Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
10 Things I Want You to Do in 2025
29 Plays1 day ago
On this week's episode, Julie shares 10 Things she thinks you should do in 2025! Don't worry- we're not shoving resolutions down your throat (and even better- none of them have to do with losing weight!)
Things that will help create a more balanced life with less comparison and more intentionality.
Connect with me!
Instagram: @empower_counseling
Recommended
Transcript
Welcome and Introduction
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome back to Outside of Session. I'm your host, licensed clinical social worker and therapist BFF, Julie Hilton. Season three is all about navigating life's challenges and finding balance. We're continuing the conversations around mental health and I'm once again joined by expert guests who share their stories and tips and hopes to inspire you on your journey of healing and growth.
Reflections on Time and Milestones
00:00:38
Speaker
Hey everyone and welcome back to outside of session and happy freaking new year. It's January 1st, 2025, which just sounds absolutely crazy to say out loud that we're 25 years away from year 2000, which is absolutely crazy. I'm coming up on my 20 year class reunion this year, which just does not seem possible.
00:01:00
Speaker
We're five years out from 2020 and COVID, which just is mind blowing because it feels simultaneously like that was forever ago and also just yesterday. um I don't know, like it's just a new year and I hope everyone is feeling excited coming off of the holidays. I know most people are just kind of like ready for a reset. We're ready to get away from the holidays and just kind of get back to a sense of normalcy and a sense of routine.
Approaching New Year's Resolutions
00:01:27
Speaker
um But that's what I wanted to talk about today. So today's episode is not so much a ah mental health episode as it is me just like sharing some things that have been on my mind lately, especially about kind of about New Year's resolutions. And so today's episode, I'm going to share with you 10 things that are not New Year's resolutions, by the way, these are just 10 things that I wish all women would do.
00:01:51
Speaker
um But I'm talking about it today because everybody's talking about New Year's resolutions right now and it's the first and so a lot of people are starting um Like a new habit change or a new thing that they want to achieve for themselves like it's natural It's the beginning the of the year to start it. So I wanted to talk a little bit about that today Before I actually share the ten things that are on my mind I wanted to say a couple of things about New Year's resolutions because I feel like People have kind of mixed opinions on them um Some people every single year. They're all about their New Year's resolutions I particularly kind of like them like I like a good fresh start and a new challenge for myself So I'm not against New Year's resolutions, but I knew I do know a lot of people are like I don't Bother because it seems like why January first like why do I have to do that? Why do I need to make all of these changes and I can see both sides? but what I will say is that if you are somebody who
00:02:48
Speaker
feels like on January 1st you're starting over or you feel like you started something last year and you only made it a few weeks or a few months and then you failed and this year you're starting over starting from like ground zero again. I just want to gently remind you that you're not starting over like you're not.
00:03:08
Speaker
I would rather come from a place of saying, if you are a person who had a goal last year, that means you are a person who cared about yourself last year. And if you have that same goal this year, then you are just still a person who cares about yourself, whether we're talking about your health, your relationships, personal goals, um personal growth, things like that.
00:03:29
Speaker
Like even if it didn't stick for the entire year last year, the fact that this year you're still thinking about wanting to improve in that way, now why can't we celebrate that? Why can't you just gently tell yourself, I'm still a person who cares about my health. I never stopped caring about myself um in that way. And you're not starting over because you have another year worth of lessons, like life lessons. And if for whatever reason you started something last year and didn't stick with it,
00:03:58
Speaker
That's another data point for you to say, okay, let me analyze why I didn't stick with it. Why did it not work out? And so how can I approach it differently this year? So if you're starting something again, just remind yourself that like, it's a good thing to start it again, that just means it's still important to you. And that's still a part of who you are.
00:04:15
Speaker
Another suggestion that I have with it is if you have, if you're one of those people that you have a list of things that you're starting today, like you have a half a dozen things that you're like, I'm going to start drinking more water. I'm going to meditate every day. I'm going to start exercising again. I'm going to go to bed at 9pm. Like you have all of these, you have a list of like pretty lofty goals for yourself right now.
00:04:37
Speaker
One thing that I would recommend is not trying to start them all at one time. and instead try Instead of new year, try new month challenges. so Instead of doing all six of those things at one time, just choose one for the month of January. like Maybe the month of January is you're going to try to drink more water.
