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REAL LOVE & HYPNOTHERAPY
41 Plays9 months ago
Are we hating or just decentering men? What is with this "catch a man" situation? And hypnotherapy? What's that got to do with it.
And don't forget to share it with that sista who needs this injection of juiciness right now!
To get in touch with Candace the links are below:
http://candiceharperlovecoach.com
LinkedIn - Candice A. Harper MFA, CHt, Facebook
Instagram/TIK TOK - @candylovecoach,
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The doors to Goddess Unlocked are open!! Find out more here.
Find me on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz0to_JubLqzQS1OuZdbnuQ
For more juiciness drop by my Website: https://www.latoyazavala.com
To get your copy of my explosive, raw, and down to your every day life play book on stopping the self-sabotage, get it here: https://payhip.com/b/HngNU
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Transcript
Introduction to Self-Love and Empowerment
00:00:00
Speaker
It's not about start hating them and act like you don't care about them don't want them and they don't exist and you know you're so independent you don't need them it's about understanding that your love life exists whether or not you have a man number one. baby You have to say that again.
00:00:20
Speaker
Right? Your love life exists whether or not you have a man. Like your love life is a thing that is, is internal. It is of you and has nothing to do with whether you have a partner. ah because Okay. Cause, okay. I hope you remember number two, cause we got to come back to number two, but I just, I want to hold on. Wait a minute. That got my whole body moving.
00:00:46
Speaker
Welcome to Freed and Powered Up. Here is where conscious female leaders who are taking their exit from the overly dominant male patriarchal energy, however you experienced it, can really start to break free from the energy that keeps us back from being who we came here to be and leaving the legacy we came here to leave.
00:01:13
Speaker
episode, I'm going to connect you to your inner power and awaken the divine
00:01:33
Speaker
Hello and welcome, welcome, Phoenix's and goddesses and all who enjoy the goodness of this podcast.
Candace Harper's Mission and Journey
00:01:39
Speaker
Welcome in. Here we are at another exciting and liberating episode. I have another beautiful and life giving guest for us in our enlightenment today.
00:01:51
Speaker
I have my new and wonderful sister-buddy friend, Candace, and today we're going to talk about another modality of truly getting into knowing yourself, trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself again in such a deep way that you get to shine and show up in your most fullest and best self. And so Candace, come on up. How are you? I'm good. How are you, my love?
00:02:17
Speaker
I'm doing fantastic. I would love for you to tell our listeners who you are, where you are, and what is the goodness and the magic that you bring out in this world.
00:02:28
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. I love that question. I do try to bring goodness and magic. and So my name is Candace Harper, like you said, and I am in Silver Spring, Maryland. um I've been here for almost a couple of years now. I was living in New York City for about 25 years. And so I'm kind of an East Coast US s girl.
00:02:48
Speaker
um And the magic that I bring, so I help influential Black and Brown women get into loving, healthy relationships that last. right And I do that through teaching them teaching them and us how to heal ourselves and decenter men and become unconditionally self-loving and get to a point where I am so um in touch with what's important to me that I attract the love that I seek, the love that I desire. Yes.
Decentering Men and Self-Worth
00:03:21
Speaker
Oh, there was so much goodness and juiciness already in what you said. um I can't wait to get back into it. Yeah. um Let's just get into it, shall we? Let's just dive in. Because i you know when i was um when I was a chaplain and I used to do
00:03:41
Speaker
couples work, which I don't anymore. And I'm so grateful for those out there who are giving that magic in the world. release that When I used to, i um I always ended with the quote, um a better me is a better we. And I actually got it from a training that I went through, a prep program for pre-marital and marital training. And the one who was training, he said it, he said it first, I think, and I think I adapted it in some way. But yeah, a better me is a better we, right? And the better that I am, the more fuller I am in myself, the more in love with I am with myself, the more that I am allowed and I allow myself, right, to better myself is the more that I bring to the relationship. And it really,
00:04:32
Speaker
I feel a connection with what you said, decentering men. So I want to know what do you mean by that? What in the world does that mean? Yeah. So, so for some people, I feel like it's one of those phrases and and even the first time that I ever heard it, I had to like sort of roll it around and digest it a little bit. Right. So I'm Gen X. And so, you know, we're of a generation where, uh, you know, we, we, we came of age in the eighties and so everything was about being attractive to men.
00:05:02
Speaker
Right? If you watched television back then or, you know, consumed any sort of like, you know, popular, we didn't have the internet, but popular things, you know, everything taught you that it was about being slim enough, pretty enough, you know, having enough hair and all of that stuff. Booking the right food. Booking the right food. You got to know how to keep house, right? you know Right? Yeah. And being everything that a man would want. Yes. Exactly. So.
