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Periods, Hormones, and ASD/ADHD
47 Plays1 month ago
In Part 2 of our conversation with Megan, we take a deeper look at how the different phases of the menstrual cycle uniquely impact women with ASD and ADHD. We explore the challenges that can arise during each phase and share valuable strategies for managing symptoms and practicing self-care throughout the month. This episode offers insight into how understanding your cycle can empower you to better support your mental and physical health.
About Megan:
Megan Heller-Foley is a licensed clinical social worker at Awaken and Counseling in Marietta Georgia. Megan has a bachelors of science in psychology and a masters of science in social work. Megan has been a licensed social worker since 2012 and a therapist in private practice for seven years. Megan’s lived experience as a Neurodiverse person has led her to focus on helping others navigate their lives with adhd and autism. Megan’s special interests include reading psychological thrillers and roman-tasy books, almost all fandom’s (currently engulfed in the hobbit), board games, 90 day fiancé (and all of its spin offs), and the never ending pursuit of knowledge and acceptance of living as a Neurodiverse person.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:09
Speaker
Welcome back to Outside of Session. I'm your host, licensed clinical social worker and therapist BFF, Julie Hilton.
Season Overview: Navigating Life's Challenges
00:00:17
Speaker
Season three is all about navigating life's challenges and finding balance. We're continuing the conversations around mental health and I'm once again joined by expert guests who share their stories and tips and hopes to inspire you on your journey of healing and growth.
Continuing the Discussion: Hormonal Influences on Relationships
00:00:39
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to the second half of my conversation with licensed clinical social worker Megan Heller Foley. Last week we started talking about how to navigate relationships and dating as a woman with ADHD or autism spectrum disorder.
00:00:56
Speaker
And this week we're changing gears just a little bit. We're going to be talking specifically about how your monthly cycle and the changes that we have in our hormones throughout the month influence lots of different things, um but specifically how that relates to neurodiverse women.
Content Warning: Sensitive Topics Discussed
00:01:13
Speaker
I do want to get ah give a little bit of a warning that in today's episode we talk about some really heavy stuff including um domestic violence, inter or-partner violence, um those kind of topics. And so that doesn't mean you should skip today's episode. It just means that you should be very protective of yourself and make sure that you are in a place to be able to hear those kind of topics.
Women’s Monthly Cycles and Its Influence
00:01:33
Speaker
um So with that being said, help me welcome back Megan for the rest of our conversation.
00:01:41
Speaker
Okay. So today we are switching gears just a little bit. So we're still going to be talking about, um, navigating things as a woman with ADHD or ASD. And when I first reached out to you a few weeks ago and I was like, Megan, do you want to come back on the podcast? And you said you graciously said yes. And then I was like, okay, what are we going to talk about? The first thing you said was let's talk about periods.
00:02:05
Speaker
And I was like, I kind of laughed and I was like, yes, let's do it. Whatever you mean by that, let's do it.
Hormonal Changes and Neurodiverse Women
00:02:12
Speaker
Yes, because periods didn't even talked about more. I mean, ah you know, I not to get too graphic, you know, but ah the majority of women do bleed, you you know, five to seven days out of every single month of the, you know majority of their adult life. um And it's just something that we're constantly carrying, constantly dealing with, um struggling to deal with, but it's like we're just kind of expected to like go silently. Yeah, for sure. I feel like, I don't know about you, but I feel like in my practice, I have just started bringing it up a lot more, um talking to people about
00:02:47
Speaker
we were given some of the bare minimum information and education during our years where we were starting our period. And it was just kind of like, these are things that are going to happen on those four to seven days. But we were given no education about the luteal phase and the follicular phase. Like we didn't learn anything about how our hormones were all over the place all month long, not just the week before your period. So I have started talking to a ton of my clients about,
00:03:16
Speaker
It helps you to actually validate your experience if you know what's going
Impact of Hormonal Fluctuations on Medication
00:03:20
Speaker
on. It doesn't mean, like I hate it when people say, oh, she feels that way just because she's about to start her period. It's just like, yeah, and it's very real. And so knowing where you are in your cycle is just so important to me. And I'm also going to be looking for someone to come on the podcast to talk about perimenopause and menopause too, because I think you need so much more information and education on that. Okay, so yeah, that's what we're going to do today is to really talk about how hormonal fluctuations impact all things ADHD and ASD.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yes. on on you know Talking about pairing menopause and menopause, a lot of women are diagnosed during that stage because you know working memory is impacted, focus is impacted, moods are impacted in a huge way. um and so so Sometimes that's the first time people are finding this out about themselves. so That's a lot to kind of grapple with when you're already dealing with the menopausal stuff.
