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S3E3 Who?! Building Trust & Finding Joy
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Summary
In this episode, I have the pleasure of chatting with Courtney and Kacey, who share their wonderful surrogacy journey. We dive into the emotional highs and lows they face, from the challenges of infertility to the deep, personal connections they make along the way. They talk about how essential trust and open communication are in finding the right surrogate match and how that relationship evolves throughout the process. Delivery day brings overwhelming joy and fulfillment, and they reflect on how the experience bonded them with each other in ways they never expected. Courtney and Kacey also offer heartfelt advice for anyone considering surrogacy, highlighting both the emotional and practical sides of the journey. Their story is a powerful reminder of the strength it takes to build a family and the incredible support system that forms along the way.
Takeaways
-Surrogacy can be a beautiful path to family building.
-Trust and communication are essential in the Intended Parent-Surrogate relationship.
-Infertility can lead to unexpected and fulfilling journeys.
-The matching process is crucial for a successful surrogacy experience.
-Delivery day is a moment of joy and fulfillment for all involved.
-Building a relationship with the surrogate is important for emotional support.
-Surrogacy can be a way to help others while fulfilling one's purpose.
-It's important to be open to the unexpected in family planning.
-The emotional journey of surrogacy includes both joy and grief.
-Celebrating the miracle of life is at the heart of surrogacy.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Me, You, and Who'
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of me, you, and who.
Themes of Surrogacy and Trust
00:00:06
Speaker
Today we're diving into a story that's not just about surrogacy, but about the power of trust, perseverance, and the unexpected connections that can shape your life in the most beautiful ways.
Casey & Courtney's Infertility and Surrogacy Decision
00:00:19
Speaker
After experiencing her own struggles with infertility, Casey went on to have three successful IVF cycles on her own.
00:00:26
Speaker
Knowing her own struggles and after her family was complete, it was put on her heart to help others. After her own struggles with infertility, Courtney had a successful transfer of her own.
00:00:37
Speaker
but when it came time to grow her family further, surrogacy was the best option.
Matching and Emotional Journey in Surrogacy
00:00:42
Speaker
Courtney and Casey matched, and I am so excited for you to hear these two women whose journey through infertility and surrogacy is filled with emotional ups and downs, but also moments of pure joy. Together, they'll share how they navigated the process, the importance of finding the right match,
00:01:01
Speaker
and what it was like when all the waiting and hard work finally paid off on delivery day.
Guiding Families Through Surrogacy and Egg Donation
00:01:07
Speaker
Their relationship has evolved even past that big epic day and the friendship remains. Please enjoy this beautiful story. Me, you, and who?
00:01:21
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways.
Whitney Hall's Background as Surrogate Coordinator
00:01:39
Speaker
My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate, now turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:46
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever.
Casey and Courtney's Introduction
00:02:07
Speaker
We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:02:15
Speaker
Hello, hello, welcome Casey and Courtney. Hi, thank you. Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here. Okay, for our listeners who are not watching, why don't you guys introduce yourselves so they know whose voice goes with who?
00:02:37
Speaker
I'm Casey. And um I'm Courtney. Yay. Awesome.
Courtney's Path to Surrogacy
00:02:45
Speaker
And what is so special about this fantastic meeting is that Casey, you are the gestational carrier for Courtney, which is so fun. Okay. So to get started, I want to hear just from the both of you. How did this even like, seriously, how did this even come into your world?
00:03:10
Speaker
Just tell me all of the things, Courtney, I would like, how did surrogacy become the thing that, um, the path that we were going to go on to grow your family? Well, um, you know, that's a pretty loaded question there. Absolutely. It certainly wasn't the first thing that we, um, tried. Um, but I would say that, um,
00:03:36
Speaker
through some failed three total ah attempts to grow our family. This was secondary infertility for Andrew and I. um We do have a son that um I was able to carry, John Ellis, um where we did have to do IVF with him as well. and But really didn't it didn't feel as, quote, traumatic as that second try um for those failed um attempts to grow. um And so I would say um after those, which
00:04:16
Speaker
We started trying with John Ellis when John Ellis, would I mean, started trying for the second when John Ellis was one. and so By the time Tilly was born, John Ellis is was four and a half. so That's quite a bit of time in between. so that that In that time period, ah I tried my hardest, did um some really crazy holistic things to get my body to carry. Unfortunately, it just wasn't going to happen. Fortunately,
Casey's Surrogacy Motivation
00:04:50
Speaker
we had that one embryo, which
00:04:54
Speaker
You know, in in hindsight, I feel like when you're going through trauma, you don't really know the reason for it. There's no meaning at that time, but we held onto that embryo. For some reason, I was like, okay, I'm not going to try again, which I know for myself, that was pretty hard because I was determined And so in that time period, we looked into adoption. We kind of hung around for a little bit. Just, you know, we traveled. I um had my sister has a friend who
00:05:31
Speaker
did surrogacy through surrogate solutions. And this was kind of thrown out a couple of times, not only from my doctor, but also through my sister. And I wasn't as open as you would think I would be when that was being thrown out, because I wasn't ready to have that conversation. um But as time went on, I looked more into it, and I um I decided to look into surrogate solutions. This was the only agency that I decided to do just based off of this person who did it, and they had a great experience. And so that felt comforting to me.
