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S2E28 Who?! Best Moments of 2024
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Join us for a very special episode of *Me, You, and Who?!* as we celebrate the incredible journey of 2024. This year has been truly unforgettable, filled with meaningful conversations, heartfelt stories, and the joy of helping to educate, support, and create happy families.
We’re revisiting some of our favorite moments from the past year, showcasing the inspiring guests, powerful insights, and impactful discussions that have made this season so special.
Whether you’re a hopeful parent, a surrogate, an egg donor, or simply curious about this extraordinary process, this episode is for you. And as we wrap up an amazing year, we’re already looking ahead to 2025 with even more exciting guests and conversations on the horizon.
Thank you for being part of our community and for making 2024 such a remarkable season. Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the best moments of *Me, You, and Who?!*
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Transcript
Introduction to the Special Episode
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone, and welcome to a very special episode of me, you, and who. Today, we're sharing some of our favorite moments from our 2024 episodes. This year has been nothing short of incredible.
Gratitude and Reflections
00:00:15
Speaker
As we look back, we're so grateful for the opportunity to educate, support, and ultimately help create happy families here at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions. It's been an honor to walk alongside you, our listeners, our clients, and our amazing community on this journey.
00:00:34
Speaker
Over the past year, we've had so many insightful conversations, shared countless stories, and learned from some truly inspiring guests. And while this is a celebration of 2024, we're even more excited about what's to come in 2025. So whether you're tuning in as a hopeful parent, a surrogate, an egg donor, or simply someone interested in this extraordinary process,
00:00:58
Speaker
Thank you for being part of our journey this season.
Exploring Surrogacy and Egg Donation
00:01:01
Speaker
So please enjoy some of the best moments of 2024. Me, you, and who?
00:01:09
Speaker
Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby? In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways.
Whitney Hall's Surrogacy Journey
00:01:27
Speaker
My name is Whitney Hall and I am a two-time Surrogate Now Turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:34
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever.
Importance of Shared Values and Compatibility
00:01:55
Speaker
We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:02:03
Speaker
thing is like, you have to match with someone who like wants the same things, right? Like, I surrogate solutions does such a good job. Yes. And like, i right yeah a relationship with my surrogate because like, it's part of my kid's story, right? Like, it's my daughter's story that she knows everything how she got here. And like,
00:02:25
Speaker
If you're not, like I wanted Caitlin to be a part of her life, like moving forward, not just like, you know, and I think that's really important because like there are definitely like some intended parents that don't want that. I don't know why. And there are some surrogates. I don't want that. Right. So like, I think it's like so important to make sure you're on the same page with like yeah your match. Yeah. Which is why you need an agency like surrogate solutions because like it is so it would have been a horrible experience if we were not on the same page about things. like And like we got that out. Everything was out like at the beginning, right? yeah In our initial stream call, like we talked about everything. Oh, I love that. Well, Jackie, you're so right. And I know you had said it previously. like It was really important for you to you know have somebody that had similar political views and gave you the ability to... You know like you you wanted to have agency in
00:03:21
Speaker
just you know if anything medical happened and like you wanted to be a part of that conversation. And and that's huge. And I think you know like it is so important. That's why you know I say like you it's it's a bucket. It's not a list. And it is like you do get the ability to you know narrow down those big important things. you know like termination, vaccination, you know, all of those, and then some. And then you get to find out, do we mash, do we gel? What does that look like?
Logistics and Success Stories in Surrogacy
00:03:54
Speaker
And for you guys, I mean, I know, so not only did you guys want to have that close relationship, and you did, but you didn't even let geography get in the way of that.
00:04:06
Speaker
ends of the country. 2700 ish miles apart, I think. Yeah. Okay. What did that look like? How did that, like, how did we make this happen? We didn't mention Caitlin, like the thing that like really matched us. This is our favorite thing. Well, and two fighters. Yeah. Oh my God. I love it. Like shout out Lauren. Lauren does such a good job. I remember my first meeting with her. I picked some profiles, you know, did the one through five What, what I love about surrogate solutions is she, we talked about it and we talked about what we really wanted. And she's like, okay, I know you did this. Like, I know you marked these, but I know that's not what they want. I know that XYZ is not what they want. She's like, I got this single mom. She's like, I'm going to put her in a few other profiles, you know.
00:04:53
Speaker
I just, I talked with her earlier. I'm listening to what you're saying. And so I looked at them and yeah, I was like, oh my gosh, Ty, my husband, I was like, Ty, she likes Foo Fighters. I'm like, I love Foo Fighters. I was like, this is great. This is wonderful.
