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S3E9 Who?! From Heartbreak to Hope: Michela's Surrogacy Journey
135 Plays1 month ago
Summary
In this episode, Michela shares her powerful story of navigating infertility, endometriosis and autoimmune challenges, as well as multiple miscarriages, ultimately leading her to pursue surrogacy. From her search for the right surrogacy agency to the emotional highs and lows of the journey, Michela describes the strength she drew from her faith, her family, and her surrogate. The conversation sheds light on the profound impact of a life-limiting diagnosis during a surrogate pregnancy, and how Michela balanced grief with gratitude as she continued on the path to parenthood with another surrogacy journey and then awaiting the arrival of her son, Noah. Highlighting the importance of prayer, trust, and the unique connection between surrogates and intended parents, Michela’s story is one of resilience, hope, and the joy found amidst the challenges of surrogacy.
Takeaways
-Michela's journey to surrogacy began after years of infertility struggles facing multiple miscarriages and IVF challenges before considering surrogacy.
-Faith played a crucial role in her ability to cope with the emotional toll of infertility.
-Finding a surrogacy agency that aligned with her values was essential for Michela.
-She experienced a significant emotional burden during her journey, often feeling isolated.
-Michela's story highlights the importance of support systems during infertility.
-The decision to pursue surrogacy was driven by her medical challenges and desire for a family.
-She emphasizes the need for compassion and understanding from friends and family during difficult times. It's a journey that takes time and patience.
-The joy of pregnancy can be overshadowed by unexpected challenges.
-Finding peace amidst grief is possible with the right support.
-The importance of open communication with all parties involved.
-Celebrating small moments of joy can help during difficult times.
-Taking time to heal is essential before moving forward.
-Building a strong connection with the surrogate is essential.
-Cautious optimism is a common feeling during the pregnancy journey.
-Surrogacy is a beautiful gift for both surrogates and intended parents.
-Sharing the journey with family and friends enhances the experience.
-The bond formed during surrogacy lasts a lifetime.
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Transcript
Introduction & Michaela's Journey Begins
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. On today's episode, we get to hear the remarkable and heartfelt story of Michaela, a mother who faced infertility, autoimmune struggles, and heartbreaking loss before finding hope through surrogacy.
00:00:14
Speaker
Mikayla opens up about her journey from navigating IVF and miscarriage's surrogacy journey that led to heartbreak to the moment she matched with a surrogate who would help her realize her dream of becoming a mama. Along the way, she shares how her faith, supportive community, and the powerful bond with her surrogate helped her find peace and ultimately joy.
00:00:37
Speaker
Join us for this inspiring conversation about resilience, trust, and the beautiful connections that define a surrogacy journey. Enjoy.
00:00:49
Speaker
Me, you, and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall, and I am a two-time Surrogate Now-Turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:16
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:45
Speaker
Hi, Lekayla. I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for having me. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for wanting to do this and for being willing to share your story. I feel special because I got to be on the ride with you for a little bit, but it's so fun to get to just talk in this way about everything. Yes. No, I'm honored to be here and share my story and really just in hopes of you know helping anyone else that's struggling.
00:02:13
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Challenges with Pregnancy and IVF
00:02:26
Speaker
So i' you know what led you and Jeff to even have surrogacy in your realm? How did this come to be?
00:02:37
Speaker
Yeah, my goodness. Well, our story is so long. I mean, it's been 11 years to get here. And um I was not you know on our radar, even something we were considering or thinking about at the beginning. um But so many things really led up to it to you know getting to the point to actually think about doing surrogacy. And for me, it was really just um A number of things just kind of stacking up against us and and just I'm making obviously go into more detail, but it's just things were just.
00:03:13
Speaker
declining significantly. And I thought, gosh, you know, I don't want to waste putting any good or anything that looks like a good embryo back into me. And so that kind of thought process started coming to my head. And that's when I really started thinking about what if we try surrogacy? yeah um But before I even got to that.
00:03:37
Speaker
Yeah, so um my husband Jeff and I met you know later on in life, and ah I was diagnosed probably right before I met him, which is interesting with some autoimmune infertility issues. So the doctors told me I was going to have a hard time getting pregnant, and I was going to have a hard time staying pregnant. um And they believed that it was all related to endometriosis, which for me was silent endometriosis. I didn't have um very many symptoms of it. um And so, you know, when you get that type of diagnosis, it was really shocking, but at the same time, it's also kind of hard to believe and you're just like, okay. So I would say a ah few months after I found out about what was going on with me from a fertility standpoint, that's when I actually met my husband. and um
00:04:26
Speaker
but you know We met later in life, so we got married pretty quickly, and we started trying to have children right away, especially because we were older, I was older, and we knew that it was probably gonna be harder for for me to conceive. And um we were pretty shocked the first month that we tried, we got pregnant right away. So I know there's probably a lot of this you don't even know, Whitney, so it's great. We were just chatting about this for the first time. So we got pregnant the first month that we tried, and we were like, well, the doctors must be wrong.
00:04:53
Speaker
Absolutely. Yes. Obviously, I'm fine. And so um there were so many things going on during that time. We were in the process of moving. Oh, gosh. My husband had just sold his house. I was like commuting really far for work. And there was just like a million things going on. So here I am. I find out I'm pregnant.
00:05:09
Speaker
And I did reach out to um one of my doctors, like a hematologist, that i I was supposed to follow up with if I did get pregnant for some meds that I needed. And you know people kind of dropped the ball and didn't get back to me. And I i was kind of like, oh, but I'm fine. So I didn't follow up.
00:05:24
Speaker
and um with all the things going on, things just fell through the cracks and I thought that I was fine. And um it was ah New Year's Eve. I remember I went in, I was probably like nine weeks at that point, but I had not been able to get in for an appointment to like see heartbeat and confirm everything. And they saw the sack and the baby and everything, but no heartbeat. And so then I had to wait like two days because they wanted to confirm, you know, and wait until after New Year's day and went back like two days later and it was confirmed. and
00:05:56
Speaker
Um, but that was a hard time because, um, ah my body still thought I was pregnant. My pregnancy hormones were like crazy high. So they were like a hundred thousand. My body still thought I was pregnant and the doctors let me go a few more weeks, but I still wasn't having any, um, symptoms of, you know, miscarriage, no bleeding, nothing. So I wound up having a DNC, which.
00:06:18
Speaker
looking back hindsight's 2020, right? I probably would have just kind of waited to let my body do things on its own, but I went ahead and did that. and um And then we just got busy trying again in the middle of moving. We were house shopping. We bought a house. It was so many crazy things going on. um And also just kind of continuing to see some specialists just based on the diagnosis I had received prior to me even meeting my husband.
00:06:44
Speaker
sure and um sorry i don't mean and yeah no during So during that part, you had mentioned how like things had fallen through the cracks and yeah whatnot. So after you had the the mis or the DNC miscarriage, after you had that, did you did the OB b say anything? were they you know Or did your doctor say anything? or So the specialist, yes, the OB, b um the ob b not so much. i mean We did genetic testing, and everything was normal. So it was really it was a hard pill to swallow. ob because i I think a lot of women might feel this way when they're going through infertility. I very much felt like it was my fault. you know like i should have
00:07:23
Speaker
followed up, I should have done this, I should have done that. Or there was so much going on and I was stressed out. You know, you blame yourself for all these different things. And ultimately, I know that that really probably wasn't the case. But it's a very common feeling, I think, for a lot of women that go through something like this. yeah um But I was definitely like, okay, I'm going to be more diligent, I'm going to be more diligent, I'm going to be on top of
Considering Surrogacy
00:07:45
Speaker
things. And I kept um continuing on seeing specialists. And it it took about five or six months and we were literally just close on our house, had just moved in. It was like days after we moved in, I found out I'm pregnant again. and so And we were also at this point about to do IVF. Again, based on my age, based on my diagnosis, the doctors were like, we don't need to waste any time. um you know You should do IVF. So we were getting ready to do IVF and I found out I was pregnant again. Oh my gosh. And so, um, yeah, it was crazy, uh, just with everything again going on, but I, I followed through, I got started on the med protocol that I was supposed to be on. And, um
00:08:25
Speaker
Sadly, that was not a normal pregnancy. like We found out pretty shortly after I was pregnant just with follow-up HCG not doubling and increasingly not doubling and just ultrasounds that um things didn't look good. Heart rate was there, but it wasn't what it was supposed to be. And then sadly, things declined you know pretty quickly.
