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Building Your Anxiety Toolkit
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This week on Outside of Session, Julie is diving into her Top 10 Tips for managing anxiety. Whether you're facing daily stress or moments of overwhelming worry, these practical tools can help you take control. From grounding techniques to breathing exercises, you'll learn how to build your own anxiety toolkit to use whenever you need it. Join Julie as she shares effective strategies for finding calm, improving mental clarity, and navigating anxious moments with confidence.
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Transcript
Introduction: Season Three Overview
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome back to Outside of Session. I'm your host, licensed clinical social worker and therapist BFF, Julie Hilton. Season three is all about navigating life's challenges and finding balance. We're continuing the conversations around mental health and I'm once again joined by expert guests who share their stories and tips and hopes to inspire you on your journey of healing and growth.
Focus on Anxiety Coping Skills
00:00:34
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to another week and another episode of outside of session. This week's episode is just going to be me here today. um And I had that idea to put together all in one episode, a toolkit or a toolbox of anxiety coping skills. And the reason why I wanted to do this is because I mean, let's be honest, like all of us have a certain level of anxiety just to varying degrees.
00:00:59
Speaker
And we all need to have coping skills and the majority of people, I would say, come into therapy yeah with some level of anxiety that they're wanting to get a handle on. And so as we're working through trauma, as we're working to get to the root of issues, which I feel like is what's really going to cause was really gonna give you a lot of relief with your anxiety, you still have to have coping skills to help you navigate it while you are having it. And these are just really good things to be able to go back to for the rest of your life, just to give yourself the confidence of when I do have anxiety, I know exactly what to do, I know how to keep it in check. um And so I just wanted to have a place where I put together my top 10 coping skills for anxiety is so that you can come back to this episode anytime you need a refresher.
00:01:42
Speaker
And I will say that a lot of the ones that I'm going to share today are absolutely no brainers. These are not going to be new things to you. um They're going to be kind of like, duh I know to do that already. But the reason why I'm including them is because this is not this doesn't need to be over complicated, like sometimes the most basic ones that we already know are going to be the most effective for us.
00:02:04
Speaker
We just have to remember to use them. I know so many people that they'll get back into a particular exercise or something and they're like, oh, I forgot how much this helps. I don't know why I don't always do this. So this is me kind of like putting them all together so that you can come back to this episode when you're feeling more anxiety to give yourself the confidence that you do know what to do and you know how to help yourself.
Reactive vs. Proactive Coping Skills
00:02:25
Speaker
I'm also going to break these up into kind of what I call reactive and proactive coping skills. Reactive being the ones that when the anxiety is already heavily present, when you feel like you're on the verge of a panic attack or you feel like the anxiety is just like already sitting on your chest.
00:02:43
Speaker
um So in those moments, I feel like some coping skills are not as effective because like you're already there and it's already hard to slow down. So the first group that I'm going to give are the ones that are more reactive so that when your system is already dysregulated, it's going to help you to get it regulated. And then the second group is going to be the more proactive ones, which are ones that you need to be practicing, not in the moment, you need to be doing these Really every day and they're proactively helping your system to not get dysregulated It's helping you to give your body the constant signal that you're okay that you're safe um And that you know what you need to do to handle your anxiety so that hopefully if you're practicing the ones that are proactive You won't ever need the ones that are reactive because your anxiety never gets that elevated
00:03:32
Speaker
Okay, so with all of that, let's just like, let's jump in.
Breathing and Sensory Techniques for Anxiety
00:03:36
Speaker
The first one that I wanted to talk about is, again, one of the most basic ones, and that's deep breathing exercises. When you feel that anxiety is already like on top of you, you have to learn to breathe through it.
00:03:47
Speaker
And if you just Google deep breathing exercises, you're going to get um several different ones. I know a lot of people like to teach the four square for breathing. So that's four counts then hold at the top for four counts. Again, not holding your breath really tightly, but just like staying at the top for four seconds. Exhale four seconds, hold four seconds at the bottom. So you envision you're breathing like a square.
00:04:10
Speaker
I'll be honest, that works for a lot of people. That one doesn't is not necessarily my favorite for when I'm having anxiety at that point. I feel like it's really hard for me to try to hold my breath um because my breathing is one of the things that is really changed by my anxiety. I end up having like a little bit of a short breath. um So Foursquare is not really my favorite. What I like to tell people to do is find the count that feels most comfortable to you.
00:04:35
Speaker
But with that, what you want to do is make sure that your exhale is a little bit longer of a count than your inhale. um Your inhale, temporarily, like again, like ah breath is only a couple of seconds, but when you inhale, you're activating the sympathetic nervous system. When you exhale, you activate more of the parasympathetic nervous system. And that's what you want because the parasympathetic is the one that's gonna calm and regulate your um nervous system.