00:04:56
Speaker
And if you're not trying to change half a dozen things at one time, you can actually give a lot more attention to the one thing that you are trying to start. And so you can ask yourself like, why is it so hard to make this a habit? What am I struggling with? How do I need to tweak this along the way? And then when February gets here, you'll have a lot more information for yourself about how the first month went. And then you can add something else to it. So maybe February is like a month of meditation, you're going to ask yourself to meditate every day for the month, which all of these things are really awesome. But it might be overwhelming to try to do them all at one time. And so in February, if you're meditating, you've also got an entire month under your belt of trying to drink water, it's going to be easier to focus on meditation if you've already created a different habit, like it's not requiring so much of your attention.
Embracing Personal Growth
00:05:44
Speaker
So I just wanted to throw those things out there when it comes to New Year's resolution that a lot of times we just put pressure on ourselves to
00:05:51
Speaker
do it all at one time and go from zero to 100 and it's very much that all or nothing perfectionist mentality that we have of if we ah miss a week or if we miss a workout or if we miss if we mess up one single thing about our plan that we just throw the whole thing in the garbage. And that's what happens with resolutions a lot. So I would say like build into a plan when you're starting all of this of how you're gonna keep it going even if you even if it doesn't go the way you plan it in the beginning.
00:06:20
Speaker
So those are just a couple of thoughts that I have. But what I really wanted to talk about today is 10 things that I've been thinking about that I just wish all women would do. And this is not necessarily a new habit to create a couple of them are, um but not necessarily like new year new me kind of things, but just things that I wish women took the time to do for themselves and pay attention to and include in their life. And it's just things that I think are really important. And this is coming from like my own life experience, my experience as a therapist. I don't know, just things that have been on my mind lately that I think that if people took the time to do these things that it would just have a lot of benefit in their life.
00:07:04
Speaker
So the first thing I want to talk about is that I believe and this is I'm saying we because I'm including myself in this but I believe we as a society need to stop over consuming. I have really spent a lot of time lately thinking about how um how little thought we put into a lot of purchases and how easily we are influenced into thinking we need certain things.
00:07:31
Speaker
Like I cannot tell you if if you really start to pay attention to this you will not you you won't even even realize how often we see things online that other people have and we have this mentality of like who I want that to and We convince ourselves that it's gonna make our life easier. It's gonna make our life better But before we saw it we were not thinking about this at all. So it's not like I If you are in your home and you're like, our couch is getting old. We need to replace the couch. Let's go couch shopping. I'm talking about things like, oh, there's a new type of hair dryer out. Let me go buy it. Oh, it's $200.
00:08:11
Speaker
you weren't really thinking about your old hair dryer wasn't working really well. So it's not that you were necessarily thinking about replacing it. It's just you see it online. Like I cannot tell you how many times I have seen something online and said, that looks really cool. I want one of those. And so I just switch apps to Amazon order it, boom, it's there the next day.
00:08:31
Speaker
And it's just like this junk that starts to build up in our lives. And whether we like it and it does become useful, it's probably like 50-50 on whether or not in a month we're still going to be glad we made that purchase, right? And I think I really started to think about this when I purchased a meatball maker.
00:08:54
Speaker
sometime last year. I saw it online and I was like, that's the coolest thing. And I was convinced that all of a sudden I was gonna make all these different types of meatballs. And so I switched over to Amazon and I bought this thing and all it does is, it's exactly what it says it is. It it helps you make meatballs and so you don't have to hand roll dozens of little meatballs. And I've used it once. It did not spur in me this desire to all of a sudden cook meatbels meatballs all the time.
00:09:24
Speaker
And I was just that easily influenced by something so dumb and now it just takes up space in my kitchen and then of course I feel guilty if I throw it away. It's the same concept of I don't know at what point we all decided that we needed $60 water bottles. Like that's a thing that will always blow my mind how we convince ourselves that we're going to stay so much more hydrated. We're going to drink so much more water. And yes, I'm all for carrying around your emotional support water bottle with you. That's totally fine. But the fact that we have to have a certain name brand and that we have to spend so much money on them and we have to have different ones for different outfits,
00:09:59
Speaker
Like it's just outrageous to me because if we hadn't seen other people having them, that's not something that would have ever crossed our minds that we needed.
00:10:07
Speaker
I really believe that if we are intentional about what we let influence us and stop over consuming, that we'll stop chasing these little highs that purchasing things definitely give us, right? Like it's this feeling of like, Oh, now I'll be happy. Now I'll be satisfied. Um, I think that that's such a distraction for a million other things that we need to be like working through in therapy, of course.
