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Episode 14: Choosing Life After Loss
8 Plays14 days ago
In this deeply moving episode of Don’t Trip on Your Cape, Alex Embry and Leslie Arboleda sit down with Raven Clemente… a mother, teacher, and guide whose life was forever changed on June 22, 2024, when she lost her husband, Matt, in a tragic accident that nearly took the lives of her children as well.
Continuing the monthly theme of heartbreak and heart-forward living, Raven’s story expands the conversation into the layered realities of grief… the heartbreak within partnership, parenting, identity, and survival itself.
What followed the accident was not only devastation, but initiation.
Raven found herself navigating the emotional complexity of losing a partner she was in the process of separating from, supporting children who had witnessed their father’s death firsthand, and confronting truths within her marriage that surfaced only after his passing.
Rather than collapsing inward, Raven made a conscious choice… to stay present, to stay accountable, and to keep choosing life.
Through conversations about resilience, authenticity, ancestral patterns, and spiritual awakening, she shares how loss stripped away illusion and returned her to herself.
This episode explores grief as transformation, parenting through unimaginable heartbreak, the courage to release codependency, and the power of choosing presence even when pain feels all-consuming.
A powerful reminder that tragedy may change your life… but it does not have to end it.
Links
Don’t Trip on Your Cape
https://www.donttriponyourcape.com
Can We Grok?
https://www.donttriponyourcape.com/can-we-grok
Aligned Living & Leadership (Leslie Arboleda)
https://alignedlivingandleadership.com
Mush Love
https://mushlovellc.com
A Human Being With Love – Alex Embry
https://ahumanbeingwithlove.com
Learn more about Raven and the Magnet Mode
https://themagnetmode.com/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Don't Trip On Your Cape'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Don't Trip On Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:12
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
00:00:22
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Don't Trip On Your Cape.
Introducing Raven Clemente
00:00:26
Speaker
I'm Alex. And I'm Leslie. And today I'm super excited that we get to hear a little bit of Raven's story.
Raven's Tragic Loss and Resilience
00:00:34
Speaker
So Raven Clemente is a mother, a teacher, and a guide whose life was irrevocably changed on June 22nd, 2024, when she lost her husband, Matt, in a tragic accident.
00:00:45
Speaker
It nearly took the lives of her children as well. What followed was not just grief, but a profound initiation into resilience, self-trust, and conscious choices.
00:00:56
Speaker
In the months leading up to the accident, Raven experienced prophetic dreams that would later take on deep meaning. In the aftermath, she found herself navigating heartbreak, truth-telling, and the courage required to keep choosing life while holding complexity, including the reality that she and Matt were in the process of uncoupling.
Sharing the Journey Online
00:01:15
Speaker
Rather than closing down, Raven chose to pivot. She allowed the rupture to forge strength she did not know she possessed, transforming loss into clarity, activation, and purpose.
00:01:28
Speaker
Her story speaks to the power of persistence through transition and the grounded expansion that becomes possible when we stop interpreting tragedy as punishment and start relating to it as a call to deepen into our own capacity.
00:01:43
Speaker
Raven openly shares
Reflecting on Childhood and Curiosity
00:01:44
Speaker
her journey on social media, offering others permission to trust their own timing, honor their grief, and magnetize their dreams without bypassing the truth.
00:01:54
Speaker
Her voice belongs in this season as a reminder that ever even in devastation, life is still asking us to choose how we show up. And I'm so excited to chat with you a little bit. So welcome, Raven.
00:02:06
Speaker
What a beautiful introduction. Thank you It's such an honor to be here with you too. We're really excited to have you. So why don't we just jump right in and we'll get into the beginning of your story.
00:02:19
Speaker
When you think about your childhood, what was that like from the inside? What did what would it
Perspectives on Love and Marriage
00:02:24
Speaker
feel like? And also, what did it what people have described you like from the outside?
00:02:31
Speaker
Oh, well, I just get flashes of, um you know, teachers telling my mom that I had very piercing eyes, um that I seemed like I was an old soul.
00:02:43
Speaker
i was more interested in having conversations with adults than I was with kids. um And that's, you know, where my journey began of of being able to see things.
00:02:57
Speaker
differently than than most people do. um you know, I see the rainbow split into two around everything in physical form. And when I started wearing glasses, I started to see that um even more so.
00:03:12
Speaker
And the first time that I experienced death was when I was four years old. Probably not ironically enough to a family member drowning. so um You know, my mom just said I was an easy child.
00:03:29
Speaker
You know, I was always positive and happy and, you know, uplifting and curious, very curious, asked a lot of questions. um You know, started kindergarten at at the age of four, you know, technically smarter than my age. um But I was set back because the teacher, you was like mean to me so my mom pulled me out and then I got back in when I was at the age of five.
00:04:00
Speaker
So, you know, I was climbing trees and a tomboy and just, just, I just remember not wanting to miss a thing. I remember my mom driving, visiting my grandmother and just me staring out the window, not wanting to miss any detail.
00:04:21
Speaker
I just remember that. This is a good memory that sort of popped up when you asked me that question. So um something that I feel like in this day and age, we don't pay very much attention to.
00:04:34
Speaker
And we're distracted perpetually by our phones and the stresses of being an adult. And I just remember wanting to make sure I did not forget. Mm-hmm.
Challenges in Marriage and Self-Discovery
00:04:50
Speaker
I love that. So before June 2024, what did love look like in your life, both in your marriage and within yourself?
00:05:02
Speaker
It's a great question. um i think I had the cookie cutter idea of wanting to have, you know, the house and the husband and the, you know, 2.5 i had a very interesting...