The Matching Process and First Interactions
00:06:10
Speaker
And so um that's how we got there. And um you know but but like I'll end there so that Casey can talk.
00:06:22
Speaker
Um, because everything gets so much more beautiful, but up to that point, just for that listener who's listening, you know, it's not all that, i you know, it wasn't as exciting, you know, getting to that point until Casey was in the picture. It was like, it was more of the unknown and the scary and the,
00:06:42
Speaker
grieving of, of me not being able to carry until beautiful Casey was, you know, on that other side. And it was like, okay, like this, this, we can do this. Like this is, this is a possibility. Um, so I hope that answers your question that, you know, cause it is a, it's a hard question to answer on my end, since it really wasn't a part of my plan until it was. and Yeah.
00:07:10
Speaker
Yeah, there's so much, there's so much to unpack there. And I, yeah, there's just so much to unpack there. I think it's, I think it's interesting that, you know, you said, Oh, it wasn't, you know, this, it wasn't this exciting thing, like people might think. And, um,
00:07:28
Speaker
i don't I don't think that that's unusual. um you know A lot of intended variants that I talk to, I always say there's so much of a journey before you know either I as a coordinator or before any you know surrogate comes into the picture. There's always so much of a journey prior to that. um And so i don't um I don't think that's unusual. It doesn't make it any less beautiful, um but it's not unusual because I think you're right. You amidst all of that,
00:07:57
Speaker
ah There was so much of a grieving process happening, whether it was you know the grieving of the miscarriage, the failed transfer, grieving about the fact that, well, wait, I did this. Why isn't it working now? And I mean, there's there's just so many things um to unpack there for sure, because I think there's a different level that comes, I think, with um with secondary infertility.
00:08:22
Speaker
Um, and so I'm, I'm so glad ultimately it led to sweet,
Building Trust and Friendship
00:08:27
Speaker
beautiful Casey. yeah Um, as you lovingly call her, but yeah, there's a whole journey that happens, that happens before we get here for sure. Casey, tell me, tell me your journey with surrogacy, like how you even were like, yep, this is the thing I'm going to do. Yeah. Um, so mine's a little bit of a history as well. Um, yeah.
00:08:51
Speaker
So we actually struggled through infertility ourselves. um My husband and I tried for years to have kids and we found out we had some male factor infertility. And so at first I didn't want to do IVF. So we actually tried adoption. We went through two adoption losses for, I was like, okay, nope, I can't do this anymore. um And so then we decided to go the route of IVF And I was very successful with IVF. We have three beautiful children now, um all through IVF. And it was the only way I knew how to have kids. Sure.
00:09:31
Speaker
and
00:09:34
Speaker
Yeah. and And then it had been a couple of years since um I had Kyler. He was my last one. And I don't know, God just put it on my heart um that he was going to use my experiences through IVF and he really grew my heart for people not being able to have children through my own infertility struggles. And so it just, he just put it there and I was like, oh, I think I need to be a surrogate. And once that happened, I just started researching and I found like two different agencies that first popped up. um And surrogate solutions was the first one that I like looked into and
00:10:18
Speaker
Since I saw their website, it looked good to me. I didn't know anything about anything. or and I just jumped head first into it and it was a wonderful thing and I'm very glad I did it.
00:10:31
Speaker
Oh, I love that. I love that. I mean, that's amazing. I think there's something really unique and special about the fact that you did have that struggle, and you knew what that struggle was personally, and then to be able i'm to do that for for someone else. I mean, Courtney, did you when you were going through the matching process, when both of you were going through the matching process, you know what was that like for you? Did you have you know comfort in knowing Casey had done this before?