00:05:09
Speaker
And I had told Jackie in the match meeting, I was like, this really stood out to me. And she's like, I knew it. She's like, I knew the person that I would find that that's what would stick out to them. I swear, because I put in my profile, like, I love the Foo Fighters and I want to be BFF with Dave Grohl. And I'm like, it's going to stand out to someone. Like, I knew it. My person, that's going to be it. Oh my gosh. That's a big thing. That's hilarious.
00:05:36
Speaker
half about distance like that ah like I then like, we, I think what was it like at the beginning of the pregnancy, we saw that Foo Fighters were coming to, um, Spokane and I'm like, and I worked it around my, like and we were supposed to go see the hospital, but due to COVID, they weren't doing tours. Okay. So, what but I was like, I'm coming still. Like and as it wound up being like the best thing ever. Like yeah which we, the Foo Fighters together.
00:06:08
Speaker
Oh my gosh. that It was like a full circle. Everything. And I told my husband, I was like, I'm going to wait to look at another agency again. I waited a week before I applied at surrogate solutions. And I talked talked to Amber and everything was night and day difference. Everything has been night and day difference. I don't know. I hear other podcasts. I hear other surrogates and I'm like, wow.
00:06:32
Speaker
I like got the cream of the crop. Like this is the best agency. but yeah I'm really glad everything that led me to surrogate solutions. And then the previous agency, I had gotten off some medications and they weren't going to wait. They didn't care. They're like, yeah, send you through whatever. But circuit solutions was like, no, we'll wait three months. And what I, what's funny about that is I had to wait two extra months after I applied and I think If I wouldn't have had to wait that two months, I would not have matched with Jackie because Jackie was with surrogate solutions for like three weeks. Yeah. We wouldn't have matched. No.
00:07:10
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh, and we can't imagine that. Absolutely not. It really was. It was so, oh my gosh. It was so meant to be. And I know those bumps are so hard, especially when you're going, like when you're feeling all of those like awful feelings and you know, as you're going through something, wanting to do something so amazing. but Oh my gosh, I'm so ah I'm so glad that that all worked out. I'm so glad you had such an amazing experience just at the beginning of everything, especially after you had gone through everything that you went through. So okay, Jackie, I know like you were only hanging out in matching land for like three weeks. It was like it was
Background and Motivations for Egg Donation
00:07:51
Speaker
amazing. But it was crazy. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Because I know we like kind of gave the
00:07:58
Speaker
It can be six months to a year and you know we take your time and Caitlin you're right like we we do things different it's not it's not the list it's not your number 25 and your match with number 25 or you know like that kind of thing it's we we really do try and find the right the right person.
00:08:15
Speaker
So it kind of became a joke years and years ago. Really, truly, I'm not kidding. It was just like funny things my friends said I would do for money. um I was like early, early 20s. And so I actually grew up with a friend who was an egg donor. Oh, how cool. Yeah. And so years later,
00:08:33
Speaker
Um, my mom and I ended up chatting and she was like, did you know that? Did you know so-and-so was an egg donor? And I was like, no, is that how she was able to travel? Like i'm I'm not kidding you, like travel, just but did everything, you know, all sorts of stuff, paid for, go just like, go back to school, all these things. And, um, so she's like, you should reach out to her. So I was like, yeah, we'll see. Well, somehow somebody magically beat me to it. And actually who donated through egg donor circuit solutions.
00:08:58
Speaker
and contacted me. She was like, you should be an egg donor. And I was like, that's so weird because I was actually just thinking about this. Oh my gosh, how funny. Yeah. And so I'll be a little bit more transparent. I'm actually, I'm a single mom and how I, I i mean, I'll just be honest, I got pregnant on a one night stand and I was like, oh, okay, this is,
00:09:17
Speaker
you know not everybody is as fortunate and so it was one of those like ah being a single mom and my son and my co-parent and there's just so many things that I was just like it was a beautiful blessing and I was like uh there's so many families out there that married or unmarried that are this is what they want and it's not happening for them. And so I was like, why not? I kind of feel I don't want to have another kid. I feel like I'm being selfish. And so let's just do it. It took me about two months to submit my application. I was going really back and forth about it. My family was so excited.
Family Support and Research in Egg Donation
00:09:51
Speaker
They were like, do it. This is so your forte. And I did. And I got accepted. And it was the best thing I ever did.
00:10:00
Speaker
And then Sarah, how did you find us? I think Google. And I think I did a lot of vetting to make sure y'all weren't like a pyramid scheme or anything. That's what I thought. That's so funny. Yeah, I think I went with the girls. Exactly. And I remember distinctly, like, I was around my girlfriends. And it's so funny now. Like, I mean, I donated um almost eight years ago now. Eight, I think.
