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Episode 22: Igniting the Fire: Who Are You When Everything Is Taken From You?
34 Plays11 days ago
There are moments in life that don’t just challenge you…
They take everything.
In this episode of Don’t Trip on Your Cape, we sit down with Shanella Harris, whose life shifted overnight, leading to incarceration, loss of identity, and the kind of experience that forces you to confront who you are at your core.
What unfolds is not a polished story or a neatly packaged transformation.
It’s real.
Shanella shares what it felt like to lose her freedom, her sense of self, and even the belief that she would be understood or seen for who she truly is. She opens up about navigating pregnancy while incarcerated, being stripped of her identity, and the internal battle of holding onto her truth when no one else seemed to believe it.
But more than anything, this is a conversation about what comes next.
We explore:
- What it means to rebuild your identity when everything familiar is gone
- How to keep going when you feel unseen or misunderstood
- The difference between surviving and choosing who you are
- Letting go of the life you thought you’d have
- Finding purpose through pain and using your story to help others
This episode is part of our Igniting the Fire series.
And this one reveals something deeper about that fire…
It’s not always loud.
It’s not always visible.
Sometimes, it’s the quiet decision to keep going.
To keep choosing yourself.
To keep becoming… no matter what.
Links
Visit our website
https://donttriponyourcape.com
Can We Grok?
https://donttriponyourcape.com/can-we-grok
Aligned Living & Leadership (Leslie Arboleda)
https://alignedlivingandleadership.com
Mush Love
https://mushlovellc.com
A Human Being With Love (Alex Embry)
https://ahumanbeingwithlove.com
Shanella Harris
https://guidedstepsresources.org
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Theme
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome on to Don't Trip On Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:12
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
Introduction to Shanella Harris
00:00:21
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Don't Trip On Your Cape. I'm Alex.
00:00:26
Speaker
And I'm Leslie. And today's guest is someone who doesn't just talk about resilience, she lives it in real time. Shanella Harris is a woman who has walked through one of life's most disorienting experiences, navigating imprisonment and the complex process of rebuilding her life across every area at once. Not slowly, not in isolation, but all at the same time.
Shanella's Journey and Beliefs
00:00:49
Speaker
Her story is not polished or packaged, and that is exactly what makes it powerful. Shanella speaks openly about what it means to lose your footing, to question your own reality, and to keep moving forward, even when you feel misunderstood and unseen. She doesn't claim to have it all figured out. In fact, she'll be the first to tell you that she trips on her cape daily and that humility has become one of her greatest strengths.
00:01:14
Speaker
What stands out most about Shanela is her unwavering belief that people are resourceful, that growth is always available, and that no matter how far you fall, there's always another level you can rise to.
00:01:24
Speaker
This conversation is raw, honest, and grounded in the truth that rebuilding is not a one-time event. It's a choice you make over and over again. So let's get into it.
00:01:37
Speaker
Welcome, Shanela. Thank you. Thank you so much, Leslie, Alex, for having me here today. appreciate it. We're so excited. So let's start at the beginning, your your early years, your childhood. What was it like for you from the inside and maybe what would people have said about you from the outside?
00:01:56
Speaker
You know, growing up, I definitely felt like early child, but I had 14 siblings. So it's very, i don't know, how how do you balance that, right? But it wasn't all at once. We all didn't live in the same household. Everyone was everywhere. But my household was closed off. It was just really just me and my mom growing up. And it was good. Like, I really didn't have any problems. was quiet and excelled academically, tried to do some athletic things, really wasn't athletic. But that was just trying to find my footing. You know, um to me, it was normal for like just a normal little childhood.
00:02:39
Speaker
So before everything shifted, what did you believe about life and people and your place in the world? You know, always believed that people were good.
00:02:50
Speaker
i always had a ah stronghold that like people are just good at heart. People are not out here to get you and people can see the truth. that People can see who you are and what's inside of you. Cause that's kind of how I always looked at people. Cause I always want to see the good in someone. i want to see that they excelled at what they wanted. Their goals were being met, just in turn that they would hope my goals were being met. So oh I was eventually
Experiencing Imprisonment Unexpectedly
00:03:17
Speaker
growing older. I was told that it was very a naive thought process i to see the world as like peaches and plums. And, you know, that is not actually how it is. But it still shouldn't deter you from seeing and looking for the good in people.
00:03:33
Speaker
just don't assume that everyone is just that good moving forward. um But yeah. I love that. it seems like your mom was able to give you that in some ways, even though, you know, sometimes the world is hard.
00:03:48
Speaker
Being able to have safety at home gives you that feeling of being able to trust others, which is pretty cool. So speaking of safety, what did safety and trust and freedom feel like to you in those early years?
00:04:00
Speaker
um I was just almost entitled to it right I felt like it was never nothing I couldn't do it was never nothing I couldn't say know where I couldn't like travel and get to i felt like everything was at touch if i worked hard enough to get to it it was obtainable to me um I never really had the wall or anything shut in my face and like you you can't do this. Right. i always like I said, I excelled at school. So I went college. It was great. um Dean's list, graduated, got my degree, went straight to like a wonderful medical world in Houston. And i just excelled. It was always promotions, opening doors like I've never had a door shut in my face. And i don't know if I'm just blessed like that. I have a good personality. I've just and maybe that just went more to my naive about like how hard the world really could be.
00:04:54
Speaker
Right. Definitely. And I know, i know a little bit about your story because you and i obviously met when you were inside the women's prison here in Denver. And I know you have shared with me some of those experiences and and having to rebuild your life. Can you walk us through that moment when everything changed?
00:05:15
Speaker
o I can give you the dates. I can tell you guys, like even When my case arose, um I ah still didn't believe I was going to prison.
00:05:29
Speaker
I had no inkling that I was going to prison. I was still working in my field. i even i didn't even tell my job about it. I was like, I'm to take a week off. I'm going handle this incident and I will be back Monday morning.
00:05:43
Speaker
Well, I flew out to Colorado because I was living in Louisiana at that time. had relocated and I never came back to Louisiana. I've been stuck in Colorado for the next 10 years, basically.
00:05:55
Speaker
But I went to trial, like full, just, I guess, oblivious that this was actually an opportunity. I like a real thing that I could end up doing this time. Like i hired lawyers. I thought my case was solid. I thought my innocence was going to be proven without like a blink.