00:11:00
Speaker
Um, you know, how did you guys feel?
Reflecting on the Surrogacy Journey
00:11:03
Speaker
How'd you guys know it was right? Oh, 1000%. I feel like I can remember getting matched with Casey like vividly. And and then the crazy thing about that is, is there's not really a whole lot of like FaceTime interaction. I mean, you've got this profile right and that she's viewing and then I'm viewing hers. Um, and I of course can't see hers until.
00:11:28
Speaker
she I guess liked ours first you know the matching but I remember her picture and her family on that screen I remember I remember all of it it's and then um I I remember
00:11:47
Speaker
it's because it's it's hard because you really are kind of advertising yourself. And so a lot of that was me trying to figure out how am I going to get this other person to like me? And um I feel like Casey and I's probably first quality that we noticed in each other was the Lord and religion and God.
00:12:13
Speaker
And then another part of it that would like you mentioned was the fact that she had gone through IVF before and she's a nurse and she treats her body so well. um She's an exercise queen.
00:12:28
Speaker
And I really I respect that I you know I it was my gut knew Casey was the one and um that It was, it was easy. That, that part of it, like I said, there was all that, you know, the hard and struggle and the raw before, but once Casey was on that other side, everything changed. It, I mean, it's such a God thing. It was, it was the stars aligned. Um, and it, yes, that was, that was good.
00:13:03
Speaker
Yeah. How, okay. Going from, cause you had mentioned, you know, you, as you were struggling before you even got here, it had been presented to you, you know, kind of this alternative of, you know, Hey, you have you thought about surrogacy? You had, you know, kind of sort of started to look into adoption and things like that. How did you go from I'm not ready? No to, uh, Oh my gosh, like this is my person.
00:13:32
Speaker
How, how was that?
Challenges and Surprises in Surrogacy
00:13:34
Speaker
Well, so I would say that it took me getting out of my comfort zone and actually making a profile. Um, because otherwise we wouldn't have been noticed and we wouldn't have, you know, been able to get to this step. Um, and that was, that took a lot. That took a lot. It's, it was the unknown, like I mentioned before. Um, and, and just, I think getting through.
00:14:02
Speaker
that hard trial of me accepting that this is, you know, follow that yellow brick road, just mouth move move forward um and be okay with this. And it did take me a little while. um And then I think I was told that when we had our profile that they usually it could take six months, but after six months, they usually suggest that maybe you go with another agency. and so and I could be wrong on that timing. um so I was i wasn't like was really on my toes, just kind of like, it's okay if someone doesn't notice us. We already have a you know we already have a child. like you know I was thinking it was going to take a little bit longer.
00:14:51
Speaker
than it did. And then we got a phone call right before Christmas. It was the best Christmas and it that's the um and it and it was quicker than we expected. um Thank God. and and I think for a lot of reasons because I don't know if you're ever really ready to make, you know we ought we were ready, but this this decision, it's almost like, okay, let's go, let's go for it. These were gut decisions and I felt so good about Casey from the very beginning and I don't know if I was given more than 48 hours. I think that's what they give you to kind of say, okay, let's move on with the next step.
00:15:31
Speaker
um You know, more time to think, I don't know if that would have necessarily been good for someone like me. Well, I mean, you know, it was so quick and scary and, and not scary, scary, scary, a little scary because you're just, you're, you're taking risks. But I do feel like You know, um there were lots of reasons where why I felt connected to Casey, you know, just over a Zoom meeting. I mean, it was so silly to, to you know, where she's going to carry my child and then we're committing to each other over Zoom. But it felt so right.
Maintaining Communication and Trust
00:16:10
Speaker
um So.
00:16:12
Speaker
Yeah, those zoom meetings, I always describe them as it's like a blind date and you're talking about reproduction.