00:05:03
Speaker
So I like to do probably an inhale of about four seconds, three to four seconds, and then I just try to make my exhale longer than that. At the beginning, when I first start doing it, when I'm feeling really anxious, it's really hard to hold that breath a little bit longer, but by the time I start to calm down, I'm trying to get seven, eight, nine seconds in for the exhale.
00:05:23
Speaker
um And with that, making sure that you're breathing through all of your lungs all the way into your diaphragm. So you actually want to see your belly extend so that you're not taking really short, shallow breaths. um You really want to expand your lungs as much as possible.
00:05:40
Speaker
um And yeah, just take some of those really deep breaths. That's number one. Number two is to find something that's a little bit shocking to one of your senses. So I see a lot of people using ice, so they'll either do an ice bowl that they dip their face into, um an ice roller on your face can feel really good. I keep ice packs in my freezer at work, so if somebody gets really activated during a session, you can take the ice pack and lay it on your chest.
00:06:06
Speaker
um right where your vagus nerve is and so anything that's going to be shocking with cold like that is going to be ah um really jarring to your nervous system and it's kind of like it's giving the message of your body is telling you something wrong is about to happen and it's like oh here it is we can get through this.
00:06:22
Speaker
Um, another thing is to suck on something really sour. So people will keep candy in their offices. Um, so like a Jolly Rancher or a warhead or something like that, that's really sour. Um, again, that can just help with anxiety because the attention goes to that instead of the, what if hypothetical situation that your brain is making up, it hones in on what it's focusing on a little bit better. And then that will help to calm the nervous system.
00:06:50
Speaker
Number three, and this is still one of the reactive coping skills that I'm mentioning today, and that's going to be to do the five senses exercise. Most of you have probably heard of this one before, but it's a really good grounding technique when you're feeling anxiety and a lot of what you're doing is trying to get your brain to ground in the moment that you're currently in and block out the future or the past and just be totally present in the moment. So it's called the five senses grounding technique. So you're just going to sit wherever you are and you're going to acknowledge five things around you that you can see.
00:07:28
Speaker
And you want to kind of go slow with that. And again, you're not doing anything with it. You're just acknowledging, I can see five things around me right now. Then you're going to acknowledge four things that you can touch around you. And you might actually want to touch them to engage your senses. But you're going to look for four things you can touch. You're going to acknowledge three things that you can hear around you.
00:07:50
Speaker
And that for some reason, that one is really effective to me because I like to put thought into the layer the the different layers of things that I can hear. So you can notice even the breeze coming from the air vent. You can notice the traffic that you can hear outside of your office. um You can even hear your heartbeat in your ears. um Just naming three things that you can hear, then you acknowledge two things that you can smell, and then one thing that you can taste.
00:08:20
Speaker
I have some people that this is just kind of like their go to that by the time they slowly go through that and sit with it, their anxiety has come down significantly. So that's a really good one to use is the five senses exercise.
Understanding and Riding the Anxiety Wave
00:08:35
Speaker
The next one that I'm going to talk about is riding the wave of anxiety. um It's really helpful to think of anxiety as a wave where there's going to be a build up, a peak, and then a drop off. And so if you can recognize in the moment that your anxiety has probably been building for Could be a couple of days, um could just be just a few minutes before your panic attack comes on. um But you probably would be able to pinpoint that there were some stressors and potentially a specific trigger that caused the anxiety to come on. And it's really, really important to think of this as a wave where you're probably, and and when you're looking for this coping skill, when you're trying to bring yourself back down, you're probably at the peak.
00:09:22
Speaker
So keep that in mind that you're just riding a wave. There will always be a come down period. I know that when you're in the midst of it, it feels like this could potentially last forever. But if you can just talk yourself through it and say, I know I will come back down. um Right now I'm just at the peak of it. And so how asking he yourself the question, how do I take myself really good care of myself at the peak?
00:09:43
Speaker
And so that might be when you do something creative, you find a distraction, you make a phone call, like you can do some other things to distract yourself. um But I think it's really important that you're saying to yourself that this is the highest my anxiety is going to get.
00:09:59
Speaker
So you are acknowledging your feelings. You're not just trying to distract yourself away from them, but you're noticing what you're feeling, where you're feeling it and how intense it is. And you're not trying to resist that. You're not trying to fight the feelings or or suppress them. You're trying to move through them. um Trying to again, like be really aware of what's happening in your body and not react to that feeling with fear or even more anxiety, but just saying like, this is what the peak of that anxiety feels like to me.
00:10:28
Speaker
And then that's when you try to take some of the slow deep breaths, you try to do some things to relax it, but you keep reminding yourself that this is just a wave, that this is the peak so that this is the hardest part, but you're reminding yourself that anxiety and panic attacks are always temporary and the attack itself is not going to harm you.