00:10:31
Speaker
Um, but that's it. That's number one. I wish for everyone, myself included, that we could all agree to stop over consuming. And that goes hand in hand with the second thing that I was going to say, which is I really want to challenge people to sit down and go through all of the people that you follow on social media and delete a lot of people.
00:10:55
Speaker
um like unfollow accounts. And I know that a lot of people talk about um unfollow people that don't make you feel good about yourself. And that's totally true. I think that that's the first way to know that you need to unfollow people is that they're not making you feel good about yourself. But I think there are a ton of other reasons to unfollow people. One thing that I really, really noticed around the election last year,
00:11:20
Speaker
was it wasn't just people that made me feel bad about myself that I needed to unfollow. There were a lot of people that I didn't disagree with what they were saying. like I was following people who were pretty aligned with my beliefs and my values.
00:11:35
Speaker
But I just realized that their accounts were talking about things nonstop, that it was just like every time I was online, I was just like inundated with the same messages over and over again. And even if I agreed with them, it doesn't mean that it wasn't like anxiety provoking to think about that stuff all the time.
00:11:53
Speaker
um I also have had to unfollow a lot of um this is a little bit of a self-disclosure about a lot of like religious accounts because There's just so much going on internally for me that hearing too many different Opinions on a certain topic is just it got to where it just wasn't good for me So again, it wasn't people who were making me feel bad about myself and it wasn't people that I necessarily disagreed with I just realized how much I was exposing myself to the same messages that I don't want to think about 24 seven. I don't want politics to be on my mind that often. I don't want like certain things to be on my mind all that often. So I really want to encourage people to go through and unfollow, even if it's temporarily, anything that it's just like, yeah, I agree with that. But every time I see it, I get a little bit of anxiety or I'm tired of hearing about it. It's totally and okay to just unfollow those accounts.
00:12:49
Speaker
And going back to number one about the stopping over consuming I think those go hand in hand too because a lot of times we have Influencers that we really like they're funny. We like watching their lives things like that. There's nothing wrong with that But keep in mind that they get paid To create that content they get paid to live that lifestyle. So if you've got someone who is a ah like a lifestyle content creator and you see how perfect their house is and how clean and how organized. Like remember that is their full time job to do that. And they're not gone out of the house necessarily for 8 to 10 hours a day working another job. That is their job to make it look absolute perfection, right?
00:13:33
Speaker
And so it's almost like, and and I feel kind of weird saying this, but it's almost like they get paid to make us feel bad about ourselves and to make us feel like they have the solution for how to make it better. So that goes with fitness accounts, that goes with parenting accounts, that goes with um fashion, makeup, home lifestyle accounts, like they get paid to make their lives look perfect.
00:13:57
Speaker
So that we think, and another thing that they do is they say, and I have an easy solution for that. So if you want to look like this, it's so easy. I'll tell you exactly how to do that. If you want your house to look like this, these DIY projects are so easy. They're so cheap. um And they really convinced us that if we just do it exactly the way that they do it, that we'll be so much happier with our lives. But again, they're getting paid to do that. And that usually is their full time job.
00:14:22
Speaker
So be really, really intentional about like what messages you're consuming and who you're letting influence you and really taking a step back and asking yourself like all this content that I'm consuming, how am I letting it influence me? Because I think it goes so much deeper than any of us ever really give credit for. I think it's um I think it plays just so much of a bigger Like has so much of a bigger impact on our life and the way we view our life than we ever could realize. Like I think we play a comparison game in ways that we don't even realize we're doing. So that's number two is unf unfair unfollow, clean up your follow list on social media.
Empowering Women
00:15:02
Speaker
The third thing is I wish women would take charge of their finances.
00:15:11
Speaker
And what I mean by that is I wish women educated themselves more on things like investing, knowing where your money is, knowing where it's going, having a plan for it. um When I think about, you know, every once in a while I hear these statistics about I think it wasn't until 1974 that a woman could even don't quote me on this, I might be misstating this, but in 74 women could have a bank account without their husband's signature.
00:15:36
Speaker
or some crazy statistic like that, that it wasn't until the last recent decades, like in my lifetime, that women could open a business without um having their husband or their father sign for them. So women are coming at a very big disadvantage of we have not been encouraged to have financial independence, understand and be financially literate.