00:05:21
Speaker
way that I was raised and my mom had interesting dynamics with love and romance that caused me to feel, untrusting of most people.
00:05:36
Speaker
And so i spent a lot of my life with my husband working on, um security within myself.
00:05:47
Speaker
And over the last, um, couple years before the the accident we were dancing back and forth with separation um trying to figure out what we both wanted um i do not in any way shape or form regret being with him i learned a lot he was my perfect teacher and I do believe he loved me as best as he knew how and could.
00:06:17
Speaker
And I believe that I did the same. um But there was just this perpetual dynamic between the two of us that I wasn't really happy with. I wanted to be treated like a goddess and I wanted to be adored as a female. And because of the way that I was raised, I sort of had this you know, so I was more in my divine masculine than I was in my feminine. And so the last couple years that I was navigating the relationship, I was trying to explore my own sexuality, explore what femininity was to me, what feeling like a goddess was. and I had these beautiful encounters and experiences that activated that.
00:07:03
Speaker
And so, um you know, prior to the accident, I feel like I was really stepping into my power. And because of the dynamic that I had with my partner, it went against the grain of what he knew to be true between the two of us as a really general way of saying it.
00:07:27
Speaker
And, and so when he passed away, um There was just a lot of of truths that came to light that I was unaware of, um that I still had illusion around and confusion based off of what I knew to be true about our relationship and, um you know, the dynamics, the psychological dynamics between the two of us.
00:07:57
Speaker
So love has completely transformed to um I have always been really insecure in terms of um not wanting people to not like me and being, um just have always wanted everyone to like me. I've always wanted to like everyone. i wanted i never wanted to leave anyone behind. i never wanted to be left behind. And I know that this this is part of, it's been part of my pattern. And and so when he passed away, all of the truths,
00:08:34
Speaker
Everything that was a lie just came crashing down. And so i have put myself into the state of self-love and love for my children and love for my brand and what I'm doing, my mission and my vision. And that has shifted what my perspective of relationships are.
00:08:56
Speaker
um i used to be codependent. Now I don't know that I'll ever live with someone ever again. i don't think I'll ever get married um ah Most of the relationships that I've been forming do not live near me.
Navigating Love and Loss
00:09:09
Speaker
They are all far away. um this is the first time I've been single and so in 16 years. And so i'm redefining who I am outside of anyone around me. That's ah that's a huge, big transition. And it sounds like there's a lot of heartbreak and you know the flip side of that within it. So talk a little bit about that. What did heartbreak look like before this maybe? And then, you know, within it, what was that feeling like for you and some of the wisdom you can pull from it? um
00:09:44
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, my partner and i tried separation. We tried being open. We tried being poly. We tried, you know, all of it. And so, um because of the dynamics and the the, I guess we can call them areas of opportunity between the the two of us, it just didn't really work. And so I started shutting down and i I, you know, we were very unorthodox in our own regards anyways. And so I wanted to be in a platonic marriage and I wanted to support him and what he was doing. And I wanted to be supported by what I was doing because I didn't want to lose the dynamic between the two of us.
00:10:24
Speaker
And um in hindsight, i was unaware of the fact that he was telling people I was an unfit mother, that he was going to try and take the kids from me. i didn't want to get a divorce.
00:10:36
Speaker
I was disillusioned by the whole thing um because of the psychological dynamics that he had and what he was playing out, what he was, you know, smear campaigning almost, um ah to the community and to his family. And so when he passed away, i was in a partnership with someone that I had met prior to us, you know, even having a conversation of wanting to be separated or get a divorce. I was actually with him at the time when the accident had happened. um And then, you know, at the celebration of life, I handed out ashes to four of his lovers and I wasn't even put in the obituary.
00:11:23
Speaker
So to give you that sort of level of contrast, um it was really heavy. It was really difficult, um you know, and my children were really confused about what was really happening. um They knew about our difference of relationships and having different friends.
00:11:51
Speaker
We didn't hide that. We didn't expose it completely to them, but they definitely had experiences with some of our chosen people that we had in our life.
00:12:02
Speaker
They were aware of my partner. They had known my partner ever since, like two weeks after we first started dating or had met. um But they were really stressed because of what was going on between the two of us and the dynamics that was being expressed from my partner.
00:12:23
Speaker
so we had to do a lot of repairing after he passed away. And um I just can remember saying, I don't want to get a divorce like days before he passed away.
00:12:37
Speaker
but the dynamic was super confusing. You know, he was telling everyone, I want to be friends with Raven. i want us to be able to have holidays together. But there was just a lot of unwillingness to work together and work for what was the greatest good for the children, which was I wanted to nest. I wanted to rotate around them. i wanted them to be the most important thing because they were they were getting psychologically damaged because of the stress that they were experiencing and the arguing that they they had witnessed between the two of us.
00:13:08
Speaker
So...
Resilience and Self-Love
00:13:09
Speaker
um
00:13:12
Speaker
Yeah, and I learned a lot about who I am and and I'm still figuring out who I'm not in terms of love and relationships. um I've always been unorthodox, but this level of codependency has just been really thrown out the door.
00:13:29
Speaker
um so I'm redefining what love looks like to me today and what type of relationship I'm even open to having around myself and my children because they're the most important things to me.
00:13:45
Speaker
And their health and their wealth and their mental and emotional state of being, i mean, what they went through was devastating to on that river.
00:14:00
Speaker
And the arrogance that Matt expressed I mean, what he did was really dumb. and The river was running over 10 miles an hour. It was the highest runoff. I had told him not to take the kids out on the river the week before the accident.
