mother to be like, I'm i'm at least the loving one. um how can you How can you revere a guy who's, you know, always on the lam?
00:07:10
Speaker
And to me, maybe it was because... you know responsibility looked like it could boggle somebody down, right? If things got stressful for my mother, that tended to be when her mental illness would rev up, where my father had this free life, not having to worry about child support, not having to worry about anything. And he had all the toys you could possibly imagine. And I thought, wow, what freedom.
00:07:34
Speaker
And i can i can put a word to that now because it looked like the total opposite at home with my mother. um And, you know, she would wax and wane. When she was good, boy, she was good. And when she was bad, everything was bad. And um so it really, it was very dependent. So I learned a lot of change agility um from just living that dynamic in my household and having to kind of pivot from here to there and, um you know, constantly being being on edge and being grossly aware of the climate in the room, you know, and how that landscape
00:08:16
Speaker
can could change easily. And, you know, in reflecting back for my eldest son when he was little, and he had been through some trauma ahead of me becoming his father, and probably a lot even once I became his father, right? We have two unhealed people coming together. um and in trying to raise a child when they never had great childhoods themselves. Absolutely, my my child had trauma. But the therapist explained that sometimes these children actually cause fights between parents. Because if you know, they know how how to create the issue because they don't have to anticipate the when.
00:08:58
Speaker
And suddenly behavioral issues come from, well, I need to know what's happening, so I'm going to cause the happening. um And I think that even looking back at my own childhood, that there was certainly some of that there, you know, trying to anticipate, but also saying, okay, well, i ah my sister and I can fight and at least the focus is on us because maybe then mom won't hurt herself anymore and that type of thing.
Challenging Societal Narratives on Resilience
00:09:25
Speaker
That's extremely powerful, especially because excuse me so many of those patterns that we live in childhood, we tend to take with us. And you've mentioned as well, like even with it, and you've had a lot of relationships that mirrored that relationship with your mom.
00:09:42
Speaker
When did you start to notice that in your life? um I would say, you know, if I'm being honest, it was really when i started dating my wife, ah my present wife. We went to premarital therapy and i was coming out of ah an eight and a half year, you know, so stole my youth um relationship and um with somebody who was older than me and had been through a little more things. I'm a Capricorn and I've always been mature for my age, you know, so I do tend to date older females. And so I came out of this very tumultuous, very, you know, physically abusive at times, certainly emotionally abusive relationship. um
Self-Discovery and Emotional Armor
00:10:27
Speaker
And just two people who should likely never have come together in the first place. um And then
00:10:35
Speaker
she My wife was coming out of her marriage, and so we we knew we needed premarital therapy. And part of the the issue for me was that...
00:10:46
Speaker
she she triggered me in a lot of ways that were me reminded me of my mother. And i i said, you know, I just can't, especially when it comes to body image. um I'm very, that's a sacred thing for me. And I really, it's hard for me to hear people berate themselves um and pick apart themselves for their physical body, because that's something I had to endure, know,
00:11:11
Speaker
you know, with my mother who had control issues. And when she could not control external things, she controlled what she could. And that was her her body, feeding her body, um or on the on the contrary, not feeding her body. And um I had to witness a lot of that growing up. And so for me, focus on a scale or or self-deprecation, it is it was a really big trigger for me. And i remember sitting in the therapist's office and saying,
00:11:40
Speaker
I feel like I'm dating my mother. And that's when I really realized, if I look back at my relationships, I tend to be the helper.
00:11:52
Speaker
i I tend to go toward somebody, you know, my ex would call me Captain Save-A-Ho because for me, i you know, if there's somebody in need, I'm there.
00:12:05
Speaker
And you know you watch the way that people are treated and you're like, well, i can I know I can be better for you. But that's also not taking into account that you're giving, giving, giving with very little reserve. And i think probably, i would say three, maybe four years ago now, four or five years ago, that that's when I really said to myself, i i cannot, I will never succeed.
00:12:35
Speaker
and being any semblance of myself if I continue to give all of myself away with little reserve for me. And and it it doesn't always, it's not always that easy, right? It's not always that easy to draw that boundary right then and there and say, you know what, this actually, this time is for me. And I still have a hard time with that. um But I definitely, once I could identify it I've really been a little bit more firm than I ever have in my life. And part of that is probably this frontal lobe that's just beginning its maturation process. um And then, you know, just identifying that I can't be everything that you need me to be if i have nothing of myself, you know?
00:13:19
Speaker
So I can so relate to what you shared there as far as I can think about, you know, when i when i first got pregnant, I realized that I was a problem solver, had always been a problem solver, but I was a problem solver who had magnetized a bunch of people with problems to solve.
00:13:36
Speaker
And I am so grateful that I figured out that that expression of my frequency has not changed. But now I know how to be a problem solver that magnetizes other problem solvers.
00:13:48
Speaker
And that's such a more aligned expression of of that energy. But it can be a really, to your point, it it can be really hard to figure out how to hold
Identity and Community
00:13:59
Speaker
those boundaries, right? You called it a firmness. When you said that, I was like, well, that's boundary holding, right? That's that's truly understanding this is my this is my boundary. This is what I will accept in my, and not only in my relationship with other people, but how I show up in my relationship with other people.
00:14:18
Speaker
Our society definitely glorifies their interpretation of resilience. What would you say was the factor when you, or when did you start to really begin to question that narrative of glorifying resilience?
00:14:36
Speaker
um I think for me, it was after my first bufo ceremony. um For me, i had gone in with intentions and we all know, i learned very quickly with with ayahuasca that if you hold on so tightly to an intention, it's like sand in your hand, right? It's just going to slip out of every orifice and you you have to just hold it delicately.
00:15:00
Speaker
And um and that so much of that journey was loving my myself. I literally loved myself in a way that I have never given myself. um I was in love with my body. I remember caressing my my top surgery scars um and just being like, you,
00:15:21
Speaker
you are good. You are worth every bit of loving yourself. um And i really, that's when I identified that I, but it was almost like pulling fragments of myself that I had given away back into my own physical body. And I've never had that type of experience before. um I have journeyed with ayahuasca nine times ahead of that. And a lot of that was really, reliving my childhood in some of the journeys in a very positive and very also gender affirming way. I was like an adorable little boy and the world was so, so big. um And, but this one was really just about falling back in love with myself and pulling those um bits and pieces that I had consistently given to others, you know?
00:16:11
Speaker
so Such a powerful picture of resilience. I like yours. Yeah. Yeah, putting back together. Bufo is so powerful in that way that it has this like it gives you back to yourself.