00:16:00
Speaker
And I wish a lot of women would just really dive into figuring that out for themselves because nobody is going to do this for you. So taking there's so many free online resources, there's a ton of women, like financial advisors that I follow on Instagram, that have taught me so much about investing and diversifying and how to how how to build an emergency fund. um just so many different things. And also, if you are married, making sure that even if you're not the one month to month that's like managing the finances, you still need to know what the plan is for the money, what your goals are, where the money is, how to access it.
00:16:41
Speaker
And I guess the reasons why I'm feeling that this is so important right now is because of a couple of different reasons. One being because I worked in hospice for a really long time and I can't tell you how many patients we had that were men that um after they passed away, their wives had no clue how to even pay a bill.
00:17:07
Speaker
they were just so lost when it came to where their money was what what the bank accounts were like they were just so um oblivious to anything financial that it put them at a really, really, really big disadvantage. And it took a lot for their either children or their caregivers, their people in their life to help them figure it out. And so part of this is protection from that, like, God forbid, if anything happened, and all of a sudden you had to be ah in charge of everything, like putting yourself in a position where um not only that you know about it, but that you feel really confident about it. Another reason why I'm bringing this up is because I don't know, like I've had,
00:17:48
Speaker
several clients and even a couple of friends lately that have gone through really terrible divorces and People who never imagined their husbands putting them in this position all of a sudden were so financially abused Where they were cut off from the money. They didn't have access to money. They didn't things were being hidden from them and Like there was just so much abuse and exploitation um that it just it it caused them to feel so
00:18:25
Speaker
gosh, just taken advantage of and like they didn't have a way to advocate for themselves. um And I just never want any woman to feel like that. I think it's so important for you to be an equal in your relationship when it comes to finances so that you don't find yourself in that position. And even if you have the best spouse in the world, even if you have the most loving partner in the world, that doesn't guarantee that in 10 years from now things will be different and that's not like necessarily preparing for the worst but it is protecting yourself in all cases again like this could also be because they dropped dead um and you need to be able to pick up and know where things are um and so that's just like a really important thing to me is to see women engaged in the process in the goals in making decisions with investing making sure that you are preparing for the future for your retirement things like that like
00:19:23
Speaker
Nobody's going to do that for you. That's something that you're going to have to educate yourself on. And I wish every woman would make that a priority for themselves in 2025.
00:19:34
Speaker
The fourth thing is I really hope that women are starting to educate themselves on perimenopause and menopause. And there's starting to be a lot of really good resources, which I'm really excited about. um But I have had countless conversations with women talking about how they didn't know they were starting perimenopause. They were dismissed by their physician as um here are some anxiety medications like you you just have anxiety when they had a laundry list of things going on with them. So many women feel like they are just so going crazy. They feel like they are just not themselves and they're told like just deal with it. This is normal when it's not normal.
00:20:18
Speaker
um And so whether that's doing your own research, finding a physician that will believe you, that will educate you, that will work with you so to manage symptoms, finding a support in the community, whether that's your girlfriends, like having more of these conversations, talking about it more, finding these resources to share with people.
00:20:38
Speaker
um Like there's just so much that is not common knowledge. I think all we were ever really taught is that you'll stop having your period one day and that you'll start having hot flashes. Like I think that's the extent of what I thought menopause was. And now I'm realizing that it's anxiety, insomnia, depression, irritability, um, not just mood changes, but like brain fog, um, hormonal changes like aches and pains in your body is like,
00:21:08
Speaker
Essentially, an entire organ in your body is going to stop producing a hormone or hormones. We need a lot more support and education and understanding of what that does to every aspect of our life instead of just telling ourselves we have to suffer through it and push through it in silence. um And even really educating yourself on what are some really good preventative things or things to start now if you're not quite at the age of going into perimenopause,
00:21:37
Speaker
Um, like I recently, and listen, I'm not a doctor, so I'm not making a recommendation officially here, but I've read a lot recently about different supplements that are good to start taking early on. One being creatine for women. Like I've started taking that because it's going to help with maintaining lean muscle mass, maintaining bone density, which are two of the things that really plummet once you're, once you go into perimenopause and menopause. And so figuring out now, like.