00:16:21
Speaker
No, yeah you're very nervous going into it. Right? Yeah. How are you feeling? Yeah. No, I mean, we were extremely nervous too. It's like, okay, like, are we going to present ourselves well in front of them? You know, and it's like, you've only read this little bio about these people and, um, but I think both of us said afterwards, once we matched, we were like, so they say, you know, okay, we'll give you, you know, a day or two to think about it and make sure this is the right match for you after you get off. And me and Matt were immediately like, nope, yeah, we're good. Can we email them right away and tell them, or does that seem like too, like, you know, um crazy to be like, yes, immediately. Yeah. But then after we matched, Courtney said the same thing. They have the exact same thoughts of just that immediate, like,
00:17:11
Speaker
It was just very comfortable and very right. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I love that. I love that. So, okay. You, you both were like, Oh my gosh, this is it. We knew it instantaneously. How did you guys kind of grow that relationship from, we've read this little bio, we have these really great gut feelings about each other.
00:17:35
Speaker
to hear now where, you know, you like, we're friends we're beyond like, of course, case Casey you've done just this amazing thing but beyond that like you guys have grown to become friends. I mean, how was that.
00:17:52
Speaker
I, um Casey, I mean, she never missed a beat. She kept me so updated. I never i never didn't know about something and I love that about her. I always could trust that she was gonna update me and she was just over and beyond updating me and it was so wonderful. um I think that it also helped that I, um nurser i'm I'm a nurse as well, and I was in the OB setting. And so when I knew which appointment she had, I kind of, you know, had an idea of what they were doing that time. And Casey would update me on blood work. And, you know, it was just, I feel, and and I remember Casey using this word with our first Zoom meeting that it would, it just organically would happen. And it did. And I think also what worked for
00:18:51
Speaker
hi and was that Casey has three kids and I have a crazy little boy. And we both have you know other things going on in our life. And I never wanted Casey to feel like I was micromanaging or doing anything. I always wanted, and part of that, had she not been the way that she was, maybe I would have been different, but she made me feel so comfortable and she was genuine about everything that she told me. Um, and so yeah, I feel like, you know, it worked for us and it
Emotional Highs and Lows in Surrogacy
00:19:31
Speaker
worked for me. We were three hours apart. So I, we can joke about this now, but weather was a part of a lot of things that happened with travel.
00:19:40
Speaker
Oh my gosh, tell me more. And so, you know, I couldn't make it to everything, but it was okay. And Casey understood and, and really, I was okay with it. And I know that's not on my heart. I know that because I never had a moment where I had any freak out moment ever throughout that process ever.
00:20:01
Speaker
And so, um, yeah, I just, I, I kind of went off a little bit, not for the whole, like our relationship part of it, but it did work the way that it worked. We we were organized, we kept each other updated and, and that worked for us. And so I just, I, that, that, but that is because of Casey and that's, that was amazing. Um,
00:20:25
Speaker
So I think you hit on like a key factor there was that word trust, because I think that's what makes, that's the base of any good relationship, but especially in this type of relationship and the fact that you both had trust in each other of, I know she's doing her best. I know she's doing what I would do if I were in her situation, you know, just all of those things. And that trust factor is so huge. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Casey, what about you?
00:20:55
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, basically like she said that just that organic, you know, kind of growing up a relationship, like I had said, I kind of wanted it to happen. and I feel like it did just with that communication throughout. And of course, I felt like I wasn't communicating enough with her because, you know, like this is her child and every like expecting mom is so excited about every little kick and, you know, everything that goes on during a pregnancy.
00:21:24
Speaker
But when you're in life, it's hard to constantly give those updates. um So I'm glad to hear that it was exactly what you wanted because I did not want to disappoint you with the you know lack of communication I was giving about what she was doing or anything like that. and But yeah, you always gave me that assurance that it was great and um just now, you know knowing that we'll be friends for life and connected forever through this beautiful child. I just, I can't even explain like how it's grow and feel.
00:22:06
Speaker
Yeah. Well, it sounds like there was also just that beautiful mutual respect of, you know, you've got three kids and you have this crazy little boy and, you know, everyone's working and like, there is life that's happening. But, you know, gosh, Casey, your heart is so big to think about, you know,
00:22:23
Speaker
Yep, that little kick. And I bet you reported it. And you know, just all of those little nuances beyond just, you know, yes, of course, we want to hear about blood work and how that appointment went. But yeah, like those little extras are always that's beautiful. And and I mean, that's what makes that's what makes the journey a journey and just grows that relationship. What would you guys say was maybe one of the biggest surprises as you were going through, you know, this process?
00:22:54
Speaker
Hmm.
00:23:00
Speaker
Um, for me, it was probably just how like easy it all went. Um, you know, but, you know, you go through so much to get to this point, you know, like with our infertility and with their infertility and everything, and it's all the heartbreak and struggles that you go through. And then we got here and it was just like everything just.
