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S3E5 Who?! Meg, Sr. Surrogacy Education & Matching Coordinator
0 Playsin 12 hours
Summary
In this enlightening conversation, Whitney and Meg explore the intricate world of surrogacy through the lens of someone who has both experienced it firsthand and now works to guide others on their own paths. Meg reveals her personal journey, underscoring the emotional, logistical, and often misunderstood aspects of surrogacy. Together, they discuss why advocacy is so vital, how surrogacy has evolved over the years, and the importance of reputable agencies that prioritize transparent communication and surrogate well-being. Listeners will come away with a deeper appreciation for the trust, education, and support required to make these family-building journeys successful—while also getting to know one of the EDSS team members who may just be walking beside them every step of the way.
Takeaways
-Meg's journey into surrogacy began after her own experience with infertility.
-The emotional journey of surrogacy involves understanding the pain of intended parents.
-Memorable moments in surrogacy include heartbeat confirmations and delivery days.
-Education is crucial for surrogates to understand the process and their role.
-Surrogates should be sensitive to the emotions of intended parents.
-Transparency in the surrogacy process helps manage expectations.
-First-time surrogates need to feel trust in their agency and coordinators.
-Having an advocate is essential for navigating the surrogacy process.
-Surrogacy is a journey that requires preparation for both best and worst-case scenarios.
-Meg emphasizes the importance of comprehensive education for surrogates. --Your attorney should advocate for you, not the agency.
-Surrogates must have a voice in their journey.
-Not all surrogacy agencies are reputable; research is key.
-Public awareness of surrogacy has increased over time.
-Surrogates are often well-educated about the process now.
-Misconceptions about surrogacy often stem from media portrayals.
-Surrogates are financially stable individuals, not desperate for money.
-Surrogacy is not baby selling; it's a legal and ethical process.
-The joy of baby day is unparalleled in surrogacy.
-Finding the right agency is crucial for a positive experience.
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Transcript
Introduction: Meet Meg from Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of me, you, and who. Today I am joined by Meg, a member of Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions, and specifically she is part of the surrogate education and matching team. She brings a unique perspective as both a surrogate and an advocate for others on this journey.
00:00:21
Speaker
You'll get to know the experiences that shaped Meg's passion for surrogacy, from the emotional highs of matching with intended parents to the challenges she's witnessed along the way. Whether you're a prospective surrogate, an intended parent, or simply curious about the surrogacy process, we hope this conversation will help you feel more confident in the care and support you'll find here at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions. So grab that cup of coffee, settle into the commute, and meet Meg.
Guiding Alternative Family Growth: Whitney's Introduction
00:00:49
Speaker
Me, you, and who?
00:00:51
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate, now-turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:16
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever.
Personal Stories: Surrogacy Inspirations and Connections
00:01:37
Speaker
We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:51
Speaker
I know like we do all the time. We do it all the time and now everyone gets to listen to us chit chat but I'm usually whenever you and I are chit chatting we're doing all of the work things but now we get to do like a dig into the life of like who you are, which is so fun and so exciting. So, okay, you are a team member with a donor and surrogate solutions, but how did you even get into just the world that is
00:02:22
Speaker
third party in production. Yeah. It's been a long time. a Um, yes. So, gosh, I think it was 2012 and, um, my husband and I had also gone through infertility. And so it was, you know, meaningful to me, special to me, all of that. We had been blessed with twin boys, um, after all of that. And then, um, I was watching a TV show so random, um, but there was a show on TLC called the little couple.
00:02:51
Speaker
Oh, I remember them. They lived in Houston. Shout out. Yes. Doctor. Anyway, um but they needed to use the surrogate. Yeah. And so um it kind of showed the story of them meeting their surrogate for the first time and their surrogate, them going to transfer in California together and her telling them that they were pregnant. um And so I remember one her telling them like, you're going to have a baby and getting all teary eyed. And I just thought that is so cool. Like, I would love to do that. Like, can I do that?
00:03:25
Speaker
And so I got off and I just started Googling. yet
Journey as a Surrogate: From Twins to Education Role
00:03:29
Speaker
but How to be a circuit, how to whatever. and Sure. As every good thing starts out, we go to the Google. Yes. A lot of the time Google was kind of scary. And remember this was all 12 years ago and so much in the world has changed too, PGS hosting wasn't really a thing then. and Anyway, so so much has changed. So I started googling kind of, you know, struck a chord in me and didn't get super far with it. But then, um, I don't know, maybe six months later, um, Gail Garrett moved to Waco where I live and joined our church. And so, and which for those of you who don't know, Gail was the founder
00:04:06
Speaker
of surrogate solutions. Yep. Yeah. So she moved to Waco and someone said, have you met Gail? Um, she owns a surrogacy agency. And I was like, what? And so, yeah, so I met her and we went out to lunch and she told me all about it. And I was like, I'm on board. And my only, I talked to Shane about it, my husband, and I thought he would be like, you're crazy.