00:10:28
Speaker
And I think just being at that coin essential age when you think you know when you you think you're an adult a little bit, um and now looking back, you realize you weren't. And you have like all of your knucklehead friends in the same way.
00:10:44
Speaker
And ah distinctly remember all of us sitting here on my computer, like trying to go through and do like, you know, the FBI thing that girls do where they're like, okay, well, let's find out everything about this place. Let's just make sure. Cause like, we don't also want you to get hurt or somewhere. sure Well, and it's eight years ago, internet too. So like, there's only so much you can do. we Yeah, exactly. Sarah, how old are you when you donated?
00:11:06
Speaker
I was 22 when I actually donated. I was considered an old donor. I consider i donated at 28. Oh really? I'll be honest. it i I look back at you know the requirements and i don't I was not in the same mindset. I could not have done that at 22. I think for me it was like, you know,
00:11:32
Speaker
I was, I knew that I wanted to do a career where it was going to require me to be in your school. I knew it was going to work more or something that I just personally, um, and again, like obviously, like have, you know, the age at which you want to have children or how it happens with the, you know, the place you're at when you start this journey, I think it's so personal. There's no right or wrong decision with it. But I knew for me, at least it was something that like, I wasn't in the mindset to be a parent. Um, and it was something that, again, it wasn't obviously that i was against, but it was something that,
00:12:02
Speaker
I knew I was healthy.
Challenges and Changes in the Egg Donation Industry
00:12:05
Speaker
I knew, you know, with, you know, I had enough, I think, knowledge and understanding through friends and through family.
00:12:17
Speaker
um And hopefully a little bit of empathy, I think, just to understand that, you know, fertility is not this, you know, for some, you know, so for some, it's like, you know, quick, good and go. It doesn't take much, but for others, it's ah it's so much more. I think it's so, um I am, matt and again, I say this now, still not having children, but I think still so deeply personal, yeah um yeah and can be grateful. And I think, I think at that time, that was something that I didn't know much, but I knew that.
00:12:46
Speaker
Yeah. but and gosh It's so unique. I love that. I love hearing that. Yeah. and And again, like eight years ago, I think so much has changed in the industry from then to now. So much yeah so many things are different and people are talking about it more and you know just things like that. And so I think it's huge that you know you guys did this at that time and all of that. No, that's that's absolutely amazing. Okay. so You were vetting us, Sarah, and decided that we were not a pyramid scheme. And so, yay. And I'm so glad. That is funny. That is funny. Because I love Keith about kind of the same way, but I was like, so I think everyone's just got to check it a little bit. It's just, it's like vetting a guy. It's like just vetting someone if you ever like go on a date and you just, you just got to make sure you just got to check the LinkedIn. You got to check the receipts and things. and now why little bit out you as i Absolutely. As I end up on a podcast with y'all.
00:13:46
Speaker
yeah yeah and know It's interesting too because I feel like, um you know, especially now I've seen, you know, people trying to match like independently, like on Facebook groups and things like that. And, you know, that to me, I mean, I'm mostly in surrogacy land. And so when I think a donation and like that, I mean, both of them, honestly, I'm just like, that is so wild West y'all. So I tell everybody, you know, like that that's what I do love about a donor circuit solutions. Like it's fresh versus frozen. and So I had friends that have actually donated to banks and I'm like, you couldn't pay me money to donate to a bank. Yeah. What makes you say that? You're kind of.
00:14:23
Speaker
I know you're a number. I know you get the egg donor number. Like I get that, but it's, it's, um, you just kind of donate to the bank and they're like, bye. And then they freeze your eggs and somebody can go shopping in the next 10 years. Like what I loved about egg donor solutions is I didn't feel like a number. I was a number. You're, but I was going to say you're, you're a number because, um, right, but you weren't, uh-huh. Like, did I know that like my,
00:14:51
Speaker
care coordinator who I still love, and I do have to email you back to Melissa. I promise I will, okay? I have not forgotten about you, Melissa. Shout out to you, Melissa. That's my girl. That's my girl. I love it. I love it. She made me feel so special and valued, and even if I had never known my IPs or anything and been in communication, I still always felt valued by you guys, 110%.
00:15:15
Speaker
it It wasn't easy finding a surrogate. It's it's not easy. um And a lot of it was just trial and error and just kind of figuring my way around things.
00:15:27
Speaker
Now, in hindsight, I can test say what really worked is just finding someone that I'm comfortable with. So just me being as a the intended mother in this scenario, finding a gestational carrier or surrogate, just someone who I feel like I can work with, someone whose views are aligned with mine in terms of pregnancy, um in terms of the way she saw things, that was the most important aspect. I'm not that type of person that you know, I need to call her and tell her what what you she should eat or shouldn't eat. or I just wanted to pick someone that I trust and that she would treat this pregnancy as if it was hers. And I found that person. Yeah. Oh, and that's, I mean, that's huge. That trust factor is huge. What?