00:16:24
Speaker
And is that partially when you started to let go of the guilt as well that you always talked about? Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, there are points even even doing this podcast, right? Meeting with you guys, for me, that's an hour and a half that now now my son, I'm very lucky, is is taking care of the boys. But there's still that undercurrent of guilt. And and I will tell you that some of that is also from what i'm what I've been told and conditioned to believe. That if I do something for myself, that means that I'm taking away from somebody else.
00:17:02
Speaker
And that's really not it. Everything can happen in unison. It's not taking to receive. you know it's It's taking from my own my own supply. you know um And there's still you know that semblance. And when I do these things for myself,
00:17:21
Speaker
that feels like a victory to me. And if I go out, you know, on and on my own, if I go to this the sound bath on Saturday, um even if I was going without Jen, I would i would feel guilty in the in the moment.
00:17:36
Speaker
And then afterwards, I would be so proud of myself and I would be so grateful to myself that I gave myself that that time. um So it's not gone entirely. And it might always be a little, you know, a tiny little piece of my um conditioned personality, but it also makes me a mindful person. So I can also be grateful to know that I ultimately am a mindful person. That's what I teach my children above all things in life. be mindful. If you're mindful, that means you're not going to hurt somebody.
00:18:11
Speaker
You will never steal from somebody. You'll certainly never take somebody's life. And you're not thinking of somebody over yourself. You're paralleling how you would treat yourself the way that you treat other people and vice versa.
00:18:26
Speaker
I love that. as ah As a parent, I think there's There's so much to mindfully modeling what it is that we want our children's stories, foundational stories to become. And it can be something that so many parents do on
Authenticity in Relationships and Career Choices
00:18:45
Speaker
repeat right it's it's what was done to me so it's what i do and then it's what they do and then we we kind of reflect in our older years and think oh gosh i wish i had done that differently so being able to be present to that now i think is just part of how you know us middle-aged folks are going to change the world with the next generation i can't wait yeah i know i'm excited too i'm also a little exhausted in the moment to be solidarity
00:19:14
Speaker
yeah so but two of you so i get yeah So when you think about tripping on your cape, is there one memory that still carries weight for you?
00:19:26
Speaker
um I think, I mean, there's there's so many. And, you know, I qualified... as having PTSD ahead of my first ayahuasca ceremony. That's really why I sought the medicine in the first place. Initially, I had studied it for years and years ahead um because I wanted my cousin, who who is was my best friend in the entire world,
00:19:52
Speaker
to have help with his drug addiction. And so we'd always said, oh man, we're going to we're going to get our passports one day and we're going you know, go abroad and and we're going to do this. And when I had the opportunity, um I really sought it because for me, I needed to, I needed to stop thinking of every single thing that could happen in order to trick the universe So that it wouldn't because I'm no psychic, you know, I've got fantastic intuition, but I would never label myself as a psychic. So if I'm if I'm telling the universe, I'm not a psychic. So if I've thought of this already happening.
00:20:29
Speaker
it can't happen because then I'd be a psychic. And like, we both know that's not it. um and And it got to a point where really i i it was driving me crazy. um And, you know, I would stay up and obsess about what could happen to my children. So that way nothing would happen. um And it really came from a parental standpoint, you know, um it wasn't even about myself, which is ironic, right? It wasn't my fear of drowning. It wasn't my fear of of water. It was a fear that,
00:20:58
Speaker
I had let my guard down with my child and that my my child could have died had I not saved his life. And so, um and and my friend's son. But, um so for me, I'm free of of that trauma. You know, in terms of PTSD, I wouldn't qualify for that diagnosis. um But it's certainly something that, you know, always sticks with me. And even in those moments, even in the the cascade of events that happened thereafter,
00:21:32
Speaker
I was so, so minutely concerned about myself that I didn't care for myself in the proper way. which ultimately probably led to you know all of the issues I had. I was i was an alcoholic. there There's no doubt about it. um A functional one. um But you know everybody says that they're you know a functioning alcoholic, right?
Personal Reflection and New Beginnings
00:21:54
Speaker
um And so for me, I used drinking to really numb myself. I had no concept at all of how...
00:22:02
Speaker
my energy would be affected by it. I didn't, I didn't care. It was certainly a, you know, self-medication. Um, and so that memory comes to me for a mem, for many different reasons. Um, part of that, you know, wow, I thank you universe. Like I knew I was resilient, but why me and why this? Um, and so if I'm, if I'm called to think of any particular memory from my adulthood, that's certainly where it would be.
00:22:32
Speaker
What started to shift for you? Was it exhaustion, awareness, heartbreak, something else? um what started ah Can you um
Impact of Storytelling and Personal Growth
00:22:43
Speaker
just clarify the question for me, Alex? Yeah, just what started to shift in your life from that awareness and that tripping on your cape? What did what did you start to get from that?
00:22:53
Speaker
um I guess I really... I learned that like I was the hero and I would never label myself as a hero, but so long as we're talking about capes, you know, I feel like I, I, I had to choose my friend's son and my child over my friend.
00:23:11
Speaker
And that's something that I, took it took me a very long time to forgive myself. Um, it wasn't actually until a medium came through and i didn't even know this person who the message came through and that that Jason had told me it was a life for a life and everything that happened there needed to happen. um But there were was no self-care for me thereafter. And so even in my heroicism, if you want to you know call it that, um i I certainly was like...
00:23:46
Speaker
you know, the the Superman that takes off the cape and suddenly is this grossly unhealthy person underneath, you know, just kind of slovenly lying around. And you're like, wait a minute, that's Superman under there? That's kind of wild. um And so if if it had happened now I know better now how to take care of myself um than I did then. And so um I think that that certainly would be you know the priority is making sure that I'm not constantly walking around it with an empty cup and that I'm also asking people to help me. i'm I'm not that person. i I don't accept help very easily.
00:24:27
Speaker
um And sometimes it triggers me when other people ask for help. Because to me, I'm like, dang, I had to do all of this my whole life on my own. And that's a that's a shadow part of myself that I don't like. um Because that ties right back to the the concept of of resiliency. Like, why should we have to be so resilient? And why would I ever expect somebody else to have to endure the same
Empathy Through Shared Stories
00:24:55
Speaker
life that I have had to endure? Because not everybody should have to. And ultimately, i don't know if it's ah a roll of the dice or if it's a testimony to tenacity, but um I think that certainly, you know, identifying in myself like, oh, that doesn't feel nice when you you think about like, why?
00:25:16
Speaker
Jeez, why couldn't you? You can't figure this out on your own. That's weird. You know what i mean?