00:06:13
Speaker
And then trial just crumbed on top of me. Like it was me May 13th of like 2019. It was May 14th. And then May 15th, they were like, put your hands behind your back. And then I never seen the outside again. And that was terms of freedom and privacy and just all the things I had thought was mine for the rest of my life.
00:06:38
Speaker
You know, so yeah, I got sentenced to a 10 year sentence for assault, domestic violence from a marriage that I was in. it was a very unhealthy, violent, abusive marriage that I was in. um And actually to this day, I'm still going to court behind this case, trying to rectify my name, trying to fix the outcome
Pregnancy and Community in Prison
00:06:59
Speaker
of it. But life is just like one of those things you have to just keep pushing. Don't give up.
00:07:05
Speaker
You might not see the results today. You might not see them next year or the next year or the next year. But the goal, always keep that goal alive. I keep that fire there to get there.
00:07:18
Speaker
I love that. And that had to be such an intense, like dramatic experience, because especially because you said you didn't expect it. What was that like to have your, you know, your freedom, your innocence, everything just taken away, not just externally, but how did that feel internally for you?
00:07:39
Speaker
It was painful. it was It was so painful. I can't even explain it in words and give the gratitude of how something you just felt like death has succumbed you. Like, I'm just like, am I even breathing at this point? I don't know if i'm breathing. I don't know what I'm looking at. I don't know. It was so surreal of everything. and I'm like trying to switch on my survival mode. Like,
00:08:04
Speaker
Pressing the button. I know it's in there. Like, let's survive this. You have to survive this. I have something else I know out of this. Like, don't give up. And then, like I said, I was only, I was in Colorado. I'm not from here. And so the only person I had with me was my mother.
00:08:20
Speaker
And she was, you know, she's elderly. So I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm out here in Colorado. I got her in Colorado. They are telling me to put my hands behind my back. I'm going in. for a unknown amount of time at this time. She don't know how to get on an airplane. She don't know how to drive the car to get back to the hotel. I'm just like, i at that moment, I've started like dictating orders to like my lawyer, hey, can you do this, this, this and this for her? Make sure she's okay. Make sure she get back home. Make sure here's my purse. Here's my money. team
00:08:54
Speaker
Just do what you have to do to take care of this in. And then going to look in the mirror and figure out me next because I didn't know what I could even do for myself. And then at that point of my um the transition, I had just found out I was a week or two weeks pregnant at that time. Yes, first child.
00:09:15
Speaker
And I'm sitting there her just can't even deal with that portion. I'm like, control your emotions. You don't want a miscarriage because you're just going to this high level of stress. So Filter, filter it, do something with that. Don't just crumble in this moment that you want to, because that won't help you. and That won't save you. They won't get you out of this. it won You're not going to last. You're not going to make it.
00:09:40
Speaker
So it was the hour. Wow. I think you've you've said crumple a couple of times and it just feels so powerful. When when Alex and I were talking about our opening episode this month and igniting your fire, part of part of what we were sharing was sometimes it it feels impossible for us to stoke our own fire. And so we need those people in our lives that can bring us a red coal, bring us a match, bring us something to help us really kind of build that up again.
00:10:13
Speaker
what would you say was the hardest for you? The experience itself that got you prison or that feeling of not really kind of being believed that you were innocent?
00:10:28
Speaker
Yeah, it was, oh gosh. It was definitely the not being believed part of it. um You know, even,
00:10:39
Speaker
to this day, like I could meet people and they're like, you didn't go to prison. like, still not being here. walking the halls prison and they're like, you, you should have did this, this and that, you know, and it's always a judging factor around because everyone's You put on a uniform, you get your DOC number. They put you in the shower. They do everything that, you you know, some of the things y'all see on tv Some of it's real, some of it's not. But for the most part, you you fill in. You just come in, you become another number.
00:11:15
Speaker
And so everyone's in there hollering they're innocent. And that's the thing. You know, some people really are innocent. Some people, you know, really are not. But i felt like a repeated just record to say the same thing.
00:11:30
Speaker
and And everyone's looking at me like, save it, fix your life, honey. don't ah They don't want to hear it. They didn don't want hear the story. They don't want to hear what are you going through. they don't They don't care. You're just filtering through the system.
00:11:46
Speaker
But I can say i did make a difference because I remember holding on to myself in that process. I didn't succumb to my environment for all things. I didn't walk with the path, I walk opposite.
00:12:00
Speaker
you know And then that did stand out to some officers I've met, even a warden. I became really good with the administration people in that place. And I i gained really great opportunities where it set me up to exit and to build back my life, kind of where I have it now, even better, um just by remembering who I am, like, who are you at your core? Who are you when you don't have a roof, you don't have food and you don't have money and who you don't have nothing. Who are you without anything, without your family? And, you know, and even your faith is tested in that place. Cause there is not a, like a Bible right there. There's not church you can go to and you're trying to scope out who's your fellow people.
00:12:48
Speaker
Who's your people but to lean on it and like, your community to grow it and put lean on and, you know, get your strength from. So it is definitely looking inside all the time. I'm always looking in to grow myself, to pluck out the things that I know probably contributed to me being there. Like, just because I said I'm innocent of the crime,
00:13:13
Speaker
I knew I was in a bad marriage. i knew I stayed there. i I can go back and put some blame back on myself for my actions or my lack of actions that made me go down this path. So.
Life After Release and Personal Growth
00:13:28
Speaker
Definitely was like, find your core, Shanella. Find who you are. Find out who you want to be tomorrow. Who you want to be known as? What is the impact that you can have on yourself? This baby that you got growing inside of you and these people who's around you, who's always hurting. Everyone's in there hurting.
00:13:46
Speaker
Can I be some light in this process, even in my darkness? Can I do that? And I want to say I've tried. i ive At least I can say I tried my hardest. Well, like I can say from my experience and when the very first time I met you, i felt that light and i saw you really doing everything you just said when it came to finding the community inside the larger community that actually did resonate with that and the wanting to be a better version of yourself. And I know, you know, one of my...
