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Ann Coyle - Perinatal Bereavement Manager at Virtua Health
57 Plays1 year ago
As the overseer of the Perinatal Bereavement Program, Ann ensures that families grappling with the loss of a pregnancy or an infant have access to a comprehensive array of services aimed at providing solace and assistance.
Furthermore, Coyle plays a pivotal role in organizing Run with the Docs, an annual 5K event held outside Virtua Voorhees Hospital, which serves as a fundraiser for the Perinatal Bereavement Program. This event also fosters the participation of numerous families whom Ann has supported over the years. The upcoming Run With the Docs 2024 is scheduled for Sunday, June 9th at Virtua Voorhees.
Ann is also the facilitator of the HOPING (Helping Other Parents In Normal Grief) Bereavement Support Group.
Ann, thank you for sharing your knowledge with our listeners, and for all that you do for your families!!!
For more podcasts and stories, please visit the Blindsided website: www.theblindsided.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, I'm Nicole and I'm Desiree. We are both mothers who run a support group for perinatal loss. Through our group, we have met many wonderful families and have had the honor of hearing about and sometimes meeting their beautiful babies. We noticed that families feel relief when they can share openly and feel seen when they meet others who are telling similar stories. So we created this podcast as a space for families to share the stories of their babies.
00:00:23
Speaker
We want to honor and remember these children. We want to help you navigate your life after loss. And most importantly, we want each story to give you hope. So please join us as we share these stories of grief and love. Welcome to the Blindsided Podcast.
Meet Anne Coyle and Her Role
00:00:45
Speaker
Welcome to the Blindsided Podcast. We're your hosts, Desiree Nicole. Hi, everybody. Today we're here with Anne Coyle, Manager of the Perinatal Bereavement Program at Virtual Health in South Jersey. Quite a few of our interviewees had the opportunity to have Anne at their bedside at the time of their loss, providing them guidance and support along the way. I myself have been fortunate to work with Anne in many sad situations, and I appreciate how she takes a team approach to how she cares for these families and ensures that they have every opportunity and choice presented to them.
00:01:15
Speaker
Hi, Ann. Thank you so much for being here. How are you today? Great. Thanks for having me. Ann, can you tell us about yourself and your family and how you became a nurse?
Anne Coyle's Nursing Journey
00:01:27
Speaker
Sure. So I have been a nurse for 41 years this year at virtual. Oh, that's amazing. Yes, yes. I had a career as a NICU nurse, a neonatal intensive care nurse for 32 of those years.
00:01:42
Speaker
and been working in this position for nine years now. I am married. My husband's name is Tom. I have two children, boy and a girl, and I have three wonderful grandchildren, two girls and a boy. That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. And a new
Creating a Perinatal Bereavement Position
00:01:57
Speaker
house. And a new house. It's exciting. It's fantastic. So what was the turning point for you to decide to take that role nine years ago? So I had
00:02:07
Speaker
been doing it kind of on the side, you know, working full time and then trying to go see moms and talk to them and maybe send them some information in the mail, but it was a very disjointed at the time. And then one of our docs, this fantastic MFM doctor saw what I was doing and said, you should have this as a position. And I had actually written a position years before that. And they were like, yeah, thank you very much. And I'm sure they put it in the pile on the side, but he recognized that. And he really, I think he was my
00:02:34
Speaker
push to do this. And he's been my supporter ever since and my mentor ever since. His name is Dr. LaBreezy. So yeah, he was starting a institute and he called it on his own. He wanted to train MFM fellows to be like him. He'd said to treat people from the neck up is always his thing. And the people that he had donate to this institute were former lost families that he helped get pregnant and stay pregnant.
00:02:59
Speaker
And they said to him, we really don't want you to train doctors for this because we don't see the doctors much at all. We see the nurses more. So we would rather you do something with a nurse. So he said to me, I'll pay your salary for two years within this institute and then the hospital will hopefully take it on. And that second year I was worried they wouldn't take my job on. But here I am nine years later.
Community Fundraising for Bereavement Support
00:03:23
Speaker
Wow. I didn't know that. That's awesome. Big step. Yeah. Big risk, but it was worth it. And I never thought it would be full time, but it has turned into that with the education that's needed. You know what I find doing this, Nicole? Like the people that mentioned their doctors, for the most part, many of them, it's a male that was like the biggest influence and the biggest support they felt universally, like not just locally, but like, yeah, universally. It's crazy to me to think that.