00:23:25
Speaker
worked and it all went as we wanted and planned, you know, with the transfer happening with one embryo, you know, it happened and the delivery went exactly how we wanted. And it was, it all just happened. And I don't, I still say it's just totally thing because he, he was the one that said, this is what you're going to do. And that's why he protected us through it. So I love that answer. I think that that's, that's great. I, I,
00:23:55
Speaker
It is like, surprise because honestly, Tilly's such a miracle. And so it is, it's so wild. to think that, I mean, first off, the birth of a child is just, it's amazing and and the most amazing thing, but to think that Tilly you know was made through science and then inseminated into Casey and is now here with me is just amazing. And it it is such a surprise. you know this is what we This is what we wanted to happen, but for me, you know that girl,
00:24:34
Speaker
Two years ago that just never thought this would ever happen.
Pregnancy and Delivery Experiences
00:24:37
Speaker
It is a surprise. It's amazing. It's like, wow, like this actually can happen. And it, and that's, I mean, that's all because of Casey. To have it go from that gut feeling and just, you know, it's not real until all of a sudden it's real. It's real. Yeah, absolutely. What was that delivery day like?
00:25:02
Speaker
Well, I love that Casey said it the way that she did because on our end, and we weren't the ones going through the surgery. We were not the ones that had the nausea. We were not the ones you know in physical um you know pain and um through that delivery, but you never would have known Casey was just did everything so gracefully. um But for us, it was perfect. It was it was beyond perfect. um i just I mean, I can't, when you're living and through it, but like Casey said, you you look back and you're like, I mean, it just went exactly how I envisioned it to go. And and it was beautiful.
00:25:48
Speaker
Yeah. from them There's something so beautiful about, I'm sorry, Casey. they're theyre There's something so beautiful about you saying that Courtney to go from, it was it it envisioned how you went and how you got there because you sat at the beginning, this wasn't how you envisioned you would grow your family. And then to have that vision change.
00:26:11
Speaker
And then to be able to say, no, this is exactly what I wanted. That's so beautiful. And I think, again, there's just something to be said for a making our hearts bigger and being open to being open to that. And that's just so beautiful. That's so beautiful. And Casey, you are such, I mean, you are the thing. You're a part of that. You made that. That's amazing.
00:26:42
Speaker
How was the delivery for you? It was great. and yeah I think, like she said, just everything lining up and even the little things like my husband and my sister both being able to be in the room with Andrea and Fortney as well. Like, usually they don't allow that many people in OR. I know. Yeah. and So I had my people and they were there to get Tilly as soon as they pulled her out and it was just beautiful. And the whole scene, those, I just remember like laying on the table, seeing them over there by the incubator and just
00:27:24
Speaker
getting their first glimpse of their daughter and no, you know, I helped them do this. Like, it was just a great feeling. and There's really nothing else that can compare to it. And just getting, you know, having my support people there while also getting to see Andrew and Courtney over at the incubator for the first time, like, seeing their baby girl and just, I will always remember that moment of watching them get to see their first look at her and just knowing that, you know, I had a hand in this and it's an indescribable. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's something so beautiful ah about, I remember, um
00:28:07
Speaker
I delivered both of my surrogate pregnancies, VSC section. And I remember um like the best moment in the world was just listening to mom and dad, like, you know, the curtains closed and they're like, and you know, I guess it's a pack of you and they're, you know, in that little, and then, oh my gosh, like she has your nose and you know, oh my gosh, listen to, you know, listen to his like little coos and you know, just all of the things that I just remember like, just at like from the surrogate perspective being like, yes, that's the finish line right there. Like that was it.
00:28:37
Speaker
yeah yeah Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love that. I love that. What would you say, you know, just aside from delivery day, because, you know, that's just like the best memory ever. But what would you say is maybe one of the most memorable moments looking back on just the journey as a whole?
00:29:03
Speaker
Well, one of the craziest kind of like she said with the weather earlier. a was was the day that I had to go down to her clinic to get like approved by her physician to do the transfer. There ended up being a major snow and ice storm, us and them. And I called the clinic and I was like, are you guys even open today? Like, you know, if we come all this way, like, are you gonna be there? and And I was like, okay.