00:08:44
Speaker
um You know, with that being said, I still, you know, I was still kind of naive. I didn't know anything. My, my specialist said, you know, we obviously are going to send the embryo away for testing as we did to DMC again, per their recommendation. And so I really didn't 100% know what was going on now, knowing everything that I know, I would have known like, Hey, this was abnormal, right?
00:09:05
Speaker
So, um, what ended up happening in between that time was I'd also, I was, you know, seeing so many different specialists, but sure one of them recommended that I have a laparoscopy to remove the endometriosis, which was kind of at the root of all my issues and against my better judgment, I did go ahead and have the surgery.
00:09:23
Speaker
and um And you know I still remember my husband driving me to the hospital that morning to have the surgery. I was just like not at peace about my decision. I was like, I don't know if I should really do this. But I was in this panic and I was like, I have to do this. I'm getting old. you know like i I have all these issues. We have to get this taken out so I can get pregnant.
00:09:42
Speaker
And I went ahead and had the surgery and I never got pregnant again after that. it was For me, it was definitely the wrong decision. um And kind of like all the symptoms the doctors had asked me if I was having from the endometriosis that I wasn't. As I mentioned, it was more of a silent endo for me because they did kind of find quite a bit.
00:10:00
Speaker
Um, happened after the surgery. I mean, it had the most painful periods ever and so much heavy, heavy bleeding and just a lot of the symptoms that, you know, are attributed to endometriosis. So everyone's body's different, but for me, it was really not the right decision.
00:10:19
Speaker
Um, you know, again, that was very early on in the journey. And here we are 11 years later and never, never had another pregnancy after the surgery. And then sadly, you know, we found out, um, a few weeks after the surgery, the embryo testing came back that it was abnormal. So I don't, I questioned whether I would have actually gone through, you know, in my mind, it was.
00:10:39
Speaker
OK, I've now had two miscarriages. The doctors are telling me I have Endo. And it's really causing you know all kinds of issues down there. And um I need to have the surgery so I can stay pregnant if I get pregnant. And um for me, it was not, you know po like I said, it wasn't the right decision. So that was kind of like the backstory of the beginning. um But I did go on, ah subsequently after that, to do IVF and unsuccessfully.
00:11:06
Speaker
um common thing for me was that I would ovulate before I even got to retrieval. Oh, sure. that happened many times. um Or um I did a lot of IUIs. you know I started to seeing different doctors. And that went on for that went on for a few years. And it was probably around 2017 that I started thinking, or 2017 into 2017, beginning of 2018, that I started thinking about surrogacy. So at this point, um when we were doing IVF,
00:11:44
Speaker
some, you know, my lining wasn't even cooperating anymore. Stay doctors would just cannot get my lining to do what it needed to do for him, you know, to make an optimal home for implanting. So that's what really led me to think of, okay, I've got all these things working against me. If I'm pregnant, I need to be on this protocol for my autoimmune issues to not attack the pregnancy.
00:12:05
Speaker
And now I'm having issues where my lining's not even cooperating. So why am I going to waste any embryos that might look, ah you know, might look healthy, might look good to put them back into me. Let's think about surrogacy. So that's kind of when it all started. During all of this time. So, you know, and and I know you already said it, hindsight's 20-20, we're looking back, but you're you're in the you're in the thick of it. You and Jeff are, you know, doing what you,
00:12:34
Speaker
are being told as best you're following protocols, you're exploring, you're researching, you're just doing all of these things. How did you keep going? Yeah, um so honestly, really, our whole entire journey looking back it was just, um I know I've mentioned this to you before, it's really just a journey of faith because there's no way I would have been able to continue doing what I was doing if I was not you know just in prayer and just having a really strong um faith, um which really grew so much during the time, during all the ah heartbreak and loss.
00:13:13
Speaker
um That's what really kept me going, because to your point, I've really never stopped cycling and never stopped going through um through the IVF cycles or IUI cycles. I think there was one month Jeff and I took off for my 40th birthday. We had never, to be because of all this, we never took a honeymoon. We got married, bought our house, like never took a honeymoon. Yeah, you guys just went for it. We were just go, go, go. And so that was probably like um three years later. Oh my gosh. We were like, okay, I i turned 40. I was like, we need to go on a honeymoon. We need to take a break.
00:13:52
Speaker
And um that was one month that I did. And I remember, you know you're so in tune with your body when you're going through things like this. yeah So that was the one month I wasn't on meds. I wasn't being monitored by my clinic. And where we went to take this amazing honeymoon and very delayed honeymoon in Italy. And I like knew I was ah ovulating on the trip. Like I felt it. And so as soon as I came back, I called the clinic and I'm like, I think I ovulated and they tested my progesterone. It was like, they were like, yeah, you definitely did. And, you know, put me on some meds just to just in case, and you know, nothing came of it. But, um you know, even that feeling guilty, like, oh, I wasn't home. I shouldn't be doing IVF. I should have done IVF because we know
00:14:30
Speaker
My lining's not even and helping. So if this is this is healthy embryo or you know healthy egg, it's probably not going to take. So there was just so much of that going on the whole time. But I really just kept going. And and while working, which is you know ah like I was literally at lab at the lab getting blood work.
00:14:51
Speaker
the ultrasound place getting ultrasounds um several times a week, sometimes once a week, sometimes twice a week, sometimes four times a week. And sure my clinic was a few hours away and they would just like send everything to the clinic for monitoring and they'd call me and tell me what to do and you know, just go to work. And it was just, it just became a part of your, of my life, a part of both of our lives. So it was just like our normal,
00:15:14
Speaker
This is just what we do. It's a Monday. I'm calling in while going to a lab. and yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm taking a conference call on mute while I'm having an ultrasound. Like, I mean, I don't know. That's just what you, what I did, you know, and it's okay. um You know, I became very friendly with the ultrasound techs and the hotness at the lab. And some of them were so amazing and they were all praying for us. but um As I mentioned really for us like our faith is growing so much during this time like my husband and I both grew up Catholic and um we are practicing Catholic but kind of just going through the motions and um we started going to a non-denominational Christian church as we met our pastor we became very close with and his wife ah through CrossFit Gym we were doing at the time It was just, yeah it was such like this just journey of faith for us. and and And that really kind of started this, that was also in 2018 where we started going to this non-denominational Christian church and our, our faith just really, um, was transformed and grew really just tremendously during the course of that time, you know, up until where we are now. So yeah, you mentioned that during that time you had
00:16:26
Speaker
gotten close to um your pastor and his wife. did you At all during this time, what did that support system look like for you? Were you talking about it? Were you keeping it kind of close? what How did you navigate that aspect? So for me, yeah I really didn't talk to many people at all about my um infertility problems as things progressed. at the end when When I initially was diagnosed, I did. I did reach out to a lot of some close friends and family, and I felt very kind of disappointed with things people would say or sometimes hurt what things people would say.