00:04:32
Speaker
So that was going to be my no. And instead he was like, that's amazing. I can totally see. And he said, here's the only thing. Um, you know, I was a stay at home mom of three littles at the time. And so finances were a little bit tight and he was like, we can't pay for it. And he we were just afraid we were going to have to pay for it. We were afraid we were going to pay for like,
00:04:54
Speaker
a lot of the process. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So he was just letting me know, like, ah yes, you can do it, but like, we can't pay for it. He, we were, didn't know what we were going to have to pay for. And so as I talked to him, like, sweetie, like you have, this is, no, you're not, you don't pay for anything.
00:05:12
Speaker
and So anyway, yeah. So that, anyway, so yeah, we went from there. I, um, carried twin girls in that journey, met a family that didn't live too far from us and carried twin girls that were born in 2013. Um, and then I started working for egg donor solutions. This is before the merge. Um, so started working for egg donor solutions in 2016.
00:05:38
Speaker
And then decided I had one more surrogacy journey and me and here baby boy born in 2017. And then after kind of the merge, I stepped from the egg donation team to the surrogacy team in 2020. So I've been with egg donor and surrogate solutions for almost nine years and um on the surrogacy team for about Oh my gosh, that's so amazing. First of all, I think it is just, it speaks so much to your character that you were inspired to be a surrogate thinking that you were not only providing this amazing gift of carrying a child, but that you were going to shoulder the financial aspect of it and having no idea that there was even face compensation or anything like that. I mean, oh my gosh, just.
00:06:31
Speaker
That is, I mean, true. Honestly, I say like, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest actually, like um at all. umingine Well, I think just cause we had been there and if someone could have stepped in and done that for me. Um, anyway, yeah. So I just thought if I could, you know, just help someone going through infertility life, I would love to, but, um, of course the compensation was and is a b blessing.
00:06:55
Speaker
And I would not even want to do it without being compensated. You had your first surrogacy journey and then you like dove deeper into the world of just third party reproduction. And that's whenever you started at, at the time it was just egg donor solutions. And so you were part of.
00:07:25
Speaker
Egg donation cycles and girls that were donning their eggs and intended parents needing to um use eggs to grow their family so you really have seen just all sides of this world. Yeah. I feel like I have. I feel like I have. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. And just what a wealth of knowledge you have. No, that's fantastic.
Emotional Impact: Memorable Surrogacy Moments
00:07:50
Speaker
Looking back, like let's go back to your journeys just a little bit, like looking back on your surrogacy experience, what would you say is maybe like just some of those, like just major, like a major memorable moment?
00:08:03
Speaker
Yeah. Um, I was seeing heartbeat confirmation in, um, in both of my cases, they were first time parents. And, um, obviously who had been through so many hard things before and, you know, just remind, you know, remembering that people don't come to surrogacy except for of course, same sex dads. They know they're going to need a surrogate. So their journey is a little bit different, but, um, otherwise people don't come to surrogacy right off. No one is like, Hey, you know, with her family, let's get a surrogate.
00:08:33
Speaker
Yeah. know I think just remembering that they come here with their own journeys of pain and disappointment and loss. um And so we might feel super joyful um as surrogates all the time, just remembering the baggage that they um bring along. And so their emotions might look different than ours. When we're ecstatic, they feel maybe terrified. Or when we um our can't wait to tell them the baby is kicking, um mom might be jealous that you know it's not her baby kicking.
00:09:03
Speaker
Um, so I think, or not her pregnancy that she's carrying. Yeah, right. Not feeling the baby kick, but rather it is feeling the baby kick. I'm not really answering your direct question very well, but I said, hary no, you are no confirmation just because they were both first time parents and they never, caught they had never seen um their baby's heartbeat before and so remembering that both times and just um and we can remember just as moms the first time we heard our own heartbeat you know it's a magical moment um but even more magical for
00:09:36
Speaker
um I think parents who had never gotten to that point and all of a sudden they had so much hope or they had not had that hope before. So um that first journey, of course, they found two heartbeats, which was even, you know, wilder and crazier. And all of a sudden, you know, they're envisioning the life of their babies. But even that second time, it was a couple that had struggled for, you know, a really, really long time. And so the joy that filled the room um at that time, I think about that.
00:10:03
Speaker
Um, I think about finding out that the twins were girls. Um, that was pre PGS testing. So they did it on the gender of those babies. And that was also pre like maternity 21 or those early blood tests that would tell you the gender.
00:10:19
Speaker
So that was exactly, we didn't find out gender till really that 20 weeks. That anatomy scan. Yeah. And so doing that and dad didn't want to know. So he stepped out of the room, but mom did. So she stayed in with me and then she had brought onesies, you know, pink and blue onesies and put two onesies in a bag. And then my husband and I, both of them went out to lunch and then he, you know, opened the bag and found out.