00:29:36
Speaker
My husband and I were like, okay, well, we, you know, really don't want to reschedule this. Like, we want to get it going. Like, this is it. We don't want to make them wait. Like, let's do it. So we make it down there. Took us, I think like two hours longer than, you know, we had anticipated and it should be, but we made it safely, got to the appointment and everything. And then we we're like, I think we just want to go home and, you know, get back to the kids and everything. So we're like, yeah, we'll be fine. We'll make it.
00:30:05
Speaker
Yeah, no, we did not make it all the way home. We didn't get in a wreck or anything. But it got to the point where Matt was not feeling safe driving anymore. So we had to pull over and find um a hotel. It was not the greatest hotel, but we managed for the night and got back on the road in the morning.
00:30:34
Speaker
my gosh. Tell me what story you've got little Dean. Well, and I just love that. So Kenzie, she did not want that appointment to be delayed because you know how IVF is? We're all on our cycles. So if that would have delayed us, and I know she was thinking about Andrew and I, you know, she was being so, you were so awesome that day because that took a lot. That was a lot of trouble. You could have just said, all right, let's just, you know,
00:31:05
Speaker
one month, what's one month? But in, I think you know this, Casey, that with IVF, time is a big deal and a month would have been, you know, not a month is just a month, but you you knew that and um you you made the trip even though there was a bad weather and that that was it that was awesome. um But that was also the first time that we met. Oh my gosh.
00:31:33
Speaker
And so that was great. And Matt and Andrew bonded about football, and Casey and I talked talked mostly about what was going to go on in the appointment. But you know it's you don't take away the awkwardness, but you can feel that this is going to be good. This is going to be great. you know It felt right, um especially to have Andrew and Matt you know be able to have their own conversation without Casey and I. It's like, OK, well, we this is all good. this is So that was that that was great. I love that. I love that. And yes, I mean, there is kind of, you know, just some of that natural awkwardness whenever you're meeting somebody like that for the first time, but there's almost this sort of blanket of like, you know, we're all here for the same reason and the same goal. And there's just something things so beautiful about that whenever you are meeting each other in circumstances like that. That's fantastic. Oh my gosh. Courtney, what about you? What was kind of, you know, if you're looking back, like,
00:32:30
Speaker
one of your most just memorable moments from the journey? Well, I probably going and seeing the heartbeat. I was so nervous. I, you know, of course I you know was guarded. I was preparing myself for everything, you know, um and Andrew had, I think he was in trial that
Emotional Milestones: First Heartbeat
00:32:56
Speaker
week. A lot of the things he could not make it to, which was okay. I actually kind of loved it that it was just Casey and I, because I think it's, you know, it's, it's, a I loved it the way that it happened.
00:33:07
Speaker
Um, but, um, yeah, that day I just remember taking the biggest deep breath after we saw that heartbeat and just being in the car. And I drove straight home and I just, I called all the people that have been praying for Casey and over this baby. Um, which there were so many, I mean, just prayers all over. And and I felt, um I mean, it's, I'm like, get goosebumps even talking about it. um So I would say that seeing um the baby and Casey and hearing the heartbeat was
00:33:47
Speaker
was So amazing, and just being able to take a little deep breath from that point, seeing that. Oh gosh, yeah. You you mentioned how you you know were were guarded, which is so natural in this process. did you When you first got that beta test, so you know whenever you get like the, we pee on the sticks, we've got the two lines, or you know in this case, hey, we've got numbers that say all good things. How did you feel, Courtney, when you saw that? Did you let yourself?
00:34:18
Speaker
kind of get excited or were you just, how did you feel? I kind of based some things off of how Casey was. oh And I feel that Casey was cautiously protecting herself and me. And we talked about that. We we we would text and we'd be like, okay, this is, this is, we got to leave this for God. We don't have control over this. um And I remember it was,
00:34:47
Speaker
I don't know if it was day five or six and I texted Casey and I was like, have you tested? Or maybe, maybe that conversation happened. I don't know if I asked her, I don't know, Casey, did I ask you specifically if you tested or did you tell me? I can't remember. I i can't remember at this point either.
00:35:07
Speaker
But I remember Casey being like, I got a positive. It's just a little bit lighter than I want it to be. But it was like she was to was saying yes, but you know not and was it was good. It was good because I still had to kind of sit back and so did she because it was so very early at that point. And so I think that until we got that first beta and the beta was I think the numbers were great. um And then Casey called me um and I think we were just able to just, you know, cry and be happy and enjoy that moment, which I do believe sometimes that moment can be robbed of fertility patients because you're just, you're so cautious throughout the whole thing. But Casey and I got to enjoy that moment together and say, she's pregnant. Like we're pregnant.