00:17:07
Speaker
And so for me, I felt like I really just um to protect myself and my heart and my mind. And just because I was continuously going through it, I kind of just kept it really close to my to my chest. And there was just a few people, like close people that I spoke to about it. um I also, you know, tried doing therapy for a long time, which for some people is very helpful for me. It wasn't. I just found myself going there crying you know the entire time I was there and just leaving like even more emotionally drained on top of everything else that was happening. um So and there were a couple of people that were just very close to me that that were very supportive. And then um also, like I said, just my faith. It was really the main thing that carried me through. yeah um And I didn't initially didn't really talk to our pastor
00:18:02
Speaker
about things very much. um It wasn't until we started our first surrogacy journey that that I think I started really opening up with them. So yeah, so that was 2018 when I first came to circuits. Yes, that's right. That's right. OK, so 2018, well, I'll circle back to that because I'll go ahead. It's interesting that you said you were disappointed in what people were saying to you. And I think that that's something that is so common when you are struggling with infertility.
00:18:40
Speaker
of you It's common to be disappointed in what people have to say. And then on the flip side, somebody doesn't necessarily know yeah what to say. yeah um And they end up saying you know things like, oh, when God closes the door, he opens a window. And it's like, yeah, that's not helpful right now.
00:18:58
Speaker
yeah ah yeah what What would you say just maybe having been in that and then choosing the route of protecting yourself and keeping things so close? i'm What do you wish people would have said to you?
00:19:14
Speaker
Gosh, the best thing people could say to me were that, hey, I'm praying for you. like That was the best thing. um I think naturally everyone wants to offer solutions when you know their friends or family are suffering. you know so it's like, oh, you need to calm down or, oh, you need to do more of this or less of this. Or, you know, of course there's always the, have you thought about adopting and which is, which is beautiful and wonderful. And of of course it was on our radar with everything we had been on, been through, but, um, but it's just not helpful. And I think you need to kind of arrive at those places when you're ready and kind of, you know, at least for me, I felt so much that I wanted to do, I had such a strong desire to have,
00:20:01
Speaker
a child of my own, a biological child, that I felt like I needed to try everything before I moved on to whatever was next. And so really the best thing that people said to me that, you know, were the kind of close people that were really supporting me was like, Hey, I'm praying for you. And whatever that means, it doesn't necessarily mean like,
00:20:22
Speaker
I'm praying that you're going to have a child, right? Sure. Of course, that was my my my ultimate you know wish and prayer, if that's what God wanted. But it was really just that I'm praying for you for whatever it is that you need. You need some support. you need um what Whatever it is that you need, just let me know. and and that was That to me was just amazing. Whenever no one said that to me, it was just like, okay, I can trust this person. I can talk to this person because it's not going to turn into a conversation that is potentially going to say something that's really going to coer be painful. Sure. Well, I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of people want to, they see their friend in pain and they want to bring a solution.
00:21:03
Speaker
And, you know, but maybe you're having that conversation for the first time and they have no idea that you've been doing this for two years already. And so like probably the solution that they're offering is something you've already done. You've already tried. Exactly. And it's also exhausting to then go into all the, Hey, I've been on this journey now for so long and like your point.
00:21:25
Speaker
Yeah, obviously I've done that already or I've tried that already or you know, yes, right, right. Thank you. Thank you. All I need is just your love and support. And yes, that's it. That's all I need. Yes. Yes. Okay.
Finding the Right Surrogacy Path
00:21:36
Speaker
So 2018 we have, you have gotten to your place in your journey where you are saying my body is not cooperating, cooperating the way that I want it to be. yeah So what are Let's look at different paths to parenthood. And so you found a donor and surrogate solution. How did you find us? What did that look like? Tell me. So it's so interesting. So I talked to my doctor about it in the clinic and they were like, Hey, you know, we actually have a nurse that left our practice that started a surrogate ah organization or agency.
00:22:13
Speaker
So my first call was to them, of course, naturally. you know And I spoke to them, and they they were lovely. But I got off the phone, and I just didn't feel like convinced that I wanted to work with them. And um for me, it was really important, given everything that we had gone through and all the issues that I was having, like I knew that I needed to find somebody that had the same faith as we did, and that if this was going to happen for us, I had to be with someone that had a strong faith also. and um So I started, I was, I remember I was just sitting in my, in my living room and I Googled like Christian surrogacy agencies. And this art, the big article came up from, I believe it was Christianity Today. I don't even remember which magazine was online. And they just interviewed your, um interviewed
00:23:01
Speaker
your organization and it was like a very, very long, lengthy article. And I just sat there and like devoured the whole article and I got, I had like finished reading it. It was like, I really want to call them. I really think this is an organization I want to work with. So, um, I called in, I spoke to Gail who's your founder. Is she still with you guys anymore? I don't know. She is not, she went and retired on us. Yes.
00:23:23
Speaker
So I called and Gail answered and I spoke to her on the phone and I was just immediately like, this is the agency I want to work with. There's something about Gail, that presence. She was amazing, like really amazing. And I mean, I remember where I was, I was driving, I work in sales, so I'm always in the car for work. I was driving at work and I was on the phone with her and I kind of like pulled over and I said,
00:23:46
Speaker
gosh, I just knew like I knew I wanted to work with you guys. It was just felt right. um So that's how I found you. And, um and so that was yeah, that was ah summer of 2018. Sure. We got started right away with creating our profile and things were different then right because the intended parents got to pick the surrogate.
00:24:08
Speaker
ah And so um Lauren was our match coordinator. She's gift a gift with that. She's a great match coordinator. Oh my gosh, Lauren is. Yeah, she has that success. And so we did our profile and and Jeff and I went online and we looked through all the profiles and I just wasn't feeling it. I was like, I don't i don't know. like I don't feel connected. I don't think there's anyone here that I want to work with. There's just something. I just think we need to wait.
00:24:34
Speaker
and um and just kind of trust God and see what happens. And it was kind of shortly after we created our profile and got started. So Lauren sent us an email and she's like, I have this new circuit that just signed up. And I think you guys, I think she's going to be great for you guys. You know, do you want to have a zoom call meter? She sent us her profile and we were like, yeah, absolutely. And um and I just even knew just Lauren sent us her profile and Jeff and I looked at each other and i was like, this is this too good to be true? And so We had a a zoom call with her and it was just, it was so great. It was, um, it was really, you felt at peace. We felt at peace. We loved her and her family. And, um, we just were like, yeah, we want to move forward. And thankfully, you know, she did as well. She felt the same way. And so we got started. That was, um,
00:25:27
Speaker
probably late summer 2018. And I know, as you know, once you get started with the process, there's a medical screening and the legal and all those things. Sure, sure. We've got all those checkpoints before we even get to the fun of meds and... All that. Yes, exactly. So our first transfer was actually scheduled right around Christmas time of 2018. And I'm not sure if you know this either. Our transfer ended up getting canceled about a week before transfer. Oh no, I didn't know that. Yeah. So, um, our, our, my doctor called me, it was like a week ish before Christmas, right on Christmas. And she was like, I'm so sorry. Like I don't recommend that we move forward. Unfortunately they found some polyps that had developed and, um, and she said we, you know, based on the placement, I really think recommend that they're, they get removed before, before we move forward. Which is so common polyps totally. Yeah.
