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Healing Agoraphobia and Anxiety, A personal story
48 Plays8 months ago
Do you experience Anxiety? Do you have bouts of it on certain days?
Our guest today shares her experience of anxiety in one of its extreme forms, Agoraphobia, or fear of leaving one's home. Listen in as she shares her story of healing from fear, anxiety, depression and achieving one of her biggest dreams.
Share with someone you know could really use this injection of inspiration today.
Susanne is a spiritual guide and healer, guiding women in self-healing, embodiment and to, through that, unleash their inner magick.
You can connect with Susanne at susannekooijman.com.
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Transcript
Personal Phobia Experience
00:00:00
Speaker
I have only seen this and heard this like in movies or shows. I've never actually met someone who was experiencing this. How long were you experiencing that for? Ten years. ah Well, you get estranged from your friends. I couldn't finish my school. I didn't have a social life, so that led into a depression. and At the one time, I didn't even leave my house for six months in a row. Wow.
00:00:29
Speaker
I was getting so frustrated. like i I would see all but my my friends from school, they would indulg just have their first jobs, their first boyfriends, their first trip you know abroad without their parents, and I was stuck at home, like literally stuck at home.
Podcast Introduction: 'Freed and Powered Up'
00:00:45
Speaker
Welcome to Freed and Powered Up. Here is where conscious female leaders who are taking their exit from the overly dominant male patriarchal energy, however you experienced it, can really start to break free from the energy that keeps us back from being who we came here to be and leaving the legacy we came here to leave.
00:01:12
Speaker
episode, I'm going to connect you to your inner power and awaken the divine
00:01:30
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, everyone. Welcome, Phoenixes and Goddesses and all who enjoy the juiciness of this podcast. Welcome to Freedom Empowered Up. Once again, I'm here with another fabulous guest who is going to enlighten us about um her modalities. And you know, it's really important here for us as we talk about what it takes for us to really and truly experience the freedom and really truly experience the peace and the power that we as human beings deserve on this earth that we're worthy of and that we get to enjoy in our lives and so moving in that space of healing we get to talk to another practitioner
00:02:10
Speaker
who's going to enlighten us about um the magic that she brings into the world, and why it's really important that we engage ourselves in some of these modalities as we move into the next level of self-healing, love for self, and next level of what it is that we're here
Introducing Susannah Coyman, Spiritual Healer
00:02:28
Speaker
to be in this earth. And so I'm here with my guest, Susannah Coyman. And hello, Susannah. Hi, welcome.
00:02:35
Speaker
I am so honored that you are here and bringing your magic to our audience. First of all, who you are, where you are, and what you do. Yes. Sorry, I said welcome. I'm so used to being the one on the interviewer side. No worries. This is how we do these things. Well, I'm Susan LeGroyon. I'm from the Netherlands and 42 years old.
00:03:03
Speaker
and Yeah, I'm a spiritual healer and a guided mentor in just all things like self-healing, self-love and growth expansion. I would love for women to embrace their feminine energy and their inner magic. And I think self-healing and self-love are the foundations of that. So that is really my main passion and purpose to bring that sense of awareness and to bring that strength to them because I know that strength is already in
Embracing Feminine Energy
00:03:33
Speaker
there.
00:03:33
Speaker
they just have to unlock it. So I'm here to help them do that. I am so pleased um that we get to encounter one another and really combine our gifts and our talents because I really truly believe that this is the time and this is the place. I really truly believe that women as a collective are moving into a place where we're experiencing ourselves again or we're moving towards the divine feminine side of the divinity coin yeah and rediscovering ourselves, right? Yeah, I think we're, as as you said, as a collective, we feel that shift within ourselves as well and we feel it around us and we tend to just gravitate towards other
00:04:25
Speaker
but women that are, you know, in that state and in that energy, we're like magnets towards each other. So that's why I have my mastermind where you're in as well. Like you can feel that collective changing and shifting and awakening and rising. I find that more and more, you know, I find yeah more and more that we're being magnetized towards each other and I think that this is a really powerful and important thing because as the women are rediscovering themselves and as part of themselves, there's a place where a lot of women feel strange, they feel quote unquote, weird, they feel lonely. um And there's a little bit of you know fear around, oh my God, I feel weird, I feel strange, I feel you know out of you know the box in delving into
00:05:13
Speaker
um, this part of themselves. So I'm, yeah, yeah. It's like getting to know like a new version of you that's strong, our version of you that gets to be whoever she wants to be. And we're not used to that as women, you know, we have, there's a lot of rules and how we have to look, how we have to act and behave and do and think what we can say, what we can say.