00:10:43
Speaker
daughters and just being all at lunch together and of course I'm hormonal and remembering when it was us finding out what our twins were and just you know all just weeping and um so excited. yeah Well, just, I mean, seeing and being a part of those moments and getting to be the reason that they get to have that joy, I mean, really emphasizes just that why behind doing something like this. Totally the why. It's totally the why. Obviously, always delivery day. I mean, delivery day is the culmination of ah all of it. You know, you never get them meeting their baby or babies um for the first time. and you never forget. That's the best. I told my most recent I am, it was time to push. And you know they had been through so much. And you know my own journey with infertility just always plays a role in everything I do. And so they were you know getting the room set up. And I was like, it's fixing. your you know You're fixing to meet your son. And I was like, it's all fixing to be worth it. Every loss, all the pain, all the nose, all the everything. Like it's going to make sense to me. Oh, man. Yeah, when you see your baby boy,
00:11:50
Speaker
It's going to make sense. And so we were both crying. And then, of course, she met him and it all made sense. And she knew he was the one that she was supposed to have the whole time. And she was able to be grateful for the nose and that you're not pregnant this month and all of that because it brought her this baby and this. Yeah. So I'll never forget that. Oh, for sure.
Education and Matching in Surrogacy: Essential Processes
00:12:11
Speaker
Going back to, you know, kind of what you said of, you know, just for for heterosexual couples that are going through this process, you know, a lot of times, like you said, they've already had a journey prior to even getting here and we're not necessarily the first, um you know, we're usually and yeah we're usually a last resort whenever we're building a family. And, i you know, did you when when you were going through your first journey, was that a surprise to you? Like wanting to experience that joy with them?
00:12:48
Speaker
I don't think it was a surprise um for a couple of Asians. One, I'm just, I'm a social worker by trade. Like that's yeah right his my history. Your background. Yeah. Is it that of a social worker? So I think I knew enough um about grief and loss and all of that to kind of understand that they weren't coming into it. you know from the same angle that I would have been, you know, having my own first biological child. Um, but then being just having gone through infertility myself, I also knew that like, you know, a heartbeat confirmation didn't mean a live baby in the end, you know, that you can miscarry baby, you can lose baby, all of that. And so I think I understood it to an extent, but then I remember pretty early on asking that intended mom,
00:13:34
Speaker
being like, Hey, I am an open book and I am, um, thrilled to tell you everything I'm experiencing when I'm craving, when the baby's kicking, I'm thrilled to, you know, to let you feel the baby kick, to tell you all the things I am thrilled to involve you in all of this. And I also understand, um, that that might cause some pain or that that might cause emotions that Um, might be uncomfortable for you. And so I want you to guide me in this and you to let me know, like tell me everything, or I'm not quite ready yet. Or I want you, um, to kind of, to kind of let me know. Um, it was like, no,
00:14:13
Speaker
to know Sure. Well, I think us being sensitive um with, and particularly as intended moms, of course, they're the ones not caring, you know, care-reading, there may be. So I think it's important for a surrogate to be sensitive.
00:14:31
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Well, and again, just you know being aware that like there was a journey before this journey right um and and and exactly like you said, thinking about those those questions. And you know and that's one of the um you know just one of the great things about, I feel like, us as an agency and our education and matching team is we do touch on those things. um And you know, as you're going through the process. So speaking of that, you are you like you said you started at egg donor solutions on you know, when um just way back in the day, there has since
00:15:12
Speaker
there was a merge it we became a donor and surrogate solutions and then you started on the surrogacy program and you are part of the education and matching team. So what do you love most about just the process?
00:15:29
Speaker
um I love that I get to talk to all the girls. It feels fun. I've been a coordinator as well, which I also loved doing. But of course as a coordinator, you only know you're 30 girls or whatever. And so I think it's fun to know and be invested in all of them. um you know We have a private Facebook group for our surrogates. And so we get to get excited for every single one when they get pregnant. Remember them and we remember their story and their excitement about you you know, being matched and all of that. So I think it's fun because you feel a personal connection to each and every surrogate when you're the one that gets to um meet them and talk with them. Um, so I love that part. Um, there is so much that, that most people don't know. Um, and so to make sure that they feel like their questions were answered and I like to make sure they feel, um, yeah, that they've got an honest, um, overview of,
00:16:24
Speaker
the process and we're not, you know, sugarcoating things just to, you know, it's a bait and switch, like make it sound fabulous. And then once they're matched, it's so much harder than they ever anticipated or whatever. Sure. I like, you know, I pride, not pride myself, pride us as an agency, I think, in just providing comprehensive education. um Not just the good parts, but the parts that might not be so good as well. So yeah, I like doing that. I love when it's time for matching. And finally, I feel like almost everyone It's not a surprise, but when we share intended parent profiles with them, and then they get to learn about um the intended parents and read their stories and read their their pictures, and I feel like it almost always surprises them. um just It just becomes so real. And it just, yeah oh my gosh, I want to carry for all of these people. you know I didn't realize there were so many of these amazing families who need my help. And so I love when they start looking through profiles and getting excited, it becomes real to them. and
00:17:22
Speaker
Um, I love facilitating match meetings, which is when the intended parents in the circuit and her significant other, if she has one where they all meet and we get to know each other and, you know, make sure it feels like a good fit. I love match meetings. They usually go great. And it's.