00:25:24
Speaker
It can definitely be confronting. um i i love the way that you're speaking about your resiliency too. And in human design, we kind of talk about resiliency a little bit differently than a lot of people. It's not just about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, but it's really understanding how to engage things like self-trust and emotional.
00:25:46
Speaker
and courage and decisiveness, right? Like what is the decision
Concluding Thoughts and Future Episodes
00:25:49
Speaker
that is mine to make and what is the decision that if I make it will support me in the most aligned way? And I don't think a lot of people think about it that way, but it that it's just, it's so inspiring to me to listen to you already talk about it in such an embodied way.
00:26:08
Speaker
Thank you. um So I was going to say, when did you start choosing yourself then without apology? I'm not there yet.
00:26:20
Speaker
The without apology, you know, I always work with operative words. And I think that without the, without apology would be too much of an overstatement. um And, you know, I, I think when I moved to, there's my dogs, just kidding. It's Avery. Yeah. When I moved to Colorado, I had been so... Living in Georgia was one of the most oppressive places that I had ever lived in my life. I lived up in Boston, I lived in the whole Northeast, and I've lived in San Diego and Sacramento, and never messed with anything in between. And now I understand um the why. And I was so cut off from all community. um
00:27:04
Speaker
I'm a trans man, and so...
00:27:10
Speaker
Papa, can I finish this? You go out the train. Alex is right there. to do You want to say hi two seconds, and then you got to go. Hi. I love you.
00:27:21
Speaker
Hi. Hello. be Here you go. You can take that with you. Please don't break it. um i don't know if you want to edit that part out. um But so, you know, moving to Georgia, I was so disconnected from my community as a queer person, and I never knew how badly I needed it. And I'll be honest, i I probably took it for granted living in the Northeast. um And it wasn't until I didn't have it anymore and I didn't know who was safe or who I could feel safe with um that I really, it was so stifling. And i remember going up to Asheville and seeing for the first time living in that that area,
00:28:05
Speaker
I mean, there were flags, rainbow flags on bumper stickers. And I saw apparently queer people all over the place. And I have goosebumps um just thinking about how powerful it was to me. And I wept and ah in an underground garage parking lot um because I was so happy to see people living with a freedom that I hadn't felt like I could be afforded in in that area. And partially because I'm not a person who has who feels like my existence is to challenge other people's ideas.
00:28:41
Speaker
i not in ah Not in an aggressive way, right? My way ah of forcing people to look at themselves is not telling anybody that I'm trans, letting them fall in love with me,
00:28:53
Speaker
Not romantically for everybody in the audience, but um because that would that would not be fair. um but But just at me at on the human level without any of the preconceived notions that they have.
00:29:05
Speaker
And then I tell them later on when I'm comfortable. And that allows them to be to take onus and have to really evaluate, do does how I feel about trans people or queer people, does it really directly translate into the relationships that I make? That's my type of movement.
00:29:24
Speaker
It's that silent but powerful. um But I still didn't feel like I should have to live in such a level of fear. And I loved that people could just do it fearlessly. And I really learned so much in that period of time. um And then moving to Colorado, i i told my wife, i'm I have a community here.
00:29:47
Speaker
i'm I am going to go out and do events. The very first event that I went out to alone in I can't tell you how many years was the um they did a mushroom event in in Denver.
00:30:01
Speaker
And I said, well, I'm going um because this is certainly one of my passions. I need to meet more people in this community. And I also just need to feel like myself.
00:30:14
Speaker
It doesn't mean that i I'm going to forget that I'm in a marriage with you or that I have a bazillion children. I only had um a gazillion back then because it was before we added ah Sire. But i I also think it's so important to balance who you are autonomously with who you are as a parent, ah all your other identifiers, right? And I really put my foot down and it felt...
00:30:40
Speaker
It's simultaneously terrifying and empowering at the same time. um And there was a lot of guilt. And I will say a lot of, if I'm being honest, some of that guilt wasn't just my own internal guilt. It was externally like, well...
00:30:56
Speaker
I'm not the priority. We are not the priority. And you know i I explain that doesn't mean that I don't prioritize you. It means I'm also prioritizing myself. So I can say with 100% conviction that September of 2023 is when i stood up for myself, for the things that I wanted, my autonomous self, and making sure that I'm not tethering pieces of myself back into me, um but just because I'm a partner and just because I, you know, have a family because I think it should all be done uniformly, you know?
00:31:35
Speaker
Absolutely. I think that's such an important part of opening up is really understanding. Yes, we have roles. Yes, we have relationships. Yes, we have responsibilities. Yes, our human brains really like to slap labels on all these different things. And then there's this other more universal aspect of self that's that's totally unique, that can't be defined by a label or a role or a relationship.
00:32:04
Speaker
And it can be really, really challenging, especially when we're deeply conditioned to live so far out of alignment sometimes. Kudos to you. Yay for September, 2023. Thank you. i feel the same way. It's like my man-iversary.
00:32:23
Speaker
It's not as birthdays as trans people. So it's no big deal. it's a big deal
00:32:32
Speaker
So the next one was about opening up the question. What did that look really like for you in real life? And I i love that you talked already about being trans because you do have an open life as a trans person. Like you said, it's quiet at first, but you live very real and and open about that. So what did that start looking like about opening up? Was it a conversation, a decision?
00:32:54
Speaker
um The first person that i told um here in Colorado was actually um our infection preventionist and hospital educator. i just i I felt it in my heart that she would be a safe person for me.
00:33:11
Speaker
and um And it felt so good. And she thanked me after. And I thought, nobody has ever thanked me. for living in, working with our community, all the people that we, everybody does that, right?
00:33:27
Speaker
But never outside of it. Before I entered this community in Colorado, nobody thanked you for telling an intimate part of yourself, not to me. um So it felt good. It felt like, wow, this is true reciprocity because she feels like, holy smokes, this guy trusts me. And thank you for trusting me um with this very important detail.
00:33:51
Speaker
Albeit minor in your eyes, but it's ah an important detail. And then on the converse, it's me feeling like, wow, there's somebody I could tell, you know, and that felt so good. And she is still one of my core people ah now And, you know, a few weeks ago, she messaged me and she said, I'm not a mushy person, Lyric. You know that about me. She said, but you really make my life better.
00:34:16
Speaker
I have grown as a person since being your friend and I just appreciate you. And that's a win, baby. You know, that's a big win. And that makes ripples to places we don't even realize sometimes.
