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S2E22 - Who? 10 Years of Friendship: Kendall and Katy's Surrogacy Journey
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Summary
On today’s episode, we get to hear from Katy, our Executive Director at Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, and her intended mom, Kendall, as they reflect on their incredible surrogacy journey. Almost ten years ago, they met for the first time, beginning a path that would not only bring baby Pace into the world but also forge a lifelong friendship.
Katy and Kendall take us through every part of their experience, from the excitement of their match meeting to the challenges they faced during the embryo transfer. They share the joy, laughter, and even moments of uncertainty that defined their journey, while highlighting the importance of communication, trust, and focusing on their shared goal.
As they look back on the birth of baby Pace, they offer heartfelt advice for anyone considering surrogacy. Kendall encourages intended parents to trust their emotions, while Katy reminds us that every surrogacy story is different, and it's important to stay focused on the ultimate goal.
This episode is filled with heart and wisdom, whether you’re considering surrogacy yourself or simply love a great story. I can’t wait for you to listen in and be inspired by Katy and Kendall’s incredible bond and shared experience!
Takeaways
-Surrogacy can be a long and emotional journey, but it can also lead to incredible connections and relationships.
-The match meeting between intended parents and a gestational carrier is an important step in the surrogacy process.
-Trust and communication are key in the surrogacy relationship.
-Complications and fears can arise, but having a shared goal helps navigate through them
-Maintaining a positive and supportive relationship between the surrogate and intended parents is key The support of family and loved ones is crucial during the surrogacy journey.
-The emotional experience of the birth and the unique bond between the intended parents and the surrogate can be profound.
-It's important for intended parents to trust their emotions and not worry about feeling the 'right' way.
-Each surrogacy journey is unique, and it's important to focus on the end goal and recognize that everyone's experience is different.
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Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Katie and Kendall
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, everyone. On today's episode, we get to hear from Katie, our executive director here at Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, and her intended mom, Kendall. Ten years ago, Kendall and Katie embarked on a journey that has since become a lifelong friendship. Together, they faced challenges head-on, celebrated big moments, and ultimately welcomed Baby Pace into the world.
00:00:25
Speaker
Now they're here almost 10 years to the date of their first meeting to share what they learned along the way, including advice you won't want to miss if you are considering surrogacy. This surrogacy story is as emotional as it is inspiring. So whether you're curious about surrogacy or you just want to hear a great story, this episode will have you hooked. I can't wait for you to hear this incredible conversation filled with laughter,
00:00:54
Speaker
tears and inspiration. Enjoy me, you and who.
Whitney Hall's Role and Podcast Purpose
00:01:00
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate Now Turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:25
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:53
Speaker
Good morning, my friends. I'm so excited I get to talk to you guys. This has been a story I've heard, like, for forever, and I'm just excited I get to, like, finally speak to the both of you.
Journey to Surrogacy: Katie and Kendall's Story
00:02:05
Speaker
Well, thank for having us, Whitney. Yes. OK, so for our friends who are listening, not seeing, um why don't you say your names? And that way they know your voice. Katie, you can go first. I'm Katie and Kaleid.
00:02:25
Speaker
and I am Kendall Pace Monroe. Yay! And what makes this so exciting and so fun is, Katie, you were Kendall's gestational carrier for what seems like a lifetime ago. um Yes, it was. I was telling somebody they the other day. I mean, it's been 10 years since we met each other and We got the blessing of having a very fast journey as opposed to what other people experience these days. But um yeah, 10 years, it's a long time. I know, it is a long time and it also feels like yesterday. I actually have a, I took a blog during like my whole fertility journey or whatever and my husband and I got it out last night. And and this is just so weird. But Katie, I met you for the first time on September 7th.
00:03:18
Speaker
Oh my gosh, which is now, you know, which is now, yes. At the time of this recording, it's September 9th.
Kendall's Infertility Struggles and Decision for Surrogacy
00:03:24
Speaker
That's hilarious. I know. Oh my gosh. It was Labor Day weekend, right? I mean, of that year, it was Labor Day weekend that you guys drove up from Houston. I mean, with a two or three day notice, I think, and came up for our match meeting. It was awesome.
00:03:43
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. And that just kind of speaks to the times. Cause like so much has changed since then and how like the process works, but okay, before we dive down there, let's go back a touch and Kendall, I want to hear from you. Like what, what led to surrogacy being the reason why you are growing your family?
00:04:04
Speaker
Great question. um And some question some of it is a little still unanswered, but after we got married and we knew we wanted a bunch of kids, um i both of us come from big families, did not have infertility. We were young.
00:04:21
Speaker
definitely did not think it would ever happen to us. There was no reason that it would. and I do have an autoimmune disorder. And so we, I mean, that was kind of in the back of our heads, but um I got pregnant very easily, but could never keep a pregnancy. So I had reoccurring miscarriages that We first, we were just going to and just, you know, my OBGYN and then we decided to do
IVF Challenges and Turning to Surrogacy
00:04:49
Speaker
IVF. yeah um We thought maybe something that if we could genetically test our embryos, and we would know that we had healthy embryos. And so we did IVF and we got the news that all of our embryos were perfect, um which is not really what we wanted because we thought maybe it was an embryo problem. so Then we did IVF yeah um with me a couple times and both of those also ended in miscarriage. So at that point we knew, you know, we knew it was the oven that was not able to to hold it. And so surrogacy was, you know, I knew of like baby mama the movie and that's about as much as I knew of surrogacy. And so i um we went to our our IVF doctor who we trusted and loved. And she said, i you know i mean i this it does not feel like 10 years ago. It feels like yesterday that we were in her office. and
00:05:52
Speaker
I said, I don't I don't know what to do. And um I never fathomed not having a baby. It's all I ever wanted. And she said, well, you you're gonna make a call. And I said, okay, to who? I mean, I did not even consider, you know, and she said, here is a surrogacy organization. And and she said that the people that work here, and specifically she was talking about the CEO at the time. And she said, this person, I would let babysit my children. I hold her in the highest regard. and
00:06:28
Speaker
this is the number you call. And I said, yes, ma'am. And so we called and I said, I guess we wanted, we're interested in surrogacy. And that was our kind of first step into saying, now what, now what do we do? Oh my gosh. So during that time, I mean, obviously you had already been so much just been through so much. How, how did you kind of navigate your own like process as like, Hey, I, this is how we're going to do it. This is how we're going to grow our family. What, what were kind of some of those feelings coming from all that? You know, I look at, I have had the privilege to walk with other people as they have gone through it. And when I look back at myself, I think like, wow, you really
00:07:14
Speaker
You really didn't wait a lot. um I think my grief, you know the um the old prayer, like you know when you're praying, move your feet, I think I just was like, okay, so like what am I supposed to do next? I want a baby. I know I want a baby. um you know The grief process was happening anyway. you know I was like, I can just sit here with the grief or I can do something while I'm sitting here with the grief. So but for me, I was just like, what's the next step, the next step, the next step.
00:07:44
Speaker
Um, I, I think I also was a little naive into what it was. And so it was like, I couldn't really worry that far down the path because sure I was just doing what they told me to do next. And, and it wasn't all, you know, super easy. yeah I was, like when I was rereading our blog and stuff, Will and I were like, Oh my gosh, I forgot that happened.