00:17:39
Speaker
to meet each other and talk to each other. And I think it's when it starts feeling real for the intended parents too. And when their home kind of hurts to bubble up and like, you know, I think this is her and they're getting along really well. And I'm getting really excited that, you know, hopefully this part of their dream is being realized. And so I love facilitating match meeting. So yeah. Oh yeah. It's, I mean,
00:18:03
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Trust and Information: Preparing Surrogates for the Journey
00:18:07
Speaker
I think um you know i think you touched on something, you know i I couldn't agree with you more. I feel like one of the one of the things that I think sets us apart is We are transparent because at the end of the day, you know, yes, we love to celebrate the good stuff and the baby pictures and the happy transfer days and all of that. um But we we call this a journey for a reason. um And you know, preparing everyone for, you know, just
00:18:36
Speaker
what the process looks like as a whole, but also, you know, just the fact that we're setting them up for this is what it can be. And then, of course, once you're matched, you're with your coordinator who's going to guide you through um that process. And so just having that is so is so important because, I mean, again, like how ah along those lines, I feel like, you know, like you said, we're not just we're not just informative of like, here's what meds are.
00:19:05
Speaker
here's, you know, just check these boxes, I guess. yeah But we do want to talk about just the overarching, you know, process of that. So, you know, how, what would you say is maybe kind of a, a takeaway, I guess, that like, when, when you are educating a surrogate, what's kind of that experience that you, you know, you would want them to take away from just going through our education and matching process?
00:19:34
Speaker
them to feel like they trust us. I want them to feel like I wasn't just blowing smoke up their skirts, so to speak. They feel like they trust us and they got to know who we were um as an agency. So I really want them to come away with that I want them to come away feeling really educated. I want them to get off and be like, wow, that was a lot of information. Thank you.
00:19:55
Speaker
I got all my questions answered. I don't have any more questions. Um, I want them to feel like that, but then like you said, I want them to feel like I'm being honest and you know, we go over that compensation worksheet with them and it talks about things like the life insurance policy and the, you know, the loss of organ writer for a hysterectomy and things like that. And so, you know, when I'm going over those kinds of things with them, you know, I always just say, this isn't to scare you. Obviously this is because we're here to take good care of you, but So much of surrogacy, I think is still talking through worst case scenarios and be that a failed transfer or be that, you know, whatever a lost organ or whatever it is. But I think um being honest and talking about all of those worst case scenarios, we're gonna we're going to hope for all the best case scenarios, but we're also going to plan for
00:20:42
Speaker
worst case scenarios, because when we get there, it doesn't feel like as much of an emergency. We knew a train failed transfer was a possibility. Here's what our next like. I'm so sorry this happened, but we're going to take these next steps and it doesn't um feel like as much of an emergency or you needed a C-section. And I know you weren't preparing on that and that feels disappointing, but this isn't an emergency because we've talked about it before and your husband's going to be the one with you in the OR because we already decided that. And so I think kind of talking through all of the possibilities,
00:21:12
Speaker
Sure those point those those details and there's and they they seem small but when they do come up they are important and it's so great that we've you know you have those conversations and everyone is prepared and like you said it doesn't feel like a you know, knee jerk, like, Oh gosh, like everything, everyone. even thought About this. Yes. yeah In the room for the C section, but you want your husband and we've never had this conversation. And we had this conversation a long time ago and we probably already put it into your legal contract. And so it's right.
00:21:47
Speaker
We're going to move to Plan B. So, yeah. Right. Right. And just having those open and honest conversations, even if some of those things are, like you said, worst case scenario and, you know, the the possibility of them happening is so small. It's such a small percentage. But it's good. you Yes. It's not to scare you. Hopefully to make you peaceful that we have already made sense all the different possibilities.
00:22:12
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. For sure. What advice would you want to give to like a first time woman who is thinking about becoming a gestational carrier?
00:22:24
Speaker
here um Going independent without an agency, being a surrogate without an agency, is not going to benefit you really in any way. Yeah.
00:22:35
Speaker
and people choose to do that. And obviously that's everyone's choice if they decide they want to work with an agency or want to work um without an agency. But from all of my years in the business and from knowing all of the stories that I've learned over all of these these kind of horror stories that you read about in surrogacy where, you know, this, all of the horror stories that you read. Um, sure, sure. The ones that we see in people magazine and the ones that actually make headlines and yes, exactly. We don't think they have ever used a reputable agency. I don't.
00:23:07
Speaker
I think it was skips stepped. It was legal skips stepped. It was, it was just so many skips step that were important. And I yeah cut corners, cut corners, um, people not being educated properly. And so I lived to really, every time I read those stories, that's my first thought was who was protecting you, who was protecting you, who was advocating for you. Um, and usually it was an O one.