00:14:16
Speaker
So for my children to be placed in a very unsafe environment, to hit a rapid, and to have my daughters had to let him go because he drowned in their arms,
00:14:33
Speaker
like is just beyond my comprehension. Like I've gone through difficult stuff, but for them to have one minute their dad having a moment where they're having a fun day on the river, 10 minutes later they hit a rapid,
00:14:50
Speaker
My son grabbed my daughter from almost falling out of the boat when they hit the rapid. And then my middle daughter finally woke my my youngest daughter up to let go of matt because they were sinking.
00:15:05
Speaker
so it was like everyone was saving each other. And so to me, like, i my love is for them and my love is for my own well-being and teaching people that devastation and tragedy will happen. 80% of the population experience trauma, but how do we continue to live? How do we continue to grow as a result of it? And relationships will make or break you. What you have with the relationships you have with yourself and the relationship with the people closest to you and around you will will absolutely sink or swim you.
00:15:48
Speaker
And so um that that's kind of a brief nutshell of, you know, you're, I'm sure you've got a billion questions around some the stuff that I just said. um so but yeah, to go from like codependent, insecure, not knowing who I am outside of this marriage to being a single mom while he was travel nursing, trying to open up and be poly, you know, it's just two totally different extremes. And so I'm kind of in this place where I'm,
00:16:21
Speaker
the best version of myself. I'm in the best shape. I look the youngest. I'm turning 46 in a couple days and I know I don't look that. I know I don't act that. And that is a testament to, I believe, that the the transformation and the transmutation that has been occurring over the last year and a half since the accident because I have not been turning away, deflecting, distracting, trying to find another relationship to be in my life.
00:16:50
Speaker
It's been about me and and grounding and creating sustenance between myself and my kids. You spoke
Choosing Self-Love and Redefining Relationships
00:16:58
Speaker
about so many powerful things in there. And I think something that's really coming up for me right now is that obviously this experience, there was heartbreak in the relationship. There was heartbreak in the death, but there was also heartbreak in the parenting.
00:17:13
Speaker
And there's layers on layers of how you have been navigated this heartbreak and you've chosen to move forward, living heart forward and really putting some conscious intention into how are you going to express that now?
00:17:32
Speaker
Because obviously this experience, some of our listeners will hear this experience and think, I couldn't survive that. I couldn't do that. That's not something I would be able to live through. And you're such a beautiful and powerful testimony to, yes, you can, but it requires some accountability. It requires some personal ownership to what you're going to create, not just for yourself and with yourself, but for your children and in the relationships that you do consciously use now. I just, there's, i kept getting goosies as you were talking because there's just so much resonance in your power and the way that you're
00:18:12
Speaker
not only navigating it, but sharing it with such authenticity and such transparency. Yeah, that was my my reflection as well, was all the heartbreak was how far forward you were telling it as well, because it's not easy to take the lessons from our things and it's not easy to you know, make them our mess our message. And so it's such a beautiful thing in the middle, you know, of it. I'm sure it was so difficult, but looking back, we get to take all the gifts from this. So thank you for sharing for sure. Oh, thank you.
00:18:45
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, you know, that's the essence of, of the the magnet mode. I had two prophetic dreams leading up to the experience and that's what I want people to like, if we are not tapped in and connected, to ourselves and the symbolism around us, then things can become way more devastating and we experience way more suffering as a result. But I was given two prophetic dreams preparing me for that for this moment that I now, i look back and I'm like, whoa, like I knew my life was about to hit a trajectory and a shift, but I thought it was like my marriage was ending. i didn't think my husband was going to die and my children were almost going to lose their lives. like and And I don't think that, We're supposed to know those things because if we did, we wouldn't we wouldn't we wouldn't walk forward. you know um
00:19:40
Speaker
But you know even in the the recording that I watched your podcast with your friend and the work that she's done and the tragedy that she'd gone through, it's like if I look back in my life, yes, the pattern was already set.
00:19:53
Speaker
And this is what I mean about like we have an origin story. But we can we can be a victim to the story or we can become victorious and we can start to shift. And what I began to realize was like, I've had messed up relationships with men based off of the upbringing that I had. And we have ancestral wounds. It's built in our DNA and it is up to us to wake up to it.
00:20:17
Speaker
It is absolutely up to us to take full responsibility. And if we do not, then we will continue to repeat that same pattern And we will not be able to show up as a better human, a better woman, a better mother to our children, partner to our lovers, you know, um support to our friends and allow ourselves to be supported.
00:20:38
Speaker
Because that was one thing that was a huge eye opener for me was that I am a, you know, dismissive avoidant magnet.
00:20:47
Speaker
know Very well aware of it now. And it's, that that is okay too. Like it's okay. We all have in one of my cards of my Oracle deck, I call it closeness and freedom, but these are the attachments. Like how comfortable are we being close to someone and how comfortable do we feel being free?
00:21:10
Speaker
And that's different for each person, you know, but most importantly, I refuse to do this again with myself, for my children, and in any other relationship. Like, I'm i'm done.
00:21:25
Speaker
I'm not done with love, but I'm done with that same story. And
Transformation and Teaching Through Adversity
00:21:31
Speaker
i don't take anything back. And I'm super grateful for the relationships that I've had along the way. And in my my previous partnership, it was probably one of the most fun dynamics I've had in a relationship. And I had felt the most seen. And we hit we just hit this trajectory. And if we can see that ourselves...
00:21:53
Speaker
We can see our part in the relationship and where we can continue to grow and not blame anyone. i don't blame my husband for what he did and and his incapability or his possibilities. I don't blame him.