00:08:10
Speaker
which is you know God's way of healing you to be able to move forward. um My mom has five kids and she says that she always forgot that and that she said she would never do it again until she's in labor. And then she's like, oh, I said I was never gonna do this again. immediately Immediately you forget, right? And then you're back. So I think that's kind of what what God does to you after he fulfills his promise and and you know we got our family. but So I think for me, the grief was, as I was grieving, I was just doing the next action step. I would just focus on what the next action step was for me. And you know things didn't align perfectly every
Meeting Katie: A Surrogacy Turning Point
00:08:50
Speaker
time. But as long as I felt like there was something I was doing next, you know it it felt like we could do it. It felt like something that we definitely wanted to do. There was a time when we thought,
00:09:03
Speaker
um this wasn't for us. um yeah We were actually, and maybe I think maybe I'm going too fast, but there was a time we were matched and that the person that we were matched with, we met her. She was great. We were excited. And then our IVF doctor um declined her as a surrogate. And that was just completely gutting for us. you know We were like, we're doing the next steps. And then this person didn't pass the screening and um from our fertility doctor. And I actually found in the blog,
00:09:43
Speaker
when it happens, and it's gonna make me cry, but um so she, and so so and then this is how we ended up getting Katie, is that I wrote, so we, she declines it and she pulls us in her our ah our office her office and she tells us, like, I'm not going to pass this person, I'm not going to let them.
00:10:03
Speaker
be your surrogate. and And she said, but let me, I'm going to call the gestational carrier agency is what I wrote here, the gestational carrier agency on your behalf. And she said that um and And I wrote this after we had found out that we were going to meet Katie. And she said, I wrote, when our doctor called the gestational carrier agency on our behalf, she said, I have a couple that I started seeing two years ago and their light shines so bright. Today they've just left my office and I'm worried their light is barely a flicker. Makes me cry. And then I wrote, I sure hope Katie makes us parents, but even if she doesn't, I am forever grateful that she has made our light continue to burn.
00:10:48
Speaker
So it was the time, you know, looking back, it feels like, oh, it all happened so quickly. But when we look at the dates, I'm like, man, that pain and that page was.
00:11:05
Speaker
And then you met Katie. But you're so right. There's so much journey that happens before this big journey. And it isn't a guarantee as much as we try so hard to like you know just have that best foot forward all the time and you know and everything. And that's a lot to you know just think about before you even get started on this next big step. No, that's huge. But then you met Katie.
00:11:34
Speaker
but then Oh my goodness. Okay, what was that like? Katie, what was that like for you? You find out about these gorgeous parents who've gone through so much already. What was that like? Yeah, so Gail, the executive director at the time, um i I was already working in the field of egg donation.
00:11:55
Speaker
and Kendall and I have a lot of similar things about us because I would say fast would be another thing. I literally was walking through TJ Maxx and I called my husband. and I was like, I think I should probably be a surrogate, right? And he was like, you want to be pregnant again? And I was like, I mean, it'll be fine. Like we have three kids. We're done. So many people need a surrogate and in that same TJ Maxx wandering, I called Gail. And I was like, hey, I think I should probably be a surrogate, but I don't want to fill out an application. I obviously knew Gail from a professional standpoint. I was like, I don't really want to fill out an oblig application because you just need to pick an awesome family for me.
00:12:44
Speaker
Well, and it was when it was done differently where surrogate profiles were sent to intended parents first. And now, of course, surrogates get to pick intended
First Match Meeting: Building a Connection
00:12:55
Speaker
parents. So that is why our agency. Yes. Yes, with our agency. that is why now. We went through it initially, and we did pick the first match that we had that ended up being a failed match.
00:13:06
Speaker
It was sent to us in a Word document with like inserted photos. I probably still have that, which shouldn't, I should probably do that. They were just into us and you just like scrolled through. I remember one person, yeah, it was just. Yeah, you just scrolled through the word document. and And now we have a portal. Yeah. Information they don't have access to it anymore. So yeah, I just told Gail like I need a really great family and
00:13:41
Speaker
God perfectly matched us with the Monroe's. And I say us because our match meeting involved all three of my children, which we don't really do anymore either. So. Oh my gosh. How was that match meeting?
00:13:57
Speaker
When was it or where was it? No, how was it? Oh, I mean, I don't know. I brought all three of my kids. But for us, it was amazing. You only brought them for a second. Blake took them away after. He did. OK. So you just said this to me, one of the only things I remember. And now it hits me every time. And Katie's like, I don't even remember that. It's fine. But we stopped at Bucky's on the way naturally. And I was like, oh, I need to bring her kids something. And so I thought then.
00:14:25
Speaker
like giant pieces of candy. Like, looking back, I'm like, if somebody gave that to my kid right now, I'd be like, really? Like, what? I don't even know how someone is eating that. Like, and I was like, here y'all go, like me, please, choose me, you know? Okay, but what about, so this is Skiffing Head and I won't say much, but the night they came in town because I had a scheduled c-section and um oh you're skipping way ahead let's do it well I'll just tell this one part because Kendall also gave them a death um raft I said yes
00:15:05
Speaker
Okay. No, no, no. It was a raft that we blew up that had one little circle in the middle for one of my children's heads to pop up and out of. And it was like a year or two later, I think what's pasted. She was like, oh my gosh, that was the worst raft ever. I was like, yeah, it was kind of like, I stand by a dangerous raft. I don't stand by the Bucky's Candy. That one, that was That was a stretch.
00:15:31
Speaker
But it was always good. I love it. Oh my God. Gifts from Kendall. Gifts from Kendall. Yeah, I want to see that list. ah That's hilarious. I have some really good ones too, though. OK, so you have your match meeting where all of the children are there. You meet each other. what Obviously, Kendall, you were you know bribing everybody with your masses masses of candy. But o marriage what was?
00:15:59
Speaker
Katie, what was your takeaway? And then Kendall, what was your takeaway after already having gone through this step and then having it not move forward? I would love to hear both perspectives.
00:16:15
Speaker
I think first of all, they also brought a book, like a family book album type that explained their family and, um you know, I think something about knowing like Kendall and Will's parents and like from a grandparents perspective and all of their siblings. Like there was something special about understanding that we as a family were helping a family, but also extended thing. And there was there was something really cool and special about that just knowing that it wasn't just
00:16:58
Speaker
Not that it wasn't completely worth it for kindle to do it for Kendall and Will, but um that that there were extra components of this, too. And you know that played out in lots of spaces, including delivery day. And both of their moms were just so generous and sweet and kind to me, as well, and include you know included me in things. and so I think that piece was special and they were just easy to talk to. And I could tell like, as you say Kindle now, like just taking that one next step, I could see that like piece in you and that match meeting, which of course with things that we dealt with later on, it was good that that was Kindle's personality and ability to just take that next right step and what that looked like, regardless of us not knowing the whole big picture.
00:17:53
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. What about you, Kendall? How did you feel? You know, we, when, again, when we were sitting in our doctor's um office and she was like, this is what I think you guys need to do. I think you didn't need to do surrogacy. And I was like, what? Like, what do you, how how, like, it was just not even,
From Business to Friendship: Evolving Relationships
00:18:16
Speaker
i didn't know I hadn't known anyone that had done it. right And she was she was very much like, look, this is a business transaction in so many ways. right like You don't have to like this person. They don't have to live in your city. You know like they will you will make sure you know you use an agency to make sure that this person is going to be ethical and safe and all of those things. that Those worries are removed from you. And so you go through this. but it like you're not going to meet your best friend you're not going to you know this is a yeah this is somebody that you are going to trust to fulfill a contract and that is also why she explained to us that she didn't approve the other person right she was like i cannot in full faith say that i believe this person could have a healthy pregnancy which is the only reason that you are doing this and so i don't really care that you liked her you know um the job is that
00:19:13
Speaker
She needs to have a baby for you. um And so when I went into the meeting with Katie, I was very much like, okay, is I trust that she's going to be safe. I trust that this is an ethical arrangement. And and so it doesn't really matter if you like her. And then we're like, well, shoot.