00:05:38
Speaker
So when you are free of all that, you free yourself from that, of course. And then by freeing yourself, you free all the women as well. That energy is that so infectious that when you lead the way like that,
00:05:52
Speaker
other women will follow, they just have to, you know? And they not just because they, they they like like I said, have to is maybe not the right word, but you just feel that energy and you want to be part of that movement. Yes, you feel compelled to maybe, right? You feel the yearning, you feel the compelling. Yes, I love the word that you used. I love the word, um infectious. This part of what you said, I think is so important because being around the community of others who are not afraid to be themselves, who are rediscovering the deeper power within really models for us and helps us to give ourselves the permission and help us to not be so afraid and not to feel so alone. um And this is, I think, the infectiousness that really truly is so freeing. It's so empowering and empowering and empowering. So speaking of empowering,
00:06:53
Speaker
Share with us a little bit, if you can, what moved you into this space? how did you what's What's a part of your story why you came into this space?
Susannah's Struggle with Agoraphobia
00:07:05
Speaker
Well, about 20 years or so ago, I think, no, but even longer, if like 25 years ago, I dealt with a phobia and it was agoraphobia and I would leave my house. I was stuck in my house because I was literally too scared to do anything because even I was still living at my parents house. I was ah yeah like in my late teens and I would just stay indoors all the time and like I said if I would leave just for um one block I would already get like an anxiety attack
00:07:40
Speaker
And wow um yeah, it was really, really bad. It was really bad. I met someone who was experiencing this. How long were you experiencing that for? 10 years. Wow. It was a long journey. it and Like I said, it started when I was still in high school. I was in my late teens. It was about like 17 or so. When I first like I fainted in high school and That gave me such a feeling of like lack of control. And that was very scary to me because I didn't really know what just happened. I never fainted before. And it was, yeah, I didn't, I think I didn't eat enough. So I was a bit like lightheaded and that caused me to pass out. And, but that was so such a scary experience for me that I was scared of that feeling, you know, the feeling of that not being in control.
00:08:36
Speaker
of your body and what happens or feeling dizzy and lightheaded, that was something I started to fear as well. And I'm quite a sensitive person and quite physically sensitive as well. So it's quite easy for me to get like a bit of a dizzy spell or feel a bit anxious. And and I would start to fear that that feeling. That gradually ah like turned into that phobia, that agoraphobia, where I would just, you know, stay indoors because that's where I felt the most safe.
00:09:05
Speaker
Even though I wasn't even then I wasn't comfortable because I would start it too. Well, you get estranged from your friends, I couldn't finish my school. I didn't have a social life. So that led into a depression. And at the one time, I didn't even leave my house for six months in a row. And so I was getting so frustrated, like, I said i would see all like my my friends from school, they would, you know, just have their first jobs, the first boyfriends, the first trip, ah you know, abroad without their parents. And I was stuck at home, like literally stuck at home. Wow. And I would grow so frustrated. It's like, why is my life put on hold? And that's what it felt like. And I just didn't want to leave my bed. I was getting more and more depressed and didn't really care about myself. I would not shower for weeks in a row. I would just stay in bed. Wow.
00:10:04
Speaker
didn't care anymore if I was alive, really. And this is because you felt
Diagnosis and Treatment Challenges
00:10:11
Speaker
imprisoned. It wasn't like you made the decision, well, I'm staying home, but you actually felt like you didn't have control over this fear. And you felt yeah really like you were imprisoned at home.