00:22:09
Speaker
We're all having a soul experience. It's up to us if we want to learn and if we want to change and we want to transform. And that's that's where we can become empowered. That's where we can... we can shift and we can have more fun despite any difficulty. And I was having a conversation with this woman who is ah a healer herself and she just lost her husband.
00:22:32
Speaker
And she's like, it sounds morbid to tell people that i have all these gifts now because he passed away. It sounds bad, but it's true. i I wouldn't be the strong person that I am if I hadn't gone through what I did.
00:22:49
Speaker
And she wouldn't be able to be holding as a grief counselor and supporting supporting people through grief if she hadn't witnessed it. i mean you can read things in a book.
00:23:00
Speaker
That's great. But you can't really embody it at an atomic energetic frequency level if you haven't walked it.
00:23:09
Speaker
So long experience. Yeah. That so resonates with me on on so many different levels too. I think, you know, we talk about the teacher teaches what they need to learn. And I think again, you just, you have embraced that truth so powerfully in a way that will help more people than you will ever even know. And certainly by sharing your story, but also by living your life authentically and you know you've you've shared a little bit of your origin story and certainly a bit of the disruption that happened in your adulthood.
00:23:48
Speaker
What would you say forced you to pivot in a way that you never would have otherwise? right you've used that You've used that phrase. What did the pivot actually look like in real life?
00:24:03
Speaker
Well... Are you referring to like my relationship in love or, I mean, I was forced to pivot when he passed. I was absolutely forced to pivot and, um,
00:24:19
Speaker
and, and fully step into the role of being, i called myself the Dom, the mom and the dad. And, that was that was, there's no turning. i mean, a lot of people can turn away. A lot of people can use drugs and alcohol and other relationships to fully show up as a mother or a parent.
00:24:42
Speaker
Like, that's a choice. You can make that. But
00:24:48
Speaker
it's really hard to be there for someone who's grieving and especially a child who has no control over their emotions, let alone know what they're thinking and feeling. It's very difficult and it forces you to be a witness and not try to fix things in a way that you just aren't prepared for. So that was a huge pivot for me. And then, um,
00:25:18
Speaker
Choosing myself was when the magnet mode really started to come through, and that was when Matt and I were separated. he was travel nursing, and I decided to go to Costa Rica for the first time by myself for my birthday.
00:25:33
Speaker
And um there was some stuff that had sort of happened um because I kept feeling like— maybe if we're were open, he'll he'll like realize how awesome I am and he wants to like just stay with me. and that the being open and having this poly relationship will create a deeper dynamic between the two of us.
00:25:54
Speaker
And from my perspective, I'm only speaking to my perspective, that's not what it felt like was happening. It felt like I was losing my partner. And we my husband, my children and I got COVID and he was in another state. And instead of choosing to come and stay with us and be, cause he was a nurse, um he decided to stay there and work and go out on a date.
00:26:20
Speaker
And I was just like, That was at the point where I was like, I need to stop focusing on how I can save my marriage and I need to decide and choose what feels right to me. And it was at that moment that I went to Costa Rica and I met this man who we had this beautiful connection with. And I ended up flying back and having five days of this dynamic relationship.
00:26:47
Speaker
activation of the divine feminine and the divine masculine. And i left and had this epiphany that I was able to teach people how to manifest. And that's what set me on this massive trajectory where i approached one of my clients who owned an architectural firm. And I was like, let me teach you. how to manifest. I will help you bring in a million dollars in six months. Let me work with you.
00:27:13
Speaker
And so he said yes. And we worked together for an entire year and I taught him and his employees. And I worked with two, two of the wives of the principals, principals or owners, in case anybody doesn't know the, the vernacular on how,
00:27:31
Speaker
how to truly call in and create, align, and attract what it is that you're wanting to do. And that's where I had these dreams, these downloads, these synchronous, like it I felt like a mad person, like I was going crazy.
00:27:49
Speaker
it was like I was being enlightened every day. And mike you know you can call it your kundalini was awakening. These are all just words, right, at the end of the day. It's all just symbolism. But um that's when everything came through, and I just started to fine-tune my presentations, And after that point was when i I sat down and I spent six months and I wrote the book about the magnet mode and um how to play life like a game and win.
00:28:17
Speaker
And so I was in the process of um doing teaching people and getting the book completed when the accident happened. So timing is interesting. Time doesn't even exist. Scientifically speaking, we know this, right? And so like we couldn't have planned this in any any way other than the way that it was unfolding. And so now here I am, you know, with my Oracle deck and now I'm teaching people. about the concept and I've got this beautiful deck that I created the illustration and the description and the guidance around because of all of this.
00:28:54
Speaker
So everything, it was like, I can't imagine creating all this prior after he would have passed. So it was like everything was like crunch crunch crunch, crunch, crunch, get it done, pivot, move, shift, do it now.
00:29:11
Speaker
Because, oh my God, death is so devastating. Like you can't think, you can't, your brain is just like gone for however long it is, depending on how close you are to that person.
00:29:25
Speaker
So, I mean, it took me so long to get back into, okay, it's time to shift gears. And i and and you know he came in different signs and symbols and you know um dreams and you know just – but that's life, right? Life is just – it's so fun. Even when it's sad, it can be really cool.
00:29:50
Speaker
And I think that people crumble as a result. They just get so scared. Like they're doing something wrong. They're being punished And that's not the case.
00:30:00
Speaker
It's not the case. I know I just went on a tangent, but that's that was where my pivot happened. like
Grieving Process and Emotional Presence
00:30:07
Speaker
You actually led us into the next question because you talked a little bit about how hard it was and how you literally can't function. So when that grief was the loudest, what did you do that helped you stay here and stay present and stay a mother?