00:14:21
Speaker
deepest gratitudes for participating in the Women of Influence program is just that, that some of the women in that program might be learning to be better versions of themselves. So when they get out, they can show up that way and express themselves that way. But I also know that some of the women in that program are serving life sentences and it is not a means to an end on the outside. It is truly, I'm going to be a better version of myself because that is the end of, that is the goal. That is the end goal. And, and not as a strategy for something further. And I think both of those are important, but that is definitely one of the things that inspired me most about many of the women that I've met in that program is it is truly the kind of,
00:15:08
Speaker
personal growth process that really is about being a better version of yourself. So i just I just want to acknowledge that, that you stood out already in a community that maybe was resonating at that level, but yours was a higher frequency for sure.
00:15:23
Speaker
Thank you. i appreciate that so much. I really enjoy hearing your experience too, because I had my own experience. I was raised in a cult and i was put in solitary confinement conversion therapy, which isn't prison, but it kind of is within the cult. And one of the things that stood out to me that you said about your experience is you didn't let it shrink you down and you made it find yourself within that. And I found that same experience within that solitary because you do lose the outside influence and you have to get back to yourself. So what was the moment that made you realize no one is coming to save me and I'm going to have to figure this out?
00:16:02
Speaker
Oh, gosh, it was early on. You know, um it was definitely probably within my first like month or two months when I've like felt like I've exhausted all things. I was calling people, like calling judges, calling, call a senator, somebody get the president on the phone.
00:16:26
Speaker
And it was not reached at all. And so was like, Lord, what am I going to do you know When the sale doors shut and it was just me in there, i had to come to like ah come to Jesus moment is really what I had come to and was like, you are in this alone.
00:16:50
Speaker
You are really on the yes family. Well, answer the phone. Yes, family may be able to come see you once, ah twice a year or something like that. You don't have really an out date. They said 10 years was the sentence. So what are you going to do?
00:17:09
Speaker
What are you going to do? Everything I've learned former, was no good. Like I said, I did like radiology work. um That's not a plowable in the prison. That's not plowable at all. They're not going to let me go touch x-ray machines and help people. No, that's not it. So what are you going to do, Shanela, to maintain your sanity in this process and also Learn and feel fulfilled because i feel like if you are giving the cycle of giving is what makes us feel better as people like giving to someone listening to someone else, um not just seeing all my pain and hurts, but recognizing it in other people as I'm going through life. Like I remember my first, like said, the first couple months, which is when I started realizing I was talking to other pregnant women in there. I wasn't the only one pregnant. So
Rebirth and Helping Others
00:18:04
Speaker
it was a group of like four pregnant women that we started talking to each other and helping each other and making sure, hey, do you have your stuff when you go have your baby? You got your soaps, so you got your underwear, do you have the things that you need that, you know, normally you could just go to Walmart and get, but here is actually a process to obtain those things and to tell the next person, this is what this is gonna look like for you when you go in there and have this baby.
00:18:31
Speaker
Do you have everything lined up? Do you have someone to come get this baby? If not, because the state will come get your child and you just, so that's another fight that you don't want to endure. So let's prevent that by doing what you have to at this time.
00:18:46
Speaker
So advocating for yourself and others was something big that I, you know, I started very early in. it I didn't really know I was doing it until you just kind of look back and say,
00:18:57
Speaker
That started then. That's when I started gravitating toward people and people started gravitating toward me and, you know, and enlightening people. Hey, like we don't have to be in this mix of all the dangerous stuff that's going on in here. This is a choice.
00:19:11
Speaker
We have choices still, even in this situation. So what is my choice for being in here? No, you don't have to isolate. No, you don't have to hide. You don't have to cry every night. Yeah, it's painful. But what are you doing to survive and still fulfill yourself?
00:19:26
Speaker
What can I do? What can I get? What can I what kind of get back? Type of thing. So reaching out for opportunities, even in the darkest place, there are opportunities in darkness that you don't see. Reach for them.
00:19:37
Speaker
You know, I've started talking to administration. um like my i was pregnant, like I could keep saying, but it was like my normal pregnancy. Of course, it was high risk. I was highly stressed. I was bedridden. from 14 weeks up. It was an induced pregnancy that I had no idea I was having that baby. And I did cause a scene that day because I was like, you're not taking this baby out of me today. They was like, yes, we are. Today's your day. I'm like, no one wants to tell me. So it was a problem.
00:20:07
Speaker
But I got in line because i trust, trust that God above is definitely working through all things, no matter where you at. I know ramble on, but...
00:20:18
Speaker
no i think it was a point somewhere in ah perfect And so you i I know you have a strong faith and I know you have a a really grounded sense of truth that is bigger than you and and bigger than your circumstances. And clearly you have a strong voice. And i know I know that your identity is something that is, again, greater than the circumstances and the choices and all the things and the external feedback or criticism, but how did that period really challenge your identity and your voice and your, and your sense of truth?
00:20:54
Speaker
My sense of truth. Ooh, that's a good question. Gosh. Um, you know, feeling like, let's just be honest. I mean, I said I was in there fighting and going through and I was like, you're not going to cry, but yes, I've cried. I've broken down. I was hooping and howling probably in the shower stalls of just like exhaustion and fear and not knowing what's next. And after you just kind of expel and get that off and you say, OK, let's do it again.
00:21:25
Speaker
Right. I had those moments, my highs, my lows, you know, getting letters from attorneys saying, hey, we're going to help you. And then, oh, denial. Right. So I went through the conflict of even when I Am I innocent to the point, you know, I'm hearing it from the the staff at the place. I'm hearing it from the women at the place. I'm hearing it from hospital staff. I remember being handcuffed to the hospital bed and they were like, oh, honey, you got to fix your life.
00:22:01
Speaker
You can't be living like this. You have a baby to live for. and I'm like, what? But who am i like i can't i felt like I had no voice in that moment. I'm literally changing having a baby. i can't I can't protest. I am innocent in that moment. I'm just, can you help me get through this in that moment?
00:22:25
Speaker
um So even just coming back around and be like, my innocence is real. Keep fighting. Hold on to that. Put that somewhere where no one can take that from you. And it even got to the point, like I didn't even want to talk about it anymore to people who asked me, well, why are you here? What's your story? You know, tell me um what you did type of thing they want to know. Tell me, but you know, who you killed or what. but I'm like, everybody don't have the same thing. you know, everyone's not, our story is not the same.