00:16:17
Speaker
I mean, ultimately, you know, you, you mentioned in the book, you, I mean, you saw so many
Egg Donation Process Explained
00:16:22
Speaker
profiles. I think you, I think it was 12. You said it was probably about a dozen profiles. Yeah. Yeah. Until you found Kayla. Um, what, what helps you? I mean, did you kind of start the process of, okay, I'm looking at this very medically. Let's do, you know, what, what are the factors that I can kind of, for lack of a better word, control in an uncontrollable situation, you know, right?
00:16:47
Speaker
how did you get from there to what you just said were ultimately it was just about comfort and what was comfort for you. you know There was a lot of it. So I did look at it from a medical aspect because I needed to be comfortable with the medical aspect first. Yeah, yeah. And then once the comfort with the medical aspect was there, then it was just about finding the right match in terms of personality. I think it just it just, you find the right person. It's like trying to date someone. You you have like a long laundry list of things and really the person ends up you end up with may not fit everything in that long laundry list, um but yet that person turns out to be the perfect person. So it's it's it's kind of like that. How is egg donation going to affect my own fertility?
00:17:41
Speaker
Okay. You would think, you would think that I would be better at sports for as many sports analogies as I have. Um, but go ahead. I mean, we're going to have another sports. My husband's a coach, so I'm always here. You would think you would think I would have some background. So you're ovaries. You are born with a set number of X, but they're not all hanging out at the same time. Every month your body puts out a team of X. Okay. If we lost one egg a month,
00:18:06
Speaker
Girl, we would never do this menopause thing, right? We would never have to but have enough forever if we just lost one. But no one's losing one egg a month. Every month you have a team of eggs. And then our body goes down, it selects your all-star, your A-team player, and you ovulate that, but you lose your whole team of players. And the next month you get a whole new set of bench warmers to work with for that team of players. So with egg donation, all I'm doing is trying to take better advantage of all the players that are available on your team that month.
00:18:35
Speaker
And so if you're still going to have your next set of bench warmers and team players for the next month, I'm just taking available what is in that month anyway. Makes sense. Oh, that makes a ton of sense. So in layman's terms, what does the process look like of going and getting those bench workers? Good question. So think of a normal period cycle. I always tell people, my goal is to try to take what your body does in a normal cycle and just give everyone a participation medal and make everyone participate. on this yes In this area, we love participation medals. So that's what we're doing. So in an egg donation cycle for the donors, they get a period. I usually line up their eggs with a little birth control. I tell people that's me yelling at your ovaries being like, line up. It's like being in kindergarten being told to line up and get in the line, right? So we yell at the ovaries, get them lined up. And then your body makes and enough hormones to grow one egg.
00:19:34
Speaker
And then what I do is I give your body the same hormones through small injections of the exact same hormones that you make to grow one egg. And my goal is to just grow many. And we follow this same two week time course monitoring how you're responding during that time course. And then around the time your body would be like, Oh, I've done this. I'm ready to ovulate. That's when I have all those eggs and I go in and do an egg retrieval and take them out. So I'm just trying to take a normal period cycle, amplify it to grow as many eggs as are available in your ovaries in that month and then retrieve them and take them out. raiseia that Well, I met my husband later in life, so we already had like a checkmark against us, I guess, going in.
00:20:16
Speaker
Um, when what I decided, like, we decided to have a baby, we try, like, naturally nothing works. So after about a year, I headed out to see a fertility specialist. We tried a few, like, two rounds of IUI. And then as we were going to go into IBF, my doctor told me I had low egg reserve. And he said that it would be possible to get some eggs, but it would probably take many rounds of IVF and I just wanted a family I didn't care so I just asked them about a donation I didn't even bother trying with my eggs yeah I didn't want to waste time so to me genetics doesn't make you a family like love in the morning baby does so like it didn't even cross my mind a lot of people in my circle were kind of freaked out why would you not even try
00:21:08
Speaker
because I just wanted a family. That's the one I didn't want to waste another year or two of my time. So I started looking before kind of talking to my fertility doctor and egg donor solutions popped up, you know, because I kind of knew where I was going. And I picked my donor before actually talking to them about it. So when I went into...
00:21:32
Speaker
you can when i from pairs Yeah, so when I saw my IVF coordinator, she sat down here, she's very like, okay, so this is what's going to have to happen. and And I was like, listen, I just want a bleeping baby. So, like, how what do we do? Here we go. You said any donor solutions you're tied with?
00:21:50
Speaker
Here, here's her number, see if she's available. And we became good friends after, but she was just like, I've never met a mother who's like, cause they go in really with white gloves, you know? And I'm like, who cares? It's genetic. She's like, bring it on.
