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209. Sacred Space: Creating Boundaries & Asking for Support While Grieving with Kendra Rinaldi
39 Plays5 days ago
Grief can leave us feeling exposed, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to ask for what we need. In this solo episode, Kendra shares compassionate wisdom and practical tips for setting healthy boundaries and reaching out for support while grieving. Drawing from personal experience, she reminds listeners that protecting your energy isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. Whether you’re grieving now or supporting someone who is, this episode is a gentle guide for creating space to heal, one boundary at a time.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi if you'd like to be a guest or want to invite her as a guest speaker
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Transcript
Introduction to the Episode
00:00:02
Kendra Rinaldi
Hi, I am Kendra Rinaldi, your host for Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. And today, this is a solo episode.
Importance of Boundaries During Grief
00:00:13
Kendra Rinaldi
Usually, I have a lot of different interviews I do, but I've also decided to do a for a few short episodes with different topics.
00:00:26
Kendra Rinaldi
So this week, I want to talk about the aspect of being able to create boundaries and have our own boundaries so when we are grieving.
00:00:41
Kendra Rinaldi
So what that means is that when we're grieving, a lot of times it is hard to know how to tell someone how to support us in our grief.
00:00:59
Kendra Rinaldi
And i i feel that we sometimes have very high expectations as to what it is others are going to do for us in our grief.
00:01:13
Kendra Rinaldi
But when we are the ones that set the tone in our grief journey, and we are the ones that kind of guide a way others as to how it is they support us and how we want to be
Early Grief and Boundary Setting
00:01:32
Kendra Rinaldi
supported.
00:01:32
Kendra Rinaldi
it just makes for It just makes it all so much easier, not only for us, but for those around us, because then we are not having these unmet expectations of how it is others are going to behave around us because we've already told them exactly how it is we want to be supported. Now,
00:01:55
Kendra Rinaldi
can be times in which we actually do not even know what it is we need, right? That is also very, very often, pretty much, especially at the early stages, the early stages, early months and ah weeks and months of grief that we just may be in just utter fall fog that we may not even know what it is we need.
00:02:19
Kendra Rinaldi
But it does help to kind of set the tone a bit as to how it is we want to to be supported. Now, the reason boundaries are important is because a lot of times, even like ordinary conversations can feel loud.
00:02:40
Kendra Rinaldi
Things can be just too bright, can feel just too much. And it is important to kind of know a little bit of just how to set some walls or gentle fate fences per se, and, and know that, that this is just something that we're doing in order to be able to protect our, our heart and our, and our ourselves in that moment.
Practical Boundary Setting Techniques
00:03:08
Kendra Rinaldi
So giving ourselves permission to say, I'm not ready to talk about it right now. For example, that's a phrase that a lot of times if you just, if somebody's asking you too many things that have to do about, let's say the, how the person died or who, or how it is that you're feeling, or if you're going through a divorce and you're grieving, like if they want to know all the details, whatever it is, you can very politely say, I'm not ready to talk about it right now.
00:03:40
Kendra Rinaldi
That's it. No explanation needed. Another way could be, i appreciate the check-in, but I need some quiet. Here's another one.
00:03:51
Kendra Rinaldi
I'll let you know what I need when I'm ready. these are These are just ways in which if somebody is reaching out often and you really, it's actually, instead of it feeling comforting, it's actually overwhelming you.
00:04:04
Kendra Rinaldi
This is a way of being able to set a little bit of that boundary. Now, first off, you're going to have to really have a lot of self-awareness of yourself as well in order to know if it's feeling ah a lot of overwhelm, if you're feeling a lot of overwhelm at a certain moment.
Self-Awareness and Comfort During Grief
00:04:23
Kendra Rinaldi
um you're you If you already know yourself and you already know what things bring you comfort, then being able to to navigate your grief by
00:04:37
Kendra Rinaldi
being supported in ways that you already know bring you comfort in general will be really, really helpful. So if you prefer to be in smaller groups, that if that's something that you normally appreciate, or if you like,
00:04:54
Kendra Rinaldi
to go for coffee dates, or if you like to go to the movies, watch TV, things like that in general, these might be things that you might enjoy or going for walks that you might enjoy to do while you're grieving. And so having that self-awareness of the things that bring you comfort is important.
00:05:15
Kendra Rinaldi
Another thing that's important is to use clear and gentle language. So here's another example of how you could say, now these, I have these written down because sometimes it's, it's, it's like hard to even know like how to tell people, but if you even write it down and even just practice it out loud, it's,
00:05:35
Kendra Rinaldi
then it can help you in the moment that someone's asking you something you can answer in this way. I'm spending less time on social media while I heal, or I'm spending less time socializing while I'm grieving.
00:05:51
Kendra Rinaldi
Another way could be, I can't attend that gathering, but thank you for thinking of me. no like Again, no explanation needed. You can just say, i can't attend, but thank you for thinking of me.
00:06:03
Kendra Rinaldi
That way people know that... that it meant a lot for you to be invited, even if you're saying no. it's It's okay to say no, but at least to acknowledge that the invitation was there because there is going to be a moment in which you will be wanting to attend one of the ah events or any socializing that people may ask you to go to.
Communicating Support Needs
00:06:30
Kendra Rinaldi
Another thing that is also important is that you can protect your energy proactively by letting a few of your trusted people know what drains you and what helps you.
00:06:44
Kendra Rinaldi
So if you have two or three friends or family members that already know this, they can advocate for you. And they are able to also kind of tell then other people ah of what is really helpful for you in in your grief.
00:07:04
Kendra Rinaldi
by making sure that we tell those trusted people some of the things that that drain us and some of the things that give us energy, it will be important because then there they'll be able to honor that.
00:07:21
Kendra Rinaldi
and And another thing that I think is really helpful is that you can feel... open enough to be able to ask for specific help or just tell them, for example, something like, can you check in with me again next week?
00:07:38
Kendra Rinaldi
Or would you sit with me for a while while I write a letter or while I do these really difficult questions? calls, you can ask for that support as well. People want to be there for you and it's okay for you to also ask for that support.
Conclusion on Grieving and Boundaries
00:07:55
Kendra Rinaldi
Again, just to remember that support isn't about fixing. It is really just more about witnessing, about holding space. And people really do want to hold space for us when we're grieving.
00:08:06
Kendra Rinaldi
And a lot of times when people reach out, I know that I know for myself when I reach out to people, it it just makes it just makes me feel um good to know that I'm at least holding space for them.
00:08:24
Kendra Rinaldi
And so um so anyway, so just knowing that they're really there be to just support us. so So just some last words as you're moving through grief, just remember that you're allowed to have needs, but you're also allowed to pause.
00:08:43
Kendra Rinaldi
You're allowed to cry, to laugh, You're also allowed to change your mind because grief is not is not a performance. It's not something that has a timeline.
00:08:56
Kendra Rinaldi
It is a very sacred process. So just remember to take a breath. And if there's any boundaries you need to set, you can gently put them in place.
00:09:12
Kendra Rinaldi
And you can definitely let others know how to support you. And you don't have to do it alone.
00:09:27
Kendra Rinaldi
Thank you again for listening. This was Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between.