00:19:31
Speaker
liked her So, with everybody being this like, it felt very comfortable um by the end, but I will also say for people listening where it might not feel comfortable, like, it was still awkward, right? Like, it's not like so much of Katie and I's relationship has been post-pace, which is the name of my son.
00:19:53
Speaker
So it's not like it happens instantly and there is this like, oh, this is going to be so easy. No problems at all. Um, you know, I still was very much like, this is a, this is a relationship that is happening. Like we're going into business with somebody and we're going to trust them, but ah she doesn't have to be my best friend. She doesn't have to be my best friend. Her kids need to like me. Hence why I brought lollipops.
00:20:17
Speaker
be my best friend. and And that was sort of my perspective going in. And then it was just this added bonus that she was a delight, you know, a delight to talk to.
00:20:27
Speaker
Yeah, well, and it's so interesting how, again, just the evolution of you know an RE saying, this is a business transaction transaction and this doesn't need to be your best friend. And in some cases, that's fine for everybody. But for so many others, it is so much more, I mean, ultimately at the end of the day, it is so much more than a business transaction. Whether you become best friends or not, there's this link that is always going to be there. And it is, I mean, I think you hit the nail on the head.
00:20:57
Speaker
If you're going to trust someone to do something so big, it's automatically more than just a business transaction. Yeah, exactly. And the second you get together, you realize like, oh, well, this is going to be.
00:21:10
Speaker
different than us just yeah contract. Right. Um, but I think that was my, that's what I told myself walking in was like, yeah you don't have to be her best friend. You don't have to be her best friend. You don't have to be her best friend. Um, and then it, it was just this added bonus that, that we did connect and that we continue to connect was really the added bonus. Yeah.
00:21:31
Speaker
yeah great Well, it makes sense after, you know, the, just what had happened with you. You had found somebody that you had connected with, and then all of a sudden to have that taken away, it makes sense to have that wall. Um, and I'm so glad that it worked out differently, but you know, back to that, that trust factor, I know, you know, it. Things went pretty fast. We had a successful first transfer, which is amazing. But actually we got delayed. Oh, we got delayed. We did.
00:22:01
Speaker
We got delayed. Yes. I had polyps that had to be removed. We got delayed, yet we still had to transfer in less than two months, which is pretty unheard of. That is straight that needs wild. That is wild. Yeah, yeah it's wild now knowing what we know. But yes, that's right. I went in for that screening.
00:22:22
Speaker
And I had a couple of polyps that needed to be removed. And then it was like, well, my OB didn't want to do it. So then we had to do the RE. And it was kind of a lot for me to go to Houston. So can unwell graciously let me um take care of that here with like a local RE. And so had those polyps removed before I could start meds.
00:22:44
Speaker
In between, like I went to Disney and on the Disney cruise. I know looking back, it feels fast, but like it did not at the time. It felt like another delay. like This is gut wrenching. Well, and at first they told us, you can start at meds in January and I'd call Kendall and I was like, uh-uh, Squeaky Wheel gets the grease. Tell them we're not going to do that.
00:23:13
Speaker
I don't even think you didn't do that anymore. But I was like, nah, just call your nurse and tell them, like, we don't want to wait to start meds till January. We want to start meds now. Oh my gosh. We want to start meds now. That is so funny. Yeah. But you're so right though, because when you're in it, especially after you have had, I mean, again, you had an entire journey before you even went on this journey, Kendall. So like every day feels like a year.
00:23:38
Speaker
But then when a you look back on it, I mean, it's like, Oh God, no, it was only two months. It was fine. And then you're like, Oh, but wait, no, it didn't feel fine. It didn't feel fine at all. Yeah. No, that's yeah. That's crazy. So you, okay. We get to, we get through the polyps. We do transfer what we're feelings around transfer. How did, how did we feel?
00:24:02
Speaker
a I mean, if I could like have a hobby of just seeing transfers, I would. I mean, I love transfer day. I think it is the most extraordinary.
00:24:17
Speaker
It's just all magic. It is. I love it. I mean, there's, you know, she's a little loopy or whatever. If you take the, what do you take now? Do they still do that? The value? Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:32
Speaker
And you know, and I had been through it, right? So I knew what to expect as far as like, you know, they wheel in the big incubator and like all of the words, you know, so we knew what to expect um as far as that goes.
Transfer Day Emotions and Hopes
00:24:44
Speaker
But, and I think that just made it more exciting. But once you get to transfer day, it was It was, I mean, yes, it was emotional. I mean, I'm obviously a crier, so that was not, I'm sure I cried. I don't remember it feeling super emotional in that way. I remember us just being like, please, please, please work. Like this has to work. This has to work. Just the, that, those two weeks were, that was a long, that was a long wait. But the actual transfer day, I only remember
00:25:20
Speaker
fun. I mean, I remember where we went to lunch after or dinner or after or whatever, but I only remember happy things. Am I misremembering Katie was there? No, I mean, I will say I didn't know as much what to expect. So I definitely was just following along. I just remember that we're obviously this was my first time being a surrogate first transfer. So the concept of like, oh,
00:25:47
Speaker
Like, we're gonna have a baby. um You know, like in those moments, I guess is kind of surreal. um Well, it was back in the day when we put in two. So we were like, we're gonna have babies. That's true. Yes, that's true. um Yes, I did agree to that. um My only question was like, what's the chances of this being triplets?
00:26:08
Speaker
But ultimately I was like, I don't care. It's not me that has to take home twins. There you go. We didn't have one. We didn't know that that would be third. We're like, oh, we totally got it. Yeah, give us two. yeah Says the woman passing out the candy.
00:26:26
Speaker
Exactly. So it was still a cool special thing. Only one took. Yes, only one took. At the time, though, we were like, what will it be?
00:26:40
Speaker
So yeah, it was just this, I'm so glad it was a magical, a magical moment. And then you said those two weeks were like ages, again, another year of like, holidays do which Oh, Jiminy, it's over Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's over Thanksgiving. Did we at least have holidays to distract us? Or were we just like sitting there like stirring mashed potatoes? Not even. I remember we went out with my husband's family or whatever. And And his cousin came up to me and she was like, you're not paying attention to anything. I was like, what? i'm not here What are we doing? Katie, did it ever occur to you that it wouldn't work? No, no. I think that was one of the ah maybe like, if you could say a disconnect.
00:27:29
Speaker
um between Kendall and I because A, I had never experienced loss personally when it I had never had any miscarriages. My husband and I seem to have looked at one another and managed to get ourselves pregnant. um And so like when when I got pregnant with my third, I said, we're gonna be a family of five and I will get my tubes tied. Like it was just one big, long statement. And so I never dreamed it wouldn't work. I mean, I tested a little early. And I was like, you know, even when we went in for a heartbeat for the first time, I remember being like, okay, that's a good step. You know, like, yeah, that's a good step. And you had been to that step before. Yeah, Katie is always like, what are we gonna name him? You know, like, what should we gonna look like? And I was like, okay, let's, let's, let's get to the next heartbeat. You know? Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:29
Speaker
Yeah. It does pay to have a surrogate that's an optimist and not in that regard. That was very emotionally comforting for me, even if I couldn't get there. OK. No, that's really good to hear, because I think it's sometimes, you know I know for me in in my second journey, I would celebrate all these moments. And and I knew in my head, I was like, well, of course, my intended mom is kind of you know like,
00:28:58
Speaker
subdued is not the right word, but like she's not jumping for joy and she's not like planning the baby shower. She's not decorating the nursery yet. And I'm sitting here like looking at a color wheel for crying out loud and you know, and I think there is sometimes you know, sweet speaking of, you know, like being in that position in like UKD where it was like, I had an experience that loss and you kind of sometimes know it in your in your head, but then when you're in it, you you want to celebrate those big moments because it's exciting. um But yeah, Kendall, you had had those big moments and then they hadn't come to fruition. When when do you think it felt real to you? When when did you let yourself kind of celebrate?
00:29:37
Speaker
um I'm going to be honest.
Pregnancy Challenges: Listeria Scare
00:29:40
Speaker
um I mean, I remember definitely when we found out it was a boy, obviously that felt like something. Um, we did decide we were going to find out the gender so that we could, I was, I will say looking back, I overly worried that I was not going to connect, you know, I was like were worried of like, um, am I feeling connected enough to him? You know, and.
00:30:12
Speaker
I think because I have additional children that I carried myself, but now I know like there's no difference. You hold a baby, obviously for all of the babies, you feel personally, I felt an immense desire to protect them, but they all sort of felt like strangers, right? I mean, I did not have a reaction of like,
00:30:37
Speaker
of course this is what you look like. I was like, oh, how funny you look like this, you know? i And then, you know, obviously my love continues to grow, but I think the need to like protect and of like, absolutely I am your mother was like in an instant. um But it i there was no difference for me in any of the times that I've held one of my children.
00:31:02
Speaker
um I think the, but I think I over-worried during Katie's pregnancy that I was supposed to feel a certain way. I think I probably over-analyzed that. I'm thankful for good therapists that helped walk you through that, but- Love a good therapist recommended to everyone. Like, mostly you just got to get through it. Mostly you just, you just got to get to the finish line, you know? i and Katie and I were, I mean, we communicated for sure. We didn't live in the same city, so We would try very, very, very hard to make it to the big appointments. And of course, she would say, come to anything you want to come to. But we didn't live in the same town. So it's not like we were you know having coffee every morning or something. um She would send pictures, weekly pictures of her baby growing. And at the time, her her youngest felt so big to me. And looking back, I'm like, that's hilarious.
00:31:57
Speaker
ah a little, a little baby herself. Um, but you know, Maggie, her youngest is like in all of the pictures, Ellie grows, Maggie grows. And, um, you know, I think that definitely helped us stay like, Oh, it's, you know, we made it to the next week. yeah But it wasn't like we were, you know, most of pregnancy, there's nothing to talk about, right? I mean, yeah, you know, she would be like, I felt a move or whatever. But most of the most of it, there's not a lot to hash, um you know, to hash out. We did have a
00:32:36
Speaker
Fairly big bump in the road. I was gonna say there was a bump later. We love a boring pregnancy is what I love to call it I want like we want pregnancy to be as insanely boring as possible We had a good first half we had a good first half and then it became not boring what tell me all of the things that happened Katie what happened?
00:32:59
Speaker
Um, well, when you're pregnant, you typically like to eat things. One of those things for me is often ice cream, ice cream in case it is. I don't know where it comes from. Um, but those are the two things that I like to eat when I'm pregnant. And so.
00:33:16
Speaker
one afternoon noon when Blake was going to pick up the kids from Mother's Day out and I remember this because I didn't want anybody judging me as I pulled the ice cream out on you know at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. um I ate some Blue Bell ice cream and that was during the shenanigans with Blue Bell and Listeria.
00:33:40
Speaker
and so That day, and I remember eating it because I remember when I was eating it, because I didn't want anybody to see me eating it, which is horrible and stupid, but, you know, we digress. And that night I got so sick. I mean, I've told people I are wildly sick. I was up at that house time. are Our bedroom was upstairs. My husband was downstairs.
00:34:10
Speaker
And I was on the bathroom floor for hours, throwing up, feeling contractions. um But I was so sick, I couldn't even like get up to get my phone to ask my husband to come upstairs.
00:34:23
Speaker
But it subsided after a few hours and my stomach hurt like the next couple of days. But like, I was like, man, that was a tough stomach bug. um And I didn't think anything of it until like four or five, six days later, probably.
00:34:41
Speaker
um The local grocery store called and said, you know, you bought this blue bell that was contaminated with listeria. This is going to make me sound like an idiot. I knew you don't eat lunch meat. And I knew all the rules, but I didn't really know why. I just, I just knew what the rules were in practice. And, um, then I Googled.
00:35:04
Speaker
like Listeria and pregnant women. And I was just like, oh my gosh. And then it started just like triggering everything. Oh my gosh, I was sick, you know? And so I immediately called my machine. This is why we don't recommend Dr. Google.
00:35:18
Speaker
Yes, that's true. ah But in this case, this was good. So I called my OB. I didn't take any medical advice from Dr. Google. It allowed me to call my OB. So I called my OB. b She said, don't even come here. I will get you in with the MFM. You need to go now. So like she was like, it's not even, I'm like, yeah, I don't think I, no, I did not go. I went straight to the MFM.
00:35:45
Speaker
um maternal fetal medicine doctor for those mental high-risk doctors. In the middle of this, I'm pretty sure I called you all. I called you all before I went to MSU. When I remember where I was sitting in my office, yeah you called us when you were, they had just told you you were going to be inpatient. They were like, we're admitting you. And I don't even think you would call Blake yet, but you were, you called and you were like,
00:36:15
Speaker
And you were like, yeah I ate ice cream and I think if you have Listeria. And of course I'm like at my computer Googling like Listeria. Googling too. and and But she's still talking to the front desk person. And she's like, okay, they're gonna, I was like, what are they gonna do? And you were like, they're admitting me. I'm like, okay, when? And you were like, right now, I was like, okay. Yeah, like the MFM was like, no, you may not go home and get a bag. Like I was at a different hospital, but.
00:36:42
Speaker
They were like, you need, well, cause I went specifically to the hospital where my OB b was and and where I would deliver. um So went there and I mean, that obviously was an exceptional scary time for everyone, most definitely for Kendall and Will, but I will just never forget the like grace and trust that they showed myself and Blake. like As a surrogate, I was like, oh my gosh, like I freaking ate ice cream. And now, i mean read about Listeria and what could happen to their baby. like There was just this feeling of like I let them down and oh my gosh, they've been through so much and this is what's gonna cause this to not go well. and
00:37:41
Speaker
But I remember and then there's so many decisions like all these people are coming in and out and really it just got to the point that I was like, okay, hold please and I would just get Kindle on the phone. Like I just felt like that was my in that sort of a scenario. It wasn't about me. It was about their baby and they needed to have their questions answered. and And I didn't necessarily know exactly what was important to them. And so that was the best um I felt like at that time. And I guess I would stand true to that now. like That was the best thing where mom and dad could get the information they needed about their baby. But I remember Kendall saying, like Katie, we trust that you're going to make the same decision for our baby as you would for your babies.
00:38:30
Speaker
and A that was true. um I was like moving that weekend like we were moving homes and like like called our reliter. I mean, it was looking like I was going to get to spend a whole lot of weeks in the hospital there yeah in the beginning, like the remaining of the pregnancy. And Kendall's like, it's fine. Me and my mom will come up. My mom will keep the kids. I'll help like get moved. Reliter called to get the notary to come to the hospital so we could close out our house like in three days. um But like that level of, nope, life doesn't stop. Like that level of just
00:39:13
Speaker
Grace and trust that they showed us because and I know obviously being in the industry now as long as I have that it doesn't always Go that way anne and I think that's a testament to like a good match and and communication right because I could have been less forthcoming or I mean and Then they could have been totally overbearing there's There's probably a lot of things. It's a fine line. There's so much fear that can happen. I mean, Kendall had every reason to, for lack of a better word, lose it. Here's the big bad news. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Here it is. And instead it was, I'm taking that next step forward. Okay, what are we doing? My mom's going to come take kids. I'm going to come and help move Blake.
00:40:05
Speaker
just, you know, whatever, like everybody was just taking that next step forward. And I mean, you're so right, Katie, that again, that trust factor, yes, Kendall came into this as business transaction, but at the end of the day, like it's that trust factor. I mean, and it's huge, it especially in a moment like that, where things are unknown and fear is so real, so real. I, am my best girlfriend, she has two kids,
00:40:35
Speaker
older the older than mine. and And so when we were going through contracts, and remember I I was talking about, I was like, well, I don't want her to like, you know, cause you can be insane about a contract, right? And I remember I was like, I don't want her eating like eating junk. Like I want him to have like, you know, or the baby to have, you know, good nutrients or something. I don't even remember what I was fixated on at the moment. Sure.
00:41:05
Speaker
And I remember her going like, Kendall, I ate Whataburger french fries for 18 weeks because it was the only thing that I wouldn't puke. And she was like, it's going to be fine. Like, don't let that go. Like, would you rather her not eat anything if the only thing that tastes good to her is Whataburger french fries? let her what Don't you want her to have the Whataburger french fries? And the reason I remember it is because it was so helpful in reframing me from business contract to oh wait like there this is a person that is a reasonable person yes we have this contract to hold us accountable but this is a reasonable human right and yeah she's gonna eat some water burger french fries if she's feeling nauseous and whatever but
00:41:50
Speaker
you know, at the end of the day, she also wants to deliver a healthy baby. And so that like reframe during contracts, I think I remember thinking about that when all of this was happening, because Katie is a reasonable person, right? She is the one that is speaking to a physician at the, you know, yes, she's trying to coordinate with us as much as she can. But, um you know, she also wants this to end. And a healthy pregnancy and she also wants to be healthy and she also wants the best doctor and she also wants the best care. So we weren't really
00:42:25
Speaker
It really never felt like, oh, Katie has one agenda, of like protect self. And I was representing the baby, you know, it, it never really felt like that. It was, move we both have the same goal here. Um, I, I want Katie to be healthy and I want our baby to be healthy. And so yeah, whatever made sense for us to be able to get her the medicine, whether it was in the hospital or whether she went on home health, like it didn't really, our goal together was the same.
Full-Term Success Amidst Complications
00:42:53
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely.
00:42:55
Speaker
So what, how did things end? Obviously it ended in a gorgeous pregnancy. Let's, well, spoiler alert, everything turned out fine, but how did we get to fine? Well, I mean, it did mean a different, not simple pregnancy like we intended and even how it looked initially. ah Ultimately they said, you know, I was 22 weeks, they said we needed to get to at the time. I don't know if viability has changed at the time. Yeah, go with 23 weeks and three days. So we had like 11 days or something until we needed to get to the 23 weeks and three days. And then we would even be able to decide based on how sick she was, or if there was fear that it had crossed the placenta that then we could
00:43:45
Speaker
deliver early and Yeah, so we had to get to that that marker first. So during that time, the goal was tip for her not to have contractions, for her to stay pregnant, yeah and then for her to receive all of the medications however she could. And she ended up having a pick line in her neck. So yeah so they ended up saying for that date, like, it didn't make sense for me to sit in the hospital. It wouldn't have helped pace, ah you know, and I wasn't having contract. I mean, I didn't have any more contractions after that. ah national Like episode. yeah um And so it made the most sense. Time, financials, all of the things just for me to go home with a pick line and they brought in home health. And I did IV antibiotic infusions twice a day for 14 days went on a regimen of that.
00:44:44
Speaker
And then I continued to go, so then I had weekly appointments for there. What were they, what kind of tests were they called? yeah Like a stress test? Stress tests. Oh, the NSTs? Yes. I mean, so they were like hour long appointments every single week. Now that I went in and laid down and they put the monitor on and they monitored him and um but let them know the results. Everything looked good. I mean, we didn't have, I don't remember us having any hiccups on any of those human. No, no. I mean, so it just really meant a lot more monitoring than what we had. There was one time you had to go back again the next day. That's right. It was 10 years ago. of fractions You read that in the blog.
00:45:35
Speaker
which we should link Kindle's blog. I forgot how much you blogged. And I know a lot of people don't read blogs anymore, but it was so good. Like but she's a gifted writer. you reading it I was like, I can't read this thing. Like I need to put this one for a second. Um, it was, it was good. Yeah. Well, but it's great that you, it's great that you did that because I think, I mean, obviously like you look, I mean,
00:46:01
Speaker
time doesn't stop. We continue to move forward now, you know, all of the things and it's wonderful to get to be able to look back on, you know, Pace's origin story and remembering all of those things. And, you know, because it it was, it was this, I mean,
00:46:15
Speaker
just Despite all of the bumps, it's a beautiful story that, you know, obviously ended in a just fantastic way. So Kendall, as you're, you know, kind of the other shoe dropped, something happened. What were kind of your feelings as Katie's going to these weekly appointments? And, you know, it obviously, of course, like,
00:46:37
Speaker
We can't say it enough that trust factor was there. You knew she was doing everything she could to make everything as wonderful and fantastic as possible and keeping pace safe and growing him well. And you know, all of those things, but how are you feeling each time that weekly appointment came up and each milestone that you met and just all of those things? Yeah. I don't really remember when we officially, I do know that my husband was getting more excited than I was at some point. And he was like, you think we should like maybe paint the nursery.
00:47:05
Speaker
And I remember talking to Katie and she was like, you did it. You did it. You painted. And um my sister was actually pregnant at the same time, which ended up being really fun because I was able to kind of connect with somebody in person that you know was a little bit ahead of where Katie was. She would be like, I registered. Are you going to do that? That sort of thing. so Um, I was still very reserved in a lot of ways. I did not want a baby shower. I have four sisters and they were like, we're going to have a baby shower with, and you're just, um, you're going to come in your pajamas and it'll just be our family. And we had bagels and.
00:47:52
Speaker
You know, um I was ah still very much struggling, probably the entire pregnancy, to feel celebratory, if I'm honest. yeah I don't want to intimidate anybody here to be like, oh my gosh, I'm going to feel this way the whole time. But unfortunately, that was that was true for me. I never really felt relaxed, probably. I never really felt like it was definitely going to happen, um probably until the end.
00:48:20
Speaker
I think that's true for so many. And, and I always love to say every journey is so different. And it's interesting, Kendall, you said a little bit ago, you felt like you were feeling like you weren't feeling the right way during the journey. And there just is no right way. Um, everybody's path to this and then through it is so unique and different and how you got through, I mean,
00:48:48
Speaker
You did celebrate in your own way. You did paint the nursery eventually. Yeah. We did laugh a lot. Katie is um very good about providing levity to those situations. And so there was a lot of, you know, there was a lot of like,
00:49:07
Speaker
we We can both share that type of humor that can is dark sometimes. but um and And so of course there was still, it wasn't like there were no happy moments, just like full fledged, oh, I'm gonna have a baby any minute now. And happiness was a little delayed, I think. 100%, 100%. But I think it's, I mean, look, I think it's beautiful. I love i love a good dark humor. I think it's fantastic. yeah To Dairy Queen I was like, okay noted. Okay, that will be the only place I get ice cream from moving forward
00:49:43
Speaker
I still don't eat bluebell, but don't ask the Incolade family if they- Blank does. Oh, I got him stopped for two years and I was like, you, like, Kindle people are coming to visit. Like, we're going to have to take this out. You, you people. The place will not be making the field trip yeah to, to Brenham. We did have a post cream party for his one-year-old. Stop it. That's right. Yeah.
00:50:08
Speaker
But it wasn't political. That is poetic. That's beautiful. We purposely had an ice cream party because he beat ice cream. But yeah. That's amazing. I love it. Shout out to Bluebell. I love you. And the Inclay family loves you. No. Inclay. Katie does not. Blake does. Blake does. Blake does. I'm sorry. I took it back. I took it back. Oh my gosh. OK. We finally get to delivery day.
00:50:35
Speaker
how was it and delivery like you you had a full term pregnancy Katie like there was no yeah we just had those fun weekly appointments and then we got we delivered at 39 weeks um my ob b was going to Disney World herself and I was like oh like at 40 weeks I was like oh no I did not agree to do this with somebody else Like she had delivered all of my I was having scheduled c-section and um so like they had met her and liked her and trusted her and so did I and I had delivered all my kids at 39 weeks and Obviously everything that we knew pace
Funny False Labor Alarm
00:51:14
Speaker
was strong and healthy. And so we had a scheduled c-section around 1230
00:51:21
Speaker
However, a week before that, she started having contractions in the middle of the night. Oh, that's true, yes. And she called and she was like, hey, I might think I'm in labor. And so looking back, I'm not, we laugh about it. For some reason, we were like, oh my gosh, pack the car. And so we start throwing stuff in the car, but we threw an extra saucer in the car.
00:51:50
Speaker
because and the only reason I even know that is because we have a picture and like looking back I'm like did we think that the three-day-old was going to need the extra saucer?
00:52:01
Speaker
We brought it all anything that we I had received at that put on the baby shower cake and we got like halfway to Dallas and then Katie called and she was like no I'm not in my virtual room and said that we can bet but that was a fun that was a fun practice round. I forget about that. I love it oh my god and That's amazing. That's amazing. So, okay. Delivery day comes. It's scheduled. I love a good scheduled T-section. I feel like it's very chill. Everyone arrives. They know it's happening. can And your, all of the mothers were there. Your mother and your mother-in-law.
00:52:35
Speaker
my ah Yeah, so our siblings were there. was party both of Our parents were there whole, whole gaggle of people took up the entire waiting room. um And Katie's dad was there we he was We kind of like my mom actually was like, I think that's Katie's dad. Um, and you know, my dad was like, well, his baby's having surgery too. You know, um, yeah he stayed as until it was, you know, until we, until actually will walked out and was crying and, um, and hugged everybody. And that's when Katie said new, like and hope it all went well. and And his baby was okay too.
00:53:14
Speaker
Oh, I love that. I love that. what you know Looking back on that day, what has kind of been that lasting memory or that feeling when you think back to Pace's first day? um Yeah, that day, I wish I could relive it a million times.
00:53:33
Speaker
Yeah, it was it was wonderful. And Katie gifted us a photographer. So we get to go back and look at these photos and remember, which we do every single year. um And I remember it taking, somebody really should have prepared us for how long C-sections take. They are not quite there for us. That was a brief, this is taking forever. um But it was, we were very lucky, I know that it varies by hospital, but we were very lucky that um Will and I both got to be there in there, which was just phenomenal. and I mean,
00:54:13
Speaker
Katie was incredible. The whole experience was incredible. I feel like I have just flashes of all of it. um we you know They wheeled her back, they took her in there, and then we came in.
00:54:25
Speaker
when most of the prep and like the C-section had really already started when we walked in. And um and but one thing that we always tell Pais in his birth story is like when he came out or whatever, he had this scowl and we always call it the Monroe scowl because my husband always has this like furrowed brow. um And so, you know, here he came out and it was wild. It really was. yeah It was extraordinary.
00:54:56
Speaker
ah that's um if such a monroecal I love it. That's hilarious. I'm still telling that as part of the story. Katie did great and I held them and brought them over to her as she was finishing the end of Percy section. and was, I was extremely emotional and she was smiling and happy and it was wonderful. And then we were able to stay at the hospital. Again, I know this very is based on hospital and we actually didn't know until we got there if we were definitely going to be able to have two separate rooms. Sure. It was going to depend on, you know, consensus and yeah. And so we were able to have and a room, which was great and
00:55:41
Speaker
We put him in a little onesie that said, I love my carrier Katie and brought her over. She was, went after she was out of surgery and met her kids, came up that night and it was amazing. It was great. Oh my gosh. What about you Katie? What was kind of that? I'm sure you were a little loopy. Yeah. Well, well yes, a little loopy. I remember Kendall when you were saying earlier, like, um,
00:56:09
Speaker
how your mom said like you don't remember until you're in that moment. I actually remember laying on that table like I felt that last c-section like when Maggie my youngest like they had a lot of problems with anesthesia and keeping me numb and like I'd forgotten that and like I remember laying there and thinking then I was like it's gonna be fine and Ironically, my OB b told me later, she was like, oh, that same experience happened to me, and it was fine, and it would have been fine for you as well. But there were so many people, and my husband tells the story often to people. like There was extra doctors and extra nurses. The hospital hadn't had a lot of surrogacy delivery deliveries, and there were people that just wanted to like come in, see what was going on. What's this dynamic? How does this work?
00:56:58
Speaker
um and there was a lot and there was not a dry eye in the room just on the experience as a whole and um yeah there was something different about like delivering a baby and like i he went immediately to kindled will and she did walk and i remember those feelings of like Am I
C-Section and Emotional Aspects of Surrogacy
00:57:20
Speaker
going to know? Like, is everything fine? You know, you as a surrogate kind of take that back, but like you still want, you take that back seat, but you still want to know, like, is he good? Is he fine? How is he? Like, you know.
00:57:31
Speaker
And especially after everything. Yes, that's true. and we And we had some things like, and that's why my procedure took longer. Like they took the placenta and they were sending it off for testing. And there was a lot of things in that because of our experience. but But my husband was in the room too. So he was there and yes, when they brought pace around and he was happy and healthy and That was amazing. And then, I mean, I remember looking at my OB is like, can I do this again? Like, I mean, that was the immediate thought was like, I do want more. Like, can I do this again? And like, ah yes. And on the table, just knowing that if given the opportunity, it would have been something that I would have happily done for them again. And so.
00:58:25
Speaker
It was a really, and we had a great few days. um They were, I know now, exceptionally gracious to stay. um They could have left that next, the hospital, I was, obviously I had a C-section, so I was recovering a lot longer than Pace needed to stay. um They came and brought him up.
00:58:50
Speaker
once if not twice every day. So when they stayed at a host hospital or exceptionally inconvenienced, but came up. We stayed one night at the hospital and then we stayed like across the parking lot at a hotel. And so we were like, we're not just gonna be like, thanks so much for the baby. See you later.
00:59:12
Speaker
we stayed at the hotel Yeah, and they came up every day. Kendall would be like, okay, when are the kids coming up to see you? And they would come up when the kids were there. I mean, the kids got multiple snuggles with pace. And we've got pictures of Maggie practically so suffocating him.
00:59:31
Speaker
Well, I have the absolute sweetest picture of and I still remember it. It's kindles, you know, she has a baby. I'm holding him. I'm assuming in this moment, but kindles on the floor braiding my littlest hair while my oldest is braiding her hair and all that is just
00:59:58
Speaker
that is Kendall. Like this is her baby that's been born, but she is sitting on the floor of a hospital loving my kids through this process. And obviously like their mom's sitting in a bed, like recovering from surgery and all of these things. And I think she was just so in tuned with all of the things that were going on. um It was just really special.
01:00:26
Speaker
It's really, really special that they took the same interest in our family um as we did in theirs. And there and um another sweet part of that was obviously like you are leaving the hospital. um And I didn't leave until four, I mean, I spent three nights.
01:00:47
Speaker
And Kendall Newell came back up to the hospital and she said, like, I didn't want you to lead by yourself. We all started on this journey together and I wanted us to leave together. And for them to come back up with pace and then all of us to leave together was really, really special. We have one picture and we're like leaving the hospital and we look like a motley crew. I mean, I wonder what people were thinking. that was Yeah, like what's going on?
01:01:17
Speaker
it's It's really fun. and you know Maggie, what her youngest at the time, would tell people, like, oh, my mom's pregnant, but it's not hers. And so we just kept laughing about Maggie's interpretation of what she would say to strangers. And now there is this actual baby that, for Maggie, it was fun to walk out.
01:01:36
Speaker
Absolutely. Oh, I love it. But it is I mean, it is a family affair. I mean, and it is Maggie and those pictures and she's growing to and braiding hair. I mean, it is it's a whole family affair. And that's beautiful. I mean, God, those words are amazing, Kendall, because it's I mean, I love that. That is so special. And again, just speaks to how that relationship evolved despite Houston versus Dallas, sir, you know, and despite the big bumps, it was, you know, it ended so beautifully and it didn't end it like it went beyond. It did. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. What would you say kind of looking back
01:02:23
Speaker
Obviously, of course, delivery day is one of the biggest memorable moments, but what would you say is maybe one of your most memorable moments throughout the journey as a whole? I mean, I have clear memories of us, of Will and I praying before we met Katie, like in the car. and And I wish that I would have like recorded our prayer or something, because I wonder, looking back, like wow, it was all fulfilled. like It was. It was all fine. It really was all fine. But honestly,
01:02:55
Speaker
So much of it, so much of the actual pregnancy is a blur. For me, I feel like the the snapshots really are what came after. And, you know, again, I went into this thinking like this is a contract and this contract and this business relationship is built on trust. um And I am um this document outlines that. and And so I felt comfortable with that going forward. We chose an ethical agency. We knew that that is why you use an agency. So we had that to as like the foundation um I think all of the little things are what over time you look back and it wasn't like this like one day I was like oh I'm just gonna trust you know I think yeah I knew we had to but all of the respect and trust like that just comes that just comes over time um looking back now um you know I didn't expect when we did our contract we were
01:03:51
Speaker
We didn't have anything in the contract like you must be friends forever. You know, that wasn't in the contract. And it was just ah something that happened along the journey that I certainly didn't expect it to happen. Um, but you when you, when you do trust somebody and you guys are extremely vulnerable together, you know, I think a relationship forms that is.
01:04:18
Speaker
ah different than anything that you could have orchestrated. And it was something that we hold so close that of course we didn't want it to end just because we got our baby. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love that. You're so right though. It's so unique. And it, I mean, no matter where it takes people, it's, I mean, it's, it's precious all the way around. I love that. We've had lots of fun moments after the fact and I mean really the old the when someone says like where you find caring for a family far away. It was fine during the surrogacy journey now if they lived in the same city would be absolutely love it now most certainly because there's not a time I would yeah, that's you have babysitters.
01:05:13
Speaker
together, they came up at Christmas needing to go to a wedding. And they were like, we all keep the kids. I was like, hey, Kim, we'll keep the kids. You all go to the wedding. And um but they came and stayed and talked for hours until it's like, OK, yeah. Kendall and I would both like to be in bed at 9.30. And so we're at least quieted down. And um like we always do. and my husband and I are always like, man, we would love to just see more of them. But we visited when she had both of the other boys and those have always been fun, special memories and birthdays and
01:05:54
Speaker
all sorts of different things. And I mean, God definitely, we like, long story, like we've fostered and um a lot of that came from Kendall's heart and guidance and encouragement and like opening our eyes to needs other outside of these things. And she was a support through that that has absolutely, you know, but that's where that friend comes into place. And that wasn't what, I mean, I remember going to our psychological consultation and that person saying, what's that bare minimum that you want Katie? And I was like, I mean, if we're friends on Facebook, nothing else was a big deal then.
01:06:37
Speaker
I was like, if we're friends on Facebook and I get a Christmas card, like I think that would be great. like Just like I would want to know a good friend from high school's kids were not being healthy. And Kendall also f friended me within a couple of hours of that appointment. And I look back at that and I'm like, oh, OK. She heard that. And she could have thought I was crazy and she didn't want to be friends with me on Facebook. But she did it because I said that. But that was our expect. I'm not saying it was a I mean, yeah, I guess a business transaction, but like we didn't have this expectation of an ongoing relationship 10 years later when I'm going to Houston for work. Like I've never stayed in a hotel when I go to Houston for
Continued Friendship and Shared Life Events
01:07:20
Speaker
a work. i'm like
01:07:21
Speaker
And she's like, well, the kids, I was like, it's a Monday night. And she was like, I said, all right, I'll meet you at the baseball fields. Got to watch the pace play. and which are which are fun like those are fun memories they're usually pace is not happy to see me he really just wants to see my kids which i love because our kids are the same way when i went the kids were like well can we go i was like no it's a monday and i'm going for work like no you can't come so
01:08:05
Speaker
I love it. I love it. And I feel like we could have a whole episode post because I know, Kendall, you did carry eventually ah with you know your your two boys after Pace and you know had a whole new journey after that. I mean, my gosh. I did. Yes. So we actually were hopeful that Katie was going to carry again, and she had Um, too many C-sections that our doctor said, no, um, she can't carry again. And so we, to be honest, we didn't have any more money and we were like, but we really want one right now. Um, we need to save up our money, but in the meantime, um, let's, you know, science had advanced a little bit. Um, and my health was a little different and we were like, let's try again. We, you know, that's a couple tries. We didn't tell anyone, like no one. Um,
01:08:59
Speaker
I think we told our family I was pregnant at like 18 weeks. When I told my work, I was pregnant. They were like, we know.
01:09:09
Speaker
hello So yes, I was very, very also nervous with that one. I mean, again, the, the difference in my um emotions were very similar, even with the one I was carrying. So, you know, and then,
01:09:26
Speaker
After that one, i like I said, we always knew we wanted a big family. um The pregnancies were not easy for me. So the third one, we our doctor knew that it was going to be our last if we could get it. And um and we did. And you know they weren't they weren't perfect, but it was a reminder that we got our big family. um Three, I never used to think that three kids was a big family. It it it is. it's yeah out
01:09:55
Speaker
Yes, it feels, each of their journeys was very different in how we got them and um their first stories are unique, but they, you know, they all know, they all know it all, right? So we never didn't, we never had like a let sit down pace and tell him his story. He's never not known it.
01:10:16
Speaker
So he, he just recently did a, he was student of the week and he did a, what's unique about you. And one of the things he wrote is my mom did not carry me. And I, Will and I have laughed because we were like, did they think that like we never carried him? We never helped.
01:10:35
Speaker
you
01:10:39
Speaker
um worry story to tell um in ways that make him unique and he certainly is not embarrassed of it and definitely loves Katie and her family, knows the role that they played um And, you know, he recently, he just had a birthday and Katie gets sent him a gift of all of his favorite, a gift card to his favorite places. And one of my kids was like, how did she even know that? What do you mean? How did she, of course she knows that. Like, of course she knows you, not because she carried you, you know, but, um you know, they, he definitely understands the connection to his story. I love that. I love that. Katie, you should have sent a huge like chocolate bar or something.
01:11:23
Speaker
Yeah, maybe some suckers. Oh, there you go. Next year. She did ice cream, you know? I was near y'all that was here too, this was, it was. That's hilarious. but Ice cream is fun. And yes, Pace was nice enough to take his brothers out for ice cream too. Yes. I love that. Kendall, having sat in the seat of, you were an intended parent and then you had you know, you carried your two pregnancies. What is maybe some advice or maybe what is something that you would want to say to Kendall on, you know, day one of, okay, surrogacy is going to be it, not knowing obviously the future. What would you want to maybe advice to other intended parents or say to that day one, Kendall? Yeah, I wish I would have. um
01:12:19
Speaker
like we talked about earlier, um not questioned so much on if I was feeling the right emotion, I was just so worried. I was just so worried that I was not performing correctly or that I didn't on the inside feel correctly or that, and I mean, of course I worried that it wouldn't all end happily ever after. And I'm not gonna tell an intended parent not to feel that way, because you're gonna feel that way based on how you hold there. But I wish I worried less about my emotions during it. I wish I allowed myself to just kind of breathe it in. And um I mean, enjoying it was probably too aggressive of a word. sure I think some people might be able to enjoy it if their journey to surrogacy was a little different than ours. um I think we were just so wrapped up in pain for a really long time that i I think enjoying it would have been
01:13:16
Speaker
I don't know if that ever would have been possible, but I wish I would, you know, tell day one, Kendall, just you're you're doing all right. Like it's okay. Whatever it is that you're feeling in that day is going to be okay. And that the love that you'll feel for your baby does not come because you carried him or her. And I think that worry was probably too, I worried about that far and too much.
01:13:45
Speaker
Hmm, yeah, yeah. Katie, obviously you have a very unique um position as far as when you were a gestational carrier to now where you live and breathe this life. What would you maybe say to day one, Katie, as you strolled through TJ Maxx and decided, yeah, I think I'll you know just go be pregnant um versus, and then obviously from you know just your years of industry experience,
01:14:15
Speaker
what is maybe some advice that you would want to give to a potential gestational carrier or even intended parents?
01:14:24
Speaker
i I think realizing that everybody's journey and part of this story is different and everybody like I came from a very like optimistic this is great and fine of course like they're great this is gonna work um and knowing that Kendall and Will have walked a journey and my husband and I have walked a journey. and I think Kendall said it beautifully though, we all have the same goal and the same goal was happy, healthy little guy. and We did get to that goal and he is an amazing young man. and um
01:15:07
Speaker
where you've been really grateful to get to watch all of these things. But those little bitty things I think can seem so big at the moment. and Yeah, that would be that would be my advice to myself is just remembering, like we're just going towards this one big happy, healthy little guy goal and appointments are gonna come and communication's gonna come and all of those things, but that's the important part is just that tail end and everything else will grow and flourish from there. And and it has, and ah we didn't have a journey that some people say they experience.
01:15:48
Speaker
like through the pregnancy. And yeah I mean, I'm sure some of that was like our personalities, but I remember when I matched, I was like, okay, I don't want to be matched with somebody that wants to talk to me every day. Like I'm busy.
01:16:01
Speaker
um So, I mean, that was, that's that perfect mat. I mean, I think Gil really knew from our personalities, like we were a good match in that regard. So yeah, I think just remembering that everybody has a different part of their story and all those feelings are valid and great and just focusing on the end. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Well, umm Kendall,
01:16:29
Speaker
Katie knows this about me, but I have a very codependent relationship on coffee. um Coffee and I are great friends. And so I always like to ask the final question of what filled your cup today, literally or figuratively, what was the thing that has filled your cup today?
01:16:53
Speaker
I mean, I will do anything that Katie asks me to, you know. It's a good rule of, thumb of Katie and Clay does in your life. And she asks you to do something. You should probably do it. So maybe she asked me to do this. Yes, Katie, of course. um And, you know, every single time I'm around her, Katie is who fills my cup. And um I am extremely grateful for our friendship and, um,
01:17:20
Speaker
I'm grateful that I did. why I was able, you know, I started a journey saying that this is a contract and this is a business relationship. And it was, that is what our friendship was based on. And that did help me move forward. So, you know, that was, that was the beginning.
01:17:37
Speaker
But everything after that, you know all of the extras um after that is what filled my cup bin. And nine years later after he was born, I'm still lucky enough that she continues to do so. You got salty coffee now, Katie. Yes. But that's expected with Kendall.
01:18:02
Speaker
No, um same thing, you know, we've been doing this thing called life and, you know, they had pace and pretty quickly had the other two and our kids have grown quickly in the last 10 years as well.
01:18:17
Speaker
and um We also haven't had time to reflect, and now I'm going to have to go read the blog. And that's what I was most excited about today, and that is what filled my cup, is being able to remember some of those fun moments and experiences. And it is always a joy to get to connect with Kendall. She is um a wise woman that I like, we are 100% more blessed that we have the Monroe's in our life and her mentorship and kindness that she has showed us. And um so this was a treat for me for sure. I love that. Well, Kendall, I am so, so beyond grateful to you for being vulnerable, for sharing your story or for being willing to, you know, just
01:19:10
Speaker
look back and um and cry with us and remember with us and celebrate um everything that got ah you and your sweet family um to this point and um really truly I am so grateful that you said yes when that Katie asked you um because I think and your story is just It's wonderful that you were able to give this gift to other intended parents that are either in the thick of it or starting off or you know just any point in time and for other carriers to hear um you know just how everything can evolve and change and and all of that. So again, I am so grateful for your time and that we were able to do this together. Thank you guys so much. It was great.
01:19:59
Speaker
Thank you, Kendall. Thank you, Whitney. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You, and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today.
01:20:11
Speaker
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01:20:41
Speaker
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01:21:04
Speaker
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