00:22:06
Speaker
You know, I think it's, yeah you know, anytime that, you know, you sort of have a vision in your head of of what, you know, I'm going to get married and I'm going to have a baby and it's going to be a little bit me, a little bit of my husband. And um for me, I really had to grieve the the the loss of that genetic connection. um But one thing that I've realized, I think the the big thing I've realized it is that it really doesn't matter that um who your children are, they come pre-programmed for the most part.
00:22:36
Speaker
ah and And, you know, the family, which they're raised in and, you know, um their their environment influences kind of who who they become. And, you know, we grew these babies, you know, all their skin, their blood, you know, all of that, you know, we grew and nurtured and and um there's There's no difference in my experience in mothering or or parenting um the children that I don't have a genetic relation to versus the one that I that i do. But there was you know I really had to sort of grieve that that the way that that we made our family was different than how I thought it was going to be.
00:23:20
Speaker
Absolutely. I think we all come into just, you know, our our path growing, whether it's, you know, marriage or partnership, or, you know, when we have that vision, and it's just like you said, Carrie, you're, you were, but I don't know one path, and then you had to divert one way, and now you're diverting another way. I mean, it's, you know, yeah, it's those high highs and low lows with the roller coaster, and then it's grieving all of those different things. Yeah. We as an agency, while, you know, we really, really advocate for that idea of the known donor option on the the egg donation side. I know that's not necessarily able to be available to everybody based off of certain laws and parentage laws and things like that. But as a DCP, why is that known donor portion of things so important?
00:24:16
Speaker
um For me at least, when I was searching for ah the egg donor that my parents used, I just wanted to know who she was, right? I wanted to know what she was like and obviously I wanted the medical history as well.
Connections and Identity in Egg Donation
00:24:34
Speaker
um That was really important and it was one of many things that I was looking for. like I really was curious to know like what she looked like um because there are really no women in my family that in my family period that are related to me at least like that I can look at and go that's my face, you know and Just I I kind of like internet like crept on her a little bit before I contacted her as you do and I learned a lot of things about her just from that, like how, like a lot of shared interests that we have, a lot of like, like just the ways that our brains work and the ways that like we talk about things. She's very nerdy, very like really liked writing, kind of artistic, but also science-y. And I was like, wow, that's, that's me. And that was just really cool. And it wasn't because I wanted like a replacement mommy, right? yeah that was never that ne like That mindset was never part of it. um I just was really curious about her to understand more about myself. And I kind of wanted to know if I did have other siblings out there too, because I thought that would be kind of cool. I've yet to find any. It doesn't mean they're not out there. It just means that I haven't found any. um So ah that that's where I'm at right now. On the plus side, like I've never really um
00:25:52
Speaker
had the grief of thinking, oh, I've been robbed of all this time with someone, but really, and i see I see that in a lot of donor conceived people too, like they just want to understand more about themselves, um you know, like they're they're not looking to like, you know,
00:26:07
Speaker
fill a void, fill a missing void of like, I never like, you know, I want you to be my parent and like play dolls with me or something. like um That's, that's just, that's not the mindset. Like it's really just to learn more about yourself.
00:26:23
Speaker
it seems like you're, you were just like, we're we're just ready to grow our family. And you weren't even like, I mean, how did you even navigate? Like, how did you even know to like go to an egg donor website? Like, how did you even navigate all of that? Well, um, basically through the infertility clinic, we hit, I kind of knew in the very back of our heads, especially after the first round of IVF didn't work.
00:26:48
Speaker
that maybe we might have to move forward with um an egg donor. And of course, like many women, I was not ready. I didn't want to do that yet. But then after the second round, I was like, yeah, this isn't going to work. I'm you know very realistic. We're both nurses. We both kind of know how things roll.
00:27:08
Speaker
So after the second round, I was pretty like, okay, if I want to be a mother, I need to accept this. So I did my morning, I'm not going to have a child with my own eggs and then just moved on. I was like, I want to be a mom and this is how it's going to happen and I'm okay with that. Yeah, absolutely. I was excited and I think um it's a hard thing to navigate to be morning and be excited at the same time.
00:27:30
Speaker
But I think it also kind of balances, it kind of helps your morning process because it wasn't the end.