00:30:21
Speaker
Well, I mean, i think that everybody has this idea of how you're supposed to grieve or how you're supposed to process. and I'm an Aquarius. I go with the flow.
00:30:35
Speaker
And so i do whatever I feel is right. And so that's what I did. So I laid in bed and I cried. i spent a lot of time in bed. um and And also, you know, i had no money and we had no life insurance.
00:30:51
Speaker
So my friend put on a GoFundMe. And I don't even know how many people donated, but it was It was like, it was a godsend.
00:31:04
Speaker
It was like i was being protected. My children were being provided for in a way. it' set us, it set the stage for us. I mean, it's it's just, it's so crazy.
00:31:17
Speaker
All of the things that have been supporting us through this process. It's very easy when things go bad for people to look at the the bad part, the only thing that is bad.
00:31:28
Speaker
um But I have this uncanny ability to just let go. And so that's what I did. and um
00:31:45
Speaker
you know it was It was pretty difficult the first couple weeks. Matt's family was here and my partner was here and I had some friends come visiting. and um
00:31:56
Speaker
But I just did whatever the hell I wanted to do. i didn't you know There was a point where I was like, okay, maybe I should go work out. I was like you're not working out. You're not going anywhere. You're you're saying right here because you can't think. You can't even eat. You can't even. And that was one thing I did make sure that I was doing because I had dealt with death before was I made sure I had nutrients. Like even if it was powdered something that had, you know, greens or, um you know,
00:32:26
Speaker
um just powdered anything that was easy for me to digest so that my brain chemistry wasn't completely off. um But that was the knowledge that I knew I needed to do. Yeah.
00:32:40
Speaker
But i I think that people have this idea of how you're supposed to be efficient and execute things. This is just in general in life and then also with grieving. And it just doesn't work like that. If you just trust in what you feel you need to do, and this is the whole concept of the magnet mode, is learning how to be led by life. So whatever I felt led to do and feel guided to do, i do.
00:33:03
Speaker
and not in a like, I'm not going to get anything done and hopefully everything works out sort of way. Exactly.
00:33:12
Speaker
It's like when I feel called to work on my book, I work on my book. When I feel called to go to the gym, i go to the gym. When I feel called to just play with my kids, I play with my kids. you know And I feel like that's where you you can get the most bang out of your buck. You can get the most condensed form of energy. healing, of efficiency, of work, of productivity.
00:33:37
Speaker
um When you just like the Tao of Pooh, you just allow yourself to be led. you know the doubt that Winnie the Pooh is is from Taoism. He's the uncarved block. He's the epitome of what we're all trying to be. And and and he just shows up. you know like um There was this book that i used to read to my kids of Winnie the Pooh where Piglet comes and tells him, I've got a surprise for you. You need to come. Hurry, hurry. So he wakes up really quick and he rushes out the door.
00:34:03
Speaker
And they show up at one of the other characters' houses. I can't remember. And the surprise was that The blackberry bushes were ripe and ready to be picked. But through the scurrying, he had forgotten his bucket.
00:34:18
Speaker
But what he didn't forget was to take off his sleeping cap. So he was able to use his sleeping cap to grab all of the blackberries to share with everyone.
00:34:29
Speaker
And that is kind of the epitome of how I handled the grief. I just showed up. I just did what felt right. I slept
Embracing Fears with Resilience
00:34:40
Speaker
when I needed to, and I stayed up when I, when I wanted to, i went and I climbed, um, and I, and I just spent time with my kids.
00:34:51
Speaker
That's what I did. I love that. My, I love poo. So lessons, lessons from poo abound all over the place. Um, In quantum human design, we talk about nine different aspects of resiliency, and you spoke to several of them. Things like self-trust, right? Doing that thing that you feel called to do and emotional wisdom, letting letting the feedback of your of your emotions really guide you from a place of wisdom.
00:35:20
Speaker
What do you think resilience cost you and what do you think it gave you?
00:35:28
Speaker
um
00:35:32
Speaker
It cost me my old self that no longer fits and serves.
00:35:37
Speaker
um And it gave, I mean, resilience like resilience is i mean, I'm born on ah on ah on the eighth day. I've always been very strong physically and mentally and emotionally. And so um i think resilience is different for every person based off of their personal experiences and what they go through.
00:36:01
Speaker
and what scares them. um so i was always terrified to lose the but people closest to me and i lost all of the people closest to me and that, so I lost my fear, I guess.
00:36:18
Speaker
I lost my fear. I had to face my fear and, um, that's that's what I gained was um i feel like a better version of myself, you know, someone who's, i mean, i've never been afraid to,
00:36:38
Speaker
to
00:36:41
Speaker
That's not true. There's parts about having conversations that I would like to avoid. and But because of my resilience, I'm more able, i mean, it's frequency, it's uncomfortable energy inside of us. And if we just identify that, and I talk about that with the magnet mode.
00:37:01
Speaker
then you can breathe through it. And breath is such a powerful thing in itself, which we could talk about at a later date. um But so I gained,
00:37:11
Speaker
um I feel like I just realigned with my natural version of me. and i I got rid of all of these illusions of who I thought that I was.
00:37:25
Speaker
i love that. There's something so powerful about when you lose the thing you're most afraid of, losing, when it also gives back to you in so many ways. i was just thinking, you said you lost all the people. you know i was born and raised in a cult and I lost my family and stuff, but I also gained so much, namely myself. And I think that was what you were kind of talk speaking to. So what else have you learned about love and what you could have not learned any other way through this?