Grounding and Mindfulness Practices
00:10:48
Speaker
I recognize that I'm flying through these, that I'm going really fast and I think I talk kind of fast too. Um, but the reason for that is these first few that I'm giving you don't require a lot of explanation, like, um, using ice and eating candy. Like that's all there is to it. There's not a ton of explanation needed to just get you to go try it. Some of the other ones that I'm going to talk about in just a minute, I'm going to go into a lot more in depth, um, with them because they're going to be a little bit more in like the meditation realm. So I'm going to go through some of those with you.
00:11:17
Speaker
The next one that I wanted to offer is called a per progressive muscle relaxation. I like to recommend the app Insight Timer to a lot of my clients. It's a free app of different types of meditations. It's kind of like Calm or some of the other ones, but it is free. It's kind of like a YouTube channel where anybody can upload their own meditation.
00:11:37
Speaker
And so if you go to an app like that and you just type in progressive muscle relaxation, you should be able to find them. um There's some on YouTube as well. But what this is, it's a really, really good grounding exercise where you go through really slowly and it'll guide you through it, but you tense up a specific muscle group in your body and you hold it as tight as you can for a few counts and then you release it.
00:12:01
Speaker
And so it moves through your body, so you'll tense up your fists, you'll tense up your arms, you'll tense up your shoulders. And just going through and allowing your body to feel the release that it feels after it releases tension is really good for anxiety. um Even like c clenching your eyes, cleching c clenching your jaw, like it'll have you work um systematically through your body to, again, like,
00:12:24
Speaker
squeeze your muscles in a certain area so that they can release. And it gives your system this feeling of, okay, this is what my body feels like when it's holding tension. And this is what it feels like it when it releases tension. That's one that I also recommend not just for people with anxiety, but also if you have a hard time being really present in your body, that could be because of a history of trauma, sexual trauma, like a lot of people just have a hard time being present in their body.
00:12:51
Speaker
This is a really good one for learning to be able to feel your body. um And now that I'm moving into some of these, like with progressive muscle relaxation and some of these other ones, we're kind of moving more into the proactive group of coping skills.
00:13:07
Speaker
Progressive muscle relaxation, I think, will work during or before um the presence of anxiety. like I think it's good for both of them, so that's that's a good bridge. So some of these other ones that I'm about to explain are about to be the ones that I really recommend that you just get in a practice of using them daily if you can. I know starting a daily practice can be really hard, but these are the ones that are going to consistently give your system a break.
00:13:33
Speaker
to make you feel more grounded, to make you feel more relaxed, to make you feel less triggered by certain things. And so hopefully this is going to help stave off the anxiety so that you don't get to a point of feeling like you're borderline on a panic attack.
00:13:46
Speaker
The first one I'm gonna talk about is a mindfulness meditation practice. um So again, the progressive muscle relaxation can definitely be in this category, but just any kind of meditation practice is so good for keeping your mind and your body in the present moment because anxiety is always about the future or the past, right? Like we're very rarely actually anxious about what's happening in the moment in front of us. um So meditation is so good for that.
00:14:16
Speaker
I really like to recommend um body scan meditations, anything that you're going to be looking at that helps keep you in the present moment. um But you can also Google random things like um gratitude, forgiveness, connection, healing, like you can look up specific words and you can find different meditations that go with what you're looking for in the moment. The thing about meditation is it doesn't have to be over complicated. It doesn't have to be 45 minutes long. You can meditate for two minutes and that is the start of your practice and you can build on top of that.
00:14:51
Speaker
Um, even last week when I interviewed Dr. Adda, he talked a lot about he's not going to just prescribe medications. He wants to look at your diet. He looks wants to look at your sleep, your lifestyle, and mindfulness meditation was one of his pillars of how well are you taking care of yourself because it is so transformational. So if you don't already have a meditation practice going and you're someone who suffers from anxiety, I highly recommend getting started again, just two minutes a day, two minutes at a time, and it it really will make such a difference.
00:15:22
Speaker
Okay, this next one is a little bit more of a cognitive behavioral intervention.
Cognitive-Behavioral Approaches
00:15:28
Speaker
um It's not as much about, you know, a lot of the ones that I've talked about so far is figuring out where you feel, what in your body, just really being in your body. But this one is actually like engaging your mind and engaging the cognitive part of yourself. um And it's a technique that I like to use a lot with myself um and with my clients, but it's called the thought feeling behavior exercise.
00:15:48
Speaker
So a lot of what we don't realize with our anxiety is what we're telling ourself impacts us so much. What we say is about to happen is more likely to come true. It's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy thing. So what I want you to do is get out a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle. On the left side, we're going to look at your negative or faulty cognitions. And we're going to take a second to try to understand how much do they actually impact us.
00:16:18
Speaker
So you're going to first write down the thought, then you're going to write down how that thought makes you feel. Then you'll write down on how your behavior changes when you have that feeling. And then we're going to see how that behavior usually typically reinforces the negative thought so it comes true.