Dealing with Miscarriages and Grief
00:27:36
Speaker
It was like a beginning. Oh, I love that. That's beautiful. so like it Yeah. It wasn't a complete failure that I couldn't have kids with my own eggs. It was just a step. And the next step was to move forward with egg donation. And so that's what we did. And and actually in the pro, after we picked our egg donor,
00:27:54
Speaker
and naturally got pregnant again, and we miscarried. and And that kind of just confirmed that, yes, we're making the right decision. Like after three rounds of IVF, two miscarriages, like this just isn't going to happen for us. And so it kind of in a way was a blessing to be like, yeah, we're totally making the right decision. Let's move forward. And Tim and I even had the conversation of, well, if this pregnancy is a success, do we want to still move forward? and Tim was adamant but yes we're moving forward with this because regardless what happens we want to have more than one kid and we're probably going to have to use an egg donor for you know a second child if this continues to be you know problem you're going to be older so even with that pregnancy we were still going to move forward with our egg donor yeah absolutely and then amidst all of that now you're trying to okay we still want to grow our family what was that
00:28:44
Speaker
I mean, I mean, you already said you're talking to the doctors and the advisors and and everything like that. How are you and Tom even just discerning all of that all at once? Yeah. I mean, the, the advisors were very helpful. Um, because you know this, if, if you're grieving or if you've experienced trauma, you're not thinking clearly. And we knew we were not thinking, there was a season where I felt like I couldn't drive.
00:29:13
Speaker
because my brain was grif not functioning appropriately. So i I wished at the time we could have had two years to heal and then make this decision. We're old.
00:29:25
Speaker
this
00:29:28
Speaker
So we could not wait that long. And so, um, just finding a group of people that we love and trust. Some were family members. Some were ah coworkers who were a little bit further down the road than us. Um, some had had fertility struggles and some hadn't, but they were all people who made wise decisions in their own life and who loved us enough to tell us what we did or didn't want to hear. Um, yeah and so we sent them all a letter.
00:29:59
Speaker
and said, we you know, we're never going to remind you of this. So if you decide not to answer, that is okay, but and we're not going to ask you over and over. You can let this slide because this is a big life decision. But if you choose to weigh in, it would mean a lot to us. And we sent them all the research and several called us with follow-up questions. Some came to our house to sit down with us and said, I want to understand more. And at the end of all of it, they all said the same thing.
00:30:29
Speaker
yeah And it was so good for us feeling like we were on shaky ground going, I don't think I'm thinking clearly. What, what do you say? Because there was a part of me that thought maybe I should carry again. Maybe I should try it. Maybe it's selfish to not try it. no I wasn't thinking clearly enough to go, Hey, they told you there's a 70% chance you're going to die in this. you know like That's big stuff. Yeah. but That's a big statistic right there. Love us. Love us enough to say, hey, we're not going to let you make a choice that's going to harm you. We think this is the right way to go and we're going to be with you every step of the way.
00:31:14
Speaker
and so um Honestly, I learned everything I could about surrogacy and part of it was listening to podcasts just like this one and listening to episode after episode of what works and what
Reducing Fertility Stigma
00:31:28
Speaker
doesn't. And I remember there was a particular the doctor on a podcast. I could not tell you which one he said, if you're willing to stick with it long enough, you will take home a baby. Statistically it's going to happen. And I just thought, okay.
00:31:46
Speaker
Okay. I think I can stick with it long enough. If we have a loss, cause I was thinking, Oh my gosh, what if we do surrogacy? and What if we have a loss? Uh, foreshadowing we did. Um, you just keep going. You will truly have a baby. And that was so helpful for me. So it it was interesting. You said, you know, one in eight individuals who are trying to have a family are going to need some form of assistance when it comes to you, you know, fertility. And yet.
00:32:21
Speaker
it still feels, you know, when I'm talking to anybody, one of the biggest things they always say is I i felt so alone through the process or i didn't I didn't necessarily know anybody that was going through it. And so, you know, there's this big push, you know, National Infertility Awareness Week, there's this big push to try and make this less taboo and have people talk about it. So what would you say being in being in it? Or you know, as long as you have what changes have you seen with just the awareness factor?
00:32:59
Speaker
I mean, there's big changes. You know, but that's another side of it. Even when the science isn't changing, just the evolution of how people talk about fertility has changed over the last two decades. So I think first and foremost, it is ah certainly, in my opinion, not taboo anymore. I do think 20 years ago it was, it might have had a little bit of taboo behind it that we had to do fertility treatments.
00:33:24
Speaker
I hope that people don't carry that feeling anymore, and I hope certainly no one feels that way about couples who need to do fertility treatments. But but I think that you know lots of celebrities have engaged in the reproductive medicine, talking about their own journeys, whether it's a miscarriage, whether it's IVF or egg freezing.