00:37:52
Speaker
Authenticity is more powerful than love. Mm-hmm. And even just you speaking of that, we have a society that is training us to be compliant and complacent. And anytime that you go against the grain. So i had had somebody reach out to me like a couple weeks ago and their family, who I never thought I would hear from again.
00:38:14
Speaker
That's a whole story in itself. And they're like, i went to school with them. And they're like, this person was concerned about you. And they wanted to see how I was doing through you. They wanted to connect with you. They thought we were still friends.
00:38:30
Speaker
And I thought that that was hilarious. I'm like, of all times, it's been a year and a half since the accident hit. And everything on my page is is is um very like uplifting. The only thing that I did post was when I had ah i had a rough moment and I was sharing vulnerably about um you know Matt coming through a dream from a friend telling everyone that he was okay.
00:38:53
Speaker
Because that's a whole other thing in itself, right? like How do we actually process being dead and and us, who you are as a human in this experience? It's not like it just shifts.
00:39:04
Speaker
And you're in this like enlightened fucking state. Excuse my language, but you're not. okay You're not. In case you're wondering. Hence why it's important to do the work right now.
00:39:16
Speaker
And I was vulnerable. i was vulnerable. I was crying and I was like kind of swearing. That's the only thing that I can think of. And it makes me think about you, right? Like you were having this vulnerable moment with your reality and you're like, this doesn't seem right. And you went against the grain. And so you felt like you were being rejected because you did something different.
00:39:37
Speaker
But what everyone is really craving is that authenticity. They want to see authenticity because they want permission to do it themselves. And they're so stuck in the pattern of what everyday society looks like, what the neighborhood looks like, what the Joneses look like, how everybody acts. And that is just not fun. It's not serving. It's not helpful. And it's physically harmful, if you ask me.
00:40:08
Speaker
Absolutely. So it's more authenticity than it is love. Love is like the state that you access to get authentic, if you ask me.
00:40:22
Speaker
i agree. I think that's true. Full stop. a Full stop. Authenticity is where the power is. it's you know cause And I think you know fear and love are two sides of the same coin. And so when you're authentic, you get to fear wherever you're at. and You know, you can work through it that way. And that's the most beautiful thing that any of us can have is that authentic expression of who we are. And, you know, like you said, screw conformity, be rebellious, and do be who you are. so I love that.
00:40:51
Speaker
Yeah, because that's that's where you become the most magnetic. And that's where you you can trust. I feel like there's a direct correlation to the lack of trust in yourself and the lack of trust in the universe or God or Jesus or whatever, fill in the blank, whatever it is. When
Life's Lessons and Magical Experiences
00:41:08
Speaker
you don't trust your own self because you're constantly feeling like you need to have something outside of you um confirm and affirm you, you' you've lost you've lost your way. According to the word sin, you've missed the mark. Yeah.
00:41:28
Speaker
What truth do you think other people are afraid to say out loud when they lose someone? Whether it's through death or dissolution of relationship or any loss? Well, I think that's personal.
00:41:44
Speaker
I think it just depends on the person that they've lost. every release every Every death that I have experienced has taught me something different. And I've learned something different about myself as a result.
00:41:56
Speaker
So it just depends on the weight in which you've given that person to the the way that you live your life.
00:42:08
Speaker
So what somebody thinks and what they feel, depending on how close they are to you, absolutely affects the way that you interact with your reality and the things that you reach for or don't.
00:42:21
Speaker
So that's why I say relationships are socially important, but it starts with you. starts with your relationship to yourself. And I'm not saying, you know, just F everyone and who cares what anybody thinks. Like, you my friend was like, well, what if you want to just go run into the grocery store completely naked? I'm like, well, why do you want to run into the grocery store completely naked? Like, what's the whole purpose of that? Yeah. because you just don't care or you want, you know, people to see your awesome body. Like, I don't know, but it's one thing to just say, i want to open up, you know, like your shop, right? You guys have this beautiful business, but if you, if you weighed your decision based off of what everybody else thought would be best for you, you wouldn't do it.
00:43:12
Speaker
And that's, that's that fine line. And so I feel like, um, death Birth and death is one of the cards in my deck. It's one of the terms of engagement or the rules that I i talk about in um in the magnet mode.
00:43:28
Speaker
And I hope that when somebody passes away, it causes the person that experienced the loss... to integrate all of the nutrients and the lessons, good and bad, quote unquote, your perception of, right and wrong, quote unquote, your perception of, so that you can live and not just be alive.
00:43:50
Speaker
That's my hope. But I don't know. I don't i think it's it's death and dying and being like your own being alive is such a personal dynamic and,
00:44:03
Speaker
that depends on the faith that they have with themselves and their relationship to a higher source or what they believe reality is for them. was a very political way of putting it. but it's We all have our own relationship with the person and with the afterlife and the universe and ourselves and all of these things. This is very true. But one of the things you also said was that you're not being punished when something tragic happens. what How did you come to believe that?
00:44:33
Speaker
ah Uh,
00:44:39
Speaker
it's a great question.
00:44:45
Speaker
I've always had ah a different relationship with the non-physical realm than most people. I've had a deeper relationship with the non-physical realm than I've had with things that are alive, people that are alive.
00:44:57
Speaker
And so um my life has just been very weird. I've had prophetic dreams. I see auras. I see energy. I've manifested so many things in my life, and it's not been through other people believing in me.
00:45:12
Speaker
So it's been me having this crazy relationship with the intangible. um You know, I wanted to date a guy that had blondish, brown hair, blue eyes, drove Jeep, was in the Navy. met a guy named Mike who had blondish, brown hair, blue eyes, drove a Jeep, was in the Navy. um I mean, I have so many stories and I insert some of them in my book. But, um you know, another example is when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. My husband and I had just gotten married and we talked about trying for a baby in the summertime. She got diagnosed end of April, early May. were.