00:23:31
Speaker
um And so I just, I can't stress that enough to people is that you you need an advocate, even if you've done all the research in the whole world, um you still need an advocate for someone to speak up for you or someone to make sure um that all of those steps have been um taken care of. And so I think that we just do such an amazing job at that. I always tell the girls, the girls, I mean, they're women, we're all women.
00:24:01
Speaker
You are going to have someone holding your hand as much or as little as you want. But the whole way I will be there, you know, and from your interview, actually Barrett will be with you first and educating you and answering your questions. And then it will be me. And then it will be your coordinator. And we have all been circuits. So you're going to have whon suate right next to you, answering your questions, reminding you of things, educating you, guiding you the whole time.
00:24:26
Speaker
Um, and so I just, yeah, I want him to know that, that you, that you need an advocate, that you, um, yeah, just making sure skips aren't stepped, even when that seems easier to skip a step and the agency is saying whatever. Um, yeah, that we're not skipping steps, that you have, um, a good attorney representing you, that it's really and that you,
00:24:47
Speaker
um are picking your own attorney. We want your attorney to be your attorney advocating for you. We don't want your attorney to actually work for us. And so at the end of the day, they really have our best interests at heart or whatever. No, sure. attorney And you picked him or her because they are your advocate. um Well, I think going off of, you know, exactly what you said,
00:25:08
Speaker
in an independent journey, of course, you know, everyone gets to decide how they want to go about their journey, but an independent journey, like you said, there isn't a benefit to a surrogate going through something like that because she doesn't have an advocate. But then to your point, there are so many agencies out there and not all agencies are reputable and it matters. It really matters. True. It's just true. And just the questions that you want to ask agencies as a circuit, you know, they talk to circuits who
00:25:45
Speaker
Um, had been with other agencies where the agency, you know, send their profile out. And then they brought the surrogate, the intended parents and said, you know, here's your intended parents. And they said, well, I was hoping to work with domestic intended parents and the agency is like, well, they're already excited to work with you. So we set up a match meeting for Wednesday or, you know, just things like that. Um, and the surrogate was left feeling like maybe her voice wasn't important or ended up saying yes, which really didn't want to say yes, but she felt pressured. Um, things like that. And so I just.
00:26:16
Speaker
When the circuits know that your voice does matter is important, you know, with, with our agency, you know, you are going to pick your intended parents. Your voice does matter. If you don't want a COVID vaccine, that is great. We're not going to pressure you to get a COVID vaccine. scene You know, if you want your, we're going to find intended parents that are like-minded in vaccines, termination, it's a personalized process.
00:26:37
Speaker
Absolutely. And we're not going to try to convince you to work with one certain set of intended parents ever. It's up to you. And we want you to have the journey that you want to have. And so, um yeah.
00:26:49
Speaker
Yeah, all the way around all the way around yeah for sure Absolutely, we're not gonna try to convince them to work with this one circuit either if they don't feel like she's the right fit so we're really in the business of Finding the right fit because when everybody agrees on all the things and we find the right bit it is gonna make the next 18 months of everybody's life that much easier and that much better. Yes No for sure for sure so You start, I mean, again, your kind of journey in just the world of third party reproduction kind of started, you know, back in 2012.
Surrogacy Transformations: Technology and Practices
00:27:30
Speaker
What would you say is, you know, just what significant changes have you noticed?
00:27:37
Speaker
disman over the landscape. And then not so few, but it just, you know, back then just simple things. Again, PGS testing wasn't a thing. now Which for those who don't know, PGS testing is whenever you're testing an embryo for any genetic abnormalities. yeah And then you can also find out the gender, which is fine.
00:27:56
Speaker
yeah So, um, that wasn't the thing yet. And so, um, fresh embryo transfers were the thing back then. That was what was done normally. And so for that first embryo transfer of mine, um, a day five transfer was kind of seen as better. You know, there were lots of embryos and then on day three, they would look at them and if everybody still look good, they would let them keep growing today five, or they might freeze some on day. Anyway, you didn't even know what day your transfer was going to be on.
00:28:24
Speaker
So lives the wild west we thought it was going to be day five because all the embryos were looking good. And then day three, I get a phone call early in the morning and it was the, you know, embryologists. And she was like, these embryos aren't doing as well as we hope you need to be here, you know, by 10 o'clock for embryo transfer. And so it's so wild to think back. So it really was like getting child care and get in the car and rushing up to It's Austin at the time, but so things like that have changed a lot, obviously, just yeah um has changed and all of that. um That's changed a lot. Double embryo transfers used to be the norm. ah I transferred two and had two babies, um but that used to be the norm. They weren't tested. And so who knew, thought who knew if they were going to stick, but just chances were lower because those embryos could have had genetic abnormalities that but now we would know about.