00:22:07
Speaker
What can you start doing way early on to protect yourself as you're going into this big life change? um And I'm hoping to come out with some more resources for you too. I'm really looking for somebody to come on the show to talk about this, um either a physician or a nurse practitioner or someone, because I think the more conversations we have about it, just the better and people need, people need education.
00:22:31
Speaker
Okay, the next one I have for you is a little bit more fun. And that is to find a mindless hobby. And the reason I say mindless is because I think so many times people try to have a hobby, but they try to tie it in with something else that they feel like they should or they need to be doing. So they might say, I'm looking for a hobby, I'm gonna start playing pickleball because I also need exercise. And so I want it to count for both.
00:22:58
Speaker
Or they say, um I really want to start flipping furniture and it can be a side hustle so I can also make money. But when you're tying it to some other thing that you're telling yourself that you should be or you need to be doing it kind of takes away from like the joy and it starts to feel like well I have to do this or I should do this.
00:23:17
Speaker
And I think it's just really important for us to have things in life. Like I think as a society, we're so tied to, like our worth is tied to our productivity. So we feel like we have to, like we're all so busy. We feel like we have to capitalize on every single thing that we do. It has to be also counted as productive. And that's the opposite of rest. And our brain doesn't get the same benefits in my opinion. um Like our mental health doesn't get the same benefit of doing something just for the sake of I like doing it,
00:23:48
Speaker
And it doesn't serve any other purpose other than it's enjoyable. And so I'm thinking things like reading for sure, but making sure that it's not with a purpose of I'm trying to learn something or I'm trying to do a whole bunch of self help books, things like that, because that serves a different purpose. Right. Um, my goal this year is to start bedazzling things.
00:24:11
Speaker
only because I like things that sparkle. Like there is no other way. I'm not going to try to sell anything. I'm not going to try to like monetize it. It's just because I really like sparkly things. And so I'm going to take the gift card that I got for Christmas to Hobby Lobby and I'm going to go and buy some rhinestones and I'm going to stick it on some things.
00:24:30
Speaker
Um, and I really encourage that. I really encourage coloring, doing something with art that you again, don't plan on trying to sell or anything like that. Just have a mindless hobby that gives you a little bit of time every day that says I'm allowed to exist without being productive. Cause I think that that's such an important message to give ourselves is that we are not defined by our productivity.
00:24:54
Speaker
Okay, so the last one was fun. This next one is not so fun. This one is a little bit more serious. I really wish that everyone would do a living will. I do not have one currently, so I'm talking to myself here too. But I wish everyone, especially if you have children, um make sure you do a living will. um A legal will, of course, also needs to be done. um But I worked in hospice for so long where so many families were left just like in such a hard position of trying to make decisions, medical decisions for their family member when they had never had any kind of conversation about what that person would want. And that is so hard for the family to be able to do. um And one of the reasons why this is coming up for me is that we sat down with my parents over Christmas and my siblings and I, we had like a really good, it was hard, but a good conversation about getting their living wills done. And they shared with us, like we went through
00:25:55
Speaker
a bunch of different scenarios about what they would want. um So part of this is about what they would want when they pass. So cremation versus burial, what do we do with ashes, things like that.
00:26:09
Speaker
But a living will is particularly about who do you want to make decisions for you, like naming that person, so because otherwise it's just going to default to your next of kin. And especially, I know in the state of Georgia, there is a list of what order that goes in. um And then also figuring out like how how aggressive do you want treatment to be when it comes to extending your life if you are in a state of a coma or a life threatening, like with a terminal illness.
00:26:37
Speaker
And those are really hard things to think about. um They also feel so far away that it feels like a non emergent thing to take care of. But some of the hardest decisions are with people who this came out of nowhere not necessarily with someone who had a terminal illness that they had plenty of time to process and make these decisions but it's with people who had some kind of accident and ended up in the hospital and the families are left with this really hard decision of like I don't know what this person would have wanted I don't know how
00:27:13
Speaker
Um, far they would want medical treatment to go to keep them alive. Um, so one thing that I recommend is a book called five wishes. It's not a book, it's like a workbook and it goes through all of these topics. It helps you name your healthcare care agent or healthcare care power but power of attorney. It goes through lots of different scenarios to see how aggressive you would want to be.
00:27:36
Speaker
And also um one thing that I really love about five wishes is that it talks about how would you want to be treated? So um whether you were again like whether you're in a coma or whether you're like at the end of your life, do you want a lot of people in the room with you or do you want one person at a time?