00:26:22
Speaker
But looking forward um or looking back, I mean, it was probably a blessing because a week, about a week after our transfer got canceled, our surrogate ended up in in the hospital with, a um she had one of her cis births. So had we transferred, that could have happened as well with you know the transfer. so Um, so then, um, she went ahead and had pulps removed a few months later. So we didn't actually get to transfer day officially until it was, um, April of 2019. Okay. So yeah, so it was ah it's a bit later. Um, but again, totally fine. Um,
00:26:58
Speaker
Well, just emphasizes that whole aspect of it's a journey. yes It's truly a journey. It's not something that's going to happen within like a month. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
Facing Trisomy 18 Diagnosis
00:27:08
Speaker
So um we got to transfer. We transferred two embryos and then we just waited and I was really, truly in shock when I found out we were pregnant. I couldn't believe it. So this is now literally like five years after, about five, six years after we had started trying. um And we were just you know overjoyed. and um
00:27:30
Speaker
And things were going great. Yeah. You know, blood work was great. It was doubling. Well, it was two. So are we having twins? Are we just having one? Nope. One. Yeah. It was just one. And ultrasounds looked great. And I mean, I remember my clinic calling with blood work results. They would call me then, too, as well as as the surrogate, just saying everything looks so great. It's boring. And I remember thinking, nothing's ever boring with me. But OK. Boring sounds good. Boring sounds good. So it was around the 10 or 11 week mark. We decided to do the NIPT testing.
00:28:14
Speaker
And I was certain that we were having a boy. I really never cared what we had. I mean, honestly, ah growing up, I always thought I wanted a little girl so I could do her hair and dress her up. sure We really didn't care. We just wanted the healthy baby. But um really through prayer, I just felt strongly that the Lord was telling me we were going to have a boy. And so, but I wanted confirmation. So, and I really went into the testing very naive. Like I really didn't know what it was testing for.
00:28:43
Speaker
other than probably down syndrome and um kind of just those main markers but really we want we just and the gender yeah yeah so um we did the test and and so we ran the blood work and it was around the same time we ran the blood work so my clinic was I don't think they do this anymore, but at the time they were still monitoring HCG pretty far into the first trimester. So I want to say we were like 11 or 12 weeks. Christina was our coordinator and I think we were, her I could be wrong, but I think we were the first couple that she worked with. I think this she had just started.
00:29:16
Speaker
That's so funny. It's not the first, one of the first, but I personally remember. Christina was my coordinator when I was a surrogate. Ah, that's so awesome. Yes, special place in my heart. Shout out to Christina. Yeah. So I remember saying, why are they still checking our surrogates, HCG? But it was right after we did the test, we were still waiting for the results. They can take about 10 days or so.
00:29:40
Speaker
And um our circuit's HCG took a very significant drop. like So the nurses called me at the clinic and they said, it is totally normal for it to start going down at this time because that it starts to level out. But we've never seen a drop this significant before. And she still has plenty of HCG in her body, but we're so concerned that it was a Friday. like We want to send her to go get an ultrasound and just to make sure the baby's OK. And um everything's closed now. It's on Friday. So they sent her to the ER.
00:30:08
Speaker
And she went into the ER and everything was fine. Baby was fine. But I just remember the nurse saying, like again, we've never seen anything like this before. So you know let's see what happens when we get the the test results back for the NIPT testing. And so so of course, it happens on a Friday. On a Friday. Yeah. So you're going the whole weekend. Yeah. And it was also our it was also our five-year wedding anniversary that weekend. I will never remember or never forget. It's like, I'm so sorry. It's not your fault.
00:30:37
Speaker
you know, but we were getting ready to celebrate and just go out for a nice dinner and here we are so stressed. So anyway, um it was a week later and it was um Thankfully, I had the week off from Mark. It was like around 4th of July, and the doc my my doctor called to give me the test results. um and i I was just really floored. She let us know that the genetic testing had come back abnormal and that the baby had trisomy 18, and so Edward syndrome.
00:31:08
Speaker
it's otherwise known as Edwards syndrome, and that it was a life-limiting diagnosis, and it was unlikely that the baby would live very long if we made it full-term. And um I mean, I was just in shock. I mean, of course, I start Googling, what is this? And it's, you know, everything you find is awful. And um and And, uh, I mean, there was no question in our mind. And one of the reason in our circuits, one of the reasons we were matched was because we were no term. So we were like, no matter what's, if something comes up and something's wrong with the baby, we're not going to terminate the pregnancy. But of course I was like, what are the chances it's wrong? And, you know, are we sure? And, you know, they told me that this test had a very high, um, very high, um, you know, positive, um, where there's not likely that it was going to be
00:32:00
Speaker
going to be wrong. But of course, we had to, um we still had to move forward to get confirmation. And so at that point, we were referred to, you know, maternal fetal medicine doctor where surrogate was living, and had a ultrasound scheduled for a few for a week later, and to get confirmation, and we went in for that ultrasound, it was still not 100% clear, they did see one small marker,
00:32:26
Speaker
that they thought was indicative of confirming the diagnosis. They recommended an amniocentesis, which we all declined that to give us true confirmation. And they said we'd have to wait until we got to 20 weeks to get a definitive diagnosis, but that it was very likely that the test was, was accurate. and um So yeah during that time, I mean, I can't even begin to imagine just shock, heartbreak, hope,
00:32:55
Speaker
I mean, so many feelings and then you're also navigating this with your surrogate. How is that? How are you guys navigating?
00:33:06
Speaker
your own feelings towards finding out about this diagnosis for your baby and then also navigating that relationship with your surrogate. Yeah. We were so blessed to have such an, you know, again, an amazing surrogate. The relationship was wonderful. I think we are so blessed that we are on the same page because things got, you know,
00:33:28
Speaker
could get, I should say, tricky within the relationship with the physicians that are now monitoring or taking care of the patient. The patient's a surrogate and the baby, obviously. But um the fact that we were so much on the same page about everything made it um kind of the best case scenario and a difficult situation to navigate. And so we were just trying to be as supportive as possible as we could for her, knowing that she was carrying this burden as she was carrying the baby. and she in turn was trying to be as supportive as if she could for us, knowing that, you know, we were experiencing such heartache and pain um during the time. But ultimately, you know, one of the things that our surrogate said was that despite this, she really wanted us to find some joy in this. And so, you know, we were up up until the 20 week ultrasound, we were all just like praying, like, you know, for a miracle and so also,
00:34:27
Speaker
you know, when doing more research, I did find that there were babies with trisomy 18 that's, you know, they usually live or often they live for a few months or a year. And there were even some that live, and there was a few that lived 10, 20 years. I mean, very rare depending on how um <unk>er how severe. Yeah. And so um we went in for a 20 week ultrasound and that's when we got, you know, the anatomy scan and we got confirmation.
00:34:56
Speaker
um And despite the confirmation the baby was doing, despite the diagnosis, the baby was doing pretty well with his diagnosis. So we were hopeful um that we were going to get some good time with him. And we didn't know what that looked like, but we were hopeful. And so once we got that da that can confirm real true confirmation of certain weeks,
00:35:17
Speaker
um I started um ah reached out to a couple of organizations that were supportive of families that were caring to term with life-limiting diagnosis. um diagnosis And so um one was called Be Not Afraid. And they were you know based out of North Carolina. they We weren't like local with any of these organizations. And they were really supportive in helping us um advocate for the baby at our appointments, advocate for the baby to be treated.