00:16:38
Speaker
So I'm going to use the perfect example for this. This is how I had to work through starting this podcast. So my initial thought at starting a podcast was nobody is going to listen to this. That was the negative thought that I was telling myself that I was going to put in all of this work, that it was going to be terrible. And at the heart of what I was telling myself is this is going to fail because nobody is going to listen to it.
00:17:04
Speaker
And that thought was driving the way that I felt, because when I think that nobody is going to listen to it, it's going to be a failure. The way I felt was...
00:17:14
Speaker
just like really ah disappointed, discouraged. Um, I certainly wasn't excited about things. I felt a lot more nervous putting myself out there. Like it gave me all of these feelings that were associated with, if I believe this thought, this is how I feel. I feel discouraged and I feel, um, unexcited about it. So when I have those feelings, I have to ask myself, how do I show up differently? How do I behave differently when I feel that?
00:17:45
Speaker
Well, when I'm feeling anxious, discouraged, and not excited, I show up as a very different person. I i don't um show up very confident. I show up very yeah um insecure. I show up really, I'm more likely to be quiet. I'm more likely to like even my physical self will show up differently. like i I'm put in a position where I'm not feeling very secure about myself. I'm more likely to like try to make myself small. My posture will be different. um I'm less likely to be funny. I'm less likely to be like my normal personality. And so those feelings that I were having would change my behavior.
00:18:30
Speaker
And the way the behavior reinforces the thought is because if I behave this way, if I put out a podcast and I'm not really funny, I'm not really entertaining and I'm showing up just like trying to rush through it and get it done because again, that's how my behavior changes. It's not going to be a really good quality thing that I'm putting out. Like it's not going to be my best work.
00:18:50
Speaker
And if that's the truth, if if that's how I behave, so that's what I put out, it's more likely to reinforce that original negative thought, which is that it's that nobody's going to listen to it. And that's true, like less people are going to listen to it if it's not a good quality podcast. And if my behavior if I, you know, have shown up this way, that's going to reinforce it, it's more likely to fail because I have behaved this way. So on the left side of your paper, you want to map this out, you really get really you're honest with yourself of what are you telling about yourself about this. And it's usually like an I am or I am not statement. So for this one is a little bit different. I put um nobody is going to listen to it. But I guess the I am not statement would be, yeah I'm not going to be good at this. And then you write down, how does that make you feel? And again, with this one, only use feelings words.
00:19:45
Speaker
um Like discouraged or if it's when that you're working through you might feel angry you might feel frustrated you might feel sad you might feel um shy Whatever it is like write down the feeling and then ask yourself when I feel those feelings in my body when I'm in that mood when I'm feeling that How do I show up differently? How do I how does how do those feelings change my behavior?
00:20:10
Speaker
Most of the time people are gonna realize that they don't act like their normal self And so again for a lot of people it's gonna be they're more shy. They're more reserved. They rush through things Which again is going to cause the belief to be reinforced So that's what I want you to do is on the left hand side of the page I want you to write down this column and go through and be really honest with yourself and And I think that that can be pretty eye opening when you start to realize like how different you show up in those situations and how much it takes over the mood. um But there's hope because you have control over that. So on the left hand side, if you write down the negative thought on the right hand side, I want you to challenge that thought. So if my negative thought originally was nobody's going to listen to this.
00:20:57
Speaker
then the positive thought I can replace that with, and this is really important, it still has to be believable. So like you like our brains are smart enough that we can't psych ourself into thinking something that we don't actually believe. So I can't tell myself, like my positive thought can't be, I'm gonna be a number one, I'm gonna be the number one podcaster. Like my brain is not gonna believe that.
00:21:21
Speaker
um I can't even, at that point when I'm having a lot of doubt, I don't even know that I can believe I'm going to be a great podcaster. So when you're finding something that can be more believable, leave a lot of room for things not to be dependent on whether or not the situation goes well. I could tell myself something like, I can learn a new skill.
00:21:44
Speaker
So and instead of telling myself in my podcast that nobody's gonna listen, take the pressure off of whether or not anybody's gonna listen and just simply say, I can learn a new skill. Or you can say something like, um i can I can grow to be a good podcaster. I can believe that, like if I put in enough work and I give it a shot, um I can believe that maybe one day I can grow into being ah a better podcaster.
00:22:12
Speaker
um And just make it to where it's more positive, make it to where it's believable, and then see how you feel. So if going into it, if I'm no longer telling myself that nobody's gonna listen, and instead I tell myself I can learn a new skill, that I feel pretty confident in. So the idea of learning a new skill, I can be more excited about that. I can feel like the pressure go off of me, like I can feel my shoulders relax a little bit because their the pressure is not there.