00:04:16
Speaker
Right. Like we're not very good at being proactive with it. It's usually a very reactive approach when it's just like, when you feel like you are absolutely losing it, you finally get some good information on, oh, and this is why. And you could have gotten help for it a really long time ago. ah Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. So where do you want to start with this?
00:04:37
Speaker
um You know, I want to say hormonal changes deeply impact. ah Well, they really impact all women. um But with ADHD and ASD, um you know, there are some really huge mood things. And also, we have found through research that medication for these things sometimes doesn't work at different times of the month or less functional or less productive. And our medication isn't working. And you know thinking about that, so so the flip side of that is there are times of the month when you're functioning better and well and at the top of
Strategies for Managing Hormonal Swings
00:05:19
Speaker
your functionality. And I think it's about like capitalizing on that.
00:05:22
Speaker
um really again that self-discovery knowing yourself knowing how you function um yeah knowing with which phases work better for you and then trying to you know get the max amount done during those times of the month that you are more functional and then preparing to be comfortable, at least. um you know And you know we via our old job you know palliative care, I kind of use the palliative method. you know We can't cure this, but we can be comfortable, right? um So I like to kind of apply that mentality to the low points of the month. That is crazy. So medications aren't even as effective. Right.
00:06:10
Speaker
Yes. Wow. So you were relying on this thing, you know, you know, you're this this thing you take every day. um And then I can't tell you how many clients like, you know, send me an email, like, my medication's not working. Do I need a different medication? You know, what is going on? And it's like, you know, it very likely could just be a different time of the month. Wow, that's incredible. Okay, so I like what you were saying about
00:06:38
Speaker
At this point, at least, we don't have any good medical solutions for it. You know, it's tough. And I think it goes back to like all medicine has been done on a 70 kg man. Yeah, absolutely. There is no planning for these hormonal fluctuations.
00:06:55
Speaker
No, you know and women has have um just been seen as neurosis, right? Or women are just crazy, women just cry a lot, blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, we are and we do because ah we're going through a lot.
00:07:10
Speaker
Yeah, there's some ah legitimate, um you know, ah neurotransmitters impacted, you know, dopamine, serotonin, GABA. um I learned recently that progesterone actually increases the GABA in your brain, which is what a benzo does.
00:07:30
Speaker
okay so um you know there's all these people out there you know on benzos you know yeah ah you obviously they're super addictive nobody wants to prescribe them um they are helpful if you're having a panic attack um but i think it a hormones need to be checked hormones need to be tested um a lot of kind of your run of the bill regular doctors don't even want to get into that with you yeah um you pretty much have to like beg and plead um because if you are estrogen dominant um your progesterone is lower and that could be causing you know some of ah these anxiety symptoms related to ASD and ADHD. So until we get some better better medical research and interventions,
00:08:16
Speaker
One of the things that you recommend is just, once again, like learn yourself really, really well so that you can understand what's happening with these fluctuations, right?
Exploration of Menstrual Cycle Phases
00:08:25
Speaker
um Yes, definitely. Track your cycles. you know and Well, then there's also people that have super irregular cycles, um and so that makes it tough. you know um It makes it really tough. So these um extreme feelings, these extreme emotions ah that are hormonal, I've been calling them, um you know, medical anxiety, right? Because it's nothing you did and it's not a situation that you're in. You know, this isn't like, I have a big test tomorrow and I'm freaking out. No, this is like your brain on fire, right? um And so ah kind of, you know, learning that, knowing that, realizing it's temporary.
00:09:06
Speaker
um you are not going to feel like this the rest of your life um this is kind of um nature's cruel joke of being a woman right and um then again kind of applying that palliative care method of what can i do to keep comfortable to like get through these really tough moments um you know what's in my coping skills box i know for me it's like heating pad weighted blanket peppermint essential oil um my favorite guided meditation it's a ah lord of the wings meditation party in the shire like it always makes me feel better um so i think like having i don't know three to five things to go to to be like i i need to get through this moment um and kind of leading back to something uh that we talked about before we started the podcast um this is a
00:09:51
Speaker
really alarming statistic to me. And kind of when I was coming up with this stuff last night, I was ah ah in tears a little bit because, um you know, women experiencing ADHD and ASD, actually just ah people in general experiencing ADHD and ASD have a 25% higher rate of suicide attempt. Wow.