00:29:14
Speaker
and we sure sure no I mean, I bet half of the surrogates in our group at that time were having twins. I mean, it was just, it happened all the time. um yeah so Yeah. So many of us had twins back then. And of course now that has changed. um One just, it's just a high risk pregnancy. And so it's really no longer um recommended. ASRM doesn't recommend it.
00:29:35
Speaker
um any longer double embryo transfers just because of the extra risks that the pregnant person and takes on when you're pregnant with two babies. And then, of course, embryos can always split and you can be carrying three babies. or That was me! So, I mean, I think in our circuit solutions history, those 17 years, I mean, I think we've had I don't know, four or five, six sets of triplets. I can remember two sets of triplets for sure um because of you know things like that that used to happen. And obviously then you're getting into really high risk pregnancy too. Sure. Sure. And I mean, I've been here since 2021 and i can't I can't think of a set of triplets.
00:30:13
Speaker
So, yeah, no. So, yeah I mean, just the technology aspect of, you know, just things have changed. I mean, the the actual medical, you know, just IVF and the process and all of that. What other changes do you feel like you've seen? Yeah. I mean, back then, I think surrogacy wasn't known about as much just in the general public. You know, people would be like, we're a certain person percent of before. you
00:30:38
Speaker
We were an anomaly. But I think it just maybe wasn't known about as much, wasn't talked about as much. I do think there's been, you know, as celebrities have used surrogates now also, and then we learned about, and we learned about that. It's just kind of talked about more. I think the general public probably knows a little bit more about surrogacy than they do, although it still drives me crazy. I'm sure it does you too, but when you read stories and you're like, that's not how no that's a yeah no that's not i'm supposed to go or whatever yeah ah hu yeah I do think though that that just the general public is a little more um aware of surrogacy now, a little better educated um about it now. i
00:31:22
Speaker
Circuits do their research now. And to be fair, I stepped into surrogacy when I did. I'm so grateful that it was with Gail and with Surrogate Solutions and with a company who was just ethical. um Because i would I would have been one of those girls who was probably taken advantage of. I didn't know what I didn't know. And obviously, Gail had recruited me and all of that. But if my first stop was an unethical agency at the time, um I probably would have gone along with it. Because you you don't know what you don't know.
00:31:50
Speaker
Right smoke was barely a thing then I mean a few years old but but now circuits are really well educated circuits are Joining lots of different Facebook but groups and they're talking with a bunch of different agencies and they're sure all the things and so they're coming to us um I think a lot better educated than they used to for better or for worse because Facebook groups are Um, at times they are fantastic. It's a double edged sword. It's a double edged sword. It's wonderful to be able to connect with other surrogates. And you know, and like you said, then it's also, you know, you see things and you're like, no, but that's not done right. Exactly.
00:32:30
Speaker
They're coming to us better educated, but, yeah um, for agency shopping and weird. And there are just different things that didn't used to go that way. Well, there weren't that many agencies and now it feels like there are, I mean, gosh, last I look, it's like 300 plus. Hundreds, hundreds. And so it's almost just, it should but have become a bigger business. um And I kind of hate that because it's such a personal, intimate thing that I kind of hate to think of it as a business because it's lives and it's tiny humans and it's You know, life savings and all of that that that are poured into it, but it is a bigger business and we have to adjust to that because it's just the reality um cost. Well, and I think that that's what makes this education process so important. And again, to your point of when we say reputable agency, that really, I mean, there's there's some big weight behind that because you
00:33:30
Speaker
can just decide, you know, oh, well, I'll just, I'm just going to match you. And now I'm an agency. And, you know know, New York has licensure laws, but no other States have licensure laws. So you can decide to match someone and, you know, hang a shingle, so to speak. And you're an agency.
00:33:48
Speaker
and so Yeah. So it is. It's so important to you to do that research and look at things like, you know are it does this agency is this agency, you know seeds, ethics approved? like Is this you know just all of those all of those things? How long have they been around? Can I speak with references of other surrogates who have worked with you or other intended parents who have worked with you? Yeah, all those things. Yeah, for sure. Oh gosh, for sure. What you what would you say is maybe a misconception about surrogacy that you would want to just debunk?
Motivations Beyond Money: Surrogacy Misconceptions
00:34:32
Speaker
yeah I think it's more, um, probably on the intended pair in, um, but in something also that you see maybe in media sometimes, but the, these are women, um, who are, who are just doing it for money that may be circuits aren't financially stable.