00:34:30
Speaker
Truly. So we've talked a little bit of your origin. We've talked a little bit about the rebuild. Let's let's shift focus and talk a little bit about the integration, right? Where, Strength shows up with softness and your resilience lives unarmored.
00:34:46
Speaker
How would you define strength differently now than you would have 10 years ago? um i I certainly think that strength is also in vulnerability.
00:34:58
Speaker
right? We've been so conditioned, especially in a patriarchal society where men don't show emotion. And, you know, even with, I hardly ever saw my my dad cry. I think I've seen, i have two dads, by the way. One of them is my stepdad who was my bus driver when I was four years old. I told him my mom needed a date and then he never left.
00:35:21
Speaker
um And then my dad is, my dad, Steve is my biological father. And he would always get emotional if he was drunk. He'd call me, suddenly Creed's playing on the radio, and and that that is his that's triggers him emotionally, and I would 100% get that from my father. If I need a good, solid cry, we're going to listen to probably some 90s rock. but um And so i just never really saw that. And, you know, weakness in my eyes was also the um the the weakest person in my eyes was my mother, you know, for as strong as I can see her now looking back in those moments, you know, it was more like, wow, I can't, how is she so weak? You know, um i don't understand how anybody can just collapse. And and now I understand way more.
00:36:12
Speaker
um But I think, you know, just recognizing that I also was very much playing a part for my ex um who grew up a Jehovah's Witness. And that added a whole layer of complexity to the beginnings of our relationship because I was a female when we first started dating. um And this is somebody who, who,
00:36:37
Speaker
just just to give you an understanding, did not believe that dinosaurs existed. We would fight, we would have real fights and arguments over the existence of dinosaur bones in in the museums. And she would say, it's a conspiracy lyric. I don't want to hear anything more about it. And she had so much internalized homophobia And should she say in this moment that she doesn't, she absolutely does.
00:37:04
Speaker
um And so a lot of that also came with this... bravado, right? Now I've taken testosterone and i'm i'm a I'm a man and this is what men do. They're closed off emotionally and and they don't. And I will tell you that testosterone does give an element of closed emotions. There's nothing you can do about that. You can choose to live your authentic self and lose so much of the emotional span of a woman is so divinely wide and intricate and lovely
00:37:40
Speaker
the emotional span for a man or anybody taking testosterone is a beep. You're like hungry, horny, angry, and like sad, but also we're not going to talk about know what I feel like that's about... I think I've covered it, you know? um And so there's also like a little bit of mourning when your emotional intelligence feels like it suddenly got so stunted and and small. But I still...
00:38:08
Speaker
she She needed a man, right? that when she When I transitioned, her expectation was that it was going to be like this. Like, I was going to transition, and then I was going to be the most manly man that she ever encountered. We know that's not going to happen, right? And it's also just not really who I am. um But i definitely I definitely closed off, you know, and i i exemplified what I felt like she wanted um to see. And so strength was, you know, taking taking the the punches, you know, was was taking the insults and...
00:38:47
Speaker
There was a lot that was targeted against my being trans. You know, I remember because ah my son is not my biological son. um If anybody in the audience was wondering, it it's ah impossible. um But so I had to fight. I had no rights to him. And um I remember saying, well, i'm I'm his father. And she said, well, how are you his father if your name is Rebecca?
00:39:13
Speaker
What court is going to to listen to that? And those were the type of things that were kind of constant. So the more she would pick me apart for being like a pseudo man, the more I built up this, you know, okay, well, you wanted a man, this is a man, right? um And that's how I viewed strength back then. um And, you know, fast forward, i my so my biggest...
00:39:43
Speaker
strongest moments that I can recall are the moments when I'm sitting in a group of people who have just undergone one of the biggest journeys of their entire life outside of their initial birth um and then crying alongside everybody and and really feeling um so much and not being ashamed of of the emotion that's tied with that.
00:40:06
Speaker
um Strength is also to me knowing when to ask for help. um what i'm ah i'm a nurse and what makes me not the best nurse is i'm not a good delegator i would rather i do it by myself i always feel like a two-year-old inside you know not because i think i can do it better partially it's because i can just do it and i don't want to bother anybody else why would i bother somebody else if i can just do it for myself um and i think that i've learned over the years that Strength is nothing like we've been conditioned to believe that it is. It is far more intricate. And it's not it's kind of a a short word, right? There's like a lot of staccato to the word strong, right? it's You've said it and it's already out of your mouth. And I feel like there has to be a better word for it because strength embodies so many different things, opportunities, moments, things.
00:41:02
Speaker
words, whatever, um that really strong doesn't even seem to fit what now I believe strength is. It reminds me of this idea of resilience, because there is, you know, this unhealthy toxic resilience, but also this healthy resilience.
00:41:20
Speaker
But, you know, we we do want to lean into. And before we even, we can bring that in next question, but I want to mention you talked about being trans, we're both trans, we both have transitioned and we're both on testosterone. And, you know, this is something that when we first talked, we were like, we don't have a close person in our life that's also trans. or is It was so nice to first have that. And I love that you talk about these experiences because I don't think people understand this transition is such a, it's a grief and a mourning to you as well, as well as a birth into who you are.
00:41:53
Speaker
But I think a lot of this toxic um resilience that can lean into when you're trans, because for for example, um I've had been bullied, you've been bullied, we've both shared experiences online and we can go into some of those if you want, but you never let them make you close down.
00:42:08
Speaker
You always share them and you open up in these moments. And it's one of the reasons we are so close is because you don't shy away from things. So how do you lean into that and keep that openness and always be so forthright about these things and maybe leaning into the healthy resilience.
00:42:29
Speaker
um So I think ultimately, i i think education is kind of in my my bones. um i I like opportunities to educate people, not in like a, I know this better than you and you now you know it type of thing. But I also think it's really important that people make the most informed decisions possible.
00:42:51
Speaker
And what we're seeing right now with this wave of of anti-trans and trans hate and and And all of that on the whole is really ah out of misinformation. And i I have been through far too many things in my life than to allow for this climate to impact me personally.
00:43:14
Speaker
it's It just won't happen um because i had to fight to get here. like As you alluded to, I had to sacrifice a lot to get here. At this point in my life, I've now had to sacrifice close relationships to me, family members who I really idolized. My aunt and uncle who were the only people in my life who were ever, they're their first partners ever.