00:10:12
Speaker
um and And women, you know I wonder how how much of that is hormonal. you know How much of that is you know kind of that PMDD, PMS kind of different hormonal spikes with ovulation. um And so I think it's not uncommon to have those feelings. um I think it's important to talk about them. And I think it's important for therapists to not be alarmed and not be like, sure ah You're so sad. We need to get you to, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, i'm I'm here for these conversations, yeah right? i'm I'm also here to keep you safe. So I need a little bit more information, but like, let's talk about it. um And so I think it's important to note like, hey, yes, I'm feeling this way. These feelings are extreme. I'm on a level 10. This could be hormonal, very likely is, um you know, what can I do to just keep myself comfortable to get through it?
00:11:04
Speaker
Absolutely. Because ive I think sometimes when, um, whether it is, you know, as severe as suicidal ideation or it's just that hopeless feeling or it's just extreme, um, irritability or whatever it is that you're feeling, sometimes it can feel very much like it's happening to you and and you don't have an explanation for it. And so it can feel very hopeless and it can also feel like I don't know what to do for it. And so it's a feeling of like, is this the new norm? Do I need a medication change? Is this something right I've got to come up with a a completely new plan for myself, like new interventions, like
00:11:41
Speaker
Do I need to start a new program like all of these things when really it's like if we have the information to say that on days 17 through 19 of your cycle, those are going to be really hard days. Let's just go ahead and plan for
Productivity Tips: Utilizing Hormonal Boosts
00:11:53
Speaker
them. So those are the days that you um you take a mental health day for work so that you don't have to deal with those pressures. That's the day that you avoid phone calls from certain people in your life that stress you out. you know curb everybody yeah um let's break it down let's talk about these uh phases you know starting with the the period the menstruation um so you know generally three to seven days uh unfortunately it breaks my heart some people it's like you know nine days ten days you know you never know tough tough to say um but you know it starts with that you know not to get too graphic the bleeding right um and uh you know physically you know cramps
00:12:35
Speaker
fatigue, um stomach issues, um and a worsening of ADHD, anxiety, ASD symptoms. um A couple coping skills to throw out there, um you know, preparing for more rest.
00:12:51
Speaker
um uh you know ah being ready with that like Advil that Tylenol um drinking as much water as possible I you know I think that for all the phases though I think hydration is super important um you know having healthy foods getting ah if you can you know getting up and moving you know that always helps that pain um just to kind of keep it moving like uh you know the more you like it's you know lean into like just sitting and laying, you know, I think that pain can increase. So, you know, when possible, staying active and moving around. Yeah, yeah.
00:13:28
Speaker
ah Then the follicular phase. um So right after the period ends, you start your follicular phase, days seven to 10. It starts on the day, the day menstruation ends, ends with ovulation. and Estrogen in improve ah azureing increases and then it improves your mood and your focus. So like, let's get stuff done, okay? you know let's let's Let's think ahead and um knock that big project out of the way. you know Let's get all that laundry done. Let's meal prep. you know, let's, let's, let's figure this out, you know, um, so cat, I'm going to jump in and say, like, I think this is especially so important for, um, people with ADHD, especially because when you're thinking about like, why is it that I can get stuff done sometimes and other times I can't make myself like this is a huge part of the explanation, right? So don't expect yourself to function at the same level during, uh,
00:14:24
Speaker
one cycle over the other big or one phase of the cycle over the other because it is literally hormonal driven. There is a reason why sometimes you have motivation and sometimes you don't. Right. Love yourself. Plan those things. like Don't ask yourself to clean out the garage and or tackle a big project when you're going to be ah in the min administration phase. like That's just not the time to do it.
00:14:47
Speaker
Right, yes. And and then and then also realizing it's not all bad, right? We can capitalize on the good times, the good things, and the times that you know we do have that energy yeah and to accomplish something big. Yeah, absolutely.
Understanding the Luteal Phase
00:15:01
Speaker
Um, but also, you know, you could probably make more progress with exercising. You might get your faster run times. You might lift, a you know, lift more weights and stuff like that. So, you know, capitalizing on that, I guess, in in a workout sense can be good. um So next phase is ovulation. Mid cycle around day 14, peak estrogen enhances mood and clarity. um Aside from this, I've seen some research, and blood sugar. i You know, these hormones can impact blood sugar. um And you would think it's like those days right before your period when you're like, I need chocolate. It's like your biggest blood sugar spikes and crashes, but it's like, no, it's ah ovulation.