00:10:23
Speaker
Yeah, my home felt like at one point a prison, but also it was my only safe place. Right. But but my safe place then became my prison because it's the only place that I could feel safe. And I, the moment I stepped out of my house, I would get a panic attack. Literally at the end of the street, I would walk back home because I couldn't function anymore. So yeah, it was, was that bad. And eventually I got really like just fed up with it. And I, that was,
00:10:52
Speaker
That's when it changed for me. That there was something like clicking in my head is like, i cant I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I knew I wanted to live, and ah but also I knew I couldn't live like this anymore. So I knew I had to change something. So I went on this long quest. I mean, we didn't have internet at the time, so and that's how old I am. But yeah. and we just my parents and I, we just went on this quest to look for the right therapist. And even that wasn't easy, because not everyone recognized what I was going through at the time. And like I said, I'm talking about like 25 years ago or so. And they didn't know what what was going on with me. So I've had like bad diagnoses as well. And they said, I have just a fear of failure.
00:11:44
Speaker
I'm like, no that's not it. And actually like in a magazine, I saw an article about agoraphobia and it just like ticked all the boxes. I'm like, okay, that's me. That's, that's me. That's what I experienced on a daily basis. So then I got to at least know what it is. And with that, I found an accurate a therapist who could help you with it. But even that was still a struggle because how do you go to a therapist?
00:12:11
Speaker
There wasn't online sessions you had to go to. Right. This is years and years ago before we have all this access. And so, wow. So even being able to go was difficult.
00:12:26
Speaker
yeah yeah i My parents took me there by car and I was literally lying on the back seat because I couldn't see. I didn't want to see the entire world. I was too scared to look outside the window. I was just like,
00:12:41
Speaker
ah holding on to the door and not looking anywhere, but like at my parents or at the floor. So it was that bad. And it was only like a 10, 15 minute drive. So it wasn't that far. But to me, that was like a trip to the other side of the world. so Wow. Yeah, so it was incense. And as I mentioned, I've had that phobia for about 10 years, and it took ah about two years or so to finally be healed from it. And my first, because we exercised like, okay, we have to literally take this one step at a time. So I went, okay, I went one block without getting a panic attack. And then I went two blocks without getting a panic attack. Okay, my confidence is growing a bit. Maybe I can go to the supermarket that is three blocks away. I went to the supermarket, but I didn't go in inside.
00:13:31
Speaker
turn back home and then again like okay next day okay i will go to inside the supermarket now just get one thing and then go back home it it was that like step step step step step and yeah that it was a long journey but yeah it got to where i am now and i got to make that trip to the other side of the world which is new zealand for me and yeah it's the dream that i got to fulfill last year Wow, what a huge accomplishment. what a but you know It's really interesting. we We talk all the time about how things are really about perspective, right? And walking a mile in other people's shoes. And for some people, you know it's so easy to just get on the plane and just fly somewhere. and and and he And for you to be able to get on the plane and go to this another country, it's like,
00:14:28
Speaker
Full circle, huge accomplishment and victory and celebration. Oh my gosh, yeah. And and the funny thing is because I have been a big Lord of the Rings fan for like the food since the first movie came out, you like 20 plus years ago. And my first like big exercise when I was in the therapist's office, I so i said to her, I want to see The Return of the King. That's the last movie of the trilogy. I want to see it in the cinema because I hadn't been to cinema yet.
00:14:57
Speaker
So I really wanted to see that one in the cinema. So that became my my goal. right And then 20 years later, I got to see the actual sets in New Zealand. Hello. That is so exciting. i yeah I'm so happy for you. much During that trip. i so yeah I bet you did. I bet you did. And so somewhere in the journey, you found breathwork and tapping and the modalities that you use now. Give me just a sec, goddess. I know this episode is getting juicy, but you've got to know that the next goddess unlock is going down October 4th through 6th. And this is your space for what your soul is calling for now. A virtual stay-cave retreat where you get to pour into yourself and take yourself to the next level of energy mastery. It's so freaking delicious. you get to know how you're designed to align with your wealth path and your next level of purpose and maybe most importantly how to integrate it all into your life so that we stop spinning in circles trying to figure all this shit out in a world that hopes that we don't.