00:03:48
Speaker
Even though the female doctors get me the money, they did three female doctors that started, they realized they didn't have a budget when I started my job. And they said, we should have some kind of fundraiser. So they started a five K run, uh, the first year and they called it run with the docs and they wanted different doctor practices to compete and run. And we raised like $32,000 that first year. And then after that, I said, I know my family's would want to be involved in this. And they do, they make shirts, they have teams, they absolutely love it. It's a big family day and we have.
00:04:18
Speaker
jumpy houses for the kids and ice cream and all sorts of things. And it was three women that started that. Wow. That's awesome. Do you have one coming up? We do. June 9th, anyone who's interested could go to runwiththedocs.org and that will put them on the sign up site. Parents with losses can also purchase a sign. We have signs for, I think they're $25 memorial signs that we put along the race course so people can see the baby's needs. That's so cool. Yeah.
00:04:47
Speaker
Wow. And do you need like volunteers for this day? Always. Okay. Yeah. Always. Just people that run, you know, to be along the course and encourage all the runners and the right direction and things like that. How long? Oh, it's 5k. Is it a 5k? 5k run or a one mile fun walk? Okay. Yeah. So we have a 5k course on the, on the grounds of the hospital. Okay. That's awesome. Yeah. Do you have any specific lost families that you can recall making a strong impact on you?
Story of Evolving Hope with Trisomy 13
00:05:17
Speaker
Ah, many. One in particular, we had a family whose little baby had a genetic disorder called Trisomy 13.
00:05:26
Speaker
and they were diagnosed in their pregnancy with early testing and she didn't wanna do any further testing. She was gonna have this baby no matter what. So along the way, he showed some signs of it on ultrasounds and things, but they still weren't sure. So they had hoped that this baby wouldn't have this disorder. So he was born and he looked like he did. They have a certain look about them. And we did testing and yes, he ended up having trisomy 13. He ended up in our NICU. He was on a little bit of breathing support. Then they hoped they could take him home
00:05:55
Speaker
to meet their sons at home. They had two little boys at home. But then he didn't, he progressed and it didn't look like he was going to be able to go home. So we brought the sons in and they met their brother. And then about two weeks later, he took a turn and we knew he was going to die. And I spoke to the parents and I said, you know, all the way along, you have to have hope. We hoped you were wrong. We hoped we were wrong.
00:06:19
Speaker
You hope he didn't have it. You hope he could meet his brothers and he did. And now sometimes we have to hope for a peaceful death. And it was, it was a beautiful death. You know, um, she held him, they prayed, they sang to him at the funeral. The dad talked to me and he said, you know, I didn't want to hear all that stuff you were saying to me. And I said, I didn't want to say that to you, but he said, you were right. It was so beautiful. And you know, we're so thankful for everything everyone did all the way. So I'll always, always remember that.
00:06:48
Speaker
I just, you know, I tell people all the time, hope has to evolve over time. Children's hospital has a sign on the side of their building that said, hope lives here. And when they first put it up, I thought, how dare they? Children die there every day.
00:07:02
Speaker
You know, those parents, you know, what do they think? And I thought, no, there's, there is always hope, even in a hopeless situation. Yeah. That's such a good point. Yeah. Yeah. I know who you're talking about. That's so beautiful. I'm glad that you were there. Yes. You know, story like that. So what is some advice that you would give to nurses or other healthcare professionals when working with a pregnancy or infant loss family?
Advice for Nurses on Supporting Families
00:07:24
Speaker
The number one thing I tell them, um, when I, when I do teaching with them is you don't always know, have to have to know what to say. So as nurses, we fix things and that's what we do. And that's what you want to do. And you can't fix this. And I said, the best thing you can do. And it sounds like doing nothing is presence. Just being with them sitting, even if it's sitting in silence, just sitting there and listening to their story. Yeah. People want to be heard. People need to process. People need to know someone cares enough to sit in the pain and the
00:07:54
Speaker
and they're hurt with them. And that means more to people than to grieving people than anything in the world. So just presence is the biggest thing you can give them. Yeah. The best advice is you don't have to do anything. Yeah. Actually keep your mouth shut. It seems like sometimes, you know, people are like, Oh, you do so much for people. And I'm like, I feel like I don't do anything because I just sit with people. But I listened to them where everyone else goes, Oh, I'm so sorry. And they walk away. When you started your nursing career, did you ever think that you would be here today? No.