00:22:42
Speaker
um I can feel excited about trying to learn a new skill and and going into it saying like, what is this gonna be like? And then I ask myself when I feel those kind of feelings, how does that change my behavior? Well, if I look at it that way, then I'm just gonna show up and be more of my authentic self because my authentic self is not afraid of a challenge and I like learning new skills and so I'm gonna be more myself. If there's not this pressure of how many people are going to listen,
00:23:11
Speaker
then I can be a like goofy or mess up as many a times as I need to and the stakes aren't that high anymore, you know, and that could even um going back to what the more positive thought can be is I can tell me something something like the stakes are not that high. It doesn't matter if nobody listens. I can tell myself um it can't hurt me if this is a total flop because my Like my career is not depending on this, you know? So when my feelings change, my behavior changes. And that's the thing. Once again, the behavior is going to reinforce the thought. If I'm telling myself I can learn a new skill and I feel this way, so I show up this way, I'm more likely to reinforce that thought and be able to learn a new skill simply because of what I was telling myself coming into it.
00:23:58
Speaker
So let's say you're having like a hard time with family. And so you're dreading going over for Sunday dinner or something like that. If you tell yourself this is going to go horribly, you're going to feel very differently, you're going to go in with a lot of dread, a lot of anxiety, yeah um a lot of a feeling of like, I don't want to be here. And of course, that changes your behavior while you're there.
00:24:22
Speaker
you're gonna be more closed off, you're gonna be more like rushed, you're gonna be probably shorter with people, you're not gonna be as open and they're gonna pick up on that energy and so yeah, things are not gonna go as well and that's gonna reinforce the negative thought of this is gonna suck, right? If you go into it saying something more positive and again, something believable, you can tell yourself, I don't have to please anybody while I'm there. You can tell yourself, I don't have to be happy about being here.
00:24:50
Speaker
you can tell yourself something like, um my only goal going into this is to take really good care of my younger self. And that's, that's a good one. Like if you tell if if you tell yourself the purpose of me going here today is to take really good care of my younger self,
00:25:05
Speaker
You're going to go in with an energy that's really protective of yourself, but also you're going to have more confidence that you can do that. um And then you're going to show up very differently, not necessarily in a defensive way, but in a way of um like, these people can't hurt me anymore, or I don't have to answer to them. Or one of my favorite things that my clients and I talk about is, as in an adult, you can't get in trouble anymore. People can try to make you feel like you're in trouble, but you can't be in trouble anymore.
00:25:34
Speaker
And that's going to very much reinforce that thought of the goal is to take care of your younger self. So try this in different areas of life. Like if you're having a low level anxiety at work with um your feelings of being a parent or in your relationship, anything like that, if you're constantly flooding yourself with negative thoughts, you're more than likely going to continue to experience those types of negative interactions because it's like a self fulfilling prophecy.
00:26:04
Speaker
And again, this is not about like toxic positivity where you're telling yourself everything is going to be perfect. I'm not saying that. I'm saying pick something believable of as an alternative to the way that things could possibly go.
00:26:16
Speaker
Okay, that was number eight.
Safe Place and Container Exercises
00:26:18
Speaker
Number nine, we're going to talk about doing a meditation called some people call it the safe place, some people call it calm place. And what that is, is a meditation where you disconnect yourself from the presence and go somewhere that feels safe in your mind. And Guess this is a little bit of like dissociation, but it's like intentional It's not just letting it happen to your body, but you're telling your brain I need a break from stress And I want to go somewhere where I feel safe so that I can ground myself And take really good care of myself in the moment
00:26:53
Speaker
So what I like to envision is, um, again, this is where you, just like with a meditation, you get in a really comfortable position. You close your eyes, you tune out all the distractions that you can. As you go through it, you might need to put in, uh, put on some white noise or something like that to, to drown everything else out. But you imagine whatever the stress is that you're feeling of life right now, you imagine leaving that place. So you have to take an airplane to get there. You have to, ah um,
00:27:22
Speaker
I don't know, like teleport somewhere that only you can get to. And then you want to imagine being in what would be the most calming, peaceful environment that you can ever imagine. And it could be a place that you've actually been before. Like if you've ever taken a vacation that felt like the most peaceful place in the world, or it can be a place that you want to be able to vacation to one day, wherever that is for you is something that is so many miles away from all of the stress of life that they can't even find you there.
00:27:51
Speaker
So what I like to do is spend as much time engaging your senses as you kind of like build the world around you. So I ask myself questions like, what do I see? And you get really specific for it. Like if you're on the beach, you want to say, who do I see around me? You might decide that the most peaceful thing for you is to have other families around you and you're not there alone and kids are playing in the water. For you, the most relaxing thing might be there's not a single person on this island with me and nobody can reach me here. Nobody can ask me for anything.
00:28:20
Speaker
um You might see your pets there, so if you want to bring your dog with you, that's totally fine. um I like to imagine, like, where do I see the sun? Is it morning time? Is it evening? Is the sun rising or setting? Is your favorite time of day the middle of the night? um The middle of the afternoon?