00:36:04
Speaker
I was just going to say it was, it was a difficult thing to test at home and know like, okay, it's not just me that's going to be like disappointed if this, you know, doesn't happen. And, you know, you know, you can get so many false positives and things can change and, you know, all that. So I was cautious and timid, um, with my response to the positive. Um, just because I did not want the letdown to be even more than what it had to be if it was, even though you can't really do much about that. like It's a huge letdown no matter what. and
00:36:44
Speaker
But I wanted to try and just be cautious, but still excited and not robbed completely of that joy.
Advice for Surrogates and Intended Parents
00:36:52
Speaker
But I agree. It was when we got that beta. I was driving to my family's in Kansas, and I got the call from the clinic, and I just burst into like this joyous like tears. Like it was just the most wonderful moment to know that it was truly happening. I love that. Knowing that you both were being kind of cautiously optimistic. When did it feel really real? Was it that heartbeat? Was it 12 weeks? so Like when did it really start feeling real for the both of you?
00:37:34
Speaker
For me, I think it was the beta the 1st. It wasn't like that moment. I was the biggest like relief and yeah, like, okay, this is this is happening. Like, and I don't know. I didn't have as much fear of, like, a miscarriage after that. I love that.
00:37:50
Speaker
oh yeah ah Yeah. And I would, I would probably stick with the heartbeat once I saw that. And then Casey, you know, like I mentioned before, she would give me updates on how she's feeling. I loved, you know, I know I wasn't the one having the symptoms, but she would tell me that she's tired. And I'm like, Oh, great. Okay. Symptoms. are and yeah so
00:38:16
Speaker
Yes. So she would keep me updated in that sense. And, um you know, I would, I would enjoy those updates. I didn't want her to not feel great. I wanted, you know, of course wanted Casey to feel better and get through that first trimester. And, um you know, she had her long work days, but um yeah, I would say that communication and that helped with it all feeling real. I mean, it was, it truly, and this probably helps with it being a second child since I had had the experience of carrying myself. So when Casey mentioned it, I could relate and that that helped me that helped me through that process because I understood what she was talking about. I love that. That's amazing. Oh, that's beautiful. So being you know, on the other side now,
00:39:07
Speaker
what would maybe be some you know advice, words of wisdom that you would want to give to a another intended parent or maybe another woman who is thinking about being a surrogate?
00:39:29
Speaker
um On the surrogate side, I would say just
00:39:37
Speaker
Like I did jump into it, but I jumped into it knowing that this is what I was being told to do. and But definitely you have to have the heart for it. and it is yeah i mean It is a difficult thing to do to carry someone else's child. I think a lot of my family and friends were worried for me mentally afterwards. and My husband took off the whole next week of work Um, because he was scared that I mentally was not going to be able to handle it. But I feel like if you truly are invested in it for the right reasons, um, that, you know, from the start, like this is the plan. This has never been my child. It never will be my child. Um, but you are just helping grow God's kingdom by carrying someone else's child for them. And I.
00:40:33
Speaker
I never struggled with anything post-op depression or, you know, longing for Tilly to be mine or, you know, anything like that. Um, sure. So I think just going in with the right heart and the right mindset makes all the difference.
00:40:51
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, it's that finish line. It's like you said, you know, seeing, seeing Courtney with like holding Tilly for the first time, like that was, that was it. That's the why.
00:41:03
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. What about you, Courtney?
00:41:11
Speaker
I mean, I would say trusting the process. and I think that, um at least for me, um it was hard for me to really, we mentioned this before,
00:41:33
Speaker
envision it happening this way through Casey. But when we decided to go that route, that's, this was what God's plan was, is. um And so trusting that um and really um going in full heartedly and well, and that's when you kind of make that decision, right? I mean, if you're going to go do this, you're going to go do it. and um it's it And it takes a little bit longer than, you know, I mean, I think that first from when Casey and I committed to each other, we didn't implant until May. And so you've got those months of still just kind of up in the air, you know, is this actually going to happen?