00:08:23
Speaker
But I always say that I've been training for this job all of my life. I've had a lot of loss in my own life. And I feel like I can feel with other people. I can understand some of their pain. I can never understand everything about everyone's pain. But having had a lot of loss in my own life of many types, parents, husband, siblings, miscarriages, I just feel like I have
00:08:48
Speaker
a comfort level being around grieving people. So I've thought about this. Like I said, I wrote up a job description years ago. I thought about this for years, but this is truly the best job I've ever had. I love the NICU, but this is the best job I've ever had. I say all the time, I loved supporting bereaved parents and helping them make memories. And it's weird to say that you love it because a lot of people say, how can you do that? I love something so sad.
00:09:10
Speaker
And I love it. And I just think you love it because you know that you can make a difference because you're confident in your skill. Yeah. You just know that you're leaving and making a difference, whether they realize it at that moment or not. Yeah.
00:09:23
Speaker
You're giving people hope in a hopeless situation. Yes. I was just going to say, and you're one of the people that like gets it truly. And I think that when you've had a lot of loss, you get it, you know, you know how to help people in these situations. And that's why you're so good at what you do. And then besides being a source of comfort and support at the time of their loss, can you tell our listeners how you support families in the weeks and months following their loss?
00:09:47
Speaker
Sure.
Ongoing Support for Bereaved Families
00:09:48
Speaker
So I try to meet with every single family as much as I can in the hospital, just to put a face with the name. I lay out what I'm going to do for them then. And I, you know, like anything we offer them in the hospital, holding, seeing pictures, all of that, they can refuse. So I say to them, this is what I plan for you for the next year. I'm going to walk with you on this journey for at least a year. You know, I'd like to send you a packet of information in the mail and a packet that I send them that has
00:10:14
Speaker
list of counselors that has websites, support groups, how to stop baby mail, a book for dads, a bunch of things in it. And then I say, I, you know, follow up in about three weeks, I'll either call or text you. I send a few things during the year. I send them a first mother's day letter and a first father's day letter. We send them a one year angel anniversary card, their baby's name mentioned on it, if they named their baby. And, you know, different things through the year. I, you know,
00:10:41
Speaker
send them reminders about our support group that meets twice a month and try to have contact with different things. Like I send them things about room with the docs and ways that they can connect with other families. How about the angel wall or the wall with the plaques? I don't know what it's actually called. Yeah. The angel garden.
00:10:56
Speaker
Angel Garden. Yeah. And they get information about that. So we have a Angel Garden kind of at the center of our hospital, which I wasn't sure I wanted when I first had the dream of that. So I did a lot of fundraising in the beginning, we raised over $30,000 to build that garden. And I kind of wanted it private, like by the side of the road at the entrance of the hospital. They said, we'll put it right here. And it's right outside of a lot of the, you know, floors can see down on it. And the CEO's office is right there, but it has
00:11:23
Speaker
become a beautiful centerpiece of the hospital. It really has because all of our administrators and everyone in the hospital has really embraced it. So there's a wall, it's a multi-level wall with water running down it and they can purchase a plaque to have on the wall with their baby's name and a little saying about them. And there's a beautiful angel there carved out of granite that a couple donated.
00:11:44
Speaker
in honor of their baby and she's holding a baby. So it's a beautiful, peaceful place.
The Angel Garden Memorial
00:11:49
Speaker
We have rocking chairs there. Families go and sit. They decorate their little plaques for holidays and birthdays and things like that. So it's a beautiful, peaceful place. And some of the nurses bring out other patients. I see elderly patients sitting out there in wheelchairs.
00:12:02
Speaker
just to show them this beautiful, peaceful place and get out of the hospital. Yeah, get some fresh air. That's awesome. Yeah, I see a lot of families on their baby's birthday or when they have their next, if they have a rainbow baby, I see them bring their baby to the garden, just take a picture and leave something. Yeah, it's really sweet. Yeah. You said you fundraised for that. How did you, was that with the run with the docs fundraising? No.
00:12:26
Speaker
That was a crazy Anne Coyle fundraising campaign. So I went on, you know, I started we started meeting with a group of parents, one of the dads that was there because we were talking about different ways to fundraise. And at the time, the foundation told us we were going to need like $100,000 or something. And I thought, gosh.
00:12:41
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get that much money. So I turned to my boss at the time who became the director of nursing and I said, what do I have to do to have like a bake sale here? And the dad said, no, offensive, but you're not going to raise a hundred thousand dollars for the bake sale. Well, I know that Bob, but I want to get the word out.
00:12:59
Speaker
And I want ideas of, you know, I'm not sure what to do. Like how many nights can you have at Pizzeria Uno, you know, dine and donates and all of those. So he said, I have a golf outing every year and we raised like, you know, 20 or 30 thousand dollars. I said, well, if you want to have a golf outing for this, that would be great. And he shut up right away.