00:28:37
Speaker
So really like painting the picture of well, what does this guy look like? Is it a pink sky or is it a blue sky? um You can also ask yourself questions like is it raining like maybe you're at a cabin in the woods or something like that and there's like the calm Relaxing rain on the roof something like that Then you want to ask yourself, what do you hear? Be really specific with that and engage your senses. Just like in the exercise we did before the five senses, you actually can hear a lot that you don't realize. So if you're on the beach, you might hear the crashing of the waves. You might also hear the seagulls. um You might hear a boat in the distance. um Whatever it is, like imagine hearing multiple different things just around you so that you can engage your so your senses.
00:29:20
Speaker
You can also ask yourself, what do you taste? So are you um sitting on at the cabin with a cup of coffee or are you on the drink with a pina colada? um Do you have a snack with you? like what ah Do you have a cold drink? um Again, like as much as possible, engage your senses and really let yourself like sit with it. Don't just name it and move on. Just like really imagine what would it be like if I had a glass in my hand and this was the drink in there and I really savored it for a minute.
00:29:51
Speaker
I also like to ask the question, what do you feel? So do you feel the sun on your skin anywhere? Do you feel sand underneath you? Or are you again like at a cabin and you feel a soft warm blanket um cuddled around you? Whatever it is that you feel, like imagine feeling multiple things. Can you feel a breeze on your face? Can you feel um if you are on a beach, maybe you like it hot so you feel sweat trickle down your back. Whatever it is, I don't know. Really painting that picture for yourself because the more things that you would be able to sense while you're there, the more real it becomes in your mind because our mind loves a good picture and it can really latch on it. And the longer you spend noticing the world around you, the farther you're going to feel away from the stress of the physical world around you that you're actually in in the moment.
00:30:41
Speaker
So once you have really painted the world around you and you ask yourself the question, like, how calm do I feel maybe on a scale of one to 10? And you can even do this before you start to see if it's changed, if it's come down any. Once you get your anxiety to where it's pretty low, I want you to notice how do I feel when I'm here? What does my body feel like when it's relaxed? How do you like when you ask that question and you came up with a low number, like let's say you're at a two on a scale of one to 10, How did you know that? What's different in your body for you to be able to know that? So sometimes you will notice the absence of something like my heart rate has slowed down so it's not beating us fast anymore. I'm not um breathing as shallow anymore. The tension is not in my neck. And that's great to notice, but I also want you to notice what do you feel? Like sometimes we get really good at noticing what we don't feel, but what do you feel?
00:31:36
Speaker
So you might notice things that you've never really asked yourself before. Maybe you notice um that your shoulders feel like mush. Maybe you notice a ah humming in your chest.
00:31:50
Speaker
Maybe you notice that your chest feels more open like it feels like there's space around your heart when it's not filled with anxiety. Maybe it just feels like there's a lot of space. um Maybe there's like a buzzing feeling in your brain because it's gone quiet. I don't know what whatever it could be for you noticing like what does my body feel like not just what it does it not feel like anymore. What does it feel like when I know that I don't have as much anxiety in my system.
00:32:14
Speaker
And really imagining you being in your calm place, you know what you feel in that moment and imagine bottling it up and being able to say, I created this. I'm you know laying on a couch at home or I'm in bed or somewhere and I created this. I have the ability to have this much of an influence and this much of an impact on my nervous system that I can conjure this up anytime I need it. So you imagine bottling it up and taking it with you and holding onto it and being able to say,
00:32:43
Speaker
As you slowly bring yourself back to reality, you're bringing that calm with you. And at any time if it starts to feel overwhelming again, reminding yourself, I can create this again anytime I need it.
00:32:55
Speaker
Okay, number 10. This is the one that I say for last because it is my favorite. This is a practice that I use constantly in my own life and it has helped me so much and it's called the container exercise. So a lot of times anxiety manifests as our brains just going in a loop over all different things. We think about our to-do list, we think about all the things that we have to get done, we think about um Everything that we said wrong in that conversation today, we think about all the way that ways that things could go wrong tomorrow. Like our brain is just a hamster on a wheel when we're feeling anxious. And so if that's how your anxiety presents, I think that this exercise will be really good for you.
00:33:37
Speaker
So it turns out our brain needs to know what to do with all of this in order for it to release it. We cannot just push our anxiety away. So we're gonna create a container to tell our brain this is what I want you to do with this worry until I come back to it. So you're gonna close your eyes, you're gonna get comfortable and I want you to picture and imagine some kind of container and I get all kinds of creative ideas for this.
00:34:03
Speaker
The only thing about the container is it has to be strong enough because we're gonna put a lot of shit in here. A lot of really important shit. ni This is not a trash can where we're trying to get rid of things. And I think a lot of times that's where we get stuck is that our brain thinks if we're trying to forget something that we're giving it the message that it's not important. These are really important things that we're gonna put in here. So we need the container to be sturdy and strong enough to hold all of the really important stuff that you're gonna put in there.