00:34:50
Speaker
and they are doing this to pay bills or to, um yeah, they're they're just doing it for the money that intended parents are hiring them, that surrogates are hired. Yes, they're employing them, you know, to carry their baby and then they're going to pay them a bunch of money um in the end for it. And that's just not how it's done. And even, you know, anti surrogacy people that you know, you read you know, online as they're talking about, you know, how unethical surrogacy is and it sure no that it's baby selling. Um, and then it's taking advantage of vulnerable women, um, and, and, and paying the money in the end or it's trafficking or things like that. and so's
00:35:29
Speaker
Now, those are the stories that boil my blood um so much in that it's just, we just have to do better um at at education. We have to do better at education. These women are not doing this to pay the bills. They don't qualify to be surrogates until they're financially stable um to make sure that they are able um to take good care of th parents, maybe in their o of that. So we can debunk that right away Well, for sure. And I mea but there's like 1000 o way easier to do if you are needing to like side hustle. L
00:36:09
Speaker
They break it down hourly like a comp versus, you know, nine months of pregnancy, break it down hourly to the, you know, our number of hours she's pregnant and, you know, she's making a 25 cents an hour. Yeah. Right. but Better, better side hustles, um, for easier money than that. But I think that just our baby selling bothers me. Baby selling is illegal. That is not what surrogacy is. You know, women are being compensated for their, um, you know,
00:36:37
Speaker
for their time, their effort, their, yes. And suffering, all of that. And so they're compensated monthly. You don't pay them $50,000 when the baby is poor and that's baby selling. um and And we don't do that. Yeah. So I think it's just misconceptions surrounding um that, that women are maybe being coerced into doing this for the money.
00:36:57
Speaker
Right. Right. And I mean, and that's that that ah to your point, you know, what you said about being financially stable, if you want to get into the nitty gritty of it. I mean, that's what that is. That's the reason why you have to be financially stable is because, you know, it you're not being coerced. It shouldn't steve exactly. We know you don't have any money and we, yes, absolutely. And we do. So we'll coerce you into doing all of these things. That's all illegal. Um, and we don't, we don't take part in that. we have sad that Maybe perception that some people have about surrogates that really hurts my heart because it couldn't be further from the truth. These women are giving up a year, a year and a half of their lives to help um people. um And like you said, there are far easier things they could do for the money. but
00:37:42
Speaker
yeah They're doing it for the right reasons. They're mature women who have had babies before, um who are parenting these babies, who have had healthy, they know how to be pregnant. They know how to, um you know, all of that. So I see how wonderful all of these women are. So I think then when I hear um misconceptions people have about surrogates, it kind of lights a fire.
00:38:04
Speaker
and Oh, for sure. For sure. Well, and I think it's women as were you. So then it. Yeah. Right. I'm like, I'm sorry. You think I do what now? Yes. Yes. Well, I think going back to, you know, again, your why of, you know, you experienced what it was to not so desperately want to become a parent and
00:38:35
Speaker
know, you're gonna pay for it. Like, I mean, there's a why there's a you have to have a big heart to do this. And yes, of course, the financial aspect of it is a blessing to you, you know, our, our families as well. But you know,
00:38:50
Speaker
You have that why it's celebrating those moments. It's hearing that heartbeat and you know watching gender reveals and seeing delivery day. I mean that that's the that's the good stuff. That's the good stuff right not there. I always say like It's a miracle. Every time I could see 40 baby pictures, you know, over the course of six months and every baby picture just fills me with tears. Every one is a dream realized every, yes, it's a culmination of years of heartache and pain and so much money spent and people thinking they're never going to see this day. And then they finally do. And it is a miracle. Every heartbeat, every sonogram picture, it's still after nine years and never, ever gets old.
00:39:35
Speaker
No, for sure. For sure. As an educator you know, what would you say, you know, because again, there's so much research out there versus back in the day, whenever we had started, or I shouldn't say there's so much research. There's so many resources that, you know, now, and so many people telling their story and, you know, just, and others perspectives and things like that. What would you say is maybe the most important thing that a so ah a woman who's looking into surrogacy should know before starting a journey? Yeah.
Choosing the Right Advocate and Agency
00:40:09
Speaker
That's a great question. Again, just the importance of of not going it alone, the importance of an advocate and really a non biased advocate then at the beginning, pick up one agency, you know, you pick up, you pick out an agency cause they popped up first on, you know, Google um and you call them and call them. And of course they're going to tell you everything they want. to You want to hear cause that's their job is to make you be a surrogate for their agency. But I think just finding an advocate, finding a non biased source probably to ask all those questions to to tell you um what is really important. And we'll tell people that you know first thing on a phone call, just you know what to to look for in agencies, what to ask other agencies. Ultimately, if you decide not to work with us, we will be sad because of course we want the opportunity to work with you. um But ultimately, if you find a different agency is a better fit for you, then
00:41:03
Speaker
We'll celebrate that too. Cause that's still another set of intended parents. They get to have the radio. And just from one surrogate to another, like we want you to do well. Exactly. But just finding the agency that is about the best fit for you, but asking the right questions just at it's so much more than compensation. And, and it saddens me when on Facebook pages and stuff, I see girls just looking for the agency that's going to pay them the most money, although the agency doesn't pay them the intended parents do, but still just looking for the agency where they're going to get the highest comp.