00:33:45
Speaker
um which has really shed light on the subject. ah Social media has really helped in terms of support groups and um and and talking about it and maybe not, you know, this comfort level of talking about your own medical care. You know, I have to go have this procedure done. It's kind of hard. And and if you have someone really close in your life, friends, that you can talk to, great, but they might not be able to relate. but behind a a social media platform maybe gives you just enough comfort that you can ask a question to someone and talk about it, but not feel like you're disclosing your you know your your personal medical care. And so social media, I think, has been great. Obviously, We all know it has its downsides too. Sure. Double-edged sword. and Of course, of course. you know I mean, i'm I'm every day having to talk to somebody who was ah referred to our practice or just active in the social media that hears a story about a test or a ah way of doing fertility that maybe you know they want to try. But as soon as you talk to them about why it might've worked for one person versus the other,
00:34:51
Speaker
But that outlet has been great. I think it's amazing how many moms groups that are out there in terms of social media or even just in the community. If someone wants to see a fertility doctor and asks any recommendations ah in the past, nobody would have a problem recommending a dentist or a pediatrician to their friends. sure A lot of people would have a hard time saying, oh, well, I saw this fertility doctor or that. and And now when someone asks, usually on a mom's group or a social media, I mean, everybody is commenting, I saw so and so they're great. I, you know, got pregnant doing this or that and, and, and. I don't think people wanted to talk about that as much in the past, but I think now, and especially after you have a child, it's a lot easier to talk about it, right? I think while you're going through the process, people still are a little bit reserved because of the uncertainty of whether it's going to work or not. And nobody, I shouldn't say nobody, but a lot of people are concerned about talking about going through fertility treatments, knowing it may not work. Whereas you know if after the fact and you have a child in hand and you now you feel very much like,
00:35:57
Speaker
You know how the story ends. Yeah, know how the story ends. and And I think at that point is when you really become an advocate for other people to go out and seek care because you see the the the the fruits of that labor and and you want others to be able to achieve the same goals.
Family Dynamics and Grief in Surrogacy
00:36:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:36:16
Speaker
So as you're starting on this journey and you yourself have these two middle school boys, how did you navigate explaining the process to them? And then how did they navigate it with you know their friends? Yeah, they they learned a lot. That's for sure. They learned a lot. I think one time they watched my husband give me the injection. and Sure. My youngest one, he's like, yeah, I don't want to ever see that again.
00:36:45
Speaker
ah needles a little too long um But no, they were great, actually. i mean they Like I said, they learned a lot. We definitely involved them in the whole process. and A lot of their friends can see me pregnant and they're like, oh, sure your mom's pregnant. You guys, you having a brother or a sister? And they're like, well, you know, here's what's going right on. yeah yeah and So their friends thought it was really cool. And so they got kind of teach their friends everything about it and how it all works and everything else. But yeah, they were, they were great. And they, I think, you know, especially my youngest one, he's always been, you know, I always said he'd make a phenomenal big brother, you know, so him having these three
00:37:24
Speaker
you know, surrogate siblings is what we call them. He loves that. He really does. And yeah, but they were they were great. Their friends were great. And, you know, we'd we'd be walking through the mall four of us and I'd be pregnant and we'd get some Some funny looks, like oh sure that's a mistake, you know? You got these two almost teenage boys. Sure, absolutely. The little did they know. Right, exactly. There it was in my closet when I opened it up and I'm going through and I saw that sweatshirt and I was like, wow. Yeah. Wow.
00:38:07
Speaker
I now know the real reason behind this sweatshirt. Like I just got the chills because how random that I would buy this sweatshirt. Yeah. And I put it on and I was like,
00:38:29
Speaker
London is the reason I'm going to keep going and I will become a mom to a baby on earth. London is the reason I will help so many future mommies and daddies. Yeah.
00:38:46
Speaker
become parents and not give up. London is the reason that my surrogate will be able to continue on with life, even though she needs that. Like the the reasoning just behind London is the reason is endless. So during that time, I mean, obviously you had already been so much just been through so much. how How did you kind of navigate your own like process as like, hey, i this is how we're going to do it. This is how we're going to grow our family. what What were kind of some of those feelings coming from all that? You know, I look at, I have had the privilege to walk with other people as they have gone through it. And when I look back at myself, I think like, wow, you really,
00:39:35
Speaker
You really didn't wait a lot. um I think my grief, you know the um the old prayer, like you know when you're praying, move your feet, I think I just was like, okay, so what am I supposed to do next? I want a baby, I know I want a baby. um you know The grief process was happening anyway. you know I was like, I can just sit here with the grief or I can do something while I'm sitting here with the grief. So but for me, I was just like, what's the next step, the next step, the next step.
00:40:04
Speaker
Um, I, I think I also was a little naive into what it was. And so it was like, I couldn't really worry that far down the path because sure I was just doing what they told me to do next. And, and it wasn't all, you know, super easy. yeah I was, like when I was rereading our blog and stuff, Will and I were like, Oh my gosh, I forgot that happened.