00:34:31
Speaker
The second thing is it has to have some sort of security on it. So it can be yeah a lock, it can be ah um something where you're the only person that can get into it and also so that um the stuff can't just come back out whenever it wants to. So it needs to have some kind of security. So I've heard some people say like a padlock, things like that. For some people it's more of like a heavy chest so the lid itself is just heavy enough that the stuff is not going to be able to come out.
00:34:58
Speaker
um I don't even have people say things like Tupperware containers where it's got the little snap lids um that makes it secure. So whatever that is for you, just make sure that it's secure so nobody else can get into it, but also it can't get out until you're ready to go get it.
00:35:13
Speaker
And then the third thing is, I want you to imagine that whatever this container looks like on the inside, it needs to be really, really comfortable. Because as we put these really important things into it, we want to give the message that it's because they're important that you want them to be comfortable and taken care of.
00:35:31
Speaker
Because again, like a lot of times when we're talking about the important things that we want to put up, sometimes it's even like the people in our life. And so we want them to be ah comfortable and taken care of. And again, that gives the message to your brain that they're taken care of, we don't have to worry about them in this moment.
00:35:46
Speaker
So once you have those three things, once you have in mind what your container is going to be, I want you to imagine you're sitting at a table and your container is sitting next to you on the left and on the table in front of you is spread out all of your different worries. And you can imagine them spread out as little figurines, um a picture, you can just write them on a sticky note, like whatever kind of feels right to you, however you want to imagine them being spread out in front of you is totally up to you.
00:36:17
Speaker
And what I want to do is, one at a time, really carefully and with a lot of intention and a lot of thought, ask yourself this question of, can I do anything about this thing today? And if the answer is no, then I want you to give that person or thing or whatever that worry is, the message of you're so important and I'm very concerned about you. I just can't do anything about it today. And I want to think about you when I can give you my full attention. And since that can't be today, I want you to go just hang out in this container for me. And so you very gently scoop it up and put it into your container and give yourself the message of I'm not going to worry about it until I can do something about it. And I promise that I'm going to come back to it and do something about it. Like we're not going to just forget it when it goes in here.
00:37:04
Speaker
So that's the basis of this is you're going to go through one at a time and put things in. One thing that you're going to run into is sometimes there are things that you have to do today. And so that's when we're going to break down into bite size pieces what the worry is. So let's say, let's say you're having a really hard time with one of your kids.
00:37:28
Speaker
Maybe they're having some I don't know behavior issues or they're having their own anxiety. So they're having a really hard time Maybe they've got something medical going on and it's a big stress for you So when we think about like putting your kid in the container, but you ask yourself the question am I gonna do anything about this today? um Maybe you are maybe you're gonna do something about part of it. And so that's where I say parse it out a little bit. So what you can do is you can ask yourself the question, am I going to solve this problem today? The answer to to that is probably no. So let's say you're you've got a doctor's appointment coming up. What you can do is you can say, I'm going to put everything about this worry up until I get to the doctor's appointment. But I'm going to leave out the fact that I have to do XYZ with them today.
00:38:13
Speaker
um So, or it could be like they have a meeting ah meeting at school coming up. You can put that up until you actually get there, but you can have a conversation with them today about how did school go today? How did you handle things today? So the big worry is put up and you can focus on just being fully present with what you do have to do today.
00:38:36
Speaker
um Let's say you and your spouse are going through a really hard time and so it feels like that's taken over the whole dynamic of the marriage. Hopefully you have a session scheduled with your couple's therapist and let's say it's two weeks away.
00:38:53
Speaker
Maybe you can put up the bigger issue of what you guys need to talk about in therapy and you can say, but what I do have to do today is interact with this person. And so you get to choose what I want that to look like. If I'm not worried about the bigger issue, what can I control in this moment? What can I do today?
00:39:11
Speaker
um So it really helps you to see that sometimes a big worry takes over every interaction with that person when maybe you can give your system a little bit of a break to say, I don't have to solve all of it today and I don't have to do all of it today. I can put the bigger issue up until I'm actively going to work on it. And in the moment, all I have to leave out is what today requires of me.
00:39:36
Speaker
So you go through and put up like everything that is spread out in front of you. And for some people, it's not that much. Maybe it's just one or two things that really have them stressed out. But for a lot of people, they have several different things. And so what I would say is put up everything that you can that you're not going to actually do that day and leave out just what you have to do today. And I promise you, it will make you it will make life seem like it is so much more manageable. When you say there are 10 things, there's a dozen things going on in my life.
00:40:04
Speaker
But I only am going to focus on three things today. So say you've got an aging parent that you're really worried about, but you're not going to get test results or something for another week. You can put that up. What you can leave out is um maybe a phone call to them to let them know that you're thinking about them. Or if prayer is a part of your life, you can, you can say a prayer for them that day.