00:43:38
Speaker
They've never been divorced. They've raised two sons together. They're still together to this very day. that was the only the That was the only representation of a solid marriage. Whatever happened behind those, i have't I still will never know. And that's fine. It could be just as beautiful as it looks from the outside. um But that's my always my skeptical side of myself is like,
00:44:01
Speaker
Well, white shutters and white picket fence, sure. you know But even still, that they were the stability, the the reflection and the aspiration that I wanted um in a relationship. you know Great relationship with their um their in-laws, so their their children in-laws, whether it's a a female or male or so forth. um And I lost them because of this political climate and because I just cannot bear,
00:44:31
Speaker
to have anybody in my periphery or in my central circle um that would think any less of anybody for any reason, right? I used to tolerate some things growing up like, okay, well, I guess I'm not like that person, so that's what matters. um But now i'm I'm at the point in my life where...
00:44:51
Speaker
it I will lose you and that will be fine because ultimately the loss will be yours. Your legacy will still be with me. I'll remember the good things too. um But I just cannot have somebody in my life that I don't align with because I would be sacrificing authenticity in self and I'm not willing to do that because I've just barely made it to my authentic self and I'm not selling it for shekels. You know?
00:45:18
Speaker
I think our authenticity is undervalued in so many ways by so many people and the world is better because you're showing up authentically. So keep it up. Insane. So if someone listening is proud of how much they've endured, but are secretly exhausted, what would you want them to consider?
00:45:39
Speaker
Taking care of yourself, finding things that replenish you. um It's just like an electrolyte, right? you People always think, oh, i I need to drink a ton more to be hydrated. And then your body's like, well, wait a minute, I've got to get rid of all of this urine. And then you're sparing all of your residual electrolytes, right? We get a cramp and we're like, oh, shoot, whoops. um And unfortunately, our emotional center doesn't give us those same outward signs.
00:46:09
Speaker
but it's kind of like a headache when you have high blood pressure when you ignore that sign for so long it goes away your body has done its job in trying to say hey this is what's going on take care of me right now and you ignore it and so the body's like you know what i'm just as tired as you i'm gonna give up um and so the way that that emotional exhaustion manifests can be something that you wouldn't even imagine and um I think that recognizing when you're getting tired and and you know judging it like ah um a jog and not a sprint, knowing that at the end of the day, everything that's there right now will still be there. um And that's okay. You have to have grace with yourself and also...
00:46:56
Speaker
Make sure that you're coming from a place of self-protecting too. um And not just saying, i've I've just got to keep going and going. um Because I know for sure that that ultimately leads to an exhaustion that is much harder to recover from than if you just say, I've got this. I can do this. Because just because you can doesn't mean you should have to.
00:47:19
Speaker
Yeah, that shit will kill you. That shit will kill you. I think we got caught off there, but it was probably wrapping up, so we'll go on to the next question. Cool. um Let me figure out where we're at. It leads in perfectly because you were talking a little bit about armor and different ways of that you do armor yourself. and What I was about to say was sometimes armor is doing things yourself and kind of secluding yourself from things. so What does loosening the armor look like when you're starting to get into the world and open up?
00:47:52
Speaker
um I think that, you know, i think it's important to like so share stories um because you never know if your story could ultimately impact somebody else. And that's just the thing that they needed to hear um that somebody has gone through something similar or the very same thing um and wondered in themselves, like how, how somebody else could have made it to, you know? um And I think just, know,
00:48:24
Speaker
accepting help and feeling okay without guilt if I do need help um in any way, right? Even sometimes when I ask my kids to do something, um like set the table and i'm I'm right there, I could do it myself. um I think it feels good. It feels nice to know that somebody else is capable um of carrying things with you and that you don't have to you know, do it on your own. And um I think if my my biggest wish, I think for my wife would be for her to understand that when somebody is all arm and armored up for so long, it doesn't matter if it's it it is ultimately the safest place in the world. You have to give somebody ah the ability to
00:49:12
Speaker
take their time when it comes to loosening those pieces. And the ultimate goal is that, you know, maybe they're, they're not there at all and that your armor is on the inside and you don't have to necessarily wear it on the outside. um You know, sometimes she'll say, well, you know, all of that, all of that should, should break away when you get home, right? All the things from the day, home should be your safe place. Right. And, you know, I wish that I could say that that's always how I felt. I'm still working on that um for home to be a place of safety because I've never necessarily had that.
00:49:50
Speaker
You know, if you look at the grand spectrum of my life, I'm 30, think I'm 39. I think I turned 39 in January. But anyway. but anyway um You know, we've only been together for 11 years and some of those some of the time that we've been together hasn't been a safe place either. So um for me, it's very incremental, right? And it it might not look like much, but it's small moves that make big impacts.
00:50:16
Speaker
So, so true. I think we don't fully give credit to those 1% growth spurts sometimes because we're so attached to like 100% different.
00:50:27
Speaker
So if resilience isn't a badge of honor that we've made it, what should we value instead? um That's a great question.
00:50:41
Speaker
i think i think probably,
00:50:50
Speaker
i think you should just honor who you are in spite of everything else. That's certainly, you know, one of my things, as I said before, you know, when I look at myself and think, gosh, I don't even know how you could become a semblance of a good person. And I'll never, i would never in a million years say that I'm, I'm the best person or a perfect human or anything like that. But I'm, I'm, I'm very proud of myself. And I think um that, you know, people,
00:51:19
Speaker
It's so multifactorial when you're thinking about resilience, right? Sometimes resilience for somebody is getting through an eight-hour day at work. They're like, I've done it. I've really done it. um So I think you know gauging on but the balance that you have in your life, you know you can be extremely resilient and and be an incredibly toxic person.
00:51:41
Speaker
That is a reality. You can be an extremely resilient person and be so selfless that you literally have nothing left. um That's a thing too. We see those types of people all the time. I think ultimately it's about balancing, finding that you're you you can endure, but you know when to draw that boundary and say enough is enough. I'm not going to anymore. um Or that you don't have to. Stop having expectations of yourself that the more you, you know, the bigger the bolder,
00:52:10
Speaker
and Oh, I not everybody wanted to be like Sisyphus, right? They're like, I i could. i absolutely could. But like, why would I want to be that guy? You know? um So i I really, truly believe that it's about balancing yourself and recognizing when you're starting to lose that stamina um and then recharging, find that recharge, whether it's in, in meeting and hanging out with like-minded people or it's self-care, reading a book or whatever makes you feel like you again, um i think is important. Judging yourself based on how well you've balanced the past, the present and the future would be the best judge for me.
00:52:53
Speaker
What I'm hearing too is authenticity. just honoring wherever you are in authentic way, which is part of why I love you so much. it's <unk>ve I've been really lucky to be able to get close to you. I know that you're a very selective person because of you know who you are, you protect your energy, and I'm very grateful for that. But one of the things I've noticed is that authenticity carries from home to work, all the different places, and I've been really lucky I even got to spend holidays with you and stuff. and What I've seen is it also translates to your kids.