00:45:46
Speaker
Went and flew out to surprise her. So she we were there for her procedure. and were in the home that I grew up in And i'm you know I'm talking to him. And I'm like, can we start trying now for a baby? I want that to motivate my mom and hopefully make her want to live and you know fight to be alive. And he was like, yeah, totally. So I looked up.
00:46:11
Speaker
I shit you not. And I said, OK, we're ready. And I got pregnant that night.
00:46:17
Speaker
So like my life is not normal. It is not normal. And so that I think is what has been ah testament to like, I've had such a contrast of really amazing things happen to me, but also these trajectories that, um,
00:46:41
Speaker
have shown me you know there's a reason, there's a greater reason, a larger reason that you may not fully understand. i don't fully understand, and I'm still beginning, and this is what I told my children, which was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, was to tell them my children, that thought they lost their father, was that we will not know why he passed away until after.
00:47:04
Speaker
It's the after. It's who we become. it's the It's the result of his absence. It's the experience that we had with him that we no longer will. That is what we're here to experience. Not be punished for something that you did wrong. I used to be afraid that I wasn't going to be able to have a baby because I chose to not have children at certain junctures in complete transparency. I think a lot of women that choose to not have babies at certain periods of time feel like um they're not going to be able to.
00:47:40
Speaker
um But yeah, my life has just been so crazy magical that I just, I'm like, what am I here to learn from this? What is this here to teach me? I don't look at why am I being punished or what did I do wrong?
00:47:58
Speaker
I love that. Alex and I talk a lot about integration and the power of the integration. and And I think part of what you were saying there is we can't integrate the wisdom until we experience the tragedy.
00:48:11
Speaker
We can't learn the lesson until we go through the thing that provides us the portal to the lesson. What you said to I'm sorry, i didn't mean. I was just saying, and then the meaning we put on it, is it a punishment or is it an opportunity, right? Is it, is it something that happened that we can learn from, or is it something that happened because we're bad?
00:48:33
Speaker
And I think you, you really, the power you're, you're expressing here is just really transformative. yeah Thank you. Go ahead, Alex. i feel I feel like you were going to say something. I was just saying what you said about life being magic for you. I feel like that's how it's meant to be for all of us. And we just miss it. We're just not aware and tuned in. And then I feel like you know we come into the life.
00:48:57
Speaker
My favorite saying, if you've watched this podcast at all, is remember who you were before the world told you who to be. And we have the magic and the knowing and we see it all. And somewhere along the lines, it starts to be turned off. But then there's those of us that we just keep tuned in with some of it. And it's always there. we just might not be able to see it. So you speaking to it, that your life is that way. Mine has been very similar in different ways. But I think it's always there and waiting for us to notice it. And so I love that you spoke to it because I want everyone to know that it's there for them and available. And we can just tune into it.
00:49:29
Speaker
So thank you for sharing that. Well, also too, and this is really interesting, I don't know how you guys involve yourself with ai um But I was asking AI some very interesting questions.
00:49:42
Speaker
And it it it i I could go down the rabbit hole of what I asked, but really at the end of the day, the most important thing was I was like, tell me something that I i should know about this reality that most people don't um or are not aware of. And it was like the veil is thinner than anyone realizes.
00:50:01
Speaker
And it's becoming more thin ah for multiple reasons. And i have just felt that. And death, that's another thing too, is you can feel the veil so thin when you are close to death and you experience it around you. So the other thing is like, we don't know what lessons that person that passed away was meant to learn from that point of them dying at that age, at that juncture. but also We don't know what they're doing on the other side to support us as well. Maybe we need that over there and they are more enlightened, more aware, more with wisdom invoked on that side.
00:50:47
Speaker
with us going through what we're about to go through in the future timelines. We don't know that as well. It's like we we're taught to be victims of our circumstances. That's a huge, huge archetypal issue that each person has the opportunity to grow from if they choose to. you know And I heard your friend speak about that too in her podcast. We're not victims. We're not victims of our circumstances.
00:51:15
Speaker
um You can be, you can absolutely choose to be. ah You can absolutely choose to be if you want to, but that is not where the power lies. The power does not lie there.
00:51:29
Speaker
Absolutely. So if someone's listening is, if someone listening is in fresh heartbreak, what is one next choice that would actually help them?
00:51:41
Speaker
Right. Not necessarily inspire them for 30 seconds, but help them walk into their new the new day that they're waking up to.
00:51:53
Speaker
Don't run. b in it. Just be in it like you're going to have heartbreak or death goes through phases and stages from anger to sadness to to grief to depression to um appreciation.
00:52:15
Speaker
And if you don't feel and you deflect, you're missing the opportunity to fully embody and take away the potential to transform as a result.
00:52:35
Speaker
That's what I would say. Beautiful. Powerful. Perfect. Yeah. It's the the best, best advice you can give. So what impact do you hope that your story has on our listeners?
00:52:49
Speaker
Inspiration. um ah hope that it activates excitement to live, to to not take life so seriously.
00:53:01
Speaker
It's too serious. And then we're we' we've got this beautiful inner child and we we shove it down and we we become adults, but then we act like kids she when we're emotional. We revert back to the age in which we stopped listening.
00:53:24
Speaker
So I'm hoping that this gives people the... potential for them to look at life more magically through the eyes of an innocent child and curious about life and mystery and mysticism and the magic of it because it really is there. It's still there.