00:35:46
Speaker
um It was a boy, by the way. It was the one I needed to advocate for him to be treated as any other normal baby at the hospital and um helped us develop a birth plan. We had access to, they had some um emergency pediatric physicians on their board that we had access to, to speak to every time we had appointments, to get advice about what how to proceed. and Obviously, we had a lot of appointments and we weren't able to attend all of them just with the distance. but our circuit was amazing. I mean, she obviously keeping us updated and just as well as the doctors, they were great about communicating with us after every appointment. So, um and we really just wanted to give
00:36:30
Speaker
Um, the baby, the best chance at life, at living as long as he probably could possibly could. So our goal was, that was our goal. And our doctor's goal, their goal was a little different. They wanted us to just, their goal was for us to get to meet him, um, alive. yeah And so, um,
00:36:49
Speaker
So there was a little bit of conflict in that. so in that um They really wanted us to deliver around 36 weeks and and we pushed to get to 37 because we really wanted to the baby's lungs to potentially be fully developed. I mean, we know that with babies with this diagnosis, they're not, um you know, they're smaller in weight and size than our babies, but we we wanted, we were really pushing for that. um And so then we also, the organization, that the Be Not Afraid organization also connected us with an incredible ah bereavement doula that was in the area where our circuit was living. I have to give a shout out to them. but So the baby, our baby was born in Pittsburgh
00:37:32
Speaker
And Pittsburgh bereavement doulas, Heather Bradley is a woman that is the doula that founded the organization, just incredible. She was so supportive to us. So we met her probably sometime after the 20 week ultrasound. She invited us into our home and we were there for appointments, would cook us dinner. offered for us to even stay in her homes we were traveling from so far away. But she was also a photographer. And so she was with us at the hospital, which I'll get to, for the delivery, and was just an incredible support to the three of us during that time. Well, again, going back to, I mean, I think it's so commendable that you and Jeff researched and looked
00:38:24
Speaker
to have and find those who could support you yeah in something so heartbreaking and life-changing and be able to celebrate. Yes. And find that joy, but also have the support in knowing, you know, this isn't what we thought it would be. Right. Yeah. Yeah. yeah So we, um,
00:38:54
Speaker
we, uh, so with all the appointments, um, you know, we started having, um, weekly and then twice weekly NST testing. And so it was at our, uh, again, the doctors wanted us to deliver at 36 weeks, but at the 36 week appointment, baby was doing well. Again, he was just kind of, the doctor was very happy with how well he was doing our MFM. So we just kept continuing. Um, and we said we want to get to 37 weeks. So it was at our,
00:39:22
Speaker
second appointment at during that 36 week period, sure um, where the NST test was the doctor who got concerned. She saw some dips on the NST that she was not happy about. And again, this was a Friday and it was Friday. Yeah. Um, and I actually think it was Friday the 13th, which is just just crazy. It's a Friday. and um But they said they they were like, it's time. We have to deliver. but We want to deliver on Monday because we'll have a full staff at the hospital. And we want to make sure you know the A team is here. So ah we were like, OK. So we got ready. We traveled to Pittsburgh um over the weekend.
Loss and Healing
00:40:00
Speaker
um They told our surrogate, if anything feels off over the weekend, just come in. you know And so we were all on the same page. and
00:40:07
Speaker
We were scheduled for the first thing, um, Monday morning. Yeah. And, um, we went in on Monday morning and, um, you know, i'll I'll just never forget. Cause it was very early. It was like six o'clock in the morning and Jeff and I got to the hospital and they put us in this room and there was nobody in the room and we were like, where are the doctors? Where's our surrogate? Like what's going on?
00:40:27
Speaker
And um shortly after we got in, they put us placed in the room. The doctor came in and he, I knew something was wrong. And he just looked at us and said, you know, um your surrogate is here. or She arrived a little bit earlier than you guys did. And we hooked her up to the monitor and there's no heartbeat that baby had passed over the weekend. So that was,
00:40:50
Speaker
That was really a very hard pill to swallow, especially um for my husband. For me, while it was so heartbreaking, it was, I had come to kind of, I don't even say expect, but I had had so much bad news delivered to me over such a long period of time that it was not um as shocking and piercing to my heart as,
00:41:18
Speaker
as um as it maybe would have been had I not had so much devastating news delivered. It was almost like, okay, this is happening. I've had bad news before. Yeah. Yeah. yeah You're almost desensitized to it. Yes. yeah and um And so fortunately, so our bereavement duel, Heather arrived at the hospital and she had, she was so great. She had so many things set up. She had these little warrant Christmas ornaments that said joy on them that she had set up and and um was around the holidays. And um she had outfits for us to dress the baby in. and
00:41:54
Speaker
um She took the most incredible professional photos for us at the hospital. I mean, it was just incredible. And she was just there navigating everything with us the whole time. So obviously our surrogate now, she still had to deliver labor yeah and um deliver the baby, which took about almost 24 hours. The baby didn't arrive until the the next morning, middle of the night, um early morning. And um you know, we got to hold him and like I said we got to take pictures with him and do all these things and um the other thing that that we chose to do um which we chose to bring him home and so
00:42:37
Speaker
leaving the hospital with a deceased baby is not an easy thing to do. And again, probably would not have happened had we not had Heather with us because she was able to navigate all of those things at the hospital so that we were able to literally walk out of the hospital with our baby in her arms and and bring him home. i So yes, we named a baby Joseph and um We drove home and and and it was a terrible snowstorm. We drove home several hours and and and got him home. and
00:43:12
Speaker
It was really important for us to have him in our house and have our family meet him. We had our parents and our siblings come over and just hold him and meet him. And and he was in our house for a few days before we had a very small intimate service with um our family and our um or pastor and um and um and and put him to rest. How not only are you navigating You're holding your child. yeah Your surrogate had to deliver this child. And you're, i mean I mean, you're filled with Jeff's having his emotions. You're navigating yours. Now you're navigating your surrogate and her family. I mean, how are you taking all that in?
00:44:03
Speaker
It was so hard. Um, so I know, um, there's a verse in the Bible from Philippians four seven that just talks about, um, you know, peace that surpasses understanding. And I, I mean, we really, truly had that. Um, we felt really just God's presence and just a lot of peace through the heartache. And I think that she did as well. Um, and, um,
00:44:28
Speaker
And, and it was just like in order for me, and I think my husband as well to have closure, we wanted to have that time with him in our home. We wanted to have that time with him, with our family holding him. And I mean, I know it sounds, it's difficult to think of the fact that you have a deceased baby in in your home or you're driving a long distance with a deceased baby and then keeping them in your home for a few days before burying them. And, but for us, it really brought a lot of peace and closure and, um,
00:44:59
Speaker
I mean, it was incredibly hard when we left the cemetery to leave him there and think about the fact that he was there and we were going home without him. But um we really just had this piece, like a real true piece that I cannot explain other than anything that that it was God. Yeah. Yeah. yeah I mean, no.
00:45:21
Speaker
To be a part of that club, there's, uh, no one wants to be a part of it and there's no wrong way to navigate it. You find your piece, however, however that may be. And, um, and that's wonderful that you and Jeff had Heather and, you know, at the hospital to help you navigate that and and everything. Um, so they um could find that piece amongst something that's so heartbreaking. Yeah.