00:53:23
Speaker
Your kids are very authentic. They're very real. And some of the moments that I love the most isn't just been like, you know, them playing and having fun, but they'll ask you hard questions and you're always very authentic in those questions. And even within myself, one time we were playing board games and your middle one, Wayla, misgendered me and she said he she knows my pronouns are they. So she fixed it real quick. But then about five minutes later, she did it again and she did this whole head slap thing. And then looked at me straight in the eye and with all this Willa beautiful resonance and presence said they.
00:53:57
Speaker
And I know that she wanted me to feel seen. It wasn't that she was mad that she had messed up. It was that she wanted me to feel safe and seen because my authenticity is honored in your home because of the way that you all show up. And so the reason I tell these stories is because I've watched you build relationships. And all of this is translated as safety in your home for myself, for your kids, for others. And so I know that's the kind of relationships you're wanting to build. And first of all i just wanted to tell those stories so people can know that you're doing that. But what does that take? And what is your commitment to building those relationships in your life?
00:54:31
Speaker
Excuse me. I think that I'm wholly and fully committed. um i If you ask my wife be previously, she would say, well, Lyric, everyone's your friend.
00:54:43
Speaker
everyone's your friend. and I'm like, yeah, but that's just who I am. And she would say, she's the opposite. She has very, very few friends. In fact, sometimes I'm like, would you just go hang out with some people? um I can't be your only friend. And like, thanks, like I'm a good one. But like, um but I also had a my pattern for my friendships was very much the same as in my relationships. Give, give, give with very little return.
00:55:11
Speaker
And, um, and I really learned, and I think probably in in Savannah, where I was fairly isolated from all the people that I had known for so many years, that I realized in a little bit of solidarity that sometimes that's not a bad thing. Like I have, I've, I've let intimate partners in who never should have been in. I've, I've let friends in.
00:55:35
Speaker
who you know were never there for me when I needed them, only the the opposite. and um and But those are hard lessons to learn. And so now I am much more selective and I fall in love with everybody. I i will never not be that person because um that's that would be literally being inauthentic.
00:55:58
Speaker
you know i I love people. i I know people that are like, I am just not a people person. I don't love people. And I love that for them. I can't i can't imagine because I meet a stranger and I'm like, I could be in line at at you know on Black Friday for a couple of hours and I'm like friends with everybody and and I love everybody. um But that doesn't mean that I have to let them into my intimate relationship. And um especially around my kids who, you know, as a person who every, there were so many transient people in my life, being the fact that I moved around from place to place, state to state. My mother was always, you know, in this pursuit of a pipe dream um that we never had stability. I went to, I can't even tell you how many schools.
00:56:47
Speaker
And, you know, my daughter, Charlie will say, Dada, you don't even know that math? Like, wow. And I'm like, why don't you try going to four different middle schools, you know, where everybody's learning different things at different times, depending on where you are regionally. um And you'll understand that I, that's why I don't know, you know, certain things. Words, you got me all day. But um that's a collective, right? You pick that up as you as you live in life. um But,
00:57:17
Speaker
So for me, i am very selective. Um, and it feels good to be that way because I know that the people that I have in my life undoubtedly will hold me in the same light and in the same capacity that I will always hold them.
00:57:31
Speaker
um And so I want my children to to love every person that they fall in love with, that they that they meet. That's so important. And especially coming from a place of empathy and understanding and meeting ah such a dynamic world of people. um But I also want them to be mindful of that inner circle. you know Allow the people in there that would gladly fill your cup. um And if you don't have one, they'll bring one to you. And that's my whole my whole goal. And i I want my children to understand that...
00:58:09
Speaker
They might never have to navigate life in the same way that I've had to navigate life or that my son who's a person, my eldest son who's a person of color has had to navigate life. And I'm very transparent about all of those things. And I talk some heavy stuff with my kids. We watch a lot of animal videos too and those type of things. But, um and that's also one of my passions. I love sharing with my kids and learning all these things that we can learn. But,
00:58:35
Speaker
Ultimately, ah it is a heavy weight. And if you are a parent and you don't feel that heavy weight, you're probably not doing it right to make sure that your kids end up the most well-rounded despite all external interference um and love everybody um for who they are so that they always feel comfortable being their authentic selves.
00:59:00
Speaker
That is a heavy burden and it's a a burden that I am certainly willing to Sisyphus up that hill. I about those burdens and privileges a lot as parents, right? it's It's not easy, but it's something I'm willing to take on for sure because I think it is, you know, especially as parents, it's part of how we're here to make the world a better place is by helping our children learn that, you know, like Alex and I were talking a few episodes ago or I don't know, multiple times we've actually had this conversation about how love is infinite.
00:59:34
Speaker
Love is universal. It's there for all of us. It's not even a choice you have to make. Liking something absolutely a choice and being discerning about who you let into your circle through that lens of understanding who's really for you and who are you for so that you're not depleting that that precious vitality that is in one level an infinite source of our energy, but also it's animating this meat suit with a finite timeline. And we want to make sure that we're not spending that resource arrogantly, right? Be confident, don't be arrogant with it.
01:00:16
Speaker
So you have said that you are in love with new beginnings. What beginning are you currently stepping into? o So i'm I'm kind of in this these crossroads because i i started nurse practitioner school um so that I can get my certification in in a psychiatrics and be an autonomous practitioner, which has always been a goal of mine. um But I also, i tend to have a bit of an Icarus complex.
01:00:49
Speaker
And that's why I actually have this tattoo You probably can't see it in the camera, but it's it's ah an owl. And I designed this tattoo because it's up to the the person to know whether or not this is Icarus.
01:01:02
Speaker
being saved by wisdom or if it's just a balance. um Because I'm always, i guess success to me had always been measured in financial stability, right? I grew up poor um and not having to worry about, I was a poor father my first time around. um we did We had a car, we had to start with a doorbell.
01:01:25
Speaker
you know And so I never wanted that. And so my constant pursuit of of success translates directly into financial stability. um And so i I'm back in school again. i just finished a double accelerated master's in December of 25. And now i'm I'm in school, but I've also been presented an opportunity successful.
01:01:50
Speaker
the potentially the chief nursing officer from my hospital and um i'm i thought i had everything figured out until i've had so much outward and i won't even say pressure because pressure is not when somebody comes to you and says Lyric, this place is exactly, you are exactly what this place needs. um That I don't take lightly at all. and um And it comes from the way that I handle people and and my personality. It's it's not even my my management skills, because I'm not even really that good of a manager, to be honest. I'm too human to be a good manager, because I'm like, oh, but...
