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A Special Holiday Message
55 Plays1 year ago
We are thinking of you this holiday season and wanted to share some advice we have learned through the years. When navigating the holiday season after the loss of your baby, please do what works best for you and your family. If someone you love is grieving, there are many ways you can support them as well!
Most importantly, have a Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.
Thank you for taking your time to listen!
The corresponding blog post to this podcast can be found here: https://theblindsided.com/2023/11/20/a-guide-to-navigating-the-holidays-after-baby-loss-for-bereaved-parents-and-those-who-love-and-support-them/
Tell us how you will be spending your holidays, email us at nicole@theblindsided.com and desiree@theblindsided.com . If you need support please reach out.
We are thankful for you all.
Don't forget to leave us a rating, and like and share on Facebook and Instagram.
-Desiree & Nicole<3
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, I'm Nicole and I'm Desiree. We are both mothers who run a support group for perinatal loss. Through our group, we have met many wonderful families and have had the honor of hearing about and sometimes meeting their beautiful babies. We noticed that families feel relief when they can share openly and feel seen when they meet others who are telling similar stories. So we created this podcast as a space for families to share the stories of their babies.
00:00:23
Speaker
We want to honor and remember these children. We want to help you navigate your life after loss. And most importantly, we want each story to give you hope. So please join us as we share these stories of grief and love. Welcome to the Blindsided Podcast.
Holiday Challenges for Grieving Families
00:00:43
Speaker
Hey everyone, this is Nicole.
00:00:46
Speaker
I wanted to record a holiday message because we're thinking of you guys so much this holiday season, especially this coming week. I know it can be so hard, just the thought of getting together with family who are all going to be happy and you're still stuck in a place that you don't want to be. I think like a lot of times two people don't understand, can't understand, who haven't been through it because
00:01:11
Speaker
They don't know why we are grieving so hard over someone that we don't have these memories with. And what I mean when I say that is when your grandparent dies, you have years of memories, hopefully you have years of memories with them, years of making memories during the holidays. And the holidays can be especially hard because of that, you know, but we don't have these memories with our babies. But in the same sense,
00:01:37
Speaker
It's our hopes. These are our dreams. We have hopes for these holidays. We incorporate our children into these holidays even before they're here and imagine our families with our children and then
00:01:51
Speaker
And when it doesn't happen, the holidays can be devastating. So I just want you to know that we are thinking of you. We love
Celebrating Holidays with Lost Babies in Mind
00:01:59
Speaker
you. We, if we could, we would hug you and I want you to celebrate in your own way, whatever feels right for you to do this week, Thanksgiving in the coming weeks. Do it. Um, if that means staying home or you feel comfortable, um, do it. If you just want to get away, you don't want to see anyone go away.
00:02:20
Speaker
Do what feels right, whatever you can do to make it easier on yourself. Try to rely on the good people in your life for support, the people who get it. We all have these people. If you don't, we'll be your people. But don't do it alone, especially if you don't have to.
00:02:38
Speaker
One way that I would say, like, brings some joy back into the holiday is to commemorate and incorporate your baby into the holiday somehow. In previous support groups, me and Daz have made plates and had people, you know, set a place that there are tables. The one plate we made said, you should be here. I still have mine.
00:02:59
Speaker
another thing you could do in your house is to light a candle just in remembrance of your baby and let people know maybe put it next to a picture of your baby on Thanksgiving. Another thing that a lot of people do is to donate in memory of your child whether this is like a
00:03:16
Speaker
Christmas presents or a holiday meal for someone who can't afford it. It's a really nice thing to do and it does give you joy. It gives me joy anyway. I will say that. I don't mean to reject, but it does. Doing good in memory of your child.
00:03:33
Speaker
is a satisfying feeling. Other ways I've done in the past is like visiting the cemetery on the holidays just to like make sure that, you know, she was included in my day and just starting like new holiday traditions. My bereavement counselor, she told us in group that every year she would
00:03:53
Speaker
purchase flowers to be placed at the front of the church. So every year, like Christmas time, she would buy flowers for the church and then they would be there for the services. Be realistic with what you are able to do. Don't overextend yourself or overexhaust yourself. Make sure you have an outlet for pent-up emotions.
00:04:14
Speaker
not even just pin up emotions. Make sure you have an outlet or find an outlet, especially during the holiday season, which are holidays are already stressful for people. People are already like heightened. And then here we are in our grief, so it can make it a lot harder just to deal with people. I exercise
Emotional Well-being and Traditions
00:04:35
Speaker
regularly. Journaling has been, was really great for me and walking, meditation,
00:04:42
Speaker
anything to give you some kind of relief to help you end or begin the holiday. Allow yourself to feel the grief and sadness with the joy of the holiday so you don't get stuck on these emotions. Feel them, allow yourself the time to feel them, and then move through them and continue. One of my favorite holiday traditions is
00:05:04
Speaker
all these angel ornaments I have for my daughter every year the hospital would have the local hospital would have a little ceremony and we would get an angel ornament but it's an awesome when we pull out all these ornaments and you can see like our tree is full of them and it makes me happy when I see them and I feel like she's with us and she's remembered and I hope that you all can find something like that this holiday season to either start doing
00:05:33
Speaker
or continue doing that makes you feel like your babies are close during the holidays. I'm super thankful for all of our listeners. When I look and see where everyone is listening from and how these stories are just impacting people, it's amazing to me and
00:05:51
Speaker
I feel honored. I feel honored to be able to provide this platform and feel honored that anyone would even want to share their story with us. So thank you so much. Super thankful for you all. If you need
Seeking Support from Hosts
00:06:06
Speaker
extra support or need support at all, please reach out to us. You can email us or Facebook message us. My email is nicoletheblindsided.com. Desiree's Desiree the Blindsided.com.