00:16:13
Speaker
This is a super tight container with some energy clearing, ancestral work, laser coaching, and a vortex of women who are about both their transformation and yours so that there's no room for leaving this space without getting what you came for. Welcome to The Goddess Unlocked, my love. A three-day live virtual journey into yourself and your infinite potential. We're up leveling your frequency of your purpose, prosperity and power. Let's finish this year stronger than you could have ever imagined together. Click the link in the show notes and let's get this party started. Let's get back into the episode.
Overcoming Phobia and Becoming a Music Journalist
00:16:53
Speaker
It was even a bit later on in life after after I healed from my phobia, I got a job as a journalist and I was on a music journalist for quite a long time.
00:17:05
Speaker
And I went to festivals concerts and I wrote for ah magazines and and online websites. And then later on, I got a quite a bad accident, where I almost died. but Just putting it out there. And that led to PTSD.
PTSD and Conversion Disorder Experience
00:17:26
Speaker
ah Because for like a year or so, I again was misdiagnosed. And they didn't realize I had PTSD from that traumatic event.
00:17:35
Speaker
And I kept having nightmares and couldn't sleep. Or when I did sleep, I would have nightmares or go sleepwalking. And it was really bad for like a year. I had all these tests done in the hospital, on brain scan, a heart scan to but it's checking to see if I have epilepsy because that following year I keep having blackouts. I was like, oh, it's probably the PTSD that just like caused me to blackout.
00:18:04
Speaker
And that's true because it's turned into into a mental disorder. That's called a conversion disorder. And that's when your mind is telling your body, you're not safe. So I was living again in anxiety, in the feeling of not feeling safe. Wow. So I trust myself and my body again, because every like, ah like six to eight weeks, I would have this blackout. So just really pass out because I felt more my but my mind was signaling to my body, you're not safe, even when I was just in my own home, and I was actually safe. But maybe it just reminded me of something that happened to me, you know, in my in my accident, because my accident happened at home as well. And it it was just constantly like my brain was telling me, you're not safe, when I was. So there was this miscommunication, right? And
00:18:59
Speaker
again, I had lots of false diagnoses. And ah they said, Oh, you you have epilepsy when I knew I didn't. and And again, I had to go through that search in in for the right therapy. And again, I i used ah like now I use the internet to actually look up what I had. And that was a conversion disorder. And so I found a therapist who was ah focused on conversion disorder. And ah went to treatment with her for 18 months. And finally, and that's, I can only say this now because I've been conversion disorder free for about a year. Oh, congratulations. kind of Thank you. And in that process, again, a 10 year process. And I had to really learn how to trust myself trust my body.
Reconnecting with Body through Spirituality
00:19:52
Speaker
Yeah. And that's where spirituality came in. I always had
00:19:55
Speaker
an interest in like spiritual topics. I was always interested in Buddhism and in yoga, but I didn't really practice anything with it. There was an interest and I would read books about it, but I didn't really like connect the dots and train it myself or practice any of these techniques or tools myself. I did some yoga, but not too intensely. But as I had to really like focus on really connecting my mind and body in a healthy way,
00:20:25
Speaker
I knew i I couldn't think away my anxiety because that's, I was so focused on what was going on in my mind that I was ignoring and neglecting my body. So quite similar to when, you know, I had that phobia. So it's like, okay, I obviously didn't learn my lesson yet. I had to go on another 10 year. ride but then Wow. To find out what happened to why it was happening. And that's, i it was,
00:20:56
Speaker
Very hard because as I mentioned, like the first year, especially I was going in and out of the hospital. And also ah when you have a conversion disorder and you have these blackouts, you just fall on the floor without notice. Wow. I have multiple stitches in my head, a lot of fractures everywhere. And constantly you have to deal with that, go through that, you mentally and physically.