00:05:29
Speaker
catchable, like valuable. And then even now, you know, ah about I would say about a decade or so ago, it was about being a high value woman, being someone that a man would want. I think, you know, it sort of ah just changed labels, but it was it's the same concept of like that a woman's job is to be desirable to a man. And so when I say center men, even though it it raises the hairs on a lot of men's necks and a lot of people's necks in general,
00:05:55
Speaker
It's not about start hating them and act like you don't care about them, don't want them and they don't exist and you know you're so independent you don't need them. It's about understanding that your love life exists whether or not you have a man, number one.
Attracting Aligned Partners Through Self-Love
00:06:10
Speaker
Hold on. You have to say that again. Right? Your love life exists whether or not you have a man. Like, your love life is a thing that is is internal, it is of you, and has nothing to do with whether you have a partner. Okay, because, okay, I hope you remember number two, because we got to come back to number two, but I just, I want to, hold on, wait a minute, that got my whole body moving.
00:06:39
Speaker
Tell me how my love life exists, whether or not I have a partner in it. yeah Because what? Go ahead and finish that phrase. Because because your love life is your journey of of unconditionality. So, you know, we often think that unconditional love is something over there that only people who can be like Jesus can can achieve, right? well i'm confused Right? Unconditional love. Like love is unconditional. It's synonymous. And so our journey is becoming unconditional. That's my love life. It's understanding myself and accepting myself in such a way that it it it doesn't mean that I'm like, oh, you know, I don't care. I can settle. I don't have to care about anything. No, it's i I see myself clearly. And I love and accept everything about myself, even the things that felt traumatic because they were meant to grow me, especially the things that are great, that I'm willing to celebrate. And I'm so in touch with what is important to me because I get to decide what that is, yeah right? So if I'm in that practice, I'm constantly in my love life. My love life is about how do I become more and more unconditional with myself? That way I can fill myself up and overflow onto somebody else.
00:07:51
Speaker
So, wow, so powerful, but what i what what's really resonating with me and what I feel like I'm hearing is those words, right? We we had given them a totally different connotation, a totally different energy, right? When we say my love life, really what we're talking, what we used to be talking about was a partnership, sexuality, right? um Whether I'm dating, you know, whether I'm in a, you know,
00:08:21
Speaker
really in a intimate relationship where I'm doing things, I'm going out, I'm having sex, and right? We we had acquainted love life to that, but now hearing you speak and I'm even hearing the word life in that phrase differently, right? Love, life. And so, yeah, that unconditionality within love gets to be my way of being exactly as opposed to just,
00:08:49
Speaker
being in an intimate relationship or partnership or marriage or... Yeah, ooh. And who I am as defined by the man I'm with, right? Say that. Right? That thing where we think who I am is defined by the man that I'm with.
00:09:06
Speaker
it's It's so not, and it's not because you shouldn't be submissive submissive if that's what you want to be or you shouldn't be traditional if that's what you want to be. It's when I define myself and love and joy and peace and all of my core values are in place, whether or not I have somebody, when I do attract somebody, I don't have to worry about the discernment as as much because I'm committed to something already. Like I'm committed to my spirituality. I'm committed to what's important to me. And so that's what I'm going to attract is somebody who aligns with that.
00:09:34
Speaker
Yes, somebody who aligns with what you are committed to. Exactly. Exactly. And if your commitment is only based on tying myself to someone, then there's a void, right? Because they're coming they're coming in to be aligned with something, but there's that something is not there because your commitment was to to the attachment as opposed to life, like you were saying, my, my, my, worth my my, um, my core values, you know, and and all those things. So, oh, so beautiful. That was so good. And so this, that is the major, major way in which I'm all, I'm
00:10:20
Speaker
I'm having a love life that I get to bring a partner into, right? And so that's one of the ways you were saying that we decentralize um men in the situation. Exactly. Yeah. That was so much in that. I don't even know. OK, so we I guess we're ready for the next. Go, come on, bring the next. Because that was first of all. And I was like, no, no, we can't glance over that because that was big in itself.
00:10:44
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, there's the decentering of men. And and again, it's about getting into that and unconditionality with myself, more focused on my relationship with myself and who, you know, what's important to me and what it means to me to connect with somebody on an intimate level or even just on a friendship level, right? That willingness to to open myself up.
00:11:05
Speaker
And then there's the the you know as i'm going to this journey of like becoming more unconditional with myself i'm also conscious of that that the pressures that are put on me or that i put on myself around who i need to be with and what needs to happen and how it should look.