00:13:18
Speaker
So then I called him, I had a bake sale and all the NICU nurses and everyone made things and it was, we had so much food, we had it left over. I actually went through the hospital during the night shift, which they never get food and sold stuff there, everything that too. And we raised $2,000 from a bake sale. I said, hey Bob, I got $2,000 from some cupcakes.
00:13:40
Speaker
So we went on from there. I did a guest bartending. One of our nurses, family owned a bar. I did a guest bartending thing at that, which I brought my nephew because he's like the guy from cocktail. He did most of the bartending. We had a lot of raffles. We actually had a magician come from Las Vegas and do a show at Paula Six High School, which was phenomenal. And I did not advertise it enough because it was an amazing show. It's like a magician. He actually brought tigers and things with him. But then we ended up not being able to bring them
00:14:11
Speaker
But, um, yeah, we did a whole lot of, I did my own 5k run. We did, we called it, um, running with the angels. And it was a thunderstorm that day with a lot of crazy stuff, but we ended up raising the money and we ended, we raised 30,000. They're like, that's exactly what you need. I was like, okay.
00:14:29
Speaker
So the wall was already built there and apparently it already had a feature for the water. They just had to hook it up and whatnot and do some landscaping and stuff like that. Okay, that's great. I have a nurse friend that's doing the fundraiser right now because she wants to start like a foundation within her healthcare facility and she's doing bake sales.
00:14:49
Speaker
Yeah, everybody's gonna buy food. Yeah, they raised like $5,000 already. I think with their first one, I want to say it was $5,000. But I'm like, that's so crazy. Just from a bake sale. Yeah, committed to it. Yeah. Do you have any other thoughts you would like to add or topics we haven't touched on? I just you know, I was thinking about becoming a nurse and I'm always thankful to my mom.
00:15:10
Speaker
A lot of people say, I became a nurse because I love people and I care about people. And I became a nurse because my mother thought I should be a nurse, truthfully. My mother gave me two choices, nurse or none.
00:15:24
Speaker
Literally. My mother was a very frustrated nurse herself. She took care of her mother, her mother-in-law, her father-in-law, all until he died. So she forced me into this. I had a guidance counselor that told me, you know, we did testing to see what you, you know, were likely to be or something like that when I was in high school. And he said, there's no way you can be a nurse. You might be able to be a secretary, but there's no way you could be a nurse. My mother's like, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
00:15:45
Speaker
And she said, you're going to keep going. And I did it. And I went to a nursing school at the time. I was a little immature for that. So I didn't do so well that first year. And they asked me not to come back. And as I was, you know, got some freedom living with a bunch of girls and whatnot. And on my way home, I stopped at my high school and talked to this other guidance counselor who I loved. And I said to him, you have to get me into another school. I can't go home and tell my mother I dropped out. You know, I was asked not to come back.
00:16:14
Speaker
So he said, oh, there's a program at Gloucester County College. And he said, it's a two year program. He said, but I think you should do four years. I said, no, two years sounds really good. I'm really not into school that much. And, uh, he got me in and I went home and I said, mom, this happened, but I'm going to be going to Gloucester County College and you know, yada, yada, yada. So I say I got a two year degree in four years. My daughter's on that same track for her. So it's really hard.
00:16:39
Speaker
Well, today, I don't know if I could be a nurse today with all the prerequisites and all of that. I don't know if I have that kind of ambition, but yeah, I'm glad it's the best thing my mother ever forced me to do. That's the best job I've ever had.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:16:53
Speaker
And thank you so much for being here today and sharing your knowledge and experience with our listeners. We can only hope that if family experiences the loss of a much wanted pregnancy or baby, that they would have someone just like you by their side. If you have any comments or questions for Ann, please email us at storyteller at the blindsided.com and we will get them to her. Don't forget to visit runwiththedocs.org so you can participate in the upcoming run with the docs on June 9th. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next episode.
00:17:22
Speaker
Thank you so much for tuning into the latest episode of The Blindsided Podcast. We truly appreciate your support and time you spent with us. If you have a personal story you'd like to share on the show, don't hesitate to reach out to us. You can send us an email at nicolewiththeblindsided.com or desiré at theblindsided.com.
00:17:41
Speaker
For more episodes, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app. Just search the blindsided podcast and hit that follow button. You can also connect with us on social media too. You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at the blindsided podcast. We love engaging with our listeners and hearing your thoughts on each episode.
00:17:58
Speaker
And before you go, consider leaving a rating and review for our show. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners who might find value in the stories and discussions we share. Once again, thank you for listening and being a part of the Blindsided community.