00:45:47
Speaker
Yeah. So that was not the end of your journey to parenthood. But there was a large pause in between. I will say that. We took a pause. We took a pause. Yes. And not just a month. We took a pause. We took a pause. You know Jeff wanted to start trying right away and I said to him like you No, I can't like I really need to I say I need a year to heal. um And I'm just not ready. And so this was now 2020. And um there's a whole lot happening there was a whole lot happening. um And so, you know, like just a few short months after, ah you know, two months after two and a half months after, you know, the whole world shut down from COVID. And
00:46:32
Speaker
I had about a month off from Mark and of course, no one knows you're pregnant if you're not you know if you're having a surrogate and I didn't share with anyone. i I mean, we actually didn't even tell our families that we were doing this. We ended up telling our parents to go back to your question about earlier about, you know, did I get support from our pastor? We told to them when we got the diagnosis um around the the first, the blood test and the ultrasound, and they were pretty sure that, but not a hundred percent sure. We told them and we told our parents until our pastor and so maybe one or two other friends and that was it. And we didn't tell our siblings until about a month before the baby was delivered. or We didn't, they didn't know that we were trying, we were doing this. um And it was really,
00:47:14
Speaker
again, to protect us from having to answer questions um and a lot of other things. We just felt like it was just best for us just to protect our hearts and everything we were going through emotionally. So um when COVID hit you know as awful as a time as that was, I found myself um really thankful to have the solitude um because I got to be home instead of you know working from home, kind of like healing and on my own.
00:47:41
Speaker
um before I had to, you know, I went out for a short period of time where I was working before everything closed down, but then, you know, found myself kind of appreciating the the quiet of being there. Yeah. Well, I think it's so, it's so interesting. I think one of the things that you always hear people say as you navigate grief is the world doesn't stop. My my world has stopped, but the world doesn't stop. And it was, I mean, for you, the world did stop. Yes, it did.
00:48:12
Speaker
Which was kind of nice. It was nice. I mean, again, i as awful as it is that whole time period was for for so many people, it for me, the stopping, the quiet, the stillness, the slowing of down of things was really um amazing. Yeah.
00:48:29
Speaker
so um what It was what I needed. I shouldn't say amazing was what I needed. yeah So um yeah, and but I will say during this time, even though we didn't move forward with trying again, I was still go cycling and going to the clinic and going to to labs and ultra and all that. So that was continuing, but we just I wasn't ready to actually try to make another journey or try anything like that again.
00:48:56
Speaker
Um, and so I wasn't sure if I was going to be ready, but I just felt like I didn't want to stop trying, um, with, with IVF and freezing embryos. So we kept doing that. And, um, and so it was probably, gosh, it was like, so that was 2020 and it was not until It was almost like two years later, I want to say. It was the fall of 2022 that I looked at my husband and I looked at Jeff and I said, i think I think I'm ready to try again. I think I want to call the agency and I want to call the clinic and talk to them about the embryos that we have. And and I think I want to try again. And um so I reached out to you guys and I spoke to Gail again. She's still there.
00:49:50
Speaker
I was, she told me that things had changed, you know, since the last time we were there and that now the surrogates were picking the parents. And so, um, it was a different process, you know? And I also reached out for some spiritual guidance at the time. I reached out to another pastor that i was friendly with and just had a really long conversation with them. Like, I think I want to try again, but I am just trying to, you know, discern if this is what I'm supposed to be doing because sure I really don't know at this point.
00:50:20
Speaker
um And also for me at that time, it just started an even deeper walk in my faith. I mean, again, my husband and I were so active in our church at this point, but I just really um started pressing into prayer and just like seeking the Lord like I never had before. Like, I don't know if I'm supposed to do this. Like, you know, I needed some discernment and just some wisdom um and obviously no better place to get that. so um So it was around this time that we, um again, Lauren was our match coordinator.
00:50:51
Speaker
And I know she she sent us ah like one um one surrogate that had picked us. And I looked at her profile. I i didn't feel good about it. She was lovely, but I was like, I i don't think this is the same person. And my clinic ended up passing on her for some met through medical you know reasons. And then I think there was another surrogate that had wanted to work with us. And Lauren didn't even send me her profile, because also she didn't get cleared from from the clinic.
00:51:17
Speaker
um So then it was probably like two months, two months after I had contacted Gail, um, that Lauren reached out to us and she said, I have somebody, a circuit that wants to meet you guys. And she just finished a journey with another family. And, um, and she's, um, at the time she was donating breast milk, she's like, she's not going to be able to start right away. She just finished a surrogacy journey within her family and she's donating breast milk. And so, um, but she wants to meet you. And we were like, okay,
00:51:46
Speaker
And we got her, we saw her profile. And again, like, ah we had a
A New Surrogacy Journey
00:51:51
Speaker
zoom meeting and we got off the zoom meeting and and literally Jeff, Jeff and I went into this and we said, we have to be okay with the fact that we're probably not going to get somebody that's as great as our last circuit. And that's okay. And um And we, so we kind of went into it with that, you know, open-minded and, um, but we just were so blessed because we, we did, we, we got matched with Kieran and her husband, Jeff, and it was another beautiful match. And we got off that zoom meeting, like, how did we get so blessed again to get matched with such a great couple? And this is definitely a God thing, you know? Yeah.
00:52:30
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. Lauren again. Not going to know Lauren again. She's like a matchmaker. I think she's really amazing. So, you know, and we had to wait after that, you know, call and, and, you know, they took some time to, to think about it as well. If they wanted to work with us and we're really blessed that they decided to move forward. So, so like as I said, with Karen donating breast milk, that was a little bit of a delay as well. So we, that was around December of 2022.
00:53:00
Speaker
And so we didn't actually get to our first transfer until June of 2023. Sure. Yeah. Gotta wait. And then you have all the stuff at the beginning. Yeah. June or July. Actually, I think it was July. I'm wrong. I think it was July. It was July. So yeah. Yes. So we got to transfer and I had, like I said, I'd spoken to the clinic and I was like stressed over, okay, we had a few embryos left, which embryo do we choose? And I had it in my mind, which one I wanted to use the one that looked the best, which was also the oldest, but they recommended against it and said, we should use a younger embryo.
00:53:41
Speaker
to give you better chances. So we we I did. And we transferred one. yeah and And we got pregnant. and And we were, again, just like, oh my goodness. I you know ah can't believe we're pregnant. But again, after everything we had been through, just I'm always so cautiously optimistic, like one step at a time. You know this. I'm just like one appointment at a time, just one step at a time. Yep. We're going to take it one day. Yes, absolutely. Unfortunately, that pregnancy um did not go well.
00:54:08
Speaker
um the h HCG wasn't doubling and the ultrasound heart rate wasn't great and ultimately ended up not being heartbeat. And we did find out that it was, you know, genetically abnormal pregnancy. So that was a really hard blow for me. um I really was questioning again like is this what god is this what i'm supposed to be doing is this the road that you have me on is this what i'm what i'm supposed to be doing and um and i just i was really struggling um and um and why is this happening again you know why is this you know what so much heartache um
00:54:47
Speaker
But um once we got through that, um you know fortunately, Kieran was on board again with trying. you know Again, we had a few more embryos left. And um we had our second transfer around Thanksgiving of last year. And some again, I spent a lot of time just in prayer and really just like you know against the doctor, embryologist judgment. I said, I really want to go with our best looking embryo, which is our oldest embryo. And she said, well, based on your age, you know, you really have a 5% chance of this implanting.
00:55:25
Speaker
But I said, OK, I decided, again, in prayer, we decided to move forward with that. And we and we also used our youngest one. So yes again, the oldest one, we did too. Yes, we did too. But our oldest one was the nicest looking one. And the youngest one was OK. It was fine, but not the best. So um we got to transfer day. And they didn't they didn't let me into the room for transfer. It was just the doctor that was doing transfer that day wanted to just have Karen in the room. But um you know Karen came out of transfer. And she said, you know, um an embryologist came out to let us know that your younger embryo, you know, when they thought it, it had lost a cell. It also grew a cell, but it lost a cell. And she said, you know, it wasn't the worst thing, but it wasn't the best thing. But she said, but the older one, she said, it looked especially nice. And I just felt like it was, you know, kind of like a God wink, God letting us know, like, you know, especially this is the, this is the one. yeah
00:56:18
Speaker
you know, the one that you felt very much in prayer was the one to use. This is this was the one. So um yeah, a few weeks later, we found out we were pregnant. And again, I mean, really in shock and just so happy, but also so cautiously optimistic and just um you know let's see what happens. And um we were just so incredibly blessed to have an uneventful pregnancy, which had never happened yeah in now 11 years for us.