00:22:59
Speaker
um So don't try to not to classify me in that. But I started to lose my fight and voice and saying, let me tell each and every single person that I didn't do that. And not everyone in here is guilty of what well was put on paper.
00:23:17
Speaker
right So moving forward, I was just like, I was losing some of that. I was. It was moments of just not being heard, not feeling seen. um Even to myself, you know looking in the mirror, i started changing. you know I didn't look like me. um As you see, how I got contacts in. i always wear contacts. was like sixth grade. Now I got these big bifocals I'm wearing. I didn't look like me. I've gained like, oh gosh, probably like 40 pounds in there, you know, losing my hair and stress and just...
00:23:55
Speaker
you know wearing clothes that that are meant to make you lose your identity, your person your personality. like Everyone has a yellow shirt and everyone has a pair of green pants and the same white shoes. So who am who is Shanella?
00:24:09
Speaker
Who is that? And then another issue was as i said, I was married. And so that marriage was the reason, the heart of imprisonment. And so my last name marriage name was Clark.
00:24:25
Speaker
And so the whole time I'm in there for those six years, it was Miss Clark, Miss Clark, Miss Clark. And every time it was like a stab, stab, stab to just hear that constantly and see it and wear it. It was like I said, it was even on my underwear. I had the right clock from head to toe. And it was just like, I'm not that.
00:24:48
Speaker
I don't want to be associated with that. Even after divorce happened, I still have to represent that name. And even to this day, I'm out you know i'm still like making sure nothing is still associated with that identity because I'm like rebirth freedom of that stigma that came with that name.
00:25:10
Speaker
It's a perfect segue to our rebuild. When you start to rebuild in your life and being able to do that, because what a story you've painted of what you went through, especially in innocence. it's It's ah amazing. I visited the prison too, and it's so inspiring to hear about it. So starting to get to that rebuild at your lowest point, what was the first decision that you made to start to move forward?
00:25:37
Speaker
I came up with um a personal in heart slogan and it was pray, then move. and And that was going to be the way I was going to start filtering my life.
00:25:50
Speaker
Pray first. Don't just do things. Listen, look watch, ask for guidance in all my steps. And then then move, right? Because I felt like maybe my first segment of my life, I was just moving.
00:26:07
Speaker
You know, like I said, I was felt like entitled. Like I can do anything. I can go through any door I wanted to. can do anything I wanted to do. I didn't ask for really permission. I just knew i can do it. I can handle it. And that was going to be my life.
00:26:20
Speaker
And now I'm like, get, get, get some footing before you actually move forward. Pray about it. You know, so when you walk into it, you're not alone.
00:26:32
Speaker
I'm have some some type of protection going around me that is going to work out. Whether I step into the wrong direction, I'm still gonna be blessed. I'm stepping according to line. It's gonna be blessed. So I just kept that at heart moving forward to like, yes, I'm getting blessed, but yes, let's keep asking. Let's keep, keep tapping, keep my source. and my fate's strong so I know that I'm going in the right direction and and it's gonna be okay.
00:27:00
Speaker
I love how beautifully you embody persistence. And really knowing that it doesn't it's not conditional based on the stability of your life. that You can keep that focus. You can have that connection with something bigger than you that's really going to get you where you're meant to be and help you express that life purpose. How did you begin rebuilding your life across all the areas at once without collapsing under the weight?
00:27:34
Speaker
You know, I've definitely hit my knees. like My face went down. yeah It's definitely a lot. It's it's been a lot. But what is I'm being very, like you say, i I'm moving humbly um because i know I know my potential. i know what I can do.
00:27:53
Speaker
um But I also know that Just because I know it. Everyone else doesn't know it. they Everyone doesn't see it. They don't believe it. So like my first job of getting out, i had to go to their halfway house for the minimum that they make you be there is four months. And I was there for literally 16 weeks to a T.
00:28:17
Speaker
I was like, I'm out. I did it. Everyone's like, are you you are you serious? I'm like, yeah, I did your matrix. That's what you asked me to do. So here's your paperwork. Can you sign here? Can I go that way? Yeah. And I was like, but I took the first job was um at Goodwill.
00:28:35
Speaker
and took ah I just started applying at random anything. I'm just throwing something out, praying about it, and hopefully it came back.
Resilience and Human Connection
00:28:43
Speaker
Right? And so was like, thank you, God. Thank you, God.
00:28:46
Speaker
took it, excelled at it, worked hard at it. You know, whatever he gives me, I'm going to work hard at it. I'm going to just do my best. And then, but learn the process of not being stagnant and contentment is something I've been like really, really focusing on. Like, I don't want to be stagnant in life, but I also don't want to be so knowing I'm not stagnant, miserable in my current situation.
00:29:10
Speaker
like I'm still alive. I've wasted six years in prison. of I'm going to say not wasted. That's a horrible word. i was alive in some great things and i I did good things for me internally, but I don't want to say I want to be stagnant still and just miserable inside like I'm not where I want to be I don't have my big house I don't have the entrepreneurship job and career and business that I want I don't have the other baby that I wanted I'm not married you know it's so many things that like my big picture I see I want in life but I don't have it so don't want to dwell on it to misery succumbs
00:29:49
Speaker
I want to just continue to be grateful in this moment, but also keep throwing something out to move forward. I am definitely um at a good place, like from Goodwill. I got a great job and I can con contest there. i So well how do you get that job? I'm like, I don't know. yeah i don't know. I never applied for it. I don't remember anything. Like I literally got a call one day and it was like, we're doing an interview. And I'm like, great.
00:30:16
Speaker
awesome I'm here for it. You ready to do it right now? Let's do it. Took the interview, got the job and it couldn't even work the job. Y'all was still in the halfway house. It was so funny because it was like, you're kind of you're not allowed to do that type of work and care for people. And I was like, oh, can y'all give me a month and I can start this job? And I was like, absolutely, we'll give you a month.
00:30:41
Speaker
And then I've been working it for a year and it's a great job and it's definitely laying platforms to my my bigger picture. It's case management, so I'm helping people. I'm learning the backgrounds of Medicaid and things like that. And my my big goal is always to give back to that community and give back to another population.