00:27:53
Speaker
Do you want music to be playing? Like what would you want your playlist to be? Do you want something calm and relaxing or do you want to go out with your favorite music playing? um Would you want some like what kind of things are important to you? Like I have told my family y'all better not let my lips get chapped because that's that's the thing that drives me crazy. I hate having chapped lips. So somebody is on Vaseline duty if I am at the end of my life for sure.
00:28:18
Speaker
um And so, all these things are actually like pretty important to think of. um like How to tell people like how you want to be treated, how to create a peaceful environment for you as you transition. um Again, this is random, but it's a really important thing to think about. like I think a lot of people think about doing their like legal will as far as finances and stuff like that, but not a lot of people our age are thinking about doing a living will. And that is really, really important. And it's one of the best things that you can do for your family so that they have a lot of confidence that they're not having to guess on what you would want if that were to, God forbid, ever happen. Okay, a little bit less heavy. This next one, I think this is number
00:29:02
Speaker
number seven.
Decluttering and Simplifying Life
00:29:04
Speaker
I want to challenge you this year to declutter your home. This one again goes hand in hand with the overconsumption, but I am convinced that a lot of our anxiety is related to our environment and um
00:29:23
Speaker
we're making things more complicated than they need to be. Like really and truly, we are putting a lot of extra work on ourselves by having extra stuff. The less stuff you have, the less stuff you have to clean, the less stuff you have to keep up with, the less stuff you have to replace, the less stuff you have to take care of. Like we're just a society that we feel like we have to have at least one of everything and we're over complicating our lives. I really want to challenge you to go through your space in your home this year to declutter a space at a time and being able to say,
00:29:52
Speaker
But do I actually need this? Like, have I used it in the past year? um And what would it be like to get rid of this? And even things that it feels like, no brainer, I can't let that go. Ask yourself, what would it be like to let that go? I know for me, um I did this a couple of years ago in my closet, where clothing items that I have held on to for so long, i when I went through and Marie condoned it, it felt so good just not to ever look at it again.
00:30:20
Speaker
And I started to like spread that to other areas of my life where it'll be like, even even things like skincare products, I'm like, but i I paid money for that. Yeah, but I don't like it. And I never use it. And it just sits on my counter month after month taking up space. So letting it go will feel so freeing. And if you go through and do this to your whole house, you're just going to feel so refreshed and feel like there's less to keep up with. And I feel like especially like busy working moms, um,
00:30:51
Speaker
any working woman really like we just have so much on our plate that anything that we can take off is going to create more mental space for the things that actually matter. um So And another thing with this, I really feel like that again, this goes back to influencers telling us that our house is supposed to look perfectly and look like aesthetics are important. I understand like we want to create a cozy space and things like that. But not everything has to look like it came out of a magazine.
00:31:22
Speaker
I really had some feelings earlier this year because I realized that I was starting to plan to redo our laundry room and I was like, I'm going to put up really pretty wallpaper and I'm going to get my husband to build these shelves. And then it just dawned on me. Who cares? Why does my laundry room? It doesn't make me want to do laundry. It doesn't make me feel better about the hours that I spend folding clothes. Like why does everything have to be so picture perfect in our life? And why does that make us like feel better about it? It really doesn't. And so like going through and being able to declutter things is to say like not everything has to look picture perfect in our world.
00:32:01
Speaker
It also reminds me, I've seen this trend lately that makes me giggle where um honestly like husbands are doing it and they're walking around their house saying like, here are all the things in my house that I'm not allowed to use. And it's so funny because they're looking at like decorative dish towels or like hand towels in the kitchen. They're like, this one is not for wiping your hands on. This one is only to look at.
00:32:23
Speaker
and Then there are certain candles in the house that they're like these are candles that you don't actually burn They're just for you to look at this cutting board in the kitchen is decoration It's not to actually cut anything on and I get that like it looks good But those are all things that we have to dust and those are all things that we have to like replace if the if if we change our color palette or whatever it is like I'm starting to have like major frustration with the perfection that we see online and feeling like if our houses don't also look like that that somehow we're behind because there's enough pressure on us as parents as work as employees as business owners like all these things there's enough pressure on us in other ways that my house cannot look like a southern living magazine too like I just can't do it
00:33:10
Speaker
And if everybody else is putting the so same pressure on themselves, I'm going to feel like I'm the only person not doing that. So I feel like we have to band together and all agree that we're not doing things like redecorating our laundry rooms and making sure that everything in our life is picture perfect.