00:56:52
Speaker
with my oldest embryo, which was, by the way, taken out of me a year after our sweet little Joseph passed almost exactly to the date of his original due date. It was like a day after his original due date. um And so um yeah, it was, again, we didn't tell our family. Nobody knew we were trying again. And um I think we didn't end up telling them until after we had our echocardiogram at 23 weeks, we told our parents.
00:57:23
Speaker
And I mean, they were just in shock. They couldn't believe it. I actually recorded my mom and sent the video to Karen. I was like, you are you don't understand. Our families are going to freak out. right And they're going to be over the moon. I want you to see like this amazing thing that you're doing for us and like kind of like their reaction. and um And then we told our siblings on Mother's Day. And it was also a huge surprise to everybody. And we were like 26 weeks then. And they were just, everyone that we told was just like in tears.
00:57:53
Speaker
Yes. And so during, OK, 20, it was 23 weeks. OK, we've made it to an echocardiogram. Yeah. It was 26. We've gotten past an anatomy scan. I mean, I was in tears at the anatomy scan. Yes. I literally think I hugged the rate of the technician and the doctor reading the report. Yes. It was like, oh my gosh. Everything looks great. And I was like, what? And we're having a boy. And we're having a boy. And boy, yeah. Yes.
00:58:21
Speaker
We very much, again, felt that just in prayer that it's just like the Lord was saying, right you're gonna have a boy. And we, again, didn't care. We just wanted healthy babies. Yes. Did you even know what to do with...
00:58:35
Speaker
how boring everything was. And I use that with like the the the most loving way of just boring was beautiful. But you're so used to chaos, I guess, for lack of a better word. you're We're so used to the other shoe dropping all over the place. No, I just, I mean, during this time again, I was just staying in prayer and so close to the as Lord as possible. I just prayer, prayer, prayer.
00:59:00
Speaker
and then you know we slowly started opening up to some friends around the time that we told our family and I don't even know if I told you this but they actually let my mom throw me a baby shower and you know what turned out what was supposed to be a small baby shower was like 60 people you know. Stop it. No you didn't tell me that. Oh my gosh. That was a big deal for me. That is a big deal. I think Karen was like are you going to have a baby or let your mom or hell let your family throw you a baby shower and I remember I think her asking me that I'm like yeah That was a big deal for us. Yes. But we were like, I think we're going to need some things. So I guess we'll do this. I think we're going to need some things. Yeah. yeah so And it was lovely. It was everyone was just so, I mean, people were just so happy for us and everyone was just, we had so many people praying for us and our whole church family or part of a small little church community. It was just really a blessing and just, it was really special. When you started telling everybody,
00:59:56
Speaker
Did you go from cautiously optimistic to this is happening or were you still? A little bit of both because it actually made me anxious as I was telling people. Sure. But again, I was like, okay, you know, just keep pressing into prayer. You just have to keep trusting God and believing in, you know, this is a healthy baby. and um And back up even before the anatomy scan when we did the NIPT testing, because none of my embryos had genetic testing. So it was really, you know, um and when those test results came back negative, I mean, that was like another, you know, just tears of joy. um Yeah.
01:00:38
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And then we got to delivery day, which was delivery. I know. So, um, so Karen did not want to be induced. And so we kind of, we traveled to her about around 39 weeks and we were just,
01:00:53
Speaker
Parked ourselves in her area and got to know the area. We're like, we're waiting. And it was fine. It was the summer. The weather was beautiful. So we spent a lot of time outdoors. And yeah so um even though she had had another circusy journey in her own children, um she sort told us like, I'm always tend to go late. So I'm probably going to go late, but we didn't want to miss it. So we we waited. We went down for 39 weeks to wait.
01:01:17
Speaker
And um and we got that was a really special time that we got to spend some time with her and her family. like We went to church together. We had dinner with them at their home. And it was just it was just a really special time. And it also gave Jeff and I a little bit of downtime because we were just it was just so crazy leading up to all this and
The Birth of Baby Noah
01:01:37
Speaker
with working. We were just so busy. and It was like almost a mini little vacation, little quiet time before baby arrived. Well, it goes with that theme of your life just didn't stop. It just didn't. It didn't. So yeah, it was it was great. but um So she you know we were kind of hanging out at the hotel and we got a call from her on Saturday night.
01:02:02
Speaker
She's like, my water broke. It was so funny. Just by the way. OK. Just by the way, we're like, OK. We need to like we need just to go to the hospital. And she's like, I'm going to take a shower and have a snack and take a nap. I'll let you know when it's time to go to the hospital. And we were like, OK.
01:02:20
Speaker
you know they're not being this is like i'm not having I'm not having any contractions yet, so we're good. So ah yeah, it was like the next morning she still wasn't having contractions and or or or they were still very far apart. sure And sure so um we did end up going to the hospital you know around 9.30 in the next morning and they did admit us just because her water broke, but there was nothing happening.
01:02:42
Speaker
Yeah. um you know So it took a little bit to get things going. um and um And it was really, though, again, a beautiful time. And she had given us some lovely gifts. And one of the things she gave us was a little baby book. you know And so while she was laboring and doing all the heavy lifting, we were just sitting there I was just kind of filling out the baby book. and um It was also really just amazing to watch her husband, Jeff, coaching her, their amazing team. She, you know, by choice wanted no drugs and not just, she was just incredible.
01:03:18
Speaker
um And that was just in a really amazing time and just to watch that and things did get a little bit scary at the end again since her water broke the, you know, evening before and um contractions just weren't like really kicking in.
01:03:33
Speaker
um baby you had gotten kind of like tangled up in his cord. And so, um, she, it was a little bit scary at the end, but the doctors and the staff were just incredible. And they, and they got him out safely. And Karen was like, you know, just do whatever you have to do to get him out safely. But she delivered him and got him, they got him out safely. And, um, and, and it was just like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe he's here. You know? And, um, yeah.
01:04:03
Speaker
How was that? You're seeing all this happen. what was that first feeling do Do you even remember a first feeling or were you just so so it was just surreal? It was just so surreal. I mean like i just can't believe this is happening. and like you know We did delayed cord clamping and um and we also did cord blood banking, cord tissue blinking. so You know, he came out and he was on Karen when he first came out and we put our, and you know, she put grabbed our hands and put our hands on him so we could, you know, have some skin to skin while we were doing that. And then, um, you know, you know, the, then we got to hold him and little baby Noah. And, um, and so we had already had his his name picked out, you know, ahead of time, but it was just, it was just a ah great, um, we had ironically at home some like crazy epic
01:04:54
Speaker
rainstorm, the horse like ridiculous. Like this this is just crazy. and True to his name. So, um, yeah, so it was incredible. And, um, yeah, it was just,
01:05:09
Speaker
Um, my feeling was like he's here and it's, it's amazement and amazement of the whole process from start to finish, you know? And then I also was really surprised that I had also felt like kind of this almost sadness, like this journey with our cert with Karen is this part of the journey is over. And I was, that was unexpected for me. I was emotional at the hospital when she laughed and her family laughed. Her, her, her children came.