00:31:01
Speaker
And so it's like I said, it's just opportunities when they arise, you grab them. Like I got another opportunity recently to go back to school. So I got a grant and I'm i'm doing it currently to get my drug counseling license. And so I'm like, when am I going to use that?
00:31:19
Speaker
I prayed about it. It opened. It worked so smoothly. Like it was seamless. Like I'm like, well, obviously it's something I must be doing. So let's do it. It will come to play later and it will reveal itself and its purpose later of what it is to be.
00:31:35
Speaker
I love that. I love how the universe always gives you like a little step by a little step and you don't always know how it's all going to fit in, but you follow it. And if you do, you know, it's going to work out the best. I love that.
00:31:47
Speaker
Along with like moving forward and igniting your fire often when you're growing and going through these things, you often have you also have to let go of things. What did you have to let go of during this part of your growth? Like beliefs, people, identity. what did you have to let go of?
00:32:03
Speaker
All of the above. like First, you know, Right? let go of the dreams I had embedded in myself.
00:32:16
Speaker
back then before prison to what it is now. Right. Because I was very precise about my life. And I had like, oh, 25 years old. You're going to do this 30 years old. You're going to do that. You're going to be married to kids, this job, this car. And, you know, and this is the area going to live in. I had to plot it. What a time frame to go with it.
00:32:38
Speaker
And none of that has transpired. So I lost that. And I've lost friends of childhood friends, even very close family members because I'm not who I was then.
00:32:54
Speaker
And, you know, and now it it is it's nothing wrong with that. Like, i'm I'm okay with who I am now. I'm happy. I found myself. I'm okay. But I don't think they're okay with who I've become in in my different walk of life. And so...
00:33:11
Speaker
It's just not the same, um you know, and it's contentious. I don't, you know, even probably get into it too much. We're just like, well, if you could see me now, if you're okay with who I am now, then yes.
00:33:23
Speaker
But if not, then I'm okay with letting you go as well. You know, um I would just want to respond on that because like I said i was in there for six years and it It was times where, I mean, my best friends I've been having since like elementary, I didn't talk to them. They didn't call me. No one came to visit me. Like, it was hard. Like, you definitely was shut out from the world. And you was like, do anyone see me, care to find me or anything? But the isolation or the the separation was very hard for me because, you know, I thought I meant more to people. and then it came back around, maybe I didn't.
00:34:08
Speaker
Or here's another thought that I play in my head. It's just maybe everything has a season too. You know, that season, had ended so another season of harvesting is here to grow so like no just trying i try to filter that that those feelings i don't haven't really learned how to really maneuver through it too well i'm still fighting with those uh pain and wounds of being like abandoned type of thing um i feel that yeah yeah basically working on that
00:34:41
Speaker
I lost my family too when I left the cult. And it's a really big feeling because it's love is supposed to be unconditional. You feel like especially these deep things. And we learn a lot about love through conditions and these things. And it's a deep pain that you have that you carry with you. but It sounds like you've made so much growth and love within yourself, and you know that you're deserving of that. And that's the beauty of what you're getting to share. And I think that's why your light is so bright, because you've been through so much and you get to share that with others because of what you've been through. So I just wanted to say that that's beautiful.
00:35:16
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you so much, Alex. Oh, man. It's just, you know, the greeting of what what you thought was, you know, like y'all keep saying, um Like my dreams, my career that I had of in the radiology field, like that is just, I'm just constantly seeing it at the grave tombs. Like it's just, don't I don't see life ever coming back to that. And I'm really, I'm okay with it. I'm um'm working through being okay with that because I see something else.
00:35:46
Speaker
Like I keep saying that whatever you go through in life, whatever pain, we all have pain, trauma, tribulations, some type of testimony that will make us strong, make us wake up.
00:35:58
Speaker
You have to use those things to become who who you're supposed to be, the becoming of what's next, becoming of like the healing of what's going to go and turn you into the next person, your new mindset, your new strength, your new ability to keep going forward. So I just know that whatever I've been through, going to be able to use that to where I'm going.
00:36:23
Speaker
You already For I love that you talked about the seasons too. i share it with folks a lot of times, you know, every bent beginning is born of some kind of ending that created the space for that. And every ending that we're grieving is also creating the space for those new beginnings. And then from a human perspective, that's that stuff hurts, right? It's hard, it's painful, it's disappointing, it's frustrating, it's maybe disillusioning. Was there a particular turning point, especially since you've been out, when you realized that you weren't just surviving anymore, but you actually were rebuilding with intention?
00:37:09
Speaker
o When, you know, i don't know if it was like a specific time, but it's it's constantly being confirmed as I keep going. I will keep having these moments of confirmation that it was not in vain.
00:37:25
Speaker
that time was not in vain that pain was not in vain those separations um from what was to now was it had a meaning it has a purpose so like i keep embarking meeting new people and like you as like you're beautiful in your spirit and you know i'm just like oh wow what is our purpose here what what are we doing here you know when you gave me this opportunity i'm like Take it. Like yesterday, i literally was in bed like with this concussion. I'm just like, oh, i don't know if going to be able do it.
00:37:53
Speaker
like, don't you dare not do this. You need to. this is this is what's This is what's inside of you. It has to keep coming out. It has to keep being reborn. So just the confirmation, like that was a confirmation of you calling me and asking me that like, will you do this? Can you do this podcast? I'm like, absolutely. um met some beautiful women. And we're trying to think of how to like open up a transitional home right now.
00:38:19
Speaker
I'm like, yes, I have skills of, um, they want me to do like the medical side. Well, it's coming back to play. I have those foundations. I know how to do this and I'm in school for drug counseling. Great. All this is showing that whatever I've been doing is going in the right direction. I'm meeting people on a purpose. I'm talking to people. I'm in the right spaces. And so I feel like I'm just aligned with my purpose. And I just keep confirming like, hey, keep going, keep doing what you're doing. You know, keep tapping into your source and keep moving.
00:38:54
Speaker
Yes. Yes, please. Mm-hmm. Thank you. you're using your story now to be able to help others as well, to be able to go through that. And you said earlier you were not trying to convince people of your innocence anymore. And i I bet you're now using that to help others as well. So what shifted when you start stopped needing others to believe you and yourself?