00:33:27
Speaker
Because if I stop doing it that gives other people permission not to do it, too And then we stop playing this game of comparison like I feel like we just need to make a pact together to stop chasing perfectionism um But that's like a big rant that I have to be honest Okay, another thing number eight is going to be ask yourself to do something hard and get out of your comfort zone this year.
Embracing Change and Confidence
00:33:50
Speaker
This goes back to the very first episode I did this season of um on resiliency and like how do you learn to build self trust and how neither one of those things happen if you only ever ask yourself to do things that are familiar and you stay in your comfort zone.
00:34:06
Speaker
So at some point this year, I want you to ask yourself to do something that gets you out of your comfort zone that could be anything from um Take yourself out to dinner by yourself or go to a movie by yourself. It could be Ask the person out that you're interested in and don't wait for them to come to you. So you go ask them out and It could be something like try a new experience, whether that's karaoke or a pole dancing class or something that you are embarrassed to try. Put yourself out there. um Apply for a job that you feel like is a little bit out of your wheelhouse, but so what? Apply for it. See if you can get it. um Start a podcast.
00:34:48
Speaker
If that's something that's always been on your radar, go for it. Like if it's a new business venture, something to get yourself out of your comfort zone this year so that you can say, what's the saying? Like the only failure is not trying. Don't let yourself go another year with a dream or with an interest on the back burner because you're scared to do it. You will never learn to trust yourself and you won't build resiliency that way. So put it into action and ask yourself to do something outside of your comfort zone at some point this year.
00:35:19
Speaker
Okay, here's an interesting one. This is number nine. um And that is the next time, what does that have to be the next time? But at some point, when you leave your house to go run errands, don't do it in athleisure wear.
00:35:36
Speaker
And I know that that sounds really crazy, but put on real clothes. I'm not saying like get dressed up and wear heels or anything like that, but put on real clothes, something that you would wear to a dinner or something like that and run your errands and be out and about in the day for that, wearing that.
00:35:53
Speaker
um Put yourself together, fix your hair, fix your makeup if you wear makeup, like whatever it is, make yourself presentable to do basic everyday things. And I think that i'm I've gotten really big lately on how much effort do we put into ourselves, even if it's not the easier thing. um Because I think that when we pause to do that, we're saying like, I wanna put a little bit of effort into myself just for me not because i'm trying to impress anybody not because i need to necessarily but how different do you feel when you're out and about when you feel like you put some effort into yourself um a side note like i've seen a couple of things where other countries kind of laugh at us because they're like yeah we don't do that that would be like walking around in your pajamas all day which we also do here some people especially teenagers these days um but
00:36:49
Speaker
What kind of message are we sending ourselves by just if if every single time we leave the house We're in yoga pants and our hair is thrown up in a messy bun again I'm not criticizing that but I'm saying like at what cost does it come to us? Like if we don't feel our best best at any point during the day um Again, I don't know what you'll get out of that I'm just challenging you to do it and see how it feels you might say never again I don't even like wearing jeans totally fine. That's fair. Do you?
00:37:18
Speaker
But if you tried it, what would it feel like? um Would you feel a little bit more confident when you're out? Would you feel a little bit more like maybe your old self if that if you've you know lost some pieces of yourself? I don't know. It's just a challenge. It's been something that I've been thinking about of like putting a little bit of effort to do mundane things and see how you feel.
00:37:41
Speaker
Okay. That was number nine. So now we're on to number 10 and I'm going to try not to ramble too much on this one, but I really, really love it. Um, the way I want to word it is to make life work for you instead of making you work for life.
00:38:01
Speaker
And this idea came to me literally a couple of days ago um when I had a client, and I won't overshare um so that you can't identify anyone, but I had a client who her whole life she has struggled with ADHD. And we've had have we have had lots of conversations about how just how difficult it it is for the neurodiverse brain to try to fit into a neurotypical world and how everything is structured and required to be done in like ways that fit the neurotypical brain. And she came into my office the other day and said one of the things that I want to try to do this year is figure out how to use my kind of like use my ADHD as my superpower instead of seeing it as um
00:38:50
Speaker
something that holds me back so she was like I'm gonna try to find ways that work how I can get my life to work with my ADHD instead of trying to force my ADHD to fit other people's expectations so that was kind of like the premise behind it but I loved it so much because she talked about how with her ADHD and this is common for so many people it's so hard to focus that you can spend an entire day procrastinating and not getting a task done. And it causes more and more stress and more and more anxiety because you keep telling yourself like, I gotta get this done, I gotta get this done. But it's almost impossible to get started. And then by the end of the day, she's like, shit, like I've really gotta get this done. And so she sits down and she does it and she knocks it out in just a couple of hours.