01:02:31
Speaker
Of course she takes a little bit of time. She doesn't have good time management skills because she cares for her patients so much that she gives them that grandma, you know, ah or or a TT type of treatment, you know? um and so it's i'm I'm caught, but and I need to do, I need to reach out to a friend of mine who does intuitive coaching um because I also am a Capricorn, so I don't much like telling people telling me what I should do, um even though sometimes I really need it, and then later on I'll go, you know, you're probably right. um
01:03:03
Speaker
So that's why I love this form of coaching because it really... pulls you into yourself And it's the way that your body responds, the way that your heart and your belly um respond when and ah that question is asked. And I i need to know, am I...
01:03:20
Speaker
am i Do I continue my pursuit of academia and autonomy and my own practice, um which feels so wonderful, um especially because I can work more heavily in the realm of psychedelic assisted therapy? um Or do I go the route where I am...
01:03:41
Speaker
i'm I'm the chief nursing officer of a hospital. So um that's where I am. And this is very new. I thought I had my mind made up until today. um and now I'm back at square one, trying to figure out, is this something that I really want to do? Or do I feel like it's just something that I should do?
01:04:02
Speaker
So, um, enter stage left that guilt that I told you is not completely gone, you know, because it's still there thinking, would I be letting a lot of people down?
01:04:14
Speaker
Um, if I said no, on the contrary, it's like, would I be making, would I be making the greatest impact of my career if I said yes?
01:04:25
Speaker
And does impact really matter to me? that much at this very moment in my life is it somebody over self somebody's over self um so i don't know i don't know what feels right that's where i'm at time will tell both in the end you know you can still be a psychedelic doula no matter what yeah absolutely i love that So one of the questions we had about was, you know, we talked about earlier as you were someone that put your identity around being strong.
01:05:02
Speaker
So especially for everyone else, what is it the first courageous step that someone can take towards something new? um I operate with a lot of fear um in general. you know I will operate with... I wouldn't say so much fear as... Well, ah let's just call it what it is, right? A spade is a spade. um And I actually talk about talk to my kids like about that all the time. like I know that... so they For instance, Avery hurt himself yesterday, and I said to Avery...
01:05:34
Speaker
This is why Dada tells you all the time not to do those things because i already see these things happening before they happen. And I never want to see my children get hurt. that's I get a feeling in my belly and I literally cannot stand the thought of something happening to you or you being hurt. um So it's it's hard um because i do operate with that you know level of fear. and um But I think it all starts with those tiny...
01:06:05
Speaker
you know those tiny moments is one single step in in any direction is a step and then you give yourself grace with however much progress you've made um and toward you know towards kind of harnessing that courage and making the decisions that you need to make for yourself to get yourself where you need to be or want to be so so true So as we start to close up, I wanna know, what is one thing you hope people feel after listening to this conversation?
01:06:40
Speaker
um i hope I hope that people feel, moved and I always want to say permissed and i'm I'm not actually, I've never looked it up to see if it's actually a word or if I just really love it. You know, it's like, if you are permissed, you're giving yourself permission um to live authentically and and don't be afraid. Don't be as afraid um as I am um as you navigate navigate life because sometimes the choices, decisions that we make um
01:07:15
Speaker
can be the thing that leads us closer to being our authentic selves. And so... um Yeah, I think, I hope that I've touched anybody who, you know, maybe had resonance with my um with my stories or um or where I am in my life and where I'm potentially going. um Any impact at all. i'm i'm I'm good with anybody feeling anything because um somebody felt something and that's the most important thing.
01:07:47
Speaker
Beautiful. What about you? If your younger self could hear this episode, what would you want him to understand?
01:08:06
Speaker
Well, my younger self was she, and i love her, so I would never i would never want to lose that part of myself and I think even in choosing what I felt like was the most appropriate um pronoun for myself, there you know there's always loss. um And i I recognize her and I love her. So for me, I don't i don't even see... um It was beautiful in my journey to see that little boy, but he was not meant to be at that period of time because Rebecca was a stellar human being too.
01:08:43
Speaker
ah And I think I would say that we did it and and we're doing it well. and we can only get better from here.
01:08:57
Speaker
Absolutely. So one final question for you Lyric. What does don't trip on your cape mean to you? um I think it means that
01:09:12
Speaker
you you have to you have to be mindful when you're trying to do all things, right? You have to, you can't save everybody and not think of yourself. um And, and thinking about your cape, which is such a huge part of a superhero's identity, right? um Is that it has to be with grace. You know, you, you can't get so wrapped up in, in an action that you forget every part of yourself is such a dynamic.
01:09:49
Speaker
um It's all with intention and purpose, right? um And so if you're if you're tripping on your cape, you're allowing for some of your most powerful parts of yourself um to be an ultimate barrier.
01:10:03
Speaker
And um if you're mindful, and told you that's my favorite word, um if you're mindful of all things and self and armor and all of those things, um then you're also mindful of your cape. And ultimately, um it should be assisting you and not hindering you in in helping others and and most importantly, in helping yourself.
01:10:27
Speaker
Perfect.
01:10:29
Speaker
We have a wrap up we do at the end of every episode. I'll let Leslie tell you something about it. Yeah, we so we like to end every episode with a nod to James Lipton's Inside the Actress Studio set of 10 final questions. Right on. Sometimes these questions seem simple, but they can share something that maybe the detailed expressions of our stories haven't shared yet.
01:10:51
Speaker
So the first one is, what is your favorite word? Ooh. My favorite word? Buck. I love that word.
01:11:05
Speaker
know I know. I just love the word. And I don't know if it's because I'm from Massachusetts. I'm not sure. But I i really do. it's it is my favorite. And my my children would probably agree.
01:11:19
Speaker
None of my children ever, we don't say bad words. It's not a thing in my household. I i don't i will never tell my kids, oh, that's a bad word. There's very few and far between off-limit words. And they're well aware of what those words are because I teach all things. um But I've never had any of my children repeat me so much as Avery.
01:11:41
Speaker
um So I'm learning in in my fifth child that they're not all the same and that some of those are going to take that right on to school. Oh, I can still relate to that lyric. but What's your least favorite word?
01:11:59
Speaker
My least favorite word? Can't.
01:12:05
Speaker
What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Oh.