00:39:18
Speaker
Oh, the strength of like, oh God, don't want to say don't care anymore. like Like that weight off your shoulders. and was like It does not matter.
00:39:28
Speaker
Because I've tried it both ways, you guys. I've i've tried talking to people without telling the story of what I've been and what the thing is. It's always on my shoulder. And then I've tried it with telling all of it. Right. And it it always worked out better when I got to just say the truth.
00:39:47
Speaker
of what it is and you know and then care no more after that like I wash my hands whether you believe it at it I don't have to go back into detail about it I'm not going to go back into detail about it I have my healthy boundaries up right now of saying like this is what it is this is my life if you accept it great if you don't Well, there's a billion other people you can go talk to in out here and vice versa. The same is for me. I can go this way. with a billion other people I can go talk to as well. Like, it's just so beautiful. So many people in this world. So it's really some good people. And it's really some people that you're just like, and that's kind of a good turning point to like, do I have to prove my innocence to you?
00:40:31
Speaker
and i shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to do that ever again. you know, um Even if I'm like, I'm still in court trying to prove it to the system, but at the time I'm kind of gonna wash my hands of it too, because I'm like, I have lived life with this still on me and I'm doing okay.
00:40:47
Speaker
I'm doing okay. I could, my happiness is still here. I don't need this gone to be happy. Cause that means I've just been living a wasted life all this time.
00:40:58
Speaker
And that's not what God intended us to do. Absolutely. It sounds like there has been this core sense of yourself through all of this, the before, the during, the after.
00:41:16
Speaker
How has the your relationship with yourself changed through of this?
00:41:23
Speaker
I am definitely more in love with myself. like ever before. I i love me. love me more. It's a good thing. you know, I was talking to someone other day on the phone and I was like, oh, that is so cute. And he was like, are you talking to yourself?
00:41:41
Speaker
was like, maybe. maybe I am and it's okay it's okay that I'm I love me I love me enough to give myself grace on all things like I'm not perfect I'm definitely I know my heart now I know that I mean good intentions so I might not hit the mark every time but eventually I will because I know me that's my goal I don't like i'm not out here to hurt destroy kill nothing do nothing bad so i'm like I'm gonna I'm gonna do good um And then knowing that about myself, I give myself some grace for my errors that I make.
00:42:17
Speaker
So we're just going to be nice and gentle to myself. I've been through a lot. I see my scars. I see them better than anybody else could. that would be nice to it.
00:42:29
Speaker
It's such a good lesson, I think, when you've been through your hardest things. It's so hard to be kind to yourself. It's hard when you're growing and learning and all of that type of stuff. So these days when you trip on your cape, how does that look differently than before?
00:42:46
Speaker
Oh, it definitely felt like the end of the world. I've never been through anything traumatic. So now tripping now is just like, oh, it's a stumble. This is like a shake to reality of like, OK, well, let's let's get centered again.
00:43:02
Speaker
Let's let's figure out where I'm at. What street am I on What path am I going to? Less, you know, like I said, keep saying, get realigned to my source to go ahead and get that straight path of walking again. Smooth that out because I'm doing something they're probably not supposed to do, but it's okay because I can make it through this.
00:43:21
Speaker
I made it through worse. I can make it through this too. Right. So that's what I'm like. If I, when I trip, it's a stumble. I don't consider it a fall. out And I love that y'all say trip. It's plummet. It's not the end the world. but so Okay.
00:43:39
Speaker
You can just make it look like a dance if you want to. I think about those trips too, is they're divine invitations to course correct, right?
00:43:51
Speaker
We are on a divine path. And then also this being human can pull us off of it for one reason or another. And when we trip, if we understand the experience, we can remember it's a divine invitation to get back on that path and live your purpose and do it with grace. I love that you said that.
00:44:11
Speaker
A lot of the integration phase of our stories comes back to education and learning. So what do you think this experience has taught you about human resilience and resourcefulness?
00:44:26
Speaker
Never judge a book by its cover. Oh my goodness. and And it's such a cliche thing, but it's so serious. I've met some of the most beautiful souls in prison.
00:44:39
Speaker
i am still friends with a lot of women in prison. my phone rings all the time of like ladies and like they just trust me and I trust them and I'm like, I just want the best for them. I want them out. I want them to live a life out here, but whatever it is for their future, I'll host just a live life, just live it. And so I'm always looking inside of someone versus in what you see.
00:45:04
Speaker
when you first see them. Like what else is in there? What is your story? What happened to you? Where have you been and where are you going? i got so many questions for people now. So I'm just inquisitive about life and people and like growth. And That is my most beautiful thing that i said I've
Legacy of Resilience and Hope
00:45:23
Speaker
learned. And still is, I'm learning every day, like what you think you see, it's not always it. It's always something more. And I want to know what that more is. You know, can always learn from somebody's more.
00:45:36
Speaker
Yes. That's beautiful. and hatie You've mentioned your faith and that's one of the ways you've stayed grounded. What other the things do you do to stay grounded in your life day to day when you're being pulled in multiple directions?
00:45:52
Speaker
I like to exercise. I definitely, I got a routine. i have a health, I want to say, i don't know if it's healthy, but it's good for me.
00:46:03
Speaker
Then it is healthy. works, it works. So I'm like, I get up, you know, I say prayers and I go to the gym and, you know, I take care of my daughter because, you know, she's she's with me now and I got my mom with me. and so we we do life, right? But I say that that core of is faith and taking care of my physical body.
00:46:25
Speaker
I'm not trying to look like a model, but I definitely need those, but I don't call it endorphins or something worked out so I can keep going day to day. Like it decreases my stress level to go. So like if I'm going, i try to go at least three times a week.
00:46:43
Speaker
Let's say I don't. I can see the difference the next week in my mental. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm a little extra, like stressed out and things are bothering me a little bit more than they normally should. So I think that's important to keep that balance.
00:46:59
Speaker
Absolutely. Other than that, I mean, just enjoy the people you're with. I try to get some girl time in with my best friends and we try to hang out and do some girl things and you're pampering, and get your nails done, get your hair done. What makes you feel good and whole?
00:47:18
Speaker
So important, the community piece for sure and and being in that aligned community, but also giving yourself permission to be joyful. And if it means getting your nails dig, right? Like go do it. And if it means sitting in silence and commuting with that greater source, then do it and, and really take ownership and and be empowered. And those things that are unique to you that also help you be the best version of yourself.