00:39:44
Speaker
and it's such good quality work like whatever the project is that she's working on it's great quality she's super smart she's brilliant you know like she produced in two hours what it probably would have taken the average person who doesn't have that superpower of like hyper focus like she does it would have taken them a full eight hour work day you know And so she said that she struggled her whole life with feeling like she's um unproductive or a procrastinator. But at the end of the day, she gets the same amount of work done and she produces really good quality work. And so she was able to say, I'm going to start to be asked to be paid per project instead of per hour so that I can use my hyper focus to my advantage.
00:40:29
Speaker
And I thought that that was the, like I was just so proud of her for even thinking that and for um trusting herself enough to advocate for herself and use her voice in that way. And in this case, it worked out like her employer was all for that. They were they were just like totally fine.
00:40:45
Speaker
But that's a way of saying like, I'm not going to try to change who I am to fit other people. I'm going to try to be creative and figure out what's actually best for me that would cause me less stress. And how do I let who I naturally am be the way that I function instead of trying to change that.
00:41:05
Speaker
And so I know that's like a very specific example, but I really just started thinking about like how, how many of us need that lesson where we realize that we're trying to fit ourselves into, it's the whole, um What does it say? A square peg in a round pole hole or whatever? Like you're trying to force yourself to fit into something that doesn't necessarily fit you. So if you have any area of your life where you feel like you're having to force yourself to function in a way that just doesn't feel natural, it doesn't feel good, see if you can be creative with figuring out what
00:41:41
Speaker
What would cause me less stress? How would I function the best? How would I show up as the best version of myself? And how can I advocate for myself in a way that will change my environment and to to work around me instead of trying to change myself to work into my environment?
00:41:58
Speaker
um
00:42:01
Speaker
And with that, how can we also encourage and give other people permission to do the same thing? So if you're in a position where, um let's say you're an employer, like how can you and encourage your employees to do the same thing? Or in your friendships or in your relationships, like how can you encourage people to say, if this doesn't feel like it's working, I want you to find what works for you. So as we do it for ourselves, like extending to other people that same,
00:42:29
Speaker
space and patience or whatever it is that it requires so that they can find what's best for them too. And again, this is one of those things where it's just like we collectively all have to give each other permission to figure out what that is for us and be open and willing to try things that are maybe not the norm, which is totally fine. Like that's going to create healthier relationships, better work environments. um People are employees that are less stressed out are better employees. And so whatever that looks like with the people in your life, like giving them permission to figure out what way functions for them the best. um Like I feel like that's one of the best gifts that we can give ourselves and for the people around us.
00:43:07
Speaker
I think that's it. I think that's all I have. That's all 10 of the things that I was thinking of. um And again, I probably could think of a dozen more. And I'm sure you could add plenty more to this list
Conclusion and Hopes for the New Year
00:43:16
Speaker
yourself. But those are just things that I'm focusing on for this year. And I'm encouraging my clients and my friends when we have these conversations of different things that we can do collectively to be able to give ourselves permission to put down perfectionism.
00:43:30
Speaker
um to be really mindful and careful of what we let influence us of what we give our energy to those kind of things. I think that um if we all move in this direction, I don't know, like I just feel like this is going to create for happier internal environments. And that always spills over into our relationships and how we treat others as well.
00:43:49
Speaker
I hope everyone has a fantastic start to the new year. I hope that everybody is feeling like a clean slate. If 2024 was a hard year for you, I hope this is feeling a little bit like a fresh start. I think that we all need that in some ways and I just really hope that everyone has Um, a blessed 2025, but I also hope we ah approach it with a lot of intentionality yeah and really like giving ourselves permission to prioritize the things in life that really matter because so much of what we focus on isn't what really matters in life. So I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
00:44:25
Speaker
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Outside of Session. Remember, while I am a licensed therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for individual therapy. The contents of this episode are for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you are having a mental health emergency, please dial 911 for immediate assistance or dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.