00:41:32
Speaker
and because highest comp does not mean most ethical and highest not mean that those intended parents are being treated the way that they need to be treated and and all of the things and so I think and that right there that doesn't even mean that you as a surrogate are being treated the way that you should be treated because you should be able to set you know, kind of your, exactly. So just that, that's, that's your, that's your voice being heard. That's just one more way that your voice needs to be heard. Knowing the questions to ask about escrow and about attorneys and about all of those things that are there to protect you. They, you know, the, again, attorneys and escrow are what comes to mind when I think of the surrogate being protected, but girls don't even know to ask those things. A lot of times I didn't again know to ask those things. And so I think really and figuring out those questions that you need to ask.
00:42:22
Speaker
those nitty-gritties, and that's part of just our education process and why that education is so, so important for sure.
Fulfillment and Joy: Surrogate's Personal Journey
00:42:32
Speaker
What would you say excites you the most? Just, you know, oh my gosh, my alarm goes off and I just can't wait to just start my night out. It's so cliche. I mean, baby day is the best day. when baby Baby day is the best day. Always, why we do what we do.
00:42:53
Speaker
do is is baby day ah that I love um making matches. I love it when circuits, you know, have a particular family in mind that the type of family they'd like to carry for. And then we do that match meeting and everybody gets off and I get the text right away like, that was amazing. You know, yes, yes, yes. So that really, really excites me.
00:43:15
Speaker
Um, is when, when people find that match, when I peace find that match, they don't know how long it's going to take to find her. And like I said, I feel like on a match, meaning when it's going well, you can just see like hope beginning to rise again, like this might be a reality. like yeah um And so that's always really, really Um, exciting to just meeting women and who, you know, decide where a good fit for them and decide, you know, I get, I should get them meeting with two girls today that I'm going to share profiles with. And all of a sudden what they've conceptualized is going to be in front of their faces. They see pictures right movies and stuff like that. So.
00:43:51
Speaker
Oh, yeah. No, it's the best. It's the best. You're making dreams come true. I mean, who doesn't love being a part of that? Really? Yes, we we are. And that's exciting and painful at times also, because things don't go perfectly and all of the things. It's not always, um you know, rainbows and sunshine. But no, it's not. But we, we get to be we get to be a shoulder to lean on through the process. And our knowledge and our experience gets to be the thing that's gonna support even whenever things aren't always rainbows and sunshine. And then whenever things are rain rainbows and sunshine, we are some of the biggest cheerleaders because we know what it is to be in that. You got hand holders. Yeah, when it doesn't go the way that you had hoped, you've got hand holders and you've got,
00:44:43
Speaker
Um, the best cheerleaders too. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Well, um, you know, this, it's my favorite question to ask our last question, but, um, and you do truly know this about me because I'm pretty sure almost every meeting ever, I'm always holding a cup of coffee. Um, and so I always like to ask what filled your cup today.
00:45:06
Speaker
Oh, well, literally I'm drinking some water. Yeah, you are. Good hydration. Good job. I'm already fun. Um, I'll see all my kiddos. My oldest is home from college. So i all four of my kiddos under my roof. And so that. Oh, your nest. Mama's nest is full.
00:45:27
Speaker
Um, seeing them all in the morning is happy. They were hoping for a snow day that they did not get. Um, babies under my nest fills my roof for sure. So, Oh, I love that. I love that. Well, make, I really, um, I'm so excited that, um, you know, we just, I love talking to you. I'm so grateful for your wealth of knowledge. I, um, have learned so much from you and, um, just, you know, in my time.
00:45:54
Speaker
being here, but I i love the fact that um you are here to educate, guide, support. I mean, truly you have such a wealth of knowledge just from experience, from being in the industry for as long as you have. And um you know I know you're just constantly um learning and um you know you just have such a passion for helping um in this way. And I am just so grateful that I get to work with you and I am so um You know, I just think it's so fantastic um that we have so many people that get to meet you. And um I am, it's just thrilling. It's thrilling. And, um you know, it's it's awesome. So thank you for all that you do. Thank you for the kind words. I'm your co-worker and we are the luckiest to do what we do.
00:46:46
Speaker
We are, we are guests. Well, um, yeah. So for you girls who are listening, who are thinking about becoming, um, surrogates, um, get excited to talk to Meg. Let's, let's get on, let's hop on a zoom call. Let's get to know each other. Let's do it.
Conclusion: Stay Connected and Supported
00:47:08
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today. As we wrap, we would like to remind you of some of the ways that you can stay connected with us and be part of the me, you, and who podcast community. Firstly, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and can stay up to date with our latest content. But that's not all. We also have an exciting YouTube channel where we share some bonus content behind the scenes, glimpses, and video versions of our episodes.
00:47:47
Speaker
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00:48:10
Speaker
If you're interested in finding out more about creating a happy family, please visit us at www.createahappypamily.com. Thank you again for being part of the me, you, and who community. Your support means the world to us. I can't wait for you to join us next time as we continue to share stories and journeys of creating happy families.