00:15:44
Speaker
So I think that um you know taking care of yourself nutritionally during this time, you know making sure you're getting something from all the food groups, you're eating a lot of healthy fats, a lot of proteins to try to just like balance that blood sugar so that you're not having big spikes and cracks.
00:16:01
Speaker
is Because as you know, but blood sugar impacts mood. But anyways, kind of harnessing that estrogen mood enhancement and um for focus, important activities, um and um you know just engaging in your regular routines. Okay. And then what's the fourth?
00:16:22
Speaker
Pardon of me? And then what's the fourth phase? Okay, so fourth phase is luteal phase. The duration is 10 to 14 days, ah begins after ovulation and with menstruation, estrogen starts to drop. for It progesterone starts to rise. um You can feel, ah ah you know, you can have more difficulty staying on task, difficulty focusing.
Differences in Hormonal Cycles: Men vs. Women
00:16:45
Speaker
um You can be a little bit more irritable. You know, this is kind of that, you know, into that PMS kind of territory
00:16:52
Speaker
of um you know ah being a little bit more sensitive, that sort of thing. I think something that can help a lot with this is the kind of some of those somatic therapy techniques, um yoga, stretching, that sends signals of safety to your brain. you know that hey We're okay. We're in a good place. That can help. ah Maybe plan like a lighter work week. Give some tasks to your partner. um Also, i think um I call this like the art of knowing when to call it. ah Just saying no to some things. I'm not going to be able to do that. um One thing I really like to do if if I'm stressed out about an event coming is really focus on what it would feel like to not go.
00:17:38
Speaker
and what it would feel like to go and almost like meditate on that and see what feels better and make my decision that way. you know What makes me feel lighter? What makes me feel more comfortable? um so I think you know kind of utilizing that during this lu luteal phase to kind of protect your energy um can be really helpful. Oh yeah, I love that.
00:17:57
Speaker
yeah Yeah, Luteal Face is something I learned about recently. Nobody, ah you know, that wasn't part of the sex talk or the period talk. But it's very important.
00:18:10
Speaker
You know, I learned a lot about this a couple of years ago when I started using an app to track my cycle. And think the name i I think the one that I was using was called MyFlow. But I know there are a few different ones out there. But what I loved about it is that it gave insights every time you were in a different phase.
00:18:33
Speaker
Um, and so it would tell you like, okay, if you were in your luteal phase, give yourself permission to say, no, slow down a little bit, like live a slower life. And then when you were in your ovulation phase, it was like, this is the time where you want to meet your girlfriends for drinks. This is the time that you want to challenge yourself in the gym, like all the things that you're talking about, but it helped you like,
00:18:55
Speaker
What would always happen for me is that when i was when my estrogen was high, it really does make you feel more extroverted. like It makes you feel more social. It makes you feel like you're looking for connection. and so i would read it it would I would have this like spontaneous feeling of reaching out to friends and making plans.
00:19:15
Speaker
But I wouldn't make them for a couple of weeks from now. And by the time the plans came around, I would be in a phase where that's when i'm like, I'm not looking for connection. Like that's just when I want to hibernate a little bit. Yes. And so like using these apps to track or like just knowing yourself really, really well.
00:19:33
Speaker
You can also prepare for things like that so that you can have like your social things planned for the weeks where you're going to feel like you have ah ah like your social battery is going to be a little bit higher. You know, if you have to do some kind of like job interview or something like that, maybe you can plan it for the time because our hormones impact so much of that. Like if you own your own business and your goal setting, you want to do that during those phases of the month where you are seeing things more big picture and give yourself permission to say,
00:20:05
Speaker
There are other times of the month where I'm not gonna be at my best. And we are on a 28 day so cycle, not a 24 hour cycle like men. That's such a good point. Like have you ever heard like that research that they? No. Okay, so men live on a 24 hour cycle. So their hormones cycle every 24 hours. um What's it called? Like I'm blanking when you're there are circadian cycle.
00:20:30
Speaker
Okay. So think about like cortisol is highest at the beginning of the day, um your natural melatonin that you produce is highest in the evening. Like their cycle only depends on the sun. We're on that same cycle. We have the circadian rhythm too, but we are much more impacted by our 28 day cycle, right? We depend on the moon. We yeah are aligned with the moon. Yes. No, but it's real. And so you're right. That's another thing to think about is like,
00:21:00
Speaker
The majority of research has never included women in studies. And so even like the ah like pretty much any piece of research that you look at, you can say that only partially applies to women.
00:21:17
Speaker
yeah Yes. Yes. And I think about like, um you know, blood work, you know, vitamin B, vitamin D, you know, all of these kind of um ranges for blood work are based on a 70 kg male. yeah So like who's to say that like our vitamin levels are where they should be? You know, are we functioning as well as we could be? I don't know.
Cycle Tracking and Personalized Coping Strategies
00:21:40
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. So I think it's important for all women to educate themselves and um learn how hormones impact them. Yes. And yeah, I definitely, I know it's a, it's a lot harder if you have an irregular period, but even when mine has been irregular, I've learned to like notice changes in mood. And so I'm like, okay, maybe that, maybe I didn't know this day was coming, but I can feel it and I know myself a lot better. And I just, you plan accordingly. You take care of yourself accordingly.
00:22:10
Speaker
yes, having a couple go to things to keep yourself comfortable to keep yourself safe. um And maybe even having, you know, ah a little bit of a plan, you know, like, i I know that I have this book to read, I have this friend to call, um I have this, um you know, kind of like safe stretching routine that I can engage in, um you know, again, heating pad, sorry, I love my heating pad.
00:22:33
Speaker
um like my most important coping skill. But for other people, you know, temperature is important. Temperature is a big coping skill. But like for other people, it's ice, you know, and being cold, you know, it just like depends on ah what your body's into, what makes you feel safe. But I think, yeah, again, so for people who are having um thoughts of self harm, to be able to tell yourself
00:22:59
Speaker
you've got a you've got some data like once you start to track especially and you know yourself better and better you'll be able to say like I know on average this these feelings go away in about 48 hours I feel like that can also offer hope um or at least something to hold on to to say like that it's probably 48 hours of this being so bad and you can like start a countdown or something like that just to say like I know I'm gonna feel different different pretty quickly usually You know, yeah, and even using that dbt skill, you know, like, um you know, ah day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, you know, ah like let me wait 50 minutes and see how I feel and reassess, you know, because right, you know, things can change a little bit quicker. Yeah, it can. Okay, so that so it's naturally going to change like when your hormones fluctuate back, but also to be able to say,
00:23:51
Speaker
If it's a 10 out of 10 right now, if I go grab my weighted blanket and my heating pad, can I bring it down to an eight? Exactly. What coping skills do I have? Which ones are accessible to me right now? um ah You know, I have some clients that, um you know, ah getting out of bed is tough. ah So of course, weighted blanket, heating pad, essential oil, having stuff at your bedside is really nice.
00:24:15
Speaker
um You know, if you can, you know, I think, um you know, water's very healing. So if you get to a hot bath, a cold bath, a hot shower, a cold shower, if you are able to get up and walk those couple steps to the bathroom, some people are not.
Awareness and Preparation for Perimenopause
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. um I like what you said before is that if symptoms increase, then self-awareness may decrease.
00:24:40
Speaker
Yes, definitely, definitely. And so, the you know, this is, yeah this could be a little bit graphic, but for women, you know, dealing with the periods with ADHD and ADHD, you know, there's kind of a lack of attention. There's kind of a lack of self-awareness. And so, you know, also there's like extreme bleeding, right? um So there's no statistics on that this, but I imagine, um There comes an increase of embarrassing accidents happening. And also with sensory issues. Sometimes pads are no, tampons are a no. I would never do that. So it's like, what do I have left to use? A lot of my clients have had really good success with period panties. So I think that can be helpful. But finding out, what are all the options? Or like, have you never heard of the cup? And like, you know, maybe that is for you. Like, you know, knowing what all's out there, you know, trying them all and whatever's more comfortable for your body. I think that's important. But yeah, when, you know, you're not paying attention and you have a lack of self-awareness, you could be like, oh, I forgot I had my period and it's been 12 hours. What's going on now? You know?
00:26:02
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And know we're talking a lot about um like monthly cycle. But what about when it comes to perimenopause and menopause? like Do you have some information about those changes?
00:26:14
Speaker
Sure. Yes. um Really, really tough. um you know Because you could get the you get a loss of estrogen. you know Your body starts making less estrogen. And so sometimes you don't have those um phases of the month to capitalize on. you know You don't have those kind of good feelings of like, I'm going to reach out to all my girlfriends and make these plans. um you know Of course, there's and different types of hormone replacement therapy. um but ah you know and which is which is great, but not everybody has like the resources for that. um So it is a really tough thing. And I think it's important to like you know get your regular physicals, know where you're at, know what phase of life that you're in. you know I've seen plenty of women in their 30s that our in-pairing menopause didn't know they're in-pairing menopause. Their body's doing all kinds of different weird things, and they're feeling like they've never felt before. But ah you know knowing it, I think, can give you a sense of peace. Like, oh, okay, my um my body's going through a change. I'm in a phase. like What can I do to keep myself comfortable to get through this?
Challenges of Perimenopause and Health Checks
00:27:22
Speaker
What can I communicate to my partner or my kids or my family? like Hey, I might not be acting like myself. like My body's really going through something.
00:27:30
Speaker
I think what's so hard about that too is like, perimenopause, I've been doing a lot of reading on it recently. Um, cause again, it's another thing that we just have not been educated about, but perimenopause usually starts between 35 and 45. Right. Like I'm 37. I'm in the window.
00:27:48
Speaker
Yes, I know, I know. Yeah, it it really hit me like a ton of bricks as well, at being 37 as well, you know, kind of like, wait a minute, like, I just kind of got, you know, you you get your period, you have your period, you go through kind of your childbearing years, you know, they're kind of wrapping up and you're like, all right, so that's wrapped up. That's cool. But you know, and then you're like, wait a minute.
00:28:09
Speaker
I thought menopause was like, you know, 55 and up. I think you had to be like a senior citizen, you know, and it's like, no, no, no, this is a very real thing impacting us right now. It is. It is about to happen. Yes, for sure. And I think what's crazy is like, it takes so long to learn yourself and to know yourself, like,
00:28:32
Speaker
I don't know in what warped world 11 and 12 year old girls get to start figuring this out. like It's just so unfair. um But you don't know yourself when you're a teenager. And then in your 20s, you're learning so much about your body and your sexuality and your belief systems and how to navigate adult relationships. like your twenties are spent floundering, but also learning yourself in a lot of different ways. And so it's like, I don't know about you, but I feel like it's only the last couple of couple of years that I'm finally like, okay, maybe I'm starting to understand myself. And then boom, you're going to go through this whole other life change where, um, I feel like him it can be like just when you feel like your feet are up under you in some ways. Another wave of life comes where you're having to say like, well, why is it different now? Like I was just starting to feel like I had a grasp on things.
00:29:22
Speaker
um and Again, like especially with a perimenopause, you're still having your period. so You're having like all of these hormonal changes that are different different than the week-to-week changes that are already happening within the 28-day cycle.
00:29:37
Speaker
right and i okay more than twenty eight but um and it's It's just like, yeah. but Like you said, you're still losing estrogen. So even if it's your time of the month where it's supposed to be the highest, it might not have been, it's not as high as it was a year ago for you.
00:29:54
Speaker
So PMS is going to look different. Relationships are going to be different. And it's so hard. Like I feel like so many times clients come into my office and they're like, something is different. My mood is different. I'm not sleeping. I'm not this, I'm not that. And it's just like, we can make a list of a dozen different things that are impacting it. It could be hormones. It could be perimenopause. It could be life stress. It could be this other thing that's going on. It could be diet. It could be, ah Like, it always feels really overwhelming to figure out, like, what is the thing that as long as I know that this is going on, I can say, like, oh, this is why I feel that way. And it's always just a combination of all of the above. ah Yes, absolutely.
Importance of Self-Care and Positive Self-Talk
00:30:33
Speaker
um I wish we could, like, just, I don't know, get, like, a a full CT scan, get all the blood work done, no demand. There's actually this, um you know, all private pay, wonderful
00:30:49
Speaker
place in Arizona. I can't remember what it's called right now, but you go for five days. um They do a psych eval. They do full body evaluations. and They do hormonal stuff. Oh my gosh, they try to figure out everything about you to give you this like super in-depth report on yourself. But like realistically, you know I don't know how much it is. $30,000, $60,000, I don't know.
00:31:11
Speaker
But hang on, who has five days to go somewhere? But you know I wish we could all come with that information, but we don't. And so it's really up to us. And you know unfortunately, to be our own self advocate and be like, all right, you know where's my body at? What's it doing? What's it going to do next? How can I prepare for that? um It's really tough.
00:31:34
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And that's also going to require like a lot of self compassion, that we don't have all of the answers and that there isn't just like a single solution for these things and that we can learn to take better and better care of ourselves over time. But if you're not taking the best care of yourself right now, like it's still okay. We're all just trying to do we're just doing the best that we can.
00:31:55
Speaker
Yes, and I really encourage people to focus, like I love Maslow's Hurricane needs and the very basic level, yeah right? like we might in ah Different times of the month, we're not going to be at the top. We're not going to be near the top. like But can we eat a good meal? Can we drink enough water? Can we treat ourselves well? um you know With this stuff, you know periods, perimenopause, menopause menopause cause ah ah comes with a lot of insomnia.
00:32:21
Speaker
ah And so when I can't sleep, I say, all right, I can't sleep, but what can I do to stay comfortable? um I don't have to be miserable. you know um i you know What can I do to to just like get through this time and be really kind to myself? um I try to change a narrative from like, Megan, you can't sleep. You're going to have a terrible day tomorrow. And then you're going to be irritable. And then you're going to make people upset. And then you're not going to be a good therapist.
Summary of Hormonal Impacts on Women
00:32:46
Speaker
like I try to change that narrative to like, I can rest.
00:32:50
Speaker
I can close my eyes. I can think about some nice things. I can do a breathing exercise. I can do a guided meditation. I can, you know, get comfortable and read a book. I love that so much. Yeah. Sometimes it's like the most basic things we forget to go to. Yes. I know. I know. And a lot of times it isn't a, it's a deficit in some of those basic things that are impacting us the most for sure.
00:33:16
Speaker
So I feel like, um, a lot of everything that we just talked about applies to all women for, um, are all people with periods. And I want to make sure that we do give plenty of room to talk about like, is there anything specific if you have a diagnosis of ASD or ADHD or like those special considerations? Because when we talk about, um, changes in hormone levels and the entire rant that I just went on, like that applies to everyone.
Increased Risk of Abuse in Neurodiverse Individuals
00:33:43
Speaker
So is there anything that's really specific?
00:33:47
Speaker
that you want to make sure that we touch on? Sure. Yeah. And this is a really tough thing to bring up, a tough thing to talk about. um It's actually newer information to me, but it makes a whole lot of sense. um But I think um you know bringing up intimate partner violence, sexual abuse, yeah sexual assault in the vulnerable population of people with ASD and ADHD,
00:34:11
Speaker
um And these are you know pretty alarming statistics, but autistic youths are three to four times more likely than non-autistic youths to experience sexual victimization. 40 to 50% of autistic adults report experiences of sexual abuse during childhood. um Individuals with ADHD are at an increased risk of being involved in cases of violence, and and intimate partner violence, and um um sexual victimization. um I feel like um what plays into that, you know well, A, there's the impulsivity. you know you Maybe you've made it an impulsive decision to be in a dangerous situation. um you know You weren't paying attention. You weren't focusing. Not that it's a part of your own. It's just kind of what your brain's dealing with. um Not understanding social cues. you know Not understanding and that somebody's giving off that predatory vibe. yeah um
00:35:08
Speaker
being a people pleaser, which kind of goes along with that rejective and rejection sensitive dysphoria. right I'm so afraid of rejection that like I'm going to go with this person that may or may not seem safe to this place that may or may not seem safe, um you know kind of having low self esteem, which is tied in with that. um And then also, you're planning and problem solving is impacted. you know You're like, I'm in a situation that I can't get out of, so I just need to do whatever's going on right now. um and This is all very, very, very real um and and and very alarming statistics, but they're true.
Empowering Neurodiverse Individuals in Relationships
00:35:44
Speaker
Yeah, like even hearing you say all that, like that's just it it's heavy, but those conversations are needed.
00:35:54
Speaker
so how do So how do we approach that as far as um focusing on safety and keeping keeping women safe? I think it's like letting um you know even that you know children, young women kind of know about these and that factors, right? These safety factors, you know knowing what to look for, um ah how to kind of stop and ground yourself in reality and figure out you know what is a safe situation, and what's not a safe situation. um you know Really, I think just even knowing the increased risk, knowing the statistics can be super helpful. you know and Knowing that you you need to take that extra step and to set yourself up for safety, I think that's super important. like I'm part of a more vulnerable population um to these things, you know to intimate partner violence, to sexual abuse. so ah you know I really need to focus on like protective factors, strengths, safety factors,
00:36:57
Speaker
having a plan in place, um you know that's just going to be necessary for moving forward in life. Absolutely, because that's empowerment. um That's really empowering women too, because I think that like especially for people in the dating arena, like it is complicated and it's hard. It also can be really fun too. like I don't want to paint it like it's this um horribly miserable time to be in the dating phase of life. It can be really fun and enjoyable too. And you can learn lots about yourself, even if you aren't finding your, you know, a life partner. um But with understanding like how to navigate dating, when we're talking about things like we talked about before with communication, and when do you just disclose things? And how do you share your your interests and stuff like that? A big part of that conversation can also be
00:37:47
Speaker
How do you identify predator vibes? How do you take care of yourself? When is it okay to be rude if you feel unsafe? Yeah. Because really, ah predators are looking for people with low self-esteem, you know? Essentially, you know, somebody that's experiencing rejection-sensitive dysphoria is like the perfect victim in their eyes, you know? So, um you know you know, knowing about rejection-sensitive dysphoria, you know, knowing how you operate. um Yeah, I think yeah all that is super important.