00:40:28
Speaker
um But the bigger worry you can put up. And then once you have everything on the table spread out in front of you, once you have everything put up that you can put up, you again just like peer into your container and say, everything in here is so important. I promise that I'm going to come back to you. And if you give me space to focus on the things that I left out today, then I promise when it's your turn for me to work on you, you'll have my undivided attention. And you close your container and you put your whatever security measures you have on it.
00:40:56
Speaker
And then you imagine putting your container somewhere you can get to it if you need it. But don't leave it out. Like it's not going to sit on your kitchen table where you're always aware of it. So put it at the back of your closet or something like that. um And another thing that's really important then is the things that are left out that you be really present with them. And you say this is all I have to focus on today. So I'm going to give my focus 100% on it.
00:41:21
Speaker
I have some people that first thing in the morning when they wake up, that's where they have the most anxiety of the day. So they practice this as a morning meditation to say, what am I actually going to ask myself to do in in this 24 hour period? And what can I put up and hold off for another day?
00:41:37
Speaker
I have some people that practice this when they're kind of switching over from work mode to home mode. They find that really helpful. So the first half of their day, they put family completely up and they focus on work responsibilities. And then when they clock out, they even do this meditation in the parking lot or something to be able to say work gets put up all these problems that I've dealt with, I'm not going to focus on them for the rest of day, I'm going to put them up.
00:42:01
Speaker
so that I can be totally present with my family. And they pull their family out of the container and give them the focus for the rest of the day. It helps them to have that work life balance. I'm the type of person that it's at the end of the day when I'm trying to fall asleep that my brain decides to remind me everything that could possibly go wrong. And so I practice this a lot to help me fall asleep at night. Because at that point, what you're asking your brain to leave out is nothing.
00:42:26
Speaker
Even the things that are really important for the next day, I can't do anything about them today. So by the time I go through my list, my table is completely empty except for falling asleep. The only responsibility, the only thing I have to do for the rest of the day is fall asleep.
00:42:41
Speaker
This is one of these practices that the more you use it, the more effective it becomes. So the first time you try it, you might notice that an hour after you've done it, all those things that you put up are back out and they're um demanding your attention again. And that's where you just very gently say like, Hey,
00:42:58
Speaker
You're keeping back up again, you were supposed to stay in the container so you visualize yourself going back and putting them back in the container again. I promise the more you practice it, the more it sticks. um Also in the beginning you have to do a lot of work to reassure these different things that you're going to come back to them and that they're important. It goes so much faster the more you practice it.
00:43:19
Speaker
My container is like a like one of those old time file boxes and I imagine all of my issues are written down on like an index card. And so it's to the point that it works so well for me now. I file stuff away so quickly. Like a thought will pop into my head about, well, what am I going to do about this? I pick that index card up and I say, not today. And I put it, I file it somewhere in the filing cabinet and I can filter through my stressors so fast that they feel put up within 60 seconds. And my brain shuts off so much faster. I promise this is one of those the more you practice it, the faster and am a more effective it gets. So this is one to practice whenever you whatever time of day you're feeling a lot of anxiety. Okay,
Conclusion: Building Your Toolkit
00:44:04
Speaker
that's it. That is my top 10 tips to help prevent
00:44:08
Speaker
and deal with anxiety when you're already feeling it. um I hope you find this helpful. I hope even if I didn't go into a lot of detail, if you're curious about some of these that you do some research on your own, I'll try to stick some resources down in the show notes as well. I hope this gives you a bit of a feeling of we can impact our anxiety. We can have a little bit of control over it.
00:44:31
Speaker
Definitely, these things are going to help with it, um as well as medication, as well as therapy. These are not the things that I would say are going to get to the core of why you're having that anxiety. You still need to dig through that, but these are also things that are going to help you as you're doing that work in therapy to be able to say, I had a really hard therapy session today. It stirred everything up, but when I go home, I'm going to spend 15 minutes in my calm place.
00:44:55
Speaker
um And I'm going to show my body that I know how to relax it. The container exercise is honestly one that I use a lot at the end of a therapy session with clients to give them the message of like whatever we talked about today, we've done our work with it. You don't have to work on it again for the rest of the day. You can just put it up and leave it there.
00:45:14
Speaker
So I hope these were helpful. If you have any questions or any thoughts, um make sure to send me a message. You can always find me at empower underscore counseling on Instagram. I'm pretty active there. You can always DM me with questions there, but I hope you found this helpful. And I hope you continue to add to your toolkit with the things that you have found that specifically work for you that maybe your therapist has taught you or that you've just found for yourself. um And I just hope every time you keep building up your toolbox of ways that we can help ourselves with our anxiety.
00:45:42
Speaker
So I hope everyone has a good week and we will talk to you next time. Bye.
00:45:50
Speaker
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of outside of session. Remember while I am a licensed therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for individual therapy. The contents of this episode are for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you are having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 for immediate assistance or dial 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline.