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S2E26 - Who?! A Momma via Egg Donation & Her Daughter
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Summary In this heartfelt episode of the Me, You, & Who podcast, we sit down to explore the complex experiences of donor-conceived individuals. Together, we delve into the emotional and psychological impact of growing up in a donor-conceived family, shining a light on the importance of identity and connection. We share personal stories about navigating sibling relationships, meeting the donor, and the evolving understanding of our origins. This candid conversation underscores the significance of transparency and early discussions within donor-conceived families, offering insight and advice for those on similar journeys. Whether you're a parent, a donor-conceived individual, or simply curious, this episode offers a compassionate look at the challenges and joys of understanding family and identity.
Takeaways
- -Donor conception is a unique journey that shapes identity.
- -Open communication about donor conception is crucial from an early age.
- -Meeting the donor can be a significant and emotional experience.
- -Sibling relationships can form in unexpected ways through donor conception.
- -It's important to provide children with resources and books about their origins.
- -Parents should be prepared for ongoing questions about donor conception.
- -Every family has its own unique story regarding donor conception.
- -Emotional support is vital for donor-conceived individuals and their families.
- -Creating a sense of family with donor siblings can be magical.
Links and Resources
Recommended
Transcript
Corinne's Journey of Identity Exploration
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. Today we get to hear from a very special person in previous chats. You've heard from Hillary, a mama through egg donation, and she has spoken to us about her story to parenthood and her passion around educating others about egg donation and donor conceived people. Well, today we get to speak to her nine year old daughter Corinne and oh, what a sweet time it was getting to chat with her.
00:00:28
Speaker
In this episode, Corinne, a donor-conceived person, tells us about exploring her identity, donor-sibling dynamics, and even about leaving her donor. We also get to hear from Mom Hilary, who highlights the joys and the importance of open, honest communication in donor-conceived families.
Insights into Surrogacy and Egg Donation
00:00:48
Speaker
So whether you're navigating this path or just curious about this deeply human experience, this is an episode you won't want to miss. Enjoy!
00:00:59
Speaker
me, you, and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate Now Turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:26
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:54
Speaker
I am so glad you guys are here. Yay. So are we. Oh my gosh. I'm so
Corinne's Early Memories of Donor Conception
00:02:02
Speaker
pumped. I'm excited. So Corinne, I don't know if you know this. um You probably do, but your mom is probably like your biggest fan. And I have been hearing so much about you for the last four years that I've been around here. And so I'm so excited that I get to finally meet you in person. Yes. Okay.
00:02:23
Speaker
so But something that is so special about you is how you came to this world. Yeah. Yeah. So what kind of my first question for you, when did you realize, like what's what's kind of your earliest memory of hearing like your mom and dad say like, Oh, you are a donor conceit person. And like, what does that mean? I don't remember telling me that. I just remember like me and my mother and sister going to like a water park.
00:03:03
Speaker
i love i love it it was just kind of always there yeah yeah so hillary how was like i know you' kind of talk about this a lot but it would just it just what but just yeah and that was And the fact, Corinne, that you don't remember, that was kind of always our goal, me and your dad, is that we just wanted it to always be part of your story. So we started talking about it when you, before you could even talk, when you were just a baby. Yeah. We started reading the books that you remember. Okay. So speaking of those books, do you, Corinne, do you have like a favorite one that you kind of remember? Well, that's one of the
00:03:48
Speaker
Um, two bunnies, um, that one had a baby and they couldn't have it. Yeah. So they used it, um, um, the doctors and their daughter. So, um, the mom bunny could, um, have eggs so they could have a baby. There we go. And it's in bunny land. What's the name of that book? Do you remember? It's a, uh, tiny, it's a gift of life. Oh, thank you.
00:04:16
Speaker
That's so cute. Why did you like that one so much? Because it's funny. Because it's funny, too. makes sense. That makes sense. My kiddos have, so I was a surrogate, and my kiddos have a book that is called The Kangaroo Pouch. So it's kangaroos that the Hopslot family couldn't have a baby, so then the other kangaroo had the baby in her pouch for a little while. So I feel like buddies and kangaroos, it kind of helps the whole thing.
00:04:45
Speaker
That's awesome.
Connection with Donor Siblings
00:04:46
Speaker
So, okay, you mentioned just before you were talking about your brother and sister, but this is not a brother and sister that live in your house. Okay, tell me a little bit about that.
00:05:00
Speaker
what So... Do you remember first meeting them? Do you remember thinking anything of it? I think when I first met them, we were waiting for each of the taxes. Uh-huh.
00:05:15
Speaker
Yeah. but That's the first thing I remember. Is just going to their house. Yeah. Did you think it was like, Oh, I have a brother and sister, but they just don't live in my house. Yeah. And that was just kind of it. I kind of for, um, like I've understanding it for like my whole life. It just
00:05:37
Speaker
Yeah. I just don't understand it. You just understand it. How do you explain it to maybe like some friends in your or school who don't just understand it? What's kind of the way that you explain it? I say, so my mom couldn't have eggs to have me. So another person, which is my daughter, Madison,
00:06:04
Speaker
helped my mom and gave her her eggs so she didn't help me. <unk> touch me That's where you explain it. what do they Do they ever react to it? They're just like wow that's really cool.
00:06:21
Speaker
and then move on and and then move on. Kids make things way more simpler than we ever do. Yeah, I know, right? Doesn't have to be complicated. No, it just is. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love that. That's awesome. So, okay. Zoe and Cooper, those are, that's your brother and sister that you got to brought to me. And I know what's maybe like one of your like favorite memories that you have of hanging out with them. I heard there was a recent,
00:06:49
Speaker
Is it a museum that we went to? An ice cream museum. Stop it. Tell me about the ice cream museum. You could eat a new limited ice cream. I'm going to need the name of this place and I need to come here. Ice cream museum. I don't believe the ice cream museum. It's awesome. It's awesome. Oh my gosh. I love it. I love it. For some reason you can eat cotton candy. I mean, you got to have choices. Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:16
Speaker
You can eat all the ice cream you want, why not pile on some more sponge sugar on it? I love it, I love it. And then there's a giant, remember the sprinkle pit? Oh yeah, it looked like real sprinkles in the pictures, but just big rubber sprinkles. That you get to play in. And you can jump in, but I don't like jumping in, it's kind of hard. Yeah, for sure, for sure.
00:07:43
Speaker
you don't recommend that one Okay, so you went and like hung out with Zoe and Cooper, you know So mom how like in you from your perspective in you know, like mom world What what is this kind of like like you're like, yeah, I'm taking my daughter's brother and sister out Yeah, like like her daughter siblings. Um, you know, it's just Kind of what Chris it just it just kind of it just kind of is, you know the kids met when they were three she was three and the twins were
00:08:13
Speaker
two and Carrie and I, um, who you've talked to, we connected through the donor sibling registry. Right. And I think we talked off and on for about a year before we met in person. And then the kids met and then we just, you know, seeing each other over the years, yeah we've gone on a a couple of vacations together and the kids have spent time together and it's just kind of become this sense of family in a way that just another way that families recreate. So they're kind of part of our extended family now. And it's neat to see the kids together and see some of the similarities and some of the differences. So, because there are there are some obvious similarities. And so it's just cool to see, you know, how that he that exists, even though they're obviously, you know, not in the same family, not raised together. Sure, sure. have Have you noticed some of the similarities between you and Zoe? cooper
00:09:12
Speaker
No. We have like the exact same item. Okay. That's pretty cool. very That's fun. They do. That's fun. They do. I think Karen was like the boy version of the girl version of Cooper and this person.
00:09:36
Speaker
That is awesome.
Meeting the Donor
00:09:38
Speaker
that is awesome Okay, so going back to Madison, the donor, you got to meet her. How was that? That was very cool. Yeah. What, what made you decide that that was something that you wanted to do? Do you remember? No. I just wanted to do it. Yeah. Yeah. I think you said, if I did share this, I think you said, why wouldn't I want to meet her? Because she
00:10:09
Speaker
but just be right thinking will say prayer but ah ah It's a big part of your story. No, that's awesome. So, okay, mom, when, when Graham did come to you with this, like, Hey, I think I want to meet Madison, how, how she take that. Well, I wasn't surprised. And I think the reason she does, because we have just been open with her from the time that she was little. And as she got older and started asking more direct questions like, um, well, do you think Madison likes this or she's good at this I'm good at this. I realized, you know, she may have questions that we can't answer. We may want to be in contact earlier. I mean, we were already in contact for medical information because we felt like having the updated medical information was really important. sure Um,
00:11:01
Speaker
But I think it just kind of naturally evolved from her knowing she had the option. And so when she did, it was a little earlier, um maybe that we would have planned or we would have expected, but because we were already in touch with Madison and because she's so wonderful, when I asked her, she would be willing to meet Corinne. She said, she actually said, yes, I'm open to anything, but does she want to meet me? Her first concern was for Corinne and what she wanted and what was best for her.
00:11:30
Speaker
That's awesome. That's awesome. Okay. So tell me about that meeting when you got to meet Madison.
00:11:39
Speaker
I was just very surprised. Wow. It's finally done. but I finally get to meet her. Yeah. What did you think whenever were you nervous? Were you excited? Do you remember how you felt? What did you say? Nervous and excited. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:00
Speaker
did were you surprised about maybe like did you notice kind of similar to Cooper how you guys have the same shape eyes did you notice anything that was similar no no mom's are good at that yeah she doesn't think they look alike i i definitely think they yeah the only similarity that i can see is Freckles yeah your dad doesn't have Yeah. council That's awesome. That's awesome. So you meet her for the first time. You were excited. You were nervous. And then how did things go? It was fine. What'd you do?
Experiences with Donor Siblings
00:12:44
Speaker
Oh,
00:12:47
Speaker
involved ah was there a pool? i feel him It did both cut both times with the water. So she's met her i think twice. yeah Um,
00:12:58
Speaker
no This will, this will be the third time. Yeah. We're going to see them while we're in Houston. Today's we get to go see her today. yeah That is so fine. So you met her and.
00:13:12
Speaker
you You say you said the first time, well, they both involved water. the but So the first time they came from her daughter came to our hotel um and the kids just swam and we hung out for a little while. And then it was kind of the same thing. We saw them over the summer and we just stayed at a resort for a couple of days. Yeah. The kids played. We had dinner visited. I love it. I love it. That's so fun. So you got to meet another sibling.
00:13:42
Speaker
How was that? Was that exciting? Did you know you had another sibling? No. No. So that was fun. Yeah. That's awesome. So how does it feel kind of knowing like, okay, you have these, you know, kind of siblings out there, but they don't live in your house? Weird. Weird? Yeah. What about it's weird? It's just magical. Yeah. It is kind of magical.
00:14:11
Speaker
It is pretty magical. and we got teach and the search just you But magical. Yeah. Do you, do you ever think about, Oh, I probably have some more out there. Do you ever think about that? Are you kind of like, nah, you do? Yeah. What do you think about when you're thinking about that? I think about so kubernetes like, that's the story.
00:14:42
Speaker
Yeah, for sure, for sure. Is there anything, you know, I know you've just, you've just always known that this is just your story. Is there anything that maybe you would say to like some other kiddos that are either your same age or younger or even older, like, hey, as a person who like came to the world in this way, I think like this is some advice I would give.
00:15:10
Speaker
e Probably asking friends a Yeah. Like what questions would you ask? Like, do I have any other siblings up Yeah. That's awesome. Do you think, are there, are there ever questions that like, like you were asking your mom, like, do you think Madison is good at this because I am? Does it ever bother you that maybe sometimes mom doesn't have those answers? No.