01:05:34
Speaker
got to spend some time with the baby and hold the baby at the hospital and she did too and that was so special to me and so important for her but also really important for me because they were also invested her her husband and her children in the journey and in the baby and loving on him so much while she was pregnant and I really wanted them to get some time with him. Yeah. And I was really sad when when they left. And we we stayed at the hospital an extra day. um ah but And she left the day prior. And I was just like, oh my goodness. it's it's This part of the journey is over. you know Yeah. Well, it's i mean it again, it just shows what
01:06:15
Speaker
an investment in that relationship is and how special it is. And yeah, it it is so beautiful. It's, you know, they're, they're forever part of Noah's story. and Yeah. And we had, we got, when we did finally leave the hospital, um, we spent and a night in the hotel and we had, you know, quite a long trip home as well. So, um, we did get to visit with them in the morning as well before we left and have some time with them at their home before we left. And that was, that was really special. And those were just, you know,
01:06:45
Speaker
memories that I'm going to cherish forever. And our journey continues as we are um fortunate to be getting breast milk from her, which we're so thankful to be able to give our baby some healthy breast milk right now. And um yeah, so it's it continues. Yes, it's just a different type of journey.
Reflection and Gratitude
01:07:04
Speaker
For ever connected. Yes, yes, yes. And we used to feel so blessed. What would you say? How? Okay, so how did you feel?
01:07:15
Speaker
You made your journey and you walked home. You got home and very different than the last time you came home with a baby. How was that? I mean, it was just so incredible. I think like Jeff and I looked at each other and we're like, we can't believe there's a baby here. I mean, for so many years our house has been so quiet and we like dreamed of this and we just didn't know if it was actually going to happen for us. And it was just like, just so thankful and full of gratitude to the Lord for this blessing that we know was from him and that there was really just no other way. And um again, there was another Bible verse that just really felt so fitting to me and came to mind and it was from Ecclesiastes
01:07:59
Speaker
ah three one or it just says like there's an appointed time for everything and there's a time for every event under heaven and you know God's timing is always perfect and he's never late and he's always on time and despite all the heartache and loss I really and And despite the fact that I'd love to have like more children, like I wouldn't have it any other way. like This is what his plan was for me. And we just feel so blessed to have this one baby and this one healthy baby. And just know that this was just our story and what his plan was for us. And and really want to you know pay it forward and help anyone else that's struggling. I think my message really is to,
01:08:42
Speaker
you know really just press into prayer and trust your instincts. And, you know, to to God is the God of the impossible. And he surely did the impossible for us as this was really, truly only possible with him. Absolutely. With, you said you wouldn't change anything. Yeah. What would you say to day one, Michaela,
01:09:09
Speaker
Oh my goodness. i then I wish I could tell day one, Michaela too. I was in such a panic and such a clock is ticking. um You know, I'm like probably the oldest mom on the planet here. No, you're not. But I don't care. I mean, I'm just so happy I finally have it. But um I would say to just really, i I really was not trusting what I knew. Like, I mean, you know, even going back to having the surgery that I knew not to have, it was always just in this panic that the clock was ticking and I had to hurry and I would tell myself to just slow down.
01:09:48
Speaker
and just really, you know, press into prayer and really just trust God and trust the process, which I wasn't. I was too panicked and I was too, yeah, that was really it. From, I know you've, you know, faith was was huge for your journey. Is there any other advice that you would want to give or anything that just from your experience that you would want to say to either intended parents that are on this journey, thinking about this journey, or even surrogates who are wanting to help a family in this way.
01:10:34
Speaker
I would say if you have any hesitation for moving forward with surrogacy, if you've arrived at that place and you're thinking about it, it's such a beautiful, beautiful experience. I mean, there are so many people that even when we did finally start opening up and that we told we were doing this, it would say things like, are you afraid that you're the person's not gonna give you your baby back at the end? Or like some ridiculous thing. No, I'm not. I'm not even for a second, I'm not.
01:11:04
Speaker
If you're thinking about it, just you will know once you start the process, if you're matched, when you're matched with someone, you will know whether or not it's the right person to move forward with. You will have peace about your, about your decision. And it's really just such, it's such a beautiful, beautiful gift.
01:11:22
Speaker
That if you're a surrogate that you're thinking about surrogacy that you can give to somebody um It's not easy. It's definitely a lot of work as you know Whitney and you've done it um But it's such a beautiful beautiful gift that you can give to another family and for an intended parent It's such a beautiful experience to to go through with somebody else I I am so thankful and I am so open about you know, in the short time we've had our sweet little baby, you know, with telling people how he came to us because um I would love to encourage anyone that's considering either in parent, intended parents or circuit to do this and potentially inspire other people to help other families. Yes. Well, I mean, his story is beautiful. Oh my gosh. What a wanted little boy. I mean, and loved for so long. Yes. Oh, I love that. I love that.
01:12:18
Speaker
Well, my last question to you, and you know, you're a mama of a two month old, so I am sure that coffee is a regular part. I love coffee. Yes, absolutely. And for anyone who knows me, they know that I am incredibly codependent, me and my little friend over here. I understand. ah hu So I always like to ask what filled your cup, literally or figuratively, what was the thing that filled your cup this morning? Oh my gosh, this morning, just getting to, you know, get wake this little bait with this little baby week, we woke up, no woke up and just getting him out of bed this morning. It was like, just going in and you know, loving on him this morning and getting him out of his little
01:13:04
Speaker
And he still has a little legs up. Yes, a little froggy legs. And just, you know, are this baby has a full head of hair. Oh, gosh, beautiful. And just, you know, everyone's amazed at how much hair he has.
01:13:19
Speaker
Yes, actually this morning we had a diaper blowout and I was like, okay. Let's do it. Here we go. She eats everything. That's how we woke up this morning. But that filled my cup and it was lovely. Yes. I continue to be amazed by how much poop comes out of such small little humans. I must say. I was not expecting that. ah So it's amazing. Oh my gosh. Yes. So. What a silly blessing to get to. It really is. To love on. Yes, absolutely.
01:13:48
Speaker
Oh, I love that. I love that. Well, I mean, personally, I, you know, I got to, um, I got to go on this journey and be a small part of it with you. And so I, um, I'm just so grateful that you are wanting to pay it forward and find, I'm so glad you found the joy, you know, and I'm so glad that we are at this point and I'm so grateful to you that you were wanting to share just everything from from that journey beginning to end. And um I'm so, it just, it warms my heart. And those pictures are amazing. And that sweet little boy it just makes me so thrilled and happy. And I mean, gosh, Kieran is just, you guys were just the perfect match. She's a rock star. Oh, he's such a rock star. I mean, really just an amazing, amazing circuit. Well, and I think it's beautiful. You know, you said you, you had gotten profiles, whether it was back in 2018 or 2022 and you waited and that wait was, was so right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh gosh.
01:14:56
Speaker
Well, absolutely. Thank you, Michaela, and give hugs to baby Noah for me. Thank you so much. Thank you for really everything you guys have been such an amazing agency to work with. And I, I mean, I would just highly recommend that anyone move forward with you if they're thinking about finding and finding an agency to work with. You guys were incredible. Thank you. We just thank you so much for all your support. Thank you. And thank you to Gail. Yes.
Closing & Listener Engagement
01:15:25
Speaker
Shouts to Gail. Oh gosh. Shout out to Gail.
01:15:30
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You, and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today. As we wrap, we would like to remind you of some of the ways that you can stay connected with us and be part of the me, you, and who podcast community. Firstly, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and can stay up to date with our latest content. But that's not all. We also have an exciting YouTube channel where we share some bonus content behind the scenes, glimpses, and video versions of our episodes.
01:16:09
Speaker
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01:16:32
Speaker
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