00:40:29
Speaker
but which is you know God's way of healing you to be able to move forward. um My mom has five kids and she says that she always forgot that and that she said she would never do it again until she's in labor. And then she's like, oh, I said I was never going to do this again. Immediately you forget, right? And then you're back. So I think that's kind of what what God does to you after he fulfills his promise and and you know we got our family. but So I think for me, the grief was, as I was grieving, I was just doing the next action step. I would just focus on what the next action step was for me. And you know things didn't align perfectly every time. But as long as I felt like there was something I was doing next, you know it it felt like we could do it. It felt like something that we definitely wanted to do. There was a time when we thought,
00:41:23
Speaker
um this wasn't for us. yeah We were actually, and maybe I think maybe I'm going too fast, but there was a time we were matched and that the person that we were matched with, we met her.
Overcoming Setbacks and Finding Matches
00:41:38
Speaker
She was great. We were excited. And then our IVF doctor um, declined her as a surrogate. And that was just completely gutting for us. You know, we were like, we're doing the next steps. And then this person didn't pass the screening and, um, from our fertility doctor. And I actually found in the blog when it happens, and it's going to make me cry, but, um, so she, um, so this, and then this is how we ended up getting Katie is that I wrote, um,
00:42:16
Speaker
So we, she declines it and she pulls us in her our ah our office her office and she tells us, like, I'm not going to pass this person. I'm not going to let her be her surrogate. And um she said, but let me, I'm going to call the gestational carrier agency is what I wrote here, the gestational carrier agency on your behalf. And she said that, um,
00:42:39
Speaker
and And I wrote this after we had found out that we were going to meet Katie. And she said, I wrote, when our doctor called the gestational carrier agency on our behalf, she said, I have a couple that I started seeing two years ago and their light shines so bright. Today they've just left my office and I'm worried their light is barely a flicker. Makes me cry. And then I wrote, I sure hope Katie makes us parents, but even if she doesn't, I am forever grateful that she has made our light continue to burn.
00:43:09
Speaker
So it was the time, you know, looking back, it feels like, oh, it all happened so quickly. But when we look at the dates, I'm like, man, that pain and that page was.
00:43:26
Speaker
I think one of the really interesting things is with our agency, most of us have all been carriers. So when I tell them we're gonna walk you through it from like the beginning to the end and beyond, it's totally true. Like through all of the things. We are going to be ah here for you. We are going to help advocate for you. You are a person, your family. Like we care for you as a person and your family. And it's really important to me to for that they understand that because that isn't the case with all agencies. sure So I think that's something really for if people are shopping or looking at different agencies, that's what we can bring to the table. Yeah, yeah. yeah Well, and going back on the, you don't know what you don't know, that education
Transparency and Education in Surrogacy
00:44:04
Speaker
piece. Absolutely. With circuits and intended parents. Yes, exactly. Exactly. I mean, we're going to, an intended parent's going to sit down yeah and hear about the process from start to finish right with full transparency. yep
00:44:21
Speaker
and an edge and a surrogate is going to hear about what's happening ah along the way, for sure. Full transparency is kind of our jam. Ooh, yeah. Because I mean, it would be so easy to just say like, oh, everything's gonna be great. Don't worry. You don't need to know about that. You don't need to worry about that. I'm like, no. Here are all the possible concerns. Here's everything that could go wrong in this instance. Here's why this person is not perfect, but why we think that they're a good match, you know? Because knowing everything you know up front is key to making sure that you're getting the relationship you want. So we want everybody to tell us the truth
00:44:56
Speaker
Tell us all of the things so that we can find the best person to match you with. yeah Because if you're just like, whatever they want, whatever they want, whatever they want, well, tell me what you want so I can make sure we can get you that. Like, you gotta tell us. Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. I mean, the transparency aspect is huge because I think it's so, use I mean, it's so easy to want to, we wanna create that picture of hope. Absolutely. Everything's gonna be great. yeah but it can't be a false picture of hope. They've been disappointed enough. Exactly. um No, I love that. I love that. and i think
00:45:34
Speaker
You know, Lauren, you said, tell me what you want. We're gonna do everything we can to figure that out. I feel like that speaks into we get to know you.
Personal Touch in Surrogacy Services
00:45:45
Speaker
We wanna know you. Good. Yeah. Yeah. No, we do. We do wanna know you. But why is that so important? Because I feel like it's just so easy. We can kind of almost create, I mean, I hate to say the word, but like a machine, if you will, of we're gonna get you in, we're gonna go through. it's yeah know we' got We got the process down. We all know the process.
00:46:03
Speaker
But why is that so important if someone is, you know, kind of quote chopping agencies, if you will?