00:06:20
Speaker
but we are here and we hope that you're surrounded by love the coming weeks and that you take time for yourself. We'll be posting new episodes soon. So stay tuned and thank you again.
00:06:33
Speaker
Nicole, thank you so much for sharing advice on how to survive the holidays as a grieving lost parent. I want to talk now about how to support a friend or family member through the holidays after the loss of their baby. Navigating festivities and gatherings can be really overwhelming for these families. The holiday season can be particularly challenging for those who've experienced the loss of a baby.
00:06:54
Speaker
I think it's so crucial to offer support in a thoughtful and compassionate manner. That said, if someone is close to you and going through this difficult time, here are some ways you can help them survive the holidays.
00:07:07
Speaker
Reach out to your friend or family member regularly in a way that suits them, whether it's through phone calls, text messages, emails, cards, or even in-person visits. Just be a lending ear and let them share their feelings without feeling the need to fix everything for them. Most times, simply offering a listening ear can provide comfort. 2. Acknowledge their loss.
00:07:27
Speaker
If you gather for a holiday meal, consider creating a play setting at your table for the baby. However, it's essential to be sensitive to the parents' feelings. Beforehand, inform them of your intention and ask if it would be okay, as some families may find this gesture comforting while others may find it triggering. 3. Thoughtful gestures
00:07:44
Speaker
A sweet idea is to fill a small stocking or gift bag with items that convey your care and support. Consider including items like a nice candle, cozy socks, a cute mug with tea bags, or even a thoughtfully framed poem. These small gestures can let them know you were thinking of them and their baby during this difficult time. 4. Accompany them to the grave site
00:08:03
Speaker
If they're comfortable, go with them to the grave site. If the cemetery allows, you can also bring along flowers or even a holiday decoration. This can be a meaningful way to show your support and provide a sense of companionship during what may be a challenging visit. Number five, plan ahead for difficult days.
00:08:19
Speaker
Make plans to touch base with your friend or family member during the upcoming holidays or on any other days that they may be dreading, like birthdays, anniversaries, meaningful dates like due dates, etc. Even a quick call or video chat can provide a sense of connection and support during tough times.
00:08:34
Speaker
6. Say Their Names It's so important to acknowledge the baby's presence in the family. Saying their names and showing that you remember their baby is a meaningful way to show that their existence is not forgotten, especially during family gatherings. Remember the partner. Don't forget to support the partner as well. Grieving is a shared experience, and even a simple hug while mentioning the baby's name can go a long way in acknowledging their grief.
00:08:59
Speaker
Number 8. Donate in their baby's memory. Consider making a donation to a local nonprofit organization in memory of their baby. This thoughtful gesture not only honors the child's memory, but also contributes to a cause that may be meaningful to the grieving parents. Number 9. Floral tributes. You can order a Christmas poinsettia for your church in honor of their child. This provides a visible and beautiful tribute to their baby during the holiday church services.
00:09:24
Speaker
10. Express your gratitude. Write a heartfelt note expressing your thankfulness for them and letting them know you are thinking of them during the holiday season. Offer words of hope and comfort, assuring them of your continuous support throughout the year. 11. Mail them a comforting card. Send a card acknowledging the challenges they face throughout the year. Offer words of hope and comfort such as, I'm remembering your son this holiday season,
00:09:47
Speaker
and I'm hoping that you feel love and peace surrounding you. Here I use sun as a reference, but when you write the card, just be sure to use their baby's name. You see, when we approach the holidays with sensitivity and compassion, we can help our friends or family members to navigate this challenging time and let them know that they are not alone in their grief. We want to honor and remember all babies throughout the year, but especially during the holidays.
00:10:10
Speaker
In this podcast
Conclusion and Community Engagement
00:10:11
Speaker
episode, you'll find a link to our website, which has the blog posts containing all of the support ideas you can provide to friends and family, as well as advice for yourself if navigating the holidays after the loss of your baby. We want to thank you for listening to the Blindsided Podcast and hope that you know you are not alone.
00:10:28
Speaker
Thank you so much for tuning into the latest episode of The Blindsided Podcast. We truly appreciate your support and time you spent with us. If you have a personal story you'd like to share on the show, don't hesitate to reach out to us. You can send us an email at nicolewiththeblindsided.com or desiré at theblindsided.com.
00:10:47
Speaker
For more episodes, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app. Just search the blindsided podcast and hit that follow button. You can also connect with us on social media too. You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at the blindsided podcast. We love engaging with our listeners and hearing your thoughts on each episode.
00:11:04
Speaker
And before you go, consider leaving a rating and review for our show. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners who might find value in the stories and discussions we share. Once again, thank you for listening and being a part of the Blindsided community.