Creating Safety Checklists for Relationships
00:38:22
Speaker
and've like And I know we're getting ready to wrap up, like we're closing up here. um But I feel like with that, with periods, with relationships, with dating, like with all of that, so much of the conversation is um like learning yourself is so important. Having safe spaces to explore yourself is so important. um But also, are there like any other things that you would say that At the heart of it, if these things are taken care of, you can feel safe in relationships as a woman. Like what are the things that you would say are at the heart of feeling safe?
00:39:01
Speaker
I actually really like for people to make their own individual checklist. um Maybe one you know day-to-day for intense emotions and then another one kind of via dating. um you know For you know the day-to-day, intense emotions, you know gauging anxiety, and gauging ADHD and ASD symptoms. you know um ah Like a lot of times you're so kind of like out of touch with your mind-body connection. You you know don't know if you're dehydrated. You don't know if you're getting sick. um you know Did you sleep okay? Have you met all of your needs? like Is something bothering you? you know Put a name to it. Is there something I can do about it? um So you know developing that check-in, it's going to be unique for everybody because everybody's needs are a little bit different. um But yeah I think that's important. And then you know ah via dating, um you know have I told somebody where I'm at?
00:39:52
Speaker
you know Do I have a protective factor like a pepper spray? um you know Have I you know created a safe environment in which to meet this person? Have I properly vetted this person? um you know Just kind of having these checklists, I think, as like kind of like a secondary thing to go to to say, okay, what am I feeling like? Am I safe? ah you know Is this a good so situation? you know I think that can be really helpful. Yeah, I think it's that's so important. and even
00:40:24
Speaker
Like being able to identify what does it feel like to be unsafe and how do I not ignore that? um The same way like I know you've shared before of the feeling of like sometimes you don't know your own hunger cues and figuring out like how do I pay attention to my hunger cues? How do you learn how to pay attention to your danger cues? You know what I mean? To say as soon as I feel like this is what it feels like and
00:40:48
Speaker
even, even having some language for yourself of I'm not going to stay and figure out if my feeling is right or wrong, I'm going to go ahead and get someplace safe and I'll figure it out later or something like that, right? To be able to say like, I'm not going to stay for their comfort. If I'm feeling this way, I'm going to know what that feeling is and be able to identify it and go ahead and get myself to leave, get myself to safety.
00:41:09
Speaker
you know And and ah you know some of that, of course, is like you know the therapeutic work of working on um you know not being a people pleaser. yeah right yeah I feel unsafe, but I don't want to make this person unhappy, you know and I don't want to be rejected. um So you know kind of putting yourself first,
00:41:27
Speaker
Right. um You know, I always do a lot of work with people of like, um you know, unlearning how to be selfless and learning how to be selfish. As women were taught to you take care of everybody else's needs and not worry about herself. And it's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Like you come first in everything so that the and that's the only way you could be your best for other people. Yeah.
00:41:48
Speaker
um So really putting yourself, your wants, your needs, um your safety first, really in all situations and interactions.
Concluding Remarks and Resources
00:41:58
Speaker
I think that can um really be helpful and really honoring how you feel ah being grounded, being present in the moment, um can really help you to understand those feelings and process them. Yeah.
00:42:11
Speaker
Gosh, I feel like we could talk about this all day. I hate that we're out of time. Um, but Megan, thank you so much for coming back on. I'm sure if there is a season four, you'll be back for it too. If I can get you back on here, cause there's just so much more to talk about. Um, but I've got all of your information linked below in the show notes. So if anybody wants to get in touch with you, if they want to reach out, they can know where to get in touch with you. And I just want to say thank you again for sharing all of this information and I hope everyone has enjoyed listening today. All right. Thank you so much, Julie. We'll talk to you next time.
00:42:45
Speaker
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Outside of Session. Remember, while I am a licensed therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for individual therapy. The contents of this episode are for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you are having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 for immediate assistance or dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.