Embracing Magic and Authenticity
00:53:50
Speaker
It's just a matter of your perception of what reality is.
00:53:55
Speaker
So that would be my hope. I love that. Childlike, not childish. yeah I some people that mean that. We've all been there. yeah I just want to know sometimes. Yes, absolutely.
00:54:10
Speaker
That's perfect. Our last question we like to ask before we get into our little wrap up is what does don't trip on your cape mean to you? I mean, I think tripping on your cape is kind of funny. Like if you laugh at it, right? Like it's okay.
00:54:26
Speaker
It's like, again, where you're like trying, I think of like, you're trying to walk and be like really cool. and then you trip on it and you're like, you know, it's like, it's like, uh, don't trip on your cape means like, you know, don't take yourself so seriously. And, um,
00:54:47
Speaker
I think tripping on your cape could be like the perfect opportunity for you to grow. And maybe you could look at my circumstances like I tripped on my cape. I don't know, you know? But i think, um
00:55:01
Speaker
yeah, when you just when you just don't take yourself so seriously and you're not so hard on yourself and you're not so hard on everyone else, um then you can like get to the root of why you're feeling what you're feeling because most people just...
00:55:17
Speaker
vomited
Conclusion and Reflections on Insights
00:55:18
Speaker
on other people and then you're you you don't even know why you're what you were doing in the first place why are you were acting childish in the first place ah so i would say yeah trip on your cape i would say trip on your cape rather you have right so you can use it to fly yeah yeah So before we wrap, we'd like to end every episode with a nod to one of the greats, James Lipton from Inside the Actors video. His final 10 questions reveal more about a person than an entire interview sometimes could.
00:55:53
Speaker
So we're deciding to carry on this crazy tradition. Love it. The first question is, what is your favorite word?
00:56:03
Speaker
So i like aperitif just because it's cool. And it was one of my favorite words that I remembered as a child. And maybe that just like brings me back to childhood. But I just thought it was like this fun, sophisticated word that most people don't even know what it is. And it's a before dinner drink is what the word is. um That's a good one.
00:56:26
Speaker
Thank you. What's your least favorite word? Um...
00:56:37
Speaker
Cunt. yeah Good answer. That works. I don't like it. I think it's just really disrespectful. And and no it I don't really know how you could use it in a good way.
00:56:52
Speaker
It doesn't even feel good in your mouth. No, it doesn't even feel good in your mouth. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Passion.
00:57:04
Speaker
What's that? that Passion. When you are around passionate people, when you are passionate about something, like work is not work. It's something you get to do It's something you get to be involved in. and I think being around passionate people is so up-leveling and so inspiring and educational. It makes you want to be a better person.
00:57:28
Speaker
Absolutely. What turns you off?
00:57:34
Speaker
Uh, close-minded people. It's, uh, shallow conversations. Fake is, and people who who are manipulative.
00:57:51
Speaker
You can sense it and you know it. That's a turnoff. I, I, I am very selective with who I spend my time with. I get that.
00:58:03
Speaker
What's your favorite curse word? Not cunt.
00:58:09
Speaker
okay um
00:58:15
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. i mean, fuck is, you know, there's the theory that it's fornication under consent of the king, which there's a whole documentary that it's not true, which really bums me out because that is what I thought it used to be. And i was, it just makes total sense.
00:58:33
Speaker
Um,
00:58:36
Speaker
But probably fuck. I like that word. and Besides fuck, what is your favorite curse word? Because it is just the best one so far. I agree. i mean, it just it creates that abbreviation and that emphasis. You know what I mean?
00:58:51
Speaker
so and you can be used in so many different ways. Yeah. It's just versatile, you know? i feel like i feel like I would choose that. like I'm really partial to that word. i don't i don't know. It's a good one.
00:59:07
Speaker
It's a good one yeah. It's the best one. Everyone's chosen so far. so yeah I think it's indisputable. What sound or noise do you love? Mmm.
00:59:26
Speaker
Hearing my kids peacefully sleep. I love that. Is there a sound or noise that you hate?
00:59:36
Speaker
The most annoying sound in the world. That noise. What is that movie, Dumb and Dumber? would you go with something like that.
00:59:46
Speaker
but haven't thought about that movie in a long time. So it's great. What profession other than your own might you like to attempt?
00:59:59
Speaker
Well, was teaching yoga and I did own a yoga studio.
01:00:05
Speaker
so I would probably go back to something like that. um I've been fascinated with finance. So becoming more of an expert in that arena and helping people and in that vocation would be really cool.
01:00:19
Speaker
what profession What profession would you not like to do? ah Politics.
01:00:28
Speaker
yeah If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
01:00:43
Speaker
Welcome back.
01:00:46
Speaker
That's a good one. Not the perfect answer.
01:00:51
Speaker
We cannot thank you enough. for coming on today, Raven. This has just been so powerful and you have shared so much wisdom with our listeners. So, so much gratitude for saying yes. And we really appreciate you.
01:01:05
Speaker
Thank you. I think the most enjoyable part is how the difficult conversation we had, but how much we smiled and we laughed. Yes. You have great energy and your story going to help so many people and that knowing that these grief moments and these big things can make you better. It's a choice, like you said, and you can be victorious. So thank you for being a victor.
01:01:28
Speaker
Well, thank you for having me. And until next time, to all of our audience, we'll see you soon. But until then, don't trip on your cape. Or trip on your cape.
01:01:43
Speaker
Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cake. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with them. If today's episode sparked something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to show your thoughts or takeaways.
01:01:58
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning to wither kitchen confidence. and Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and Don't On Your Cake. Step into your superpower.