00:15:39
Speaker
no Yeah. Mom, does it ever bother you that you don't have those answers? Um, sometimes I think the one about the siblings is probably the hardest one, just because she has had the opportunity to meet, um, other siblings. And we know that Madison helped read other families in addition to us and is having Cooper's family. So, you know, you know that that, that they're out there probably. sure Um, but but, but whether or not we'll ever know,
00:16:10
Speaker
how many or whether or not you'll ever get the chance to meet them. I mean, that's just, that's just something we don't know. We hope so. Right. But it's just kind of the reality. That's the reality. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And it is, it's hard to be able to tell your child, you know, I don't, you know, I don't know. Cause I want to have all the answers for her. And sure, I don't, but, um, I think every parent wants to have all the answers. We all want to have all the answers, not just to this. This is just a small part. We have to answer to everything. I mean, kids are always going to ask questions. Um, don't have the answers too, but I think just the best thing we can do is just be open with her. And she knows that she can ask us any question. And if we don't have the answer, we'll just, we'll say, you know,
00:17:00
Speaker
We don't have it. We'll try to find it if we can and if we can't. Yeah. That's just that. ah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there any, do you have like a favorite memory? I know we kind of talked about the museum, but do you have a favorite memory and maybe something that like you hope to do in the future with maybe just as a, as a donor conceived person, even though this is just a small part of your identity or maybe like with your, with your sibling.
00:17:31
Speaker
Good camp. Good camp! That would be so fun. Well, you've been to king you you can do camp before once. You want to do it again? Yeah. Oh, that's the best. That's awesome.
00:17:44
Speaker
Mom, do you have any advice? And I know I've asked you this question before and you've always given such great advice, but going from where, you know, just in these different points as you're, as you're raising and parenting, any advice? I think just be, ah just be open. and um Tell your children early.
00:18:05
Speaker
from the beginning. There's so many more books now that are available than there were 10 years ago when we were starting to tell her the story. um So I would say that's a great way to start and then the conversation just kind of naturally evolves as your child gets older and just, um you know, it's not a one and done conversation.
00:18:26
Speaker
You know, I never expected it to be a one and in our family, but I will say when we decided, when we knew we were going to need help to have a family, we knew we were going to go the egg donor route. And we chose like a semi-open arrangement. I did feel like I was checking the box. Like, okay, we've done no donor arrangement. We can get updated medical information, which for us was the most important. We knew that Madison was open to meeting future children.
00:18:55
Speaker
you know, down, down the line. um And so it just felt like, okay, check that box, you know, probably won't have to reach out for, for quite a while other than for medical information. But then as she got older and started asking questions, yeah and we talked about, you know, potentially meeting her that has just, that's kind of a ball, that's just a ball. So I would just say, stay, stay open and be open to answering.
00:19:23
Speaker
be open to answering questions. because We're finding the answers. We're finding the answers, yeah. or We're finding the answers. Yeah,
Resources for Donor-Conceived Families
00:19:30
Speaker
if you can. And I will say one one resource that's been really good for us is the US Donor Conceived Council. They have a lot of good resources for for everybody, for parents, for donors, and for donor-conceived people. And that's really listening to donor-conceived people who said, I wish I would have known siblings earlier in life. I wish I would have had the opportunity to know my donor earlier in life. That kind of spurred me to think, oh, maybe we're not going to wait until she's 18 or 15. Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. Corinne, do you know, besides the siblings that you've met, do you know any other younger people? Is there anybody else in your class? No.
00:20:18
Speaker
no You get to be the special one. Yeah. Well, that's all I know for now. That's me. You know, for now that's who knows. Yeah. That's awesome. Okay. I have one last question. It's my fun one. Are you ready? Okay. What filled your cup today? Nothing. I can kind of bottle water.
00:20:45
Speaker
Mm, taking a warm shower does feel really good. That's a great way to start the day. What about you, Mama? What filled your cup? Um, water, coffee, like we said, well, at least one cup per 12th birthday, right? And then just knowing that we were going to do this and just our like kind of banter and stuff in the morning while we were getting ready. Mm, that's always fun. It's fun to hang with, Mama. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:14
Speaker
Well, I really appreciate you coming and talking about just this small part of who you are. You are so much like you're just you're full of just so much fun. And I really appreciate you talking about this. Just one little bit about you. Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:32
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You, and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today. As we wrap, we would like to remind you of some of the ways that you can stay connected with us and be part of the Me, You, and Who podcast community. Firstly, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform.
00:21:56
Speaker
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00:22:12
Speaker
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00:22:35
Speaker
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