00:21:23
Speaker
and be like, okay, why is this actually happening to me? So it's quite a difficult place to find love for yourself and find compassion for you. Like, oh my gosh, is this happening again? Oh my gosh. And it's not a pleasant feeling where you have to wipe your own blood from the floor because you passed out yet again. And it's quite traumatic as well. So I really had to dive and dig deep to get to that core of what was happening. And it was just this misconnection or disconnection from my mind and my body that, okay, I'm actually just listening to my mind. And that's constantly telling me I'm not safe, I'm not safe, and I'm listening to that, but I'm not listening to my body. So I have to consciously engage with my body and connect to my body so I can feel safe again. Because when I feel safe in my body, that is sending a message to my brain that I actually am safe. but I don't have to pass out, I don't have to
00:22:23
Speaker
deep touch like this. So yeah, that was a long journey. And my breath work helped with that. But also yoga helped with that. And actually find of and compassion for myself. And it was also I had to I had ah quite a lack of boundaries. So i knew I had changed that up a lot because I was doing everything for everyone. Yeah. ah while While I was in the midst of this healing. And while I was also building my business because I was doing that at the same time while I was giving from my conversion disorder and my trauma. So I was like, okay, I have to be a bit more kind and compassionate to myself and give myself the space to heal and to relax. And that's where that whole journey shifted for me where I focused on my breath work and tapping with affirmations and
00:23:17
Speaker
yeah Like my favorite mantra in the morning game became, how am I going to honor myself today? This is my mantra for faith. I love that. I love that. Oh, I cannot believe your story is so intriguing and so powerful. I can't believe that we're already close to time. I can't believe it.
00:23:40
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I know, right? um But it's so powerful and so intriguing and I'm so honored and I'm so grateful um for you sharing it. I know that there are listeners here who may be dealing with a chronic illness that they don't understand or may be dealing with um issues with self-love because of what they have been dealing with or not being understood or not being seen um yeah and not being heard. And so i I realized that they may be very connected to you right now and very connected to your story and maybe wanting to experience more of your magic and maybe wanting to experience
Resources for Self-Healing and Spirituality
00:24:23
Speaker
um how you could maybe help them heal from what they're feeling as well through this self-love and and um breathing and tapping, which I know all three are so super powerful in and the combination. So this woman who is like, oh, I would love to get in contact with her, if you would say here, how can they get in contact with you? Yeah, of course. Well, my website is myname, suzanakawima.com.
00:24:52
Speaker
And yeah I also have a YouTube channel called Susie's soul channel. And I have a lot of free interviews there. And I share a lot about mental health and spirituality as well. And on my website, I have a course called healing habits, where I explain some self healing habits that you can do yourself at home to reconnect with your body.
00:25:12
Speaker
And I have a lovely embodied in this session. It's like a body fullness and embodiment in one. And I really help you and guide you to reconnect with your body because your body is constantly speaking to you. So you just have to listen.
00:25:27
Speaker
Absolutely. I 100% agree. And I 100% endorse. So, Phoenix's Goddesses, all who enjoy this podcast. um Yes, if you're interested, I will have the links in the show notes. And please avail yourself to these tools because as we move together in the collective in elevating this space and elevating ourselves to our next level,
00:25:52
Speaker
of our purpose and our inner power, um reconnecting with our bodies and the power within is so vital and so important. And so thank you for your gifts. and Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you very much. An honor to be here.
00:26:12
Speaker
Listen, this is not just for you to listen to. This is for you to take action, change the trajectory of your life and live in your power. If you're liking what's happening here, hit that subscribe button so you do not ever miss a powerful episode and definitely share it with that sister who you know needs this power in their life. if you are not yet living in your power, if you are not yet loving yourself completely and deeply, trusting yourself and using your intuitive tools, knowing undoubtedly who you are and why you are here, being yourself unapologetically, head on over to LatoyaZavala.com. That's LatoyaZavala.com. You don't have to wait until you're ready to unlock your next level. You are ready now.