00:11:22
Speaker
is something that I want to be really clear with myself about. it Does it come from the desires of my heart or is it what I was told I'm supposed to be doing? Right. Right. Right. Because a lot of us come from that. Like I was raised in the Baptist Church. I was raised that there's only one way. It's, you know, get an education and get married and and find hopefully find that person while you're getting your education. Right. If you're married, have have your children and you know stay married and and tough it out and you know do all the right things. Make sure they're the leader, make sure they're your spiritual religious leader, all of that. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with any of that. If that's what you truly feel connected to, if that's what lets you up and says, this is who I am, then you're gonna have a great time with it. But if you're like me,
00:12:09
Speaker
but and you it And you know that what you need or you know what I needed especially when I was young was the exploration of really pursuing something and doing something that I was passionate about and being creative and artistic and being able to really live into that without it without having to meet someone else's expectation for a while.
00:12:31
Speaker
yeah Like you want to be able to allow yourself to um heed those desires because you know the Latin root of desire is of the father, right? So we desire things for a reason when we want to do things, when we want to be things. It's like when we're focused on that, when we're unconditional with ourselves and we're focused on that, that's when we we glow and we shine and we show up authentically.
Hypnotherapy for Self-Discovery
00:12:56
Speaker
And so that's where you want to be attracting people from.
00:12:59
Speaker
Like, people see that about you and then say, oh, okay, look at this person, you know, shining, glowing, doing her thing. Like, it's it's irresistible to me. That's the kind of attraction you want to invoke in your life. Yes, absolutely. um My son, who's 16 now, but he talked about that in the beginning of the year. Like, he was really um coming into this awakening where he was like,
00:13:26
Speaker
I have decided I'm going to show up in the fullness of who I am because if I don't, I'm attracting people, even in friendships, I'm attracting people that I don't really want to be friends with because they they're connecting with someone who doesn't even exist. They're connecting with someone that I am not.
00:13:45
Speaker
And what's the point of that? like so boy right And I Yeah. And young people would be so wise. Oh my goodness. yeah And I don't imagine if so many adults understood what you are saying right this moment. Yeah. Amazing. And so you use something, um a modality that is I think coming more and more and more into mainstream and rightfully so, but you use the modality to help women get to this place where they're able to heal in a way where they can show up more authentically themselves and be more in a love life relationship with themselves. um Alice about the hypnotherapy.
00:14:32
Speaker
Give me just a sec goddess. I know this episode is getting juicy but you gotta know that the next goddess unlock is going down October 4th through 6th and this is your space for what your soul is calling for now. A virtual stay-cave retreat where you get to pour into yourself and take yourself to the next level of energy mastery. It's so freaking delicious. you get to know how you're designed to align with your wealth path and your next level of purpose and maybe most importantly how to integrate it all into your life so that we stop spinning in circles trying to figure all this shit out in a world that hopes that we don't.
00:15:12
Speaker
This is a super tight container with some energy clearing, ancestral work, laser coaching, and a vortex of women who are about both their transformation and yours so that there's no room for leaving this space without getting what you came for. Welcome to The Goddess Unlocked, my love. A three-day live virtual journey into yourself and your infinite potential. We're up leveling your frequency of your purpose, prosperity, and power. Let's finish this year stronger than you could have ever imagined. Together. Click the link in the show notes and let's get this party started. Let's get back into the episode.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yeah, so the hypnotherapy and the reason that I use it and and the reason that it it resonated so much with me as a modality to use is that it gets to the heart of the what guides us. You know, we're guided by our subconscious and our subconscious thoughts are formed by, you know, the brain's job is to protect us. So it's formed by what we learn growing up.
00:16:16
Speaker
Right? So if something, let's say with relationships is modeled for us that is not very healthy, let's say, you know, if there's um abuse or abandonment, you know, we see that in our parents, however it it is expressed towards us or however we witness it, the subconscious makes up things about it. Right? And it's different for all of us.
00:16:37
Speaker
Right. You know, sometimes the subconscious might make up that, you know, all men leave because my dad left at five years, you know, when I was five years old and I took home again, or it might make up that it's the woman's job to um endure like a lot of pain and suffering is hard. You know, I remember my mom used to be like, ah my my dad got sick when they were older and she used to have to do all the bills and she didn't used to have to do that. This is an older generation, right?