00:47:50
Speaker
So let's turn ah ah a focus a little bit to the legacy you're leaving, because I know you are creating an amazing legacy that is really rooted and turning your pain into power, not just for yourself, but for others.
00:48:05
Speaker
So when you said the bottom's never the bottom, what did you what did you want so what would you want someone at their lowest point to truly understand when they hear that?
00:48:19
Speaker
When I say the bottom is not the bottom, i mean I just really want you to know that it can always be worse than where you are. Someone is always going through something worse. And if you're not dead, physically just not here anymore, it's opportunity for change. It's opportunity for growth. It's opportunity for healing. It's an opportunity for something better.
00:48:45
Speaker
for whatever you want. You can get that. You can go. And I'd rather you take a baby step or you just take a moment in that moment and say, okay, accept that this is really what's happening right now.
00:49:01
Speaker
This is literally my life at this very moment. Come up with a plan and execute that plan and give yourself grace because sometimes that plan does not happen that day, that month, that year. It may take some time, right? And just realize that it but you're working toward it.
00:49:19
Speaker
And that should make yourself feel really good that you're you're making something happen here for yourself. is you You're doing that. So that bottom that we are sitting on today, it don't have to be at the bottom you sit on tomorrow or next year.
00:49:34
Speaker
Well, and sometimes, too, when we reorient ourselves to it, it becomes the launch pad. I know you are up to big things and you are your are your plans are magnificent. And I wonder sometimes, would these things be coming to fruition if you hadn't lived the experience you've lived? If you had actually manifested that marriage and the two kids and the picket fence and the you know the fancy card and all the things.
00:50:02
Speaker
would that have ultimately served the collective as powerfully as I know you are in the process of serving? And it's it's just, you are truly, like your your path and what you're up to is so inspiring to me because it reminds me of of that greater ability that we're here to to be as unique once in a lifetime cosmic events as individuals on this planet with 8 billion other people, to your point earlier, like there's a lot of things on the planet but we are all here to be of service in our own special way. And that bottom can really become the, again, the launch pad for the greater things that we're that we're up to. It's just pretty exciting.
00:50:50
Speaker
I love that you call it launch pad. I'm definitely gonna start calling it launch pad. And to answer your question in there, no. If I've never been where I've been,
00:51:02
Speaker
my future goals and what I see, cause I'm ah like the guided steps that I'm opening for people of domestic violence. It would never have been a thought because i didn't know it was a need.
00:51:12
Speaker
I didn't see that everyone um is affected by this as strongly as it was. if I have never been in there. I've never walked through it myself. I wouldn't have known, you know, we're oblivious to what we don't see and go through.
00:51:25
Speaker
Absolutely. what what it and There's a quote I love that makes your mess your message. And that's kind of a perfect perfect way of doing that. So much of what we don't understand is until we go through it experientially. So you said a lot about helping others and being sort of service, but how do you live out that belief that people are meant to help each other?
00:51:51
Speaker
when opportunity arise and I mean, it literally just falls at your lap and you don't know where it came from. Things like that happen to me a lot. Y'all have no idea. I'm just like, well, what then?
00:52:03
Speaker
Okay. All right. Well, let's do this. Like today i was walking into my apartment probably less than hour ago. And this lady walked up to me and was like, can I have a hug? And I was like,
00:52:15
Speaker
Yeah, come here. Come here. Come here. I'm going to give you a hug. You know, she's like, can I go to church with you Sunday? i probably said five words to this lady since I've seen her. And I'm like, absolutely. So when the opportunity arises, just take it.
00:52:34
Speaker
Take it. Don't don't squander it Don't tell the people no, because you're there for a reason. You've been through whatever you've been through for a reason to give to the next person. It's like your testimony. if it' is sure It's your seed to get to pass on to the next person and watch it harvest and go on into something beautiful.
00:52:52
Speaker
You know, they always say, well, like your pain is somebody else's, is something that's good for someone else. and And it is a blessing to give it away. give it away and turn into something good. So I'm just always looking for opportunities to share with someone, give to somebody, even if it's just an ear.
00:53:10
Speaker
I sit there and listen, you know, ask them if they want my feedback. If if they don't, don't give it. If they want it, give it.
00:53:23
Speaker
And sometimes it's just a kind smile to a stranger on the sidewalk that doesn't require a whole lot of effort on our part that could be life-changing for someone. And I think we We do sometimes get so deeply steeped in our BS or our challenges or, you know, the stuff that we're conditioned to believe that we forget that that is actually how we can lift each other up is through connection.
00:53:52
Speaker
So if someone listening feels misunderstood or unseen, what would you say to them right now?
00:54:03
Speaker
Well, keep reaching out to people because somebody will see you. So, and you know what? Honestly, someone already does see you. They really do.
00:54:15
Speaker
um There's a lot of times people who who have hearts like you, Leslie and Alex, they they see people. we see them all the time. we are like I see you. I'm looking into you. Just kind of waiting to see if you want to nod and tap me in.
00:54:30
Speaker
Because I want to be there for you. I want to help you when you need it, and when you want it type of thing. And the culture has to become a little sensitive these days when you kind of like just impeach yourself into someone else's world and life. So it makes you want to like kind of get an invite first.
00:54:48
Speaker
And I'm here for you. Tell me you you need it. And I'm here. I'll do the rest. um And i um I don't know, maybe I can help me. What is the balance on that? of you know, no, someone needs help, but they just don't want to say it. And, you know, you keep smiling at night and you like, you okay, you're good. And you're just waiting on them to say, yeah, can I have five minutes today? Alex and I handle that very differently, Shanela. Just so far. Yep. I will say I don't take a no personally. So I, and I'm, I'm,
00:55:19
Speaker
yeah yeahp i will say i don't take a note personally so and i'm i'm practiced in the art of rejection, so to speak, right? Because especially, I know Alex and I both, we we have a lot of knowing. we We can see those things that are not being spoken and and maybe being hidden and talked away. And I'm one of those people who will kind of insert myself into the situation. And then sometimes people are like, yeah, no, thank you. That's not what I asked for. That's not what I want. That's not what I need. And I'm like, probably it is, but okay. If that if that is, if now's the time, you know, I plant the seed and I am unattached to when it takes root, but I i feel like we need to spread those seeds. That is that is how we create.