01:12:13
Speaker
I think i I write a lot. That's why my name is Lyric. um And i'm i am always, i have to have some kind of deep-seated guttural emotion um to really write ah fluidly. um And so for me, it's it's in seeing you know what's what's happening. It could be in the way that I'm feeling um emotionally. One of my biggest sources of creativity is gifting things that I've made to other people. um it i love
01:12:50
Speaker
to make things for other people. I love to cook for people. I love to to woodwork for people. If there's something i I see that makes me think of somebody, then I will make it for them. um So I'm really i'm really inclined not even driven bam but by my own by myself or my need to be busy, i really am always so inspired by other people.
01:13:13
Speaker
And I always want to show someone, hey, I was thinking about you and um and and do those things. So I would absolutely say that I'm most inspired by um other people and maybe even some situations that other people are going through. I'm definitely emotionally driven by that.
01:13:31
Speaker
What turns you off? Um, happiness. If it's writing. I don't, I'm not a great, happy writer.
01:13:42
Speaker
um my My poetry is a lot of what kept me afloat as a as a kid, and especially as a teenager. um And it was also one of the things that my...
01:13:53
Speaker
my yeah everybody talked about oh gosh gosh he's just just such a good writer and so i got a lot of attention for my writing and um and i think you know writing i'm not really gonna write if i'm happy unless my kids are being born and then i write poetry on their birth but um but that's also it all those emotions you know that are coming as baby is coming um and So I think, and sometimes, you know, depending on where I am in my ADHD or ADD, I don't have the age. I want to have the age so bad. i breath
01:14:29
Speaker
Hyperactivity. um If I have task paralysis, I'm not do i'm not doing anything. um So I think that that definitely is something that that keeps my creative side very stunted at points.
01:14:45
Speaker
So one of our questions that you have maybe already answered is what's your favorite curse word? Oh, I am a psychic.
01:14:59
Speaker
yeah Although my sister, my sister is on this, like, is on this. Can I say the word here? Oh, yeah. course So my sister is on a cunt tangent.
01:15:11
Speaker
And the reason her basis is because she said that cunt means little tiny home. And why should we look at, like, the word vagina is a sword sleeve. And she was like, Lyric, I'm not going to call it my vagina because my the basis of my vagina is not to be a sword sleeve.
01:15:35
Speaker
It's literally a tiny home. I'm helping you, I'm holding you, I'm delivering this baby. And I was like, I love that. So she's in a cunt revolution right now.
01:15:47
Speaker
she hurt Because i I'm seeing it on her Facebook and I called her, I was like, what is going on with you? Are you having like a midlife crisis? And she was like, hear me out. And I said, well, i would i would invite you to put some context. because I didn't know any of that. And I also didn't know what you were going through in the moment.
01:16:07
Speaker
And now we all know can be in the revolution. Yeah. And now, you know, that cunt means tiny home and I just love it. clear Right. it's a That is a revolution. I can get behind understanding that word. Yeah. all of it What sound or noise do you love?
01:16:24
Speaker
Oh, I love my kids laughing. I do. I love i love running water too. Will and I are so much alike in that way. She loves to be um by the river too. but And i'll I'll catch myself leaving my water running um like in the kitchen sink. I just love that as a background noise. And then I have this simultaneous guilt where I'm like, Colorado's in a drought. What are you doing? um But I do love um i so i love my kids' laughter and I love running water.
01:16:57
Speaker
What sound or noise do you not love? o
01:17:02
Speaker
i don't I don't like a slamming door. If you want to send me from 0 to 100, slam door. Yeah. Noted. slammador
01:17:13
Speaker
noted ah ray Rain slammed his door one time in his life and I took that bad boy right off the hinges because to me that's a really big trigger above all else I feel. A locked door and a slamming door, those are two things. I don't even lock my my house door if I'm coming in from the outside because I don't like a locked door.
01:17:37
Speaker
What profession other than your own would you like to attend? um I told Willa last night that in my next life, I would like to be a whale. And then in my life after that, I would like to be a marine biologist. So that way I understand what it's like to be both the whale and the marine biologist. um I think if I wasn't afraid of being eaten by a shark, which is on my top two list of um of fears, by the way, would even if they're unrealistic um and statistically not going to happen, I still don't want to get bit by sharks. So um I would have in that lifetime, I would have no fear. And I would, i would, for my 40th birthday, I will swim with the the whales. um
01:18:26
Speaker
I know that sharks are not going to go around whales. And I feel like, I tear up at the thought of being next to something so majestic and so large and simultaneously feeling so small, which is something I've always wanted to feel. It's weird to want to feel small, but also really big in your life. um Such a dichotomy, but um I would absolutely love to be um a marine biologist so that I could really immerse myself in ocean life.
01:18:56
Speaker
Wow, I love that. What profession would you not like to do? Ooh. A hunter. Yeah, I mean, not many professional hunters, but I i would not... I wouldn't want to do anything that had... I would never want to be in the military.
01:19:13
Speaker
um I have reverence for the people that are... are willing to to do that or, and and also simultaneous sadness for those people who feel like that might be their only option in life to get out of poverty or um whatever. But I i could not um fight a battle that wasn't my own. Now if it's my own battle, i'm gonna I'll fight all day. um But I just, i i could not I could not kill somebody um if that's what my job required me to do. I couldn't i couldn't even kill an animal.
01:19:50
Speaker
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Oh, I imagine how I justify so many things in my life and how I try to teach my children, what I try to teach my children is more like I'll die and there will be a round table and all of the gods will be there and they will all say,
01:20:17
Speaker
Good for you because you didn't choose one. And thank you for taking all of our concepts um and trying to live your life um by taking bits and pieces ah of us to to create a better you um without isolating just one of us.
01:20:35
Speaker
That's my favorite answer. Thank you. i love that so much. New answer. i love it. ah Beautiful. Thank you so much for being with us today, Lyric. We really enjoy it so much just talking with you in general, but your story is, like I said, so authentic and going to help so many people just with your own voice and being able to live out loud. and we're so grateful.
01:21:01
Speaker
Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you both were able to make space for me. And and I also thank you for, for, um, for hearing me out, for listening to my story, because um it's it's really difficult to navigate life with a story that's untold. And I think that every person deserves um to have their story heard and um for somebody to bear witness to to what somebody has navigated.
01:21:28
Speaker
It's a true honor to hold that position, Lyric. So thank you. Thank you. Until next time. Don't trip on your cape. We'll see you then. Bye, everybody.
01:21:41
Speaker
I like you have your own symbol. Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cake. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with them. If today's episode sparks something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to show your thoughts or takeaways.
01:21:59
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning to wear their kitchen confidence. Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and Don't Trip On Your Cake. Step into your superpower.