00:17:04
Speaker
And so it was always like, you know, she'd be mad, she had to do it. And you know, for me, like ah what i what I took in around that was that it has to be a a tumultuous thing. Like anytime you deal with money or pay bills, it has to be, so sometimes we just subconsciously take stuff on. Right. And what it does is it it determines how we behave within our love life, our career, you know, when we have our own children. And so the great thing about hypnotherapy is what it does is it helps us to go to that subconscious, that subconscious thinking. It's a relaxed state. A lot of people think it's a trance. It's not yeah you know they you're going to be barking like a dog and great not that.
00:17:43
Speaker
and It's relaxation so that we can tap into the the subconscious thinking and that's you know what guides our thoughts and our beliefs and so that we can heal all those old stories. And a lot of times what's great about it is that those old stories, there's a phrase that says, the tears we refuse to shed will cause our organs to weep.
00:18:01
Speaker
So a lot of times that stuff shows up in the body, right? So if I have a lot of anxiety about something, because in my mind, I believe that, you know, ah love is dangerous and I'm gonna be abandoned. I might be someone who develops ulcers and stomach aches and things like that. So often what say to me is, you know, I'm having this this stomach ache. I mean, you know, i would I've been diagnosed with ulcers or there's something wrong with my neck. I can't, you know, like bodily ailments are a, a gateway into what's going on in the subconscious. And hypnotherapy is really good at using the bodily ailments and you know the somatic experiences to get to that so that we can then um talk about it, heal it, and do visualization that actually helps you to reconnect those synapses and start thinking differently and believing differently in a way that empowers you rather than, you know, sabotages
00:18:57
Speaker
what it is that you desire to create. And that is the word. It is sabotaging. yeah It really is. yeah That's exactly what self-sabotage is. you know People always wonder, like why do I always procrastinate? Why do I always... and And it's hard to understand. It's because there's some subconscious belief going on that is completely on unquestioned because we don't know how to just sit and question it ourselves, which is why we need the support of others. yeah And yeah, that's where self-sabotage comes from.
Empowerment and Authentic Expression
00:19:27
Speaker
So powerful, so powerful, so unbelievable that we went so super deep and so super expansive and so super life changing and a twinkling of an eye. Like it really was so quick and we're already at the time, but I am so appreciative. Thank you so much because, oh man, this conversation is so expansive. And I know that I know that I know that Phoenix and goddesses. I know that you're feeling expanded and empowered, um empowered by this conversation so can this. um Is there anything coming up that people are thinking.
00:20:09
Speaker
What? I'm going to move into this space. I need to start changing some of these stories. And I need to work with Candace. I really want to work with my subconscious. I really want to get back into this, this space of love life, like what it really, really is and could be for them. So tell them how can the people work with you?
00:20:33
Speaker
Right. Well, first they can go straight to Candice Harper, lovecoach dot.com. And um I have a ah ah PDF that they can get for free. It's called um ah the pitfalls and practices of healthy, loving relationships. And so if you sign up for that, obviously you're going to be on my list because coming up, I don't have a link for it just yet, but coming up, I'm just giving everybody a taste of what it means to work with me. um I'm teaching a class. It's a three-night class. Hack the dating apps. and it's all about what to do if you're on the dating apps and you're looking to attract somebody, how to perfect your profile so it actually attracts what it is that you want. And it represents everything that I'm talking about, you know how to um ah express that what's important to you and how to glow and shine and show up in a way that's authentic, like your son said, that people can recognize, you know this is my person, because you know that's what you want. what's What we seek is seeking us, but we want them to be able to recognize us, right?
00:21:31
Speaker
yeah And the only way to do that is to be as authentic as possible. And there is a way to hack the dating apps. A lot of disparities for black and brown women on dating apps, and there's a way to hack them. I'm gonna teach that class. um So the best thing to do is to sign up on my website so that you'll get the information, because it's coming soon. The class is gonna be the end of September. So that I'm gonna be releasing a link pretty soon to sign up for it.
00:21:53
Speaker
OK, absolutely beautiful. And I will have the links in the show notes. And so once again, Candice, thank you for your time. Thank you for your energy. Thank you for your wisdom and your light. And really thank you for the magic that you bring to the world. Thank you, Latoya. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. We have to do it again. Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:22:22
Speaker
Listen, this is not just for you to listen to. This is for you to take action, change the trajectory of your life and live in your power. If you're liking what's happening here, hit that subscribe button so you do not ever miss a powerful episode and definitely share it with that sister who you know needs this power in their life. if you are not yet living in your power, if you are not yet loving yourself completely and deeply, trusting yourself and using your intuitive tools, knowing undoubtedly who you are and why you are here, being yourself unapologetically, head on over to LatoyaZavala.com. That's LatoyaZavala.com. You don't have to wait until you're ready to unlock your next level. You are ready now.