00:42:25
Speaker
and and it's And it's kind of complicated, the the legal stuff. that That part of it was, we I remember Casey and I, we were kind of like, okay, let's get to the fun part. Let's get to the fun part. And so really throughout that part too, you've got to trust what you're doing and you have to trust. And surrogate solutions did such a good job at Uh, keeping Casey and I informed and guiding us through that part of it. And so that took a lot of trust too. I mean, we just had to say, all right, well, they know what they're doing. That's why we are using this agency. So I trust them. And, um, so yeah, I mean, I'd say to that person on the other end to just, I mean, like Casey mentioned before, I mean, you do have to go in there into this with the right mindset and, and.
Trusting the Surrogacy Journey
00:43:15
Speaker
um But um trusting that, he at least with me, that it it it will happen. It will happen. And and um it did. And we got our baby girl. And it um and it was meant to be this way.
00:43:37
Speaker
Um, and, and this crazy way, it was meant to be this way. Um, and, um, I that's, I, it was on my heart. Like Casey says, like she felt this on our heart to help us. And that was one reason why I reached out to you guys about sharing this because it's very easy to kind of block out.
00:44:03
Speaker
sad parts of your life, right? and And there was that part of our life where we didn't think we were going to have another and we trusted this and then here we are. And so I think that's something that the message that, and it's all because of Casey and there are people out there and God has these angels on earth that are willing to do this for these families. And um It's possible and it seems so impossible. And that's, I was there. I was, I was that girl. And um so just trusting, trusting the Lord, trusting, trusting the whole thing. And that's easier said than done. I mean, you're so right. It is easier said than done. But whenever you, whenever you do throw your heart in it, gosh, it's so rewarding. It's so rewarding.
00:44:54
Speaker
Okay. My last question, and this is a fun one for anyone who knows me. They know I have a very codependent relationship with coffee. Um, we're best friends. Um, and so I always like to ask, what was the thing that filled your cup today, whether it was literally or figuratively, what was the thing, um, that filled your cup?
00:45:24
Speaker
Okay. Well, every time, and this is, this is just God's presence in my life. And so this is filling my cup every day for right now, but these little squeezes and these little giggles and holding Tilly and it's, and it's not necessarily in the mornings because mornings are hectic, but I will say that by it will fill my cup later till he fills my cup very high. But at the end of the day, Tilly and I have that moment where I'm putting her to sleep and I, I, I mean, I,
00:45:54
Speaker
feel God in the room. I mean, it is amazing. It's just like, and I've, I've felt this way. I mean, it's, it's, it's since she's been in my arms, I've felt that way and it's hard to explain. And, um, because it's just the feeling that I have, but, um, Tilly,
00:46:14
Speaker
is filling my cup.
Gratitude and Closing Thoughts
00:46:16
Speaker
She is filling my cup. And I joked with Casey the other day, I was like, I don't know when things are going to turn. Cause like I'm i'm thinking, when is it going to get rough? Because she has just been the best baby. And so I haven't really had any, you know, any mom complaints cause we all have them, right? We're tired that things happen. She's not the process.
00:46:39
Speaker
and So, for right now, today, and and seven months in, she she has been filling my cup every day. I love that, Mama. That's deserved. I love that. What about you, Casey? Well, my literal cup is water with collagen. Look at you.
00:47:05
Speaker
speaking up as a cup from Courtney's friends, they got me this big huge care package after I delivered and stuff just to take care of me and myself. And it was the sweetest thing. And throughout the whole pregnancy, I would just receive these random gifts from Courtney and Andrew and their mom and friends. And it was just like all these surprises throughout, which was so sweet. And they friended me on you know, my social media and said, Hey, just want to let you know we're praying for you today. And, you know, just the sweetest things. So, um, I still think about them all the time with my cup. And let's see. Yeah. I would say figuratively filling my cup, um, would just be this interview today. Like, I haven't had much else today, but this has been great.
00:47:56
Speaker
getting to see Courtney and talk about the experience again, um, just because it was so wonderful to, to go through and to relive and to share the joys of it and how you know other people can experience this too. So, Oh, I love that. I love that. Well, thank you both so much for being willing to share your story and being open and vulnerable and, um,
00:48:23
Speaker
I'm just, I'm so grateful that we get to be here um talking about it in this way.
Podcast Engagement and Conclusion
00:48:29
Speaker
So thank you both so, so, so much. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of me, you and who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today.
00:48:42
Speaker
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00:49:12
Speaker
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00:49:35
Speaker
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