00:56:09
Speaker
That's how we lift each other up. That's how it how it happens. I love that. And I'm more the quiet one. I see everything I'm like, when you want to know, you can tell me. I don't say i don't say anything.
00:56:25
Speaker
But people know that they're more than welcome and and to have the love and the space. And I think that's what you were giving that woman. You know she like you spoke five words to her, but your whole entire presence. Thank was enough for her to know she was safe. And that's what we really all want is to be able to have that safe place and to be able to feel that way. And part of what I think is also giving you that is all this depth and the difficult things that you've been through. Because when you've been through hard things and you've made it through, and not just that, you've become the best version of yourself that you love.
00:56:57
Speaker
How attractive is that? That's the thing that everybody wants. And so being able to stand in that safety of yourself is really what you're giving away. So that's so beautiful. So what is the story you're choosing to live moving forward, regardless of what anyone else believes?
00:57:15
Speaker
I am definitely living i rebirth story of killed dreams, killed, oh gosh, plans and ambitions to something completely different.
00:57:28
Speaker
but loving it and growing it and nourishing it and letting it just take off because, you it's just, it's so much in each person. Like everyone thinks, oh, we're just boxed in. It's so many different levels to each person. We have so many different qualities and it's maybe something in there that was just dormy. didn't even know until something happened. Now it's a lie.
00:57:48
Speaker
And you're like, oh, now I get to be this this other version of myself that it's already been. And i'm just I just love that I get to re be reborn into this new version. and it has definitely been simultaneously. It's like it's only been, what's the date? The 19th?
00:58:06
Speaker
One year and nine days of freedom. whoa Yes. And I was like...
00:58:14
Speaker
he's Good for you. I'm just like, everything is, I'm like, I'm a mom now you know, I'm going on field trips with the kids and I'm just, it's just been good. got beautiful coworkers and business partners. I'm like, everything is just, you know, working on my relationship. That's another story. but yeah i love that.
00:58:38
Speaker
Yeah. But I'm still here. I'm happy. we're just We're just growing. I'm loving on who I am, who I can be, and my becoming is just untied down. It's just, it could be anything.
00:58:50
Speaker
Rebirth is so perfect for our monthly theme, too, because it makes me think of a phoenix. You rebuilt yourself from the ashes with your fire. You didn't let it go out. You rebuilt it into something even more beautiful, more fired up, and it's going to have more light in the world. So what a perfect example of our our theme as well.
Closing Remarks and Message of Strength
00:59:09
Speaker
So to wrap up, Ms. Shanella, what does don't trip on your cape mean to you?
00:59:17
Speaker
Oh, don't trip on your cape. When I hear, you know, i was wondering thinking like, what is it? Because I've really been pondering. And was like, well, and it and just keep from saying humble, humble, humble, humble. That's all i keep thinking. Like, don't trip on your cape or you get so full of yourself.
00:59:35
Speaker
And you just, because I feel like my previous, Pre-prison, I was probably very much full of myself in a different light. I'm full of me now, but in a different, more humble aspect to where my tripping of myself, like not to say, cause I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought this was possible. you know, maybe even been a little judgmental to people that it did occur to, but now I see on the other side that I was totally wrong of my thought process and where I was and how just,
01:00:10
Speaker
thinking tripping on Cates was just not capable of. And yes, I've tripped. And how do i start taking off and start flying again? Where tripping is not possible when you're flying. That's right.
01:00:23
Speaker
Super hair stuff. superhe stuff
01:00:30
Speaker
So to wrap up every episode, we like to ask our guests the same 10 questions. They are not meant to be thinkers. They're meant to be answer real quick. Just kind of let it share, share a little bit more about you and and what you're up to in the world. So the first question is, what is your favorite word?
01:00:50
Speaker
Thank you. Yeah. That's a good one. I've heard that before. What's your least favorite word? Shut up. and I know I'm saying two, but they go together. No, it's fine. We got you.
01:01:07
Speaker
What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? The sun.
01:01:15
Speaker
I'm a bit of a sun worshiper myself. I love that. What turns you off?
01:01:21
Speaker
Oh, gosh.
01:01:24
Speaker
Oh, i don't know. That's a hard one Bad music. yeah I'm down. i don't like to hear bad music either. yeah What's your favorite curse word? Probably shit
01:01:42
Speaker
shit. You're an original. It's great. Nobody's ever picked that before. You've gotten a few originals today. What sound or noise do you love?
01:01:54
Speaker
The screaming of a crowd. like
01:01:58
Speaker
That's good. Okay. I love that sound. don't care if I'm there. I'm like, ooh, what's going on? and i'm nosy. Okay. What sound or noise do you not love?
01:02:12
Speaker
Whining. hate whining. Oh, gosh. So annoying.
01:02:17
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
01:02:26
Speaker
Hmm.
01:02:29
Speaker
A ballerina. know I couldn't do it. I just love it. I think it's nice. Next life. Next life. What profession would you not like to do?
01:02:44
Speaker
A firefighter.
01:02:48
Speaker
Yeah, dangerous. like I don't like heat and i like small spaces. Then that is a very good answer. yeah If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
01:03:02
Speaker
He know me by name. Welcome. Yes. Perfect. That's it. Perfect. All right. Thank you, Ms. Shanela. I really just want to say with so much gratitude, i am so grateful that you and I have crossed paths. And i know that you sharing your story so authentically and so transparently is already changing lives. And it's going to continue as as you get to spread your ripples further and wider. So thank you for taking the time and and being with us today.
01:03:37
Speaker
Yes, thanks for letting us share your story. Thank you. Thank you, guys. I appreciate the opportunity for being here. this is Y'all are very powerful. we have no idea of what this does for people to just release and hear and just know that they're tapped in to something strong like this. Thank you, guys. It's all our pleasure. Until next time, everybody. Don't trip on your cape. We'll see you then.
01:04:02
Speaker
Thanks, everybody. ae Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cake. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with them. If today's episode sparked something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to show your thoughts or takeaways.
01:04:20
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning to wither kitchen confidence. and Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and Don't On Your Cake. Step into your superpower.